Bed bath and beyond chandler az

I've been trying to figure out where on reddit I should put this but here goes nothing; this is a throwaway account and it's going to be a very long one. For a bit of context I'm in a polyamorous "relationship" where there is also an extremely large age gap among the three of us. I (21F) met my partners, lets call them Collen (46F) and Doug (56M) the beginning of January 2021. My friends kept pushing for me to go out and meet someone and have some fun so I signed up for a dating app not expecting much to come of it because of my "unique" type romantically. I'm completely into the age gap relationship thing so I raised the age on my search to 30-50. and with my luck two swipes in and there she was; beautiful blonde with greenish-blue eyes a great smile. I swiped so fast I couldn't stop myself, and it came back saying that she had also swiped right on me too. I didn't exactly take the time to thoroughly read through the profile because after the mutual swiping I decide to read the profile a little bit more, and it turned out to be a couple. Maybe I should've backed out then but in my mind it was like yolo why not. They are both attractive and who knows maybe it'll be a fun fling to have from time to time until I feel ready to find someone to settle with. I'd never heard of polyamory or any of the things that come with it so I was basically going in blind. So we connected and initially It was just chatting with her through the app getting to know what they were looking for and things like that. She then suggested that I add him on snapchat so I could talk to him as well and do a video chat verification of myself. So I did and to my surprise I'd hit it off with him too. It was like I could talk to him about any and everything. Deep conversations came easily with him. They both reassured me they wouldn't force me to go too fast or do anything I don't want to do. Made me feel very comfortable from the get go. Eventually the whole conversation moved to snapchat they created a group chat and I could text them separately whenever. I mostly spoke with him separately and she would really only respond in the group. I met up with him about a month later. She couldn't come along as she had to stay home with their daughter but gave us her blessing to have fun and tell her about it tomorrow. It was a great time we talked sat by the water till almost 5am. Another month in they invited me over to their place so we could all be together and I of course accepted. When I got there I was shocked to have been greeted at the door by the two of them and their daughter. For another reference I love kids and have been helping my siblings and other family members raise theirs since I was 6 and I'd told them about that as well, But still it threw me for a loop because it'd only been 3 months they still don't know too too much about me and we all knew I wasn't exactly coming over to just "have dinner and watch movies" and it seemed strange to me. We had dinner and it was nice we laughed a lot and all got along pretty good. When it got later in the night Colleen put their daughter to bed and Doug and I went to their bedroom. She joined us and we got busy and in the midst of it I began to bleed as apart of this health condition I have which they were aware of, and they immediately stopped to care for me clean me up an make sure I was ok and insisted that I sleep over for the night. They grabbed a blow up bed and set it up in their room for me. That simple gesture did something in my heart. I come from a pretty fucked up broken abusive home some of which they'd also known about so no one had ever really taken care of me like that before until them. Immediately my heart was absolutely sure this wouldn't be a one time fling like i'd thought. Fast forward some time everything was going pretty well. We all talked, sent pictures etc in the group and then I'd come over their place again and we'd have a good time I'd either sleep over and go home, and the cycle just continued on like that. Now up until May there had never been a title placed on what we had going on, so I wasn't too hopeful it'd stay on the same track it was on. Then at about the end of May he asks me to be their girlfriend. Says it's something they both want and again blindly going through with it I said yes, but looking back I should've asked her myself if that was really what she also wanted and maybe I could've saved myself the heart ache. So now we are officially in a relationship and everything is going fairly well.. Fast forward to 2022 about end of July maybe early into August. She started to become... distant small stuff at first like not wanting to have sex because she wasn't feeling well which I completely understood never would I make her feel bad for that. Then it became not wanting to be in the same room as me. Like Doug their daughter and I would be in the living room watching a movie or something just hanging out and she'd leave and go into their bedroom and wouldn't come back out until dinner or it was time for their daughter to go bed so she could tuck her in. It started to make me feel... weird and I couldn't bring myself to ask her what was going on, but Doug would continue to reassure me that she was attracted to me she loved being with me. I wanted to believe him but I couldn't in my heart and due to past trauma I didn't want to face if she'd say no. Now don't get me wrong she and I spent time together just the two of us. Sunday's she and I would go out shopping but you could cut the tension with a knife during those rides sometimes. I wanted to say something but Doug had prior told me about a girl from their past who hurt her and left her emotionally stunted with women so I alway tried my hardest to make sure I didn't do that to her and didn't do anything to cause her any discomfort sort of letting her come into it on her own. Plus she showed her love in other ways with catering to me buying me things particular to what I love. She'd said I love you verbally to me on 2 separate occasions which she apparently doesn't do. So I just could never find the right time to do so. Then Doug started searching on the app again for other women to add to it. He liked to watch and they'd had foursomes with other women where he would watch them with Colleen and take videos that have been shown to me before. I didn't know how I felt about this so I just went along with to see where it would go. Luckily it has never gone beyond a texting conversation among them although we have come close a few times. Anyways end of October early November of 22. Everything was so completely off between she and I felt it every time I would go over to their house. I didn't know what to do or how to address it. It was starting to really take a toll on me mentally. And they were also planning to move to another state where her family is and that caused me to worry more then before because I would not be going with them, who is to say that they won't meet another woman or women on the app and brush me off to the side numerous thoughts went through my mind over this. Plus it would be close to her father and best friend so she is definitely going to want to spend a great amount of time with them and there would be no real way to explain who I am to them considering I'm hispanic and they are White so it wouldn't be easy to play it off and none of them know that she is into women and that they are apart of the lifestyle not even her best friend. (This information is important to my point) Then one night Doug was driving me back to my house and he told me she had cried in their bedroom that morning while I was still asleep because she is uncomfortable in her body and uncomfortable around me. Flat out my heart sank and in my mind all I could think was how could you love and be with someone but not be comfortable around them or even talk to them about it, and you're moving to a new state you pretty much are going to want nothing to do with me. This triggered my abandonment issues like nothing else ever could and they knew of this issue and my need for reassurance I thought they would understand my need to know especially Doug since he questioned constantly if I was happy with our relationship and the age gap and if i wanted to leave I reassured him constantly that I couldn't go anywhere. I cried that night and decided to open the app myself just to find someone to talk to or even distract me for a moment nothing extreme. It escalated and i did cheat emotionally and I kissed the girl but that was it at that time. I felt bad and I am terrible at lying so eventually the truth exposed itself. the day of it was like she could feel something was going to change she came out of their room to where I was on the couch and just made out with me out of the blue. I didn't know what to do. Let's just say the truth revealed itself on that drive home that night and we broke up... for 18 days. I tried to move on with my life because every one was telling me to since the age gap and a bunch of other factors as well so I did and ended up being set up to be raped twice. needless to say my faith in humanity is gone on that end. so I tried one last time to talk to him and work things out. I did and by Christmas we were back together and working on getting better. Now here we are June 2023 they've found a house they will be moving into in just a few weeks. I've been helping them clean and pack up their old home a few times during this process. Doug swears nothing will change but everything will especially considering technically I'm only now in a romantic relationship with Doug and Colleen and I.. I don't even know if you could call it a friendship. Things are hitting that weird point again and he has met another girl on the app he wants him and I to meet and play with its only been 2 days and she's basically giving herself up to him as a submissive which he loves and gave the both of them access to her remote vibrator to pleasure her with which of course he had to tell me about. Now with all o that back ground out of the way here comes the real reason for my post. Despite all of the things I said above there are many red flags about them that I continually overlooked because of the lovers gaze i had on them. Including and I'm not proud of it pedo.... and incest (they both swear they'd never really cross that line with their daughter but I am not 100% sure I believe especially after he told me why he lost his old job) Especially with Doug he even talks about how things would've been if they would've raised me when he would've started wanting to play with me. I'm not proud that I stayed and overlooked those things part of me knows I stay to protect their daughter from them, and the other knows I stay because I trauma bonded myself onto them and can't get away. I'm not even attracted to anyone outside of them yes it is that bad. Lately things have been so confusing and tossed up i am ready to call it quits. (I am a hyper aware person to a default so I know when someone is trying to manipulate and play mind games with me which is what she is doing and I let them think they are succeeding and him he is just attracted to how young and hyper sexual I can be when we are together.) but not before I set a few little fires. I've curated a plan to send a letter to her father, and best friend. As well as his siblings (his parents are diseased) detailing what they've done and thus ultimately outting her as bisexual to them which I know is wrong but after the emotional and psychological abuse they instilled upon me it seems appropriate. Before she married him She was having a fling with her bosses sister at her bosses house. I know the bosses name and have her information so I could send her an email with the detailed story. Of course that is not grounds to fire her but it will cause enough tension and discomfort in my eyes. She is also adopted and recently found her bio moms family; I have their information as well and plan to give them a thorough warning about their estranged family member and what comes with her since they do explicit talk about the family members they would fuck including children of their cousins etc.. It is a toss up considering her father and best friend may be completely supportive of her and not cause any harm there. This won't repair the abuse they've done to me or help me heal but I took the higher road and over looked so many things for 3 years. Someone has to stop them in their tracks so they never do what they did to me to another woman again. WIBTAH?

