How much er does raiden need
Black Twitter
2014.10.08 04:15 wsgy111 Black Twitter
Screenshots of Black people being hilarious or insightful on social media, it doesn't need to just be twitter but obviously that is best.
2008.01.25 04:30 /r/hardware: a technology subreddit for computer hardware news, reviews and discussion.
The goal of /hardware is a place for quality hardware news, reviews, and intelligent discussion. /hardware IS NOT the place to come for help of any kind. Techsupport and PC building questions should be posted to /techsupport or /buildapc instead.
2009.07.28 21:59 Outside: The free-to-play MMO, on reddit
> A subreddit for *Outside*, a free-to-play MMORPG with 8 billion+ active players. ---- *Currently NOT looking for other moderators* ---- > **Guide to good comments/submissions:** >1. Remember, *it's not a bug, it's a feature*. It's a lot more fun to explain something if it isn't written off as a bug. >2. There are no NPCs. Aside from animals, everybody is a "player". >3. The devs are lazy and rarely do much. The game is mostly balanced as it is according to them, th
2023.03.29 19:13 WatneyLittle I have an idea for a game I want to make, but I have never programmed anything, and I have no art or music skills. All I have is a story and characters. How do I go about making my game?
I've been wanting to make a game for quite some time now. I have a written story, dialogue, lore, and character descriptions to quite some detail. I also have a general idea of the game mechanics.
The thing is, a game needs to be programmed, and that's something I have never done. I don't know any programming language. A game also needs visuals and sound. But I have no art skills beyond some simple doodles. I also don't know anything about composing music.
I greatly admire indie game developers like the creators of Undertale, Stardew Valley, Obra Dinn, etc. who made these games pretty much by themselves. Of course, they actually have the creative skills I don't currently possess, and have probably been coding since childhood. I'm approaching 30 and still have never done anything like that.
Making my game seems like a gargantuan task, because of all the skills I'd need to learn. I know it'll take a long time. Is it even realistic that I can pull it off? How do I even get started on all of this? What learning materials do I look into, do I need to follow courses, read books, can I find the stuff I need to learn on the internet? How do I go about it?
submitted by WatneyLittle to Advice [link] [comments]
The thing is, a game needs to be programmed, and that's something I have never done. I don't know any programming language. A game also needs visuals and sound. But I have no art skills beyond some simple doodles. I also don't know anything about composing music.
I greatly admire indie game developers like the creators of Undertale, Stardew Valley, Obra Dinn, etc. who made these games pretty much by themselves. Of course, they actually have the creative skills I don't currently possess, and have probably been coding since childhood. I'm approaching 30 and still have never done anything like that.
Making my game seems like a gargantuan task, because of all the skills I'd need to learn. I know it'll take a long time. Is it even realistic that I can pull it off? How do I even get started on all of this? What learning materials do I look into, do I need to follow courses, read books, can I find the stuff I need to learn on the internet? How do I go about it?
2023.03.29 19:12 PlataMuerta Antiwork Help Request. Here is a start. Feel free to post it as your own. I wanted to contribute something. Just a first pass.
 | TITLE: submitted by PlataMuerta to SilverDegenClub [link] [comments] A different take on the minimum wage. I think $21.12 should be the lowest anyone sells their labor for per hour. Fiat currency, the CPI ("cee pee lie") and nominal confusion make lower wages possible and that sucks! POST: In September 1964 the minimum wage in the United States was $1.25 an hour. While that doesn't sound like much, it towers over today's minimum wage. In 1964, the five quarters making up the minimum wage were 90% silver. These were constitutional (see Article 1 Section 10) dollars. At today's silver prices, less than half of their 1980's high, the melt value is $21.12. That is $13.87 per hour over the $7.25 minimum wage. https://preview.redd.it/g9j0zf92opqa1.png?width=972&format=png&auto=webp&s=d214e551ba4255c375a606ca02b8d534b4cd6253 Minimum wage is now 5.8 times higher than it was in 1964. Unfortunately nominal increases do not mean anything. What matters is the real wage, the value it delivers. In 1964 a Ford Mustang cost $2,368. It took 1894.4 minimum wage hours to get a Mustang in 1964. In 2020, before prices started really rising, the cheapest MSRP on a Ford Mustang was about $31,080. It took 4,286.9 minimum wage hours to get a Mustang in 2020. Today most cars are priced much higher than this. Nominal confusion is when wages go up in price but down in value. This is a tool used by governments and corporations to extract value. Minimum wage has increased 5.8 times, but using the Mustang example, it takes 2.25 times the amount of labor hours to purchase one. Stuff and things tend to not go up in value, but they do go up in price. Those price increases are measuring the amount of value the currency is losing and the wealth that is being transferred away from the worker. I do not view inflation as rising prices. Inflation, in monetary terms, is simply an expansion of the currency supply. Rising prices are the symptom of inflation. In a productive society wage prices should increase at the same rate or higher than the prices of goods and services. Real wage increases is how the quality of life improves for the population. Unfortunately, at least for the last many decades, the price increases of goods and services have greatly surpassed the wage price increases. This has transferred productivity from the worker to the corporations and governments for about 50 years. The CPI is a measure of inflation, but it is manipulated. It is not measured like it was in the 80s. CPI should be a measure of the price increases for a basket of goods year over year. However, the CPI is now rigged. I figure it is about double what the government reports and it always compounds. CPI uses hedonics, adjustments and surveys to determine the increase. This is how the BLS keeps the figure as low as possible. This is why it is the CPLie. It certainly doesn't account for the crapification of goods, shrinkflation and the fact that I might want to eat beef not chicken. My grandmother had a fridge from the 1940s in 2000. It worked for 60+ years. It went with the house when she sold. It might still be kicking. Modern fridges certainly won't last that long. Quality is also not reflected. Why is this important? It is important because the BLS reports these numbers so corporations and the government can give you a lower cost of living increase--if you are lucky enough to get one at all. This is why it is getting harder and harder for people to survive year after year. It takes away your time and your freedom. It is another tool of nominal confusion. They always tell us deflation is bad but I don't know who they are talking too. Everyone I know likes it better when prices go down on the things they buy, not up. All you have to do is shop for groceries to know that prices just always go up. They sometimes just go up at a slightly slower rate. You may have noticed I use the term currency, not money. That is because what we have today is not money. It is currency. If you have cash you will notice it says Federal Reserve Note. It says note because this is a debt instrument that is fabricated out of thin air. They can't call them dollars because they aren't dollars as defined in the constitution. We spend our whole lives working for something that the private corporation known as the Federal Reserve Bank just prints. It must be nice to have a "money" printer. The minimum wage should be much higher. We also need to have money that is a store of value. We have to stop letting greedy banking cartels like the FED and our own government leach way our time, freedom and productivity. We should get our fair share. While I think minimum wage should be higher I also think we need to have money that does not allow our value to be leached away. A good place to start is ending the Federal Reserve. |
2023.03.29 19:12 marikasweet MCDONALD'S FREE FOOD METHOD HQ 2023 TUTORIAL
Step 1: Stroll in McDonalds during busy hours or even if it's quiet and swipe a receipt or two from an uncleared table or from the top of the bin if it's super full and hope there are items on there that you like, the best way of making this not look suspicious to any employees is to carry a pen and jot down a few numbers on it as soon as you pick it up, it will also stop anyone watching thinking you're up to something.
Step 2: Make up an issue with the food, I like to say stuff like "The burger looked like Stevie Wonder had put it together then Mike Tyson had punched it a few times" but be careful if it's a local store you do not want to be memorable at all so you can rinse the method again and again, so simple things like it was missing pickles, or you only got 3/5 selects you paid for, or the fries weren't salted and were cold, use your imagination.
Step 3: Call the number for the resteurant on the receipt and ask for the manager (you're probably already on the phone to him/her), explain that you came in and took the food away, and had an issue with your food, explain your issue with the food you bought, if they ask for the food say "Well I still ate it, I was starving to death", they will offer to replace all of the items you had an issue with, or they may offer you a meal instead. If they don't offer a meal you can push for it and just say "Could I just have a free meal instead?" which is likely to be much higher in value than the items you're already social engineering a replacement for.
Step 4: The manager will ask for your name and give you a code to redeem the items in store (you will need to ask for the manager when you redeem the code) and there you go you just got free food whenever you want.
The other method is exactly the same as the above, except you call using your own receipt, and you can get replacements for your favourite foods simply by making up shit about the quality of the food not being quite up to the standard you've become acustom to. I hate to point out the obvious but use different names, try to be less memorable as you can, don't stroll in wearing the same bright green yeeezys every time. You might only be saving $8 at a time, but it all adds up over years.
As a side note, social engineering is about confidence and about how you carry yourself, you need to convince yourself that you have a geniuine issue with the food, and thusly you will sound genuine. Sounding slightly pissed off is always good, but do NOT make it personal with the manager.
Stay hustling homies.
submitted by marikasweet to make_money_online_vip [link] [comments]
Step 2: Make up an issue with the food, I like to say stuff like "The burger looked like Stevie Wonder had put it together then Mike Tyson had punched it a few times" but be careful if it's a local store you do not want to be memorable at all so you can rinse the method again and again, so simple things like it was missing pickles, or you only got 3/5 selects you paid for, or the fries weren't salted and were cold, use your imagination.
Step 3: Call the number for the resteurant on the receipt and ask for the manager (you're probably already on the phone to him/her), explain that you came in and took the food away, and had an issue with your food, explain your issue with the food you bought, if they ask for the food say "Well I still ate it, I was starving to death", they will offer to replace all of the items you had an issue with, or they may offer you a meal instead. If they don't offer a meal you can push for it and just say "Could I just have a free meal instead?" which is likely to be much higher in value than the items you're already social engineering a replacement for.
Step 4: The manager will ask for your name and give you a code to redeem the items in store (you will need to ask for the manager when you redeem the code) and there you go you just got free food whenever you want.
The other method is exactly the same as the above, except you call using your own receipt, and you can get replacements for your favourite foods simply by making up shit about the quality of the food not being quite up to the standard you've become acustom to. I hate to point out the obvious but use different names, try to be less memorable as you can, don't stroll in wearing the same bright green yeeezys every time. You might only be saving $8 at a time, but it all adds up over years.
As a side note, social engineering is about confidence and about how you carry yourself, you need to convince yourself that you have a geniuine issue with the food, and thusly you will sound genuine. Sounding slightly pissed off is always good, but do NOT make it personal with the manager.
Stay hustling homies.
2023.03.29 19:12 Meepoot21 FAKE APOLOGY HE LIED ABOUT HE MADE HIMSELF PLEASE READ
My bf abused me the night before andI had to go to work. He abused me by yelling at me to shut up as I cried and kept shoving me. Read my last post to understand if you like. The next day I told him I really would rather distance myself and not speak as much as possible. I’m always let down and I just wanted to shut down from him and the world. The only time he ever texted me during my work shift was to apologize. To which I read twice. It was a different apology and it seemed so sincere however a part of me doubt it because he always says sorry. I asked myself and was so close to posting it to Reddit asking for feedback like, how can he say sorry this way, so perfectly and so aware yet be abusive and emotionally hurtful? Is he capable of change if he’s aware and that’s like the first step, self acknowledgment? But I left him on read because I still was unsure .
