His lost queen belle and grayson

Me (27f) and my ex (27m) were together for 5 years and broke up over the weekend because he lied to me about a coworker I asked him not to get involved with.
I knew there was something going on months ago and I told him it made me uncomfortable and he told me he would stop talking. He gaslighted me into saying she was just a friend and made me feel like I was just insecure and jealous. I tried to trust him and gave him the benefit of the doubt but then the seeing her at work turned into flirting over teams. Turned into getting her number. Turned into texting her while he was at home with me in secret.
The final straw was when he didn’t tell me she would be at the work drinks. He was with her all night and texting her into the early mornings. When I brought it up he tried to cover it up again but I needed to trust my gut and end it for good.
We were together for 5 years and had the most amazing relationship up until last year when he started this new job.
I know that people can fall apart as they grow but I was always so communicative with him about how I was feeling and every time I raised concerns he told me he wanted to be with me. I trusted him and he lied and snuck around even more.
It kills me to know he chose her over me. I hate knowing that while I’m here hurting from the pain he’s caused he is getting closer to her.
I’ve been back and forth with myself these last few days questioning “why wasn’t I enough, what did I do wrong other than love him” and I’m starting to come to the realisation that it’s not a me issue.
I know that I will move on and find someone who will treat me right and will choose me but it doesn’t take away the emptiness that has been left in my life.
I don’t even know what I’m trying to achieve with this post but I feel like I have no one to talk to anymore. I’ve lost my best friend, the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. I wish I could remember him as the guy I fell in love with but all I see now is anger for the disrespect he has given me with the lies.
Need advice from people who have had a similar issue happen. How did you move on?
TLDR 5 year relationship over because he chose his co worker that he was sneaking around with. Looking for advice on moving on.

I feel so hopeless and like such a failure. I've live with my sister for the past 12 years and well now she's moving on to better things. I'm happy for her and her family. But Now I am left in a crappy apartment that I cannot afford on my own. I've had the same job for the last 10 years I get paid $17, paid sick (160 hrs) paid vacation (100 hrs) paid holidays off. and work Monday- Friday I love my job plus what it offers but I cannot survive on it. So now my options are leave this job for a full time low paying job that i might hate, look for a part time job in the evenings, or rent out the other bedroom and live with strangers. To make it worse my growing teenager wants his own room (we share one) and I feel like shit for putting us in this position. I have failed. I have no motivation to better myself, I have no drive. I feel so stuck. I have applied for part time jobs and nothing, who wants to hire a 40yr old with a high school diploma. To make it worse landlord want to increase rent. I just feel so lost and hopeless. why do I not have the drive to better myself. I know I'm to blame and that others have it worse than me. But I feel so left behind.

Do any men here really get too tired for sex? I (22f) have an extremely high sex drive and my husband (27m) hasn’t acted interested in sex in a really long time. I got pregnant winter of 21 and our kid was born fall of 22. I suffered really bad from depression when I was pregnant and he always said he couldn’t sleep with me when I felt that way. I lost all the baby weight with in a week and my body is the same it was pre pregnancy with the exception of some stretch marks as our baby came 2weeks late. I feel like I am the only one initiating sex. I try starting with all of the things he likes touching kissing bjs new lingerie trying to surprise him trying to plan it ect. But half the time he shuts me down before anything can get started. He does work a lot and I currently stay at home with our baby. I’ve brought this up to him and he just apologizes and says he’s too tired and he assumes his T is low for his age… it just makes me feel like he doesn’t think I’m attractive anymore even tho he says I am.
tl;dr husband doesn’t want sex no matter what. Says he is too tired.

Sorry for the English, I am Mediterranean
I went there as representative of my company. My job was selling our products to people hoping for investments or funding from venture capital or banks. I kinda liked it, I like doing it and negotiating with other people
Thanks to the event, I had the opportunity of analyzing in detail the demography of the people attending it
- There were only three type of people representing their companies at their stands; autistic male engineers, Indian engineers that casually became head of European companies in random places like Bratislava, and hot HR girls.
- Half of the companies present were interesting, the other half was demented and they were pitching absurd ideas or ESG brain monitoring stuff, hoping to receive investment from some shady NGO probably
- 90% European (obviously), 5% Indian and Asian, and 5% Africans. The last ones were divided in two different categories, the Africans from Ruanda and Nigeria presenting swarm tech drone technologies, and the Franco-Africans (?) cleaning the toilets
- 3/4 of the event was covered by companies and investors. The other 1/4 was covered by workshops and conferences. These workshops were exclusively stuffed by young female activists who spoke for three days straight about feminism and anti-racism (I heard everything because sadly my stand was in front of the theatre), while sharing their stage with a woman from the Clinton Foundation (!)
The irony that the uber-left activists were sharing the same event with ubercapitalists and Big Banks and Big Tech was completely lost to these young girls
- Ukrainians running around in faux military-fatigue, asking to everyone for tech that could be used on the battlefield. They were cool people.
- The entrance was covered by a giant globohomo sculpture, on it it was written "WELCOME, HEROES" or something like that, absolutely regarded. Double regardation, because directly in front of it, pointing in the direction of the regarded motto, there was a statue of General Joffre on horse, probably spinning in his tomb
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Apart from all of that, Paris is still very cool. People are fit and hot and they smoke a lot, and I saw at least a dozen of giant rats and a pair of african drug smuggler

Obviously the Celtics lost the series, but overall they did a good job of slowing Jimmy Butler down. White certainly lived up to his all-NBA defensive team status and Tatum lived up to his 2 way reputation.
Source: https://www.nba.com/stats/playe1628369/head-to-head?Matchup=Defense&dir=D&sort=MATCHUP_FGA
Source: https://www.nba.com/stats/playe1628401/head-to-head?dir=D&sort=MATCHUP_FGA