I was paralyzed with fear as the reflection-like entity hovered menacingly in front of me. Its distorted features twisted into a grotesque smile, the malice in its voice cutting through the air like a chilling breeze.
"Who are you?" I managed to stammer, my voice barely audible. My heart pounded in my chest, threatening to burst through my ribcage. The reflection-like figure tilted its head, its eyes gleaming with a sinister light. "I am nothing but an Echo," it whispered, the words slithering into my ears like venomous serpents.
I jolted upright, gasping for breath. Sweat drenched my forehead as I realized it had all been a nightmare—a vivid and horrifying dream. I glanced around my room, seeking solace in the familiar surroundings. I couldn't shake the feeling that something was off. The moonlight streaming through the window cast an eerie glow, intensifying my unease.
As I sat up, my eyes were drawn to the mirror on the opposite wall. I stared at my reflection, half-expecting to see the monster from my nightmare. But the mirror only reflected my own terrified expression. Taking a deep breath, I tried to convince myself that it was all just a product of an overactive imagination. Perhaps I had been reading too many horror stories lately, or maybe it was the result of the stress I had been under. Whatever the case, I needed to shake off this sense of dread and get some sleep.
I reached for my phone to check the time, hoping it was still early enough to salvage a few hours of rest. But as I grabbed it from the nightstand, a notification caught my attention. It was an email with a blank subject line. Confusion washed over me as I opened the email. The sender was anonymous, and the message contained only one sentence: "Did you sleep well?" My heart raced, and a chill ran down my spine. How did they know my name? And how did they know about my nightmare?
I quickly dismissed it as a sick joke, the work of an internet troll seeking to terrify unsuspecting victims. But as I tried to calm myself, another notification popped up on my screen. It was a video message from an unknown sender. Hesitant but curious, I clicked on it. The video started with darkness, but soon the image became clear. It was me, sleeping peacefully in my bed. The camera angle suggested that it was taken from within my room. I felt a surge of panic, realizing that someone had been watching me.
As the video played on, my eyes widened in horror. I saw myself tossing and turning, plagued by the nightmares that had tormented me earlier. But there was something different about this video. The room around me seemed distorted, as if reality itself was warping and twisting. The camera panned to the mirror on the opposite wall. I saw my reflection staring back at me with hollow eyes and a familiar malicious grin. It wasn't me; it was the twisted version of myself from my nightmare.
A chill ran down my spine as the video continued. The reflection started to move independently, its hand reaching out towards the glass as if trying to break through. I watched in horror as cracks formed on the surface of my mirror in real time, one by one, as they formed on the mirror in the video, spreading like a spider's web. The mirror was coming alive, its malevolent presence seeping into the room. I couldn't tear my eyes away as the reflection stepped out of the mirror, standing at the edge of my bed. Its voice echoed in a low, distorted tone, filled with malice. "Sarah, it's bedtime," it hissed, its words sending shivers down my spine.
In a panic, I reached for the lamp, desperate to dispel this nightmarish apparition. But as the light illuminated the room, the reflection vanished. I jolted upright, gasping for breath once again. "Was I still dreaming?" I pondered, my heart pounding in my chest. The room was bathed in the comforting glow of the lamp, and everything seemed normal. Had it all been just another nightmare within a nightmare? It felt so real, so vivid, but perhaps my mind was playing tricks on me once again. I took a moment to catch my breath, trying to steady my trembling hands. But as I surveyed the room, something caught my eye—the mirror was still cracked... This was a chilling reminder that the nightmare had not just been a terrible fever dream.
I rid my house of all mirrors in a desperate attempt to maybe sever its connection to my reality, and for a couple of weeks, it seemed to have worked. During that time, my life had returned to normal. The nightmares had ceased, and I began to believe that maybe the mirror itself was cursed, a gateway through which the malevolent entity had entered my life.
After a particularly exhausting day, I decided to indulge in a relaxing bath. The warm water enveloped me, easing away the stress of the day. I closed my eyes, allowing my mind to drift. As I opened my eyes, I caught a glimpse of movement in the water. My heart skipped a beat as I saw my reflection, distorted and shifting beneath the ripples. Panic surged through me, and I tried to look away, but something held my gaze.
My own eyes stared back at me from the depths of the water. The twisted reflection grinned with the same malevolent smile. It whispered in a voice that squirmed throughout my skin, "Did you miss me?"

When I (19 f) was 12 years old I went to a unisex public school. On the first day of secondary school I walked in there with my mind set that I would focus on school, get good grades, and not spend my time on boys. Yeah…that didn’t work out for long. By the fifth week of the first term I was already spending all my afternoons in detention, all my days in isolation. Fast forward to year nine when I was freshly 14 and few weeks before summer break, my boyfriend and I at the time had made a sex tape that spread around the school after his ex girlfriend logged into his Snapchat and found the video. You would think that something like that would die down, it didn’t. The damn school had exhausted the shit out of me and I was beyond humiliated, when I would walk to class boys would come up to me asking if they could “tap that”. So on my half term break, I decided that I wasn’t going back to that school for shit. I contacted my old childhood friend who’s brother was an expert at faking doctors notes, it took about three days to finalise, and I don’t think I’ve ever taken anything so seriously as I did in those three days. At the end, we had a shining doctors report condemning me to be bed ridden for seven weeks because of a serious illness, it had a signature, hospitals stamp, and a real doctors name. But then the hard part was convincing my mother (43 f) I sat her down and started my presentation. I damn well wasn’t about to tell her that I didn’t want to go back to school because of a leaked sex tape, so I decided on the classic bullying story. It was so heartfelt you would’ve thought I was being serious, I cried so hard that my head hurt for hours after, expressing to my mother that I was being bullied badly and was having suicidal thoughts. It truly was an Oscar worthy performance. I showed her the forged doctors report and she decided to help me. My mother is a makeup artist, so she helped me with a makeup look that made me look pale and fragile, then placed a bucket stained with turmeric beside my bed to make it look like a sick bowl, then she took a picture of me, printed it out and put the fake note, the picture and some tissues in her bag and made her way to my school. It was legendary, I had people calling me up for days asking if I was going to die and when I was going to be better. Safe to say I transferred schools the second the autumn term started

Hoping for some breed recs and I’m not searching for a unicorn (like my current rescue mutt is).
Introduction 1) Will this be your first dog? If not, what experience do you have owning/training dogs?
A: no, I currently own two 50 lbs rescues
2) Do you have a preference for rescuing a dog vs. going through a reputable breeder?
A: I prefer to buy from an ethical breeder.
3) Describe your ideal dog.
A: alert of their surroundings (alert barks to strangers on the property), affectionate and cuddly with me, indifferent towards strangers, able to catch onto training quickly, food motivated, enjoys playing tug and fetch, up for anything from couch cuddles to nature walks, patient with indoor cats, neutral towards other dogs. Prefers dogs that are intimidating looking as we live in a sketchy neighborhood and my current rescue gives me scary dog privilege to walk at night.
4) What breeds or types of dogs are you interested in and why?
A: im not sure yet, I like the look of Dobermans, cane corso, bullmastiffs, giant breeds are cool but idk if they fit.
5) What sorts of things would you like to train your dog to do?
A: we would attend puppy classes together. I would also like to obtain a Canine Good Citizen Advanced and advanced trick dog title/award. In addition, I plan on task training for at home service work (not public access so a breed that isnt known for service work isn’t a deal breaker. I just plan on teaching the dog tasks to help me out with my BPD/PTSD at home). Teach basic commands, loose leash walking, following a lure, muzzle conditioning, and cooperative care. And whatever else may be needed.
6) Do you want to compete with your dog in a sport (e.g. agility, obedience, rally) or use your dog for a form of work (e.g. hunting, herding, livestock guarding)? If so, how much experience do you have with this work/sport?
A: although I’m new to sports, I would like to try fastcat.
Care Commitments 7) How long do you want to devote to training, playing with, or otherwise interacting with your dog each day?
A: im a stay at home “dog mom” so I have ample time
8) How long can you exercise your dog each day, on average? What sorts of exercise are you planning to give your dog regularly and does that include using a dog park?
A: about 1-1.5 hrs daily. Two 30 minute walks, swimming, fully fenced in backyard fetch, seasonal hikes- it just depends on how I’m feeling. I do not plan on going to the dog park as I don’t think they’re safe (my dog was attacked at one).
9) How much regular brushing are you willing to do? Are you open to trimming hair, cleaning ears, or doing other grooming at home? If not, would you be willing to pay a professional to do it regularly?
A: I would say a few minutes every week or so with a rubber curry brush (that’s what I do for my current dog), but prefer no trimming or professional grooming. Ok with baths when they get smelly and nail trims and ear cleaning, just no dogs that require haircuts.
Personal Preferences 10) What size dog are you looking for?
A: my ideal size would be 70 lbs, but I would prefer to go up in weight than to own a small dog. Just not my vibe. The biggest dog id own would be like 130lbs ish
11) How much shedding, barking, and slobber can you handle?
A: my short haired dog sheds in the spring and fall and is pretty much lower shedding in between and that what I want at most. I don’t want a heavy shedding dog please (that includes labs, goldens, huskies, gsd, any thick coated double coated breed). Barking when play and when there’s a stranger on the property is fine, but not a dog that barks at anything (no overly vocal high pitched barkers, I prefer deep barks). Slobber when eating and when being baited with treats is ok, but I don’t really want to have a dog that will shake and paint my walls with slobber.
12) How important is being able to let your dog off-leash in an unfenced area?
A: not the biggest priority, my current dog can’t be off leash and it’s not the end of the world. We walk on leashes and have a fully fenced in yard
Dog Personality and Behavior 13) Do you want a snuggly dog or one that prefers some personal space?
A: snuggle bug for sure, my current dog curls up next to me in bed and I love it.
14) Would you prefer a dog that wants to do its own thing or one that’s more eager-to-please?
A: eager to please
15) How would you prefer your dog to respond to someone knocking on the door or entering your yard? How would you prefer your dog to greet strangers or visitors?
A: barking until I tell them to stop (current dog barks to strangers walking by and I don’t mind it, but he won’t bark at everyone-just things in the yard. He doesn’t bark at the neighbors across the street for example). I want my dog to ignore strangers ideally, and focus on me. Dogs that want to be everyone’s bff turn me off, I prefer loyalty.
16) Are you willing to manage a dog that is aggressive to other dogs?
A: I will if it’s the right breed, my male is ssa and we muzzle train and crate train. This will be the only dog in the house when we bring it home (with the exception of 3 indoor cats). But I prefer dogs that aren’t aggressive.
17) Are there any other behaviors you can’t deal with or want to avoid?
A: aggression towards me, stubbornness, heavy vocality, reactivity, chasing our cats.
Lifestyle 18) How often and how long will the dog be left alone?
A: probably just a few hours if I went to run an errand, but even that’s not every day. I’m home pretty much 24/7 (unless I’m out waking).
19) What are the dog-related preferences of other people in the house and what will be their involvement in caring for the dog?
A: I live with my gf and she doesn’t mind as long as the dog fits my lifestyle. She will not be caring for the dog; I will.
20) Do you have other pets or are you planning on having other pets? What breed or type of animal are they?
A: yes we have three indoor cats
21) Will the dog be interacting with children regularly?
A: no we don’t have kids and don’t plan on having them
22) Do you rent or plan to rent in the future? If applicable, what breed or weight restrictions are on your current lease?
A: we own our home, no breed restrictions
23) What city or country do you live in and are you aware of any laws banning certain breeds?
A: live in Georgia, USA. None that I’m aware of.
24) What is the average temperature of a typical summer and winter day where you live?
A: July summers get to the upper 90s with 99% humidity; winters are snow free and at 20-30 degrees.
Any other questions just ask

