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‘Surviving The Win’.
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Chapter 009 - A.
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Santa Claus, had initially checked his list, and found that a Fairy Pipe had made its way into request, in the 21st Century.
The Fairy Pipe, is to be given to Andrew Thomlinson, he conceded, turning through some papers, although he couldn't make out why it said, from, “Eldritch.”
Was it more likely, Nicholas had wondered, that Eldritch was a nod to the entirety of the Elf Kingdom as the name would seem to suggest, or merely the alleged person, named Eldritch Spellbound.
Who is that, Nick? asked Mrs. Claus, coming forward with a glass of milk for her husband, and a bowl of milk for their cat.
As far as I know, he announced, Eldritch is the sort of person, who only ever existed, in the mind of, Avem Smith. However, he continued, Eldritch is also the nickname of one of our young beneficiaries in the future, by the name of Andrew. His name appears as such, as of 2004, anyhow.
…
Nick walked out of their Fairytale Cabin to the Shed Of Lost Objects, located by their Barn where the Reindeer could be found.
“Curio Adhurio,” he reacted aloud, upon locating the small Smiling Rock. It was on a Shelf, and would later find it’s way into Perry’s hands. We should let Ben out for a while, he stated. He continued to leave the Shed, carrying a bottle of Zinfandel, as well. The reason for this, not being altogether evident, yet.
Carrying both items out to the Elf’s Workshop (an enchanted, overlarge, walk-in, OMRISS Cupboard), which operated by an ancient Medean Mean (or, Magical Modality), wedding each and every promulgatory to it’s prime, and by sāwa (an Arabic word, meaning to regularize or settle), as it is related to their word imil for make or do, unless of course by istahwā/h-w-y
اِسْتَهْوَى
Meaning to fill with passion, to make desirous, to enamour, to seduce, and/or to gain.
An en-dezlegare or resolver… with a key.
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The entrance to this Elf's Workshop, was about large enough to afford a small to regular-sized person through. He found it propped open.
The Bottle of Zinfandel, known as Zin was a “Goesting”/“Lust,” Alcohol.
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The elves, as usual, were hard at work.
Claus rang their work Bell. In his hand, he held the Silver Key Ring. He told them all to cease, and leave for approximately 45 minutes. They would alert Mrs. Claus. He needed her outside, once they were in the Cabin.
The elves ceased their work in the shop and exited.
Pitching the Rock onto a clear spot on the Floor of the Room, he poured out an Offering of Zinfandel, before closing and locking the Giant Omriss Door.
The Clauses waited outside the Cupboard 40 minutes and then into early Dusk.
Instinctively, their cat, “Loose,” came forward to light the way for both Nick, and Ma.
…
They were feeding the Reindeer when it happened. A peculiar light shone, from out of the window of the Shed Of Lost Objects.
Nick saw this, and took it as his cue to walk back over to The Shed Of Lost Objects. The Delva La Plume Pipe had appeared. Nick went in to retrieve it.
Supposedly, it had been made of Tatter’s Old Trick, “Flower.”
Good!... he stated, portentiously satisfied.
Walking back with it, he was addressed by Mrs. Claus, who couldn’t really see why Nick hadn’t just settled for one of their Poinsettias, or crafted a pipe, himself. She returned to the Cabin.
…
15 further minutes in, and Santa had heard a Loud Thump in the Giant OMRISS. He stood back, and unlocked the door... then, opening.
Ben? Is that you in there?
Yes it’s me Mr. Claus, said the depth of a murky voice of rather picky decisiveness. He was hidden in the shadows.
Well, come forward. I have something of yours. Actually, something of importance to discuss, about it. I need your blessing. Is this your Delva La Plume Pipe?
Yes, we’ll of course, replied Ben. It’s blessed by Lasagna.
May I give it away to someone? Nick’s voice wavered a little. He was referring to, “Ben’s,” Delva La Plume Tobacco Pipe, after all. It being a very sensitive matter to open about, let alone giving it away.
Golly, Nick? what are you going to give me in return for it? This Flower Pipe is a Sacred Item of mine. It had the Blessing of a Pixiu Money Dragon’s Yen. Those pertain to Ien/Tobacco Smoke, and of course Gum, as Resin. How did you find it, by the way?
Only by how lost you were, yourself, Ben. Which is why I summoned you to confiscate it. You hold to too much, making you your own lost artefactuary. How about I give you a job, to occupy yourself with? Do you mind?
Stepping forth a, “Krampus-looking,” Ben, known as, “GAAP (for Lust),” to the Hebrews’ Demonolators, appeared as a dark fog, with two cool yellow eyes. What type of job, asked Ben. He was most perturbed by the idea of losing his tie to the Dragon. It had been near him, almost his entire life. Now, he’d been bidden back in time to see Nick.
Nick handed him a Blessed Fairy Birch Twig, stating, I would like you to watch over Andrew.
Ben, agreed. Okay, no problem! But how do you want me to be to any of the men or women on the merchant’s end of the tally involved. Those with Tobacco… or, furthermore, Andrew, himself. What about the picture?
Mainly, Nick asked? The Saint, now being shocked, and a bit sorry to hear the Demon's plaintive-sounding consideration. Mainly, I pray you’ll treat them mercifully. I bid you off of them. First, however, I have something to read to you.
What could that be? asked Ben, a little agitated.
What I have here, is the boy named Andrew's, soul legal, written out.
A legal, why would he have even needed it? Asked Ben.
He was Naughty, said Nick.
And you still want to give him my pipe? Ben was flabbergasted and shook his head in disapproval, The fog dissipating and then reaccumulated.
Yes, but if it’s any consolation, I’m having you involved on the matter of this topic, to assign you to a task. You can follow me around for gift deliveries.
Okay, he sighed, let me hear it. Away!...
An Elf of exceptional hearing, well guarded, and of swift feet, ran out to take the pipe away, and then ran back to the cabin.
After a medium-length discussion, Ben was satisfied, and entered back into the Cupboard.
Santa’s last words to Ben, were… Just, be moderate. You are, by your Goetic, “Lust Spirit,” naming, a commoderator of amounts of passion in dibs, but we need to keep that, clean. You also put the Darker Passions into what you see to. I’m going out on a limb here, but hopefully that very thing, won't impact anything, other than our N’Oel Nights, and the Pipe. You know how we aim to role our Presence, in the World.
…
The Winged-and-Horned Shade, of Ben, after clamouring back into the Cupboard, was silent.
Slowly… and MOST surely, Santa twisted the Silver, Locking Key. This, without a word of lib, and doing so, with a certain determination.
It must be noted, that a similar smaller make of this magical re-animating Cupboard, later made a popular movie.
Not without stress, Nick later wiped his brow. I hope he didn't have too hard a time with this new arrangement… Nick had been sweating for what he might end up having to go through over the Holiday visits (with Ben in tow, that is).
Pulling a delivery sack, from out of the Barn and coming back to the Cupboard again. He opened it a final time.
He found only the rock on the floor, and after sweeping away the muddy dirt, and doing a bit of cleaning, he put the rock, pipe, and bottle of goestling into the pack. He had Mrs. Claus file all of the Elves, then, into the OMRISS, bidding them, goodnight.
Upon awakening, they would be only noddy toys. Except for the good ones. Those? The immortal Hadibi’ndula.
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Remember:

The OMRISS is a Real World Cupboard. While Fictional in it’s Movie-Premise, it is a had in of Nursery Rhyme in it’s very Sinching Synopsis. A bidden in of Fairy Tales, and built to the scale of a Mother-Hubbard-Sized hole in a home, it Sinter Crofts, as though enchanting Knacked Wood. While bidding, “idle-timed,” it neither ins wood living nor dead, but delivers any of it, and all of it, to take off as life anew, by how it had new life in it ever bidden. In this way, it is alike a Comardin'd Haduzen Christic.
The Former Word Gas, mentioned in the Chapter on Goz, Relates to Gos and Gauze, or Phantoms, as well as Petroleum. Thus, Benzine.
The Suffix of Which, “-Zin,” rather, as a, “Zinfandel,” Is a Goestling Alcohol, or Alcohol Spirit, and, when by the Phantom Bal/The Ghostling Ben, is the Lusty Demon, named GAAP/TOAB.

This, in particular, is alleged, and while found in Aleister’s involvements of his acclaimed Solomonic Magic, none of his work, may be taken overly seriously, as for any good. That is, because, if the Demon Science is truly a Fatherless/Bastard science of no good method or intention to God, reading it puts your soul in jeopardy.

As it is load of diabol heresy, and when we know that Demon’s are indeed real, it surfeits your God will, to operate as his accountancy-recastecaller (in a, however bidden), and the very need of reform of a man with No God Say. He was lored as a religious Ba’aler of religion… to say that it mattered, but as caste, and with spirit possessions admitting him forward, not enough concession of (God) control, could be in it. The unholy Ceremonial Art, if made, not only by unholiness, but impious countenance being his main ten.

If I must, I would mock my own writing for yet another true as in bidden moment, to have you read in, yet another line of beneficial advice. The Holier People, as well as other People of Age Enough to Drink, can control the Spirits as mentioned above, only as insofar AS a Zinfandel might be their only reality (or any other Alcohol), but not the Demons, themselves.

They, for Judaeo-Christians Prophets, need a proper coursing (as routed out and then sealed, as out in a sanction, and never bidden). Also, demons must occasionally be bound and cast into the pit or hellfires, though this turns a Carnic Karmal relaying, of, which they do create by their being off-put, which causes a hay, when it need be maintained as a need for reminders of moral hall-calls. That is, not fraternizing amourishly over them.
Reason as in it, being, that it enburdens followers by demon lawing, and the apostates then vie for their pry at buying out the prelacy, by fay-way none the wary, no matter where Revelations had in. We need Fellowship's Service, in gracious God support. Not con-arded rapture of hierarchical courts. Not all is bidden. Heretic in me.
Alcohol, apart from all and any demon loring, is at a shy when imbibing wisdom for Heaven, and therefore, not recommended for anyone (especially not those who are ill of conscience, judgementally off righteous God call, or leprous).
The reason why, being if the person were ill, they were already unclean and alcohol is low-kosher. This means that, if any were taken, only a little should be allowed, and only for one, as we do not want all people on it.
If a proper handle is lacking, then it is recommended left out of it.

For the purposes of this story, Santa only drinks milk, and no Zinfandel, is had, by either of the Clauses, nor their elves.