We have the same best friends, a couple, but never got to know each other until back in January when we went on a trip for one of their bdays and they brought us both along on. Our friend-couple ended up getting into a pretty big argument one night that had been building up over the trip, and left to deal with it in private late one night. We ended up having this great night stuck in this studio we were all staying at while it poured rain outside and we just talked for hours, shared music, and played card games. At the time, I thought it was a one off. We have almost an 8 yr age gap, I get age is just a number, but it's why our friends who are between our ages never thought to stick us in the same room together. I honestly thought it was a one off, and that in the future we could just be a part of the same hangouts sometimes without it being weird. He's 21, I'm F28.
Fast forward to getting back, him and I start sending each other music. I told a coworker of mine about the trip and she decided to push us together one night (we all work in the same place, friend-couple included). So we finally hung out one on one after they obviously ditched us and nothing happened like my coworker was hoping for for me, but I was just getting out of a relationship. In my mind, he was also just still so young and had much to figure out. She thought he could help me get over my ex. But we had such a fun night again that we started messaging each other more. Before you know it we hungout again, and again where it's just laughing and talking till I'd have to make myself cut the conversation off and finally leave at 5 in the morning. After so many times there was finally a night where we acknowledged it just felt this crazy connection between us and we ended up having sex. Wed just finally mentioned to our friend-couple that we'd even been hanging out one on one, and knew they'd be weirded out by us starting sleeping together. A week into it, we both talked about how we were itching to tell our friendsa and would have to agree on what to tell them. Because we were both in pretty shit places in our lives with so much going on we agreed neither of us were ready for a relationship and that'd we'd just explain it's casual.
At the time, I was still waiting for my lease to end with my ex but ex began drinking. It became so uncomfortable for me at home that I started staying with friends and then my FWB started insisting I just stay with him bc our nights would go on so long. For a while I insisted this was a bad idea and that I would be separating whatever was going on with us from my other personal problems. It wasn't hard to wear me down, my friends were nice in saying I could stay at their place whenever but you could tell they wanted their space and it was like him and I couldn't get enough of each other. I would spend a couple nights with him, a night with friends, and then a night at home where I would sleep on the couch to give the situation space, replace my clothes, and pack up more of my things while I looked for a place. But my ex got to the point where he wouldn't leave me alone when I was there and I started to stay with my FWB progressively more as he seemed to feel protective in checking in how it was going when I was around my ex.
When I finally got a place, my friends asked how much time we'd then be spending together and I said itd be good for us to have a more normal routine. But it was still like we couldn't get enough of each other and while I'd try to give us a night off so we could have other plans, he'd message me at the end of the night telling me to come over anyway and of course I was excited to every time. We both admitted to liking each other but acknowledged we still had so much personal things going on a relationship wasn't right. Throughout our time he's been so incredibly intimate, and insistent on being a part of my life through all my crap though. He helped me move out of my place from my ex, helped me finally call my estranged father who has dementia and held my hand through it. We have these deep talks about things like family trauma while sitting in the bath for hours together, and he's come over just to have a safe space to cry after feeling those conversations too hard the next day. We even started to talk about making plans with our friend couple to go on another trip together.
Easy to say we treated it like a relationship over the last 3-4 months. So when I heard from our friends say he felt like he'd needed space, I was okay with that. It made sense, we rushed into everything so hard for a supposedly casual thing. I casually brought up taking a little more time to myself to get my life back in order and asked about him wanting space to which he just frowned and said he understood. Later in the night while he was holding me he said he just plain out didn't want space from me and held me tighter. I was kindov relieved, and the next day I left on a trip to visit my folks but I'd hardly heard from him at all over the week I was gone. When I came back, I didn't want to seem over eager to talk about it; maybe he wasn't honest during that conversation and he needed it. But when I got back, he took an extra couple days to even see me. So when I finally saw him it was hard to bring up bc we were having such a great time. I chose to just make it a check in and said it would be okay if he did want more time apart and maybe we could agree on however many nights a week would become less overwhelming. He immediately shut me down and got very concerned and asked what he was doing to make me feel like maybe he wasn't as into it as he was before. I didn't wanna start an argument over how little he talked to me so I dropped it. He insisted nothing had changed for him, so we moved on and had an honestly great night so I believed him.
It was again, then a couple days before I heard from him. Our friends were even dumbfounded and said they basically at that point had just considered us in a relationship, but that he would get defensive if they tried to ask him if we'd come up with a label. He'd say we're just FWB. At that point it was hard to agree with that, even agreeing at one point to that we'd exclusive sleep together and not look for anything from others so yeah I was just butt hurt The girl between our friend couple said when I was gone they were all drinking and she told him he needs to figure his shit out and decide what he wants. And that he agreed.
After those couple days of space, we were supposed to hang out and our friends ended up inviting us over to drink with their family. At the end of the night when it was just the two of us, I chose to be somewhat distant so he could see that I was hurt again from not hearing from him. The next morning I asked what he was doing after work since we didn't really get to do what we'd planned on the night before. He quickly said he had plans all week and that maybe we'd see each other over the weekend. I was kindov in shock, and wanted to confront him but we had such little time to talk before he had to go to work. He just wanted to argue that we weren't in a relationship, but he could see me that night so we could hangout and talk about it. He bailed and said he needed to be alone. I went to hangout and talk to the girl from the friend-couple, and he invited the guy over. During this, he still texted me! I thought we were mad at each other, and not talking till that weekend but he sent something random about Daniel Craig as if he just wanted the reassurance that I'd still respond. My friend and I thought he'd had changed his mind and would invite me over at the end of the night once her man left his place, but as soon as both of our plans ended, he stopped responding.
I am just dumbfounded as what to do from here. How do we move forward without acknowledging how we've been acting over the last 3-4 months. He pulled back so hard, I'm obviously just hurt and at a loss as to what happened. During our last talk he said we have nothing to talk about now and he's just out of the honeymoon phase, which came out of nowhere and I don't agree with at all. I sent him a long message trying to acknowledge how he was saying he felt, and asking for him to make it make sense to how he'd been acting. He's still yet to give me any kind of clear answer as to what he wants.
Is there any way to make this work out still? Or should I be running the other way? Where did I go wrong?
TLDR; My FWB turned into admitting we liked each other and spending most nights together for 3-4 months. I heard he told our friends he could use some space, after he'd been the one to insist on me coming over every night. I decided to try to provide a safe space to have that conversation where any answer would've been okay. He insisted he didn't want space and seemed hurt I would think things wouldve changed for him but over the next two weeks he hardly talked to me. If I try to bring it up, he says it's not a relationship even though there's hardly been a difference to how we've been acting ie; support each other during difficult times, talk for hours on end, cuddle, sex, help move, even talk about plans for a weekend away with our friend-couple. I'm at a loss to why he'd pull back so hard from trying to talk about it, it seemed obvious it was getting to a point we'd have to talk about our expectations. Now I'm just worried I've lost him, I'd even rather go back to how it was if we were to just be real about our expectations from this point on.
Is there any way to make this work out still? Or should I be running the other way? Where did I go wrong?

My partner and I live together and he's been truly amazing - but I'm terrified. I've definitely noticed that I am MUCH more fucked up than I thought I was in the context of this relationship.
He and I get justifiably angry about something at the same time and suddenly I find myself literally shushing him, repeating "It's fine it's fine it's fine don't worry don't do anything we're okay it's not a big deal" - when seconds ago I was equally pissed off, but no harm was going to happen; nobody was going to behave rashly or spin out of control (what I'm used to in my family dynamic). I struggle with hearing him get angry or even just a bit irritable - I go immediately into damage control mode, trying to make him stop, trying to pretend nothing is wrong even when the anger is totally justified and everybody's safe. I've explained this and apologized to him, and I'm working on it.
I also just am so sensitive - I hear one thing from him that indicates that he's even a little unhappy with something I've done or said (for example, he referred to a bad habit of mine - that I literally call a bad habit - "not his favorite thing" once, and the searing feeling of rejection is still somehow physically painful to me).
If we're out doing something or we're with people and he doesn't appear to be having much fun - even if he's just tired or feeling a bit quieter - I'm possessed with anxiety. I feel like I've done something wrong, misjudged the situation, and now need to either fix it or apologize and run away.
The first year of our relationship was a very healing time for me; my life was less chaotic than usual and I finally had someone I felt pretty safe with around me. I cried, a lot. And he was so supportive and kind - I feel like I was processing a great deal of grief, and he helped me through each episode just by being there and asking questions and holding me. But now my life is a wreck again, and it's impacting me financially, taking up my time, and really fucking me up emotionally all over again. He's been great - too great, financially bearing a great deal of the burden even though I never asked him to; I did not want to accept his help financially but I truly don't really have a choice right now. He's not holding it over my head or anything. I can't express enough how great he has been about all of it. I feel horribly guilty about getting my chaos "on" him, and I don't know how I'll ever feel like I've paid him back.
But the problem more than anything else is my mental health and its effect on him. He was once in a long term abusive relationship where his partner would manipulate him into doing as they wished by threatening self harm or suicide, claiming mental health crisis, etc.; I do not do these things, but I am terrified he's going to feel like he *must* care for me or do as I wish or "fix" my crises, and I'm terrified that's going to ruin our relationship. I completely melted down this weekend - emotional flashback, I think? - and was just not okay in ways I don't think he's seen from me yet. Absolutely inconsolable sobbing, catastrophizing, to nearly catatonic numbness, then back, for hours. That was hard, and I know it was hard for him to see. I eventually asked him to just go to bed without me and I stayed up to freak out some more. The next day was better, until it very suddenly was not, and the same thing happened. But I can see he's frustrated, and I'm worried he's upset with me somehow - I feel like he's trying so hard to say or do the right thing to make me feel better, but there's nothing. There's just nothing to do.
I know what it feels like to love someone who's unpredictable, whose feelings you believe are your responsibility, (hello dysfunctional family!), and it is among the worst feelings in the world. A lovely evening where everything's okay, everyone's having fun, suddenly turning dark and anxious and volatile, is perhaps my least favorite experience on the planet - and I'm doing it to him. I'm the one who is making an evening turn to shit. And I do not mean to, and I do not want to, but I can't seem to contain it? The only thing that I have managed NOT to say around him or to him is the loudest thought I have in these moments of chaos, which is just an unending "I want to die I want to die I want to die". I know, even in crisis, that the feeling will fade, at least enough for me to ignore it. I am not in danger of acting on it - it's just the only words that I can put to the experience and I say them over and over in my head. I will never utter them aloud to another human being, especially not him.
When I was living alone I would just hide from everyone, ignore my phone, stare at the wall, and cry myself to sleep eventually, but I can't hide from him here. And I don't want to - it's like I know he can't help me but I want to know he's still there and still loves me. But I can see that this is painful for him, that he's frustrated and sad and upset, and it makes me want to die of shame. I feel so horrible for doing this to him.
I hate that he fell in love with a better version of me, one that was healing, not one that's circling the drain faster and faster. I wish I could protect him from all of my chaos, but I also don't ever want to lose him; I want to push him away, relearn a poker face, pretend everything's ok, but somehow also want to pull him closer and weep and scream until I physically can't anymore. In those moments/hours/days of crisis, I'm torn between wanting to be alone to spiral into nothing, and wanting to be held and to cry forever.
This turned into such a long post - thanks for reading, if you got this far. If anyone has any idea of what the fuck to do, what to say, what might help in those acute meltdowns... I'm all ears. I'm so lost.

