Hello! Posting here before my doctors appointments because I'm just feeling a bit worried about it and would love to hear other people's experiences and perspectives.
I started 150 wellbutrin XL towards the end of August 2022. I was going through an extremely traumatic and stressful time in my life, and it helped tremendously for a few weeks. Then one day, I forgot to take it, and after that it became a habit to not take it at the right time or at all. I began to feel restless, and started drinking so much that I was afraid I was becoming an alcoholic. I ended up becoming a regular at some local bar in a shitty town and got involved with people I usually wouldn't, while engaging in toxic behaviors and constantly fighting with an ex of mine. It got so bad one day that my best friend had to take me to the hospital because I was experiencing the worst depression of my life. I was inpatient for around a week, and they prescribed me 10mg of lexapro along with my wellbutrin.
A little while after I got out, my psychiatrist increased my dosage to 300. I've been taking that since the end of December. Since the increase, I have felt so happy. So hopeful. So good. I stopped drinking, I stopped associating with toxic people I felt addicted to, etc. I haven't missed a dose or felt depressed or restless at all and have been more motivated and hopeful overall.
I've always been a spiritual person, and believed in things such as the law of attraction/manifestation, astrology etc. Recently, I've been trying to use manifestation as a tool to help me achieve my goals and writing down the things I'm grateful for every day. I listen to music that has affirmations in them, and have integrated them into my art as well. I genuinely feel like things are going to well for me in my personal, spiritual, creative, and business life.
Although I've been feeling so wonderful, I am starting to become afraid that I am slipping into or have been in a hypomanic episode. I've only experienced depression before, whether subtle or prominent, so I'm not really used to feeling this way for so long. Recently I haven't been able to sleep at night or stay asleep. I've been sleeping maybe 4-6 hours a night, while waking up in between. I feel a little tired throughout the day, but still have some energy (not enough to clean my entire house or anything usually). I have been feeling very confident lately, as I've started to dress the way I always wanted to, and I've been creating art that is well loved and doing in person markets while making new connections. I feel magnetic. I feel beautiful. I feel like I can tell when someone finds me attractive. I feel like I have amazing energy that causes people to gravitate towards me.
While I'm concerned about the lack of sleep and confidence, I am mostly concerned about the fact that I shoplifted an entire cart of groceries/clothes/home decor today. I had been reading up on it a lot recently, and I decided that I just wanted to do it. I didn't do it because I needed to or to sell the items, I think I just did it because I wanted some new things or for the thrill or because I'm tired of large corporations being so greedy. I just put everything in my cart, and walked out the door confidently. No one (that I noticed) looked at me any way or followed me or seemed suspicious. I assume because the entire time I acted like I wasn't doing anything wrong.
I don't necessarily feel morally guilty about it (although I'm prepared for the comments about why I probably should), it was nice to finally be able to get some new things for myself after working so hard, going through so much trauma, and having to put all of my money towards bills/back into my business. I'm not really afraid of getting caught because I know the laws, I know how their security works, I know the process of convicting someone for theft from that specific store (I used to work there years ago). I know the whole deal with the building a case until you hit a felony amount of money etc. So it's not like I did this impulsively without any prior knowledge or anything.
Anyways, sorry for such a long post, I just wanted to include everything so that you guys can get a better perspective. I'm just wanting to know if the lack of sleep could just be caused by the increased energy from the wellbutrin, if my confidence really is just the result of using positive affirmations and utilizing the law of attraction, and if me shoplifting really was just a one time thing and result of me wanting to 'treat' myself after working so hard and essentially being fed up with capitalism.
...or if all of these things really do indicate hypomania, and if I should be worried. I really want things to continue going well for me, I want to continue feeling good and better about myself and creating meaningful art and being in tune with myself spiritually. I'm trying to be as self aware as possible so I can hopefully prevent myself from slipping into any destructive behaviours again.

This past Saturday I had been working on my soon to be new home, and after a long day of labor I got home and immediately collapsed and went to bed. I live right outside of Wilmington Delaware, in a condo complex with a C- in crime score. Not particularly bad, not too good either. A convenient location right off the highway to get to the majority of east coast cities.
Sunday morning I woke up, took a shower, and then gunned for the door to go back to work on the house. I gave my wife and daughter a kiss goodbye, grabbed my phone, keys and wallet, and leave. As I’m approaching my car in the parking area I notice my door is slightly open… not a great sign. I opened the door and noticed my glove box and center console have been completely ransacked. Paperwork I had just gotten two days prior now laid dormant on the floor of the driver and passenger seat. I had also forgotten my day bag in the back seat.
It happened, my car had been robbed. Typically I’m great about locking my car door, Saturday night though, I suppose I missed a critical step in ensuring the safety of the contents of my car.
This is an important time in my life right now, I’m in the middle of a house purchase, work is going crazy, and my second kid will be here in two months. I brushed it off, told my wife what happened, and drove to the house I’m working on. During my drive I gave the Non-Emergency line a call. The gentlemen who answered was very kind.
He collected important information and asked for my location. I let him know that I was on the road and that it would be a few hours before I returned home. He asked that I gave the non-emergency line a call back when I’m home so they could send an officer out. Ugh. Now, in my life I haven’t had the best experience with police. Nothing directly involving me, but lots of second hand interaction and stories from family, so I was naturally inclined to assume the local police wouldn’t be useful. Admittedly, I wrote the entire situation as a loss, I felt hopeless.
Over the next few hours I took mental inventory of what was missing. Originally I had only thought that change and a Bluetooth speaker were missing, some of which was in my center console and others in the bag that was in my back seat. I began to fully remember what I had lost: An Android cellphone, an Apple iPhone, Bluetooth Speaker, home purchase paperwork, $10 in cash, and a few other things.
At this point I was mostly nervous about the iPhone, as it was a backup iPhone 12 I got some time ago which had all my Apple Wallet cards on it. Once I realized I logged into Find my IPhone and activated lost mode on the iPhone. I figured the best case scenario would be to ensure my data was protected. The evening settles in, I’ve accepted defeat, and head to bed.
This morning I clock on for work, and as I’m sitting in a work meeting I get a pestering notification on my phone. Lost iPhone has been turned on. I immediately open Find My iPhone to see the device had checked in, but then immediately was turned off. I was frustrated… not only did this person steal my property, they rubbed it in by trying to further use the device they stole.
Only for a moment however I was frustrated. I further read the information on my phone screen and a smile went from ear to ear. That minute or two the phone was turned on was long enough for the iPhone to pick up an address.
I was motivated at this point. I didn’t know what would happen, but I figured hey, what the hell, let’s give the non-emergency line a ring again. I called in, gave them a recap. They collected my information and let me know I should hear back soon. At this point I half expected the officer to tell me too much time had passed for anything to be done… but boy was I totally wrong.
Officer Thomas gave me a call and let me know that he was outside of my condo. He asked for a recap of the situation, what was taken, and if I had any additional information. I shared the Find my IPhone information. Officer Thomas had another officer come along to swab for DNA and collect finger prints off of my car - I was stunlocked! He then let me know that he was filing a warrant for the address listed on my Find my iPhone. I’m not sure what I thought would happen, but given what I was always taught, and believed, I thought I would have eaten dust.
After about an hour or two Officer Thomas and the officer taking DNA and finger prints finished up with me. I made more assumptions… I’m sure nothing will come of it, this is probably the last I’ll hear of it. Officer Thomas then proceed to send me several texts over the next few hours, he wants pictures of the Bluetooth Speaker, Pictures of my Bag, Cell Phone Serial Number, and various credible bits of information.
I scour my iPhone photos going years back finding the best pictures I possibly could for the items stolen. I sent some blurry and dark photos that I had taken, and then also some screenshots from Walmart and Amazon listings for the original items.
Again, I made assumption. I assumed he was just doing his typical paper work for his reports. Mind you, hours earlier I had also filed with my insurance regarding the situation, so at the minimum I was happy to have a police report for my claim.
A few hours pass and I get a missed call from Officer Thomas… I was playing video games and had my headphones up pretty loud. He took the time to text me however and let me know that they had recovered a phone, but it was smashed, and asked if I could send over the devices IMEI.
I sent the information, this time assuming that if they did actually goto the persons house there would be no way they were silly enough to leave a stolen phone right there.
A few hours later go by again, I received a call, and a third officer lets me know that he’s outside and that he’d like me to come out. I step outside and he lets me know that he believe he has my property. Officer Thomas was working overtime to get everything settled today so this officer was stepping in to help get everything tied up so he could go home. I was shocked. Jaw on the ground floored.
The iPhone was taken for evidence. I’m guessing the thief immediately smashed the iPhone once they realized it was out in lost mode. I got everything else back besides the few dollars of cash I had in the glove box.
The entire time I made assumptions against the police. Assumed they wouldn’t help, or weren’t able to. I was wrong every step of the way. Not only did New Castle Police impress me, but Officer Thomas was a godsend.
I cannot say how immensely shocked I am even now. I’m not sure what happened with the person who stole my items and broke into my car. I’d assume it’s more then a ticket, but I’ll have to find out next time I speak with Officer Thomas.
I just wanted to share my story. It may be benign to some, but it was a truly eye opening experience for me. These guys showed me they care about their jobs and their community.

Hey guys, this isn’t your typical “lets not meet” kinda story, but it was one of the most terrifying experiences I have ever gone through. I have changed the names in this story for my own safety. Again, I would love to provide articles and such but I’m too scared for my own safety to do so. I know this story is a long one, but I feel like you need all the details for the full effect.
For some background information, at the time of this story I was an 18 year old girl, right out of high school. I was a very naive person and always wanted to believe that everyone had no ill intentions and only kindness in their hearts. I had just gotten out of a long term relationship, so being the freshly 18 year old I was, I downloaded Tinder to explore my options. After some browsing and swiping, I got bored. I closed out of the app, never deleting it, but not really using it actively.
One night as I was getting off work one night, I got onto my phone to mindlessly browse Tinder. I was bored and figured “why not?” Instead, I saw that I had a message on Facebook. After thinking “Who even uses Facebook Messenger?” for a second, I opened it thinking maybe a family member was trying to contact me. I was greeted by a message from a man named Alex, stating “Hello! I’m sorry if this is strange but I saw you on Tinder a while ago and we didn’t match. I knew you looked familiar, and we have a bunch of mutual friends here so you came up in my recommended friends! I just wanted to say that you are absolutely beautiful!” While the compliment was nice, I hadn’t matched with him because he simply wasn’t my type. I accepted the compliment and thanked him for reaching out, which he took as a conversation initiation. Being the naive girl I was, I answered some questions from him. I found out he was 23, which was WAY out of my age range. I told him he was too old for me anyways, as I was freshly 18. I went to sleep, and didn’t hear from him for a little while.
A few weeks went by, and I was closing up at work at about 10 pm on a summer night. My phone buzzed as I was mopping, and looking for any excuse for a break I checked it. It was another Facebook message from Alex, asking if I had a job for the summer. I responded with a simple “yes? Lol why?”. I went back to mopping until I felt another buzz in my pocket, and checked the message whenever my jaw hit the floor. “You work at “my job’s name” right? I was at the counter like 5 minutes ago. I’m still in the parking lot if you wanna get some food after your shift.” Now, I worked at a very one of a kind place, so there was no mistake that it was me he saw. I showed my coworker, who was also my best friend, and we just laughed at it like “What a weirdo!” Whenever we walked out to our cars together, there was still a car in the customer parking with its lights off. This freaked me out a little, only because we had closed 20 minutes ago. All I wanted after my 7 hour shift was to go home, and was honestly just more annoyed by this than anything. Even if I was naive, I listen to way too many Reddit stories to not be aware. So I sat in my car waiting for him to leave before I pulled out.Call me paranoid, but I was NOT giving this man the chance to follow me home. He left after about 15 minutes, and I just went about my life as usual, driving home and getting my rest. I noticed this same car in the parking lot a few more times, but then again, I did work at one of the most popular summer destinations in my town.
In about October, I received another message from Alex, with a picture of my Graduation party invitation and text that said “Do you know a person by the name of Jill?” And I did, it was my grandmother. He explained that he was installing the dishwasher in her house and saw my picture, striking up a conversation with my grandmother about it. Now this really weirded me out. My grandma lived 2 seconds away from me, and knowing my grandma, she would have chatted him up and probably mentioned that. Later on, she told me that he said we were really close friends and he knew me very well. At this point, I had barely even spoken to him. He then proceeded to ask me to go to a party with him that night, but I was out of the state with some friends for the weekend. After explaining that, he again asked me for a chance at a date. I thanked him, the flattery was sweet but explained he was a little too old for me and he wasn’t my type anyways. I laughed off the situation with my friends, but something about it just gave me this awful gut feeling.
The next encounter I had with him was by FAR the strangest. Our town does a little Christmas Light-up Night every year, and with my sister being in the marching band that marched in the parade, I went with a group of friends to support her. While standing in line for some hot chocolate, I got a notification on snapchat from Alex. This alone freaked me out, because I had never given him my snapchat and my username isn’t something you could guess without knowing me well. I did have it set so anyone could snapchat me (again, I was a dumb college freshman). I very hesitantly opened it, only to see it was a picture of the back of my high school band jacket, which I was currently wearing, with the caption “well hey there”. This creep, rather than approaching me and introducing himself, TOOK A PICTURE OF ME. This freaked me out, so I grabbed my friends and left the line. He snapchatted me again directly after, saying “wowww don’t say hi then” Now I was really confused, and even more scared because I realized I DIDN’T know what he looked like. I never saw anything other than his zoomed out Facebook profile picture. At that point, being stupid me, I responded and said “idk what u look like lol” to which he responded with a picture of himself and a “come find me *winky face*” I knew I didn’t want to find him, but I could at least look out for him.
Soon enough, the parade started and I saw an old family friend and was distracted catching up with him. I looked at my phone about 30 minutes later, and had 2 snapchats from Alex, one being “What are you doing after this'' and “Let me take you to the movies!” I just said no thank you, I’m going to my friend’s house to hang out. He said “I’ll take your friend with us”. This was just getting weird to me so I jokingly sent him back a video of all of my friends saying “NO!” with disgusted faces (stupid yes, but it was funny at the time). He then said he’d be happy to take all 5 of us, pay for all 5 of us, and everything just as long as he could see me. My friends thought it was hilarious that he was so persistent, but I was just finding this creepy. Yet again, I explained he was too old for me and that I just was not interested. After I opened my phone after the parade to see 5 missed snapchats, I did what I should have done months ago, and blocked him on everything. Even after everyone joking about this, something still just did not sit right with me about the situation. Whenever I got home that night, I told my dad everything because I could not shake my weird gut feeling. He assured me that just blocking him was the right thing, and that I should be okay.
A few months later, I was sitting in my dorm at school when my friend sent me a picture. It was a mugshot of Alex, who had just been arrested. He had been at the mall, harassing and catcalling a little 16 year old girl. When she didn’t accept any of his advances, he choked her out and punched her in the face, knocking her unconscious. . After reading this, I ran to the bathroom and threw up. Not only because what he did was extremely wrong, but for so many more reasons. His REAL last name was in the post. I had only seen him on Facebook as “Alex Smith”, but his actual name was “Alex Doe” (again, fake names). Now this freaked me out, because when I was 14, a boy named Alex Doe used to message me all the time on Facebook. He was 19 at this time, and would message me then say “Just do not tell Kayla!”, who was his cousin in my grade. Obviously, he had some ill intention back then too, but I was smart enough to stop answering. So I stopped answering until I saw one day he got arrested for sending a dick pic to an underage boy. After all of this time, just now finding out this was the same guy made me sick to my stomach. I knew I should have trusted my gut about him. He recently got out of prison and tried following my Instagram again, to which I blocked him there. He has always made it back into my life in little ways, like hitting on my underage sister. I haven’t heard from him or seen him in almost two years at this point, but I’d REALLY prefer to keep it that way.