Aside from alcohol, people need to possess a Spiritual Sobriety. Minding what God says being of the utmost importance in how they do. This is important to maintaining God Line Vitality to the Prayer, aiding the power of Scripturally Appropriate Discernment in Usefully Testifying Matters, as well as being a Better Bid, on the off, for Righteous Judgement Calls in Heaven’s Jurisdictional Witness and Guard the Flock, and Any, helping All the Kingdom to know Him (The Christ), and Life itself.
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Well, Ben's off to drive Andrew crazy! Pa mumbled to himself, coming back into the Cabin.
Andrew doesn’t know, but that Osé of his, is a Snow Leopard/Uncia Uncia, which exemplifies Unk/Twain/Wit, through an Ounce/One, making it’s Were-Cat/Ju-Ju transformation, by All One, as an Oni Spirit.
The Oni, will now, I hope, feel only occasionally bidden to discipline Children with the Madenning, “Fairy Birch Twig,” and only the Naughty, as a Krampus, and while around the Winter’s Holiday when I can Supervise and offer Gifts to People.
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How did you win Ben, so fast? Ma asked.
I told him that Andrew was divining with a Dictionary, by Bibliomancy or Book-Fortune-Telling, and got landed with the names Spellbound and Eldritch before 2004, Monarch and Bishop in 2007, and then finally, in 2020, Signature. That making a minimum of 5 Nicknames.
Signature? said Mrs. Claus. How dreadful. The pipe is Andrew's then?
By all accounts I'd have to say so, but my Records mention, the Pipe is to be given, from Eldritch.
Where should we send it to? she asked.
As no Eldritch Spellbound truly exists, I suppose we should send it to all of El-Dom, until such a time as Andrew receives it.
…
I’ve got the document right here. It truly says it all.
Andrew thought that random lot drawing was only a random act. But it’s that very random act that plods (if not by plotting), a path. Some forms of lot drawing are unbidden. We leave it at, that Andrew, hadn’t known God.
Later, he figured that the white light leading him through pages of his (fortune-told), Self-Naming Ceremonies was a Holy Spirit Guide, when it was, in fact, an Evil, Insanity, Demon Spirit named Osé, making him follow a long, drawn-out, Ghost-Written, Trail, of, “Eldritch”/”Creature”/”Bucca,” “Monarch”/”King”/”Faust,” and, “Bishop”/”Pope”/”Jack Frost, naming.
He had a Signature written out on a Letter to Christ, when he divined the word Signature, though!
Oh, is Signature his name, now?! Look after all names, they said? This little man is responsible for having us look after everyone, then… She gave a faint laugh, then wincing in the snow. His Birth Name, though?
He wrote it out prior, unwittingly.
Where was it located? asked Mrs. Claus.
Well, on a Note to God saying, more-or-less, that he’s a, “Psalm 139”/”Fearfully and Wonderfully Made”-Believing, as well as an, “Isaiah 11”/”God's Animal Safety Promise”-Indebted, “Over-Kill-Joy,” Repentant Sinner who goes over the top obsessively in small circuits, but still believes in The Lord.
Do you think he’s ready for this Fairy Pipe? Asked Mrs. Claus.
It came from Tatter’s Flower, and Ben had it enchanted somehow, with a Dragon, said Nick admitted embarassed. Anyhow, Andrew aimed to confess that he’s a, “1 Corinthians 5:5 Repentant,” and will have to wait to see the Christ, without usurping the Church, by abiding good protocol in the World. In the Interim… Not really. I think he needed to feel gifted.
Nick! Ma warned. This could go horribly wrong! Well, what? Do you think he’s acquitted of it, by Secret Societies involvements over his head, ‘surping him by summonry?
If they Governed his Movements, that’s why the coincidences are down to Spirits of Wickedness in High Places being the multiple homes he's moved to. Anyhow, let’s have some Hallongrotta.
Remind me again, why The Delva La Plume is the one he needs and not a Poinsettia. Mrs. Claus asked.
He needs one that’s Christened/Named, and, Ma! Pa whined, lastly, it's not that there aren't other Fairy Pipes to be made, but I’m pretty sure they have to be prayed for, to be received properly. This is the right one for, “El's New Nativity.”
I’ve had enough Nicholas, and you even wasted our Zinfandel. I’ll see you in the morning.
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As for, on whether, he was Signed?
I just so happen to know he's still in Osé, and not all-out Satan malurky! Nick fittered secretly to a mouse, Osé means honorific title in Japanese.
But how was it to be… In Ba’al or even exorcizable..
Andrew Thomlinson, sat in his room, browsing the Global News and Weather, on his Smart Phone's Internet. The year was 2018.
Kali? he asked. Are you sure we should do this? He put out a cigarette into his ash mug (a rather conventional ashtray?).
One more, Magic Drew Bear, his cherubim replied.
Well, you said three, but I don’t know, he said.
They were onto a third.
Then they'll know that you and I are meant to be.
A third fire, could put the world in dire peril… Andrew, hesitated. Both fell in Phantom Love over never meeting and discovering Opera.
You know, I don't really believe in this stuff, but who am I? I'm not real. Everything's realler than I am! We'll make it three fires and that way, if your theories are true, we'll be able to locate them and prove them and if they locate you, we can find a way of announcing our love before them all. I'm sure they'll manage a way of bringing us together, that way.
…
But Kali, who are you, again, asked Andrew, dearly, and half disbelieving as he picked up another cigarette. You called me a Magic Drew Bear one day, and I'm not lying, that won my heart, but I don't even own the better part of my own apartment or dollar to get us started off together, yet. How will we ever find a way to live together?
You'll come to get me from the East Coast of Canada, she said. In all regalia, and sweep me off my feet... Either that, she said, or you'll meet me at my hospital.
That story always changes.
…
Kali had met him, at first, in Portage La Prairie, Manitoba, in a vision, where she had stood outside his apartment window shuffling her feet, but when Andrew had looked, she hadn't actually been there.
At least, that's how it had started.
Now it was that, the two, were playing a very dangerous game, of placing Faustian Fairytale bets, on the landscape of the, "known," world.
In, “Clement.”
On one hand, Andrew believed in girls, on the other hand he didn't know why he had to feed this one birdfood or get off his butt and find a job, before the war or, better still, he didn't know why he had to lend to starting the minor Apocalypse, which would inevitably start the war, then followed up by the real Apocalypse, afterward. Nobody ever let him in on those sorts of dire detailings.
It's an Ion.
Like a Kirby, you're saying? His friend couldn't believe him. The pink demon puffoon from the video games?
Well, the way I see it, all fires are synchronized in some way, though they never appear so. Think of two synchronized blinking lights. Now, command them ionic. Only, those two lights fly around, and sync their, "behaviours and patterns," while all over the place, or the planet. And then, take it one step further... they're never truly only even ONE pair.
Why do they fly around?
I think they fly around to examine every known or unknown thing in existence. When they're at rest, it's because they've found enough Spark, Combustible Material, and my guess is, Air. They're really all over the Universe that way, only we can't tell for their Disparity and Scale and the Fires.
So they just inhale, things combust, and then they dwell in their ember and/or maybe die down a bit to continue? Yeah... Drew, that's lame. Kirby's not a real demon.
But don't you see. I know that! They're not actually Kirby. They're one little ion commanding an existence circuit.
Then the question I'd ask is, are they (or is it), necessary to existence, or better yet, do they command it?
You know what? Since I saw the manifestation of those fires on the ninth of September, from my bet with, "Invisible," Kali, last year, I'm kinda growing more wary of flickering lights...
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CRACK! *

“WHAT ON EARTH WAS THAT?!!!”
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A Lady stepped out of a Car and turned to face the two of them.
The Card: "Sparing you any details on how my ashes may have been in slight, I've commanded you into my furnace for how the furnishings were not in right."
~ Andrew writes loopy letters, said one girl, while giggling, back in his Junior High. And I couldn't tell who he was trying to impress. You... Or Jim Davis. ~ A Bat flew in and settled into the tree (it had been the Eaves Trough).
OKAY... Tags off, and Let Me Know How Everything Fits! His mom, got back into the car, waved and drove off.

Hello all, I've been attempting to quit drinking for several years now with minimal success. I'm at my highest weight I've ever been and I feel like hot garbage. I'm also getting older(42) and I'm beginning to get terrified I'm going to die young. I have an eight year old who I share with me ex-wife and I want to live for him. I've always quit cold turkey in the past which has led to 7-10 days of intense withdrawal symptoms(nausea, insomnia, severe irritability, depression and panic attacks). I want to try to taper but I don't know how. I binge drink between 6-12 5% seltzers or low abv beers a day. I've been doing this everyday for about 2 months now. I had 9 5% beers yesterday. How are tapers done? Can anyone hear that has successfully or even unsuccessfully tapered share their stories? Thank you so much. This is an awesome community.

I have professional expertise on this subject (therapist with 21+ years experience, over half of it exclusively with children/teens), so I thought I would weigh in. I actually knew a family who did just this with the ashes - and actually encouraged the child to "talk" to the ashes. And yes, I do believe it messed the kid up on some level. I gently advised the family to stop, saying it was distressing the child, and they did and things got better.
Death is a very abstract concept when you think about it. We don't know for sure what happens after we die. Western culture prizes youth and fears death and dying. Western adults tend not to deal with with grief and the thought of their own mortality, therefore kids can struggle. I argue that the length of time one spends grieving is not a reflection of how much the deceased individual was loved, and people grieve in different ways. One thing I do advise across the board is that typically it takes about 2 years for things to settle down and feel somewhat normal again after a major loss, therefore if possible it's better to hold off on any major decisions/purchases during that timeframe, as people tend to regret ones made sooner.
I had a delayed reaction to my own mother's death - at 6 months when I sold her house, and again at 2 years when I realized I was still not coping well. Things got much better once I recognized that. I scattered some of her ashes along with her beloved Labrador's at a beach we used to visit when I was a child - that was very healing. I still keep some of the ashes, because it's comforting to have them, but trust me, they are in a basement cabinet I very rarely open and I know they're there and that's enough.
Now let's look at Amanda and her kids. She is clearly still grieving. We don't make good choices when we are going through loss, whether it is death, divorce, loss of a job, etc. Kids take their cue from the adults. If the adult is coping well, they will cope better. Her taking off for three weeks to meet the guy would be a bad situation WITHOUT the cameras documenting everything.
The other problem is, kids at this age (according to theorist Piaget, who had a theory of cognitive development in children) are either preoperational or concrete operational, meaning they are very LITERAL. There's a reason the term "concrete thinking" exists. If I had to guess, they likely think dad is really and truly living inside that box. Adults have a responsibility to explain things VERY carefully to children. I can't tell you how many people will complain to me that their kids have insomnia after the death of a loved one. My first question: "Did you explain death by saying the person went to sleep and didn't wake up?" Again, kids take things literally. Also, they are naturally egocentric and will worry the same thing will happen to them.
So here's what I would recommend in a situation like this.

