Nothing bundt cakes arden
30 psa and Gleason 9
2023.06.07 11:51 Street-Air-546 30 psa and Gleason 9
Someone signed me up for the club nobody wants to join.
Late April got a surprise 30 psa. Thats the kind of psa where you get to jump queues. In short order got an mri, a biopsy, a pet psma, and then a robotic prostate removal with lymph removal for checking. So from blissfully ignorant 6 weeks ago, to post-op now. I am realizing now this was fairly quick vs some experiences.
The pet ct scan showed nothing except the tumor ( lymphs were clear ) but with Gleason 9 and so on, I think psa is unlikely to go to zero or if it does, it is likely to rise later. The doctor said even if margins on removal are good there can be tendrils that live to grow again.
Today the oncologist told me local scavenge radiation is 50:50 chance for me depending on analysis of tumor and psa level but if required a short hormone course will come first, to give the area time to heal. The radiation would be daily zaps for two weeks. So the plan is still up in the air.
I am sure you guys have heard this speech from them: don’t worry there are a lot of therapies, we aim to cure completely but we have many patients who have been low psa for a decade, blah blah. PC today is a lot more treatable than it was. He even said he has treated maybe 2000 men with pelvic radiation and 80% are still around. yeah I got that whole thing.
Anyway so this is the club, huh. at my age (59) I would prefer to live till 80+ like my dad but now coping with the idea this is a lot less likely.
I am curious for those who got down to zero psa after RP how long did the feeling of being given a new appreciation for life last?
regarding biopsy and surgery for those who have not gone through it. It isn’t so bad. The biopsy is a cake walk, really, and it has been 8 days after the surgery - which was tougher - but today I feel almost back to myself, will worry about ED later after I find out whether I am gonna need ADT or not. If I had to pick the worst thing to date it was the two weeks of anti clotting injections you have to do yourself.
So thats my story so far. In five weeks I suppose the psa will give me a hint as to what happens next. Hoping for the best but not counting on it.
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2023.06.07 11:27 Bekfist5775 From Hedonism to Asceticism - Second Week
Hello everybody !
Second week of my asceticism journey is now complete, and things are going pretty smoothly.
First of all there has been a lot of moving in and out so I was fearing that some of my new habits would suffer from it. But not really, I am still consistent with progress on my five little goals I set for myself.
Chocolate : I am not even thinking about it anymore, my craving for sugary things has been replaced with hunger. Instead of yearning for cakes or chocolate at 4pm, I have become used to preparing sandwiches or eating a banana or kiwi (kiwi is the best fruit)
Video games : Still on my one hour a day limitation. My gaming sessions have been a lot more enjoyable because I would ask myself beforehand on what game I would spend my hour on instead of scrolling endlessly through my steam library.
Writing in my journal : Forgot to do it on two days but still consistently writing in it. It has been a great tool of self reflection and I am happy that in a few years I will be able to get back to these thoughts and see them through a new light brighten by life experiences.
Phone and scrolling : Still didn’t have time to buy a dumbphone, but I already got used to just not use my smartphone that often any more. I uninstalled every social media except the messenger apps that I use to communicate with family and friends. I also put my screen in black and white, don’t know if that will help much but I like the style. In terms of usage I generally abandon it in a drawer before going to the toilets or going to eat (in the past it would follow me everywhere so not having it on me 24/7 is a win). I still have the problem with going on websites and scrolling when on my computer so I will consider the option of webpages blocking PlugIns to target this particular issue.
Sleep schedule : Has been a bit shaken up by the whole « moving from one place to another » part, but it’s still not as bad as my previous « go to sleep at 3am and wake up at 12pm » routine.
An issue is that now I have a lot of free time. Exams period has ended (for now) and I’ll be taking real vacations until the end of the week because I cannot bring myself to look again at my lessons. So that leaves me a ton of time, which made me bored. So I tried out new things, one of which meditation. I did not understand until now what the deal was with meditation. I saw it as a « think of nothing for 30 minutes » but stumbling upon a guided meditation session on the TIDE app made me realise that meditation is not just « think nothing ». There never was an obligation to be able to think of nothing, but on the contrary, one can lean into the fact that thoughts are inevitable and just observe them. See them as what they are without judgments.
I cannot emphasize enough how much of a revelation this was to me. I have now done it several times during the past few days and I can safely say that I enjoy it. I’ll make it my sixth new habit: « meditate every day for at least 10 minutes ».
Also trying right now cold showers and going back to doing sports now that I have plenty of time to do so.
I'll report my progress in a week or in a month, depending on how eventfull things get. I feel like an upcoming challenge will be my exams results next week so yeah I might report on this.
Thanks a lot for reading!
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2023.06.07 11:20 Robotoro23 Did you like multiple sagas buildup for Kaido (From Punk Hazard to Wano)?
I really loked how Oda did this buildup, its like one gigantic saga, nothing pre timeskip compares:
Meeting of Momo and Kinemon in Punk hazard Saga, learning about about SMILES and alliance with Law to beat Kaido.
In Dressrosa Saga they started the plan to destroy SMILE factory and also saved Kanjuro, and the crew split up for long period of time which was unexpected.
In Zou saga, Jack attacked Mink Tribe which revealed a Disaster generals of Kaido, Mink tribes makes alliance to take down Kaido.
Only Whole Cake Island Saga wasn't really planned by Strawhats as a buildup to Wano but a stop gap to save Sanji but because of strawhat actions Big mom makes alliance with Kaido
It took over 10 years for this saga of taking down kaido and I absolutely loved it.
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2023.06.07 10:44 ThrowRA1106994 My (36f) family, mom (59f), dad (62m), sister (28f) and BIL (29m) make me feel miserable
We are all really close, if we don’t see each other we call multiple times a day. My parents are middle class, so am I and my sister and her husband are well off. I have my own business and it’s going really well, but 7 weeks ago I found out I was pregnant, just when my husband was about to go abroad for 6 months to work. He was a huge help, almost as we were working together, and now I’m on my own and somehow managing, only asking for support when I’m completely unable to do something physically (I am in a baking business and can’t lift a 30kg cake on my own, nor should I in this condition). I built my business from nothing and all alone. My sister, on the other hand, was given everything. I am not envious, just want to put things in perspective. Her husband made her a business and she just makes appointments on her phone, while all the actual work is done by someone else. She had a baby 10 months ago, whom I adore, and they made our mother quit her job so she can stay with them 9-9 every day while paying her to do so. My parents live with my grandmother, mother’s mother, who can’t support herself. I’m helping as much as I can, so did when my father was ill, even moved back for a while so I can be there for them. What triggered this post is my parents announcement from this morning “we’re going on vacation at the end of the month with sister, BIL and the baby”. This happened once already, but I wasn’t pregnant and my husband was here with me, so we somehow managed it. And all that while making me feel like I’m not enough and always comparing my sister and me. “How do you work so much and don’t have the money to travel every two months?” (See how your sister can?!) “How much did you pay for that bag(60eur)? Sister just got new Louis Vuitton!” Until my sister had her baby, my parents had no idea what Louis Vuitton is, or traveled abroad. I’m really happy that they are able to do that now, but I don’t think they are enjoying it the way they’re supposed to. It’s like they’re traveling just because my mother could nanny, and my father could brag because they go to the most expensive hotels and restaurants. Before the baby my sister and I always travelled together and had the best of times. Now I’m not even taken into consideration. It just hurts and all I want to is to make sense of it. I’m happy with my life and my choices, but it’s hard not to feel incompetent. I have no idea how to handle all that and hope I was not too confusing.
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2023.06.07 10:17 SupportWorldly4753 Does female best friend(22f) have feelings for me(23m)?
CBF = Childhood Best Friend
I need help to figure out if my female best friend of 16 years, may have feelings for me.
Backstory of our friendship: CBF and I have been friends since I was 6 and she was 5. To be honest I’m not sure how we met, but she recalls that we met while waiting for the school bus. All I know is that shes been part of my life for the past 16 years. We lived in the same neighborhood for 8 years and she lived in the house across from me. We also went to school together, From elementary to high school. Growing up we would get teased by family’s and friends because we were always together. I started to find her attractive during middle school years. One day I was dared to asked her to be my girlfriend for one day by my friends, and she said yes. It was awkward af, we both didn’t have experience in dating since I was in 7th grade and CBF was in the 6th grade. So nothing happened, no kiss, no holding hands. Since we only agreed to date one day, we went back to being friends the next day. Since then no kiss or any sexual act has ever happened between us. We both also dealt with depression when were teenagers. And it didn’t help that her parents and my mom don’t believe in depression, so we relied on each other. We were each other’s rock during our toughest time in life. We also never shared the same circle of friends. She has her own group of friends and I have my own. When we hang out it’s always just the 2 of us. We share our secrets, insecurities and goals with each other. We have a strong friendship bond.
Our rough patch: We had a rough patch when I went away for college. We didn’t talk much in my freshmen and sophomore years. Not until covid hit and I went 100% remotely to finish college. Because of this I moved back to my hometown. She chose to attend in our local hometown college and we reconnected when I moved back in my junior year. Since then we’ve been inseparable again.
Present: Were in our early twenties now, we’ve both been in relationships with other people and had flings with other people. We’ve always supported each other when it came to relationships, career, and Mental health. We also talked about our sex life, we’re very transparent with each other. We also never met each other’s bf/gf. We’re also only very comfortable to be vulnerable in each other’s presence. We grew up kinda poor, and we’re both the oldest sibling in our families. Our hispanic parents were hard on us and we had to grow up quick take care of our little siblings. Due to this we don’t have a very healthy relationship with our parents, so we rely on each other for emotional support. Also to add we rarely do physical contact, we rarely hug each other. A couple years ago we had the “talk” where we asked each other if we had feelings for each other. At the time we both said no. I lied, I did have feelings for her but I didn’t want to lose my CBF. So I buried those feelings, if she’s happy with just being friends with me then I’m okay with that. We hang out once or twice a week. But we constantly call or text each other.
This is where the mix signals start to show. In 2022 we started to casually see people. We’ve always supported each other when we started to date other people. But this time, she seemed jealous. She would make snarky comments about the person I was seeing. She would always say how I can do better. She would constantly message me when ever I went on a date with my partner. This seemed way out of character for her. On my birthday, my CBF made me a cake, made muffins and bought flowers for me. She also took me out to eat that day. Now here’s another big mix signal, while she was seeing her fling, she told me that he was jealous of me because CBF wouldn’t stop talking about me to him. One day CBF and I made plans to go to the beach at night and stargaze together. But I also invited my male best friend to hang out with us. Towards the end of the night my male best friend asked if CBF and I dated before. I said no, we’re just friends. He said that we playfully flirt with each other and that I should ask her out. Recently we’ve been joking around of how we act like a married couple, I would joke with her that I want a divorce and her response would be “never, you’re stuck with me forever.” CBF has also started to be more physical with me. When walking side by side she would bump into me with her shoulder constantly, she would also bump her foot with mine accidentally underneath the table to many times. A few days ago we shared a electric scooter together on her recommendation, and her butt was literally touching my crotch. She also recently started to call me sweetheart, and compliments me on my looks saying how cute I look with a beanie. One time we were thinking of moving in together, and her mom joked that we would hook up if we did. Usually CBF would make a gross comment about it or quickly shit the idea down, but this time she said “if it happens it happens.” My male best friend says that she definitely has feelings for me. He says by the way she looks at me and playfully flirts with me. So now I need other peoples opinions on this, does my CBF have feelings for me or am I just overthinking. I would hate to ruin this friendship due to misinterpretation. She’s one of the most important people in my life.
TLDR: Is my female best friend of 16 years giving me mix signals that she may have feelings for me. She playfully flirts with me and has started to call me sweetheart. Am i being oblivious or am I misinterpreting our friendship?
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2023.06.07 09:11 UniComix Retaliation Chapter 1
Author's Note: This original work had once been created in hopes to be an original Star Wars story. The author has adapted the story to be its own original work taking place in the franchise. In particular, the author has chosen between the movies of Episode 6 and 7. Main characters, battles and other major events will either be cut out or referenced. This is not a fanfiction. All characters were created from the author aside other characters, such as the sentient species, items like blasters, were created and rightfully owned by Lucasfilm.
17 Standards Years Ago
She recalled the day when her brother was gone for good. Little Sorella was 6 years old. She and her brother, Dearthair, 12 were on their own in Kail.
Kail was Coruscant's smaller twin, on the grassland planet Miero. The town had stone adobes of shops and homes, everyone full of giddy and glow. Out to the south laid Neero, a spaceport settlement. On the occasion, some folk traveled to Neero to obtain exotic goods to sell back in Kail.
Despite the hearty prosperity of Kail, Sorella, and Dearthair were orphans. They hid in their ruined home, once full of glee and joy, now faded, cracked, and sloppy. Clothes, pots, pans, holograms, and drawers with emptiness now occupied the home.
Their parents ventured to Neero, trusting Dearthair to take care of the place while they were gone.
Later that day, an investigator visited the home to confirm that their parents, had died while protecting a kid from being taken away by traffickers.
With no parents, they were brought to the next town, Grangor. Yet, both knew, they couldn't stay there. The foster center was a heap, a dump. The caregiver didn't care about the kids trashing the place, she just wanted her money from the adoption fee to bid and brag about how she won another bet on Odupiendo racing. The children there began to form groups, making turfs and destroying each other's territory.
Not to mention, the possibility of separation. Their chances were even higher considering families of Grangor could only afford for 2 children to raise. They knew if either one of them left, they would no longer be the family they once knew before.
So by the next day, Sorella and Dearthair escaped and stayed in Kail. All it became was their next worst nightmare. The town had been ransacked by raiders. The community now had to use its funds to restore what was lost. And that meant raising prices and trips to Neero to resell exotic goods for better deals.
Despite this, they went back to their home and pondered about the food they would eat and how they could keep the place up.
At first, they begged for a bit. And when begging didn't work, one would pickpocket the distracted fool. They used any credit they acquired to quiet the rumbles in their stomachs.
Dearthair even began to ask for jobs around town but no one wanted to hire them. Not enough money to pay, one vendor noted. Had they not used the funds, there would've been a chance.
However, sometimes, if the shipments they received or the abundance of the crop were good, a few of the family friends they knew would stop by and give the siblings food. One of them, Kli, a Zeltron, tried her best to visit often, cleaning their home and cooked meals. She told them she would have offered her place but unfortunately, due to audits visiting, she did not want to risk them being taken back to foster care. (After all, for her, it was hard to lie. She hated telling a lie).
The siblings didn't mind, they appreciated the help.
They did eventually stop pickpocketing aside Dearthair who had gotten better at it. He promised to stop but he figured a few credits wouldn't hurt.
He was almost caught once at the same time as the day Sorella last saw him.
Dearthair was eyeing around a restaurant, searching for a clumsy idiot. There were a few visitors from other worlds here, whining and belching their sorrows away about some rumored war. This prompted Dearthair to steal without worry. Who would even notice? Even the bartenders would be too busy to give these drunks their drinks and people chatted about their life at tables.
As he passed by a few patrons, talk fumbled into the air. "Did you hear?" a Rodian stammered. "They're taking the children....just come in and start shooting..."
"What is the New Republic going to do about it? Nothing!" a Twi'lek snapped.
"I've heard that they use certain techniques....they don't remember who they were," an elderly man huffed.
Dearthair grumbled. None of these clients seemed to be carrying a huge sum of credits. Most looked down on their luck. Then there was...
He spotted a drunken human fool, slamming his credits on the counter. The human had on shiny boots with a blaster at his side, and gold linings on his coat toppled with a furry vest. "Moar!" he yelped. "Dang tenders....can't even affurd a proper dr...visit Kail they said, the best place to hide and..."
Dearthair slithered by the human's side, eyeing the gold before his eyes. He glimpsed around the room, checking for onlookers one last night in case anyone had the idea to look.
He stopped as he felt the human turn to him. "Hey kid...cun you tell sumone to hurry it up? I hit the jackpot today!"
"Oh, did you?" Dearthair said, raising his eyebrows.
"Sure did," the human burped. "Got me a hefty bounty and now I lay here low. I heard this place was the besst. It's gone to crap. You all this money for nothing....you might as well just take off to another place....they say a storm's brewing....so run if you an..."
"Really, huh?" Dearthair continued, now secretly roaming his hand in the human's coat pockets, scrambling for credits.
"Kid, listen to me, HIC-UP, you're better off on your own if I were you." The human sneezed and tossed his credits on the counter to the bartender. "Yo tender, gimme another one of those bluey thingies. The watchmacallit with the special."
"That's unfortunate," Dearthair hummed, now counting how many credits he had in his hand before shoving it in his pocket.
The human swirled around in his seat, causing Dearthair to flinch. He froze, terrified that he was caught. The human hadn't seen it but the way his eyes stared at the boy...it was like he knew.
He proved to be wrong as he sighed. "Kid, I know I...HI-CUP...may look like a fool but...never turn your back down on an offer. Look around...no one's coming to help you. The town got ransacked by raiders and do you get? Nothing. You have to use everything on your own to 'fix' your problems. Yet if it was Neero, oh, for sure, let's make it all pretty and shiny for the tourists. And yet they stop the imports because of the darn fear of theft."
"Well, everyone helps when they can," Dearthiar noted. "A little bit of help can go a long way."
"Yeah, but to be a man...you have to learn to be on your own. You wanna be someone's babysitter fine. They admire you more though...when you can show you can stand on your own two feet. That's what everyone wants. So guess what...if this upcoming war starts and the New Republic ain't doing a lick of Bantha dong to help....then my allegiance is to those who offer me a place."
The human glanced at his new drink sitting quietly, took one long chug, and laid his head on the counter to sleep.
Dearthair breathed in and out, full of relief. The other customers were still busy with their worries. Digging in for a few more credits, he booked out of the restaurant, heading back home.
He knocked on the door and sounded the bell, alerting Sorella he was there. She led him in and they counted the credits.
"1,000 credits," Dearthair noted. "Enough for 2 loaves of bread, some pieces of fruit, blue milk, porridge from Kali's and maybe we'll have enough to buy The Last Starfighter." He nodded to the holoprojector they had propped by the window along with a few holograms.
"Can't wait to watch that one, I heard from Yue it was a good show," Sorella said.
They went out to buy the items and returned home happily. Yet, Dearthair's mind did not venture off from the human's words. Even when watching The Last Starfighter, he kept thinking back to that old kook's speech. Were they truly doomed to be there?
Well, he knew the guy was drunk but still...his words held some truth.
Kail was surely picking its place back up but time proved other areas were now suffering. Neero was barely getting any more exotic goods, causing another economic shift, leaving Kail to sell only what they produced around them. And last of Grangor, pfff, who knows. And with words about war, kidnappings, and no one helping....it made Dearthair wonder how he could escape this.
He stared at Sorella, intentively interested in the hologram. She had become a bit of a handful now. Kli wasn't around as much considering she was preparing her shop for inspection. Sorella once had almost set the house on fire by trying to cook some food. Or that other time when she tried to take some strange "candy" from an alien, he had to swipe her away.
