I was originally going to do the entire game and realized that it would take too long, so instead here is a draft I made for the first cutscene since it has taken me quite a while to type up, and it's only this small part of the game. If you want to see more, let me know
Notes before reading:

1. Do I even need to say this? Spoilers for CoD MW 2019 ahead.
2. This is not an analysis of the gameplay
3. This is not an analysis of the whole series
4. I may get things wrong, but please remember I'm only human
5. Everything I say does not represent my allegiance or preference towards any political, governmental, or national party or entity. This is purely my takeaway from the campaign and its story.
6. If you have your own interpretations or thoughts about certain things I mention or if you disagree with what I say, please mention it in the comments, I'd love to hear it.
7. Lastly, remember, this is entirely based on MY interpretations. That means I may not use scenes, dialogue, actions, etc, that you believe should be here, but it is what I feel the game is conveying.

With that said, let me get into the analysis.
Cutscene: Beginning of the mission "Fog of War" The cutscene begins with Omar "The Wolf" Sulaman and Jamal "The Butcher" Rahal talking in a video on a mobile phone about Al-Qatala's cause, watched by (presumably) an Al-Qatala fighter in a van. The other fighters are seen cocking their rifles and passing a cigarette. All of these set the tone of the story while keeping the characters mysterious and unrevealing. The cigarette suggests the fighters are nervous and getting ready for an unknown mission. This is followed by the noise of the van's doors opening and the camera slowly moves toward a fighter with a bomb strapped to him. The camera stops as we see the fighters stepping out with the suicide bomber in the middle of the frame, holding a detonator as his fellow fighters spread out of the frame. A mother and child as well as a businessman notice the bomber and the mother holds her child in a shielding-like way. Screaming ensues and as tension builds up, the scene cuts to black with the text "Modern Warfare".
My thoughts on the scene:
This scene is a powerful opening and a reminder of what modern combat looks like. It's a sad moment of realization that in the world we live in, this is what, as the title suggests, modern warfare is like. Long gone are the days of armies marching towards their enemies, now we throw away lives, and hold innocent people hostage, and at gunpoint for the sake of just seeing the other country on its knees. Long gone too are the days when world superpowers can remove countries and launch international combat missions at the snap of a finger. Modern warfare calls for the bravest to understand the situation and get their hands dirty without asking too many questions, yet without a doubt, the underlying message here is that this, no matter how "cancelable" it may look, this, is what modern warfare looks like. Men and women give their life for a flash of success in the name of their country, and yet it only puts another stain on that country as is evidently seen later on.
I hope this was good, I'm not usually one for analyzing in this sense.
Just a reminder to read the notes I wrote above if you have thoughts you would like to share.

Upright and Balanced - On the Trail and in Life This past summer, my daughter and I planned to hike a section of the Appalachian Trail. Although we both loved the outdoors and were frequent day hikers, neither of us had attempted an overnight backpacking experience. After watching numerous on-line videos for advice, studying trail maps, and loading our packs, we set off for adventure, compass in hand and a smile on our faces.
Seasoned backpackers will tell you that “newbies” on the trail are easily recognized by the size of their packs, carrying everything but the kitchen sink. We were no exception. Our packs were easily half our body weight and towered over our heads. After the first mile, we got the hang of balancing our loads and conquered one steep ascent after another.
All was well until I had the misfortune to misstep and “roll” on a stick. I was thrown off balance, my feet went out from under me, and I found myself looking up at the sky, my fall cushioned by my pack. My daughter ran to my aid but was quickly overcome with fits of laughter at the sight of me attempting to get back on my feet. ​ Every effort to stand up was negated by the heavy pack. No matter how I tried, I was stuck, much like an overturned turtle. After valiant efforts to right myself, I lay exhausted by the situation, needing some kind of helping hand to stand. Once I gave up fighting the pack weight, a thought came to me. If I just unclipped my pack, I would be able to stand. I did. Now free from the weight of my burden, I stood upright.
My experience on the trail holds many lessons for me when compared to Al-Anon. Many of us carried a burden from the effects of alcoholism, causing us to lose our balance and get stuck. Our best efforts were ineffective in “righting” ourselves in our relationships and lives. For me, the experience, strength, and hope provided by the program are the freeing solutions to the family disease of alcoholism. The Steps and Traditions help me unclip the burden of the effects of growing up with alcoholism, allowing me to proceed down the trail of life upright and balanced.
By Mary Jo H. May, 2016 Reprinted with permission of The Forum Al-Anon Family Groups Incorporated, Virginia Beach, VA

STUDIES ON HUMOR IN THE ZHUANGZI
In one of the now classic studies on humor in ancient China, David R. Knechtges (1970–1971, 80) summarizes what may have been at the time a widespread scholarly view about a relative lack of humor in ancient Chinese texts: “It has been observed more than once that humor does not occupy a prominent place in traditional Chinese literature.” Toward the end of his essay, Knechtges concludes that, while indeed some humorous texts or passages can be identified in ancient China, “most of early Chinese humor is essentially didactic and moralistic” (95). In comparison with this rather unexciting estimation, Knechtges’s view on the Zhuangzi is quite remarkable: he writes that this “entire work is made up of a series of incongruities strung together in the aimless manner of sustained humor” (97). It seems that Knechtges felt slightly uncomfortable with conceding such a dissonance between the strikingly humoristic features of the Zhuangzi and the “essentially didactic and moralistic” humor anywhere else in ancient China, so he thought it better to surmise cautiously that Zhuangzi was probably just a madman with a “fondness for the bizarre and unconventional,” whose humor was “unintentional” and a mere “by-product” of a strange imagination (97).
Knechtges was by no means the first to ascribe exceptionality to the Zhuangzi as a humoristic work in ancient China. In 1932, Lin Yutang published an influential essay called “On Humor” (Lun youmo 論幽默) in which he commended the spiritual merits of humor in the world in general and China in particular. He identified various humorous traditions in ancient China and labeled Daoism (mostly referring to Laozi and Zhuangzi) as the “humorous faction” in the history of Chinese thought, as opposed to the “orthodox faction” of Confucianism (Sample 2011, 174; see also Liu Jianmei 2016, 106–11). Among the Daoists, he singled out Zhuangzi as “the father of Chinese humor” (Sample 2011, 173). He thereby seems to have set the tone for similar judgments, such as a more recent one by Xiao Dong Yue (2010, 403), who states that Zhuangzi “is recognized as the very first humorist in China.” As a rule, most contemporary interpreters of the Zhuangzi grant that it is an often witty text that uses humor among many other literary tools. Eske Møllgard (2007, 6), for instance, affirms that the Zhuangzi “employs prose poems, fables, satire, song, fictitious dialogue, spiritual exercise, didactic verse, aphorisms, and a number of literary genres we have still not identified and understood.”
While statements of this kind abound in the literature—both academic and popular—devoted to the Zhuangzi, in-depth studies on its use of humor as either a literary or a philosophical device are more difficult to find. Nonetheless, one attempt to assess the philosophical function of humor in the Zhuangzi was made by Erik Schwitzgebel (1996). According to Schwitzgebel, humor in the Zhuangzi has the therapeutic function of making its readers capable of taking truth claims or assertions of facts less seriously and thus allows them to adopt a more flexible attitude toward pronouncements in language. He says that Zhuangzi simply “would like to see us take what people have to say less seriously” so that we are “willing to play around with it in a disrespectful way for humorous or other ends” (70–71). We sympathize with this view, particularly since it echoes our point that its similarity to play is a philosophically relevant aspect of humor, but also because it resonates with our claim that humor dissolves moral seriousness and empties out meaning. Perhaps the most comprehensive attempt to analyze humor in the Zhuangzi from a literary studies perspective has been presented by Youru Wang (2003). In Linguistic Strategies in Daoist Zhuangzi and Chan Buddhism: The Other Way of Speaking, Wang adopts a deconstructionist perspective and deals specifically with “denegation” (i.e., negating and self-negating language such as the “negation of all polarities and double negation” [153]), paradox, and irony in the Zhuangzi, all of which he ties to the Zhuangzi’s self-ascribed use of the much-discussed “goblet words” (zhi yan卮言; for interesting discussions of this elusive term, see Wang Bo 2004; Fried 2007; Morrow 2016).3 According to Youru Wang (2003, 153), “the Zhuangzian denegation disagrees with the Derridean interpretation of denegation.… This Derridean interpretation still falls into a negation privileged over affirmation. Zhuangzi does not privilege negativity over positivity.” Instead, Wang believes that denegation as found in the Zhuangzi expresses a playful toying with the relation between language and the ineffable, while uses of paradox illustrate “the dynamic convergence of various opposites.” He thus links humorous rhetorical techniques to philosophical interpretations of the indirect “strategies of communication” (see Kupperman 1989) and “antirationalism” (see Carr and Ivanhoe 2000) found in the Zhuangzi. Wang (2003, 158) concludes, “When the use of denegation or paradox brings about self-negation or self-contradiction in an unanticipated manner, especially when it occurs in a form of self-mockery or self-ridicule, it involves irony.” In short, for Wang, irony emerges as the major humoristic device in the Zhuangzi and, philosophically speaking, it “calls into serious question any logocentric or metaphysical closure in a frivolous or humorous way” (159). Lee Yearley (2005) has also presented some ideas on “Zhuangzi’s kinds of language” and, like Youru Wang, combines a literary analysis with philosophically relevant conclusions. Unlike Wang, though, he does not use a deconstructionist conceptual framework. His intention is to interpret Zhuangzi as a religious ethicist who uses “literary devices like satire or parody” (516; another interpretation of Zhuangzi as a religious ethicist is presented in Lee 2014) to convey a spiritual message and to call for moral self-reflection. According to Yearley (2005, 516), these humorous devices in the Zhuangzi are intended to provoke “hermeneutical crises that have spiritual implications” for readers so that they will eventually be forced to “evaluate their own spiritual maturity.”
From a different philosophical perspective, James D. Sellmann (1998, 165) ascribes a transformative “mystical” meaning to humorous language in the Zhuangzi. He affirms that “storytelling, irony, jokes, even a simple pun—all of the elements that make up comedy, laughter, and forgetting … are the literary devices employed in the Zhuangzi.” Influenced by Kuang-ming Wu’s (1990) approach to the Zhuangzi and partially reminiscent of Robert E. Allinson’s (1989) reading of the text as a guide for “spiritual transformation,” Sellmann further argues that through such devices the Zhuangzi shows “how one must awaken to ‘transformation’ and ‘humor’ by beginning to live the life that affirms one’s own personal mutation” (172).
With fewer philosophical (but more historical and philological) ambitions than Wang, Yearley, or Sellmann, Shirley Chan (2011) has made an attempt at “identifying Daoist humor.” While her specific focus is on the Liezi列子, much of what she says is also applicable to the Zhuangzi, since several of the textual examples she discusses appear in both texts. Chan, too, pays attention to specific literary devices and points to “metaphor, exaggeration, hyperbole and reductio ad absurdum” (87). Interestingly, she connects both the Liezi and the Zhuangzi with the ancient Chinese category of “huaji-ists,” or “humorists,” who, as Knechtges (1970–1971, 82) remarks, “were considered important enough for Sima Qian to compile a monograph on them in his Records of the Historian [Shiji史記].” They were “jesters at the courts of the Warring States kings and Han emperors” (83) and spoke “wittily and relevantly to persuade their lords to accept their advice” (Shirley Chan 2011, 75). Knechtges (1970–1971, 83) states that huaji滑稽 “in the early period meant something like a ‘smooth talker.’ ” The term’s connotations were not necessarily positive, and so it makes sense that Chan reads the expression huaji猾稽 as huaji滑稽, or “humorists,” in an interesting statement made in the Shiji’s biography of Xunzi 荀子. In Chan’s reading, this statement has Xunzi dismissing Zhuangzi as someone “who attacked Confucian social conventions by being a humorist” (huaji luan su滑稽亂俗 [Chan 2011, 232n11; see Shiji 74.11]).
The anti-Confucian trajectory of many of the humoristic passages in the Zhuangzi is discussed in further detail in a more recent essay by Katrin Froese (2014). Froese notes that Confucius is not only sympathetically depicted as a spokesperson for Daoism at times but also ambiguously “at the receiving end of so much biting satire” in the Zhuangzi (310). Although Froese does not explicitly refer to Henri Bergson—whose interesting but unfortunately now-ignored theory of humor assumes that laughter results from perceiving something human as nonhuman, as mechanistic or lifeless (Bergson 1924)—she identifies the function of anti-Confucian humor in the Zhuangzi very much in Bergsonian terms. According to her, the Zhuangzi mocks the at times “mechanist” Confucian attitude to ritual. She writes, “For the Daoist, ritual, when held up against the spontaneous and yet harmonious movement of nature, will always be comic because it is mechanistic, artificial, and forced” (Froese 2014, 210). In the context of a collaborative comparative study on Kierkegaard and Zhuangzi (Carr and Ivanhoe 2000), P. J. Ivanhoe has discussed humor in the Zhuangzi by testing the text against the humor theory of D. H. Monro (1963), which preceded the present standard accounts by Morreall and others. Ivanhoe “ticks all the boxes” and attests that the Zhuangzi contains forms of humor that are compatible with any theory tracing humor back to “feelings of superiority, incongruity, ambivalence, or relief from inhibition or restraint” (Carr and Ivanhoe 2000, 136). Besides proving the Zhuangzi’s humorous versatility and its capacity to live up to contemporary humor theories, Ivanhoe is particularly keen on defending Zhuangzi against any accusations of using humor in a morally suspicious way. For this purpose he suggests a strict distinction between the good-humored, authentic Zhuangzi who speaks in the Inner Chapters and the inauthentic falsifiers of him present in the Outer Chapters. He believes that “it is not too strong a claim to say that sections of the text that criticize Kongzi [Confucius] himself in a severe and malicious way are immediately suspect as the work of late pretenders to Zhuangzi’s mantle.” He specifically points to “the ‘Robber Zhi’ chapter,” which he takes to “have been confidently identified as of rather late origin” (11). In the same vein, he categorically states that “one does not find the mocking humor of the assassin in the authentic parts of the text” (138).
Ivanhoe establishes a stark moral contrast between the mild, ethically instructive, and restricted humor of the genuine Zhuangzi on the one hand and, on the other, the “malicious” “humor of the assassin” of the “pretenders to Zhuangzi’s mantle.” Apparently he assumes that there is a kind of “devil in disguise” hidden in some parts of the book and thinks that the conscientious reader should beware of it. Perhaps Ivanhoe’s drastic good/evil and authentic/inauthentic distinction is due to an influence of the long history of the moralistic “traditional rejection of humor” documented by Morreall (2009). Ivanhoe’s distinction between good and evil humor in the Zhuangzi echoes the “moral fear” that has haunted philosophical and religious condemnations of humor for centuries in both East and West. It is therefore not surprising that it resurfaces in some of the literature on humor, including literature on the humor of the Zhuangzi. Accordingly, Ivanhoe is not the only one to judge Zhuangzi’s humor morally; other authors, too, make an effort to identify an ethically clean humor in the Zhuangzi that is free from immoral or harmful traits. Lee Yearley (2005, 516), for example, writes, “Zhuangzi’s humor rarely, however, just distances in a way that allows us to feel superior.” Youru Wang (2003, 158) finds (inoffensive) irony in the Zhuangzi but not (offensive) sarcasm, saying that irony “differs from sarcasm, because sarcasm laughs at the hearer.” Lin Yutang points out that Daoists “could have become cynical and disgusted with the world, but by arriving at cynicism and disgust, they would have lost an essential element of true humor” (Sample 2011, 175).
Unlike some of the authors quoted in the preceding, but in line with newer humor theories, we reject the traditional superiority perspective on humor that tends to find unchecked laughter morally suspicious. In our opinion, the ascription of such ethically negative attributes to humor results from a moralistic prejudice against humor. We intend to argue instead from an amoral perspective beyond good and evil that looks at humor as being, among many other things, a way to escape moral fear and not as a dangerous rhetorical device that, if not properly reined in and cleansed, will serve to assert one’s superiority over others. We have therefore made our preceding sketch of several characteristics of a Daoist theory of humor in response to a not uncommon impression among readers of the Zhuangzi addressed by Brook Ziporyn (2009, viii): “Profound comedians have always been hard to come by; funny philosophers perhaps even more so. To enter into this work attributed to Zhuangzi is to find oneself roused and enraptured by its intellectual and spiritual depth, but also by its provocative humor.” What we intend to do is make sense of the provocative humor of the Zhuangzi within a philosophical framework. This framework looks at Daoist humor, on the one hand, as a subversive reaction to the impossible existential demands of an ethical regime of sincerity and, on the other hand, as a way of experiencing the playful pleasure, effortless skillfulness, and childlike sanity of a genuine pretender.
From: TOWARD A DAOIST THEORY OF HUMOR
Book: HANS-GEORG MOELLER & PAUL J. D’AMBROSIO GENUINE PRETENDING ON THE PHILOSOPHY OF THE ZHUANGZI COLUMBIA UNIVERSITY PRESS New York

