Feed - 04 blossom balm

Maybe some of you can relate. Probably over-dramatizing this in my head, but when the same trash keeps repeating it really gets to me. Let me elaborate -
I have a sexual drive that I have to stifle and babysit constantly, which leads to all kinds of bad situations. This concept makes me want to just swing in the jungle like tarzan and yell.
It's not like I walk around daily with my body demanding murder to appease a desire. Yes hatred directed counts as murder in the heart, but it's something that happens in a moment, triggered by something. It's not an innate desire that is dormant. A situation might present itself where one is tempted to tell a small lie, or even do it - but you don't walk around with a constantly dormant desire to do that, do you?
Those kinds of things count as abnormal desires, like compulsive lying etc. Sexual desire is not an abnormal desire, but for me it has to be like that. I did not marry or get engaged at 18, so have fun messing up your brain for years and then carrying an exponential drive alongside it.
So many women I have to play down or ignore, because they don't match the criteria. - What criteria? That they are unbelievers? How do I know their heart, that somewhere deep within they aren't. I have to look at them like aliens, or the "doomed people"? No, I'm supposed to love them (and I mean that seriously) So why is it so important?
Everyone I've found interesting or had a crush on was wrong for me, had a sh** outcome. I know the reasons why, I was attracting those kinds of people because of own issues. Now that I am healed, majorly - I think and expect in the same negative patterns, if I like someone now. It sends me into old habits.
How do you even find someone you vibe with, are attracted to AND they are a believer also. Have fun. It doesn't even work like this, attraction - it's not socially normal in any way.
I kind of want to dumb it down, and get together with someone on simple terms. Why idolize this idea of muh marriage, when I don't see it anywhere around me. It doesn't exist in my reality, as much as I read about it online. Maybe I deserve the consequences of this for my own stupidity.
I'm tired of over analyzing "lust" and this and that, as a single guy. As if wanting to be with someone is some abnormality, and you have some issues. The people that talk like they have it all figured out and apparently none of this is an issue annoy me also. I am happy that you are doing well, but it shoves something within me.
I don't want the quality of my faith (= life) to depend on if I fap or not fap, and how long it has been since I fapped. It's driving me insane.
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Hey it's between that option 1 I presented, or I stop caring completely and do whatever I'm doing now. If I stop caring completely, but still have a desire to meet someone - will my non-caring not be counter productive? I know I'm wrong and that God is right, so I'm gonna go with option #2. At least it way lessens the chances of God watching me be disgusting. He warns me too, for my own good. Do I listen? For some reason in those moments I take one step too many, not seeing further ahead are holes.
I'm tired of feeding this sin so much too, I'm tired of being sad over it or reading about it. I'm just fed up. If I had absolutely no one who knew me, I'd probably ask God to just send me up. When I was living wrong I had "friends" - but I don't miss that even. Don't get me wrong, I appreciate life, I'm just fed up with dealing with myself here. Even that would be wrong, because I can still affect other people. But why am I so special, He could easily make someone else do these things and still accomplish his will. Someone more grateful/thankful maybe. Maybe He's just a little bit fed up with me.
Don't misunderstand the notion of my writings please, I'm still on God's team, there's no other way.
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Life kinda sucks without real friends and a partner to share with, that's the summary.

I am working on a script for work that takes excel files and uploads the data to Google Sheets that feeds into some reporting. The issue is that some of the sheets have formulas and when adding new data, obviously the formula doesn't extend down to the newest lines.
I am trying to figure out a way without having to insert the formula for the entire column (as there can be up to 65k lines on just one sheet so this takes forever). The other issue is that I'd prefer to be able to do everything by Column name, as the column locations could change if data is added.
I am currently using pandas and gspread but can use anything else. Does anyone have any suggestions? I came up with this code, but I'm not sure if this is the best way. I'd really like to avoid getting and converting the google sheet into a dataframe if at all possible.

test_sheet = sheet.row_count # The -1 is to account for the header row_difference = (test_sheet - len(excel_dataframe)) - 1 df_empty_rows = pd.DataFrame(index=range(row_difference), columns=dataframes.columns) dataframes = pd.concat([dataframes, df_empty_rows]) dataframes['New Column] = 'formula' 

My next goal is to instead copy the formula from one of the previous cells (so in the event it changes, the script does not need updated).
Any thoughts?