In Trump 08 with Obama as a running mate, there is a question where the conspiracy theories about Obama's citizenship and religion is brought up. One of the answers is, Trump says "That it is between him and his God" but that he doesn't believe these rumors. The player is then given given a message scolding them saying Trump echoed a far right conspiracy against his running mate and that he should go home, Obama's not talking to him and that he's lost. The election then massively shifts in McCain's favour where it pretty much isn't winnable, even if you answered perfectly prior and after.
I'm guessing the writer added this into scold any players who genuinely bought into those theories however realistically I don't see this costing Trump the campaign provided you answered perfectly prior. The economy was collapsing in 2008 and the Bush admin was despised. The remark could easily dismissed as misinterpreted or just a gaffe. I would probably piss off a few liberal Americans but I doubt it would shift the election to the insane degree it is ingame.

Here's a clip of Neil talking about his excitement for the TLOU Multiplayer's reveal LITERALLY not that long ago.
https://youtube.com/clip/UgkxGion4PF4NQn7ELSf9B5D447xrqOJ-pcX
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I find it hard to believe this thing isn't coming out. Yes, games get cancelled. But not 5 years of development. Not when they've already been revealed to the world (SGF). Not when it's the BIGGEST IP in the world for the TV show. If they can release a bad PC port, quality aint the reason. So, its not adding up. Not when we got more concept art at the start of the year. The MP devs tweeted about the game. Doors. Game being fun. Etc. Too much smoke. Sony included Naughty Dog in their FINANCIALS for LIVEGAME PORTFOLIO just last week!!! Just saying. I really find it hard to believe it's cancelled. I also think Bungie isn't there to just be executioner, surely they'd be working WITH ND to course-correct or steer them in the right direction. Games also get downscaled when they're complete. How can they pull Factions from a Showcase if they didn't have something. It doesn't add up. Man, I just hope we get SOMETHING on June 14th. There is no "reveal" for this game, cats out the bag. Why wait to show this thing. Let's just see this gameplay and give a year date. Delay it to 2024. Whatever, but media has lost confidence and has laid it on thick for people, they're all doubting it. Convo round TLOU MP is negative. Its a shame. To gain confidence, show a 30 second gif of someone shooting someone. Give the fans something. That's all they need to do on June 14th. I hope they do. Poor Sancho, bro. Think of poor Sancho! If not us! xD

Okay, let's get the semantics out of the way first: yes he technically lost the horse race for CEO. Obviously. The show ends with Tom as CEO and Kendall staring blankly at the water. In that moment he's about as low as he can possibly be.
But there is a very real chance that IF some time and distance can help Kendall attain a little bit of perspective (a big if, I grant), he may end up in a much happier place in the future.
It really felt like Kendall had just been robotically going for the top spot because his dad promised to him at age 7 and because he simply couldn't see himself doing anything else. He said it during the boardroom argument -- that he was a cog specifically designed for THIS (admittedly shitty) job. He obviously believes that now, and is devastated when it's yanked away from him.
But was it actually going to make him happy? Like, really happy? Deep down inside?
No. Because it would still just be him riding his dad's coattails while trying to live up to his dad's impossibly high standard. But it would never be anything that he built or did, which means any real self-actualization would be pretty hard to come by.
But now he has a legit opportunity for a fresh start, and the money to theoretically do anything he wants. And IF he can actually go out and build something on his own, even if it's much smaller in scale, he'll finally be able to draw some strength and inner belief in himself -- which he never had in his dad's shadow, and would almost surely never get at Waystar. He'd have just ended up miserable ... or worse.
Now? He's got a shot. A slim one, but I think he's chances of finding real happiness and contentment in his life are better away from Waystar than they'd have been inside, not in the short term but in the long term.
Can Kendall take his opportunity and do anything with it? I don't know. Probably not. The show doesn't exactly give us many hints that Kendall will be able to, but we also haven't seen Kendall outside of the context of fighting to be CEO and desperately trying to please his dad. As he gets further removed from the day-to-day pressure of both, is it possible he's able to make some kind of positive internal change?
Again, it's probably doubtful ... but there was no way he was going to end up happy as Waystar's pain sponge, not long-term. And his deficiencies as a leader would always be highlighted trying to walk in his dad's shoes.
His one shot is to do something on his own, whether that's in business or otherwise. I find myself feeling far more hopeful for him now that this future was forced upon him than if he'd "won" the future he envisioned for himself.
Maybe I'm crazy. :-) But I think this was his only real shot, and I hope after a little mourning for the dream he had dashed, I hope he takes his opportunity for a fresh start and does something meaningful with it.

My players just did something amazing!! We spent half the session planning a heist to get hold of the cauldron. They came up with a way to distract the jabberwock and used some smart teleportation to get the cauldron out of the room.
In the previous session they unfroze Zybilna and found out that she lost her magic. The coven had done something to the cauldron and it cancelled Zybilna’s magic out. So they wanted to investigate the cauldron without killing the dragon. They actually succeeded at their plan!! They rolled really well and the dragon is now fuming and looking for them and his precious little cauldron.
When my players and Zybilna investigated the cauldron they figured out what the hags had done to it. They have to figure out now if their can fix it without having to destroy it. I think they’ll end up destroying it anyways. They got hold of the flame sword by intimidating the League when Zybilna walked into the room and they made the floor tremble as she spoke. It was so cool.