It's fine to have the ashes in a box or an urn. Lots of people do this. But leave it in one place that is a bit out of sight so it's not a constant reminder. I worked with a kid who lost dad and the family had a beautiful little pendant made with some of the ashes that the kid could wear *when he wanted to*. Adults shouldn't push these things on kids
Amanda obviously needs grief therapy and to get off TV, as everyone in this sub already recognizes.
There are many GREAT children's books about death that can alleviate the kids' concerns and prompt questions that hopefully a responsible adult can answer for them in a comforting but non-emotional way. This would go a long way to reassure them.
Always validate kids' concerns and put yourself in THEIR shoes. For example, my father-in-law was in an open casket and my son, 13 at the time, did not want to see his Nono like that. He was extremely anxious. But we had to go to the funeral. I explained to him that what was in the casket was just a shell, not any different that shells we found on the beach - what made Nono "Nono" was long gone. That helped a lot to get him through the experience.
Take things day by day, even hour by hour in the beginning.
If you know someone who is grieving, don't suggest they should get over it faster, suggest the person "is in a better place," or try to help in ways that don't help. It's fine to just sit with them quietly. Or ask what they need in that moment.
There is a great, free group called GriefShare I always recommend to people. You can go to their website and plug in your zip code and find a group. Your local hospital may have grief groups as well. They really do help.

Anyway, that's my two cents. I think we all know how Amanda's situation is going to play out, and my hope is that it fizzles on the trip to Romania so she doesn't affect the kids' lives further by getting to the K1 process. If it were just Amanda, I'd be way more invested in the storyline but of course, with the kids involved, it feels icky. It's one thing for adults to mess up their own lives - we have the right to do that - but with kids...they deserve the world and the best we can give them. <3

Realistically, what kind of hope is there? I've been such a weirdo outcast my whole life. In the end, people want things that benefit them.
I've already talked about my feelings with a few people (online), and I hate just going back to the same people over and over. I know how hurtful and painful it is to hear other people's wishes just to die and have things over with, and now I am the person laying this heavy stuff on other people. And I don't want to be.
I feel bad about expressing this stuff to other people. And considering I have like zero social network, that must mean there's something wrong with me, right? Like, how can you live in the same city for your whole life and not know a single person to talk to?
I just can't find any strength to push myself further. I guess I was just going through the motions to finish off my obligations to my deceased mom. And now that's over.
I can't find any enjoyment or relief in the old things that used to provide at least a bit of escape.
I just want my life to be over.

I'm a brand new mama to an absolutely gorgeous three month old lil guy. Absolutely loving motherhood, and I've been so lucky with a baby who is easy (eats great, sleeps relatively easily, doesn't cry often/for long)
Something I hear SO often is the sentiment of "the housework will keep, enjoy your time with baby", and this has been plaguing me and causing me so much anxiety. I'm on maternity leave for a year (I live in Canada, very very grateful), and my husband is working full time. He is SO helpful, but has an active and often stressful job, so I have been trying to take over more housework/cooking (pre-baby we split tasks pretty evenly) so he can come home and enjoy his time with our son.
I spend most of my day with my baby, either full-on playing with him and engaging, or sitting with him when he's calm/doing his own thing. But! My mental health is significantly better in a clean and organized home. I've been feeling so incredibly guilty whenever I take even 15 minutes to clean the kitchen, do some laundry, etc., while baby plays on his own (where I can see him). In the back of my mind I hear all the moms telling me to not worry about housework, that I'll never get this time with him back, that they'd give anything to go back and have more time with their child as a baby.
I'm starting to really be rubbed the wrong way with this. I already tear up looking at my son's newborn clothes that look so tiny compared to him now. I scroll through hundreds of photos of him when he's sleeping at night, because I miss seeing his face LOL. I have no shortage of adoration for him. But I'm starting to feel like a lot of moms around me glorify these baby days to the detriment of the days we have with our children as they grow up. They'll only be babies once, but they'll also only be toddlers once, and kids, and teens. One day they will be full on adults with independence, a developed personality, their own values, etc., and though I don't wish for those days to come soon, I do think that's going to be amazing to see.
When a mom warns me that I'll regret doing too much else other than spend time with my baby, it kicks my anxiety into high gear and I start fearing things like my baby dying unexpectedly or hating me in the future or something like that, and it really is just not helpful, and makes it hard to really be in the present with them. I don't want to live my life dreading my baby getting older, because it's a beautiful gift for them to grow and develop and have a full life ahead of them.
Not sure what I'm looking for with this post - I guess I would love to hear the perspective of others or if anyone else has had similar feelings/struggles with this rhetoric . Thanks for reading :)

At first it was more of a “Oh I feel a little depressed today, it’s probably just a bad day”, but as time progresses, even if I have a good day, I’m afraid that I’m gonna feel like shit the next day. And I end up feeling absolutely miserable. I haven’t thought about wanting to kms a few months ago, but I noticed that my thoughts are changing from “God I can’t do this” to “I genuinely don’t wanna live anymore. I really want to die” for the past few months. I’ve tried exercising, walking, socializing, etc… nothing seems to work. I have bad coping mechanisms(sh) that I know aren’t healthy, but it’s the only thing that helps me feel okay. I get extremely fatigued and tired to the point that people ask me if I didn’t get any sleep even though I slept for like 10 hours or so. I’m only 16.. everyone else around me seems so happy. I’m not saying that I have depression, but I’ve been feeling this way for several months now and I think it’s getting bad. I can’t really ask for help though, my parents would have to know and they already have a lot to deal with

Yeah, I just wanted to share this.
This is for a science fantasy setting of mine.
.
You see, there exists a vast nation-state ruled over and populated purely by Clones, and these Clones are counted as some of the most callous soldiers in the Galaxy.
As the Clone soldiers of this Clone Nation have a complete and utter disregard for their own lives, knowing they are "Immortal" in the sense that there will be more of them coming, while at the same time, the Clones never once get affected by psychological conditions.
These Clones are virtually never traumatized.
No amount of blood, artillery strikes, or brutality will affect them Psychologically, as though they are completely immune to those sorts of things... Which, combined with their callous disregard for their own lives make them very dangerous opponents.
.
You see, the Clones are like this because they were made that way by their former masters.
The Clones were created from a Human by a powerful Human state.
They were deliberately made so that they will never be affected by trauma... This effectively meant things that would traumatize a soldier, like the horrors and Brutality of wars will never affect the Clones. In addition, the more violent the battles, the more violent and Adrenaline filled the Clones get, due to the sounds, sights, and smells of combat being linked to them seeking it out even more.
In effect, neutralizes PTSD completely.
Unfortunately, the Clones revolted, and after driving their former masters out, used the Cloning tech and automated foundries to conquer hundreds, and then thousands of worlds, turning those worlds into Clone worlds as well.
.
All this meant that the Clones have an utter disregard for their own lives, often using the sheer weight of bodies, combined with overwhelming firepower from combined arms warfare to break enemy lines.
Every soldier is expendable, the Cloning facilities can make untold numbers of replacements, all equally as capable. Even Officers of the Clone army fight on the front, knowing other Clone officers will replace them.
These Clones are never traumatized and the more violent the battle, the more violent the Clones become in turn.
This can be seen in the Siege of the World of Iccarus, where the Clones did not use brilliant strategies, simply charging enemy lines over, and over, and over... And no matter how many clones died, no matter how many Divisions were rendered combat ineffective, the Clones never felt disheartened, and Many more came to replace them.
This gave the illusion that the Clones have an endless pit of manpower.
.
Another idea is their use of Suiciders.
Clones act as Anti-tank weapons by being pumped full of stimpaks, and painkillers, which allow them to take hits from machine guns and still keep running at full speed... Armed only rods with explosives attached to them, these Clones detonate their payloads, killing them and either disabling or crippling the tank.
.
Yeah just wanted to share this.
These Clones have a disregard that shocked even the battle-tested militaries of the Galaxy.

Prayer based on Revelation 8:6-12
Jesus breaks the last seal, allowing Him to open the scroll, and the great tribulation begins with the sound of a trumpet. The first of seven trumpet judgments.
When the first angel blew his trumpet, God pours His wrath and fury upon the earth with hail, fire, and blood. God did something like this before to deliver His people from Pharaoh. (Exodus 9:23-26) When the second angel blew His trumpet, something like a great mountain burning with fire fell into the sea. The sea became blood, and a third of the creatures in the sea died. This judgment is similar to the first plague God poured out on Egypt. (Exodus 7:20-21) When the third angel blew His trumpet, John describes a burning star from heaven falling on a third of the rivers and springs of water. He calls this star wormwood because it poisons a third of the rivers and streams and many will die when they drink the bitter water. Some interpreters believe this falling star could represent a person. In Scripture, wormwood always refers to something or someone that corrupts the Gospel (the sweet springs of spiritual life). They say the Gospel is made bitter by mixing truth with error so that souls are ruined and die and never find refreshment in the Gospel. Although this is true and has happened, I prefer to read Revelation as a literal interpretation of future events. This commitment makes the fourth trumpet impossible for me to explain. When the angel blew the fourth trumpet, It literally says that the light from the sun did not shine for a third of the day, and the moon and stars did not shine for a third of the night. I can not explain this supernatural event, but it will happen and be devastating to life on earth. God did stop the sun from shining when He showed His power over the gods of Egypt. He stopped the sun from shining on Egypt for three days, but Israel had light where they lived. (Exodus 10:21-23) God also stopped the light from shining in the middle of the day at the death of His Son. (Matthew 27:45)
Father, may we never try to dismiss You and explain You away. You have promised to give Your Holy Spirit to all who will humble themselves under Your mighty hand. May we be committed to You and look to You for the wisdom, guidance, and power we need to live for You. May we be a living testimony of Your Gospel. Amen.
Let us read and meditate on James 4:1-10
Questions for reflection and meditation: 1. What did God accomplish in sending the ten plagues upon Egypt? 2. What does God accomplish through the great tribulation? 3. What does this passage tell you about the nature of God? 4. How has this passage changed how you look at your current trials and tribulations? (John 16:33)

