Is it time to end this relationship before we both are in too deep and hurt each other more? I am on the brink of breaking up with him but sometimes I can't tell if it is my intrusive thoughts or real feelings that are causing this.
I (32F) have been suffering from bipolar depression since I was a teenager. I am also an empath and a people pleaser so I have trouble setting boundaries with the people I care about. Also, I am an introvert so need time to recharge during the week and have a me day.
Recently, I started dating someone and that I’ve known for seven years, but when we met, I was in a committed long-term relationship so I never thought of him more than a friend in that time. Since then my long term relationship has ended, and I have started to date this friend of seven years. Let’s call him Ryan (35M).
Things were going good for the first 2 to 3 months until I found that he was insecure in our relationship. We also work together and spend a lot of time together outside of work. So we see each other pretty much every day. The days, or even hours that we don’t spend together, he is continuously checking up on me by texting or calling asking me what I am up to every hour or so and if I don’t respond within 30 minutes he will continue to text and ask if I am okay and that he is worried about me. At first I thought this was sweet but now it feels like he’s being very insecure if I am not continuously in contact with him and it’s mentally exhausting. I have tried explaining to him many times that I just need a day to myself to recharge after the long week. I even have to say that if I don’t text him back right away it’s probably because I’m playing a video game or I’m taking a nap. He says that he understands that and doesn’t expect me to reply right away but then I end up looking at my phone a couple hours later and see five or more unread text messages. This is has been going on for the last week or so.
I have been having a rough week and I think he picks up on that. I don’t know how much more I can explain to him that me having a recharge day includes not having to talk to anybody throughout the day or text. And I don’t want him to take it personally, but in the past when he thought I was angry at him. He has done things to hurt himself like punching himself in the face so that he wouldn’t feel the emotional pain. This scares me and should’ve been a red flag at the beginning of the relationship. Because of this, I’m almost thinking of ending things because the fact that I have to hide how I am truly feeling so that he feels secure in the relationship is not healthy.
Again, I have tried many times to explain to him that if I’m having an off week or an off day, it’s not because of him. But he tends to cling on more and be more insecure in the relationship when I bring this up. Now it is becoming an issue with our relationship for myself. I understand that he just needs the reassurance and I try to give him as much reassurance as I can but it is just getting exhausting.
I am trying to decide if I should end this relationship before things get further and things get harder for both of us. The truly hard part about this is we have been friends for over seven years and I feel like I will lose him not only as my boyfriend, but a friend after this. Also making the workplace awkward.
Below, I have typed out my feelings about the situation. As much as I don’t like to text or write out break ups I feel I need to do this, so I can set my boundaries since I have a hard time doing that when speaking to Ryan. I need him to understand that this relationship right now isn’t healthy and that my depression and his insecurity are both playing a part in it. I think in the long run we will just hurt each other more if we continue this way. I don’t think I can be the person he needs right now who can show him continuous reassurance, patience, and love. Because I am still working on my own things. My biggest fear is that he will do something more drastic to hurt himself so he doesn’t feel the emotional pain. Going further than just punching himself in the face. But in the end I need to do what’s best for me. And I also think this would be best for him. He needs somebody that is a more mentally stable person and I can’t give that to him right now. I believe relationships should be two people building each other up and not bring each other down. And I feel that this is turning into a very codependent relationship and that is not what I’m looking for. I have spent two decades working on my depression I know how to help myself through depression, but now that I feel like I have to take care of myself and another person and it is getting too much.
I have become a very independent individual, and I’ve become very good at coping and working through my own mental issues. And I feel like I am backtracking with all of that in this relationship.
Also, I have a lot of big changes coming up in my life. I am moving to my own apartment at the end of August and this will be the first time I will be living on my own. It is a very exciting thing, but also very scary at the same time for me since this is a new experience. I don’t want to have to be worrying about making sure he is secure in the relationship and have to worry about moving out and getting everything ready for that new journey. It should be a fun, exciting experience and not filled with anxiety.
If anyone could do me a favor and read through the break up, note that I typed up and tell me if it makes sense in the way I am feeling right now. Thank you all so much.
Note:
I can’t be in a serious committed relationship right now. My depression has been the worst it’s been since I was a teenager and I need get help for it. This weekend and last night was an eye opener for me that I need to get help for my depression because if I don’t and I move out on my own, I worry what thoughts and actions will come to mind with the sudden and big changes. I need to be on my own for awhile so I can live on my own. Because when I get this way, no one, even you, can help with these thoughts. Only myself can help me. I also worry about what my depression and mood swings will do to you, now and in the long run. You being an empath is an amazing trait but being with me when I am suffering with this depression will only bring you down with me. I’m not going to do that to you. I need to do this on my own so I know myself and find myself. I don’t want to live with these thoughts of hurting myself anymore and knowing I am causing you pain too will make things worse.
I hope that you can be understanding in this, because I know this will hurt both of us. And I hate to be the one to cause you pain. But we have to look at the big picture. If I don’t get back to my old self, I WILL bring you down with me. Not only in our relationship but also career. And you deserve better than that. I need to focus on myself so I can be my best self. I will probably hate myself for awhile and regret doing this but it is part of finding myself.
I worry that if I continue being this way that you will hurt yourself again. Mentally and physically. Pretending I’m alright because I fear that you may think the worst or hurt yourself, I can’t do that anymore. The mask is slipping and I’m exhausted. You deserve the best. And I am not the best version of me right now. I hope that this makes sense and you will understand that I just need to defeat this depression on my own so I can be the best version of me. I can’t rely on anyone but myself to do that. That’s not fair to you and that won’t help me either.

I asked this question last night but I included the wrong information, so I will make another post here.
About a week ago I Installed the Vanilla Expanded collection, and found out when I loaded into a world my architect tab was bugged. When clicked on the first time it would load up all of the subtabs (Zone, Order, Furniture, etc.), but once I clicked on one of these subtabs the architect tab would close and would "freeze up." I couldn't navigate around the map, or open any other tabs. Only after clicking the architect tab again to "close" it would things return to normal. After this, clicking the architect tab wouldn't open any subtabs and would just do the same freeze up thing.
I figured it had something to do with not having any of the DLCs, so I disabled all of the VE mods and things returned to normal. Fast forward to last night, I installed all of the DLCs, and reinstalled the VE collection. Only to run into the same problem again. I will attach below both my ModsConfig and My Debug Log. I tried to generate a HugsLog but it wouldn't let me upload it to whatever server it needs to be. I'm happy to include any extra data you might need, just not sure what else to add lol.
Thanks in Advance!
ModsConfig.xml