He was the one who had to take charge, making sure they had food, she wasn't going anywhere she shouldn't be, keep aware of who was at the door, and how to pickpocket....come to think of it, he surely could've survived by himself. Still, he knew Sorella was all that was left of the family he knew.
His parents...they would be so proud of him, doing all he could to provide for himself and his sister. Yet, there was only so much he could do now.
"Hey, Sorella?" he asked as the hologram ended, the hero fading in the blue light. "Do you ever think about...getting away from here?"
Sorella thought for a bit. "I don't know...I mean...I like it here. It can be rebuilt. We just need to get more money."
Dearthair felt his heart clenched. "Well, what if you had to get away from here....and go anywhere else?"
"Well, yeah, I would go but then I go back over here," Sorella beamed.
"What is it that you love about it here?"
"Well, how it used to be. Remember when Kli would give us those Oprair cakes, Ronen with the Swirly Tumblers, Jei let us play with the Pikies. This...is home to me. I can't imagine leaving it." Sorella's eyes glistened with tears. "And Mom...Dad..."
Dearthair swung his head. He circuited his eyes back to Sorella only, seeing her stare into space, more tears plundering down.
He felt guilty seeing her eyes like that. It would eat him up next, reminding him about his parents. It reminded him though what a baby she was...she could never keep her emotions in check. She was always so sensitive when it came to things that bothered her, like when he told her to be careful about cooking.
"Are we going to go away?"
Sorella's eyes were now on Dearthair, awaiting an answer.
Dearthair shook his head. "The only one coming and going is me," he said, patting her head. "You're staying here."
Sorella laughed. She yawned and got up, heading towards her room. "Goodnight, Dearthair," she said. "Thanks for always looking out for me, brother."
Dearthair smiled. "Of course," he said, his eyes averted away. "Anything to keep family together."
She didn't remember the exact time, but it happened at the darkest hour of the night. Sorella woke up to hearing screams, and loud wails booming through the atmosphere.
Then came the smoke. She sniffed the air, a wisp of charcoal and harsh heat filling her lungs. She coughed a little before getting up, wondering if maybe it was Dearthair this time trying to cook (he had his moments too).
Instead of the glare from the windows, she saw bright gleams of blazes erupting around the other homes.
"What?" she gasped, checking around and seeing the chaos unfold before her eyes.
A few of the homes were destroyed, either eaten alive by the pulsing inferno or shattered apart.
People were running everywhere, bellows echoing and confusion amassing.
What the hell was going on?
"Dearthair! Kail's on fire!" Sorella yelled, running to her brother's room. She went inside to see he wasn't there. "Dearthair?"
BOOM!
The house shook wildly. Sorella stumbled to keep her balance. She ducked under a table, stayed for a few minutes, and then bolted out to the door again, to peek.
She now saw one of the sources of the chaos. Before her eyes was a white armored abomination, its hideous nightmarish visor scanning around for its next victim. Behind its body, it held a giant tank and in its hands, a huge gun with a nozzle. The abomination aimed the nozzle at a home and enraptured its flames from the gun. It engulfed the house in seconds.
Sorella gulped, stepping back inside her home. Danger lurked behind her as she twirled around to see flames were now entering her home.
Sorella shrieked and scampered out.
She took no notice of the abomination known as the Flametrooper, eyeing her running away. "We have one here, near the homes," he noted.
Sorella mindlessly searched around. "Dearhair!" she cried, wondering where he was. She even looked for the adults, any familiar faces but no one stopped, they continue to run without care.
"Help!"
Sorella turned to see a kid like her now snatched up by another abomination. This one had a different visor, its helmets more delicate with design and he carried no tank, just a blaster in his hand. "That's almost all of them!" the second abomination, the Stormtrooper said, carrying the struggling kid away.
Sorella felt a verge of tears and bellows in her body but she knew she had to escape. In times of danger like this taught by Dearthair, she knew she had to run.
She darted past a couple more homes before she then saw one of the Stormtroopers takes notice of her. "Get her!"
She crawled through gaps, between walls, under trenches, anywhere to get away from the horrid monsters.
She never turned around.
Sorella made it safe once she had entered a small hole in a broken-down store, its entrance blocked by the fallen beam supports. The troopers behind her attempted to fight their way in, clashing with the beams. She ran to the back entrance and shut the door, hoping for some reason at least that would stop them.
She turned around to see another nightmare. The Stormtroopers with the kids were heading inside large vehicles. Kids all stuck together, hugging one another and crying. A few bodies laid on the ground. Some folks still fought the troopers, which unfortunately ended in their demise.
"You won't take him away from me!" a mother yelled. She was on the ground the second she jumped at a trooper.
Sorella hid behind a crate, peering from above. She spotted him.
"Dearthair?" she said, seeing a familiar figure. He was guided by two Stormtroopers, heading inside one of the large vehicles.
"No, Dearthair!" Sorella yelled.
She foolishly ran forward, only to be picked up by someone. Kli held her in her arms, rampantly charging towards a land speeder.
"No, my brother!"
"We'll find him," Kli said. "I'm sorry, Sorella, there's nothing we can do. You will die!"
"I don't care, I don't want them to take my brother!".
Sorella's eyes misted. Her vision blurred as she turned from the inferno of homes to the somber kids in vehicles and looked back to the land speeder, a few others joining them. There were the last of parents, shopkeepers, and their children.
"Hit it!" Kli said as she strapped herself and Sorella in.
"No, Dearthair!" Sorella said, turning around.
The pad to the vehicle closed up, sealing the familiar figure's fate.
"No! Turn back! Turn back!" Sorella pleaded. "Mom...Dad...brother!"
No one gave her any recognition as the land speeder surged forward, Kili holding Sorella tightly, trying to calm her.
"We have to tell everyone about this," Kli hollered. Get the New Republic, contact the other planets around us and..."
She never finished her words as a huge blast exploded behind them, sending the vehicle tumbling.
All Sorella remembered from this part was that she was flying in the air for a bit and hit the ground, knocking her to sleep.
Thanks for reading this if you made it to the end! This is my first time writing in a while (I know I probably messed up some stuff) and I'm all about improving at my craft. Critique away every little bit, just help me to know what I can do to improve!
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2023.06.07 09:03 iwonderland I Switched from Hormonal Birth Control (NuvaRing) to the Copper IUD (Paragard) ~ 4 month review (positive)
When I was thinking about switching to the Copper IUD, I wished there were more detailed posts about switching from hormonal birth control to the copper IUD.
So, if anyone out there is interested in my birth control experiences, side effects, etc — here is my detailed story!
**Birth Control/Period History:*\*
As a teen I had incredibly heavy periods. Like, I filled a super plus tampon AND a maxi overnight pad in 2-3 hours kind of heavy…
I got prescribed BC pills as a teen due to bad acne and my heavy periods. HBC made my periods normal, so that was nice. I tried pills for 2-3 years then decided I was tired of taking a pill every day and wanted to try something different.
I then got the Mirena IUD. I had 8-10 months of constant spotting that never went away and I thought it made me feel crazy, so I had it removed. The doctor didn’t believe me that the Mirena made me crazy anxious/depressed, but a few weeks after switching methods I was mentally way better.
I then started Nuvaring and had it for 3 years (technically insurance gave me generic brand EluRyng if that matters). I liked the ring better than Mirena, especially at first, but over time symptoms started to develop. I became drier than the Sahara, had negative libido (I didn’t even want to cuddle with my husband most of the time lol), and nothing made me feel truly happy. It was like my emotions were just switched off. It happened so slowly though that it took me a few years to realize these symptoms might be connected to the ring.
After all that, I decided I wanted to try stopping hormonal birth control since I’d been on it for about 7 years — I just wanted to see what I felt like without synthetic hormones. But at this point I was in a serious relationship and sexually actively so I needed a method of BC. I took a while doing research and deciding between FAM/Paragard. I decided to try Paragard first because if it ended up working for me, it’d be easier than FAM lol.
I read the Period Manual by Lara Briden to prepare for coming off HBC + how to treat acne and heavy periods because although I hadn’t been off hormones since I was a teenager, I was worried those things would come back. From that book, though I learned that incredibly heavy periods are sometimes common for teenagers due to hormone fluctuations and usually go away in the 20s, so I was hoping that’d be the case for me.
**Copper IUD Consultation & Insertion:*\*
I began taking magnesium glycinate and zinc supplements about 3 weeks before insertion because research suggests they prevent cramps, acne, heavy periods, and just aid in coming off HBC in general.
I then went to my gyno to ask for the Copper IUD and she tried talking me into Mirena…. I explained I had the Mirena before and did not like it and wanted to try something without hormones.
My doctor listed all the side effects of Paragard to make sure I knew them and was still interested — when I said I was, she approved it. They had to order it for me, so my insertion appointment was a few weeks later — they didn’t keep the Paragard in stock because apparently, not many people want it? LOL
I’ve never been pregnant, so I was mentally preparing for a painful insertion.
I happened to get my Paragard placed on the same day I was scheduled to remove my ring for the withdrawal bleed week.
I took 800mg ibuprofen 1-2 hrs before the insertion. The doctor started with a transvaginal ultrasound and took photos of the ultrasound for my records. I think this was to see the angle of my uterus and make sure my uterus was normal shape (not 100% sure).
The insertion itself was l like a really intense cramp for 30 seconds. The weird part — that I didn’t know was going to happen — was I could heafeel the iud open inside me. Like the coil part made a spring sound when it came out of the insertion tube lol. Overall though, the insertion itself was not nearly as bad as I expected. I just took deep breaths and was okay.
She then did a second transvaginal ultrasound to ensure the IUD placement was correctly placed and saved it to my records. I scheduled a 4-week follow-up appointment and was on my way.
Although the insertion itself was a quick intense pain, that was over fast, the next few hours were the rough partI drove myself the 20 minutes home and definitely regret that because on the drive I suddenly started to feel nauseous, lightheaded, dizzy, and sweaty. I definitely recommend getting someone to drive you home because you don’t know how you’ll be post-insertion. (When I got the mirena iud, I went straight to work an 8hr shift and was fine. The paragard was not as easy and it was dangerous driving myself home tbh).
Cramping was really bad for about 5 hours, but I just laid in bed with a heating pad and slowly got better. That being said, after 5 hours I felt WAY better and went to bed that night feeling very little cramping and not needing to take ibuprofen.
The next day I was completely fine and had very little cramping. I honestly think the little cramping I had at this point was from removing the ring because that’s normal for me when I would remove it for the withdrawal week.
**Coming off hormones symptoms/ post copper IUD insertion:**\*
(2 days later) I had weird stringy brown clumps in my discharge and then started my withdrawal bleed from the ring. My withdrawal bleed week went pretty normal.
(
1-2 weeks later) I had intense headaches which I think were related to coming off hormones — they only lasted a week or two. I also had an insane amount of cleawhite discharge, it sometimes felt like I had peed a little lol. I think this was my first ovulation/fertile cervical mucus that I’d had since I was a teen.
(3 weeks later) Light cramps, brown discharge (spotting)*(4 weeks later)* I was bloated and spotting more of a true red vs brown. I also got stronger cramps, but just took ibuprofen and was fine. Soon after these symptoms, I started my first real period. It was a little heavier than my withdrawal “period” when I was on HBC, but it wasn’t bad at all compared to the periods from hell that I had as a teen.
**PMS/Periods Now:*\*
My whole life even while on HBC, I was never one to get PMS of any kind other than very light cramps. But now (4 months after stopping HBC and switching to the copper IUD) I can always tell when my period is a few days away because I get light acne, very bloated, easily upset/angry, and pretty crampy.
So far, I’ve only had one period that was very crampy and so painful that I couldn’t stand for a couple hours lol and it was my most recent cycle. I had stopped taking the zinc and magnesium supplements that are recommended in The Period Manual, so I think that may have been the reason. I definitely will be back on my supplement game this month.
Overall now my periods are always 4-5 days total. Day one is so light it’s basically just spotting. Day 2 is heavy— have to change my tampon or pad at least once every 4 hours to avoid leaks (still lighter than the periods from hell when I was a teenager though lol, so to me it’s manageable). Day 3 regular flow. 4/5 light flow.
**Other things I’ve noticed since coming off HBC:*\*
- I smell…. Different? Like my sweat smells different. It’s weird but I don’t stink as bad anymore. Even my husband has pointed out that I have been “smelling so good recently” and I didn’t change any soaps or perfume or anything.
- My libido increased majorrr!! I legit thought for these past few years that I wasn’t attracted to my husband or something because I never wanted to even be touched and never got wet when he tried. It was really hurting our relationship. But man, things have CHANGED. I feel like a teenager again I’m so easily turned on.
- The acne that I had as a teenager did NOT come back. I broke out a little for the first month or two off HBC but it was a piece of cake. Now I only get 2-3 small pimples around the time of my period.
**Conclusion:*\*
Overall, so far the copper IUD insertion was worth the temporary pain and trouble. I’m feeling so much happier off hormones and my relationship with my husband is so much better now that we have a sex life again haha. If you choose to switch to the copper IUD, I def recommend reading The Period Manual prior to getting it to prepare for coming off hormones and knowing what supplements to take to minimize cramping, acne, PMS, etc.
Anyways, I’m an open book. Please let me know if you have any questions about my experience!
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birthcontrol [link] [comments]
2023.06.07 08:21 Olirum_nebula katrodu oru kathai-chapter 17
"I can't wait for this week to over , its so stressful"- Madhu was aimlessly turning the pages of the circuits book
"I asked you to focus on your studies"- Indhu is very strict when it comes to combine studies she is the circuit theory specialist of the group
"I am going to play with mini and maxi for a while" Madhu closed the book and sat near the fish tank
"Hey guys!! I am so tired and have a lot to study , you know if I do well in the test tomorrow I am going to buy you new pebbles , blue maybe?"
"yeah keep talking to the fishes you will definitely fail"- Indhu can be a tyrant sometimes
"God stop yelling , I will be back in few minutes"- she walked out of the room and sat in the middle of the tennis court just watching the skies
Her mind wandered everywhere, it went to home, selva, studies back and forth, It was like playing a game of ping pong. It settled on studies for a while, I have to take all the optional tests my internals are too low. They will take the best two out of periodical 1, 2 and optional. 1 was very average, I need this test to boost my internals. I have record work and a seminar. I am not really good in labs either especially mech . soldering, welding ,carpentry. Why do I even need this stuff? I am going to do MBA and do marketing .I should be working on some marketing skills.hmmm, what is Selva doing now? Is her over me already? I don't know, its bitter sweet. What is it for dinner in home now? amma might make appam and thegai pal. God I miss home food. Its Sandy's birthday next week have to order cake. Will 1kg do?I need to call yam its been a while since I talked to her, I miss her, I need to update her on this whole Selva situation. she felt a hand on her shoulder , she turned back
"Madhu, why are you sitting here?"- Sandy sat near her
"Ila d, I needed a break, why are you here. Indhu will yell and definitely blame me if you get low marks "
"LOL, screw studies d.pathukalam"
They were both starring at the clear sky.
"Madhu, what is your dream d?, like what do you want to do"
"MBA d, I dream about doing in a good college you know, I always wanted to do that ,what about you?"
"MBA suits you d, vayadi . I just want a stable job and a good life"
"Fair ask. "
"Hey, once we finish all our optional tests and records we will go out to eat? please I need to eat something flavorful"
"Sure, just two days okay? Friday we are going to cafeteria and we will eat something good, now get back to your studies"
"yup" she walked back in and opened the book and started to read from where she left. she was able to complete the chapter in an hour
For some reason the skies always calmed her down, it made her feel like she was a tiny dust in the whole wide universe and there is nothing to worry because she is going to be taken care of. she always loved to be in care of someone , to be held close and cozy. she always craved that human connection, that invisible force that will pull people closer. She loved to touch souls and understand it deeply, yet she has this childishness inside her that makes her a mystery. It is easy for her to get people curious about her and she liked it.
To be continued....
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journalforeveryone [link] [comments]
2023.06.07 06:41 BoopTheCoop My first unbroken/not stuck fancy Bundt cake!
| Peanut butter with a salted peanut butter glaze. So rich I could barely finish a tiny sliver, so it’s going to work with me tomorrow, along with a complementary gallon of milk. submitted by BoopTheCoop to Baking [link] [comments] |
2023.06.07 05:22 exhalted_legend Gelato 41
Alright, after last night's episode with the Tweed tiger cake, I decided to crack open the 1964 Gelato 41 that I purchased on May 24th.
And let me tell you, this is the good good..
Packaging: standard Mylar bag with all the pertinent information on the front of the packaging.
The product: beautiful, hard, sense nugs. The trim job and the cure are excellent too. Lots of varying colors - flecks of purple, bright orange hairs, and some light to medium green too.
The smell test: super dank and funk (everyone knows what I mean). Lots of earthiness to this one, but there's also a creamy fruit note, a hint of leather, a bit of spice (think coriander dialed down a notch), and of course there's a very noticeable gas/fuel component that you would expect from these genetics.
The taste test - very bright citrus notes, toasted nuts, I got quite a bit of pine too - but it works well for this strain, and there's also the sweetness from the sunset sherbert, I'd describe the sweetness as a bowl of sherbert that's half melted and almost ends up being too sweet.
The high: very lovely high. I'd say it's close to a 50/50 hybrid rather than indica dominant (if I was being honest, I'd say 60/40 slight indica dominance). Starts behind my eyes and spreads into my cheeks with a touch of warmth. After 10 minutes or so, you start to feel the indica side of the strain. Your limbs get heavier, your eyes will start to close, and you'll feel nothing but contentment and comfort.
Eye appeal - 9/10
Smell appeal - 9/10
Taste test - 9/10
High Times - 8.8/10 (I think I'd enjoy it a tad more if it was closer to a 50/50 hybrid. I liked how my eyes and cheeks felt, haha)
Cheers everyone, E-L 💨💨
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exhalted_legend to
TheBCCS [link] [comments]
2023.06.07 05:15 ZmoullyComplains I See an Old Friend Every Day, But We Don't Talk
(This has been on my mind for ages now; I need to get it out of my system.)
Okay, you're probably wondering why. Now, to give context, I met this friend during covid last year, doing virtual school. She sent out an email to me and we connected together after we shared our socials. Because of my parents, I was unable to go and see any of my friends for around 2 years, so this was a great thing - making new friends (which is pretty hard in virtual school), and I was pretty happy with her company. We would play games after school, virtually bake various things such as cookies at her house or cake at mine, mess around carelessly and do what I had been missing and more with her company. Now, it was going so well that because of my luck, I knew that I would flunk it, and the friendship wouldn't last. And, on a moment's notice, my one friend from virtual school left to go back inperson. This made me very sad (though that is an understatement). I was a good student, but ever since her absence, I was ignoring my assignments and not wanting to go to school. I filled my room with chip bags and other wrappers. I even started watching videos during class all day instead of doing work. I didn't care anymore, but I should have, and I regret it. Yes, during this time she did reach out to me, but since I was doing so poorly in school my parents took my phone and other ways of contact, so I couldn't reach her. This probably made her think I was ghosting her. That makes me feel as if I was the reason we stopped talking to each other. So, I held all the guilt, and I still do.
