After a near lifetime of constant over eating. I’ve come to a conclusion that I have a problem. I 22(F) have realized that food and the feeling of comfort it gives me is all I have. Everyday the only thing I look forward to is eating. That is the first and last thing I think about when I fall or walk up in the morning. I do not have any hobbies, my room is bare with only my bare essentials decorating it. My walls are a depressing gray color and so is my floor. I only have one friend. I am not currently in school as I have to wait until the next nursing application period is open since my previous one was denied. All I look forward to is eating. It’s been like that for years but with the added time I’ve had just sitting at home alone my problem has only worsened due to my increased access to the kitchen. The comfort food has given me is addictive and after I finish my meal I feel extreme guilty due to the ginormous meal I just had. Before anyone ask I do have family but they are not easy to talk to emotionally. My dad would just not understand more so due to the language barrier we have. I have not relied on him emotionally since I was 10. He was a angry person growing up that I had learned to just give him good news that would please him. He has gotten better due to a huge fight we had. It’s still hard for me to separate the past him to the present. I cannot talk to my mom about this as she can easily cry over the smallest thing. This has made me also only communicate to her good news, any bad ones and her crying will make me feel intense guilt that I cannot deal with. I cannot communicate with my brother as I have a deep sense of an inferiority complex towards him due to an event that happened years ago, which lead 9 year old me to promise myself that I would never rely on him ever again. Even still in these past few years there has been times where I would ask for his help and he would either belittle me or flat out refused to help me. I cannot ask for my little sisters help due to how much I love her thus making me not want to burden her with my problems. But also because of my jealousy of her. She got too have the perfect family that I painstakingly made due to all the arguments and interventions I’ve had with them. She is my brother’s favorite, he would do anything for her. And guess that it’s because of all this that my personality in the family is the confrontation voice of reason. I have not one to turn to. It took me so long to realize that food is my only comfort in life. If I’m being honest I don’t have a personality not a real one. The only consistent thing I have is food, I love food. But that food is hurting me now. And if I can’t binge eat, if I can’t love food then I don’t really know who I am anymore. I guess I never really did know who I was. Thank you for reading I just needed to vent and come to terms with this.

Thank you.
Im in my third year here at Tech and through things I have been involved with on campus, I’ve come to develop a pretty good sense of the problems Tech faces (along with the positives). I am also an avid supporter of health initiatives and live an extremely active lifestyle. Which means I use the CRC weight floors practically every day. And through these three years I have learned the number one problem Tech faces is space. We don’t have enough of it. It impacts everything from housing to class sizes. And the CRC is no exception.
If you’ve ever walked in at 5pm on a weekday you’re bound to walk immediately back out. The line for the bench press is 20 people deep. The squat racks are unimaginable. Every machine has a line.
For a while, I’ve taken it as an unsolvable problem. The only way to fix it would bevor expand the gym floor because we don’t have enough space. That’s a multi-year, multi-million dollar plan. Something that would never come to fruition in my term here at Tech.
But this semester, the smart minds of the CRC administration did something absolutely perfect. They knew they were limited in size. They knew the biggest complaint, the biggest factor preventing some people from seeking an active lifestyle was the wait times on the gym floor. And they solved it.
It started with a rearranging of the machines earlier this semester. It left us with this huge walkway in the middle of the floor. Weird, but I guess a little spring cleaning never hurt anyone.
Then there was a sign. Something big was coming. And something big did come. They added weight machines that serve as both a bench and a squat rack for 2 people at the same time.
The CRC understood they were limited in space and took it among themselves to find a solution. And find a solution they did.
This is only the second day they’ve been up. And with most of us on spring break, i don’t know how it will fair once school starts back up. But I’m confident that weight lines will decrease and I applaud the CRC for taking the initiative and being a driving force of change on campus.
Please continue doing what you’re doing and encouraging people to seek out active lifestyles.
In White and Gold,
JoeManJump

Hey all
Last week, after having moved into a new apartment and getting my first proper surround setup, I came across the fact that both audio and visual quality would likely be better using a dedicated streaming device as opposed to the smart TV functions of my older LG C8.
After doing a quick comparison of the Apple TV 4K, and the Nvidia Shield Pro, I spotted Gamestream mentioned on the Nvidia product page, and it quickly became a no-brainer- seeing as I was also trying to find an alternative to a long optical HDMI cable to play PC games on my TV.
Fair to say, I was more than bummed when I started running into issues and could read that Gamestream had already been killed before I made my purchase… but Nvidia’s product page for the shield conveniently didn’t mention that …
So, my doubts are the following:
I can currently play Hogwarts Legacy using Gamestream, having added the game manually through GeForce Experience. However, I need to force a custom 4K resolution to get it to work, and for whatever reason my PS5 controller is recognized as an Xbox controller in that game, even if both my Nvidia shield and my PC recognize it as a PS5 controller.
I’m guessing that any new games will not get full support for Gamestream, since they’ve well… stopped supporting it altogether, meaning I guess the chances new games will work are lower and lower as time passes.. (Was expecting to play Jedi Survivor on it since Fallen Order had been officially supported)
I keep hearing mention of Sunlight, Moonlight, and then of course Steam link. My understanding is that Steam link won’t do 4K, which is a huge bummer. What about moonlight /sunlight? What’s the deal with those? Are they part of the same solution or two competing solutions with similar names?
Is the fact that Gamestream has lost support likely a sign that Nvidia will stop supporting the shield altogether? A bet on GeForce Now instead? Or something else? If the latter, is GeForce now worth it in any way (looks like I get either a free trial or something since I own a 3080)
Any recap/guidance would be much appreciated!

so a little bit of backstory, i met this guy (let’s call him connor) at a party and i had one of our mutual friends (let’s call her zara) introduce me. i knew that zara used to like connor but at the time all i knew was that she had confessed to him and he didn’t reciprocate and she got over him and i made sure to ask if she was okay with me being into him just in case. once we were introduced we hit it off incredibly, we liked all the same things, foods, games everything. overtime i heard from friends that he liked me back and he knew that i liked him. before i went out with connor i made sure to call zara and tell her about it and that i value her friendship and if she has a problem with connor and i going out i’ll completely shut him down. she told me she was completely fine with it and was happy for us. connor and i went on a few dates and played games every night for about a month. he never once brought up actually dating and i don’t usually make the first move so i just kept waiting. i later heard from friends he hasn’t been interested in a relationship since his previous girlfriend and that he was starting to lose feelings for me. later on i saw a picture of zara (my best friend at the time, we had gotten extremely close because of all this) and connor cuddling together in bed.
i was heartbroken, i still had feelings for connor but felt betrayed by them both. i didn’t talk to either for a month and then for some stupid reason (probably loneliness) i texted zara (she had been asking to hang out countless times before ) asking if she wanted to go get food. when we went i told her that i valued her friendship over connors. she told me that nothing happened between them and i trusted her. her birthday was coming up and she was hosting a small party and that i was invited but so was connor. she said that if i was uncomfortable, she would uninvite him. i told her to go ahead and invite him regardless of it all. connor and i agreed to play a game of spin the bottle and we ended up kissing(for the first time mind you). we spent the entire night talking, we even talked about sneaking out of the party to go to the park together and see if everyone else would notice. after this party, connor and i were in a huge friend group together, everyone in this friend group was incredibly horny all the time and would always play spin the bottle or seven minutes in heaven. me and connor would constantly get paired up for these things and we eventually got extremely close. we became best friends but also progressed into a friends with benefits type of relationship.
later on, i was at zara’s house with one of our other friends and i had been texting connor. (over the month that i didn’t talk to zara or connor i knew they got very close). i texted connor asking if anything ever happened between him and zara because zara had been acting weird whenever i mentioned that period of time. connor told me that they would kiss and that the most they ever went was barely dry humping in her bed. i trust connor a lot more than i trust zara because of the fact that i know zara cannot keep any secrets other than her own and she’ll easily switvh up for her benefit. so i believed connor. i was absolutely distraught.
i left zara’s immediately saying that my parents needed me back at the house so i wouldn’t end up punching her in the face. i was angry at connor and i was angry at zara. i was already insecure because of zara but knowing this made it completely worse. i’m a very jealous person and i overthink everything but i really try not to let it get in the way of things, and knowing i was right about zara and connor was the worst thing i could possibly hear at that time( i have been in a bad mental state for most of my teenage years ). by this point me and connor talked every second of every day, hung out regularly, he complimented me daily, said “i love you” almost twenty times a day, and showed me off to all of his friends. when he told me about him and zara he reassured me that it was just because he was lonely and was horny and didn’t even think that he would ever talk to me again, but that at that moment i was his number one and he loved me more than anything. i believed him, i still do.
this leads me into my issue, because of everything that has happened with connor, i have very bad trust issues and he recognizes this and is always an open book to me, he added my face to his face id on his phone, i know his password to basically everything (he made it my username on a game that we played together, and he showed me as a joke i’m not crazy lol). when he was at my house the other day we were looking at each others phone because we were playing a different game on each of our phones and i decided to look through his messages with zara. (we both cut off zara three months prior to this). i don’t know why i did it, i was feeling insecure and was overthinking and i found messages of him treating zara the same way he treats me now, super caring and loving. i was hurt by this and although i know it’s old stuff and i shouldn’t have been bringing up old stuff (the messages were from july, it’s currently march). i felt terrible even though i know we were never dating so he didn’t technically cheat on me and i know he loves me and cares for me deeply but i’m not in the best head space right now and seeing that only hurt me more. i decided i needed a break from him and talking to him every second of every day. i talked to him today about it and he was completely understanding but still cried because he’s still guilty about everything he did back then. i love him so much and i already regret asking him for a break even though it’s midnight right now and i last saw him at six. i love him but i know he can’t fulfill what i need him to fulfill. he’s genuinely perfect for me in basically every way. however he does have his flaws regardless of this, he has pressured me into doing explicit things with him before (i said yes and that if i didn’t want to i didn’t have to but i don’t have the heart to say no to him, i don’t have the heart to say no to anyone). he’s caused a lot of problems before that have made a lot of my friends not like him that i won’t be going into detail about at the moment which is more of the reason as to why i needed a break. i love him so much and i miss him already but i know it’s for the better. i’ve been thinking about breaking things off with him because of how detrimental he can be to my mental health whether it be about how he’ll randomly check out other girls or talk about how fine people he sees on the street or in the hallways are or the fact that he’s said that he loves me more than anything yet won’t date me because he’s scared of losing feelings even though he has told me multiple times that he loves me and that i mean the world to him and that’ll never change. i really need help with what i should do, as i said before, none of my friends like him so i need an unbiased opinion.
TLDR; fwb is detrimental to my mental health but i still love him

