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2013.12.08 01:44 No Man's Sky
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2023.03.30 06:10 ThrowRA102938475699 My [22M] Girlfriend [20F] has terrible anxiety and vaginismus which has killed our sex life
So my girlfriend and I have been dating for about a year now and I will preface this by saying I love her incredibly much and can see a life with her apart from the issues surrounding our sex life.
So for a bit of background, she struggles heavily with anxiety which definitely takes its toll. She has terrible anxiety induced insomnia which affects her pretty much every night that she has something on the next day (work, college, drinks etc).
She also struggles a lot with self doubt and body image issues (I am always reassuring and complimenting her on her abilities, appearance etc). Gut issues like bloating (potentially also anxiety induced) also don’t help with the body image thing either.
Then there’s the issue of vaginismus (again, probably also anxiety induced). The first few months of us being together there was no issues at all with penetration. She has told me that she have issues with previous partners before me however and had seen a pelvic floor therapist and used dilators to help resolve that, but stopped using them and threw them away a year (as a sort of celebration that she defeated it) before we got together.
Also want to be clear - I have never once pressured her into penetrative sex especially not with the vaginismus. I have always been super clear that it doesn’t worry me and we don’t need penetration to have good sex and at the beginning of symptoms when could still PIV but sometimes would have pain, it was always on her terms and I always asked her to communicate any pain with me so I can stop. I have always been super supportive of her through this and never pressured her or made her feel bad.
Couple other important details: - I definitely have a high libido, hers used to be just medium, wasn’t a problem at all but seems to be low now. - She has never had an orgasm and seems to think she never will. - Her mom was quite sex negative growing up, saying stuff like sex is gross/men are gross etc from teen years onward - potentially to discourage? But I think all it did is harm my GF’s ideas around sex. - Have noticed her mom can be quite dismissive of her dad and not take him seriously with requests or emotions etc. Wonder how this has affected my GF.
Anyways, it’s been probably 6 months since the last time we had penetrative sex (which is fine) and a couple more months longer than that since it was regular. Before vaginismus was an issue we would have sex multiple times a week, go for multiple rounds etc - though our living arrangements at the time allowed for this.
We have both moved back home to our parents houses for the time being (privacy isn’t an issue when at my house, but is at hers so she is usually too anxious of this to do anything at her house) so aren’t seeing each other as often as when were living in apartments with roommates - but we still probably see each other 2-4 times a week under normal circumstances, which you’d think would mean every time we meet at least at my house that we’d have some sort of sexual activity since its infrequent but this isn’t usually the case. Variety of reasons, sometimes it’s lack of sleep, sometimes she feels insecure, sometimes she is irritable and so on.
The real issue is not the lack of PIV sex but the lack of sexual activity in general. Sometimes we go a week or more without really any sexual contact beyond a few kisses and cuddles as my advances for going further get rejected more often than not and she doesn’t really initiate. Average would probably be once per week of some sort of sexual activity usually lasting less than 15min.
She also has never given me blowjob to completion - the few it’s gotten close she has got me or her to finish with hands because she doesn’t want me to finish in her mouth (which is fine, she has a very overactive gag reflex) but problem is usually she’ll give head for about a minute then just ask me to finish myself off while she watches then it’s all finished for the night.
She also doesn’t really let me go down on her very often anymore despite her always enjoying it (at least that’s what she says and how she acts) and knowing how much I love it, and sometimes when I do she’ll just get me to wrap up early to just stop or on occasion to give me one of those BJs despite me being perfectly happy to go forever. Think she can get insecure about me being down there and seeing her body from that angle as well.
I also get a lot of the typical “can we just have one night without any sexual stuff/all you think about is sex” sorta shit which just deflates me, but I feel like she says it as a defence mechanism to deflect from her insecurities or whatever the reason she doesn’t want to may be.
I don’t want to have sex just to get off - I want to have sex because it’s the most intimate time with her and emotionally important to me. I think she must think I’m just a man with testosterone making me horny all the time, which while true, doesn’t mean I should just get over it as I don’t care for finishing more so the actual experience with her. I have resorted to masturbating a 3-5 times a week which just makes me feel lonely and want her.
Occasionally we’ll have a night where it’s really intimate and fun and all my worries go away but this is like once a month max otherwise its the typical rejection or half ass blowjob/3 min of me giving her head. The good nights are still usually max 20-30 min and never second round or anything - we might do 69 (usually not as she gets insecure of me seeing her in that position) or something and thats as adventurous as it gets lol. Have talked about anal or pegging but she just seems indifferent so haven’t really pursued it much.
She hasn’t pursued any sort of treatment for her vaginismus since this has been occurring with us (she mentioned at the start of the year she wanted to get over it, but nothing happened since then) which hurts a lot and makes my stomach churn to think that she obviously cared enough about sex with her FWB’s before me to use dilators and such to fix it. But won’t do it now?
I just feel like I can’t really bring up wanting her to see a pelvic floor therapist and dilating again as it isn’t my place and I don’t want to seem selfish making it about me. And it makes her emotional to think about it and how daunting the road ahead to fixing it is. I guess it’s likely also anxiety and upbringing related and so would want her to see someone (CBT?) for that but don’t know how to approach the subject without coming across as selfish, seem like I’m guilt tripping her or hurting her feelings.
I just feel really undesired and inadequate due to lack of her initiating and all of the rejection/dismissals toward my end and I really really miss what we had pre vaginismus. I really love this woman and love being intimate with her and all other parts of our relationship are great. I am so empathetic and supportive with all the roadblocks (vaginismus, anxiety, body image, insomnia) she has run into on the way but it seems like she gets too overwhelmed by all of them and then doesn’t want to do anything about any of it. Which I completely understand, but I can’t keep going like this. Any advice?
submitted by ThrowRA102938475699 to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
So for a bit of background, she struggles heavily with anxiety which definitely takes its toll. She has terrible anxiety induced insomnia which affects her pretty much every night that she has something on the next day (work, college, drinks etc).
She also struggles a lot with self doubt and body image issues (I am always reassuring and complimenting her on her abilities, appearance etc). Gut issues like bloating (potentially also anxiety induced) also don’t help with the body image thing either.
Then there’s the issue of vaginismus (again, probably also anxiety induced). The first few months of us being together there was no issues at all with penetration. She has told me that she have issues with previous partners before me however and had seen a pelvic floor therapist and used dilators to help resolve that, but stopped using them and threw them away a year (as a sort of celebration that she defeated it) before we got together.
Also want to be clear - I have never once pressured her into penetrative sex especially not with the vaginismus. I have always been super clear that it doesn’t worry me and we don’t need penetration to have good sex and at the beginning of symptoms when could still PIV but sometimes would have pain, it was always on her terms and I always asked her to communicate any pain with me so I can stop. I have always been super supportive of her through this and never pressured her or made her feel bad.
Couple other important details: - I definitely have a high libido, hers used to be just medium, wasn’t a problem at all but seems to be low now. - She has never had an orgasm and seems to think she never will. - Her mom was quite sex negative growing up, saying stuff like sex is gross/men are gross etc from teen years onward - potentially to discourage? But I think all it did is harm my GF’s ideas around sex. - Have noticed her mom can be quite dismissive of her dad and not take him seriously with requests or emotions etc. Wonder how this has affected my GF.
Anyways, it’s been probably 6 months since the last time we had penetrative sex (which is fine) and a couple more months longer than that since it was regular. Before vaginismus was an issue we would have sex multiple times a week, go for multiple rounds etc - though our living arrangements at the time allowed for this.
We have both moved back home to our parents houses for the time being (privacy isn’t an issue when at my house, but is at hers so she is usually too anxious of this to do anything at her house) so aren’t seeing each other as often as when were living in apartments with roommates - but we still probably see each other 2-4 times a week under normal circumstances, which you’d think would mean every time we meet at least at my house that we’d have some sort of sexual activity since its infrequent but this isn’t usually the case. Variety of reasons, sometimes it’s lack of sleep, sometimes she feels insecure, sometimes she is irritable and so on.
The real issue is not the lack of PIV sex but the lack of sexual activity in general. Sometimes we go a week or more without really any sexual contact beyond a few kisses and cuddles as my advances for going further get rejected more often than not and she doesn’t really initiate. Average would probably be once per week of some sort of sexual activity usually lasting less than 15min.
She also has never given me blowjob to completion - the few it’s gotten close she has got me or her to finish with hands because she doesn’t want me to finish in her mouth (which is fine, she has a very overactive gag reflex) but problem is usually she’ll give head for about a minute then just ask me to finish myself off while she watches then it’s all finished for the night.
She also doesn’t really let me go down on her very often anymore despite her always enjoying it (at least that’s what she says and how she acts) and knowing how much I love it, and sometimes when I do she’ll just get me to wrap up early to just stop or on occasion to give me one of those BJs despite me being perfectly happy to go forever. Think she can get insecure about me being down there and seeing her body from that angle as well.
I also get a lot of the typical “can we just have one night without any sexual stuff/all you think about is sex” sorta shit which just deflates me, but I feel like she says it as a defence mechanism to deflect from her insecurities or whatever the reason she doesn’t want to may be.
I don’t want to have sex just to get off - I want to have sex because it’s the most intimate time with her and emotionally important to me. I think she must think I’m just a man with testosterone making me horny all the time, which while true, doesn’t mean I should just get over it as I don’t care for finishing more so the actual experience with her. I have resorted to masturbating a 3-5 times a week which just makes me feel lonely and want her.
Occasionally we’ll have a night where it’s really intimate and fun and all my worries go away but this is like once a month max otherwise its the typical rejection or half ass blowjob/3 min of me giving her head. The good nights are still usually max 20-30 min and never second round or anything - we might do 69 (usually not as she gets insecure of me seeing her in that position) or something and thats as adventurous as it gets lol. Have talked about anal or pegging but she just seems indifferent so haven’t really pursued it much.
She hasn’t pursued any sort of treatment for her vaginismus since this has been occurring with us (she mentioned at the start of the year she wanted to get over it, but nothing happened since then) which hurts a lot and makes my stomach churn to think that she obviously cared enough about sex with her FWB’s before me to use dilators and such to fix it. But won’t do it now?
I just feel like I can’t really bring up wanting her to see a pelvic floor therapist and dilating again as it isn’t my place and I don’t want to seem selfish making it about me. And it makes her emotional to think about it and how daunting the road ahead to fixing it is. I guess it’s likely also anxiety and upbringing related and so would want her to see someone (CBT?) for that but don’t know how to approach the subject without coming across as selfish, seem like I’m guilt tripping her or hurting her feelings.
I just feel really undesired and inadequate due to lack of her initiating and all of the rejection/dismissals toward my end and I really really miss what we had pre vaginismus. I really love this woman and love being intimate with her and all other parts of our relationship are great. I am so empathetic and supportive with all the roadblocks (vaginismus, anxiety, body image, insomnia) she has run into on the way but it seems like she gets too overwhelmed by all of them and then doesn’t want to do anything about any of it. Which I completely understand, but I can’t keep going like this. Any advice?
2023.03.30 06:09 MarriageThrowaway777 Are we doomed because we are both so passive?
This may come across more like a vent but hoping for some perspective.
I’m a 36 year old man married to a 36 year old woman. Married 7 years, together 12 year. Two preschoolers in daycare and we both share household workload equally. Both working professionals medium/high stress jobs, financially secure. Decent communicators about household plans and kid stuff. We have an amazing intermingled and tight friend group, 5 other couples we all got together at the same time and had kids same age. From the outside we have a great life. And I really like the life we have.
But since kids (5+ years ago starting with first pregnancy) there is essentially zero affection, signs of love, not to mention sex. I feel insecure in the relationship. No words of affection. No “I love you’s,” “Goodnight” or “ how was your day” from her unless I say it first, and I have lost most of my interest or desire to show affection in the last year after the last few years of this getting little to zero from my wife. There is no enthusiasm. When she had it, it was early on, which involved a Long distance relationship, and it usually involved alcohol. Realized in therapy recently that any intimacy we have had came after drinking alcohol. Not just sex,-- cuddling, kissing, words of affection too.
We don’t share hardly any hobbies. We don’t even like watching the same TV, she won’t watch movies. We’ll sit on the couch and watch sports or HGTV or if we’re lucky a netflix/prime show we both like. I will admit to being conflict avoidant and feel substantially criticized by her for frankly nitpicky stuff increasingly over the years.
I’ve definitely been feeling resentful at the situation. I feel like we’re wasting the prime of our 30’s when we’re both physical in shape and still very attractive. Also periodically sad that this is what I dreaded would be my romantic life in my 30s if I got married.
I think we’re both so passive and non-initiators, for whatever reason, that we’re going to be stuck. I know I am very much to blame. I have always been super passive, and not experienced or comfortable initiating. I also seem to have some major issues with communicating personal/intimate issues with loved one– it’s something I am in therapy for. Same thing with being proactive/non passive in life– I just don’t initiate affection or intimacy easily. Which is terrible because I really need physical touch/affection to feel secure.
I know I need to work on taking charge because most of my life things have come naturally. But my wife is just as bad, she absolutely never brings up feelings or emotions or our relationship issues. So we just exist as coparents and roommates. No one says anything and I feel worse and worse and can’t bring myself to say anything, and I feel even worse if I think about the fact that she doesn’t say anything either so she either doesn’t care or similarly can’t bring herself to talk about anything serious about us. I worry we’re just naturally reactive/passive people and it’s not fair to force either of us to be what we aren’t.
Sex is non existent. Maybe 2-4 times a year in past two years. Multiple 1-2 year gaps during pregnancies and each kid’s first year. Sex was decreasing before kids, only picked up when we decided to try for a kid. The lack of sex, the lack of any enthusiasm or initiation from her over the years except in very rare alcohol laden situations has led me to lose nearly all of my own interest in trying. It’s definitely become an major issue I’ve dwelled on but have not spoken to her about it much. I’ve read about “responsive desire” and that could be something we both have but that’s just speculation. I felt like I had a high libido for most of my life, in the last 3-6 months its really dropped. I often think she’s a lesbian or asexual, which is unhelpful.
6+ months ago I was so upset about having no affection I decided to tell her how insecure I felt in the relationship and how I needed affection. I had to have some drinks to muster up the courage and then became a blubbering mess. She said she loved me and understood. Nothing has changed. Lack of sex is a problem but not even getting a kiss, or hugs or sitting next to each other on the couch is brutal. It makes me sad that our children are loved and experience affection from their parents but they don’t see their parents cuddling, kidding, etc.
So are we doomed? Did we ride the wave of new relationship energy and alcohol to get to where we are and now we don’t have crap? We’re both so passive, or scared to talk about serious issues, or we don’t care enough to– that clearly nothing will get better. I don’t feel comfortable asking about couples therapy (I get seriously freaked out and locked up thinking about mentioning it, just like any other serious relational/intimacy issue). Again, I know I’m to blame for doing nothing but I can’t get over the fact that she won’t do or say anything either, so I end up thinking why should I be the one to fix this? I probably have a long road ahead in therapy.
submitted by MarriageThrowaway777 to Marriage [link] [comments]
I’m a 36 year old man married to a 36 year old woman. Married 7 years, together 12 year. Two preschoolers in daycare and we both share household workload equally. Both working professionals medium/high stress jobs, financially secure. Decent communicators about household plans and kid stuff. We have an amazing intermingled and tight friend group, 5 other couples we all got together at the same time and had kids same age. From the outside we have a great life. And I really like the life we have.
But since kids (5+ years ago starting with first pregnancy) there is essentially zero affection, signs of love, not to mention sex. I feel insecure in the relationship. No words of affection. No “I love you’s,” “Goodnight” or “ how was your day” from her unless I say it first, and I have lost most of my interest or desire to show affection in the last year after the last few years of this getting little to zero from my wife. There is no enthusiasm. When she had it, it was early on, which involved a Long distance relationship, and it usually involved alcohol. Realized in therapy recently that any intimacy we have had came after drinking alcohol. Not just sex,-- cuddling, kissing, words of affection too.
We don’t share hardly any hobbies. We don’t even like watching the same TV, she won’t watch movies. We’ll sit on the couch and watch sports or HGTV or if we’re lucky a netflix/prime show we both like. I will admit to being conflict avoidant and feel substantially criticized by her for frankly nitpicky stuff increasingly over the years.
I’ve definitely been feeling resentful at the situation. I feel like we’re wasting the prime of our 30’s when we’re both physical in shape and still very attractive. Also periodically sad that this is what I dreaded would be my romantic life in my 30s if I got married.
I think we’re both so passive and non-initiators, for whatever reason, that we’re going to be stuck. I know I am very much to blame. I have always been super passive, and not experienced or comfortable initiating. I also seem to have some major issues with communicating personal/intimate issues with loved one– it’s something I am in therapy for. Same thing with being proactive/non passive in life– I just don’t initiate affection or intimacy easily. Which is terrible because I really need physical touch/affection to feel secure.
I know I need to work on taking charge because most of my life things have come naturally. But my wife is just as bad, she absolutely never brings up feelings or emotions or our relationship issues. So we just exist as coparents and roommates. No one says anything and I feel worse and worse and can’t bring myself to say anything, and I feel even worse if I think about the fact that she doesn’t say anything either so she either doesn’t care or similarly can’t bring herself to talk about anything serious about us. I worry we’re just naturally reactive/passive people and it’s not fair to force either of us to be what we aren’t.
Sex is non existent. Maybe 2-4 times a year in past two years. Multiple 1-2 year gaps during pregnancies and each kid’s first year. Sex was decreasing before kids, only picked up when we decided to try for a kid. The lack of sex, the lack of any enthusiasm or initiation from her over the years except in very rare alcohol laden situations has led me to lose nearly all of my own interest in trying. It’s definitely become an major issue I’ve dwelled on but have not spoken to her about it much. I’ve read about “responsive desire” and that could be something we both have but that’s just speculation. I felt like I had a high libido for most of my life, in the last 3-6 months its really dropped. I often think she’s a lesbian or asexual, which is unhelpful.
