Directors who come to mind are Cameron Crowe who casted Emma Stone in an Asian role in Aloha (2015), Matthew Bright who directed the Mcconaughey-Oldman dwarfism movie Tiptoes (2005), and Ralph Fiennes’ sister who directed Ralph and Kristin Scott Thomas’s second movie together Chromophobia (2005).
The guy who directed Tiptoes, Matthew Bright apparently quit the entertainment industry because the producers re-edited his finished movie into a romantic comedy poking fun at dwarfism. Also in the movie we’re Kate Beckinsale, Peter Dinklage, and Patricia Arquette.
Martha Fiennes’ movie received such low reviews that cited nepotism and self importance that it has nearly disappeared from existence. It’s nowhere to be found. The only footage on the internet of this movie is its trailer. It’s a shame because it’s the first reunion of English Patient leads who starred alongside Penelope Cruz and Ian Holm (Bilbo in LOTR).
Of all these movies, I’d only seen Aloha and I enjoyed it. As an Asian American who’s lived in Hawaii, I think Emma Stone has the whitest voice I’d ever heard. Rachel McAdams would’ve been a better fake Asian because I have an Wasian friend who looks like her.

So, I'm feeling an itch to try and do another crossover, this time with Frostpunk of all things. Thus, I am gonna try it. However I must state some thing. In this universe, as the date Frostpunk is set in. Or at least, The scenario "A new home" is happening in. Is somewhere during 1886 to 87. And the invention of the Nukes are during 1933. So for all intents and purposes, The Federation never stumbled upon humanity. At least, in a way they stumble upon them so much earlier than they should. This way, the feds never had a reason to exterminate the species in the first place. They didn't know they existed.
In terms of things regarding the Laws of New London. In this story, both Order and Faith are mixed together. The laws leading to Faith Keepers and The Temple are signed as well as the laws leading to Patrols and Foremen. As for Adaptation laws. Child Labor, Extended Shift, Soup, Extra rations for the Ill, Prosthetics, Ceremonial funerals, Public house. Nearly everything is researched.

For the purpose of the City, they haven't crossed the Line yet. But as any who played the game knows. The other side of the Line is so tempting. So very, very tempting.

Memory Transcript: Felix Hawthorn - Captain, leader of the last City
Date: [standardized human time]: Day 47
I can no longer see the lights out there. The Little fires and candles that lit up the city. The houses are all but covered in ice. The automatons are barely managing to work through the frigid winds. I turn to check the thermometer, even in my office. Built at the base of the Generator. The winds could reach me through the cracks in the walls. I blinked the ice out of my eyes as my vision locks with the thermometer. "Negative... 150 degrees..." I croaked out. Speaking aloud as I slowly turned to face the cloak on the wall.
To my bewilderment, and amazement. It was still turning away. Even when frost threatened to break it. Just a few more hours... just a few more...
I weakly lifted my arm, If I survive. It'll need amputating. I couldn't even feel the burning cold that was coating its' senses yesterday.
No guardsmen, Faith Keeper, or anyone has came to alert me to anything new... The infirmaries were the only buildings with enough warmth for people to at the very least. Feel chilly... Heh... "Should probably go to one..." I shiver at I felt Jack Frost threaten to tear my insides apart, speaking my thoughts won't help much... thinking things out will keep me focused...
I can't go to a Infirmary. We have no space for a new one to be built, nor do we have enough space for everyone... Thus, here I sit. In my chair. Watching the frost grow on my windows... I pray to myself, that whoever plunged us in this Frozen Hell. Would have mercy on the children and the elderly
As the glass in my window gets overgrown in ice and snow, I slowly close my eyes. And lay back. If this is the end of the human race as we know it... I rather sleep through it than see the results. I already wrote down notes so whomever finds me, will know what to do.
Sleep takes me, the frost won't win that battle at least. In the realms of Dreams. I'm sitting under the warm sun, my daughter and son playing in the grass not too far from me. My wife and I play a game, pointing out the different shapes the clouds made in the sky...
​
There is a pirate ship... a bird... that's a whale... "No, silly. That's a dolphin!" she'd laugh, I would respond with a chortle and a "Well, when you're right, you're right."
Such warmth... It's not even that warm in actuality, it is as average a day as any other... but I feel so... warm.
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Memory Transcript: Jannim, Junior Venlil explorer
Date: [standardized human time]: Day 47
I shivered as the ship struggles to handle the temperature of this planet. Of course, sometimes a explorer will never come back. Be it through running into Predators, a error in the systems. Or just bad luck. But I never thought it would happen to me.
I boot up the terminal, thankful it still worked at least. "Explorer Log 21. Jannim. Horkle, our exterminator. Succumbed to the wounds he sustained during the crash. Day 7 after the crash, our pilot, Thalk and captain Fonn still haven't came in from checking on the damages the ship sustained when the storm hit us. Should've left when we noticed it but no... we just had to be heroes to a race we don't even know how to find." I panted as I glanced to the ships' walls. Thanks to the ship I'm alive, but how long will the power last? If Fonn and Thalk were still alive out there... I took a deep breath and continue the log "The captain and pilot left the ship sometime yesterday, to check on external damages and on the engines.-" A growl from the predator-like winds stole my attention away.
You survived a Arxur raid, and this is how you go out? Fearing for your life because of alien nature?
Yes, I was...
​
I take a bite out of my emergency rations, the blandness of it was much better than the chill in the air. "-I-if anyone finds this, leave this planet. Don't go looking for the natives, LEAVE. Before the scans broke down, it appears the planet is gonna undergo various storms similar to the one I am in. Leave at once and mark the planet down as a Deathtrap." I managed to keep myself from stuttering as I continued the message "The planet itself seems predatory, if this is anything to go by. I believe the natives of this planet will have succumbed to the frost during this storm. If not this one, then the next one. Or the one after that. However long it takes. Nothing should be able to survive such harsh winds in this temperature."
I stop myself, taking a few deep breaths, then another bite of my ration. "... If you're stationed near Venlil Prime. Please, find Pallhen. He's my father... tell him... I love him, and that I'm with Mother now." I choke past a tear as I looked to the systems. "Looks like the lights are about to fail, if the controls are anything to go by. Even if the pilot and captain return. We won't be able to even launch... Final log of Junior Explorer Jannim. Protector watch over us." I sighed before ending the Log. Left in silence, I listened to the predatory-storm beat on the ship. And watch Horkles' corpse lay on the medical table of our ship.
Silently counting the emergency rations, and what regular rations we have left. I would last around a week. Perhaps longer if I space my meals out... I think I'll just keep my meals as is, having to do with spacing meals out will just raise my hopes... Can't really have that if this storm lasts much longer.
I resumed eating my ration as I try to guess what the natives were like before this planet became a great, big, Temperature Predator. ------------------------------------------------ Memory Transcript: Felix Hawthorn - Captain, leader of the last City
Date: [standardized human time]: Day 48
"Captain!" A harsh voice awakens me, I use my one good arm to push the Faith Keepers' hands off me. He was apparently shaking me awake. "I'm up, I'm up!" I cried out as I sighed. I could see the relief worm its way onto Brother Collins' face. "Captain. We made it" he exclaimed as a mix of relief and pure joy radiates from his face to his voice. I grumbled in tired bewilderment as I turned to look at the thermometer.
"The storm has passed!" Collin cheered as I mentally froze at the sight on the Thermometer on the wall. -20 degrees Celsius... "Brother Collin! don't just stand there!" I cried out as I stand up with as much my renewed vigor would allow me. Causing the Faith-keeper to freeze in place. "Get out there, and tell the Guards to check the people, check them yourself it you have to. I need information on how our population handled this storm before we move forward!" I shout my orders at Collin, before grabbing my scarf off my neck. The ice still hasn't thawed off my scarf but... I fashion it into a sling for my arm "I'll be here after I have my arm amputated. Can't die now after all we went through." I allow a slight snicker escape my lips as I walk out the doors of my office and marched to the nearest infirmary. I could hear Collin run out of the office shortly after me and went off to find the guards, check families. Maybe both.
To my relief, the infirmary I first arrived at had a place open for me. Due to overcrowding, I was given a seat on the floor. And now... here I wait, listening to the doctors and nurses comfort and calm the ill and wounded. A few shot nasty glares at me... I'd like to see them try and prepare the city for a storm like that. I think I did pretty well... ---A few hours later.--- "So... we're at 307 able bodies, a hundred dead. Five missing. And finally, 246 amputees" I stated to the Head guardsmen, Matthew Williams. And there beside him stood high Priest Jenkins Anderson. "Moral will go up of course, everyone who survived the storm will feel nothing but joy for a while. But now we have to deal with reverting the city to what it was before the storm." I point to Matthew with my newly attached arm, the claw couldn't point fingers but it works when I need to grab something. I shift to point at Anderson as this was for them both to do. "Spread word that we are sending hunters back out and are putting the hothouses back up. I want scouts looking through the wilderness for anything they can find out there. We're not out of the storm yet" I declared as I brought my prosthetic back down. "Take stock of what rations we currently have, and spread them out as much as you can to the population. Send word to the Factory to start churning out Prosthetics... And when you have the scouts ready, inform me." Mister Williams saluted me before leaving the office, while Anderson stays there, watching me... "Did... the two come back?" I asked him, the silent shake of his head told me everything... "We don't have the bodies... find out the name of that father and his daughter, then make a pair of graves for them." Anderson nods and with a respectful bow, stepped out the door.
Finally left to my thoughts, I sat back in my chair. Staring at my desk. So many lives lost... I did what I could, but should I have done better? I could have done better... they are all dead because of me, how many of them were parents?... how many children?
I sat in silence as I start a prayer to the dead. Praying they forgive me for failing them. Praying again that they pass on to a place better than where we are. And finally, Praying that someone up there actually is listening...
Once my prayers were done, I looked to the reports brother Collin had placed on my desk during my time in the Infirmary. Apparently something had crashed during the start of the great storm. There was something flying out there... Going by the calculations the engineers did under Collins' request. The crash is relatively close by... a three day travel on foot, two via riding one of the automatons through the days and night.
I stand from my desk and walk out the door, Paying some mind to a picture of my wife on my way out. I had to be one of the scouts. For this at the very least... if there is some hope there is a survivor out there, if the father and his daughter is there... I have to be certain... we have enough automatons and able bodies to use the coal mines and coal thumpers. And after the storm, I do not believe we required the other laws. I'll leave the high priest in charge until my return. Matthews is a good man but... Anderson is the more compassionate of the two. He'll keep up the moral while I'm away.
​
-------
​
This wasn't a lot, but hey. Hope you liked the introduction. If anyone has any questions regarding New London in the story, please feel free to ask. If anyone has anything to just say, feel free to share your thoughts.