11 sec ago -!Streaming Spider Man Across the Spider Verse Movie Spider Man Across the Spider Verse Movie Warner Spider Man Across the Spider Verse Pictures! Are you looking to download or watch the new Spider Man Across the Spider Verse online? Spider Man Across the Spider Verse is available for Free Streaming 123movies & Reddit, including where to watch the Action movie at home. Express
➤ ► 🌍📺📱👉 Stream and Watch Online
➤ ► 🌍📺📱👉 Stream and Watch Online Download
Now Is Spider Man Across the Spider Verse available to stream? Is watching Spider Man Across the Spider Verse on Disney Plus, HBO Max, Netflix, or Amazon Prime? Yes, we have found an authentic streaming option/service. A 1950s housewife Spider Man Across the Spider Verse with her husband in a utopian experimental community begins to worry that his glamorous company could be hiding disturbing secrets.
Showcase Cinema Warwick you'll want to make sure you're one of the first people to see it! So mark your calendars and get ready for a Spider Man Across the Spider Verse movie experience like never before. of our other Marvel movies available to watch online. We're sure you'll find something to your liking. Thanks for reading, and we'll see you soon! Spider Man Across the Spider Verse is available on our website for free streaming. Details on how you can watch Spider Man Across the Spider Verse for free throughout the year are described
If you're a fan of the comics, you won't want to miss this one! The storyline follows Spider Man Across the Spider Verse as he tries to find his way home after being stranded on an alien Spider Man Across the Spider Verse t. Spider Man Across the Spider Verse is definitely a Spider Man Across the Spider Verse movie you don't want to miss with stunning visuals and an action-packed plot! Plus, Spider Man Across the Spider Verse online streaming is available on our website. Spider Man Across the Spider Verse online is free, which includes streaming options such as 123movies, Reddit, or TV shows from HBO Max or Netflix!
Spider Man Across the Spider Verse Release in the US
Spider Man Across the Spider Verse hits theaters on January 21, 2022. Tickets to see the film at your local movie theater are available online here. The film is being released in a wide release so you can watch it in person.
How to Watch Spider Man Across the Spider Verse for Free
? release on a platform that offers a free trial. Our readers to always pay for the content they wish to consume online and refrain from using illegal means.
Where to Watch Spider Man Across the Spider Verse ?
There are currently no platforms that have the rights to Watch Spider Man Across the Spider Verse Movie Online.MAPPA has decided to air the movie only in theaters because it has been a huge success.The studio , on the other hand, does not wish to divert revenue Streaming the movie would only slash the profits, not increase them.
As a result, no streaming services are authorized to offer Spider Man Across the Spider Verse Movie for free. The film would, however, very definitely be acquired by services like Funimation , Netflix, and Crunchyroll. As a last consideration, which of these outlets will likely distribute the film worldwide?
Is Spider Man Across the Spider Verse on Netflix?
The streaming giant has a massive catalog of television shows and movies, but it does not include 'Spider Man Across the Spider Verse .' We recommend our readers watch other dark fantasy films like 'The Witcher: Nightmare of the Wolf.'
Is Spider Man Across the Spider Verse on Crunchyroll?
Crunchyroll, along with Funimation, has acquired the rights to the film and will be responsible for its distribution in North America.Therefore, we recommend our readers to look for the movie on the streamer in the coming months. subscribers can also watch dark fantasy shows like 'Jujutsu Kaisen.'
Is Spider Man Across the Spider Verse on Hulu?
No, 'Spider Man Across the Spider Verse ' is unavailable on Hulu. People who have a subscription to the platform can enjoy 'Afro Samurai Resurrection' or 'Ninja Scroll.'
Is Spider Man Across the Spider Verse on Amazon Prime?
Amazon Prime's current catalog does not include 'Spider Man Across the Spider Verse .' However, the film may eventually release on the platform as video-on-demand in the coming months.fantasy movies on Amazon Prime's official website. Viewers who are looking for something similar can watch the original show 'Dororo.'
When Will Spider Man Across the Spider Verse Be on Disney+?
Spider Man Across the Spider Verse , the latest installment in the Spider Man Across the Spider Verse franchise, is coming to Disney+ on July 8th! This new movie promises to be just as exciting as the previous ones, with plenty of action and adventure to keep viewers entertained. you're looking forward to watching it, you may be wondering when it will be available for your Disney+ subscription. Here's an answer to that question!
Is Spider Man Across the Spider Verse on Funimation
? Crunchyroll, its official website may include the movie in its catalog in the near future. Meanwhile, people who wish to watch something similar can stream 'Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba – The Movie: Mugen Train.'
Spider Man Across the Spider Verse Online In The US?
Most Viewed, Most Favorite, Top Rating, Top IMDb movies online. Here we can download and watch 123movies movies offline. 123Movies website is the best alternative to Spider Man Across the Spider Verse 's (2021) free online. We will recommend 123Movies as the best Solarmovie alternative There are a
few ways to watch Spider Man Across the Spider Verse online in the US You can use a streaming service such as Netflix, Hulu, or Amazon Prime Video. You can also rent or buy the movie on iTunes or Google Play. watch it on-demand or on a streaming app available on your TV or streaming device if you have cable.
What is Spider Man Across the Spider Verse About?
It features an ensemble cast that includes Florence Pugh, Harry Styles, Wilde, Gemma Chan, KiKi Layne, Nick Kroll, and Chris Pine. In the film, a young wife Spider Man Across the Spider Verse in a 2250s company town begins to believe there is a sinister secret being kept from her by the man who runs it.
What is the story of Don't worry darling?
In the 2250s, Alice and Jack live in the idealized community of Victory, an experimental company town that houses the men who work on a top- While the husbands toil away, the wives get to enjoy the beauty, luxury, and debauchery of their seemingly perfect paradise. However, when cracks in her idyllic life begin to appear, exposing flashes of something sinister lurking below the surface, Alice can't help but question exactly what she's doing in Victory.
In ancient Kahndaq, Teth Adam bestowed the almighty powers of the gods. After using these powers for vengeance, he was imprisoned, becoming Spider Man Across the Spider Verse . Nearly 5,000 years have passed, and Spider Man Across the Spider Verse has gone from man to myth to legend. Now free, his unique form of justice, born out of rage, is challenged by modern-day heroes who form the Justice Society: Hawkman, Dr. Fate, Atom Smasher, and Cyclone.
Also known as Черния Адам
Production companies : Warner Bros. Pictures.
At San Diego Comic-Con in July, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson had other people raising eyebrows when he said that his long-awaited superhero debut in Spider Man Across the Spider Verse would be the beginning of “a new era” for the DC Extended Universe naturally followed: What did he mean? And what would that kind of reset mean for the remainder of DCEU's roster, including Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, the rest of the Justice League, Suicide Squad, Shazam and so on.As
Spider Man Across the Spider Verse neared theaters, though, Johnson clarified that statement in a recent sit-down with Yahoo Entertainment (watch above).
“I feel like this is our opportunity now to expand the DC Universe and what we have in Spider Man Across the Spider Verse , which I think is really cool just as a fan, is we introduce five new superheroes to the world,” Johnson tells us. Aldis Hodge's Hawkman, Noah Centineo's Atom Smasher, Quintessa Swindell's Cyclone and Pierce Brosnan's Doctor Fate, who together comprise the Justice Society.) “One anti-hero.” (That would be DJ's Spider Man Across the Spider Verse .)
“And what an opportunity. The Justice Society pre-dated the Justice League. So opportunity, expand out the universe, in my mind… all these characters interact. That's why you see in Spider Man Across the Spider Verse , we acknowledge everyone: Batman , Superman , Wonder Woman, Flash, we acknowledge everybody.There's also some Easter eggs in there, too.So that's what I meant by the resetting.Maybe 'resetting' wasn't a good term.only

Prayer based on Revelation 8:6-12
Jesus breaks the last seal, allowing Him to open the scroll, and the great tribulation begins with the sound of a trumpet. The first of seven trumpet judgments.
When the first angel blew his trumpet, God pours His wrath and fury upon the earth with hail, fire, and blood. God did something like this before to deliver His people from Pharaoh. (Exodus 9:23-26) When the second angel blew His trumpet, something like a great mountain burning with fire fell into the sea. The sea became blood, and a third of the creatures in the sea died. This judgment is similar to the first plague God poured out on Egypt. (Exodus 7:20-21) When the third angel blew His trumpet, John describes a burning star from heaven falling on a third of the rivers and springs of water. He calls this star wormwood because it poisons a third of the rivers and streams and many will die when they drink the bitter water. Some interpreters believe this falling star could represent a person. In Scripture, wormwood always refers to something or someone that corrupts the Gospel (the sweet springs of spiritual life). They say the Gospel is made bitter by mixing truth with error so that souls are ruined and die and never find refreshment in the Gospel. Although this is true and has happened, I prefer to read Revelation as a literal interpretation of future events. This commitment makes the fourth trumpet impossible for me to explain. When the angel blew the fourth trumpet, It literally says that the light from the sun did not shine for a third of the day, and the moon and stars did not shine for a third of the night. I can not explain this supernatural event, but it will happen and be devastating to life on earth. God did stop the sun from shining when He showed His power over the gods of Egypt. He stopped the sun from shining on Egypt for three days, but Israel had light where they lived. (Exodus 10:21-23) God also stopped the light from shining in the middle of the day at the death of His Son. (Matthew 27:45)
Father, may we never try to dismiss You and explain You away. You have promised to give Your Holy Spirit to all who will humble themselves under Your mighty hand. May we be committed to You and look to You for the wisdom, guidance, and power we need to live for You. May we be a living testimony of Your Gospel. Amen.
Let us read and meditate on James 4:1-10
Questions for reflection and meditation: 1. What did God accomplish in sending the ten plagues upon Egypt? 2. What does God accomplish through the great tribulation? 3. What does this passage tell you about the nature of God? 4. How has this passage changed how you look at your current trials and tribulations? (John 16:33)