Contributing my own experiences as I got a lot of helpful information on this sub!
Went to Osaka - Kyoto - Nara - Fukuoka - Nagasaki - Hiroshima - Matsuyama - Okayama - Himeji - Wakayama.
Will mainly be writing about highlights for each place after some general info:
General:

• Solo traveller in my early 20s from Australia. Travelling as an end of uni celebration for myself before I start my career. I am fluent in conversational Japanese, however reading and writing skills are at the level of primary school lol - google translate camera helped.
• I mainly travelled with one 32L backpack (used a light drawstring backpack on day trips when I left my 32L at hostels/ coin lockers). I did take a mostly empty suitcase to take souvenirs and just for some extra space at the end of my travels, but I left this at a friend's house while I was going around. And also to take my hiking boots for when I did the Kumano. Travelling light was amazing.
• JR pass was totally worth it as I used trains and shinkansen extensively. Also forgot my luggage like an idiot in a different city once and the JR pass saved me on a lot of time and money when I had to go back and retrieve it.
• I stayed in the cheapest hostels - great places to meet people and I met up with a few later on in my trip, which broke up the occasional boredom/loneliness of solo travel. Also went to izakaya and hot pot places with them where more = merrier.
• Got Mobal unlimited SIM card - however keep in mind that data speed slows SIGNIFICANTLY after going through the first 7GB, might as well not have been unlimited. I should have used free Wifi whenever possible.
• Withdrawing cash - major fuck up of mine, I only withdrew 10,000 to 20,000yen each time, so wasted a lot of money on transaction fees. Next time will cash out bigger amounts, especially as risk of theft in Japan is relatively low. Am counting this as a lesson for a first time traveller.
• Overall expenses including plane tickets, food/ entertainment expenses, accommodation, travel insurance (via RACV), transport, SIM card = $4000 AUD for 4 weeks (I did minimal shopping, also stayed with friends for free for 1 week).

OSAKA

• Churaisai: Okinawan cuisine restaurant - went on a friend's recommendation. Delicious, one of my favourite restaurants now. In Takatsuki, only a couple minutes walk from Settsu-Tonda Station.
• Mister Donut and Duskin Museum - small, however can decorate or make your own donuts if you book (which I didn't). Actually found the upstairs Duskin cleaning museum more fascinating.
• Namba, Dotonbori, Umeda - busiest part of Osaka, loved the vibes, great street food and shopping. Definitely get some takoyaki.
• Hattori Ryokuchi Koen - in Suita. Open air museum of old Japanese farmhouses, found it surprisingly very interesting to imagine how people must've lived. Beautiful plum blossoms in bloom as well.
• Minoh Koen - Beautiful landscape. Must try the momiji tempura (deep fried maple leaves).

NARA

• Super fast mochi pounding - see up close and then enjoy the freshly pounded delicious yomogi mochi filled with anko paste and covered in kinako powder.
• Todaiji - one of the largest bronze statues of Buddha.
• Horyuji - arrived 20 minutes before closing, was rushed through but also there were absolutely no other tourists left and the atmosphere of the quiet temple was something else.
• Kofun - ancient tombs/ graves for important people, interesting if you are into history.

KYOTO

• Arashiyama - beautiful bamboo forest but busy with tourists. My favourite part was the Monkey Park (requires a fair uphill hike but beautiful view of Arashiyama town). Tenryuji Garden was also very pretty and peaceful. Lot of food and souvenir stores.
• Kinkakuji - beautiful shrine covered in gold.
• Byodoin - tranquil garden and shrine. Located in Uji which is famous for its green tea.

FUKUOKA

• Best tonkotsu ramen I've ever had at a place called Kirin ramen. Fukuoka is famous for hakata ramen!
• Uminonakamichi Seaside Park - rented a bicycle and cycled around, is on a scenic island connected to the mainland. Then walked to Shikanoshima (which is further along the island) to the beach and Shimanoumi Jinja.
• Motsunabe at a place called Miyamoto, staff were super friendly and the food was so good! Convinced some people I met at the hostel to eat with me as nabe is something you can't really eat alone, and the place was only across the road. We had an unfinished bottle of sake there and they let us take it back to the hostel.
• Dazaifu - main temple sadly under construction but had umegae mochi (so good!). Pretty plum blossom trees. Line of shops leading to temple from the station selling souvenirs and other goodies.
• Ainoshima Cat Island - caught the ferry here with a new friend from the hostel. Beautiful ocean scenery. Friendly cats. Delicious roast curry for lunch at this hidden away restaurant, awesome vibes, they gave us pieces of sea glass to take home at the end. Very cute.
• Yatai - small mobile food stalls alongside the river in Fukuoka. The one we went to had great gyoza and vibes.

NAGASAKI

• Bomb Museum and Peace Park - heartbreaking and thought-provoking. I have been to the Hiroshima one before but this museum is definitely worth going to as well. Cheap admission, very well structured, very interesting and important lessons.
• Urakami Cathedral - beautiful cathedral but emphasised that it is not a tourist attraction.
• Oka Masaharu Museum - small 3 storey home exhibit tucked away, a shame it is not better known or advertised. I was the only one there and it looked closed from the outside when I was looking for it. Very detailed and informative sources on the war crimes committed by Japan on Korea and China.
• Dejima - open air museum of the preserved former trading Dutch post. Reconstructed buildings and exhibitions inside. Open til late.
• Champon at Lao Lee in Nagasaki's Chinatown. Must try
• Unzen Onsen - debated whether worthwhile the 1.5hr bus ride from Nagasaki but glad I went. Bubbling mud and vapour clouds. Wish I had planned better and went early enough to hike. Soaked in the onsen. Had to get used to the sulphur smell but very cool place.
• Toruko rice is a Nagasaki specialty with spaghetti, beef sauce, tonkatsu and curry pilaf on the one plate. Tasted great.
• Inusayama Observatory - took ropeway to the top of the mountain to see one of the top 3 night views in Japan.

HIROSHIMA

• Note: only time I stayed in a capsule hotel and didn't enjoy as much as my other accom. Something like 30 beds in one room, lots of business people coming and going at odd times, people not as friendly as a guesthouse. Obviously this is not relevant just to Hiroshima.
• Miyajima - ate Hiroshimayaki, climbed Mt Misen (very steep! Took around 75mins to climb 2.5km but view was worth it). Must eat age momiji manju.
• Fukuyama - went to the castle grounds, and the art museum. 2 exhibits in the art museum plus an additional special katana exhibit which we unfortunately didn't have time for. But art exhibits were cheap and I enjoyed it.

SHIMANAMI KAIDO CYCLING: ONOMICHI to IMABARI 76km

• Stayed in Onomichi the night before - small seaside town. Cinema Museum and History Museum were small but interesting, especially the cinema museum. However there is no English information so found it a bit inaccessible.
• Left early to rent the bicycle and catch the ferry across to the cycle starting point. Would recommend anyone in the area to do the cycle, it is absolutely beautiful going across the 7 islands between Honshu and Shikoku, biking across the ocean on the bridges connecting the land. I am not a cyclist but relatively fit so I finished in about 6 hours, and only stopped briefly for breaks. Because I left so early many of the stores weren't open for the first half of the trip. Doable for beginners as well, you can cycle part of it and go back or catch a bus, split it into two days by staying a night somewhere, or cruise along the whole thing in about 10 hours. Path is incredibly well marked and easy to follow, roads are safe and lead all the way to Imabari station, the finishing point.
• Area is famous for citrus, lots of citrus desserts even in the konbini.

MATSUYAMA

• Caught the train to Dogo Onsen after my cycle. Unfortunately the main onsen was under construction, and only allowing limited numbers to a restricted area. I opted to go to the two smaller onsens connected to it called Tsubakinoyu (soooooo hot! Couldn't stay in longer than 5 minutes at a time. Awesome for my fatigued muscles) and Asukanoyu (the newest of the three onsens, very clean and very warm).

OKAYAMA

• I may have been getting tired of travel at this point but felt like there wasn't much to enjoy here. Okayama Castle was pretty from the outside, they had English resources but I still found it a bit hard to follow. I should've also eaten beforehand as there was only a small cafe inside. Korakuen Garden is famous and huge but the grass looked a bit dead when I went. Still beautiful though, nice place for a picnic.
• Kurashiki was very cool! Old preserved merchant town with buildings converted into museums, shops and restaurants. Area is famous for producing denim. Easy access via train from Okayama.
• Kibiji / Kibi plans - rented a mamachari (bicycle) but I got lost and didn't make it the whole 17km between Bizen-Ichinomiya station and Sojo station as I didn't have enough time. Easy to get lost if not paying attention to signs. Pleasant trail meandering through rice fields, going past historical sites.

HIMEJI

• One of the few surviving castles in Japan. Obviously maintained and refurbished but walls still intact after hundreds of years! Beautiful structure, extensive and fascinating history exhibits. Definitely worth going.
• An artist called Yuki Matsuoka had a little exhibition in the shopping street between Himeji station and the castle. Was some really cool art, and artist is hella friendly.

WAKAYAMA - KUMANO KODO PILGRIMAGE HIKE, NAKAHECHI ROUTE

• Spent one night in Tanabe, then hiked 4 full days (80km total for me) staying in Tsugizakura, Yunomine onsen, Koguchi and Shingu.
• World Heritage Site. Beautiful and challenging hike across mountains. Saw 2 wild deer, felt very lucky. Visited the three Grand Shinto Shrines in the region: Hongu Taisha, Nachi Taisha and Hayatama Taisha, as well as Nachi Falls, the tallest single-tier waterfall in Japan.
• Required extensive planning as minimal food available, accommodation is limited and needs to be booked early. If staying in Yunomine Onsen my hostel had 3 of its own private onsens inside included in accommodation fee. Blissful after a day of hiking.
• I regret not collecting stamps from the very start, as if you do this and the Camino de Santiago they award you with a 'dual pilgrim' recognition, as they are the only two pilgrimage routes listed as World Heritage sites. Also the stamps are very detailed and unique to each area.
• I caught the train back to Tanabe from Shingu along the coast - stunning ocean scenery and beach areas. Stayed another night in Tanabe before heading to Kansai Airport to return home.