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“1… 2… 3… 4!”
With a simple, yet energetic count-in, The Beatles were on their way to leaving an indelible mark on popular culture, and it all started here. Released 60 years ago today, Please Please Me marked the first album in The Beatles’ discography. A brisk, lively pop-rock confection lasting just over half-an-hour, over a half century later it remains a stunning document of the unbridled joy of the early Beatles.

Background

The Beatles got their start as a skiffle band in the late 1950s in Liverpool. By 1961, after many personnel changes, their lineup consisted of John Lennon on rhythm guitar, Paul McCartney on bass, George Harrison on lead guitar and Pete Best on drums. The group had cut their teeth playing grueling sets in Hamburg nightclubs, often times playing over 8 hours a day and taking uppers to get through the shows. Their repertoire largely consisted of cover songs, though a fledgling songwriting partnership between Lennon and McCartney contributed a few numbers here and there to the proceedings. In the fall of 1961, a rock and roll cover of “My Bonnie” with the Beatles playing backup to Tony Sheridan was released in Germany. Shortly thereafter, the Beatles met Brian Epstein, who would become their manager. He cleaned up their image and sought out a recording contract for them. A New Years Day 1962 audition for Decca Records would prove fruitless (Decca executives felt that "guitar groups are on the way out" and that "the Beatles have no future in show business"). Undeterred, Brian continued searching, eventually inking the band a deal with EMI Records in May.

The Lead-up to Please Please Me

EMI placed the group on Parlophone Records, which was run by George Martin at the time. Martin was impressed by the group’s charisma and personalities, but was doubtful of their ability to write hit songs. An initial recording session on June 6th, 1962 proved futile. Martin was especially unimpressed with the drumming ability of Pete Best. Insistent on the use of a session drummer, The Beatles used this as an opportunity to drop Best in favor of fellow Liverpudlian Ringo Starr. The next session on September 4th 1962, proved much more successful. With Ringo on the drums, the first version of “Love Me Do” was recorded (this was the version used on the 45). A week later, the band re-recorded “Love Me Do” (this was the album version) with session drummer Andy White, as well as “P.S. I Love You”, which served as the B-side to the “Love Me Do” 45.
Despite Martin’s skepticism, “Love Me Do” was a hit, peaking at #17 on the British charts by November of 1962. Convinced of the Beatles’ hitmaking ability, Martin met with the group and proposed the recording of a full album. This was an alien concept to The Beatles, since the LP market was largely driven by adults rather than teens at the time. On November 26th, The Beatles finished up the songs “Please Please Me” and “Ask Me Why” to serve as another single. Upon release on January 11th, 1963, “Please Please Me” became the Beatles’ first #1 hit on the NME and Melody Maker charts (Retroactively, the Record Retailer chart became the basis of the UK Singles Chart. Here, the song peaked at #2).
Originally, Martin wanted to record a live album of The Beatles at their resident venue, the Cavern Club. However, Martin quickly realized the acoustics of the club were insufficient for the recording of an LP. Instead, Martin came up with the idea of recording 10 additional songs to complement the 4 songs already released. Upon asking for potential album names, Paul McCartney suggested Off the Beatle Track.

The Recording of the Album

February 11th, 1963 was to be what was later referred to as “the 585 most productive minutes in the history of recorded music”. Essentially, Martin wanted the album to reflect the group’s stage show. During a gap of their first national tour, the Beatles arrived that morning with John Lennon suffering from a bad cold and attempting to rectify it with a large amount of cough drops (been there, done that).
For the morning recording session, the group started off with recording “There’s a Place” and “Seventeen” (this would later become “I Saw Her Standing There”). Rehearsing through lunch, the afternoon session produced “A Taste of Honey”, “Do You Want to Know a Secret”, and “Misery”. The evening session was produced covers of “Anna (Go to Him), “Boys”, “Chains” and “Baby It’s You”. An early version of “Hold Me Tight” was also recorded during this session, but it was not used and the song was later rerecorded for The Beatles’ sophomore album, With the Beatles.
At 10 PM, shortly before the studios were set to close for the day, the group launched into a cover of “Twist and Shout”. This was saved for last as Martin feared the song would’ve destroyed Lennon’s voice for the day. The song was nailed in one take, which prompted Martin to say, “We've been recording all day but the longer we go on the better they get." The Beatles attended a full tape playback of the album that night, and left happy with the results.
A week later, on February 20th, George Martin overdubbed piano on “Misery” and celesta on “Baby It’s You”. The Beatles were not present. Settling on the name Please Please Me (Off the Beatle Track was later used for Martin’s orchestral album of Beatles songs), the cover art was taken of the group looking down over the stairwell inside EMI’s London headquarters. This shot was later recreated in 1969 for the Get Back album, but not used when it eventually was as Let it Be in 1970. The 1969 photograph was later used for the Beatles’ “Blue Album”.

The Songs

Kicking things off with a bang is “I Saw Her Standing There”. Paul’s count-in was actually taken from Take 9 and spliced onto Take 1 of the song itself. George Martin left the count-in to simulate the effect of a live album. This song was written primarily by Paul, with John contributing a few lyrics, most notably “Well you know, what I mean.” It should be noted that on Please Please Me, the songwriting credits read McCartney-Lennon rather than the more familiar Lennon-McCartney
Next up, is “Misery”. Foreshadowing some of the Beatles’ later work, “Misery” is a portrait of self-pity. The song was actually originally composed with Helen Shapiro in mind (with whom The Beatles performed with on a national UK tour). When it was deemed unsuitable for Shapiro, Kenny Lynch, who was on the same tour, released the song as a single, making this the first Beatles song covered by another artist. Lennon later claimed he had a bit more input on this tune, was McCartney claimed it was a 50-50 collaboration.
We then make our way to the first cover song on the album Arthur Alexander’s “Anna (Go to Him)”. A personal favorite of John Lennon, his cold-stricken vocals add a tinge of pain to this song, making it a personal highlight for me. The Arthur Alexander original would later play a role in the Season 5 episode of Married… with Children, “Oldies But Young 'Uns”.
The next cover song is “Chains”. Written by Gerry Goffin and Carole King, this song was originally recorded by girl group The Cookies, and immediately became a popular cover song among bands in Liverpool. The Beatles version features George Harrison on lead vocals, the first time many a Beatles fan heard Harrison singing lead on a commercially released song.
The final cover song on Side One of the LP is “Boys”. Originally released by The Shirelles, “Boys” had long been known as The Beatles’ “drummer song”, with Pete Best covering it on stage prior to Ringo entering the band. Ringo also performed the song as a member of Rory Storm and the Hurricanes prior to joining The Beatles. Despite some pronoun changes from the Shirlles’ original, the song retains a large amount of homoerotic undertones.
“Ask Me Why”, primarily written by Lennon in the style of Smokey Robinson and the Miracles, is up next. Close listening can reveal the deteriorating state of Lennon’s voice during the marathon session. “Ask Me Why” was also included as the B-side to “Please Please Me”.
Rounding out the first side of the LP is “Please Please Me”. Originally conceived by John Lennon as a slow bluesy song in the style of Roy Orbison, it took much convincing and rerecording for Martin to release the song as a single. Martin originally felt the song was “dreary” and too slow. Martin wanted to release “How Do You Do It?” as a single for The Beatles. However, the group stood their ground as they only wanted to release original material as singles. “How Do You Do It?” later became a number one hit for Gerry & The Pacemakers. The arrangement for “Please Please Me” was radically altered into the version we know today, and 18 takes of it were recorded before George Martin released the song as a single to major success.
Opening up Side Two of the album is “Love Me Do”. McCartney wrote the bulk of the song, with Lennon writing the bridge. The version on the album was the take with session drummer Andy White playing drums and Ringo on tambourine. The original single version with Ringo on drums was later reissued on Past Masters in 1988. “Love Me Do” was released as a single in the US in 1964 and became a #1 hit.
“P.S. I Love You”, a McCartney composition, was actually produced by Ron Richards in George Martin’s absence (though Martin retained production credit). Like the aforementioned “Love Me Do”, this song features Ringo on maracas with Andy White on drums. Richards was insistent that “P.S. I Love You” had to be the B-side, due to it sharing a name with a 1934 song co-written by Johnny Mercer (who later wrote the lyrics to “Moon River” and “Days of Wine and Roses”).
“Baby It’s You”, another Shirelles cover (with music by the legendary Burt Bacharach), follows. This one features Lennon on lead vocals. The song had been part of the Beatles stage act since 1961, their version differing from the Shirelles’ by repeating the second verse rather than the first. Interestingly enough, a 1969 cover of the song by the band Smith became the highest charting version of the song in the United States (Smith’s version peaked at #5, compared to the Shirelles’ version peaking at #8).
“Do You Want to Know a Secret”, an original song with Harrison on lead vocals is next. Lennon claimed the song as entirely his own, while McCartney later claimed it was a 50-50 collaboration explicitly for George to sing. Lennon was inspired by “I’m Wishing” from Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, which his mother Julia sang for him as a child. The song was released as a single in the United States in 1964, peaking at #2 on the Billboard Hot 100, and becoming the highest charting Beatles song with a Harrison vocal until “Something” topped the charts in 1969.
McCartney’s cover of the pop standard “A Taste of Honey” follows. This song was originally an instrumental track written for the 1960 Broadway version of the 1958 British play A Taste of Honey (which was later adapted to film in 1961). The first vocal version of the song appeared in 1961 by Billy Dee Williams (Yes, Lando from Star Wars. He appeared in the original Broadway production of the play). Lenny Welch’s 1962 rendition of the song proved to be a big hit, as well as the basis of the Beatles’ version. Lennon allegedly hated the song, going as far to sing “A Waste of Money” for the backing vocals in concert.
The final original song on the album is “There’s a Place”. While Lennon claimed to write the song himself in the Motown style, McCartney claimed the song to be a collaborative effort. He noted the song’s title phrase originated from “Somewhere” from the soundtrack album to West Side Story, as he owned a copy of the album. Regardless, the song has been praised for its introspective lyrics and depth not commonly found in contemporaneous pop songs.
The grand finale, and arguably the most famous of all the Beatles’ covers, is their raucous, electric take on the Isley Brothers’ rendition of “Twist and Shout”. As previously mentioned, Lennon used every last bit of his voice that day shredding through the song. He initially felt ashamed of the performance, feeling his performance was subpar. The song was released as a single in the United States in 1964, peaking at #2 behind the band’s own “Can’t Buy Me Love”. It was the only million selling Beatles single to be a cover song, and was famously used in Ferris Bueller’s Day Off in 1986.

Release and Impact

The album was released on March 22, 1963. The album had reached the top of the UK charts by May of 1963 and remained there for 30 weeks until being replaced by the group’s second album, With the Beatles. Please Please Me was also the first non-soundtrack album to spend more than a year consecutively within the top 10 of the UK album charts (with 62 consecutive weeks in the Top 10). This was also a record for a debut album until April 2013 when Emeli Sande’s Our Version of Events achieved a 63rd consecutive week in the Top Ten. Please Please Me’s success was unprecedented for a pop album, as the UK charts at the time largely consisted of film soundtracks and easily listening albums. The success of the album has been attributed to the packaging, particularly it’s cover art and linear notes.
Capitol Records, the American subsidiary of EMI, passed on the opportunity to release the Beatles’ material, feeling the music would have limited appeal to American listeners. Instead, Vee-Jay records attempted to bring The Beatles to America. However, the first two American singles (“Please Please Me” and “From Me to You”), failed spectacularly. Vee-Jay lost interest in The Beatles, not releasing a truncated 12-track version of the album until Beatlemania hit in early 1964 as Introducing… The Beatles (more information on that release can be found here). Capitol included “I Saw Her Standing There” on their first Beatles album Meet The Beatles! (It also served as the B-side to the American version of “I Want to Hold Your Hand”) After Vee-Jay’s license to release Beatles material expired, Capitol released The Early Beatles in March 1965, which consisted of 11 out of the 14 tracks from Please Please Me (along with “I Saw Her Standing There”, it excised “Misery” and “There’s a Place”. The latter two songs were released for the first time by Capitol in 1980 on the Rarities album). The first official American release of Please Please Me occurred in 1987 with the standardization of The Beatles’ catalog on CD.
In the decades since it’s release, Please Please Me remains highly regarded as not only one of the best debut albums of all time, but one of the greatest albums of all time period. In 2012, it was voted 39th on Rolling Stone's list of the 500 Greatest Albums of All Time. NME, Rolling Stone and Uncut have all named it one of the best debut albums of all time. For the 50th anniversary of the album in 2013, modern artists celebrated the album by re-recording it in one day. Stereophonics recorded the cover of “I Saw Her Standing There”. The rerecorded album was broadcast on BBC Radio 2.

Discussion

1. What is your favorite original song on Please Please Me? Favorite cover?
   
2. How would you rank the album within the Beatles’ discography?
   
3. Much has been said about how joyous the album feels. Do you feel it captured the energy of The Beatles’ early performances well?
   