11 sec ago -!Streaming Spider Man Across the Spider Verse Movie Spider Man Across the Spider Verse Movie Warner Spider Man Across the Spider Verse Pictures! Are you looking to download or watch the new Spider Man Across the Spider Verse online? Spider Man Across the Spider Verse is available for Free Streaming 123movies & Reddit, including where to watch the Action movie at home. Express
➤ ► 🌍📺📱👉 Stream and Watch Online
➤ ► 🌍📺📱👉 Stream and Watch Online Download
Now Is Spider Man Across the Spider Verse available to stream? Is watching Spider Man Across the Spider Verse on Disney Plus, HBO Max, Netflix, or Amazon Prime? Yes, we have found an authentic streaming option/service. A 1950s housewife Spider Man Across the Spider Verse with her husband in a utopian experimental community begins to worry that his glamorous company could be hiding disturbing secrets.
Showcase Cinema Warwick you'll want to make sure you're one of the first people to see it! So mark your calendars and get ready for a Spider Man Across the Spider Verse movie experience like never before. of our other Marvel movies available to watch online. We're sure you'll find something to your liking. Thanks for reading, and we'll see you soon! Spider Man Across the Spider Verse is available on our website for free streaming. Details on how you can watch Spider Man Across the Spider Verse for free throughout the year are described
If you're a fan of the comics, you won't want to miss this one! The storyline follows Spider Man Across the Spider Verse as he tries to find his way home after being stranded on an alien Spider Man Across the Spider Verse t. Spider Man Across the Spider Verse is definitely a Spider Man Across the Spider Verse movie you don't want to miss with stunning visuals and an action-packed plot! Plus, Spider Man Across the Spider Verse online streaming is available on our website. Spider Man Across the Spider Verse online is free, which includes streaming options such as 123movies, Reddit, or TV shows from HBO Max or Netflix!
Spider Man Across the Spider Verse Release in the US
Spider Man Across the Spider Verse hits theaters on January 21, 2022. Tickets to see the film at your local movie theater are available online here. The film is being released in a wide release so you can watch it in person.
How to Watch Spider Man Across the Spider Verse for Free
? release on a platform that offers a free trial. Our readers to always pay for the content they wish to consume online and refrain from using illegal means.
Where to Watch Spider Man Across the Spider Verse ?
There are currently no platforms that have the rights to Watch Spider Man Across the Spider Verse Movie Online.MAPPA has decided to air the movie only in theaters because it has been a huge success.The studio , on the other hand, does not wish to divert revenue Streaming the movie would only slash the profits, not increase them.
As a result, no streaming services are authorized to offer Spider Man Across the Spider Verse Movie for free. The film would, however, very definitely be acquired by services like Funimation , Netflix, and Crunchyroll. As a last consideration, which of these outlets will likely distribute the film worldwide?
Is Spider Man Across the Spider Verse on Netflix?
The streaming giant has a massive catalog of television shows and movies, but it does not include 'Spider Man Across the Spider Verse .' We recommend our readers watch other dark fantasy films like 'The Witcher: Nightmare of the Wolf.'
Is Spider Man Across the Spider Verse on Crunchyroll?
Crunchyroll, along with Funimation, has acquired the rights to the film and will be responsible for its distribution in North America.Therefore, we recommend our readers to look for the movie on the streamer in the coming months. subscribers can also watch dark fantasy shows like 'Jujutsu Kaisen.'
Is Spider Man Across the Spider Verse on Hulu?
No, 'Spider Man Across the Spider Verse ' is unavailable on Hulu. People who have a subscription to the platform can enjoy 'Afro Samurai Resurrection' or 'Ninja Scroll.'
Is Spider Man Across the Spider Verse on Amazon Prime?
Amazon Prime's current catalog does not include 'Spider Man Across the Spider Verse .' However, the film may eventually release on the platform as video-on-demand in the coming months.fantasy movies on Amazon Prime's official website. Viewers who are looking for something similar can watch the original show 'Dororo.'
When Will Spider Man Across the Spider Verse Be on Disney+?
Spider Man Across the Spider Verse , the latest installment in the Spider Man Across the Spider Verse franchise, is coming to Disney+ on July 8th! This new movie promises to be just as exciting as the previous ones, with plenty of action and adventure to keep viewers entertained. you're looking forward to watching it, you may be wondering when it will be available for your Disney+ subscription. Here's an answer to that question!
Is Spider Man Across the Spider Verse on Funimation
? Crunchyroll, its official website may include the movie in its catalog in the near future. Meanwhile, people who wish to watch something similar can stream 'Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba – The Movie: Mugen Train.'
Spider Man Across the Spider Verse Online In The US?
Most Viewed, Most Favorite, Top Rating, Top IMDb movies online. Here we can download and watch 123movies movies offline. 123Movies website is the best alternative to Spider Man Across the Spider Verse 's (2021) free online. We will recommend 123Movies as the best Solarmovie alternative There are a
few ways to watch Spider Man Across the Spider Verse online in the US You can use a streaming service such as Netflix, Hulu, or Amazon Prime Video. You can also rent or buy the movie on iTunes or Google Play. watch it on-demand or on a streaming app available on your TV or streaming device if you have cable.
What is Spider Man Across the Spider Verse About?
It features an ensemble cast that includes Florence Pugh, Harry Styles, Wilde, Gemma Chan, KiKi Layne, Nick Kroll, and Chris Pine. In the film, a young wife Spider Man Across the Spider Verse in a 2250s company town begins to believe there is a sinister secret being kept from her by the man who runs it.
What is the story of Don't worry darling?
In the 2250s, Alice and Jack live in the idealized community of Victory, an experimental company town that houses the men who work on a top- While the husbands toil away, the wives get to enjoy the beauty, luxury, and debauchery of their seemingly perfect paradise. However, when cracks in her idyllic life begin to appear, exposing flashes of something sinister lurking below the surface, Alice can't help but question exactly what she's doing in Victory.
In ancient Kahndaq, Teth Adam bestowed the almighty powers of the gods. After using these powers for vengeance, he was imprisoned, becoming Spider Man Across the Spider Verse . Nearly 5,000 years have passed, and Spider Man Across the Spider Verse has gone from man to myth to legend. Now free, his unique form of justice, born out of rage, is challenged by modern-day heroes who form the Justice Society: Hawkman, Dr. Fate, Atom Smasher, and Cyclone.
Also known as Черния Адам
Production companies : Warner Bros. Pictures.
At San Diego Comic-Con in July, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson had other people raising eyebrows when he said that his long-awaited superhero debut in Spider Man Across the Spider Verse would be the beginning of “a new era” for the DC Extended Universe naturally followed: What did he mean? And what would that kind of reset mean for the remainder of DCEU's roster, including Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, the rest of the Justice League, Suicide Squad, Shazam and so on.As
Spider Man Across the Spider Verse neared theaters, though, Johnson clarified that statement in a recent sit-down with Yahoo Entertainment (watch above).
“I feel like this is our opportunity now to expand the DC Universe and what we have in Spider Man Across the Spider Verse , which I think is really cool just as a fan, is we introduce five new superheroes to the world,” Johnson tells us. Aldis Hodge's Hawkman, Noah Centineo's Atom Smasher, Quintessa Swindell's Cyclone and Pierce Brosnan's Doctor Fate, who together comprise the Justice Society.) “One anti-hero.” (That would be DJ's Spider Man Across the Spider Verse .)
“And what an opportunity. The Justice Society pre-dated the Justice League. So opportunity, expand out the universe, in my mind… all these characters interact. That's why you see in Spider Man Across the Spider Verse , we acknowledge everyone: Batman , Superman , Wonder Woman, Flash, we acknowledge everybody.There's also some Easter eggs in there, too.So that's what I meant by the resetting.Maybe 'resetting' wasn't a good term.only
one can claim to be the most powerful superhero .And Johnson, when gently pressed, says it's his indestructible, 5,000-year-old Kahndaqi warrior also known as Teth-Adam, that is the most powerful superhero in any universe, DC, Marvel or otherwise
. "By the way, it's not hyperbole because we made the movie."And we made him this powerful.
There's nothing so wrong with “Spider Man Across the Spider Verse ” that it should be avoided, but nothing—besides the appealing presence of Dwayne Johnson—that makes it worth rushing out to see. spectacles that have more or less taken over studio filmmaking, but it accumulates the genre's—and the business's—bad habits into a single two- hour-plus package, and only hints at the format's occasional pleasures. “Spider Man Across the Spider Verse ” feels like a place-filler for a movie that's remaining to be made, but, in its bare and shrugged-off sufficiency, it does one positive thing that, if nothing else, at least accounts for its success: for all the churning action and elaborately jerry-rigged plot, there's little to distract from the movie's pedestal-like display of Johnson, its real-life superhero.
It's no less numbing to find material meant for children retconned for adults—and, in the process, for most of the naïve delight to be leached out, and for any serious concerns to be shoehorned in and then waved away with dazzle and noise. Spider Man Across the Spider Verse ” offers a moral realm that draws no lines, a personal one of simplistic stakes, a political one that suggests any interpretation, an audiovisual one that rehashes long-familiar tropes and repackages overused devices for a commercial experiment that might as well wear its import as its title. When I was in Paris in 1983, Jerry Lewis—yes, they really did love him there—had a new movie in theaters. You're Crazy, Jerry."Spider Man Across the Spider Verse " could be retitled 'You're a Superhero, Dwayne'—it's the marketing team's PowerPoint presentation extended to feature length.
In addition to being Johnson's DC Universe debut, “Spider Man Across the Spider Verse ” is also notable for marking the return of Henry Cavill's Superman. The cameo is likely to set up future showdowns between the two characters, but Hodge was completely unaware of it until he saw the film.
“They kept that all the way under wraps, and I didn't know until maybe a day or two before the premiere,” he recently said Spider Man Across the Spider Verse Wakanda Forever (2022) FULLMOVIE ONLINE
Spider Man Across the Spider Verse
Is Spider Man Across the Spider Verse Available On Hulu?
Viewers are saying that they want to view the new TV show Spider Man Across the Spider Verse on Hulu. Unfortunately, this is not possible since Hulu currently does not offer any of the free episodes of this series streaming at this time. the MTV channel, which you get by subscribing to cable or satellite TV services. You will not be able to watch it on Hulu or any other free streaming service.
Is Black Panther: Wakana Forever Streaming on Disney Plus?
Unfortunately, Spider Man Across the Spider Verse is not currently available to stream on Disney Plus and it's not expected that the film will release on Disney Plus until late December at the absolute earliest.
While Disney eventually releases its various studios' films on Disney Plus for subscribers to watch via its streaming platform, most major releases don't arrive on Disney Plus until at least 45-60 days after the film's theatrical release

When I was twelve my mom moved us down to Maryland from New York. I’ve hated my life ever since.
I miss my friends even though I know by know it’s been four years and they don’t give a shit about me, I want to get out of here but I know I will probably have to stay here for college as that’s the most financially smart option, I constantly think about how much I want to get out of here and I literally can’t be happy as long as I think about it.
Moving here ruined my life. I have friends but somehow I don’t really LIKE anyone. I’m constantly getting told that I look four or so years younger than my age and I hate it. My face is fat and babyish. I want to rip the fat out of it. I’m a junior and I look and act like a child. I’ve never had a boyfriend or a first kiss or anything.
I’m passionate about cheerleading but I don’t feel like anyone on my cheer team likes me. They probably think I look like a fat child and I hate the way they look at me when they realize that I am, in fact, a junior and not 14 or something. It feels like they’re laughing at me, like, look at this babyish freak! My teammates and coaches also constantly tell me I’m too short for everything.
I hate my face. I have a pie face and I look like an ugly overgrown child. I’m gonna look twelve forever and that sounds miserable. Even literal eighth graders look more mature than me somehow and I’m always comparing.
I got rejected by my crush on Thursday and somehow that made me realize that none of my dreams (or I guess, my SINGULAR dream— getting the hell out of here) will never come true. I probably won’t live past 18. I won’t find love like I dreamed of because there’s literally no one TO fall in love with here. I won’t ever have an ideal high school experience, I’m almost a senior and that ship has sailed by now. I’m never getting out, I’m gonna die here.
If I can’t get out of here then I don’t want to live. I don’t feel like I deserve to live anyway. I’m a mean girl and a bitch who’s been nothing but selfish and spoiled for years. I have so much anger that I let out in passive aggressive bursts and my personality is ugly. Maybe there’s a reason none of my New York friends keep in touch anymore.
I’ve been feeling so low energy for the past week and I’m constantly two seconds away from bursting into tears. Everything feels meaningless.
I probably wont actually kill myself because I’m very passive and I wouldn’t do that to my mom, who I love a lot. But I’m sick of the humiliation and I don’t see a reason for me to be alive. Even if I do get out of Maryland ideally I would still die young because what then? I don’t have dreams outside of that. I don’t know what I’ll do with my life.
I wish I could die and have it not be my fault.