Had the most wonderful time :)) Just missed the cherry blossom season but also means I missed the peak tourist season too so am content. Would love to explore the north and east areas of Japan next time I travel!

I had forgotten that the reason for the whole "We here for you" debacle is that ATN uses the the voice activation feature in EPG's in TV set top boxes to illegally listen in on consumers. I wonder if this could be a scandal that breaks in s4 (if Cruises doesn't come back).
It's also possible that the writers only added a mention of it into the same episode where Cruises broke in order to hint at the real life scandal that Cruises was meant to mimic. It could mean nothing. But it's interesting. Once again, Greg and Tom are the only people who technically know about something illegal that ATN is doing.

Whole Foods hasn’t been adding tips from the bar to my paycheck. Because of this, they had to pay those taxes before the end of the year, so a payment plan was made to pay them back the taxes I originally owed (that they did not include as taxable income in the first place) I am now getting at least over 60-65% of my paycheck taken away as a repayment plan and may not be able to pay rent as a result. On top of this, there have been numerous weeks where the hours/tips have not been allotted correctly and it has made a huge mess of our paychecks/taxes. This seems illegal or at the very least highly unethical. Should I call a tip line? What should I do?

my neighbors are preppy, yuppy pieces of sh*t. they have the requisite 2.5 kids, fancy big house, and, as of june 2022, added a purebred bernese mountain puppy they spent a couple thousand bucks on, from a breeder. shortly after getting the puppy, they had a company come over who installed an invisible fence around their yuppy property. i didn’t pay much notice of them or their bratty, spoiled little kids (who roam around their property acting feral, much of the time). but, being a huge dog lover, i DID take notice of how they were taking care of their puppy…or, rather, how they WEREN’T taking care of him. their front lawn was strewn with toys for their dog, from big soft stuffed toys to massive rawhide bones. at first i thought that, aw, they love their puppy and are doting on him. but it soon became apparent that they were just throwing the toys outside for him so they wouldn’t have to pay attention to him. they never bring him inside to be with his family. when their kids get off the school bus, the dog runs up to them, CRAVING love and attention, and the kids just kick him in the chest and go in the house, leaving him desolate and alone again. when winter set in (a harsh, ny state winter) the dog was left outside constantly. no dog house. no straw bedding. nothing. he was and IS outside ALL THE TIME. these bastards get around the law by keeping their (north-facing) garage door open all day and all night. the garage is his “shelter” and he either lays outside in the snow, or on the icy driveway, or on the cold concrete garage floor. our area has had a succession of days and nights of sub-zero temps with howling winds (north winds, blowing into their north-facing open garage). i have talked to them on a few occasions. i have been polite. i have appealed to them to take him inside. i have shamed them that dogs—even bernese mountain dogs—can get frostbite on their paws and noses and after hours out in the cold they are susceptible to hypothermia. they admitted to me that they are DOCTORS, which i shamed them about to their faces even more, that they OF ALL people should know better than to neglect a poor dog. but they don’t care. after my attempts to appeal to their consciences failed, i contacted our local anti-cruelty dog enforcers, but they basically told me, “the garage is considered ‘shelter’ and we can’t do anything unless ‘more serious infractions’ occur.” which is a load of total bs. other neighbors have noticed the dog’s situation and have tried to show some sort of kindness to that poor lonely dog. but, there doesn’t seem to be much any of us can do to help the dog who’s basically a PRISONER, who can’t run away because he understands too well that he’ll get ZAPPED by the invisible fence collar they keep on his neck. it is a cruel situation and i don’t know what to do. it’s heartbreaking.

my neighbors are preppy, yuppy pieces of sh*t. they have the requisite 2.5 kids, fancy big house, and, as of june 2022, added a purebred bernese mountain puppy they spent a couple thousand bucks on, from a breeder. shortly after getting the puppy, they had a company come over and install an invisible fence around their yuppy property. i didn’t pay much notice of them or their bratty, spoiled little kids (who roam around their property acting feral, much of the time). but, being a huge dog lover, i DID take notice of how they were taking care of their puppy…or, rather, how they WEREN’T taking care of him. their front lawn was strewn with toys for their dog, from big soft stuffed toys to massive rawhide bones. at first i thought that, aw, they love their puppy and are doting on him. but it soon became apparent that they were just throwing the toys outside for him so they wouldn’t have to pay attention to him. they never bring him inside to be with his family. when their kids get off the school bus, the dog runs up to them, CRAVING love and attention, and the kids just kick him in the chest and go in the house, leaving him desolate and alone again. when winter set in (a harsh, ny state winter) the dog was left outside constantly. no dog house. no straw bedding. nothing. he was and IS outside ALL THE TIME. these bastards get around the law by keeping their (north-facing) garage door open all day and all night. the garage is his “shelter” and he either lays outside in the snow, or on the icy driveway, or on the cold concrete garage floor. our area has had a succession of days and nights of sub-zero temps with howling winds (north winds, blowing into their north-facing open garage). i have talked to them on a few occasions. i have been polite. i have appealed to them to take him inside. i have shamed them that dogs—even bernese mountain dogs—can get frostbite on their paws and noses and after hours out in the cold they are susceptible to hypothermia. they admitted to me that they are DOCTORS, which i shamed them about to their faces even more, that they OF ALL people should know better than to neglect a poor dog. but they don’t care. after my attempts to appeal to their consciences failed, i contracted our local anti-cruelty dog enforcers, but they basically told me, “the garage is considered ‘shelter’ and they can’t do anything unless ‘more serious infractions’ occur.” which is a load of total bs. other neighbors have noticed the dog’s situation and have tried to show some sort of kindness to that poor lonely dog. but, there doesn’t seem to be much any of us can do to help the dog who’s basically a PRISONER, who can’t run away because he understands too well that he’ll get ZAPPED by the invisible fence collar they keep on his neck. it is a cruel situation and i don’t know what else to do. it’s heartbreaking.

