I miss being a kid and the thought of growing up terrifies me
Even though I'm technically young, I'm 17, I still have a super big fear of growing up.
I hate the idea of being an adult. Being totally independant and overwhelmed with responsibilities. I'm so scared of getting a job as I don't cope with stress well and I'm sensitive. The workplace isn't for people like me, it just seems way too hostile and I don't know how I can manage. Then there's bills and "adulting" skills which I will have to get used to doing by myself. Then there's also relationships, both romantic and platonic which I don't think I will be able to achieve
Right now I'm going through so much. I'm going through addiction, low mood, body image issues and occasional suicidal thoughts. My life has been hell since I was 11. All I want is to go back to when I was happy and life was carefree. I'm just broken and I can't fix myself.
This isn't new. I remember feeling this way since I was 13. When I was 13, my brother starting watching the old kids TV channel I used to watch. Of course it evolved and new shows came about, but some of the shows are still running decades later. I remember hearing the theme tunes of some of my favourite shows for the first time in years and it brought me to tears. It takes a lot to make me cry, but reminiscing and remembering the good memories I had around age 10 and below just filled me dread and nostalgia. I was 13, still young, but still having a constant crisis about growing up too fast and never reliving my childhood.
I still feel that now at 17. I listen to the Sonic Colours intro music, my favourite game when I was young, and it brings back memories of when I played it for the first time at my friend's house after school. His mum brought in burger and chips for dinner, and we played sonic colours and ate the dinner at the same time. Something that blew my young mind as I was never allowed to play and eat at the same time at my house. We then played Mario Kart Wii and Skylanders after dinner and then my parents picked me up at 6:30pm. I remember crying on the journey back because I didn't want the fun to end.
I was so innocent and carefree then. But now, I'm broken. I've written 3 suicide notes this year alone. I just want to go back in time and relive those memories even for just one day. I don't want to grow up. I feel like my childhood is wasted.
Sometimes I get suicidal for this reason. I'm not going to be able to function in society so why should I? Why should I live in a country where the government doesn't give a shit about anything but lining their pockets? Being an adult sounds like such a shit show. My mental health issues have fucking RUINED my teen years. I'm done. People say teen years are the best times ever, this is not fucking fun. I'd rather die than be an adult. My life has been fucking wasted. Fuck this.

My sweet Theo passed away last week at only 10 months old. The week we moved into our first home a group of young girls rang our door bell with the most calm and loving kitten I’ve ever seen, he had no home and they didn’t know what to do with him. We have 4 cats and knew that there was a reason he came to us! Our cats are everything to us and Theo was just the perfect addition to our lives. He slept with us every night and so quickly became our bestfriend and so loved but our friends and family as well. One day he managed to get ahold of a balloon and ate it, we weren’t aware until he was started throwing some of it up. After 2 weeks in the vet and a surgery he was doing much better! Then after a great update the night before from the vet we received a shocking call that something had happened and he suddenly passed. Me and my husband have been devastated. So many tears and the pain of the long life he never got the chance at and The guilt of how he managed to get ahold of a balloon. My vet has been so kind to give us time on what we want to choose for his afterlife care. I know that cremation is the right answer for us. My husband and I would suffer greatly to bring him home and have to bury him and we feel strongly this would cause us more pain. But it feels as though my brain is intentionally hurting me with these thoughts of burning my sweet boy )): I know this is just his physical vessel and he can’t feel the pain of it but I am struggling none the less ): I am hoping to know of someone who has this same fear and want to know if you were able to overcome it or if you ever regretted the decision you made. Thank you for any help

I had a drug problem, and I lived a very chaotic live. I frequently went to bars just to do cocaine with friends and fight people in the bar.
One of my female friends was very concerned about my way of living. I said that it really wasn't that bad. But one day when I got very high on cocaine and I crashed my motorcycle in a farmfield somewhere and laid there until sunrise, I knew it was time to try to change my life. The female friend, named Emma, was very reliefed that I had the courage to ask her for help.
She immediately started to figure stuff out to help me, and after a while she told me she found a program somewhere in the mountains deep in the forest that helped people get rid of their addictions.
The name of the program was ''Pure Order''. I was a bit sketchy at first, but I love the mountains and nature so I thought I could always give it a try.
The only problem, was that I was from New Jersey, and the program was in Montana. But Emma was willing to pay along for the trip, and she'd even come with me to drop me off to make sure I arrived safely.
At the airport, a car, that was part of the Pure Order program, would take us there. The driver was a man in a suit, with combed black hair, a well kept goatee and mustache. He was wearing a dress shirt, suspenders and cowboy boots.
It was a peculiar look that I instantly noticed. It was a very hipster look, but also a very country look. It was a 5 hour, if not more, ride from the airport to the place where the Pure Order program was. It was very deep in the woods and mountains, and very far away from civilization.
When we arrived, I saw 10 feet high walls, made out of wooden beams, with barbed wire at the top. It kinda looked like a military camp to me, but also like a scouting camp. It was close to a very big lake, surrounded by a dense forest.
The big wooden doors opened, and a nice dressed gentleman was standing in the door opening. Also with suspenders, big beard, combed hair, tinted glasses, nice white dress shirt, a black Bolo tie, and a suit jacket.
I noticed some kind of dress code, but I thought that was to tell the staff members apart from the people. The man who greeted me was a very nice man, and super welcoming. Then we heard a gunshot in the distance, and I saw birds fly up from the treelines.
The man was obviously startled by the gunshot, and me and Emma looked at each other. The man said ''Its hunting season, we take the people outside hunting as one of the many outdoor activities we have around the camp'' in a laughing tone with a smile.
The man welcomed me in, and Emma was not allowed in since she wasn't part of the Pure Order program, so they politely asked her to leave. And the driver would take her back to the airport.
The man talked to me for a bit, while we walked to my bed where I could put my stuff and ''Make myself'' at home. I walked into one of those typical summer camp sleeping places, with two rows of bunk beds on each side of the walls, once again very military like.
The man noticed the look on my face and he told me not to worry, as we would only sleep here, and we would be doing activities all day.
Lastly he asked me if he could have my phone, so I'm not distracted by the outside world and we can focus on me getting better instead. I was hesitant at first, but the way he said it just made sense, and before I thought about it I handed over my phone.
Not that my phone had any signal anyway.
He asked that if I had any questions, I could always ask him. I was scared to ask questions but for some reason I just blurted out all the questions I had.
I asked about the barbed wire, why we are so far away from civilization, why I had to hand my phone over even though I didn't have any signal.
He politely told me that the barbed wire was because the wildlife would sometimes climb over the wooden walls. He told me we are so far away from civilization because they don't want anyone to get the urge to get distracted by day to day society, and fall back into our old habits.
I had to hand over my phone because I would be distracted by it, even though I didn't have any signal, they just wanted to be completely sure that I would get better.
That night we would gather around the campfire, the staff members were there, and the other people in the program. The staff introduced me, and I was kinda awkwardly sitting there, but the other people in the program were very inviting as well.
They told me about the program, they had big smiles on their faces and they looked genuinely happy. They showed interest in me, asking me where I came from, what my goal was, told me about their issues and how the program have really helped them so far.
I felt like I wasn't alone, and that I could actually be helped. Almost all my suspicion disappeared. The heat of the fire was getting a bit hot, so I took off my flannel, revealing some of my tattoos. People in the group were very interested in my tattoos.
I had a tribal tattoo that looked like waves, with a boat sailing on the waves. I said it was because one of my best friends was in the navy, and he sadly lost his life in was, and I had the tattoo out of respect for him.
One of the staff member showed me his tattoo. It was a tattoo on his forearm. It looked like a ''Phi'' symbol from the Greek alphabet, but instead of the circle, it was an eye. He said he got the tattoo when he ''Reached enlightenment''.
I didn't know what that meant, but you know, I don't judge, we all got our things, and I was just happy he ''reached his enlightenment''.
As I was getting ready for bed, one of the other people in the program came up to me and told me ''Welcome to the program, one piece of advice, make sure to smile.'' I thought he meant that we had to smile so we don't bring down the mood for the other people and we keep things positive.
So I brushed off what he said, and made sure to keep a positive mindset.
The next day we did all kinds of activities, we painted, we went fishing, we had a couple (Non alcoholic) drinks and it was a very good experience.
When I was getting another drink from the cooler, one of the staff members came up to me, saying that I had a very rough look, with the tattoos and I had a cut in my eyebrow from a bar fight when someone pulled out a knife and tried to cut my face.
I told him about the fight I've gotten in, and said that I could ''basically defend myself''. He said that if I'd like, I could sign up for a boxing match that would be happening that night. He said that they would have boxing matches, so the people could blow off some steam, and since I had a history of fighting he thought it would be something for me. I was actually very excited, so I decided to sign up.
That night I put on the boxing gloves and fought one of the other people in the program. It was a close match but I managed to win. He was laying on the ground, still consious. As I was celebrating they told me to ''End the fight''.
I had a very confused look on my face, the fight ended, he coulnd't fight anymore and I won. But every staff member kept chanting ''End the fight''. I realised I had to kill him. The man that welcomed me at the door, told everyone to be quiet and he told me ''End the fight, prove to yourself that you have what it takes to make a change. Otherwise you don't have what it takes, and we would be forced to take matters in our own hands.'' while putting one hand on a revolver. When I looked around, I saw the other people in the program just silently looking at me. Their eyes looked empty. All of them knew what had to be done, because they were once in my spot.