English: pull

1. to gather with the hand, or by drawing toward one
   
2. to move or operate by the motion of drawing towards one
   
3. to draw, or attempt to draw, toward one
   

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Translations

• Catalan: atracció
  
• Esperanto: tiro
  
• French: Tirer
  
• Galician: atracción
  
• German: ziehen
  
• Hindi: खींचना
  
• Italian: tirare
  
• Portuguese: puxar
  
• Spanish: tirar
  
• Swedish: drag
  

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We have twins in the NICU (born at 26w5d - currently 34 weeks). NEC has been on our minds as a constant worry since they were born, and we’ve had a few scares that luckily turned out not to be NEC.
Our doctors informed us that because the twins are 34 weeks, they want to transition from fortified donor milk to full formula feeds or fully mom’s milk. Unfortunately, I have insufficient mammary tissue and only produce about 10mls per pump session.
We’ve heard so many things from so many different doctors about NEC (it’s the biggest risk in the first few weeks of life; it typically happens when transitioning to milk feeds from TPN; the danger peaks at 32 weeks (??), etc etc. )
I’ve read some accounts where babies experienced NEC after transitioning to formula, and I’m so so so anxious. I don’t want to have any extra risk of NEC when I know how devastating it can be.
Looking for advice or similar worries / stories.