dogs #AnimalCruelty #DogRescue

To whomever may care to read this,
We I have little time to waste. I don’t really know where I am or what year it is, the details are a bit fuzzy and so is my head.
Maybe you will laugh when I tell you that somebody I love used to call me Screwball. That’s not my real name, just a silly nickname. But, if my body is still here when you find these pages, please put that name on the headstone.
While sitting on a park bench and writing this, I can hear two older women across the way, laying on a woolen blanket, and excitedly chatting about their new life together; One is never too old for love, as love never really does grow old.
I hear that you still call this patch of dirt, Earth.
Cherish that name. Cherish love. Cling to hope and never let her go.
Someday everything will change and time will be a fluid plaything, that humans will do their best to harness and exploit beyond reason.
Yes, that’s right. Time travel is real, be amazed, go nuts. It’s nothing special in the future. Before you crazy monkeys get there, do as I say, not as I do. Maybe humanity will do better thanks to the farewell of an old man:
“Here lies Screwball and his 5 Commandments for Time Travel”
1: KEEP IT IN YOUR PANTS
I’m just getting this out of the way now. Don’t be surprised or even try to act like you haven’t considered it, we’re all human. Unless that’s just not your thing, then ignore this section, I suppose. But if you’re anything like I was, when you get your hands on the keys to going anywhere in time you want, the first thought is likely going to be,
“What is the harm in a mindless one-night stand with Shakespeare?”
Don’t do it. I don’t care how enticing that one celebrity was, or if you want to become your own great grandfather, or if you are curious to know Shakespeare’s real sexuality. It is not worth it.
It is not just a huge moral and ethical issue. Under certain conditions, there is an underlying biological problem that will blow up in your face; A problem that scientists did not expect.
What many people did not know, is that the bodily fluids and sexual organs of many species, including humans, coevolves together.
Gives a whole new meaning to lovers being made for one another.
When bodily fluids from a more advanced time interact with those from the far distant past, the consequences for the under-evolved lover are highly lethal. Their bodies recognize the others’ bodily fluids as life-threatening antigens. In the end, their bodies will become so overwhelmed by a severe allergic reaction, that their genitalia will swell and expel with violent speed. Quite the climax.
Okay, that doesn’t really happen. That is impossible. Or is it?
But there is a potential for heterosexual mating between you and anybody that isn’t from your point in time to have drastically negative consequences on the evolutionary history of humanity. However, I have yet to see any impacts that homosexual acts have on the history of the world.
Shakespeare really was bisexual, by the way.
Apparently, so am I.
That’s nothing too interesting, and I shouldn’t waste anymore paper.
2: DON’T GET YOUR HOPES UP
For the sake of paper, I cannot tell you the intimate details of how humans can traverse time; You’re all going to figure that out eventually, anyways. Be patient. But there are some things that should be known before you get too many bright ideas about joyriding around time:
1) Time is a cycle, but not a perfect circle. It looks more like a broken spring, whose ends have been fused together; This makes choosing your destination a bit iffy.
2) You can’t see the beginning.
3) You can’t see the end.
These aren’t just philosophical or ethical rules, they are simply the physical truth of existence. You can see the birth and end of living organisms if you want, but the seconds before and after are just a blank space. It is outside life’s collective memory and therefore, we can never perceive it. At least, that is what you should convince yourself of for your own sanity.
One woman says she found the beginning. I worked with her. Dr. Cressida Hadlow. Born in 2384, Dr. Hadlow was an unstoppable force of intelligence and kindness. She spent her whole life devoted to the study of physics, with the hope that humanity could one day harness the power of time for good. Cressida had a huge heart for everything that ever walked the planet. She understood we could never change history, but there was so much of our past that had been forgotten, oppressed, and rewritten to harm others. Her dreams were to correct those wrongs, and lead society into a truly understanding and empathetic future.
I call her Superwoman.
On August 26th, 2416, I set up my lab across the hall from Dr. Hadlow. I had no research assistants, very few connections in the department, and far too much outdated equipment. That morning, Cressida waltzed in to introduce herself, but she wound up telling me about her favorite tree in her yard. It was a centuries old oak tree that perfectly lined up with her window, so she could watch all of the birds each morning before work.
She was nuts. From that moment on, we were inseparable.
The next week, she brought in an old coffee machine and called me a screwball for not having one. I never had the heart to tell her I hated coffee, but I drank every cup she made for the next four years, and we mulled away the time by talking about all of the places she wanted to see in the past; Pangea, the Americas before colonization, to be the first to ever hear the lectures of Einstein, or walk arm in arm with Martin. We would sit in my office long into the early hours, happily sipping that horrible coffee, and slowly creeping towards the point of no return. “Holy shit!” I can still hear her scream of groundbreaking madness. I jolted so hard from my chair that I knocked over and broke my favorite mug. She made a joke about going back in time and saving it for me. Cress always credited us both, but if I am honest, she cracked the code all on her own; I was only ever an admiring acolyte in the light of her brilliance.
When the government gargoyles caught wind of Cressida’s breakthrough, they poured every ounce of money, bureaucratic bullshit, and bloodlust into gaining access to her research. She ran. The president and all of his militaristic hellhounds weighed on her gentle shoulders. Their intentions were sickeningly corporatized and shallow. “Why have museums when you can make the actual past a tourist trap? Why fight your enemies when you could annihilate their whole ancestry?”
The all-consuming pain of running and lying crushed Cressida’s body and mind. She withdrew from the rest of the world, even from me. For half a year I never heard from her, although I still drove by her old house, and sometimes there would be a bag of coffee grounds sitting on the front porch with a note for me. I think that was the closest we ever had to a date.
In the end, she had her final great breakthrough. The beginning. Or so she says. I believe she was smart enough to figure that one out too, but I hope she is just hiding in the past. The last anybody ever heard from her was after law enforcement found and broke into her hideout. She wasn’t there, but a letter appeared under my door the next morning:
“Hey Screwball,
I’m going out with a Big bang. Pour one last cup for me. Sorry that it’ll go cold.
See you soon,
Superwoman”
Time travel isn’t glamorous. Don’t get your hopes up
3: THOU SHALT NOT KILL (YES, EVEN THAT GUY)
There are a lot of terrible people throughout history that the world could have been a better place without. But radicalized justice doesn’t really work when it comes to time travel.
Have you ever heard the phrase “Mass cannot be created nor destroyed, only recreated”?
Well, that same principle can also apply to ruthless dickheads. No matter how much better life could have been without them, time will always ensure that pain is inflicted one way or another.
Let’s take my own a completely hypothetical story:
You find yourself in the rural Southeastern United States, July 8th, 2285. A block down the street is a small hospital. Inside is a healthy, newborn boy who cries for comfort. This sweet bundle of joy will grow into a tyrant that is kept alive well past his natural expiration, thanks to a bastardization of science. He will lead the world into utter chaos and bring about true Armageddon by abusing the work of a brilliant woman.
You have just escaped from a high-grade government confinement facility in the year 2420. The only things in your pocket are a time manipulator made from items you stole out of the prison store, a quick release tranquilizer gun, and the butterknife you used to sacrifice a pinky finger in order to escape said confinement facility.
You’re feeling a little on edge to say the least.
Thinking that by doing this one violent, yet good act, you will save the world and be touted as a hero for all eternity. You make your way down the street towards the building. One hand bleeding profusely into a stolen dishtowel, and the other buried in your pocket, sweating fingers glued to the butterknife.
You slink inside the building, using the tranquilizer to quietly knock out the mother, father, attending physician, and anybody else who may be watching. Just you, an innocent baby, and a bit of queasiness.
He may be a monster, but you’re not. This is still sick.
You fumble with the device and almost subdue yourself. You’re really missing that thumb right now. You take out the butterknife, then with much gurgling, blood, and crying on both ends, you’ve killed that guy. You saved the world, right?
Wrong.
You travel back into the future to bask in the glory of your good deed and kiss the woman of your dreams. Instead, you find an absolute wasteland and a timeline of unimaginable atrocities. Something isn’t quite adding up.
Apparently, the guy you killed was a hackneyed coward that never actualized the full power of corruption and destruction he held in his hands. The guy who took his place, however, was more insidious, and did realize that evil to its full potential.
So, you go back and kill him too.
That doesn’t work either.
No matter how many babies are slain by your knife, World War V always happens. Every time you interfere it just gets worse.
In one of the most awkward moments of your life, you then have to explain to your original self that infanticide is never the solution, and the timeline gets put back the way it should be.
The world isn’t saved, it goes on as it always was meant to.
No world peace, no kiss.
She’s gone.
4: YOU ARE GOING TO GET LOST
I mean this both literally and metaphorically.
The world is easy enough to get lost in during a time where you know the roads. The wrong turn down a sideroad, while on the way to pick up your coworker on an unfamiliar side of town, could lead to you both being an hour late for your Monday morning classes. Plus, her insistence on you coming inside to look at her oak tree added on a few lost minutes. They were completely worth it.
The department head’s voice went hoarse from yelling at us, which Cress could not contain herself from laughing at, and the students had a field day with rumors. From then on, she asked me for rides to work every Monday. I came early just to sit and watch the birds outside her window as they fluttered through that perfect oak tree.
Sometimes the wrong turn puts you in the right situation. Sometimes the right person leads you down a strange path that you are never sure is either right or wrong. Likely both. But no matter how well prepared you are, there is going to be a misstep, and you are going to get lost.
Sit back and embrace it every once in a while.
5: DON’T LOSE YOURSELF
This last one is a bit hypocritical of me, but that’s the point. Do as I say, not as I do. I knew when I left that I was already lost.
Dear old William Shakespeare – Willy, as he liked me to call him– once had a strange man cry on his shoulders at the pub about a woeful story of love’s labors lost. Inspired, Willy memorialized the man’s inner demons forever in his 147th sonnet:
“My love is a fever, longing still
For that which longer nurseth the disease.”
Lovesick, I believe is the word that people call it now.
I don’t know how long I have been running after you. I know that I was a far younger man when I started my feverish search. My skin was smooth, my legs carried me fast and far, and my liver handled just about anything I put it through.
At first I fought against what happened, I tore through hundreds of plans to get you back. From roving the annals of time to cold-blooded baby killing. I looked for you in the crumbling caves of Pangea, and then among the first humans to walk the earth. I braved the dense forests of pre-colonized America to fend off conquistadors, and lost a few more digits. I sat through hours upon hours of lectures by the greatest minds in history. Anywhere and everywhere that we were supposed to have gone together.
Then I denied I ever loved you and tried to throw you away. You are everywhere. I found you in every dark alley, sordid affair, and sleepless night. I saw you in the faces of your ancestors, the forests that would someday become your childhood home, and the acorn of your favorite tree. I remembered to plant it in just the right place, so you could watch it every morning when it was all grown up.
My skin is now the same sort of wrinkled and rough texture that my grandfather’s was. My legs wobble and creak as I shamble along. As for my liver and me, we have been through a lot since the day you left, Cressida.
When did we get so old, my love?
All in good time.
I feel it now.
Sorry that it’ll go cold.
See you soon,
Screwball.