I realised that if I didn't kill the man in front of me, I would be the one that would not make it out of here. I looked at the mans face, he had this facial expression that begged me for mercy, but he also understood what had to be done. I shut off my mind, and my survival instinct just took over. I killed that man with my bare hands.
I came to the realisation that this wasn't a program to help people get better. This is a cult. And now that I killed that man, I had officially joined the cult.
I walked up to the man who greeted me at the gate the next day, as I got the impression that he was most likely the leader of the cult. I overheard some staff members drop the name ''Head of Order Edgar'', so as I walked towards him I said ''Edgar?'' and he looked up and asked what was wrong?
I tried to maintain calm but couldn't really contain myself and I asked ''What the fuck was that all about yesterday?'' in a very shaken voice. Edgar told me that I had to choose a new path in life, that I had to make a change in my life, and have the strength to make a life or death decision. As the was telling me these things, I noticed the ''Phi'' tattoo in Edgar's neck. The exact same one the other fella showed me before.
I looked at him with a scared but understanding face, while in my mind all I could think was ''These guys are absolutely nuts.'' I knew I had to escape somehow, even though it could be my death with all the wildlife out there, I had to at least try.
The next few days I went along with all their activities, while trying to figure out the patterns of the cult members. I managed to find an oppurtunity to escape. I noticed that every night, after all the program members would go to sleep, the cult members would gather around and they would have a few drinks.
I knew it was risky as it would be very easy to detect me if I were to sneak out, but I had to try.
So after a couple nights, I gathered the courage to sneak out. I slightly opened the door and I noticed the cult members gathered around the campfire. There were even more cult members then I thought, all dressed in the dress shirts, long beards, suspenders etcetera. I sneaked out of the cabin and the door cracked as I opened it.
The cult members heard the sound but brushed it off, but they did stay on their guard. I thought about sneaking back inside the cabin but I knew this had to be my moment, now I had the courage to make a move. I decided to keep going, and sneak towards a weaker spot in the wooden walls.
As I got closer to the wooden wall, a dog in a cage started barking at me. I panicked and kicked down the weak part of the wall and managed to get out of the walls. I felt so free, but I wasn't out there yet. I didn't have time to think and I heard the cult members scream and load weapons.
I didn't think about anything, I just started running, and I heard the screaming get further and further away. I just kept running, I had no idea what way I was running, where I was, it was pitch dark, I guess around 3 am. I heard bullets whizzing by my head, bullets hitting the trees, right next to me.
I zigzagged and all my legs could do was just run. I kept hearing the screaming in the distance, then it got closer and closer and I kept hearing bullet whizzing by. Then out of nowhere, I felt a sharp pain in my leg, I tried to get up but my leg felt heavy, I thought I was struck by as bullet, but my leg got caught in a bear trap. I tried to pry it open, I screamed from the pain, the screaming from the cult members got closer and closer. My heart was raising. And as I looked up I was looking directly into the face of a cult member, with his weapon leaning on his shoulder. He didn't look happy.
They dragged me through the woods, like I was some kind of animal. They said that they had a place for ''people like me''. They dragged me to a tiny shed deep into the woods. It had no windows, just some very small holes in the wood of the shed that let some light from the upcoming sun in.
They strapped me to a chair, and put tape over my mouth. I heard the sound of a shotgun getting cocked behind me. I felt a very cold metal rod getting pushed into the side of my head, the barrel of the shotgun. I was breathing very heavily, I couldn't scream. I felt one single tear roll down my face.
As I looked through one of the holes in the shed, I was looking at the sunrise. I heard a gunshot, and all my pain disappeared. All I could see was Edgar welcoming new people at the gate, as he smiled and said ''Aahhh, hunting season.''

I (26M) was recently broken up with by my (24F) girlfriend of 6 years right after opening up to her about how I had been struggling a lot mentally recently. That's not necessarily the cause, but it happens to be a terrible coincidence.
Backstory to the unfortunate mental struggles:
About 10 weeks ago I had a very long night out and woke up extremely hungover. My brother met up with me that night in our parents car and ended up staying with us for a few drinks, so evidently he left the car.
Of course, I woke up and had a boatload of caffeine so I was already on edge a little bit. My brother was still asleep, so my mom asked me if I could quickly drive my dad to the car so he could take it home. No problem, I hopped in my car and drove there with my dad.
On the way home, completely unprovoked and no anxiety prior, I had an insane panic attack. I’ve never experienced anything like it before. I think I’ve only had one panic attack in my life, and for some reason it left me with a very small amount of social anxiety. During this attack, my hands and feet were completely numb and sweating. At first, I had literally no idea what was going on - I thought it was a legitimate health issue. I ended up taking a bit to drive home, but I made it.
Since then, I've just had heightened anxiety. I've had one other panic attack in the past and I eventually got over the lingering anxiety, so I knew it wasn't permanent.
Mental Health Backstory on her end:
To preface this, we both have anxiety/depression in our genetics unfortunately. In fact, her mom spent some time in the hospital when they were young because of how bad it got.
She also apparently had a ton of anxiety from work recently (she's a nurse, I'm in tech).
On my mothers side of the family, my mom, grandma and great grandma have struggled with anxiety their entire lives, some of them taking antidepressants.
Not fun genes for either of us to have, but we persevered!
Our Relationship:
This is what has been getting to me, our relationship was very healthy. We argued probably 2-3 times per year, we spent the majority of days together - as we lived only a 5 minute drive apart. We were both fully a part of each other's families. All of the normal relationship stuff, we were completely engulfed in it. We had also been looking at engagement rings for a bit and ALWAYS talked about our life together.
When I was about 19 before we were together, I used to drunkenly talk about her all of the time to my friends saying "if she ever gets out of the relationship with her boyfriend (at that time) she's the one I'm going for". When I was graduating high school, I went into her class on yearbook day, grabbed her yearbook and wrote my number in it. Long story short, she ended up single and within a month of that happening, we were together.
The "problems" we had over the years that were semi-recurring:
I didn't suggest enough of our plans. I explained to her a number of times that I'd happily go anywhere, I just don't tend to suggest ideas because sometimes she wanted to, other times she didn't. I've lived by the motto "happy wife, happy life" in that relationship, so I tended to go along with whatever she suggested.
We didn't take enough pictures together. I don't really like being in too many pictures and that bothered her.
We didn't travel together enough. This goes back to the anxiety, I hate flying and haven't done it in almost a decade. However, I have an appointment with my doctor in early July where I'm requesting some "emergencies only" anxiety medication to use for that exact scenario. Note - she went on a number of trips over the years with her closest friends. Furthermore, we had done weekend getaways via car together but those apparently don't count. To add, her friends are hopping on planes at least once per month to go somewhere, I think comparison became the thief of joy here.
I didn't tell her I loved her enough or hug her enough. This one is hard for me because I felt like I definitely told her I loved her a lot. She used to occasionally say "do you even love me", semi-joking but also serious, and I always told her of course I did and even though I may not say it a number of times a day, of course I do. I also did a TON of things for her to show how much I cared (ie. she very rarely had to make a lunch for work, I cooked for her almost every day and we don't even live together) The hugging thing is a bit different, as she's always been extremely affectionate and I never really have been. I truly think it comes down to how I was raised, affection just wasn't a huge part of my childhood. (note, that's not a problem for me or anything, I had incredible family/parents, it just wasn't as prominent as it was in her childhood)
I cared a lot about money and how we could set ourselves up to move out. She had taken 5 trips (two of them by train, three by plane) with her friends in the past year and after the 5th one I asked if she planned on slowing down so she could focus on tackling her student debt and so we could start saving to move out, have a wedding etc. Specifically, I wanted us to be in the position where we weren't renting a home, ESPECIALLY given how much money we were making combined. This part kind of confused me because she was the first one to suggest moving out, but when it came time to adjusting the lifestyle to prepare for it, she didn't like the idea. But, I did use it as a crutch for my anxiety to get out of things sometimes and I did open up to her about that. As an example though, I still went with her to the Gucci store and helped her pick out a very expensive purse to celebrate getting her first real nursing job after graduating. I don't feel that I cared about money (especially given the stage we were in in our lives) more than any of my buddies with girlfriends. I wanted us to be set up well for the coming stages of our lives; they were fast approaching. Furthermore, her friends are catching a plane every weekend and are living with their parents but pay cheque to pay cheque with no prospects of ever leaving unless it's renting
The Situation:
About 7-ish weeks ago, a few weeks after my panic attack, my girlfriend was very adamant that we needed to book a trip together. She said we hadn't been on a "real" trip during our relationship (by real, she means getting on a plane). We were sitting down in her bed on my laptop looking at destinations and flights, but I was incredibly anxious about the whole thing. As we were about to book, I broke down and was fully vulnerable to her for one of the first times in the 6 year relationship. I said that I just don't see myself getting onto a plane right now without some kind of medication to calm me down. On top of that, it would stress me out financially a bit, as I'm a full-time masters student and working full time. Plus, it was during my one-week semester break, so I honestly just wanted to relax.
From that day on, our relationship started going downhill. She said she felt extremely disappointed by the whole situation and she couldn't shake the feeling. We then started only hanging out maybe once per week and it was very bland when we did. A couple weeks after that incident, I slept over at her house and I could tell she was genuinely just not happy at that time.