(Other Half Of Story Is In The Comments) (VERY LONG STORY)
Assalamualaikum warahmatullahi wabarakatuh my brother or sister reading this may Allah SWT reward you,
In the past year , I have been through extremely odd but extraordinary situations. Just for background I am 17 years of age, I always had islam in my heart, I was not practicing true Islam up until this year, but I now make sure as it is my duty and true purpose, to output a justly and positive impact in todays society.
As for the subject, Im going to give a rough overview of what has happened and an in depth description of how it had occurred ❤️🙏.
Here is a sequential list of what has happened and how it had led to tribulation.

• Between March 2021 - November 2021 - I had drank alcohol for the first time. I had smoked weed for the first time. I had commited Zina for the first time. I had made substantial amounts of money from haram means (not drugs). I had gambled for the first time. I had reached my desire of physique I wanted. At this point I was a sheep in the possession of shaytaan and enjoying the distractions of this dunya.
  
• Between December 2021 / January 2022 - I had spent every cent of my Haram money. I had been done wrong , and had been doing wrong by a lot of people but was blind to it. I had lost haram relations . I had lost the prime of my physique although I am still of decent build. Though I still continued to smoke weed.
  
• Between February 2022 / August 2022 - Everything had returned. In incomparable amounts. The haram money (not from drugs) turned into $27,000USD a week, I had part-taken in a lot more haram relations with different women, I was at one point spending $30,000 in a weekend to get penthouses, buy any designer I wanted, any piece of clothing and in general any material possession , I was involved in a lot more gambling (up to $9000 a week) , drinking alcohol carelessly , smoking weed every day , partying , and most of all living distracted in this dunya like never before.
  
• ( This Is Where The Substantial Trials Began ) , September 2022 / January 2023 - By September, I had lost all the money once again, this was due to gambling. I had sold my car and lost the money. I had lost everything I once had just a month ago as I was so deluded. At this point I had got a job doing traffic control to at least get by.
  
• February 2023 / Present - although I left school in 10th grade, I was accepted into university for cyber security. I got rid of all social media as the need for satisfaction via virtual attention is unnecessary. I got rid of almost all temporary pleasures to manipulate my time and efforts into productivity and quality output while I exist on this earth. I started lowering my gaze. I started praying. I stopped drinking alcohol, stopped smoking weed , I started reading the Quran, and the Hadith. I stopped lying. And most of all i make sure my words and actions are conducting a positive output to society.
  

My job (traffic control) consisted of standing in a position throughout 6-17 hours of a day. With no communication , no use of phones, and in my personal case a lot of pain from standing in a position for such amounts of time. As i started working, the following subjects had occurred to me.
(There is a lot more then this, and what really happened is ALOT more in-depth , but what I have chosen to list specifically correlates to the major tribulations in that took place)
The sequence of each situation will endup correlating to the major tribulations.
1st Situation -
During the beginning of my time at this work, I was smoking THC vapes (weed vape) all day, as this addiction carried on through the previous times. Although I was still sinning a lot of the time, it occurred to me that Allah SWT understands the context behind everyone’s situation and not just the exterior. This is no reason to sin. But this is what caused me to submit. I would dwell on my situation and how I really am at the heart, I would dwell about my true morals and ethics which led me to shed tears regardless if I was at work because I realised this whole time Allah is the only one who knows how giving and caring I am in the soul, I would cry for his help, I would cry for his forgiveness, I would cry in appraisal of his almighty power, I would cry when I realised he saved me the whole time. It got to a point where I knew only Allah SWT knows how much I loved him , for the beauty of nature, for every time he saved me, for every time he tested me , for every life occurrence which took place, For the wisdom and knowledge he provided me with, For giving me a chance to build the heart of a warrior, For the outlook on life I was given. Subhanallah
2nd Situation -
With all the time at work came a lot of dwelling on my past. A major factor included all past relations. Who was good, Who was with me that had alterier motives, Who was blatantly unjust, who would sin with me , Etc.
Subhanallah it’s as though Allah SWT blessed me with true insight to the intentions behind every relation I had.
Who was close with me for money? Who was close with me for attention? Who was close with me that would lie upon the name of Allah? Who would talk to me about private situations of other people? Who was close with me to share a bad habit? Who out of those people would do what you would do for them? (biggest one) Who out of those people loved you like your brothers, your mother, your father , your sister? No one was left.
I had concluded my only true companions consisted of first-blood relatives. These are the only people who through any situation end-up coming close regardless of the past. These are the only people who would never steal. Who would never lie in the name of Allah SWT. Who would be too shameful to influence a bad habit on each other.
Regardless of any past action or motive from previous relations, I am equally respectful to every one of them to this day. I hold zero grudges and who am I not to forgive and be welcoming to anyone who has crossed my path. If it wasn’t for these people I would not be blessed with the outlook on the unbiased truth of intention behind relations.
Continued in comments..