First/Prev
​
“Father?”
Mogan relaxed, wearing something like a small loincloth as he stretched out in something that was either a chair or a bed. After more than a week he still couldn't really tell which. He was leaning towards “bed” simply because he dozed off so often in it, but he thought that had more to do with his schedule than his age. At least, so he hoped.
“Father?”
At that, he was wearing more than most of the people here. Many walked around in clothing that seemed made mostly of strings. While it was an interesting view, he imagined it must be uncomfortable to walk in. Considering how warm it was, most of the San had picked up the local fashion quickly, although a lot of the tourists still considered them pretty conservatively dressed.
Last time he was on a beach like this it was with Hyeshi. Her clothing had been just about as minimal as his, and while he certainly didn't mind the view it had also been easier to see that she was showing with Ellisan.
Mogan had spent some time on the various types of watercraft, and even some of the small fliers, although he took it easy with those—not like Ellisan, certainly—but his schedule was too busy for most of that.
“Father!”
Mogan snapped out of his doze. “Sorry. What is it?”
“They've returned. The... ones... that were escorting the guests.” Even here, she was more careful about references to warriors or soldiers than most.
“Good. They're a day or two late, but I forgot sometimes how slow those guys travel.”
“And everything is fine. Nothing that really needs to be worried about.”
Mogan caught the hesitation around 'really,' heaved a sigh, and sat up.
“It can wait; you're wearing yourself out fixing everything here!”
“Did somebody do something stupid?”
Ellisan sighed. “Yes.”
“Is it something that will cause us trouble?”
She paused. “...Probably.”
“Then I can't just leave it.”
“Maybe, but you've got to delegate at least some of it. You didn't come home last night until almost morning. Breaking up the fight at the Seafront, dealing with the two idiots who got cheated in gambling at the Moonsrise, and then stopping that incident when some fool tried to start some bets on fighting.”
At least she didn't know about the two people he had to carry home because they were too drunk to move.
“Plus those two people you had to carry home because they were too drunk to move!”
Damn it.
“It's getting better.”
“It is.” Ellisan nodded. “They're not stupid, just not used to any of this. But you've done more than enough work. You should be out here enjoying yourself, not catching up on your sleep because you were cleaning up other people's messes all night.”
“Can't. There are two thousand people here, Ellisan, and they've all been through blood and fire the last few months. Most of them are drinking too much, but I don't know how to just cut them off. Tonight there'll be another fight at the Seafront—the owner doesn't care how many fights there are as long as he makes money selling drink. And there was almost a fight down at the walk, over the women offering... services... there. I'll need to be there part of the night. And—”
“And someone else will.”
“The chieftains are already busy.”
“Then tell someone else off,” she continued relentlessly. “Inton, that guy isn't stupid—let him handle the Seafront. And Burjit is the galaxy's premiere expert at dealing with men's stupidity; she can handle the walk just fine. Half of the time you know who the problem people will be, so find something to keep them busy instead of doing something stupid.”
Mogan sighed, defeated. “Alright. I'll delegate away all the hot spots for tonight. But for now, I have to see what this problem is.”
Ellisan shook her head, but lead him to the small gathering area under a few tents where the chieftains were relaxing. Mogan noted that they didn't look nearly as tired as he, which he found irritating. Burya nodded to him.
“I told you you didn't need to take care of every problem, Mogan. None of them tonight. For now... Have a seat. This should be interesting.”
Mogan wasn't sure he liked the way Burya said “interesting.” It sounded a bit like the way Ellisan had said “really.” But he sat, and someone handed him a drink that tasted something like fruit juice. Ellisan wasn't sent away. What her status was now, nobody knew, but she'd obviously saved enough lives to earn a spot in the circle. There was a moment of uncomfortable silence, and then Logog spoke.
“I presume everyone is familiar with my hunter Chadnov?”
“He's not the sharpest spear in the quiver,” Skalli nodded. “But he's certainly the biggest.”
Logog sighed. “That's the one. He was with the escorts. And over the next six days they traveled, everybody spent a lot of time talking. Sort of got to know each other, and...”
“And one of the soldiers is with child, isn't she?” Skalli snorted.
“We didn't know this was possible!”
Ellisan stared at Logog, raising an eyebrow. “You didn't know that humans and Sylfa could breed?” Her lower set of arms waved. “What in the Frozen Valley do you think these are: antlers?”
Logog snorted, trying not to laugh. “It wasn't a Sylfa, Ellisan.”
“There weren't many Shawing there, but they're good people in general.” Mogan nodded. “We should speak to her.”
“It... um... She, uh...” Logog was staring intently at the sand between his toes. “She's not a Shawing either.”
There was a horrified silence, that extended for two full minutes before it was broken by Ellisan's horrified giggle.
“Well....” Mogan paused. “Let's, uh, let's bring in the happy couple.”
“Her name is apparently Karshta,” Logog said, “one of the blade-walls. It seems the Sovereignty will pay them for having Meht children. They're generally considered stupid, so even though their Meht are smaller they're considered to sort of have the best of both worlds. I think we can all agree we don't want the Sovereign to find a Meht with that kind of power and our.... traits.... yes?”
Mogan chuckled. “Too bad Akin isn't here. He really wanted to do a wedding for someone. Still, if she wants to mix her strength with someone else's intelligence, she might have wanted to pick someone... different.”
“The situation is what it is, not what we'd rather it be.” Burya shrugged. Mogan swore he sounded more like an old man than any of the old men present. “But if she's up to it, a marriage would be a good way to solve the problem. She stays with us so the child doesn't end up in the Sovereignty's hands, we get her contributions, and Chadnov has a wife three times his height to keep him from getting a roving eye.”
The others voiced their agreement, and a runner was sent for the happy couple.
They were a nervous couple when they arrived, the man ahead of the Mantu. Chadnov was a huge man, easily the tallest and heaviest of the San. Mogan was of average height, and he didn't even come up to the man's shoulder. He probably weighed twice what Mogan did, for that matter, and he doubted any of it was fat. He had often amused the children—and the ladies—by lifting whatever seemed heavy: barrels, logs, stones, vehicles, prey, whatever couldn't run away. In hunts, he was often known to cast his spear straight through an animal so hard that it stuck into the ground or trees several yards behind it. Mogan wasn't completely sure who was the stronger of the pair. Or the smarter.
Karshta looked fairly petite for a Mantu, which meant that she was a little less than three times his height and probably weighed a little less than a bison. Her legs were bent, but he doubted they could straighten much more, at least not enough to stand any taller, and her feet were three-toed and longer than a spear, with claws that dug into the sand as she walked. A heavy tail trailed behind her, occasionally brushing the ground, and Mogan had no doubt that even without the armor they wore it could be a definite hindrance to any combatant behind her. Her hands were also three-fingered, like her feet. Mogan had thought of her as much like that strange and fearsome lizard he had fought back on New Klon, but those had tiny, useless arms, with sharp claws that were probably never used. Karshta's arms were so long that they almost reached the ground, and while the three fingers, one opposable, had claws, they were clipped and smoothed.
She had a longer neck than any human, or most animals he had seen, but not exactly snake-like, and her muzzle was more than a foot and a half long, big enough that she could probably grab a human by the waist and powerful enough that she could then touch her teeth together. Four eyes marked the front of her head, and two more closer to the sides, smaller ones.
It was a certainty that if Chadnov's attentions were not welcome, she could have made him aware of this in a fashion that left no room for confusion and little for healing. What wasn't certain was just how they had managed in the first place, but Mogan shook his head. That way led to the madness of the Auels.
He was amused to find three of the others shaking their heads as well. What had attracted Chadnov was also something of a mystery. Her own clothing was of the three-strings variety, but she had no breasts, nor hips, and the shape of her legs was mostly the shape of a lizard's legs.
“Welcome, Chadnov and Karshta.” The way Ansam paired the two, as if he was stating one name rather than two, was certainly deliberate. “This will take some time, and we don't want you to be any more uncomfortable. Sit, relax.”
The two sat, looking somewhat nervous. For Karshta, it simply meant folding her legs under her, although Chadnov sat cross-legged.
“Now,” Ansam began. “Rumor has it that you're expecting.”
“Expecting what?” The two spoke together, and brought another moment of stunned silence to the circle.
The silence stretched, as they stared at the two and the two stared at them, with growing expectation, until finally Ellisan broke it.
“The baby?”
“Oh. Yes, I will be giving birth.”
Mogan nodded. “Well... why don't you start with that? Do you lay eggs?”
Karshta seemed offended, but she told them. Apparently Mantu birthed live young, often three or four at a time but usually just one or two for their Meht, after a pregnancy of nearly a full year. While other species often looked down on their Meht, Mantu valued them immensely. This was only in part because the Sovereignty offered a hefty payment, and in part because Meht were able to get jobs that most other species could not. Mantu were often the heavily-armored barrier for Sovereignty armies—blade-walls, they were called—but were often not intelligent enough to manage vehicles or guns. Mantu Meht could carry massive weapons, or carefully pack and load valuable goods, or even serve as police forces or intimidating guards with far less chance of mishaps.
They did not have milk, but the babies were immediately able to eat mashed meat; they were apparently like dogs in that they were generally carnivores but could eat some plants. And perhaps because they had less brain to develop, they grew to adulthood in a shorter time. This made Chadnov quite nervous until he discovered that she was in her nineteenth year, and they usually lived to their sixties.
“And you're certain that Chadnov here is the father?”
Chadnov winced, but Karshta nodded. “He is a cute little thing.” Chadnov winced again.
“Well!” Ansam nodded. “Congratulations to the both of you, then.”
Chadnov's eyes widened in horror as he continued. “That means, of course, that our people have certain duties. We'd like you to come with us, Karshta.”
“You'll need help raising your children now,” Mogan added, “and we can do the marriage right here, if you'll take him.”
“You are referring to... a husband? A... human husband?”
Chadnov stared, and they could almost hear the wheels creaking as they turned. The hunter could refuse the wedding, of course. But “of course” meant the same as “really” and “interesting” in this case—it would be the end of his reputation and his aspirations. He would have a hard time leading anyone, joining hunting parties, or getting near a woman again if it was known that he had gotten a woman with child and abandoned her. All he could hope for was that she would refuse him, and by the look of it that wasn't going to happen.
“And all of your children will be Meht. Here's hoping you have many.”
The smile she turned upon her new fiance was downright predatory, and Chadnov found himself chuckling.

On my commute home from work, I drive by a lot that’s had a red 2022 Lariat ER demo unit sitting there for about a month, expecting it to disappear each day. I finally quit torturing myself and bought it. I’ve never been a big truck person but this thing is amazing. So many cool features. I’m entertained by the massive frunk and can’t wait to try Blue Cruise.
The only thing I don’t like so far is how far away the brake pedal is from the accelerator. I’m a small car guy and I have a Bolt EV as my daily driver so it’s a huge difference. But in one-pedal mode it doesn’t matter much. I also have to figure out how to configure the phone as a key.
Any recommendations for useful accessories? Best seat covers for the back? Best bed cover?

With these lovely ideas for antique wall decor, you can infuse your house with a feeling of history and beauty. You are not restricted to using typical wall decorations like paintings. There are many ways to add charm to your home with antiques. In this blog, we will discuss wall decoration ideas with the help of Antiques.

1. Placing Small Etchings & Photographs

In the early days of book and magazine printing, most photographs were printed using engravings or etchings. These tiny engravings and etchings can be bought for a reasonable price; frequently, they cost approximately $25 each. Most are neutral in color.
However, others are hand-colored. They complement any environment and are available in numerous themes. You can find images of people, places, animals, plants, historical news events, etc. Even fairy tale picture books have excellent illustrations. Beautiful vintage wall decor can be created by framing several little etchings and engravings, especially if you add antique picture frames to complete the appearance.

2. Paste Antique Mirrors on The Wall

From enormous, elaborate floor mirrors to smaller hand mirrors, antique mirrors come in a wide range of sizes and designs. Make a gallery wall in your home using a variety of mirrors to display them. This installation style will reflect light and enlarge your room, which is an added benefit. Also, mirrors only reflect the hues they are exposed to, making them ideal for neutral farmhouse wall decor.

3. Make Use of Framed Embroidery to Enhance Your Wall

Samplers made of embroidery and other fine needlework are a wonderful way to lend a touch of old-world charm and distinctive personality. Frame examples of Victorian needlework to add character to your wall decor. They are frequently offered for less than $30 at flea markets and auction websites. When matted and framed, even a tiny sampler conveys a powerful message.

4. Hang Antique Metal Trays

You can display your collection of antique trays on the wall if you collect them. The reflective surface behaves like a mirror without producing a distinct reflection, whether you gather copper trays or silver-plated platters. The polished trays are a neutral option that complements any interior and can increase the lighting in any space. You can get these ancient yet antique metal trays from sites like Shopify.

5. Style Your Wall with Antique Fans

Fans can still be found in antique shops; they were formerly a crucial component of women's outfits. These make wonderful vintage collectibles, especially if you wish to display them. One concept for an antique wall decoration involves framing fans in unique shadow boxes, which are then hung collectively on the wall. This looks great in a living room or bedroom.

6. Place Antique Clothing on Your Wall

Particularly when you hang a collection of multiple items together, clothing offers an interesting and charming antique wall décor alternative. You can find anything from vintage children's apparel to aprons in thrift stores and antique shops. A huge wall can be used to hang numerous items on wooden hangers. This is a nice option for a bathroom or bedroom.