Brief backstory - despite being 26, my mom still gives me a ton of flack if I sleep at her house. It was rare that I got away with it. But, I did it that night anyway because she always asked me to sleep over but I rarely wanted to have to deal with my mom. I thought it would help show her I'm really trying to get better. She also invited me over the following evening and I obviously went.
After that day, I don't think we saw each other for about 2 weeks. I texted her on a Friday evening and said I just don't feel like she wants to be with me anymore. She picked me up so we could talk, and explained that she felt very disappointed about how we were so close to booking the trip and ended up not doing it. She said she needed a break and I was fine with it, I understood where she was coming from.
During this time, I started seeing a therapist. I found one online who was one of the highest rated in my province and was also extremely experienced in marital/pre-marital counselling so I could tell her about the relationship issues I was having along with my anxiety.
Fast forward about 2 more weeks (last weekend) she texted me saying she was ready to talk and picked me up. She said it's probably best if we just end the relationship for the time being. She explained that she felt she had been disappointed a few times over the years and was bottling a lot of things up. She said she needed time to "find herself again" and didn't know if we would get back together at all in the future or not. Then, we sat there talking in her car for another 30 minutes like things were normal so it really threw me off.
I ended up texting her the next day and asked if I could pick her up because I was confused from the night prior since we talked so normally after the breakup conversation. We ended up talking again, sharing some tears and what not, but I kind of understood why she felt she needed to be alone for a bit, even though she didn't know if we would get back together or not. She said that people do this all of the time and sometimes they come back stronger, but if it was meant to be then we'll get back together. I also told her about how much help I'm getting and how I'm setting a goal to take a vacation when I finish my masters in November. She was noticeably happy and asked a lot about how I was talking to my therapist about improving as a person and a (what I thought was soon to be) fiancé. She asked for all of the details about what we talked about in regards to our relationship and was very happy that I was putting that much effort in.
A couple days ago is when she deleted are photos together, but it came right after she posted an Instagram story while out with a friend who has no stability whatsoever. This friend has been on and off with the same guy (who treats her terribly) for as long as we were together. Not to mention, she sleeps around a ton. I can't help but feel like some of this breakup is being influenced by her friends (specifically this one) wanting her to be single like they are out of jealousy or something. Or, they want her to be flying somewhere once a month with them with no plans for the future. My girlfriend has cried to me in the past because she had been brought to places she didn't want to be because her friend wanted to go for a guy. That friend has also been binge drinking several times weekly for years. The following night, her two friends posted a story of her incredibly drunk in the back of a car with her feet out of the window I'm sure in hopes that I would see it. We're grown ass adults, I can't help but feel like that's just not a cool thing to do to your friend in general? I don't care how drunk you are, in fact I expected her to have a night out with her friends and let loose but posting someone else like that is just insanely stupid to me! To put the icing on the cake, one of my long time buddies from high school decided to go for one of her friends and I gave him substantial warnings about her. Within a year, that relationship was completely over with and she was on to the next.
Neither of us were ever the type one to have one-night stands or get around, so I'm not concerned about anything like that during the breakup. If it happens it happens, but I won't be sleeping with anyone until I've put in all of my effort to saving everything we've built. She's only ever been with me and her ex, while I've had a handful more partners before her - but I've experienced enough in my 26 years to know that there was is only one woman for me.
After all of this, I still couldn't shake the feeling that I felt I was being abandoned during the one time in my entire life I've opened up to anyone and really wanted some support. I'm also just having a hard time processing why it happened and how I can salvage it.
I've texted her once per week since the breaks & breakup happened just telling her that I loved her and wished we were going to XYZ events coming up. I also always say in the message that "You don't have to respond or even read it, I just want you to know". I'm having a hard time deciding if I should continue giving her that weekly text or not, but I really do want her to know how much I care and thought we were a dream team.
I just can't help but feel like we had "problems" that were very fixable and were very minor compared to 99% of couples. Her two best friends have had 5+ boyfriends each in the time that we were together and countless one-night stands. Every time they would break up, I'd hear a story from my girlfriend about how terribly they were treated by these guys and we talked about how lucky we are to have each other. There was no forms of jealousy or self-consciousness between us either, neither of us were bothered when we went out alone with our respective friend groups. I also never for a second worried when she travelled with her friends that she'd cheat or something.
This wraps in with why I can't process the breakup. Aside from the few things we argued about here and there (few times a year) it was an incredibly healthy relationship. I had a great relationship with her friends (despite some of the things I've said about them above) and would often times opt to go out drinking with her group over my group of buddies. I acknowledged my shortcomings as a boyfriend (ie. the affection) with my therapist and she's giving me some help with it. Am I crazy for thinking 1. that I can fix what's happened and 2. Part of this breakup might just be her wanting to see how much I actually care?
Anyway, I might add to this if I remember more important points. I just needed to get some of this off my chest. If you've made it this far into my story, thanks for reading!
TL;DR - Our relationship was very healthy, we never argued, the breakup came essentially because I wasn’t ready to travel despite the fact that I’m actively getting help

Nettie Peterson has known me at my best and at my worst, and after everything that's happened lately, I think I can finally say the same. I'm admittedly not very good at comforting her, though. I haven't had much practice, is all. Historically speaking, she's always been the one to take care of me. My introduction to earth was a confusing, horrifying time for me, and she had dealt with all of it. She'd handled every panic attack, brought me back from every low. When I woke up one night to a drilling pain in my stomach and blood soaking my panties, she managed to keep me calm while explaining that this would now happen every month.
What I'm saying is that the woman is insanely skilled.
Me, not so much. After we had gotten out of the cave, I tried to provide emotional support by petting her hair and talking soothingly. Seeing as I was also distressed, she was doing the same to me, so we were basically sitting on the beach holding each other. To the outside observer, we must have looked rather strange. I was relieved to finally get back to her house. We sat down in front of the TV and ate cupcakes. We have a special system for eating cupcakes. I peel off the frosting and give her rest. It's messy and I have to keep hand wipes nearby everytime, but it's how we do it. We both eat cupcakes whole when we're by ourselves, so it doesn't make much sense either, but when we share, it's always like this.
Once I was sure she was alright, I left her to go off to bed while I made my way back to the hotel, bracing myself for what I expected to be an extremely uncomfortable conversation.
The lobby was dim and quiet. The large, bright ceiling lights had been turned off with only a couple floor lamps illuminating the hall. I walked past the unmanned reception desk and up the stairs, then rapped my knuckles against the door to Frankie's room. After a couple seconds, he opened up. Upon meeting my gaze, he let out a soft gasp, but it wasn't followed by a smile this time. He made way for me to step inside, wordlessly, and I entered without breaking the silence. I sat down on the sofa where he joined me after placing a glass of coconut water in front of me.
For a beat, we both stared at the drink. I didn't take it.
"What you did felt really off earlier," I began. "You were trying to embarrass Nettie. If you were testing your boundaries, if you were trying to see how I'd react, you got your answer. Don't ever make me choose between you two. You'll lose."
"Yes," he said quietly.
"If you don't get along with Nettie, that's one thing. You don't need to. But she was needling you and you made a real effort to be cruel." I paused. "You act so strange sometimes. All bossy and cagey."
"Yes," he repeated, briefly falling silent as he worked away on his gum in slow, contemplative motions. "I'm sorry. I don't know why I did it. I wanted to unsettle her. It's not that I don't like her, she's fine, but at that moment, I simply loathed her. I couldn't tell you why. But I wish I'd kept quiet. I feel gross for spouting off like that."
"Then… why?"
"I don't know! There's this weird feeling, it comes over me and makes me remember stuff that's in the past… Then I get caught up and confused. I run my mouth, but I don't want to make you upset. I swear I won't do it again. I'll rein myself in."
"Will you? This doesn't seem right." I took a deep breath. "Frankie, I have no idea what you are. Even though you know everything about me."
"Not everything," he argued. "You never said a thing about what life was like where you're from. Or who you were before. Yes, that's not what this is about, but I'm just speaking technically."
"You shouldn't have to rely on technicalities to make a point."
"No. Look, I keep wondering what I'm even doing here. I like you a lot. But I haven't thought this through and by now, I'm scared to."
"Stop talking in riddles," I implored him.
He huffed out a chuckle. "I'd have to stop thinking in them first." Before he could add anything else, his phone started vibrating on the TV table. "Oh, dammit," he muttered. Shooting me an uncertain gaze, he reached out for it, his hand hovering above the screen. "Can I?"
"Sure." I let go of a long breath, snatched up the glass and leaned back in my seat as Frankie answered the call. I pick up on a woman's voice talking on the other end.
He kept glancing over at me almost sheepishly as he mumbled words of affirmation into the phone. "Yes… Yeah, I remember… Well, it's not a good time, but I'll do it. Bye." Dropping the device into his lap, he gave me a twist of the mouth. "That was Mae-Lynn. She works at—"
"The diner with you," I cut him off. "I do take note of the other staff there, for your information." I took a sip of my water. "Occasionally."
"I promised to do some shopping for her. She's come down with the flu. Store's closing soon, though, so I'll have to go now."
"Well, that's convenient."
"I was going to ask you to come along."
I agreed. Having lost track of the conversation, the drive was a grim, quiet affair. Frankie took us to one of the more expensive stores in the area, saying that he wanted to treat Mae-Lynn.