Christ is compared metaphorically to many things in the Bible. He is the Lion and the Lamb. He is the Good Shepherd and the True Vine. He is the Light of the world and the Bread of Life. There are many more, but in this post, I want to focus on Christ as our rock and sure foundation. It can be easy to get swept up in the ways of the world; the pleasures of sin often seem so fulfilling, though the opposite is true, and the end of sin is destruction. However, the excessive sin of the world is exhausting, it seems there is no place to hide from the proud display of sin from humanity, and yet "The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; my God, my strength, in whom I will trust; my shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold" (Psalm 18:2, NKJV).
Christ is our rock, first of all, in that he is our firm foundation and rock of salvation. In Christ alone, can we be assured that we have salvation. That we have been saved and rescued from our sinful selves, and out of this sinful world. This world is not our home anymore, Christ has a place prepared for us. Yet, while we are here, we will abide in him, and let our lives testify of the rock in whom we live, and who is our foundation. We will call out to the world, and invite them, just as he does, to the salvation that is in Christ alone.

"Therefore it is also contained in the Scripture, 'Behold, I lay in Zion a chief cornerstone, elect, precious, and he who believes on Him will by no means be put to shame'" (1 Peter 2:6).
"Truly my soul silently waits for God; from Him comes my salvation. He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be greatly moved" (Psalm 62:1-2).
"As it is written: 'Behold, I lay in Zion a stumbling stone and rock of offense, And whoever believes on Him will not be put to shame'" (Romans 9:33).

Secondly, Christ is the foundation upon which his church is built. Christ is the head of the church (Ephesians 5:23), but he is also the foundation of the church. The church is nothing apart from Christ, and we ought not to be wavering, carried about with different doctrines (Hebrews 13:8-9), but instead, firm in Jesus Christ. We ought not to be taken up in the vain teachings of the world (Colossians 2:8-10). We certainly cannot be carried away with the sin of the world, nor can we have any friendship with the world; we are set apart as a holy people, who boast with the apostle, only in the cross of Jesus Christ (Romans 12:2, 1 John 2:15-17, James 4:4, Ephesians 5:11, Colossians 3:1-2, 2 Corinthians 6:17, Galatians 6:14). Christ is our sure foundation, and we must live, built on that firm foundation.

"For no other foundation can anyone lay than that which is laid, which is Jesus Christ" (1 Corinthians 3:11).
"Now, therefore, you are no longer strangers and foreigners, but fellow citizens with the saints and members of the household of God, having been built on the foundation of the apostles and prophets, Jesus Christ Himself being the chief cornerstone" (Ephesians 2:19-20).
"Therefore whoever hears these sayings of Mine, and does them, I will liken him to a wise man who built his house on the rock: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it did not fall, for it was founded on the rock. But everyone who hears these sayings of Mine, and does not do them, will be like a foolish man who built his house on the sand: and the rain descended, the floods came, and the winds blew and beat on that house; and it fell. And great was its fall (Matthew 7: 24-27).

Thirdly, it is Christ upon whom we can always depend. Friends and family in this world may come and go, but Christ never changes (Hebrews 13:8), and he is always there when you need him (Hebrews 13:5-6). I'm sure we all have found ourselves in situations that are beyond our control, and while we cannot do anything, we can lean on that Rock of our salvation, Jesus Christ. He is always there, he never changes, he is that firm foundation. Not only that, he loves us (1 John 4:9-10). If you need something, ask in his name and he will give it (John 14:13-14). In your trials and tribulations, he is there for you ( Isaiah 43:2, Hebrews 4:15-16). My brothers and sisters in Christ, lean on the Rock of our salvation.

"He only is my rock and my salvation; He is my defense; I shall not be moved. In God is my salvation and my glory; the rock of my strength, and my refuge, is in God. Trust in Him at all times, you people; pour out your heart before Him; God is a refuge for us. Selah" (Psalm 62:6-8).
"I waited patiently for the Lord; and He inclined to me,and heard my cry. He also brought me up out of a horrible pit, out of the miry clay, and set my feet upon a rock, and established my steps" (Psalm 40:1-2).
"The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer; My God, my strength, in whom I will trust; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold" (Psalm 18:2

Fourthly, Christ is from whom we have life. Now, I mean this spiritually. I could explain this physically, because that also is true, that we live because we are upheld by God, but I wish to take this spiritually. We were dead in our sins, but in Christ, we have life (Ephesians 2:1-5, 1 John 5:11-12). Not only are we raised from the dead to new life in Christ, but we also may have life, and life more abundantly (John 10:10). Just as God gave the Israelites water from the rock in the desert (Exodus 17:4-7), so in Christ, we drink of that living water (1 Corinthians 10:4, John 4:10, Revelation 21:6). That living water is free and offered to all (Isaiah 55:1). Not only that, if we are in Christ, out of each and every one of us will flow living water (John 7: 37-38). We are called to have that living water flowing out of us, that we may lead others and disciple others to also drink from the fountain of life which is Christ. That there may be many of us rooted in that only foundation Jesus Christ.

"Moreover, brethren, I do not want you to be unaware that all our fathers were under the cloud, all passed through the sea, all were baptized into Moses in the cloud and in the sea, all ate the same spiritual food, and all drank the same spiritual drink. For they drank of that spiritual Rock that followed them, and that Rock was Christ" (1 Corinthians 10:1-4)
"As you therefore have received Christ Jesus the Lord, so walk in Him, rooted and built up in Him and established in the faith, as you have been taught, abounding in it with thanksgiving" (Colossians 2:6-7).
"Coming to Him as to a living stone, rejected indeed by men, but chosen by God and precious, you also, as living stones, are being built up a spiritual house, a holy priesthood, to offer up spiritual sacrifices acceptable to God through Jesus Christ" (1 Peter 2:4-5)

I could make some more points as well, about Christ, the anchor of our souls. Christ, who transforms us to be conformed to his image. There is so much here, but I'll leave it with this: when all feels lost in this world of sin, you can call out with the psalmist "Hear my cry, O God; attend to my prayer. From the end of the earth I will cry to You, when my heart is overwhelmed; lead me to the rock that is higher than I" (Psalm 61: 1-2). The world will never satisfy us, but Christ will. There is nothing firm, nothing sure in the world, but Christ is our firm foundation and the Rock of our salvation. He is everything you need, lean on Him.