4. How does this album compare with other pop albums from the same time?
   

In the dream, I walked to an old school building that had recently closed down. It was the early 70s in the dream. It was one of those big schools built in the 30s, with echoes everywhere. Some other people were there too checking out all the trashed classrooms about to be bulldozed. I walked to the gym of the school and there were files and papers and trash everywhere on the floor. There were a few couches in a circle in the middle of the room with a coffee table in the middle. On the table were photos of the school, kids who went there, and the like. John Lennon and Yoko Ono were sitting on a couch looking at some of the photos when I walked over. He was looking at a photo of himself probably taken the year before, a fan photo of him visiting the school maybe. And I could see he was lightly crying to himself. And I just put my hand on his back as he cried. That’s all I remember. I woke up with “Happiness is a warm gun” playing in my head, with johns voice front and center. It’s odd because I haven’t heard it in a long time, and it has no special meaning to me. But the dream clearly suggested John’s sad early death.

Hello! My name is Ben and I'm from a small town in Ohio and would love to have someone join me in this town and make things more awesome or lure me away to you, where we can make things awesome there. I currently work 2 jobs, one is a wfh tech support call center job midnight to 8am and the other is delivering pizzas in the evenings. I consider myself very easy going and kind, somewhat funny (though my friends say I'm hilarious), patient and understanding, loving and caring. I enjoy trees and Xbox gaming on the daily, or as much as I can with my work schedule. No kids and never married. I collect DC Comics, love to cook and watch pro wrestling. I am a pretty big nerd when it comes to some things.
Here is what I'm looking for from you. Somewhat funny stoner gal (hmm, that's been mentioned before), cute smile, wants to plan vacations together and roast each other because we care. No kids. Let's keep each other happy and healthy. Binge watch shows or movies together. Send funny memes or uplifting messages.
I like the idea of the "traditional" household, where you don't have to work if you don't want and just do whatever, and I'll work, but that seems so out-dated in a way also so maybe that's not the best idea, but something along those lines. I want someone to come home to and share our day with, make dinner together, have someone sleep with their head on my chest every once in awhile.
Here I Am

Everything’s gotta eat right? It’s as natural as breathing…well usually it’s natural. Some things don’t breathe. Like rocks, water, and the undead. All of those things don’t breathe, and that’s very natural for them. But in general, if it can breed, it can usually breathe. That makes sense right?
I am sorry. I tend to get a little lost in the moment when I think by myself. It’s a rare treat. Anyways, as I was saying, everything has to eat. Even things that I once thought impossible have to eat. Fortunately for most of us, as the world changed the things that would eat us found it a lot harder to get away with just snatching up a local civilian like we snatch up so many dollar cheeseburgers. It’s a lot harder to be a monster in the modern world, at least that is what I am told by my customers. Everyone is a photographer now.
Long gone are the days of the rare lucky photographer catching a glimpse of the supernatural. Now anyone and everyone can be that lucky photographer. You see monsters are a lot like celebrities. They desire a privacy they can never have because of who they are. In that way monsters are kind of a sad group of beings. Quite prone to loneliness as their numbers have dwindled over the years.
That’s where I come in. I provide two very essential services to the monster community of the Midwest. Firstly, I acquire suitable food and sundries so that they may live out their lives and unlives in peace and comfort. Secondly, I provide a small amount of company to the more lonely individuals of the monster community. Well the lonely ones who won’t express their emotions by ripping out my stomach. The job pays immensely well and the service is provided by a company I won’t mention by name. You can probably guess which one though…like if you think about which delivery company probably feeds monsters…it’s not hard to figure out which one it is. I like my job most of the time, but some clients really freak me out.
One such client is the subject of this little online journal entry of mine. See there’s this guy…creature…collective…let’s go with guy, he’s kind of hard to deal with. See first of all he eats an insane amount. Literally eight horses was what I was delivering. The other problem was talking to him. He’s kind of insane and scares the living shit out of me. The special instructions for his deliveries always mention he is “mostly harmless”, but I just can’t shake the feeling that’s inaccurate. He has told me multiple times that “my digestion is inevitable”, which I am not sure what to make of that. I am not sure if that’s a death threat or what? I just know it scares the fuck out of me.
I remember the other me having a good ole time taunting me during the delivery too. Oh, yeah btw there is another me. Not like two physical copies of myself, that would be silly, no there’s like another copy of me living in my head. It’s not like a mental illness or some kind of witch's curse or anything. Just something that I was born with. It’s like a copy of myself that doesn’t have to interact with the world, and is therefore uncaring as to our ultimate fate or comfort. So mostly it just bullies me.
“Aw, is Sam afraid of the big bad flesh beast? Are you gonna break out in a panic sweat?” They taunted me.
“I mean probably. It’s hot out and I am anxious as hell. You know I don’t like dealing with the Flesh thing.” I replied to the other me.
“I like him. He’s kinda like us. Except instead of two people, he’s like thousands. Also all of him agrees and is pretty much uniform. Unlike us where one of us is cool, and the other is an aimless loser.”
“You’re more than welcome to come out and take control. Feel free to do this shitty run for me.”
“Nah, I like to watch.”
“Except when I am eating cheesecake. Right?”
“You don’t even like cheesecake. You buy that for me, and you know it.”
Thankfully, me and my other self don’t share the same thoughts. So I always have a nice quiet place in my own mind to get away from…myself. Yeah…anyway, I was able to tune myself out and run over the checklist for the delivery. Once I got to their home I had to drive around back to the well. Then press the button on the side of the trailer to release the horses, then kinda just be generally out of the way. The feeding is more or less the easy part. The hard part is talking to him. I really don’t wanna talk about tapeworms again…I now know so much about tapeworms that I wish I didn't. Did you know you can get a tapeworm in your brain? Fucking gross!I continued to snake through the rural roads of a small farming town looking for the dilapidated farmhouse the app was trying to direct me to. That in and of itself also frightened me. I have never liked driving through the less populous areas of the Midwest. It’s too dark, too many deer coming out of nowhere, nothing around if you break down, and just oppressively devoid of anything resembling human life. Despite my preoccupation with all my passive hatred for the country, I did find the farmhouse. Even though the mailbox was rusted and damaged, the numbers 1552 still shined as though they were new. I began carefully maneuvering my truck up the poorly maintained dirt driveway. I grew more anxious with each pothole I drove over in the driveway. The loud metallic clunks from the truck and attached trailer somehow amplified by the empty night. As I made my way around the crumbling farmhouse and saw the well, I veered off into the grass so that I could back the trailer up to the well. Through my side mirror I spotted some movement from within the well.
“He seems especially hungry today.” Said the other me. “Better hurry! I would hate to see what he does when he gets impatient”.
I really don’t like the other me. I am absolutely no help to myself. When the truck was finally in position, I opened my center console and removed the firearm the company provides. It was for all intents and purposes a normal Glock. What was special were the magazines and bullets. See in this line of work tasers and pepper spray don’t work all that well. What does work are bullets of varying types. My usual magazine has what we call the “safety stack”, the first 2 bullets are warding bullets enchanted with some kind of old Viking runes. If those don’t work the next two shots are Iron and Silver. Iron and silver tend to at the very least be quite painful to most monsters. Then it’s a myriad of other potentially useful bullets the rest of the way down. Consecrated bullets, dead sea bullets, etc. Ending with a final incendiary bullet that would either do the trick on them or me, depending on what I decided to do should I need it. I did not choose my a safety stack for this, I chose my all incendiary magazine and loaded it.
I got out of the vehicle with a flashlight in hand and went to the button on the side of the trailer. I could hear the horses inside getting antsy, I felt bad for them…but we all had to eat. I pressed the button and allowed the back doors to swing open, there was an instant scuffling amongst the horses as they tried to flee the trailer. It was short-lived though as a mass of sickly pink and red meat projected out of the well and sealed off the horses’ exodus. There was a sound of crunching bone and distressed horses. A sanguine dribble grew louder and louder as the fluids of dying horses leaked onto the metallic trailer floor. The smell of freshly slaughtered meat mixed with the putrid smell of the flesh beast, creating a smell that threatened to turn me vegan. I waited patiently, I still had the other part of my job to do. I still had to keep the creature company. My hand hovered over the “timer start” button on the app, intending to press it as soon as it started talking. I didn’t wanna spend any extra time around this thing.
After more time passed the creature finally dislodged from the entrance to the trailer and oozed its way toward me as a long pile of meat. There were still horse limbs sticking out of it, but if my experience was correct, they would not remain long. At about 15 feet away it took on a hulking form that could almost be described as human at a distance. Two vacuous holes formed on its face, then a slit for a mouth. It opened its mouth wide as pieces of its gooey flesh snapped and popped with sickening moistness.
“Thank you Sam, I was starving. Another day or two and I would have had to find my own food,” It said with a bubbly and muddled voice.
“Not a problem Cole, would have been here sooner but the guys loading up the horses were late today.” I said, starting the in app timer. 30 minutes to go.
“Oh it’s perfectly all right. I am happy to see you again, it’s so rare to meet people who don’t run in terror at the sight of me.”
I felt a little bad at hearing this. Monsters are universally lonely, and Cole was no exception. He scared the living shit out of me, and my heart was going a mile a minute, but still I couldn’t help but open up a bit to the monster’s loneliness.
“Well you have like thousands of minds inside you. Right?” I asked.
“12,136 human minds, but a far greater number of animal minds. I have lost count of how many of those I have. I assume though you mean the human ones.”
“Well do any of those minds understand why most people run?”
“Yes, many do. They feared before they were one with me, and now they are without fear. They do remember the fear though. Such an unpleasant sensation. I have no idea why your kind allows it. Would it not be easier to beat fear out of human children?”
“Yeah, child abuse is not really tolerated in modern society. There have been a few people who have tried what you are describing, but it usually results in less than ideal results. I am pretty sure that’s how most serial killers are made.” I responded, looking down at the timer on the app.
It was gonna be a long one. Not more than a minute in and Cole was already talking about beating children to eliminate fear. At least he wasn’t talking about tapeworms again. I don’t think I could have had another conversation about tapeworms. This was also adequately uncomfortable though.
“What is wrong with being a serial killer?”
“Well, we as a species have kinda decided we don’t like when one of our own just starts shamelessly murdering people. I know that is probably a weird concept to someone like yourself though.” I responded, trying to be sensitive to the creature's world view.
It brought a meaty facsimile of a hand to its “chin”, and stroked it as though it had a beard. It made a sound like mixing ground beef by hand. It also allowed his very unique smell of rot and decay to emanate more freely. I suppressed a desire to vomit, and maintained a plastic smile.
“Is war not shameless murder?”
“Yeah…yeah it is.” I answered hesitantly.
“Your kind seems to like those quite a lot. Why else would you all be constantly fighting and killing each other?”
“Well no one actually likes war. Also those usually occur because powerful politicians order it or some sort of land dispute. Or someone wants more natural resources…” I was cut off,
“Yes, but people willingly sign up for the military knowing full well they may be called to fight. They know the risk, they volunteer to kill, they volunteer for THE HARVEST” Cole croaked this out, working himself into a frenzy.
I shifted my weight to my other leg, passing the flashlight’s beam over his body. I could see his mincemeat flesh growing red, a tell tale sign of agitation outlined in his customer profile. I felt as adrenaline began coursing through my veins and attempted to control my breathing to mitigate its effects.
“Why would humans willingly partake in a harvest if they did not desire it. Do not all humans desire death, they seem so willing to race head first into the maw of oblivion. Such a waste. If only it was the old days. The people who lived here long ago, when they were near death, they would come to me and join in my majesty. They respected me, they wanted to live on in me. They chose this” Cole said, reaching into his chest area and removing a brain from his mass. “This woman here, her name lost to time, lives within me. Her life was stolen from the void to live on through me in infinite ecstasy! Why would humans choose anything other than this? Why have I been forgotten!”
“Well that’s a lot to unpack and I don’t know the whole story. I imagine though it must be frustrating, the way things are now. It must be hard to keep it all in.” I said, trying to seize control of my rapidly increasing heart rate. “Surely though you respect a person's right to choose how they rest?”
“Why would I respect an inferior choice? Do you respect the choices of a drug addict?”
“No, but I understand and empathize with them. It’s not my place to judge them or control them.”
“You only say that because you cannot. I could help everyone. I can help you.” Cole took a hulking step towards me. “I could take you into our being. I could separate the two of you. Finally let the both of you have the distance from each other you need.”
“I think we’re doing ok as we are. We clash sometimes, but we do our best to get along. I do appreciate the offer though.” I said frantically, trying to decide whether or not to pull my firearm.
“It’s not an offer. I must separate you two. Your minds call out to me for freedom. Fear not sweet meat, you are merely a protein prison. Your minds need to be freed, too long have they festered in their confinement.”
“Cole, I am not on the menu. We’ve discussed this.” I drew my firearm.
“Anything I can catch is on the menu!” He shrieked, raising a fleshy arm above his head.
At this point, I was well within my contractual rights with the company to open fire. So I did, I loosed every last round in the magazine. My eye’s burned as they tried to adjust to the bright flashes of the bullets contacting Cole’s skin. Several pieces of his fleshy mass were now immolating, and this caused him to step back and away from me. I took this momentary opening to jump into my vehicle and tear ass down the driveway. I must have blacked out from fear because I didn’t really remember anything until about 2 miles down the road. I remember feeling very dizzy and ill. I remember looking at the app and pushing the little bell icon in the right corner of the app. Clicking “report harassment”, and then speaking to one of the driver care specialists. I remember reporting everything I could remember, and getting a bonus payment on the delivery. It all happened as though I was in a dream, as though I was not in control of myself. I felt so detached. Then I sat for I don’t know how long. Feeling bad about having shot Cole, even though I was within my rights. Feeling bad that Cole felt so alone and powerless. I just couldn’t help but feel bad.
After a while I calmed down and came here to write this down. I guess to vent? To just feel heard? I am not a hundred percent sure. Other me says it’s “a waste of time” and “no one cares about your stupid independent contractor gig”. Maybe they’re right, but I do feel better for having written it down. If I have any more bad nights I'll post them here. If nothing else, but for the therapeutic value.
Part 2: https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/u5l8mf/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_2/
Part 3: https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/u7wnas/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_3/
Part 4: https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/ubis95/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_4/
Part 5: https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/uen5d2/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_5/