"Take a cart," I ordered, and once he had acquired one, I had him hold it still while I climbed inside. He regarded me with a bemused expression but refrained from commenting as he began to roll me down the aisles.
Grocery shopping at night is something else. Eighties music was playing over the radio at a low volume, but the otherwise quiet space made it sound decidedly louder. There was almost the hint of an echo. Safe for two of three singular, tired-looking individuals, Frankie and I were the only people in the store. I had nestled against the back of the cart, my head tipped back to watch Fran's face from below as his eyes roamed the shelves. Occasionally, he'd stop to check the list Mae-Lynn had texted him on his phone.
"If you want anything, speak up," he told me.
"I'm out of cereal," I said, just as we passed the respective aisle. He turned the cart back around, let me pick out a carton of cornflakes and took up walking again. After five minutes of stoically regarding him from my mobile vantage point, I piped up again. "Go back. Wrong ones."
"Well, which ones do you want? I'll get them, it's faster than pushing this thing around."
I shook my head. "No, no, I have to look at them. Go back."
He shook his head to himself but obediently maneuvered the cart back to the shelf with the breakfast items. I took my time picking out a different box, then settled back down.
"Happy?" Fran asked.
"Delighted."
After fifteen minutes, we were getting close to finishing Mae-Lynn's list. Frankie was starting to move towards the cash register, only for me to tug on his arm. "Turn back," I told him, holding up the box. "I don't want them after all. I need different ones."
He stifled a groan. "Sure, Sunshine." I let him roll me all the way back to the cereal aisle where I studied the colorful boxes intensely. "Nevermind," I said, turning back to him. "Let's go."
He started making his way over to the register again when I cleared my throat. "Actually, I think I might have another look."
"Are you kidding me?" he squeaked, only for me to hold his gaze with a smile. "You are," he choked out. "I oughta send you rolling right into that stack of cans."
"You wouldn't dare."
"Is that a challenge?" He glanced about himself, finding that we were alone. Then, he pushed the cart, and it swerved, sliding across the shiny floor. The thrill of the launch washed over me and I started laughing. He lunged for it, grabbing it just in time to prevent the collision.
"Do it again!" I demanded.
He indulged me, sending me swerving and spinning a couple more times. Eventually, he took a running start and pushed me down a long, empty aisle at a breakneck speed. The giggles died in my throat when, seemingly out of thin air, someone appeared at the end of the aisle. My jaw dropped and I reflexively gripped the sides of the cart to protect myself from the impending crash, but the person simply reached out and caught the cart by its edges. Within the blink of an eye, they had managed to steady it. My vehicle had come to a standstill. It all happened incredibly fast, and for a moment, I found myself unable to react. One of the other person's hands had come to rest over mine in the process. Still at a loss for words, I raised my head to meet their gaze.
Those eyes.
My heart, already thundering in my chest, dropped entirely into my stomach. There were pupils filling the void in that formerly uninterrupted pale vastness this time, but I recognized them either way. Seeing them sit in an actual face instead of behind a nondescript black mask was strange, but there was not a doubt in my mind. It was them.
The cultist had jarringly pleasant features that struck me as neither overtly feminine nor masculine. Their tawny skin had an almost bronze sheen to it and short locks of platinum blond hair stuck to their smooth forehead, slick with the same sweat that formed stains beneath the armpits of their light gray t-shirt.
It was like time stood still. The interaction could not have been longer than two seconds in total, but it felt like a full hour. From me staring at our linked hands, to locking eyes with them, to the cold, raw realization, it seemed to me as though forty minutes or more had gone by, followed by another twenty when I watched the crude smile forming on their lips. Their fingers clamped down on my own, and before I knew it, it had happened.
The lights in the store had changed color, taking on a dimmer, sickly green tint. The shelves around us had emptied and the gentle, melodic hum of the radio had been replaced by a deep, droning buzz of static. I was still sitting in the shopping cart, and the cultist was still leaning over me, but their expression had morphed into one of shocked disbelief. Seeing fear on the face of the person who'd stabbed me might have been a great satisfaction to me in any other situation, but right then and there, I was equally as terrified.
I had switched dimensions and was now alone with my attempted murderer.
The thought took a while to sink in, but the clearer it became, the more I felt the need to scream. And yet, not a sound left my lips. My own saliva had turned sour, filling my mouth with an acidic taste. Dread pooled in the pit of my stomach like icy, chilled water and tears were stringing the corners of my eyes. I blinked them away in a hurry, redirecting my gaze at the cultist. They were staring past me in a daze, taking in our changed surroundings before fixing me with a sharp glare.
"Seriously?"
"What?" The word somehow slipped past the lump in my throat.
The cultist made a sweeping gesture at our surroundings. "Where are we? What the hell is this? You don't even have your dimension hopping under control? Not gonna lie, I had higher expectations of you."
"What?" I repeated eloquently.
"You just switched dimensions on my ass. And seeing as you literally crashed into me, I don't think you planned on doing that."
"I didn't," I confirmed.
"That's what I'm talking about."
"You know about dimensions?"
The cultist palmed their face, emitting a deep, low groan. "Clearly."
I scrambled back in the cart, trying to bring some distance between the two of us. I bared my teeth at them, both rows elongating and curving outward. At least I was getting the hang of my physical transformation. "If you come any closer, I'll rip your hand off," I hissed, spittle flying out between my fangs.
"I believe you," they replied, narrowing their eyes at me. "I'm not gonna hurt you."
"That's hard for me to believe."
"Yes, sure. I did and I would again, but not here. Not now. You understand?" they asked pointedly, their voice cutting like a razor blade.
"I'm not sure I do."
"Well, without you, I won't get out of here, and I've stuff to do on the other side." They stepped behind the cart and grabbed onto the handle.
I hastily twisted around to face them. "You know about the finer details of dimension hopping but you can't do it yourself?"
They let out a soft sigh as they began pushing the cart, with me inside, down the empty aisle. "I managed to do it once. Just once. Never again. It's not a great surprise to me that you should be able to switch to the other sides, but I'd thought you'd be able to control it. I think I have your number. I'm pretty sure I know what you are, and we have more in common than you could have probably guessed. That boy you were with on the other hand… I won't lie, he freaks me out. He's got the strangest face and he didn't react to my eyes at all."
"What are you?" I queried, quick to steer him away from the topic of Frankie Preston even though I didn't really expect an honest answer. "How'd you do that the other night? Your… your eye thing?"
"That unsettled you, didn't it? It's not anything I do per se." They shrugged leisurely. "I could just as well ask you where you're hiding your tentacles."
"So you're not human. I didn't think you were," I stated. "What's your business with the Collective? What are you after? Are any of you normal people?"
"As far as I know, I'm the only one who's not." They steered the cart around the corner with a swift, forcible yank and I bumped painfully against the side of the cart. Stifling a yelp, I kept my face straight, looking over the shelves as we passed them. I noticed that some of them weren't entirely empty—there were a couple jars, cans and bags of various goods standing scattered throughout. They looked almost lonely. The cultist, registering my wandering gaze, stopped and grabbed a random plastic jar that looked like it could be containing peanut butter or something of the sort. The label was faded and partially peeled off. They inspected it from all sides before thrusting it into my hands. "Here, open it," they commanded.
"I certainly won't," I replied, a mix of rage and apprehension bubbling in my chest.
"Aren't you curious?"
"No. But if you are, go on and open it yourself."
They grunted, grabbing the jar and unscrewing the red lid. They dropped it to the floor where it bounced off once and rolled away into the darkness. Peering in, their expression remained unchanged. "Nothing. Look." They held it out to me and sure enough, it was empty. I let them hand it to me, intrigue winning me over as I started examining the small container. It was completely unremarkable. I reached two of my fingers inside only for the digits to suddenly be stricken with a searing pain. It flashed through my bones like lightning and I cried out, withdrawing my hand. Suddenly, the floor seemed to quiver. The lights in the store flickered, seeming startlingly bright for a split second only to turn dimly green once more. The cultist let out an involuntary shriek, staggering back before managing to steady themself as everything went back to its former solid state.
"What the fuck was that?" they wheezed.
"An earthquake?" I suggested, not quite knowing what else to say. My pulse was thrumming in my ears, hard enough to split my head in half. It took me a minute to regain a relative state of calm.
"An earthquake? In another dimension? You're messing with me."
"I don't know! Maybe it was… maybe I was nearly jumping back, I have no idea." I shook my head, ignoring the throbbing pain shooting through my temples. "I don't have it all figured out yet, but it's an emotional response. Whenever my flight instinct gets triggered, these dimension switches happen. It was the jar. The jar is painful inside."
"What do you mean?" they asked, eagerly reaching for the jar and sticking their pinky finger into it. They pulled it back out with a howl, letting the jar drop to the floor. "What the hell is up with this place?"
"How would I know?" I argued hotly.
"Yeah, well. Anyways." All of a sudden, their hand was in my hair, tugging on my braid. They yanked my head to the side, and before I could break out my tentacles or try to snap my jaws at them, I could feel their hot breath on my nape. A scream died in my throat, equal parts painful and shocked. My eyes burned, my vision swimming when the cultist dragged their teeth across my skin, leaving a trail of warm saliva. And then, fast and without mercy, they bit down.