6+ months ago I was so upset about having no affection I decided to tell her how insecure I felt in the relationship and how I needed affection. I had to have some drinks to muster up the courage and then became a blubbering mess. She said she loved me and understood. Nothing has changed. Lack of sex is a problem but not even getting a kiss, or hugs or sitting next to each other on the couch is brutal. It makes me sad that our children are loved and experience affection from their parents but they don’t see their parents cuddling, kidding, etc.
So are we doomed? Did we ride the wave of new relationship energy and alcohol to get to where we are and now we don’t have crap? We’re both so passive, or scared to talk about serious issues, or we don’t care enough to– that clearly nothing will get better. I don’t feel comfortable asking about couples therapy (I get seriously freaked out and locked up thinking about mentioning it, just like any other serious relational/intimacy issue). Again, I know I’m to blame for doing nothing but I can’t get over the fact that she won’t do or say anything either, so I end up thinking why should I be the one to fix this? I probably have a long road ahead in therapy.
2023.03.30 06:09 Agile_Virus_7868 I don't really know where to continue from here and I feel like my writing is sloppy, any advice?
I'm just looking for advice on where to take this and if it's even good. I don't know what direction to head in after this. Should it be fantasy or more reality like? I started writing this probably about a year ago, I really like the idea that's going on, but I don't know where to go from here. As you can probably tell from my writing, I'm a huge amateur, so it would be great if you could read it and give feedback and tips. It's going to be a bit messy because I haven't reread it much, but it's right below here.
Chapter 1
It’s the same as any other day, I live a pretty basic life, in fact, scarily basic. I’m a normal 16-year-old high school student. I slave away at my schoolwork and then come home and play video games. Just rinse and repeat all of that and that’s my life at the moment. I’m currently just staring at my ceiling right now trying to force myself to go to sleep, because I know I'll hate myself tomorrow for not getting any. I guess that’s the downside of staying up all night and sleeping all day on the weekend. I turn around and force my eyes shut trying to drift away. After what felt like hours of just laying there, I finally fell asleep.
I wake up and realize I’m late for school. I get up, put my clothes on and run out the door, sprinting towards my school. It’s pretty handy when your school is only a 15-minute jog. As I'm running I realize how quiet it is. I stand there with the void of sound only illuminated by my ragged breath. I start looking around till I see something strange. A gummy bear, just over a foot tall, and it looks like it’s staring at me. As I'm walking towards it I see it start animating as it shifts towards me. I look at the abnormally large gummy bear and crouch down next to it. As I look at it, it responds by looking at me with cute sparkling eyes. I reach my hand to pet it and all of a sudden there is a sharp burning pain going throughout my entire body. As I stare at the gummy bear I see its cute eyes replaced with eyes that look drowned is blood, and razor sharp teeth holding something. As I try to focus my eyes with the burning pain I see what looks like a finger. I finally look down towards the source of the pain and see a hand covered in a sea of crimson red with 4 fingers. I take a step back and then realize I'm surrounded by the same bloodshot eyes gummy bears baring their teeth at me. As I try to process what's happening, suddenly the same yellow gummy bear dyed in my blood leaps towards my leg, my reaction causes it to go flying with a kick with all my strength which shakes off in an instant. Suddenly like a hallucination coming undone my vision flickers as it reveals corpses sprayed across the ground like crumbs, and the gummy bears reveal their true appearance. A swamp green creature with fur covering its back like a hedgehog and the same razer teeth and blood filled eyes. As the creatures start closing in on me, I and everything around me, is now covered by a shadow that looms over as far as I can see. I look towards where the sun was and see nothing but a deep black surface…. Or is it even a surface? I can't tell what it is but what I know for a fact are those familiar blood filled eyes stared into my very soul….. No, my very being of existence, everything I've ever known or loved was being peeped at by this…. thing. I stood there with a single tear stretching across my face as I accepted my fate.
Chapter 2
Is this the 100th time? No, it may be well over the triple digits, at least that's what it felt like. I lost count an eternity ago. It looks like every time I die I restart the day in my bed, with the time always the same on my alarm clock. I've tried almost everything I can think of. I've tried knives, guns, bats but they've all produced the same result, dying. Hell, I've even tried to stay in my room but one thing that never changed is the feeling of being watched. I realized that I'm under something like a hallucination that makes me unable to truly see what things are like. It seems something like an ability that the creatures I've called gremlins (I’ve neither the creativity nor the energy to be unique right now) use to give their prey a sense of safety, although in the 5 senses it seems it can only change sight. It also seems that they can only change it to an extent, for example, they can't seem to reanimate organisms, although that might be because they can't reproduce their speech. But I do know that they can't make themselves just disappear, and it seems their go-to form is a gummy bear. I've done extensive research on them and here is where I'm at.
Their biggest weakness I found so far seems to be blunt weapons. I don't know the reason as I can't exactly dissect them, but it seems that knives and guns don't work nearly as well. Part of the reason that I do know it is that the gremlins have an extremely fast regeneration rate in which they can heal gunshot wounds in only 15 seconds. I think blunt weapons work because they crush their internal organs if you swing hard enough. It seems like their durability to attacks is surprisingly low, maybe because they've evolved without needing a lot of durability because of their regen. I think that swords would work well if you just cut them in half, or at least almost in half. I've no way to test that as I have no way to get close enough to them with my knife without losing some fingers. But by far the most important thing I've found out is how to get out of the illusion. It seems if i focus some type of energy into your eyes the illusion becomes undone. I can do it right now without the need of outside sources, but it is a lot easier with pain. But even after all those retries and all that research one thing, I still know nothing about is that thing in the sky. I still don't even know how to describe its irregular body color, because when I look at it, it just looks like nothing. I feel as if for the first time I've seen nothing. Not the surrounding air, no that has tiny little gas particles everywhere. But when I look at its body it reflects no light, I can't seem to focus on its body, and it doesn't even have any sense of the depth of it. It looks like it tore a section of reality itself and its peering into my world in a state of nothing. Although one thing I am sure about is its eyes. What seems like a hundred feet in circumference all it does is watch, it hasn't made any movements as I've been killed or killed the gremlins it just stays put staring at me, like I’m a source of entertainment. But besides my research, I'm currently in my kitchen looking for something to use to try and kill the gremlins. As I'm looking for something I smell something I've become quite acquainted with over the past hundreds of restarts.
Blood.
As I look around, I realize I'm still in the hallucination state and can't see what's happening, so I look around the kitchen to try and find something to get me out of it. I consider chopping off a finger, but I know I'm not brave enough for that yet. I then see a lemon and decide to try that out. I slice open the lemon and squeeze the juice into both my eyes. I clench my eyelids down as the burning sensation bounces around in my eyes. After about 30 seconds I open my eyes and look around and I finally see what I've avoided finding this entire time, my mom. As I stare at the soulless corpse, I see what's left of my mom. It seems like the gremlins bit almost completely through her throat and completely ate her arm. I fall to my knees and tears start running down my face. All the emotions I've been holding back set in, the loneliness, the sadness, the anger, the hopelessness, all finally break out of the cage I've locked them in and are taking control of my thoughts.
“Mom….”
My voice comes out coarsely, barely audible.
I break down. My sobs echoing throughout the empty house. My head caked in her blood as I rested it on her chest. After ten minutes I lay there, out of tears. I've realized, This isn't some fun game where I get to defeat some enemies or some comic where I get a cool superpower and defeat an evil villain. No this is real life. And even if I defeated all the gremlins, there's still that thing in the sky. And even if theoretically I defeat that, there's nothing left, no friends, no family. Soon enough the power plants will shut down, I'll run out of electricity, water, everything. Assuming there are any survivors besides me I don't know where they are, and with that, there's no way to even carry on humanity. And if I live my life until let's say I'm 70 and best-case scenario there's another human who's a girl, who becomes my wife and we become the new Adam and Eve. I’ll still die eventually and when that happens, I'll restart. This isn't some fun cool superpower, no this is a curse, I've been cursed with this by something, and it has seemingly no end. I pick up the knife lying beside me and hold it against my throat. I realize there's no point in that and just drop it. I get up and walk outside, with tons of those gremlins outside my door they start leaping towards me, gnawing my skin and bones until there's nothing left, before my eyes give out, I still see in the sky, that eye staring at me. As I fall and close my eyes. I subconsciously let out a smile. After all this time the only thing that proves my existence, the only thing I've come to have as a friend is pain. And as my friend sores throughout my body, I can't help but laugh. A laugh comes out of my blood-filled throat, a laugh I could only think of coming from a psychopath. That laugh rings throughout my head as everything goes black. A familiar feeling. Death.
Chapter 3
I open my eyes once again staring at my pale ceiling, everything's the same. I figure there’s no point in trying right now. I could lie here for however many lives I wanted. Nothing would change. I close my eyes again trying to shut myself off from the world. After a while of lying there, I heard something coming up the stairs. It’s a bit early but the gremlins have come again. Although it was strange. I only heard one pair of footsteps coming up. Maybe for some reason, it hasn't told its friends it found me. And then something even weirder happened, the door opened, and on the other side of the doorway was something that looked exactly like my mom.
“Shane! What are you still doing in bed? School started over an hour ago!”
Shane… Shane…
My Mom used to call me that. Everyone used to call me that.
“What's wrong?”
It started speaking. The figure that looked like my mom has started speaking and it knows my name.
“Mom, is that you?”
I said with tears streaming down my face. My Mom, with a worried look plastered on her face, asked me.
“Of course, it’s me, what's wrong? Did something happen?”
“Just a nightmare “
I said with my face moist with tears. Although I know, that was no nightmare. Nightmares are dreams that never last that long. I felt it, I felt everything going on. Especially the pain, that pain was the most real thing I've ever experienced.
“Well just because you had a nightmare doesn’t mean you get to skip out on school.”
She sighed with a frown on her face.
School…. I forgot that it even existed.
“Alright Mom, just let me get ready and I’ll be down in 5.”
“Okay Shane, breakfast will be ready downstairs.”
My Mom left me alone and I sat there in disbelief.
Is this real, am I in another dream? Is this a dream and the other world is reality?
Well, thinking won't solve anything but I'm glad I'm out of that hellhole, even if it's temporarily. I quickly get ready and put on my backpack. My Mom made me some eggs on toast, and I headed out the door. It feels great, I heard the birds chirping, and my neighbor mowing his lawn. And no smell of blood. But one thing hasn't changed. Someone is watching me. I look in the sky, but a blanket of blue covers the vast plain. I shake it off, I’m probably still paranoid from the dream. I take a deep breath and continue on my way.
After around 30 minutes walking i finally arrive at school
Why didn’t I just take my bike?
I sigh and open the front doors to the school. I walked into the front office and as my pass was printing the office lady started speaking.
“There are 20 minutes left of the first block, so I’d hurry up.”
“Alright, thanks Mrs. Garcia”
“Anytime, now hurry up.”
That’s Mrs. Garcia. She lives near me, and I frequently do Jobs for her like Pet sitting and lawn mowing. She's kinda like a grandma I've never had.
I arrive at class and knock on the door. My classmate lets me in and as I walk towards my desk and see a familiar face frowning at me.
“Where have you been? You haven’t been responding to my texts, I was worried.”
I smile and look at her face. I still don’t know how I managed to get a girlfriend as beautiful as Katie, even after these past months of dating. I’m definitely glad I built up the courage to ask her out.
“Yeah sorry, I overslept and kind of forgot to check my phone.”
Katie makes a bitter face then sighs.
“I’ll forgive you now, but don't let it happen again.”
“Yes ma’am”
I sit down next to her and try to pay as much attention as I can, but my mind always ends up wavering from the subject. Before I know it I’m either on my phone or trying to talk to Katie, which she interrupts with a stare and shushes me. Finally, what feels like hours later I’m out of the block. I pick up my bag and say my goodbyes, then I trial off to second block. As I’m walking, I just can't take my mind off what happened. I can’t figure out whether it's a dream or reality, it’s almost as if I was trapped inside some kind of simulation for years, or even decades. I also don't know whether I should tell Katie or not or even any of my other frie-
My thoughts were interrupted by someone knocking into my shoulder. I look at the perpetrator to see who it is and my mind is relieved.
“Shane! What was that for? Trying to knock me over?”
I look at my friend and scoff, me and Jake and I have been friends since middle school, sometimes he’s a bit too much for me but he's a good person. He has a similar build to me but instead he has blonde hair and blue eyes in contrast to my brown hair and amber eyes. We’re also racing to see who will reach 6 feet first, we’re currently tied at around 5 '11.
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Chapter 1
It’s the same as any other day, I live a pretty basic life, in fact, scarily basic. I’m a normal 16-year-old high school student. I slave away at my schoolwork and then come home and play video games. Just rinse and repeat all of that and that’s my life at the moment. I’m currently just staring at my ceiling right now trying to force myself to go to sleep, because I know I'll hate myself tomorrow for not getting any. I guess that’s the downside of staying up all night and sleeping all day on the weekend. I turn around and force my eyes shut trying to drift away. After what felt like hours of just laying there, I finally fell asleep.
I wake up and realize I’m late for school. I get up, put my clothes on and run out the door, sprinting towards my school. It’s pretty handy when your school is only a 15-minute jog. As I'm running I realize how quiet it is. I stand there with the void of sound only illuminated by my ragged breath. I start looking around till I see something strange. A gummy bear, just over a foot tall, and it looks like it’s staring at me. As I'm walking towards it I see it start animating as it shifts towards me. I look at the abnormally large gummy bear and crouch down next to it. As I look at it, it responds by looking at me with cute sparkling eyes. I reach my hand to pet it and all of a sudden there is a sharp burning pain going throughout my entire body. As I stare at the gummy bear I see its cute eyes replaced with eyes that look drowned is blood, and razor sharp teeth holding something. As I try to focus my eyes with the burning pain I see what looks like a finger. I finally look down towards the source of the pain and see a hand covered in a sea of crimson red with 4 fingers. I take a step back and then realize I'm surrounded by the same bloodshot eyes gummy bears baring their teeth at me. As I try to process what's happening, suddenly the same yellow gummy bear dyed in my blood leaps towards my leg, my reaction causes it to go flying with a kick with all my strength which shakes off in an instant. Suddenly like a hallucination coming undone my vision flickers as it reveals corpses sprayed across the ground like crumbs, and the gummy bears reveal their true appearance. A swamp green creature with fur covering its back like a hedgehog and the same razer teeth and blood filled eyes. As the creatures start closing in on me, I and everything around me, is now covered by a shadow that looms over as far as I can see. I look towards where the sun was and see nothing but a deep black surface…. Or is it even a surface? I can't tell what it is but what I know for a fact are those familiar blood filled eyes stared into my very soul….. No, my very being of existence, everything I've ever known or loved was being peeped at by this…. thing. I stood there with a single tear stretching across my face as I accepted my fate.
Chapter 2
Is this the 100th time? No, it may be well over the triple digits, at least that's what it felt like. I lost count an eternity ago. It looks like every time I die I restart the day in my bed, with the time always the same on my alarm clock. I've tried almost everything I can think of. I've tried knives, guns, bats but they've all produced the same result, dying. Hell, I've even tried to stay in my room but one thing that never changed is the feeling of being watched. I realized that I'm under something like a hallucination that makes me unable to truly see what things are like. It seems something like an ability that the creatures I've called gremlins (I’ve neither the creativity nor the energy to be unique right now) use to give their prey a sense of safety, although in the 5 senses it seems it can only change sight. It also seems that they can only change it to an extent, for example, they can't seem to reanimate organisms, although that might be because they can't reproduce their speech. But I do know that they can't make themselves just disappear, and it seems their go-to form is a gummy bear. I've done extensive research on them and here is where I'm at.
Their biggest weakness I found so far seems to be blunt weapons. I don't know the reason as I can't exactly dissect them, but it seems that knives and guns don't work nearly as well. Part of the reason that I do know it is that the gremlins have an extremely fast regeneration rate in which they can heal gunshot wounds in only 15 seconds. I think blunt weapons work because they crush their internal organs if you swing hard enough. It seems like their durability to attacks is surprisingly low, maybe because they've evolved without needing a lot of durability because of their regen. I think that swords would work well if you just cut them in half, or at least almost in half. I've no way to test that as I have no way to get close enough to them with my knife without losing some fingers. But by far the most important thing I've found out is how to get out of the illusion. It seems if i focus some type of energy into your eyes the illusion becomes undone. I can do it right now without the need of outside sources, but it is a lot easier with pain. But even after all those retries and all that research one thing, I still know nothing about is that thing in the sky. I still don't even know how to describe its irregular body color, because when I look at it, it just looks like nothing. I feel as if for the first time I've seen nothing. Not the surrounding air, no that has tiny little gas particles everywhere. But when I look at its body it reflects no light, I can't seem to focus on its body, and it doesn't even have any sense of the depth of it. It looks like it tore a section of reality itself and its peering into my world in a state of nothing. Although one thing I am sure about is its eyes. What seems like a hundred feet in circumference all it does is watch, it hasn't made any movements as I've been killed or killed the gremlins it just stays put staring at me, like I’m a source of entertainment. But besides my research, I'm currently in my kitchen looking for something to use to try and kill the gremlins. As I'm looking for something I smell something I've become quite acquainted with over the past hundreds of restarts.
Blood.