I'm struggling so much with my husband and I trying to put my mil in a care home (she currently lives alone near us, and is somehow managing to live in the house alone with us helping her with doctor appointments, getting meds, bringing groceries, taking out trash, etc. She doesn't drive or use smartphones, couldn't order her own food or manage getting cabs, or manage explaining problems to doctors or taking in all their instructions. BUT she can just barely get around her home, just barely bathe and toilet and feed herself - so with outside help, she can manage a little longer, though she often thwarts the help and makes our lives hell). She can be hell on wheels, shows no gratitude, and accuses us of being up to no good and out to get her. Part of this is her moderate dementia, part is just her personality. But she's not like that all the time, it goes in and out. She may do it once a week, go a couple weeks without doing it, then maybe doing for weeks in a row. She's always been secretive, manipulative, selfish. She probably isn't a narcissist (my husband's father sure was), but she's a damaged person with a range of personality issues that traumatized my husband and make it hard for him to be around her. My husband suspects borderline personality disorder, but who knows.
BUT she was the better parent, his nfather was so bad that his mom seemed ok by comparison - but she was actually quite problematic and emotionally abusive. And he did have a few nice memories with her, though more were bad. He agreed to move her near us to help her a few years back, even though it depresses him to be around her. She misled us about her condition and needs, and it's been rough. She was already very physically frail, barely gets around using a rollator, falls often, but has never had severe injury from a fall. We were already wondering how long she could live alone, then came the dementia diagnosis. Her living with us was never an option, my husband couldn't have a moment's peace if she were in the house. It's so hard on us, and especially me, because I'm the biggest target of her ire when she gets going. She'll claim I'm out to get her, trying to harm her, etc. It's partially dementia, but sometimes, we think it's just her personality. There has to be someone to blame for everything, and it can never be her. Have a problem after going to the eye doctor? He must have done something wrong (even though the problem is with her nose), and I'm at fault because I found her the doctor). If my husband talks to her about assisted living or dementia, she is convinced I drugged him to control his mind so that he is out to get her, too (that part is the dementia, I'm sure). She has hallucinations and delusions from time to time.
But she's not that way all the time. And while she's illogical and loves to make things harder than they have to be, there are times she is just gentle and seems sweet. My heart goes out to her and breaks for her and I want to help all I can, then she'll get nasty and accusatory over god knows what, which forces me to stay away from doc visits and stuff where I'm needed. And make me feel ready to walk away from her without looking back. My husband can never remember details of what needs to be told and asked, etc, even if I type it up for him -- he's so stressed dealing with her, that he has trouble focusing on much else. So she makes it much harder to help her by her paranoia.
Sorry, this is so long. But I go back and forth from being exasperated and hurt (she never does gratitude, and in fact we discovered she was telling a relative we do nothing at all for her and are mean to her), and just want to keep her out of a care home as long as possible because she doesn't want to go -- I mean like desperately is terrified of going. And her funds are limited, so after a year or so of having a mini apartment in assisted living, she will be out of money and it will mean Medicaid, and a shared room in a nursing home. My heart breaks at the thought of her ending up there before she can't walk at all or her mind is farther gone. We don't know how long that will take to happen -- it could be by the time her money runs out, but it could possibly be another couple years.
I don't know how to decide if we should try to get her in Assisted Living now. The decision is really out my hands, because my husband is done and ready to put her in if given a chance. I'll be 100% on board after a bunch of her bullshit, and her continued taking for granted the hours a day we've done stuff for her and act like it's nothing. Then she'll be in a gentle mood or hurting (everything on her body hurts and barely works), and I'll feel so tender to her and want to help her stay in her apartment as long as she can, even though she's bored and lonely there.
We're in the process of doing some things that we hope will get her into assisted living this summer. It will be a battle. Husband is ready to stop offering her help if she won't go, and she can't get by without help getting food, meds, doctors, etc. But I am so torn.
How to accept this huge decision that she will hate so much, even if I know she will continue to take us for granted and torture us if we don't do it? And it's largely out of my hands, my husband is ready to make a big push for this.
Hell, I imagine we'll still be tortured by her and involved once she's in a home, we will still have to take her to certain specialist visits and will be available if she has wants or needs (clothes, her favorite candy, etc). Take her calls, which may be nasty at times. And from what I know and have heard from others, it's quite likely the that in order to ensure she has the right meds and care, I will have to stay on top of things still, figuring out problems that wouldn't be in a problem if she weren't in the home where they are messing up meds or some other issue. So will it even save us trouble and stress? Wow, this is hard. I think I most hate the thought of her going to the nursing before she might be 100% out of it or 100% unable to walk. The little apartment in AL doesn't sound as bed, but the money will end & then it's nursing. We want our lives back, but it's all so heartbreaking and I feel so conflicted. How to navigate this? Part of me feels like if she can continue to make it at home with our help, I hate to put her in. Part of me knows the terrible ups and downs will continue, and we've said we were about ready to walk about so many times. And my husband feels decided on this, but it's like I keep arguing to keep her out longer even though I know we're at a point we have a chance to maybe get her in, and if we don't take it, no telling when we will again.

Looking for this sub’s brilliance.
8 month old in 1 week. Has only slept through the night maybe a handful of times. We’ve followed PLS and advice from this sub when we need to try something different.
For the night wake, the only thing that will settle him is a bottle. We’ve tried weaning slowly - if we go in his room without a bottle, it’s a shit show. So now we give him 1 oz at night and he’s good. He’s not hungry - he gets like 38-40 oz/daily. This includes a dream feed.
We target 3 hrs daytime sleep over 2-3 naps depending on how the day has gone. If less than 3 hrs, he has a false start. If more, he’s up for a while during his 1 MOTN.
He’ll wake up typically around 5:50-6:30am. When it’s this early, we’ll do 3 naps - 2.5/2.5/2.5/3. When we do 2 naps (not as often), he gets fussier with the wake windows and it’s harder to push farther than this- 2.75/3/3.25. Bed time adjusts based on this.
To get him down for a nap these days is pretty challenging. He is much calmer if we give a bottle 15 minutes before putting him down. We do the same at bed time. But there is always something in between bottle and bed to break it up.
So what could be causing the MOTN? Is it the wake windows / maybe the bottle 15 mins before? What else? Help! TIA!