The lights turned bright white. The static buzzing that had been hanging in the stale air changed to the familiar eighties music tunes. Squinting into the sudden brightness, the colors of the countless types of packaged products filling the shelves almost seemed to be screaming at me.
We were back.
The cultist disentangled themself, quickly stepping away from me. I looked up, still dazed, to see why. Frankie Preston had come up behind us, snatching the cart away from the other person and pulling it out of their reach. I immediately scrambled up to wrap my arms around him. "That's them," I breathed. "From the Collective."
"I know," he said tonelessly. His eyes, trained on the blonde, spelled murder. "You should get out of here," he added, addressing them. "The shelves here are rickety, they might fall on you."
The cultist's expression was a frozen mix of suppressed uncertainty and confusion. Still, they held the server's gaze. "You should maybe not… do anything stupid," they uttered, their voice almost equally as flat as his.
"I'm all about stupid."
"Then I guess I ought to leave. See you guys soon. It was a pleasure." They threw us a smile that was faker than Frankie's when he waited tables before marching off, leaving the two of us alone in the aisle.
"Are you alright?" Fran asked, running a hand over my mussed braid. "What happened? I'm so… one minute you were here and the next…"
"We switched dimensions."
"I pieced that together. You weren't gone for long… just a couple minutes." He nervously twisted his wet bubble gum around the tip of his finger, drawing nervous strings.
"Were you worried?"
"Out of my mind," he said in a low voice, not meeting my gaze. "I mean, I knew you'd be okay on your own, I wasn't saying that—"
"I wasn't. I'm not," I interrupted him. "I got out alright, sure I did, but I'm not okay right now." I swallowed. My throat was bone dry. "I need to call Mary Markov. She should hear about this."
Frankie nodded along. "Do you want me to do it for you? I'm certain I can give her an accurate description."
I declined and sat back in the cart. Per my request, Fran brought me home after we'd paid for everything. I needed some time alone to relax and pretend everything was normal. I cleaned my room and then looked through job listings, which I admittedly haven't done in a little while. When I couldn't find any other way to procrastinate, I made the call to Mary Markov, which went about as well as could be expected. She wants to see me tomorrow, though. I wish she'd told me about what. For a newsreader, she's really not very forward with her information.
X
1
2: deadbeat roommate
3: creepy crush
4: relocation
5: beach concert
6: First date
7: Temp work
8: roommate talk
9: a dismal worldview
10: warehouse
11: staircase
12: explanation
13: hurt
14: hospital
15: ocean
16: diner
17: government work
18: something in the caves

Im 10 years old (ive never gotten my period before) and I've had brown discharge in my underwear for about 2 days now... and I was wiping after using the bathroom and I found this. Please I know it's disgusting but I'm actually so scared right now. Please don't take this down and please someone help me. I'm on the verge of tears and I don't want to tell my mom about this. Please somebody help me and tell me what this is. I tried to cover some of it to make it less gross but it's really not possible...

Apologies in advance for this lengthy 40 chapter short story that's about to ensue and thanks in advance if you make it all the way through!
I started a business in late 2021 and decided to rent a small apartment where I could essentially utilize that as office space and a place to store excess inventory (not open to customers and I don't have any employees). Found a brand new complex in a relatively nice part of town, I'm the first tenant to ever occupy that unit.
First 13 months, I had no issues and was also an extremely low maintenance tenant because I was nervous about not actually living there and wasn't sure if it would be problematic that I was using the space for business purposes. The interior of the building is quite shoddy so even as stuff needed repairs, I would do them on my own as much as possible because I wanted to minimize maintenance entering my unit.
I decided to renew for another 13 month lease, figuring that I would get actual commercial space next. However, back in March, water started seeping up from the floor, first flooding the hallway outside my unit and then gradually into my unit as well. After drilling a hole in my wall to investigate, contract plumbers concluded that due to the foundation of the building shifting (I'm on first floor), there was a pipe that was leaking and needed to be repaired, which means they had to tear up my floors, jackhammer through the concrete, repair the pipe, and then put everything back.
It took management about 6 weeks to carry out these repairs, during that time I had no access to water in my kitchen (only running water in bathtub and small bathroom sink). Maintenance supervisor informed me that it was taking awhile because they were taking bids for the job since it would be quite an extensive fix. Also, a whole week went by with no action because regional maintenance supervisor went on vacation. The actual repairs took a little over a week, during which I essentially had to vacate due to the excessively loud jackhammering all day and the heavy dust particles flying everywhere.
I cannot stress how disruptive this has been to my business throughout that time period. Because of the flooding, I had to shift all my inventory into these tight little corners (not an easy task with only about 750 sq ft) and I absolutely needed access to water, which I barely had for almost a month and a half, which means I spent quite a significant amount purchasing water and ice out of pocket. I also lost quite a bit of inventory due to cardboard boxes being ruined by the flooding. I already worked 6-7 days a week averaging 10-12 hour days as it was, compound that by not knowing where anything is and having nowhere to create and fulfill orders was nothing short of a nightmare.
I expressed my grievances to management at the front office and they offered me $500 off my $2k May rent. I took it because it was better than nothing and I just wanted the situation to be over. However, things continued to take a turn for the worse.
They recently came back and told me that because my laminate flooring had been discontinued, they'll actually need to come in and re-do all of the flooring in my unit. This would require me to pack up everything and move it out of the unit as I only have one other room (bedroom) that I can shift things to and that's already at capacity. Packing alone would take me at least a week, not including the actual moving. Also, I literally have nowhere to temporarily move all my things to, hence why I even have that space to begin with.
I went back to management to tell them that it didn't make a lot of sense for me to pack up and move all my things out just to move it back in, and felt like given everything that's happened, this would be a good opportunity for us to part ways amicably. I would give the concession back, provide a 60-90 day notice, and then vacate. I am utterly frustrated and exhausted, and I simply don't want to be there anymore. I shared with them my challenges that I would have to come out of pocket to hire movers, plus I don't have anywhere to relocate my belongings, even if it's just for a day.
Instead of offering any solutions, they simply came back and told me that they won't be able to let me out of my lease since they're actively working to fix the problem. I asked if I could just leave the flooring the way it is until I actually move out and they refused, saying it goes against their policy to leave any open repairs in the event that someone decides to purchase the complex. (WTF?)
I have been beyond patient and understanding and now, I'm just straight up pissed. They're pushing me to schedule a repair date for the month of June and my response to them was that I am no longer prioritizing this ordeal as it is not solely my issue to fix, and I am unwilling to devote another penny or moment of my time stressing over something that I did not cause for a place that I do not own. I expressed that I would be open to actual solutions, otherwise there is nothing to discuss.
Can anybody offer any type of advice on what my options are here and if I'm within my right to refuse cooperation on repairing the floors? What would you guys do?

1) I love you not for whom you are,
but who i am when i'm by your side.
2) No person deserves your tears,
and who deserves them won't make you cry.
3) Just because someone doesn't love you as you wish,
it doesn't mean you're not loved with all his/her being.
4) A true friend is the one,
who hold your hand and touches your heart.
5) The worst way to miss someone is,
to be seated by him/her and know you'll never have him/her.
6) Never stop smiling not even when you're sad,
someone might fall in love with your smile.
7) You may only be a person in this world,
but for someone you're the world.
8) Don't spend time with someone,
who doesn't care spending it with you.
9) Maybe God wants you to meet many wrong people,
before you meet the right one,so when it happens you'll be thankful.
10) Dont cry because it came to an end,
smile because it happened.
11) There will always be people who'll hurt you,
so you need to continue trusting, just be careful.
12) Become a better person and be sure to know who you are,
before meeting someone new and hoping that person knows who you are.
13) Don't struggle so much,

Sometimes when you look into the mirror, the mirror looks back.
William Bailey's forehead shattered the mirror like a sledgehammer. The last thing he remembered before he blacked out was the feeling that he was falling through the mirror. Sub-cranial hematoma, a concussion, maybe even a cracked skull--that had to be the reason for the strange feeling. The mirror was mounted on the wall just to the right of the bar, four feet tall by about three feet wide. As consciousness slipped away, common sense and his strong belief in the rational world told him that he couldn't fall through the mirror. He must have bounced his head off the wall and be falling toward the floor.
It seemed like just a second or two before William's eyes popped open. He lay on his back, on the hard wood floor of Fausto's, with Johnny Davis towering over him. Big Johnny probably wanted to finish him off, maybe kill him, and finally end their twenty-year-old feud. Either Big Johnny Davis and the ceiling lights above him were spinning, or William's head was spinning, but either way something wasn't right.
He raised his head and looked to his left, toward the bar. Except the bar wasn't there. Instead, he was staring at the bathrooms. That didn't make sense. It must be his brain that had gotten spun around. William turned his head and peered over his size-ten wingtips at the busted mirror. The wooden frame and most of the glass still clung to the wall, the rest sat broken on the ground. The bar had to be on his left. He looked again, and still saw the bathrooms. A brain bruise, maybe some fluid pressure building up might be the cause of it.
"Get up!" Big Johnny Davis said.
William looked up at him. Johnny stood behind him, just beyond his shoulders. Perfect place for him to stomp my head into the plank floor. Except Johnny Davis was holding out his hand.
"Come on, we've got to get out of here."