As I look around, I realize I'm still in the hallucination state and can't see what's happening, so I look around the kitchen to try and find something to get me out of it. I consider chopping off a finger, but I know I'm not brave enough for that yet. I then see a lemon and decide to try that out. I slice open the lemon and squeeze the juice into both my eyes. I clench my eyelids down as the burning sensation bounces around in my eyes. After about 30 seconds I open my eyes and look around and I finally see what I've avoided finding this entire time, my mom. As I stare at the soulless corpse, I see what's left of my mom. It seems like the gremlins bit almost completely through her throat and completely ate her arm. I fall to my knees and tears start running down my face. All the emotions I've been holding back set in, the loneliness, the sadness, the anger, the hopelessness, all finally break out of the cage I've locked them in and are taking control of my thoughts.
“Mom….”
My voice comes out coarsely, barely audible.
I break down. My sobs echoing throughout the empty house. My head caked in her blood as I rested it on her chest. After ten minutes I lay there, out of tears. I've realized, This isn't some fun game where I get to defeat some enemies or some comic where I get a cool superpower and defeat an evil villain. No this is real life. And even if I defeated all the gremlins, there's still that thing in the sky. And even if theoretically I defeat that, there's nothing left, no friends, no family. Soon enough the power plants will shut down, I'll run out of electricity, water, everything. Assuming there are any survivors besides me I don't know where they are, and with that, there's no way to even carry on humanity. And if I live my life until let's say I'm 70 and best-case scenario there's another human who's a girl, who becomes my wife and we become the new Adam and Eve. I’ll still die eventually and when that happens, I'll restart. This isn't some fun cool superpower, no this is a curse, I've been cursed with this by something, and it has seemingly no end. I pick up the knife lying beside me and hold it against my throat. I realize there's no point in that and just drop it. I get up and walk outside, with tons of those gremlins outside my door they start leaping towards me, gnawing my skin and bones until there's nothing left, before my eyes give out, I still see in the sky, that eye staring at me. As I fall and close my eyes. I subconsciously let out a smile. After all this time the only thing that proves my existence, the only thing I've come to have as a friend is pain. And as my friend sores throughout my body, I can't help but laugh. A laugh comes out of my blood-filled throat, a laugh I could only think of coming from a psychopath. That laugh rings throughout my head as everything goes black. A familiar feeling. Death.
Chapter 3
I open my eyes once again staring at my pale ceiling, everything's the same. I figure there’s no point in trying right now. I could lie here for however many lives I wanted. Nothing would change. I close my eyes again trying to shut myself off from the world. After a while of lying there, I heard something coming up the stairs. It’s a bit early but the gremlins have come again. Although it was strange. I only heard one pair of footsteps coming up. Maybe for some reason, it hasn't told its friends it found me. And then something even weirder happened, the door opened, and on the other side of the doorway was something that looked exactly like my mom.
“Shane! What are you still doing in bed? School started over an hour ago!”
Shane… Shane…
My Mom used to call me that. Everyone used to call me that.
“What's wrong?”
It started speaking. The figure that looked like my mom has started speaking and it knows my name.
“Mom, is that you?”
I said with tears streaming down my face. My Mom, with a worried look plastered on her face, asked me.
“Of course, it’s me, what's wrong? Did something happen?”
“Just a nightmare “
I said with my face moist with tears. Although I know, that was no nightmare. Nightmares are dreams that never last that long. I felt it, I felt everything going on. Especially the pain, that pain was the most real thing I've ever experienced.
“Well just because you had a nightmare doesn’t mean you get to skip out on school.”
She sighed with a frown on her face.
School…. I forgot that it even existed.
“Alright Mom, just let me get ready and I’ll be down in 5.”
“Okay Shane, breakfast will be ready downstairs.”
My Mom left me alone and I sat there in disbelief.
Is this real, am I in another dream? Is this a dream and the other world is reality?
Well, thinking won't solve anything but I'm glad I'm out of that hellhole, even if it's temporarily. I quickly get ready and put on my backpack. My Mom made me some eggs on toast, and I headed out the door. It feels great, I heard the birds chirping, and my neighbor mowing his lawn. And no smell of blood. But one thing hasn't changed. Someone is watching me. I look in the sky, but a blanket of blue covers the vast plain. I shake it off, I’m probably still paranoid from the dream. I take a deep breath and continue on my way.
After around 30 minutes walking i finally arrive at school
Why didn’t I just take my bike?
I sigh and open the front doors to the school. I walked into the front office and as my pass was printing the office lady started speaking.
“There are 20 minutes left of the first block, so I’d hurry up.”
“Alright, thanks Mrs. Garcia”
“Anytime, now hurry up.”
That’s Mrs. Garcia. She lives near me, and I frequently do Jobs for her like Pet sitting and lawn mowing. She's kinda like a grandma I've never had.
I arrive at class and knock on the door. My classmate lets me in and as I walk towards my desk and see a familiar face frowning at me.
“Where have you been? You haven’t been responding to my texts, I was worried.”
I smile and look at her face. I still don’t know how I managed to get a girlfriend as beautiful as Katie, even after these past months of dating. I’m definitely glad I built up the courage to ask her out.
“Yeah sorry, I overslept and kind of forgot to check my phone.”
Katie makes a bitter face then sighs.
“I’ll forgive you now, but don't let it happen again.”
“Yes ma’am”
I sit down next to her and try to pay as much attention as I can, but my mind always ends up wavering from the subject. Before I know it I’m either on my phone or trying to talk to Katie, which she interrupts with a stare and shushes me. Finally, what feels like hours later I’m out of the block. I pick up my bag and say my goodbyes, then I trial off to second block. As I’m walking, I just can't take my mind off what happened. I can’t figure out whether it's a dream or reality, it’s almost as if I was trapped inside some kind of simulation for years, or even decades. I also don't know whether I should tell Katie or not or even any of my other frie-
My thoughts were interrupted by someone knocking into my shoulder. I look at the perpetrator to see who it is and my mind is relieved.
“Shane! What was that for? Trying to knock me over?”
I look at my friend and scoff, me and Jake and I have been friends since middle school, sometimes he’s a bit too much for me but he's a good person. He has a similar build to me but instead he has blonde hair and blue eyes in contrast to my brown hair and amber eyes. We’re also racing to see who will reach 6 feet first, we’re currently tied at around 5 '11.
2023.03.30 06:09 ForkShoeSpoon memories falling silent
you -- no more a hole in the shape of a man
---------------------------------------------------------------------- Chained Fools in the Shadows Let Go
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---------------------------------------------------------------------- Chained Fools in the Shadows Let Go
2023.03.30 06:09 vren55 [A Fractured Song] - Chapter 183 - Fantasy, Isekai (Portal Fantasy), Adventure
Cover Art!
Just because you’re transported to another world, doesn’t mean you’ll escape from your pain.
Abused by her parents, thirteen-year-old Frances only wants to be safe and for her life not to hurt so much. And when she and her class are transported to the magical world of Durannon to fight the monsters invading the human kingdoms and defeat the self-titled Demon King, Frances is presented with a golden opportunity. If she succeeds, Frances will have the home she never had. If she fails, Frances will be summoned back to the home she escaped.
Yet, despite her newfound magic and friends, Frances finds that trauma is not so easily lost. She is dogged by her abuse and its physical and invisible scars. Not only does she have to learn magic, she has to survive the nightmares of her past, and wrestle with her feelings of doubt and self-loathing.
If she can heal from her trauma, though, she might be able to defeat the Demon King and maybe, just maybe, she can find a home for herself.
Teaser: Martin and Ginger are thrust into an unenviable role.
[The Beginning] [<=Chapter 182 part 2] [Chapter Index and Blurb] [Chapter 184 on April 5 or now on patreon ]
The Fractured Song Index
Discord Channel Just let me know when you arrive in the server that you’re a Patreon so you can access your special channel.
Despite his curly crimson beard and heavyset build King Jerome was quite a mild-mannered man. His soft chin and cheekbones lent the man a face more inclined to smiling than scowling.
He was doing both, which wasn’t something Martin nor Ginger had seen that. His eyes were narrowed and brow furrowed. His lips however were tilted in a wry smile.
“We did give you the authority to make treaties with Queen Janize directly, but these are harsh terms for us, Sir Martin, Lady Ginger.”
Martin had set up their mirror so he and Ginger were standing in front of it. He dipped his head, placing one hand over his chest. “I am afraid I don’t see any other option, Your Majesty. You know of the strategic situation and the dragons that Thorgoth has under his command. We didn’t want the civil war in the first place, but now we must end it or risk annihilation.”
Queen Forowena, despite her limp, was pacing around her chair. One hand clenched her chin. “We don’t even know if Janize will agree to meet with us in the first place. Though, that’s beside the point. You want to know if we ought to approve of this at all.”
“Yes ma’am, I mean, Your Majesties.” Ginger swallowed. “More importantly, we want to know if there are any terms you are demanding Queen Janize to accept.”
The eyes of Forowena and Jerome met. No words passed between them. Jerome only raised a thick eyebrow and Forowena nodded, before turning to the pair. “No, but I do have one question. Did Elizabeth and Frances tell you about my infertility?”
Martin winced, whilst Ginger coughed officiously. “Elizabeth did, Your Majesty. She said that she will take full responsibility for that breach, and states that trying to keep the secret was impossible given the nature of her mission and our involvement in it.”
Nodding, Martin braced himself and clasped his hands behind his back. “Which brings the question, Your Majesty, with all due respect, did you intend for us to assassinate Queen Janize and her child?”
Forowena and Jerome again glanced at one another. This time, Jerome was giving his wife a knowing smile and the Earl was pinching her nose.
“To speak truthfully, Sir Martin, Lady Ginger, we were not sure ourselves whether we wanted to kill Janize if she was pregnant. We have continued to debate the question and its consequences,” said Forowena.
Jerome grimaced. “What we knew for sure was that Erisdale had to be put to siege. Now, I argued that my sister should be spared as with her child.”
“And I argued that Janize and her child were a threat to our rule and our chosen successors. I don’t want to kill them for both moral and practical reasons, but I was not sure how to neutralise them.” The Earl ran a hand through her hair and glanced at her husband. “Dear, I believe that we can accept most of the terms that Martin and Ginger have offered our behalf except for the second point.”
The king took her hand, running his scarred fingers over Forowena’s knuckles “You are correct my dear. We will allow Janize's child to enter the line of succession, but we have chosen our successors.”
Martin did his best to keep his expression neutral. “Your Majesty, I don’t understand. There’s no other direct descendant of House Grey left.”
Forowena sighed, her eyes meeting Martin and Ginger’s. “No. That’s why after very careful thinking, we planned to appoint our successors. We have even talked to all the other lords and ladies who support us and even our kingdom’s most powerful mages. That’s why there’s no way we can fully accept that second condition. It would be impractical if not impossible to get them to switch their support.”
Martin frowned. He suddenly recalled a call where his mothers and sister had given him a very strange look. They seemed oddly proud, even when they’d just been talking about family gossip.
Jerome nodded, “That and we would still be at war with Alavaria. A child successor would be inherently less appealing, and especially one underneath the influence of Queen Janize at that.”
Rubbing her temples, Forowena drawled, “It’s also why Janize and her child are such a threat. Unless Janize formally renounces her claim, she’d always be able to make a bid for the throne through her child. Not to mention she could just influence the throne through her child if he or she becomes ruler of Erisdale.”
Ginger coughed into her fist. Lifting her chin, she glared defiantly at the mirror. “With all due respect, Your Majesties, it would be better than continuing this pointless civil war. So long as we execute Darius and strip the rest of the Traditionalists of their power, who cares if Janize has some influence over her child? She won’t be able to harm Alavari in Erisdale, or affect lasting change. We’ll still be here. We’ll watch her and if she goes too far we will have Queen Titania’s Alavaria assisting us.”
Martin narrowed his eyes. Forowena and Jerome were exchanging looks again. Both were smiling at each other, but the ends of their lips were curled into just a bit of a smirk.
“Your Majesties, perhaps you can enlighten us on who you decided to be your successors? If they are not a very popular choice, maybe we can accept Janize’s terms.” The knight watched the king and queen carefully as his words hung in the air. He watched as King Jerome blinked, tried to avert his gaze, before forcing himself to look him in the eye. He noted how Queen Forowena forced her features into an expressionless mask.
Martin felt a cold shiver run through the very core of his being. Unconsciously he grabbed Ginger’s hand. His fiance blinked, tuning to look at him with wide eyes. Martin swallowed.
“That is, unless for some insane reason you’ve chosen me and Ginger?”
The queen let out a small breath, while trying to keep her neutral expression. Jerome’s shoulders sagged and he patted Forowena’s shoulder. “Told you he’d figure it out.”
Ginger’s head whipped back to face the royal couple. “Wait, what? Impossible. I’m a commoner. A former convict!”
Forowena’s eyes narrowed and her voice rose. “You’re also popular with the people, one of our national heroes. If your little rebuke to us was any indication, you also are loyal not to Erisdale’s monarchy, but our country and people. As for the matter of your commoner background, you’re marrying Martin and you know what that means.”
Ginger hands clasped behind her head, almost screamed, “Yes, I am marrying into a distant relation of the Royal Family and one of the founding noble houses of Erisdale. I was ready for that! You’re asking me—us to become King and Queen of Erisdale!”
“Yes.” Forowena growled, bitter tears wetting her eyes. “And we would never do so if there was no other option, Lady Ginger, but I can’t conceive a child!”
Jerome’s hand reached over to squeeze his queen’s shoulder. “And there’s no way I’m divorcing my queen. I am a man of my word and I vowed to be with Forowena until death do us part. That won’t change.”
Martin coughed to clear his throat and crossed his arms. “Then why didn’t you just have a surrogate give birth to your child, Your Majesty? I know it would be shameful but did you consider that we may not want to be king and queen?”
The king blinked, looking a little like an owl caught by torchlight. Forowena grimaced. “I did discuss this with Jerome, but I couldn’t quite convince him. You do have a good point, Sir Martin. However, even if Jerome did finally agree to father a child with a surrogate, we would still want you and Ginger to become the next King and Queen.”
“Right, potential child ruler. Not good for Erisdale,” Ginger muttered.
Forowena grimaced. “That and how many children could Jerome father? He cannot simply start fathering children haphazardly. More importantly, children are vulnerable. Even if by some miracle I could bear children, I would push for you both to be added in the line of succession.”
Jerome nodded solemnly. “Neither of us are willing to risk the fate of Erisdale on a child, even if it was our own. Considering that our original discussion was about the potential for Janize’s child to inherit, I think you see our point.”
Ginger, biting the tip of her thumb, yanked her hand out of her mouth. “We couldn’t have been that popular a choice, though…right?”
Forowena grinned. “You weren’t everybody’s first choice, but you were on the lips of many and once we started to seriously press those who were hesitant, they agreed you two were the best option. They even pledged to support you.”
Ginger glanced at her husband, but he was still crossing his arms. He’d gone so still for a moment she wondered if he was breathing. Then her mind caught up with her.
“Every lord and lady under your command agreed on us?” she stammered.
“Including your sister Mara, Martin,” said Jerome.
Clutching her hands, Ginger took a deep breath. “But why not Lady Edana—
“Of Erlenberg and not Erisdalian,” said Forowena.
“Frances!”
Jerome shook his head, wincing. Forowena sighed. “Otherworlder and clearly too close to Prince Timur to make her look out for Erisdale’s interest.”
Ginger pressed a hand over her mouth, her free hand clenching into a fist and opening. “Shit. This…this is really happening.”
Martin closed his eyes and nodded. “I believe so. My…personal feelings aside, I will do my duty. But what do we tell Janize?”
“That we’ve appointed our own successors, but her child will be in the line of succession, with our successors house to take precedent over her own. That might complicate the succession law for the future, but that can be resolved in time.” Forowena snapped her fingers. “Ah, and we will also make it a condition that the amount wealth and land confiscated will be determined on the basis of who the Traditonalists persecuted and to provide compensation for property damaged by their forces in the war.”
Martin and Ginger exchanged a glance. “Including Alavari, Your Majesty?” Martin asked, his voice quiet.
Jerome nodded. “That is the intention, Sir Martin. Now…I believe you and your fiance have much to discuss. If that is all, you may request to be dismissed.”
“We do wish, Your Majesties,” said Martin, bowing. Ginger mirrored her fiance and the images of the king and queen faded.
Promptly walking over to one of their chests, Ginger fished into it and drew out a bottle of wine.
“Care for glass?” she asked as she fetched a goblet.
Martin sat down heavily onto his bedroll. “Yes. We…well nothing is guaranteed. I mean we haven’t even gotten married yet.”
Ginger poured herself and her fiance two glasses and handed one to Martin. “But we pledged to after the war, and so have the other lords and ladies of Erisdale. Damnit, of course Frances, Elizabeth and the others would support us, but everybody else?”
“It’s unexpected, but now that I think about it, most people wouldn’t want to be named heirs to Erisdale. It’ll be a hard job rebuilding this kingdom after the war and essentially starting a new dynasty.”
Sitting down, Ginger sipped from her glass. “Dynasty. Fuck, I’ll have to do something about my family.”
“Give your parents a stipend and nothing else.” Martin pursed his lips. “Of course, if you don’t want to be queen, Ginger, you can just—”
His fiance leant against his shoulder. “Finish that sentence and I will smack you. We’re in this together, Martin.”
“I know and I love you. I just wanted to make sure.” Martin took a deep gulp of wine and swallowed hard. “Hopefully, this is the last of the big responsibilities we get.”
Ginger snorted. “I would not bet on it my dear knight.”
Her fiance chuckled, before his lips pinched together. “Promise that you’ll never start calling me Your Majesty, please.”
Wrapping her arm around the blonde man, Ginger smiled. “You’ll always be my shining knight, Martin. Nothing will change that.”
“Thank you, Ginger.”
Pulling her feet off the table where Janize’s mirror was and sliding them back into slippers, Leila crossed her arms. “How many years since you’ve seen your brother?”