Dear Community, we'd like to move from the theater where the majority of roles are played by children to virtual production in order to do some fairy tales / fantasy stuff. There is no goal at this moment to be perfectly realistic movie looking, but learning to place real actors in virtual environment. We will be able to set up a decent chromakey studio I hope and now I'm looking for beginner solution for virtual production. Unfortunately we don't have possibility to use URSA mini like cameras and really want to find the cheapest solution for now. I'd like to use a phone for the start and checked CamTrackAR first - didn't find much guides to be honest and decent composing guide is mostly about HitFilm software and a just a minimum of not-so-beginner-friendly UE tutorials. Also, there is upcoming Skyglass App - but it's not yet clear how this will work and what flexibility will be available (would not want to be limited to pre-defined VFX and library of backgrounds). Also, what I liked is Live Link VCAM - but I understand that this is virtual camera that can add some camera movement to the scene where real actor already placed inside virtual environment. So, could you please just confirm that there is either no way I'm able to set - up (with what we have) workflow where I'll be able to see actors in real time in supposed virtual setup and shoot accordingly or I missed something? For the kids it would be the best way to do this since as you can imagine children could be more difficult to manage in terms of this precision that is needed in case we shoot scenes "blindly" (not exactly blindly, but I hope you get me) without proper visual control. Again - we don't expect hollywood quality but priority is this real time keying and seeing them in this environment in real time as well. If this is absolutely not achievable in this way - what would be the cheapest way to start in you opinion. If you could just list a minimum tech rig/equipment you would suggest - it'd be great. But for now I'm still looking for smartphone + chromakey + UE/AE production. From cameras - we have also Canon 5D Mark II - but it's quite old and I don't see a way to connect it to the PC for this purpous properly (since as I understand we need an GenLock interface). Thank you all.
PS Also, feel free to direct me to any forums/tutorials you think are relevant.

The season is starting where I live and it’s time for new rubber. I ride a road bike on pavement 95% of the time. I’m looking for 28s, tubeless is possible, but prefer tubes for now. Any help is appreciated.

My downstairs neighbors have complained about the noise twice now. I am the cause of the noise. I have maladaptive daydreaming to the point where I have to get up every 5 minutes. I'm also an extremely heavy walker, I don't weigh much at all, so I tend to put my entire weight into my steps.
Both of these things are done unintentionally.
I have never met the neighbors, and I have nothing in spite against them. In fact, if I was living downstairs and the person upstairs was making all that noise, I would complain, too. The thing is, I live with both my mother and my sister. Both of them have asked whether I am the cause of the noise. Neither of them know that I have maladaptive daydreaming, but they have seen me.
I have lied to both of them, saying that I am not the cause of the noise. That I am asleep or I am always laying down and I only get up for necessities. Both of them have defended me against the noise complaints because of this lie. They say that all of us are sleeping, and no one is running around or anything. I have 5 cats, and it's gotten to the point where they even blame them.
Recently, though, my downstairs neighbors have recorded the noise and sent it to the owner. Only a few minutes ago, I saw someone standing outside and recording me, as I was pacing around my home. I didn't have my glasses on, and I genuinely couldn't tell if it was a homeless gut taking a crap on the sidewalk or if it was actually my neighbor with a camera.
Is that illegal? I don't know, but I'm quite annoyed with the fact that the neighbors don't just talk to me. They only talk to the owner and never once knocked on my door or bothered to talk to the source.
Anyways, AITA? I feel as if I completely manipulated my sister and mother to where they can't suspect me anymore. I just get scared they'll say I'm bs if I bring up the daydreaming.

Brynnhildr is a bruiseassassin with disruptive short ranged skills and the ability to enter battle on her own terms. She starts out as a high impact assassin and transitions into a disruptive bruiser.

Lore

Frodnar stood up, blinking, with much effort. Why was he on the ground? Where were his axe and shield? Why did everything seem so unreal and dreamlike? The sounds of battle seemed distant and the muddy field was steeped in an unearthly glow. As he slowly pondered these questions, still stunned from that mace blow, someone behind him put a hand on his shoulder. "Frodnar, it is time", she spoke.
"They got me, didn't they?"
She nodded silently, waiting for his bearsmead trance to wear off. As the blood left his body, so would the elixir leave his mind. They had made it farther than the enemy must have expected, just the twenty of them with axes and wolfskins going up against the entire legion. The ambush was flawless, but it was not enough. She knew it was never going to be enough.
"Where is the warband? How many of the rooster draggers did I take down with me?"
She shook her head, with not a hint of sadness in her eyes. "Grapeshot."
"But I can't... The village needs me! The women and children...!"
She remained silent.
"You can skewer their whole legion on that god-spear of yours. Do something!"
"The Gods wove the tapestry of fate to be admired, not touched. Your death was prophesised." She handed him his axe and shield back and coolly continued, "Come with me, einherjer. Your time on Runeterra is over, but one final battle awaits," as the earth quietly dropped out from under the pair and the skies faded into a brilliant white glow and gave way to the myriad stars of Nivheim.

Lying on the floor of a hastily dug trench, a young woman looked up at the stars, watching the glare of a falling star streak past overhead. A portent from the heavens; a sign of victory or doom? She did not dare to hope for much more than a bitter victory, and even that would be a miracle. The legion was still advancing on their position and her brothers were probably already dead. Their only hope was that the men had done enough damage to dissuade them from a frontal attack.
"Mom, the falling star, what does it mean?", a boy asked, no older than fifteen.
"It means we will win this, Bjarn. The Gods are with us. Maybe you'll get to kill a war elephant!", she said, gesturing to the makeshift crossbow he was holding in his knuckles.
It sounded very unconvincing, and Bjarn knew it, and so did the falling star descending invisibly on the small group of defenders. Unbeknowst to the mortals in the trenches, the enemy already knew their position and were loading their cannons. Bjarn would never even get to shoot his crossbow, and then she would rush the enemy ranks in a suicidal charge and that would be that. Wrong place, wrong time, as fate ordained.
As she gave her son a hug, the falling star landed silently on the ruins, watching the small group of defenders in the trench that would be their tomb. A single ethereal tear fell and vanished as the cannons flared in the distance.

Behind the thunder of the barrage, a faint ripple in the tapestry drew the messenger's eye, a single thread unwinding far behind enemy lines. The defenders were still alive: one of the cannons had not fired. Through the din of battle, she listened.
I will not shoot at women and children so the high command can add a few more miles to their borders. Fire! Fire, soldier! This is an order! We can just put down our weapons and walk away. We can put an end to this. Hands in the air! Drop the match! Drop it!
She cast one last glance at the stars she would never touch again and landed at Bjarn's side, taking care not to startle the boy.
"Be not afraid, Bjarn. You need to do something. You know how to use that crossbow?" "Yes, I... shot a rat... just yesterday..." "Good. See that star up there, just a bit brighter than the others? Aim straight at it and shoot." "Who are..." "Do not sit here waiting to die. Shoot. Follow my last prophecy. Unravel the tapestry."
And Bjorn did as she asked, and watched the crude dart arc into the distance, carried by a lucky wind.
This is bigger than you, soldier. If you don't fire, someone else will, and if they don't, someone else will. You are nothing!
Suddenly, unexpectedly, but exactly as the messenger had prophesised, a crossbow bolt fell from the sky, knocking the lit match out of the soldier's hand, sending it tumbling through the air and into a nearby barrel.

As the echoes of the bombardment faded, the mother gripped her sword, awaiting the charge. In the distance, the enemy line rushed towards them, then hesitated, stumbled; swept off their horses and knocked to the ground by a scorching wind as the horizon lit up with a brilliant glow. Burning debris and a cloud of gunpowder smoke filled the sky.
"The cannons! Bjarn, the cannons!" She turned to her son and who is that wait is that a--
"Is... is Bjarn dead?" "Not right now. Maybe later," the messenger replied. "Are we going to die?" "I do not know. The tapestry is unwoven, your fate is now in your hands alone. I have broken my oath; the power of prophecy is no longer mine."
The messenger looked around the trench, pointing her spear at the enemy line where the soldiers were clambering around, disoriented, searching for their weapons and horses. "Listen up! The children stay here and watch for ambushes. The adults join me! We strike that wagon over there before they remember which way to point their swords. That's their carrier pigeon cage. We take that out, we cut their communication lines."
"We can actually win this?", the mother asked.
"We have been given a chance. Nothing more, nothing less. The rest is up to us," the valkyrie replied.
And when her warhorn sounded and she took to the air, the villagers rose up from the trenches and the einherjer with them, rushing the enemy line, as flaming debris rained down from the heavens like falling stars.

Model

Brynnhildr is a valkyrie who has broken her oath and is doomed to remain in Runeterra. She has gray feathered wings with hints of iridescent starlight and wears elegant gray starmetal armor, a deep blue feather cloak and a circlet decorated with starmetal wings over long blonde hair streaming behind her.
She uses her wings to hover just above the ground, but walks when slowed.
Her weapon of choice is a long starmetal spear. She usually holds it one-handed, but grips it in two hands during [Q] Star of Hope.
When she dies, her corpse burns away with starlight flames, leaving no body.

• Easter egg: On her left hand she wears an enchanted ring, forged by Ornn out of stolen Runegold.

Skins

• Death-Fate Brynnhildr: Raven feathers and a black hooded cloak; one of the Greek Keres.
• Merciful Brynnhildr: Old soldiers may fade, but HEROES NEVER DIE.
• Biblically Accurate Brynnhildr: Be not afraid. (Legendary skin; three lion heads and flaming wheels rotating like helicopter blades.)

Abilities

[Passive] Taker of the Slain

"I have good news and bad news. The good news is that the Gods have taken an interest in you."
Doom-Sight: Brynnhildr has vision of all allied champion corpses on the map.
Guide the Einherjer: Brynnhildr can right click an allied champion corpse within range to fly to its location and carry off its spirit. For each spirit chosen this way, she gains bonus damage and defence until that champion respawns. This can only be performed once per corpse.

Stat	Value
Guide the Fallen: Range	400
Guide the Fallen: Buff: Bonus attack damage	5 (+level/2) (=5-14 to 20-56 total)
Guide the Fallen: Buff: Bonus armoMR	3 (+level/3) (=3-9 to 12-36 total)
Guide the Fallen: Mana cost	30

[Passive] Gray Swan

hums 'Ride of the Valkyries'
Brynnhildr can fly at a higher altitude, assuming a more streamlined pose and gaining bonus movement speed, ghosting and increased vision range.

• To activate, Brynnhildr must move in the same direction for a certain distance to attain enough lift, after which she automatically flaps her wings to climb.
• The ability ends when Brynnhildr attacks, casts an ability or takes damage.

Stat	Value
Movement speed	+30% (+2/level) (=32-66%)
Vision range	+150
Activates when moving in the same direction for a distance of	1250

[Q] Star of Hope

"Remember the dead, but fight for the living."
Brynnhildr performs a short dash with her spear, damaging the first enemy unit in her path. On impact, she flaps her starlight infused wings, dealing area effect damage to enemy units next to the target in a line perpendicular to its travel path. The dash can collide with terrain obstacles.
If Brynnhildr is in [Passive] Gray Swan mode, she performs a much longer ranged point-and-click "Swan Dive", swooping down with a shrieking cry and crashing into the target with a spear attack followed by a wing spin that deals area effect damage in a radius around the target. This version of the ability can travel over terrain obstacles.
The "Swan Dive" can also target allied champion corpses at an even longer distance, immediately applying [Passive] Taker of the Slain to the corpse.