Everything’s gotta eat right? It’s as natural as breathing…well usually it’s natural. Some things don’t breathe. Like rocks, water, and the undead. All of those things don’t breathe, and that’s very natural for them. But in general, if it can breed, it can usually breathe. That makes sense right?
I am sorry. I tend to get a little lost in the moment when I think by myself. It’s a rare treat. Anyways, as I was saying, everything has to eat. Even things that I once thought impossible have to eat. Fortunately for most of us, as the world changed the things that would eat us found it a lot harder to get away with just snatching up a local civilian like we snatch up so many dollar cheeseburgers. It’s a lot harder to be a monster in the modern world, at least that is what I am told by my customers. Everyone is a photographer now.
Long gone are the days of the rare lucky photographer catching a glimpse of the supernatural. Now anyone and everyone can be that lucky photographer. You see monsters are a lot like celebrities. They desire a privacy they can never have because of who they are. In that way monsters are kind of a sad group of beings. Quite prone to loneliness as their numbers have dwindled over the years.
That’s where I come in. I provide two very essential services to the monster community of the Midwest. Firstly, I acquire suitable food and sundries so that they may live out their lives and unlives in peace and comfort. Secondly, I provide a small amount of company to the more lonely individuals of the monster community. Well the lonely ones who won’t express their emotions by ripping out my stomach. The job pays immensely well and the service is provided by a company I won’t mention by name. You can probably guess which one though…like if you think about which delivery company probably feeds monsters…it’s not hard to figure out which one it is. I like my job most of the time, but some clients really freak me out.
One such client is the subject of this little online journal entry of mine. See there’s this guy…creature…collective…let’s go with guy, he’s kind of hard to deal with. See first of all he eats an insane amount. Literally eight horses was what I was delivering. The other problem was talking to him. He’s kind of insane and scares the living shit out of me. The special instructions for his deliveries always mention he is “mostly harmless”, but I just can’t shake the feeling that’s inaccurate. He has told me multiple times that “my digestion is inevitable”, which I am not sure what to make of that. I am not sure if that’s a death threat or what? I just know it scares the fuck out of me.
I remember the other me having a good ole time taunting me during the delivery too. Oh, yeah btw there is another me. Not like two physical copies of myself, that would be silly, no there’s like another copy of me living in my head. It’s not like a mental illness or some kind of witch's curse or anything. Just something that I was born with. It’s like a copy of myself that doesn’t have to interact with the world, and is therefore uncaring as to our ultimate fate or comfort. So mostly it just bullies me.
“Aw, is Sam afraid of the big bad flesh beast? Are you gonna break out in a panic sweat?” They taunted me.
“I mean probably. It’s hot out and I am anxious as hell. You know I don’t like dealing with the Flesh thing.” I replied to the other me.
“I like him. He’s kinda like us. Except instead of two people, he’s like thousands. Also all of him agrees and is pretty much uniform. Unlike us where one of us is cool, and the other is an aimless loser.”
“You’re more than welcome to come out and take control. Feel free to do this shitty run for me.”
“Nah, I like to watch.”
“Except when I am eating cheesecake. Right?”
“You don’t even like cheesecake. You buy that for me, and you know it.”
Thankfully, me and my other self don’t share the same thoughts. So I always have a nice quiet place in my own mind to get away from…myself. Yeah…anyway, I was able to tune myself out and run over the checklist for the delivery. Once I got to their home I had to drive around back to the well. Then press the button on the side of the trailer to release the horses, then kinda just be generally out of the way. The feeding is more or less the easy part. The hard part is talking to him. I really don’t wanna talk about tapeworms again…I now know so much about tapeworms that I wish I didn't. Did you know you can get a tapeworm in your brain? Fucking gross!I continued to snake through the rural roads of a small farming town looking for the dilapidated farmhouse the app was trying to direct me to. That in and of itself also frightened me. I have never liked driving through the less populous areas of the Midwest. It’s too dark, too many deer coming out of nowhere, nothing around if you break down, and just oppressively devoid of anything resembling human life. Despite my preoccupation with all my passive hatred for the country, I did find the farmhouse. Even though the mailbox was rusted and damaged, the numbers 1552 still shined as though they were new. I began carefully maneuvering my truck up the poorly maintained dirt driveway. I grew more anxious with each pothole I drove over in the driveway. The loud metallic clunks from the truck and attached trailer somehow amplified by the empty night. As I made my way around the crumbling farmhouse and saw the well, I veered off into the grass so that I could back the trailer up to the well. Through my side mirror I spotted some movement from within the well.
“He seems especially hungry today.” Said the other me. “Better hurry! I would hate to see what he does when he gets impatient”.
I really don’t like the other me. I am absolutely no help to myself. When the truck was finally in position, I opened my center console and removed the firearm the company provides. It was for all intents and purposes a normal Glock. What was special were the magazines and bullets. See in this line of work tasers and pepper spray don’t work all that well. What does work are bullets of varying types. My usual magazine has what we call the “safety stack”, the first 2 bullets are warding bullets enchanted with some kind of old Viking runes. If those don’t work the next two shots are Iron and Silver. Iron and silver tend to at the very least be quite painful to most monsters. Then it’s a myriad of other potentially useful bullets the rest of the way down. Consecrated bullets, dead sea bullets, etc. Ending with a final incendiary bullet that would either do the trick on them or me, depending on what I decided to do should I need it. I did not choose my a safety stack for this, I chose my all incendiary magazine and loaded it.
I got out of the vehicle with a flashlight in hand and went to the button on the side of the trailer. I could hear the horses inside getting antsy, I felt bad for them…but we all had to eat. I pressed the button and allowed the back doors to swing open, there was an instant scuffling amongst the horses as they tried to flee the trailer. It was short-lived though as a mass of sickly pink and red meat projected out of the well and sealed off the horses’ exodus. There was a sound of crunching bone and distressed horses. A sanguine dribble grew louder and louder as the fluids of dying horses leaked onto the metallic trailer floor. The smell of freshly slaughtered meat mixed with the putrid smell of the flesh beast, creating a smell that threatened to turn me vegan. I waited patiently, I still had the other part of my job to do. I still had to keep the creature company. My hand hovered over the “timer start” button on the app, intending to press it as soon as it started talking. I didn’t wanna spend any extra time around this thing.
After more time passed the creature finally dislodged from the entrance to the trailer and oozed its way toward me as a long pile of meat. There were still horse limbs sticking out of it, but if my experience was correct, they would not remain long. At about 15 feet away it took on a hulking form that could almost be described as human at a distance. Two vacuous holes formed on its face, then a slit for a mouth. It opened its mouth wide as pieces of its gooey flesh snapped and popped with sickening moistness.
“Thank you Sam, I was starving. Another day or two and I would have had to find my own food,” It said with a bubbly and muddled voice.
“Not a problem Cole, would have been here sooner but the guys loading up the horses were late today.” I said, starting the in app timer. 30 minutes to go.
“Oh it’s perfectly all right. I am happy to see you again, it’s so rare to meet people who don’t run in terror at the sight of me.”
I felt a little bad at hearing this. Monsters are universally lonely, and Cole was no exception. He scared the living shit out of me, and my heart was going a mile a minute, but still I couldn’t help but open up a bit to the monster’s loneliness.
“Well you have like thousands of minds inside you. Right?” I asked.
“12,136 human minds, but a far greater number of animal minds. I have lost count of how many of those I have. I assume though you mean the human ones.”
“Well do any of those minds understand why most people run?”
“Yes, many do. They feared before they were one with me, and now they are without fear. They do remember the fear though. Such an unpleasant sensation. I have no idea why your kind allows it. Would it not be easier to beat fear out of human children?”
“Yeah, child abuse is not really tolerated in modern society. There have been a few people who have tried what you are describing, but it usually results in less than ideal results. I am pretty sure that’s how most serial killers are made.” I responded, looking down at the timer on the app.
It was gonna be a long one. Not more than a minute in and Cole was already talking about beating children to eliminate fear. At least he wasn’t talking about tapeworms again. I don’t think I could have had another conversation about tapeworms. This was also adequately uncomfortable though.
“What is wrong with being a serial killer?”
“Well, we as a species have kinda decided we don’t like when one of our own just starts shamelessly murdering people. I know that is probably a weird concept to someone like yourself though.” I responded, trying to be sensitive to the creature's world view.
It brought a meaty facsimile of a hand to its “chin”, and stroked it as though it had a beard. It made a sound like mixing ground beef by hand. It also allowed his very unique smell of rot and decay to emanate more freely. I suppressed a desire to vomit, and maintained a plastic smile.
“Is war not shameless murder?”
“Yeah…yeah it is.” I answered hesitantly.
“Your kind seems to like those quite a lot. Why else would you all be constantly fighting and killing each other?”
“Well no one actually likes war. Also those usually occur because powerful politicians order it or some sort of land dispute. Or someone wants more natural resources…” I was cut off,
“Yes, but people willingly sign up for the military knowing full well they may be called to fight. They know the risk, they volunteer to kill, they volunteer for THE HARVEST” Cole croaked this out, working himself into a frenzy.
I shifted my weight to my other leg, passing the flashlight’s beam over his body. I could see his mincemeat flesh growing red, a tell tale sign of agitation outlined in his customer profile. I felt as adrenaline began coursing through my veins and attempted to control my breathing to mitigate its effects.
“Why would humans willingly partake in a harvest if they did not desire it. Do not all humans desire death, they seem so willing to race head first into the maw of oblivion. Such a waste. If only it was the old days. The people who lived here long ago, when they were near death, they would come to me and join in my majesty. They respected me, they wanted to live on in me. They chose this” Cole said, reaching into his chest area and removing a brain from his mass. “This woman here, her name lost to time, lives within me. Her life was stolen from the void to live on through me in infinite ecstasy! Why would humans choose anything other than this? Why have I been forgotten!”
“Well that’s a lot to unpack and I don’t know the whole story. I imagine though it must be frustrating, the way things are now. It must be hard to keep it all in.” I said, trying to seize control of my rapidly increasing heart rate. “Surely though you respect a person's right to choose how they rest?”
“Why would I respect an inferior choice? Do you respect the choices of a drug addict?”
“No, but I understand and empathize with them. It’s not my place to judge them or control them.”
“You only say that because you cannot. I could help everyone. I can help you.” Cole took a hulking step towards me. “I could take you into our being. I could separate the two of you. Finally let the both of you have the distance from each other you need.”
“I think we’re doing ok as we are. We clash sometimes, but we do our best to get along. I do appreciate the offer though.” I said frantically, trying to decide whether or not to pull my firearm.
“It’s not an offer. I must separate you two. Your minds call out to me for freedom. Fear not sweet meat, you are merely a protein prison. Your minds need to be freed, too long have they festered in their confinement.”
“Cole, I am not on the menu. We’ve discussed this.” I drew my firearm.
“Anything I can catch is on the menu!” He shrieked, raising a fleshy arm above his head.
At this point, I was well within my contractual rights with the company to open fire. So I did, I loosed every last round in the magazine. My eye’s burned as they tried to adjust to the bright flashes of the bullets contacting Cole’s skin. Several pieces of his fleshy mass were now immolating, and this caused him to step back and away from me. I took this momentary opening to jump into my vehicle and tear ass down the driveway. I must have blacked out from fear because I didn’t really remember anything until about 2 miles down the road. I remember feeling very dizzy and ill. I remember looking at the app and pushing the little bell icon in the right corner of the app. Clicking “report harassment”, and then speaking to one of the driver care specialists. I remember reporting everything I could remember, and getting a bonus payment on the delivery. It all happened as though I was in a dream, as though I was not in control of myself. I felt so detached. Then I sat for I don’t know how long. Feeling bad about having shot Cole, even though I was within my rights. Feeling bad that Cole felt so alone and powerless. I just couldn’t help but feel bad.
After a while I calmed down and came here to write this down. I guess to vent? To just feel heard? I am not a hundred percent sure. Other me says it’s “a waste of time” and “no one cares about your stupid independent contractor gig”. Maybe they’re right, but I do feel better for having written it down. If I have any more bad nights I'll post them here. If nothing else, but for the therapeutic value.
Part 2: https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/u5l8mf/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_2/
Part 3: https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/u7wnas/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_3/
Part 4: https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/ubis95/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_4/
Part 5: https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/uen5d2/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_5/