(I also went to Summer School (inperson). There I met a very nerdy new friend who was pretty nice.)
Then, the next year came. My parents finally put me back to inperson school, and I was meeting all of my friends again. I was sitting at their table and talking with them whenever we had the chance. It was all I had ever wanted, though I still felt self-conscious about myself. Suddenly, I realized the interactions weren't as frequent, nor impactful as I had made them out to be. In fact, they were mere fragments of small talk. This was because I lacked the social skills required to meet up with the standards of my peers. And with big shoes to fill, I felt miserable once more. Then, one day when I was talking to my best friend from before, she brought up a familiar name, one that I had not heard in what seemed like years: the virtual friend's name! I was very hyper inside when I heard that, but then also scared. What would she think of me? Then, nearly the next day she was at our table. Paging through her book, she sat there. She probably hadn't noticed me. I played it off as I hadn't noticed her. It's been around 4 months now. I reconnected with my friend from Summer School, and we started to talk. Coincidently, he was also friends with my virtual friend. Then, one day (today), he asked me about her. He first asked about if I knew her. Then, he said that she was talking about me (in a good way). I told him about all of this (though he didn't want to hear it), and he did nothing. So, I've been thinking about this all day, and I am confused.
Should I go and talk to her again? Maybe ask for her updated socials? Maybe check in? I'm not sure.
TL;DR: I met a friend during virtual and now that friend is a friend of my friend and sits at our table. I then was notified that she probably also misses me, but I'm too scared to confront her about it. What should I do?
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FriendshipAdvice [link] [comments]
2023.06.07 05:07 Dove04 Tonight I’m burning banana bundt cake 🍌🍰 what are you burning?
2023.06.07 04:57 DvoraksDishes White Chocolate Bundt Cakes with a Dark Chocolate Ganache drizzle.
2023.06.07 04:37 throwaway17365173927 AIBTS about what my stepmom texted me
I (20f) have a stepmom (45f). My dad married her when I was 16 and we have never really seen eye to eye in general, but more recently it’s been taking a turn for the worse and it’s made me want to stay at my dads less and less, which ultimately makes me feel guilty. Anyways, onward to the story.
A few days ago was my dads birthday. We had a few family members over for cake and to sit by our pool, nothing fancy. My step-grandparents, step-aunt+uncle and my dads parents were there along with my stepmom, my stepsister and dad (and me obviously). It was in the 80s range in terms of weather and sunny, so I wore shorts and a cropped tank top. Which I’ll admit, my shorts did ride up a little when I was sitting down but it wasn’t anything “crazy”. As it got darker, I changed to pants and a hoodie. But nothing was ever said to me about my outfit.
At least until today. My stepmom texted me a long paragraph about how my outfit was not family appropriate and that my grandparents and dad “don’t need to see things hanging out”. (Sidenote: I have always been self conscious about my appearance, especially compared to my stepsister who is the skinnier-petite hourglass type whereas I’m medium sized with very broad shoulders and narrow hips.) She continued on to say that “guys will see that and make assumptions about girls” and I don’t really know what she means about that especially since the only people around were family members. But towards the end of the paragraph she tells me that she’s just “looking out for me and doesn’t want me to get hurt” so I genuinely can’t tell what her intentions are, especially since I’m the most sensitive person I know.
I’ve been basically on and off crying about this because I can’t help but wonder if she’s talked about this to my dad and if he thinks the same but just doesn’t have the courage to tell me. Another side note, I’ve worn the same shorts and tank top at my moms where I have a stepdad and stepbrother and never once have they said anything about it.
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throwaway17365173927 to
AmIBeingTooSensitive [link] [comments]
2023.06.07 04:26 avantgarde33 Curious about other stay at home moms or working moms weekly spending money budget
Things have taken a turn financially for my family of 3 and we've gone from having about $400 a week of "fun/spending" money down to about $200-$250. This money does not include things like gas, groceries, or bills. It's purely for whatever we need or want to do that week. We are personally struggling not to go over and I feel like there's no way other people are comfortably staying within the same budget.
Here's an a example: last week I had to get everything for my daughters birthday together. Cups, plates, plasticware, balloons, table cloth, and other random decor ~$60. I pre-ordered a cake $30, and bought her a birthday gift (tricycle) $50. In the same week our family invited us to the beach. My daughter needed a swim suit and water shoes $20, I am pregnant and have nothing that fit so I went to target and got one for $40, and then we had to buy a life vest for our daughter at Costco for $20. Just like that all the weekly money budget was gone and additional things popped up that week where I needed to get something. I struggle to wait to buy things when I know I will need them within the next week or so, and tend to try to buy everything at once which also throws us over the budget we are tying to stick too.
I'm thinking at this point I need to consider getting a job even though my husband is making $33/hr and working 40+ hours a week. Things have just gotten so much more expensive.
But anyways, in regards to weekly budget what are other people spending and how comfortable are you within your budget?
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avantgarde33 to
MoneyDiariesACTIVE [link] [comments]
2023.06.07 03:48 wtfwafflezor (Selling) 800 Titles Creed III (2023) (Vudu/4K) $9 Shazam! Fury of the Gods (2023) (MA/4K) $9
Prices FIRM - CashApp/Venmo/PayPal Friends & Family
Disney/Marvel titles are split codes. Only redeem what you pay for. Thank you.
12 Monkeys (1995) (MA/4K) $3.50
12 Years a Slave (2013) (MA/HD) $3.50
13 Hours: Secret Soldiers of Benghazi (2016) (Vudu/4K) $5.50 (Vudu/HD) $2 (iTunes/4K) $3
1917 (2019) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $3.50
2 Guns (2013) (MA/HD) $4.75 (iTunes/HD) $3.50
2012 (2009) (MA/4K) $6.50
21 Jump Street (2012) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $2.75
22 Jump Street (2014) (MA/HD) $4.50
355, The (2022) (MA/HD) $5.75
47 Meters Down (2017) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50
47 Ronin (2013) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) $4 (MA/HD) $3.50
A Beautiful Day in the Neighborhood (2019) (MA/HD) $5.75
A Clockwork Orange (1972) (MA/4K) $6.50
A Man Called Otto (2022) (MA/HD) $7.25
A Million Ways to Die in the West (2014) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4.25
A Monster Calls (2016) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.75
A Vigilante (2018) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.50
A Wrinkle in Time (2018) (MA/HD) $3
Abominable (2019) (MA/4K) $7.50 (MA/HD) $6.25
Action Point (2018) (Vudu/HD) $2.25 (iTunes/4K) $1.50
Ad Astra (2019) (MA/HD) $4.75
Adventures of Tintin (2011) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50
After Earth (2013) (MA/HD) $2.50
Aladdin (1992) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $3.25 (GP/HD) $2.25
Aladdin (2019) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.25 (GP/HD) $1.50
Alice in Wonderland (1951) (GP/HD) $5.50
Alien (1979) (MA/4K) $7.25 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5
Alien 3 (1992) (MA/HD) $5.50
Alien Collection 1-6 (MA/HD) $19.50 1-4 (MA/SD) $9
Alien Resurrection (1997) (MA/HD) $5.50
Aliens (1986) (MA/HD) $5.50
Alita: Battle Angel (2019) (MA/4K) $5.50 (MA/HD) $4
All The Money In The World (2017) (MA/HD) $4.25
All the Way (2016) (GP/HD) $3.50 No Port
Aloha (2015) (MA/HD) $2.50
Amazing Spider-Man (2012) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $4.50
Amazing Spider-Man 2 (2014) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5.50
Ambulance (2022) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $4
American Beauty (1999) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $6
American Gangster (Extended Edition) (2007) (MA/4K) $7.25 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $6.25
American Made (2017) (MA/4K) $7.25 (MA/HD) $4.25
American Sniper (2014) (MA/4K) $6.50
American Underdog (2021) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.75
Amsterdam (2022) (MA/HD) $5 (GP/HD) $3.75
Anchorman 2: The Legend Continues (2013) (iTunes/HD) $2
Angry Birds Movie (2016) (MA/HD) $3.75
Antlers (2021) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $4
Ant-Man (2015) (MA/4K) $6.25 (iTunes/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $2.25
Ant-Man and the Wasp (2018) (MA/4K) $8 (iTunes/4K) $6.25 (GP/HD) $3.25
Apollo 11 (2019) (MA/HD) $6.25
Apollo 13 (1995) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $4.75
Aqua Teen Forever: Plantasm (2022) (MA/HD) $4.75
Artist, The (2011) (MA/HD) $6
Atomic Blonde (2017) (MA/4K) $5 (iTunes/4K) $3.25 (MA/HD) $2.25
Avengers 1-4 (MA/4K) $25 (iTunes/4K) $20 (GP/HD) $7.75
Babylon (2022) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $6.25
Back to the Future (1985) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.25
Back to the Future Collection 1-3 (MA/4K) $15 (MA/HD) $7.50
Bad Boys Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $12
Bad Boys for Life (2020) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $3.50
Bad Guys, The (2022) (MA/4K) $8 (MA/HD) $4.25
Bad Moms (2016) (MA/HD) $3.50 (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Bad Times at The El Royale (2018) (MA/4K) $7.75 (MA/HD) $5.75
Bambi (1942) (MA/HD) $6.25 (GP/HD) $4.50
Bambi II (2006) (MA/HD) $6.25 (GP/HD) $4.50
Band of Brothers (2001) (GP/HD) $3.75 No Port
Bank Job, The (2008) (Vudu/HD) $3.25
Banshees of Inisherin (2022) (GP/HD) $4.50
Batman and Superman: Battle of the Super Sons (2022) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $4.50
Batman Year One (2011) (MA/4K) $5
Batman, The (2022) (MA/4K) $5.25 (MA/HD) $3
Batman: Soul of the Dragon (2021) (MA/4K) $6
Batman: The Doom That Came to Gotham (2022) (MA/4K) $7.50
Batman: The Long Halloween Deluxe Edition (2022) (MA/HD) $6
Battle: Los Angeles (2011) (MA/4K) $6.50
Battleship (2012) (MA/4K) $4.50 (MA/HD) $1.75 (iTunes/4K) $3
Beast (2022) (MA/HD) $5.75
Beauty and the Beast (1991) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $2
Beauty and the Beast (2017) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $3.25 (GP/HD) $2
Bedknobs and Broomsticks (1971) (MA/HD) $5 (GP/HD) $3.50
Beguiled, The (2017) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4
Being John Malkovich (1999) (MA/HD) $3.50
Beirut (2018) (MA/HD) $4.75
Ben-Hur (2016) (Vudu/HD) $2.50
BFG, The (2016) (MA/HD) $5.25 (GP/HD) $3.50
Big (1988) (MA/HD) $5.75
Big Wedding (2013) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.75
Billy Elliot (2000) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.25
Black Adam (2022) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $4.25
Black Panther (2018) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) $4.25 (GP/HD) $1.75
Black Panther: Wakanda Forever (2022) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $2.50
Black Phone, The (2021) (MA/HD) $5
Black Swan (2010) (MA/HD) $4.50
Black Widow (2021) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $3.25
Blacklight (2022) (MA/HD) $4.25
Bleed for This (2016) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4
Blockers (2018) (MA/HD) $3
Blood Father (2016) (Vudu/HD) $4
Bloodshot (2020) (MA/HD) $4
Blues Brothers + Unrated (1980) (MA/4K) $7
Bob's Burgers Movie (2022) (MA/HD) $3.25 (GP/HD) $2.25
Bodies Bodies Bodies (2022) (Vudu/4K) $6.75
Bodyguard, The (1992) (MA/HD) $5
Bohemian Rhapsody (2018) (MA/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $3.25
Bolt (2008) (MA/HD) $8 (GP/HD) $5.50
Bond: Goldfinger (1964) (Vudu/HD) $7
Bond: Skyfall (2012) (Vudu/HD) $1
Bond: Spectre (2015) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Book of Henry (2017) (iTunes/HD) Ports $5
Book of Life (2014) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.50
Booksmart (2019) (MA/HD) $5.25
Boss Baby (2017) & Family Business (2021) (MA/HD) $5.75
Boss Baby: Family Business (2021) (MA/HD) $4.50
Bourne Collection 1-5 (MA/4K) $25 (iTunes/HD) $19 (MA/HD) $15
Boy Next Door, The (2015) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $5.25
Bram Stoker's Dracula (1992) (MA/4K) $7
Braven (2018) (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Breakdown (1997) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.75
Breakfast Club (1985), Weird Science (2008), Sixteen Candles (1984) (MA/HD) $11.50
Breakthrough (2019) (MA/4K) $6.50
Brian Banks (2019) (MA/HD) $4.25
Bridge of Spies (2015) (MA/HD) $5.25 (GP/HD) $3.75
Bring It On: Worldwide #Cheersmack (2017) (MA/HD) $3.25 (iTunes/HD) $1.25
Broken City (2013) (MA/HD) $3.50 (iTunes/SD) $1.25
Broken Hearts Gallery (2020) (MA/HD) $3.75
Brothers (2009) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Buffy, the Vampire Slayer (1992) (MA/HD) $5.75
Bullet Train (2022) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $4.25
Cake (2014) (MA/HD) $5.25
Call Me by Your Name (2017) (MA/HD) $5.75
Call of the Wild (2020) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $1.50 (GP/HD) $1.25
Call, The (2013) (MA/HD) $4.50
Captain America: Civil War (2016) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) $5 (GP/HD) $2.25
Captain America: Winter Soldier (2014) (MA/4K) $7.50 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $6 (GP/HD) $2.25
Captain Marvel (2019) (MA/4K) $5 (iTunes/4K) $4 (GP/HD) $1.75
Captain Underpants: The First Epic Movie (2017) (MA/HD) $3.25
Carrie (2013) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Cars 1-3 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $15.50 (GP/HD) $9
Casablanca (1943) (MA/4K) $6.25
Casper (1995) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $3.75
Catch the Bullet (2021) (Vudu/HD) $4.75
Change-Up, The (2011) (Unrated) (2011) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $5.50
Chappie (2015) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3.75
Charlie's Angels (2000) (MA/4K) $7.75
Charlie's Angels (2019) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5.50
Chronicles of Riddick (Unrated Director's Cut) (2004) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5
Cinderella (1950) (MA/HD) $5.75 (GP/HD) $3.75
Cinderella (2015) (MA/4K) $7.50 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $2.50
Cinderella 'Camila Cabello' (2021) (MA/HD) $4.50
Cinderella II: Dreams Come True (2002) (MA/HD) $6.50
Citizenfour (2014) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Clerks III (2022) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.50
Clifford the Big Red Dog (2021) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Clueless (1995) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.25
Coal Miner's Daughter (1980) (MA/HD) $6.25
Coco (2017) (MA/4K) $6.50 (iTunes/4K) $5.25 (GP/HD) $2.25
Colombiana (Unrated) (2011) (MA/HD) $4.25
Concussion (2015) (MA/HD) $3
Constantine: The House of Mystery (2022) (MA/HD) $3.50
Contraband (2012) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $2
Contractor (2022) (Vudu/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Counselor, The (2013) (MA/HD) $3
Creed Collection 1-3 (Vudu/HD) $12
Creed III (2023) (Vudu/4K) $9
Croods (2013) & A New Age (2020) (MA/HD) $6.75
Croods (2013) (MA/HD) $3.50
Croods: A New Age (2020) (MA/HD) $5
Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon (2001) (MA/4K) $7.75
Cruella (2021) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $3.50 (GP/HD) $2.50
Cult of Chucky (Unrated) (2017) (MA/HD) $3.75 (iTunes/HD) $2.50
Daddy's Home 1-2 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.25
Daddy's Home 2 (2017) (Vudu/4K) $4.50 (iTunes/4K) $2 (Vudu/HD) $2.25
Daniel Craig Collection 5-Movie (Vudu/4K) $20
Darkest Minds, The (2018) (MA/HD) $4.75
DC League of Super-Pets (2022) (MA/4K) $8 (MA/HD) $5
Dead Man Down (2013) (MA/HD) $4.75
Deadpool (2016) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2
Deadpool 2 (2018) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $3.25
Dear Evan Hansen (2021) (MA/HD) $4.25
Death on the Nile (2022) (MA/4K) $7.50 (MA/HD) $5 (GP/HD) $3.50
Death Wish (2018) (Vudu/HD) $2.25
Dentist Collection 1-2 (1996-1998) (Vudu/HD) $5.25
Descent, The (2005) (Vudu/HD) $5.25
Detective Knight Collection 1-3 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $15 $5.75 Each
Detroit (2017) (iTunes/4K) Ports to MA $4.75
Devil Wears Prada (2006) (MA/HD) $5.75
Devil's Due (2014) (MA/HD) $2.75
Diary of a Wimpy Kid: The Long Haul (2017) (MA/HD) $2
Die Hard (1988) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $4
Die Hard 1-5 (MA/HD) $16 $4.75 Each
Disaster Artist, The (2017) (Vudu/HD) $6.25
Disneynature Born in China (2017) (MA/HD) $5.25
DisneyNature: Bears (2014) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $3.50
District 9 (2009) (MA/4K) $6.50
Do the Right Thing (1989) (MA/4K) $6
Doctor Strange (2016) (MA/4K) $6.50 (iTunes/4K) $4 (MA/HD) $3.50 (GP/HD) $1.75
Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $2.75 (GP/HD) $2
Dog (2022) (Vudu/HD) $3
Dolittle (2020) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $3.50
Don't Breathe 2 (2021) (MA/HD) $7.50
Don't Let Go (2019) (MA/HD) $4
Don't Worry Darling (2022) (MA/HD) $5.50
Downton Abbey: A New Era (2022) (MA/HD) $3.75
Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who (2008) (MA/HD) $6.50
Dr. Seuss' The Lorax (2012) (MA/HD) $3.25 (iTunes/HD) $2.25
Dracula Untold (2014) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $2.75 (iTunes/4K) $4
Dragonheart 5-Movie (MA/HD) $15
Dredd (2012) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Drive (2011) (MA/HD) $4.50
Duff, The (2015) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Dumbo (2019) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) $5.25 (GP/HD) $2.50
Dune (2021) (MA/4K) $5.50
Dunkirk (2017) (MA/4K) $6.50
E.T. the Extra-Terrestrial (1982) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $3
Early Man (2018) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.25