Natalie has been led to believe her whole life that she's only capable of hurting people. She feels responsible for her father's death and the damage it did to her mother. In the wilderness this ability to hurt is reinforced by everyone naming Natalie as their best hunter, and then again when she fails to actually provide everyone with food. She's responsible for Travis mourning his brother's death not once but twice. And then she's placed on a pedestal where she now has to feel responsible for all the other harm done in the Wilderness.
In the future timeline, she's told again and again how she harms people. In rehab, she's been told that violence is never the answer, and it's wrong to harm others. When she's released, Tai makes her feel guilty about her addictions. She also tells Nat not to contact Travis, saying they bring out the worst in each other. Travis, the one person who seemed to actually see the good in her. And then he shows up dead, maybe a day after Nat tried to call him. Whether consciously or not, Nat probably feels his death is her fault, too. She hurts more people like Kevyn by using him and then pushing him away. She does the same to Misty, then Lisa.
Lisa, in many ways, parallels Nat's relationship with Javi. She harms both of them with a knife -- Javi is lost in the Wilderness because she slashed his shorts and pretended he was dead, and she literally does cut Lisa. Despite hurting them, she still manages to mend their relationships. Nat begins to wonder if maybe she isn't an entirely bad person, after all. Then she lets Javi die in her place, and she's back to hurting people. Nat tells Lisa to leave so she isn't killed in the hunt like poor, innocent Javi. She thanks Lisa for trying to teach her forgiveness. Nat says "trying", because she doesn't believe she's worthy of any forgiveness after all the hurt she's done.
And then, despite all the rehab and the struggling and the glimmers of hope that maybe things can be better if she just keeps on trying... Nat is killed by a drug overdose. But in her last moments, she manages to do what the world had convinced her she was incapable of. She sacrifices herself to save someone else.
--
I'm a little late to the party because I only just watched the finale. I know a lot of people hated it, but I absolutely loved how Natalie's (adult) story ended in complete tragedy, even if I am sad that one of my fav characters is dead!

The second edition of ESC took place in Frankfurt, Germany. Does that mean one of the German songs won in 1956 as the usual tradition is? Well no it was Switzerland who also hosted the first edition but apparently didn't want to host another the next year. To this day rumours persist that Germany got second place probably with "Im Wartesaal zum großen Glück" from Walter Andreas Schwarz but since no ranking was released to this day we can't know for sure. Some even believe Germany won. Anyway the good thing about this contest is that this contest can be fully watched with moving images. The director of this was Michael Kehlmann, an Austrian movie director. I sinceryly hope he was better at camerawork for his movies as it was filmed rather static and with a persistence of keeping the artists heads in close-up for lengthy periods which felt rather disturbing to me. Quality wise the songs were in my opinion a lot weaker than the previous edition with most contestants playing it rather safe and with little variety.
1957 saw the introduction of a real jury system where each country had to divide 10 points over the rivaling countries. So here it was made clear you can't vote for your own country, a rule which probably was not in place in 1956 but as of 1957 it was set in stone and never changed. Don't really know if that meant that 1 country could give the full 10 points to just 1 country. I notice however that only France divided their points over 2 countries while all other countries divided their points over 3 to 6 countries. No one ended up with 0 points and every country got points from at least 2 countries. Strange system but at least better than the shady backroom voting from the previous edition, which certainly was put into question and led to protest. To this day there is still a points system and no matter the result there is always people not understanding why song X ended up so low and song Y so high. Some things never change and this adds to the fun. Apparently the points system was borrowed from UK's 'Festival of British Popular Songs' which decided on the entry representing the UK in the ESC. So a scoreboard was introduced which was adapted after each call (by a traditional phone) from one of the juries of the competing countries.
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With the 3 countries broadcasting but not sending a song for various reasons (UK, Austria, Denmark) last year now joining the competition there was no more need for each country to send 2 songs. So 1 song per country (and this remained so for later editions) but 2 people were allowed on stage (in 1956 only solo artists on stage). So more countries involved (10 vs 7 in 1956) but less songs (10 vs 14 in 1956). Last change was a rule stipulating that songs could not exceed 3 minutes but a few countries really went over that limit by quite a margin. Maybe that rule was introduced quite late and therefore no one was disqualified for exceeding it.
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We saw a first duet with Denmark. Italy and the Netherlands had a musician accompanying the singer. We also saw a first prop emerging (Germany) and some other costumes than the traditional tuxedo or evening gown (Denmark).
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For those wanting more info about this edition check the wikipedia page:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Eurovision_Song_Contest_1957
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The full show can be watched here:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ViOi13j5cO8&t=4s
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1. Belgium - Straatdeuntje - Bobbejaan Schoepen (32 years) starts at 3:15

Just like previous edition the ESC kicked off with a song sung in Dutch however this time it comes from the Dutch/Flemmish speaking part of Belgium (Flanders). Bobbejaan Schoepen was the first Flemmish singer to try. Even though his success period was far before my time I knew that whistling was a trademark of his. He even had a song dedicated to whistling 'De jodelende fluiter' (The yodling whistler). Bobbejaan had an obsession with the Far West and often dressed with a cow-boy hat and later founded a theme park with a Wild West theme giving it his name 'Bobbejaanland'. Here of course he was as expected in a suit but with his hands in his pockets immediately giving him a pretty laid back attitude. The song is indeed a happy one about a melody he hears everywhere he goes making him happy. Don't think this had a chance winning, enjoyable definitely but in the end a bit too simplistic.
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1. Luxembourg - Amours mortes aka Tant de peine - Danièle Dupré (29-30 years) starts at 7:25

Language: French - Result: 4th (tied) - Points: 8
Just like last year Luxembourg send a female French singer to represent them. As expected she went for a French chanson about a break up. I'm absolutely no fan of these type of songs unless it has some quicker pace. Also I often compare French chansons with Edith Piaff whose famous hits at least had some recognizable melody and chorus. Danièle's birth date varies from the source. The most common is that she was born in 1927 but other sources say her birth year is 1938 which is a huge difference. Looks to me 1927 is correct as she already had quite a bit of songs as a minor star and retired from the music business in 1958. She would during the show become long lasting friends with her compatriot entering for France Paule Desjardins.
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1. United Kingdom - All - Patricia Bredin (22 years) starts at 10:55

Language: English - Result: 7th - Points: 6
Patricia Bredin had the honour to be the UK's first ESC entry. She won as part of the Malcolm Lockyer Quartet the first Festival of British Popular Songs convincingly. Patricia was in the first place an actress (Malcolm Lockyer was a film composer and conductor so makes sense) but also did musicals. Presenter Anaid Iplicjian (from Armenian descent) referred to the UK as England a few times. With a duration of 1'52 this song remained the shortest in ESC history until 2015 when Finland came with a song of only 1'27. So yeah I can be pretty short about this entry too. She has a high soprano voice so even if your English is good it's just hard to understand what she is singing most of the time. It felt more like an opera song and I guess that's why it didn't do too well here. Was the disappointing result the reason UK didn't enter in 1958 and also didn't organise the Festival of British Popular Songs? However from 1959 they wouldn't miss a single ESC. Patricia's song was never recorded or released on a single.
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1. Italy - Corde della mia chitarra - Nunzio Gallo (28 years) starts at 13:35

Language: Italian - Result: 6th - Points: 7
In previous edition two young females were sent, this time a male artist got a try. Nunzio Gallo was accompanied by a guitar player who gets quite a bit of exposure with some solos (a really long one at the start). Nunzio sings a ballad which gave me much more latino/Spanish vibes than Italian. He sings a love song not for a woman but for his guitar. This theme actually reminds me of the Belgian entry of 2010 Tom Dice with "Me and my guitar". The biggest problem is the song's duration with over 5 minutes going well beyond the maximum time limit. Also its very slow pace makes it very hard to sit through. Fortunately Italy would bring a real hit in the next edition.
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1. Austria - Wohin kleines Pony - Bob Martin (34 years) starts at 19:45