Couple hours later he picks me up from work and in the car he asks, “did you read my apology?” I say, “yes I did I read it twice.” “Did you like it?” “Yes” “Then why didn’t you respond?” “Last night really hurt and I wanted to just have distance, I was questioning if it was even genuine too.” “It was genuine, it hurt me when you didn’t respond to it” I then say, “I’m sorry it hurt you, but I hope you understand.”
The next day then happens. He goes off to work and I finally have my day off. I decided to clean the house up. I also decided to snoop. And I see a history closed tab… it says “chat gbt” and he wrote “write a lengthy apology for abusing my girlfriend”
And if you don’t know chat gbt is an AI that writes stuff for you very well. As if it’s a person.
He copied it word for fucking word . Not a single difference. I immediately broke down. Hard tears for just 30 seconds. I then wiped my tears and just felt so hurt and numb. I was prepared for any manipulation.
I decided to make a meal with what we have, he came home and I was going to see if he’d admit it, long story short I gave him the meal I made and told him it’s because I’m sorry for how I ignored his apology and I wanted to say once again how it means a lot that it was such a different apology from the rest and surely it’s a sign of change . He looked me in my face and said he wrote it himself . I had asked “did you really write it? How long did it take you” he told me thirty minutes and kept lying. He asked me how it’s different from the rest I say it just is it must be the resources I gave you you’re showing acknowledgment. He lies to me again and say “oh maybe it’s cus I used a GRAMMAR check app”
Which he further tells me it would just switch a simple word out Ex) I like dogs = I adore canines
I then say, “so it’s not like you used chat gbt to create one right? He lies again and again and manipulated me even with picture proof even with us checking his computer he still lied to my face and told me at first it’s him using it as reference then tried to show me proof thru his notes but it was still the same one the AI made then lied and said he changed maybe two words out which is false again . I then tell him “can you stop lying and tell me I already know. “ he started to cry and admit it .
He even told me if I had doubted myself for a second he would move forward this relationship lying to that it was from him. If I doubt myself and believed him a bit and drop it blindlessly he’d tell me he isn’t lying and that I’m crazy . He admitted that after some more lies and me catching him in each one .
Self pity. Told me he convinced himself he wrote it how he wanted to be good and how he never has the right words but he didn’t even try . How why does it matter if he agrees with the message being sent how it was so hard for him to lie but I’m telling him you’re lying to me again it wasn’t . He said this is the first time he’s lied he said I seemed so happy about the apology and that’s why he lied to not hurt me tried to compare it to a tiny lie to not hurt your partner but those lies are “do you like this shirt? Should I buy it “ not a damn apology that’s supposed to be from you’re heart about abuse then keep lying when I know . He used my happiness to justify himself but truth is even the day before he had a chance to admit the truth because I came to him and said I doubted his apology . Then the next day I acted happy about to see . He had over more than one chance to admit he lied so much about something that could have been small . Tried to convince ME what’s the issue using an AI to apologize . Yelled at me at some point because he’s made I don’t believe that this is the last time he’d lie .
I’m telling you he lied to me with the most straightest face . If I didn’t have proof and it was a wild accusation I’d believe him . That’s how good he was at lying to me .
I don’t wish to be with him again. Every time I accuse him of cheating and how made he got everytime I felt something but had no proof this really sold it for me .
He lied and lied and I recorded and he kept lying . I believe nothing out his mouth and this hurt me so much man . He projected all along
submitted by Meepoot21 to emotionalabuse [link] [comments]
Couple hours later he picks me up from work and in the car he asks, “did you read my apology?” I say, “yes I did I read it twice.” “Did you like it?” “Yes” “Then why didn’t you respond?” “Last night really hurt and I wanted to just have distance, I was questioning if it was even genuine too.” “It was genuine, it hurt me when you didn’t respond to it” I then say, “I’m sorry it hurt you, but I hope you understand.”
The next day then happens. He goes off to work and I finally have my day off. I decided to clean the house up. I also decided to snoop. And I see a history closed tab… it says “chat gbt” and he wrote “write a lengthy apology for abusing my girlfriend”
And if you don’t know chat gbt is an AI that writes stuff for you very well. As if it’s a person.
He copied it word for fucking word . Not a single difference. I immediately broke down. Hard tears for just 30 seconds. I then wiped my tears and just felt so hurt and numb. I was prepared for any manipulation.
I decided to make a meal with what we have, he came home and I was going to see if he’d admit it, long story short I gave him the meal I made and told him it’s because I’m sorry for how I ignored his apology and I wanted to say once again how it means a lot that it was such a different apology from the rest and surely it’s a sign of change . He looked me in my face and said he wrote it himself . I had asked “did you really write it? How long did it take you” he told me thirty minutes and kept lying. He asked me how it’s different from the rest I say it just is it must be the resources I gave you you’re showing acknowledgment. He lies to me again and say “oh maybe it’s cus I used a GRAMMAR check app”
Which he further tells me it would just switch a simple word out Ex) I like dogs = I adore canines
I then say, “so it’s not like you used chat gbt to create one right? He lies again and again and manipulated me even with picture proof even with us checking his computer he still lied to my face and told me at first it’s him using it as reference then tried to show me proof thru his notes but it was still the same one the AI made then lied and said he changed maybe two words out which is false again . I then tell him “can you stop lying and tell me I already know. “ he started to cry and admit it .
He even told me if I had doubted myself for a second he would move forward this relationship lying to that it was from him. If I doubt myself and believed him a bit and drop it blindlessly he’d tell me he isn’t lying and that I’m crazy . He admitted that after some more lies and me catching him in each one .
Self pity. Told me he convinced himself he wrote it how he wanted to be good and how he never has the right words but he didn’t even try . How why does it matter if he agrees with the message being sent how it was so hard for him to lie but I’m telling him you’re lying to me again it wasn’t . He said this is the first time he’s lied he said I seemed so happy about the apology and that’s why he lied to not hurt me tried to compare it to a tiny lie to not hurt your partner but those lies are “do you like this shirt? Should I buy it “ not a damn apology that’s supposed to be from you’re heart about abuse then keep lying when I know . He used my happiness to justify himself but truth is even the day before he had a chance to admit the truth because I came to him and said I doubted his apology . Then the next day I acted happy about to see . He had over more than one chance to admit he lied so much about something that could have been small . Tried to convince ME what’s the issue using an AI to apologize . Yelled at me at some point because he’s made I don’t believe that this is the last time he’d lie .
I’m telling you he lied to me with the most straightest face . If I didn’t have proof and it was a wild accusation I’d believe him . That’s how good he was at lying to me .
I don’t wish to be with him again. Every time I accuse him of cheating and how made he got everytime I felt something but had no proof this really sold it for me .
He lied and lied and I recorded and he kept lying . I believe nothing out his mouth and this hurt me so much man . He projected all along
2023.03.29 19:12 omegaloans Home Loan Financial Services Queensland
If you are looking to purchase a home in Queensland, you will need to secure a home loan. There are many financial services available in Queensland that can help you with this process. At our company, we offer a range of home loan financial services that can help you find the right loan for your needs.
Types of Home Loans
Before we discuss our financial services, let's take a look at the different types of home loans that are available:
Fixed-rate home loans - these loans have a fixed interest rate for a set period of time, usually between 1-5 years.
Variable-rate home loans - these loans have a variable interest rate that can change depending on market conditions.
Split-rate home loans - these loans allow you to split your loan between fixed and variable interest rates.
Interest-only home loans - these loans allow you to only pay the interest on your loan for a set period of time.
Line of credit home loans - these loans allow you to access funds as needed, up to a predetermined limit.
Our Financial Services
At our company, we offer a range of financial services to help you secure a home loan:
Home loan pre-approval - before you start house hunting, it's a good idea to get pre-approved for a home loan. This will give you a better idea of how much you can borrow and what your budget is.
Home loan comparison - we can help you compare different home loan options from a range of lenders, to help you find the right loan for your needs.
First home buyer loans - if you are a first home buyer, we can help you navigate the process and find a loan that suits your needs.
Investment property loans - if you are looking to purchase an investment property, we can help you find a loan that suits your investment strategy.
Refinancing - if you already have a home loan, we can help you refinance to a better deal. This can save you money on interest and fees.
Why Choose Our Financial Services?
At our company, we pride ourselves on providing our clients with personalized, professional service. We take the time to understand your needs and goals, and we work with you to find the right home loan for your situation. We have a wealth of experience in the Queensland property market and can provide you with valuable insights and advice.
Conclusion
Securing a home loan can be a complex process, but with the help of our financial services, it doesn't have to be. We can help you navigate the process and find a loan that suits your needs and budget. Contact us today to find out more about our home loan financial services in Queensland.
submitted by omegaloans to u/omegaloans [link] [comments]
Types of Home Loans
Before we discuss our financial services, let's take a look at the different types of home loans that are available:
Fixed-rate home loans - these loans have a fixed interest rate for a set period of time, usually between 1-5 years.
Variable-rate home loans - these loans have a variable interest rate that can change depending on market conditions.
Split-rate home loans - these loans allow you to split your loan between fixed and variable interest rates.
Interest-only home loans - these loans allow you to only pay the interest on your loan for a set period of time.
Line of credit home loans - these loans allow you to access funds as needed, up to a predetermined limit.
Our Financial Services
At our company, we offer a range of financial services to help you secure a home loan:
Home loan pre-approval - before you start house hunting, it's a good idea to get pre-approved for a home loan. This will give you a better idea of how much you can borrow and what your budget is.
Home loan comparison - we can help you compare different home loan options from a range of lenders, to help you find the right loan for your needs.
First home buyer loans - if you are a first home buyer, we can help you navigate the process and find a loan that suits your needs.
Investment property loans - if you are looking to purchase an investment property, we can help you find a loan that suits your investment strategy.
Refinancing - if you already have a home loan, we can help you refinance to a better deal. This can save you money on interest and fees.
Why Choose Our Financial Services?
At our company, we pride ourselves on providing our clients with personalized, professional service. We take the time to understand your needs and goals, and we work with you to find the right home loan for your situation. We have a wealth of experience in the Queensland property market and can provide you with valuable insights and advice.
Conclusion
Securing a home loan can be a complex process, but with the help of our financial services, it doesn't have to be. We can help you navigate the process and find a loan that suits your needs and budget. Contact us today to find out more about our home loan financial services in Queensland.
2023.03.29 19:12 throwawayforobviii Weekly Podcast Recap- 3/29/23. Yall, this is long, and its wild. I felt I couldn't leave things out because this right here shows how truly unhinged she actually is. The amount of details. I am speechless, and not in a good way.
Rambling about last week’s recap and what to expect this week.
Feb 18th a couple hours before I turn 19.