?xml version="1.0" encoding="utf-8"?>  1.4.3704 rev896  
brrainz.harmony
 
me.samboycoding.betterloading.dev
 
ludeon.rimworld
 
ludeon.rimworld.royalty
 
ludeon.rimworld.ideology
 
vanillaexpanded.backgrounds
 
oskarpotocki.vanillafactionsexpanded.core
 
vanillaexpanded.vfea
 
vanillaexpanded.vfesecurity
 
frozensnowfox.alwaysrearmturrets
 
fluffy.fluffybreakdowns
 
fluffy.colonymanager
 
oskarpotocki.vfe.classical
 
lwm.deepstorage
 
oskarpotocki.vfe.mechanoid
 
oskarpotocki.vanillafactionsexpanded.medievalmodule
 
vanillaexpanded.vbookse
 
vanillaexpanded.achievements
 
vanillaexpanded.vcooke
 
vanillaexpanded.vbrewe
 
vanillaexpanded.vbrewecandt
 
vanillaexpanded.vfepower
 
vanillaexpanded.vchemfuele
 
vanillaexpanded.vgeneticse
 
frozensnowfox.complexjobs
 
frozensnowfox.filthvanisheswithrainandtime
 
vanillaexpanded.vfecore
 
vanillaexpanded.vfefarming
 
frozensnowfox.nodefaultshelfstorage
 
pathavoid.kv.rw
 
mlie.xndusethatsniperscope
 
spoonshortage.adogsaidanimalprosthetics
 
unlimitedhugs.hugslib
 
unlimitedhugs.allowtool
 
fluffy.animaltab
 
fluffy.backuppower
 
mlie.badleathercategory
 
mlie.badmeatcategory
 
bedrestforfoodpoisoning.1trickponyta
 
kikohi.bettergroundpenetratingscanner
 
goudaquiche.bloodandstains
 
fluffy.blueprints
 
brrainz.cameraplus
 
5katz.commschat
 
bustedbunny.chooseyourrecipe
 
owlchemist.cleanpathfinding
 
crashm.colorcodedmoodbar.11
 
kikohi.coloreddeepresources
 
fluffy.commandpalette
 
thewirelord354.conduitdeconstruct
 
jaxe.rimhud
 
vanillaexpanded.skills
 
alias.degeneralizework
 
fluffy.desirepaths
 
tikubonn.dontblockdoor
 
dracoix.doormat.r12a
 
roolo.dualwield
 
dubwise.dubsbreakmod
 
dubwise.rimatomics
 
mlie.easyupgrades
 
uuugggg.tdfindlib
 
uuugggg.everybodygetsone
 
vat.epoeforked
 
fyarn.fixablemooddebuffsalert
 
fluffy.followme
 
telefonmast.graphicssettings
 
automatic.gunplay
 
mlie.harvestwhenbutchering
 
mlie.haulminedchunks
 
iworosiak.holsters
 
mlie.iclearlyhaveenough
 
brrainz.justignoremepassing
 
mlie.justputitoverthere
 
dhultgren.keepbedownership
 
keepmortarsready.1trickpwnyta
 
krafs.levelup
 
pyrce.mass.graves
 
uuugggg.mealsonwheels
 
fluffy.medicaltab
 
fluffy.musicmanager
 
boundir.newgameplus
 
doug.nojobauthors
 
telardo.nolaggybed
 
xavior.nolazydoctors
 
vanillaexpanded.vaeendandext
 
vanillaexpanded.vwel
 
oskarpotocki.vfe.pirates
 
oskarpotocki.vfe.vikings
 
vanillaexpanded.vcef
 
ltoddy.notaweapon
 
notfood.outfitted
 
rudinov.shelfpatch
 
fluffy.pharmacist
 
mehni.pickupandhaul
 
bustedbunny.prisonersarenotswines
 
legodude17.qualcolor
 
hatti.qualitybuilder
 
hatti.qualitysurgeon
 
fluffy.fluffyrelations
 
uuugggg.replacestuff
 
garethp.replacestuffcompatibility
 
neigh.researchpalrepackage
 
vanillaexpanded.vwe
 
vanillaexpanded.vweq
 
vanillaexpanded.vwehw
 
vanillaexpanded.vwec
 
oskarpotocki.vanillafactionsexpanded.settlersmodule
 
vanillaexpanded.vweft
 
krkr.rocketman
 
owlchemist.scatteredflames
 
owlchemist.scatteredstones
 
uuugggg.sharetheload
 
jamaicancastle.shoo
 
mlie.showmeyourhands
 
petetimessix.simplesidearms
 
dhultgren.smarterconstruction
 
weilbyte.snapout
 
marvinkosh.sometimesraidsgowrong
 
linkolas.stabilize
 
murmur.subsurfaceconduit
 
conit.thebirdsandthebees
 
smashphil.dropspot
 
automatic.traderships
 
marvinkosh.ughyougotme
 
asmallrabbit.uniformgrowzone
 
vanillaexpanded.vanillaanimalsexpanded
 
vanillaexpanded.vaecaves
 
vanillaexpanded.vaeroy
 
vanillaexpanded.vappe
 
vanillaexpanded.vaeaccessories
 
vanillaexpanded.varme
 
vanillaexpanded.vanillabackstoriesexpanded
 
vanillaexpanded.basegeneration
 
vanillaexpanded.vcookestews
 
vanillaexpanded.vcookesushi
 
vanillaexpanded.vee
 
oskarpotocki.vanillaexpanded.ideologypatches
 
oskarpotocki.vanillaexpanded.royaltypatches
 
oskarpotocki.vfe.empire
 
oskarpotocki.vfe.insectoid
 
vanillaexpanded.vcefaddon
 
vanillaexpanded.vfearchitect
 
vanillaexpanded.vfeart
 
vanillaexpanded.vfemedical
 
vanillaexpanded.vfeproduction
 
vanillaexpanded.vfepropsanddecor
 
vanillaexpanded.vfespacer
 
vanillaexpanded.vhe
 
vanillaexpanded.helixiengas
 
vanillaexpanded.vieat
 
vanillaexpanded.ideo.dryads
 
vanillaexpanded.viehar
 
vanillaexpanded.ideo.iconsandsymbols
 
vanillaexpanded.vmemese
 
vanillaexpanded.ideo.relicsandartifacts
 
vanillaexpanded.viesas
 
vanillaexpanded.vnutriente
 
vanillaexpanded.outposts
 
vanillaexpanded.vpersonaweaponse
 
vanillaexpanded.vplantse
 
vanillaexpanded.vplantsemore
 
vanillaexpanded.vplantsesucculents
 
vanillaexpanded.vpsycastse
 
vanillaracesexpanded.android
 
vanillaracesexpanded.genie
 
vanillaracesexpanded.phytokin
 
vanillaracesexpanded.sanguophage
 
vanillaracesexpanded.waster
 
vanillaexpanded.vanillasocialinteractionsexpanded
 
vse.diegoindustrial
 
vse.empressevil
 
vse.freyafierce
 
vse.igorinvader
 
vse.maynardmedieval
 
vse.neronneolithic
 
vse.oskarobnoxious
 
vse.perrypersistent
 
vanillastorytellersexpanded.winstonwave
 
vanillaexpanded.vtexe
 
vanillaexpanded.vtexvariations
 
vanillaexpanded.vanillatradingexpanded
 
vanillaexpanded.vanillatraitsexpanded
 
vanillaexpanded.vweg
 
vanillaexpanded.vwems
 
vanillaexpanded.vwenl
 
vanillaexpanded.vwetb
 
murmur.walllight
 
zzz.wallvitalsmonitor
 
puremj.mjrimmods.whileyouarenearby
 
codeoptimist.jobsofopportunity
 
uuugggg.tdsbugfixes
   
ludeon.rimworld.royalty
 
ludeon.rimworld.ideology
   

Debug Log

Root level exception in OnGUI(): System.NullReferenceException: Object reference not set to an instance of an object at PipeSystem.ResolvedAllowedDesignators_Patch.Postfix (Verse.DesignationCategoryDef& __instance, System.Collections.Generic.List`1[Verse.Designator]& ___resolvedDesignators) [0x0002c] in :0 at (wrapper dynamic-method) Verse.DesignationCategoryDef.Verse.DesignationCategoryDef.get_ResolvedAllowedDesignators_Patch1(Verse.DesignationCategoryDef) at RimWorld.ArchitectCategoryTab.DesignationTabOnGUI (Verse.Designator forceActivatedCommand) [0x0006f] in <95de19971c5d40878d8742747904cdcd>:0 at RimWorld.MainTabWindow_Architect.ExtraOnGUI () [0x00010] in <95de19971c5d40878d8742747904cdcd>:0 at Verse.WindowStack.WindowStackOnGUI () [0x00038] in <95de19971c5d40878d8742747904cdcd>:0 at (wrapper dynamic-method) RimWorld.UIRoot_Play.RimWorld.UIRoot_Play.UIRootOnGUI_Patch2(RimWorld.UIRoot_Play) at (wrapper dynamic-method) Verse.Root.Verse.Root.OnGUI_Patch2(Verse.Root) UnityEngine.StackTraceUtility:ExtractStackTrace () (wrapper dynamic-method) Verse.Log:Verse.Log.Error_Patch1 (string) (wrapper dynamic-method) Verse.Root:Verse.Root.OnGUI_Patch2 (Verse.Root) 