Hey guys this is my friends story and for anonymity I’m sharing on her behalf. She and her boyfriend (24F, 23M) have been living next to their neighbor, Miss K(~42F), for a little over a year. Her boyfriend does construction and had been contacted by miss K to extend her wall in her backyard. They agreed on a payment for his work which she paid up front for and he started to work in her yard. Everything was going well until another neighbor got involved and they asked for him to pour cement in their yard, which he also agreed on. This is where he messed up, he started working on the cement before he finished the wall. Miss K thought that because he started working on a new project that he had hustled her and that he wasn’t going to complete the wall. Even though he tried to explain this to her she decided to burn bridges and pursue a small claim against them. However, her case was dismissed due to a lack of evidence. My friend and her bf tried to send a money order to her to return the money and informed her which she said only made them guilty of fraudulent business transactions. This is where it gets a little wild. Miss K decides to bad mouth them to all the neighbors (tight knit neighborhood so friend finds out). They’re also renting this home and miss k owns her home. They get a call from the landlord stating Miss K has started calling to complain but they’re in good standing and the landlord knows they’ve been taking good care of the house so he just tells them to lay low until she calms down. We’ll Miss K isn’t happy about this and she starts taking pictures of their property on a daily basis. My friend decided to invest in cameras as her and bf agreed to not talk to or engage with her until everything settled down. Well the first time they had to call the cops was because Miss K wouldn’t return the bfs tools that were left in her garage. Cops told Miss K to return it and even though she tried to file a report for fraudulent business the cops dismissed her because she was rude. The next time cops were called was because she made and hung a huge poster on her garage that said “Bfs full name is dishonest, he stole from me.” The cops came and forced her to take down her sign and again told Miss K there was nothing they could do, they told my friend to call if she tried anything else. After this my friends cameras show Miss K looking through their trash can, unplugging their backyard camera, flipping them off into the camera, and placing broken glass of “Her side” of the rock wall. She placed a bright light aimed into their window (luckily a guest bedroom) and posted a sign reading “F—k u.” Friend responded with a sign in her window that read “Love you too Karen.” Now Miss K is playing her trumpet at odd hours of the night and screaming bloody murder “get off my property/put it back” at first my friend was genuinely concerned thinking someone was messing with Miss K that night however it became an every other night occurrence. Because it happened randomly at night the cameras didn’t catch her with anything or doing anything until one day she comes to the side of the house and blows her trumpet at their camera, flips them off and walks away. Throughout this the cops have been called numerous times. We live in the southwest and it can get pretty windy, one day their trash can blew into her yard and they had to call the cops because she wouldn’t return it claiming it was her property now(the trash can is city property and she was forced to return it). They keep trespassing her but that only lasts 7 days and on the 8th day she’ll try something new. She talks to their cameras and tells them “I can wake up at all hours of the night and make your life a living hell.” She recently placed 25 phone calls to codes to try to start an investigation into the bfs “shady business” codes just advised my friend to pay $35 for a business license so that her complaints could be resolved. In her recent complaints to officers she says our friend placed a Craigslist ad selling a washer and dryer for $100 using her number as she’s been getting contacted lately. My friend had to call the cops because someone contacted her saying Miss K redirected them to her. My friend asked for a screenshot and Miss K had given this person my friends name, number, and address. They have not engaged or talked to Miss K since all of this started and she only keeps escalating, the cops have been involved but because it’s not a domestic issue it makes placing a restraining order that much harder. Please help, my friend is at a loss and Miss K only ever had her bfs number so she’s scared about how she got hers. Any advice is welcome!

Hey guys this is my friends story and for anonymity I’m sharing on her behalf. She and her boyfriend (24F, 23M) have been living next to their neighbor, Miss K(~42F), for a little over a year. Her boyfriend does construction and had been contacted by miss K to extend her wall in her backyard. They agreed on a payment for his work which she paid up front for and he started to work in her yard. Everything was going well until another neighbor got involved and they asked for him to pour cement in their yard, which he also agreed on. This is where he messed up, he started working on the cement before he finished the wall. Miss K thought that because he started working on a new project that he had hustled her and that he wasn’t going to complete the wall. Even though he tried to explain this to her she decided to burn bridges and pursue a small claim against them. However, her case was dismissed due to a lack of evidence. My friend and her bf tried to send a money order to her to return the money and informed her which she said only made them guilty of fraudulent business transactions. This is where it gets a little wild. Miss K decides to bad mouth them to all the neighbors (tight knit neighborhood so friend finds out). They’re also renting this home and miss k owns her home. They get a call from the landlord stating Miss K has started calling to complain but they’re in good standing and the landlord knows they’ve been taking good care of the house so he just tells them to lay low until she calms down. We’ll Miss K isn’t happy about this and she starts taking pictures of their property on a daily basis. My friend decided to invest in cameras as her and bf agreed to not talk to or engage with her until everything settled down. Well the first time they had to call the cops was because Miss K wouldn’t return the bfs tools that were left in her garage. Cops told Miss K to return it and even though she tried to file a report for fraudulent business the cops dismissed her because she was rude. The next time cops were called was because she made and hung a huge poster on her garage that said “Bfs full name is dishonest, he stole from me.” The cops came and forced her to take down her sign and again told Miss K there was nothing they could do, they told my friend to call if she tried anything else. After this my friends cameras show Miss K looking through their trash can, unplugging their backyard camera, flipping them off into the camera, and placing broken glass of “Her side” of the rock wall. She placed a bright light aimed into their window (luckily a guest bedroom) and posted a sign reading “F—k u.” Friend responded with a sign in her window that read “Love you too Karen.” Now Miss K is playing her trumpet at odd hours of the night and screaming bloody murder “get off my property/put it back” at first my friend was genuinely concerned thinking someone was messing with Miss K that night however it became an every other night occurrence. Because it happened randomly at night the cameras didn’t catch her with anything or doing anything until one day she comes to the side of the house and blows her trumpet at their camera, flips them off and walks away. Throughout this the cops have been called numerous times. We live in the southwest and it can get pretty windy, one day their trash can blew into her yard and they had to call the cops because she wouldn’t return it claiming it was her property now(the trash can is city property and she was forced to return it). They keep trespassing her but that only lasts 7 days and on the 8th day she’ll try something new. She talks to their cameras and tells them “I can wake up at all hours of the night and make your life a living hell.” She recently placed 25 phone calls to codes to try to start an investigation into the bfs “shady business” codes just advised my friend to pay $35 for a business license so that her complaints could be resolved. In her recent complaints to officers she says our friend placed a Craigslist ad selling a washer and dryer for $100 using her number as she’s been getting contacted lately. My friend had to call the cops because someone contacted her saying Miss K redirected them to her. My friend asked for a screenshot and Miss K had given this person my friends name, number, and address. They have not engaged or talked to Miss K since all of this started and she only keeps escalating, the cops have been involved but because it’s not a domestic issue it makes placing a restraining order that much harder. Please help, my friend is at a loss and Miss K only ever had her bfs number so she’s scared about how she got hers. Any advice is welcome!

Hey guys this is my friends story and for anonymity I’m sharing on her behalf. She and her boyfriend (24F, 23M) have been living next to their neighbor, Miss K(~42F), for a little over a year. Her boyfriend does construction and had been contacted by miss K to extend her wall in her backyard. They agreed on a payment for his work which she paid up front for and he started to work in her yard. Everything was going well until another neighbor got involved and they asked for him to pour cement in their yard, which he also agreed on. This is where he messed up, he started working on the cement before he finished the wall. Miss K thought that because he started working on a new project that he had hustled her and that he wasn’t going to complete the wall. Even though he tried to explain this to her she decided to burn bridges and pursue a small claim against them. However, her case was dismissed due to a lack of evidence. My friend and her bf tried to send a money order to her to return the money and informed her which she said only made them guilty of fraudulent business transactions. This is where it gets a little wild. Miss K decides to bad mouth them to all the neighbors (tight knit neighborhood so friend finds out). They’re also renting this home and miss k owns her home. They get a call from the landlord stating Miss K has started calling to complain but they’re in good standing and the landlord knows they’ve been taking good care of the house so he just tells them to lay low until she calms down. We’ll Miss K isn’t happy about this and she starts taking pictures of their property on a daily basis. My friend decided to invest in cameras as her and bf agreed to not talk to or engage with her until everything settled down. Well the first time they had to call the cops was because Miss K wouldn’t return the bfs tools that were left in her garage. Cops told Miss K to return it and even though she tried to file a report for fraudulent business the cops dismissed her because she was rude. The next time cops were called was because she made and hung a huge poster on her garage that said “Bfs full name is dishonest, he stole from me.” The cops came and forced her to take down her sign and again told Miss K there was nothing they could do, they told my friend to call if she tried anything else. After this my friends cameras show Miss K looking through their trash can, unplugging their backyard camera, flipping them off into the camera, and placing broken glass of “Her side” of the rock wall. She placed a bright light aimed into their window (luckily a guest bedroom) and posted a sign reading “F—k u.” Friend responded with a sign in her window that read “Love you too Karen.” Now Miss K is playing her trumpet at odd hours of the night and screaming bloody murder “get off my property/put it back” at first my friend was genuinely concerned thinking someone was messing with Miss K that night however it became an every other night occurrence. Because it happened randomly at night the cameras didn’t catch her with anything or doing anything until one day she comes to the side of the house and blows her trumpet at their camera, flips them off and walks away. Throughout this the cops have been called numerous times. We live in the southwest and it can get pretty windy, one day their trash can blew into her yard and they had to call the cops because she wouldn’t return it claiming it was her property now(the trash can is city property and she was forced to return it). They keep trespassing her but that only lasts 7 days and on the 8th day she’ll try something new. She talks to their cameras and tells them “I can wake up at all hours of the night and make your life a living hell.” She recently placed 25 phone calls to codes to try to start an investigation into the bfs “shady business” codes just advised my friend to pay $35 for a business license so that her complaints could be resolved. In her recent complaints to officers she says our friend placed a Craigslist ad selling a washer and dryer for $100 using her number as she’s been getting contacted lately. My friend had to call the cops because someone contacted her saying Miss K redirected them to her. My friend asked for a screenshot and Miss K had given this person my friends name, number, and address. They have not engaged or talked to Miss K since all of this started and she only keeps escalating, the cops have been involved but because it’s not a domestic issue it makes placing a restraining order that much harder. Please help, my friend is at a loss and Miss K only ever had her bfs number so she’s scared about how she got hers. Any advice is welcome!