“This was just so EUPHROIC for me. I was getting ready to end this terrible chapter in my life, and then there was this girl. And my life was just everything was just so hell in it and there were these ocean wave blue eyes. It gave me all this peace and hope and happiness. Really remember to just put yourself in me, at 19 yrs old, hopeless romantic Kayla at 19 yrs old. So ready and open and willing for love, and she finds her. And you get to see mushy gushy me. “
“Taylor Reese Carlton, Feb 18 2021, 8pm, (rambles about place and background of place) 18 years old, alive for x days and breathing for x hours. 2 days until 19 more specifically 28 hours until 19. Nicole said there are 2 girls your type, me about to be fully single jumped at the thought and rushed to the floor looking for these gorgeous women. Looked to the left 2 masc women sitting at a table, not my type. Nicole pointed out the two straight women to the right. We made a bet. So I walk straight up to the girl and said are you gay, and she turned to me and said yeah for you I def am. And that was it. My whole life changed. 950 songs, 56 hours, and 2 minutes of music. That’s how many songs are on her playlist. 1 year, 11 months, 3 weeks, 5 days, 4 hours, 27 minutes, and 53 seconds since that bet was placed.”
She goes on to talk about how she turns 21 next week and cant decide if she would change the story with what she knows now because she was “young, naive, and innocent to the world. Lived in a fantasy in my head, despite my abusive relationship I was still full of hope, a hopeless romantic hoping for my Nichols Sparks movie.”
Now- she starts to describe Taylor-
“And there she was on the bar stool. Soft skin, small pink lips, round clear face, with small features. Light makeup with 90s eyeliner, flannel, ripped jeans, vans, Apple watch. Just below shoulder length medium brown hair. That brown that has never been colored or dyed before and the BLUEST EYES I had EVER seen, and that slight southern accent that only can be found in a Carolina girls voice. Now I don’t believe in love at first sight, but within 5 minutes of talking to her I knew I was going to love her for the rest of my life. “
She talked about their families and put an emphasis on how one of Taylors siblings was 2 years younger than her, but that Taylor was a SOLID 10 yrs older. She then talked about her own siblings and got mixed up on how old her own brother was. More rambling about her siblings that she clearly knows very well when she barely knows how old they are. This took us into Taylor & Kaylas age discussion. She thought Taylor was 23 because she had a baby face, was she was surprised to learn she was 28 and “just getting out of an abusive relationship with someone that fetishized me for my age, that took me back a bit and made me nervous. But she was so hot and intoxicating I didn’t give a fuck”
She goes on to explain more of their night- She said that they couldn’t keep their eyes off of each other, that she was constantly “catching her blue eyes”. She was dancing on stage with Nicole and kissing her while looking at Taylor with a “devilish grin” wishing it was her.
“I Climbed across the stage to where Taylor was, and someone put a dollar in her lips after seeing us staring googly eyed at each other for the entire stage set. And I took it out of her lips with mine, almost touching hers but not yet just almost. 9 minutes she watched me dance, and those 9 minutes didn’t take my eyes off her. When she was around no one else was in the room. I pulled her in the back the last 30 minutes for a real dance. She said her neck was the most sensitive part of her body and I traced her neck with my tongue from her collar bone to the base of her right ear, the side of her birthmark as I made my way up her body.”
This is also when she learned her first red flag, that Taylor said she sleeps with her guy best friends when she’s sad.
More rambling about irrelevant stuff, but then goes into physical details again.
“It was then I noticed how small she was just like me. We were the exact same height. She had a soccer build, thick thighs, nice calves, nice ass. I had a dancer build, tiny everywhere, no butt. Nice hair though. Hair was always my big compliment, I guess I got nice hair. I have that going for me.”
She talks about talking to Nicole about how amazing Taylor is, and that then she went home to her abusive relationship.
“she’s gonna break my heart, I know it. I’ve never just been so overwhelmed with someone the second I met them. It was the weirdest feeling in the entire world. Like every single movie I had ever watched with that love at first sight bullshit. It was like that. It was a fantasy from the start. I remember that being one of the happiest days of my life. I had never been so deeply stunned by someone so quickly and deeply. I loved telling people the story of how we met, the music, lights, chemistry... our story. Our story was my favorite story to tell. But that night I finally passed out floating in an ocean wave of pure bliss and serenity having no idea the storm that was brewing behind her pale blue eyes.”
She explains this should have been her second red flag that it was so EUPHORIC. She goes on to read text messages, and prior to most of the texts she calls them out such as “6:08pm, February 19, 2021, 6 hours until 19”. Pretty sure these texts are in a tiktok she posted. Irrelevant AF per course of this story.
She says she can still hear the phrases the same way she would say them. Started talking about someone named Madison, haven’t even heard her talk about her before so unsure who she is. Was talking about their accents- irrelevant. She can hear it in her head though.
She talks more about texts and how they were talking about Taylors interests and how she found it odd she never saw her do any of those the entire time they were together. Explains that 90% of the relationship was spent in bed watching Netflix.
She discusses the trip to CA where she gets her stuff to move to GA, the same trip that Amy helped her move all her shit I believe.
She talks more about Amy-
“for the most part have refused to mention her name on social media. She even mentioned how I like to act we never dated, which is true. We only dated for four months, and she physically abused me for the whole time. I never loved her, and I was just trapped. And when I got away from her , I ran as far away from her as I could and buried her name into the ground. And everybody understands when someone holds you down, and throws jars at you, and threatens to off themselves, that that’s abuse.”
She talks about her first date with Taylor, and how she was wearing her hair in a ponytail. She goes on a tangent about her style and how it was bad then but is getting better. Taylor invited her to a bar “because like, lets invite a 19 year old to a bar to ahng out.. but ummm ya know” giggles at that. She explains that she was hanging out with her friends Brady and Alyssa, and gives a disclaimer because she is unsure if it was actually Alyssa and says “I don’t want her to be like OMG THA?T ISNT EVEN WHO WAS THERE. You know who im talking about.”
She rambles on some more about their first date, and how she was a love sick puppy, and was beyond excited that this gorgeous gorgeous girl liked her. She starts trash talking Taylor’s friends…
“It’s weird, when im with them I feel inferior. But I was always more successful than her friends. And more put together than basically all of her friends. Because her friends were a lot of drama, all the time. And they are still a lot of drama. Its a lot. You guys are in your late 20’s early 30’s get your shit together man”
More unhinged thoughts on their FIRST DATE-
“Bartender asked for her last name and she said Carlton. And all of the sudden I was thinking of how Kayla Carlton would sound so sweet. But she said her last name, I instantly loved it. It was just such a doodle, doodleable last name. Like, I would just write her like letters just with her full name written out. And just like write it over pieces of paper. I liked her way too much. Like not at this point. I was not doing this at that point. I was doing this 4 months into our relationship or like 6 7 months into our relationship. When we were really actually way past I love you like very much into a relationship. That’s when I was doodling her name on paper. I was not that crazy. I was not doodling her name on a piece of paper before I even knew her last name”
Talks about their kiss-
“She turned me around, and kissed me. And my whole world went silent. Went black. But with a million different colors. It was one of those first kisses that just stops your whole world. It felt like I had kissed her lips in a million lifetimes before, and I wanted to kiss her in a million more. The kind of kiss that leaves you aching for more before it even leaves your lips. My hand in hers winding up her back and her hair. We were both so small that our bodies always fit so perfectly together like we were made for eachother. I sat on her lap as her hands pulled at my stupid ponytail kissing down my neck, grabbing my waist. We were just 2 kids falling in love being reckless. She loved everything about me.”
She explains how she wanted to take her home but couldn’t bc she had an STD, and then gave a little PSA to everyone to be careful and remember her story of not being able to take the hot girl home to have bomb sex because you have an STD.
She goes more into her texts, who cares, and goes more into how she explained everything to Nicole, which she had already talked about numerous times. Then she explains another red flag was the drinking, and states that both Taylor and Amy were basically alcholics and that caused a lot of problems.
She said she when sees happy couples on tiktok it makes her want to vomit bc she’s so jaded. “jaded af from love” And how she used to be so cute and lovey and dovey and then got traumatized so now, here we are. She randomly threw in there that in between all of this she made an OF with Nicole, and then goes on to discuss Amy was asking if they were going to break up, but she was too scared to tell her yet.
Take aways-
· This relationship started out the same way as her and Andi’s.. Rebounds.
· Knew she was breaking up with Amy, but kept her around and used her anyways.
· She said it was a red flag that Taylor sleeps with her guy best friends, but that’s odd because we know for a fact Kayla does also.
· Twice in this podcast she directly talks to Taylor or Taylor’s friends. First time was saying “you know who im talking about”, and the 2nd time was saying “your in your late 20s and 30s get your shit together man”
· The amount of detail she puts into Taylor in highly concerning, this is not normal behavior.
· The way she talks about wanting to vomit at cute couples on tiktok because shes jaded af (uhh you have a whole ass GF?)
submitted by throwawayforobviii to kaylaannxoxosnark [link] [comments]
Feb 18th a couple hours before I turn 19.
“This was just so EUPHROIC for me. I was getting ready to end this terrible chapter in my life, and then there was this girl. And my life was just everything was just so hell in it and there were these ocean wave blue eyes. It gave me all this peace and hope and happiness. Really remember to just put yourself in me, at 19 yrs old, hopeless romantic Kayla at 19 yrs old. So ready and open and willing for love, and she finds her. And you get to see mushy gushy me. “
“Taylor Reese Carlton, Feb 18 2021, 8pm, (rambles about place and background of place) 18 years old, alive for x days and breathing for x hours. 2 days until 19 more specifically 28 hours until 19. Nicole said there are 2 girls your type, me about to be fully single jumped at the thought and rushed to the floor looking for these gorgeous women. Looked to the left 2 masc women sitting at a table, not my type. Nicole pointed out the two straight women to the right. We made a bet. So I walk straight up to the girl and said are you gay, and she turned to me and said yeah for you I def am. And that was it. My whole life changed. 950 songs, 56 hours, and 2 minutes of music. That’s how many songs are on her playlist. 1 year, 11 months, 3 weeks, 5 days, 4 hours, 27 minutes, and 53 seconds since that bet was placed.”
She goes on to talk about how she turns 21 next week and cant decide if she would change the story with what she knows now because she was “young, naive, and innocent to the world. Lived in a fantasy in my head, despite my abusive relationship I was still full of hope, a hopeless romantic hoping for my Nichols Sparks movie.”
Now- she starts to describe Taylor-
“And there she was on the bar stool. Soft skin, small pink lips, round clear face, with small features. Light makeup with 90s eyeliner, flannel, ripped jeans, vans, Apple watch. Just below shoulder length medium brown hair. That brown that has never been colored or dyed before and the BLUEST EYES I had EVER seen, and that slight southern accent that only can be found in a Carolina girls voice. Now I don’t believe in love at first sight, but within 5 minutes of talking to her I knew I was going to love her for the rest of my life. “
She talked about their families and put an emphasis on how one of Taylors siblings was 2 years younger than her, but that Taylor was a SOLID 10 yrs older. She then talked about her own siblings and got mixed up on how old her own brother was. More rambling about her siblings that she clearly knows very well when she barely knows how old they are. This took us into Taylor & Kaylas age discussion. She thought Taylor was 23 because she had a baby face, was she was surprised to learn she was 28 and “just getting out of an abusive relationship with someone that fetishized me for my age, that took me back a bit and made me nervous. But she was so hot and intoxicating I didn’t give a fuck”
She goes on to explain more of their night- She said that they couldn’t keep their eyes off of each other, that she was constantly “catching her blue eyes”. She was dancing on stage with Nicole and kissing her while looking at Taylor with a “devilish grin” wishing it was her.