Gen Z, the digital natives, are taking the social media world by storm. Let's dive into how they are shaping the landscape:
📲🔍 Immersive Experiences: Gen Z craves interactive content. They love AR filters, emojis, and GIFs to amplify their online presence. It's all about engaging and standing out in a crowded virtual space! 💫🎭
💬🌐 Authentic Connections: Gen Z values genuine connections. They seek relatable, unfiltered content that sparks conversations and fosters meaningful relationships. It's not just about the likes, but the community built around shared experiences. 🤝❤️
🌍🌈 Social Activism: Gen Z is passionate about social justice. They use social media as a powerful platform to raise awareness, promote equality, and drive change. Hashtags become rallying cries for movements that strive to make the world a better place. ✊🗣️
📸🎥 Visual Storytelling: Gen Z is the generation of visual storytelling. They express themselves through captivating photos, videos, and stories. Instagram, TikTok, and Snapchat are their creative outlets to showcase their unique perspectives. 📷🎬
🔁🚀 Viral Trends: Gen Z loves riding the wave of viral trends. They eagerly participate in challenges, dances, and memes that dominate the social media landscape. It's all about capturing the moment and joining a global community of trendsetters. 🌊🎉
Gen Z's social media prowess is reshaping the way we connect, express ourselves, and advocate for change. Let's embrace their energy, creativity, and digital savvy! 🌟🔥
#GenZOnTheRise #SocialMediaMovers #DigitalTrailblazers

1. "When The Simple Life with Paris Hilton and Nicole Richie was popular, I made out with Paris at a night club in Baltimore. Essentially, they were filming them doing all sorts of random jobs around the country and staying with local families all for the culture clash laughs. One of those families ended up being my friend and her family. Being a close friend and a well-known admirer of Paris at the time, I was invited over and got to hang with her a good amount while they were in town. Both of them were super sweet, and a lot smarter than they played for the camera. Paris was a great kisser, and this story is always a hit with my friends."
2. "My mom dated Keanu Reeves back in high school. She broke up with him because he was too focused on his band with his friends at the time."
3. "I worked with a guy who claimed that he dated Meryl Streep in high school. We all laughed at him until he brought in his yearbook and showed us their prom picture."
4. "My friend's aunt went on a blind date with Gerard Butler, circa 300 (the movie, not the year). There was a big miscommunication, because he was looking for a hookup, and she's a kindly French Canadian woman in her 50s, but they both had a laugh about it and enjoyed supper with each other."
5. "My friend dated Dax Shepard in college. She said he's super nice and genuinely funny. [She said,] 'Just a good-hearted man.' She said he didn't really express much interest in comedy or acting at the time (or ever really), so she was surprised that's what he ended up doing."
6. "A girl I worked with dated Jake Bongiovi before he started [his relationship] with Millie Bobby Brown! She had nothing but positive things to say about him and his family."
7. "Not a romantic date in the least, but I had dinner once at a Japanese restaurant (in a group setting) with Leonardo DiCaprio while he was in Louisiana filming Django Unchained. He wanted to know what college was like and was asking us all about our lives. He also let me try his udon. It was my first ever Instagram post!"
8. "My aunt dated Matthew McConaughey before he was famous. He ended up getting invited to her wedding to my 'normal' uncle, and proceeded to pass out drunk in the back of my family's car. He refused to leave, and now my dad refuses to watch his movies!"
9. "Charlize Theron flirted with me when I was an extra in her first movie. She was a 'nobody' and had a really small role. Then her makeup [artist] or assistant told me I was lucky. I was shy and backed away because it was odd having a girl hit on me so hard."
10. "My husband's grandfather took Bette Davis to the prom."
11. "My aunt went on a date with Jimmy Buffett. She said he picked her up, stopped at a gas station, bought a jar of pickles, and then drove to the beach. They ate pickles, and he took her home."
12. "A few years ago, I was getting on a flight back to San Diego after my cousin's wedding. I was very hungover and judging people as I walked to my gate. I saw this long-haired man stride by me and thought, 'Who's this?' As he walked by, I realized that's Fabio! A bit later after getting a snack, my brazen and probably still drunk self saw him sitting at his gate and just sat down next to him. ... We proceeded to talk for 30 minutes until he had to leave. He was so intelligent! We discussed cancer therapies in depth, and I recall thinking, 'Fabio is way smarter than you. Just nod and smile.' Before leaving, he asked for my number and texted me the next day for a date."
13. "My mom had a dinner date with George Clooney in the '90s. She didn't really say much, apart from the fact that he's an interesting and charismatic guy, but she honestly didn't think he was going to blow up."
14. "A teacher of mine dated Rainn Wilson for three months. She said he was a funny and kind man. They also went to Mexico together. When I asked what they did, she replied, 'What happens in Mexico, stays in Mexico.'"
15. "My aunt dated Weird Al Yankovic when she was in her mid 20s. I wasn't alive back then, but my family tells me he was a genuinely funny person in a way you wouldn't expect."
16. "My uncle is a ski instructor in Northern California and had a coffee date with Pink."
17. And finally: "I dated Flux Pavilion for seven years. It was great, so we got married in January [2019]. I enjoy my own company, so the touring isn't really a problem."

Link to article

1985:
Richard Gere as Bruce Wayne/Batman
Warren Beatty as Harvey Dent/Two-Face
Robin Williams as Edward Nygma/Riddler
Sharon Stone as Dr. Chase Meridan
Matthew Broderick as Dick Grayson/Robin
Peter Cushing as Alfred Pennyworth
Ernest Borgnine as Commissioner James Gordon
Elisabeth Shue as Sugar
Mary Steenburgen as Spice
Director: Walter Hill
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1995:
Alec Baldwin as Bruce Wayne/Batman
Michael Douglas as Harvey Dent/Two-Face
Mike Myers as Edward Nygma/Riddler
Bridget Fonda as Dr. Chase Meridan
Ethan Hawke as Dick Grayson/Robin
Christopher Lee as Alfred Pennyworth
George C. Scott as Commissioner James Gordon
Marley Shelton as Sugar
Gina Gershon as Spice
Director: Joel Schumacher
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2005:
Matthew McConaughey as Bruce Wayne/Batman
Ray Liotta as Harvey Dent/Two-Face
Paul Rudd as Edward Nygma/Riddler
Kate Winslet as Dr. Chase Meridian
Ryan Gosling as as Dick Grayson/Robin
Peter O'Toole as Alfred Pennyworth
Tom Skerritt as Commissioner James Gordon
Scarlett Johansson as Sugar
Juliette Lewis as Spice
Director: Shane Black
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2015:
Chris Pine as Bruce Wayne/Batman
Josh Brolin as Harvey Dent/Two-Face
Seth Rogen as Edward Nygma/Riddler
Keira Knightley as Dr. Chase Meridian
Josh Hutcherson as Dick Grayson/Robin
John Cleese as Alfred Pennyworth
Tom Selleck as Commissioner James Gordon
Dakota Fanning as Sugar
Gemma Arterton as Spice
Director: Jon M. Chu
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2025:
Austin Butler as Bruce Wayne/Batman
Bradley Cooper as Harvey Dent/Two-Face
Pete Davidson as Edward Nygma/Riddler
Anya Taylor-Joy as Dr. Chase Meridian
Ty Simpkins as Dick Grayson/Robin
Timothy Dalton as Alfred Pennyworth
Dennis Quaid as Commissioner James Gordon
Maddie Ziegler as Sugar
Haliee Steinfeld as Spice
Director: Jason Reitman
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Grateful for this community.
TL:DR Love yourself for feeling guilty because your heart is true enough to know when it is misaligned. Love yourself for feeling shame because your conscious is true enough to know when your actions are misaligned. These are great feelings to have - without them we would continue to do the same thing over and over with no intent to change.
Full Length:
I recently made it about 5 weeks before relapsing (I'm about 4 days porn free now). I got close to relapsing a couple times today, but remained strong.I am in counseling right now for this, and will share with my counselor at our next appointment.
What started out as just looking for risque photos on instagram and subbing to "SFW" forums here on reddit slowly turned more and more NSFW until I was eventually watching porn. I would look at subs that weren't exclusively porn, but would have the occasional explicit image/gif and I would scroll past, but I mean... come on. What did I expect? I knew what I was doing.
Once I started justifying it a little bit, the boundary became less and less clear. This lasted about a week until suddenly I was back to scrolling on my phone for 2-3 hours at a time, and although not looking at full on porn at first, it was basically the same thing and it was having the same detrimental impact on my life. I knew it was inconsistent with my goals and my recovery but I did it anyways and I didn't want to admit it. I could hear the internal battle the whole time. One voice saying, "Dude. why are you doing this? You're lying to yourself and you know where this road is going to lead you." and another voice saying, "just a little more. It's fine. This isn't ACTUALLY porn. So what if something slips by, you're not intentionally looking for it. It doesn't count"
Yeah... until I gave in and did a search for one of my old favorite accounts. I scrolled through a few clips, watched one for about 10 seconds, took a deep breathe and said, "ok. back to day zero. Let's start again." I came back to this sub, sent a message to someone who had reached out previously to be available for support, re-read my original post, and began cleaning up my feed again.
One thing I do want to note, and for me this IS really important, is that even though I relapsed, I did not masturbate to porn. I feel like this made owning up and starting at day zero again easier for me.
The other thing I want to share with ya'll, and this is especially for anyone who finds themselves relapsing continuously (I have relapsed about 4 times over the past couple years), is be kind to yourself. This is about loving yourself and taking care of yourself; rehabbing your behaviors and patterns. You cannot punish yourself into self love. Victimizing yourself about your shame and guilt are roads that lead back to porn. I'm not saying you're not allowed to feel shame and guilt - in fact its the opposite. Allow yourself TO feel the shame and guilt, and feel it FULLY. Healing comes from moving THROUGH the pain, not avoiding it.
Take a breath, light a candle, cry into a pillow, take a drive, hug your cat, journal it out - there's no right way to do it besides letting your guard down with yourself and allowing the sadness in instead of avoiding it. It's typical for me to get so wrapped up in my own shame and guilt, that I forget that I'm much more than a system of thoughts, emotions, and actions; that there's actually a consciousness within (outside of?) me that is not directly attached to any of that, and has the ability to experience it all, free from the prison of identifying as the experience. Its not that we are victim to this shame, guilt, or whatever it is that drives us to porn, we are humans having a human experience. We're literally sacks of flesh, fat, and meat with electricity and somehow an entire identity gets formed and consciousness arises. There's bound to be some flaws and some short circuits here and there, so take it easy on yourself.
Porn releases a TON of dopamine that literally rewires our sack of flesh, meat and fat. Without introducing something that releases that same level of dopamine (not recommended, you'll just be fighting a different addiction), it takes a lot of time and effort to rewire those connections. Its like trying to reconnect hoses without turning the water off.
Love yourself for feeling guilty because your heart is true enough to know when it is misaligned. Love yourself for feeling shame because your conscious is true enough to know when your actions are misaligned. These are great feelings to have - without them we would continue to do the same thing over and over with no intent to change.
Happy to be back at day 4, much love everyone.