Echo Boomers (2020) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4
Eddie the Eagle (2016) (MA/HD) (iTunes/4K) $6
Elvis (2022) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $4
Elysium (2013) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3.25
Empire State (2013) (Vudu/HD) $4.75
Encanto (2021) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) (GP/4K) $3.50
Equalizer (2014) (MA/HD) $3.75
Equalizer 2 (2018) (MA/4K) $7.25 (MA/HD) $2.75
Escape Plan: The Extractors (2019) (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Eternals (2021) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $3
Everest (2015) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3 (iTunes/4K) $4
Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022) (Vudu/4K) $7.50
Expendables 1-3 (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Extreme Prejudice (1987) (Vudu/HD) $5.25
F9: The Fast Saga + Director's Cut (2021) (MA/4K) $5.25 (MA/HD) $3.25
Fabelmans (2022) (MA/HD) $6.50
Faculty, The (1998) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $6.50
Fantastic Beasts Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $7.75
Fantastic Beasts: The Secrets of Dumbledore (2022) (MA/4K) $5.25 (MA/HD) $3
Fantasy Island (2020) (MA/HD) $7
Fast & Furious Collection 1-9 (MA/HD) $10
Father Stu (2022) (MA/HD) $5.50
Ferdinand (2017) (MA/HD) $3.50
Field of Dreams (1989) (MA/4K) $7.50 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $6
Fifth Element (1997) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $6
Fifty Shades of Black (2016) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $3.50
Fifty Shades of Grey 3-Movie + Unrated (MA/HD) $9.75
Finding Dory (2016) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) $3.50 (GP/HD) $1.25
Finding Nemo (2003) (MA/4K) $6.75 (iTunes/4K) $5.25 (GP/HD) $3
First Man (2018) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $4.25
First Purge (2018) (MA/HD) $4.50
Five Feet Apart (2019) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $3
Forbidden Kingdom (2008) (Vudu/HD) $5
Ford v Ferrari (2019) (MA/4K) $7.75 (MA/HD) $4.75
Founder, The (2017) (Vudu/HD) $5 (iTunes/HD) $5.50
Fox and the Hound 2, The (2006) (MA/HD) $4 (GP/HD) $3
Foxcatcher (2014) (MA/HD) $4.50
Frank & Lola (2016) (MA/HD) $4.75
Frankenstein (1931) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50
Free Guy (2021) (MA/4K) $7.50 (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $3.25
Frozen (2013) (MA/4K) $5.50 (MA/HD) $3.50 (GP/HD) $1.50
Frozen 2 (2019) (MA/4K) $4.50 (MA/HD) $4 (GP/HD) $1.75
Frozen Sing-Along Edition (2014) (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $1.75
Full Metal Jacket (1987) (MA/4K) $6.50
Fury (2014) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $4.50
Future World (2018) (Vudu/HD) $4
Galaxy Quest (1999) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $6
Gambler (2014) (Vudu/HD) $3.50 (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Gangs of New York (2002) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.50
Gate, The (1987) (Vudu/SD) $4.25
Get on Up (2014) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4.50
Get Out (2017) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $3.75
Ghost In The Shell (2017) (Vudu/HD) $2.25 (iTunes/4K) $2.75
Ghostbusters (1984) (MA/HD) $3.50
Ghostbusters + Extended (2016) (MA/HD) $3
Ghostbusters II (1989) (MA/HD) $3.50
Ghostbusters: Afterlife (2021) (MA/4K) $7.50 (MA/HD) $3.50
Gifted (2017) (MA/HD) $5
Girl with the Dragon Tattoo (2011) (MA/HD) $6
Girls Trip (2017) (MA/HD) $1.50 (iTunes/HD) $1
Glass (2019) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $4.50
Glory (1989) (MA/4K) $7.75
Godfather (1972) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $4.75
Godfather Trilogy (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $14
Godzilla (1998) (MA/4K) $6.50
Gone Baby Gone (2007) (Vudu/HD) $5.25
Good Boys (2019) (MA/HD) $3.75
Good Dinosaur (2015) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $3
Goodbye Christopher Robin (2017) (MA/HD) $6.50
Goosebumps (2015) (MA/HD) $5
Goosebumps 2 (2018) (MA/4K) $7.50 (MA/HD) $6.50
Grease (1978), 2 (1982), Live! (2016) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $14
Great Wall (2016) (MA/HD) $2.50
Green Book (2018) (MA/4K) $7.25 (MA/HD) $5
Green Hornet (2011) (MA/HD) $6.50
Green Lantern: Beware My Power (2022) (MA/HD) $3
Green Mile, The (1999) (MA/4K) $6
Groundhog Day (1993) (MA/4K) $8
Guardians of the Galaxy (2014) (MA/4K) $7.25 (iTunes/4K) $4.75 (MA/HD) $4 (GP/HD) $1.75
Guardians of the Galaxy Vol. 2 (2017) (MA/4K) $6.75 (iTunes/4K) $4.25 (GP/HD) $1.25
Half Brothers (2020) (MA/HD) $5.75
Halloween (2018) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $4.25
Halloween Ends (2022) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $4.50
Halloween Kills (2021) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $4.25
Hancock (2008) (MA/4K) $6.50
Happy Death Day (2017) (MA/HD) $6
Happy Death Day 2U (2019) (MA/HD) $6
Hate U Give (2018) (MA/4K) $7.75 (MA/HD) $4.50
Hateful Eight (2015) (Vudu/HD) $2
Heat: Director's Definitive Edition (1995) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $5.25
Heavy Metal (1981) (MA/4K) $6.50
Hellboy (Director's Cut) (2004) (MA/4K) $6.50
Hercules (1997) (MA/HD) $6.50 (GP/HD) $5.50
Hidden Figures (2016) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2
Hitman: Agent 47 (2015) (MA/HD) $4.50
Hitman's Wife's Bodyguard (2021) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5
Hobbs & Shaw (2019) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $3.75
Hocus Pocus (1993) (MA/4K) $6.75 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $2.25
Holiday Inn (1942) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $3
Home Alone (1990) (MA/HD) $4
Home Alone 2: Lost in New York (1992) (MA/HD) $3.50
Hotel Transylvania (2012) (MA/HD) $6
Hotel Transylvania 2 (2015) (MA/HD) $6.75
Hotel Transylvania 3: Summer Vacation (2018) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $4.50
House of 1,000 Corpses (2003), Devil's Rejects (2005), 3 From Hell (2019) (Vudu/HD) $6
House of Gucci (2021) (iTunes/4K) $5
House of the Dragon: Season 1 (2022) (Vudu/4K) $9 (Vudu/HD) $5.50
House with a Clock in Its Walls (2018) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $3.75
How to Train Your Dragon (2010) (MA/4K) $6.50
How to Train Your Dragon Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $7.50 $4.75 Each
How to Train Your Dragon: The Hidden World (2019) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $4.25
Howard the Duck (1986) (MA/4K) $7
Hugo (2011) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.75
Hulk, The (2003) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $6.25
Hunger Games Collection 1-4 (Vudu/HD) $6 (iTunes/4K) $12
Hunt, The (2019) (MA/HD) $5.75
Huntsman: Winter's War - Extended Edition (2016) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $3
I Can Only Imagine (2018) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
I Now Pronounce You Chuck & Larry (2007) (MA/HD) $3.50
Ice Age (2002) (MA/HD) $5
Ice Age: Collision Course (2016) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.25
Ice Age: Continental Drift (2012) (MA/HD) $4.50
Ice Age: The Meltdown (2006) (MA/HD) $6
Identity Thief (2013) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $3.75
Ides of March (2011) (MA/HD) $5.25
If Beale Street Could Talk (2018) (MA/HD) $5.75
Impossible, The (2013) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.75
In the Heights (2021) (MA/4K) $5
Incredible Hulk (2008) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $5.25
Incredibles (2004) (MA/4K) $7.75 (iTunes/4K) $6.25 (GP/HD) $4.75
Incredibles 2 (2018) (MA/4K) $6.25 (iTunes/4K) $4.50 (GP/HD) $2
Independence Day (1996) (MA/4K) $7.75 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5.50
Independence Day: Resurgence (2014) (iTunes/4K) $2 (MA/HD) $1.50
Indiana Jones 1-4 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $20
Inferno (2016) (MA/HD) $3.25
Inglorious Bastards (2009) (MA/4K) $7
Inside Llewyn Davis (2013) (MA/HD) $6
Inside Out (2015) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) $4.25 (GP/HD) $1.50
Insidious: Chapter 2 (2013) (MA/HD) $5.25
Insidious: Chapter 3 (2015) (MA/HD) $6.50
Instructions Not Included (2013) (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Internship (2013) (MA/HD) $3.25
Interview, The (2014) (MA/HD) $3.50
Into the Woods (2014) (MA/HD) $4 (GP/HD) $2.25
Invisible Man (2020) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3.75
Iron Man (2008) (MA/4K) $7.25 (iTunes/4K) $7 (GP/HD) $3
Iron Man 1-3 (MA/4K) $21 (iTunes/4K) $16 (GP/HD) $7.50
Iron Man 2 (2010) (MA/4K) $7.25 (iTunes/4K) $6.50 (GP/HD) $3
Iron Man 3 (2013) (MA/4K) $7.25 (iTunes/4K) $3 (MA/HD) $2.25 (GP/HD) $1.50
Isle of Dogs (2018) (MA/HD) $4.75
It Comes at Night (2017) (Vudu/HD) $6.25
It Follows (2015) (Vudu/HD) $4.25
Jack Reacher Collection 1-2 (iTunes/4K) $7
Jackass Forever (2022) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4
Jackass Presents: Bad Grandpa (2013) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3
Jackie (2016) (MA/HD) $4.25
Jacob's Ladder (1990) (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Jane Got a Gun (2016) (Vudu/HD) $5.75
Jason Statham 6-Movie (Wild Card, War, Bank Job, Transporter 3, Crank, Crank 2) (Vudu/HD) $11.50
Jaws (1975) (MA/4K) $6.25 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.75
Jaws (1975) Jaws 2 (1978) Jaws 3 (1983) Jaws: The Revenge (1987) (MA/HD) $15.50
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.50
Jingle All the Way (1996) (MA/HD) $5.25
John Wick Collection 1-3 (Vudu/4K) $16 (iTunes/4K) $14 (Vudu/HD) $8
John Wick: Chapter 4 (2023) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $15
Jojo Rabbit (2019) (MA/HD) $6.75
Joy (2015) (MA/HD) (iTunes/4K) $4
Jumanji (1995) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $6
Jumanji: Next Level (2019) & Welcome to the Jungle (2017) (MA/HD) $7.50
Jumanji: The Next Level (2019) (MA/4K) $7.75 (MA/HD) $5.50
Jumanji: Welcome To The Jungle (2017) (MA/4K) $5.50 (MA/HD) $2 (MA/SD) $1
Jungle Cruise (2021) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $3
Jurassic Park (1993) (MA/4K) $5.25 (iTunes/4K) $3.75 (MA/HD) $3
Jurassic Park III (2001) (MA/4K) $6.50 (iTunes/4K) $3.75 (MA/HD) $3.50
Jurassic Park: The Lost World (1997) (MA/4K) $6.50 (iTunes/4K) $3.75 (MA/HD) $3
Jurassic World (2015) (MA/4K) $5.25 (iTunes/4K) $3.75 (MA/HD) $2.75
Jurassic World Collection 1-5 (MA/4K) $20 (iTunes/4K) $17.50 (MA/HD) $10
Jurassic World Collection 1-6 (MA/4K) $23.50 (MA/HD) $11.50
Jurassic World: Dominion + Extended Cut (2022) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $4.25
Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom (2018) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $1.75
Justice League x RWBY Super Heroes and Huntsmen Part One (2023) (MA/HD) $4
Justice Society: World War II (2021) (MA/4K) $5.50
Katy Perry: Part of Me (2012) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.75
Kick-Ass 2 (2013) (MA/HD) $5.25 (iTunes/HD) $5
Kicks (2016) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $5
Kid Who Would Be King (2019) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $4.75
Kidnap (2017) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.25
Kill the Messenger (2014) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $5
Killer Elite (2011) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $3.25
Killerman (2019) (Vudu/HD) $2.25 (iTunes/HD) $1.75
Killing Lincoln (2013) (MA/HD) $5.25
King Kong (2005) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) $3.75 (MA/HD) $3.50
King of Staten Island (2020) (MA/HD) $4.75
King's Man (2021) (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $3.50
Kung Fu Panda 3 (2016) (MA/HD) $2.50
Kung Fu Panda Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $12.50
L.A. Confidential (1997) (MA/HD) $5.75
Last Christmas (2019) (MA/HD) $6.50
Last Full Measure (2020) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.50
Last Night in Soho (2021) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $5.75
Last Vegas (2013) (MA/HD) $3
Lawless (2012) (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Lee Daniels' The Butler (2013) (Vudu/HD) $2.25
Legion of Super Heroes (2023) (MA/HD) $5.50
Les Miserables (2012) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Let Him Go (2020) (MA/HD) $3.75
Let's Be Cops (2014) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.50
Life (2017) (MA/HD) $2.50
Light of My Life (2019) (Vudu/HD) $2.50 (iTunes/HD) $2
Lightyear (2022) (MA/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $2.75 (GP/HD) $2
Like a Boss (2020) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $2.25
Lion (2016) (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Lion King (1994) (MA/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) $4.50 (GP/HD) $2.75
Lion King (2019) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) $4 (GP/HD) $1.25
Lion King 1 1/2 (2004) (MA/HD) $6.50
Lion King 2: Simba's Pride (1998) (MA/HD) $6.75 (GP/HD) $5.25
Little Mermaid (1989) (MA/4K) $7.25 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $5.75 (GP/HD) $3.75
Little Monsters (1989) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Live Die Repeat: Edge Of Tomorrow (2014) (MA/4K) $6.50
Lodge, The (2019) (MA/HD) $5.75
Logan Lucky (2017) (MA/HD) $1.50 (iTunes/4K) $2.25
London Has Fallen (2016) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $3.75
Lone Survivor (2013) (MA/4K) $6.75 (iTunes/4K) $2 (MA/HD) $1.50
Long Shot (2019) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4
Longest Ride (2015) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $1.50
Looper (2012) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $3
Lords of Salem, The (2012) (Vudu/HD) $4.75
Lost City, The (2022) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6
Love Actually (2003) (MA/HD) $5.50
Love, Simon (2018) (MA/HD) $3
Luca (2021) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $3.25
Lucy (2014) (MA/HD) $2
Lyle, Lyle, Crocodile (2022) (MA/HD) $5.50
Ma (2019) (MA/HD) $5.25
Mad Max Collection 1-4 (Vudu/4K) $20
Madagascar 3: Europe's Most Wanted (2012) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2
Madagascar Collection 1-4 (MA/HD) $14
Maleficent (2014) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $3 (GP/HD) $1.25
Maleficent: Mistress of Evil (2019) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) $3.75 (GP/HD) $1.75
Mama (2013) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $3.50
Mamma Mia! Here We Go Again (2018) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $1.75
Mamma Mia! The Movie (2008) & Here We Go Again (2018) (MA/HD) $6.50 $4.50 Each
Martian - Extended Cut (2015) (MA/4K) $7.75 (MA/HD) $5.25
Martian (Theatrical) (2015) (MA/4K) $7.25 (MA/HD) $3.25
Mary Poppins (1964) (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $3
Mary Poppins Returns (2018) (MA/4K) $6.50 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $2
Matrix Collection 1-4 (MA/4K) $18.50
Matrix: Resurrections (2021) (MA/4K) $5
Maze Runner: The Death Cure (2018) (MA/HD) $5.75
McFarland, USA (2015) (MA/HD) $6.25 (GP/HD) $4.50
Memory (2022) (MA/HD) $3.50
Men (2022) (Vudu/HD) $3.75
Men in Black Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $15.50
Menu (2022) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $4
MIB: International (2019) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $4.75
Mickey & Minnie 10 Classic Shorts - Volume 1 (2023) (MA/HD) $5.75 (GP/HD) $4
Midsommar (2019) (Vudu/HD) $5.75
Mike and Dave Need Wedding Dates (2016) (MA/HD) (iTunes/4K) $4.50
Million Dollar Arm (2014) (MA/HD) $4
Minions (2015) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.75
Minions: The Rise of Gru (2022) & Minions (2015) (MA/HD) $8
Minions: The Rise of Gru (2022) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $5.25
Miracles From Heaven (2016) (MA/HD) $4.50
Mission: Impossible Collection 1-6 (Vudu/4K) $25 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $20
Mitchells Vs. The Machines (2021) (MA/HD) $4.50
Moana (2016) (MA/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $2
Money Monster (2016) (MA/HD) $3.25
Monster Hunter (2020) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $4.25
Monster Trucks (2016) (Vudu/HD) $2.25
Monster's Ball (2001) (Vudu/HD) $6.25
Monsters University (2013) (MA/4K) $6.75 (iTunes/4K) $5.75 (GP/HD) $3.50
Monty Python's The Meaning of Life (1983) (MA/4K) $7.25
Monuments Men (2014) (MA/HD) $2
Moonfall (2022) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5
Morbius (2022) (MA/4K) $5.25 (MA/HD) $3.25 (MA/SD) $2.25
Mortal Engines (2018) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $3.25
Mortal Kombat Legends: Snow Blind (2022) (MA/HD) $5.50
Mother! (2017) (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Mountain Between Us (2017) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $1.50
Mr Popper's Penguins (2011) (MA/HD) $6
Much Ado About Nothing (2013) (Vudu/HD) $4.25
Mulan (1998) (MA/4K) $6.75 (iTunes/4K) $5.75 (GP/HD) $3
Mulan (2020) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $4 (GP/HD) $2.25
Muppet Movie (1979) (MA/HD) $7.50 (GP/HD) $6
My Big Fat Greek Wedding 2 (2016) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4
My Dinner with Herve (2018) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $3
National Lampoon's Animal House (1978) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $5.25
Natural, The (1984) (MA/4K) $5
Nebraska (2013) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.25
Neighbors (2014) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $2
New Mutants (2020) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $5.25 (GP/HD) $2.75
News of the World (2020) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $3.75
Night at the Museum 3-Movie (MA/HD) $13.50 $6 Each (MA/SD) $9
Night Before (2015) (MA/HD) $4.75
Night House, The (2021) (MA/HD) $5 (GP/HD) $3
Night School (Extended) (2018) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $3.75
Ninth Gate, The (1999) (Vudu/HD) $4.50
No Country For Old Men (2007) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
No Time to Die (2021) (iTunes/4K) $3.50
Nobody (2021) (MA/HD) $5.25
Non-Stop (2014) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Nope (2022) (MA/HD) $5.75
Nope (2022), Get Out (2017) & Us (2019) (MA/HD) $10
Norm of the North (2016) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Northman (2022) (MA/4K) $7.25 (MA/HD) $4.50
Nutcracker and the Four Realms (2018) (MA/4K) $6 (MA/HD) $3 (GP/HD) $2.50
Oblivion (2013) (MA/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) $3.50 (MA/HD) $2.25