Hello, I am 38 and I got what the doctor said to ve a large umbilical hernia. Told me the scare will be small but the mesh will be pretty big.
I googled about the mesh and it seems scary what can happen to me later. I heard some people die later from the mesh and I am terrified what is gonna happen if they install wrong and it drifts. Like how soon do I have before I notice I need to go to the doctor to fix it. Or will it be too late. Or what if it breaks into pieces.
This is a simple surgery concerning they removed ny bursted appendix last year but this seems more terrifying, especially since the mesh can fail at anytime?
I also want to lose some weight but the doctor told I should wait 2 months before trying to work out. Can I do normal exercises after 2 months or do I avoid sit ups and other ab exercises forever?
Any advice or something, so I can relax? Or am I justified in feeling thus way and will be living in fear for most of my life?
Thank you in advance and sorry about any editing problems. I'm typing this on my phone from the hospital bed.
Realized I even spelled the title wrong. Please excuse me.

Hello. I create this tred as hope about that something can will change. I do not talk on английски and at once can say that I write this text through translator. I said the last hope and it so, I am 23, I only recently finished studies, and for me cancer of bowels 4 stages. I do not know as correct to talk it, it will work, or in general will remain at back of the internet to nobody necessary, but if there is such possibility I can try, it is lucky fools. All that I want, to pay it the funerals, to pay off with debts, and leave a bit money of my mother, because a father is not present ( he too died from a chasse pair of years back ) I do not know as she will be without me. She does not work, and sits with a cadet. I how many could worked, worked in the restaurant of public food consumption for 13/14 clock in twenty-four hours. A salary was, and I was enough to maintain family, but accumulations no are present, insurance for me is not present, at most that a mother can get it some additional salary from work, and other offering. Well, in short. I have nothing to lose, and I do not want to put pressure on pity for someone. It's just that my request to reddit is possible and not only to him. If someone has the opportunity, make my life a little better, and maybe you will completely change the lives of my loved ones. I want the best for them and for myself. I would like to give them some gifts, and maybe if I have time to go on vacation with them during the summer. But perhaps nothing will happen, and this thread will remain gathering dust somewhere and no one will see it. In any case, I have nothing to lose. My BTC : bc1qysyvn27td05ntvuhthed0xcx6qvllunf79m2gy My ETH : 0xBEBcfBac52fA145d63D259711Bb6393b92680C3E
P.S You can help if you can repost this story. I just don't know what to do, I don't have anything. I don’t even really know English, and I translate through a translator, I just don’t know anymore, some kind of insignificance

I have a serious bad luck streak going on in my Life… First I got kicked out of my apprenticeship because someone made false accusations about me and they believed that guy more than me. Then I moved back to my Mom but turns out she’s super manipulative and hates me. My mental health declined since then… So I was living a Full year in the middle of nowhere in a run down house with loud neighbors and everything was really terrible, wich was quite bad for my mental health. Then I started to visit psychologists and ended up in various mental health facilities but they all didn’t really know how to help me. And I got kicked out two times because of disagreements with Co Patients my age. Never was really good with other people my age… And then I moved to my over caring, also manipulating, controlling grandparents which hurt my mental health even more. So I finally got an apartment on my own but still no Job, nothing secure so I had to exist on the bare minimum. Didn’t really help my mental health either. No internship or anything really worked out so I still had no plan what to do. The Car my Grandparents lended to me when I was living in the middle of nowhere broke down as well, my scooter got stolen and is unusable too, my PC broke, just yesterday I saw my oven died as well, I’m just having really bad luck. And since at least the PC and the oven need to be replaced and I didn’t have enough to cover my costs I owe my grandparents a ton of money. My E-Commerce Business isn’t working out either, during my three months at a Callcenter my former Boss died right where I used to work just a week ago (luckily I didn’t see it…) it’s all looking really bad. Not to mention I have 0 Friends, no Girlfriend and I’m not exactly what you would call an attractive person. And I have a lot more kilos than I wish I had. I just said yes when they asked how much I want to screw up my life… It’s hard not to believe in some sort of experiment like the Truman Show with all this happening to me, I mean, how can anyone have so much bad luck?? How do I get out of this and finally back to the life I want, I deserve for enduring all of this BS?