“I Climbed across the stage to where Taylor was, and someone put a dollar in her lips after seeing us staring googly eyed at each other for the entire stage set. And I took it out of her lips with mine, almost touching hers but not yet just almost. 9 minutes she watched me dance, and those 9 minutes didn’t take my eyes off her. When she was around no one else was in the room. I pulled her in the back the last 30 minutes for a real dance. She said her neck was the most sensitive part of her body and I traced her neck with my tongue from her collar bone to the base of her right ear, the side of her birthmark as I made my way up her body.”
This is also when she learned her first red flag, that Taylor said she sleeps with her guy best friends when she’s sad.
More rambling about irrelevant stuff, but then goes into physical details again.
“It was then I noticed how small she was just like me. We were the exact same height. She had a soccer build, thick thighs, nice calves, nice ass. I had a dancer build, tiny everywhere, no butt. Nice hair though. Hair was always my big compliment, I guess I got nice hair. I have that going for me.”
She talks about talking to Nicole about how amazing Taylor is, and that then she went home to her abusive relationship.
“she’s gonna break my heart, I know it. I’ve never just been so overwhelmed with someone the second I met them. It was the weirdest feeling in the entire world. Like every single movie I had ever watched with that love at first sight bullshit. It was like that. It was a fantasy from the start. I remember that being one of the happiest days of my life. I had never been so deeply stunned by someone so quickly and deeply. I loved telling people the story of how we met, the music, lights, chemistry... our story. Our story was my favorite story to tell. But that night I finally passed out floating in an ocean wave of pure bliss and serenity having no idea the storm that was brewing behind her pale blue eyes.”
She explains this should have been her second red flag that it was so EUPHORIC. She goes on to read text messages, and prior to most of the texts she calls them out such as “6:08pm, February 19, 2021, 6 hours until 19”. Pretty sure these texts are in a tiktok she posted. Irrelevant AF per course of this story.
She says she can still hear the phrases the same way she would say them. Started talking about someone named Madison, haven’t even heard her talk about her before so unsure who she is. Was talking about their accents- irrelevant. She can hear it in her head though.
She talks more about texts and how they were talking about Taylors interests and how she found it odd she never saw her do any of those the entire time they were together. Explains that 90% of the relationship was spent in bed watching Netflix.
She discusses the trip to CA where she gets her stuff to move to GA, the same trip that Amy helped her move all her shit I believe.
She talks more about Amy-
“for the most part have refused to mention her name on social media. She even mentioned how I like to act we never dated, which is true. We only dated for four months, and she physically abused me for the whole time. I never loved her, and I was just trapped. And when I got away from her , I ran as far away from her as I could and buried her name into the ground. And everybody understands when someone holds you down, and throws jars at you, and threatens to off themselves, that that’s abuse.”
She talks about her first date with Taylor, and how she was wearing her hair in a ponytail. She goes on a tangent about her style and how it was bad then but is getting better. Taylor invited her to a bar “because like, lets invite a 19 year old to a bar to ahng out.. but ummm ya know” giggles at that. She explains that she was hanging out with her friends Brady and Alyssa, and gives a disclaimer because she is unsure if it was actually Alyssa and says “I don’t want her to be like OMG THA?T ISNT EVEN WHO WAS THERE. You know who im talking about.”
She rambles on some more about their first date, and how she was a love sick puppy, and was beyond excited that this gorgeous gorgeous girl liked her. She starts trash talking Taylor’s friends…
“It’s weird, when im with them I feel inferior. But I was always more successful than her friends. And more put together than basically all of her friends. Because her friends were a lot of drama, all the time. And they are still a lot of drama. Its a lot. You guys are in your late 20’s early 30’s get your shit together man”
More unhinged thoughts on their FIRST DATE-
“Bartender asked for her last name and she said Carlton. And all of the sudden I was thinking of how Kayla Carlton would sound so sweet. But she said her last name, I instantly loved it. It was just such a doodle, doodleable last name. Like, I would just write her like letters just with her full name written out. And just like write it over pieces of paper. I liked her way too much. Like not at this point. I was not doing this at that point. I was doing this 4 months into our relationship or like 6 7 months into our relationship. When we were really actually way past I love you like very much into a relationship. That’s when I was doodling her name on paper. I was not that crazy. I was not doodling her name on a piece of paper before I even knew her last name”
Talks about their kiss-
“She turned me around, and kissed me. And my whole world went silent. Went black. But with a million different colors. It was one of those first kisses that just stops your whole world. It felt like I had kissed her lips in a million lifetimes before, and I wanted to kiss her in a million more. The kind of kiss that leaves you aching for more before it even leaves your lips. My hand in hers winding up her back and her hair. We were both so small that our bodies always fit so perfectly together like we were made for eachother. I sat on her lap as her hands pulled at my stupid ponytail kissing down my neck, grabbing my waist. We were just 2 kids falling in love being reckless. She loved everything about me.”
She explains how she wanted to take her home but couldn’t bc she had an STD, and then gave a little PSA to everyone to be careful and remember her story of not being able to take the hot girl home to have bomb sex because you have an STD.
She goes more into her texts, who cares, and goes more into how she explained everything to Nicole, which she had already talked about numerous times. Then she explains another red flag was the drinking, and states that both Taylor and Amy were basically alcholics and that caused a lot of problems.
She said she when sees happy couples on tiktok it makes her want to vomit bc she’s so jaded. “jaded af from love” And how she used to be so cute and lovey and dovey and then got traumatized so now, here we are. She randomly threw in there that in between all of this she made an OF with Nicole, and then goes on to discuss Amy was asking if they were going to break up, but she was too scared to tell her yet.
Take aways-
· This relationship started out the same way as her and Andi’s.. Rebounds.
· Knew she was breaking up with Amy, but kept her around and used her anyways.
· She said it was a red flag that Taylor sleeps with her guy best friends, but that’s odd because we know for a fact Kayla does also.
· Twice in this podcast she directly talks to Taylor or Taylor’s friends. First time was saying “you know who im talking about”, and the 2nd time was saying “your in your late 20s and 30s get your shit together man”
· The amount of detail she puts into Taylor in highly concerning, this is not normal behavior.
· The way she talks about wanting to vomit at cute couples on tiktok because shes jaded af (uhh you have a whole ass GF?)
2023.03.29 19:11 __b3l0v3d Canceling hotel reservation??
Does anyone know how to cancel a reservation made through the edc website?? It says the page is to “make edits or cancel reservations” but I can’t for the life of me figure out where the option to cancel is. Do I need to call the hotel? Pls help
submitted by __b3l0v3d to electricdaisycarnival [link] [comments]
2023.03.29 19:10 Meepoot21 Fake apology he lied he made himself . PLEASE READ .
 | My bf abused me the night before andI had to go to work. He abused me by yelling at me to shut up as I cried and kept shoving me. Read my last post to understand if you like. The next day I told him I really would rather distance myself and not speak as much as possible. I’m always let down and I just wanted to shut down from him and the world. The only time he ever texted me during my work shift was to apologize. To which I read twice. It was a different apology and it seemed so sincere however a part of me doubt it because he always says sorry. I asked myself and was so close to posting it to Reddit asking for feedback like, how can he say sorry this way, so perfectly and so aware yet be abusive and emotionally hurtful? Is he capable of change if he’s aware and that’s like the first step, self acknowledgment? But I left him on read because I still was unsure . submitted by Meepoot21 to abusiverelationships [link] [comments] Couple hours later he picks me up from work and in the car he asks, “did you read my apology?” I say, “yes I did I read it twice.” “Did you like it?” “Yes” “Then why didn’t you respond?” “Last night really hurt and I wanted to just have distance, I was questioning if it was even genuine too.” “It was genuine, it hurt me when you didn’t respond to it” I then say, “I’m sorry it hurt you, but I hope you understand.” The next day then happens. He goes off to work and I finally have my day off. I decided to clean the house up. I also decided to snoop. And I see a history closed tab… it says “chat gbt” and he wrote “write a lengthy apology for abusing my girlfriend” And if you don’t know chat gbt is an AI that writes stuff for you very well. As if it’s a person. He copied it word for fucking word . Not a single difference. I immediately broke down. Hard tears for just 30 seconds. I then wiped my tears and just felt so hurt and numb. I was prepared for any manipulation. I decided to make a meal with what we have, he came home and I was going to see if he’d admit it, long story short I gave him the meal I made and told him it’s because I’m sorry for how I ignored his apology and I wanted to say once again how it means a lot that it was such a different apology from the rest and surely it’s a sign of change . He looked me in my face and said he wrote it himself . I had asked “did you really write it? How long did it take you” he told me thirty minutes and kept lying. He asked me how it’s different from the rest I say it just is it must be the resources I gave you you’re showing acknowledgment. He lies to me again and say “oh maybe it’s cus I used a GRAMMAR check app” Which he further tells me it would just switch a simple word out Ex) I like dogs = I adore canines I then say, “so it’s not like you used chat gbt to create one right? He lies again and again and manipulated me even with picture proof even with us checking his computer he still lied to my face and told me at first it’s him using it as reference then tried to show me proof thru his notes but it was still the same one the AI made then lied and said he changed maybe two words out which is false again . I then tell him “can you stop lying and tell me I already know. “ he started to cry and admit it . He even told me if I had doubted myself for a second he would move forward this relationship lying to that it was from him. If I doubt myself and believed him a bit and drop it blindlessly he’d tell me he isn’t lying and that I’m crazy . He admitted that after some more lies and me catching him in each one . Self pity. Told me he convinced himself he wrote it how he wanted to be good and how he never has the right words but he didn’t even try . How why does it matter if he agrees with the message being sent how it was so hard for him to lie but I’m telling him you’re lying to me again it wasn’t . He said this is the first time he’s lied he said I seemed so happy about the apology and that’s why he lied to not hurt me tried to compare it to a tiny lie to not hurt your partner but those lies are “do you like this shirt? Should I buy it “ not a damn apology that’s supposed to be from you’re heart about abuse then keep lying when I know . He used my happiness to justify himself but truth is even the day before he had a chance to admit the truth because I came to him and said I doubted his apology . Then the next day I acted happy about to see . He had over more than one chance to admit he lied so much about something that could have been small . Tried to convince ME what’s the issue using an AI to apologize . Yelled at me at some point because he’s made I don’t believe that this is the last time he’d lie . I’m telling you he lied to me with the most straightest face . If I didn’t have proof and it was a wild accusation I’d believe him . That’s how good he was at lying to me . I don’t wish to be with him again. Every time I accuse him of cheating and how made he got everytime I felt something but had no proof this really sold it for me . He lied and lied and I recorded and he kept lying . I believe nothing out his mouth and this hurt me so much man . He projected all along |
2023.03.29 19:10 CounterYolo Solasta Subjective Guide: Patch Notes 29 March 2023
GoogleSlides Corrections/Additions:
submitted by CounterYolo to u/CounterYolo [link] [comments]
- The Unfinished Business mod (UB) added extra subclasses & feats
- UB Subclasses have been added to the GoogleSlides at this point.
- Those that have extra features in the lvl 13-16 range have also been added -- though I have not fully tested that range yet -- and cannot fairly until we know all the spells that will be added in the next DLC & their strengths
- Subclass testing for the lvl 13-16 rankings will start when the next DLC drops; tentative rankings of how some subclasses might change entire letter rankings has already started throughout the document
- Due to the above change, specific rankings for subclasses that have a strong dip option have been removed from the document.