As per the raven boys and the dreamer trilogy. I think Maggie's writing is too deep and metaphorical for me. There's so many things that seemed random but important somehow and I don't get the significance or what she's trying to convey. Also just feel like Matthew and Declan never got a good bro moment in the end. I have many questions. Some things I'm unsure about the symbolism and just other questions I have about the dreaner trilogy: 1) the moth? Is Declan freeing it a sign of him letting go/forgiving his father? 1.5) why did it take Declan 4 years after all the shiz went down for him to fricken cry? He so repressed. And he suggests therapy to matthew??? 2) why did Niel put away his memory of Declan's birth :( ? 3) anyone else picture a big pink bullying ribbon for The Lace? 4) help what is the signficance of the hawk? 5) Why didnt Jordan fall asleep after the layline fell? 6) Nathan was trying to kill the dreamers but then wanted everyone but the dreamers dead? Huh?? 7) Is Declan actually boring? He sounded boring in the end, taking 2 days off work for his honeymoon : and also is he a politician in the end or a sketchy boi? 8) Jordan's portrait of Declan... Was there some metaphor here on why Declan never saw it, and like what happened to it? 9) if Ronan and Adam travel a lot, what about the night wash?? 10) Did they ever go to the zoo? And also Ronan would hate on the zoo so what a dumb gift! 11) does Declan hate matthew? Theres that whole paragraph of why he resents him. Sigh.

A close friend of mine was married to what I would consider now to be a malignant narcissist.. He took her for everything she had... All under the guise of God. He was much older and she was leaving a very dark past of drugs, and all the "fun things" that come with that life style. For her it was very much headlong into a biblical marriage and God, a new community everything.. she forsook all. Fast forward 10 years and she caught him gambling her money and others money, away on top of sneakily entertaining other women. Again.. under the guise of God. He was "ministering to them". I knew him for about half their marriage and for me he seemed to be a godly man that was just rough around the edges.. I became his flying monkey with a cape to match.. I knew he had some "bad habits". But surely these indiscretions were just bad days and most certainly misunderstandings.. She needed to forgive him and submit.
When I saw her spiral into a type of depraved double life... I condemned her.
I thought for sure she was the problem.. he would always look so kind at church.. and in our social circles.. she just looked like the younger overly sensitive wife.. and she would say herself.. "I'm the problem".. I'd had my issues with him that made me distant from him but.. my logic was.. I'm not his wife.. I wasn't built to withstand the things that she's built to withstand.. After all, look at me and my marriage (I thought). My husband isn't easy but we're making it work. She just needs to look to God..
They ended in divorce and her ex narc died months later from unknown causes in another country..
Around the time of her sending him away I came face to face with my own reality .. I ran to my parents, friends, family.. I want you to understand I have a very WIDE, LARGE circle of people around me.. easily over 30+ who I could in one way or the other confide in to some extent.. 2 people believed me and 1 was "neutral".. everyone else took his side.. Immediately I thought about my friend.. and how hard I was on her.. The word is "ashamed".. that's how I felt.. she tried over and over to confide in me.. to be honest to some extent.. but I measured her harshly and set him free (in my heart/mind).
I took a hard look in the mirror.. I stood so firm on those words of God.. Was I going to be so firm in my convictions now that it's me? So here I was clipping my wings. No longer his flying monkey.. and staring at a large crowd of my own.. Daunting. I cried to God like I never ever had before.. surrendered my hopes of being a mother, my dreams of fulfilling his marriage covenant and being the "model married couple under the Lord". I had a gremlin in my camp and my husband invited him over for tea and coffee.. OFTEN. No one can live like this.. I apologized to her and told her everything that was going on.. She did her best to be there for me but.. the truth is I hurt her deeply.. we were best friends.. Over and above that.. she just didn't have that kind of care to give anymore...
Today currently in this moment.. I'm mostly free from the hurt of "everyone believes him". But family, know that flying monkeys don't know they're the second round of abuse.. the Double Dose.
Its shameful because they know you and your character..your circle knows the type of person that you are..But consider. You were married to the Narc.. how long did it take you to see past their mask? How much more the outsiders that didn't live under your roof and experience it first hand? Doesn't matter if the narc is parents, spouse, children, friend.. often times the role is so well played that truly "God alone".
Why did I say all of this? Because.. Don't become weary in well doing.. (Galatians 6:9) If you hold on to our Father in heaven who sees all. He will reward you.. this has nothing to do with staying or leaving.. Or keeping/excommunicating. This is obedience only.. Whatever you feel God is leading you to do in your spirit. Love the flying monkey.. forgive them.. not for them but for you.. and your own literal sanity. (Matthew 6:14-15)
Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.
Narc abuse will make you think God has forgotten you.. not so. That God is harsh.. not so. That God is unhappy with you and that's why your under this type of spiritually crushing abuse. No... He's not like that.. He's near to the broken hearted (Psalm 34:18) Don't let abuse rewrite who God is.
This is as much support/therapy for me as it is for you.. you're not alone. Don't give up on Him. God sees all. Love you guys

The Parable of the Wedding Feast, also known as the Parable of the Wedding Garment, is found in the Gospel of Matthew (Matthew 22:1-14). Here's an explanation of the parable:
In the parable, Jesus describes a king who prepares a wedding feast for his son. He sends out his servants to invite guests to the wedding. However, those who are invited refuse to come, making excuses or mistreating the messengers. In response, the king sends his servants to invite anyone they can find, both good and bad, so that the wedding hall is filled with guests.
When the king enters the wedding feast, he notices a man who is not wearing wedding garments. The king questions the man, asking how he entered without a wedding garment. The man remains speechless. As a result, the king orders his servants to bind the man and cast him into outer darkness, where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth.
This parable teaches several important lessons:

• God's Invitation: The king in the parable represents God, and the wedding feast symbolizes the Kingdom of Heaven. God extends an invitation to people to enter into a relationship with Him and partake in His Kingdom. Initially, the invitation was extended to the people of Israel, but they rejected it. Consequently, the invitation was extended to both Jews and Gentiles, representing the wider population.
• The Rejection of the Invitation: The initial guests who were invited but refused to come represent the religious leaders and people of Israel who rejected Jesus and His message of salvation. They made excuses and even mistreated the messengers, the prophets sent by God throughout history.
• The Inclusion of All: The king's servants are sent out to invite people from the highways, representing the inclusion of all people, regardless of their background or status. This signifies that the invitation to the Kingdom of Heaven is open to everyone.
• The Wedding Garment: The man who does not have a wedding garment symbolizes someone who tries to enter the Kingdom without true repentance and a genuine faith in Jesus Christ. The wedding garment represents the righteousness and purity that come through faith in Jesus. It is a metaphor for a transformed life and a heart that is aligned with God's ways.
• Accountability and Judgment: The king's reaction to the man without a wedding garment highlights the importance of personal responsibility and accountability. While the invitation is freely given, there is an expectation of responding appropriately. The man's lack of a wedding garment represents an attitude of disregard for the significance of the occasion and the requirements of the Kingdom. As a result, he faces judgment and exclusion.