“Not since the civil war started, so about two years.” Janize smiled gave Leila a peck on the cheek. “Honestly, I am both irritated and a little proud of Jerome. I didn’t expect him to hold out, much less turn the tables on me. I always teased him when we were younger. He was too honorable, to the point that he was dumb. I suppose he just needed to find the right group of people to help him along. How long before the meeting by the way?”
Leila glanced at the high noon sun outside. “Not long now. I’ve also redoubled the security spells and checked the room.”
Janize nodded serenely. “Good. Anything else you can think of with regards to the conditions we have and their terms?”
The Otherworlder tapped her fingers on her arm. “Well, it’s not exactly something they demanded, but it might come up. They probably will demand compensation for the Alavari that we’ve been experimenting on. It’s probably why they demanded land and wealth from our rebelling nobles.”
“Pardon?”
Leila frowned, meeting Janize’s narrowed grey eyes. “I mean, it’ll be hard to argue with them. They’ve captured several of the labs and have our research notes—”
Janize raised her hand, her usually relaxed brow now furrowed. “Leila, what are you talking about? What do you mean by labs and experiments?”
The Otherworlder’s eyes widened and she found herself sitting up ramrod straight. “Um, is this a particularly amusing prank of yours?”
“We are minutes away from a critical meeting. Why would I joke about this with you now?” Janize hissed.
Leila blinked and slowly shook her head. “You’re kidding me. There’s no way you could have not been aware of this. The castles and labs were garrisoned with army troops and Red Order mages.”
“Leila this is the first time I’ve heard about these labs and castles—” Janize grimaced as the mirror began to glow, the sign that a call was coming. “Oh dear. Oh dear. I…I suppose I will have to request to be informed.” Settling herself, the queen touched the mirror and watched as King Jerome, Queen Forowena, Elizabeth, Ayax, Martin and Ginger appeared.
“Hello Janize,” said Jerome, coolly.
Janize smiled without mirth. “Greetings, Jerome. I must begin this meeting with a bit of a somewhat incredulous confession. But please bring me up to date on what exactly has been going on in the labs you have found that were apparently operated by my forces?”
The queen’s smile thinned as sceptical scowls and narrowed eyes met her question. Ayax blinked, tail whipping side to side. “You’re joking right?”
Janize cut before the stunned looking Reformists could ask another question. “I wish I was, but I was just informed by Leila here that they did exist. Speaking of which, how did you come to know about them, Leila? This is not something discussed in my palace.”
A grim, almost haunted look came over Leila’s face. “I found out about it recently as well. A few months ago, Master Scarlet of the Red Order requested Otherworlder assistance in defending their outposts and castles. They had no strategic value so we pressed her and she told us they were magical research laboratories and they couldn’t move the research easily. After that meeting, Earl Darius tried to convince me, saying that it would please Janize if I sallied forth. I wouldn’t normally have believed him, but our situation was so desperate I thought it made sense. I started to prepare a counterattack, but then it didn’t matter anyway because you folks in the Lightning Battalion started to attack them and there is no way in hell we would survive a fight with a full army division.”
Taking a deep breath, Elizabeth tried her best to get her own temper and confusion under control. “You mean you weren’t told what was going on in there? When did you find out about the children?”
“Our standing orders were to take Alavari prisoners of war and hand them over to the Red Order. So I figured—” Leila dropped her arms to her side. “Hold on. Children? What the fuck are you talking about? I thought they were experimenting with prisoners of war and criminals?”
A cold snarl twisting her normally serene expression, Ayax rose to her feet. “You Traditionalists haven’t even been fighting the Alavari! How could you have gotten prisoners of war? And experimenting on them is still wrong!”
Feeling a headache coming on, Janize gingerly massaged the side of her temple. “Wait, children? I thought that was propaganda you were spreading. Where the hell did you even get children from?”
“From the Alavari that lived in Erisdale, and from those that you kidnapped from Alavaria!” Elizabeth hissed.
“I authorized funding and troops for magical research, not that.” Her stony-masked stoicism wavered as her lips twitched. It was as if the queen was trying to prevent a wince. “It’s not that I don’t believe you, but this is extraordinary.”
His eyes narrowed, King Jerome leaned onto his elbows. “Janize, I don’t understand. How could you have known nothing? You don’t trust Earl Darius or Master Scarlet that much.”
Janize pulled her hands from her temples. Drawing herself straight, she narrowed her eyes at the mirror. “No I don’t, but this is the first time I’ve heard about these experiments.”
Leila blinked. She knew her lover better now and as good at hiding her feelings the queen was, she did have some subtle tells. In this case, her shoulders were just a bit too stiff, stretching skin across her high collarbone. “Janize, I’m sorry, but that’s…not entirely true isn’t it?”
The queen tilted her head toward the Otherworlder. Her grey eyes glared daggers at Leila for a brief moment, before she turned back to the mirror. In an arch tone, she hissed between gritted teeth, “I know they were making mana batteries. However, it’s the first time I’ve heard about children. I have been suspicious about why Master Scarlet and Earl Darius require so many facilities for some time and have been trying to audit them. They’ve been stonewalling me with magical and military jargon or burying it in budget books under nondescript lines.”
Leila blinked. “Oh that’s why you were asking me what those words meant.”
“Yes, dear. Now, if the interrogation is over, I will agree to offer compensation to those children and their surviving family members. In return, I have my own conditions.”
Forowena sneered. “Name them. We have our own conditions as well.”
Janize grinned back. “First, my child is not to be next in line to the throne of Erisdale. In fact, I would like to renounce my right of succession and that of my child.”
It was rather hard for Elizabeth, Ayax and their allies to hide their surprise. Admirably, King Jerome only managed to show his shock through a series of rapid blinks. “That’s a major concession, sister.”
The queen turned her chin up. “In return, once you depose Earl Darius, you grant me his personal lands and make me an Earl.”
Crossing her arms, her thoughts racing a mile-a-minute, Elizabeth muttered. “You’d become Erisdale’s chief powerbroker.”
“I am surrendering after all and most of my allies will be gone. You got to give me something. Besides, if I remain Earl, I’d be able to keep what remains of the Traditonalists in check. Exile honestly doesn’t suit me, as comfortable as it would be. I want my child to have a future, not one where he or she has no allies and is bound to the crown.”
Forowena and Jerome glanced at one another, exchanging frowns.
Martin also looked to Ginger, who shook her head. He nodded. They’d had their own discussion about Janize’s possible offers and they had their own opinion.
“Go get em, Martin,” Ginger rasped.
The knight swallowed and coughed officiously. “If I may be so bold, Your Majesties, I propose we grant Queen Janize a county, not an earldom. In return, we shall protect her from reprisals and reparations that the Crown of Alavaria will undoubtedly request.”
Leila rolled her eyes. “What crimes? As you said, we didn’t fight Alavaria.”
A shit-eating grin blossomed over Ginger’s face. Idly twirling a lock of her hair, she crossed her legs. “Earl Darius’s forces kidnapped Queen Titania’s niece, Princess Morgan Greyhammer from the Alavari Academy of Magic and subjected her to a year of torture and experimentation.”
In the silence that followed, all that could be heard was Leila trying not to sputter. Janize was quiet and still. Yet the color was drained from her face.
“That dumb bastard,” Janize whispered.
Leila slammed her fist on the table, causing Janize to flinch. “Fuck.”
“So a county it is, then?” Ginger asked in an airy tone.
“Yes. Do you confirm your side of your terms?” Janize asked.
“We do. Our demand was that your child could not be our successor, which you have agreed to.”
“So the dynasty of the House of Grey ends I suppose.” Janize let out a shuddering breath and shook her head. “Then who is to be your successor?”
Martin and Ginger clasped each other’s hands in unison before facing the group.
“We are,” said Martin slowly.
“Until someone better is found,” said Ginger.
Janize arched an eyebrow. Leila sighed. The queen, however, nudged her Otherworlder quiet and gave a nod of assent. “A wise choice. Shall we continue?”
Author’s Note: So yeah, this is a bit of a twist, let’s see what happens.
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Just because you’re transported to another world, doesn’t mean you’ll escape from your pain.
Abused by her parents, thirteen-year-old Frances only wants to be safe and for her life not to hurt so much. And when she and her class are transported to the magical world of Durannon to fight the monsters invading the human kingdoms and defeat the self-titled Demon King, Frances is presented with a golden opportunity. If she succeeds, Frances will have the home she never had. If she fails, Frances will be summoned back to the home she escaped.
Yet, despite her newfound magic and friends, Frances finds that trauma is not so easily lost. She is dogged by her abuse and its physical and invisible scars. Not only does she have to learn magic, she has to survive the nightmares of her past, and wrestle with her feelings of doubt and self-loathing.
If she can heal from her trauma, though, she might be able to defeat the Demon King and maybe, just maybe, she can find a home for herself.
Teaser: Martin and Ginger are thrust into an unenviable role.
[The Beginning] [<=Chapter 182 part 2] [Chapter Index and Blurb] [Chapter 184 on April 5 or now on patreon ]
The Fractured Song Index
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He was doing both, which wasn’t something Martin nor Ginger had seen that. His eyes were narrowed and brow furrowed. His lips however were tilted in a wry smile.
“We did give you the authority to make treaties with Queen Janize directly, but these are harsh terms for us, Sir Martin, Lady Ginger.”
Martin had set up their mirror so he and Ginger were standing in front of it. He dipped his head, placing one hand over his chest. “I am afraid I don’t see any other option, Your Majesty. You know of the strategic situation and the dragons that Thorgoth has under his command. We didn’t want the civil war in the first place, but now we must end it or risk annihilation.”
Queen Forowena, despite her limp, was pacing around her chair. One hand clenched her chin. “We don’t even know if Janize will agree to meet with us in the first place. Though, that’s beside the point. You want to know if we ought to approve of this at all.”
“Yes ma’am, I mean, Your Majesties.” Ginger swallowed. “More importantly, we want to know if there are any terms you are demanding Queen Janize to accept.”
The eyes of Forowena and Jerome met. No words passed between them. Jerome only raised a thick eyebrow and Forowena nodded, before turning to the pair. “No, but I do have one question. Did Elizabeth and Frances tell you about my infertility?”
Martin winced, whilst Ginger coughed officiously. “Elizabeth did, Your Majesty. She said that she will take full responsibility for that breach, and states that trying to keep the secret was impossible given the nature of her mission and our involvement in it.”
Nodding, Martin braced himself and clasped his hands behind his back. “Which brings the question, Your Majesty, with all due respect, did you intend for us to assassinate Queen Janize and her child?”
Forowena and Jerome again glanced at one another. This time, Jerome was giving his wife a knowing smile and the Earl was pinching her nose.
“To speak truthfully, Sir Martin, Lady Ginger, we were not sure ourselves whether we wanted to kill Janize if she was pregnant. We have continued to debate the question and its consequences,” said Forowena.
Jerome grimaced. “What we knew for sure was that Erisdale had to be put to siege. Now, I argued that my sister should be spared as with her child.”
“And I argued that Janize and her child were a threat to our rule and our chosen successors. I don’t want to kill them for both moral and practical reasons, but I was not sure how to neutralise them.” The Earl ran a hand through her hair and glanced at her husband. “Dear, I believe that we can accept most of the terms that Martin and Ginger have offered our behalf except for the second point.”
The king took her hand, running his scarred fingers over Forowena’s knuckles “You are correct my dear. We will allow Janize's child to enter the line of succession, but we have chosen our successors.”
Martin did his best to keep his expression neutral. “Your Majesty, I don’t understand. There’s no other direct descendant of House Grey left.”
Forowena sighed, her eyes meeting Martin and Ginger’s. “No. That’s why after very careful thinking, we planned to appoint our successors. We have even talked to all the other lords and ladies who support us and even our kingdom’s most powerful mages. That’s why there’s no way we can fully accept that second condition. It would be impractical if not impossible to get them to switch their support.”
Martin frowned. He suddenly recalled a call where his mothers and sister had given him a very strange look. They seemed oddly proud, even when they’d just been talking about family gossip.
Jerome nodded, “That and we would still be at war with Alavaria. A child successor would be inherently less appealing, and especially one underneath the influence of Queen Janize at that.”
Rubbing her temples, Forowena drawled, “It’s also why Janize and her child are such a threat. Unless Janize formally renounces her claim, she’d always be able to make a bid for the throne through her child. Not to mention she could just influence the throne through her child if he or she becomes ruler of Erisdale.”
Ginger coughed into her fist. Lifting her chin, she glared defiantly at the mirror. “With all due respect, Your Majesties, it would be better than continuing this pointless civil war. So long as we execute Darius and strip the rest of the Traditionalists of their power, who cares if Janize has some influence over her child? She won’t be able to harm Alavari in Erisdale, or affect lasting change. We’ll still be here. We’ll watch her and if she goes too far we will have Queen Titania’s Alavaria assisting us.”
Martin narrowed his eyes. Forowena and Jerome were exchanging looks again. Both were smiling at each other, but the ends of their lips were curled into just a bit of a smirk.
“Your Majesties, perhaps you can enlighten us on who you decided to be your successors? If they are not a very popular choice, maybe we can accept Janize’s terms.” The knight watched the king and queen carefully as his words hung in the air. He watched as King Jerome blinked, tried to avert his gaze, before forcing himself to look him in the eye. He noted how Queen Forowena forced her features into an expressionless mask.
Martin felt a cold shiver run through the very core of his being. Unconsciously he grabbed Ginger’s hand. His fiance blinked, tuning to look at him with wide eyes. Martin swallowed.
“That is, unless for some insane reason you’ve chosen me and Ginger?”
The queen let out a small breath, while trying to keep her neutral expression. Jerome’s shoulders sagged and he patted Forowena’s shoulder. “Told you he’d figure it out.”
Ginger’s head whipped back to face the royal couple. “Wait, what? Impossible. I’m a commoner. A former convict!”
Forowena’s eyes narrowed and her voice rose. “You’re also popular with the people, one of our national heroes. If your little rebuke to us was any indication, you also are loyal not to Erisdale’s monarchy, but our country and people. As for the matter of your commoner background, you’re marrying Martin and you know what that means.”
Ginger hands clasped behind her head, almost screamed, “Yes, I am marrying into a distant relation of the Royal Family and one of the founding noble houses of Erisdale. I was ready for that! You’re asking me—us to become King and Queen of Erisdale!”
“Yes.” Forowena growled, bitter tears wetting her eyes. “And we would never do so if there was no other option, Lady Ginger, but I can’t conceive a child!”
Jerome’s hand reached over to squeeze his queen’s shoulder. “And there’s no way I’m divorcing my queen. I am a man of my word and I vowed to be with Forowena until death do us part. That won’t change.”
Martin coughed to clear his throat and crossed his arms. “Then why didn’t you just have a surrogate give birth to your child, Your Majesty? I know it would be shameful but did you consider that we may not want to be king and queen?”
The king blinked, looking a little like an owl caught by torchlight. Forowena grimaced. “I did discuss this with Jerome, but I couldn’t quite convince him. You do have a good point, Sir Martin. However, even if Jerome did finally agree to father a child with a surrogate, we would still want you and Ginger to become the next King and Queen.”
“Right, potential child ruler. Not good for Erisdale,” Ginger muttered.
Forowena grimaced. “That and how many children could Jerome father? He cannot simply start fathering children haphazardly. More importantly, children are vulnerable. Even if by some miracle I could bear children, I would push for you both to be added in the line of succession.”
Jerome nodded solemnly. “Neither of us are willing to risk the fate of Erisdale on a child, even if it was our own. Considering that our original discussion was about the potential for Janize’s child to inherit, I think you see our point.”
Ginger, biting the tip of her thumb, yanked her hand out of her mouth. “We couldn’t have been that popular a choice, though…right?”
Forowena grinned. “You weren’t everybody’s first choice, but you were on the lips of many and once we started to seriously press those who were hesitant, they agreed you two were the best option. They even pledged to support you.”
Ginger glanced at her husband, but he was still crossing his arms. He’d gone so still for a moment she wondered if he was breathing. Then her mind caught up with her.
“Every lord and lady under your command agreed on us?” she stammered.
“Including your sister Mara, Martin,” said Jerome.
Clutching her hands, Ginger took a deep breath. “But why not Lady Edana—
“Of Erlenberg and not Erisdalian,” said Forowena.
“Frances!”
Jerome shook his head, wincing. Forowena sighed. “Otherworlder and clearly too close to Prince Timur to make her look out for Erisdale’s interest.”
Ginger pressed a hand over her mouth, her free hand clenching into a fist and opening. “Shit. This…this is really happening.”
Martin closed his eyes and nodded. “I believe so. My…personal feelings aside, I will do my duty. But what do we tell Janize?”
“That we’ve appointed our own successors, but her child will be in the line of succession, with our successors house to take precedent over her own. That might complicate the succession law for the future, but that can be resolved in time.” Forowena snapped her fingers. “Ah, and we will also make it a condition that the amount wealth and land confiscated will be determined on the basis of who the Traditonalists persecuted and to provide compensation for property damaged by their forces in the war.”
Martin and Ginger exchanged a glance. “Including Alavari, Your Majesty?” Martin asked, his voice quiet.
Jerome nodded. “That is the intention, Sir Martin. Now…I believe you and your fiance have much to discuss. If that is all, you may request to be dismissed.”
“We do wish, Your Majesties,” said Martin, bowing. Ginger mirrored her fiance and the images of the king and queen faded.
Promptly walking over to one of their chests, Ginger fished into it and drew out a bottle of wine.
“Care for glass?” she asked as she fetched a goblet.
Martin sat down heavily onto his bedroll. “Yes. We…well nothing is guaranteed. I mean we haven’t even gotten married yet.”
Ginger poured herself and her fiance two glasses and handed one to Martin. “But we pledged to after the war, and so have the other lords and ladies of Erisdale. Damnit, of course Frances, Elizabeth and the others would support us, but everybody else?”