Davis looked scared. It was the first time William Bailey could ever remember Johnny Davis looking scared. William had always been scared of Big Johnny, but Big Johnny wasn't scared of anything or anyone.
Police sirens wailed in the distance.
Johnny glanced over his shoulder. William craned his neck to look where Johnny was looking, saw he was staring at the front door like a man terrified something bad was going to come through it. Big Johnny looked down at him again and pumped his hand. "Come on, get up. They'll be here any second."
"Who?" William asked. "Who'll be--" But before he finished, Big Johnny Davis reached down, grabbed him by both arms, and jerked him to his feet.
As he was dragged toward the door by the only man in town who truly hated him, William glanced up and saw the rusted metal sign nailed above the door. He had to have a concussion, probably severe; that had to be it, because the letters on the sign were backward. It said TUO.
As Johnny Davis pulled him out the door, William heard tires skid on the pavement.
"Where's your car?" Johnny asked.
William twisted away from the big man's grip, then turned to his left. "In the alley." He started to run, still not sure exactly what he was running from.
Behind him, Big John shouted, "The alley's over here."
William kept running but turned his head back toward Johnny. "I know where the alley--"
Something hit him across the midsection and toppled him to the ground. He got his hands up just in time to break his fall and managed to keep his head from slamming into the sidewalk. When he looked up he saw a shopping cart tumbled onto its side.
Once again, William found himself lying flat on his back, this time amid the spilled contents of the cart. It had been filled with junk: paper bags full of dirty clothes, canned food, bags of potato chips, a diamond shaped, orange road sign, and other trash that looked like it had been collected from back alley garbage bins.
The homeless man who'd been pushing the cart was scrawny, and wafer thin. His skin was the color of old shoe leather, and he wore a long gray beard, tangled and matted with food and bits of filth. He was sprawled on the ground next to his cart, half sitting up, staring at William with his bright blue eyes.
Car doors slammed, men shouted.
"You better get going," the homeless man said, as he cocked his head. "The police after you?"
Police!
Before William could assure the old man that the police weren't after him--he was a respected businessman and family man--someone behind him grabbed him under both arms and pulled him to his feet. William turned and found himself staring into the face of Johnny Davis. "The alley's that way," Johnny said, pointing to the other side of Fausto's. With one hand gripping William's jacket, Johnny dashed across the front of the bar toward the alley. The alley--right there, plain as day--on the other side of Fausto's, right where it shouldn't be, where it couldn't be. William had been here a thousand times. As you stepped out of the bar, the alley was on the left, Brockton's Ace Hardware on the right. Now everything was mixed up and in the wrong place.
Johnny Davis turned down the alley, dragging William behind him. After just a few steps, a spotlight flashed in front of them.
"Stop!" a voice commanded. "Get on the ground."
William couldn't see because Johnny was in his way. "Who's that yelling?" he asked.
Big Johnny stopped and William plowed into his back.
"Get on the ground," the voice boomed again.
William poked his head out from behind Johnny Davis's back. The blinding white light was in his face. He couldn't see a thing.
POP! POP! POP!
Gunshots.
Big Johnny sagged, then crashed to his knees. Instinctively, William bent forward and grabbed hold of Johnny. "What's the matter?"
More pops.
Johnny's big hand reached out and shoved William back toward the street. "Back door," he wheezed, then plunged forward onto his face.
William stood alone. Behind the white spotlight he saw blue police lights flashing. He was totally exposed.
POP! POP!
He saw flashes--little yellow spurts of flame--as something tugged at his jacket.
William had said "back door." What back door? Fausto's had a back door, but it didn't lead anywhere except to the open space behind the building used for trash and deliveries. Twenty feet of asphalt between the bar and the back of the building on the next block. William had parked his car at the end of the alley, but the police cars--or whatever they were--had the alley blocked off. The building behind Fausto's also had an alley that ran alongside it, but the owner had closed it off to keep the bums out. He'd put up a gate, padlocked it, and topped it with razor wire. It was a dead end.
Two more pops. Dead end or not it was better than standing here and getting shot. William turned and ran. He burst through the front door of Fausto's, dashed through the bar, past the shattered mirror, hit the back door at a dead run, and was outside behind the bar within seconds.
He could see the tail end of his car sticking out from the corner of the building, but with the cops blocking the alley, his car was useless to him. William glanced across the open space to the alley that ran next to the other building. The gate, the padlock, the razor wire--all still in place. To his right an overflowing garbage dumpster sat beside the back of Fausto's, jammed against the fire ladder.
The fire ladder.
An iron ladder bolted to the cinderblock wall.
William looked up. The top of the ladder was lost in shadow, but he knew it went up two stories to the roof. Last summer, when the toilet had stopped up, he'd come out back to take a leak and had stood behind the dumpster, peeing against the wall like a kid, one hand draped over the bottom rung of the ladder.
He slipped behind the dumpster. The smell made him gag. The bottom of the ladder was four feet from the ground. William reached up as high as he could, grabbed hold of the third rung, then hauled himself up.
Through the partially open back door came the sounds of heavy feet pounding on the hard wood floor of the bar.
Halfway up the ladder, he was exhausted--and scared. Shaking, he white-knuckled the ladder. Being more than ten feet off the ground terrified him. He needed a break, just a second or two to catch his breath. There was enough moonlight so he could see into one of the second story windows. Inside, junk was piled everywhere. Old barstools, a busted jukebox, furniture stacked almost to the ceiling. Years ago, old man Fausto lived on the second floor, but Jake, who'd bought the place from the old man and had decided to keep the name, used it for storage.
Below him, William heard the back door thrown open so hard it banged against the wall. He scrambled up until he reached the top of the ladder, then hoisted himself over the edge of the roof. Down on the ground a voice shouted, "There he is, up there."
Another gunshot. What the hell was going on?
The unmistakable sound of feet--fast feet, in shape feet, boot shod feet--scurrying up the ladder. Standing on the tar and pebble roof, William glanced around for something he could use as a weapon, shocked he was even thinking of such a thing. A five gallon plastic bucket was all there was. It stood upright, filled with rainwater. He picked it up and peered over the edge. A uniformed policeman was three quarters of the way up the ladder. Two more cops were right behind him.
William looked at the heavy bucket in his hands, thought about just dumping the water onto them but knew it wouldn't stop them. There was only one way to stop them, and that was to knock them off the ladder. He thought about warning them, maybe trying to scare them away. But they were cops. You couldn't scare them away.
So why had they shot Johnny Davis, and why were they shooting at him?
The first officer looked up and saw William staring down at him with the bucket in his hands. Their eyes locked for just a second and the cop stopped. In those eyes that stared back at him, William saw an almost maniacal determination that sent a shiver down his spine. The officer held his grip on the ladder with his right hand while his left dropped to the pistol resting in his gleaming leather holster. In one smooth motion he drew his gun and raised it toward William.
William Bailey tossed the bucket down the ladder. A shot rang out an instant before the heavy bucket thudded into the cop's head. Like a gruesome traffic accident happening before his eyes, William couldn't help but watch as the policeman fell, taking his two partners down with him. The last thing William saw before he turned away was a jumbled heap of black uniforms resting on the concrete below the ladder.
* * *
Hiding in the shadow of a telephone booth, thinking. Home. He had to get home. Had to get back to Marge and the kids. Maybe somehow he could explain what had happened. Vincent, his attorney, he would know what to do--maybe--but he was a civil lawyer not a criminal attorney. He wrote contracts and did personal injury on the side; he didn't get people out of jail who'd killed a cop by dropping a bucket of water on his head and knocking him and his buddies off the side of a building.
As the cab he'd been waiting for pulled up, William stepped out from the dark and climbed into the back seat.
The driver turned around. "Where to?"
William pulled the door shut. "Uptown. 1721 Audubon Court."
"Fare's gonna be about fifteen dollars. After dark, I gotta have the money up front."
"What?"
"Company policy." The cabbie shrugged. "A lot of drivers been getting stiffed."
William opened his wallet, pulled out a twenty and handed it across the seat. The driver took it and almost slipped it into his cash box, then took a second look at the bill. His face tightened. "What the hell is this?"
"Huh?"
With the bill stretched between his hands, the cabbie stared at it for a second then looked up at William. "You're either the dumbest counterfeiter who ever lived or you've been had."
"What you are talking about?"
The driver faced the bill toward William but didn't hand it back to him. "It's printed backwards."
William looked at the twenty-dollar bill in the man's hand. It looked like--it was--an almost brand new bill, nothing wrong with it as far as he could tell.
"Get out of my cab," the driver said.
William didn't know what the man was talking about but knew he didn't want to get out. This cab was his only way home. He reached for the twenty. "If you don't like that one I've got another--"
The driver pulled his hands away. "I ain't giving this back. I got to turn it in to the police." He dropped one hand behind his seat back, then came up clutching a pistol, an old German Luger by the looks of it, the muzzle aimed straight at William's face. "In fact, I bet they give me a reward if I bring you in with it."
William jerked the door handle and rolled out into the street. He sprang to his feet and ran, the driver's yells just background noise. Has everyone gone crazy or is it just me?
Home. He had to get home.
* * *
Rain. Driving, relentless rain. William was just two blocks from Fausto's. In two hours, that's as far as he'd gotten--one block an hour. Police cars prowled the neighborhood, shinning spotlights into every nook and cranny, lighting up every shadow. Everyone in Fausto's knew his name. He'd been going there three or four nights a week after work for years. The cabbie had his address. William had given it to him when he told the hack driver where to drop him.