This parable teaches that while God's invitation to His Kingdom is open to all, it requires a genuine response and a transformed heart. It emphasizes the need for true repentance, faith in Jesus, and a life that reflects the righteousness and purity found in Him. It warns against presuming upon God's grace and neglecting the necessary inward transformation that accompanies accepting the invitation to His Kingdom.
---
How can we be sure the wedding garment is talking of practical (not imputed) righteousness? because this very scene is described and explained again in revelations where the garments are literally defined as the practical righteousness of the Saints (done by the Spirit of God in them):
Rev 19

6 Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out,
“Hallelujah! For the Lord our God the Almighty reigns.7 Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready;8 it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure”—for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.
9 And the angel said[a] to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” And he said to me, “These are the true words of God.”

---
While we receive the imputation of Christs righteousness to our account freely by faith, the evidence that we are indeed counted righteous before Him is the Holy Spirit He puts in us whom we yield to that produces actual practical righteousness in our lives. Without this transformed life no man will enter the kingdom. Don't turn up on the day of judgment having lived your life totally for yourself and your flesh preaching grace and peace to yourself...you will be turned away as a hypocrite. God expects us to actually repent and put away our sin for good. If you stumble there is mercy, but sin will not have dominion over you, for you are not under law, nor enslaved by the flesh but under grace, empowered by His Spirit to love and obey consistently in all things.
Roman 2

4 Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? 5 But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God's righteous judgment will be revealed.
6 He will render to each one according to his works: 7 to those who by patience in well-doing seek for glory and honor and immortality, he will give eternal life; 8 but for those who are self-seeking[a] and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, there will be wrath and fury. 9 There will be tribulation and distress for every human being who does evil, the Jew first and also the Greek, 10 but glory and honor and peace for everyone who does good, the Jew first and also the Greek. 11 For God shows no partiality.

This applies to you, it applies to me, it applies to every human who has every existed. He will judge us all by our works. And while there is mercy for those who trust in Jesus, if you try to game God by holding on to a pet sin and refusing to give it up, you will perish in your sin. By our works we will prove our faith was indeed genuine and God wrought. This is what James says.
Ignore the false teachers who screech "works salvation", these do not understand the doctrine of scripture but hold to the traditions of men and are often enslaved by various sins themselves. These are those the scriptures warn of "19 They promise them freedom, but they themselves are slaves of corruption. For whatever overcomes a person, to that he is enslaved.... 2 And many will follow their sensuality, and because of them the way of truth will be blasphemed."-2 Peter2:19,2
Be blessed my friends. He who has an ear let him hear. This is how the earliest disciples of the disciples spoke.
2 Peter 3

14 Therefore, beloved, since you are waiting for these, be diligent to be found by him without spot or blemish, and at peace. 15 And count the patience of our Lord as salvation, just as our beloved brother Paul also wrote to you according to the wisdom given him, 16 as he does in all his letters when he speaks in them of these matters. There are some things in them that are hard to understand, which the ignorant and unstable twist to their own destruction, as they do the other Scriptures. 17 You therefore, beloved, knowing this beforehand, take care that you are not carried away with the error of lawless people and lose your own stability.

The Parable of the Wedding Feast, also known as the Parable of the Wedding Garment, is found in the Gospel of Matthew (Matthew 22:1-14). Here's an explanation of the parable:
In the parable, Jesus describes a king who prepares a wedding feast for his son. He sends out his servants to invite guests to the wedding. However, those who are invited refuse to come, making excuses or mistreating the messengers. In response, the king sends his servants to invite anyone they can find, both good and bad, so that the wedding hall is filled with guests.
When the king enters the wedding feast, he notices a man who is not wearing wedding garments. The king questions the man, asking how he entered without a wedding garment. The man remains speechless. As a result, the king orders his servants to bind the man and cast him into outer darkness, where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth.
This parable teaches several important lessons:

• God's Invitation: The king in the parable represents God, and the wedding feast symbolizes the Kingdom of Heaven. God extends an invitation to people to enter into a relationship with Him and partake in His Kingdom. Initially, the invitation was extended to the people of Israel, but they rejected it. Consequently, the invitation was extended to both Jews and Gentiles, representing the wider population.
• The Rejection of the Invitation: The initial guests who were invited but refused to come represent the religious leaders and people of Israel who rejected Jesus and His message of salvation. They made excuses and even mistreated the messengers, the prophets sent by God throughout history.
• The Inclusion of All: The king's servants are sent out to invite people from the highways, representing the inclusion of all people, regardless of their background or status. This signifies that the invitation to the Kingdom of Heaven is open to everyone.
• The Wedding Garment: The man who does not have a wedding garment symbolizes someone who tries to enter the Kingdom without true repentance and a genuine faith in Jesus Christ. The wedding garment represents the righteousness and purity that come through faith in Jesus. It is a metaphor for a transformed life and a heart that is aligned with God's ways.
• Accountability and Judgment: The king's reaction to the man without a wedding garment highlights the importance of personal responsibility and accountability. While the invitation is freely given, there is an expectation of responding appropriately. The man's lack of a wedding garment represents an attitude of disregard for the significance of the occasion and the requirements of the Kingdom. As a result, he faces judgment and exclusion.

This parable teaches that while God's invitation to His Kingdom is open to all, it requires a genuine response and a transformed heart. It emphasizes the need for true repentance, faith in Jesus, and a life that reflects the righteousness and purity found in Him. It warns against presuming upon God's grace and neglecting the necessary inward transformation that accompanies accepting the invitation to His Kingdom.
---
How can we be sure the wedding garment is talking of practical (not imputed) righteousness? because this very scene is described and explained again in revelations where the garments are literally defined as the practical righteousness of the Saints (done by the Spirit of God in them):
Rev 19

6 Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out,
“Hallelujah! For the Lord our God the Almighty reigns.7 Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready;8 it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure”—for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.
9 And the angel said[a] to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” And he said to me, “These are the true words of God.”

---
While we receive the imputation of Christs righteousness to our account freely by faith, the evidence that we are indeed counted righteous before Him is the Holy Spirit He puts in us whom we yield to that produces actual practical righteousness in our lives. Without this transformed life no man will enter the kingdom. Don't turn up on the day of judgment having lived your life totally for yourself and your flesh preaching grace and peace to yourself...you will be turned away as a hypocrite. God expects us to actually repent and put away our sin for good. If you stumble there is mercy, but sin will not have dominion over you, for you are not under law, nor enslaved by the flesh but under grace, empowered by His Spirit to love and obey consistently in all things.
Roman 2

4 Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? 5 But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God's righteous judgment will be revealed.
6 He will render to each one according to his works: 7 to those who by patience in well-doing seek for glory and honor and immortality, he will give eternal life; 8 but for those who are self-seeking[a] and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, there will be wrath and fury. 9 There will be tribulation and distress for every human being who does evil, the Jew first and also the Greek, 10 but glory and honor and peace for everyone who does good, the Jew first and also the Greek. 11 For God shows no partiality.

This applies to you, it applies to me, it applies to every human who has every existed. He will judge us all by our works. And while there is mercy for those who trust in Jesus, if you try to game God by holding on to a pet sin and refusing to give it up, you will perish in your sin. By our works we will prove our faith was indeed genuine and God wrought. This is what James says.
Ignore the false teachers who screech "works salvation", these do not understand the doctrine of scripture but hold to the traditions of men and are often enslaved by various sins themselves. These are those the scriptures warn of "19 They promise them freedom, but they themselves are slaves of corruption. For whatever overcomes a person, to that he is enslaved.... 2 And many will follow their sensuality, and because of them the way of truth will be blasphemed."-2 Peter2:19,2
Be blessed my friends. He who has an ear let him hear. This is how the earliest disciples of the disciples spoke.
2 Peter 3

14 Therefore, beloved, since you are waiting for these, be diligent to be found by him without spot or blemish, and at peace. 15 And count the patience of our Lord as salvation, just as our beloved brother Paul also wrote to you according to the wisdom given him, 16 as he does in all his letters when he speaks in them of these matters. There are some things in them that are hard to understand, which the ignorant and unstable twist to their own destruction, as they do the other Scriptures. 17 You therefore, beloved, knowing this beforehand, take care that you are not carried away with the error of lawless people and lose your own stability.