“It’s unexpected, but now that I think about it, most people wouldn’t want to be named heirs to Erisdale. It’ll be a hard job rebuilding this kingdom after the war and essentially starting a new dynasty.”
Sitting down, Ginger sipped from her glass. “Dynasty. Fuck, I’ll have to do something about my family.”
“Give your parents a stipend and nothing else.” Martin pursed his lips. “Of course, if you don’t want to be queen, Ginger, you can just—”
His fiance leant against his shoulder. “Finish that sentence and I will smack you. We’re in this together, Martin.”
“I know and I love you. I just wanted to make sure.” Martin took a deep gulp of wine and swallowed hard. “Hopefully, this is the last of the big responsibilities we get.”
Ginger snorted. “I would not bet on it my dear knight.”
Her fiance chuckled, before his lips pinched together. “Promise that you’ll never start calling me Your Majesty, please.”
Wrapping her arm around the blonde man, Ginger smiled. “You’ll always be my shining knight, Martin. Nothing will change that.”
“Thank you, Ginger.”
“Not since the civil war started, so about two years.” Janize smiled gave Leila a peck on the cheek. “Honestly, I am both irritated and a little proud of Jerome. I didn’t expect him to hold out, much less turn the tables on me. I always teased him when we were younger. He was too honorable, to the point that he was dumb. I suppose he just needed to find the right group of people to help him along. How long before the meeting by the way?”
Leila glanced at the high noon sun outside. “Not long now. I’ve also redoubled the security spells and checked the room.”
Janize nodded serenely. “Good. Anything else you can think of with regards to the conditions we have and their terms?”
The Otherworlder tapped her fingers on her arm. “Well, it’s not exactly something they demanded, but it might come up. They probably will demand compensation for the Alavari that we’ve been experimenting on. It’s probably why they demanded land and wealth from our rebelling nobles.”
“Pardon?”
Leila frowned, meeting Janize’s narrowed grey eyes. “I mean, it’ll be hard to argue with them. They’ve captured several of the labs and have our research notes—”
Janize raised her hand, her usually relaxed brow now furrowed. “Leila, what are you talking about? What do you mean by labs and experiments?”
The Otherworlder’s eyes widened and she found herself sitting up ramrod straight. “Um, is this a particularly amusing prank of yours?”
“We are minutes away from a critical meeting. Why would I joke about this with you now?” Janize hissed.
Leila blinked and slowly shook her head. “You’re kidding me. There’s no way you could have not been aware of this. The castles and labs were garrisoned with army troops and Red Order mages.”
“Leila this is the first time I’ve heard about these labs and castles—” Janize grimaced as the mirror began to glow, the sign that a call was coming. “Oh dear. Oh dear. I…I suppose I will have to request to be informed.” Settling herself, the queen touched the mirror and watched as King Jerome, Queen Forowena, Elizabeth, Ayax, Martin and Ginger appeared.
“Hello Janize,” said Jerome, coolly.
Janize smiled without mirth. “Greetings, Jerome. I must begin this meeting with a bit of a somewhat incredulous confession. But please bring me up to date on what exactly has been going on in the labs you have found that were apparently operated by my forces?”
The queen’s smile thinned as sceptical scowls and narrowed eyes met her question. Ayax blinked, tail whipping side to side. “You’re joking right?”
Janize cut before the stunned looking Reformists could ask another question. “I wish I was, but I was just informed by Leila here that they did exist. Speaking of which, how did you come to know about them, Leila? This is not something discussed in my palace.”
A grim, almost haunted look came over Leila’s face. “I found out about it recently as well. A few months ago, Master Scarlet of the Red Order requested Otherworlder assistance in defending their outposts and castles. They had no strategic value so we pressed her and she told us they were magical research laboratories and they couldn’t move the research easily. After that meeting, Earl Darius tried to convince me, saying that it would please Janize if I sallied forth. I wouldn’t normally have believed him, but our situation was so desperate I thought it made sense. I started to prepare a counterattack, but then it didn’t matter anyway because you folks in the Lightning Battalion started to attack them and there is no way in hell we would survive a fight with a full army division.”
Taking a deep breath, Elizabeth tried her best to get her own temper and confusion under control. “You mean you weren’t told what was going on in there? When did you find out about the children?”
“Our standing orders were to take Alavari prisoners of war and hand them over to the Red Order. So I figured—” Leila dropped her arms to her side. “Hold on. Children? What the fuck are you talking about? I thought they were experimenting with prisoners of war and criminals?”
A cold snarl twisting her normally serene expression, Ayax rose to her feet. “You Traditionalists haven’t even been fighting the Alavari! How could you have gotten prisoners of war? And experimenting on them is still wrong!”
Feeling a headache coming on, Janize gingerly massaged the side of her temple. “Wait, children? I thought that was propaganda you were spreading. Where the hell did you even get children from?”
“From the Alavari that lived in Erisdale, and from those that you kidnapped from Alavaria!” Elizabeth hissed.
“I authorized funding and troops for magical research, not that.” Her stony-masked stoicism wavered as her lips twitched. It was as if the queen was trying to prevent a wince. “It’s not that I don’t believe you, but this is extraordinary.”
His eyes narrowed, King Jerome leaned onto his elbows. “Janize, I don’t understand. How could you have known nothing? You don’t trust Earl Darius or Master Scarlet that much.”
Janize pulled her hands from her temples. Drawing herself straight, she narrowed her eyes at the mirror. “No I don’t, but this is the first time I’ve heard about these experiments.”
Leila blinked. She knew her lover better now and as good at hiding her feelings the queen was, she did have some subtle tells. In this case, her shoulders were just a bit too stiff, stretching skin across her high collarbone. “Janize, I’m sorry, but that’s…not entirely true isn’t it?”
The queen tilted her head toward the Otherworlder. Her grey eyes glared daggers at Leila for a brief moment, before she turned back to the mirror. In an arch tone, she hissed between gritted teeth, “I know they were making mana batteries. However, it’s the first time I’ve heard about children. I have been suspicious about why Master Scarlet and Earl Darius require so many facilities for some time and have been trying to audit them. They’ve been stonewalling me with magical and military jargon or burying it in budget books under nondescript lines.”
Leila blinked. “Oh that’s why you were asking me what those words meant.”
“Yes, dear. Now, if the interrogation is over, I will agree to offer compensation to those children and their surviving family members. In return, I have my own conditions.”
Forowena sneered. “Name them. We have our own conditions as well.”
Janize grinned back. “First, my child is not to be next in line to the throne of Erisdale. In fact, I would like to renounce my right of succession and that of my child.”
It was rather hard for Elizabeth, Ayax and their allies to hide their surprise. Admirably, King Jerome only managed to show his shock through a series of rapid blinks. “That’s a major concession, sister.”
The queen turned her chin up. “In return, once you depose Earl Darius, you grant me his personal lands and make me an Earl.”
Crossing her arms, her thoughts racing a mile-a-minute, Elizabeth muttered. “You’d become Erisdale’s chief powerbroker.”
“I am surrendering after all and most of my allies will be gone. You got to give me something. Besides, if I remain Earl, I’d be able to keep what remains of the Traditonalists in check. Exile honestly doesn’t suit me, as comfortable as it would be. I want my child to have a future, not one where he or she has no allies and is bound to the crown.”
Forowena and Jerome glanced at one another, exchanging frowns.
Martin also looked to Ginger, who shook her head. He nodded. They’d had their own discussion about Janize’s possible offers and they had their own opinion.
“Go get em, Martin,” Ginger rasped.
The knight swallowed and coughed officiously. “If I may be so bold, Your Majesties, I propose we grant Queen Janize a county, not an earldom. In return, we shall protect her from reprisals and reparations that the Crown of Alavaria will undoubtedly request.”
Leila rolled her eyes. “What crimes? As you said, we didn’t fight Alavaria.”
A shit-eating grin blossomed over Ginger’s face. Idly twirling a lock of her hair, she crossed her legs. “Earl Darius’s forces kidnapped Queen Titania’s niece, Princess Morgan Greyhammer from the Alavari Academy of Magic and subjected her to a year of torture and experimentation.”
In the silence that followed, all that could be heard was Leila trying not to sputter. Janize was quiet and still. Yet the color was drained from her face.
“That dumb bastard,” Janize whispered.
Leila slammed her fist on the table, causing Janize to flinch. “Fuck.”
“So a county it is, then?” Ginger asked in an airy tone.
“Yes. Do you confirm your side of your terms?” Janize asked.
“We do. Our demand was that your child could not be our successor, which you have agreed to.”
“So the dynasty of the House of Grey ends I suppose.” Janize let out a shuddering breath and shook her head. “Then who is to be your successor?”
Martin and Ginger clasped each other’s hands in unison before facing the group.
“We are,” said Martin slowly.
“Until someone better is found,” said Ginger.
Janize arched an eyebrow. Leila sighed. The queen, however, nudged her Otherworlder quiet and gave a nod of assent. “A wise choice. Shall we continue?”
2023.03.30 06:08 bankdudz Question about my day
I'm a 1st year, been with this contractor since I first hired I'm last August. Great guys, small shop, and im getting experience in commercial, industrial, and we also do shoot if residential service changes. Just painting a small picture for context
I never start work early, but some guys do. I never skip break or lunch, but some guys do. Alot of times, in order to make this company happy (we have an industrial contract with a small plant, work trailer on sight and handle outages every 2 weeks) my foreman (great guy) tells us we are working 10s on this big 2 day outage. We have 20 hours to do 10 hours of work with 5 guys.
The plant has pipe fitters in the mezzanine replacing everything we are about to wire up the entire first day, and from 7 to 1 on the 2nd day. We take a lunch and a break and start working at 1 so we can knock it out before time to leave at 530. 5 comes and we are 1/4 if the way through, as expected. Foreman asks if I want to work over, I decline and say I've got my kids this week, and 2 hours before bedtime with them is more important, he understands/no problem. But he's going to have to stay until it's done. So the other guys stay with him.
Am I an asshole? Thanks for reading if you did. Never been in a union before, just always worked restaurants or sawmills. The 'help out and start until the job is done' was the motto. But I gotta go man. My family will never be chosen last.
submitted by bankdudz to IBEW [link] [comments]
I never start work early, but some guys do. I never skip break or lunch, but some guys do. Alot of times, in order to make this company happy (we have an industrial contract with a small plant, work trailer on sight and handle outages every 2 weeks) my foreman (great guy) tells us we are working 10s on this big 2 day outage. We have 20 hours to do 10 hours of work with 5 guys.
The plant has pipe fitters in the mezzanine replacing everything we are about to wire up the entire first day, and from 7 to 1 on the 2nd day. We take a lunch and a break and start working at 1 so we can knock it out before time to leave at 530. 5 comes and we are 1/4 if the way through, as expected. Foreman asks if I want to work over, I decline and say I've got my kids this week, and 2 hours before bedtime with them is more important, he understands/no problem. But he's going to have to stay until it's done. So the other guys stay with him.
Am I an asshole? Thanks for reading if you did. Never been in a union before, just always worked restaurants or sawmills. The 'help out and start until the job is done' was the motto. But I gotta go man. My family will never be chosen last.
2023.03.30 06:06 ManoftheHour777 Howard Stern is being punished by God for his sins
It has become obvious to me that Howard is in reality getting his just desserts.
Howard is Jewish and the god of the Jews punishes his people when they display perversion, backstab their employees and constantly use the N word.
No one likes Howard, in fact they hate him. He is a woke joke and soon Sirius will dump him and Beth will leave him for a real man with a big dick.
All his fans have deserted him because of his hypocrisy. He cannot even go outside lately.
It is all punishment for a life lived in sin and for blaspheming the lord Jehovah.
submitted by ManoftheHour777 to howardstern [link] [comments]
Howard is Jewish and the god of the Jews punishes his people when they display perversion, backstab their employees and constantly use the N word.
No one likes Howard, in fact they hate him. He is a woke joke and soon Sirius will dump him and Beth will leave him for a real man with a big dick.
All his fans have deserted him because of his hypocrisy. He cannot even go outside lately.
It is all punishment for a life lived in sin and for blaspheming the lord Jehovah.
2023.03.30 06:06 LurkerThatAsks Has anyone been cheated by someone they loved but they themselves cheated on a prior relationship where they themselves were loved? How does it make you feel to be the receiving?
I saw a female friend deeply in love with a man who she believed to be the one only to find out that she was cheating on her. She is emotional pain and seeking therapy.
BUT she herself cheated on a ex who was madly in love with her. She had no issues cheating and breaking this ex’s heart.
I just didn’t know how to process it all. I am not sure if she remorseful of her previous cheating and now understands the pain she inflicted.
Are people who been cheated ever dwell on their own past cheating?
submitted by LurkerThatAsks to TooAfraidToAsk [link] [comments]
BUT she herself cheated on a ex who was madly in love with her. She had no issues cheating and breaking this ex’s heart.
I just didn’t know how to process it all. I am not sure if she remorseful of her previous cheating and now understands the pain she inflicted.
Are people who been cheated ever dwell on their own past cheating?
2023.03.30 06:06 AlberSaber Help Hypatia See Her Father Again After 4 Years of separation
Hypatia, a 10-year-old girl (stateless), has not seen her father, Alber Saber, for four years. In December 2019, Alber had to return to Egypt to take care of his sick mother, and due to COVID-19 lockdown in 2020, he couldn't return to Switzerland to care for Hypatia after his permit expired in May 2020.
In January 2021, Hypatia was expelled from school and transferred to a shelter as her mother was unable to take care of her. Despite her father's request in February 2021, after two years, migration refused to renew his permit, leaving the family with no choice but to hire a lawyer to challenge their decision in court before April 16, 2023. Unfortunately, the lawyer's fees are high, and Alber Saber is unable to afford them. It may even go to multiple courts, including the federal court and the European Human Rights Court. We need all the help we can get to be together again.
Hypatia's father is a human rights activist and blogger who has faced many problems with the Egyptian government. He has been working tirelessly to fight for human rights and freedom of expression, putting him at risk of being arrested by the Egyptian government or killed by extremists in Egypt. Therefore, it is crucial to reunite this family as soon as possible.
#Why Do They Need Our Help?
The family needs our help to raise funds for the lawyer's fees and associated costs to challenge the migration's decision in court. Hypatia's father has dedicated his life to fighting for human rights and freedom of expression, and he deserves to be reunited with his daughter.
#How Can We Help?
We can help by donating to the fund set up to pay for the lawyer's fees and associated costs or signing the petition to support their cause and raise awareness of their situation. Additionally, if you know of lawyers, NGOs, or activists who can volunteer their services for this case, please reach out to the family. We are reaching out to the community for help. Alber has helped many people, and we believe in the power of society to come together to help them be reunited. Every (help-sign-share-minute-dollar) counts, and we are grateful for any thing you can do. Together we can make a difference.
#Conclusion
Every child deserves to be with their family, and we must help reunite this family by supporting their cause. Hypatia needs her father, and we can make a difference by donating to the fund or signing the petition to support their cause. Let's help them fight for human rights and family reunification.
We ask the Swiss authorities to allow Hypatia to see her father as soon as possible.
Petition : https://www.change.org/p/help-hypatia-see-her-father-again-after-4-years-of-absence/
GoFunfMe : https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-hypatia-see-her-father-again
PayPal : paypal.me/ALBERSABER
For more information, you can contact Alber Saber at E-mail: [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]).
Links about Alber Saber's case in Egypt:
[1] Alber Saber Wikipedia (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alber_Saber)
[2] Egypt Must Release Man on Trial for Criticizing Religion (https://www.amnesty.org/en/latest/press-release/2012/10/egypt-must-release-man-trial-criticizing-religion/)
[3] World Report 2013: Egypt (https://www.hrw.org/world-report/2013/country-chapters/egypt)
[4] Humanists Are Being Persecuted Too (https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/jul/19/humanists-are-being-persecuted-too)
[5] Alber Saber Detained for an Online Video (AUCTV) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnK7ijIC39s)
Links about some of Alber Saber's works: Many of Alber Saber’s works are temporarily hidden since 2019 due to the risk of legal persecution in Egypt, Until he can go out of Egypt.
[1] Inquisitions in Egypt 2014 (https://www.atheology.ca/inquisitions-egypt/)
[2] Free Hesham El Masry Atheism Is Not a Crime (https://www.change.org/p/free-hesham-el-masry-atheism-is-not-a-crime)
[3] Alber Saber’s Blog (https://web.archive.org/web/20190904025202/https://www.albersaber.com/)
[4] Alber Saber on YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/Albersaber85)
submitted by AlberSaber to SingleParents [link] [comments]
In January 2021, Hypatia was expelled from school and transferred to a shelter as her mother was unable to take care of her. Despite her father's request in February 2021, after two years, migration refused to renew his permit, leaving the family with no choice but to hire a lawyer to challenge their decision in court before April 16, 2023. Unfortunately, the lawyer's fees are high, and Alber Saber is unable to afford them. It may even go to multiple courts, including the federal court and the European Human Rights Court. We need all the help we can get to be together again.
Hypatia's father is a human rights activist and blogger who has faced many problems with the Egyptian government. He has been working tirelessly to fight for human rights and freedom of expression, putting him at risk of being arrested by the Egyptian government or killed by extremists in Egypt. Therefore, it is crucial to reunite this family as soon as possible.
#Why Do They Need Our Help?
The family needs our help to raise funds for the lawyer's fees and associated costs to challenge the migration's decision in court. Hypatia's father has dedicated his life to fighting for human rights and freedom of expression, and he deserves to be reunited with his daughter.
#How Can We Help?