I do not wish to use another program, especially one that does not function for this purpose.
i do not want random strangers having access to my keyboard and mouse.
I only have one controller
I am using Parsec, this is the Parsec reddit.
I already know how to set up VBA to play 4swords with 2 players with myself, and already know how to set up parsec to play the game with myself via my browser on the same pc.
I am already aware that there are posts on reddit involving this as well as youtube and other sites. NONE OF THESE POSTS/VIDEOS/OTHER SITES, explain how to actually set up parsec and simply just show you how to set up the emulator.
If someone could kindly show me how to set up PARSEC to play 4 SWORDS GBA , with VISUAL BOY ADVANCE, emulator over the internet with at least one other player that would be great because i've been asking this question on various sites including here for about a month now and just keep getting wierd responses.

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IF YOU ARE A PART OF VALENWIN MANOR NO LOOKIE!!! YOU’LL GET YOUR PRESENTS SOON DON’T SPOIL CHRISTMAS!!!!!

First time trying to Homebrew magic items and would like some feedback on these.
For starters these items are made to reflect their backstory, with their class having little influence on my decisions. I don’t care if they’re OP compared to enemies, but I care if some are OP compared to each other. I want them all to have fun with these.
​
Bard : One-Man Band

• At the start of the campaign player asked to have a shapeshifting instrument that can change into other instruments. I said I’ll work on it and I wanted to add on to the idea.
• Harmonica that can change into any instrument using a command word, making the user automatically proficient in that weapon.
• Passive : Spellcasting focus, +1 to spell attack and DC
• Active : Effect added to spells cast with this in hand, or effect created on its own. All areas originate from the user :
  • Percussion : 15ft cube WIS save or be stunned until end of user’s next turn.
  • Wind : 5ft by 30ft line DEX save or be knocked prone.
  • String : 60ft radius CHA save or be charmed/frightened (user’s choice) until end of user’s next turn.
  • Electronic : 15ft cone CON save or be pushed back 10ft and deafened until end of user’s next turn.
  • Hybrid : Roll to determine which effect is used.
• Charges : Equal to proficiency bonus and recharges at dawn.
• Comparisons:
  • Item compared to the All-Purpose Tool, changing the “cantrip” part to the various instrument modes.
  • Percussion effect not based on any preexisting spells or abilities. I’m concerned it may be too OP to have an area effect stunning, but wasn’t sure.
  • Wind effect made using Dragonborn’s Breath Weapon.
  • String effect compared to Calm Emotions spell, but increased distance to make up for “weaker” effect.
  • Electronic effect made using Thunderwave spell.
  • Hybrid is just used to explain any instruments that use multiple types (like electric guitar, lore reasons why that’s even an option).
• Concerns :
  • I don’t know the Bard spell list that well, nor how they typically play, so my concerns are that the effects are either already spells a Bard has access to to, they are redundant, or they’re useless. Would love input on that.
  • Also wasn’t sure on how balanced each effect was with one another and wanted input in that.

​
Sorcerer : Alien Companion

• They are an aberrant mind sorcerer and gave me full reign over their backstory on how this came to be. They have no idea why a flumph is following them around all of a sudden. The flumph is resommoned by an “unknown person”.
• A flumph that seems attached to the user, following their instructions loyally. The flumph acts as both a familiar and as an Expert sidekick.
• Has its own initiative, free action to command it, CAN attack, cannot take on new forms, will respawn after one hour if killed.
• Charges : None applicable except constraints set by the sidekick class or the race limits. Considering adding a limit on respawns, maybe only allowing the flumph to reappear at the next dawn.
• Comparisons :
  • This flumph has a modified statblock to fit its own past and experience, but is otherwise still a flumph. Removed the prone thing flumph a have cause I didn’t wanna deal with it.
• Concerns :
  • I don’t know how powerful a familiar with the changes I made is too or less powerful, both compared to regular familiars and to the other magic items in the list.
  • Also not sure if there are any interactions with the sorcerer class I should be aware of.

​
Barbarian : Organic Threads

• One of the more backstory related items that really doesn’t tie into the class at all, the player wanted more out of combat options, and she’s a granny PC who loves knitting so here we are!
• Box of various rare magical threads that has a variety of uses in and out of combat :
  • Unicorn Hair : Rope-like thread that is incredibly sturdy and laced with magic. Popular building and mending material.
  • Drider Silk : Sticky silk thread perfect for traps, nets, and powerful restraining; uses are up to user ideas.
  • Violet Fungus : While violet is the most common, there are other colors whose fibers invoke different magical effects when used.
    • Violet : Slightly poisonous sap leaks from it.
    • Blue : Waterbreath, permanent if mask made from the thread is worn over the face, 1 hour of thread is consumed
    • Green : Photosynthesizes and becomes capable of healing wounds.
    • Yellow : Emits light, I imagine like glow sticks.
    • Orange : Emits heat, capable of cooking and warming other stuff, but not enough to do serious damage.
    • Red : Able to move on its own and perform basic tasks if given proper stimuli.
  • Alchemist’s Thread : Tough wirey thread used for making protective gear. Able to provide temporary AC if armor pieces are made from it.
  • Dire Sheep Wool : Wool from dire sheep, self explanatory. Provides resistance to the following damage types : mundane (bludgeoning/piercing/slashing/fall/etc), cold, and thunder. Weak to fire damage.
• Charges : Equal to proficiency bonus and recharges at dawn. All threads use the same pool of uses.
• Comparisons :
  • Unicorn hair is like a beefed up mending, able to repair anything perfectly as long as most of the original is there and nothing vital is missing. Note that it can’t create something (like turning a pile of logs into a raft) but it could repair a raft that’s missing…. Idk nails? It’s also able to return magic to a repaired item. It also is not able to work as a healing spell, so HP won’t be recovered but it could technically patch up a wound and stabilize them?
  • Drider silk is compared to nets and other traps, with these stats DC 15 to escape, AC 15, and HP 20. The silk is strong and sticky enough to restraint creatures tiny to large and can trip prone tiny to gargantuan. Exceptions may vary depending on the monster or the type of trap used, but that’s the general idea.
  • The funguses are based on various little effects. Most are clear what their use is. Violet is like a “basic poison”, blue is water breathing, green is like a “potion of healing”, yellow is like a torch/lantern, orange is a natural heater, and red is like the mage hand/unseen servant spells.
  • Alchemists thread is given the explicit ability to act like a one use Shield spell. If the user had already used a charge of the box to make an accessory or something out of it, then it can be used to buff the AC. Other uses are available but that’s the explicit use I give.
  • Dire sheep wool is one of the few threads that can be used without being woven, but it’s less effective. In its unwoven form it only reduces the damage by half and is rendered useless after one hit, but woven together is more lasting and can completely nullify the damage.
• Concerns :
  • The biggest concern is that there are too many options and some are clearly more favorable than others. With the use limit so small, I’m worried about that.