A lot of FUD in the CNBC articles about no interest in the Bed Bath and Beyond part.
What is going on right now is Chapter 11 restructuring. We are not in a liquidation yet. Lawyers are working around the clock to figure out a way to make as much of the company a “going concern”.
Now the bears will take a look at the assets vs debts and since assets are less immediately say Shareholders are wiped out. However that is far from true.
The Stalking Horse bidders being reported only seem to want Buy Buy Baby. It is bullish that someone has said they would potentially do an equity deal to keep it a going concern at 75%. This would be a great outcome for Baby, and would them allow them to focus on growing. This fits into what Cohen proposed in his letter (Reread his letter and he doesn’t say he wants direct ownership). He may have someone else buy it and then partner with Teddy.
It’s apparent that Buy Buy Baby is a beast. CNBC reports that Babylist registries increased by 200k since Bed Bath filed. Holy shit. 200k x 12 months is 2.4m registries a year. Let’s put about $5000 per registry on average. (Probably more because Babylist is a boutique online shop planning a physical showroom in Beverly Hills)
Thats over a billion in only baby registries!
For Babylist their company is based on registries. Buy Buy Baby has several other avenues for income by being a brick and mortar retail. This 1) allows new parents to shop and understand the quality. 2) Allows new parents to go into a nearby store and use a scanner to create their registry. Beats doing it online or flying to California to do it.
Ok now on to my main point of this thread. Bed Bath and Beyond.
Well it’s not fully liquidating yet. From the outside looking in it appears that a full wind down is happening. If you look harder though a lot of bad locations and leases are being shredded. In addition everyone in there mom loves a going out of business sell. BBBY is clearing old inventory and right sizing their physical footprint.
They have many types of debt. When people see 5 billion in debt they make the assumption that it needs to be paid back immediately. However it doesn’t. The sell of Baby should allow for a restructuring of Bed Bath and Beyond to take place. The two may then have separate owners but could still fall under a future Teddy umbrella. Bed Bath can start filling their store with Newell goods as they restructure and get back to the brand everyone loves.
So I don’t think BBBY is just going to disappear like MSM wants you to think. There is too much name value here.
IMO the shareholders have a good chance to make it through alive. Hopefully we receive some equity in Baby as well as get some sort of direct investment in BBBY as is. There are many different scenarios that can play out.
Gove was talking about 2030 and having females in power positions. I don’t think her interview was a straight lie.

Hi I’m currently looking for either a roommate to go half and half on a 2 bed 2 bath, or for someone willing to sublet a room for a 12 month lease period. Work in finance in the loop, looking to live in west loop.
Budget for 2 bed 2 bath is $3,400 total
Or $1,500-1,700 for a single room.

Hey all, I’m posting to see if anybody would be interested in taking over my lease in a female 3 bed 3 bath unit at the Grove Apartments. The unit is furnished and kept very clean. There is only one roomate occupying the space right now, so you can bring a friend if you’d like.
I’d be more than happy to provide any images or come personally show you around the place. I’m looking to move in with a friend I’ve made in my major until I graduate!

Before I start I want to say I'm sorry for any mistakes but I just want to get this of my soul to somebody and english isn't my first language. So, I don't even know if this is worth writing about but I just feel so bad and helpless. My grandma is 86 and ever since she moved in with us 5 years ago (bc my uncle whom she was staying with died BC OF HER but that's another story I might tell in the final part of this post after telling you all how she behaves it will make sense) she has been making our lives miserable (mostly me and my mother ironically because we are the ones mostly taking care of her, I give her food and meds and my mom can't). I am gonna start with the most awful and disgusting part. Because she is so old she wears adult diapers and that should help if she ACCIDENTALLY shts herself and yes, it does help in her case but what's very annoying about her is that: 1)she shits herself intentionnaly and doesn't even try to hold it in if one of us is in the bathroom; 2)she shits herself intentionally just so that my mom will have to clean her (she does this especially when she sees my mom is very tired or busy and my mother is the one cleaning her because she doesn't have a job and this grandma I am writing about is from my mother's side); 3)when mom isn't home she asks me to clean her (which I will never do and I am shocked she even askes me to like I am almost 18 but I don't want to and I know it will sound bad but I don't love her more like I can't love her because she never took care of me when I was a baby and because of her my mother had to be away from me so much when I was little and my dad was working so I was alone a lot of the time and one time my mother told me that the neighbours told her I threw some little pieces of eraser on my neighbour's window sill (that thing at the bottom of the window google told me the word) and I still think to this day that could've died because I opened the window by myself at 4 years old) oh I got so carried away I'm sorry I just write as things come to me sorry if it's annoying but as I said I want to tell this to somebody as fast as possible; 4) she shts herself and doesn't tell my mother or anyone and just sits there in her bed and if none of us notices it she just sits there for hours, but most of the timw we do notice because it smells so bad and one time she sat so long she got all her bedding dirty and her clothes and it was smelling so bad; 5)when nobody is home she goes to the bathroom and gets her slipers, the floor leading to the bathroom, the floor in the bathroom, the toilet, the toilet paper, herself and her clothes very dirty; I think that's all with the sh*ting. So me and my family do EVEYRHING for her because she had some heart problems but she is better now but still can't walk by herself and she doesn't want a cane and my mother walks her eveywhere. God I don't even know how to say the next things because it doesn't really seem like a big deal but for us it kind of is. So she does all sorts of straight up anoying things like wjen she first came to our house she wanted to sleep in a big bed my parents were sleeping in and make me and my mom sleep togheter and that happened for a few days but we could not sleep well so we moved her to HER OWN ROOM WHICH I WISH SO MUCH I HAD (I never had that room because we would also need to heat that space so we were saving money by not having anyone sleep in that room and of course as a teenager I want my own room and privacy so I just put up with it). For some reason she HAS TO sleep with some sort of light on so fine but when she goes to the bathroom she does not turn it off or when it isn't even night she turns it on even though she doesn't do anything like reading etc. or when she eats with the light on and goes to the bathroom she also doesn't turn it off or when she finishes eating she agreed to tell my mom but more recently she doesn't and just sits there with the light on (maybe this isn't so annoying but we most of the time love paycheck to paycheck so it matters that we try to save up everywhere we can). When we tell her she doesn't even look at us or if she looks she just shrughs or doesn't say anything like it's impossible to talk with that woman. Or the one thing I hate to most: she goes to the bathroom when we are there like she opens the door even thought we are there (and most of the time intentionally). There are days when I go to the bathroom and EVERY SINGLE TIME she comes and I have developed a reflex or like a trauma when I hear her slippers on the floor (she kinda slides them bc she holds on furniture when going to the bathroom) to stop eveything I am doing and hold on the door do that she doesn't enter and it's just so annoying that I can't even go to the bathroom without her coming. And the thing that made me want to write this after somehow coping with her for 5 years. Today I wanted to take a bath and she wanted to go right before the bath was ready (and yes she also does this a lot like when she hears one of us saying we want to go to the bathroom she rushes there) so I let her and after 5 minutes she had the audacity to OPEN THE DOOR WHEN I WAS FING NAKED and out of anger I screamed at her to leave and at least she did but this isn't the first time this happened to not only me and the most sad and annoying thing is that she does it intentionnaly just so she can kill us physically. That's how she killed my uncle whom she was living with before us. It was just the two of them living together (bc my grandpa died before that possibly also by her nagging or whatever she's doing I don't even know what to call it) and just like she does with us now, (only it was worse for my poor uncle bc he was alone with her) she kept making him do all the work around the house taking care of the cows (I honestly think she loved those cows more than her children because she sent her first two kids to college but she didn't care about my mom and the uncle I am talking about now because she didn't even want them to get a job or get married and kept teliing them to stay with her and take care of those damn cows everyday and sadlt she succeded with my uncle but my mom left) she kept nagging him about all the little things like buying her soda even though the city was 10km away from them and she kept worring him about the work (like their terrains and stuff like that) and she didn't help him she only watched him. When guests were coming over to their place she didn't care to make it a little clean she was dirty (she didn't clean herself like my mom was she never did that and their house was full pf bed bugs but sadly my uncle didn't have what to do because he was working all day on those terrains and that's also why I hated going over there because all my body would be full of stings and I couldn't wear t-shirts or dresses and I also hated going there and helping with the terrain (I started helping like when I was 10 every summer until she came to live with us) yes she did give me money but no more than 5 dollars)). When other neighbours were coming to help with the work she would pour them drinks and chat while me, my family and my uncle were working. I hated going there so much that I would pray to rain so that I wouldn't have to go. And my uncle was so sad he didn't have a proper job, nor a girlfriend and this grandma of mine kept annoying him and never helping him he started drinking and you know how this ends.... Another thing that frustrates us is her STARING. When she fistg mobed in with us she stayed on a chair in the kitchen with us and would watch TV sometimes but she would only stare (and when I say stare think STARE like she would want us do die like she is above us all) and would tell us "you didn't do that" yada yada so we moved her into her room all the time but she would still stare at us bc the door was opened and in the summer we close it but in the winter we can't otherwise it would be to cold for her. I can't even bring my friends over because of her, for example one time I was hanging out with my friends and she kept STARING AT US and I went up and told her nicely to stop and she did but after some time she just started again. I felt so bad towards my friends and they also said it was very creepy I wanted to cry so bad. So, she doesn't do anything she doesn't clean she doesn't make us any food she doesn't care about us only about her (not even that as she doesn't keep herself clean) we do it alk for her we take her on all the road trips we give her food cook her food she is washed she doesn't live alone she doesn't clean she just stays in bed all day (or stared out the window like a creep). Other women her age would be so grateful to have all that she has but her noo it's like she hates us the more we help her and I just don't undersant why and how can she hate the people that are caring for her. She was evil to my uncle and she is evil to my mom and they were/are the ones caring for her, but when she talks to her other children(those two uncles from before) she makes her voice high and cute and is nice and asks how they have been (but with us she speaks with hatred). I hate it so much, my friends tell me about how their grandmas spent time with then when they were little and they made nice food for them and they cleaned their house for them and I just wish I has something like that but if I can't have all that I just wish for a grandma that doesn't want to kill me and my mother physically and that just doesn't keep making problems for us. Please please if anyone even got to this part (because there would be so many more incidents buy I am sick of writing about her and spending so much time thinking about her) please tell me what should we do how should we approach her we treid telling her that other woman her age would not know how to be more grateful for all that she has but she just ignores us we treid telling my two other uncles(the ones I mentioned before) but they said we were over reacting (that's what they used to say to that uncle that died when he told them that, and I quote "she is killing me physically"). I probably sound patethic writing all this but I just want to tell it all to someone who might care, I hate hiw she makes us miserable you might not think it's that bad but it is it's so bad that eveyday when I wake up I pray that she is dead and I also pray to God to get rid of her and I know it's very bad to oray for that but I am so scared because what if she continues living when I go to college and the same thing that happened to my uncle happens to my mom, I could never forgive myself for not trying to do something. As for my dad, he doesn't care because he never takes care of her and he and mom get a lot into arguements because of her. Like I said I am afraid to leave my mom just with the two of them I don't even want to think about it, that's why we need to change something in how we act towards her but I just don't know what so please help me, tell me what should we do.