We can help by donating to the fund set up to pay for the lawyer's fees and associated costs or signing the petition to support their cause and raise awareness of their situation. Additionally, if you know of lawyers, NGOs, or activists who can volunteer their services for this case, please reach out to the family. We are reaching out to the community for help. Alber has helped many people, and we believe in the power of society to come together to help them be reunited. Every (help-sign-share-minute-dollar) counts, and we are grateful for any thing you can do. Together we can make a difference.
#Conclusion
Every child deserves to be with their family, and we must help reunite this family by supporting their cause. Hypatia needs her father, and we can make a difference by donating to the fund or signing the petition to support their cause. Let's help them fight for human rights and family reunification.
We ask the Swiss authorities to allow Hypatia to see her father as soon as possible.
Petition : https://www.change.org/p/help-hypatia-see-her-father-again-after-4-years-of-absence/
GoFunfMe : https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-hypatia-see-her-father-again
PayPal : paypal.me/ALBERSABER
For more information, you can contact Alber Saber at E-mail: [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]).
Links about Alber Saber's case in Egypt:
[1] Alber Saber Wikipedia (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alber_Saber)
[2] Egypt Must Release Man on Trial for Criticizing Religion (https://www.amnesty.org/en/latest/press-release/2012/10/egypt-must-release-man-trial-criticizing-religion/)
[3] World Report 2013: Egypt (https://www.hrw.org/world-report/2013/country-chapters/egypt)
[4] Humanists Are Being Persecuted Too (https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/jul/19/humanists-are-being-persecuted-too)
[5] Alber Saber Detained for an Online Video (AUCTV) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnK7ijIC39s)
Links about some of Alber Saber's works: Many of Alber Saber’s works are temporarily hidden since 2019 due to the risk of legal persecution in Egypt, Until he can go out of Egypt.
[1] Inquisitions in Egypt 2014 (https://www.atheology.ca/inquisitions-egypt/)
[2] Free Hesham El Masry Atheism Is Not a Crime (https://www.change.org/p/free-hesham-el-masry-atheism-is-not-a-crime)
[3] Alber Saber’s Blog (https://web.archive.org/web/20190904025202/https://www.albersaber.com/)
[4] Alber Saber on YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/Albersaber85)
2023.03.30 06:06 nomoneydeepplates does anyone else experience dysphoria in this way?
so at this point i’m fairly convinced that i’m a trans femme, because i’ve had steadily growing “i wish i was a girl” type longings since i was about 15 (i'm 22) and for about as long have wanted to feminize myself with some amount of hrt, and i generally vibe with the argument that “cis people don’t have those thoughts”. there are other reasons but that's the gist. i’ve come out to folks and updated my fashion sense and name but am otherwise pre-everything, even voice-training. but something that gives me pause is that it seems like i don’t relate to the conventional trans girl experience when it comes to dysphoria. i often hear about t girl dysphoria as being this massive “no no no no fuck no” reaction to seeing yourself as a boy, often to the point of suicidality. i do get bummed out in a melancholic kinda way when i see myself in a reflection in public lookin like a man (hairline dysphoria’s an especially bad one). but generally, for me, when i envision myself as a boy, it’s less that i feel intense anguish and more that it feels like a version of myself that i could never make progress on, almost like i feel like a little kid, like i’m perpetually silly and stunted and non-serious. envisioning myself as a girl allows me to feel cool and confident, and like my past questions are answered and like i have the chance to form the types of relationships i’ve always wanted to form and style myself the way i’ve always wanted to with no subversive ‘femboy’ angle goin on. envisioning myself as a boy reverses these things, which i could imagine long-term being terrible, but in the short term the visceral hate reaction isn’t there. (side note, i’ve wondered if this means i’m enby, and for sure i bet some people in my position would decide to go enby, but - and maaaybe this is just me being reactionary or something - to me enby feels like a cope or a dead end, like a way to communicate that you have gendered feelings while also giving absolutely everyone a pass to view you as not a girl. i feel like i’d rather be a blatantly non-passing t girl than an enby. enbies are super valid i'm just speaking about my personal relation to the concept.) so, is this weird or do i have this all wrong and this is a fully normal t girl experience? in particular i wonder if what happens for a lot of t girls is that the closer they get to passing / more they realize how good it feels to be in girlmode / further from boyhood they get, the more disgusted by boyhood they become. this would line up with the fact that i mega don't pass lol. i’m also wondering if my autism and/or very gender-nonconformity-accepting upbringing has anything to do with it.
submitted by nomoneydeepplates to MtF [link] [comments]
2023.03.30 06:05 MiiSzAshley 28F whose parents are manipulating me to staying at home
I couldn't be feeling anymore sad or upset about my current situation and I feel I need to get some much-needed support and kind advice because I am starting to feel at a complete loss for what to do so this is my story:
I am a 28-year-old woman who feels forced to be at home because of her parents, especially due to my mother's codependency. I recently spoke to my parents about wanting to move out of the house. I saved up some money, I am now getting into a decent-paying job and I have pretty good discernment. However, in my parent's eyes, especially with my mother, they feel that my moving out before marriage, is equated to being forever condemned and being disrespectful. When I had the conversation with them, it was extremely manipulative and gaslighting. It is like being a single unmarried woman is a death sentence in the family. They constantly compared me to other women around my age or older who still live with their parents, and to those who got married first and moved out and reported how much more respect you get when it is done that way. They made it seem like it was "ok" for me to go but my dad and mom mentioned bringing shame to the family, being heartbroken, that I will be judged and looked at with disrespect, that no man will marry or respect a woman who leaves the house before marriage, that I will no longer be serious with my boyfriend and oh, the cherry on top is that if I move out, I won’t be able to come back home if I needed to…
So yeah I cried, I’m hurt, I’m confused and now I don’t know what’s right to do anymore. I didn’t want to leave home to not have a relationship with my parents, never my intention. They made it seem like I’m leaving them as if I’m abandoning them, which is not true at all. I want to have a relationship with my parents and I still want to be able to visit and for them to visit me. I still want to be able to speak with them and be cordial, but apparently, they abandoned me. And they justified it by saying “ it’s your choice that you are leaving before you are married. We didn’t kick you out of the house or pressured you. If you think you’re so grown and mature that you can live out in the real world when all crazy things are happening, therefore, you won’t be able to come back.” So they made me more fearful now to even do so.
My mom just recently told me “even if you stay or go, I am already living my life as if I do not have a daughter anymore. I can find someone else (e.g. another girl cousin of mine or my brother) to be that person for me”. She started crying and saying how she and my dad did everything for me for my schooling and my life and how I basically hurt her badly by defying what’s right and she went ahead and said that my father said to her that he felt he was going to have a “heart attack” today because of my mention of wanting to move out. My mom told me all these things about how she and my dad have medical conditions (diabetes and hypertension) and that if he dies or if she dies for some reason, they will be miserable and will have "no daughter to help them". So my words basically are hurting my parents so much and I feel like I am the glue to their own resiliency.
Deep down I know I want to move out soon and get away from the toxicity but it's like I feel stuck and terrified that doing so means I will forever jeopardize my relationship with my parents indefinitely and that is not what I ever wanted in the first place. It makes me feel like moving out is a selfish thing to do. My mom says that I hurt her and my father to the point of physical pain, but it's like my own hurt doesn't exist in their eyes. Ever since this happened, I have been ridden with extreme anxiety, I have been chronically crying, I have been having a lot of negative thoughts about myself, I haven’t been sleeping well and I see myself getting myself into a bad depression... every time I am around my mom, I get mini anxiety attacks and heart palpitations, I feel so much like a little girl and inadequate. I can’t believe she was so quick to just disown me like that of her daughter…
I truthfully feel like I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I move out and if I ever cause my parents extreme stress and physical pain because I know they been through a lot. But since I was younger and in elementary school, all I ever been was my mom’s shoulder when she went through her issues and when she was crying about my dad’s behaviors. And all I ever been to my ndad was support him whenever he would tell me threats of wanting to hurt himself and he choose me to say all those suicidal things to me as the youngest in the family, not even to my older brothers, only to me….
But still, I feel the most incredible amount of guilt and shame, and now I don’t know what else to do but to just listen to them and act complacent to diffuse anymore confrontation because, to me, they made it very clear that I owe them my emotions. I don’t want to be ostracized by them for leaving but I also feel I staying will make me continue to feel depressed.
submitted by MiiSzAshley to entitledparents [link] [comments]
I am a 28-year-old woman who feels forced to be at home because of her parents, especially due to my mother's codependency. I recently spoke to my parents about wanting to move out of the house. I saved up some money, I am now getting into a decent-paying job and I have pretty good discernment. However, in my parent's eyes, especially with my mother, they feel that my moving out before marriage, is equated to being forever condemned and being disrespectful. When I had the conversation with them, it was extremely manipulative and gaslighting. It is like being a single unmarried woman is a death sentence in the family. They constantly compared me to other women around my age or older who still live with their parents, and to those who got married first and moved out and reported how much more respect you get when it is done that way. They made it seem like it was "ok" for me to go but my dad and mom mentioned bringing shame to the family, being heartbroken, that I will be judged and looked at with disrespect, that no man will marry or respect a woman who leaves the house before marriage, that I will no longer be serious with my boyfriend and oh, the cherry on top is that if I move out, I won’t be able to come back home if I needed to…
So yeah I cried, I’m hurt, I’m confused and now I don’t know what’s right to do anymore. I didn’t want to leave home to not have a relationship with my parents, never my intention. They made it seem like I’m leaving them as if I’m abandoning them, which is not true at all. I want to have a relationship with my parents and I still want to be able to visit and for them to visit me. I still want to be able to speak with them and be cordial, but apparently, they abandoned me. And they justified it by saying “ it’s your choice that you are leaving before you are married. We didn’t kick you out of the house or pressured you. If you think you’re so grown and mature that you can live out in the real world when all crazy things are happening, therefore, you won’t be able to come back.” So they made me more fearful now to even do so.
My mom just recently told me “even if you stay or go, I am already living my life as if I do not have a daughter anymore. I can find someone else (e.g. another girl cousin of mine or my brother) to be that person for me”. She started crying and saying how she and my dad did everything for me for my schooling and my life and how I basically hurt her badly by defying what’s right and she went ahead and said that my father said to her that he felt he was going to have a “heart attack” today because of my mention of wanting to move out. My mom told me all these things about how she and my dad have medical conditions (diabetes and hypertension) and that if he dies or if she dies for some reason, they will be miserable and will have "no daughter to help them". So my words basically are hurting my parents so much and I feel like I am the glue to their own resiliency.
Deep down I know I want to move out soon and get away from the toxicity but it's like I feel stuck and terrified that doing so means I will forever jeopardize my relationship with my parents indefinitely and that is not what I ever wanted in the first place. It makes me feel like moving out is a selfish thing to do. My mom says that I hurt her and my father to the point of physical pain, but it's like my own hurt doesn't exist in their eyes. Ever since this happened, I have been ridden with extreme anxiety, I have been chronically crying, I have been having a lot of negative thoughts about myself, I haven’t been sleeping well and I see myself getting myself into a bad depression... every time I am around my mom, I get mini anxiety attacks and heart palpitations, I feel so much like a little girl and inadequate. I can’t believe she was so quick to just disown me like that of her daughter…
I truthfully feel like I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I move out and if I ever cause my parents extreme stress and physical pain because I know they been through a lot. But since I was younger and in elementary school, all I ever been was my mom’s shoulder when she went through her issues and when she was crying about my dad’s behaviors. And all I ever been to my ndad was support him whenever he would tell me threats of wanting to hurt himself and he choose me to say all those suicidal things to me as the youngest in the family, not even to my older brothers, only to me….
But still, I feel the most incredible amount of guilt and shame, and now I don’t know what else to do but to just listen to them and act complacent to diffuse anymore confrontation because, to me, they made it very clear that I owe them my emotions. I don’t want to be ostracized by them for leaving but I also feel I staying will make me continue to feel depressed.
2023.03.30 06:05 AlberSaber Help Hypatia See Her Father Again After 4 Years of separation
Hypatia, a 10-year-old girl (stateless), has not seen her father, Alber Saber, for four years. In December 2019, Alber had to return to Egypt to take care of his sick mother, and due to COVID-19 lockdown in 2020, he couldn't return to Switzerland to care for Hypatia after his permit expired in May 2020.
In January 2021, Hypatia was expelled from school and transferred to a shelter as her mother was unable to take care of her. Despite her father's request in February 2021, after two years, migration refused to renew his permit, leaving the family with no choice but to hire a lawyer to challenge their decision in court before April 16, 2023. Unfortunately, the lawyer's fees are high, and Alber Saber is unable to afford them. It may even go to multiple courts, including the federal court and the European Human Rights Court. We need all the help we can get to be together again.
Hypatia's father is a human rights activist and blogger who has faced many problems with the Egyptian government. He has been working tirelessly to fight for human rights and freedom of expression, putting him at risk of being arrested by the Egyptian government or killed by extremists in Egypt. Therefore, it is crucial to reunite this family as soon as possible.
#Why Do They Need Our Help?
The family needs our help to raise funds for the lawyer's fees and associated costs to challenge the migration's decision in court. Hypatia's father has dedicated his life to fighting for human rights and freedom of expression, and he deserves to be reunited with his daughter.
#How Can We Help?
We can help by donating to the fund set up to pay for the lawyer's fees and associated costs or signing the petition to support their cause and raise awareness of their situation. Additionally, if you know of lawyers, NGOs, or activists who can volunteer their services for this case, please reach out to the family. We are reaching out to the community for help. Alber has helped many people, and we believe in the power of society to come together to help them be reunited. Every (help-sign-share-minute-dollar) counts, and we are grateful for any thing you can do. Together we can make a difference.
#Conclusion
Every child deserves to be with their family, and we must help reunite this family by supporting their cause. Hypatia needs her father, and we can make a difference by donating to the fund or signing the petition to support their cause. Let's help them fight for human rights and family reunification.
We ask the Swiss authorities to allow Hypatia to see her father as soon as possible.
Petition : https://www.change.org/p/help-hypatia-see-her-father-again-after-4-years-of-absence/
GoFunfMe : https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-hypatia-see-her-father-again
PayPal : paypal.me/ALBERSABER
For more information, you can contact Alber Saber at E-mail: [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]).
Links about Alber Saber's case in Egypt:
[1] Alber Saber Wikipedia (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alber_Saber)
[2] Egypt Must Release Man on Trial for Criticizing Religion (https://www.amnesty.org/en/latest/press-release/2012/10/egypt-must-release-man-trial-criticizing-religion/)
[3] World Report 2013: Egypt (https://www.hrw.org/world-report/2013/country-chapters/egypt)
[4] Humanists Are Being Persecuted Too (https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/jul/19/humanists-are-being-persecuted-too)
[5] Alber Saber Detained for an Online Video (AUCTV) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnK7ijIC39s)
Links about some of Alber Saber's works: Many of Alber Saber’s works are temporarily hidden since 2019 due to the risk of legal persecution in Egypt, Until he can go out of Egypt.
[1] Inquisitions in Egypt 2014 (https://www.atheology.ca/inquisitions-egypt/)
[2] Free Hesham El Masry Atheism Is Not a Crime (https://www.change.org/p/free-hesham-el-masry-atheism-is-not-a-crime)
[3] Alber Saber’s Blog (https://web.archive.org/web/20190904025202/https://www.albersaber.com/)
[4] Alber Saber on YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/Albersaber85)
submitted by AlberSaber to exmuslim [link] [comments]
In January 2021, Hypatia was expelled from school and transferred to a shelter as her mother was unable to take care of her. Despite her father's request in February 2021, after two years, migration refused to renew his permit, leaving the family with no choice but to hire a lawyer to challenge their decision in court before April 16, 2023. Unfortunately, the lawyer's fees are high, and Alber Saber is unable to afford them. It may even go to multiple courts, including the federal court and the European Human Rights Court. We need all the help we can get to be together again.
Hypatia's father is a human rights activist and blogger who has faced many problems with the Egyptian government. He has been working tirelessly to fight for human rights and freedom of expression, putting him at risk of being arrested by the Egyptian government or killed by extremists in Egypt. Therefore, it is crucial to reunite this family as soon as possible.
#Why Do They Need Our Help?
The family needs our help to raise funds for the lawyer's fees and associated costs to challenge the migration's decision in court. Hypatia's father has dedicated his life to fighting for human rights and freedom of expression, and he deserves to be reunited with his daughter.
#How Can We Help?
We can help by donating to the fund set up to pay for the lawyer's fees and associated costs or signing the petition to support their cause and raise awareness of their situation. Additionally, if you know of lawyers, NGOs, or activists who can volunteer their services for this case, please reach out to the family. We are reaching out to the community for help. Alber has helped many people, and we believe in the power of society to come together to help them be reunited. Every (help-sign-share-minute-dollar) counts, and we are grateful for any thing you can do. Together we can make a difference.
#Conclusion
Every child deserves to be with their family, and we must help reunite this family by supporting their cause. Hypatia needs her father, and we can make a difference by donating to the fund or signing the petition to support their cause. Let's help them fight for human rights and family reunification.
We ask the Swiss authorities to allow Hypatia to see her father as soon as possible.
Petition : https://www.change.org/p/help-hypatia-see-her-father-again-after-4-years-of-absence/
GoFunfMe : https://www.gofundme.com/f/help-hypatia-see-her-father-again
PayPal : paypal.me/ALBERSABER
For more information, you can contact Alber Saber at E-mail: [[email protected]](mailto:[email protected]).