Olaf's Frozen Adventure Plus 6 Disney Tales (2017) (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $3
Olympus Has Fallen (2013) (MA/HD) $5
On the Basis of Sex (2019) (MA/HD) $4.50
Once Upon A Time... In Hollywood (2019) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $5
Onward (2020) (MA/4K) $5.50 (MA/HD) $4 (GP/HD) $2.25
Oranges, The (2011) (MA/HD) $4.50
Other Woman (2014) (MA/HD) $2.25
Ouija (2014) & Origin of Evil (2016) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $9
Overboard (2016) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5.75
Pacific Rim Uprising (2018) (MA/4K) $7.75 (MA/HD) $4.50
Pain & Gain (2013) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3.25
Paper Towns (2011) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.50
ParaNorman (2012) (iTunes/HD) $5
Passengers (2016) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $2.75
Passion of the Christ (2004) (MA/HD) $10
Paul (2011) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4.50
Paul Blart: Mall Cop 2 (2015) (MA/HD) $4.25
Paw Patrol: The Movie (2021) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5
Paws of Fury: The Legend of Hank (2022) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $6
Pearl (2022) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Peppermint (2018) (iTunes/HD) $1.75
Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters (2013) (MA/HD) $2.25
Perks of Being a Wallflower (2012) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $1.75
Peter Rabbit (2018) & 2 (2021) (MA/HD) $8.50 $4.75 Each
Peter Rabbit (2018) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $4.75
Phantom Thread (2017) (MA/HD) $3.75
Philadelphia (1993) (MA/4K) $7.75
Philomena (2013) (Vudu/HD) $2
Pinocchio (1940) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $3.75
Pirate Fairy (2014) (MA/HD) $3.25
Pitch Perfect (2012) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $2.75 (iTunes/4K) $3.75
Pitch Perfect Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $11.50
Pixels (2015) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5.50
Planes, Trains and Automobiles (1987) (iTunes/HD) $3.75
Planes: Fire & Rescue (2014) (MA/HD) $4 (GP/HD) $2
Planet of the Apes 1-3 (Newer) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $12
Playing with Fire (2019) (iTunes/4K) $1.50 (Vudu/HD) $2
Pocahontas (1995) (MA/HD) $6.50 (GP/HD) $5
Pompeii (2014) (MA/HD) $3.50
Poms (2019) (iTunes/HD) $2.50
Post, The (2017) (MA/HD) $2.75
Predator (1987), 2 (1990), Predators (2009), Predator (2018) (MA/HD) $11
Predator (2018) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $3.50
Premium Rush (2012) (MA/HD) $3.25
Prey for the Devil (2022) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6
Princess and the Frog (2009) (iTunes/4K) $5.50 (GP/HD) $3.25
Prometheus (2012) (MA/HD) $1.75
Prophecy Collection 1-5 (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $14.50
Psycho (1960) (MA/HD) (iTunes/4K) $5
Psycho (1960), Rear Window (1954), The Birds (1963), Vertigo (1958) (MA/4K) $17
Public Enemies (2009) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $6.25
Purge, The (2013) (MA/4K) $6.50 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $3
Purge: Anarchy (2014) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.75
Purge: Election Year (2016) (MA/4K $5.50 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $3
Puss in Boots (2011) (MA/4K) $6.75
Puss in Boots: The Last Wish (2022) (MA/HD) $7.50
Queen & Slim (2019) (MA/HD) $4.50
R.I.P.D. (2013) (MA/HD) $3.25 (iTunes/HD) $3
Race (2016) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $2.75
Ralph Breaks the Internet (2018) (MA/4K) $5.25 (iTunes/4K) $4.50 (GP/HD) $1.50
Rambo Collection 1-5 (Vudu/HD) $14
Rambo: First Blood (1982) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6
Rambo: First Blood Part II (1985) (Vudu/4K) $6.75 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Raya and the Last Dragon (2021) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $2.50
Rescuers Down Under (1990) (MA/HD) $6.50 (GP/HD) $4
Resident Evil: Retribution (2012) (MA/HD) $2.25
Resident Evil: The Final Chapter (2017) (MA/4K) $7.25 (MA/HD) $3.25
Resident Evil: Welcome to Raccoon City (2021) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $4.50
Respect (2021) (iTunes/4K) $4.75
Revenant, The (2015) (MA/4K) $5.25 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $3.25
Ricki And The Flash (2015) (MA/HD) $4.50
Riddick - Unrated Director's Cut (2013) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4
Riddick Collection 1-3 (Unrated) (MA/HD) $14
Ride Along 1-2 (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5 $2.75 Each
Rio 2 (2014) (MA/HD) $2.25
Risen (2016) (MA/HD) $4.50
Road to El Dorado (2000) (MA/HD) $5.50
Robin Hood (2010) (MA/4K) $6.25
Robin Hood (Animated) (1973) (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $2.75
RoboCop (1987) (Vudu/HD) $7.25
Robots (2005) (MA/HD) $6.75
Rock Dog (2016) (Vudu/HD) $4.25
Ron's Gone Wrong (2021) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $5.25 (GP/HD) $3.50
Rumble (2022) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.75
Run Lola Run (1998) (MA/HD) $6.50
Rush (2013) (MA/HD) $2.75 (iTunes/HD) $3.25
Russell Madness (2015) (MA/HD) $4
Safe (2012) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $1.75
Saint Maud (2020) (Vudu/HD) $6
Santa Clause (1994), 2 (2002), 3 (2006) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $10.50 (GP/HD) $6.50
Saving Mr. Banks (2013) (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $2.75
Saw Collection 1-7 (Vudu/HD) $10
Scott Pilgrim vs. The World (2010) (MA/4K) (iTunes/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $5.25
Scream 5 (2022) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.50
Scream Collection 1-3 (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $13.50
Second Act (2018) (iTunes/HD) $1.50
Secret Garden, The (2020) (iTunes/4K) $4.25
Secret Headquarters (2022) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $6
Secret Life of Pets 1-2 (MA/HD) $7.50
Secret Life of Pets 2 (2019) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $5
Seeking a Friend for the End of the World (2012) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4.50
Seriously Red (2022) (Vudu/HD) $6.75
Sessions, The (2012) (MA/HD) $4.50
Sex Tape (2014) (MA/HD) $3
Shallows, The (2016) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD $4
Shang-Chi (2021) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $4.75 (GP/HD) $3
Shaun of the Dead (2004) (MA/4K) $4
Shaun of the Dead (2004), Hot Fuzz (2007), World's End (2013) (MA/HD) $10
Shaun the Sheep Movie (2015) (Vudu/HD) $4
Shawshank Redemption (1994) (MA/4K) $6
Shazam! Fury of the Gods (2023) & Shazam! (2019) (MA/HD) $10.50
Shazam! Fury of the Gods (2023) (MA/4K) $9 (MA/HD) $8
She's Having a Baby (1988) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50
Shooter (2007) (Vudu/HD) $5.75
Sicario: Day of the Soldado (2018) (MA/4K) $7.75 (MA/HD) $3.75
Sideways (2004) (MA/HD) $5.25
Silent Night, Deadly Night: 3-Film Collection (1989-1991) (Vudu/HD) $6
Silver Linings Playbook (2012) (Vudu/HD) $2
Sin City: A Dame to Kill For (2014) (Vudu/HD) $6.25
Sing 2 (2021) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3.50
Sing Collection 1-2 (MA/HD) $6
Singin' in the Rain (1952) (MA/4K) $6.50
Sinister (2012) (Vudu/HD) $3 (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Sisters (Unrated) (2015) (MA/HD) $4 (iTunes/HD) $3.25
Sixteen Candles (1984) (MA/HD) $5.25 (iTunes/HD) $4.25
Skeleton Twins (2014) (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Skyscraper (2018) (MA/4K) $5.25 (MA/HD) $1.75
Sleepless (2017) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $1
Smile (2022) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/4K) $6.75
Smokey and the Bandit (1977) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $3.75
Smurfs 2 (2013) (MA/HD) $3.25
Smurfs: The Lost Village (2017) (MA/HD) $3.25
Snake Eyes (2021) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.25
Snatched (2017) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $1
Snitch (2013) (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $1.75
Snow White and the Huntsman (Extended) (2012) (iTunes/4K) $3.50 (MA/HD) $2.50
Son of God (2014) (MA/HD) $1.25
Sonic the Hedgehog 2 (2022) (Vudu/4K) $6.50 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Soul (2020) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $3.75 (GP/HD) $2.25
Southpaw (2015) (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Southside With You (2016) (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Space Between Us, The (2017) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $5
Space Jam (1996) (MA/4K) $5
Space Jam: A New Legacy (2021) (MA/4K) $5
Speed (1994) (MA/4K) $5.25
Spider-Man (2002) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5.50
Spider-Man 2 (2004) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5.50
Spider-Man 3 (2007) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5.50
Spider-Man Collection 1-8 (MA/HD) $26
Spider-Man: Far From Home (2019) (MA/4K) $8 (MA/HD) $4
Spider-Man: Homecoming (2017) (MA/4K) $8 (MA/HD) $1.75
Spider-Man: No Way Home (2021) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $3.75
Spirit: Stallion of the Cimarron (2003) (MA/HD) $5
Split (2017) (MA/4K) $6.75 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.75
Spy (Unrated) (2015) (MA/HD) $2
Spy Game (2001) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $5.75
Stand Up Guys (2012) (Vudu/HD) $2.75
Star Trek 1-3 (Vudu/4K) $18 (Vudu/HD) $9.50 (iTunes/4K) $13.50
Star Trek Beyond (2016) (Vudu/HD) $1.75 (iTunes/4K) $3.25
Star Trek Into Darkness (2013) (Vudu/HD) $1.75 (iTunes/4K) $3.25
Starship Troopers (1997) (MA/4K) $6.50
Still Alice (2015) (MA/HD) $3
Stillwater (2021) (MA/HD) $5
Straight Outta Compton (Unrated Director’s Cut) (2015) (MA/4K) $7.50 (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.50
Strange World (2022) (GP/HD) Ports to MA $4.25
Strangers: Prey at Night (2018) (MA/HD) $3.50
Stronger (2017) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.50
Stuber (2019) (MA/HD) $4.75
Studio 666 (2022) (MA/HD) $6.75
Suicide Squad, The (2021) (MA/4K) $5
Super Troopers (2002) (MA/HD) $5.75
SW: A New Hope (1977) (MA/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) $6.25 (GP/HD) $3.50
SW: Empire Strikes Back (1980) (MA/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) $6.50 (GP/HD) $3.50
SW: Force Awakens (2015) (MA/4K) $5.25 (iTunes/4K) $3.50 (GP/HD) $1
SW: Last Jedi (2017) (MA/4K) $5.75 (iTunes/4K) $3.75 (GP/HD) $1
SW: Phantom Menace (1999) (MA/4K) $7.50 (iTunes/4K) $6.50 (GP/HD) $3.50
SW: Return of the Jedi (1983) (MA/4K) $7.25 (iTunes/4K) $6.50 (GP/HD) $3.50
SW: Revenge of the Sith (2005) (MA/4K) $7.50 (GP/HD) $3.50
SW: Rise of Skywalker (2019) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) $4.75 (GP/HD) $2.25
SW: Rogue One: A Star Wars Story (2016) (MA/4K) $6.50 (iTunes/4K) $3.75 (GP/HD) $1.25
SW: Solo: A Star Wars Story (2018) (MA/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) $5 (GP/HD) $3.50
Sword in the Stone (1963) (MA/HD) $6.25 (GP/HD) $3.75
Taken Collection 1-3 (MA/HD) $9
Tangled (2010) (MA/4K) $8 (MA/HD) $5 (GP/HD) $3.75
Tarzan (1999) (MA/HD) $6.50 (GP/HD) $5
Teen Titans Go! & DC Super Hero Girls: Mayhem in the Multiverse (2022) (MA/HD) $4.75
Terminator (1984) (Vudu/HD) $7
Terminator: Genisys (2015) (Vudu/HD) $1.75 (iTunes/4K) $3
Theory Of Everything (2014) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4
Think Like a Man (2012) & Two (2014) (MA/HD) $9
This Is 40 (2012) (MA/HD) $3.75 (iTunes/HD) $2.50
Thor (2011) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $7 (GP/HD) $3.50
Thor: Love and Thunder (2022) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $3.25 (GP/HD) $2
Thor: The Dark World (2013) (MA/4K) $7 (iTunes/4K) $4.50 (GP/HD) $2.25
Till (2022) (iTunes/4K) $6.50
Tinker Bell and the Legend of the NeverBeast (2014) (MA/HD) $6 (GP/HD) $4
Tinker, Tailor, Soldier, Spy (2011) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $4.50
Titanic (1997) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4.75
TMNT Out of the Shadows (2016) (iTunes/4K) $4
To Kill a Mockingbird (1962) (MA/4K) $6.25 (iTunes/HD) $4.50
Tomorrowland (2015) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $3.50
Top Gun: Maverick (2022) (Vudu/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) (Vudu/HD) $5.75
Total Recall + Extended (2012) (MA/HD) $5 (Theatrical) $4
Toy Story 1-4 (MA/4K) $23 (iTunes/4K) $21 (GP/HD) $11.50
Toy Story of Terror! (2013) (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $3
Trading Places (1983) (Vudu/HD) $4.50
Training Day (2001) (MA/4K) $6.50
Trainwreck (2015) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $1.50
Transformers 1-5 (Vudu/4K) $30 (Vudu/HD) $23
Trauma Center (2019) (iTunes/4K) $3.25
Triple 9 (2016) (iTunes/HD) Ports to MA $2.50
Trolls (2016) (MA/HD) $1.25
Trolls Collection 1-2 (MA/HD) $6
Tully (2018) (MA/HD) $5.75
Turning Red (2022) (MA/4K) $6.25 (MA/HD) $4 (GP/HD) $2.75
Umma (2022) (MA/HD) $4.75
Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (2022) (Vudu/4K) (iTunes/4K) $6.75
Unbreakable (2000) (MA/4K) $6 (GP/HD) $3.75
Unbroken (2014) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $3
Uncharted (2022) (MA/4K) $5.50 (MA/HD) $3.25
Under the Skin (2014) (Vudu/HD) $5.25
Underworld: Blood Wars (2016) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) $2.25
Unforgiven (1992) (MA/4K) $6.50
Unhinged (2020) (Vudu/HD) $4.75
Up (2009) (iTunes/4K) $7.50 (MA/HD) $6.75
Up in Smoke ‘Cheech and Chong’ (1978) (Vudu/HD) $3.50 (iTunes/HD) $2.75
Upside, The (2017) (iTunes/HD) $2
Us (2019) (MA/HD) $5.25
Van Helsing (2004) (MA/4K) $6 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $4.75
Venom (2018) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $3.25
Venom: Let There Be Carnage (2021) (MA/4K) $7 (MA/HD) $3.50
Vice (2015) 'Bruce Willis' (Vudu/HD) $2.50
WALL-E (2008) (iTunes/4K) $8 (GP/HD) $5.50
Walt Disney Animation Studios Shorts Collection (2015) (MA/HD) $5.50 (GP/HD) $4
Warcraft (2016) (MA/4K) $5 (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.25
Watch, The (2012) (MA/HD) $4.25
Waterworld (1995) (MA/4K) $6.75 (MA/HD) $6
Way, Way Back, The (2013) (MA/HD) $5.25
Weird Science (2008) (MA/HD) (iTunes/HD) $6
Welcome to Marwen (2018) (MA/4K) $3.50
West Side Story (2021) (MA/4K) $5.75 (MA/HD) (GP/HD) $2.50
What to Expect When You're Expecting (2012) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $2.25
When the Game Stands Tall (2014) (MA/HD) $4.50 (MA/SD) $1.75
Where the Crawdads Sing (2022) (MA/HD) $4.50
Whiplash (2014) (MA/HD) $5.75
White House Down (2013) (MA/HD) $3.50
Whitney Houston: I Wanna Dance With Somebody (2022) (MA/HD) $5.75
Widows (2018) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $1.75
Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (1971) (MA/4K) $5
Wind River (2017) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $5
Wings (1927) (Vudu/HD) (iTunes/HD) $4
Witch, The (2016) (Vudu/HD) $3.50
Wolf Man (1941) (MA/4K) $6.50
Wolverine (Unrated) (2013) (MA/HD) $3.75
Woman King (2022) (MA/4K) $6.50 (MA/HD) $5.50
Wonder Woman 1984 (2020) (MA/4K) $5
Won't Back Down (2012) (MA/HD) $4
Wreck-It Ralph (2012) (MA/4K) $8 (GP/HD) $4.25
X (2022) (Vudu/HD) $6.75
X2: X-Men United (2003) (MA/HD) $6.25
X-Men (2000), X2 (2003), X-Men: The Last Stand (2006) (MA/HD) $15
X-Men: Apocalypse (2016) (iTunes/4K) (MA/HD) $2.50
X-Men: First Class (2010), Days of Future Past (2004), Apocalypse (2014) (MA/HD) $11
Yesterday (2019) (MA/HD) $4.50
Zathura (2005) (MA/HD) $7
Zero Dark Thirty (2012) (MA/HD) $3
Zootopia (2016) (MA/4K) $7.25 (iTunes/4K) $5 (MA/HD) $4.50 (GP/HD) $3.25
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2023.06.07 03:45 pugdogsarecool I wanted to scream at my mom
I (22f) was at my nephews birthday yesterday and my mom (63f) texted me before saying to pretend like she didn't exist and that she'd do the same. Was more than happy to as I hate her guts.
We get there and she immediately runs over to my boyfriend, sits down next to him and starts trying to talk to him! She's telling him all sorts of random bull shit about her life, her cousins, her parents, just random shit that had nothing to do with my nephew. She even was asking him to do stuff around her house. She's met him in passing once!
She even ran over while my nephew (2m) and his parents were setting up the cake for him to blow out and started holding back his hands so he wouldn't touch the candles and hugging him.
I'm at a loss of words. I want to text her and tell her to leave my boyfriend alone. Every time I've had a boyfriend she's always acted super inappropriate. Like even in high school she'd try and get my previous boyfriend to give her more attention than he'd give me. She'd even say weird sexual stuff to them.
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2023.06.07 03:32 Courier-10 PVE Centric Hunter Exotic Armor Feedback
Hello all, I'm a Hunter main who's very big on Buildcrafting. I'd like to give feedback over every Hunter exotic with a PvE lens, positive and negative.
I will offer no solutions or potential fixes to problems I perceive, as this is not my job and such discussion is useless to Bungie anyway.
I should state my primary goal in buildcrafting is to create a consistent gameplay loop I find enjoyable. I want my builds to work in most pve content casually, with the only exceptions being grandmasters, master dungeons and master raids, and legendary / master lost sectors. I still make builds for this pinnacle content, but they have entirely different goals.
Note that I will inevitably say something any given reader will heavily disagree with. Please refrain from negative comments insulting my taste, I would like this to be a positive discussion with valid feedback, feedback viable enough for bungie to contemplate if they so choose to do so.
I will not discuss the following exotics as they have offer absolutely zero applications in PvE: - Knucklehead Radar - Stompees
I will also not consider Aeon Swift, as this is not a Hunter exotic.
Alright, let's get started. There will be no order to this.
The tele-dodge itself does not seem to amount to anything significant in PVE, so the damage boost is the focus. While the damage boost is nice, I find that buff disabling dodge ability generation restricts building around the exotic heavily - significantly reduced effectiveness of means of rapidly recharging dodge, and decreased effectiveness of other parts of the kit, like Shuriken uptime. I do not like using this exotic in PVE because it feels very restrictive if not clunky.