Ten o'clock at night, with nowhere to go and no way to get there, William sat behind the closed Goodwill store, under an overhang that barely kept the rain off of him.
Huddled in the dark, head sunk between his knees, he hadn't heard anyone approach.
"You don't look so good."
Startled, William looked up, prepared to run again. It was the homeless man he'd knocked over outside the bar. The one with the shopping cart and the leathery skin. William relaxed a little. "Excuse me?"
The man pushed his cart closer. "You're not supposed to be here."
William looked around. "Why not?"
The old man grinned, half his teeth gone.
William found it nearly impossible to tell his age. The guy could be forty and maybe had lived a hard life, or perhaps he was a well-preserved seventy, pickled by a lifetime of booze. William waved him off, expecting a plea for money. "I can't help you."
The old man stopped just a few feet away. "Everything's out of place isn't it?" He had a strange lilting voice. Almost like an accent.
And he was right. Everything was out of place--from Johnny Davis to the cab driver--everything was wrong.
Strapped to the back of the old man's shopping cart was a plastic sign about the size of a loaf of bread. William recognized the sign, the words, the colors, the logo of a local supermarket chain, all were familiar to him, but the letters were backward, unreadable.
Rainwater ran down William's face. He pointed to the sign. "Why's it written like that?"
The old man looked at the sign then back at William. "Like what?" he said, then shuffled away behind his basket.
* * *
The rain came down even harder. William slouched in a darkened doorway across the street from Fausto's. Nothing made sense. Everything was messed up, backward, out of whack. Almost like this wasn't his home, like he was a stranger seeing it for the first time.
But that was crazy. He'd grown up here, gone to Brother Martin High School, dated Jenny Underhill who went to Cabrini, lost her to Johnny Davis, then got her back only to lose her again the first year of college to some kid who drove a Mustang. Two years later William married Marge at Saint Luke's. They had two kids.
This town was his home. He recognized it. He knew the people here, Big Johnny and Zeke, the bartender at Fausto's. But things were different, little things. John Davis for one. In trying to help him, the big man had gotten himself killed. That wasn't John Davis--at least not the one William Bailey had known since seventh grade. Everything looked the same but wasn't. Nothing was quite right.
But they knew him--or someone like him.
A strange sensation crept over him that made the hair on the back of his neck rise. Maybe he didn't belong here. Maybe everything wasn't as it appeared. Maybe this wasn't his home. But if that were true, then whose home was it? Another thought, even scarier seeped through his brain. If he was here, who was there--at his home?
Crazy.
William dropped his head into his hands. Just considering such nonsense was a waste of time. Yet, here he was scanning the street, thinking of going back inside Fausto's, back to that mirror.
Not much time to think about it. The bar closed at three AM and it was already two-thirty. When he'd left--run for his life with Big Johnny--most of the mirror was still in the frame hanging on the wall.
Something about that damned mirror.
But Fausto's was dangerous, so a couple of hours ago William had found another mirror. In the men's room of a twenty-four hour gas station. The Chevron on North Rampart.
He had approached it cautiously, afraid he was going mad. As he peered over the sink into the mirror, he saw what he always saw, his own reflection. Holding up his left hand, he looked at the image in the mirror, at the watch strapped to his wrist. He noticed that the man in the mirror wore his watch on his right hand. Just the opposite.
William stood in the gas station bathroom for twenty minutes before he worked up his nerve. Finally, he took a deep breath, leaned back, then slammed his forehead into the dirt-streaked mirror. The glass shattered and cut his head. Blood dribbled off the tip of his nose into the sink. His reflection stared out at him from the other side of the mirror, blood running down his face, too.
I have gone crazy!
So the gas station hadn't worked out. Ducking police cruisers, William had wandered the streets, his head reeling. What was he doing?
On the sidewalk, he found a sopping wet magazine that the wind had blown up against the side of a newspaper machine. The cover caught his eye. He picked it up. It was printed backwards, the letters reversed, words running right to left. The spine was on the right. As he flipped through the pages, he couldn't read a thing. Then William had an idea.
In the bathroom of an all night restaurant he held the wet magazine up to the mirror. Perfect. The reflected image was normal, spine on the left, words running left to right, all the letters printed correctly. He could read it clearly. But what did it mean?
Then he drove his head into that mirror. The glass cracked. Someone walked in, a skinny waiter wearing an apron. He stood gawking as William leaned over the sink with tears of pain filling his eyes.
The waiter looked at the broken mirror, then jabbed a finger at William's bloody forehead. "What the hell are you doing?"
"An accident," he mumbled, pressing his fingers against the fresh cut.
The waiter turned. "I'm calling the cops."
William Bailey ran.
Now he was huddled in the rain staring at Fausto's across the street. Because he had nowhere else to go.
He stood and walked toward Fausto's. When he was halfway across the street, a police car glided around the corner, headlights reflecting off the wet pavement. The cops in no hurry, just cruising. William forced himself to keep walking, not to run. One foot in front of the other. In the downpour, odds were that the cops wouldn't even recognize him.
But they did recognize him.
The police car slid to a stop as its high beams clicked on and its blue strobe lights started popping. Both front doors flew open.
Like a sinner seeking the sanctuary of a church, William ran straight for Fausto's door. As he burst inside, Zeke looked up from behind the bar. "William! What the hell are you doing here?"
He ignored the bartender, running right past him, eyes focused on the broken mirror and its busted frame hanging on the wall.
Zeke again, "The cops been looking all over for you. Say you killed two officers and--"
Behind him the front door banged against the wall. "Police!" a voice behind him commanded. "Stop."
But William didn't stop. He kept running--running straight for the mirror. Reflected in its fragmented pieces he saw two uniformed police officers behind him, heard their boots pounding on the wooden floor. Just ten feet separated him from the mirror. At full speed he took two strides then dove. He stretched his arms out overhead and tucked his chin into his chest as his feet left the floor.
He felt one hand hit wall and the other strike broken glass. Then his head hit. More glass cracked, more skin split.
Darkness.
* * *
William's eyes popped open. He was staring at the ceiling. Rough voices, even rougher hands. They rolled him over onto his stomach and jerked his arms behind his back. He felt cold steel on his wrists and heard the metallic ratcheting as the handcuffs tightened and bit into his skin.
He tilted his head up and rested his chin against the floor. Blood poured down the side of his face; he watched it pool on the floor then seep between the wooden planks. By rolling his eyes up he could just see the empty spot on the wall where the mirror had hung. Lying on the floor, three feet from his head, was the broken frame and the rest of the glass.
The two cops grabbed his arms and yanked him to his feet, sending waves of pain through his shoulders and wrists. As they spun him toward the door, one of the officers said, "You're under arrest."
"Why?" William asked.
The officer pressed his face into William's. "Murdering your family for starters."
"My...my family." William felt his stomach cinch and his bowels turn to ice. A thought he'd had earlier in the night echoed inside his head. If he was here, who was there--at his home.
As the cops dragged him across the floor, William glanced up and saw the rusted metal sign nailed above the door.
OUT.
He was home.

First shot at a recap so let’s see how we do!
Race Info
What – IM 70.3: Chattanooga
Where – Chattanooga, TN USA
When - Sunday, May 21st, 2023
Overall Goals
- PR - Yes (previous PR was a 5:30:12 at Ohio 70.3 in 2022)
- Sub 5:00 - Heck no
- Not blow up on run - Sorta?
TL;DR and Results
This was my 3rd 70.3 and my first with my coach who has been training me since the start of the fall 2022
Swim – 35:07
T1 – 5:03
Bike – 2:49:55
T2 – 3:13
Run – 1:51:57
Total time – 5:25:14
58th in AG (M27), 579 overall
Background
Was a college soccer player (GK) and after college had a foray into BJJ and MMA with a couple fights. Realized that was dumb for longevity and switched to triathlon
Training
Swimming
2-3 sessions a week of 2.4K to 3.6K yards per session. Some workouts are speed focused, some are technique focused, so on and so forth. I have seen a good improvement on CSS these last few month from 1:40 to 1:33. I did swim team as a kid so I have been trying to recapture some of that swim experience. I also felt some recent breakthrough with decreasing my stroke rate and using fewer more powerful strokes. Have been very happy with my improvement these last months. I still remain a terrible to nonexistent kicker
Goal split - 35 Minutes
Biking
typically rides a week. Longer weekend ride and 2 during the week (on zwift trainer) with focus on cadence or power or VO2. I have a big problem with low cadence, recently been trying to get up into the 80s for when I am normally riding. However when I start putting power down I start reverting to the low 70s cadence of riding. As far as FTP I had worked my FTP up to 257 leading up to the start of the season. However I have felt pretty weak these last 2 month leading up to this actual race. It has been harder for me to put the power down. However on the outdoor longer rides I have felt very strong and very comfortable riding for longer periods. Outdoors I ride without power so will probably need to make that investment soon.
Goal Split - 2:30:00
Running
Running has steadily improved with increased mileage and more speedwork. Recent 5K test had improved me to 6:33 for my fastest 5K. Additionally in the most recent half marathon race I had I finished 1:30:12 with a 6:57 avg. biggest issues I have been dealing with are some pain in my left Achilles at the very start of runs that typically disappears after a mile or 2. Typically 3-4 runs a week (1 tempo short, longer run on the weekend, Z2 10k).