​

• Barbarian : Crown of the Kind
  • This barbarian is a lovable idiot, whose immense strength accidentally hurts people and it makes him sad. A crown that was owned by a pacifist king seems up his alley.
  • Crown made of lead and silver, both to protect from incoming magic and also to enhance its own magic.
  • Passive : Advantage on charisma skill checks, insight checks, and wisdom skill checks and saving throws.
  • Active : The user can charm someone into becoming basically a thrall for them until the next dawn. They gain the person as a loyal servant as long as the target is not forced to do anything that causes them or things they care about harm. Basically if you treat them good the effect lasts. If the charming is broken then the target cannot be affected by charm effects by the user anymore, even using other methods.
  • Charges : Equal to proficiency bonus and recharges at dawn. Limit to one thrall at a time.
  • Comparisons : The active ability is like an extended Suggestion spell.
  • Concerns : Might be too OP…. No real specific problems

​
Rogue : Mimic Pouch

• Character is a changeling hiding and cursing their existence, and I think mimics are an awesome pairing with them.
• A bag of tiny mimics that look like silver coins until commanded to do something. If given a snack, they’ll be very loyal. The mimics act as both an “animal companion” and as a collective Warrior sidekick.
• Charges : None applicable except constraints set by the sidekick class or the race limits. As long as the entire colony isn’t killed at once, the mimics can reproduce and keep their colony alive if some die.
• Comparisons :
  • The mimics have a homebrewed statblock, largely similar to the standard mimic.
• Concerns :
  • Still deciding if letting them count as an ally to activate sneak attack. Possibly need to be out of the bag and doing something to count; just keeping them in the bag isn’t helpful.

​
Druid : Animated Spyglass

• Character is an INT based Druid who studies astronomy.
• A magical spyglass made to assist the scholarly warriors on the field of battle.
• Passive : Spellcasting focus, ignore half cover and double the range of ranged spell attacks, magnifies things to a factor of 10, advantage on ranged attacks, perception checks, and intelligence skill checks.
• Active : Speaking the command word allows the spyglass to float on its own to keep hands free, magical truesight from 120ft and beyond (meaning 0-120ft does not grant truesight), see thru mundane material except lead, scrying (true sight doesn’t function during scrying and scrying can’t get through magical obscuring or lead/other magic blocking methods.
• Charges : Equal to proficiency bonus and recharges at dawn.
• Comparisons :
  • Spyglass acts like an animated shield.
  • Scrying is like the scrying spell.
• Concerns : A lot of stuff added in, but I feel like it’s all relatively situational? Might need more constraints.

​
Any feedback or suggestions are appreciated! What matters most is that the items are relatively balanced between one another, are interesting and don’t clash with class stuff.

For those out if the loop, a large number of subreddits have announced they will be temporarily (or indefinitely) closed in protest of some of Reddit's announced changes. Briefly: by charging a high price for their API, third-party apps and tools may have to shut down or begin charging users high fees to cover their costs. Since many users rely on these, they are upset and want Reddit to go back on their plan.
The only thing this blackout will accomplish is mildly inconveniencing users for two days (maybe longer). Reddit doesn't care nearly enough for there to be an impact because a huge portion of the people that care already use the third party apps and so won't affect their bottom line in the slightest. Those that don't care will still use Reddit just the same (the vast majority don't even know it's happening) and will see the same number of ads, just on different subs. Also, Reddit has the power to just forciby open the subs whenever they want, which is much cheaper than changing their policy. I don't see how this can possibly help anything.
I will also add that I do not think that Reddit is being unreasonable. However disappointing, they are well within their rights to charge for the product they provide, and they lose out on money from other apps. Yes, I know, apparently the official app is awful (I'm curious if the people saying this use it enough to know?) and there are other implications as well. But then why not try negotiating with Reddit on those issues (i.e. improving accessibility options) instead of pushing back on everything? To me, it feels like these mods and other users are acting a little bit spoiled. Add-ons are nice and I appreciate them, but we aren't entitled to having everything. Most people don't seem to know how little money Reddit makes and I would not be surprised if it went under and shut down completely without making drastic changes like increasing API fees. I'd rather have an imperfect Reddit than no Reddit at all. Call me a shill, whatever, but I guarantee everyone will forget after a while (remember the whole net neutrality thing?)
I see a common point about how going without Reddit for two days isn't a big deal so we shouldn't care. I agree that going without some subs for a few days isn't the end of the world as I am not a heavily frequent Reddit user. But if it's not a big deal, why should Reddit care about it? Another thing is that some participating subs actually are very important to people. While I'm not one to name names, some people rely on these subs for financial or emotional support on short notice. I think that the mods closing such subs are being selfish. But a similar concept extends to all subs - why should the users be inconvenienced, however mildly, by being dragged into a protest?
Over the past few years, it seems like people (particularly Americans) have forgotten how to have a good protest. The point is to directly inconvenience the people/group you are protesting against so that they are incentivized to make a change. One example that personally sticks with me is the student walkout for gun control in the US a few years back that was made out to be a big deal beforehand but went nowhere because it didn’t affect corporations or politicians in the slightest. These types of "protests" serve only as showmanship and are far too common when people could actually be doing something meaningful instead. For example, look at the ongoing Writers Guild strike. Now that's much more effective.
My main issue can be summed up as the participants caring so much more about image than change. With the internet, many people are obsessed with their image and fitting in (whether a large or small group) and so things that only end up feeling hollow. But here's the other thing: even if this blackout proves somewhat successful in this one instance, it doesn't change the unfortunate modern trend of poor protests. While I don't particularly have an issue with people disagreeing with Reddit's announced policy, the way mods are going about it via the blackout feels childish and petulant. I just don't see any honesty in this, just theater that only negatively affects the users, not the target.

Hey everyone, looking for some insight on future degree options. Some background information about me:

• I am a biomedical engineering graduate from UVic.
• I have been working at a medical device company for 2.5 years fulltime.
• My role has been systems engineer focused on risk management of software products.
• My main interest in software is AI/ML.

I am looking to transition into software engineering. I have been applying to software engineering/developer jobs but the lack of formal software development experience has been setting me back. My plan is to attend UBC this September so I can get out of working, build credentials, and have access to internship programs. I have applied to UBC's BCS program and ECE MEng program (non-thesis masters).
I have heard great things about the BCS program from friends but I have not heard much from ECE MEng students about the quality of the program and whether they were able to get a job in software engineering after graduating. Are there any MEng students with some insights of the program?
Thanks!

Today, I discovered that my Fire TV 4K Max was set to Full HD instead of 4K. I adjusted the settings back to 4K. Somehow by doing so, Dolby Vision doesn't work anymore. Only regular HDR is possible.
After some try and error to fix it the only way to get my FireTv to work with DolbyVision is by disconnecting my Sonos system from my Tv.
The thing is that this combination worked for months flawlessly. Even without eARC (only ARC available) it still worked. 4k + DolbyVision + Dolby Atmos.
This may have started with my Sonos automatically Updating to the newest Firmware. But I'm not sure. Maybe it's even a FireTV thing? But I checked only the Firetv without the Sonos gives me 4k Dolby vision. (FireTv staying on the same HDMI, swapping doesn't make any difference)
Maybe someone knows why this is happening or has some Troubleshooting ideas?
Specs:
TV: Hisense 65u8qf (3x HDMI 2.0 & 1x HDMI 2.0 ARC) - Audio set to Bitstream (direct Output) Sonos: Sonos Beam (Gen 2) + 2x Beam One Gen2 (HDMI 1 with ARC) FireTV: FireTV4k max

Picked up these two nightstands yesterday at a thrift shop. Don’t plan on selling them but I’m curious if anyone can date them or give me some information?
I’ve seen restored sets from the 30s selling for quite a chunk of change.
Can’t tell if they are actually from the Art Deco era or if they are reproduction from a later era.
I don’t know much about woodworking but I can’t find any markings other than the stamps on the back stating it’s walnut veneer.
They are very solidly made though and I’m happy to have furniture that will most likely outlast me.