We recently (1 week ago) started sleep training our 6 month old baby boy. Overall it is going as expected/better than expected but we have 2 challenge areas I'd love advice on. (Details on his sleep, what we're doing at the bottom of the post)

• It is still taking him 45-60+ minutes to initially go down. He pretty much cries non-stop and when we do a brief (10-15 second) check in, it seems to amp him up even more. Once he's down he'll sleep until early AM.
  
• He's waking up around 5am - we think this may be hunger related, prior to sleep training he was doing some breast feeding in the middle of the night, largely to soothe back to sleep. If we give a bottle or breast feed, he'll usually go back down for another hour or so.
  

Appreciate any advice in the 2 areas - working on him getting to sleep sooner & extending the main sleep another hour or two
Background & Our Process He slept in a Snoo until recently. He was a great sleeper going through the night without waking/bottle or even much soothing from the Snoo until his 4 month regression. Even as we got out of the 4mo regression, his sleep never really recovered. 2-3 times a night he'd wake up, want to be soothed, and then go back to sleep. After that went on long enough we decided it was time to sleep train.
Naps He is a short napper and always has been. We've napped in the crib so he'd be used to that space, but even on the occasional snoo nap they'd only be marginally extended. He does 30-45 minutes as a nap, and as such, he's still on a 3-4 nap a day schedule. Wake windows are 1.5/2/2/2/w. We're working to extend that last one to 2.5. He gets visibly tired (and fussy) at the end of each of these wake windows.
Sleep Training He's set up in his nursey - white noise, blackout curtains, and is in his crib. We're doing what would be the wave method I guess, going in after 5 minutes of crying, resetting the clock if he's quiet for 10-15 seconds or longer. When we go into the room, we put a hand on the chest, tell him good night and we love him and do 1 'shhhh' and then leave. The visits typically seem to amp him more vs. soothing him or calming him.
He takes 45-60 minutes to initially fall asleep. Once he does, he has been sleeping until 5. He occasionally will cry at night, but almost always self-soothe within 5-7 minutes. At 5, he'll wake, he won't self-soothe and he'll cry pretty much as long as we'd let him. If we do a small feed, he'll go back to sleep for an hour or so.

First off, I'm a fed is best parent. Until I got pregnant, breastfeeding never even crossed my mind. Everybody in both my and my husband's families were formula fed and we've all turned out just fine. But once we found out we were having a baby, my husband asked if it's something I'd be willing to give a try considering all the benefits for both baby and myself. We agreed to give it a shot, took breastfeeding classes and at the end of the day decided that if it's just not working (physically, mentally or emotionally), we'd switch to formula without any issues.
Fast forward to our son being born with CMPA and needing to be dairy free. We found his allergy while still in the hospital so we had very little time to even attempt breastfeeding before he was switched to formula. I had to go dairy free for 3 weeks before I could give him any breastmilk. In that time I attempted to keep my supply up via pumping but I'll admit, that first week was tough given he was in the NICU and I was recovering from a c section. Pumping was the last thing on my mind and that along with the incredibly off-putting and pushy lactation consultants at the hospital, I definitely didn't pump as much as I should have. I've been working on bettering this over the last few weeks.
My son will be 5 weeks tomorrow and last week was the first I was able to give him breastmilk. He hasn't been able to latch (not surprising given he's been bottle fed for his entire life and the NICU introduced pacifiers without our consent - but that's a different issue). I've been pumping into bottles for him but I'm only able to produce about 4oz for him a day. I pump about every 3 hours while awake for 15-20 minutes and once overnight. At 5 weeks PP, is there any hope of increasing my supply or is this all I'm bound to produce?
We're supplementing with Nutramigen which is costing us roughly $70 a week right now, which clearly adds up as he continues to grow and need more so financially being able to breastfeed/pump would be ideal.
I guess my question is, how much breastmilk is really enough to make a difference in my son for both his physical and mental health? Is 4oz (basically 1 feeding a day) really making a difference? Or should I just give up hope, stop wasting my time pumping and begin eating dairy again?
I really would love to feed him breastmilk (even if it's a bottle), but I'm just not sure it's going to happen for us after the late start.