The Parable of the Wedding Feast, also known as the Parable of the Wedding Garment, is found in the Gospel of Matthew (Matthew 22:1-14). Here's an explanation of the parable:
In the parable, Jesus describes a king who prepares a wedding feast for his son. He sends out his servants to invite guests to the wedding. However, those who are invited refuse to come, making excuses or mistreating the messengers. In response, the king sends his servants to invite anyone they can find, both good and bad, so that the wedding hall is filled with guests.
When the king enters the wedding feast, he notices a man who is not wearing wedding garments. The king questions the man, asking how he entered without a wedding garment. The man remains speechless. As a result, the king orders his servants to bind the man and cast him into outer darkness, where there is weeping and gnashing of teeth.
This parable teaches several important lessons:

• God's Invitation: The king in the parable represents God, and the wedding feast symbolizes the Kingdom of Heaven. God extends an invitation to people to enter into a relationship with Him and partake in His Kingdom. Initially, the invitation was extended to the people of Israel, but they rejected it. Consequently, the invitation was extended to both Jews and Gentiles, representing the wider population.
• The Rejection of the Invitation: The initial guests who were invited but refused to come represent the religious leaders and people of Israel who rejected Jesus and His message of salvation. They made excuses and even mistreated the messengers, the prophets sent by God throughout history.
• The Inclusion of All: The king's servants are sent out to invite people from the highways, representing the inclusion of all people, regardless of their background or status. This signifies that the invitation to the Kingdom of Heaven is open to everyone.
• The Wedding Garment: The man who does not have a wedding garment symbolizes someone who tries to enter the Kingdom without true repentance and a genuine faith in Jesus Christ. The wedding garment represents the righteousness and purity that come through faith in Jesus. It is a metaphor for a transformed life and a heart that is aligned with God's ways.
• Accountability and Judgment: The king's reaction to the man without a wedding garment highlights the importance of personal responsibility and accountability. While the invitation is freely given, there is an expectation of responding appropriately. The man's lack of a wedding garment represents an attitude of disregard for the significance of the occasion and the requirements of the Kingdom. As a result, he faces judgment and exclusion.

This parable teaches that while God's invitation to His Kingdom is open to all, it requires a genuine response and a transformed heart. It emphasizes the need for true repentance, faith in Jesus, and a life that reflects the righteousness and purity found in Him. It warns against presuming upon God's grace and neglecting the necessary inward transformation that accompanies accepting the invitation to His Kingdom.
---
How can we be sure the wedding garment is talking of practical (not imputed) righteousness? because this very scene is described and explained again in revelations where the garments are literally defined as the practical righteousness of the Saints (done by the Spirit of God in them):
Rev 19

6 Then I heard what seemed to be the voice of a great multitude, like the roar of many waters and like the sound of mighty peals of thunder, crying out,
“Hallelujah! For the Lord our God the Almighty reigns.7 Let us rejoice and exult and give him the glory, for the marriage of the Lamb has come, and his Bride has made herself ready;8 it was granted her to clothe herself with fine linen, bright and pure”—for the fine linen is the righteous deeds of the saints.
9 And the angel said[a] to me, “Write this: Blessed are those who are invited to the marriage supper of the Lamb.” And he said to me, “These are the true words of God.”

---
While we receive the imputation of Christs righteousness to our account freely by faith, the evidence that we are indeed counted righteous before Him is the Holy Spirit He puts in us whom we yield to that produces actual practical righteousness in our lives. Without this transformed life no man will enter the kingdom. Don't turn up on the day of judgment having lived your life totally for yourself and your flesh preaching grace and peace to yourself...you will be turned away as a hypocrite. God expects us to actually repent and put away our sin for good. If you stumble there is mercy, but sin will not have dominion over you, for you are not under law, nor enslaved by the flesh but under grace, empowered by His Spirit to love and obey consistently in all things.
Roman 2

4 Or do you presume on the riches of his kindness and forbearance and patience, not knowing that God's kindness is meant to lead you to repentance? 5 But because of your hard and impenitent heart you are storing up wrath for yourself on the day of wrath when God's righteous judgment will be revealed.
6 He will render to each one according to his works: 7 to those who by patience in well-doing seek for glory and honor and immortality, he will give eternal life; 8 but for those who are self-seeking[a] and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness, there will be wrath and fury. 9 There will be tribulation and distress for every human being who does evil, the Jew first and also the Greek, 10 but glory and honor and peace for everyone who does good, the Jew first and also the Greek. 11 For God shows no partiality.

This applies to you, it applies to me, it applies to every human who has every existed. He will judge us all by our works. And while there is mercy for those who trust in Jesus, if you try to game God by holding on to a pet sin and refusing to give it up, you will perish in your sin. By our works we will prove our faith was indeed genuine and God wrought. This is what James says.
Ignore the false teachers who screech "works salvation", these do not understand the doctrine of scripture but hold to the traditions of men and are often enslaved by various sins themselves. These are those the scriptures warn of "19 They promise them freedom, but they themselves are slaves of corruption. For whatever overcomes a person, to that he is enslaved.... 2 And many will follow their sensuality, and because of them the way of truth will be blasphemed."-2 Peter2:19,2
Be blessed my friends. He who has an ear let him hear. This is how the earliest disciples of the disciples spoke.
2 Peter 3

14 Therefore, beloved, since you are waiting for these, be diligent to be found by him without spot or blemish, and at peace. 15 And count the patience of our Lord as salvation, just as our beloved brother Paul also wrote to you according to the wisdom given him, 16 as he does in all his letters when he speaks in them of these matters. There are some things in them that are hard to understand, which the ignorant and unstable twist to their own destruction, as they do the other Scriptures. 17 You therefore, beloved, knowing this beforehand, take care that you are not carried away with the error of lawless people and lose your own stability.

​

Monday, May 29 - Sunday, June 04

Top Videos

score	comments	title & link
11,209	517 comments	[Video] Latvian fans waiting for their team at the Freedom Monument, Riga. This achievement is unbelievable for the whole country.
5,877	312 comments	[Video] Referee Chris Rooney to Brandon Montour: “I was reading you played 57 minutes the other day, huh?. I do 60 every night. Just saying.”
1,935	138 comments	[Video] Logan Stankoven, captain of his hometown Kamloops, cries as he salutes the crowd for the last time
1,619	143 comments	[Video] ”No Words”. Arguably the best spot the NHL has ever made.
1,443	87 comments	[Video] Remember that time Sam Reinhart and Jack Eichel rode to work on a tandem bike?
692	236 comments	[Video] [FLA vs VGK] With 4:24 left in the third, both teams get involved in some extracurricular activity
644	86 comments	[Video] [VGK 0 - FLA (1)] Eric Staal opens the scoring with a wraparound SHG
593	103 comments	[Video] On this day a year ago, the Avs and Oilers combined for 14 goals in Game 1 of the Western Conference Finals with the Avs winning 8-6.
371	17 comments	[Video] Latvian team greeted by fans birds view
342	152 comments	[Video] [FLA vs VGK] Tempers flare up after a hit on Cousins that left him slow to get up
338	40 comments	[Video] [FLA 2-(5) VGK] Hill stops Reinhart on the breakaway and Smith scores the empty netter shortly after to put away game 1 of the finals
332	14 comments	[Video] Latvian team circling around crowd of people
248	14 comments	[Video] FLA 1 - VGK [2] Theodore with a nifty move, then fires one home to give Vegas the lead
217	21 comments	[Video] [Jaromir Jagr on Instagram] Next year? 😉
152	10 comments	[Video] FLA 1 - VGK [1] Marchessault ties it up late in the first!
130	17 comments	[Video] I made an anime opening for the 2023 Stanley Cup Final
109	56 comments	[Video] [FLA vs VGK] Full review process of Florida's failed challenge on a missed stoppage prior to Stone's goal

 

Other Posts

score	comments	title & link
6,221	1,121 comments	The Vegas Golden Knights will face the Florida Panthers in the 2023 Stanley Cup Final
5,354	238 comments	After several unsuccessful attempts, ESPN has been eliminated from the 2023 Stanley Cup Playoffs.
4,800	1,086 comments	[Image] MoneyPuck putting the Staals in rainbow font is just chef's kiss
4,177	1,022 comments	[Named POHO] [Penguins]: Welcome to Pittsburgh, Kyle Dubas!
3,812	164 comments	[Image] Photo of Adin Hill’s paddle save
3,702	224 comments	[Image] In 2010, The Stanley Cup was apart of its first ever Pride Parade where it was hoisted by Brent Sopel to honour Brendan Burke, who had passed away earlier that year.
3,672	196 comments	[John Hollinger] Boston becomes first city to lose a home Game 7 to an 8-seed in both hockey and basketball in the same season.
3,339	169 comments	[Image] Net-cam view of Adin Hill’s “The Save”
3,065	597 comments	[Image] Cup Final nationality breakdown
3,033	89 comments	[Canes] The Canes mourn the loss of Bob Brind’Amour, father of Rod, who passed away on Thursday. Our thoughts are with the entire Brind'Amour family.

 

Top Comments

score	comment
2,363	Malarbutton said He wasnt lying it was gm of toronto or nowhere.
2,057	Harborcoat84 said Disgusting
1,802	Top_Rekt said Lol I love that refs chirp the players. I've seen enough Jomboy videos to see other refs in the league that just outright kick a player out for just looking at them.
1,617	RedWings51930 said And if you click on their name, instead of going to their player page, it redirects to the Trevor Project's website
1,603	4N0NYM0US_GUY said That’s because Patrick Roy doesn’t give a fuck.