- New UB subclasses added to the GoogleSlides (with tentative rankings)
- Barbarian -- Path of the Reaver (a drain-tank type of subclass)
- Cleric -- Defiler (feels akin to 5e's Death Cleric) & Smith (5e's Force Cleric with the best part of Grave Cleric in there as well -- really strong)
- Fighter -- Weapon Master (essentially Champion Fighter but can only use one weapon)
- Inventor -- Armorer, Grenadier & Weaponsmith have been added. I still need to finalize the Grenadier testing before putting out the reddit post on their subclasses
- Monk -- Discordance (different take on a Light Monk) & Dragon (a really bad subclass...)
- Paladin -- Ancients (5e's & just as good), Dread (5e's Conquest pally), Hatred (5e's Vengeance pally), and Altruism (combo of 5e's Redemption & Crown pally's)
- Ranger -- Wild Master (better 5e Beastmaster Ranger), Lightbringer (ranger + pally - aura), Hellwalker (ranger + warlock - eldritch blast)
- Sorcerer -- Acrobat (sneak attack with a quarterstaff), Arcane Scoundrel (3rd-caster wizard + sneak attack), Duelist (1-on-1 melee rogue), & Slayer (strong round 1 rogue)
- Sorcerer -- Forceblade (sorcerer equivalent of the SoulBlade Warlock for 1-lvl dips)
- Other aspects corrected in the Slides (due to your feedback):
- Tactician Fighter's details & gambits have been updated. Some have been added/removed, other stronger options have a fighter level 7 requirement to get now, and others had been adjusted for balance purposes
- Dead Master Wizard was reworked, updated accordingly
- SoulBlade Warlock had a minor update in a few of its features & spells, updated accordingly
- Feel free to PM me on any feats/spells that are currently omitted or out-of-date on the GoogleSlides, and I will get to them eventually.
- I am quite busy IRL with things, so I don't have as much "free time" to dedicate to this right now. I am only doing this because I want to & feel the community still desires it.
- UB Subclasses have been added to the GoogleSlides at this point.
- Tentative Rankings for the new UB mod subclasses (not in any order in the letter listings & not in the real subclass rankings at the end yet -- as I haven't tested them fully yet)
- A-tier
- Smith Cleric, Ancients Paladin, Dread Paladin, Arcane Scoundrel Rogue
- B-tier
- Forceblade Sorcerer, Defiler Cleric, Hatred Paladin, Altruism Paladin, Wildmaster Ranger, Hellwalker Ranger, Lightbearer Ranger
- C-tier
- Weapon Master Fighter, Reaver Barbarian, Slayer Rogue, Acrobat Rogue, Duelist Rogue
- D-tier
- Discordance Monk, Dragon Monk
- A-tier
- Tactical Adventures is going to give a Twitch stream soon, so I figured I needed to get the important stuff from the UB mod into the slideshow. There are still a few things missing from it:
- Feats still missing
- Elemental Master (acid, cold, fire, lightning, thunder)
- Hardy (STR, CON)
- Longsword Finesse
- Invocations still missing
- Breath of the Night
- Call of the Beast
- Tenacious Plague
- Feats still missing
2023.03.29 19:10 Drew707 Transport rule exceptions?
I turned on a rule that Secure Score suggested to block any auto forwarding to external domains, but I added an exception for a couple domains. It was working fine, but I had to add another domain, and the new domain isn't working. I have tried adding an exception for the service account that needs the exception and it isn't working either. So, I guess my question is how long does it take for the rules to propagate, or am I doing something wrong? It is the top rule in the system.
submitted by Drew707 to Office365 [link] [comments]
2023.03.29 19:10 Steven1484 [NeedAdvice] Feel stuck in life with no direction, goal or motivation
I guess I should start off with stating that I'm a 30 year old male with an anxiety disorder that I've been slowly working on over the past 2 decades. It used to be a lot worse, but it's gotten to a point where most of the time I can manage it and try to not let it influence every decision I make.
From after high school until I was about 27, I had things going. I had a good bartending job, a great girlfriend, a good part-time job that was in a field I love (video game industry), and many friends. I actually ended up taking a big risk a few years ago and rented my house out that I own, and moved down to Miami with my girlfriend at the time while she went to nursing school. I ended up getting the part-time job into full-time so I was fully remote. Unfortunately, she ended up leaving about 8 months into living there. I moved back home, and it's almost been the same day ever since. I wake up, I walk my dogs, enjoy the day with them, work, then enjoy my free time playing videogames with some friends. Once in a blue moon on the weekend I'll go see my friends and do something, but planning something with them is kind of difficult. Usually I'll just go over to their house for a few hours and chat but we rarely go out anywhere since I don't exactly have a lot of extra money to blow (currently living paycheck to paycheck). Another thing is, my closest friend lives a few states away so it's not exactly a quick trip to him.
Things I understand; if you're lonely and you don't leave your house, you can't expect that to ever change. If you're depressed (which I am), not changing your lifestyle will not improve anything. With that being said, I understand steps I can take to improve my life, but I have no idea where to start. I recently found out that my ex-girlfriend set up shop with some new guy and they've been dating for quite some time. At first, this hit really hard, and still does. But at the same time, I know that if I had the chance to take her back, I would decline that offer in a heart beat. It was never something that was going to work out. It's really just the sight that she's moved on and found something better as to where I'm in nearly the exact same position I was when she left in the first place (I don't read into social media too much as you never know what someone's life is behind the scenes).
Now, the job I have is starting to take its toll. The job security is totally up in the air, future business is completely in question. I've been applying to new jobs as a security net for a few weeks but so far haven't gotten any responses; but I'm still trying. I've taken a few classes and received certificates in my field to make my resume look a little better, and spent quite a lot of time making my resume as a whole look as good as it can be. Unfortunately there's an issue with finding a new job and that's leaving the house for 8 hours a day. I've had my 2 dogs for 4+ years and they've never had someone not be away for an extended period of time. I've also gotten in the bad habit of always being home so they're very used to that.
For dating; I've tried going to bars, but I end up just spending 30$ to sit alone and attempting to talk to anyone always seems weird if you're by yourself. Talking to woman now a days seems like walking on eggshells. From the years of bartending, I can read people well and know how to talk to them. I know that if a person isn't really feeling the conversation, I won't put them through anymore and take the hint. I definitely don't try to force anything. I've tried dating apps; my god they're terrible. You either match someone trying to sell you their OnlyFans content, a bot, or someone who just doesn't put any effort into conversation (which I understand, texting is pretty lame). I made a couple connections that seemed promising but my desire to continue talking to them is exhausted so quickly. Finally, after years of saying I would, I've put myself on a wait list for a therapy program and finally heard back and got an appointment set up. So we will see how that all goes.
I feel as though I'm taking relatively decent steps in improving my life but I can't help to shake this feeling that I'm just sitting around sulking away when there's something else I can be doing to improve my life.
TLDR; what's some advice you'd give to someone who feels they're stuck in a rut with no purpose or motivation? Also, what do you think is a great way to meet new people that isn't a generic answer like "find a pottery class" or something. While I know those are valid answers, I guess I'm curious if anyone's found something that isn't as simple.
submitted by Steven1484 to getdisciplined [link] [comments]
From after high school until I was about 27, I had things going. I had a good bartending job, a great girlfriend, a good part-time job that was in a field I love (video game industry), and many friends. I actually ended up taking a big risk a few years ago and rented my house out that I own, and moved down to Miami with my girlfriend at the time while she went to nursing school. I ended up getting the part-time job into full-time so I was fully remote. Unfortunately, she ended up leaving about 8 months into living there. I moved back home, and it's almost been the same day ever since. I wake up, I walk my dogs, enjoy the day with them, work, then enjoy my free time playing videogames with some friends. Once in a blue moon on the weekend I'll go see my friends and do something, but planning something with them is kind of difficult. Usually I'll just go over to their house for a few hours and chat but we rarely go out anywhere since I don't exactly have a lot of extra money to blow (currently living paycheck to paycheck). Another thing is, my closest friend lives a few states away so it's not exactly a quick trip to him.
Things I understand; if you're lonely and you don't leave your house, you can't expect that to ever change. If you're depressed (which I am), not changing your lifestyle will not improve anything. With that being said, I understand steps I can take to improve my life, but I have no idea where to start. I recently found out that my ex-girlfriend set up shop with some new guy and they've been dating for quite some time. At first, this hit really hard, and still does. But at the same time, I know that if I had the chance to take her back, I would decline that offer in a heart beat. It was never something that was going to work out. It's really just the sight that she's moved on and found something better as to where I'm in nearly the exact same position I was when she left in the first place (I don't read into social media too much as you never know what someone's life is behind the scenes).
Now, the job I have is starting to take its toll. The job security is totally up in the air, future business is completely in question. I've been applying to new jobs as a security net for a few weeks but so far haven't gotten any responses; but I'm still trying. I've taken a few classes and received certificates in my field to make my resume look a little better, and spent quite a lot of time making my resume as a whole look as good as it can be. Unfortunately there's an issue with finding a new job and that's leaving the house for 8 hours a day. I've had my 2 dogs for 4+ years and they've never had someone not be away for an extended period of time. I've also gotten in the bad habit of always being home so they're very used to that.
For dating; I've tried going to bars, but I end up just spending 30$ to sit alone and attempting to talk to anyone always seems weird if you're by yourself. Talking to woman now a days seems like walking on eggshells. From the years of bartending, I can read people well and know how to talk to them. I know that if a person isn't really feeling the conversation, I won't put them through anymore and take the hint. I definitely don't try to force anything. I've tried dating apps; my god they're terrible. You either match someone trying to sell you their OnlyFans content, a bot, or someone who just doesn't put any effort into conversation (which I understand, texting is pretty lame). I made a couple connections that seemed promising but my desire to continue talking to them is exhausted so quickly. Finally, after years of saying I would, I've put myself on a wait list for a therapy program and finally heard back and got an appointment set up. So we will see how that all goes.
I feel as though I'm taking relatively decent steps in improving my life but I can't help to shake this feeling that I'm just sitting around sulking away when there's something else I can be doing to improve my life.
TLDR; what's some advice you'd give to someone who feels they're stuck in a rut with no purpose or motivation? Also, what do you think is a great way to meet new people that isn't a generic answer like "find a pottery class" or something. While I know those are valid answers, I guess I'm curious if anyone's found something that isn't as simple.
2023.03.29 19:10 red_rocket93 Help with figuring out if I should buy a puck, router, or mobile hotspot
So I am in a certification course that requires a decent speed wifi but mainly constant connection. My wifi cannot go out. I have spectrum in my house but the router hasn't been working for the past 2 days so all this might get resolved once Spectrum looks at it but I need backup plans. I tried going to the library but their wifi drops off occasionally so I have to reboot and reconnect and get the Zoom call back logged in. That isn't ok because I have to be online for the full 8 hours of class. Now I'm at Barnes & Noble but it's not a good learning environment I don't think. So I was thinking I could use my hotspot on my phone but that will cause me to charge my battery like 2 or 3 times a day and the battery will be affected so I'd rather not do that. Thought about buying a puck potentially but not sure how much that would cost. I don't know what the best option here is. Any ideas or thoughts on what I could do?
submitted by red_rocket93 to wifi [link] [comments]
2023.03.29 19:10 retiredguy1945 Process for making insurance claim for medical reasons ?