Stat	Value
Range (Regular)	450
Range (Swan Dive)	900 (1350 if corpse targetted)
Wing strike (Regular): Width	250
Wing strike (Swan Dive): Radius	300
Wing strike: Physical damage	40/70/100/130/160 (+1.15 total AD)
Cooldown	12/11/10/9/8 seconds
Mana cost	70/75/80/85/90

[W] Between Worlds

"It is not yet your time. Return whence you came."
Brynnhildr grabs an enemy unit in melee range and carries them into the sky, making both herself and the target untargettable for a short time before dive bombing the target back down for major damage and a slow. If this is the last enemy unit and the damage kills it, she then immediately goes into [Passive] Gray Swan mode.
If Brynnhildr activates this ability during [Q] Star of Hope, it immediately casts on impact instead of waiting for the animation to finish. This deletes the wing strike and its area effect damage, dealing the damage only to the direct target, but prevents the target from escaping after the dash lands.

Stat	Value
Duration	Up to 1.25 seconds (impact occurs 0.25 seconds before the end)
Impact: Physical damage	30/50/70/90/110 (+1.0 total AD)
Impact: Slow	50% fading over 1.1/1.2/1.3/1.4/1.5 seconds
Cooldown	18/16/14/12/10 seconds
Mana cost	80/85/90/95/100

[E] Valravn

"Your fall was preordained. Come with me."
Passive: The enchantment on her Ring of Runegold increases Brynnhildr's attack speed against enemy champions and applies a stacking "Doomed" mark to the target, up to 3 stacks.
Active: Must be cast at a target in melee range with 3 "Doomed" stacks on it. Brynnhildr grabs the target and leaps backwards with a flap of her wings, taking the target with her. If she jumps over a terrain obstacle this way, the target is pulled into the obstacle and stunned, allowing her to escape.

Stat	Value
Passive: Bonus attack speed	20/25/30/35/40%
Passive: Mark duration	2 seconds (refreshed on attack)
Active: Backwards leap distance	350
Active: Terrain collision stun to target	1.5 seconds
Active: Cooldown	12/11/10/9/8 seconds
Active: Mana cost	60/65/70/75/80

[R] Götterdämmerung

"Fight. Go. Take back this world from the Gods."
Brynnhildr sends the einherjer, the immortal spirits of her chosen champions, to attack her opponents.
The einherjer are invulnerable and intangible flying warrior spirits with swords and axes (canonically they are the champions she has chosen with [Passive] Taker of the Slain). They appear behind Brynnhildr, seek out an enemy champion with "Doomed" stacks from [E] Valravn and fly into the target while swinging their weapon for damage. They pass through their target several times, turning around with wide arcs to attack again before dissipating when their attack limit is reached.

• If more than one enemy champion has stacks, the attacks are split between them depending on their relative number of stacks (if one has 3 stacks and one has 1 stack, the damage is split 75-25%).
• The stacks on the target(s) do not fall off while the spirits are attacking them.
• If the target dies, the spirits will find other targets with stacks to exhaust their remaining attacks.
• The spirits will pursue targets indefinitely, but have a maximum duration and will dissipate when it runs out regardless of how many attacks remain.
• This ability cannot be cast if there are no enemy champions with stacks within its detection radius.

The number of spirits increases based on the number of champions she has chosen with [Passive] Taker of the Slain.

Stat	Value
Detection radius	800
Number of Einherjer	3 + Number of champions currently chosen with [Passive] Taker of the Slain
Einherjer: Movement speed	600
Einherjer: Attack limit	3 (destroyed after 5 seconds)
Einherjer: Physical damage	15/25/35 (+0.1 bonus AD) (=45/75/105 (+0.3 bonus AD) per spirit) (=135/225/315 (+0.9 bonus AD) to 315/525/735 (+2.1 bonus AD) total)
Cooldown	180/140/100 seconds

Gameplay

Brynnhildr goes top or jungle, starting with [Q] Star of Hope in top lane and [E] Valravn in the jungle.
In either role, her lack of sustain hampers her ability to passively farm and she should hunt for early kills instead. Engaging with [Q] Star of Hope into [W] Between Worlds results in decent damage and delays their escape, potentially leading to a pull from [E] Valravn to stall them further while she auto attacks them.
In the jungle, she is very mobile thanks to [Passive] Gray Swan. It does need a runway to activate and turns off when she gets hit, making it much harder to use in top lane and mitigating the potentially abusive scenario of being able to hard engage from outside the opponent's range.
At level 6, the ultimate comes online. It only deals damage, and not a lot of it at first, but the spirits continue to pursue the target until their duration or attack limit runs out. It is primarily useful for counterganking and dragon fights because the damage scales up if her allies die first and [Q] Star of Hope has a very long range when aimed at an allied corpse.
Her weakest point is the mid game. Her AD scaling is not the greatest and she lacks defensive buffs and therefore needs [W] Between Worlds as an aggro dump, using it like Playful/Trickster instead of as part of her combo. This is a transitional phase and she should build hard defence at this point.
In the end game, her role shifts into a disruptive bruiser tank of sorts. Damage falls off, but her attack speed gets fast enough to chain [E] Valravn after [W] Between Worlds, trapping the target in a CC combo if they don't manage to escape the slow. Furthermore, she now benefits from staying longer in the fight due to [Passive] Taker of the Slain and the power of [R] Götterdämmerung to turn a losing teamfight around if she waits until the last moment (but no longer) to cast it.

Champion Creation Contest

• Late: I thought it said "Fate" until I read the following paragraph, but I like my version better.
• Ability with multiple distinct uses: [Q] Star of Hope can be a tactical dash with damage perpendicular to its path, or a point and click long ranged dash with splash damage.