I find this exotic's two effects to be at odds with each other. If I want to build into its potent damage resistance and enemy weakening, I find that the Duskfield itself makes such a job almost pointless in most content, as frozen enemies do not attack you. If I want to build into the increased Duskfield and Duskfield crystal radius, I find the exotic's cooldown penalty to be restrictive, I cannot justify using this exotic over none when I simply want to throw duskfields at enemies. I used to love this exotic, but I feel like it has an identity crisis, and I do not like using it as of now.
I appreciate this exotic's damage boosting property, it is potent, especially in raids and dungeons. However, outside of damaging boss combatants, this exotic does nothing in PvE. As non boss-dps is most content, I consider this exotic poor as it lacks oomph or any synergy with anything else I can buildcraft around.
Good fashion aside, this is a super-only exotic designed to increase damage output against boss combatants. Its secondary partial refund mechanic feels far too insignificant if not unreliable to build around, so this exotic does nothing in most pve content. I find its damage also lacking, I cannot justify using this exotic.
I adore this exotic. It is simple, yet it enables so many different things. I find even more mileage out of it with the new class item mod allowing my dodge to pick up orbs.
Even with its recent buffs, I still heavily dislike this exotic. With a 7 second cooldown, the Melee reload mechanic feels inefficient, as Impetus on Stasis and Ascent on Strand do the same thing but more often. The new increased speed on melee hit mechanic feels extremely clunky, I find constantly weaving in and out of Stompees' tier speed to be extremely disorienting, as the buff only lasts 4 seconds. Because of that aspect, I would never use this exotic, even over nothing.
I appreciate this exotic's monstrous reload speed multiplier, it enables buildcrafting around one-shot reload weapons. I also appreciate its support capabilites, which is something very rare for Hunters. Even with these in mind, I do not like using this exotic as it feels very bland, it does not enable a new gameplay loop - it just makes base gunplay better.
I cannot offer any new feedback over this item. Countless others have done a better job. This exotic needs serious help.
While certainly potent and competitive against Star Eater Scales for scaling Arc Staff, I dislike this exotic for several reasons. First being that it keeps you in your super for much longer and you can't really opt out of it, this is a negative to me because I can't utilize buildcrafting aspects while in a roaming super. Second being that it is a super only exotic that offers no way to back into your super faster, leading me to feel that this exotic overall has very little oomph to it.
Despite me having multiple godrolls of this thing stuck in my vault, I almost forgot about putting this here. This Super only Exotic does not offer a Super refund or increased Super damage, it instead increases Spectral Blades' uptime. It is extremely difficult to justify using a Super only exotic in the age of Star Eater Scales, but this takes the cake as the one I am least willing to use any given scenario. Frankly, I don't know how to give feedback for this.
Excellent fashion aside, I do not think this exotic's recent buffs did enough to make me consider unironically using this exotic for function. The blind radius feels far too small to actually leverage, and doesn't do damage. The weapon damage buff period feels too short. If the build goal is to use the super to cancel the super to maximize uptime on its Arc damage buff, I think I would rather just use Bakris on stasis, which would have more uptime.
On paper, this exotic appears godlike. A second grenade charge and a potent grenade refund function is very high value. Unfortunately, Skip Grenades feel awful to use. To be more specific, at base they feel like the single least lethal grenade in the game bar a healing nade. Using Arc 3.0's Jolting nades fragment decreases this exotic's performance, as the jolt kills targets before your Skip Grenade seekers can damage them to recharge your grenade. Even with the current seasonal artifact, I cannot justify using this exotic over just picking any other grenade on arc without an exotic.
This exotic is difficult to use in multi-player content, as teammates can and will defeat your targets before your ArcBolt can complete its chain to loop itself. This issue is made worse further when including the Jolting nades fragment, causing Jolt to kill targets before the Arcbolt can connect to them. I also personally just do not like the heavy rng associated with this exotic by design, preferring reliable and consistent gameplay loops over rare moments of extreme power - yet this exotic offers neither.
A powerful, reliable exotic I used to use all of the time. Its damage buff is potent, and its healing is very nice to have. Though this exotic feels like it has poor synergy with Arc 3.0 aspects, lethal current procs from the first melee hit and often clears everything in front of you, meaning there's nothing to use Cross Counter on. It's been a while since I tried, but I don't believe this Exotic even procs off Tempest Strike hits. These components of anti synergy make the Exotic feel clunky in the modern sandbox, making me not want to use it.
Similar to my thoughts on Speedloader Slacks, I appreciate the potent boosts this exotic provides, though I do not believe it offers buildcrafting potential - it just makes base gunplay better.
- Facade (I will not dare even attempt to spell the first part)
The Anti Flinch component is mostly irrelevant in PvE, so value is instead drawn from the reliable if not indefinite Woven Mail uptime. While it is a potent effect, it feels difficult to justify using my exotic slot over the Woven Mail on Orb pickup fragment, even though this fragment has limited uptime. I believe this Exotic doesn't offer enough oomph in PvE and is difficult to build craft around dedicatedly.
I find this exotic very awkward to build craft around, as it demands high uptime on powered melee abilities and yet does nothing to grant melee energy. Bar just using the standard fare Arc Hunter loop to tackle endgame content, I believe that this exotic demands too much buildcrafting investment to justify its purely defensive boosts. I thus do not use this exotic, outside of the Arc Hunter loop.
This exotic offers a 50% increased damage for the lowest damage melee ability in the game. This buff amounts to it still doing less damage than just punching enemies normally. The increased melee recharge speed function seems to only have PvP application, and Stylish Executioner offers more than enough wall hacks for any PvE needs. I cannot justify equipping this exotic, neither can I justify building around offensive Smoke Bombs in general.
Oh, do I miss this exotic's prime within the 30th anniversary sandbox. This exotic offers indefinite invisibility, which doesn't feel at all needed in most content, as Void Hunter aspects give plenty of on demand and after-combat invisibility uptime. The reload and recovery boosts offered by this exotic feel difficult to leverage practically. I miss old Bottom Tree Nightstalker's grenade recharge and heart of the pack functions, which complimented this exotic perfectly. Without these things, I cannot justify using this exotic.
This is Hunter's only neutral game ability recharge based exotic. While its effects are potent, they only activate while sprinting, and you cannot actively damage targets while sprinting. I find that this makes building around this exotic frustrating. While it is always a good idea to wear this exotic, I tend to avoid it because trying to leverage it frustrates me, I really wish we had another neutral game exotic with ability recharge applications.
I find this exotic to lack oomph, as it only serves to refund your Blade Barrage, but does not boost its lethality, making buildcrafting around this exotic to not amount to much, though it can be done.
This exotic has two distinct effects that do not overlap. With Quiver, this exotic increases your Super's damage output but offers nothing to get your super back faster. With Deadfall(?), this exotic grants the super a potent ability refund and super refund function, but only when using your super against multiple targets at once. This conflicts with how most void Hunters use the super, to debuff singular bosses. I find both functions of this exotic to lack oomph and can't justify using it.
I appreciate this exotic's simplicity, though I wish it had more oomph to it in PvE. This is one of very few sources of Healing available to Hunter, but I don't think it provides enough of it to build craft around.
I greatly appreciate this exotic single handedly enabling an entire archetype of build, though I find it very clunky. To elaborate, when I use this exotic I find myself worrying over accidentally proccing the lucky pants effect when I am not ready for it, and this heavily restricts my gameplay, not allowing me to use my primary weapon like a primary. This heavily restricts build crafting, blasphemously forcing me to run another primary, or to use a special or heavy capable of running reliable general ad clear. I often find myself wishing I could choose to opt out of proccing the exotic's damage boosting effect in any given moment. This clunkiness fully cancels out the QoL provided by the massively increased Handcannon stats in my eyes. I do not use this exotic often because of these things.
This exotic has 5 different functions based off of subclass. Common to all of them is that I find this exotic clunky to use offensively, as the bomb does not travel horizontally at all, and its radius feels lacking. Void Bombies doesn't count as a real Suppression effect in PvE and I wish they did. Arc Bombies doesn't count as a real Blind effect in PvE and I wish they did. Solar Bombies is nice on paper for scorch stacking ignition based buildcrafting, but this build greatly suffers from my first point. Stasis Bombies... doesn't do anything. I would like it to! Strand Bombies feels redundant, Strand Hunter already has a ton of access to Sever, and I find myself wishing Bombies exploded the hologram from the new aspect, which would allow it to bypass my general use issue with this exotic.
While interesting, I find this exotic lacks oomph. The blind has no arc synergy, and I wish it had a longer duration. It also feels bizzarely inconsistent as to what enemies the blind even works on? I do not use this exotic for these reasons.
I actually used this in PvE before the recent buffs, valuing the small draw time boost it has. I find its new mechanic frustrating to buildcraft around, as it works with absolutely zero special effects like dragonfly and exotic perks. Much of the community seems to have this sentiment, too. If I use this exotic, it will be for the draw time boost and not the damage boosting function.
This exotic incentivizes a unique low-life type of build to get the most out of it. Unfortunately this type of thing is very poorly supported, requiring awkward pauses to deal damage to yourself. This type of build also has the fault of not working in most teamplay, as Solar Warlocks will heal you without your consent. I wish its damage buff had a different or alternative condition to activate.
An excellent exotic, offering a unique gameplay loop that yields a satisfying and potent payout. I have no complaints, though I don't use this exotic often because I find it overkill for most content.
The sole savior of Nightstalker 3.0 in my eyes. This exotic is extremely well rounded, unique, and offers a ton of build crafting options. I don't use it much these days though, as I am trying more ability focused builds of which this exotic does not assist me in.
My feedback mirrors the common community sentiment over this exotic: it's trying to do two conflicting things, and neither job is done well enough to justify using a glaive on Hunter. To add on to that, I find it hard to justify glaives on hunter in general since many of our subclass kits revolve around using thrown melee abilities, and glaives offer no synergy with almost all parts of these kits. I think this is my primary complaint, I wish there were more synergy between glaives and subclasses at base. I do not see myself ever using this exotic without major sandbox changes.
Much like my Graviton Forfiet feedback, this exotic's prime is in the past. Though still useful in difficult endgame multiplayer content, this exotic has lacked oomph in most content ever since Void 3.0
I adore the recent rework to this exotic, its fantastic in general play. My only direct complaint is that it's kinda hard to tell when the buff is ready to proc, and when gamblers dodge can meet its nearby enemy proc condition. Any other complaints I could come up with are more so directed at weaknesses associated with Hunter Subclasses.
General Solar Hunter Grenade and Melee Exotic Feedback:
Solar 3.0's Gunslinger revamp has a number of elements I find problems with, and these problems directly affect it's non-super exotics.
- Solar Hunter's looping ability is extremely reliant on ability kills. If a thrown melee fails to kill, a dodge is required to retry. If this fails for any reason, the loop is over. This feels sudden halt in momentum feels really bad to me, it makes me generally avoid Solar Hunter.
- Explosive Throwing Knives are often shot out of the air by enemies, severely hurting you and turning off your loop.
- Weighted Throwing Knife seems to have been bugged for a very long time now, it very often fails to refund itself with the radiant loop when it ignites an enemy, heavily restricting if not making building crafting impossible for it.
- The Radiant knife loop will often fail if it procs too quickly. Needing to actively think about pacing myself makes it hard to enjoy the radiant knife loop.
- The current Restoration bug makes Solar Hunter survivability far poorer than it would be without, forcing me to play Solar Hunter far more conservative than I'd like, which causes my loops to fail more often, and failed loops to result in my death more often.
- Caliban's Hand
Though powerful in general play, this Exotic often feels like its overkill. Ignition explosions will detonate mid-air knives, forcing me to pace my thrown knives further, and causing the loop to fail even more often. This volatility is why I haven't really used the exotic since the tailend of Haunted.
This felt balanced in the sandboxes before Solar 3.0, but its damage output feels like its been powercrept since. The Weighted Throwing Knife bug, and the lack of 3.0 synergy makes this exotic tough to justify using. The recent buff for +30 strength while the buff is active seems to be primarily pvp focused change.
- Young Ahamkara's Spine (YAS)
This exotic enables its own loop, one remarkably similar to the radiant knife loop. While I appreciate that component of it, I have two issues with this exotic. One: The loop is prone to fail, Ignitions and other related Solar Explosions can detonate the Tripmine mid-flight, and actually sticking enemies with Tripmines in pve is surprisingly difficult to do reliably. In either case the loop fails, and when the backup throwing knives fail for whatever reason, the loop ends and the build is disabled for quite a while. Two: I feel like Tripmines don't deal much damage in PvE, most of a YAS build's comes from ignitions. I know many people are avid fans of this exotic, but I am not.
This is my go to Solar Exotic, though I wish its hidden regenerate two knives at once ability were more consistent, in most cases the Radiant Loop only provides one knife charge and no part of this function is explained on the exotic. I enjoy pairing this exotic with the newly buffed Skyburner's oath and fan knives, letting me easily Ignite enemies without suffering from much of the other Gunslinger weaknesses.
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2023.06.07 03:28 Rimmatimtim22 Job Frustrations
TL;DR: I have been incredibly frustrated and miserable with current role and no job offer. Only for manager to finally have professional conversation with me at the urinal.
Recent MechE grad here. I have been working at a job as a student/intern for the last year and have actively been trying to get a full time position there. I have applied at 2 open roles and was turned down by 1 and ghosted by the other. Finally my boss came to me and offered a temporary job with mechanical engineers as a bit of a trial run and if it went well, there would be a job offer at the end of my contract (expires in a few weeks).
Well I have been working with this engineer group for the last 2 months to much frustration and the feeling that I am a huge burden on my supervisor. There is little to no work most of the time for me, with maybe 10-15 hours of work out of the 40 hours I’m there.
More frustrating has been the fact that my high up boss has not said a word to me for the last 2 months besides hello and good morning. No mention of an offer, asking how I am doing, comments on my performance, nothing. Until today… when I walk into the bathroom and he is standing there taking a leak. I unfortunately had to go to the urinal directly next to him. It was NOW that he decides to have the conversation with me about how I’m doing, mentioning that there is in fact an offer at the end of the tunnel, and starts to give me an evaluation. All while taking a leak.
I have been increasingly frustrated with this position and have probably had my most miserable two months ever with the company. A job that I REALLY loved working, and now I am miserable. Waiting two months to have this conversation with me, and deciding to do it while I’m trying to take a piss was just the icing on the cake of my frustrations and miserable experience with their group.
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2023.06.07 03:20 Personal_Hippo1277 Clio Token Size As Text Size By Tier Comparison [Mega Text Wall For Enjoyers of Scrolling]
When I was brand new to NovelAi I had no idea how 2048 tokens really looked as text. So for anyone looking at the tiers, trying to decide how many tokens they want for Clio with the new update, I've tokenized Part of The Great Gatsby by Scott Fitzgerald (public domain since 2021).
That way new users can more easily visualize what the AI's maximum context is for each tier. According to the UI Clio uses the NerdStash Tokenizer, as different tokenizers will convert text to tokens their own way.
------------------------
In my younger and more vulnerable years my father gave me some advice that I’ve been turning over in my mind ever since.
“Whenever you feel like criticizing anyone,” he told me, “just remember that all the people in this world haven’t had the advantages that you’ve had.”
He didn’t say any more, but we’ve always been unusually communicative in a reserved way, and I understood that he meant a great deal more than that. In consequence, I’m inclined to reserve all judgements, a habit that has opened up many curious natures to me and also made me the victim of not a few veteran bores. The abnormal mind is quick to detect and attach itself to this quality when it appears in a normal person, and so it came about that in college I was unjustly accused of being a politician, because I was privy to the secret griefs of wild, unknown men. Most of the confidences were unsought—frequently I have feigned sleep, preoccupation, or a hostile levity when I realized by some unmistakable sign that an intimate revelation was quivering on the horizon; for the intimate revelations of young men, or at least the terms in which they express them, are usually plagiaristic and marred by obvious suppressions. Reserving judgements is a matter of infinite hope. I am still a little afraid of missing something if I forget that, as my father snobbishly suggested, and I snobbishly repeat, a sense of the fundamental decencies is parcelled out unequally at birth.
And, after boasting this way of my tolerance, I come to the admission that it has a limit. Conduct may be founded on the hard rock or the wet marshes, but after a certain point I don’t care what it’s founded on. When I came back from the East last autumn I felt that I wanted the world to be in uniform and at a sort of moral attention forever; I wanted no more riotous excursions with privileged glimpses into the human heart. Only Gatsby, the man who gives his name to this book, was exempt from my reaction—Gatsby, who represented everything for which I have an unaffected scorn. If personality is an unbroken series of successful gestures, then there was something gorgeous about him, some heightened sensitivity to the promises of life, as if he were related to one of those intricate machines that register earthquakes ten thousand miles away. This responsiveness had nothing to do with that flabby impressionability which is dignified under the name of the “creative temperament”—it was an extraordinary gift for hope, a romantic readiness such as I have never found in any other person and which it is not likely I shall ever find again. No—Gatsby turned out all right at the end; it is what preyed on Gatsby, what foul dust floated in the wake of his dreams that temporarily closed out my interest in the abortive sorrows and short-winded elations of men.
My family have been prominent, well-to-do people in this Middle Western city for three generations. The Carraways are something of a clan, and we have a tradition that we’re descended from the Dukes of Buccleuch, but the actual founder of my line was my grandfather’s brother, who came here in fifty-one, sent a substitute to the Civil War, and started the wholesale hardware business that my father carries on today.
I never saw this great-uncle, but I’m supposed to look like him—with special reference to the rather hard-boiled painting that hangs in father’s office. I graduated from New Haven in 1915, just a quarter of a century after my father, and a little later I participated in that delayed Teutonic migration known as the Great War. I enjoyed the counter-raid so thoroughly that I came back restless. Instead of being the warm centre of the world, the Middle West now seemed like the ragged edge of the universe—so I decided to go East and learn the bond business. Everybody I knew was in the bond business, so I supposed it could support one more single man. All my aunts and uncles talked it over as if they were choosing a prep school for me, and finally said, “Why—ye-es,” with very grave, hesitant faces. Father agreed to finance me for a year, and after various delays I came East, permanently, I thought, in the spring of twenty-two.
The practical thing was to find rooms in the city, but it was a warm season, and I had just left a country of wide lawns and friendly trees, so when a young man at the office suggested that we take a house together in a commuting town, it sounded like a great idea. He found the house, a weather-beaten cardboard bungalow at eighty a month, but at the last minute the firm ordered him to Washington, and I went out to the country alone. I had a dog—at least I had him for a few days until he ran away—and an old Dodge and a Finnish woman, who made my bed and cooked breakfast and muttered Finnish wisdom to herself over the electric stove.
It was lonely for a day or so until one morning some man, more recently arrived than I, stopped me on the road.
“How do you get to West Egg village?” he asked helplessly.
I told him. And as I walked on I was lonely no longer. I was a guide, a pathfinder, an original settler. He had casually conferred on me the freedom of the neighbourhood.