Have a RCL cruise starting Apr 2 and may need to cancel for several minor medical issues. What is the process? How much documentation will be needed?
submitted by retiredguy1945 to Cruise [link] [comments]
2023.03.29 19:10 drowncrypt My favorite thing ever.
There is nothing that hurts more than rendering something you are passionate about to something that makes you dizzy and anxious on the daily. I have become susceptible to the infamous overwhelming anxiety to preform well in school. Nobody around me inflicts this pressure onto me, and it is all the work of myself. I am currently a sophomore in high school taking an honors chemistry class. Throughout my life I have effortlessly and passionately loved science, it simply was never something hard for me and was something I willingly explored in my free time. Things have changed dramatically this year because we have daily quizzes, each worth 20 points in the grade-book. We learn a new topic the same day, expecting a quiz the following. It is extremely challenging to master these topics, free of mistakes. Everything sort of climaxes for me today when we had two quizzes in a row, one of which encompasses 4 randomly picked problems from anywhere in the school year up until now. I studied for it and am extremely confident about it, but as soon as I enter that classroom and sit in the chair my nerves fester up so loudly I cannot even listen to myself think. I end up making so many mistakes on something I had so much clarity on 10 minutes earlier. I put so much pressure on myself to do well in this class specifically because I love science so much, and without it, I would have no purpose after high school. Sure, there are other things I could occupy myself with, but science has been something that fascinated and captivated me for so long. I hate myself for making something I enjoy into something I am not confident about, not because I cannot do it, but because my anxiety tells me that if I make one mistake my grade will go down and I will look as if I am bad at it. My teacher respects me a whole lot and even recommended me for AP chemistry next year, which she does not do for a lot of people, but I still feel like I need to impress her and its extremely overwhelming. I am doing pretty well in her class but its terrifying knowing that the nerves have so much control over me, one time making me almost faint during the quiz. At the beginning of the year I did not have this problem, and engaged in class intently and was almost cocky about my abilities. That did not last for long and now I sit during the lesson looking terrified to be wrong. I know I need to overcome this, but I do not know how. I have minor insomnia and I am often up most nights, and along with all the stress, everything is piling up against me. It is entirely my fault that I feel this way, considering the pressure is entirely self-inflicted, which causes me even more frustration because I cannot control it.
submitted by drowncrypt to offmychest [link] [comments]
2023.03.29 19:10 SamsonTheCat88 What do Chaos Space Marines have in their arsenal to deal with World Eaters?
I'm in a friendly league and my next matchup is against a World Eaters player. He might bring Angron, but I think it's more likely that he'll go with the Lord Invocatus route. It's a 2000 point game and I'm expecting just a ton of 5-man Eightbound units, Exalted Eightbound, and 5-man Berserkers. I'll be playing Emperor's Children.
Only one of the other guys in the league has managed to beat him, and so I grilled him on how he did it. He plays Tyranids, and said that he stacked his army with 3-wound weapons so that he could pop the Eightbound with single shots when they fail their saves.
I'm trying to figure out what I've got in my arsenal that I could use to take him down.
Forgefiends have the Ectoplasmic Cannon which does 3 wounds, but Unitcrunch is telling me that a single Forgefiend doesn't have the firepower to take down a unit of Eightbound in one volley. I've got lots of Obliterators but likewise even a unit of 3 is unlikely to take down a whole unit of Eightbound per turn. I usually run a big blob of Terminators but I'm not sure how effective they'll be this time around.
Based on the sheer number of powerful melee dudes running directly at my face, I need something that can pop one of his units per turn and come in at under the cost of his units, and I'm not sure if I have access to something that'll do the trick.
submitted by SamsonTheCat88 to WarhammerCompetitive [link] [comments]
Only one of the other guys in the league has managed to beat him, and so I grilled him on how he did it. He plays Tyranids, and said that he stacked his army with 3-wound weapons so that he could pop the Eightbound with single shots when they fail their saves.
I'm trying to figure out what I've got in my arsenal that I could use to take him down.
Forgefiends have the Ectoplasmic Cannon which does 3 wounds, but Unitcrunch is telling me that a single Forgefiend doesn't have the firepower to take down a unit of Eightbound in one volley. I've got lots of Obliterators but likewise even a unit of 3 is unlikely to take down a whole unit of Eightbound per turn. I usually run a big blob of Terminators but I'm not sure how effective they'll be this time around.
Based on the sheer number of powerful melee dudes running directly at my face, I need something that can pop one of his units per turn and come in at under the cost of his units, and I'm not sure if I have access to something that'll do the trick.
2023.03.29 19:10 Possible_Glass439 Distancing myself (27F) from boy-crazy (28F) friend. Am I overreacting?
So after a lot of huge changes happened in my life, my friend never reached out, so I mourned the loss and moved on while trying to get everything back in order outside of this friendship. A few months later, my friend reached back out to share some news with me and told me that she broke up with her on-and-off boyfriend (28M) of 6 years right around the time changes happened in my life. Now, she's obsessed with this new guy and won't stop texting me about it/is seeking my advice and support. I'm skeptical of the timeline and her reasoning for not reaching out. She also never asks me how I'm doing, so I'm thinking about just phasing her back out of my life. There doesn't seem to be a need for confrontation as I don't see any good coming out if it. Any thoughts?
Thanks so much!
submitted by Possible_Glass439 to askwomenadvice [link] [comments]
Thanks so much!
2023.03.29 19:09 007Ashx Coming out in the workplace
So as the title reads ofc. I’m out to everyone in my personal life and some of my personal life does mix with my work life. How did you guys go about coming out? Everyone here knows me and I worry that directly outing myself will do more harm to me than good. I work with a lot of older, lived in the Bible Belt their whole lives type dudes and I just need a little structuring to the plan
submitted by 007Ashx to ftm [link] [comments]
2023.03.29 19:08 YRVT My mind is attacking people and I'm not sure if I should control it somehow
Hi everyone,
I am a 30 year old man and I have struggled with mental health for many years. About 9 years ago, I went into analytical psychotherapy for about 5 years. My therapist was of the opinion that I was narcissistic, and I think I definitely had narcissistic traits, mainly being insecure, being easily offended and becoming angry at people (mostly privately and not openly), often having to impress people for my own self-worth and so on. I had a strong moral sense though, which is why I always made an effort to treat people with kindness and to be friendly, except when I thought they were in the wrong (which I probably misjudged on some occasions). At the same time I was very lonely back then, and possibly I was sometimes mean to others without even really noticing it.
Today, I think I have improved somewhat and I have some friends that I was able to talk about my problems with, who I am grateful for. I think that if some parts of me may well be narcissistic, at least I think I don't act them out any more (in the physical world), and my friends told my that I am a nice and affectionate person.
When I was in analytical psychotherapy, I did not feel it was working, and I was really lonely and depressed outside of therapy and at my job. I discovered Jordan Peterson and read a pick-up-artist book back then, and while I saw a lot of it critically, I think I got some bad ideas from it and I'm still ashamed of it. Maybe it was the black pill before it was a meme.
I had my first real psychotic episode when I smoked weed on a party and tried to use some of these PUA-techniques (mostly the stuff about faking confidence). That evening I thought I had some kind of magic power, some way of connecting with other people by sort of internally focusing on them, which I (in ignorance) 'used' to approach people on that party. Interestingly enough, it started before I had smoked weed (someone later suggested to me, it might have been an LSD microdose from someone elses cup of coffee that I had accidentally drunk at work that day). I ended up going home with a woman and sleeping at her place (we did not sleep with each other). I met her roommates at breakfast and was painfully aware how lonely, how different I was from anyone else, how I felt I was inconveniencing everyone else. But it felt weirdly like destiny. Her roommate was into C. G. Jung, and my therapist also was a Jungian, as if something had led me into this situation.
The weeks after that, I think I was weirdly energized, sort of in a trance, or in a 'flow', feeling really good and much more open towards other people. For the first time, I had the feeling that I could really be in touch with others. This quickly turned to paranoia. I thought my boss was controlling me psychically, and I had a lot of anxiety. I think therapy helped to calm this somehow.
I moved to a different city and went to university, where I again felt very closed off to others and thought I had to play a character or impress others to be friends with them. I had two jobs at the university, and with each boss I had then I felt that they were psychically controlling or monitoring me. I reacted to this by being angry at them (only in my mind) so as to "draw them out".
Around that time, I also began having very violent or 'toxic' thoughts, some of them racist or misogynistic. I did not act them out, but I made a very strong effort to control or suppress them (which I always had). I kind of think that it was a conflict within myself, something in me that was rebelling, because I was putting myself through university while at the same time „starving for affection“ as Dr K. says.
I watched a lot of videos about psychedelics, and thought, maybe they could heal my depressive episodes and my anger. I took LSD with a friend from my childhood, who was visiting and I had a really bad trip. After that, I struggled with insomnia for a long time. Then I discovered Eckhart Tolle and watched a lot of videos by him, which then 'energized' me in a way that I did not trust at all, and because I felt threatened by this energy (that didn't feel bad, but I thought I was losing control and my thoughts were taken away), I created a lot of anger.
My thoughts, especially the misogynistic or racist thoughts, then became very loud and I was overwhelmed by them. I knew that I was supposed to observe them, not control them, but I couldn't manage it.
I then stayed at a psychiatric hospital for a time and took antipsychotics, that gave me severe Akathisia which resulted in anger, and so they put me on Lorazepam (a Benzodiazepine) additionally for a time. The withdrawal from that was terrible.
When I was released from the hospital, I wanted to live without medication and learned much about meditation and mindfulness, which helped a lot. I can somewhat manage my life, I still have depressive episodes, but I can handle it, and I am grateful for my friends.
What remains is the feeling of being 'psychically connected' and having a responsibility for my thoughts, which leads me to control them.
I am afraid that I hurt or push away my friends and family or other people with these thoughts, when my mind is 'attacking' them. Sometimes, my mind is attacking people, just because they are nice to me.
The thing is, this 'attacking' seems to happen when I feel good, when I am concentrated, when I feel connected, and it distracts me. I think I dissociate sometimes, and when that happens, it is like I am suddenly 'possessed' by an entity that wants to hurt others, or at least give me these thoughts. It is like a 'seperate self' that is pushing me around. Maybe it is also the result of avoidance, for example, when I can't motivate myself to clean my room or to do things in everyday life.
This 'attacking' definitely seems to hurt myself, although I'm not sure if I conditioned myself to this, when I had anxiety and insomnia.
Maybe it has to do with self-hate, but I can't see where that hate originates. I automatically control/suppress myself, when these thoughts come, so I am not overwhelmed by them.
Most people seem to be of the opinion, that this emotional attacking does not have any real influence, I'm just responsible for what I act out.
Do you think this is true?