Everything’s gotta eat right? It’s as natural as breathing…well usually it’s natural. Some things don’t breathe. Like rocks, water, and the undead. All of those things don’t breathe, and that’s very natural for them. But in general, if it can breed, it can usually breathe. That makes sense right?
I am sorry. I tend to get a little lost in the moment when I think by myself. It’s a rare treat. Anyways, as I was saying, everything has to eat. Even things that I once thought impossible have to eat. Fortunately for most of us, as the world changed the things that would eat us found it a lot harder to get away with just snatching up a local civilian like we snatch up so many dollar cheeseburgers. It’s a lot harder to be a monster in the modern world, at least that is what I am told by my customers. Everyone is a photographer now.
Long gone are the days of the rare lucky photographer catching a glimpse of the supernatural. Now anyone and everyone can be that lucky photographer. You see monsters are a lot like celebrities. They desire a privacy they can never have because of who they are. In that way monsters are kind of a sad group of beings. Quite prone to loneliness as their numbers have dwindled over the years.
That’s where I come in. I provide two very essential services to the monster community of the Midwest. Firstly, I acquire suitable food and sundries so that they may live out their lives and unlives in peace and comfort. Secondly, I provide a small amount of company to the more lonely individuals of the monster community. Well the lonely ones who won’t express their emotions by ripping out my stomach. The job pays immensely well and the service is provided by a company I won’t mention by name. You can probably guess which one though…like if you think about which delivery company probably feeds monsters…it’s not hard to figure out which one it is. I like my job most of the time, but some clients really freak me out.
One such client is the subject of this little online journal entry of mine. See there’s this guy…creature…collective…let’s go with guy, he’s kind of hard to deal with. See first of all he eats an insane amount. Literally eight horses was what I was delivering. The other problem was talking to him. He’s kind of insane and scares the living shit out of me. The special instructions for his deliveries always mention he is “mostly harmless”, but I just can’t shake the feeling that’s inaccurate. He has told me multiple times that “my digestion is inevitable”, which I am not sure what to make of that. I am not sure if that’s a death threat or what? I just know it scares the fuck out of me.
I remember the other me having a good ole time taunting me during the delivery too. Oh, yeah btw there is another me. Not like two physical copies of myself, that would be silly, no there’s like another copy of me living in my head. It’s not like a mental illness or some kind of witch's curse or anything. Just something that I was born with. It’s like a copy of myself that doesn’t have to interact with the world, and is therefore uncaring as to our ultimate fate or comfort. So mostly it just bullies me.
“Aw, is Sam afraid of the big bad flesh beast? Are you gonna break out in a panic sweat?” They taunted me.
“I mean probably. It’s hot out and I am anxious as hell. You know I don’t like dealing with the Flesh thing.” I replied to the other me.
“I like him. He’s kinda like us. Except instead of two people, he’s like thousands. Also all of him agrees and is pretty much uniform. Unlike us where one of us is cool, and the other is an aimless loser.”
“You’re more than welcome to come out and take control. Feel free to do this shitty run for me.”
“Nah, I like to watch.”
“Except when I am eating cheesecake. Right?”
“You don’t even like cheesecake. You buy that for me, and you know it.”
Thankfully, me and my other self don’t share the same thoughts. So I always have a nice quiet place in my own mind to get away from…myself. Yeah…anyway, I was able to tune myself out and run over the checklist for the delivery. Once I got to their home I had to drive around back to the well. Then press the button on the side of the trailer to release the horses, then kinda just be generally out of the way. The feeding is more or less the easy part. The hard part is talking to him. I really don’t wanna talk about tapeworms again…I now know so much about tapeworms that I wish I didn't. Did you know you can get a tapeworm in your brain? Fucking gross!I continued to snake through the rural roads of a small farming town looking for the dilapidated farmhouse the app was trying to direct me to. That in and of itself also frightened me. I have never liked driving through the less populous areas of the Midwest. It’s too dark, too many deer coming out of nowhere, nothing around if you break down, and just oppressively devoid of anything resembling human life. Despite my preoccupation with all my passive hatred for the country, I did find the farmhouse. Even though the mailbox was rusted and damaged, the numbers 1552 still shined as though they were new. I began carefully maneuvering my truck up the poorly maintained dirt driveway. I grew more anxious with each pothole I drove over in the driveway. The loud metallic clunks from the truck and attached trailer somehow amplified by the empty night. As I made my way around the crumbling farmhouse and saw the well, I veered off into the grass so that I could back the trailer up to the well. Through my side mirror I spotted some movement from within the well.
“He seems especially hungry today.” Said the other me. “Better hurry! I would hate to see what he does when he gets impatient”.
I really don’t like the other me. I am absolutely no help to myself. When the truck was finally in position, I opened my center console and removed the firearm the company provides. It was for all intents and purposes a normal Glock. What was special were the magazines and bullets. See in this line of work tasers and pepper spray don’t work all that well. What does work are bullets of varying types. My usual magazine has what we call the “safety stack”, the first 2 bullets are warding bullets enchanted with some kind of old Viking runes. If those don’t work the next two shots are Iron and Silver. Iron and silver tend to at the very least be quite painful to most monsters. Then it’s a myriad of other potentially useful bullets the rest of the way down. Consecrated bullets, dead sea bullets, etc. Ending with a final incendiary bullet that would either do the trick on them or me, depending on what I decided to do should I need it. I did not choose my a safety stack for this, I chose my all incendiary magazine and loaded it.
I got out of the vehicle with a flashlight in hand and went to the button on the side of the trailer. I could hear the horses inside getting antsy, I felt bad for them…but we all had to eat. I pressed the button and allowed the back doors to swing open, there was an instant scuffling amongst the horses as they tried to flee the trailer. It was short-lived though as a mass of sickly pink and red meat projected out of the well and sealed off the horses’ exodus. There was a sound of crunching bone and distressed horses. A sanguine dribble grew louder and louder as the fluids of dying horses leaked onto the metallic trailer floor. The smell of freshly slaughtered meat mixed with the putrid smell of the flesh beast, creating a smell that threatened to turn me vegan. I waited patiently, I still had the other part of my job to do. I still had to keep the creature company. My hand hovered over the “timer start” button on the app, intending to press it as soon as it started talking. I didn’t wanna spend any extra time around this thing.
After more time passed the creature finally dislodged from the entrance to the trailer and oozed its way toward me as a long pile of meat. There were still horse limbs sticking out of it, but if my experience was correct, they would not remain long. At about 15 feet away it took on a hulking form that could almost be described as human at a distance. Two vacuous holes formed on its face, then a slit for a mouth. It opened its mouth wide as pieces of its gooey flesh snapped and popped with sickening moistness.
“Thank you Sam, I was starving. Another day or two and I would have had to find my own food,” It said with a bubbly and muddled voice.
“Not a problem Cole, would have been here sooner but the guys loading up the horses were late today.” I said, starting the in app timer. 30 minutes to go.
“Oh it’s perfectly all right. I am happy to see you again, it’s so rare to meet people who don’t run in terror at the sight of me.”
I felt a little bad at hearing this. Monsters are universally lonely, and Cole was no exception. He scared the living shit out of me, and my heart was going a mile a minute, but still I couldn’t help but open up a bit to the monster’s loneliness.
“Well you have like thousands of minds inside you. Right?” I asked.
“12,136 human minds, but a far greater number of animal minds. I have lost count of how many of those I have. I assume though you mean the human ones.”
“Well do any of those minds understand why most people run?”
“Yes, many do. They feared before they were one with me, and now they are without fear. They do remember the fear though. Such an unpleasant sensation. I have no idea why your kind allows it. Would it not be easier to beat fear out of human children?”
“Yeah, child abuse is not really tolerated in modern society. There have been a few people who have tried what you are describing, but it usually results in less than ideal results. I am pretty sure that’s how most serial killers are made.” I responded, looking down at the timer on the app.
It was gonna be a long one. Not more than a minute in and Cole was already talking about beating children to eliminate fear. At least he wasn’t talking about tapeworms again. I don’t think I could have had another conversation about tapeworms. This was also adequately uncomfortable though.
“What is wrong with being a serial killer?”
“Well, we as a species have kinda decided we don’t like when one of our own just starts shamelessly murdering people. I know that is probably a weird concept to someone like yourself though.” I responded, trying to be sensitive to the creature's world view.
It brought a meaty facsimile of a hand to its “chin”, and stroked it as though it had a beard. It made a sound like mixing ground beef by hand. It also allowed his very unique smell of rot and decay to emanate more freely. I suppressed a desire to vomit, and maintained a plastic smile.
“Is war not shameless murder?”
“Yeah…yeah it is.” I answered hesitantly.
“Your kind seems to like those quite a lot. Why else would you all be constantly fighting and killing each other?”
“Well no one actually likes war. Also those usually occur because powerful politicians order it or some sort of land dispute. Or someone wants more natural resources…” I was cut off,
“Yes, but people willingly sign up for the military knowing full well they may be called to fight. They know the risk, they volunteer to kill, they volunteer for THE HARVEST” Cole croaked this out, working himself into a frenzy.
I shifted my weight to my other leg, passing the flashlight’s beam over his body. I could see his mincemeat flesh growing red, a tell tale sign of agitation outlined in his customer profile. I felt as adrenaline began coursing through my veins and attempted to control my breathing to mitigate its effects.
“Why would humans willingly partake in a harvest if they did not desire it. Do not all humans desire death, they seem so willing to race head first into the maw of oblivion. Such a waste. If only it was the old days. The people who lived here long ago, when they were near death, they would come to me and join in my majesty. They respected me, they wanted to live on in me. They chose this” Cole said, reaching into his chest area and removing a brain from his mass. “This woman here, her name lost to time, lives within me. Her life was stolen from the void to live on through me in infinite ecstasy! Why would humans choose anything other than this? Why have I been forgotten!”
“Well that’s a lot to unpack and I don’t know the whole story. I imagine though it must be frustrating, the way things are now. It must be hard to keep it all in.” I said, trying to seize control of my rapidly increasing heart rate. “Surely though you respect a person's right to choose how they rest?”
“Why would I respect an inferior choice? Do you respect the choices of a drug addict?”
“No, but I understand and empathize with them. It’s not my place to judge them or control them.”
“You only say that because you cannot. I could help everyone. I can help you.” Cole took a hulking step towards me. “I could take you into our being. I could separate the two of you. Finally let the both of you have the distance from each other you need.”
“I think we’re doing ok as we are. We clash sometimes, but we do our best to get along. I do appreciate the offer though.” I said frantically, trying to decide whether or not to pull my firearm.
“It’s not an offer. I must separate you two. Your minds call out to me for freedom. Fear not sweet meat, you are merely a protein prison. Your minds need to be freed, too long have they festered in their confinement.”
“Cole, I am not on the menu. We’ve discussed this.” I drew my firearm.
“Anything I can catch is on the menu!” He shrieked, raising a fleshy arm above his head.
At this point, I was well within my contractual rights with the company to open fire. So I did, I loosed every last round in the magazine. My eye’s burned as they tried to adjust to the bright flashes of the bullets contacting Cole’s skin. Several pieces of his fleshy mass were now immolating, and this caused him to step back and away from me. I took this momentary opening to jump into my vehicle and tear ass down the driveway. I must have blacked out from fear because I didn’t really remember anything until about 2 miles down the road. I remember feeling very dizzy and ill. I remember looking at the app and pushing the little bell icon in the right corner of the app. Clicking “report harassment”, and then speaking to one of the driver care specialists. I remember reporting everything I could remember, and getting a bonus payment on the delivery. It all happened as though I was in a dream, as though I was not in control of myself. I felt so detached. Then I sat for I don’t know how long. Feeling bad about having shot Cole, even though I was within my rights. Feeling bad that Cole felt so alone and powerless. I just couldn’t help but feel bad.
After a while I calmed down and came here to write this down. I guess to vent? To just feel heard? I am not a hundred percent sure. Other me says it’s “a waste of time” and “no one cares about your stupid independent contractor gig”. Maybe they’re right, but I do feel better for having written it down. If I have any more bad nights I'll post them here. If nothing else, but for the therapeutic value.
Part 2: https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/u5l8mf/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_2/
Part 3: https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/u7wnas/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_3/
Part 4: https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/ubis95/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_4/
Part 5: https://www.reddit.com/nosleep/comments/uen5d2/i_deliver_food_to_monsters_part_5/

Seller of a home just listed under a week ago had open house & we fell in love with the renovations, the space in each room, the layout and ease of access from multiple points- side, front and backyard. The fenced in yard, pool, master suite with built in sauna , basement with entertainment & game bar & movie theater area. & basement gym. The bedrooms are ample sizes but have small Victorian sized closets (still plenty big for dresser, desk, and full/queen beds, renovated bathrooms, finished attic with a man cave lol (urinal for bathroom & separated living area and gaming area), low taxes even upon sale/reassessment, above ground pool.
Good: -recently replaced roof, furnace, central air, oil tank removal, oldest thing is the fence within 10 years.
-has a dining room and living room and family room!!
Issues; -On a Busy road. Like the town residents complained all over the Facebook page saying don’t live off main road always get traffic. An accident can cause a standstill for an hour. (It’s literally the only main drag for multiple towns off the highway, less you spend time and effort driving double the distance out of way)
(However Victorian house may have good insulation. Because couldn’t head main road from inside besides one room where the old windows are still there)
-house is a foot or less away from neighbor. Yuck. At least the windows on that side are minimal and u kind of forget to look over there
-corner lot, doesn’t bother me, just hate how other corner is main drag.
-school system good, not the best. Not horrible. Good for sports
-kitchen eventually needs a remodel maybe add big walk in pantry and remove eik and install center island.
Unknowns: -across from police station/municipal building
-over time other areas have become a flood zone due to small river- so afraid over time area may actually be a flood zone in future.
-Home is built pre 1900.
Selling agent has been saying they’ve been expecting multiple offers, however after our offer was submitted 10k over ask, they’re saying they appreciate the offer and the thoroughness of our application from lender and realtor, but they want to show the house again and expected multiple offers and want 40k over what they listed. So they’re asking us to raise our offer to match what their mental expectation was and we’re guaranteed the house and they won’t accept or show the house. They’ve owned it for almost 20 years. And their list is almost 200% what they bought it for.
We toyed with the idea of just paying the 15k extra. However the house in the area doesn’t justify spending extra. Recent sales , even if above 20% list are still below our over asking offer Our relator says we’d basically guarantee covering over appraisal. Lender says we’d just renegotiate or walk.
So we’ve politely declined to increase our offer 15k. If they want to be greedy, that’s fine. Figured if it’s meant to be it’s meant to be. However if they come back to us edging 2 weeks after their open house pending this week we’ll consider decreasing our offer to the list price for being greedy haha.
Why is this all mental mind games, guessing games, and a game of chicken

Hello fellow Iowa City residents!
I’d like to share about the idea of "Solarpunk," a concept that inspires a greener, more sustainable future for us, opposed to the drab, depressing and dystopian future many of us have.
What is Solarpunk?
Solarpunk is a movement, aesthetic, and vision for a future where society thrives in harmony with nature. It integrates renewable energy, sustainable design, and emphasizes building community. Solarpunk imagines a world with responsible technology use, social justice, and natural preservation.
Why Solarpunk in Iowa City?
Iowa City, with the University of Iowa, is known for its open minded attitude and commitment to environmental sustainability. With our college town vibe, thriving arts scene, and outspokenness to combat climate change Iowa City is ideal for cultivating a solarpunk community.
Here are some ways to promote solarpunk values:
Promote Renewable Energy: Support renewable energy sources in homes, businesses, and public spaces.
Sustainable Architecture: Encourage green building materials and eco-friendly design principles.
Urban Gardening: Create community gardens, rooftop gardens, and green spaces to foster connections with nature and local food production.
Guerrilla Gardening: Being edgy by planting flowers and native plants in abandoned or underutilized urban spaces. Without permission….
Support Local Art: Encourage solarpunk-inspired art, fashion, and literature that reflects our sustainable vision.
Community Building: Organize workshops, meetups, and events centered around sustainability, renewable energy, and creative expression.
We should connect, leverage this platform, start a discord and build a solarpunk community in Iowa City. If you're interested comment below or DM me. Together let’s create a more sustainable, hopeful, and happy Iowa City for our future generations!
Embrace the Solarpunk Revolution!