And so with the sunshine and the great bursts of leaves growing on the trees, just as things grow in fast movies, I had that familiar conviction that life was beginning over again with the summer.
There was so much to read, for one thing, and so much fine health to be pulled down out of the young breath-giving air. I bought a dozen volumes on banking and credit and investment securities, and they stood on my shelf in red and gold like new money from the mint, promising to unfold the shining secrets that only Midas and Morgan and Maecenas knew. And I had the high intention of reading many other books besides. I was rather literary in college—one year I wrote a series of very solemn and obvious editorials for the Yale News—and now I was going to bring back all such things into my life and become again that most limited of all specialists, the “well-rounded man.” This isn’t just an epigram—life is much more successfully looked at from a single window, after all.
It was a matter of chance that I should have rented a house in one of the strangest communities in North America. It was on that slender riotous island which extends itself due east of New York—and where there are, among other natural curiosities, two unusual formations of land. Twenty miles from the city a pair of enormous eggs, identical in contour and separated only by a courtesy bay, jut out into the most domesticated body of salt water in the Western hemisphere, the great wet barnyard of Long Island Sound. They are not perfect ovals—like the egg in the Columbus story, they are both crushed flat at the contact end—but their physical resemblance must be a source of perpetual wonder to the gulls that fly overhead. To the wingless a more interesting phenomenon is their dissimilarity in every particular except shape and size.
I lived at West Egg, the—well, the less fashionable of the two, though this is a most superficial tag to express the bizarre and not a little sinister contrast between them. My house was at the very tip of the egg, only fifty yards from the Sound, and squeezed between two huge places that rented for twelve or fifteen thousand a season. The one on my right was a colossal affair by any standard—it was a factual imitation of some Hôtel de Ville in Normandy, with a tower on one side, spanking new under a thin beard of raw ivy, and a marble swimming pool, and more than forty acres of lawn and garden. It was Gatsby’s mansion. Or, rather, as I didn’t know Mr. Gatsby, it was a mansion inhabited by a gentleman of that name. My own house was an eyesore, but it was a small eyesore, and it had been overlooked, so I had a view of the water, a partial view of my neighbour’s lawn, and the consoling proximity of millionaires—all for eighty dollars a month.
Across the courtesy bay the white palaces of fashionable East Egg glittered along the water, and the history of the summer really begins on the evening I drove over there to have dinner with the Tom Buchanans. Daisy was my second cousin once removed, and I’d known Tom in college. And just after the war I spent two days with them in Chicago.
Her husband, among various physical accomplishments, had been one of the most powerful ends that ever played football at New Haven—a national figure in a way, one of those men who reach such an acute limited excellence at twenty-one that everything afterward savours of anticlimax. His family were enormously wealthy—even in college his freedom with money was a matter for reproach—but now he’d left Chicago and come East in a fashion that rather took your breath away: for instance, he’d brought down a string of polo ponies from Lake Forest. It was hard to realize that a man in my own generation was wealthy enough to do that.
Why they came East I don’t know. They had spent a year in France for no particular reason, and then drifted here and there unrestfully wherever people played polo and were rich together. This was a permanent move, said Daisy over the telephone, but I didn’t believe it—I had no sight into Daisy’s heart, but I felt that Tom would drift on forever seeking, a little wistfully, for the dramatic turbulence of some irrecoverable football game.
And so it happened that on a warm windy evening I drove over to East Egg to see two old friends whom I scarcely knew at all. Their house was even more elaborate than I expected, a cheerful red-and-white Georgian Colonial mansion, overlooking the bay. The lawn started at the beach and ran towards the front door for a quarter of a mile, jumping over sundials and brick walks and burning gardens—finally when it reached the house drifting up the side in bright vines as though from the momentum of its run. The front was broken by a line of French windows, glowing now with reflected gold and wide open to the warm windy afternoon, and Tom Buchanan in riding clothes was standing with his legs apart on the front porch.
He had changed since his New Haven years. Now he was a sturdy straw-haired man of thirty, with a rather hard mouth and a supercilious manner. Two shining arrogant eyes had established dominance over his face and gave him the appearance of always leaning aggressively forward. Not even the effeminate swank of his riding clothes could hide the enormous power of that body—he seemed to fill those glistening boots until he strained the top lacing, and you could see a great pack of muscle shifting when his shoulder moved under his thin coat. It was a body capable of enormous leverage—a cruel body.
His speaking voice, a gruff husky tenor, added to the impression of fractiousness he conveyed. There was a touch of paternal contempt in it, even toward people he liked—and there were men at New Haven who had hated his guts.
“Now, don’t think my opinion on these matters is final,” he seemed to say, “just because I’m stronger and more of a man than you are.” We were in the same senior society, and while we were never intimate I always had the impression that he approved of me and wanted me to like him with some harsh, defiant wistfulness of his own.
We talked for a few minutes on the sunny porch.
“I’ve got a nice place here,” he said, his eyes flashing about restlessly.
Turning me around by one arm, he moved a broad flat hand along the front vista, including in its sweep a sunken Italian garden, a half acre of deep, pungent roses, and a snub-nosed motorboat that bumped the tide offshore.
“It belonged to Demaine, the oil man.” He turned me around again, politely and abruptly. “We’ll go inside.”
We walked through a high hallway into a bright rosy-coloured space, fragilely bound into the house by French windows at either end. The windows were ajar and gleaming white against the fresh grass outside that seemed to grow a little way into the house. A breeze blew through the room, blew curtains in at one end and out the other like pale flags, twisting them up toward the frosted wedding-cake of the ceiling, and then rippled over the wine-coloured rug, making a shadow on it as wind does on the sea.
The only completely stationary object in the room was an enormous couch on which two young women were buoyed up as though upon an anchored balloon. They were both in white, and their dresses were rippling and fluttering as if they had just been blown back in after a short flight around the house. I must have stood for a few moments listening to the whip and snap of the curtains and the groan of a picture on the wall. Then there was a boom as Tom Buchanan shut the rear windows and the caught wind died out about the room, and the curtains and the rugs and the two young women ballooned slowly to the floor.
The younger of the two was a stranger to me. She was extended full length at her end of the divan, completely motionless, and with her chin raised a little, as if she were balancing something on it which was quite likely to fall. If she saw me out of the corner of her eyes she gave no hint of it—indeed, I was almost surprised into murmuring an apology for having disturbed her by coming in.
The other girl, Daisy, made an attempt to rise—she leaned slightly forward with a conscientious expression—then she laughed, an absurd, charming little laugh, and I laughed too and came forward into the room.
“I’m p-paralysed with happiness.”
She
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laughed again, as if she said something very witty, and held my hand for a moment, looking up into my face, promising that there was no one in the world she so much wanted to see. That was a way she had. She hinted in a murmur that the surname of the balancing girl was Baker. (I’ve heard it said that Daisy’s murmur was only to make people lean toward her; an irrelevant criticism that made it no less charming.)
At any rate, Miss Baker’s lips fluttered, she nodded at me almost imperceptibly, and then quickly tipped her head back again—the object she was balancing had obviously tottered a little and given her something of a fright. Again a sort of apology arose to my lips. Almost any exhibition of complete self-sufficiency draws a stunned tribute from me.
I looked back at my cousin, who began to ask me questions in her low, thrilling voice. It was the kind of voice that the ear follows up and down, as if each speech is an arrangement of notes that will never be played again. Her face was sad and lovely with bright things in it, bright eyes and a bright passionate mouth, but there was an excitement in her voice that men who had cared for her found difficult to forget: a singing compulsion, a whispered “Listen,” a promise that she had done gay, exciting things just a while since and that there were gay, exciting things hovering in the next hour.
I told her how I had stopped off in Chicago for a day on my way East, and how a dozen people had sent their love through me.
“Do they miss me?” she cried ecstatically.
“The whole town is desolate. All the cars have the left rear wheel painted black as a mourning wreath, and there’s a persistent wail all night along the north shore.”
“How gorgeous! Let’s go back, Tom. Tomorrow!” Then she added irrelevantly: “You ought to see the baby.”
“I’d like to.”
“She’s asleep. She’s three years old. Haven’t you ever seen her?”
“Never.”
“Well, you ought to see her. She’s—”
Tom Buchanan, who had been hovering restlessly about the room, stopped and rested his hand on my shoulder.
“What you doing, Nick?”
“I’m a bond man.”
“Who with?”
I told him.
“Never heard of them,” he remarked decisively.
This annoyed me.
“You will,” I answered shortly. “You will if you stay in the East.”
“Oh, I’ll stay in the East, don’t you worry,” he said, glancing at Daisy and then back at me, as if he were alert for something more. “I’d be a God damned fool to live anywhere else.”
At this point Miss Baker said: “Absolutely!” with such suddenness that I started—it was the first word she had uttered since I came into the room. Evidently it surprised her as much as it did me, for she yawned and with a series of rapid, deft movements stood up into the room.
“I’m stiff,” she complained, “I’ve been lying on that sofa for as long as I can remember.”
“Don’t look at me,” Daisy retorted, “I’ve been trying to get you to New York all afternoon.”
“No, thanks,” said Miss Baker to the four cocktails just in from the pantry. “I’m absolutely in training.”
Her host looked at her incredulously.
“You are!” He took down his drink as if it were a drop in the bottom of a glass. “How you ever get anything done is beyond me.”
I looked at Miss Baker, wondering what it was she “got done.” I enjoyed looking at her. She was a slender, small-breasted girl, with an erect carriage, which she accentuated by throwing her body backward at the shoulders like a young cadet. Her grey sun-strained eyes looked back at me with polite reciprocal curiosity out of a wan, charming, discontented face. It occurred to me now that I had seen her, or a picture of her, somewhere before.
“You live in West Egg,” she remarked contemptuously. “I know somebody there.”
“I don’t know a single—”
“You must know Gatsby.”
“Gatsby?” demanded Daisy. “What Gatsby?”
Before I could reply that he was my neighbour dinner was announced; wedging his tense arm imperatively under mine, Tom Buchanan compelled me from the room as though he were moving a checker to another square.
Slenderly, languidly, their hands set lightly on their hips, the two young women preceded us out on to a rosy-coloured porch, open toward the sunset, where four candles flickered on the table in the diminished wind.
“Why candles?” objected Daisy, frowning. She snapped them out with her fingers. “In two weeks it’ll be the longest day in the year.” She looked at us all radiantly. “Do you always watch for the longest day of the year and then miss it? I always watch for the longest day in the year and then miss it.”
“We ought to plan something,” yawned Miss Baker, sitting down at the table as if she were getting into bed.
“All right,” said Daisy. “What’ll we plan?” She turned to me helplessly: “What do people plan?”
Before I could answer her eyes fastened with an awed expression on her little finger.
“Look!” she complained; “I hurt it.”
We all looked—the knuckle was black and blue.
“You did it, Tom,” she said accusingly. “I know you didn’t mean to, but you did do it. That’s what I get for marrying a brute of a man, a great, big, hulking physical specimen of a—”
“I hate that word ‘hulking,’ ” objected Tom crossly, “even in kidding.”
“Hulking,” insisted Daisy.
Sometimes she and Miss Baker talked at once, unobtrusively and with a bantering inconsequence that was never quite chatter, that was as cool as their white dresses and their impersonal eyes in the absence of all desire. They were here, and they accepted Tom and me, making only a polite pleasant effort to entertain or to be entertained. They knew that presently dinner would be over and a little later the evening too would be over and casually put away. It was sharply different from the West, where an evening was hurried from phase to phase towards its close, in a continually disappointed anticipation or else in sheer nervous dread of the moment itself.
“You make me feel uncivilized, Daisy,” I confessed on my second glass of corky but rather impressive claret. “Can’t you talk about crops or something?”
I meant nothing in particular by this remark, but it was taken up in an unexpected way.
“Civilization’s going to pieces,” broke out Tom violently. “I’ve gotten to be a terrible pessimist about things. Have you read The Rise of the Coloured Empires by this man Goddard?”
“Why, no,” I answered, rather surprised by his tone.
“Well, it’s a fine book, and everybody ought to read it. The idea is if we don’t look out the white race will be—will be utterly submerged. It’s all scientific stuff; it’s been proved.”
“Tom’s getting very profound,” said Daisy, with an expression of unthoughtful sadness. “He reads deep books with long words in them. What was that word we—”
“Well, these books are all scientific,” insisted Tom, glancing at her impatiently. “This fellow has worked out the whole thing. It’s up to us, who are the dominant race, to watch out or these other races will have control of things.”
“We’ve got to beat them down,” whispered Daisy, winking ferociously toward the fervent sun.
“You ought to live in California—” began Miss Baker, but Tom interrupted her by shifting heavily in his chair.
“This idea is that we’re Nordics. I am, and you are, and you are, and—” After an infinitesimal hesitation he included Daisy with a slight nod, and she winked at me again. “—And we’ve produced all the things that go to make civilization—oh, science and art, and all that. Do you see?”
There was something pathetic in his concentration, as if his complacency, more acute than of old, was not enough to him any more. When, almost immediately, the telephone rang inside and the butler left the porch Daisy seized upon the momentary interruption and leaned towards me.
“I’ll tell you a family secret,” she whispered enthusiastically. “It’s about the butler’s nose. Do you want to hear about the butler’s nose?”
“That’s why I came over tonight.”
“Well, he wasn’t always a butler; he used to be the silver polisher for some people in New York that had a silver service for two hundred people. He had to polish it from morning till night, until finally it began to affect his nose—”
“Things went from bad to worse,” suggested Miss Baker.
“Yes. Things went from bad to worse, until finally he had to give up his position.”
For a moment the last sunshine fell with romantic affection upon her glowing face; her voice compelled me forward breathlessly as I listened—then the glow faded, each light deserting her with lingering regret, like children leaving a pleasant street at dusk.
The butler came back and murmured something close to Tom’s ear, whereupon Tom frowned, pushed back his chair, and without a word went inside. As if his absence quickened something within her, Daisy leaned forward again, her voice glowing and singing.
“I love to see you at my table, Nick. You remind me of a—of a rose, an absolute rose. Doesn’t he?” She turned to Miss Baker for confirmation: “An absolute rose?”
This was untrue. I am not even faintly like a rose. She was only extemporizing, but a stirring warmth flowed from her, as if her heart was trying to come out to you concealed in one of those breathless, thrilling words. Then suddenly she threw her napkin on the table and excused herself and went into the house.
Miss Baker and I exchanged a short glance consciously devoid of meaning. I was about to speak when she sat up alertly and said “Sh!” in a warning voice. A subdued impassioned murmur was audible in the room beyond, and Miss Baker leaned forward unashamed, trying to hear. The murmur trembled on the verge of coherence, sank down, mounted excitedly, and then ceased altogether.
“This Mr. Gatsby you spoke of is my neighbour—” I began.
“Don’t talk. I want to hear what happens.”
“Is something happening?” I inquired innocently.
“You mean to say you don’t know?” said Miss Baker, honestly surprised. “I thought everybody knew.”
“I don’t.”
“Why—” she said hesitantly. “Tom’s got some woman in New York.”
“Got some woman?” I repeated blankly.
Miss Baker nodded.
“She might have the decency not to telephone him at dinner time. Don’t you think?”
Almost before I had grasped her meaning there was the flutter of a dress and the crunch of leather boots, and Tom and Daisy were back at the table.
“It couldn’t be helped!” cried Daisy with tense gaiety.
She sat down, glanced searchingly at Miss Baker and then at me, and continued: “I looked outdoors for a minute, and it’s very romantic outdoors. There’s a bird on the lawn that I think must be a nightingale come over on the Cunard or White Star Line. He’s singing away—” Her voice sang: “It’s romantic, isn’t it, Tom?”
“Very romantic,” he said, and then miserably to me: “If it’s light enough after dinner, I want to take you down to the stables.”
The telephone rang inside, startlingly, and as Daisy shook her head decisively at Tom the subject of the stables, in fact all subjects, vanished into air. Among the broken fragments of the last five minutes at table I remember the candles being lit again, pointlessly, and I was conscious of wanting to look squarely at everyone, and yet to avoid all eyes. I couldn’t guess what Daisy and Tom were thinking, but I doubt if even Miss Baker, who seemed to have mastered a certain hardy scepticism, was able utterly to put this fifth guest’s shrill metallic urgency out of mind. To a certain temperament the situation might have seemed intriguing—my own instinct was to telephone immediately for the police.
The horses, needless to say, were not mentioned again. Tom and Miss Baker, with several feet of twilight between them, strolled back into the library, as if to a vigil beside a perfectly tangible body, while, trying to look pleasantly interested and a little deaf, I followed Daisy around a chain of connecting verandas to the porch in front. In its deep gloom we sat down side by side on a wicker settee.
Daisy took her face in her hands as if feeling its lovely shape, and her eyes moved gradually out into the velvet dusk. I saw that turbulent emotions possessed her, so I asked what I thought would be some sedative questions about her little girl.
“We don’t know each other very well, Nick,” she said suddenly. “Even if we are cousins. You didn’t come to my wedding.”
“I wasn’t back from the war.”
“That’s true.” She hesitated. “Well, I’ve had a very bad time, Nick, and I’m pretty cynical about everything.”
Evidently she had reason to be. I waited but she
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didn’t say any more, and after a moment I returned rather feebly to the subject of her daughter.
“I suppose she talks, and—eats, and everything.”
“Oh, yes.” She looked at me absently. “Listen, Nick; let me tell you what I said when she was born. Would you like to hear?”
“Very much.”
“It’ll show you how I’ve gotten to feel about—things. Well, she was less than an hour old and Tom was God knows where. I woke up out of the ether with an utterly abandoned feeling, and asked the nurse right away if it was a boy or a girl. She told me it was a girl, and so I turned my head away and wept. ‘All right,’ I said, ‘I’m glad it’s a girl. And I hope she’ll be a fool—that’s the best thing a girl can be in this world, a beautiful little fool.’
“You see I think everything’s terrible anyhow,” she went on in a convinced way. “Everybody thinks so—the most advanced people. And I know. I’ve been everywhere and seen everything and done everything.” Her eyes flashed around her in a defiant way, rather like Tom’s, and she laughed with thrilling scorn. “Sophisticated—God, I’m sophisticated!”
The instant her voice broke off, ceasing to compel my attention, my belief, I felt the basic insincerity of what she had said. It made me uneasy, as though the whole evening had been a trick of some sort to exact a contributory emotion from me. I waited, and sure enough, in a moment she looked at me with an absolute smirk on her lovely face, as if she had asserted her membership in a rather distinguished secret society to which she and Tom belonged.
Inside, the crimson room bloomed with light. Tom and Miss Baker sat at either end of the long couch and she read aloud to him from the Saturday Evening Post—the words, murmurous and uninflected, running together in a soothing tune. The lamplight, bright on his boots and dull on the autumn-leaf yellow of her hair, glinted along the paper as she turned a page with a flutter of slender muscles in her arms.
When we came in she held us silent for a moment with a lifted hand.
“To be continued,” she said, tossing the magazine on the table, “in our very next issue.”
Her body asserted itself with a restless movement of her knee, and she stood up.