Anyone here played it?
I tried some matches and wonder if someone has some tips.
Zooming in with a tank seems very slow to respond, like 2-3 seconds from clicking to when it actually happens.
I face tigers and IS-1 in my pz iv G, this seems a lot worse than regular WT balance wise.
Monetization as expected seems worse than the regular game, so chances of me spending money in it are low.
What are your experiences with the game and anyone have tips for controls/settings? Especially the zooming in with tanks.

I’ve (30F) recently started hooking up with a friend (32M) of mine. Sex is very fun, super kinky, and I’m having a great time. Now, insert my friend (29F) who has been having really bad luck with sex and hookups in the recent past. A part of me wants to give out this guy’s # so that the two of them can hookup. We’ve always joked about wanting a “yelp” for hookups our friend group has had and referring each other to the good ones. Now that I’m in this situation, I’m curious about actually acting on it. The 3 of us have hung out before in group settings and I can see it going over well based off of our interactions. I’m a pretty sexually open person and I’m really into this in a slutty way but I guess a part of me is concerned about how I’ll feel around all this. Anyone have any advice or personal stories or their own?

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It might seem like a very obvious answer, but me and my wife are kinda stumped how this works as we've never been on a cruise before.
If our cabin is right at the forward of the ship (P&O Iona). , and we go for a swim in a pool right at the aft, how do most people change back into their normal clothes? Do you have to wander in a wet towel, all the way back to your cabin? Or are there usually changing rooms near pools?
From what I understand, dressing gowns aren't supplied, but you can rent them for a hefty fee. I don't really want to have to pack any more stuff though as our cases are stuffed already!
How do people normally do this? Just wander sopping wet through the ship?

I’m from England, fan of footy more than a fan of a particular team. Unfortunately, my local team is Wigan so I guess I’ve been stuck with them all my life (that’s why I’m more of a fan of footy). Anyway, I live in Prague, particularly near Slavia stadium. If anyone needs any help with anything/ interested in any other stuff related to Prague then just let me know. Happy to help w/ general info.

Hello!
large batch of cleanouts from me some freinds/teammates. I will do my best to get back to each and every one of you but this oils the largest listing I have done in quite some time. First come first serve if i don't hear a response within 24 hrs. I will move on to the next person in queue if there is one. Just trying to be clear and avoid any messes.
Prices DO Not include shipping and are all OBO unless noted otherwise. Not really interested in trades at this point well maybe (I have a odd interest in a m1919 ) but feel free to ask and or offer, but really cash is king. I can quote USPS, UPS, and FEDEX. Payments handled via PayPal and local pickup is a option in east central WI.
Most of the smaller items are Flexible and or I am willing to deal on if buying other stuff.
​
NPO AEG VSK 94 w 9a-91 kit
Pics: https://imgur.com/a/fQKSUhB
Sales overview: https://youtu.be/ypG28woLCXg
New never fielded NPO AEG VSK94 all stock, Includes the gun, Upgraded lightweight suppressor, 4 additional midcap mags (for a total of 5), conversion parts if you wanted to convert it to the 9a-91 (grip, upper reciever w folding stock, outer barrel, inner barrel, and barrel nut if running it without supressor and original manuals and documentation. This is a beautiful odd gun that is absolutely built like a tank all steel receiver with a hard phosphate coat same as the real deal. the VSK94 historically is/was used by the spetsnaz, fsb count4er terrorism units and other russian special forces as a 9x39 subsonic DMR as a easier to manufacture alternative to the likes of VSS. The 9A-91 primarily has seen use with Russian police forces. It is used as a cheaper and more versatile alternative to the SR-3M Vikhr
I did a video look at this gun in detail here: https://youtu.be/6Aop8yqT5Gc . Gun was shipped in parts from russia, so no original box, I assembled it and went over install and reviewed it as i went. I did also examine the gearbox as well while it was out of the gun. You can find a internal review here: https://youtu.be/7uyfZ__9r3Q
Asking $875 Obo for everything SOLD
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KWA RM4 ERG Magpul edition
Pics: https://imgur.com/a/q6SIBzQ
Sales Overview: https://youtu.be/7AS_XO12oX4
This gun is used I have fielded it a few times but pretty low milage (i tend to collect more than I play).
Package include, Gun, 1x 30 rnd mag w/cutoff, 6x K120c's with cutoff, Leapers red/green dot, magpul backup rear iron sight, and original spring/recoil weight.
Internally

• cleaned regreased re shimmed,
• AOE and airseal work
• new bearing piston head
• oring aluminum air snozzle
• High torque neo motor.
• basic mosfet install with self resetting fuse
• Prommy 6.03mm tightbore barrel
• the Ulysses recoil system for KWA ERG's (this is only available in Korea and took some doing to get here) this is adjustable system that lets you go from about a m90 to about m110 in power while safely increasing the felt recoil, I have heard others comment its close ish to 9mm in terms of recoil by far the most you will get out of a electronic recoil system but its still a little weird as it technically recoils forward.

This gun is a blast to use, but it really wasnt getting the feild time from me over my other replicas so decided to sell it. Its a great PTW or "realistic" training type of weapon due to functioning bolt cutoff and that all mags can be locked to a realistic 30 rounds if desired, disabling the trigger after the last round fired and requiring you to hit the bolt release after changing a mag before you can fire again (note its not a GBBR the bolt doesn't actually blow back)
Asking $550 OBO
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Agency Arm G17 Fatal 13 Build
pics: https://imgur.com/a/6P5y5ZM
sales overview: https://youtu.be/VOopPJtGkiU
This was a personal build fielded a few times, was really my fist deep dive into pistol building and stippling.
Includes

• G17 With RMR
• 1x we short mag
• 2x WE extended mags
• Plano case (if you want it has custom cut lower section for this gun but will likely increase shipping costs)
• Box of spares/additional parts see video for full details but most of a we g18, two frames, nozzle rmr cutout plate. and agency arms Glock backplate