Links about Alber Saber's case in Egypt:
[1] Alber Saber Wikipedia (https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Alber_Saber)
[2] Egypt Must Release Man on Trial for Criticizing Religion (https://www.amnesty.org/en/latest/press-release/2012/10/egypt-must-release-man-trial-criticizing-religion/)
[3] World Report 2013: Egypt (https://www.hrw.org/world-report/2013/country-chapters/egypt)
[4] Humanists Are Being Persecuted Too (https://www.theguardian.com/world/2019/jul/19/humanists-are-being-persecuted-too)
[5] Alber Saber Detained for an Online Video (AUCTV) (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vnK7ijIC39s)
Links about some of Alber Saber's works: Many of Alber Saber’s works are temporarily hidden since 2019 due to the risk of legal persecution in Egypt, Until he can go out of Egypt.
[1] Inquisitions in Egypt 2014 (https://www.atheology.ca/inquisitions-egypt/)
[2] Free Hesham El Masry Atheism Is Not a Crime (https://www.change.org/p/free-hesham-el-masry-atheism-is-not-a-crime)
[3] Alber Saber’s Blog (https://web.archive.org/web/20190904025202/https://www.albersaber.com/)
[4] Alber Saber on YouTube (https://www.youtube.com/Albersaber85)
2023.03.30 06:05 SpringtimeMoonlight Hey, Miss... (ADULT)
So, how's ya mama?
Baby, princess, sweetie --
can I ask you a question, come on, just one... can I txt you a dlck pic, can you give me directions on where to stick it?
will you smile for me?
I promise I'm no dog, just driving by, hanging out the window, tongue wagging, barking at you, chasing tail after that sweet pussy cat
I'm a good guy; don't you trust me? Why the attitude?
Why don't you let me violate you a little? I promise it won't hurt.
I'd hit that-- with a baseball bat, a car, my fist...
You know, you're starting to piss me off, don't you recognize a good man when you see one? You blind? Can I make you blind?
You got a boyfriend? Some man to protect you from what I want to do-- someone to find your naked body in the woods after the wolf-grin whistles and calling you a wh*re won't work?
Where are you hurrying on those pretty little legs? Don't you know wolves always catch their prey?
But, come on, come on, I'm just playing, I won't hurt you..
(except I might, you never know.)
So won't you smile for me, until we figure it out?
::Reviews::
submitted by SpringtimeMoonlight to OCPoetry [link] [comments]
Baby, princess, sweetie --
can I ask you a question, come on, just one... can I txt you a dlck pic, can you give me directions on where to stick it?
will you smile for me?
I promise I'm no dog, just driving by, hanging out the window, tongue wagging, barking at you, chasing tail after that sweet pussy cat
I'm a good guy; don't you trust me? Why the attitude?
Why don't you let me violate you a little? I promise it won't hurt.
I'd hit that-- with a baseball bat, a car, my fist...
You know, you're starting to piss me off, don't you recognize a good man when you see one? You blind? Can I make you blind?
You got a boyfriend? Some man to protect you from what I want to do-- someone to find your naked body in the woods after the wolf-grin whistles and calling you a wh*re won't work?
Where are you hurrying on those pretty little legs? Don't you know wolves always catch their prey?
But, come on, come on, I'm just playing, I won't hurt you..
(except I might, you never know.)
So won't you smile for me, until we figure it out?
::Reviews::
2023.03.30 06:05 cestlavie88 166 days, health update, blood work, don’t give up!
So, October 14th 2022 I walked away from drinking. I am the proud owner of not 1 but 2 DUII’s (probably deserve 50 DUIIs), a brief stay in county jail, countless brutal screaming matches with my husband, I’ve thrown and broken things, and done lots of damage to my relationships. My husband is also an alcoholic and quit the same time.
I’m a high functioning alcoholic. I own my own business I founded back in 2017. Partied the whole way up. It’s funny how as long as you’re working and making good money how people act like you don’t have a problem. The whole corporate, real estate, financial industries absolutely bask in celebrating functional alcoholism. Corporate retreat? DRINKS! Promotion? DRINKS! Closed a huge deal? Signed a new client? Established a new business partnership…? DRRRRRIIIIIINNNKKKKKSSS! Lol. Drinking is always the answer.
I learned how to drink rubbing elbows with my higher ups. When I got my first DUII ten years ago my former mentor said “who cares, welcome to the club”. This from a man who used to run Marriott.
Anyway, regardless. Alcohol is my demon. It nearly dismantled my marriage. In fact I’m still walking through an extremely difficult part of my marriage because of something awful that happened while my husband and I were at our lowest. Not on my end but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t play a part. And it’s been part of the catalyst that ended mine and my husbands drinking career. So in a way I’m grateful.
We drank a LOT. 5 nights a week at least. Sometimes starting at 1 or 2. Sometimes even earlier and finishing by 5… passing out. I drank heavily for 7 years. I was a beer woman. IPAs like a stereotypical Oregon hipster. Then I moved onto whiskey for a season. Always Jameson. Then that got too syrupy to me so I finished with grey goose. Sometimes I’d mix grey goose with white claw. Road sodas and that.
Got used to living in a permanent state of either hungover or inebriation. Only taking breaks when I was so bloated drinking didn’t sound good. So I HAD to take a break. I thought it was normal to sleep like shit. Maybe copping 4-5 hours a night. No REM sleep ever. Sex with my husband was sloppy drunk BS. Often I’d end up puking. Hanging my head in my toilet like “yep…this is normal, just gotta puke so I can rally”. Pass out. Wake up gagging. Coughing and gagging while I choked down the first 4 cigarettes. Just so I could repeat it all again. I’ve gained 100 lbs too. Eating like shit and drinking too much. Skipping meals so I didn’t ruin my buzz just so I could ferociously yogi bear my kitchen at 3am looking for ramen. I can’t believe how long I lived like that.
LOL, and the ANXIETY. Through the roof. Could hardly go grocery shopping without a buzz unless it was 6am. I was convinced I had agoraphobia. And extreme anxiety. Nah. Turns out when you’re in active addiction and HEAVY denial you just miss that you’re not really mentally ill. You’re just a junkie for booze. Which I was. That and gambling and cigarettes. Those three were my gods.
Anyway. Flash forward to December last year. I had already quit drinking in October but I’m December I got RSV and it turned into pneumonia. So on December 7th I peaced out cigarettes for good.
Started working out in January. Every day.
Now I sleep 8-9.5 hours a night. Sometimes I don’t even wake up to go to the bathroom. Just glorious on my belly mouth open fan on comfortable EPIC snooze fests every night. I take vitamins every day. I mediate. I sit sauna. I read. I paint. I play music. My brain is awake. I’m back. The woman I thought died long ago, she’s in there. My thirst for adventure is insatiable. I’ve lost 30 lbs so far too.
I used to go backpacking and hiking a lot. I used to love to be in the forest. I fought fires structural and wildland. I never thought I’d hike again because I’d gained so much weight and I smoked so much I couldn’t breathe. I’m hiking 5 miles almost every day. When I can’t I jump on my treadmill. I’m feasting on life. I used to feast on slow suicide.
Finally bucked up and went to the doctor this month. The pain in my side came back. The pain I convinced myself was pancreatic cancer and liver failure…. And definitely liver cancer all at the same time. It was back and it made no sense because I quit drinking already. I should be healed. So I said “fuck it” and made my appt. Got an all my blood work done. Got a pap (cause you know I also was certain I had cervical cancer bc I was a heavy smoker). Got an ultra sound and x rays on my side.
My liver enzymes are normal. My blood work is flawless. My side hurts because I have a gallbladder polyp that is exacerbated by fatty foods. My cholesterol is good. Blood pressure is good. My pap and all that was good.
I remember drinking thinking fuck it, I’ve probably already done all the damage. I haven’t. It’s worth quitting and living. Not thinking like that anymore. Now I am caring for my body! Now I am getting healthy and coming back to life. I’m not suffering from anxiety anymore. My body is healing and every day I get stronger. My marriage. God. My marriage is growing in ways I never imagined. I’m falling in love with a man I am just getting to know.
It’s been a crazy ride. I’m almost to six months. Please hang in there!!!! I love you!
submitted by cestlavie88 to alcoholism [link] [comments]
I’m a high functioning alcoholic. I own my own business I founded back in 2017. Partied the whole way up. It’s funny how as long as you’re working and making good money how people act like you don’t have a problem. The whole corporate, real estate, financial industries absolutely bask in celebrating functional alcoholism. Corporate retreat? DRINKS! Promotion? DRINKS! Closed a huge deal? Signed a new client? Established a new business partnership…? DRRRRRIIIIIINNNKKKKKSSS! Lol. Drinking is always the answer.
I learned how to drink rubbing elbows with my higher ups. When I got my first DUII ten years ago my former mentor said “who cares, welcome to the club”. This from a man who used to run Marriott.
Anyway, regardless. Alcohol is my demon. It nearly dismantled my marriage. In fact I’m still walking through an extremely difficult part of my marriage because of something awful that happened while my husband and I were at our lowest. Not on my end but I’d be lying if I said I didn’t play a part. And it’s been part of the catalyst that ended mine and my husbands drinking career. So in a way I’m grateful.
We drank a LOT. 5 nights a week at least. Sometimes starting at 1 or 2. Sometimes even earlier and finishing by 5… passing out. I drank heavily for 7 years. I was a beer woman. IPAs like a stereotypical Oregon hipster. Then I moved onto whiskey for a season. Always Jameson. Then that got too syrupy to me so I finished with grey goose. Sometimes I’d mix grey goose with white claw. Road sodas and that.
Got used to living in a permanent state of either hungover or inebriation. Only taking breaks when I was so bloated drinking didn’t sound good. So I HAD to take a break. I thought it was normal to sleep like shit. Maybe copping 4-5 hours a night. No REM sleep ever. Sex with my husband was sloppy drunk BS. Often I’d end up puking. Hanging my head in my toilet like “yep…this is normal, just gotta puke so I can rally”. Pass out. Wake up gagging. Coughing and gagging while I choked down the first 4 cigarettes. Just so I could repeat it all again. I’ve gained 100 lbs too. Eating like shit and drinking too much. Skipping meals so I didn’t ruin my buzz just so I could ferociously yogi bear my kitchen at 3am looking for ramen. I can’t believe how long I lived like that.
LOL, and the ANXIETY. Through the roof. Could hardly go grocery shopping without a buzz unless it was 6am. I was convinced I had agoraphobia. And extreme anxiety. Nah. Turns out when you’re in active addiction and HEAVY denial you just miss that you’re not really mentally ill. You’re just a junkie for booze. Which I was. That and gambling and cigarettes. Those three were my gods.
Anyway. Flash forward to December last year. I had already quit drinking in October but I’m December I got RSV and it turned into pneumonia. So on December 7th I peaced out cigarettes for good.
Started working out in January. Every day.
Now I sleep 8-9.5 hours a night. Sometimes I don’t even wake up to go to the bathroom. Just glorious on my belly mouth open fan on comfortable EPIC snooze fests every night. I take vitamins every day. I mediate. I sit sauna. I read. I paint. I play music. My brain is awake. I’m back. The woman I thought died long ago, she’s in there. My thirst for adventure is insatiable. I’ve lost 30 lbs so far too.
I used to go backpacking and hiking a lot. I used to love to be in the forest. I fought fires structural and wildland. I never thought I’d hike again because I’d gained so much weight and I smoked so much I couldn’t breathe. I’m hiking 5 miles almost every day. When I can’t I jump on my treadmill. I’m feasting on life. I used to feast on slow suicide.
Finally bucked up and went to the doctor this month. The pain in my side came back. The pain I convinced myself was pancreatic cancer and liver failure…. And definitely liver cancer all at the same time. It was back and it made no sense because I quit drinking already. I should be healed. So I said “fuck it” and made my appt. Got an all my blood work done. Got a pap (cause you know I also was certain I had cervical cancer bc I was a heavy smoker). Got an ultra sound and x rays on my side.
My liver enzymes are normal. My blood work is flawless. My side hurts because I have a gallbladder polyp that is exacerbated by fatty foods. My cholesterol is good. Blood pressure is good. My pap and all that was good.
I remember drinking thinking fuck it, I’ve probably already done all the damage. I haven’t. It’s worth quitting and living. Not thinking like that anymore. Now I am caring for my body! Now I am getting healthy and coming back to life. I’m not suffering from anxiety anymore. My body is healing and every day I get stronger. My marriage. God. My marriage is growing in ways I never imagined. I’m falling in love with a man I am just getting to know.
It’s been a crazy ride. I’m almost to six months. Please hang in there!!!! I love you!
2023.03.30 06:05 Pendrail Lawyers about the DTCC being “truthful” on ownership’s numbers.
These are my own thoughts and previous readings about the DTCC and stock ownership.
There are two separate cases in the past that stand out for naked shorting and false ownership numbers.
The first case is Sedona - where Refco naked shorted the company to from 10$ to being delisted in 2003
https://www.wsj.com/articles/SB112977464429374048
https://www.forbes.com/forbes/2007/0212/068.html?sh=3c3f99cd6817
The second case being Global Links Where a man buys all outstanding Shares of a Company and afterwards 37 M of the shares trade the following day.
https://www.euromoney.com/article/b1320xkhl0443w/naked-shorting-the-curious-incident-of-the-shares-that-didnt-exist
https://www.forbes.com/2006/08/25/naked-shorts-global-links-cx_lm_0825naked.html?sh=33438dba8400
Now the DTCC definitely knows the true Failure to deliver rate since they are the centre of the US stock trades - since the trades between brokers, buyers, sellers go through them in settlements.
https://youtu.be/I0WXg5T3cBE
A letter by Jim Decosta highlights this issue, alongside naked shorting
https://www.sec.gov/rules/proposed/s72303/decosta122203.htm
So if they know the true Failure to Deliver numbers, then they know the true number of ownership of a company. Each Failure to Deliver is a stock that was sold to a person(s), that no real stock was given back, but merely an IOU. They are however, are still part of ownership of said company.
Being the case then, with past precedents, it is with reason to believe that the DTCC can and is able to lie, and distort the numbers. They are after all self “regulating” and is not a government organization.
submitted by Pendrail to Superstonk [link] [comments]
There are two separate cases in the past that stand out for naked shorting and false ownership numbers.
The first case is Sedona - where Refco naked shorted the company to from 10$ to being delisted in 2003
https://www.wsj.com/articles/SB112977464429374048
https://www.forbes.com/forbes/2007/0212/068.html?sh=3c3f99cd6817
The second case being Global Links Where a man buys all outstanding Shares of a Company and afterwards 37 M of the shares trade the following day.
https://www.euromoney.com/article/b1320xkhl0443w/naked-shorting-the-curious-incident-of-the-shares-that-didnt-exist
https://www.forbes.com/2006/08/25/naked-shorts-global-links-cx_lm_0825naked.html?sh=33438dba8400
Now the DTCC definitely knows the true Failure to deliver rate since they are the centre of the US stock trades - since the trades between brokers, buyers, sellers go through them in settlements.
https://youtu.be/I0WXg5T3cBE
A letter by Jim Decosta highlights this issue, alongside naked shorting
https://www.sec.gov/rules/proposed/s72303/decosta122203.htm
So if they know the true Failure to Deliver numbers, then they know the true number of ownership of a company. Each Failure to Deliver is a stock that was sold to a person(s), that no real stock was given back, but merely an IOU. They are however, are still part of ownership of said company.
Being the case then, with past precedents, it is with reason to believe that the DTCC can and is able to lie, and distort the numbers. They are after all self “regulating” and is not a government organization.
2023.03.30 06:04 Elliott1970 Lightning Luck Larry/ A short Story
Larry had always thought of himself as a practical man. He had a stable job, a loving wife, and two kids. His life was predictable and comfortable, but he never imagined that a lightning strike would change everything. Larry was walking home from work when it happened. The sky had been overcast, and he had thought about taking a cab. But he was too practical for that. Why spend money when he could walk the few blocks home? He had never been superstitious, but he should have known that walking under a stormy sky wasn't the wisest choice. The lightning bolt hit him so fast that he didn't even have time to react. One moment he was walking, and the next, he was on the ground, feeling a searing pain in his chest. For a moment, Larry thought he was dying, but then he realized he was still alive. He looked up and saw the storm clouds parting, the sun peeking through. He felt like he'd been given a second chance. He slowly got to his feet, feeling dazed and confused. His clothes were singed, and his hair was standing on end. He had never been in a situation like this before. Larry stumbled home, trying to make sense of what had just happened. But when he opened the door, he found that his life had changed in ways he never could have imagined. Samantha, his wife, was waiting for him in the living room. She looked different somehow, more composed, more resolved. Larry felt a sense of dread rise in him. He knew something was wrong. "Larry, I need to talk to you," she said, her voice calm but firm. "What is it, Samantha? What's wrong?" Larry asked. "I've been keeping something from you, something that I need to tell you, "She said, her voice trembling slightly. Larry's mind raced. What could it be? Was she sick? Was there someone else? "I'm leaving you, Larry," Samantha said. "What? Why?" Larry asked, feeling like he'd been punched in the gut. "I'm in love with someone else, Larry. It's a woman," she said. Larry couldn't believe what he was hearing. He had never suspected that Samantha was anything but straight. He felt like he was living in a dream, a nightmare. "I'm sorry, Larry. I know this is hard, but I need to be true to myself," Samantha said, tears streaming down her face. Larry didn't know what to say. He felt like his life was falling apart. He had been struck by lightning, survived, and now this. He didn't know how much more he could take. "I need to be alone, Samantha," Larry said, his voice choked with emotion. He stumbled out of the living room and collapsed onto the couch. He felt like he'd been hit by another lightning bolt. His life was changing, and he didn't know if he was ready for it. For the next few days, Larry felt like he was in a daze. He didn't know how to process what Samantha had told him. He had always thought of himself as an open-minded person, but this was something he had never considered. He tried to talk to Samantha, to understand how she had come to this realization, but she was distant and uncommunicative. Larry felt like he was losing his wife, his partner of fifteen years. He didn't know how to deal with the sudden change in his life. One night, after Samantha had gone to bed, Larry found himself unable to sleep. He got up and went to the kitchen, poured himself a glass of water, and sat down at the kitchen table. As he sipped his water, his eyes fell on his laptop, which was open on the counter. Without thinking, he clicked on the browser icon and started browsing aimlessly. But his thoughts kept returning to Samantha and the woman she had left him for. Larry felt a surge of anger, then confusion, then sadness. He had never felt so lost before. And then, a thought occurred to him. He got up from the table and went to their shared office. Samantha had always been in
submitted by Elliott1970 to Poemsandvideo [link] [comments]
2023.03.30 06:03 dizzy_angeles [Hobby] Motivated Team Seeking Members
I help lead an open collective (like open source) game project with 140 game developers. Join us:
📷[P1-OM] Open Collective
We are a team of motivated developers seeking artists, programmers, producers, user integrators, social media people and community managers.