If you were anything like me you starting producing in the DAW era whether that was Ableton, FL Studio, Pro Tools, Logic, Reason or one of the many other choices out there. Eventually after listening to your favorite producer's beats and being amazed by the sonics you decided to look up their equipment they used to gain some insight. You then stumble across hardware samplers and see everything ranging from Akai, Roland, Ensoniq, Kurzweil, Yamaha and every other major player around that time. Now you're thinking of taking the leap into vintage hardware samplers to catch some of that sonic magic to add to your own productions and you're friend Beatsheik is here to help.
This post in particular will focus on the Ensoniq line of samplers starting with the revolutionary Mirage to the last hurrah of the ASR-X (pro). Each one unique enough to stand on their own merits and fit a variety of musical styles. Below are my thoughts on each sampler with information and videos showcasing the total essence of what these beasts can do in the right hands.
Please be aware that these are comping from a hip hop producer standpoint first and an audiophile/gear nerd second since using the machines for creation is the most important view to me. Now let's begin.......
MIRAGE (1984)
Retail Price ($1695)
Resell Price ($300 - $500)
The Mirage is an 8-bit powerhouse that makes everything sound like lofi and gritty at any sample rate. It really sounds like what you expect true 8 bit to sound like and every emulation is a cheap imitation of that sound. Although with limited memory (128kb) it could be cumbersome for anyone to make anything more than a smaller looped production but thats where the hexidecimal creativity comes in. Sampling rates range from 8khz - 33khz.
Personally speaking unless you are just fond of the mirage or analog filters are a must then I would skip this one for hip hop production. However, if you are doing other genres that call for synth stabs or certain unique sonic touches then the Mirage is a winner. Also to note that it's the only ensoniq sampler with analog filters (low pass) so this can really help it shape sound in interesting ways.
Some notable songs made using the Mirage were Public Enemy's "Rebel Without A Pause" and Janet Jackson's Control & Rhythm Nation 1814 albums.
PROS: 1. Truly unique sound lofi quality. 2. Only sampler on the list with analog filters.
CONS: 1. Hexadecimal display is convoluted without menu handy. 2. Low memory even for vintage sampler standards. 3. No Sequencer, just a recorder so no quantization.
Mirage Video Examples:
https://youtu.be/tyMxRRdde-E
https://youtu.be/14PMQ0kH5hA
EPS CLASSIC (1988)
Retail Price ($1995 for keyboard, $1895 for rack)
Resell Price ($300 - $600)
This machine is a unique one as its the only 13 Bit sampler Ensoniq ever made. It is a slept on sampler for lofi production due to its various sample rates on input and adjustments of the anti aliasing filter can lead to some interesting sonic palettes. On input the sample rate can range from 6.25 khz to 52 khz and the sound of the eps to my ears are compressed, warm and gritty with a somewhat hollow punch to it. There is a certain authenticity to its lofi sound that just sounds right to my ears. That makes a huge difference when making samples for yourself later as this will alter future decisions mixing wise.
Notable songs made with the EPS are Shyheim's "Rugged Child" album, Das Efx's "Dead Serious" album and Silk Tymes Leather "It ain't where ya from...Its where ya at" album.
PROS: 1) Adjustable sample rate on input (6.25 khz - 52 khz), samples the lowest @ 6.25 khz. 2) Adjustable anti aliasing filter 3) 13 Bit (only sampler I believe to be 13 bit)
CONS: 1) Software can be buggy at times. 2) Limited overall memory without expander (480kb) 3) No effects
Eps Classic Video Examples:
https://youtu.be/7CoOtaoVFks
https://youtu.be/9H73qtB9Fdk
EPS 16+ (1990)
Retail ($2395 for stock ; $2495 for rack, $2995 for Turbo)
Resell Price ($500 - $1000)
This sampler literally is the exact middle of an ASR-10 and EPS Classic sonically and functionally. The sound is either lofi or hifi depending on your sample rate but retains the warmth and grit at the same time. Its sample rates on input range from 11khz to 46 khz and you can completely turn its anti aliasing filter off. This can lead to some strange tones and aliasing that DOES NOT sound like an sp 1200 but unlike anything else you'll find available. This machine is interesting from the others because it is the only unit that can install flash rom memory and not need a floppy or scsi device to boot up. Which means you won't have to worry about old drives or adding more cost to unit if you can find one fully loaded which I appreciate the most. Also I think because of this it operates the fastest.
Noteable songs made with the EPS 16+ are Mobb Deep's "The Infamous" album D'Angelo's "Brown Sugar" album and Wu Tang Clan - C.R.E.A.M (along with a bunch of other songs on the 36 Chambers album)
PROS: 1) Sound quality is excellent with it being able to produce lofi or hifi tones.
2) The ONLY Ensoniq sampler where you can turn off the anti aliasing filter completely on input.
3) Flash Memory is amazing for not having to load os on floppy or sd.
CONS: 1) Only 2mb of memory stock.
2) Some units may overheat.
3) Being Mono only may be a turnoff for some.
EPS 16+ Video Examples:
https://youtu.be/tEW9_jMdCN4
https://youtu.be/zQPKJuaOuAk
ASR- 10 (1992)
Retail ($2695 for keyboard, $2895 for rack and $4495 for 88 key version)
Resell price ($700 - $1500)
This one is the best sampler Ensoniq made as far as functionality and sound come together in one innovative masterpiece. The warm sound of this sampler is on pabetter with any other sampler you will find. With the upgrades to all the samplers as time progressed this one was blessed with optional ram upgrades, more effects, ram tracks and other cool features. The sampling rates are either 29.5ish khz but they call it 30khz and 44khz (48khz if you use the digital card). You can however lower the sample rate as well as with the previous machines.
I really believe this machine is the peak of what Ensoniq offered before the company's demise due to being feature packed true sampler. That coupled with transwaves and looping features you can do whatever you want if you can think it out. Plus with the addons such as Digital I/O, Ram upgrade and SCSI2SD (or Zuluscsi, at the time of writing) you can have a sampler that stands the test of time.
Some notable albums made with the ASR-10 are Kanye West's "College Drop", Missy Elliott's "Supa Dupa Fly" and half Wu Tang Clan's "36 Chambers".
PROS: 1) Best sampler ensoniq ever made with more robust features and capabilities.
2) Better optional upgrades (Digital I/O board and ram)
3) Has the warmest sound and more FX
CONS: 1) Some people report more instability than previous EPS 16+
2) Slightly slower operations on later O.S. versions.
3) Because of its more complex insides it leaves more things to go wrong and fixing can be costly.
Video examples:
https://youtube.com/shorts/JUFPIKBEgs0?feature=share3
https://youtube.com/shorts/YXyhlCVIk9c?feature=share3
https://youtu.be/DUv7LO3kZvc
ASR X/PRO (1997/98)
This one is the weirdest one design wise and workflow wise. Alot more menu diving in a less optimized way. The OS is like the others that if your having familiarity with one then you can navigate the rest.
The sound of this unit though in my opinion is underrated. I'd say that it's so hifi and warm that it sounds way more expensive than it really is. I really can't stress the immense sound quality of this machine and to me thats the only reason I've kept it around. The effects are good but I prefer the ASR 10 effects more but I lean towards the X sonically for hifi and drums. If you can get one of these cheap to pair with something like an MPC or other modern sampler I think you'd be in for a treat. Using it as your only sampler should be a word of warning because it's not for beginners looking for their first sampler unless they are willing to master it.
Notable songs made using the ASR X are Young Jeezy's "Go Crazy" and Freeway's "Roc The Mic".
PROS: 1) Amazing sound! Even though it's different than it's older siblings its sound is hifi and expensive sounding.
2) Smaller than its predecessors and has more than double the tracks of the others (16 total).
3) Effects are excellent and resampling through the machine is a breeze.
4) Resonant Filters are came back
CONS: 1) It's basically unfinished due to Ensoniq being merged and never utilized its full potential.
2) The encoders can get wonky over time and the pads leave much to be desired. They honestly are my least favorite thing about the machine.
3) Way more menu diving since screen is smaller than previous models.
Video Examples:
https://youtu.be/ZofxeQMVZMM
https://youtu.be/Vko73zb6Nmc
FINAL THOUGHTS
If you're looking to add a vintage sampler into your setup in 2023 and already have something like a DAW or the MPC line of sequencers then an Ensoniq sampler can be a real gem in your studio. Be aware that they all have a learning curve so you will have to put some time in to get comfortable with the sampler. On top of that once you fully master the machine you'll see why these masterpieces are highly regarded. There are features still today that can't do what these beats can do i.e. insane looping and modulation features. Maybe even one day they might reach astronomical prices because people will soon realize their value. But as for right now you can still find great deals of you look hard enough.
Also remember these are samplers first so the added bonus is getting a cool sampling synthesizer to make really nice patches you can transfer to your DAW as well. The modulation on these things are abundant and very useful.
I hope this may help someone in the future who is looking to buy their first Ensoniq sampler. Create the music you love and share it with the world 🌎

I prefer folks that have some knowledge of weapons share their perspective of this federal ruling in CA. CA has 14 days to appeal, otherwise the three - feature rule, which doesn’t exist on ANY handgun in the world, will no longer be a limiting factor on the roster.
Two links below. Which one contains more facts? Know that during the hearing, CA was accountable to providing some sort of evidence of the claim that this law saved lives. Yet not one criminal case was ever solved with a micro stamp. And no one was hurt or killed from a misfire due to dropping a weapon. To the contrary - the roster effectively prevented any new handgun designed after 2013 to be purchased in CA - and get this, the modern guns are actually proven to be safer by manufacturers in all areas the roster claims to enforce safety. Also, know that CA added the requirement last year that for every gun added (which would never happen under those rules) three others must be taken off the roster. Talk about a scheme to try and ban handguns. Highly doubtful CA will appeal since it’s impossible to defend such a law.
What are your thoughts?
https://oag.ca.gov/news/press-releases/attorney-general-bonta-california%E2%80%99s-unsafe-handgun-act-saves-lives
https://crpa.org/news/blogs/huge-win-crpa-defeats-the-roste

So around 2 years ago, before ever doing a single ad, my engagement was incredible. I was growing organically ~150 followers a week and getting 300-600 likes a post on average with 1500 followers. A few months later around 4k followers, I figured I would try a few promotions and noticed that they didn't really bring in enough followers to justify the cost so I stopped. Ever since my trial with those ads, my organic reach has been awful. Almost 0 followers gained over the last year with my post quality only increasing. I also get signifcantly less likes now. I notice when I post a story to share a new reel (right after posting that new reel), it also gets a huge reduction in views compared to just posting a story randomly (as if instagram is purposely trying to limit who sees my new post). I've been studying this for months and it seems like nothing works to break past this bump. Does anyone have any experience with this? If so, are there any solutions. I hate the idea of having to "promote" things just to have a normal reach.