 

Awarded Posts

score/comments	awards	title & link
1,990 - 176 comments	1 Silver, 1 Gold, 1 I'll Drink to That	[Sportsnet] HILL SAYS NO
2,291 - 463 comments	1 Heartwarming, 1 Crab Rave	The Dallas Stars have been eliminated from the Stanley Cup Playoffs after losing to the Vegas Golden Knights in 6 games
2,576 - 388 comments	1 Gold	[bee dumb day] you know what? the Minnesota Wild organization doesn't want to acknowledge pride month, but you know who does? Jon Merrill does.

 

Awarded Comments

awards	score	comment
1 Crab Rave	90	icemantiger said I am nostradamus. As a joke I said that Stars would lose 6-nil.... can't believe i was on the money https://imgur.com/a/xh6Wyuy
1 Gold	91	therealphoodie said Here is a brief overview of each of these teams’ histories in the Stanley Cup Final prior to appearing in the listed years: • 1934: Chicago lost in their only other SCF appearance in 1931, fallin...
1 Gold	1,205	CaptinDerpI said I’m going to literally go insane
1 Platinum	735	HortonTheHierophant said Gary living in an alternate universe where there is 45 additional countries?
1 Take My Energy	1,289	LazerMcBlazer said They're too busy designing next season's Thin Blue Line giveaway t-shirt

 

TW: r-pe, csa
I’ve been carrying this weight within me the past two days. I did something really bad. I don’t know whether it’s something I should tell my trauma therapist, who specialises in treating SA survivors, or something I should never talk about to anyone who knows me in real life. I really want to tell her because it’s very much connected to my sexual trauma, which is something we’ve been working at since I started seeing her in the last quarter of last year, and because it’s causing me lots of distress right now. But I don’t know if it’s an acceptable thing to tell her, and if she’ll hate me or be repulsed by me. Or if this would be the first time she has had a client who has done something as repulsive as this.
For context, I have a history of both non-r-pe sexual assaults and a really sadistic and violent r-pe. This has caused me to become hypersexual, from literally having not kissed a person willingly at 25, and to engage in dangerous, violent sex with strangers as a form of coping, self-harm, and an attempt to make sense of things too. I have this thing where I need to feel the exact same pain and horror and abuse I was put through by the perpetrator, because anything less doesn’t make sense to me. It’s not familiar, it’s scary to me. The severe violence and pain, it’s become my normal, the thing I’m most familiar with. The person I was who would’ve fought for myself to not give into the horrible things that feel familiar, she died during the r-pe. She never left the room. And all of this has been to the point that I’ve had repulsive and compulsive thoughts of (1) wanting to be r-ped again in worse ways (as a form of punishment that I deserve, and also because it’s what i’m most familiar with, and also because I want the r-pist to finish the job and physically kill me because the last one didn’t), (2) wanting to watch r-pe porn. This porn has been the only thing I’m able to get off with. I need to hear the crying and wailing, the resisting, like how I sounded when it happened to me. I need to see the tears, the look of defeat, the “nobody’s home” look behind the eyes, like what happened when it was done to me. I might even stumble across myself eventually — I’m not sure if he took videos, but he took photos, like my face and even of my bleeding from my ass while he s-d-mised me repeatedly, and sent it to me after so I 100% know he has it. My therapist knows about these repulsive thoughts, and the whole finding r-pe porn thing.
CSA may also have happened to me, though I can’t say for certain. I have fragmented memories of it that feel so extremely real in my gut, in phantom touches, in my head and heart. Yet it’s been two decades and I’ve only started to make sense of what little I can recall of it now, so I can’t get any concrete answers or evidence of it. My therapist also knows this. I often dissociate and go numb when trying to “reach back” to that age, that memory. But recently upon accessing my younger parts in therapy and trying to make sense of everything including this, I’ve been getting the same intense compulsive urges (as with the above worse r-pe / r-pe porn urges) to find a video of CSA r-pe. But not because I’m aroused by it in any way. I just feel like I need to see something to confront this strong internal sense of what may have happened to me. I feel like it did, in my bones, in my everything, like it’s familiar, but the memory I have stops at being placed naked on a towel on the bed with a naked grown man in the room. I briefly searched the darker side of the web for it two days ago, on the 2-year traumaversary of my r-pe, and there was a website that i clicked into. i didn’t press any videos but automatically upon entering the site, there were very short 3-second gif-like clips on the front page, and i saw one or two of them involving r-pe. i felt weird and numb and apathetic and yet also like it was me in that clip. i closed the site immediately. never went back.
I feel even more repulsed by myself. There is so much shame and self-hate and condemning myself to death happening within me. And I feel even more terribly because I’m not repulsed by what I saw (like a normal, good person would), but disgusted solely about my own actions instead. I want to be a good person, but a good person wouldn’t have felt empty about this kind of inhumane videos.
I want to tell my therapist very much about what I did. But I’m scared she will hate me, or be repulsed by me. What if this is the first time she has heard of her client doing something like this? Like she wasn’t surprised by the r-pe porn and wanting to be r-ped worse thing, as she said I’m not the only one who has these compulsive urges, she has other clients who are similar. But what if she can’t understand this? I don’t even understand it myself. I just want to be told by someone who can treat me, that i’m ok, that it’s not ok that i did this horrendous thing but it’s not who i really am at my core (that i’m not a p-dophile), that it’s my brain trying to cope with so much trauma in its system, and not because i’m so repulsive and inhumane that I deserve to be thrown into jail and tortured daily like how these kids were / are.

Hello, I saw this gif today about a boy getting what seems like his first puppy. He is sitting on the coach and a puppy is handed to him over his shoulder. He grabs its face because he didn't know it was real. Then he holds it and starts crying. It's pretty adorable and made me happy cry. I thought I saved it but apparently not, and have spent an hour searching.

I have a history of being s-xually ass-ulted multiple times, including one violent, sadistic r-pe involving intentionally inflicting intense amounts of pain, violence, being repeatedly s-d-mised, being hogtied so I can’t do anything while he used me, even put in a collar and leash and str-ngled me with it. Told too cry harder as I was sobbing, trying to get him to stop. It was the worst 3 hours of my life. He also took photos of me bleeding during it and also my face, both of which he sent to me after. I’m not sure if he took any videos. I do worry it’s out there somewhere. It was exactly 2 years yesterday, since it happened, I spent the entire day triggered and crying alone in the bathroom, because I physically tried but couldn’t tell someone what day it was.
I’m not 100% sure about this, but I have fragmented memories of possible CSA as well. I remember being bathed, him getting himself off as he touched outside and inside of me with his hands, being put on a bed naked. I have many signs throughout my childhood that point to it, but recently while asking my family about our relationship with the person and if we’ve been to their house, they all give differing accounts of it. But I remember his walls, his dining table, the layout of his house, his kids’ room (boy and girl, bunk beds), that his wife and him were separated and she didn’t live with them anymore, the colour of his skin and the muscles in his arms. Most of this, matches my family’s account of it. His face is a blur blotch. I’ve been trying to make sense of it all with my therapist, but it’s been hard as I’m always numb or dissociating, or becoming overly dysregulated during sessions.
I have sick compulsive / intrusive thoughts, ever since the r-pe happened. It’s one part of my PTSD/CPTSD probably. I would call it morbid curiosity, but it feels more than that. I try and search videos of really horrible adult r-pe — it has to have crying, it has to have resisting, it has to have becoming dead in the eyes, and bleeding like I did. It’s the only kind of p-rn that feels right to me. I’ve only found the fake, scripted ones on the right side of the internet. I’ve searched a bit of the dark side of it, but haven’t found any. I feel like I do it because I need to, it’s the only familiar thing I know. The r-pe made me extremely hypersexual (before that i was very new to sex, didn’t sleep around) as a result, to the point I slept with all different partners several times a month, and at one point almost several a week, to the point I was desperate and it made me feel horrible not being violently used by a man in the exact same way I was ass-ulted, to the same extent of pain. Because I became hypersexual, I didn’t shy away from p-rn. I sought for something to reenact my ass-ult, something I could watch to put myself back in that moment again, because it’s familiar. The r-pe caused me to develop kinks for the exact same things that had been done to me too — it doesn’t bring me much joy, I just feel the intense need to feel the exact things that were done to me. Because it’s me. It’s what I am. I don’t exist beyond the event of the r-pe where the person inside of me died.
My trauma therapist specialising in s-xual ass-ult / ab-se victims knows about the whole p-rn thing regarding the r-pe of women. I told her a while back. She said it happens, that she had some clients too that had this thing too. I didn’t tell her I’d been trying to access the wrong side of the web for it. And I didn’t tell her I’d been searching for similar videos regarding young girls too. Not because I get aroused from it — I don’t, not at all. Not to masturbate to it — i would never. Not to enjoy it — I can’t, I know for certain. But instead, it felt like it has been to find something that matches what I feel is familiar very deep down inside, in my subconscious. Like it’s there, I can sense it, knowing something happened. I just wanted something to just click within me, to confirm to myself that the things that happened to me as a child were real. And I found it yesterday.
I didn’t click into anything beyond just the weblink itself. But there were free gif-like previews running automatically on the page as soon as the page loaded. I saw a snippet of a r-pe. I closed the page immediately. Deleted the entire browser.
But when I saw it, I scared myself. It made me hate myself profusely. Because when I saw it, I felt empty, nonchalant, apathetic. I wanted to be repulsed, like a normal person would, like a CSA survivor definitely would. But I felt nothing. At most, it felt… unsurprising, and almost normal because it felt so familiar, like it was me in that gif clip. I felt more repulsed with myself for feeling absolutely nothing, than for wanting to find something like it in the first place.
I feel 1000% fucked in the head. I feel like I should be tortured, more than I already am mentally / emotionally, like I should physically be tortured. I feel like I shouldn’t exist because I even have the thought of doing something like this, and to feel nothing from it. I haven’t told a soul in person about this, ever since yesterday happened. I want so much to tell my therapist what I did, but I don’t think I could survive it if telling her makes her look at me with hate and disgust in her eyes. She’s the only one I can tell, the only one I’ve told about the adult p-rn thing too. I literally could not do a bad thing in real life, it’s literally in my nature to desperately want to be a good person, but inside my head I feel like the worst person alive, like I should be condemned. And I should definitely be condemned for this.
How do i tell my therapist that I felt nothing seeing something so horrible? That I searched for something like it in the first place? Why did i do this?