Thank you for reading! I have told this stuff to some people, and I have to admit that I am looking for attention sometimes. But thank you if you have some advice.
submitted by YRVT to Healthygamergg [link] [comments]
I am a 30 year old man and I have struggled with mental health for many years. About 9 years ago, I went into analytical psychotherapy for about 5 years. My therapist was of the opinion that I was narcissistic, and I think I definitely had narcissistic traits, mainly being insecure, being easily offended and becoming angry at people (mostly privately and not openly), often having to impress people for my own self-worth and so on. I had a strong moral sense though, which is why I always made an effort to treat people with kindness and to be friendly, except when I thought they were in the wrong (which I probably misjudged on some occasions). At the same time I was very lonely back then, and possibly I was sometimes mean to others without even really noticing it.
Today, I think I have improved somewhat and I have some friends that I was able to talk about my problems with, who I am grateful for. I think that if some parts of me may well be narcissistic, at least I think I don't act them out any more (in the physical world), and my friends told my that I am a nice and affectionate person.
When I was in analytical psychotherapy, I did not feel it was working, and I was really lonely and depressed outside of therapy and at my job. I discovered Jordan Peterson and read a pick-up-artist book back then, and while I saw a lot of it critically, I think I got some bad ideas from it and I'm still ashamed of it. Maybe it was the black pill before it was a meme.
I had my first real psychotic episode when I smoked weed on a party and tried to use some of these PUA-techniques (mostly the stuff about faking confidence). That evening I thought I had some kind of magic power, some way of connecting with other people by sort of internally focusing on them, which I (in ignorance) 'used' to approach people on that party. Interestingly enough, it started before I had smoked weed (someone later suggested to me, it might have been an LSD microdose from someone elses cup of coffee that I had accidentally drunk at work that day). I ended up going home with a woman and sleeping at her place (we did not sleep with each other). I met her roommates at breakfast and was painfully aware how lonely, how different I was from anyone else, how I felt I was inconveniencing everyone else. But it felt weirdly like destiny. Her roommate was into C. G. Jung, and my therapist also was a Jungian, as if something had led me into this situation.
The weeks after that, I think I was weirdly energized, sort of in a trance, or in a 'flow', feeling really good and much more open towards other people. For the first time, I had the feeling that I could really be in touch with others. This quickly turned to paranoia. I thought my boss was controlling me psychically, and I had a lot of anxiety. I think therapy helped to calm this somehow.
I moved to a different city and went to university, where I again felt very closed off to others and thought I had to play a character or impress others to be friends with them. I had two jobs at the university, and with each boss I had then I felt that they were psychically controlling or monitoring me. I reacted to this by being angry at them (only in my mind) so as to "draw them out".
Around that time, I also began having very violent or 'toxic' thoughts, some of them racist or misogynistic. I did not act them out, but I made a very strong effort to control or suppress them (which I always had). I kind of think that it was a conflict within myself, something in me that was rebelling, because I was putting myself through university while at the same time „starving for affection“ as Dr K. says.
I watched a lot of videos about psychedelics, and thought, maybe they could heal my depressive episodes and my anger. I took LSD with a friend from my childhood, who was visiting and I had a really bad trip. After that, I struggled with insomnia for a long time. Then I discovered Eckhart Tolle and watched a lot of videos by him, which then 'energized' me in a way that I did not trust at all, and because I felt threatened by this energy (that didn't feel bad, but I thought I was losing control and my thoughts were taken away), I created a lot of anger.
My thoughts, especially the misogynistic or racist thoughts, then became very loud and I was overwhelmed by them. I knew that I was supposed to observe them, not control them, but I couldn't manage it.
I then stayed at a psychiatric hospital for a time and took antipsychotics, that gave me severe Akathisia which resulted in anger, and so they put me on Lorazepam (a Benzodiazepine) additionally for a time. The withdrawal from that was terrible.
When I was released from the hospital, I wanted to live without medication and learned much about meditation and mindfulness, which helped a lot. I can somewhat manage my life, I still have depressive episodes, but I can handle it, and I am grateful for my friends.
What remains is the feeling of being 'psychically connected' and having a responsibility for my thoughts, which leads me to control them.
I am afraid that I hurt or push away my friends and family or other people with these thoughts, when my mind is 'attacking' them. Sometimes, my mind is attacking people, just because they are nice to me.
The thing is, this 'attacking' seems to happen when I feel good, when I am concentrated, when I feel connected, and it distracts me. I think I dissociate sometimes, and when that happens, it is like I am suddenly 'possessed' by an entity that wants to hurt others, or at least give me these thoughts. It is like a 'seperate self' that is pushing me around. Maybe it is also the result of avoidance, for example, when I can't motivate myself to clean my room or to do things in everyday life.
This 'attacking' definitely seems to hurt myself, although I'm not sure if I conditioned myself to this, when I had anxiety and insomnia.
Maybe it has to do with self-hate, but I can't see where that hate originates. I automatically control/suppress myself, when these thoughts come, so I am not overwhelmed by them.
Most people seem to be of the opinion, that this emotional attacking does not have any real influence, I'm just responsible for what I act out.
Do you think this is true?
Thank you for reading! I have told this stuff to some people, and I have to admit that I am looking for attention sometimes. But thank you if you have some advice.
2023.03.29 19:08 Best-Sky-6643 Too Much Milk?
Our toddler has not been eating well, and when I started doing research I learned that we are likely giving him too much milk. He will be 2 in less than a month, and is apparently only supposed to have 20oz a day.........ours drinks double that if not a little more. The boy is absolutely obsessed with milk and fruit.
It was never told to us at a wellness checkup that we needed to cut down, so I am not sure how long we have been doing this wrong. They sounded somewhat alarmed by it, and I dont want to go down the Google rabbithole that is going to tell me my child is dying from milk.
First time mom and just looking for some open discussion about this, if your child drinks more, if you had any issues, etc
submitted by Best-Sky-6643 to toddlers [link] [comments]
It was never told to us at a wellness checkup that we needed to cut down, so I am not sure how long we have been doing this wrong. They sounded somewhat alarmed by it, and I dont want to go down the Google rabbithole that is going to tell me my child is dying from milk.
First time mom and just looking for some open discussion about this, if your child drinks more, if you had any issues, etc
2023.03.29 19:07 ThrowRAdidiviolate Did I (29f) violate my boyfriend (30m)?
Hi. Okay. So of course first of all, I'm going to talk with him about this tonight, but I want to put it somewhere outside of my head before that, so I can think better. And maybe get some advice on what to do from the masses. This is a very fresh thought, and it's very disturbing to me.
Edited to rephrase a question.
Also, content warning: this post mentions and/or discusses depression and sexual trauma.
So, my boyfriend and I have a lovely relationship. Shared interests, similar senses of humor, a big dose of attraction, healthy discussions instead of arguments, and mutual care and support on top of a genuine friendship.
About 6 months ago though, he descended into a major depressive episode. It took a toll, as depression does, on him and on our relationship. He lost all interest in sex, said at one point that he didn't feel love anymore, for anyone, and at a different point was quite convinced that he couldn't "love me like I should be loved" anymore (in an emotional sense) and that he should "spare" the both of us from a guaranteed unhappy future by leaving me. It was dark. I get it though, I've been there before, so I wanted to hold his hand and be there for him through the darkness.
I reminded him that his absence of loving feelings or sexual interest is just anhedonia, a common symptom in a depressive episode, and that those things would probably go back to normal when the depression lifts. That I'm right here and not going anywhere in the meantime. I reminded him that he makes my life brighter, that I love him completely and even more when he's going through it- and that there are a whole bunch of people in his corner who feel the same as me. When he thought to "spare" us, I told him "I would vote firmly to stay together, but I won't stop you if you truly think that's what's best for you. But I do know that depression can convince people of all sorts of whacky things, and I think it might be good to get you through this episode before making any big decisions". (He decided to stay.) I resisted the urge to initiate sex, and reminded myself that his libido would come back when the depression lifts.
And it has lifted. Mostly. He re-evaluated and decided he didn't want to leave me after all, so we're dusting things off and putting them back where they belong. But the one thing that isn't going back to normal is the physical intimacy. We've discussed it some, including deciding to try Sensate Focus to reignite his libido. But we've not taken any actual steps. He apparently got a prescription for Viagra, but couldn't bring his mind to a place of sexual intimacy or desire, so he didn't initiate. He only told me of the prescription after multiple "failures" and throwing the pills away. I haven't put much pressure on him aside from the inherent pressure that comes with discussing the topic. This is because I want him to have the space he needs to get reacquainted with himself, and because it's unlikely to inspire desire if I badger him about sex. It's been going like this for about 2.5 months now. I've asked twice if he wanted to try having sex, and was rejected both times. I tried to hide the hurt from him so as not to apply undue pressure, but he could see it.
The last time we talked about the situation, he said he feels like the last time we had sex, his sadness leaked in to the act and now anytime we get too close to intimacy, he feels sad and empty-- a ghost of the depression feelings where he should feel desire. He says it's the same when he's by himself.
Unfortunately, I also know about sexual trauma, because I've been there too. I know very well the complicated emotions and thoughts that come with being violated by someone you love and trust. And I know that it doesn't always look like a "classic" case, and that these situations may be difficult for the victim to even realize what it was. So maybe I'm extra-sensitive to, or on-the-lookout for red flags, or maybe that does actually sound like a symptom of sexual trauma.
The last time we had sex was the night he told me he was headed in for a depressive episode. I was unaware at the time, but by the point he told me, he'd already been declining for about a month and his depression was in full swing. I stayed the night at his place and while I was big spooning, I initiated. I wanted to show him my love. He didn't say no or physically resist in any way, I of course would have stopped if he had. But in retrospect, he didn't reciprocate very much either. Certainly less than normal. He kissed back and kept a hand on my hip throughout, but that was it. The other arm stayed down at his side. He only thrust back towards the very end of the encounter.
I had thought it was a tender moment, full of love and sadness. But since he said that, .. what if it wasn't that way to him? What if he felt used and violated and uncared for in that moment? Too lost in the depression to do anything but passively let it happen? This would be the first time he was violated in that way, so what if he just doesn't even know what that feels like emotionally? What if the lingering intimacy issues are due to me violating him while he was vulnerable? What if I exacerbated his depression? I'm sick to my stomach thinking that I may have passed that weight on to another person, especially this person that I love.
He hasn't mentioned that he did feel violated, but I can't let this thought go without talking about it and checking in with him. I'm terrified and ashamed. How do I go about bringing this up? If he does feel this way, how do I go about repairing the damage? Is it even possible to feel violated and not realize that's what you're feeling? Is it even possible to violate someone without realizing that you're doing so? WTF do I do if I violated him that night without realizing?
submitted by ThrowRAdidiviolate to sex [link] [comments]
Edited to rephrase a question.
Also, content warning: this post mentions and/or discusses depression and sexual trauma.
So, my boyfriend and I have a lovely relationship. Shared interests, similar senses of humor, a big dose of attraction, healthy discussions instead of arguments, and mutual care and support on top of a genuine friendship.
About 6 months ago though, he descended into a major depressive episode. It took a toll, as depression does, on him and on our relationship. He lost all interest in sex, said at one point that he didn't feel love anymore, for anyone, and at a different point was quite convinced that he couldn't "love me like I should be loved" anymore (in an emotional sense) and that he should "spare" the both of us from a guaranteed unhappy future by leaving me. It was dark. I get it though, I've been there before, so I wanted to hold his hand and be there for him through the darkness.