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Part 1
I didn’t know what to say. I didn’t know what to think even.
Emily knows my biological mom?
“Why didn’t you tell me before?” I asked.
Emily’s smile was as thin as ice. “I didn’t think you were ready. Now you are.”
“Ready for what?”
“You’ll know soon enough. Sleep tight, Skye. You have to go to school tomorrow.”
I couldn’t sleep. All I saw, in my nightmares and painted on the ceiling, was Alfie’s face. He whispered my name while I dreamed and wriggled into my happiest memories. I woke up screaming as his body twisted and swelled.
We will meet again. Alfie hissed through a series of clicks.
It was too quiet when I woke up the next morning. I was used to Emily yelling for me to wake up for school or my dad rushing to get dressed for work and brushing his teeth or the smell of burned bacon and pancakes and eggs down from the kitchen. Or at the very least Alfie ringing my ears off to tell me he was waiting too long outside.
But the silence whispered through the halls, sneaking into my room and tickling my heart. I rubbed my eyes and sat with my knees tucked against my chest, watching the sun rise. The sky was lit in gold as the darkness slithered away, but it was as if dawn had never arrived at all.
I got dressed and headed downstairs. At that point I realised exactly why the house was so quiet and my heart stopped cold.
Most of the stuff we owned was packed up into boxes; and anything that was too big was covered by translucent tarps. Emily and my dad were huddled together in the kitchen. They looked so lost, so hollow, like they’d just come back from Alfie’s funeral and had not stopped crying since.
“Hey morning,” I said tersely.
“Morning,” Emily said. She still wasn’t looking at me. “Did you sleep well or do you still look like a panda bear?”
“Ha ha.” I made myself some coffee. It tasted like muddy water.
Emily looked at the clock. “You better hurry up or you’ll be late for school, Sleepy Skye.”
“But—” The night before was still spinning in my mind. Questions bubbled to the back of my throat, dying on my lips.
Emily placed a hand on my shoulder.
“Don’t worry, Skye. I’ll explain more later when the time is right.”
School felt like forever. All of my classes passed in a blur. Everyone avoided me like the plague, and whispered behind their hands when I walked past. I didn’t really care. I rested my head on my hands and wished Alfie was here. Whispering that everything would be okay.
Creak
When the last bell rang I plodded through the halls. The chatter around me had blended into a monotonous stream of nothing. I looked around me and saw Alfie’s face around me, in the couples making out near the lockers, in the teenagers huddled together like penguins.
My heart ached again.
Alfie…
My dad’s van was waiting for me at the school entrance, coughing up smoke like an old, retired dragon. It was jammed full of boxes and things wrapped in bubble paper. I was surprised it could even move a centimetre without something breaking inside.
“Hop in Skye,” said my dad, poking his head out of one window.
“Um, where are we going?”
“To my old place,” Emily explained, poking her head out of the other window. “I—we—thought it would be good for you, for…for the both of us.”
“After…after…y’know.”
Alfie died.
The wind was still once more, as if mourning over him in its deep grief too. I crumbled against the side of the van, letting hot tears stream down my cheeks.
Alfie…
Without a word more I climbed into the van and my dad sped off immediately. I gazed outside the window, watching country roads blend into billboards and highways, and let the van rock me into a soothing sleep.
“We’re here. Wake up, Sleepy Skye.”
Emily’s house, as it turned out, was a two-storey monster tucked away from the heart of the city. The paint was peeling away and the bricks underneath were slick with slime. Mold crawled between the bricks and stayed there, dying the house green. I turned away and nearly threw up.
“This way,” Emily said, climbing a set of stairs. It was really dark, and everything was covered in shadow. The only source of light was a small Gothic window that shone through the gloom in a weak white arm. Set at the side of the stairwell was a black iron door. I started towards it, but Emily glared at me, so I abandoned the door and followed her.
The second floor was surprisingly well-kept. The floors were swept and the walls clean of dust. Picture frames depicting bugs and scarabs hung onto the wall, polished until it shone. There was even a pot of tea on the table.
“Knock yourself out,” Emily said as she collapsed onto the couch. She closed her eyes.
“Make yourself at home.”
“It stinks,” I observed, wrinkling my nose.
In fact it was the worst stink I had ever smelled in my life. It tore through the walls and floors like it was made of paper and I gagged. I sprinted to the window, stuck my head out and breathed in relief.
Emily raised an eyebrow.
“There’s some…construction going on downstairs,” she explained. “We just got here, so bear with it a little longer, okay Skye?”
“Yeah,” I choked. My eyes were watering. If I could see the smell it would be a big black cloud hovering in the air, howling and shaking in its stinky fury.
“Can I explore the city? I need some fresh air.”
“Go ahead,” Emily said, turning away. “Just be back for dinner.”
I nodded. I had never sprinted out of my old house so fast in my life, rubbing my smarting eyes. Even at the distance I could smell it, and once again I felt like throwing up.
After some time I slowed to a walk and really started to look around. It wasn’t much of a city—and it also wasn’t much of a town—but somewhere in between. It was getting quite late in the day with the sun streaming slowly in from the west, but the town felt…alive in a way. Shopkeepers hollered their wares from the inside of their ornate walls, and people were strolling on the streets, their arms interlocked laughing and whistling.
I tried not to think of Alfie.
A couple of blocks away I saw a large diner, its neon sign beckoning me inside. Getting closer I could smell heaven: char-grilled meats, fresh cakes and cookies, and something else in a fryer or oven.
My stomach growled. I wiped off my drool with my sleeves.
Pushing the door open, I went in.
The diner was abuzz with chatter and laughter; people were toasting each other with glasses of beer and ale. Yet everything died the moment I came in. Time stood still; heads swiveled to look at me and a collective gasp rose from the frozen crowd. I felt like an animal in a zoo as I navigated through the chaos and found a table to sit.
“Don’t mind ‘em.”
The speaker was a living Popeye, with a big, floppy nose and bigger arms that bulged with muscles and fat and a tattoo of a beetle instead of an anchor. He was wearing a greasy, bloody apron and a cap that was too small for a nest of blonde hair.
“It’s been a while since we had anyone new around here. Thirteen years, in fact. Also, hold on…”
He squinted hard at me, his eyes moving from my head down to my legs.
“Are you Skye?”
Goosebumps pricked my skin once more. I looked outside and realised the wind had once again stood still.
“Yes! How do you know?”
The man opposite me thought for a moment, then shouted something to the kitchens. Then he sat down opposite me and grinned, revealing yellowed teeth.
“Your stepmom talks about you a lot. She adores you, you know.”
He cupped my head in his hands and brushed a lock of hair off my head. Tears welled in his eyes.
“You look a lot like your mom. Same face, same eyes.”
He knocked on my face like it was a piece of wood.
Click clock
“Rock solid too.”
My hair stood up on my skin as I stared straight into the eyes of this man who I just met.
“Y-you know my biological mom too?”
The man’s smile grew even wider. “Let’s just say…kind of.”
He extended his hand. “I’m sorry I haven’t introduced myself earlier. Call me Mr Lancaster. I’m the owner here.”
“I’m pleased to meet you too,” I replied, shaking his hand.
“Boss? Everything is ready.”
One of the waiters skidded to a halt near our table. He was a handsome youth—freckles and curly red hair. He held out a huge plastic bag to me.
Mr Lancaster smiled at me in a way that made my heart melt.
“Fish and chips. And I threw in some strawberry milkshakes as well. It’s one of our best dishes on the menu. Emily is always going on and on about how crazy you are for ‘em.”
“Wow! Thank you Mr Lancaster!”
“It’s on the house too. A welcome gift from me. Tell your stepmom she doesn’t have to pay back a single cent.”
He glanced out at the darkening sky, sweat mopping his brow.
“You better be going now. It’s getting late. See you soon, Skye. You’re always welcome here.”
And with that, he practically shoved me out of the door.
The bell tinkled as I stumbled onto the street, nearly tripping over the food. It was really heavy, mind you. Like a thousand dumb-bells made out of solid gold. By the time I reached my flat my arms ached.
I dropped the takeaway on the floor and sat down on one of the stairs to rest. The sun had completely set at this point; long, thin shadows crawled across the wall to the corners. Soon I was plunged in darkness. I could barely see my hand in front of my face.
My vision suddenly cleared, and I realised I could see. Somehow. Dark shapes shifted and twisted before my eyes, but I could still make out details of every brick, every scratch on the stairs and wall. The takeaway sat untouched before me.
It was like looking through an extremely grainy CCTV.
BANG BANG BANG!
As the bangs echoed throughout the hallway I froze, the excitement of my discovery gone.
BANG BANG BANG!
SKYYYYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEE!
My name was shouted with great abandon, the call tinged with sorrow and pain. I inched closer and realised that it was coming from the iron door.
SKYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEE!
Whoever was calling me was thrashing against the door, making the hinges shake. I backed away, my heart in my throat. All the hair on my skin was standing up straight.
BANG BANG BANG!
The stink slapped me in the face, making my nose itch. My eyes didn’t leave the door as I scrambled up the stairs to the main apartment, leaving everything in the dust.
It was only when I slammed the door behind me and sprinted down the hallway to my bedroom did I realise I forgot the takeaway still sitting at the bottom of the stairs.
Oh well I told myself, trying to calm my shaking heart. I can go back in a few minutes.
I’m sure Emily and Dad won’t mind.
The city had fallen asleep. The hustle and bustle seemed to have vanished with the last of the sun. The streets were illuminated faintly with lamps that shone like a halo. My room looked like it belonged in a horror movie.
I lay on my bed for a while, squeezing my eyes shut and listening to my heart beat. The screams had long died down, but I somehow heard them long and clear in my mind, as if blasted by an invisible loudspeaker.
SKYEEEEEEE!
Low and loud, like a foghorn from a ship lost at sea.
SKYEEEEEEEEE!
“Shut up!” I screamed, my eyes welling with tears. I curled up in a ball and squeezed my head with my pillow. Even then the screams rammed against the sides of my head, over and over again, and I was dizzy from the pain.
Eventually I got out of bed and wandered throughout the house, hoping for something to distract myself from the eternal noise. The apartment was shaded in the same grainy darkness, except for the dining-room, which was glowing invitingly like a crackling campfire. Something clanged and tinkled. Cutlery probably. Either Emily or my dad setting the table. My stomach grumbled. The smell from the diner was making me hungry.
I started towards the dining room but then I heard it. A strange chitter-chatter. Like crickets, even though we lived so far from nature.
It was coming from the pictures hanging on the wall.
I hadn’t paid much attention to them when I first came in, but now it was drawing me closer like a moth to a flame. The bugs chittered again, and their legs twisted and struggled, almost like it was dancing. Looking closer, I realised that all the pictures depicted the same figure. A woman in various poses with the head of a bug with too-large eyes. She was wearing a dress that shone like fire and was glaring at the camera.
“Mom?”
I clapped my hand over my mouth. I didn’t know where that came from. I looked nothing like her. I didn’t know her. It was my first time seeing her.
But Alfie…
No, no, no! I’m mad! I must be going mad! It’s the screams, I thought, the screams were driving me cuckoo! Making me think crazy thoughts!
I forced myself to look away and shove those thoughts out of my mind. I didn’t know what to believe anymore.
“Skye? Dinner time!”
Emily’s calls broke through the confusing mess in my head. I was grateful that she came to my rescue. Glancing back at the photo of my mum (no, she isn’t! How can I be related to…that?), I scurried down the hallway and into the dining room.
Emily had saved the takeaway.
It sat between us on the newly-dusted table. Emily pulled out foil containers and set one each before me and my dad.
“Mr Lancaster called about the fish and chips,” she explained. “He was delighted to have met you, Skye.”
She ruffled my hair, and chuckled as she handed me a strawberry milkshake. “But it looked like his little delivery girl got cold feet on her first order, eh?”
“Emily!” I groaned. I took a long sip and licked my lips. The milkshake was delicious. Rich, creamy and filled with enough sugar to make my insulin go straight into overdrive.
“Hey,” I noted, sitting down after a while. The pure sweetness of that drink was enough to make my head spin. “Mr Lancaster made some extra fish and chips.”
And it stank too. Almost as much as whatever is behind that iron door.
“Oh, that’s nothing,” Emily said quickly, sweeping the bag off the table and rushing it to the kitchen. “Mr Lancaster always makes me extra. He knows I’m always hungry after midnight!”
I chuckled nervously, feeling the weight of my worries lift off my shoulders. Emily did eat a lot after midnight. A couple of times I had spotted her sneaking to the living room with the television on and a bag of chips.
Yet this particular container stuck out like a sore thumb. Not just the smell, or how big it was compared to the others, but…but, was it me or was it glowing?
I buried that thought into the deepest recesses of my mind. No. I had enough wild and crazy thoughts and visions for one night.
Succumbing to them was not what Alfie would have wanted.
That was not what any of us would have wanted.
Once we had finished dinner, I helped to clear the table and wash the cutlery. Emily turned to me and said:
“I’ve got some things to do tonight. Take care, Skye, and take care of your dad.”
“He does not look well.”
Sick actually. Dad looked like he was going to throw up. He staggered to the couch and passed out on the leather. I couldn’t help but pity him. Fifty-six years old, and all that oil into the fish and chips was not doing his heart any good.
“I’ll look after him,” I promised.
“Good girl.” Emily gave me another thin smile. She pulled on a jacket—a black jacket with a golden rim—and gave me a kiss on my forehead.
“I won’t be long.”
Emily strode out of the house, taking the last box of fish and chips with her. There was something clinking in her pocket, like suits or armor banging together. And just as she stepped out of the front door, she pulled out that something from her pocket. I only saw it for a brief second, but it was enough to make my heart race.
It was a key. But not just any key.
This one was black. Like evil. Like ash. Like the iron door.
It smirked at me as it hid back in her pocket. A shiver ran up my spine.
“Emily, wait!”
“Is there a problem, Skye?”
“Yeah. I wanna ask you something.”
I took a deep, shaky breath. There was a lump in my throat and my heart was beating way too fast.
“The iron door on the first floor…what’s behind it?”
“It’s nothing, Skye,” Emily said. Her eyes darted to somewhere behind me and fixed on one of the bug women. “Just some of my old stuff, y’know? From before I met your dad?”
“Right…”
“Now I have to go. I’ll be late otherwise. I’ll see you later, okay Skye?”
I swallowed as I watched her leave. Uncertainty still sat tight in my stomach, wound up like a spring, and wouldn’t let go.
“Dad? You okay?”
No response. My dad was out like a light.
Then his eyes shot open.
I gulped.
They got bigger and bigger. I saw each individual vein popping out and weaving into each other like mini spider webs.
Then it bulged and swelled. His head enlarged to accommodate it.
Chills shot down my spine as I realised exactly what was going on.
“Dad?”
Click click click.
His lips split and burst into mandibles. I scrambled over and held his hand.
“Don’t do this to me. Don’t be like Alfie.”
I was crying. I was shaking. Oh god, I was shaking so bad it felt like I was in an earthquake.
Click click click
I scrambled over and held his hand. It only seemed to make it worse, however. I watched as it shrank and turned black and folded into itself.
“Dad! Fight it!”
He hunched over and coughed out so much more blood.
Ack ack ack
“DAD!”
His spine was curving over and hardening into a black shell. I dropped his hand and backed away into a corner, my face white.
Ack ack ack.
The floor was blooming. Grass spread thin like a carpet and tall trees grew. I saw red flowers explode onto new branches, like a bundle of fireworks.
My dad clicked and clacked, as if enjoying the new scenery.
No…
My skin was crawling. Literally. I looked down and saw bumps pulsing beneath the folds, marching along to my heartbeat. Then it broke and a cockroach popped out. It took a deep breath, bowed, clicked and clacked in the same rhythm as my dad’s—slow and steady, a pulse—
And…
And I SWEAR I heard the cockroach say:
“Your Highness.”
I screamed. It bounced off new grass and fresh flora.
I’m really going mad now.
I pinched myself, wondering if I was living in some kind of nightmare. But I wasn’t. It was as real as the still lights from the street lamps shining in through the window.
Click clack.
More cockroaches were spilling out from my skin like a dam left unchecked. My dad looked at me inquisitively. Cement was quickly turning into dirt.
Click clack
My thoughts were clambering over each other as I squatted, paralysed in my corner, watching the cockroaches with my mouth open. My dad—no longer human—crawled into the walls and towards me. Staring at the roaches and slowly reaching out to them. They squeaked and climbed over him.
This was too much. I did the only thing I could think of.
My phone was butter in my hands. My vision blurred and I kept on punching in the wrong numbers.
Thankfully, Emily answered the phone on the first ring.
I took a deep breath and screamed into the receiver. My voice was shaking so bad I was surprised I could say anything at all.
“EMILY! HELP!”
SK