First time right in like 10 years , I want some honest feedback !! The good the bad and the worse !
“Breaking news from Scotland Yard reveals a shocking discovery along the banks of the River Thames earlier today. A lifeless body, suspected to be female, has been found, adding to the growing concern surrounding the missing student, Bridget Matthews, from The Barts and The London School of Medicine and Dentistry. Although authorities have not yet confirmed any connection between the two cases, an on-site reporter observed the victim's gender, raising further questions. Meanwhile, we interrupt this broadcast to bring you the latest updates on the situation. Prime Minister Theresa—"
Devin barged into the security office, interrupting Jason, who was engrossed in the news. Frustrated by the constant coverage of the Prime Minister, Devin demanded, "Would you turn that TV off, Jason? No one cares what that cock-up of a Prime Minister does."
As the two security guards engaged in their usual bickering, Devin reluctantly gave in and switched the news back on, knowing it would momentarily satisfy Jason. Once the argument subsided, Jason focused his attention on confirming if all the necessary security tasks were completed.
"Did you check the outside perimeters before locking up?" Jason inquired, keeping his eyes fixed on the checklist.
Devin, irritated by the questioning, retorted, "The perimeters? We're not in a war zone here, Jason. We're security guards at a university, for crying out loud. I've done my part, sir."
Unfazed by Devin's response, Jason swiftly replied, "Quit your moaning, mate. You claimed to have finished your duties, yet I see a young lady on the third floor. Stop wasting time and actually do your job this time, you wanker."
Devin begrudgingly accepted the reprimand and exited the office. Making his way to the third floor, he noticed a bright light emanating from a room at the end of the hallway. Upon entering, he discovered a young blonde first-year student plugging her Nikon FM-10 camera into the school's iMac. The sound of the door opening startled the student.
"Excuse me, Miss. We're closing the building for the night," Devin informed her.
Acknowledging his statement, the young girl hastily packed her belongings, casting a shy nod in his direction. As they descended the stairs together, they engaged in polite conversation, easing the awkwardness of the situation. Curiosity compelled Devin to inquire about her name.
"What's your name?" he asked.
"Samantha Williams," she politely replied, rushing towards the exits.
Devin noticed her hastened pace but effortlessly matched it with his long strides. Just as Sam reached for the exit door, Devin expressed concern about the severity of the ongoing storm.
"This blizzard has halted all transportation for the night. Would you like an escort home, Miss?" he offered.
"No, no, it's fine. I live just a few minutes away with my boyfriend and roommate," Sam quickly responded, increasing her speed.
Though hesitant to let the young girl walk home alone in the dark during such inclement weather, Devin understood her perspective, fearing his well-intentioned gesture might be perceived as intrusive. Before he could rectify the situation, Sam hurried out the door, her headphones back in place. Devin secured the front doors and returned to the small security office, where Jason remained fixated on the news, munching on his lunch.
Alarmed by the security camera malfunction, Devin asked, "What's wrong with the outside cameras, mate?"
Jason, still engrossed in the TV, mumbled with a mouthful of food, "The storm must have knocked out the outside setup. Happened before during heavy rain. We'll fix it in the morning. Don't worry."
Devin took a final glance at the monitors, noticing the fuzzy black-and-white screen flickering, before heading back to complete his remaining duties. Stepping outside the Art building, he immediately spotted something unusual on the snow-covered sidewalk. Two sets of footprints, facing the same direction, caught his attention—one originating from the building steps, while the other seemingly starting from across the street. The sudden shift in the wind urged Devin to abandon his detective-like musings and return indoors to finish his nightly responsibilities.
"The night sky loomed ominously as the snow mercilessly pounded the earth, like a divine punishment. This divine punishment seemed to fixate on Sam's eyes, forcing her gaze downward as she hurried home. Navigating the long, narrow alley solely from memory, the absence of stars and the concealed moon behind London's architectural beauty intensified her sense of being watched. Her music blasting through her ears obstructed her sense to hear the footsteps approaching from behind. Just before the next song on the playlist began, she heard the crunch of a shoe connecting with freshly compacted snow. She kept the ear buds in , but shut off the music to give the illusion that everything was still normal. Sam's paced slowed when her once infringed sense was now being overcome with the sound of messy singing. Sam did a quick glance over her shoulder, and realized that her fears were unwarranted. She saw a fellow university student stumbling out of the pub singing,
" Don't Stop Me Now, I'm having such a good ti..."
But the overweight man was interrupted by the pints of beer flowing back up his body. Sam took this opportunity to snap a picture of the puking brute as a memorabilia to share with her friends. She gave a quick glance at the screen on her camera. It revealed the perfect shot, of the drunken student throwing up, as the perfect blizzard came tumbling down. she resumed her journey through the alley, music back in her ears. However, as she emerged onto a well-lit street, a distinct feeling of being observed gripped Sam once again. Determined not to succumb to what she thought to be her own imagination, she cranked up the volume and forged ahead, braving the wintry tundra. Fifteen minutes later, she arrived at her house, relief washing over her as she found the lights on, indicating the presence of her roommate and boyfriend. Joyfully stepping inside, Sam greeted her friends—Michelle, a shy redhead seated in the far corner of the couch, and Nathan, her athletic boyfriend engrossed in a game of Call of Duty. All three friends were glad to be reunited. Michelle, no longer subjected to witnessing Nathan's gaming session, and Nathan, eager to spend the rest of the evening with his girlfriend, were content. They sat in the living room for a while until a chilling gust infiltrated the room. Glancing toward the hallway, they froze. A tall figure approached, leaving them with nowhere to run..."
"I'm reporting live from the scene of a gruesome homicide that took place last night. The victims, two local university students, were discovered this morning. Currently, Samantha Williams, the third tenant of the residence, is missing and wanted for questioning. If you have any information regarding her whereabouts, please contact the provided number. This is Natalie Myers, reporting for CTV London News."

I’ve had sporadic panic attacks/anger explosions my whole life. They were very bad during puberty but mostly went away my adult life until I got married. Thankfully conflict with my wife only brings out the anger issues once every six months or so. But now with the newborn I get angry 2-3 times a week. Today the family (Me, Wife, 5 week newborn) was heading out on a 10 minute drive to visit other family. Stress started when I wanted to play a quick video gif baby to bond. Instead technology stopped working easily so I had to trouble shoot, then baby starts crying because I’m not looking at her. Then our dog starts wining cuz he knows we’re about to leave. Then I’m putting her in the car seat and the harness is all messed up because she’s actually grown and we should be using the next size up. Then father in law keeps asking which car we’re taking and where he’s going to sit. Then the dog tries to run out the front door. Then the car is too hot so I need to roll all the windows down and blast the AC. Then I need to run back inside, apologize to the dog and give him a treat so he knows he’s a good boy. Grabbed my soda and spilled it like a kid leaning over yo grab something. Threw the soda at the wall started yelling and then removed myself from everyone else while I try to calm my panic attack without succumbing to the urge to break things like doors or anything I can grab and throw.
I don’t know what to do. I feel like shit that my family has to deal with me like this. I just ruined a get together with family that drove halfway across the country to see the baby. I know it’s normal for Dads to deal with stuff like this. But I don’t think it’s healthy to throw stuff and break stuff because I’m overwhelmed.