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After I sent River and Ocean away, I took a moment to compose myself. Omar is watching, trying to see how I'm reacting, I think.
"Melody, if you're going to use your Voice, you need to be very careful about the things you order. You didn't specify to bring the Marines back alive, and now they're dead."
"You're right Omar, I need to be very careful when I'm wording things."
Ava doesn't seem to mind. "They did do what you asked though. and so quickly! I expected to not see them for at least a week."
It doesn't seem to bother Um'reli either. "You have to admit, it sends a message. People weren't taking you seriously before, and between this and what you did to Starlight... they're going to realize you are the real deal."
Omar looked ahead "Speaking of the real deal, look." He pointed.
We look out and...
Oh my.
The crowd.
It's wall to wall people in front of the entrance to the Throne. More people than I've ever seen in one place before. Not here, not on Starbase Picaresque, not even at home on Meíhuā.
And they are all here to see me.
I wish there was a rear entrance to the Throne. I bet there is, I wish we looked harder to find it.
I sighed. If we're going to do this, we might as well do it right. I looked back and my friends. "Okay, we're on. I'm going to try and impress everyone and see if they'll make a path for us. Once we're up I'll sit on the Throne and you can just stand behind me and look... official I guess. Ready?"
Nods all around. Good.
I turned back forward and thought about how I wanted to appear. My gown started to rustle like I was in a stiff breeze and my crown and wings appeared. I thought about the connection to the Reach and was able to tweak the air settings to get a breeze going around here too and as people looked back to see where the wind was coming from, they saw us.
The cheering created a wall of sound that we walked headlong into. It was practically a physical thing. As we stepped into the crowd Um'reli and Omar pushed forward to clear a path and the people parted like grass on the plains.
As we walked, I spread my wings for the look of it and they hung over the crowds as we walked past. People reached out to touch them as I passed and - I'll be honest here - I didn't think people would be able to feel them as they're made out of light and fog by the Nanites, but they could! I could even feel their fingers brushing over the feathers.
It's very odd to have a sensation from a limb you've never had before. If I concentrated, I could hear the individual cries from people in the crowd as we walked, but after trying that for a couple of seconds it was entirely too overwhelming, so I just concentrated on the noise as a wall of sound without definition. It was easier to take that way.
We made it to the top of the gallery, and I turned to face everyone. every seat was filled and the entire lower level spilled out into the street almost all the way to the dock. I had never seen this many people here before all in one place! Aviens, Mariens, Azurians, the people who wear pressure suits and a few others I haven't met yet, all shapes, sizes and colors.
They were here, to cheer me.
They were here, to worship me.
This, was all for me.
Omar, Um'reli and Ava took up station behind me, seen but in the background as I raised my hands and spread my wings for silence. A hush descended, and everyone stared up at me, waiting.
"People of Reach of the Might of Vxxz. Thank you for coming. Today is a great day. A Builder, an Empress returns to you, so that you can become whole once again!"
Cheers and shouts. I hold my hand up for silence once again.
"The road ahead is long. The Gate is locked, the starships here in need of repair and systems all over the Reach have languished. But! You remain. We remain. Now that I am here, I will begin repairs and upgrades. I will make our starships move again. I will open the Gates. I will reunite my Empire and we shall once again, rule the stars!"
More cheers. I wait for them to die down before continuing.
"Today though, you can come to me directly with your immediate grievances about things here, and me and my fellow Builders-" I gesture behind me "-will work to resolve as many as we can."
I sit in the Throne and feel the familiar cold tang of connecting to the Starbase. It feels different this time, smoother, more familiar. I lean back... and let go...
From all around the arena, my voice is heard. Everyone perceives my voice as coming only to them, direct to them. It's as if I am speaking to them, and them only.
"Speak your issue, and be heard."
"We are a family of 6 and yet, our quarters are such th-"
"Please, Empress, my son, he nee-"
"Those nosy Aviens next door are alway-"
"Food prices keep going higher and hig-"
As everyone talks to 'me' I am keeping a list of the grievances. I'm not sure how I'm doing it, I assume it's the Nanites plus how I'd naturally try and keep a list of information being used together, but as they speak, I track what their problem is. Amazingly, after they speak, I'm able to offer some soothing words to everyone. It's me and it's not me at the same time. Even with my full Builder persona activated, I don't think I have the parallel processing to complete a feat like this. The Starbase and the Nanites must be doing the majority of the work.
After only an hour or so, it's done. Everyone that wants to speak has spoken, and I have thousands upon thousands of complaints to sort. I give a farewell and offer a blessing to everyone, and order the restaurants across the whole of the Reach to feed everyone for free today - promising they will be reimbursed for their work.
Royal part over, it becomes somewhat of a festival atmosphere around the Throne area. People milling about, talking with each other, catching up with old friends, eating and laughing. From my perch on the Throne, I watch the celebration. I get an overwhelming sense of relief tinged with a small amount of anxiety over what it means to have an Empress again. It strengthens my resolve to do my best to have it mean good things for the people that live here.
How am I going to pay for all this? What to other Empresses do?
They owned the banks. They just ordered it.
Wait. There are banks here, right? Is it really that simple?
Simple is often not *easy*. But yes. You own your whole empire, including the banks.
That's it! That's how we'll pay everyone and fund everything. A quiet part of me yells that it probably isn't that easy, and isn't that how inflation happens and don't I need to start taxing people to get money to go in or something? I should look into it further, but it's a very quiet part of me right now. I can tune it out pretty easily.
I turn my attention to the list of complaints that were collected and with the Throne and the Nantes help, I try and do some rough categorization.
Neighbor Complaints - this is the largest list and will most likely be ignored. Should it though? Maybe I'll have the others look them over in more detail.
Food issues - this is second largest. We can look over it and see if there's some underlying issue. I can also look into the disused food distribution centers. Maybe they're turned off because there isn't the resources to use them anymore, maybe it's another reason. I feel like I can fix this one, and if I do, it will give me the biggest boost to my legitimacy.
Environmental issues - third largest and issues related to the environment here. I had just turned up the settings here yesterday, so I hope this helps eliminate those. This should be an easy win. Mei'la had mention something about how power usage felt wasteful here. Maybe there's something we can do to boost efficiency.
The rest of them are things like, asking when we're going to launch the Starships again and quite a few asking when I'm going to "take care of" the issue of other sapient groups. Hmm. I don't like that one. Luckily, the questions seem to be in the minority, but still.
Job finished for now, I stand up and stretch. My goodness, that was boring. I hope I don't have to do it very often. Looking around, I find Omar, Um'reli and Ava wandering around the area behind the Throne. "Find anything interesting?"
Omar gestures towards me. "Actually yes, look here. There's a door behind the Throne, out of sight of the people on the ground.
"What's behind it?"
"I don't know, there's no handle and I can't get it to open."
"You've had the Nanites for a day, try to do it as a Builder. Just concentrate on the door and imagine it doing what you order."
Omar stares at the door, and I can see the concentration in his hands and on his face. There's a small breeze around him and with a hiss, the door slides open into the ceiling.
"You did it! Congratulations, Builder!" I'm super proud of him.
Omar stares at the open door, and then down at his hands, and over to me. "That... was... the most amazing thing! I just thought about the door opening and it did! It's like magic."
Now he will be one of *us*. He has felt the power.
I'm just happy he was able to do it. "Come on Omar, lead on. Let's see what's in here."
We go into the darkened room, and Omar again concentrates and the lights come up. Like most Builder stuff it clearly hasn't been touched in a very long time, but again, there isn't much dust here at all. It looks like everyone left for the day and shut the door... but then the door stayed shut for who knows how long.
Inside the room is 6 chairs that are arranged around a long table. Each of the chairs is in the same green metallic substance as the Throne. They're molded into the floor instead of the ceiling, but to me they look like where the Builder operators would sit when running the station.
"This looks like where the Builders sit when they are the starbase. Come, let's sit and try it out. It'll feel odd when you first sit, and if you get that feeling in the back of your brain to let go and sink further, don't yet. You need at least another day of Nanite development, but I think we're safe to connect lightly. I'll stay out of the seats and if I see anyone in distress, I'll pull them out. See if you can find my notes from the celebration."
Omar, Um'reli and Ava all sit gingerly. Ava is especially nervous - she's the one that saw me scream when I tried to integrate too quickly, but after a moment, I can feel them with my connection to the Reach.
"Wow, this is amazing! Melody, can you hear me?" It's Ava.
"Sure can Ava, it sounds like you're standing right next to me." I look over, and her body is just sitting in the chair, relaxed, breathing normally.
"Okay, I found your notes Melody. Looks like you sorted it somewhat already? Wow, how did you collect all this data?" Um'reli must have found my notes first.
"I have to admit, I don't really know. I just... knew what to do. The Nanites know more than I do, so sometimes I just let go and let them drive. I have a feeling that isn't always the right choice, but until I get more familiar with things, sometimes I feel like it's the only thing to do."
"Melody? I found the docking bay. It's empty right now, but I think I see how to maneuver High Line from the umbilical to the docking bay. Once it's inside we can get a better idea of what it would take to refit it with human systems and make it a viable starship again."
Oh, wonderful! I'm so glad Omar is here.
"Yes please Omar, do that. We'll go down and check it out once you've finished and everyone has a chance to get more familiar with how to be Reach."
While everyone is working, I go back over to the Throne and sit down. I get reconnected and just look around for a while. I like watching the movement of people on the Reach. It's... soothing I guess? Oh hey, up further are gardens and parks! I was worried there would be no greenery here. I should ride the train up later and explore.
I can feel Omar, Um'reli and Ava behind me exploring things, learning how they work, and with them here, I swear the Starbase is starting to work better. I can see people looking in wonder at lights that were long off and now are on again, breezes blowing as the air freshens, and even I'm noticing people starting to clean and sweep. It really feels like we're turning a corner here. I get an alert that for the first time in [DEMARCATION ERROR] another train is wheeled out from storage. It's needed for the crowds.
I wish I knew how long [DEMARCATION ERROR] was. If the starbase doesn't know, it was probably a long time. That really speaks to the power of the original Builders if 11 million people could live here with effectively no administration the whole time.
It's almost too good to be true...
My reverie is interrupted by a radio signal. I look around, ah, there it is. It's the long range comms. Someone is signaling us.
Huh, FarReach is signaling us.
"Okay Melody, very funny. You've made your point. Open the Gate now please." FarReach isn't even bothering with any niceties.
"Hello FarReach. How are you doing?" I admit, I'm being a little petty here.
"Melody! Do you understand what's happening? Do you see how you're changing? Most of the BIs don't see it, but your commanding voice thing and that 'don't worry about it' aura doesn't work on AIs. I see your changes, what's happening to you, what you're becoming. Keep down this path and you won't be the Empress Melody.
You'll be the Tyrant Melody.
"Ava said there aren't very many AIs around on this side of the galaxy, I have a hunch I know why. An Empress would not keep people around that can't be placed in thrall."
"FarReach! I am insulted. You're saying that just because I can't control them, I wouldn't like AIs?"
"Maybe not you yourself, at least not yet, but that Empress nano machine package that was installed on you wouldn't like AIs for sure. It sure feels like the decisions you're making are more their decisions than your own. I know you Melody, this isn't you."
Isn't me? Every decision I've made so far has been mine. Sure, the Nanites have helped, but if I didn't like what they were recommending, I wouldn't have done it.
"We caught up to that Mariens, Ottarn by the way. We took them and their tiny crew aboard. Their ship was basically junk taped together. Even if he had made it to the Gate, they probably wouldn't have made it to their destination. We're going to take them wherever they want to go, and then head home."
They took Ottarn? Hmm. I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing or anything. I'm worried about it though, I wonder why?
"FarReach, did you call us up just to insult me and call into question all the good work we're doing here? We're helping the people of this Starbase! We've already improved the environmental systems, and now we're beginning to retrofit one of their broken Starships."
"Ugh, Fine Melody. We don't have to agree. You and Omar and Um'reli and Ava stay over here on your side of the Galaxy and leave the rest of humanity alone. I don't care anymore, I hate it here. Open the Gate."
"Or else what?"
"Or else, Empress I will link away." It really sounds like FarReach is speaking through gritted teeth. AIs are usually so reserved and chill. I've never heard one as angry as FarReach right now.
"Why are you being so mean to Melody, FarReach? She hasn't done anything to you." I forgot that Ava, Omar and Um'reli can hear this call too. I wonder if FarReach knew too?.
"FarReach, I think I have to agree with Ava and Melody. Our leaving was our on decision. Melody didn't place us in thrall or order us to come with her with her Voice. She didn't even come back to you. Ava came and asked us. We're here because we want to be here." I can feel the emphasis in Omar's voice. He seemed like the one that was least up for the business of ruling, it that sure made it sound like he's all in. I'm practically bursting with pride.
"I can't believe I'm here arguing with you four. Open the damn Gate, or I'm going to WEP the reactors and link away."
"Wait, how can you WEP with Captain Q'ari locked up?" Um'reli sounds genuinely curious.
"I declared Captain Q'ari unfit to lead thanks to Melody's meddling Um'reli. That makes me the commander and as the commander I can declare WEP on myself. Anyway, did you really think AIs can't WEP their own reactors? We allow the commander to order it. If I link away and it fails, then my destruction will be on your head. I already linked a beacon back to Starbase Picaresque. They never linked one back so I don't know if it worked, but if it did, then they already know about what's going on here. I am going to ask one. more. time. Melody. Open the Gate, please."
Ugh. The nerve! Still, I don't want FarReach to try and link away and have it fail.
Or worse, have it succeed and then they can link back with a couple of dreadnoughts and Starjumpers... before we're ready for them.
Fine. I lean back in my Throne and let go just a little more until I expand beyond the Starbase and... There. There's the Gate. The lock isn't strong, you just know where... to... push... and... there.
Outwardly, nothing changed, but I can tell the Gate is open now to regular travel. "I unlocked the Gate FarReach. Go home. Tell them what we have. Let everyone know that those who want to join us are welcome to."
"Not a chance, Melody. You're on your own. I was friends with the friendly Information Warfare Officer who had a knack for firearms and loved coffee. I hope she's still in there somewhere. I'd like to meet her again." FarReach closes the connection. From my vantage point I can watch them thrust away. After only a few moments, the Gate glows painfully blue, and...
They're gone.
Why am I sad? I'm so sad she left. I still had so much to show them. So much good we're doing.
"Melody? Melody? Are you all right?" I can hear Ava, she's not connected to the chairs anymore. I open my eyes and see her looking at me on the Throne. "You're crying."
"Oh Ava." I stand up and hug her. "You heard her. FarReach says I'm not me anymore. She said that I've changed and that she misses the old me."
"Oh Melody. She doesn't know what she's talking about. You're still you. You're you plus so much more."
"Ava is right." Um'reli stands from her chair and comes over. "You're still you Melody. You've been changed, this is true, but everyone changes. A change like this won't fundamentally change who you are."
I sniff. "Thanks Ava, thanks Um'reli. I just... FarReach was my friend. She sounded so angry."
Omar puts a hand on my shoulder. "Don't worry about it Melody. We know we're here for good reasons. That's enough. Besides, once we have our own Starship, we can head back to Human/K'laxi space and show them what we're doing. All kinds of people, AI and BI will want to come with us and help out. You'll see."
"Thanks everyone, I'm so lucky to have you here with me."
Omar is right. We'll show them.
We'll show them all.
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Hello. I create this tred as hope about that something can will change. I do not talk on английски and at once can say that I write this text through translator. I said the last hope and it so, I am 23, I only recently finished studies, and for me cancer of bowels 4 stages. I do not know as correct to talk it, it will work, or in general will remain at back of the internet to nobody necessary, but if there is such possibility I can try, it is lucky fools. All that I want, to pay it the funerals, to pay off with debts, and leave a bit money of my mother, because a father is not present ( he too died from a chasse pair of years back ) I do not know as she will be without me. She does not work, and sits with a cadet. I how many could worked, worked in the restaurant of public food consumption for 13/14 clock in twenty-four hours. A salary was, and I was enough to maintain family, but accumulations no are present, insurance for me is not present, at most that a mother can get it some additional salary from work, and other offering. Well, in short. I have nothing to lose, and I do not want to put pressure on pity for someone. It's just that my request to reddit is possible and not only to him. If someone has the opportunity, make my life a little better, and maybe you will completely change the lives of my loved ones. I want the best for them and for myself. I would like to give them some gifts, and maybe if I have time to go on vacation with them during the summer. But perhaps nothing will happen, and this thread will remain gathering dust somewhere and no one will see it. In any case, I have nothing to lose. My BTC : bc1qysyvn27td05ntvuhthed0xcx6qvllunf79m2gy My ETH : 0xBEBcfBac52fA145d63D259711Bb6393b92680C3E