Language: German - Result: 10th - Points: 3
Debut for Austria but Bob Martin wasn't the first Austrian performing in ESC. That honour goes to Freddy Quinn entering in 1956 for Germany with "So geht das jede Nacht". The song is accompanied by jazzy music. Of course a 30+ guy singing about riding his pony through the fields is a tad weird but at least he seems to be having a good time smiling a lot during his performance. It's also the only song which is (slightly) more uptempo than the other entries. A last place is rather harsh but I can understand this song perhaps didn't really fit well in the contest. After ESC he remained popular in southern Austria. His real name was Leo Heppe.
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1. Netherlands - Net als toen - Corry Brokken (24 years) starts at 23:20

Language: Dutch - Result: 1st - Points: 31
The winning song and this time even a critical one like me will find it hard to disagree. If they stuck to the rules this entry would be disqualified as it is going approximately 1 and half minute over the 3 minutes time limit. However it doesn't feel like ever lasting like Italy's due to a good pacing, great vocals and some really good music accompanying the song. Dutch conductor Dolf van der Linden was so eager to start making the orchestra start before Corry Brokken reached the microphone. Corry's previous entry was a break up song now it's again about a relationship but one that is already lasting a very long time. So yes the couple especially the man have become old (and grey) and their love has become a bit stale. But since he can still flirt (with other women I suppose) his wife wishes he would be sweet and gallant towards her, give her roses, say she is beautiful and all that jazz just like the time they first fell in love (referring to the song's title). Yes it's kinda weird given the young age of Corry and it's rather schmulzy. Also the style is a bit the same as her 1956 song "Voorgoed voorbij". However her vocals and the accompanying music really make up for that. About halfway a violin joins her on stage who also gets a solo towards the end. I'm not surprised this won quite convincingly and deservedly.
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1. Germany - Telefon, Telefon - Margot Hielscher (37 years) starts at 28:30

Language: German - Result: 4th (tied) - Points: 8
Host Germany did the opoosite of Italy after sending 2 men in 1956, now a woman was selected. Margot Hielscher already tried her luck at the German National final in 1956 but was unsuccessful. In 1957 she won and became the first woman to represent Germany at ESC. She was the first artist to use a prop on stage. What was more applicable than a telephone since that was the instrument for many years to come for the juries of the participating countries to send their points. Margot used the phone for another purpose though, expecting a call from her lover. Between talking in several languages (mostly saying hello) she sings in a calm and soft voice. The song in itself is not that special but the phone as gimmick is cool. Her song was also too long almost like 4 minutes. Placing 4th wasn't too bad and we would see her return the next year with a more uptempo song (and another prop). For the German audience she was no unknown being active since the 1940s as both singer and actress.
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1. France - La belle amour - Paule Desjardins (34-35 years) starts at 33:40

Language: French - Result: 2nd - Points: 17
A song about love in a French café. I liked this one more than the French song from Luxembourg. It came second and I don't think that is undeserved given she has a lovely voice even though the song in itself quickly fades from my memory. Paule had moderate success with a musical career lasting until 1962. When she married she stopped singing and started working as designer for the lingerie company of her husband. Her full birth date is unknown, Spanish wiki mentioned she was born in 1922.
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1. Denmark - Skibet skal sejle i nat - Birthe Wilke (20 years) and Gustav Winckler (31 years) starts at 38:00

Language: Danish - Result: 3rd - Points: 10
Denmark made its debut bringing the ESC its first duet. They were actually the only contestants in the first Dansk Melodi Grand Prix where 6 songs were entered 2 by them as duet and 2 by each as solo artists. As native Dutch/Flemmish speaker I can clearly hear it's from the same language family (German) as mine even though I hardly understand a word of it. I like the sound of it though and while it's nice that the presenter tells us that the translation of the song is "when the ship is sailing out" looking at the man's uniform it's pretty clear he is a sailor saying goodbye to his beloved girlfriend and future wife who is also wearing a typical dress from the country. There is also some gestures like him kissing a picture of her indicating he will be thinking about her on his trip and putting a ring on her finger meaning they will marry when he comes back. Actually the sailing theme is already clear before we see the couple as the orchestra starts with the sound of a ship's horn. It's all lovey dovey and cute but it works and they sing in harmony, complementary. A top 3 placing was well deserved in my opinion. Oh yes and there was in the end an 11 second kiss which definitely shocked the audience. They were applauded anyway. Did that hamper their chances to win, nah I think the Dutch entry was just too strong.
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1. Switzerland - L'Enfant que j'étais - Lys Assia (33 years) starts at 42: 30

Language: French - Result: 8th (tied) - Points: 5
Lys Assia returned to defend the ESC crown of Switzerland. The new crown however went to the other returning performer from 1956 Corry Brokken. Interesting to note that her birthday was the 3rd of March, the same day as the the contest of 1957 took place. I can't think of any other reason why the ESC took place so early (usually it's in May). She wasn't however gifted a good end result finishing a tied 8th with Belgium. Hard to understand as I found this song about a happy childhood very sweet and more captivating than her entries from 1956. However it was also too long about 4 minutes. But vocally I found her a lot better than the French songs from Luxembourg and France. Was it perhaps too childish or too happy? Notice that the other 2 songs in the bottom 3 were Belgium and Austria both upbeat songs. However Lys would still come back for a third consecutive time in 1958 just like winner Corry Brokken. Lys would do well a year later but Corry suffered even a worse fate as title defender than Lys.
​
My top 10 was a bit harder to compile except the top 2 which stuck with me after 1 hearing. The rest is not too memorable for me.
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1. Netherlands
2. Denmark
3. Switzerland
4. Germany
5. Austria
6. Belgium
7. France
8. Luxembourg
9. Italy
10. UK

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Deceased artists
Paule Desjardins (1962) 39-40 years (only the Spanish wiki has a year of decease)
Gustav Winckler (1979, cause: car crash) 53 years
Bob Martin (1998) 75 years
Nunzio Gallo (2008) 79 years
Bobbejaan Schoepen (2010) 85 years
Danièle Dupré (2015) 88 years, French wiki has birth year 1938 and decease in 2013 (75 years)
Corry Brokken (2016) 83 years
Margot Hielscher (2017) 97 years
Lys Assia (2018) 94 years
​
Alive artists
Patricia Bredin (88 years)
Birthe Wilke (87 years)
You can check reviews also on RelivingEurovision