“Ten o’clock,” she remarked, apparently finding the time on the ceiling. “Time for this good girl to go to bed.”
“Jordan’s going to play in the tournament tomorrow,” explained Daisy, “over at Westchester.”
“Oh—you’re Jordan Baker.”
I knew now why her face was familiar—its pleasing contemptuous expression had looked out at me from many rotogravure pictures of the sporting life at Asheville and Hot Springs and Palm Beach. I had heard some story of her too, a critical, unpleasant story, but what it was I had forgotten long ago.
“Good night,” she said softly. “Wake me at eight, won’t you.”
“If you’ll get up.”
“I will. Good night, Mr. Carraway. See you anon.”
“Of course you will,” confirmed Daisy. “In fact I think I’ll arrange a marriage. Come over often, Nick, and I’ll sort of—oh—fling you together. You know—lock you up accidentally in linen closets and push you out to sea in a boat, and all that sort of thing—”
“Good night,” called Miss Baker from the stairs. “I haven’t heard a word.”
“She’s a nice girl,” said Tom after a moment. “They oughtn’t to let her run around the country this way.”
“Who oughtn’t to?” inquired Daisy coldly.
“Her family.”
“Her family is one aunt about a thousand years old. Besides, Nick’s going to look after her, aren’t you, Nick? She’s going to spend lots of weekends out here this summer. I think the home influence will be very good for her.”
Daisy and Tom looked at each other for a moment in silence.
“Is she from New York?” I asked quickly.
“From Louisville. Our white girlhood was passed together there. Our beautiful white—”
“Did you give Nick a little heart to heart talk on the veranda?” demanded Tom suddenly.
“Did I?” She looked at me. “I can’t seem to remember, but I think we talked about the Nordic race. Yes, I’m sure we did. It sort of crept up on us and first thing you know—”
“Don’t believe everything you hear, Nick,” he advised me.
I said lightly that I had heard nothing at all, and a few minutes later I got up to go home. They came to the door with me and stood side by side in a cheerful square of light. As I started my motor Daisy peremptorily called: “Wait!”
“I forgot to ask you something, and it’s important. We heard you were engaged to a girl out West.”
“That’s right,” corroborated Tom kindly. “We heard that you were engaged.”
“It’s a libel. I’m too poor.”
“But we heard it,” insisted Daisy, surprising me by opening up again in a flower-like way. “We heard it from three people, so it must be true.”
Of course I knew what they were referring to, but I wasn’t even vaguely engaged. The fact that gossip had published the banns was one of the reasons I had come East. You can’t stop going with an old friend on account of rumours, and on the other hand I had no intention of being rumoured into marriage.
Their interest rather touched me and made them less remotely rich—nevertheless, I was confused and a little disgusted as I drove away. It seemed to me that the thing for Daisy to do was to rush out of the house, child in arms—but apparently there were no such intentions in her head. As for Tom, the fact that he “had some woman in New York” was really less surprising than that he had been depressed by a book. Something was making him nibble at the edge of stale ideas as if his sturdy physical egotism no longer nourished his peremptory heart.
Already it was deep summer on roadhouse roofs and in front of wayside garages, where new red petrol-pumps sat out in pools of light, and when I reached my estate at West Egg I ran the car under its shed and sat for a while on an abandoned grass roller in the yard. The wind had blown off, leaving a loud, bright night, with wings beating in the trees and a persistent organ sound as the full bellows of the earth blew the frogs full of life. The silhouette of a moving cat wavered across the moonlight, and, turning my head to watch it, I saw that I was not alone—fifty feet away a figure had emerged from the shadow of my neighbour’s mansion and was standing with his hands in his pockets regarding the silver pepper of the stars. Something in his leisurely movements and the secure position of his feet upon the lawn suggested that it was Mr. Gatsby himself, come out to determine what share was his of our local heavens.
I decided to call to him. Miss Baker had mentioned him at dinner, and that would do for an introduction. But I didn’t call to him, for he gave a sudden intimation that he was content to be alone—he stretched out his arms toward the dark water in a curious way, and, far as I was from him, I could have sworn he was trembling. Involuntarily I glanced seaward—and distinguished nothing except a single green light, minute and far away, that might have been the end of a dock. When I looked once more for Gatsby he had vanished, and I was alone again in the unquiet darkness.
II
About halfway between West Egg and New York the motor road hastily joins the railroad and runs beside it for a quarter of a mile, so as to shrink away from a certain desolate area of land. This is a valley of ashes—a fantastic farm where ashes grow like wheat into ridges and hills and grotesque gardens; where ashes take the forms of houses and chimneys and rising smoke and, finally, with a transcendent effort, of ash-grey men, who move dimly and already crumbling through the powdery air. Occasionally a line of grey cars crawls along an invisible track, gives out a ghastly creak, and comes to rest, and immediately the ash-grey men swarm up with leaden spades and stir up an impenetrable cloud, which screens their obscure operations from your sight.
But above the grey land and the spasms of bleak dust which drift endlessly over it, you perceive, after a moment, the eyes of Doctor T. J. Eckleburg. The eyes of Doctor T. J. Eckleburg are blue and gigantic—their retinas are one yard high. They look out of no face, but, instead, from a pair of enormous yellow spectacles which pass over a nonexistent nose. Evidently some wild wag of an oculist set them there to
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2023.06.07 00:41 dlschindler [Murder Of Crows] S1E4 My Crow Speaks To The Cursed
Darkness covered the funeral as those black clouds rained onto black umbrellas. Most of the policemen were gathered to put Sergeant Ventura into the ground. Detective Winters turned from the man's family, Police, and with a scowling cigarette, he headed back towards his car.
"Did it go well?" I asked him from where I had waited in the back seat.
"You know I told them exactly what happened?" He asked me, after a moment of silent conversation. The rain was making a soothing noise on the roof and windshield, repetitive, insistent and natural. I listened to that, instead of the rest of his monologue: about filling out a report, and then talking about the report to his superiors, and now telling me the whole story. I looked out the window as he went on and on, and watched the various policemen and their wives filing away. I noticed only half of them had wives and only one had a male partner. I wasn't sure if he was to be referred to as a 'wife'. Can't be a 'spouse' in this state. "And for all that they just made me write that I had accidentally shot the corpse-shaped booby trap that killed Sergeant Ventura."
"You finished?" I asked while he stopped to catch his breath.
"Yes. Thank you. I feel better." He claimed. He started his car and we drove back to the hotel.
"You just gonna stay here with me?" I asked him as I headed past the beds for the bathroom. I intended to have a shower, thinking: "I admit I don't get them very often, living outdoors."
"I wouldn't dream of leaving you. You are the love of my life. I can't sleep when you aren't in that bed over there, in the same room as me. Meals just don't taste as good without you." Detective Winters had an odd tone of voice as he said all of that. I decided to just leave it alone.
While I was showering, I realized I was afraid of him. I was harmless compared to him, and I could kill someone to protect something I couldn't even explain. What would he do if I tried to escape? I decided it was best to accept this path. I wanted to make recompense for taking a life. It meant something to me, even if I avoided Earthly justice.
I shaved off my beard and tied my hair back with my bandanna. I looked like a human-being. I finally put on the clothes Detective Winters had bought for me at the thrift store. I looked like a decent person. Cory tilted his head at me.
"Looks like you could find a mate." Cory complimented me.
"Think so?" I asked, blushing.
"Amen." Cory squawked supreme affirmation. I presented myself to Detective Winters.
"Thank you." He muttered, with a cigarette towering ash atop a filter on his mouth, as he lay on his back with a towel over his eyes. He was thanking me for cleaning up.
I too got some rest. It seemed like all we did was sit at the policestation and fill out paperwork. I had started pacing and found I was not allowed out of his sight. Being confined was strangely exhausting.
I laid there and started to fall asleep. It was strange, sleeping indoors again. It had taken me so many nights in that bed to get used to it. My dreams were of distant times and places. Sometimes I saw Khurl and primitive humans in my dreams. Those were strange nights. The hotel window was open, and the sounds of people softly shuffling by, or arguing in the distance, or watching an infomercial all night on full volume, drifted in with the cool breeze. The world was outside and I had learned to sleep in a new place. A strange kind of sleep.
The phone rang and I awoke and sat up. Cory was watching me in the darkness. He asked:
"What is that?"
"It's Detective Winters's phone." I told him.
After it stopped ringing he woke up and got it and called back. He was laying there half asleep.
"You called?" He sounded quiet and spoke slowly. "I was asleep. I saw that you just called. I want to talk to you. Are you okay? I miss you. Hello?"
Someone might be talking to him. He was listening, there in the darkness. Then he looked at the phone, acknowledging that the call was ended. He gently set the phone down and rolled back over. I could only presume he was trying to fall back asleep.
Then his phone rang again and he answered it and asked in a voice I only heard him use there, at night:
"Please tell me what it is. I want to hear it." And there was a pause as he waited for a response. But it was his boss instead, and after chuckling: he told Detective Winters that he was needed at the scene of a murder. I could hear it.
"Let's go." He looked over and saw I was awake. We dressed and went to the car. The cool night air greeted us and Cory outstretched his wings, loving the breeze.
We got out of the car, at those last moments of night, at a hiking trail that led up Grandfather Hill, after crossing Sunberry Creek. I've tasted the legendary sunberries. They aren't meant for human consumption. I wouldn't recommend them.
Forensics had a van near the head of the trail. The body was about to get removed. They had waited for Detective Winters.
"There is the trail they made to get to her." Detective Winters had his last cigarette and lit it with his 'little red riding hood and wolf eyes' lighter. He took a death-sucking drag from it and pointed with it while he exhaled unhealthy air. "I want us to go the long way. I want to know the rest of her story."
I stood quietly and shivered. Cory clicked that there was a path if I turned around. It was a click that meant it was only the first step. There were three or four to find the path. He'd not tell me there were a series of steps, because crows don't think of numbers in the same pattern as humans. Numbers are magical, in their symbolism, to crows. Crows can count to a degree, but they will often stop counting if the number matches the same meaning they identify with the bushels they are counting. Thus the number three, to a crow, is also essentially female, as a symbol. Therefore when counting a group of females, there would necessarily be three. Every number had such a meaning.
I found a stone and when I stepped upon it I knew the path across the roots. It appeared when we got to the top of the hill. It led down to where the creek was. I stopped to get Detective Winters and heard him behind me:
"I'm following." His voice sounded like he had his eyes on me and couldn't really see the path. Cory kept urging my steps and then told me:
"This is where it first found her." Cory hopped down and pointed with his beak. "I think it is like a man. See its funny footstep?"
"What happened?" I asked.
"How should I know, my Lord? You always task me so." Cory flitted up to my shoulder and trembled and whispered into my ear: "It killed her, I am guessing. What do you think?"
I listened then. I had heard the forest once before. I knew this place, it could whisper, in that same tone. For just a moment it was almost a glimmer of a feeling, a childish emotion, a very crude and simple feeling, like just one note of a song. I glanced up and smiled.
"Cory." I said softly, smiling. He drilled a long series of clicks that was his most hilarious laugh.
"My Lord?" Cory wanted to hear what I was thinking.
"It is like Beauty and the Beast. This footprint, that is like a man. It is a man that is like a beast. He wanted her, loved her, followed her."
"Killed her." Cory added.
"That wasn't the plan. See how carefully it hid." I pointed where the shafts of sunlight lit each footprint perfectly. Such a thing could not step out of the bounds that were set for it by nature. Each of its movements in the forest was perfectly synchronized. Until something on its trail changed. Its movement pattern changed. It was following her, although still very careful as it went.
"What godless beast saw this woman and looked so intently?" Cory sounded interested. I could not guess, while I studied its saddest footsteps.
"This is where it retreated." I pointed to the path of its egress from the kill site. The sunlight danced through the trees as though the light were floating through the forest. In those strange shadows I could imagine the rest:
Hunched and breathing in the moonlight it had watched her approach. She had seen its eyes and perhaps she had screamed, fled, panicked. On instinct the beast had forgotten its fascination and attacked. Her fragile body stood no chance and it left her there and fled this direction. I was walking its path.
"I am going to get dogs out here. Wait!" Detective Winters called after me. He sensed the terrible danger and wasn't driven to it as I was.
"Must go now." Cory was insisting. My crow was also afraid.
"I want to see for myself." I also insisted. I was afraid too, but the quality of my fear was merely a sail to the fears lurking upon my path. I could not turn back and face those darker gazes. They could see into my soul and ignore me, cosigning me to the void.
The full moon still stood overhead and shone down in the lighting sky. In the eerie green light of the forest I found a clearing. I had followed the trail, losing the policemen and the detective. They would eventually find me.
The clearing was ringed by mustard colored toadstools all around its edge. A man lay in the bloodied pelt of a wolf as it peeled from his body. His claws held the earth and were caked in gore. Now I only felt the terror of my action. I had ignored my fear, for fear of being ignored by my own lucky stars. Now I was terrified of the thing before me, the deadly and unnatural visage of it.
The beast was breathing a painful mist onto my hand. He was a little more man, than creature, as his stillness grew; from moment to moment. He looked up at me.
"Know we see you." Cory spoke in his most sincere and clearest English.
"Why have you come to see this?" The man-wolf asked in a voice, broken by remorse, tired by rage, shamed by murder and driven to isolation. Besides the inhuman growl that its voice was composed of. Its yellow eyes stared, bleeding tears across a face not yet human and no longer an animal.
"Did you love her?" I asked. "Before she saw you, nothing happened to her."
"Melody! Oh god no! She followed me!" He exclaimed. When he said 'me' he began to howl dismally. This broke into an unearthly and almost inhuman cry of agony, straight from his soul. Hearing it, and knowing the fruit of his lamentation, is what turned a streak of my beard and hair white, and the white feather on Cory drained of color at that same time.
We stood in the morning light and waited. The cursed creature in front of us sobbed miserably. He said:
"I should be dead, not her."
"Death will always happen." Cory told him.
"Not for me." He wept bitterly.
"He understood you." I noticed.
"Indeed. I think it shows he is not so bad. You listen well enough to understand an animal." Cory spoke to me and then to him. He just stared at my crow. Then he confessed:
"It is the beast that is evil."
"She loved you too." I was sure. "Twas the beast that killed her, for that love."
"She did love me." He told the truth and the hot tears washed some of the blood off of his face.
Dogs and policemen arrived. The moon was gone and the sunlight was warming the forest. They trampled the toadstools and put the decomposing wolf's skin into evidence bags. They put the cursed one in handcuffs. An irony that the cuffs could only hold him while he was relatively harmless, not when he was the beast, of course. I was sure of that too, as I looked at a tree he had struck in his bestial fury, cutting into it like the wood of oak were soft.
"What will happen?" I asked Detective Winters.
"You know as well as I do." He replied. "Crazy guy like that will get the best care of modern medicine."
"That's probably for the best." I surmised.
"Yeah?" Detective Winters complimented me, as he lit a smoke he had bummed off of someone. "I believe you. You know I do."
"Thanks."
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2023.06.06 23:38 Economy_Attention382 Feeling frustrated with best mate
Hi there guys. Hope everyone is swell. But basically I’ll start from the beginning and the back story of my friendship with this dude.
History: -so this dude, we’ll call him Jack. I’ve been best friends with Jack since we were 13/14 years of age, I am 23 as of now and Jack is 24. But I’ve kept in close contact with him since via gaming, texting, meeting up to play sports. Basically we been in each others life and spoke about our deepest darkest secret so our happiest moments for the last decade.
Build up of frustration: -so the build up of my anger I’d say started from constantly paying for thing for example if we went to play snooker I’d pay all the time. Only rare times Jack would pay, it would be as if it’s a surprise when he payed or even pulled out his card lol. But I let that slide cause come on, it’s my best friend. Also, I lent him a lot of money which he had paid back after failing to meet the dates he’s promised. And he wanted the new iPhone but I put it on my name cause he wouldn’t be able to get a new phone otherwise.And then it lead to us making the best friend birthday deal we’ll call it where we promised to each other that we would do a tradition of buying gifts for each other. Over 3 years I bought him a huge birthday cake, amongst other food items. An expensive hoodie and oodie out of love for the guy but it felt when it was my time he was somehow broke financially? But I see the money be waste in self pleasure whether it’s £330 on some Jordan’s 4 or buying a brand new console. But I let it go tbh. I cracked some jokes and moved on. Just accepted for what it was. And then comes him lashing out and ruining the vibe if we go to a friends dinner or are gaming with mates and he’ll say some rude stuff. But I let it go and accept him for how it is. But he did start to improve himself and stop Being a dick and I was over the moon with the new and improved Jack. (More below)
Issue: So beginning of this year I had a severe asthma attack which led to a very traumatic experience Im talking shaking on the floor being barely able to breath to seeing my mother whom I love very much panic and cry over me, and having to wait 5-6 hrs to finally be treated (don’t blame the hospital staff cause of strikes. Love them). It was just very traumatic time. And Jack lived less then 10 minute walk away and didn’t even visit me?!!! He had a day off from work? He didn’t have any plans? So why did he just swing by and say hello? I defo would’ve have if it was vice Versa. My other mate Zack (only known him 2 years) checked up on me by text non stop, asked if I needed anything and planned to visit me and he has a very busy schedule. But luckily I got dismissed from the hospital but Zack kept checking up on me. So after that happened I kept my distance from Jack for a while and then expressed how I felt through text. He said he’d do better and I was happier. Then it came to him seeing potential gf. One lived 2-3 hrs away but he drove all that way. Paid for fuel, hotel, dinner for both of them and activities for both of them? Where’s he’s getting this money from? He doesn’t have much. (Does work just spends stupidly). She broke up with him and I told him how I felt that he doesn’t want to hang with me cause of money but will drive far for a girl. He said he’s do better. Guess what, finds another girl cause the other broke up with him and goes all the way for 1-2 hrs away and spends money on them both but not for me? It’s like I don’t exist? I expressed how I felt and he replied “I’m almost 25 now. I need to settle down.” Which felt like a cop out excuse answer tbh.
How I’m feeling -I’ve just been feeling agitated, angry against him and disappointed and sometimes it shows through text unfortunately and I keep having this extreme lingering rage whenever I talk to him now. I just want to know am I wrong for being at times aggressive with him ?
(I’ll answer any questions needed)
Update guys I expressed how I’m feeling and needed a break for him and be sent this back:
-that he’s done with me and is trying to live happier and a less moody life. -he’s not bothered on drama or pointless arguments over nothing -that I’ve been not allowing to live a less moody life -that’s he’s fully done with me -he said Goodluck on life and that he isn’t going to respond anymore
I’m feeling a bit shocked tbh as he just couldn’t be bothered talking about this and just ended it. What’s done is done I guess guys. And one last thought is he’s got a new girl in his life and I believe she is 100% in his mind rent free and he’s let her in and kicked me out. Tbh from the advice I gathered I believe it was coming. The end of the friendship regardless so it all worked out I guess. Thanks to everyone who read my whole situation. You seriously didn’t have to take time out of yours days to read a situation that could seem so small. Thanks to everyone 🙏🏻
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