My roommate has two dogs. A 10 year old female cocker spaniel who is an absolute sweetheart, and then there's the 17 year-old male Jack Russell.
He has anxiety issues and incontinence issues so bad that either my roommate or I have to clean up piss or shit multiple times per day, 3-5 times a day on average. I let the dogs into the back yard 6-7 times a day on the weekend, but it just doesn't matter. Its almost as if it's out of spite.
He never stops pacing. Even right this moment, I can here the click-clack of his nails on the tile in the hallway. I mean legitimately, it's no exaggeration, if he's not in his crate, he's pacing. If he gets put in the crate and someone is home, he doesn't stop barking. There's never any peace.
My roommate keeps saying how they intend to set up a vet appointment to have him assessed, but for over a month now, just hasn't bothered to make an appointment, I guess fearing that any reasonable vet will just recommend it's time to put him to rest. I get it, no one wants to be told their pet is beyond help and it's time to put them down. But I'm beyond tired of him always being underfoot, listening to his pacing, tired of him always smelling like piss, tired of having to wash his bed multiple times a week because it makes the living room smell like piss, tired of cleaning up after him several times per day.
It's time, roommate.

So I would put my SO in the category of "problem drinker" or "almost alcoholic" because he is not physically addicted and can go without beer, but when he is drinking, he sometimes has a hard time not having more than he planned if he has more than 2 or 3 beers. He abused alcohol a lot more heavily when he was younger but has made a lot of efforts to cut down and change his habits over the past 4 years. His life does not revolve around alcohol the way some of our friends' lives do, and he definitely doesn't want it to get back to that point.
He doesn't always have the issue of drinking more than he planned, but it happened enough (and caused problems in our relationship) that recently he decided on his own, to take an entire month off from alcohol and focus on other "outlets" instead including mountain biking and drinking cannabis infused drinks instead of beer, which I am totally ok with because it doesn't cause the problems that drinking does.
The month break just ended and he explained to me that he felt he had made a shift in his approach and his desire/need to drink beyond moderation. He explained how he now had other outlets and realized that he could get through difficult moments that definitely felt like drinking triggers by dealing with them in a different way. He did a lot of introspection and learned some things about himself.
Yesterday was the first Friday after he was letting himself drink again and he had a frustrating day at work. I should mention that he is a carpenter and most of the crew he works with are drinkers and some are functional alcoholics and a few are in recovery from drug and alcohol addiction. Anyway, he went to our local pub straight after an extra long day at work and texted me he was going to have two beers and then leave. A bit later he told me he was having one more, and said he was being mindful...I was at a work event until almost 10 and lo and behold, when I am done he is still out, so I ended up picking him up at the bar. He wasn't completely trashed but had definitely gone beyond moderation and was in his typical mode of being very defensive and paranoid that I was mad at him for drinking and judging him for being a bad person. I was indeed disappointed, but I realized it wasn't a good time to talk about it and we narrowly avoided a big fight. I realized in those situations he needs me to just act cool even if I'm not, because he can't deal with any negativity from me about his drinking when he's drunk. His brain isn't capable of rational communication. So I switched into total acceptance/"saint" mode and put up with his somewhat obnoxious but also loving behavior and we went to bed.
This morning one of the first things he said to me was "Well, that's June taken care of...," meaning that after last night, he was planning to quit beers again for the rest of this month. I believe him, and I believe he is in the process of realizing that he does have a problem with alcohol and needs more than a month off to change his behavior. I didn't say anything except "Ok," because it's his choice to make and the best thing I can do is support him in his journey without judgment. I have no expectations, but I know if he wants to stop for another month, he can. I imagine he sees last night as an indicator that he hasn't grown as much as he thought he had.
My question for people here who are in various states of changing your relationship with alcohol is : Is it normal to go through this kind of testing oneself and for lack of a better term, screwing up and drinking more than intended, on the way to figuring out what actually works for you?
I assume it is a normal part of the process, but it would be helpful to hear from others about how you thought you had made a shift but then realized you weren't there yet. What did it take for you to actually make that shift? Any key insights you had?
I have no idea if my SO will end up quitting alcohol completely or just find a way to consistently do moderation, and either outcome is fine with me, because he's fine if he has only 2-3 beers (he doesn't drink any other alcohol). I would totally be ok with him being "California sober" because he is much easier to be around when he's a bit stoned and it doesn't cause him to act weird/annoying like alcohol does.
I don't like being around him when he's drunk because it makes me uncomfortable and I have a problem with his drinking behaviors - being inconsiderate, not doing what he says he will, being very difficult to communicate with and lacking in empathy (for example last night we were smoking a joint and it made me gag/vomit and he didn't even ask if I was ok even though he noticed what happened). When he's sober or just having cannabis, none of this is a problem other than the typical minor relationship communication issues that most couples go through.
I have suggested that he might want to check out this subreddit to be with like minded people, but he hates all social media so it's not gonna happen.
I appreciate your perspectives, thanks in advance!