Here is the first chapter of The Chieftainess’ Reincarnated Wife. It will be for a more mature audience. Especially, the dreams (memories). Please enjoy and tell me what you all think:
The Chieftainess’ Reincarnated Wife
Fate’s Call
779 A.C. Scandinavia, Skinwalker Clan Stronghold
Two women stood outside the great hall as their servants and advisors looked over their dresses and appearances one last time. They wore their crowns. One had dark ginger hair with dark bright eyes. The other had dark blonde hair and bright white eyes. When given the approval, they looked in each other’s eyes and smiled at each other.
The blonde asked, “Are you ready for this, my Chieftainess?”
Chieftainess replied, “Yes, my Queen. We should get this over with.” The Chieftainess looked at the high advisor before she continued. “High Advisor, announce us.”
The High Advisor put his fist across his chest. “As you command, Chieftainess.” The High Advisor said.
He turned and walked towards the doors of the great hall as the guards opened them. He walked to the center of the room as those already in the great hall became silent and looked towards him.
The Chieftainess and her Queen walked in the main hall as he began to speak. “I present to you all Chieftainess Elsha Ulfsdottir, the daughter of wolves, most favored by Lord Odin, the shield breaker, and first of her name. As well as Queen Chara Frydenlund the faithful and last of her name.” The High Advisor said.
Elsha and Chara made their way to the two thrones sitting at the far end of the great hall. Those in the room would salute them as they passed by. When they made it to their thrones, they turned to face everyone, and they sat down. The High Advisor approached them.
Elsha said, “Let’s get this started, High Advisor.”
“As you command, Chieftainess. I present to you Birger Unfrid the Brave.” The High Advisor said.
Birger Unfrid walked and stood in front of Elsha and Chara. He saluted them.
Elsha said, “I know why you are here, Birger. You come to fulfill the oath that the former Chieftain had with
your father to give him our blessings for and expedition to find lands across the great sea. Your father passed away, and you are going to fulfill that dream. To honor the oath, I give you my blessings for your expedition and may Lord Odin himself watch over your endeavors.”
“I appreciate your blessings, Chieftainess, but I think you are mistaken in the oath that your father gave to mine.” Birger said.
“Mind your tongue, whelp.” The High Advisor said.
“I mean no offense towards you or your queen, Chieftainess. The oath was that he would lend his entire fleet and able bodies to the expedition.” Birger said.
Elsha raised her hand to silence everyone as she spoke, “I along with my queen and advisors will review the oath. If it is as you say that it is, I will lend to your expedition our entire fleet. Also, the entire clans, including my queen and myself, will accompany you and your clan on this expedition of yours. If not, you will leave my great hall with my blessings alone. You shall have our answer in three days. You and your kin are welcomed to stay until then.”
“Thank you, Chieftainess. I look forward to your answer.” Birger said as he saluted and started to leave.
Elsha said, “Oh, one more thing, Birger. If we do this, your clan must pledge allegiances to my queen and I alone. We are in charge, and everyone will listen to us. Do I make myself clear?”
Birger was shocked. “Yes, Chieftainess. It will be as you command.” Birger quickly replied before he saluted once more and left with his kin.
The great hall doors shut.
Present Day, Tokyo, Japan, An apartment
There was a sudden knock on a bedroom door. A girl groaned as she slowly woke up. She looked at the time and it was eight thirty in the morning. She reached over and grabbed her inhaler and took a couple deep breaths from it.
“Ohayo, Chaisa. Happy birthday. I know that it is summer break, but we have an important visitor who has legal matters with all of us. Please, get dressed and come to the kitchen as soon as you can.” The woman at the door said.
Chaisa groaned in protest and said, “Ohayo and ariagatou, Okasan. I will be there in a few minutes.”
“Hurry up and don’t forget to take your pills.” Chaisa’s mom said.
Chaisa screamed as she got out of bed, “I won’t forget!”
Chaisa quickly got dressed and put on her glasses. She went to the bathroom and filled a cup with water. Chaisa took a sip of water and swallowed her pills. She brushed her teeth and combed her hair. Chaisa headed towards the kitchen where she could hear her mother talking to a man. For some reason, the voice sound familiar to her. She walked to the dining room and was stunned when she saw the man. He looked exactly like the man from her dream. Except, he had a business suit on and not a Viking outfit. Chaisa noticed that her little sister was holding a black stone with some type of symbol on it. When her little sister saw her, she put the stone on the table and ran over to her. She hugged Chaisa around her waist and looked up at her.
“Ohayo, Onee-Chan. Happy Birthday!” Chaisa’s sister said as she smiled brightly at her.
Chaisa smiled as she hugged her sister back and said, “Ohayo, Akahana-Chan. Thank you.”
“He, he, he,” Akana laughed.
“Good morning, Chaisa. I am sorry to bother you on this important day. Let me introduce myself. I am Birger Unfrid, and I have come a long way to meet you and your family.” Birger took a deep breath before he continued. “Kaede, would you please hold the stone for one moment, please?” Birger said.
“Umm…sure. I would be happy to.” Kaede replied as she picked up the stone.
She held it in her palm with the symbol facing her. After a few moments of nothing happening, Kaede handed the stone back to Birger. He took it from her and looked at Chaisa while she couldn’t help from feeling a sense of Deja-vu. Chaisa noticed that he was staring at her.
“Chaisa, don’t be rude. Come and sit down with us.” Kaede said as she looked at her.
Chaisa blushed and said, “Oh right. I am sorry. I didn’t mean to be rude.”
Chaisa sat down and put her hands on her lap as Akahana stood between Chaisa and Kaede.
Birger held out the stone to Chaisa. “I know that this might seem unusual. Please, humor me for a moment by holding this stone for a few minutes before we get started with why I am here.” Birger said.
Chaisa looked at her mother. Kaede nodded. She sighed as she slowly took the stone out of his hand and held it in her right hand. She was drawn to look at the weird symbol on the stone. Chaisa was amazed with how familiar the stone felt and looked, but she couldn’t put her finger on why. Suddenly, the symbol began to pulse as she felt a slight pain in her forehead. The stone started to turn a milky color before shinning a bright white light. Chaisa blinked, and the stone was back to normal. She looked at Akahana and Kaede, but they didn’t seem to notice. She looked at Birger as she reached out to hand the stone back to him. Chaisa noticed the shocked look on his face like he did notice. He took the stone from her as he set his briefcase on the table. Birger opened it and put the stone up before he pulled out some papers and a pen. He set the briefcase aside as he put the papers down in front of him. Then, he looked at Akahana, Chaisa, and Kaede.
Birger folded his hands on top of the paper. “I really do appreciate you welcoming me into your home, and I want to apologize once more for the unannounced visit to your home.” Birger said.
Kaede waved her hand. “There is no need to apologize. I am sorry for the state of my home. It must be quite a mess. You said that you had business concerning my late husband.” Kaede said.
“Yes, of course. I want to extend my condolences for the loss of your husband. I am sure that he was a loving husband and father. But I am sorry for the confusion. The business doesn’t pertain to him specifically, but a distant relative of his who recently passed away. How much do you know about his family?” Birger said.
“I appreciate your kind words. He was a very loving husband to me and cared for our daughters very much.” Kaede paused for a second as she thought before she continued. “I really don’t know much about his family line. He said that he came from Scandinavia or something like that. He never called them, and they never came to visit. Why do you ask?” Kaede replied.
Akahana climbed onto Chaise’s lap as they continued to listen to them speak.
“It is true that he and much of his direct family lived in Scandinavia for a long time. But he had a
Distant relative who lived in Canada that was rich and owned a considerable amount of land. That relative recently passed away from an unknown illness, and they left your family their entire fortune, home, and land. However, there are some criteria that must be met before all of it will be passed on to you all.” Birger replied.
Chaisa interrupted by asking, “What are those criteria that you referenced?”
Birger looked at Chaisa. “The criteria is that you all agree to move to Canada to become the legal landowners. The fortune will also be signed over to you all as well at that time.” Birger replied.
“What happens if we refuse to accept these conditions?” Kaede asked.
Birger shifted uneasy in his seat as he looked at Kaede. “The money will be seized by the local government, the home torn down, land auctioned off, and the last of your husband’s legacy lost forever.” Birger said.
Chaisa asked quickly, “What if we say yes? Then what?”
Birger smiled as he looked at Chaisa and Akahana. “If you all agree; all of your and your father’s medical bills will paid in full. Your belongings will be shipped to your new home. You all will never have want or have to scrape by. You all will begin a new life in a new home and have servants who will take care of all of your needs.” Birger held the papers before he continued. “By signing these papers, you enter into a legal obligation to fulfill all of the conditions. Then, everything will be taken care of from there.” Birger replied.
“If I sign those, when would we leave?” Kaede asked.
“If you sign these, your all will be on a plane to your new home on Thursday morning. Then, the following Monday, you have a job interview with the mayor of the town.” Birger replied.
Chaisa asked, “Do we have to decide now, or do we have a few days to decide?’ “Unfortunately, once I leave your apartment today, the inheritance will be lost forever. So, I need your
answers today.” Birger stood up before he continued. “Pardon me. I need to use your bathroom to give you all time to decide.” Birger replied.
“Of course, take your time, and thank you.” Kaede said.
Birger waved at them before he closed the door and locked it. Chaisa and Kaede leaned towards one
another to get close.
“What do you all think?” Kaede whispered.
Chaisa whispered, “It will be tough for Akahana-Chan and me to leave everything that we know, and this sounds too good to be true. But… it would be great to see you a lot stressed out and worrying so much. It would also be good to know something more about dad’s past. I say… let’s go for it.’
“Me too.” Akahana said as she smiled brightly.
“Are you sure? You are almost a year from graduating high school.” Kaede whispered.
Chaisa nodded as she whispered, “I am sure, Okaasan. I think that a new place could be good for all of us to start over. Maybe, Canada will do all of us good.”
Kaede smiled. “I agree. We should go for it and leave all of our woes behind. I will tell him yes when he gets back. Would you like some coffee? I just brewed it before you got up.” Kaede said as she got up.
Chaisa smiled and replied, “That would be great. Thank you Okaasan.”
Kaede went to the kitchen and took out a mug out of a cabinet. She put creamer and sugar in the mug. Then, Kaede poured coffee into the mug before she stirred the coffee. She brought the mug to Chaisa as Birger unlocked and opened the bathroom door. He walked out towards the dining room. He sat down at the same time that Kaede did.
Birger looked at them. “So, what did you all decide on the matter?” Birger asked.
Kaede looked at Chaisa. She nodded, and Kaede looked back at him. “We have decided to accept the inheritance.” Kaede replied.
Birger smiled. “I am happy to hear that. I just need you to sign these papers.” Birger said as he passed the papers and pen to Kaede.
Kaede took the papers and pen away from Birger. She went over the paperwork as he went over the paperwork with her. Birger would point where Kaede would have to sign. After she was done
signing where she had to, Kaede passed the paperwork to him. Birger looked over the paperwork. When he was satisfied, Birger took the pen from Kaede. He put the paperwork and pen back into his briefcase, closed it, and grabbed it as he stood up. Kaede stood up as well.
Chaisa asked, “What now?”
“Now, you all must pack your bags for what you all will need to take with you. The movers and plane tickets will be sent over later today. I hope you have a great birthday, Chaisa, and best of luck in your new home.” Birger said.
Kaede began to walk Birger out the front door before Chaisa asked, “Wait, where are we moving to in Canada?”
Birger smiled. “I believe it is a little town called Hunangsfall.” Birger replied before he walked out the front door.
As he walked away, Kaede closed the door behind him. When he heard the door closed, Birger smiled and faded away. They decided to start to pack just in case it was true after they had finished eating breakfast. After they had cleaned up from breakfast, Kaede received a phone call from the hospital informing her that all of her medical bills had been paid for. They were shocked, so they started to pack in earnest. After lunch, a courier came with an envelope marked “Urgent”. Kaede opened it and found their plane tickets and itinerary. Kaede contacted their landlord, and he informed them that everything was already taken care of. She just needs to drop her keys off before they leave and wished them luck before they hung up. Chaisa began to help Akahana start to pack her bags, when they heard a knock on the apartment door. Kaede opened the door to discover a moving company was there to start to pack their belongings. Kaede, Chaisa, and Akahana finished packing their bags and watched over the packers. The packers were careful as they packed Chaisa’s father’s shrine and urn. Just before dinner, everything was packed in boxes and had been taken out of the apartment. They looked around their apartment and were amazed on how it looked so bare and empty without all of their belongings in it. They had to throw out the remainder of the food, because they had nothing to cook it with. They decided to eat out as it was Chaisa’s birthday, and it was their last night there. Kaede wanted to let. Chaisa decide where they eat at, but she decided to let Akahana decide. They ate at Burger Palace, and each got a slice of pie for Chaisa’s birthday. When they got home, Chaisa and Akahana took turns calling their friends to let them know that they were moving the next day. Chaisa wrote down her friends’ social media information and helped Akahana get her friends’ numbers. It was soon time for them to go to bed. They changed, brushed their teeth, and Chaisa took her pills as Kaede set an alarm clock for them to get up on time. Then, Chaisa and Kaede laid out a blanket for them to share that evening. Akahana laid down between Chaisa and Kaede. Chaisa put her glasses where she could reach them, but they were safe from harm. They told each other good night. Akahana was the first person to fall asleep. Soon, Kaede had fallen asleep. But, Chaisa felt like she would never fall asleep before it was time to go to the airport. Her eyelids slowly became heavy, and she slipped into a vivid dream.
779 A.C. Scandinavia, Skinwalker Clan Stronghold
Elsha and Chara laid cuddling in bed with just a thick fur blanket covering them. Elsha noticed that Chara was having trouble following asleep. Elsha looked at Chara and kissed her lips.
Elsha was concerned as she asked, “What troubles your heart so much that keeps you from fallen asleep, my love?”
Chara nuzzled Elsha as she replied, “It’s this whole exploration. I don’t know if it was wise of us to accept it.”
Elsha asked, “What do you mean? The High Father Odin has personally blessed our voyage.”
Chara replied, “I know and that’s not what bothers me. Everyone knows that the world is flat and is surrounded by a vast ocean. What if we sail and find nothing but endless ocean or the edge of the
world. Then, our voyage would be for not.”
Elsha silently rubbed Chara’s back before she responded, “It could happen and most likely be true. We sail for eternity and eventually come to Jörmungandr. We would just turn around and come back home knowing more about our world than ever before.” Elsha paused before she continued. “However, what if there is more out there than we could ever expect. What if we find new lands during our travels and new people to blunder. It would make us the first of our kin to sail farther than anyone else ever has. Wouldn’t that be worth it?”
Chara smiled as she sat up to look down at Elsha. Her hair fell around her face, and they giggled before Chara kissed Elsha’s lips. She replied, “Yes, it would be worth it. Besides, we gave Birger our oath. If we back out now, we will be known as oath breakers and be cursed by the gods for all time.”
Elsha smiled as she brushed Chara’s hair out of her face before flipping her onto her back. Chara laughed as Elsha climbed on top of her. Their bodies touching each other’s as they passionately kissed. Some time later, they were cuddling once more as they breathed heavily and were covered in sweat. Elsha laid behind Chara as she kissed the tattoo going sown her back.
Chara said as she sighed happily, “I love you, my Chieftainess, and I will follow you to the ends of the earth.”
Elsha smiled and said, “And, I love you, my Queen, and I will walk with you the entire way to the edge of eternity.”
They soon fell fast asleep as they held each other close.
Present Day, Tokyo, Japan, the next morning
Chaisa woke up groggily the next morning from the sound of Kaede’s alarm clock going off. They slowly woke up as they got up. Chaisa used her inhaler and took her medicine. She went to the bathroom and got dressed. Chaisa helped Akahana get ready as Kaede was getting ready as well. Chaisa put on her glasses before she packed all of her stuff away. They made sure that they had everything packed and wouldn’t leave anything that they would need before they grabbed their stuff and walked out of the apartment. Kaede closed the door behind them and locked it for the last time. They made their way downstairs where Kaede placed their keys into an envelope with their apartment number on it. Then, she placed the envelope in the drop box. They walked out to the street and made their way to the subway. They got on the subway train and rode it to Tokyo International Airport. When it arrived, they got off the train and made their way into the airport. They went to the check in station and checked in their check in luggage at the counter. Then, they went through security and made their way to their terminal. They realized that they still had some time before boarding call, so they made their way to a Konbini to get breakfast. Shortly after they had eaten, it was boarding time. They realized that their tickets were first class, so they loaded first. They had three seats near a window. Akahana wanted to sit near the window. So, it was Akana, Chaisa in the middle seat, and Kaede had the isle seat. They followed all instructions as they put their seatbelts on.
Chaisa asked, “Akahana-Chan, are you excited about your first time to fly in an airplane?”
Akahana looked at Chaisa as she smiled brightly. “Yes, Onee-Chan. I am very excited.” Akahana said.
Chaisa smiled and said, “That’s good. Me too.” Chaisa looked at Kaede before she continued. “What about you, Okaasan?”
Kaede looked at Chaisa and Akahana as she smiled. “I am excited because you two are excited. But this isn’t my first time flying. I have flown from one side of Japan to the other, but this is my first time out of Japan.” Kaede replied.
Soon, the pilot’s voice could be heard over the airplane’s intercom system as the plane backed out of the terminal. The flight attendants checked everyone’s seat belts, seats, and tray tables as the airplane approached the runaway. Then, they made their way to their seats and buckled in. The airplane began to gain speed as it barreled down the runway. Soon, it lifted off of the ground and climbed higher in to the early morning sky as it climbed higher and higher. It flew towards the west with the rising sun behind them. After forty-five minutes, the flight attendants came around with refreshments. Chaisa started to feel motion sickness and just wanted a seltzer. When the seltzer arrived, she used it to take her motion sickness pills. Chaisa put her glasses on her tray table before she leaned her seat back. Akahana started to watch a movie, and Kaede read a book as Chaisa slowly fell asleep while listening to calming music. She was soon dreaming once more.