I end every feeding with the manual pump to get every last drop, meaning by the end of the day I have an ounce of entirely hindmilk. I pump my 11 week old’s last feeding and usually get about 3 ounces, which I add the 1 ounce of hindmilk to. But she’s hungry again in 4 hours?? (Not to mention she feeds every 2 hours throughout the night after that.) Is it normal for her to be hungry 4 hours after such a good feeding? (Obligatory - she’s having enough dirty/wet diapers and gaining weight.)

First cycle I failed out on the first day of shots due to an unusual migraine.
Took a month off between cycles to have my head evaluated by a specialist to make sure the pituitary adenoma I had 5 years ago hadn't made a surprise return since my last brain MRI 3 years ago. It had not.
So I got the protocol in order and got setup for a 2nd attempt at an ER cycle. Again, failing out due to results of my baseline ultrasound and bloodwork. I have an ovarian cyst we have known about for a while on my right ovary - it isn't producing hormones and isn't interfering that we can tell. That right ovary cyst is an endometrioma and is very much like the cyst I had removed laparoscopically about a year ago off my left ovary. HOWEVER, they discovered a NEW cyst on my left ovary and is seemingly the culprit for high estrogen levels on day 2 of my period which means I cannot proceed with this cycle. My estradiol bloodwork was a shocking 292 (again, I'm on day 2 of my period, that is super abnormal). My previous baseline estradiol level was 5. The advice I was given was just to wait until next cycle, come in for a baseline and hope things have changed. Basically, they said the shots would feed the cyst and wouldn't give me any kind of positive result and its better I save the medications. Which I'm OK with that honesty, because this is expensive AF and I can only afford to do a full ER cycle 1 time. I was told I could consider going on BC again to suppress it, but I get horrible debilitating migraines that essentially make me sick to my stomach for 24 hours. But in lieu of getting on BC, I asked if I should get a follow up ultrasound/bloodwork before my next cycle to see if the cyst is shrinking or estradiol levels coming back down, but they said levels can change so much that it's recommended to do it all again at the next baseline. They said these types of cysts often resolve themselves by the next cycle or 2 and just to hope for the best.
I am so beyond frustrated crying right now over not even being able to get thru an ER cycle and having to stare at $5k worth of medications in my fridge. Luckily most of the meds have a long shelf life or I'd really be losing it. I'm so tired of my life just kind of being 'paused'. But as usual trying to take control over the situation because that is the one thing that gives me any peace in this.
I would love to hear from anyone who has dealt with this type of cyst before as I now work to educate myself on this new kind of cyst so I can ensure I'm properly advocating for myself. What was your experience, did it go away on its own? How long did it take? What recommendations did your doctors give?

• Description: As I'm scrolling through my feed, it seems to be random whether a video plays muted or with sound.
• Platform and version: New reddit site - Chrome 113.0.5672.127 (Official Build) (64-bit) - Win10
• Steps to reproduce: Open reddit homepage, scroll
• Expected and actual result: Usually if I have a video muted, all videos will start playing muted; or if I have a video playing with sound, all videos will play with sound. At the moment it seems to be random and not restricted to any one subreddit.
• Attempts to fix: I have tried opening a post in a new tab, muting that then navigating back to my home feed. Tried restarting browser. It hasn't seemed to make any difference.