My partner and I live in a 1 bed 1 bath cottage, today our drains all stopped working, so a plumber came over and told us he wouldn’t be able to fix this until Monday, and our property management company is closed, the emergency maintenance line doesn’t go to the management company either. We have no working toilet, shower, kitchen, or bathroom sink. Aren’t they legally required to help us if we’re left without the most basic necessities? Like we don’t have anywhere to go. Can we withhold rent or do we demand reimbursement for a hotel like what do we do? We’re 22 and 26, this is only our 3rd year ever renting and we are children tell us what to do lol

For the spouses with paid paternity leave how do you help your wives? Especially when she’s the stay at home parent? Because mine has three months off, and honestly his job can have him back. Obviously when he goes back the expectations will be different. But right now I’m unsure why my husband even has paternity leave when he thinks I should be responsible for everything. Five days after birth/discharge and being monitored for postpartum preeclampsia I went grocery shopping because he can’t figure out what we need. Then on the phone to friends the man literally said being home with our second is so easy. Yet he disregards that it’s “easy” because I’m here. He disregards how he missed everything with our first born because he’s active duty military. Which I understood. But the first born anxiety isn’t there because I knew what to do the second time around. Put us on a schedule right away. I thought he would be amazing with our second, but nope. He’s just as selfish and clueless. This man loves Weaponized incompetence. “I can’t wash the bottles or pumping parts because they’re too complicated.” Also, he thinks he’s doing me a favor by letting me have the 1am to 6am feedings (I pump milk) because “the baby will sleep well.” He let’s me sleep at 8pm -1am. But I don’t really sleep at 8pm because I’m the one putting the first born to bed which can take a bit getting ready to, dinner, bath, teeth, bed. While he is with the baby. But once I handle it from 1-6am I’m just up until 9pm because who falls asleep on the dot? Not to mention by 6am our first is up. I get her ready for preschool, breakfast, make lunch, pump milk, clean up, and drive her. He only comes down to watch the baby while I’m away. Is all this stuff even divorce worthy? Not to mention he wants a third because of gender disappointment in the first two. I just can’t believe how selfish he is. Whenever I confront him about more help he will end up getting mad at me and storms off saying things like yeah you want to feel like a single mother? Go ahead and he will lock himself in a room or go watch a movie at the theaters. I feel like jumping off a bridge at this point. He always has the gall to criticize me. With our first born he didn’t do much, he was a man who came home and did nothing except wait to be served dinner and go to bed because I do everything kid and house related. It isn’t sustainable for me and I want out. To anyone out there, never give up your job to become a stay at home mom. It isn’t worth it.

is anyone living in a fallkirk 2bed 2 bath rn? if yes could someone lmk what're the measurements of the bedrooms or even the living room area :D moving into one next year and the housing website just has the overall unit measurements :') even when i called the rso the only info they knew was that the bedroom could fit a king sized bed :"))))

( Written on the forums but sharing this story here as well. I've been dwelling a while and wanted to tell it. )
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It's the early 90s.
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Its labor day weekend on a cool night. I'm waiting to go see the fireworks at the labor day fair grounds but it was too early to leave yet. I curled up on the couch, watching my Mom with SNES controller in hand and playing Final Fantasy II(IV). She managed to reach the end of the game, having gone through many obstacles and acting out all the scenes just for me.
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I listened to the theme of Final Fantasy IV plays out of the TV. I stare in wonder as every hero gets back up with encouragement against this angry blue ball that was in the way of the happily ever after. The crystal of light is used by Cecil against the creature and it changes into Zeromus.
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I don't know why I remember it so vividly, years from now. The protuding ribs, the boney fingers, the putried muscle and the first four notes of the final boss music. My stomach sank and pure fear overcame me. To say I was scared was an understatement. It became my boogeyman as this... thing, this horrible creature wiped the entire team and Mom decided it was time to take a break and go see the labor day fireworks.
​
It stuck with me for days.
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I was so scared of that thing, I ran into my bedroom even as the notes of the music could be heard through the door. I'd go to bed, dreaming of myself in a deep black void and that thing came out of the dark. I was so scared and those boney fingers grabbed me, pulled me into the dark with it. I had a hard enough time sleeping alone in my bedroom as it is and this was not helping.
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Somewhere in my kid logic, I decided enough was enough. With permission from my Mom, I picked up her save file and I decided to face it myself. I memorized every powerful spell I knew she used from watching her play and I went up against the terror of my dreams. I was scared, really scared, but I forced myself on that couch and did what I had to do.
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I was going to overcome that pile of self-proclaimed hatred... and I did it.
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I finished where my Mom started. We got to see the happily ever after together. After that? It was a journey of playing video games together! From Final Fantasy III(VI), laughing the first time we heard Kefka's voice track, Earthbound and many more! I wasn't very good at the Mario games so I always watched Mom beat those with ease. Some weekends we'd get to see my aunt who was also a gamer in her own right.
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I'd watch them play as they'd discuss their favorite games over coffee and ciggerates(This was the 90s, keep in mind). We'd borrow each other's cartridges. It was one of the small lights in my childhood that brought me happiness. Every time I see these games, I am reminded of my mom but Final Fantasy IV is what makes me think of my Mom most of all.
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Age wasn't kind to her. She couldn't keep playing when she reached her 60s so I'd show her what I was doing from time to time. When I got into Final Fantasy XIV, I'd show her some of the throwbacks and how some things came out in 3D. MMOs confused her but she knew what Final Fantasy meant.
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Then, in July 2020, she was gone; taken by leukemia. Even now, the pain of the loss stings since because of the pandemic, I don't have a grave to go to. There was no funeral, no memorial and no place to really go to mourn. Her ashes are there but there wasn't a real place for me to go to. I thought about not playing 5.3 since I didn't know if I could handle experiencing more loss if anything happened to G'raha Tia. I decided to wing it. Elidibus' last line hit after the battle hit the hardest in 5.3.
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So, after that, I decided to go with it and reach to the end; to Endwalker.
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Final Fantasy IV was everywhere in this expansion pack and the themes hit particularly close to home. Moenbryda's parents with Urianger hit me harder than anything could have in this game. I felt as if my Mom was with me; the town theme on the moon bringing me to tears and brought me back to when she was alive.
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Then, 6.4 drops and I'm enjoying beating up Golbez in a weird reunion all the while reminiscing of my childhood. I am ready to reach the end when he decides to sacrifice Adjaza into the pit... and I hear him call that name. I scream. I stare as the pit goes from red to blue and that face.
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That face appears in the pit.
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Zeromus.
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And I am now that child all over again, sitting on the couch on labor day weekend. It's just the angry blue ball but now in HD. I know what's coming but this time, Mom isn't here anymore. I'm the adult now. I'm not sure how it'll look in 3D or how Soken is going to remix the final boss theme; will I even be able to tank it with the emotional roller coaster going through me? Yet the most ironic part of all is that the estimation of the next patch is September; maybe even around Labor Day in America. No one could plan these series of coincidences even if they tried.
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It feels like I've done nothing but find bits of closure through Endwalker. I got to relive the moments of Mom being alive from childhood to adulthood. I've been able to mourn and let myself process these feelings where a pandemic robbed me of that. Don't get me wrong; it stings still and her third year anniversary is coming up. I plan to find somewhere to go to sit quietly and contemplate on that day.
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But Endwalker and beyond gave me this sense of closure and I feel like at the end of the road, in striking Zeromus one more time, I can close the door just so I can open a new one. She was my warrior of light, my my friend, my companion in every Final Fantasy.
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The rains have ceased and we have been graced with another beautiful day.
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But you are not here to see it.
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Thank you.

We’re looking for one Catholic roommate to join the lease in our house.
(leasing term of one (1) year from May 25, 2023 - May 25, 2024)
Looking for a Catholic gentleman in a household striving for community and prayer. NO shuts in, people who wall themselves off, etc. All of us have had bad experiences with this in the past in different households regarding this subject so we're just making this clear off the bat. We're a group of brothers in Christ who pray the Liturgy of the Hours together, eat together, hold each other accountable regarding sin and virtue, and study the faith togethers and you must be willing to take part in that to some extent. We realize we're all non-religious laymen and have different schedules, etc, but we're not looking for someone who locks themselves in their room playing video games all day and never takes part, essentially.
4 bed, 2 bath 2111 square ft. -- Bar, chapel, living room, big garage, patio, location near wilderness and creek.
Not too far of a drive from Mater Dei (TLM parish), Cistercian Abbey (reverent Novus Ordo), and St. Basil the Great Byzantine Catholic church. Not a bad place for students at University of Dallas!
$750/month + utilities
PEAR 🍐 tree in backyard. Yes, that's right. A living, breathing pear tree. This should bar none be the reason you join. His name is St. Augustine
If you’re interested, or would like more info try and write back ASAP since we have a little less than a month left. God bless.
Please send me a chat or PM, thanks!