My father passed away last month at the age of 60. Although he had a number of illnesses, with one being from a young age, his death was unexpected. This is incredibly hard to come to terms with as I expect anyone on this subreddit would appreciate. Reading posts of some people on here who have lost loved ones at a young age or in terrible circumstances puts my loss in perspective but its still no less raw or devastating. I read a eulogy at my fathers funeral which I'm going to add below. It's long and most people won't read it but I just want to tell as many people as possible how amazing my father was. I have omitted any names from the eulogy and replaced with NAME. I will say though my dads name was Mark and I hope anyone who reads this sees how incredible he was.
Thank you all for coming.
My Dad was the person I looked up to the most, especially the older I got where I grew to appreciate the incredible man he was and how he lived his life. He had things very hard from a young age with multiple conditions, but he never let that define him. He appreciated the good things in his life, and not once did I ever hear him dwell on the bad that happened to him, his attitude was always to enjoy what he could surrounded by the people he loved for as long as he could no matter what was thrown his way. My dad possessed many qualities which include being kind, thoughtful, funny, loving and he is the strongest person mentally I’ve ever met and I’m proud and fortunate that he was my dad. The challenge to show those qualities became harder especially in the last few years but he never stopped living and being the man he always was, laughing, joking, and enjoying himself around his family.
His sense of humour was witty and dark, and he loved to wind people up, especially my mum. Even in his final hours he had his sense of humour. He was lying in bed that morning and he had a remote to move the bed into different positions. My mum heard him call her, so she went in and the remote was on the floor. My dad said sorry NAME can you pick it up, so she did. 10 minutes later she heard my dad call her again, so she went back in, the remote was on the floor again this time my dad had a grin on his face, my mum picked it up and gave it to him and warned him not to drop it again. He did of course drop it again and my mum saw a big smile on his face like he always had as she came back in. She knew he was winding her up and was smiling as well and I’m sure my dad thought about doing it again, but he knew one more time and it would be wrapped around his neck.
Two of my oldest memories I have of my dad are of stories he liked to tell because he found them funny to talk about over the years and I know he would like me to mention them. I don’t know whether it’s a coincidence they both involve alcohol, but he was a SURNAME so of course he enjoyed a drink.
The first is when I was around 5 and my dad and I were watching tv and he was enjoying a glass of whiskey. He went out to go to the bathroom and I seized my opportunity, grabbed the whiskey, and had a swig. My Dad came back into the room with me screaming it burns it burns pointing at the glass. My dad knew what needed to be done and rushed into action grabbing a can of lager and having me drink some to get rid of the whiskey taste. It did work to be fair and when I was older, I hated whiskey and enjoyed lager, which explains a lot.
The second story I want to share is another from when I was young. My dad would always go out drinking with his brothers NAME and NAME on boxing day. It was usually a nice casual drink and a chance for them to spend time together. However, on this occasion my dad got very drunk. So drunk his brothers had to carry him home which was an incredible feat by itself as he was not a small man. What was even more impressive is they managed to get him home but avoid my mum. They achieved this by leaving him sitting by the bins outside and knocking the door and running off. I don’t blame them, and I think it was a very smart move. However, what they didn’t expect was my dad to get up and manage to fall inside the bin. That was the sight that greeted my mum.
My dad was a great father to me and my sister NAME. He was limited physically in some of the things he could do with us but he more than made up for it in other ways and he was always there for us when we needed him. The only thing my father got wrong when NAME and I were growing up in my opinion is he should have been a bit harsher on NAME. She was always terrorizing me, and I was always calm and never did anything to instigate things, but she couldn’t be stopped. I think my father showed a bit of favouritism there.
At Christmas and other occasions, he enjoyed having everyone around and eating, drinking, playing games and having fun. Trivial pursuit was something he always wanted to play, probably because he would often win. He would always play as the blue counter, his favourite colour and if my nan was there which she usually was she would go on his team as she knew he would get everything right and she could sit back and sip her dissarano. I’m sorry nan but I really don’t think your going to win many games in future.
A memory of Christmas that sticks out is when we were playing a golf game on the Nintendo wii and it was my dads go. He was very competitive and put a lot of effort into his swing as he had to make up for the fact, he was playing sitting down. On this occasion he tried a bit too hard and also forgot to tighten the strap causing the wii remote to go flying off his wrist and straight into the tv destroying the screen. I will never forget the look on his face, a combination of shock and disbelief.
My dad also enjoyed playing real golf, many times with me and his son in law NAME but always with his mum. He caught the golf bug later in life but would play almost every week, sometimes twice a week for the part of the year they could use a buggy on the course. His father also used to go with them to drive the buggy and the sight of it all on the course was terrifying for others playing. A typical sight would be his father with his sunglasses on no matter the weather, driving the buggy with my dad in front and my nan sitting at the back trying to hold on as his father drove way to fast hitting every bump he could find and just about staying upright. He would then drop them off next to their drive which had gone maybe 50 yards at most, which considering their limitations wasn’t bad. They would play their shots with his father laughing hysterically and taunting them from the buggy as their balls went another 50 yards. To just be on the golf course playing with the pain my father was in and the limitations he had was an inspiration to me. He didn’t care what anyone else thought as he was doing what he enjoyed.
There are many more memories I could talk about and many more things he enjoyed doing but we’ll be here hours if I go into everything, and nobody wants that including me. NAME will go into more of my dad’s hobbies and life later, but I hope what the memories I’ve talked about show is how my dad loved being around his family and always lived life to the fullest. I wish we had more years with him, but I can say with confidence that he was happy and content that he had an excellent life.
There are a few milestones I want to talk about that I know would be important to my dad.
My Mum and Dad met working in a bakery. The day he got married to my mum I know he would have felt so lucky to have found someone he loved and could spend his life with or as my nan put it when preparing for today, he married the best tart in the bakery. They were always there for each other, and I know my dad would have very much appreciated the emotional support she gave him especially the last few years. It wasn’t easy for her either dealing with my dad’s illness but I’m so proud of my mum and dad for how they dealt with everything. Susan and I could not have wished for better parents.
The day my sister NAME and I were both born but especially me were big moments for my dad and changed his life forever, hopefully for the better but maybe not always. Also, important moments were when his Grandchildren NAME and NAME were born who may not know how lucky they are to have had my dad around for the time they did but they will when they are older as they look back to Grampys example and guidance.
My dad was so happy that NAME and I had both found what he had with my mum. For NAME it was NAME and for me it was NAME. NAME and I have chosen the easier option of having dogs rather than children which my dad, despite saying he never wanted a dog around or had any interest in them ended up loving having both NAME and NAME around. He would play with them despite it being hard for him and enjoyed taunting them with toys and chews and they would taunt him back by leaving things just out of reach for him.
The day my sister NAME and NAME got married was an emotional and wonderful day for my dad. Getting to walk his daughter down the aisle was a happy and proud moment for him. we didn’t know if he’d be able to do it beforehand, but he wasn’t going to miss the chance, so he got through it as he always did. My dad was not known for speaking in large crowds or being confident at it, in fact it was the opposite. However, the speech he gave at NAME wedding was incredible, funny, emotional, and memorable. He spoke from the heart without anything prepared and I am so proud he not only got through it but delivered an unforgettable speech.
There was never any pressure put on me or NAME. The only thing he wanted for us was to be happy and if we were happy that was ok for him.
I want to finish by sharing what some of his closest family wanted me to say on their behalf. This is their words read out by me.
His Wife NAME says, Mark was the love of my life, my soulmate with so many happy years together. Those years were rich with happy memories with our family. No more pain and suffering now my darling, rest now. My everlasting love always.
His daughter NAME says, I could not have asked for a better dad. You were always supportive and patient in everything I did. Your Grandchildren NAME and NAME will remember you as wise and funny, you always took an interest in what they liked. I will miss you incredibly, but you will forever be in my heart.
His Mother NAME says, Words cannot say how much I will miss you. I get comfort that you are not in any pain now. Sleep my darling until we are together again.
His brother NAME says, I will love and miss you always, brother.
His Brother NAME says, Dear Brother I will start by saying at least you are now at peace and pain free. You will be deeply missed by us all, after all you were the diplomatic one of the family. Mark was the most patient and calm member of us all and nothing was any bother for him to do. Love you Mark God bless you and thank you for being my brother, Love NAME.
His Son in law NAME says, thank you for welcoming me into your family with nothing but love and kindness. We shared a love for formula 1 and I’ll think of you whenever I’m watching a race.
His Niece NAME says, Uncle Mark was always kind and caring to me and you could tell how much he loved his family. Whenever I visited and complained about something he always found a way to spin it in a positive light and give me a new perspective. My last memory is of him in his chair putting his jumper on which got stuck after his arms were through. He made me jump because I thought he was headless and gave us all a good laugh. I feel lucky to have had him as an uncle.
Finally, for me he was my hero. I owe him everything. I couldn’t have wished for a better man to look up to and learn from. My respect for how he lived his life despite the challenges he faced is immeasurable. He never complained, never worried, never gave up, he lived his life to the maximum he could, doing the things he enjoyed around the people he loved right until the very end.
Dad I’m going to miss you beyond words and its going to be hard, but I will draw from what you taught me and live my life the best I can. It is said that a person is never truly gone as long as they are still talked about. Well, the impact You had on those around you means stories of you will be passed down for generations. The memories I have of you will stay in my head and the love and respect I have for you will remain in my heart forever.