Build itselft is CNC aluminum G17/18 agency arms slide ported on the top. High pro sights, RMR replica (will include a new battery for it). Lightweight BBU, Guarder nozzle, Threaded aluminum outer barrel, stainless steel inner barrel lapped with a maple leaf bucking and ikey, increased dual recoil spring, Agency arms trigger, agency arms magwell. Custom frame work stippling done by your truly.
Asking $355 obo SOLD
​
VFC FNX 45 Tactical
Pics: https://imgur.com/a/n8q4sL2
Sales overview: https://youtu.be/nGLHiVKC7mo
VFC FNX 45 tactical with original box 2 additional leak free mags (for a total of 3), spare backstrap, and 3 spare mag seals. used in good condition full stripped cleaned and re-lubricated before sale. picked it up as I had been wanting one for awhile, but then got bitten by the AAP bug.
Asking $165 obo
​
MODI/Flyee JPC Coyote New
pics: https://imgur.com/a/foZcnZe
MODI/flyee JPC size L in coyote brown brand new never fielded. decided I'm really just more of a chest rig guy. made from 500D ballistic nylon has a wide range of adjustment and has the proper rubberized webbing sort of material on the shoulder straps. Includes original closed cell foam plates.
Asking $65 SOLD
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Golden Eagle GBBR NIB
https://imgur.com/a/Eya0qn6
Selling this never been gassed or fired can be tested or chono'd on request. The GE GBBR system is a WA clone this means you can use WA upgrade parts (Which basically means GHK parts as they also run on the WA system). The receiver is Polymer but the hand guard and barrel are metal. The handguard is what they call the delta style which is sort of this interesting almost triangular shape see pics. From what I have heard these may not be the most amazing GBBR but are a fair base/entry into the GBBR world without breaking the bank with reasonable aftermarket part support.
evike link: https://www.evike.com/products/81101/ (its the delta mlok 13") if you want more details
Asking $175 OBO
​
Matrix Raystar M4
https://imgur.com/a/6oR02Kc
New in box, selling for a freind. Stock was originally damaged in shipping and was replaced, original buttstock will be included as well but as mentioned is cracked.
Poly upper and lower comes with everything pictured. Interesting design on their flash mag I kind of like the larger pull tab. Not a whole ton to talk about its new and its a cheaper starting gun.
Asking $110 OBO
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M4 Short mags
pics: https://imgur.com/a/4adAUBI
70 rnd sort pmag clones with ranger plates and top covers.
asking $20 for the lot of 3 or $8 ea SOLD
​
SRS Project/Scrap Stock
https://imgur.com/a/HhPArrP
Was originally a tan stock used as a dye test for dying the nylon fiber a camo pattern and masking techniques. Then later was modified and material removed to test fitment of a CO2 reg into the stock. you still should be able to lock-on the stock plate or the spacers but you will be missing several of the latching or locking teeth on the sides.
Asking $10 OBO
​
Gate Aster V2 rear wired.
https://imgur.com/a/Odqb6zy
Not OEM packaing but brand new never installed comes with all the materials required to install
Asking $65 OBO
​
Compact Rail mounted 40mm Grenade Launcher
https://imgur.com/a/NzdMd9N
Evike link (visually explains it better as product shown out of pkg): https://www.evike.com/products/21995
Really more of a minimalist 40mm grenade shell holder picatinny mount. See evike link for more details on usage/installation options as I didn't want to open it for product photography.
Asking $20 OBO
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LCT OD G3 Grip
https://imgur.com/a/ronpy55
Asking $8 obo
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Hi Capa Mag bodies
https://imgur.com/a/wtpaeKQ
jsut the bodies themselves if you have a damaged or beat up one AW/WE in origin I believe, no valves or other parts included.
Asking $8 for the lot or $3 ea
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Silverback Parts
https://imgur.com/a/j2CYfoI
Silverback Fast Hopup (right)
New unused Silverback Fast hopup for srs rotary style adjustment takes aeg buckings.
asking $35 obo
​
"SOFT AIR" SCAR springer
https://imgur.com/a/juQgNyK
yep lovely pretty plastic scar spring rifles brand new in box and yep not great, on the plus side I believe they take a standard AEG style mag, have 1 left available.
PRICE ill toss one in with any major purchase if you ask or $10 + shipping
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HK 51 Extended outer barrel (believe it was designed for the CA series)
https://imgur.com/a/vOodtA0
14MM CCW its a extended outer barrel nuff said
Asking 12 OBO
​
​
Smaller Stuffs (desc should be on the image in the Imgur album)
Make offers here!
https://imgur.com/a/zemAXXF

Description	QTY	Price	status
M4 Target Grip. basically PSG1 style grip for M4's	1	$12	SOLD
LBX Project Honor Camo/Sets. https://imgur.com/a/AYVcpOH	Small combat Shirt x2, Youth Pant x1 (fit the wife) measured 30-32 waist	$10ea or 18 per set or 15 for whats left OBO	Small/youth set 30-33 waist via measuring SOLD SOLD SOLD
ACU UCP Unuforms, coat and kneepads https://imgur.com/U9dkEWB	2x Lg/long pants (34-36 i think), 2 lg/long shirts, 1x parka, 1x knee-pads/elbopads	$ 15 per set or 9 per piece. parka $15 obo and knee-pads/elbopads $8 OBO for the lot
MISC Pouches and Gear	Drop leg platform, bowman headset, longer smg type taco, 3 cell ACU mag pouch, black camo holster, 2x black holster, handcuff? pouch, Desert storm era Goggles (for looks I dont think i would trust them)	$ ~2-4 Ea or make a offer	Only handcuff pouch, left available
"China Camo"	1x MC set 32-34 waist has darts in it to enlarge not sure exct size but perhaps up to 36?, 1x desert camo forget the name 32 ish waist. 1x 32 Mossy oak pants.	$ 8 per set or 4 per piece OBO

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Freebies:
anything in THIS image https://imgur.com/F8lFh1J reaps bucking gone.
also this nagant stock its plastic for a Co2 nagant 44 https://imgur.com/a/o4Xl5CQ free just cover shipping or bundle with anything else
​
whew there we go, and i do have permission to keep this separate from my services thread.

I'm 28 and I've been at my current job for about 5 years now. I work as a basic technical help desk call center technician as it was the only job I could get out of college. I have a B.S. in Computer Science, I got into the major cause money and I got really far in and got super disinterested and disheartened because I was bad at programming and lacked many fundamental skills and projects that other people in college had, this lead to me getting severe depression and attempting suicide and failing classes and nearly getting kicked out of school, somehow by sheer force of will I managed to barely pass and graduated. Now my job is answering phones and telling people to turn their computer on/off and reseating cables and I do nothing else for 8 hours of the day. There's not really any room to grow, I don't have anywhere to move up to in terms of positions at my job, there's not like any management positions open and I don't have many connections at work other than a couple coworkers I talk to. Because I am really bad at programming and lost interested haven't coded anything since I left college. I go on sites like Indeed and I don't have any of the skills higher paying jobs that require CompSci also need. So I'm stuck in my current job and the only other jobs I can get in this field would be the exact same basic technical support call center jobs at another company. I can't go back to school due to student loans and I have nightmares just thinking about going back to college cause it would have to be a master's in compsci and I can't do it.
I just don't know what to do.