(I will re-write thus more clearly, and also explain the religous experience I underwent whilst on this chemical, although not today, as I am still very tired and burnt out. Also, for reference, MXiPR is a highly potent dissociative drug which is a analog of MXE, which is an analog of Ketamine.)
A little bit of background, I am a 21 year old, ex-addict. I've done quite literally every drug under the sun, in every way, uncountable amounts of times. Maybe excluding some of the more esoteric RC's. Every opiate (excluding the RCs mostly), every benzo (traditional and RC), every amphetamine (not all of the common RCs), all traditional psychs, dissos and many RCs of the two. I've taken up to 1100ug of LSD, and atleast a dozen 500ug+ trips. But, nothing was even close to the experience I had last night.
Also, before I continue, this is my 3rd time doing MXiPR, and my only times becoming intoxicated in any real sense since I got sober a year and a half ago (Ive microdosed LSD and psilocybin a few times). I flushed the MXiPR down the toilet, as you shall read in a moment, and do not intend on doing it again at any point in the near future, if at all ever again.
Today I will be talking about an experience which happened to me last night, which is almost, if not a little bit more potent than the previous experience I had on MXiPR 3 weeks ago, which resulted in me having the most potent religious experience of my life.
So, it was 9pm, and I snorted around 10~MG, and began folding my clothes. I felt good, very similar to being drunk, nothing to note.
Did another 5-10~MG, and began reading Jungs "Awnser to Job." I did this, or attempted this, for about 30 minutes, but then decided it was a futile effort and I was now much to disso'ed out to read.
I decided I now wanted to hole, so I made 3 little piles of MXiPR (I have no scale, so I am not certain of the doseage. I know, dumb move, but the first 2 times I did it also without a scale and had no problems at all. Not suprised that eventually I ended up doing too much, go figure, eh?) I snorted one, waited 10 minutes, then the other, another 10, then the last one.
I don't know about you guys who have done MXiPR, but after I snort it it is as if the effects come on immediately. Like, as soon as the powder is gone, within 2-3 seconds I begin my come up, it is absolutely absurd. I have never in my life taken any drug who's effect is as quick as MXiPR. Full effect comes within 45 seconds to 2 minutes for me, or, the come up does anyways.
I then sat down on the edge of my bed, and said to myself, "I should lay down, this is about to be a big experience." I don't think I ever made it into my bed, but probably just slouched over where I was and became unconcious. This is where the real experience began.
It was as if "time" and "psychical sensation and perception" were merged together and became reletive; but, my conciousness still remained, although my ego was completely nonexistent, and all that remained was a genderless, substance-void, "irrevocably empty" stream of continuous inward questions with no trace of personality within them. It was as if I was able to keep some semblance of conciousness, in the sense that I was still able to question what was happening to me, but the act of questioning itself was functioning from a kind of "blank slate" psyche, with no sort of egoic substructure, or, interestingly enough, without any (observable) kind of unconcious or archetypal processes either, it was simply nothing (nothing is the best word I can use to describe it, although here I am reminded of the feebleness and poverty of language to describe such an experience) at all, with an occasional question, that question being something along the lines of "Well, what's next?" Or, "what is next for this kind of existence? How are we to continue in this state? How do I continue? Who am I? Where am I? What is this? Is this reality? Is this all that there is?" Eventually, I questioned so much that it was as if I had run out of questions to conceive, and I "accepted", more or less, that this was indeed reality. I was then reminded of some sort of father-like figure, and his presence filled this entire psychic space, but not in any overwhelming manner, just enough so to recognize that it was there. Somehow, when I now recall it, I become reminded of Yahweh from the Old Testament in regards to this father-like spirit that was present. But spesifically Yahweh, certainly not Jesus. Overall, in simple terms, it was as if I had entered an eternity which consisted only of a shade of light, and I was within this light, but also apart from it.
Time here didn't simply feel like an eternity, but it was as if it had stopped all together and my perception of time became merged with my perception of sensation, as a result, everything came to a psychic standstill. I have done large doses of DMT and 5-MEO-DMT before where I felt like I was gone for "years," but here I felt as though I had traveled FAR BEYOND the conceptual relam of "time" or anything that "felt like years." It was mind-shatteringly potent, and felt as real and true as me sitting here typing this. I've done stupidly high doses of DCK and Ketamine, even having done large doses of Ketamine intermuscular, and it simply paled in comparison to this experience.
I then came to a bit more, and realized I had puked all over myself and my bed. Thankfully I was not lying flat when it occured, but was still sitting up, so it all landed in my lap and did not choke me. (I did fast for about 6 hours before hand, and not a lot of puke came up, but still a decent amount).
I noticed I was laying in my puke, but was too high to care or to do anything about it, so I layed there and traveled through many lands in my psyche. With MXiPR, it is as if I can enter a hole, willfully exit it, and then willfully reenter it as I see fit. This was only possible after it began to wear off a bit, but on lower doses I certainly find this to be the case.
I then woke up fully and checked the time. It has been 3 and a half hours. My puke was now dry, and I was still on the very edge of a hole. I got up and remembered that someone I know is currently in the mental hospital from abusing a bunch of RC dissos (he is schizophrenic, and it triggered a break in him. It was actually from the same order that he had made that I got this MXiPR), this then made me very mad and upset with myself. I took the bag of MXiPR and flushed it down the toilet at once, and I do not regret that decision. There was probably a solid 400 or so MG left in that bag (sorry guys, I know many of you may read this and be upset with me lol).
Long story short, MXiPR is the only drug I've ever done, including 5-MEO-DMT, that feels as "real" as this when one is in a hole or on a high dose. Two folks I know just ordered about 1000 worth of various RC dissos, and both of them went manic for about 4 days from doing so much DCK, 4-heo-pcp and MXiPR. The one who is now in the mental hospital believed that he became the buddah, and that his roommate was the messiah. It was actually "interesting" to hear some of the things he said in delusion. He spoke of moral relativism, and said many things that painted a picture of him experiencing the image of God in its totality. At one point he said that "God's right hand is Satan, while his left hand is Christ (eerily simialr to the writings of Clement of Rome when he said that God rules with both hands, his left being Satan and his right being Christ). And I (speaking of himself) have mastered the art of being both right and left handed, all things are now possible." Anyways, sorry for the jumbled writings, but I figured I would post it here, both on the RC sub and also the Jung sub. I would have wrote it more clearly, but I am still tiered and burnt out from yesterday's experience. God bless you all!