So, this is the 8th month after a psychotic break i had. I'm still 30% functional only but at least now i regained the ability to make conversations with people and write.
My relationship with schizophrenia is weird: i was always halluctinating vividly and i thought, i BELIEVED until i was 11 that this life was actually my old self rewatching the memories of his past life. Everything was the Truman Show with Old Truman as the sole expectator. I used to talk to the camera men i was sure were behind the courtains, when i was introduced to the concept of God i spent years trying to not feel ashamed cause God saw me naked whenever i showered or went to the bathroom. The first time i went on anti psychotics when i was 20, i discovered that 70% of what i used to hear all the time were hallucinations. But finally now i understood i am schizophrenic and i finally found the key to my freedom: i thought all of that was normal because my entire family is psychotic. Yeah, my mom says i'm actually touched by God and she and dad's entire family sees God, have revelations and hallucinate clearly. I began to understand why all of them followed the same path and "lost in life". All of them religious people who lost their families, women and men.
So yeah, i'm almost homeless and so tired but i think it's at least one sort of progress

My father passed away last month at the age of 60. Although he had a number of illnesses, with one being from a young age, his death was unexpected. This is incredibly hard to come to terms with as I expect anyone on this subreddit would appreciate. Reading posts of some people on here who have lost loved ones at a young age or in terrible circumstances puts my loss in perspective but its still no less raw or devastating. I read a eulogy at my fathers funeral which I'm going to add below. It's long and most people won't read it but I just want to tell as many people as possible how amazing my father was. I have omitted any names from the eulogy and replaced with NAME. I will say though my dads name was Mark and I hope anyone who reads this sees how incredible he was.
Thank you all for coming.
My Dad was the person I looked up to the most, especially the older I got where I grew to appreciate the incredible man he was and how he lived his life. He had things very hard from a young age with multiple conditions, but he never let that define him. He appreciated the good things in his life, and not once did I ever hear him dwell on the bad that happened to him, his attitude was always to enjoy what he could surrounded by the people he loved for as long as he could no matter what was thrown his way. My dad possessed many qualities which include being kind, thoughtful, funny, loving and he is the strongest person mentally I’ve ever met and I’m proud and fortunate that he was my dad. The challenge to show those qualities became harder especially in the last few years but he never stopped living and being the man he always was, laughing, joking, and enjoying himself around his family.
His sense of humour was witty and dark, and he loved to wind people up, especially my mum. Even in his final hours he had his sense of humour. He was lying in bed that morning and he had a remote to move the bed into different positions. My mum heard him call her, so she went in and the remote was on the floor. My dad said sorry NAME can you pick it up, so she did. 10 minutes later she heard my dad call her again, so she went back in, the remote was on the floor again this time my dad had a grin on his face, my mum picked it up and gave it to him and warned him not to drop it again. He did of course drop it again and my mum saw a big smile on his face like he always had as she came back in. She knew he was winding her up and was smiling as well and I’m sure my dad thought about doing it again, but he knew one more time and it would be wrapped around his neck.
Two of my oldest memories I have of my dad are of stories he liked to tell because he found them funny to talk about over the years and I know he would like me to mention them. I don’t know whether it’s a coincidence they both involve alcohol, but he was a SURNAME so of course he enjoyed a drink.
The first is when I was around 5 and my dad and I were watching tv and he was enjoying a glass of whiskey. He went out to go to the bathroom and I seized my opportunity, grabbed the whiskey, and had a swig. My Dad came back into the room with me screaming it burns it burns pointing at the glass. My dad knew what needed to be done and rushed into action grabbing a can of lager and having me drink some to get rid of the whiskey taste. It did work to be fair and when I was older, I hated whiskey and enjoyed lager, which explains a lot.
The second story I want to share is another from when I was young. My dad would always go out drinking with his brothers NAME and NAME on boxing day. It was usually a nice casual drink and a chance for them to spend time together. However, on this occasion my dad got very drunk. So drunk his brothers had to carry him home which was an incredible feat by itself as he was not a small man. What was even more impressive is they managed to get him home but avoid my mum. They achieved this by leaving him sitting by the bins outside and knocking the door and running off. I don’t blame them, and I think it was a very smart move. However, what they didn’t expect was my dad to get up and manage to fall inside the bin. That was the sight that greeted my mum.
My dad was a great father to me and my sister NAME. He was limited physically in some of the things he could do with us but he more than made up for it in other ways and he was always there for us when we needed him. The only thing my father got wrong when NAME and I were growing up in my opinion is he should have been a bit harsher on NAME. She was always terrorizing me, and I was always calm and never did anything to instigate things, but she couldn’t be stopped. I think my father showed a bit of favouritism there.
At Christmas and other occasions, he enjoyed having everyone around and eating, drinking, playing games and having fun. Trivial pursuit was something he always wanted to play, probably because he would often win. He would always play as the blue counter, his favourite colour and if my nan was there which she usually was she would go on his team as she knew he would get everything right and she could sit back and sip her dissarano. I’m sorry nan but I really don’t think your going to win many games in future.
A memory of Christmas that sticks out is when we were playing a golf game on the Nintendo wii and it was my dads go. He was very competitive and put a lot of effort into his swing as he had to make up for the fact, he was playing sitting down. On this occasion he tried a bit too hard and also forgot to tighten the strap causing the wii remote to go flying off his wrist and straight into the tv destroying the screen. I will never forget the look on his face, a combination of shock and disbelief.
My dad also enjoyed playing real golf, many times with me and his son in law NAME but always with his mum. He caught the golf bug later in life but would play almost every week, sometimes twice a week for the part of the year they could use a buggy on the course. His father also used to go with them to drive the buggy and the sight of it all on the course was terrifying for others playing. A typical sight would be his father with his sunglasses on no matter the weather, driving the buggy with my dad in front and my nan sitting at the back trying to hold on as his father drove way to fast hitting every bump he could find and just about staying upright. He would then drop them off next to their drive which had gone maybe 50 yards at most, which considering their limitations wasn’t bad. They would play their shots with his father laughing hysterically and taunting them from the buggy as their balls went another 50 yards. To just be on the golf course playing with the pain my father was in and the limitations he had was an inspiration to me. He didn’t care what anyone else thought as he was doing what he enjoyed.
There are many more memories I could talk about and many more things he enjoyed doing but we’ll be here hours if I go into everything, and nobody wants that including me. NAME will go into more of my dad’s hobbies and life later, but I hope what the memories I’ve talked about show is how my dad loved being around his family and always lived life to the fullest. I wish we had more years with him, but I can say with confidence that he was happy and content that he had an excellent life.
There are a few milestones I want to talk about that I know would be important to my dad.
My Mum and Dad met working in a bakery. The day he got married to my mum I know he would have felt so lucky to have found someone he loved and could spend his life with or as my nan put it when preparing for today, he married the best tart in the bakery. They were always there for each other, and I know my dad would have very much appreciated the emotional support she gave him especially the last few years. It wasn’t easy for her either dealing with my dad’s illness but I’m so proud of my mum and dad for how they dealt with everything. Susan and I could not have wished for better parents.
The day my sister NAME and I were both born but especially me were big moments for my dad and changed his life forever, hopefully for the better but maybe not always. Also, important moments were when his Grandchildren NAME and NAME were born who may not know how lucky they are to have had my dad around for the time they did but they will when they are older as they look back to Grampys example and guidance.
My dad was so happy that NAME and I had both found what he had with my mum. For NAME it was NAME and for me it was NAME. NAME and I have chosen the easier option of having dogs rather than children which my dad, despite saying he never wanted a dog around or had any interest in them ended up loving having both NAME and NAME around. He would play with them despite it being hard for him and enjoyed taunting them with toys and chews and they would taunt him back by leaving things just out of reach for him.
The day my sister NAME and NAME got married was an emotional and wonderful day for my dad. Getting to walk his daughter down the aisle was a happy and proud moment for him. we didn’t know if he’d be able to do it beforehand, but he wasn’t going to miss the chance, so he got through it as he always did. My dad was not known for speaking in large crowds or being confident at it, in fact it was the opposite. However, the speech he gave at NAME wedding was incredible, funny, emotional, and memorable. He spoke from the heart without anything prepared and I am so proud he not only got through it but delivered an unforgettable speech.
There was never any pressure put on me or NAME. The only thing he wanted for us was to be happy and if we were happy that was ok for him.
I want to finish by sharing what some of his closest family wanted me to say on their behalf. This is their words read out by me.
His Wife NAME says, Mark was the love of my life, my soulmate with so many happy years together. Those years were rich with happy memories with our family. No more pain and suffering now my darling, rest now. My everlasting love always.
His daughter NAME says, I could not have asked for a better dad. You were always supportive and patient in everything I did. Your Grandchildren NAME and NAME will remember you as wise and funny, you always took an interest in what they liked. I will miss you incredibly, but you will forever be in my heart.
His Mother NAME says, Words cannot say how much I will miss you. I get comfort that you are not in any pain now. Sleep my darling until we are together again.
His brother NAME says, I will love and miss you always, brother.
His Brother NAME says, Dear Brother I will start by saying at least you are now at peace and pain free. You will be deeply missed by us all, after all you were the diplomatic one of the family. Mark was the most patient and calm member of us all and nothing was any bother for him to do. Love you Mark God bless you and thank you for being my brother, Love NAME.
His Son in law NAME says, thank you for welcoming me into your family with nothing but love and kindness. We shared a love for formula 1 and I’ll think of you whenever I’m watching a race.
His Niece NAME says, Uncle Mark was always kind and caring to me and you could tell how much he loved his family. Whenever I visited and complained about something he always found a way to spin it in a positive light and give me a new perspective. My last memory is of him in his chair putting his jumper on which got stuck after his arms were through. He made me jump because I thought he was headless and gave us all a good laugh. I feel lucky to have had him as an uncle.
Finally, for me he was my hero. I owe him everything. I couldn’t have wished for a better man to look up to and learn from. My respect for how he lived his life despite the challenges he faced is immeasurable. He never complained, never worried, never gave up, he lived his life to the maximum he could, doing the things he enjoyed around the people he loved right until the very end.
Dad I’m going to miss you beyond words and its going to be hard, but I will draw from what you taught me and live my life the best I can. It is said that a person is never truly gone as long as they are still talked about. Well, the impact You had on those around you means stories of you will be passed down for generations. The memories I have of you will stay in my head and the love and respect I have for you will remain in my heart forever.