I actually commented my story on another post before, but I made some changes to it. I wanted to share it again as a separate post to get more feedback from different people. If you've already read it before, thank you so much. I'm really looking forward to hearing what others think now. So please give me feedback.
(The story takes place after Clem agrees to enter Wilington at the end of S2 from Kenny's perspective as a special season just like Michonne Short game)
Kenny's heart weighed heavy as he turned away from Clementine and AJ, leaving them inside the relative safety of Wellington. The decision had been painful, but he believed it was for the best. Clementine was strong, and he knew she would do everything she could to keep AJ safe. It was time for him to find his own path, to come to terms with the demons that haunted him.
But at the same time, Kenny's heart was heavy as he found himself remaining near the camp where Clementine and AJ were staying. Kenny's nights were filled with restless dreams, each one a bittersweet reunion with Clem and AJ, only to wake up to the harsh reality of their absence, leaving him feeling lost and incomplete. So, he couldn't bring himself to completely let go, constantly searching for an opportunity to reunite with them. But the weeks turned into months, and the camp seemed impenetrable, leaving Kenny feeling helpless and desperate.
One day, consumed by sorrow and a sense of hopelessness, Kenny found himself standing on the shore of a lake. The weight of his past failures and losses weighed heavily upon him, pushing him to the edge of despair. He contemplated stepping into the cold water, hoping to find a release from the pain that haunted him.
his mind a whirlwind of emotions. He still felt broken, haunted by the memories of Clementine and AJ. The weight of their absence weighed heavily upon him, a constant reminder of his past failures. As he stared into the water, he began to hear the voices of Katjaa and Sarita, his lost loved ones, whispering in his ears.
"Kenny, you have to keep going," Katjaa's gentle voice echoed in his mind. "You've always been there for me, don’t repeat my mistake, PLEASE."
Sarita's warm voice joined in. "Remember, Kenny, the world needs people like you. People who have known loss but still find the strength to carry on. You're stronger than you think."
Kenny's heart ached at their words. They were right. He had survived so much, but he couldn't let his past dictate his future. As he turned his head with teary eyes, he saw a child standing before him, fear etched across the young face, he hesitated.
In that moment, the echoes of his past losses made him question whether he could bear the weight of another potential loss. The thought of opening himself up to the pain once again was terrifying. It reminded him too much of the day he lost Duck, a wound that had never truly healed.
But as he looked into the child's eyes, he saw the same innocence and vulnerability that had once resided in his own son& Clem. He saw the fear that mirrored his own, and he realized he couldn't turn his back on him. The child was a reminder of the family he had lost and a chance to make a difference, to protect and guide someone in this harsh world again...
With a deep breath, Kenny's resolve hardened. "Alright, kid," he said, his voice trembling slightly. "I'll help you. As he reached out to offer his hand, the child's true nature revealed itself—their mouth latched into Kenny's hand in a vicious bite. With a surge of adrenaline, Kenny stepped back, his hand reaching for his weapon. He recognized the child for what they truly were—a walker, driven by an insatiable hunger. The realization hit him hard, a reminder of the merciless world they lived in.
Pain shot through Kenny's arm, and the realization of his mistake hit him like a wave. The child was not the innocent soul he had imagined but a walker, driven by the relentless hunger for flesh. As the walking child lunged at him again, Kenny fought back, his determination to survive overriding the pain. He managed to fend off the attack and deliver a fatal blow with his trusted crowbar, but his hand throbbed, the reality of his mistake sinking in.
Grimacing in agony, Kenny took a step back, the weight of his actions crashing down upon him. The grief that had consumed him now mingled with guilt and self-blame. He had let his longing for family blind him, leading to a dangerous and costly mistake. He examined the wound on his hand, where the walker had bit him. A wave of panic washed over him as he realized the implications. The infection from a walker bite was always fatal. Kenny knew that his time was limited, that his fate had been sealed.
Kenny retreated from the lake; his steps heavy as he stumbled upon an abandoned cabin. It stood as a solemn sanctuary, a place where he could finally find peace. With a sense of resignation, he made his way inside and collapsed onto the worn-out couch.
As he settled in, memories flooded his mind. He remembered Lee's sacrifice, the bond they had shared, and the promise he had made to protect Clementine. He recalled the moments of hope and despair, the friends he had lost, and the choices he had made along the way.
Note: (so here the first episode ends, and the rest of the episodes would be him remembering stuff like how he survived after he tries to help ben or getting the walkie talkie then another ep would be how he met Sarita, another ep would before going to Herschel's farm in the begging and stuff like this)
Between episodes: With each passing moment, the infection from the walker bite coursed through Kenny's veins, the undeniable truth of his impending fate closing in. Yet, during his sorrow, he found a sense of acceptance. He had fought long and hard, and now it was time to let go.
In the last episode he would be pale and as his body weakened, Kenny embraced the memories and held onto the love he had experienced. He found solace in knowing that his sacrifices had not been in vain, that he had made a difference in the lives of those he had encountered.
In the cabin's fading light, Kenny closed his eyes and took one final breath. He let go of the pain and the burden he had carried for so long, finding a bittersweet peace in the knowledge that his journey had come to an end.
The camera moves slowly out of the Cabin, and we see the final moment of Clem and AJ in their room and without any reason AJ starts crying so, Clem tries to comfort him down and then she feels a wave of sadness and loss and a tear comes out without any warning with a confused face She says "I will always be with AJ ALWAYS"
THE END
If you read to this point thank you so much. Im looking for you feedback.

scheduled to write my very first lsat on saturday morning. I’m obviously already feeling the nerves but i’ve studied my ass off and was ready to get the writing sample out of the way. I took it in my sister in law’s office (she works in athletics at a university near my house, so I figured it would be fine there). her office met all of the requirements - everything was out of arms reach and the tall windows were covered by blinds, and I’m not too worried about the room itself. everyone in her office is super nice and said they would be quiet during my 40 minute writing sample, but in the middle of my testing the person in the office next to me had a diabetic seizure and some noise (obviously) ensued. i stayed really focused on the exam and didn’t really stop writing, didn’t say anything or move or anything, but there was definitely a notable noise event.
I’m kind of freaking out. this was supposed to be the easy thing to get out of the way before the main event on saturday, but now my mindset is completely ruined. I’m a rising senior, hopeful KJD and wanting to apply super early in the cycle. I can retest and rewrite in August, but the issue is that if they flag and/or cancel my writing sample I will have no way to know what my June score is and how much I need to study for my retest in August. Also, I planned my internship around this June test, and would not be able to study nearly as consistently ahead of the August test as I have been before this one.
Does anyone have ANY advice? should I email LSAC and explain and beg on my knees? should I wait and see if they even flag it?
any words to calm me down and help me get back in the zone before saturday would also be helpful + appreciated. I’m normally a cool and collected tester but after this I’m really upset :’) TIA!
edited to add: the guy who had the seizure is totally okay (as much as he can be) - i felt so bad because he apologized to ME after HE had a medical emergency!!!