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193. Fundamental Question on Data Visualization-https://inventhigh.net/udemy/fundamentals-of-data-visualization/
     
194. Fundamental Question on Data Mining-https://inventhigh.net/udemy/fundamentals-of-data-mining-v/
     
195. The Complete Introduction to Online Course Creation-https://inventhigh.net/udemy/the-complete-introduction-to-online-course-creation/
     
196. Adobe Photoshop Projects Guide-https://inventhigh.net/udemy/adobe-photoshop-cc-2020-master-course-y/
     
197. Adobe Photoshop Project Management-https://inventhigh.net/udemy/learn-project-management-with-photoshop-2020/
     
198. Adobe Photoshop Print Design-https://inventhigh.net/udemy/learn-print-design-with-photoshop-2020/
     
199. Adobe Photoshop Presets-https://inventhigh.net/udemy/learn-photoshop-presets/
     
200. Adobe Photoshop Preferences-https://inventhigh.net/udemy/learn-photoshop-preferences/
     
201. Adobe Photoshop Photo Presets-https://inventhigh.net/udemy/learn-photoshop-photo-presets/
     
202. Adobe Photoshop Photo Editing-https://inventhigh.net/udemy/learn-photo-editing-with-photoshop-2020/
     
203. Adobe Photoshop Mobile Presets-https://inventhigh.net/udemy/learn-photoshop-mobile-presets/
     
204. Adobe Photoshop Mobile Design-https://inventhigh.net/udemy/learn-mobile-design-with-photoshop-2020/
     
205. Adobe Photoshop Menu Keyboard Shortcuts-https://inventhigh.net/udemy/learn-photoshop-menu-keyboard-shortcuts/
     
206. Adobe Photoshop Layers-https://inventhigh.net/udemy/learn-photoshop-layers/
     
207. Adobe Photoshop Layer Styles-https://inventhigh.net/udemy/learn-photoshop-layer-styles/
     
208. Adobe Photoshop International Paper Presets-https://inventhigh.net/udemy/learn-photoshop-international-paper-presets/
     
209. Adobe Photoshop Icon Presets-https://inventhigh.net/udemy/learn-photoshop-icon-presets/
     
210. Adobe Photoshop Icon Design-https://inventhigh.net/udemy/learn-icon-design-with-photoshop-2020/
     

Tbh I know the answer but I'd like to know if it's sustainable at least until I lose a bunch of weight and get down to a size I'm happy with.
So I have ADHD and it's been making my life hell particularly in the last 3 years since I went to university. I never have the motivation or energy for anything until now. I recently got a band together after being a solo artist for a while and this is the happiest I've been in a long, long, loooong time. For the first time in years and all of a sudden I feel motivated. I'm just giving a brief explanation for context as to why I'm choosing to do it like this.
I'm 26f, 5'7 and currently about 160lbs.
Actually being productive but also having no money whilst I'm at uni meant that I accidentally wasn't eating. And as of Monday I started intermittent fasting 8pm-12pm. In terms of calories, I'm averaging between 500-900 per day and I'm exercising as much as I can. I have a small treadmill at home so the days I'm not at uni (I study in a different city so it's a long commute and very tiring), I walk on the treadmill for as long as I can, as fast as I can on an incline. Then I also do a dance workout at least twice a day because it's something I enjoy. So nothing too intense is what I'm saying. Sometimes I'll add weights or use a hula hoop but very light exercise. I've also cut sugar as much as I can and I'm doing my best to eat as healthy as possible but I'm completely out of money so I'm just having whatever we have left over in the freezer and cupboards (which isn't a lot ngl).
All this to say, after a week of consistency I had an awful night. I went to bed early because I felt pretty exhausted and hungry but I couldn't really sleep. When I woke up feeling off and my arms and hands felt completely numb. My partner said it's hyperglycaemia but I'm not too sure. I guess it makes sense but I don't want to change the new habits I'm building up.
I'm desperate to lose weight. I've been unhappy for a while. I've always had body image issues and I can't believe I used to think I was fat when I was 120-130lbs. I hate myself for it. This is the first time in my life I've ever stuck to any form of weight loss plan and I don't want to ruin it, even if it's unhealthy.
I've gone from 160 to 157 to 158lbs this week, which is so frustrating. But apparently that's the process and I need to trust it 🙃 I haven't broken once. Early in the week I bought a chocolate bar from the vending machine at uni cause I'd had no food all day and there was nothing else I could get. I had one bite and the rest is still in my drawer at home. I have no desire to eat it. Chocolate has been a huge one for me my whole life. I LOVE it. I have a big sweet tooth and my habits have worsened over the years - I was having so many fizzy drinks a week, tons of sugary snacks and consistent takeout. I'm happy I'm not doing that anymore but I may or may not have gone too extreme the other way?
I'll be performing with my band at gigs very, very soon and right now I can't stand the sight of myself on camera. I don't want to feel self-conscious of my body on top of all the other nerves and anxiety of performing live.
Sorry for rambling, I hope this all makes sense. Any advice is appreciated. I don't want to stop doing what I'm doing ngl

Our hotel has been operating under extremely diminished availability due to top-to-bottom renovations going on. Therefore I have maybe 8 rooms to sell, the rest are blocked off for construction and occupied by the crew doing the work. For almost 2 weeks we've only had around 5 check ins a day. I've been enjoying just babysitting the building on my shifts and haven't encountered the same problems I'm used to. But this also opens the door to problems I'm not used to and may never see again.
It's around 10pm and I'm finishing my checklist. When I rolled the mop bucket into position I noticed someone was parked outside, facing the opposite direction of traffic in the carport. Normally this wouldn't be so unsettling but I was currently aware of a few things: we had no arrivals left, they would have had to drive past literal miles of empty parking lot to get here, and the vehicle is a comedically on-the-nose representation of a "creeper van." I stood inside the doorway, outside their field of vision, formulating my next steps.
I waited for them to come in and announce themselves like a normal person but in they did not come. Close to ten minutes passed before I decided it was time for a power move. I slid my coat on and walked outside to "hit my vape," positioning myself directly parallel to the drivers window. My goal was to let them know I was aware of their presence and I dont trust them. In reality I was motionless, dead staring at the silhouettes in the front seats, likely not displaying the intimidating attentiveness I was aiming for.
From what I saw, there were two people in the van. One appeared to be a man, he sat in the driver's seat facing forward out the windshield. The passenger looked like a woman, she was in her seat turned toward the driver. There's no doubt in my mind she could see me. They were talking about something, their body language signaled a possible disagreement or stress over the topic of discussion. It didn't seem like their exchange was escalating, which was comforting. Once I thought I they got the message I went back inside.
I returned to my original vantage point just inside the automatic doors, watching them where they couldn't see. I tossed around the idea of calling the cops but our part time night auditor called so many times for no reason I think they started putting our calls on the lowest priority (she's a whole story, currently a WIP). If cops showed up and they were already gone I was surely in for condescending curtness and an insincere salutation, followed by a return to being alone. Instead I thought it might be better to call our sister property next door, just to let someone know I'm facing an uncertain situation. The idea of going back outside, approaching the vehicle, and telling them to go elsewhere crossed my mind. This, however, would be one of the most foolish and dangerous things to do. My final decision was to just begin mopping and allow them 10 more minutes before I called the law.
I was working on the stretch of floor just inside the entrance when I saw a female enter (and wALK ON MY FRESH FLOOR but I digress). She was skeletally thin with a face weathered from years of some kind of substance use. As she advanced into the building she greeted me with the kind of tone you use when you're about to ask a favor. She fidgeted with her hands as she asked what we were doing with all the furniture in the dumpster. I knew if I let slip it was all going to the landfill after being rained and snowed on, that would lead them to entering the enormous industrial waste container full of hazardous trash and shrapnel. Not to mention it was almost 10:30 pm so they wouldn't be able to see a thing in there, increasing the likelihood of injuries they would no doubt blame us for.
Thinking on my toes, I told her it was all going to a resale site. This implied it was worth something to us and taking anything would be legally actionable. Technically it wasn't a lie, it was the original plan until being left in the elements. She followed with asking where specifically because she really wanted some of the stuff. The only thing I was told about where they were going was some nondescript resale warehouse. I apologized and explained that I didn't know any details, smiling just the right amount.
Upon hearing my no, she turned slightly like she was about to leave. But some infernal specter took hold of her and she uttered the phrase that makes every service professional nauseous. "Can I speak to the manager?"
I gently stated there was no one available to talk to her as I was the only employee in the building. She chuckled at this and said "but there's ALWAYS someone higher up I can talk to..." Beginning to lose my patience, I shortly informed her that we don't have a manager here 24 hours. She continued to ask if I was really the only person in the building, like she thought I was making it up. I gave her an innocent smile and repeated that it was just me, as if to say "you're not gonna rattle me and get what you want, but I won't stop you from trying." This is a tactic I've learned that gets potential karens to ask themselves how rude they're willing to be to someone who's been nothing but nice. She went on to ask who I was and what my position is, with an inflection like she was trying to figure out how much to respect me. I activated my trap card and told her that since I was the only employee on site, that would make me manager on duty. The superiority I felt in this moment is unparalleled.
For a moment there was silence. Silence and smiling. This took the wind out of her sails and she walked out the automatic door. Right before it closed she shouted back at me "is it because I'm wearing PJs??" I barked no but I'm not sure if they heard me. I felt compelled to catch them before they left and give them a point by point breakdown of all the reasons I said no. Most of which being the fact that they spent the last half hour scaring the shit out of me with no consideration. But as peeved as I may have been, I was happy to see they were leaving, the best possible ending to this scenario.
I would love to know how they learned we were undergoing renovations, our hotel is off the beaten path and isn't visible from from any main roads. Guests call several times a week for directions, I even got lost on my way to the interview. If you're not looking you'd have no idea it's there. I wonder if they'd been there before, sizing the place up. Or maybe one of our employees told their friends. Where I stand at the desk we have a limited view of the outside and no cameras. For all I know they've been there before and I had no idea. I can't even begin to tell you how inconvenient that is, not to mention how unsafe. If they come back and get stuck in that dumpster, I may just conveniently not hear any cries for help. The way I see it, every minute they're in there is another reason to never do it again. Moral of the story is, if you know you drive a creeper van, try not to reinforce the stereotype.