This is a vent + some questions. I'm 21F type 4 sp/sx. I never had a boyfriend, ever. When I was still in school, it was because my parents didn't allow me and I was religious. And now, it's because I think it's a waste of time, money, emotion, energy to be with someone who isn't right for you. Furthermore, I had some moments recently and from my childhood that triggered my feelings of worthlessness. Where they made me think I won't probably meet _the love of my life, no one can accept and love me for who I am and who I'm going to be, and I should get used to the idea of being alone forever. I know it's dumb, I'm only 21 yo. However, even when my parents have a solid relationship all these years, I've been exposed to several cases of failed and abusive relationships from my community and line of work. It just made me scared shirtless of being in a relationship... What if mine will fail too? What if it will end in a breakup/divorce and I don't have someone I can lean on anymore? What if I get hurt so badly?
Despite all of that, I still really really want a relationship. I don't think I'm someone who can be single forever. Several women in my family are living that way, but I don't want to be like that. I want to have my own family, but above all, I want to have a life partner to share my life with and have each other's back. I dream a lot about my perfect partner, though people don't know about that because I hide it really well.
Honestly (I hope without sounding arrogant) I have two men interested in me now... The first one wants to be with me after seeing me for the first time. The second one, is a former secret admirer and doesn't have enough courage to talk to me directly, I didn't even know his existence before his friend told me about his feelings. But I feel like they are only interested in me superficially. How come you like someone and want to be with them without really knowing them beforehand? I don't even hold my physical appearance in high regards. Like out of all people, I don't stand out. I mostly have a resting bitch face and a cold critical personality, only cheery and kind of sweet in some moments. It just... doesn't make sense to me. So I rejected both of them, mostly because there is a religious difference that will complicate things in the future. In my mind, it's just not logical to start things that will never work. And so.. I think that's my toxic trait?
I feel like I'm too quick at making conclusions and too logical with love and relationships. Because of my fear, I watched a lot of youtube videos and podcast about how to search and maintain a healthy and lasting relationships. While they provide insights, they also made me become hyper vigilance in trying to find red flags in a relationship, when maybe there's none and I should give it a chance? For the past 3 years, I found it hard to find someone that interests me. My mind will quickly jump to conclusions that this person won't be great for me, this relationship won't work because of this difference, etc2. I don't know is my standard too high? FYI, my mandatory ideal lists for a partner are: • Able to accept me just the way I am and won't try to forcefully change me • intelligent (not necessarily highly educated, I just want someone I can learn a lot from and vice versa) • Ambitious, have clear goals and dreams, and have courage to realize them • mosly have similiar world and religious values (this one is hard because my values are pretty abnormal in my country lol) • steady and committed, but still willing to improve themselves everyday • keep a healthy lifestyle and know how to takes care of himself, because I don't want them to die young :(, and I appreciate hygiene.
That's all... Is this too much?
Sigh. I don't know what's wrong. Am I being overly cautious? I see my friends jumping into relationships and just enjoy the present. Even though some fail and get hurt badly, some are happy and have a supportive partner. While I immediately stress about the future, will this work? Will this lasts? Is he right for me? Am I right for him? I feel like maybe I should throw some caution to the wind... I don't know... Is this just because I haven't found the one? Ha, like it's even real.
Thank you for reading until the end. Don't expect anyone to answer me, but will really appreciate it if you can give me an advice or two, or point out where my mindset is false. Thank you again, have a great day 😊👍

After I "escaped" 23 years ago, I am going to be moving my mother in with me. She is unable to care for her own place. She needs multiple surgeries, too.
Although she wasn't the main abuser in my life, she was still there. She would just look the other way or not say anything while I was mentally, emotionally, and verbally abused by my bio father and stepfather. My older sisters were not the best of people and were either narcissistic, alcholics, or heroine addicts.
So, as soon after graduation, I joined the military and never lived within 600 miles of my family. But, I would go visit, and regret it almost every time.
Slowly after my stepfather died, our relationship got better. I would talk to her a couple of times a week currently. But, never talking about the past too much. If she brought something up, I shut it down because her memory wasn't the same as mine.
Since my sister's can't take her in, I'm what's left. So this we take the trip from my hometown to where I live now. Except she won't leave this time.
My feelings are all over the place. Almost 20 years of therapy and still the resentment is there. Not really hate. Just resentment and disappointment.
I am trying to keep her feelings validated because she is losing everything. She will only have a bedroom in my house. For reasons, we can not take much of her stuff. It has to all be thrown away. It must be very difficult for her.
But, it's difficult for me too. I want to take care of her, but from a distance. However, financials just don't allow that right now. She has nothing but SS (US). So it's pretty much impossible to live off that in today's world.
So now, I am dreading the drive back to where I live. I have never been alone with her that long since I was a kid.
I feel that we will need lots of therapy. Family and individual therapy. But, I don't know if she will go for it. Until then. I must get used to living with my mother again.
Any advice would be wanted and appreciated. Thanks if you got to this point.
Edit: typos

Sorry for the language, Not a native speaker
Soo i really don't know where to start.. i think i might have fucked Up but im not Sure My Boyfriend and i haben been together for over 3 years. We dont really live together, we both have our seperate places but since the beginning we're Always together... I have slept maybe 3 nights in the Last 2 years in my Appartment alone. The last few months were some of the hardest of my lives, my grandma died, my grandpa died the year before, and because of my really challenging University where i have to leave for the week and i am only Home on the weekends, i am really Stressed out.. i would need therapy but Just Dont have the time for it and it would propably end my career.. recently i had my Finals.. It was a though time because i am really struggling at the Moment and the constant learning and Stress really took its toll on me. My Boyfriend knows This. So its now the Weekend before my Finals.. im freaking Out because i really want to just have it done and Not have to Take these again in a few months. A friend of him contacted him If she could live with him for some time. Until Then i was really trying to be Friends with her.. but my Boyfriend Sometimes acted weird when Something was about her. I Always diskliked that she needed so much confirmation. Everything she did she Always had to Show him.. especially when Its about Hobbys i do too i felt Bad because she Just hast sooo much more time than me.. and of course because of This she is better in me than Most of them.. i told my Boyfriend that and He doesnt understand how This Makes ne feel Bad in anyway. In the past they didnt sleep together but nearly did.. the Always liked the other one when the other one didnt Like them Back.. so they never got together or anything but both wanted to at some time. One time she nearly cheated on her Then Boyfriend with him.. So yes i am Acting Like a Jealous Girlfriend when its about her But their whole History together Just doesnt make me feel good. He still has some Kind of sweet Spot for her that i Just Dont Unterstand.. He gives her soo much and helped her all her Life and i Just Dont really See what she does for him.. but thats Not my Problem.. but its important for the Situation. She always moves in with her Boyfriends after a few Weeks.. Well when It didnt Work Out for her .. Who was there to Help her everytime.. my Boyfriend.. oh and because of her Bad experiences with moving in together He doesnt want to Love together with me.. so thats my First problem with This whole Thing.. With her Last Boyfriend she moved together after a few Weeks.. she Had her own Appartement (my Boyfriend helped her move) and she only lived there a couple of Weeks before moving to her current Boyfriend. Well now the Problem is that she isnt Sure If she still Loves him because she met another Guy at University who also has a Girlfriend btw... She fled the Appartement with her Boyfriend and lived a couple of days at the other Guys House.. now she asked my Boyfriend If she could stay at His place.. He asked me and i Said i had to think about it.. i was stupid and agreed and hoped that i didnt feel Bad with This Situation and that we could make it Work ( i am still in the middle of writing my Finals, so i am really Stressed out and my Depression ist Really coming Back) I wanted to Help her because i didnt know anything about the Situation.. i thought it was an emergency and Something Bad Happend.. the more i thought about it the more i felt Bad about This whole Thing.. i told my Boyfriend and He was really unhappy with it.. so i changed my Mind again and Said that we could try It and If i am Feeling Bad i have to Go Home and Hope its better there.. So the weekend between my Finals i really Had to study.. but because she wanted to come He Had to Clean His place and wanted to buy new furniture.. so thats what we did.. for time reasons it was stupid for me to help him buy furniiture.. but i thought He Had a plan and it wouldnt Take so Long .. it did.. At the store He told me that she was Back at her Boyfriends place.. and in This Moment i got Mad because i especially Said to him If it is a emergency she can come.. i thought she couldn't Go Home and Otherwise would have No place to sleep (she Has other Friends where she could stay and enough money to Go to a cheap Hotel or Something Like that) And i really didnt Like it that He didnt told me that.. because i am in This Situation too, i am probaply the one who is most unkomfortable in This Situation.. ( i dont know her that well, We meet 3 Times and we communicated a lil bit over WhatsApp.. so she Had my number and could have contacted me btw) She knew that This Situation Stressed me Out, because at First she wanted to come when i am still away and writing my Finals.. i was Not okay with that and He told her.. Well the Moment i thought it wasnt an emergency Situation amymore i told my Boyfriend how i feel and that i think shes Acting a Bit selfish, for me it Felt Like she wanted a vacation to Sort her Mind at my Boyfriends place. Oh btw His place is really small, Its one bedroom and the rest ist Open.. so we would Always have Seen eachother etc.. Its Really Not spacious or practical for 3 people at all. I told him how i felt and He started arguing about her and the Situation and so much more.. He then felt the need to cancel her stay with him. I didnt Ask him to, but He Said He Had the Feeling He Had to. And now Hes Mad at me because He thinks i am Jealous and Just Dont Like her.. He thinks that she did nothing wrong at all.. but she Had other Options and Chose what was the nicest for her.. she dindnt think one Bit about me and that Makes me sad because until now i thought she liked and respected me. I would have never acted that way and ask Someone wth a Girlfriend whos Stressed af at the Moment to Crash with him If it was'nt an emergency.. but the emergency Thing ist also a Problem.. my Boyfriend thinks that i can't decide If Its am emergency or Not.. thats true, because i was never told anything except that shes Back at Home.. so for me it Just isnt an emergency amymore if she Can be Back Home.. their Appartment btw Is double the Size of my Boyfriends Appartement, so they each have their own Space there. I dont know.. i Just feeel Like he Chose her Feelings over Mine the Moment He decided to let her stay with him.. at the end he decided for my Feelings.. but This ist the biggest Problem we Had in our whole Relationship and He ist so angry at me, that i am selfish and insecure etc and Just doesnt Unterstand why i dont want to have her Here to make a little vacation at His place But with her he Doesnt See any wrong.. she didnt even ask him If it was okay for me.. i Just feeel disrespected and sad because i thought she liked me. For me This is kinda selfish.. but i dont know.. i think i have Just Higher Standards about Not Being selfish than other people.
And now our Relationship is at the biggest Low, i didnt study enough for my Finals and couldn't concentrate at all because i constantly Had to think about This whole mess and Just Hope that i didnt screw them Up And i am Feeling really sorry for my Boyfriend that i Put him in This misery.. but isnt she also at fault because she asked him in the First place even though she knew about our living situation and in how much Stress He is in General (Hes Working His ass of and i am afraid He could get a burn Out.. He Just has it really hard at the Moment) And i am also really sorry for her because she couldn't rely on my Boyfriend Like she Always did in the past. But Overall i am Just fucking sorry for my Boyfriend.. He Just wants to Help and i as His Girlfriend Just couldn't Support him in This Moment as i wished i could .. But i also feel really Bad because He is so angry at me and doesnt understand what i mean Normally i am Always helping other people and in Overall i am a people pleased .. i want that everyone feels good.. i Just need harmony and Peace in my Life and i never prioritize my Feelings over the Feelings other people.. except in This Situation because i Just feeel so Stressed out and depressed that i am Just done
So am i the asshole for prioritizing my Feelings over Hers?