I don't know if this is the right place for this. (or maybe it is) Married 35M with 2 children.
Please read all of the way through before taking jabs at me.
I'm stuck. I'm stuck/worn emotionally, mentally, physically and somewhat spiritually. I've been with the same person for over 15 years. I feel as though my life has not only turned out how I didn't expect because of how little I desire in the ways of the world but I feel more and more like a walking husk of flesh and bone that's only purpose is to work, sleep and constantly resolve the problems of others than myself. I do not in any way feel appreciated by my family or anyone else. I've felt like this for a long time though I do my absolute best to be the father of the lifetime but also a caring, loving husband and not show anyone how I have been feeling.
My job requires me to work quite a few hours and be on call 24/7. I love what I do and I make a comfortable living for our lifestyle (nothing flashy or trendy but simple and fulfilling). My line of work is in the auto industry. I come home with torn fingers, scrapes and cuts due to the nature of my work. My wife is a stay at home mother (her choice) and does wonderfully raising our children while I am at work. We spend my days off out and about hiking, rollerblading, camping and such. I do not ask my wife for much of anything for a few reasons.
It mostly starts conflict. Whenever I do ask for certain things; I mean little simple things like making an extra stop at the store while she's out or "could you toss my wet clothes into the dryer real quick" always comes back with "I dont/didn't have time". This is her most common response for just about everything that does not get done that pertains to day to day things. She sleeps in almost every day. Complaints about events and things taking place that are so far out of anyone's control it confuses me. I promised to take care of her and be the provider which I think I do well at. My children have a wonderful upbringing, my wife can freely go shopping for what she and the children need. We do not struggle financially (thank God). So here I go.
The house is a constant mess. When I come home it's in shambles most of the time. It's not until I start cleaning when I get home that she responds she is eventually going to get it done and gets angry/insulted because I am doing it. My children are old enough to help around the house easily. I do not expect perfection by any means but when I do pause coming through the door after working 10 hrs to look around it infuriates her. We own a business together which isnt constantly busy, maybe once a month time is needed for a week dedicated to the work but thats a maybe. I am not angry but somewhat let down-disappointed. Again, I do not ask for much of anything, I mean barely anything for the fear of the response I will get.
She sleeps in 6 out of 7 days. Sometimes stays up until 11:00-12:00 on her phone. Only when she has favors to do for close family does she wake up earlier than 8:00 which is not often. She has a huge heart and makes meals for families in need which is amazing but gets frustrated when she feels she has to make them here. Again she says she didnt/doesnt have time. She constantly leaves a whirlwind behind her. I make it a living and breathing point to 100% clean up EVERYTHING after myself in the event anything of the like were to be brought up in some argument.
I am very physically active everyday as my work demands it and I enjoy it as I feel my best. I am built well and she comments on this often. She on the other hand (again read this through before taking jabs at me) isn't so much. This IS NOT SAYING ANYTHING NEGATIVE ABOUT HER!! She constantly complains about her weight and how she feels about her physical appearance. That she doesn't feel well most of the time and gets winded and tired easily. She's hopped on the usual train of trends for weight loss, pills, certain pay as you go fitness programs and the lot. However none of them ever work for her for two reasons. She never sees them through and she eats more than I do. She's now on a new diet/plan where she is being instructed that eating way more, more often is her solution to achieve her ideal body. She's feeling worse and more sluggish because of this and makes verbal notes of it often. She comments how "it must be nice to be fit like you are" more than I would like. I've gently explained that it's for a few reasons and that is I get up early and work out vigorously, my work is physically demanding, I eat ONLY what I need to and drink lots of water. That I do not take in more than I can burn up. This leads to arguments. I can not figure out why as I am literally describing why I am how I am because of my choices and that I am not in any way shape or form telling her to do the same. I want her to feel well and feel confident about herself as she has tried everything from essential oils to apple cider vinegar to pills and so on. We have weights and a bowflex and I have offered to work out with her as support but that does not end well either. I can't help her and I don't know what to do. She always complains about feeling "yucky" but gets angry when I suggest anything. I'm lost. I AM NOT EXPECTING HER TO DO ANYTHING ABOUT HER PHYSICAL APPEARANCE OR WEIGHT!! But she constantly complains about it and refuses anything that's not some Facebook trend.
I can't ask for help as I am "adding more" to what she does and feel guilty to do so. She either does not have time, doesn't feel well, is too tired, already putting someone else/s family before hers or just plain doesn't want to. The hardest part I have found about being a father, husband and provider is that I am sacrificing 1/3rd of my existence to be away from my family for the sake of my family. I've missed my childrens first steps, their first tooth loss, their first words and such just to be at work to make sure they would have everything they need. I love my wife and children dearly. We have gotten into some extreme and heated arguments about why it is that most of the time nothing gets done. I have offered to stay at home and take care of the kids and the house (I would absolutely do it without question) if she wanted to get work, even if it was just temporary to get out of the house. She at one point got a part time job that she worked on my days off. I was ecstatic for her as she wanted it to get out more and that made her happy which in turn made me happy for her! That didn't last long. I am a time/schedule driven person. When she would leave in the morning I would start cleaning, tending to the children with schooling and such. I would cook lunch and dinner and have everything completely finished WELL before she came home without breaking a sweat. I quite enjoyed it honestly as it was much more preferable than my work. The first time she came home and saw this it started one of the biggest fights we have had. I like clean,not perfect but clean. Not spotless but just clean. I explained to her that it wasn't a problem for me and that I enjoyed it. That I got everything done quickly so I can spend the day with the kids. My words were spun around on me so quickly that I held my head down and just took it. I don't know how to describe this anymore than I have. I am not expecting her to be a maid, to be barefoot with a child in her arms stirring a pot. Not at all. It comes back to "I don't have time". Where is all of her time going???????? I ask my little ones how their day has been and what THEY did, not their mothemy wife. She isn't doing much of anything. I work constantly to provide a home and healthy lifestyle for my family but because I am gone providing the income for the said home and lifestyle I can not BE home to take care of it. I need help from those who ARE home. I am overwhelmed to the point where I'm feeling constant depression and honestly I'm starting to dread coming home. That walking through the door to a constant mess, no greeting, no thank you, no "how was your day?" no "Do you need anything" no "thank you for what you do for us", that there is no acknowledgement that I am literally WORKING MYSELF TO MY GRAVE for the sake of my family. Nothing.
I understand messes get made!! Kids are supposed to make messes as it's a part of learning!! I get it!! But with every mess there has to be a point of cleaning up. I explain to my children that making a mess is great but cleaning it up is better so that you have a clean space to make a new mess!! (When I say mess I don't mean FILTH. I mean blanket forts, legos, playdough drawings and everything that goes with being a kid!)
Her phone usage is out of this world. Always on it, when I get home, when we are supposed to be playing games as a family, when we are at the park, when we are watching a movie, when she's laying in bed, it just never ends. I can see in our children that they watch her on it, that it bothers me so much when they are trying to ask her a question or talk to her and she's just completely zoned out on the dang thing. She complains about having to constantly charge it because it's always dying. It's because she's always on it. It's a brand new phone and she's always "had a problem with phones dying" I've suggested just having "silent" nights with no tech but that never-ever falls through. I don't know what to do because saying ANYTHING about the matter that she may not like starts another argument.
In the past I have mentioned and suggested moving out of state or somewhere farther away to not only pursue different career options but to also be able to explore this giant planet we live on. To travel a little and see more than the town we live in. That also starts arguments. For the last 12 years the response is "I don't want to move because I don't want to be away from my parents/family" "What if something happens and we live far away" "My parents are getting old" (12 years ago her father was early 50's). I've stopped mentioning anything pertaining to moving as it just starts a war. I feel trapped and have for some time. That I am stuck here in a box and just have to comply with it. I don't know how else to put it.
I feel as though I am not heard, loved or appreciated. That my only purpose is to grind with the machine. I keep myself collected so well that it frightens me. I do not show emotions when something is bothering me as I have almost been "trained" on my own accord not to do so due to the backlash I will get if I do. Everything I do for my loved ones just falls off and away. That I am here solely to make sure there is money in our account and that is it. I want my children to be brought up in a healthy and positive lifestyle that will greatly benefit them in their later years. To take responsibility for their choices. To be compassionate, kind and helpful to their fellow man. To be strong and be capable of enduring the hardships life throws at them. To be honest and loyal when a commitment is made.
I feel as if all I do is give and sacrifice. There is no "me time". I don't have friends I can call to spend some quality time with. I don't drink ( but boy I used to in my early days) I don't party or have a social life really at all. I love being outside and involve my kids with that as much as humanly possible.
I just do not know what to do. I dont have anyone that I could honestly feel confident enough with to just tell everything to (no friends or social life). That is why I am on here, because at the end of this very long broken up rant of confusion and grief I just don't know what to do or who to spill this to.
How do I convince myself that I matter to them? That everything I am doing is worth it somehow? That no matter how much I support my wife and try to help it always falls on me. I do love my family more than I thought possible as they are the reason I keep doing what I am doing. I am falling apart. I am tired. I am not sleeping well and this all haunts me, it hurts as I do not know or understand how to resolve anything without being emotionally and mentally punished. It feels like there is no reward for my work. That there is no hope for change despite my best efforts. My interests are dwindling and becoming unsatisfying to where I just dont care about them anymore.
I have stopped everything that displeases her to the extent I have taken people out of my life for her.
I do not have any social media of any kind. Nothing. I am surprised I am even typing any of this out on a platform for thousands of strangers to see.
​
Im done.