Howdy, thought I'd write a fanfic in its purest form. Taking characters which are not mine and bending them to my will.
Ever since Slanek's little dog problem, always wanted him to have a meet up with the honeybadger. So here we are.
Special thanks to u/Banancake for permission to use Vikri.
Thanks to SP15 for Slanek and the universe.
Warning potential spoilers for Hunting with Predators.
As for Slanek, assuming shore leave post successful evac from Sillis.
Thanks for reading.
​
Memory transcript: Slanek, Venlil Space Corps
Date [standardized human time]: December 22, 2136
The sky was grey, with white powder raining relentlessly. Thick snow was piled up on the sides of the road which itself had a fine coat; the layered black lines carved by other traffic the only effort keeping it clear. In this weather they would be quickly erased, leaving the long power cable strung between frequent poles the only indicator of the road’s existence. The UN driver accompanying me had been quiet for a while now, focusing hard ahead, gripping the steering wheel despite the autonomous nature of our ride. All I could do was look out and survey the scenery, trying to calm my beating heart as our destination grew closer.
The landscape was muted in shape by its icy covering, only broken by the dark shapes of imposing trees; sometimes sparse, sometimes grouped to form a forest. Despite their stillness, they put me on edge. There were wolves out there, hiding in their shadows. Dogs were terrifying, despite Marcel’s frequent reminders that they were loyal and would not harm me, I could not shake that fear. But wolves, they were big, they were wild, and they were skilled at the hunt. Their existence would not have been tolerated on any other federation planet. Speh! They shouldn’t be tolerated here.
My concern when voiced was brushed off. Just stay in the car they said. Don’t stray from the town. But I had made the mistake of looking them up on the internet and had seen their hideous form. Compared to the terror of their fangs, this car felt awfully flimsy.
Regret once again began to seep in, but I shook it from my head. I refuse to disappoint Marcel again. Time and again my stupid fear of predators gets in the way. I loved Marcel, I accepted his nature. But that wasn’t enough. Tillis proved I had a long way to go before we could be on equal terms. Once again, he forgave me. Understood me. But surely there is a limit. I can’t rely on his kindness forever. I must be better.
As we drove a green sign caught my eye, standing out against the monotonous background. “HAMILTON 17”
A small town, deep in the wilderness. Since the bombing, it had lost a lot of its population due to the collapse of the supply network. Even those far from the bombing were still turned into refugees. However, it had recently served as a rendezvous point for some survivors from the battle of Earth. One, in particular, I had arranged to see.
Driving through town, it was clear some life had returned to it, though you could hardly call it bustling. A lit window here, a pedestrian there. Cars were few and far between. The house that was our destination was on the outskirts, part of the last remnants before the wilderness began. Why would a venlil choose to live in such a dangerous place like this? Is this not the definition of straying from town? A month ago I would have diagnosed this guy with predator disease but now I knew that to be somewhat ignorant. Stars, according to Marcel, I would have predator disease. That label stung, though I couldn’t dismiss it. But I wasn’t broken, was I? Defective? Surely not. Not to him at least. No, I was the best venlil, his words. ‘bout time I actually lived up to that high praise.
Upon pulling up at the house, a venlil came out to greet us. I was thankful to see that his…companion was elsewhere, hopefully secure. His tail curled around him slightly with unease though his ears were relaxed, dipping slightly to acknowledge my approach.
“Greetings Vikri, I’m Slanek. Thank you for agreeing to meet with me,” I gave a respectful ear flick in greeting.
“The pleasure is mine,” he replied, returning the greeting, his lips parting slightly revealing teeth though they were quickly hidden. “I am honoured to meet someone of your acclaim.” Acclaim? Me? “Sorry you had to come all this way but I’m reluctant to travel with her at the moment.”
His companion was why I was here, but to hear such casual reference to it was discomforting. I felt my ears press against my head in response, consciously moving them back to a neutral position.
“Would you like to come in?” He moved to open the door.
“Is…she…” I stammered. He gave a reassuring tail wag.
“She’s in the barn over there,” he said gesturing to a large wooden building some distance away. “Thought we might want to take this slowly. I know how terrifying dogs can be.” He gave a shudder.
Wait, he was scared of dogs too? This doesn’t make any sense. Didn’t he have predator’s disease?
“You’re scared of her?” I asked, incredulous.
“Not now, no. But I was. Terrified.” He looked out to the woods. “We were hunted by them you know. Wolves. Lucky was one of them.” His arms and tail wrapped around his body. “They are terrifying. Their persistence, their violence. They attacked my friends. Nearly ripped their arm off…I can still hear his screaming. See the blood.”
I was at a loss for words
“Then how…why…”
“Why did I befriend her?” He laughed softly. “It’s a long story. Come in. Are you familiar with human tea?”
“I have heard of it,” I replied, moving past him into the building and out of the cold.
--------
The room I entered was sparsely decorated, the furnishings that did fill the meagre space were mismatched and well-worn, with most being of wooden construction. On one wall was what appeared to be a strayu forge constructed of brick, though its opening was at ground level and covered with a metal plate adorned with simple imprints of Terran animals. I sat on a chair made of wood and cloth, perched upon two wooden arches that were unstable by design. Without care it would rock violently, risking the contents of the hot cup handed to me. Vikri occupied the only other chair in the room, notable for having a more respectable 4 legs.
“Have you seen humans hunt?” Vikri asked too casually, causing me to fumble the cup of steaming red liquid I was bringing to my lips. A scorching drop hit my leg.
“Uh, p-persistance hunting correct? Sounds terrifying,” I stammered, rubbing the sore, damp spot on my thigh.
“Not always,” he spoke steadily. “They are…adaptive. Tell me, how do you picture them, as they prepare to kill?”
The image of sharp teeth penetrated my head, moist lips drawn up in a snarl. Their binocular eyes locked on the living creature with hunger as it desperately tried to avoid its gruesome fate. I shook my head to clear it. These visions had finally disappeared after spending so long with Marcel. Why would Vikri reconjure them?
“Fearsome,” I replied. “Delighting in the hunt…like the Arxur.” Even though they still chose to eat meat, I’m glad they had done away with this savage past. Growing it was not dissimilar to plant farming in execution, though the mere thought of it still turned my stomach.
He nodded slowly, staring at me in the eye. A very human gesture.
“Yes, that’s what I expected too. Surely a people built around death would delight in it no?” His gaze softened. “But when the moment came, they were afraid. No blood lust, no savagery. Only quiet resolve” Vikri’s eyes broke contact as he reminisced. “I was scared too. But for them. They needed to do this to survive, and I feel that was the only reason they persevered.”
“You saw them hunt?” I interjected. His ears flicked the affirmative.
“And cook. And eat. It was necessary.” He appeared to study his drink. “But the meat, they enjoyed it. That was confronting. A part of me hoped they wouldn’t. But who was I to speak out against their simple pleasures in the snow and ice. After all they’d done for me.”
“I came to understand the hunters, but that means nothing when you are the prey. Wolfs set upon us, hunting us for hours. Their attacks viscous. Humans were one thing, but these were monsters. It was everything we were taught about predators and more.” He shuddered again.
“In the attack, many were injured. Quarek lost use of his arm. Tenga received life-threatening injuries too.”
I recognised Querek’s name but “Tenga?”
“Uh, he’s a…he was my human. If you understand.” I did.
“We killed a lot of them too, and good riddance I thought. But even after we escaped one kept following. If we had the rounds to spare I would have asked it be shot. But Tenga, he wasn’t like me. He pitied it. She was only trying to survive, like us, he said. Imagine that.” He scoffed. “Compassion for the predators that almost killed you… But he wasn’t wrong.”
“The dog just kept on following us. Devouring any snacks we threw her way but never attacking. It was stressful but if Tenga said she was safe, then I could only believe him. She apparently wanted a pack and the humans welcomed her. Named her Lucky.”
“I was still nervous but then we got attacked by an even bigger predator. A bear. It had me trapped and Lucky ran in to protect me. That dog chose me as someone she needed to protect. How could I dismiss her after that?” He stood up and walked to the window, staring at the barn in the distance. “She’s my partner now. As silly as that sounds. Part of my herd.” He turned back to me, his tail flicking in excitement, his ears showing apprehension. “So, do you still want to meet her?”
_____
Walking through the snow was an odd sensation. It stuck to my legs and penetrated my fur. My feet were quickly sapped of their heat but at least the air temperature was quite tolerable. My posture was hunched with my tail curled around me, but not from the cold.
Vikri ambled ahead, an ever so slight limp to his gait but otherwise confident, a small pouch was attached to a strap around his waist. It wasn’t long before we stood before imposing wooden doors. I heard a faint scratching and panting from the other side.
“I’ll go in first and keep her calm. I’ll call you when we’re ready.” With familiarity, he unlatched the door and cracked it open. A moist snout quickly appeared through the gap which he gently redirected inside before squeezing himself in.
“Good girl, good girl. We’re going to meet a friend so best behaviour alright.”
The sound of panting intensified as I heard movement from within.
“Ok, when you are ready,” he called out.
“Oh, Stars!”
With tentative movements I approached the gap, squeezing my head in to survey.
Next to Vikri sat a fearsome creature reaching up to his chest in height, covered in gray and white fur. Its maw hung open showing its moist pink tongue and many sharp teeth. The only thing restraining it was a thin strap held firmly in Vikri’s paws.
“Arf!” it barked.
I stumbled backwards, falling into the snow. The impact sent sharp pains through my injured shoulder, a seeping cold reaching my rear.
“You okay?” A concerned voice called out.
“Ah, yes, I’m fine. Ju-just stay in there okay,” I whimpered. Get a hold of yourself Slanek! You’ve faced down arxur for stars sake.
Gingerly righting myself, I approached again. With a few deep breaths, I shut my eyes and hastily stepped into the barn, closing the door behind me. No retreat!
Upon opening my eyes, I was greeted by the sight of the pair in the same position I left them.
“Just walk up to me Slanek. You’re completely safe,” Vikri encouraged, gently stroking the dogs head. The dog’s eyes remained locked on me.
Alright, confidence soldier. Forward march.
Keeping them both in focus I approached, the dog pivoting its head as it tracked me.
Reaching Vikri I froze. I could touch the dog if I wanted.
“Okay, reach out and place your paw on the back of her neck,” Vikri prompted.
I slowly complied, gently making contact with the dogs fur. It was coarser than I expected. As I dug in deeper I could feel the body heat. The dog craned its head back to look at me, making a quiet whine in their throat.
“Very good, she likes it. You can touch her head too.”
I moved my hand up, the softness of the scruff giving way to the more solid bone. Their ears depressed slightly as I pushed them down, but I was very gentle, ears could be sensitive. I was resting my hand on the top of a predator’s head, just above their golden binocular eyes that were staring into mine. I was ok.
“Good girl,” I said tentatively. I caught Vikri’s approving tail flick.
“Want to hold the leash?” he offered. “Take her for a walk.”
This was progressing fast. Could I control a predator?
“I’ll try.” Vikri pressed the strap in my hand and took half a step away.
Despite the slackness in the strap, the dog remained seated, her head snapping to follow her master.
“Up!” he said, and she rose to all fours. “Good girl,” he praised, pulling a small item from his pouch and offering it to her with open paw. The dog moved towards him, jolting my arm slightly as I moved to follow. Their pink tongue shot out and secured the morsel, their jaws closing and chewing with an audible crunch.
“Is that bone?” I asked, disgusted.
“Just a biscuit,” he replied, offering one to me. I grabbed it and on inspection, it was a small dry square that was a dark red colour. It appeared to have been baked hard, but not so much that it couldn’t be broken by teeth.
“It does contain meat though, so don’t eat it.” I felt my stomach shift, as I held it as far away from me as possible, barely resisting the urge to throw it away. The dog saw this as an opportunity and deftly snatched it from my paw before I could even register what was happening.
Crunch, crunch
All that remained was a slightly damp patch on my pad as a shiver went up my arm and resonated throughout my body.
“All right! Let’s go!” Vikri headed towards the door, his tail wagging in amusement. Lucky followed him, dragging me stumbling behind. The answer was no. I could not control a predator.
-----
Vikri walked with purpose, casually waving greetings to anyone we passed, be they in car or on foot. Lucky paced along beside him with me on her other flank, the leash slack between us. He was in a different league from me in embracing human customs, even after I had come so far with Marcel. A feeling of defeat crept in, but I kept it at bay. I was expecting this. It was why I had pursued this meeting.
The fallen snow thickened and the thinning signs of civilisation fell behind us, trees becoming more common. This was definitely straying out of town.
“Aren’t there wolves out here?” I asked nervously, ears high and alert.
“Not this close to town. To many humans,” he replied matter of fact. “Just wild enough to have fun.” He stopped, surveying the surroundings. “Want to set her loose?”
“Huh?” He gestured to lucky with his tail.
“Unclip her leash and let her frolic,” he clarified. What a terrifying notion, but if I didn’t trust him what was the point of me coming? My paws fumbled with the mechanism attaching the leash to her collar, eventually disconnecting it. For a few seconds she sat there, indifferent to the lack of restraint until Vikri gave her an energetic pat.
“Go!” he barked, and a grey-white blur shot off into the snow, remarkably quiet considering the speed. Suddenly she faltered, tumbling into a bank, sending white powder flying. Rolling around to right herself, she sped off again until she found another suitable snow bank to throw herself into. Vikri watched on with a relaxed expression.
“Care to join her?” He asked. I marked my incredulity to him, but he dismissed it. With a loud yelp he ran after her, throwing himself into a previously disturbed snow pile. Instantly the dog was upon him, digging and barking, Vikri’s limbs flailing as he contended with his attacker. My heart leapt into my throat as the nightmare unfolded. Reaching instinctively for my sidearm, my fear began to turn to panic on realisation it wasn’t there. What do I do? Run? No! I’ve got to help. But how? I was frozen.
After a short tussle, Vikri easily pushed her off, sending her running in another direction. The now patchy white venlil returned to my side, breathing heavily.
“She’s so full of energy,” he wheezed, ignoring my frozen expression of terror.
“You’re incredible,” I responded, trying to regain my composure. To shrug off an attack like that. Even if Marcel did something similar to me I fear how I’d react, and I knew him to be sapient and kind.
“Hardly,” he dismissed, “I’ve just had to learn.” He took a moment to catch his breath.
“Thank you for coming Slanek.” His sudden gratitude caught me off-guard. “It means a lot.”
“You’re the one helping me,” I reminded.
“Yes, but you reached out. To a broken venlil like me.” He looked at me and bared his teeth in an attempt at a human smile.
“You’re held in high regard, it’s how I heard about you.”
“By humans maybe,” he clarified. “Doubt most venlil will be understanding. Only the bravest.” He nudged me with his tail.
“Marcel seems to think I have predator disease, so I don’t think anything I do should give you much comfort,” I confessed.
“Do you think you have predator disease?” he asked, staring at me.
“No…I… uh…it’s complicated. I thought it. I was normal, I think.” He didn’t break his gaze. There was a pit in my stomach, Marcel’s recent criticisms stinging anew.
“I don’t know anymore. I want to believe I’m the same, normal venlil that left Venlil Prime, but I know that can’t be true. It hurts.”
Vikri stopped staring, focusing more on the dog as it played.
“I always thought it was something you were born with, a defect,” he paused. “Now I fear it’s more a contagion.”
“Exterminators were always concerned about predator corruption spreading,” I added, images from Tillfish flamethrowers worming their way into my head. “Hang with predators and you’re bound to catch something.”
“Do you think I have predator disease?” He asked. Despite the seriousness of tone, it almost made me smile. That was my diagnosis from the start. But maybe not the worst thing.
“It colours your fur. Too much human’s rubbed off on you.” This time I gave him a playful nudge. Despite my indication of joking, Vikri remained pensive, still just watching for the dog. Trying to catch his eye, I flicked an apology, “Sorry, I don’t think you’re sick…really.”
“No, no,” he responded, moving an eye back to me. “To be honest I want that. To acknowledge them changing me and all. Otherwise, what was the point?” His gaze drifted back to Lucky. “No, I am different now. He changed me and I can never go back. It’s all I have left of him now anyway.” The last part almost disappeared into a whisper. I sidled up to him in support, wrapping my tail around his. I felt sick at the sorrow he must be experiencing, for it was what I feared most.
“I’m sure he’s proud of what you’ve become.” I encouraged.
“Un” Vikri gave an affirmative flick.
“Raising a dog for star’s sake. He’d definitely think you are the best venlil.”
“Un”
“And for the little it’s worth, I do too.” He didn’t respond directly to that one, but he did press in closer.
“I do miss my old life though,” he continued after some time, his voice recovering. “Though I don’t think I’ll ever go back to Prime. Not with her.”
I shrugged. “There are currently thousands of humans on Prime. We can only pray to the stars that predator disease is as contagious as we’ve experienced,” I chuckled softly.
“Wouldn’t that be something,” he mused.
I was hopeful. Humans had lived up to our greatest fears. They were manipulative, changing whatever they touched to their own ideal. And stars if they weren’t persistent. Once you were their prey, they would not stop until they had you. The evidence was here. Two venlil, standing on an alien world, happily watching an apex predator play before us. Changed forever by the nature of predators.