So, I think folks have seen my post before, but I'm in a position where I am a junior who's only been doing this for 8 months, arguably 6 at most since I've been doing proper pr work. I have zero previous experience with pr, I don't think the part time social media management job I did for a small company counted either.
Except I'm doing actual work, for actual high end clients with major media. I'm writing and sending press releases, I'm inviting journalists to events then managing them on site, I'm phoning journalists, I'm writing up background info for journalists on clients, I'm organising photoshoots, I'm managing media lists, I'm booking hotels and catering - everything my boss doesn't have time for basically. And there's only me and him in this pr agency, and he's overworked as heck so barely has time to explain things.
In short, my mentor took me under his wing then proceeded to teach me to fly - in the same manner a guillemot chick learns. I get tossed off the cliff to see if I can fly, and okay, after hitting the ground a few times I'm getting better. Also how to fly is also not very well explained at times before I'm chucked off the cliff either. And sure, I'm meeting the big name news birds, some who are valuable contacts but...
...I'm also getting stressed to the point I've lost weight and sleep.
My plan is after the current project is to quit, go into a pr internship/actual junior position or work in house for a small company doing combined psocial media.
So this post is both a vent and also asking for advice on how the hell I cope with this for the next two weeks? I do have another job lined up he sort of knows about, but not that I quit working with him for it, as the plan was to do that part time on the side. (Until my workload reached working on weekends past 6pm at times.)
I can't quit immediately because I need my mentor to check my CV and give me a good reference that isn't 'left me high and dry during a major project.'

First for some background, me and my boyfriend have been dating for about 4 months. Everything has been going great, of course we’ve had a couple of arguments but nothing serious and we’ve resolved them. Around 2 weeks ago something switched, he stopped initiating conversations or answering me (as quickly as he usually did) and was just being very distant. I tried to make plans with him but he would always be busy. We hung out once during these 2 weeks because i kinda forced him (not actually). I tried talking to him about what’s going on. He explained that it wasn’t anything serious but that he simply didn’t have the energy to hangout. The way he was acting was completely different from his usual self. More relevant background: him and me sometimes smoke (🍃), not that often and we keep it under control. When we hung out I tried talking to him cause i thought he was smoking more than he told me about. He kept denying even though i knew he was. I tried to let it go and just enjoy the time we had with each other. I also let him know that i didn’t want to go more than a week without spending time together (or just having a meaningful conversation). So when the next week had passed without me hearing from him i told him we needed to talk. We made plans for the next day but he couldn’t make it so we decided to talk the day after that. He was supposed to come over, but a couple minutes before we were going to meet he asked if we could meet in a park close by. So we met up and he started explaining how he had lost feelings and just didn’t feel like spending time with me or talking to me. He said he hadn’t lost all feelings but that he just didn’t know what had happened. He explained that he feels “empty” and from what i gathered he’s extremely burnt out. He’d been smoking almost everyday and said that it was to the point he couldn’t eat unless he smoked. He said he knew it was unfair of him to make me make the decision if we should breakup or not but that he couldn’t do it. We were both ugly crying and he just kept hugging me. He has never cried in front of me and he was surprised he did, he doesn’t remember the last time he cried. We continued talking and he kept repeating how this couldn’t be the last time we meet and that he doesn’t want to break up. He told me i haven’t done anything wrong at all, that i’m perfect and he genuinely doesn’t know why he feels the way he does. After he got home he texted me saying “You really mean so much to me, i didn’t realize how much until today”. What we decided was basically that both of us were gonna think about everything and talk again some later date.
Now what i need opinions and advice about: I truly do love him despite him apparently not feeling the same. But if he truly doesn’t why was he crying? Why was he saying i’m perfect, beautiful, nice and so forth? Why couldn’t he allow that to be the last time we met? Why did he text me that after he got home? It might be me not wanting to give us up that makes me think it’s just his own problems confusing him. But why would he sit there crying and refusing to let me go if he “lost feelings”? I’ve sorta come to the conclusion that even if its him simply losing feelings or if it has to do with his mental health that i should leave. He wont magically regain those feelings from me just hanging around and i don’t want to be in a relationship where i’m not treated as a girlfriend. And if it has to do with his mental state and smoking problems, then me staying is sort of like me enabling his addiction. I want to help him, his mental health is what’s most important to me. But he doesn’t want my help and he can’t receive it unless he at least tries helping himself. I just really really don’t want to let go and lose him, he’s everything to me. But i don’t want to watch him waste his life away. What should i do?