I reminded him that his absence of loving feelings or sexual interest is just anhedonia, a common symptom in a depressive episode, and that those things would probably go back to normal when the depression lifts. That I'm right here and not going anywhere in the meantime. I reminded him that he makes my life brighter, that I love him completely and even more when he's going through it- and that there are a whole bunch of people in his corner who feel the same as me. When he thought to "spare" us, I told him "I would vote firmly to stay together, but I won't stop you if you truly think that's what's best for you. But I do know that depression can convince people of all sorts of whacky things, and I think it might be good to get you through this episode before making any big decisions". (He decided to stay.) I resisted the urge to initiate sex, and reminded myself that his libido would come back when the depression lifts.
And it has lifted. Mostly. He re-evaluated and decided he didn't want to leave me after all, so we're dusting things off and putting them back where they belong. But the one thing that isn't going back to normal is the physical intimacy. We've discussed it some, including deciding to try Sensate Focus to reignite his libido. But we've not taken any actual steps. He apparently got a prescription for Viagra, but couldn't bring his mind to a place of sexual intimacy or desire, so he didn't initiate. He only told me of the prescription after multiple "failures" and throwing the pills away. I haven't put much pressure on him aside from the inherent pressure that comes with discussing the topic. This is because I want him to have the space he needs to get reacquainted with himself, and because it's unlikely to inspire desire if I badger him about sex. It's been going like this for about 2.5 months now. I've asked twice if he wanted to try having sex, and was rejected both times. I tried to hide the hurt from him so as not to apply undue pressure, but he could see it.
The last time we talked about the situation, he said he feels like the last time we had sex, his sadness leaked in to the act and now anytime we get too close to intimacy, he feels sad and empty-- a ghost of the depression feelings where he should feel desire. He says it's the same when he's by himself.
Unfortunately, I also know about sexual trauma, because I've been there too. I know very well the complicated emotions and thoughts that come with being violated by someone you love and trust. And I know that it doesn't always look like a "classic" case, and that these situations may be difficult for the victim to even realize what it was. So maybe I'm extra-sensitive to, or on-the-lookout for red flags, or maybe that does actually sound like a symptom of sexual trauma.
The last time we had sex was the night he told me he was headed in for a depressive episode. I was unaware at the time, but by the point he told me, he'd already been declining for about a month and his depression was in full swing. I stayed the night at his place and while I was big spooning, I initiated. I wanted to show him my love. He didn't say no or physically resist in any way, I of course would have stopped if he had. But in retrospect, he didn't reciprocate very much either. Certainly less than normal. He kissed back and kept a hand on my hip throughout, but that was it. The other arm stayed down at his side. He only thrust back towards the very end of the encounter.
I had thought it was a tender moment, full of love and sadness. But since he said that, .. what if it wasn't that way to him? What if he felt used and violated and uncared for in that moment? Too lost in the depression to do anything but passively let it happen? This would be the first time he was violated in that way, so what if he just doesn't even know what that feels like emotionally? What if the lingering intimacy issues are due to me violating him while he was vulnerable? What if I exacerbated his depression? I'm sick to my stomach thinking that I may have passed that weight on to another person, especially this person that I love.
He hasn't mentioned that he did feel violated, but I can't let this thought go without talking about it and checking in with him. I'm terrified and ashamed. How do I go about bringing this up? If he does feel this way, how do I go about repairing the damage? Is it even possible to feel violated and not realize that's what you're feeling? Is it even possible to violate someone without realizing that you're doing so? WTF do I do if I violated him that night without realizing?
2023.03.29 19:07 nothinkybrainhurty omg just shut up about my looks
You were bothered with my body hair so much that you forced 9 yo me to shave and get wax hair removals, every time when I was going out with even a smidge of body hair you were asking “concerned” if I’m not ashamed to go out like that. You convinced me that I needed laser hair removals, which I deeply regret doing now.
You constantly comment on my weight. Like yeah I might’ve been chubby as a kid, but what kid should care about slightly sticking out stomach? And that comments “praising” me for losing weight, no matter if it was in a healthy way or from starving myself weren’t helpful. And you proudly commenting on my recent weight gain (even though I was underweight before) every time you get a chance makes my blood boil. And shut up about what I eat, firstly you body shame me and then you act surprised when I don’t want to eat.
And every teenager gets acne. It’s a normal thing during puberty and you could’ve just got me a face wash, instead of constantly dragging me to beauticians, for painful treatments that were a sensory nightmare and a waste of time.
I just hate those constant comments on my looks. Yeah mom I am aware that my hair is greasy, or that my hands look puffy or that I got a pimple or that literally anything less than perfect is going on. No need to stare at me with a disgusted face, no need to comment on that, no need to blame this on whatever you chose to hate this time whether it’s meds or my lifestyle or hrt. No need to fucking cry when I try to spin these awful situations into jokes that are in fact pointing out how ridiculous you sound.
I’m sorry you consider me ugly, but stop making it into my fucking problem.
submitted by nothinkybrainhurty to raisedbynarcissists [link] [comments]
You constantly comment on my weight. Like yeah I might’ve been chubby as a kid, but what kid should care about slightly sticking out stomach? And that comments “praising” me for losing weight, no matter if it was in a healthy way or from starving myself weren’t helpful. And you proudly commenting on my recent weight gain (even though I was underweight before) every time you get a chance makes my blood boil. And shut up about what I eat, firstly you body shame me and then you act surprised when I don’t want to eat.
And every teenager gets acne. It’s a normal thing during puberty and you could’ve just got me a face wash, instead of constantly dragging me to beauticians, for painful treatments that were a sensory nightmare and a waste of time.
I just hate those constant comments on my looks. Yeah mom I am aware that my hair is greasy, or that my hands look puffy or that I got a pimple or that literally anything less than perfect is going on. No need to stare at me with a disgusted face, no need to comment on that, no need to blame this on whatever you chose to hate this time whether it’s meds or my lifestyle or hrt. No need to fucking cry when I try to spin these awful situations into jokes that are in fact pointing out how ridiculous you sound.
I’m sorry you consider me ugly, but stop making it into my fucking problem.
2023.03.29 19:07 emmyeggo How the Starborn were created.
Now for a less unhinged theory (though, knowing me, that's not saying much lmao).
A question that plagues me about the Crescent City world right now:
And, why do Ruhn, Cormac, and the other Avallen Starborn fae have shadows - but Bryce doesn't?
To explore this further, I'm going to need to delve into Throne of Glass lore - so, TOG spoilers!
Now, keeping this in mind, we also know the Cauldron created the Dread Trove. Is it then any coincidence that the abilities of these Dread Trove item... perfectly mirror the abilities of the wyrdkeys?
But, Pelias just didn't wield the Horn - he wielded a Dread Trove item. A wyrdkey - or made of the same essence of the wyrdkey.
We also know that Ruhn (and presumably the Avallen fae - Ruhn's cousins), descended from Pelias.
So... how did we get from Pelias, who had the Starborn light - to a bunch of people with shadow powers...?
When a wyrdkey was embedded into Kaltain's arm, the essence of the wyrdkey mixed with her fire power, and created shadowfire.
Art by dianulala
Now, think back to Pelias.
If he is messing around with something made from wyrdkeys (the Horn)... and he mixes that with his starlight (so wyrdkey x starlight)... what would that create?
Shadows. Literally... black light.
He turned his light, into shadows. Explaining why his descendants (with Helena - Theia's youngest daughter) have shadow powers.
However, considering that Bryce and Ruhn can wield actual, proper starlight (from the Autumn King's line) - it suggests that Theia's other daughter was not corrupted in the same way... somehow (...she still remains a mystery).
History is repeating itself, and Bryce - just like Pelias - now once again bears the Horn. It's inside of her - it is granting her special abilities.
If this theory is correct - and all of this leads back to the wyrdkeys...
How long until Bryce's starlight turns to shadows as well....?
Or, will there be a way to stop it?
(And, maybe the title of House of Flame and Shadow is actually referring to Bryce...)
Art by Isabella Smith
submitted by emmyeggo to crescentcitysjm [link] [comments]
A question that plagues me about the Crescent City world right now:
Why does the Starborn line include people with both starlight AND shadow powers?
I've pondered lots of different explanations (ie. Theia having children with the Valg, a Prince of Hel etc) - but then how is Bryce's light so pure? How are there variations in the light?And, why do Ruhn, Cormac, and the other Avallen Starborn fae have shadows - but Bryce doesn't?
To explore this further, I'm going to need to delve into Throne of Glass lore - so, TOG spoilers!
The Dread Trove.
There is an alarming similarity between the Cauldron having 3 black, magic "legs" - and the 3 black, magic wyrdkeys. We also know that when Rhys and Amren were about to die, they literally went through the Cauldron as a means to access the afterlife - or another world. Almost as if the Cauldron... is a wyrdgate.Now, keeping this in mind, we also know the Cauldron created the Dread Trove. Is it then any coincidence that the abilities of these Dread Trove item... perfectly mirror the abilities of the wyrdkeys?
- The Crown can control people. The wyrdkeys can control people (as they were used to make wyrdcollars and wyrdrings - which obviously controlled people in a near identical manner).
- The Harp can open portals to different locations and realms. This is evidently one of the key features of the wyrdkeys.
- The Mask can control the dead. Again, similar to the wyrdkeys, as it was stated that Erawan wanted the keys to create an army of dead people:
"He would not need to, not with all three keys. His control would be absolute. And he would not need living hosts - only bodies."Then in addition to this, there is compelling evidence to suggest that the Horn is the 4th Dread Trove item. And, thinking about the power of the Horn - opening and closing portals between worlds - just like the wyrdkeys... it makes perfect sense.
Pelias.
We know that Pelias was Starborn. Pelias also wielded the Horn. In fact, the Horn was so strongly connected to Pelias, that Apollion had to steal Pelias's blood just to be able to use/track it.But, Pelias just didn't wield the Horn - he wielded a Dread Trove item. A wyrdkey - or made of the same essence of the wyrdkey.
We also know that Ruhn (and presumably the Avallen fae - Ruhn's cousins), descended from Pelias.
So... how did we get from Pelias, who had the Starborn light - to a bunch of people with shadow powers...?
Kaltain Rompier.
(If you're a TOG reader, you probably know where I am going with this).When a wyrdkey was embedded into Kaltain's arm, the essence of the wyrdkey mixed with her fire power, and created shadowfire.
Art by dianulala
Now, think back to Pelias.
If he is messing around with something made from wyrdkeys (the Horn)... and he mixes that with his starlight (so wyrdkey x starlight)... what would that create?
Shadows. Literally... black light.
He turned his light, into shadows. Explaining why his descendants (with Helena - Theia's youngest daughter) have shadow powers.
However, considering that Bryce and Ruhn can wield actual, proper starlight (from the Autumn King's line) - it suggests that Theia's other daughter was not corrupted in the same way... somehow (...she still remains a mystery).
Bryce.
But, this brings up another important point.History is repeating itself, and Bryce - just like Pelias - now once again bears the Horn. It's inside of her - it is granting her special abilities.
If this theory is correct - and all of this leads back to the wyrdkeys...
How long until Bryce's starlight turns to shadows as well....?
Or, will there be a way to stop it?
(And, maybe the title of House of Flame and Shadow is actually referring to Bryce...)
Art by Isabella Smith