I was told to crosspost my comment in another subreddit here as folks may appreciate it here. Got a solid response with the folks talking about an a-hole boss demanding an employee work over a pre-booked vacation. I'll add a bit more context here, but this was about 12 years ago when this all went down. Since then, I went back to work for a previous employer where I was unceremoniously let go for reasons (maybe another post), but have since been working for almost 10 years at another company (folks of this subreddit are not a huge fan of them but they have probably treated me the most humanely and respectfully as I've ever seen). That said...on with the story!
In 2010, after the wonderful failings of the job market leading to salary freezes and sub-par raises, I had gotten my 3 year performance evaluation at my employer at the time. After having been promoted twice, but not getting salary increases due to freezes, I received a whopping 5% increase and told "this was an amazing increase for doing so well"...Sufficed to say, I was not very happy and started shopping around. My manager was sad, but his boss told me to "do what you gotta do, no other company out there will pay you what you're saying is market". Being young, motivated, driven, and damn smart, I went out there and in under 2 weeks I had secured an interview, gone through the process and had an offer in hand. I actually got more than I was asking...nearly a 35% increase in base salary. Took the offer, stuck to my guns of not dealing with counter offers, put in my notice, worked right through to my last day and left on good terms (important later).
The new job was great, I was working in a similar role as a L2 Support Technician but for a different class of product than what I used to work on at my previous firm (middleware). Turns out it was a bit of a bait and switch because 3 months after I joined, my new employer transferred me to the sister team of the support group I was on to support the new version of their middleware product. Prior to this version, the middleware was a free service and as such, received a free service's level of support...No SLA's, Best Effort Service with a small but knowledgeable support team. It seemed like a good opportunity so I didn't complain much.
The new product ended up being really popular. Jokes and snark aside, it was actually a good product and a big improvement over the previous offering. The problem was, it included much stricter SLA's and response times, and also came with a 'white glove' type integration service where integration specialists and support specialists would migrate and set up new customers based on their requirements. Sounds great...in theory...but in reality, the integration staff didn't exist yet and were still hiring, and the support desk was sized for non-SLA free service...
Within 3 months we were getting overrun by tickets, chats, and calls all day every day...I'm smart and fast and on a good day I could close 25 tickets...which is almost 3 an hour for complex issues...we were clocking 40 tickets a day per rep which 1 hr acknowledge, 8hr update and 48hr resolution SLAs...you can do the math, no way to keep up even for the senior reps. By the end of the 7th month we had 3 senior techs leave...now it was me, my manager, 1 other senior tech and 3 fresh-faced L1 support techs who moved into our team as 'promotions' on the US Team. I had also received a fairly sizable raise and promotion despite only being there for 6 months...which I should have taken as a huge red flag...Our Asia team was down to 2 people and having serious staffing issues due to the real need to take breaks and step away like humans...So my manager started scheduling me and the other senior tech for alternating 'double shifts' to help support APAC hours and 'reduce our ticket backlog'. We were assured that 'help was on the way...just a few weeks'. After a few weeks, the other tech complained because he has family and kids, and now it was just me working doubles...Literally would work from 830am to about 530pm, take an hour or 2 off, and then work from 730 to 430am and then repeat the next day. By the 11th month, I was pounding 5 5hr energy's a day, rolling into the office around 1030am and getting home at 5am each day...and I looked the part.
My manager at the time was over double my age...by the time of the story. I was working doubles for like 2 months straight due to the staffing issues but I thought it was a light at the end of the tunnel since I had a 2 week vacation coming up. My manager had it out for me as the next promotion I could get was for her job...If I had not been so worn down and tired...I probably would have gotten it and been able to fix the issues when we got staffed up...I was closing more tickets on a daily basis while covering more of the junior staff training than she was, and it was getting noticed by the higher ups...So she felt fairly threatened since she didn't quite have an out to move to another team at the moment... So she had it out for me regularly by denying my vacation requests or planning her time off after I'd put mine in. Her rationale to put on the evening and night shifts was in her words "you're a young man and it's more productive to work and advance your career than go out partying and drinking while the rest of us have families and children to spend time with". This time though, since I hadn't been on vacation for months, and my hours worked were racking up she begrudgingly agreed because it was about to start raising flags to higher management that I hadn't been on continuous leave for a while.
Excited for this, I had booked flights, hotels and a bunch of other things to relax...I was originally planning on going with my girlfriend, but the work hours and stuff pretty much killed that relationship...so another friend was interested in tagging along and she was to take my ex's place. The night before my flight there was a major outage and series of issues, and as a Senior on the team, myself and a few others had to come in at like 3am. Despite being really new, most of the former folks quit, leaving me the most senior asides the boss after a few months.
8am rolls around, I'm packing up to go home after fixing the issues and the boss walks up and says "I've cancelled your leave request due to the issue, we're going to need you in to cover for the next week or 2 and you can look into taking time off next month."
I say that, "no, I'm going on vacation...this is non-negotiable"...which she did not take well...she flips out saying "I have the next 3 days off, and that means you are required to cover. You do not negotiate. What I say, goes. Go home, you can freshen up but you need to be back in the office by 11am so I'm not late for my bookings."
I don't really know what came over me...something just kind of broke in me. So I just said OK. packed my bag up and went home. I got into the shower, washed up, shaved, combed and gelled my hair and pounded a 5 hr energy. I hadn't ironed my suits in months and most of my shirts were either wrinkled from being worn a bunch or had the crisp fold wrinkles from being pulled out of the package from the department store across the street and immediately being put on so that I could have a different short on from the day before. So I pulled out a clean shirt, and ironed my best suit and threw it on. I hadn't slept in over 36 hours but I never felt so goddamned awake and locked in in my life.
I got on the subway and walked into the office and landed at my desk around 10:59am...I intentionally spent a few minutes in the lobby getting some tea to make sure I got to my desk at exactly 11am.
Fun fact about this company...they are very much paranoid about competition, so if you quit...you immediately get into your exit interview and then get sent home with 2 weeks PTO/Severance + payout of any remaining vacation time. Usually no counter offers, just exit interview, pack your stuff, and enjoy your 2 weeks PTO.
My boss had a smug grin on her face, packed up her stuff on seeing me sitting down and left for her 3 day vacation. I waited a few minutes, told my 2 junior co-workers that I was sorry for leaving them hanging and then proceeded to print out my resignation letter, walked over to her boss and requested an immediate skip-level and requested if we could get a conference room to talk. When we got into the room, he was asking me why I was so late and that he had been checking my morning badge ins and was concerned that I was routinely coming in 2 hours late and that our working hours were 830am to 530pm. Upon hearing this I told him he probably doesn't have the full story and that before I went into it, that I needed to tender my resignation. He was shocked to say the least, but wasn't even remotely prepared for when I told him to check the "out of hours" badge ins and badge outs which is when he realized I had been working 18+ hour days for the past 2 or 3 months straight. Every "Day" of PTO only counted for an 8 hour shift...to take a full day off I had to burn 2 'days'. But every double shift earned me 8 hours of comp time which was tracked under a different allocation...His jaw dropped when he saw they owed me almost 80 days of Comp Time.
After calming down, he let me know that he apparently didn't know half of what was going on...and begged me to stay on and that I could immediately take time off as soon as she returns. I just said, "I'm done...i'm burned out, and i'm exhausted...and it shouldn't have gotten to this point." Once he realized there was nothing he could do, he said, "hey...do you mind if we order in lunch and do your exit interview and you can just lay it all on the t able? I'm willing to listen, and we can have HR in to make sure your concerns get addressed." I just said sure, he ordered us take out and called HR up to witness the interview and that was that.
After the 3 hour exit interview where I proceeded to throw my boss under the bus about how poorly managed the team was and why there was so much attrition, they tallied my severance and I went home with effectively 3 months worth of pay from all the PTO/OT they owed me. HR asked why I didn't raise this sooner, and offered paid leave and counseling if that would help keep me, but I noted it'd be best for me to go...since I no longer had a favorable few of the company. They had me wait a bit because I said I was flying out that night so I wouldn't be available to sign severance papers the next day, so I received my severance contract and to their credit, it was exactly what was agreed upon, with dollar amounts and pay periods listed with benefits expiration dates all matching so we were golden.
I left, made my flights for vacation that evening and laid out on a beach for a while and more or less just slept when i got back from vacation. I went and got drinks with my old boss who got me a position back at my old company for almost the same amount I was making at the new company, and tbh I took it. It was a bad idea in retrospect, but I wasn't really the same after that.
Before I go into the karma part of the story and what happened to my manager when she got back from vacation. I'm going to talk about the long term ramifications of letting myself work that hard and burn myself out. It's been almost 12 years, and to this day, I don't feel the same. I kicked my energy drink dependency and despite being a fully functional human and still being very smart, I am not nearly as motivated or driven. My passion, especially at work is dampened compared to before that job. I think weary is the best term for it. All of those things reflected on my performance when I went back to my old job...while there were major cultural shifts there and they made some asshole moves when they fired me a few years later...it was not wholly unwarranted because old me and the me they got when i came back were very different.
That said...I'm in a healthy and recovered space now. I've been at my current job for 9 years with a number of big promotions, I make over double, almost triple what I was making at those jobs and I have a management team that encourages us to take time off and has not denied a vacation or time off or even a mental health day request in those 9 years. I also only work 40 to 50 hours a week. compared to 80, 90 or 100hr weeks I was doing...
But that required me to take the steps to say "no" to my bosses and managers and setting boundaries. Good management will respect those boundaries and work with you if there's a conflict.
Anyways, enough proselytizing...what happened to my manager?
Well, within 2 weeks of me leaving, she was demoted. I didn't get too many details but she was pretty much trying to maximize her bonus by getting stuff done with as few staff-hours as possible. She found a loophole that she could allocate comp time which was not being tracked and was using that to bundle staff hours into...almost like a overtime ponzi scheme? I don't know how she didn't get fired but I can tell you this...it's been 12 years and she still has the same title...the equivalent of a 2 or 3 year employee getting their first promotion. So Get Wrecked i suppose?