Note:
Our game is a really cute, wholesome game where you gather cute jelly-like creatures（＾ω＾）and work with them to craft a sky island paradise.
Feed cute creatures >>
It's a simple single player game to keep the timeline short for portfolio purposes.
It's made in Unity/BlendeMagicaVoxel.
About us:
Work:
We are a large open collective with many people who have already graduated to companies like EA
. We have a pipeline to get people mentored and connected with alumni already working with established companies.
Time:
There are no obligations to do a certain number of hours and so-forth. You can come in to build your skills or just enjoy game-deving with us.
Community:
Part of the goal is to see if open collectives can make games. It's kinda like open source but more engaged and structured. Since our team is large you are forced to learn the soft skills of teamwork so valued in the job interview process. We meet daily in Discord
and use it as an open office space for watercooler talk. Our allied devs also come and develop there almost daily.
As a community we're not really in it for the money, but we are in it to build a game that we're passionate about. We hope to release it on Steam for PC. Some people join us for the experience of working with a large team, others for an ideal portfolio piece (not over-scoped that still stands out). Some to have fun, and others because they're tired of developing alone for years. We're seeking other people who are passionate just like us, primarily a designer. However, our system is pretty well tuned by now and we are able to take on programmers, artists, animators and possibly 1 more producer as well.
Mentorship:
Being an open collective we often have amazing mentors like:
**vakola -**17+ years in game design, helped make Gears of War and Need for Speed. skyphyr - Helped make HoloLens. Visual effects artist, content creator, Houdini expert and render artist. 20+ years of experience. [1LF]cory2point0 - Army medic turned software dev, turned company mentor. 14+ years of programming with a specialization in agile software development.
We also have guest speakers like Tim Cotten was the lead designer of Ultima Online.
Connect:
They speak on our Discord.
. Our Discord is about the non-crypt0 open metaverse.
If you are making your own game, we have a daily shared work space time (just ask) which you are welcome to be part of! You can hear some of the recordings on our podcast
.
Respond:
If you would like to be part, or if you have questions, comment!
submitted by dizzy_angeles to indiegamedevforum [link] [comments]
📷[P1-OM] Open Collective
We are a team of motivated developers seeking artists, programmers, producers, user integrators, social media people and community managers.
Note:
- We are making a game purely from a passion standpoint
- We don’t have capital to offer, so please keep this in mind when you consider contributing with your time
- We have many other roles, so if in doubt, just apply .
Our game is a really cute, wholesome game where you gather cute jelly-like creatures（＾ω＾）and work with them to craft a sky island paradise.
Feed cute creatures >>
It's a simple single player game to keep the timeline short for portfolio purposes.
It's made in Unity/BlendeMagicaVoxel.
About us:
Work:
We are a large open collective with many people who have already graduated to companies like EA
. We have a pipeline to get people mentored and connected with alumni already working with established companies.
Time:
There are no obligations to do a certain number of hours and so-forth. You can come in to build your skills or just enjoy game-deving with us.
Community:
Part of the goal is to see if open collectives can make games. It's kinda like open source but more engaged and structured. Since our team is large you are forced to learn the soft skills of teamwork so valued in the job interview process. We meet daily in Discord
and use it as an open office space for watercooler talk. Our allied devs also come and develop there almost daily.
As a community we're not really in it for the money, but we are in it to build a game that we're passionate about. We hope to release it on Steam for PC. Some people join us for the experience of working with a large team, others for an ideal portfolio piece (not over-scoped that still stands out). Some to have fun, and others because they're tired of developing alone for years. We're seeking other people who are passionate just like us, primarily a designer. However, our system is pretty well tuned by now and we are able to take on programmers, artists, animators and possibly 1 more producer as well.
Mentorship:
Being an open collective we often have amazing mentors like:
**vakola -**17+ years in game design, helped make Gears of War and Need for Speed. skyphyr - Helped make HoloLens. Visual effects artist, content creator, Houdini expert and render artist. 20+ years of experience. [1LF]cory2point0 - Army medic turned software dev, turned company mentor. 14+ years of programming with a specialization in agile software development.
We also have guest speakers like Tim Cotten was the lead designer of Ultima Online.
Connect:
They speak on our Discord.
. Our Discord is about the non-crypt0 open metaverse.
If you are making your own game, we have a daily shared work space time (just ask) which you are welcome to be part of! You can hear some of the recordings on our podcast
.
Respond:
If you would like to be part, or if you have questions, comment!
2023.03.30 06:03 EntertainmentOk3396 For all the people upset they don’t have access to the beta
Your not missing out it’s hack vs hack every lobby just like MM except no consequences, and it’s been known for a few days a simple command, I’m sitting here not enabling it because I’m a fucking man trying to enjoy the beta, while typical csgo community cheat any chance they get I guess. Faceit > match making that will never change.
submitted by EntertainmentOk3396 to GlobalOffensive [link] [comments]
2023.03.30 06:02 junkie789 pisces are so fucking confusing yo. wtf?!?
hey scorpies,
i need a serious cold, hard truth serum from all of you. i'm a pisces dude and i'm distraught straight up. i need a taste of reality.
so a few days ago, i put up that famous "Private Island Volcano -- kill the twins" poll that most of you enjoyed, and i was hoping to gather some data about this realization i had about signs and gender. most polls on reddit are boring, let's be honest. no one really cares or pays attention. And so I posted this long winded, obviously ridiculous story 1.) to make your choice be a bit meaningful, and memorable, and 2.) i was being deliberately tongue in cheek and trying to have some fun with you all. I changed a few details and posted the very same scenario of "choosing a soulmate" to the pisces subreddit to compare results. wanted to see the difference, you know?
this is where the kicker is, and where' i'm so confused. EVERY SCORPIO (who commented at least) loved the story. the humor and the ridiculousness most definitely didn't go over your heads whatsoever. ladies, you got it. you all played along. EVEN WHEN you didn't like any of the options, you went to the next best option, choosing moon sign and still voted. you didn't complain, you played along with the fantasy. it was so whimsical, fantastical (if you don't believe me, check out the comment section). Turn over to the pisces, i was absolutely ripped a new one. people complaining "too many words" or "wtf.....is this??" or the best "i didn't even read half of it..." etc. for a sign like pisces that is famous for fantasy, dreams, whimsy, i was absolutely ripped to shreds with this (and i'm not even showing you the dms i got lol). no one else played along in the comment section whatsoever.....
sooo, here's my question, wtf is going on?? scorpies, are we pisces this judgemental? this critical? are we not as dreamy as everyone makes us out to be? dare i say -- ARE SCORPIOS MORE FANTASTICAL THAN PISCES?!??? is this the wishy-washy/unpredictable side everyone is so confused about us? i feel like i'm looking at a mirror of my own sign and don't even know what i am lol. i'm not here to destroy pisces, or the community whatsoever. but it got me thinking. especially those of you who have gripes about pisces in your life, is this what you're irritated about? are we this humorless?!? help me see the truth my wonderful stingers.
a very confused fishy.
PS - i know you all (scorpy ladies AND dudes too) really liked that volcano story/poll. i'll do a dude version soon. stay tuned :)
Links to the polls
pisces -- my lovely pisces gals, which man do you marry??? : piscesastrology (reddit.com)
scorpio -- to my sexy scorpy ladies, which man do you marry?? (ROUND 1) : Scorpio (reddit.com)
submitted by junkie789 to Scorpio [link] [comments]
i need a serious cold, hard truth serum from all of you. i'm a pisces dude and i'm distraught straight up. i need a taste of reality.
so a few days ago, i put up that famous "Private Island Volcano -- kill the twins" poll that most of you enjoyed, and i was hoping to gather some data about this realization i had about signs and gender. most polls on reddit are boring, let's be honest. no one really cares or pays attention. And so I posted this long winded, obviously ridiculous story 1.) to make your choice be a bit meaningful, and memorable, and 2.) i was being deliberately tongue in cheek and trying to have some fun with you all. I changed a few details and posted the very same scenario of "choosing a soulmate" to the pisces subreddit to compare results. wanted to see the difference, you know?
this is where the kicker is, and where' i'm so confused. EVERY SCORPIO (who commented at least) loved the story. the humor and the ridiculousness most definitely didn't go over your heads whatsoever. ladies, you got it. you all played along. EVEN WHEN you didn't like any of the options, you went to the next best option, choosing moon sign and still voted. you didn't complain, you played along with the fantasy. it was so whimsical, fantastical (if you don't believe me, check out the comment section). Turn over to the pisces, i was absolutely ripped a new one. people complaining "too many words" or "wtf.....is this??" or the best "i didn't even read half of it..." etc. for a sign like pisces that is famous for fantasy, dreams, whimsy, i was absolutely ripped to shreds with this (and i'm not even showing you the dms i got lol). no one else played along in the comment section whatsoever.....
sooo, here's my question, wtf is going on?? scorpies, are we pisces this judgemental? this critical? are we not as dreamy as everyone makes us out to be? dare i say -- ARE SCORPIOS MORE FANTASTICAL THAN PISCES?!??? is this the wishy-washy/unpredictable side everyone is so confused about us? i feel like i'm looking at a mirror of my own sign and don't even know what i am lol. i'm not here to destroy pisces, or the community whatsoever. but it got me thinking. especially those of you who have gripes about pisces in your life, is this what you're irritated about? are we this humorless?!? help me see the truth my wonderful stingers.
a very confused fishy.
PS - i know you all (scorpy ladies AND dudes too) really liked that volcano story/poll. i'll do a dude version soon. stay tuned :)
Links to the polls
pisces -- my lovely pisces gals, which man do you marry??? : piscesastrology (reddit.com)
scorpio -- to my sexy scorpy ladies, which man do you marry?? (ROUND 1) : Scorpio (reddit.com)
2023.03.30 06:01 Lexxiah McNugget
 | This is McNugget, but he prefers to go by his alternative name of “10 Piece.” He was a surprise rescue from someone offering him for free as snake food. submitted by Lexxiah to hamsters [link] [comments] I met the person at McDonalds to pick him up and haven’t actually thought of a name yet, lol. He’ll tell me when it’s time. :) Now begins the hunt for someone in Orange County who needs a sweet little grey-haired man who has no problem hanging out in a strangers hands. Until then McNug is safe and happy with me. The pics show him in his temporary enclosures. I moved him into a real one once I got him home. He’s a happy little dwarf. |
2023.03.30 06:01 13Luthien4077 Mental Breakdown Produces Metaphor
I am exhausted, depressed, and mentally broken beyond repair due to the state of this field. Not gonna rant about it, just in my semi-delusional state try to pose the best metaphor I can. I teach English mostly. Lemme cope.
So the field of education is like a closed off room, and everyone in there is eating baked beans and hot sauce. This particular room has no windows or ventilation system to keep the air moving. The longer people are in this room, the more people are eating. The more beans they consume, the more hot "air" they produce. Sure, veterans of this room have a point that some things simply do need to be endured because no matter how unpleasant those things are, ultimately they won't hurt you. It is true, everyone has to pass certain byproducts of digestion, it is natural, and a little methane and hydrogen sulfide never hurt anyone. However, when many veterans came in, people were eating a bite or two of the Vietnam Special and that was all. Now certain people in the room are eating 2-3 plates full of baked beans and hot sauce, causing them to fart constantly and uncontrollably, making the air in the room more hydrogen sulfide than oxygen.
At some point, we have to recognize that the people in our field who are the most full of hot air are the ones making our field too toxic to survive in.
submitted by 13Luthien4077 to Teachers [link] [comments]
So the field of education is like a closed off room, and everyone in there is eating baked beans and hot sauce. This particular room has no windows or ventilation system to keep the air moving. The longer people are in this room, the more people are eating. The more beans they consume, the more hot "air" they produce. Sure, veterans of this room have a point that some things simply do need to be endured because no matter how unpleasant those things are, ultimately they won't hurt you. It is true, everyone has to pass certain byproducts of digestion, it is natural, and a little methane and hydrogen sulfide never hurt anyone. However, when many veterans came in, people were eating a bite or two of the Vietnam Special and that was all. Now certain people in the room are eating 2-3 plates full of baked beans and hot sauce, causing them to fart constantly and uncontrollably, making the air in the room more hydrogen sulfide than oxygen.
At some point, we have to recognize that the people in our field who are the most full of hot air are the ones making our field too toxic to survive in.
2023.03.30 06:01 dizzy_angeles [Hobby] Motivated Team Seeking Members
I help lead an open collective (like open source) game project with 140 game developers. Join us:
📷[P1-OM] Open Collective
We are a team of motivated developers, seeking artists, programmers, producers, user integrators, social media people and community managers.
Note:
Our game is a really cute, wholesome game where you gather cute jelly-like creatures（＾ω＾）and work with them to craft a sky island paradise.
Feed cute creatures >>
It's a simple single player game to keep the timeline short for portfolio purposes.
It's made in Unity/BlendeMagicaVoxel.
About us:
Work:
We are a large open collective with many people who have already graduated to companies like EA
. We have a pipeline to get people mentored and connected with alumni already working with established companies.
Time:
There are no obligations to do a certain number of hours and so-forth. You can come in to build your skills or just enjoy game-deving with us.
Community:
Part of the goal is to see if open collectives can make games. It's kinda like open source but more engaged and structured. Since our team is large you are forced to learn the soft skills of teamwork so valued in the job interview process. We meet daily in Discord
and use it as an open office space for watercooler talk. Our allied devs also come and develop there almost daily.
As a community we're not really in it for the money, but we are in it to build a game that we're passionate about. We hope to release it on Steam for PC. Some people join us for the experience of working with a large team, others for an ideal portfolio piece (not over-scoped that still stands out). Some to have fun, and others because they're tired of developing alone for years. We're seeking other people who are passionate just like us, primarily a designer. However, our system is pretty well tuned by now and we are able to take on programmers, artists, animators and possibly 1 more producer as well.
Mentorship:
Being an open collective we often have amazing mentors like:
**vakola -**17+ years in game design, helped make Gears of War and Need for Speed. skyphyr - Helped make HoloLens. Visual effects artist, content creator, Houdini expert and render artist. 20+ years of experience. [1LF]cory2point0 - Army medic turned software dev, turned company mentor. 14+ years of programming with a specialization in agile software development.
We also have guest speakers like Tim Cotten was the lead designer of Ultima Online.
Connect:
They speak on our Discord.
. Our Discord is about the non-crypt0 open metaverse.
If you are making your own game, we have a daily shared work space time (just ask) which you are welcome to be part of! You can hear some of the recordings on our podcast
.
Respond:
If you would like to be part, or if you have questions, comment!
submitted by dizzy_angeles to hobbygamedev [link] [comments]
📷[P1-OM] Open Collective
We are a team of motivated developers, seeking artists, programmers, producers, user integrators, social media people and community managers.
Note:
- We are making a game purely from a passion standpoint
- We don’t have capital to offer, so please keep this in mind when you consider contributing with your time
- We have many other roles, so if in doubt, just apply.
Our game is a really cute, wholesome game where you gather cute jelly-like creatures（＾ω＾）and work with them to craft a sky island paradise.
Feed cute creatures >>
It's a simple single player game to keep the timeline short for portfolio purposes.
It's made in Unity/BlendeMagicaVoxel.
About us:
Work:
We are a large open collective with many people who have already graduated to companies like EA
. We have a pipeline to get people mentored and connected with alumni already working with established companies.
Time:
There are no obligations to do a certain number of hours and so-forth. You can come in to build your skills or just enjoy game-deving with us.
Community:
Part of the goal is to see if open collectives can make games. It's kinda like open source but more engaged and structured. Since our team is large you are forced to learn the soft skills of teamwork so valued in the job interview process. We meet daily in Discord
and use it as an open office space for watercooler talk. Our allied devs also come and develop there almost daily.
As a community we're not really in it for the money, but we are in it to build a game that we're passionate about. We hope to release it on Steam for PC. Some people join us for the experience of working with a large team, others for an ideal portfolio piece (not over-scoped that still stands out). Some to have fun, and others because they're tired of developing alone for years. We're seeking other people who are passionate just like us, primarily a designer. However, our system is pretty well tuned by now and we are able to take on programmers, artists, animators and possibly 1 more producer as well.
Mentorship:
Being an open collective we often have amazing mentors like:
**vakola -**17+ years in game design, helped make Gears of War and Need for Speed. skyphyr - Helped make HoloLens. Visual effects artist, content creator, Houdini expert and render artist. 20+ years of experience. [1LF]cory2point0 - Army medic turned software dev, turned company mentor. 14+ years of programming with a specialization in agile software development.
We also have guest speakers like Tim Cotten was the lead designer of Ultima Online.
Connect:
They speak on our Discord.
. Our Discord is about the non-crypt0 open metaverse.
If you are making your own game, we have a daily shared work space time (just ask) which you are welcome to be part of! You can hear some of the recordings on our podcast
.
Respond:
If you would like to be part, or if you have questions, comment!