TL:DR - It seems like you can solve overwhelm by getting things done on the to do list. I tried and failed at that for 2 years! The root cause was the underlying lack of resolve that was getting used up by other things, including just living with adhd. I didn’t fix it until I took care of the underlying cause.
— Burnout and overwhelm I got my diagnosis late last year after putting it off for 5 years. Trying to recover from the trauma of the pandemic, and work burnout broke me, so I couldn’t procrastinate any longer. The burnout looked like this:

• Emotions all over the place. Each day of the week was like a different Mr Men book - happy, exhausted, angry, weepy, hyper.
• The overwhelm was constant and huge. I felt like I was always living under the shadow of my huge and panic stricken to do list.
• Meltdowns were a weekly occurrence over the slightest thing. Huge arguments with people close to me over tiny things that would escalate until I had to disassociate under a blanket or cry for hours.
• All my problems felt permanent and unchangeable, and I had absolutely no ability to prioritise the many different things so it all felt like urgent shit that needed to get done now, and yet none of it was being addressed.

Sound familiar?
I spent 2 whole years thinking that attacking the to do list was the solution. I simply had too much to worry about and cutting the list down would fix it. I was angry at my partner for not helping to shorten the list. I made paper and digital to do lists that were so huge they would be no use to anybody. Imagine the following plus about 1000 other task variations:

• plan my entire future for the next 10 years
• book vacations for the year
• decide on 5 options for where I might want to live in 2 years time
• declutter my entire house (listed out meticulously corner by corner)
• buy new towels (even though the current ones are ok)
• make a book of my favourite recipes
• Restring my guitar
• Make a list of names for my future dog

Essentially hundreds of things with no prioritisation despite ranging from planning my entire life, to absurdly optional or tiny things that could quite frankly never be done and everything would be fine. BUT IT DIDN’T FEEL FINE.
It felt so overwhelming and insane and I scratched around in circles for TWO YEARS freaking out over it all and yet making no progress. I would somehow get a few things done but the finish line always seemed to get further away, and with it went any sense of accomplishment, or hope that I would ever again exist outside of this vortex of overwhelm.
The actual solution Two things changed this year:

1. I found the right meds for my ADHD. Not a miracle cure but I do feel less overwhelmed
2. I left a job that was a terrible fit for me (or anyone tbh) and found a much better one.

What’s the point of this post, what’s the epiphany? Well it just occurred to me that I spent a full two years of my life fixating on the wrong issue.
The cause of the problem was a lack of bandwidth, resolve, energy, fuel. If everybody in the world gets through their day running on mental juice, well us ADHD people have to use 80% of that juice just having an ADHD brain. We have to shepherd thousands of unnecessary thoughts around in our brain just to do something simple like make a cup of coffee or cross the road. It’s like running a car with a massive hole in the gas tank. Other cars can run just fine but we run out of juice much sooner because most of it has gone out the adhd hole.
The solution is maximising the juice, and minimising what it gets used on, so you have enough for yourself to feel like you can handle things. I was like a chef in a restaurant kitchen that didn’t have any food in the fridge. No wonder I felt panicked all the time. If you were a chef in a kitchen full of food, you could get the most complex order but still feel ok about solving it because there’s food available in the stores to do it.
Well the food in my case was resolve. Mental energy.
It’s easier said than done to cultivate more of this, but with hindsight, I was working a horribly stressful job that was using up all my measly portion of mental energy each day. At the time I knew it was bad but I had no idea that it was dominating my entire life this way. Instead I thought I had to find a new place to live, have a 5 year plan, sort out my finances, possibly even be in a different relationship. None of those things were urgent or catastrophically important. It turns out finding a job that didn’t use up every last drop of my mental reserve was actually the urgent thing.
I wrote this post because even though there are some great videos out there on recovery from overwhelm etc., I watched them and it still didn’t dawn on me. I thought I could improve my resolve by having a day off, or a hot bath. But it needed much more drastic action including being on the right meds and changing jobs and working schedule. I was just being asked to do way too many things that were hard for me.
The How To ADHD channel has a great video on “the wall of awful” and the downsides of forcing yourself through it. I was forcing myself through for months on end. I had individual walls of awful for several things each day: early work meetings even though adhd sleep is terrible, constant task switching that destroyed my brain, being micromanaged which took away all dopamine from autonomy or sense of accomplishment, long unneccessary video calls where I was forced to keep the camera on and couldn’t fidget or even doodle/“take notes”.
It seems silly now, but those things are gone and all of a sudden I feel ok about my future. The to do list items will get done when they get done. Some of them might never get done or not even belong on the list and that’s ok.
I feel like this has been quite rambly but I hope it’s helpful to someone. I wish someone had shook me months or even years ago and said, you need to patch up the hole in your gas tank first before you start panicking about driving cross country.
Well done if you got to the end!