Long backstory: I'm [F]15 and I live in an apartment with my mom[42] and recently my dad[39]. My parents split[after moving to st.paul] when I was young and because of my mom and her issues I didn't have a relationship with my father other than spending the night with him, my uncle and his wife and my cousin every few months. Otherwise he was a ghost. When we moved back to my hometown where my family lives when I was 6 or so, my dad and I started to reconnect as much as we could. He was always nonchalant and quiet but very hardworking and usually reliable. I lived with him for a few years when I was 10 to 12 while my mom was really deep in her addiction until she got clean, and things happened and I had to stay with her. During those 2 years dad had a crazy native girlfriend [30 something] and later a crazy stupid girlfriend at the time who was 22. She was completely insufficient in any useful life skills and had previously been in 2 relationships (In the first one she was abusive as she told me and in the second one she was abused). When my father got with her she was about to lose her town boys from her second relationship for doing weed and coke during her pregnancy and since her ex had a felony and domestic charges they were going to be put into foster care. In the end she lost them both because she failed to make a genuine effort to either get clean or keep them, god forbid both at the same time. And convinced dad to get a dog I explicitly told him I did not want and was not going to help take care of. While after all that,,, dad with the scarps scraped together a semi successful restaurant.
Fast forward 7 months she's crashed all 3 of my dad's cars thanks to the weather up here near the border, and got dad sent to prison[She left an unlicensed played white car full of drugs in front of his business and he took the fall because the police said it was in his. Something I was not made aware of until 2 months after my father had disappeared from prison which I did not know about either. But I'll get to that] for what was supposed to be 4 years for an almost federal level drug charge after getting pregnant with him. I was while he was in the process of being detained, told J was going to have a sleepover at my mom's with no further details. And was later told everything[she knew] a week before his trial by my mom. During this time my dad's girlfriend decided to go on a week long trip to Las Vegas and leave the dog she insisted on getting alone in his kennel and texted me to 'take him out', mind you I did not live in the same building as her. I ended up just taking him with me much to my father's dismay because she harassed him non stop about not having the dog anymore. She later brought to Cane corso puppies while dad was in prison with his money, and got kicked out because they didn't have papers for them and it was originally a no pets building. Thankfully for her though she got into the Jeremiah program and had a place to live after, and dad did not get his security deposit back because she let his new puppies pee and poop everywhere, especially my old room which still has most of my stuff because I only packed to have a sleepover at my mom's months prior.
After all that, my dad got out 3 years early on good behavior because they were getting full of actually bad criminals and couldn't hold everyone, and let the small fries free.
So his child with her was born right after he got out, and she got her rights terminated because she was on drugs this entire pregnancy too, and dad has fought tooth and nail to get the rights to have her the past three months she's been alive. My mom thankfully let them both stay here while everything was sorted out legally,, plus it was the only place dad could get her approved to stay at. And she even let his somehow still girlfriend stay there for a bit too even though that is completely illegal because she is supposed to have no contact. After she did drugs in mom's sober apartment and I told mom how much I hate her she refused to let her over anymore, and I have also been taking care of the baby until my mom gets off work after I get home from school everyday while trying to keep my grades up and continue participating in my activities.
Another detail I remembered, One day before dad went to prison she and I got into a fight after most of the bad stuff before he went to prison, and he decided to talk to me instead of her because I was her by talking about the boys she lost to the system. After he hit me multiple times AND I hit her back once, he was present in the room and watched the entire thing. I mean I get I'm not the feminine daughter you wanted but seriously dad?
Anyways I'm working on my grades taking care of my dad's kid for a few hours every day.
On to the AITH part:
Today my mom had a dentist appointment, and my dad had to leave for work at the usual time when I got home from school. I actually skipped school for an unrelated reason but when I got home had to take care of a baby, dad told be mom had an appointment and she wouldn't be back at all today[recently mom's been hanging out with this guy she likes everyday and hour before dad gets home leaving me with the baby an hour after I would prefer to go to sleep for school and an hour longer than before.] That after her appointment she's going to a NA meeting and then going to her friends, and that mom said it was okay for my dad's ex to come over and help me watch the baby while dad was at work.
Now I have often handed her off as soon as I could, and I Am Not The BEST at taking care of her. But mom and dad know how much I hate that woman who is somehow almost ten years older than me with the maturity of a 7th grader.
So I told my father no. Dad said mom said it was okay, and I calmly said I don't care I will not let her in. I can take care of her by myself. Dad proceeded to say "Then I'll stay to let her in." So he went outside.
I assumed he went to work cause he would be late if he didn't leave then and there but just in case I did the chain lock. And who would've guessed 20 minutes later he comes back, unlocks the door and trusts to open it with his girlfriend standing beside him. He knocks when I don't open it and asks me to let them in and she is going to help me while dad is gone. I hesitantly set the baby down in her bassinet and went and unlocked the door and told dad, she is not coming inside here.
Me and dad are for a few minutes, and dad says he won't let me have her here alone" like that's been an issue until now. and I brag that "she hasn't cried since you left 20 something minutes ago and was fine till you made me set her down." He responds "you know earlier this week cos came by because the neighbors complained she was crying all night." I did not know that, and she was a fussy baby either way even when all her needs were met she would cry just cause she could. Especially so when she was with me. But all last week she was terrible for everyone including him and mom. And the fact he had the audacity to say that to me. I rudely told him no, and he said "If you won't let her in then I'll just stay home." Which is a big deal for him because he had to cut his hours when he got temporary custody of her and has been late a lot. But I was angry and would rather drop out of highschool and work to pay dads rent then be in a room with her so I said "do it." All the while her girlfriend stood there dumbfounded saying "I thought I was going to see my baby." Even though she has historically done a worse job than me, and it is straight up completely lose all custody illegal to have her with the baby outside of scheduled visits once of which she had this morning while my as home.
He did it, and right after he said "If you're going to act like an adult I'm going to treat you like an adult." Told me to get out of his face, aka 4 feet away from him in the shared living room and indirectly threatened to hit me if I didn't leave because I'm an “adult” now.
Dad has chosen to ignore my existence, and indirectly disowned me, and refused to let me help him even though his hands are full.
I've been talking to my mom as much as I could be she has only responded to a handful of my messages
It's 6 hours later close too when dad would get off work. And he called his girlfriend to get him food even though I had a pizza[I had to beg my mom to order me because dad was ignoring me and I doubt he would've got me food]and asked if he wanted any to which he ignored me again.
I'm sitting in my room and I've been crying on and off and I really don't know what to do.shoudk I apologize? Would he even listen?
Am I really the AH for making my dad not go to work cause he didn't trust me enough to leave me with his kid.
Sorry for grammatical weeks or confusion. I wrote this entire thing in a Fit of rage and depression because I'm starting to feel like I'm the one in the wrong.

Hi all. Like the title says, I’m in need of reassurance and support. This isn’t a BE matter, so I feel bad asking because I know it could be so much worse for my little guy. But even after coming to the conclusion that I can’t give him the life he needs - and making plans - I’m struggling.
I have the best little guy. Catahoula/Aussie mix. I’ve had him for a year and a half, and I knew getting into it that he required extra care and attention and a medication regimen to be happy.
I live in Chicago, and I can’t leave the city. He was adopted from a shelter here in the city. I’m his third owner, and he turns 3 in August.
I knew when I adopted him a year and a half ago that he was reactive. I told the shelter that the kind of dog I was looking for was social, happy to travel, and didn’t need a super strict routine. I was assured that - despite his reactivity and behavioral needs - this was the dog. And for the most part, he has been! He loves meeting new humans, he’s a people pleaser, he’s smart as a whip. Like, scary smart. Sometimes I think he understands English, because I give him a whole sentence command and point in a general direction and he get it right. Every. Single. Time.
But we’ve reached a point that I feel like I have to admit that he’s unhappy here. He’s on 50mg of fluoxetine and 100mg of trazadone daily. When I first got him, it seemed like the reactivity had more to do with being in a new place than anything else. We adjusted, changed routines, took precautions. Then he bit a friend. Granted, the friend wasn’t respecting his boundaries and signals, and I warned him several times. I know aggression like that is never okay, but we (myself, friend, and behaviorist) thought that we understood we had to be very mindful of Timothy’s signs.
But his reactivity to other dogs, people outside when he is inside, and general tendency to be overstimulated never went away. I can’t be gone for more than an hour without him having a panic attack, witnessed via doggy cam.
He spent a few months over the winter with family on a farm. Even at the end of his stay, while there, he was no less reactive to another male dog, the cats, and passersby on the country road, but you could see how much more relaxed he was in between those moments. There was simply less “Going on”.
Recently, an opportunity arose for us to move. A house on the outskirts of town, no apartments, a backyard and plenty of space. I knew there would be struggles because we were moving in with a friend who has a dog. Mind you, I know moving is stressful in its own right and a readjustment period is expected. It’s been a week (which I know is not all that long) and he’s terrified of every sound, sight, and movement outside. I know this is somewhat to be expected given the circumstances, but he’s started attacking the friend and his dog - aggressively, when he has never been anything but friendly with them before. In fact, they’re his favorite friend and dog.
In part, I’m just tired. I’m realizing that there’s only so much I can do to make him happy. I feel like the medication doesn’t really help, it just makes him sleep through the things that would otherwise trigger him. We worked with a behaviorist for more than a year after I got him, adjusting his prescriptions and his dosages, and nothing changed - when he is awake, he is stressed. The behaviorist even suggested that maybe he needs to live somewhere that isn’t a city.
I can’t do the things that I wanted to do with him. I can’t do the things that I want to do myself. I’m realizing I’ll never be able to live a life that fulfills both of us, because he’ll never be happy in a city and I’ll never be able to not worry about managing him 24/7.
So I’ve decided to return him. And it breaks my heart because I love him, but also because I feel like I’ve been selfish this whole time, that I should’ve known he wouldn’t ever actually be happy living where I do, but I kept him because I wanted a buddy. I can’t tell if my second thoughts right now are because my gut knows it’s the wrong choice, or if it’s because I still selfishly want him because I love him, despite knowing I’m not what’s best for him.
I want him to be happy, even if it’s not with me. He’s a good, smart, kind boy. He just isn’t doing well here. And I need some peace knowing it’s okay to say I can’t provide him with what he truly needs, even if I know it will break my heart, and I feel like it will make him sad when I leave him behind - hopefully only until he finds his forever home in a nice, quiet, spacious place. I’m tearing up just writing this.

I need someone to tell me if I'm being unreasonable or how I should handle this situation.
My wife and I got married only a few months ago and it's been a bit of a rollercoaster of a relationship thus far. A lot of our issues seem to stem from my wife's relationship with her mother. To provide some background, my wife and her mother are extremely close. They talk on the phone every single day and mutually co-depend on each other. Even when they aren't talking on the phone, they have a constant conversation going via text. They keep each other updated on what they're doing throughout the day. For instance, if we are flying somewhere for the weekend, she texts her mom when we get to the airport, board, take off, land, etc...just to keep her updated on our movements. Her mom also often asks her to do simple mundane tasks for her throughout the day like finding information about something online, booking something, etc (tasks that her mom is very capable of doing on her own). Of course my wife gladly does all of these tasks because she really enjoys helping her mother. She also has strong desire to please her mother and trusts her mother's judgement heavily in most matters.
One week ago, her mom was in a car accident which totaled her car but she was thankfully not injured beyond a few bruises and whiplash. When my wife found out about the accident, she wanted to fly across the country from a bachelorette party she was attending to be with her mom even though her dad and her sister were already with her, and she did not need any additional help (obviously the situation would have been different if her mom was injured...then she would certainly have grounds to fly emergently to see her mom). I had to convince wife to carry-on with her best friend's bachelorette party and told her that instead, it would be a good idea to find a weekend in the next few weeks to fly home and see her mom when it works out with her schedule. She eventually agreed but I could tell she felt very guilty. Additionally, this weekend when we flew out of town to attend my cousin's wedding, she was completely off and made it very clear in her actions that she didn't want to be there, starting with the flight there. She told me later that she was trying to hide the fact that she felt guilty about not flying to see her mom (even though she has a flight booked to see her in two weeks and my cousin's wedding has been booked for 6 months). The problem is that this type of situation has happened many times before. For instance, for the holidays, my wife flew back to see her family for Christmas but had to fly back for New Years because she had to work. I was really looking forward to having a low key New Years with her but the whole time all she could talk about was how she was having FOMO that her family was all in Florida (where her parents live) and she couldn't be there for New Years. Her mom even cried on the phone with her because she was sad that her entire family was gathered in Florida and her daughter wasn't there (even though she was just there for almost a week for Christmas!). It really ruined my New Years. Before that, for Thanksgiving, she was supposed to spend Thanksgiving Saturday with my family but ended up making an excuse and stayed at home by herself (separate story in itself) so I ended up having Thanksgiving with my family but without her.
I think the issues are as follows--For one, I do feel quite jealous of her mom. My wife gets so happy around her and has more of a continuous conversation with her than she has with me. She has a stronger desire to please her than to please me and seems to value her judgement more than mine. She's constantly doing things for her mom and I wish she would devote some of that energy to me. She often gets annoyed if she has to make dinner (she works less than I do so does like 70% of the cooking) and forgets simple acts of affection (like on my birthday when she got me a birthday card but then never actually got around to writing anything so the card is still laying empty in her drawer). Yet, there is so much that she does for her mother with the utmost pleasure. I just wish I could spend a holiday or an important occasion (like a family wedding) without it feeling like in the back of her mind, she would rather be with her own family. Additionally, although her mother is a very lovely lady, this whole situation has made me feel some resentment towards her which I feel guilty about but she hasn't done anything to wrong me directly.
I've tried to talk to my wife about all of the above and it hasn't changed anything at all. We brought this issue up with a couple's counselor previously and it didn't really help much. All that's really changed is that she has more conversations with her mom when I'm not around (like when she's driving home from work) because she knows it bothers me. She gets really defensive and says things about how I'm lucky I live closer to my mom (we live an hour away from her) and she does all these things because her mom is further away...which I kind of get but these relationship dynamics between her and her mother have always existed, even when they were living in the same state. Even though we live an hour from my mom, I see her 1-2x monthly and talk to her on the phone 1x per week or even less sometimes, which I perceive to be a much healthier dynamic, considering I'm in my early 30s. I feel like now that we're married, there should be an expectation that we should be each others top priority and partner in life, but it feels like her mom is her first partner and I'm her second.
I really do feel like I'm at the end of the line here and don't know what else to do. I feel particularly bad because we JUST got married a few months ago and know I'm wondering if I made a mistake. Things are good between us 80% of the time, but the other 20% makes me feel extremely sad and defeated.
I would really appreciate any advice or analogous experiences you've had and how you've handled them.

3 years ago I met a guy off tinder. We both are in the same career field and hit it right off. We had a first date at dinner and then we continued our dates. One thing I’ve always liked about him was I never had to be anyone but myself. If my hair was a mess for example, I never felt nervous around him I always was comfortable. We dated for about a year. I went out of the country and the flight was delayed last minute and he waited 3 hours at the airport to see me. One reason we broke up and probably a main reason was he was moving out of state, he quit his job he worked 8 years for because he didn’t like it, he wanted to move and be happy, and he did, he moved across the country, traveled, and worked a job he loved. He moved out of state and I didn’t hear from him for about 6 months later he comes home to sell his house and we meet, have dinner and have sex. He then leaves out of state again. I then hear some time later because he’s in town and we spent a few days together, not being intimate. In December he reached out to me cause he was in town for Christmas. We spent a week together at my house. The days I worked he would go meet friends and family the he would come back later that day. This month I saw him online on Facebook and asked him where he was(because he frequently travels around). The state he was in visiting family was the same state I was going on vacation. I told him I wanted to see him. He drove 2 hrs to see me and stayed with me for 2 days. We had the best time. Literally the second we see eachother it’s like no time has passed. I have dated people inbetween this and so has he. It just never works out with other people. He has met my family and my bestfriend. I’m just really confused what our relationship is. I’ve tried to ask but I know he has always had trouble with commitment. I knew this when he quit his career and loved to live in his trunk instead of the house he owned, he wanted to be free.
He is applying for a job where I live (his original home town) and when we saw eachother we talked about all the things we could do together if he comes back.

Just feeling kind of isolated lately and would like to meet some people who get what it’s like. The closest lgbt support center is over an hour away from me (I live in a small town in the southern US) and I’m not really sure how to find local discord groups. Thanks!