It’s nice not to be alone. I’ve been staying at Nettie Peterson’s house, tending to her garden in her stead while she's at work. I just sit there reading in the sun, to be honest. When she came back from the larvae today, she was in a surprisingly peaceful mood. Not exactly happy or content, but satisfied. I made us some tea and we settled in to soak up the flowery scents and sweet air. I took the time to tell her in detail about meeting Kit Sutton in the grotto, relaying the other woman’s message. It got a genuinely warm smile out of her; a sad one, but a smile nonetheless.
“Your server texted me earlier to apologize for… well, basically outing me and baring a private secret to my closest friend of five years,” she informed me. “Now that I think about it, I have no idea when or how that boy got my number… Oh, but he was sweet. I told him we were cool.” She took a long sip of her tea.
"Don't forgive him for my sake. If that's what's happening here."
"It's not."
"You really aren't mad anymore? I would be."
"I guess I'm just a very forgiving person." She gave me a sidelong grin and a shrug.
"Nettie, how'd your breeders die? I don't know if this is okay to ask. I hope it is."
"Uh." My savior human took a deep breath. "That, um… it's okay. Just unexpected. It was a car accident. That's all there is to it. I was at summer camp when it happened. Some college kid got drunk, sat down in his car and made me an orphan. I was thirteen… My auntie took care of me afterwards. You know, Elijah's mom. She tried, but it wasn't the same. She was too much for me sometimes, pretty often, if I'm being honest. My mother was so, so different. Both my parents were. My dad had made it into money, so they were never really worried about my future or what I wanted to do with my life. They said I'd always have their support. I guess that made me kinda sheltered but… I don't know. I had a nice childhood, sue me."
She sighed. "Anyways, my aunt was really demanding when it came to school and stuff. I was always a good student but my grades dropped after my parents' crash, and it never got better. So she was picking fights over that all the time. I did recover over my last year, but no thanks to her, I'll have you know."
"And do you miss them?"
"Of course I do. Who wouldn't?"
I shrugged.
Nettie leaned forward, catching my eyes. "Don't you miss your parents? Or was that different where you're from?"
"Breeders aren't like that at home." I paused. "Weren't. They protected their offspring for the first couple years of their life, but afterwards, everyone went their own way. And it was never more than that, just protection and a supply of nutrients. You wouldn't find any breeders kissing or cuddling their young like people do here."
"Oh. That's kinda sad."
"It's it? I never thought about it. Although sometimes I figure infancy in this dimension would have been a pleasant experience. It's nice being held. I wouldn't have minded it, had I known that feeling sooner." I raised my head to smile at her. "Then again, you've given me a lot in that regard."
Nettie reached out to squeeze my hand. "Baby girl." She said nothing else for a while. "So, what's this about Eli having to get his car fixed?"
"One of the windows got smashed in." I held her gently searching gaze. "Nothing was taken."
"Baby girl."
"Hm?"
"Baby. Girl."
I groaned. "A folder. With an interrogation transcript from one of the murder cultists. Mary Markov gave it to me."
"And you didn't want to tell me this why?"
I pursed my lips.
Nettie Peterson crossed her arms, raising a brow at me. "I came clean about dating the fishwoman, so you really owe it to me to keep me informed on any magical stalkers you got."
"I don't know that I'd call them a stalker."
"What would you call them?"
"Jewel." My hand absently began tracing lines on my stomach. "That's their name, apparently."
"The creep who hit on you and then disemboweled you?"
"I don't know that they disemboweled me."
"They had to stuff your guts back in at the clinic," my savior human reminded me.
"Stop bringing that up, please." I feel so weak whenever I think about them. Totally helpless. I took a deep, cleansing breath before settling against the backrest of my chair, grounding myself. Then I unpacked.
I'm turning into a regular unreliable narrator with my storytelling for this blog, aren't I. As you may or may not have guessed, there is another reason for me staying over at Nettie's the last couple days. Maybe she sensed it somehow—she claims to have mother's intuition, and even though she's not technically my parent, I believe her. Or perhaps Elijah Carter shared his suspicions with her. Either way, it's true. I seem to have acquired a stalker. I can't hold down a job but at least I've got that going for me. Let me stay over at the beginning.
The day after Eli and I had talked to Kit in the grotto—referring to her as Princess Chandra still doesn't feel right—I was driving out for gas. The whole time while I was filling up my car, I had this feeling that I was being watched. It was beyond uncomfortable, and I kept glancing into the rearview mirror during the drive back. I thought I could hear the roar of a motorcycle, but whenever I tried to focus on the sound or started looking for the source, it seemed to be escaping me. I double-checked whether I'd locked my door that night. In fact, I triple-checked. I was on edge. It was an eerie, uncanny sensation, like bugs crawling beneath my skin. I made dinner, then tried to sit still as I ate it in front of my television.
I ended up calling Elijah. We didn't talk about anything important, but he was glad to stay on the phone with me while I washed up and got ready for bed. It might have been his pleasing dark baritone or the weary relaxation that always swings along when he speaks, but something about his voice helped me unwind. I ended up falling asleep while still on the call. I was faintly aware of him saying my name and then chuckling and hanging up when he received a snore in response.
I have always enjoyed the transition into the sleeping state. My eyelids growing heavier, the world losing focus, my mind drifting off… It's such a soothing, peaceful process. I've found that I dislike dreaming, though. You never know what you get. I've had all sorts of rattling dreams, ranging anywhere from nightmarish and homesick to sexually confusing. But this one truly took the cake, as they say.
It started with me walking through an unfamiliar neighborhood that looked like an abstraction of my own. It was far too shiny and colorful, and not in an aesthetically pleasing way. I was not really walking either—my feet were heavy as lead, my bare skin unprotected from the harsh breeze assaulting my body. I kept staggering forward, aimless and confused, wishing for shelter but unsure of where to find it. My head was reeling from the hunger and desperation, and there was not a soul in sight to help. I started knocking on random doors, but nobody opened. House by house, I was getting increasingly frustrated. The knocks turned into incessant pounding, the sound mingling with my crying. The tears blurring my vision made it even harder to press on. Before long, I was weeping intensely, my steps becoming more frantic as I continued heading from door to door.
Why was nobody answering me? I could hear people talking in hushed voices behind the walls, I could see their silhouettes flitting to and fro in the windows. Anger began to bubble up inside me, heating up my chest and constricting my throat. My fist became more forceful as it clashed with the surface of each door, until I started to throw my whole body against them. My sobs turned into howls of fury, I was beginning to yell obscenities and outlandish threats before finally, my body started to turn. This wasn’t the silent transition I was used to, however.
I could feel my skin rip open as it gave way for my tentacles to spring free. Normally, it’s like these extra appendages simply melt out of my body. It’s not painful, and I don’t even really pay attention to the sensation most of the time. But this, this was pure agony. I broke down in the middle of the street, wailing like a creature of myth. How could a dream give me this kind of anguish? I suppose I knew deep down that I was dreaming, and I willed myself to wake up, to emerge from this state…
That’s when a thought crossed my mind. Was this really a dream?
It didn’t seem like one. It felt way too real and structured, almost coming off as scripted. Like an experience that someone had thought up and planned out for me, vaguely meaningful, maybe in an attempt to prove some kind of point, maybe just to terrorize me. The realization had my blood run cold, and that little part of my conscience that was aware of this not being real went wild. What in the world was happening to me? Who was doing this to me, and just how? And yet, a spark of fight lit up within me over it all. I had to tear myself out of this trance by any means necessary.
For a moment, I managed to push aside the pain and uncertainty, trying to focus. I pushed against the heaviness of sleep, through the fog of my clouded mind. Apparently, that was enough. The surreal, unnaturally bright world around me grew dark and I could once more make out the familiar shadowy outlines of my bedroom. I was in the present, back in the actual, physical realm of the waking.
The first thing I noticed was that my eyes were burning. There was a demanding pressure around my brows and lids, and my heart sank when I realized it was fingers peeling them open. My nightlight provided a soft blue sheen that came to rest on a chair that had been pushed up from my bedside, and furthermore, on the figure that occupied it. Their arms were extended, their hands resting on both sides of my face as they forced my eyes open. In the gentle cerulean glow, I recognized the shimmering vast irises of the cultist.
A deep, almost primal fear took hold of me. This was worse than the not-dream, a thousand times worse. The cold that seeped into my bones at the mere sight of them sent shivers running up and down my spine, trickling through my body like electric shocks.
I instantly started thrashing, or I would have liked to; except not a single muscle in my body would respond to the frantic outcries of my frenzied mind. My eyeballs had gone as dry as sandpaper, the painful sting penetrating my vision and setting my senses ablaze, paired with an accompanying feeling of nausea. And yet, I couldn’t help but remain transfixed on that horrid stare piercing into mine. My lips parted a mere fracture of an inch, just enough for me to take in a ragged, wheezing breath that I’d meant to give way to a shout. Not a single sound left my parched throat, though. Still, the cultist appeared to notice that I was awake.
With a sigh, they withdrew, releasing my eyes for me to blink furiously. The moment they averted their gaze, I covered my face with my hands, aggravated tears wetting my trembling palms. “You piece of shit,” I pressed out the second I regained my voice. “You fucking piece of shit…” I found myself unable to form any clear thoughts. My heart was thundering in my chest, my ears were ringing—I was a horrified, shaking mess.
“I didn’t think you’d wake up.” There was genuine astonishment in their tone. “Proper shame, too, I was just getting started.”
“What the fuck,” I breathed, still shielding my face. “How the hell did you get in here? Why… just… just why—what even was that?”
“What, you think doors keep me out? What a very human notion.”
I was slowly beginning to recover my wits, reason restoring to her throne. I squeezed my eyes shut, opening my mouth as my fangs came out. “You’re not getting out of here alive.”
“Calm down, okay? I was just having some fun. I was going to let you wake up, alright?” their disembodied voice came from my bedside. “I’m here to talk, is all.”
I vaguely turned my head in their direction. I knew I shouldn’t even bother, I should rip the bastard’s throat out now that I had the chance. There was something there, though; something in their words intrigued me. Besides, they could have easily killed me in my sleep, so why didn’t they? There was something they were after. I figured I would have to tell Mary Markov about this, and the more information I’d be able to give her, the better. “This feels like a fever dream,” I muttered.
“Doesn’t it?” Jewel asked giddily. “I get that a lot.”
“Speak then, leech. What is going on here?”
“I came to—Oh, will you open your eyes already? I’m not gonna try anything else, I promise. Cross my heart and hope to die.”
“Don’t you dare mock me.” I tried to mask the tremor in my voice. “Either you talk now or I swear I’ll skin you.”
“Okay, well. I’m here on behalf of the Collective. You have one week to report to the warehouse. We’ll have someone waiting there to welcome you. Simply put, you’ll join our cause. But you know, you can sleep on it or whatever. Take your time. I’m sure you’ll make the right decision soon, especially since there’s only the one option, really.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Part of me considered the possibility of all of this merely being part of another, bigger dream, but sadly, everything seemed to point against it. “What if I don’t?”
“Then we will come after you and probably the rest of your little found family, too,” Jewel explained nonchalantly.
“You’re awfully sure I’d let you.”
“Yes, yes, you grow big, sharp teeth and tentacles, I get it. You’re a menace. To three to four people. But if you’re up against half a dozen, all armed and unintimidated by your admittedly glorious and utterly terrifying appearance, I imagine things would be different.”
I wanted to offer some sort of confident riposte, but I simply couldn’t. A tiny voice inside my head actually agreed. “So what is your cause? Or are you aiming to recruit me based on fear alone?”
“Oh, not at all—I was just getting there. We want to, in essence, end all things.”
A brief silence settled upon us. I dropped my hands to lock eyes with Jewel, this time without any hypnotic side effects. They were beaming at me, my nightlight adding an unearthly quality to their bright, dimpling smile.
“What?”
Jewel’s grin grew wider. “Oh, you heard me, baby. We want to… we will bring about the apocalypse. It’s not going to be easy, and it’s not going to be fast. It’d be a boon if we had another being such as yourself at our side for it.”
“Another?”
Impossibly, the corners of the cultist’s mouth curled even further, their eyes shining with mirth. They tossed their pale blond hair, responding only with a huff of laughter.
“You,” I whispered. “You too.” I swallowed, reaching up to massage my throbbing temples. “Why do you want this world to end? You aren’t native to it, right? But do you really hate it that much?”
“Oh, it’s not that I hate it. I just don’t care for it all that much. Okay, listen, it’s not gonna be a real apocalypse. It’s just gonna look like it for a moment. And sure, the humans may or may not survive—they probably won’t, not gonna lie—but it’ll be for the greater good, and the two of us are gonna make it for sure.”
I frowned. “What?”
“You keep saying that.”
“Yes, because you aren’t making any sense. I don’t get what you’re trying to tell me.”
Jewel sighed. “Well, I can’t give you everything. Just… just trust me. You’ll want to be on our side, you’re gonna want to help us. Again, you literally have no other choice, so… yeah.”
“You know, I’ve been asked to go on a murderous rampage by someone far more attractive before, and I still said no.”
“Oh, you won’t be doing any of the killing. Not much, at any rate.”
“That’s a great comfort to me,” I said, without much sarcasm at all.
Jewel tilted their head at me. “I gotta admit, I do not get you. I kinda wish I did, though. Anyways, I guess I’ll leave you to it, then. Goodnight.”
“So you’ll head right out now? Just like that?”
They twinkled at me. “Want me to stay?”
“Oh, Lord, no.”
“Yeah, well, if you wanna fight now, I gotta disappoint you. I’m not feeling up to it.”
I wanted to tell them that it was not their decision to make, that I wouldn’t let them leave, but somehow, I thought better of it. Quelling the anger raging inside of me, I strained to keep my tone calm. “What was your home like? What kind of a dimension are you from?”
The question seemed to catch them off guard. “Please don’t ask me things like that.”
“Why?”
“You… just stop.” Their voice had suddenly become brittle and quiet. I’d rattled them. A warm feeling of glorious triumph surged through me like a wave.
“Do you remember what they called you back there? I don’t. Maybe we didn’t even have names, I really don’t know anymore.” I shrugged.
Jewel rose to their feet a little too quickly. Their eyes were shining with moisture, and before they could wipe them dry, a single tear rolled down their cheek. To my complete astonishment, it hardened the second it dropped off their chin, forming a tiny, sparkling yellow stone. They caught it with practiced precision, hastily stuffing it into the pocket of their jeans. “‘Scuse me, I, uh… I gotta go. See you soon.” Without losing another word, they headed out into the living room, and after another moment, I heard the front door slam. The noise of a motorcycle engine revving was carried in on the breeze through my open window a minute later.
I stayed seated upright in my bed, staring blankly at the wall across from me.
Thus ended my retelling of events to Nettie Peterson, taking us back into the garden. She regarded me with wide eyes, her jaw slackened. She then shook her head, letting out a string of incoherent murmurs as she sank back into her seat. “I don’t believe this,” she breathed. “What… what are you gonna do about this? You’re not seriously gonna go along with what that psycho wants from you, right? Have you told the agency yet?”
“No,” I admitted. “And I haven’t been to the warehouse either. My week is not up yet, so that’s probably okay… I really don’t know what to do, though.”
“Well, that’s an easy one. You call this Markov-lady, have her raid the warehouse and arrest every last one of those freaks she can find!”
“But they won’t leave it at that. They’ll come after me. And you, too.”
“Don’t worry about me. I can hold my own.n” lg
“I’m not saying you can’t, but—”
“No buts. I’ll be fine. Both of us will be. And I hope you know I won’t have you going back to your apartment after this. You’re staying here with me, where it’s safe.” Her eyes looked almost golden in the light of the setting sun. “Let's go back inside. It’s time I showed you where I hide my guns.”
I pursed my lips. “Gun-s? As in plural?”
“Oh, absolutely.” She took me by the hand, pulling me to my feet with a melodic hum falling from her lips.
I know I have a lot going on in my life right now, but Lord, am I grateful that this woman’s in it.
X
1
2: deadbeat roommate
3: creepy crush
4: relocation
5: beach concert
6: First date
7: Temp work
8: roommate talk
9: a dismal worldview
10: warehouse
11: staircase
12: explanation
13: hurt
14: hospital
15: ocean
16: diner
17: government work
18: something in the caves
19: shopping cart
20: olms and Jewels
21: long hair