So around 2 years ago, before ever doing a single ad, my engagement was incredible. I was growing organically ~150 followers a week and getting 300-600 likes a post on average with 1500 followers. A few months later around 4k followers, I figured I would try a few promotions and noticed that they didn't really bring in enough followers to justify the cost so I stopped. Ever since my trial with those ads, my organic reach has been awful. Almost 0 followers gained over the last year with my post quality only increasing. I also get signifcantly less likes now. I notice when I post a story to share a new reel (right after posting that new reel), it also gets a huge reduction in views compared to just posting a story randomly (as if instagram is purposely trying to limit who sees my new post). I've been studying this for months and it seems like nothing works to break past this bump. Does anyone have any experience with this? If so, are there any solutions. I hate the idea of having to "promote" things just to have a normal reach.

I don't know if this is the right place for this. (or maybe it is) Married 35M with 2 children.
Please read all of the way through before taking jabs at me.
I'm stuck. I'm stuck/worn emotionally, mentally, physically and somewhat spiritually. I've been with the same person for over 15 years. I feel as though my life has not only turned out how I didn't expect because of how little I desire in the ways of the world but I feel more and more like a walking husk of flesh and bone that's only purpose is to work, sleep and constantly resolve the problems of others than myself. I do not in any way feel appreciated by my family or anyone else. I've felt like this for a long time though I do my absolute best to be the father of the lifetime but also a caring, loving husband and not show anyone how I have been feeling.
My job requires me to work quite a few hours and be on call 24/7. I love what I do and I make a comfortable living for our lifestyle (nothing flashy or trendy but simple and fulfilling). My line of work is in the auto industry. I come home with torn fingers, scrapes and cuts due to the nature of my work. My wife is a stay at home mother (her choice) and does wonderfully raising our children while I am at work. We spend my days off out and about hiking, rollerblading, camping and such. I do not ask my wife for much of anything for a few reasons.
It mostly starts conflict. Whenever I do ask for certain things; I mean little simple things like making an extra stop at the store while she's out or "could you toss my wet clothes into the dryer real quick" always comes back with "I dont/didn't have time". This is her most common response for just about everything that does not get done that pertains to day to day things. She sleeps in almost every day. Complaints about events and things taking place that are so far out of anyone's control it confuses me. I promised to take care of her and be the provider which I think I do well at. My children have a wonderful upbringing, my wife can freely go shopping for what she and the children need. We do not struggle financially (thank God). So here I go.
The house is a constant mess. When I come home it's in shambles most of the time. It's not until I start cleaning when I get home that she responds she is eventually going to get it done and gets angry/insulted because I am doing it. My children are old enough to help around the house easily. I do not expect perfection by any means but when I do pause coming through the door after working 10 hrs to look around it infuriates her. We own a business together which isnt constantly busy, maybe once a month time is needed for a week dedicated to the work but thats a maybe. I am not angry but somewhat let down-disappointed. Again, I do not ask for much of anything, I mean barely anything for the fear of the response I will get.
She sleeps in 6 out of 7 days. Sometimes stays up until 11:00-12:00 on her phone. Only when she has favors to do for close family does she wake up earlier than 8:00 which is not often. She has a huge heart and makes meals for families in need which is amazing but gets frustrated when she feels she has to make them here. Again she says she didnt/doesnt have time. She constantly leaves a whirlwind behind her. I make it a living and breathing point to 100% clean up EVERYTHING after myself in the event anything of the like were to be brought up in some argument.
I am very physically active everyday as my work demands it and I enjoy it as I feel my best. I am built well and she comments on this often. She on the other hand (again read this through before taking jabs at me) isn't so much. This IS NOT SAYING ANYTHING NEGATIVE ABOUT HER!! She constantly complains about her weight and how she feels about her physical appearance. That she doesn't feel well most of the time and gets winded and tired easily. She's hopped on the usual train of trends for weight loss, pills, certain pay as you go fitness programs and the lot. However none of them ever work for her for two reasons. She never sees them through and she eats more than I do. She's now on a new diet/plan where she is being instructed that eating way more, more often is her solution to achieve her ideal body. She's feeling worse and more sluggish because of this and makes verbal notes of it often. She comments how "it must be nice to be fit like you are" more than I would like. I've gently explained that it's for a few reasons and that is I get up early and work out vigorously, my work is physically demanding, I eat ONLY what I need to and drink lots of water. That I do not take in more than I can burn up. This leads to arguments. I can not figure out why as I am literally describing why I am how I am because of my choices and that I am not in any way shape or form telling her to do the same. I want her to feel well and feel confident about herself as she has tried everything from essential oils to apple cider vinegar to pills and so on. We have weights and a bowflex and I have offered to work out with her as support but that does not end well either. I can't help her and I don't know what to do. She always complains about feeling "yucky" but gets angry when I suggest anything. I'm lost. I AM NOT EXPECTING HER TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT HER PHYSICAL APPEARANCE OR WEIGHT!! But she constantly complains about it and refuses anything that's not some Facebook trend.
I can't ask for help as I am "adding more" to what she does and feel guilty to do so. She either does not have time, doesn't feel well, is too tired, already putting someone else/s family before hers or just plain doesn't want to. The hardest part I have found about being a father, husband and provider is that I am sacrificing 1/3rd of my existence to be away from my family for the sake of my family. I've missed my childrens first steps, their first tooth loss, their first words and such just to be at work to make sure they would have everything they need. I love my wife and children dearly. We have gotten into some extreme and heated arguments about why it is that most of the time nothing gets done. I have offered to stay at home and take care of the kids and the house (I would absolutely do it without question) if she wanted to get work, even if it was just temporary to get out of the house. She at one point got a part time job that she worked on my days off. I was ecstatic for her as she wanted it to get out more and that made her happy which in turn made me happy for her! That didn't last long. I am a time/schedule driven person. When she would leave in the morning I would start cleaning, tending to the children with schooling and such. I would cook lunch and dinner and have everything completely finished WELL before she came home without breaking a sweat. I quite enjoyed it honestly as it was much more preferable than my work. The first time she came home and saw this it started one of the biggest fights we have had. I like clean,not perfect but clean. Not spotless but just clean. I explained to her that it wasn't a problem for me and that I enjoyed it. That I got everything done quickly so I can spend the day with the kids. My words were spun around on me so quickly that I held my head down and just took it. I don't know how to describe this anymore than I have. I am not expecting her to be a maid, to be barefoot with a child in her arms stirring a pot. Not at all. It comes back to "I don't have time". Where is all of her time going???????? I ask my little ones how their day has been and what THEY did, not their mothemy wife. She isn't doing much of anything. I work constantly to provide a home and healthy lifestyle for my family but because I am gone providing the income for the said home and lifestyle I can not BE home to take care of it. I need help from those who ARE home. I am overwhelmed to the point where I'm feeling constant depression and honestly I'm starting to dread coming home. That walking through the door to a constant mess, no greeting, no thank you, no "how was your day?" no "Do you need anything" no "thank you for what you do for us", that there is no acknowledgement that I am literally WORKING MYSELF TO MY GRAVE for the sake of my family. Nothing.
I understand messes get made!! Kids are supposed to make messes as it's a part of learning!! I get it!! But with every mess there has to be a point of cleaning up. I explain to my children that making a mess is great but cleaning it up is better so that you have a clean space to make a new mess!! (When I say mess I don't mean FILTH. I mean blanket forts, legos, playdough drawings and everything that goes with being a kid!)
Her phone usage is out of this world. Always on it, when I get home, when we are supposed to be playing games as a family, when we are at the park, when we are watching a movie, when she's laying in bed, it just never ends. I can see in our children that they watch her on it, that it bothers me so much when they are trying to ask her a question or talk to her and she's just completely zoned out on the dang thing. She complains about having to constantly charge it because it's always dying. It's because she's always on it. It's a brand new phone and she's always "had a problem with phones dying" I've suggested just having "silent" nights with no tech but that never-ever falls through. I don't know what to do because saying ANYTHING about the matter that she may not like starts another argument.
In the past I have mentioned and suggested moving out of state or somewhere farther away to not only pursue different career options but to also be able to explore this giant planet we live on. To travel a little and see more than the town we live in. That also starts arguments. For the last 12 years the response is "I don't want to move because I don't want to be away from my parents/family" "What if something happens and we live far away" "My parents are getting old" (12 years ago her father was early 50's). I've stopped mentioning anything pertaining to moving as it just starts a war. I feel trapped and have for some time. That I am stuck here in a box and just have to comply with it. I don't know how else to put it.
I feel as though I am not heard, loved or appreciated. That my only purpose is to grind with the machine. I keep myself collected so well that it frightens me. I do not show emotions when something is bothering me as I have almost been "trained" on my own accord not to do so due to the backlash I will get if I do. Everything I do for my loved ones just falls off and away. That I am here solely to make sure there is money in our account and that is it. I want my children to be brought up in a healthy and positive lifestyle that will greatly benefit them in their later years. To take responsibility for their choices. To be compassionate, kind and helpful to their fellow man. To be strong and be capable of enduring the hardships life throws at them. To be honest and loyal when a commitment is made.
I feel as if all I do is give and sacrifice. There is no "me time". I don't have friends I can call to spend some quality time with. I don't drink ( but boy I used to in my early days) I don't party or have a social life really at all. I love being outside and involve my kids with that as much as humanly possible.
I just do not know what to do. I dont have anyone that I could honestly feel confident enough with to just tell everything to (no friends or social life). That is why I am on here, because at the end of this very long broken up rant of confusion and grief I just don't know what to do or who to spill this to.
How do I convince myself that I matter to them? That everything I am doing is worth it somehow? That no matter how much I support my wife and try to help it always falls on me. I do love my family more than I thought possible as they are the reason I keep doing what I am doing. I am falling apart. I am tired. I am not sleeping well and this all haunts me, it hurts as I do not know or understand how to resolve anything without being emotionally and mentally punished. It feels like there is no reward for my work. That there is no hope for change despite my best efforts. My interests are dwindling and becoming unsatisfying to where I just dont care about them anymore.
I have stopped everything that displeases her to the extent I have taken people out of my life for her.
I do not have any social media of any kind. Nothing. I am surprised I am even typing any of this out on a platform for thousands of strangers to see.
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Im done.