A little bit of background, I am a 21 year old, ex-addict. I've done quite literally every drug under the sun, in every way, uncountable amounts of times. Maybe excluding some of the more esoteric RC's. Every opiate (excluding the RCs mostly), every benzo (traditional and RC), every amphetamine (not all of the common RCs), all traditional psychs, dissos and many RCs of the two. I've taken up to 1100ug of LSD, and atleast a dozen 500ug+ trips. But, nothing was even close to the experience I had last night.
Also, before I continue, this is my 3rd time doing MXiPR, and my only times becoming intoxicated in any real sense since I got sober a year and a half ago (Ive microdosed LSD and psilocybin a few times). I flushed the MXiPR down the toilet, as you shall read in a moment, and do not intend on doing it again at any point in the near future, if at all ever again.
Today I will be talking about an experience which happened to me last night, which is almost, if not a little bit more potent than the previous experience I had on MXiPR 3 weeks ago, which resulted in me having the most potent religious experience of my life.
So, it was 9pm, and I snorted around 10~MG, and began folding my clothes. I felt good, very similar to being drunk, nothing to note.
Did another 5-10~MG, and began reading Jungs "Awnser to Job." I did this, or attempted this, for about 30 minutes, but then decided it was a futile effort and I was now much to disso'ed out to read.
I decided I now wanted to hole, so I made 3 little piles of MXiPR (I have no scale, so I am not certain of the doseage. I know, dumb move, but the first 2 times I did it also without a scale and had no problems at all. Not suprised that eventually I ended up doing too much, go figure, eh?) I snorted one, waited 10 minutes, then the other, another 10, then the last one.
I don't know about you guys who have done MXiPR, but after I snort it it is as if the effects come on immediately. Like, as soon as the powder is gone, within 2-3 seconds I begin my come up, it is absolutely absurd. I have never in my life taken any drug who's effect is as quick as MXiPR. Full effect comes within 45 seconds to 2 minutes for me, or, the come up does anyways.
I then sat down on the edge of my bed, and said to myself, "I should lay down, this is about to be a big experience." I don't think I ever made it into my bed, but probably just slouched over where I was and became unconcious. This is where the real experience began.
It was as if "time" and "psychical sensation and perception" were merged together and became reletive; but, my conciousness still remained, although my ego was completely nonexistent, and all that remained was a genderless, substance-void, "irrevocably empty" stream of continuous inward questions with no trace of personality within them. It was as if I was able to keep some semblance of conciousness, in the sense that I was still able to question what was happening to me, but the act of questioning itself was functioning from a kind of "blank slate" psyche, with no sort of egoic substructure, or, interestingly enough, without any (observable) kind of unconcious or archetypal processes either, it was simply nothing (nothing is the best word I can use to describe it, although here I am reminded of the feebleness and poverty of language to describe such an experience) at all, with an occasional question, that question being something along the lines of "Well, what's next?" Or, "what is next for this kind of existence? How are we to continue in this state? How do I continue? Who am I? Where am I? What is this? Is this reality? Is this all that there is?" Eventually, I questioned so much that it was as if I had run out of questions to conceive, and I "accepted", more or less, that this was indeed reality. I was then reminded of some sort of father-like figure, and his presence filled this entire psychic space, but not in any overwhelming manner, just enough so to recognize that it was there. Somehow, when I now recall it, I become reminded of Yahweh from the Old Testament in regards to this father-like spirit that was present. But spesifically Yahweh, certainly not Jesus. Overall, in simple terms, it was as if I had entered an eternity which consisted only of a shade of light, and I was within this light, but also apart from it.
Time here didn't simply feel like an eternity, but it was as if it had stopped all together and my perception of time became merged with my perception of sensation, as a result, everything came to a psychic standstill. I have done large doses of DMT and 5-MEO-DMT before where I felt like I was gone for "years," but here I felt as though I had traveled FAR BEYOND the conceptual relam of "time" or anything that "felt like years." It was mind-shatteringly potent, and felt as real and true as me sitting here typing this. I've done stupidly high doses of DCK and Ketamine, even having done large doses of Ketamine intermuscular, and it simply paled in comparison to this experience.
I then came to a bit more, and realized I had puked all over myself and my bed. Thankfully I was not lying flat when it occured, but was still sitting up, so it all landed in my lap and did not choke me. (I did fast for about 6 hours before hand, and not a lot of puke came up, but still a decent amount).
I noticed I was laying in my puke, but was too high to care or to do anything about it, so I layed there and traveled through many lands in my psyche. With MXiPR, it is as if I can enter a hole, willfully exit it, and then willfully reenter it as I see fit. This was only possible after it began to wear off a bit, but on lower doses I certainly find this to be the case.
I then woke up fully and checked the time. It has been 3 and a half hours. My puke was now dry, and I was still on the very edge of a hole. I got up and remembered that someone I know is currently in the mental hospital from abusing a bunch of RC dissos (he is schizophrenic, and it triggered a break in him. It was actually from the same order that he had made that I got this MXiPR), this then made me very mad and upset with myself. I took the bag of MXiPR and flushed it down the toilet at once, and I do not regret that decision. There was probably a solid 400 or so MG left in that bag (sorry guys, I know many of you may read this and be upset with me lol).
Long story short, MXiPR is the only drug I've ever done, including 5-MEO-DMT, that feels as "real" as this when one is in a hole or on a high dose. Two folks I know just ordered about 1000 worth of various RC dissos, and both of them went manic for about 4 days from doing so much DCK, 4-heo-pcp and MXiPR. The one who is now in the mental hospital believed that he became the buddah, and that his roommate was the messiah. It was actually "interesting" to hear some of the things he said in delusion. He spoke of moral relativism, and said many things that painted a picture of him experiencing the image of God in its totality. At one point he said that "God's right hand is Satan, while his left hand is Christ (eerily simialr to the writings of Clement of Rome when he said that God rules with both hands, his left being Satan and his right being Christ). And I (speaking of himself) have mastered the art of being both right and left handed, all things are now possible." Anyways, sorry for the jumbled writings, but I figured I would post it here, both on the RC sub and also the Jung sub. I would have wrote it more clearly, but I am still tiered and burnt out from yesterday's experience. God bless you all!