Goal Split - 1:40:00
Race Morning
Woke up at 4 AM to get the body rolling. Had my usual prerace breakfast of 2 English muffins with peanut butter and honey as well as a power armour with caffeine and a cup of coffee. Transition setup right at 4:40 to give me plenty of time for the most important part of the morning, THE BM. Went back to my hotel and was able to get showered and dressed up for the race. Headed over to the busses for drop-off to the swim and get to the swim start 20-30 mins before the race start
Swim – seeded myself in the 30-35 minute group and set off! for those that fear swimming Chatty is a great race. It is a with the current swim so it felt like we were flying down the river. Dealt with a slight leak in my left goggle the entire swim which was pretty annoying but it was far from terrible. Also I forgot that in Chatty the swim is actually 1.4 miles instead of 1.2, so as I swam over 2100 yards I was thinking WTF why are we still swimming? This was the first time I seeded myself in the 30-35 min so I did deal with less of the slower swimmers who seed incorrectly. However I did still find quite a few in front of me who should not have been where they were. Mini Rant here, but seriously people why are you doing this? IDK this is just a huge pet peeve of mine when I have to swim all the way around a person (small problems I know...) rant over. But got through it without any real major contact with anyone
35:07 @ 1:23/100 yards - 7:48 PR!
T1 – Never had a wetsuit stripper before! that was fun. But this transition is long as crap. My watch clocked my total transition distance as almost half a mile which was crazy to me. Also I was a little slow getting my socks on today which was unusual. all and all a odd transition where I just felt slow and unfocused on what I was doing.
5:03
Bike – Set off on what had previously been my nemesis for my first 70.3 but felt like I would have an area of great improvement for today! with my goal of 2:30 I knew my goal average speed was around 22MPH, and for the first bit we were well on track! If I look at my average speed through the first 26 miles I was averaging 21.6 MPH. And this is a course with rolling hills most of the way. Goals of the bike were to try and really spin to get through the hill and not stuck grinding it out as this would destroy my legs. Also wanted to keep on my nutrition as I felt this really caused me to blow up on my runs in Galveston and Ohio. Fueling per hour was 1 x 55g carb Gatorade mix bottle and a maurten gel to get to 80 g carb per hours. Would then rinse down the body and sip water through the aid stations. after I burned through my 2 bottles I sipped on the Gatorade endurance bottle taken from the aide stations. In total took 160 g carb + some of the Gatorade endurance for nutrition. So all was going ok until after the "big" climb halfway. Not sure if it was fueling or the headwind that started. But my average speed just tanked. I felt like I had no power. When I tried to flex and stretch my legs I could just feel the damage in them. Not good. Then with the slower speed my mental game fell apart. mile 40-50 I was in a really bad mental spot and had decided at several points to just quit when I got back into transition as there was no way in hell I would break 5 hours. I felt like a failure and a loser. why had I been training 9-12 hours every week to just suck? Talk about a tale of 2 half's. Managed to get back to transition. Mini rant #2 - draft packs... screw you. A literal peloton of 8-10 people 2 abreast 5 deep flew by me at mile 45 and let me tell you I was big mad. Rant over. Also saw a guy lose control at 30 MPH and hit the deck pretty hard, hope he's ok. That was a nice bike to wreck on :( Also another guy almost started peeing on me (I was behind him) near the end and definitely did not use enough water to wash himself down after LOL.
2:49:55 - 20.07 MPH - 11ish minutes slower than PR :(
T2 – Made it into T2 and said alright lets just run the first 5k and see how we are doing then we can DNF if you really are that miserable. So got everything racked and ditched the 10 maurtens I had somehow acquired on the bike. but threw on my trusty Saucony Endorphin Pro 2s and set off
3:13
Run – That first hill out of transition took my already bad mental state and threw it into the fire. So I have never come closer to quitting than that moment. I did not somehow. And then the run flattened out. So after 1.5 miles I actually started to feel good mentally and that's when I knew I was going to finish. I also saw how my pace was going and I knew I would at least PR on the day if I just held the pacing I was doing. after the 1st aid station I decided I wouldn't push too hard on the run and simply walk through the aid stations. avg pace as 7:40-8:00 while running then would walk through the aid stations. in the aid stations I would douse with water and take Gatorade in. Also was putting ice in the suit. I think in total I had 2-3 gels throughout the run? and I stopped at every single aide station for drink and splashing myself with water. Besides the aid stations the only section I had to walk was an incredibly steep little hill right before the first bridge crossing to the other side of the river. That hill is a real ball buster. In terms of improvements I think if I really want to chop some time I have some free time if I don't walk through aid stations. I need to get better at doing that on the run to enable me to get that free time. Also I really didn't push at all my heartrate was pretty much in high Z2 for me the whole run. Also I was dealing with side stitches off and on the whole run so not sure how I can prevent that in the future but if I could eliminate that I would be a much happier camper. Also lap 2 on the run was SO CROWDED mind you there were 3k athletes but man that was a busy run course for the second lap. Saw the shoot and had the tear well up a little. Got over the line and had a quick little 30 second sob so that was that.
1:51:57 - 8:31 AVG - 11 min PR
Final Thoughts
Chatty has me feeling some really mixed emotions. I really was sure I was in for massive PR., chopping 30 minutes off my last PR. Instead I got a measly 5. Maybe I am being to hard on myself or am being greedy with the amount of time I feel I should be dropping? However when I think about it practically it is a much harder course with 2.3K feet in climbing over the bike and 600 or so feet in climbing on the run. So to PR on a harder course is good right? Just a confusing weekend for me about how to feel about it. I think nutrition is still and issue as I am left thinking why did I feel so weak on the bike? I have read some literature that 90-100g carb may be even better now so I think I will implement this into training. Also could I have been tougher and gone harder on that run? If you saw me out there I was in an blue and orange suit with a white helmet riding and old black and blue trek equinox 7 or black running hat. Next race is in July with the Happy Valley 70.3 so I have even more climbing to look forward to there. Will I be able to further PR? Let me know what y'all think of this write up or your thoughts on all this!

Hello everyone,
Sorry for the long post, but someone please help me with suggestions or information, I am desperate for pain relief! I am a 28 year old male, considered 100% disabled by DOD after 10 years of being in the military. I have Spondylolisthesis, spondylosis, spinal stenosis, ankylosing spondylitis, herniations at L4-L5, L5-S1, T8-T9, C4-C5, arthritis in multiple facet joints, both knees very arthritic with severe crepitus, tendinitis, a couple of cruciate ligament injuries and meniscus removed from the left, along with right hip arthritis, chronic migraines, labral tear and impingement in right shoulder- among many others. I hit the jackpot with chronic pain, which I’ve had for 8 years now. I started on chronic opioid therapy 7 years ago, which has literally kept me alive. Before my last deployment I was at a 65mg MME (ER Morphine and hydrocodone). When I came home, I ended up switching to Buprenorphine (titrated to 24mg) and Tramadol for breakthrough (I understand Buprenorphine blocks the opioid receptors for the most part, but Tramadol’s mechanism of action with Serotonin was helping my pain noticeably more, plus I absolutely was still getting some of the opioid receptor relief, just not all) because my pain was just getting much worse. Now, almost two years later, I have switched back to full-agonist opioids, currently ER Morphine and Norco again, 30mg and 15mg/24hrs respectively. I withdrew pretty hard from the Buprenorphine for about 11 days, I knew what to expect and got through it (I hate doing months of tapering, I would much rather do a 3 day taper and precipitate withdrawals to get it over with ASAP, pain management doc was okay with this) but now that the Buprenorphine is all out of my system, this dose is not only not controlling my pain very well at all, but I am in a constant state of mild withdrawals. I believe it is because of Buprenorphine’s absurdly high MME (750mg MME for the dose i was at) pushing my tolerance up quite a bit. I know with partial-agonists it is not a direct/exact 750mg MME, so obviously my body is still not in need of even 1/4 of that MME to meet my tolerance levels.
I am wondering what a reasonable/expected dose titration or medication switch could be reasonably expected in this situation, where my daily COWS score is 24-34, and pain level is 7-7.5 on average.
Would it be absurd to ask to increase from 15mg MSContin BID to 15mg TID (Q8H) if I am having end of dose failure at ~9 hours, and potentially switch the Norco 5mg TID to Oxycodone 5mg TID for the slight MME increase and higher bioavailability? That would be an MME increase of 22.5mg, from 45mg to 67.5mg. Closer to where I was at before Buprenorphine, to not only account for getting me out of withdrawals, but also treating my pain effectively. Or is something like 10mg ER Morphine TID/Q8H and 2mg Dilaudid IR TID more reasonable to ask about at 54mg MME? I have never tried Hydromorphone so I do not know how effective it is known to be vs. Oxycodone.
I would love to try Levorphanol being the much safer sister to methadone with it’s 8-12 hr half life instead of a stupidly unpredictably long half life and no QT prolongation, and even stronger NMDA receptor activity, but it seems it is such a rarely used medication that most doctors are quite unfamiliar with it and it’s extremely difficult to find a pharmacy that carries it or can order it, but my insurance will cover it.
Any advice, suggestions, or experience would be extremely appreciated! Thank you!

Hello there, I'm desperately searching for answers for the pain and symptoms I am experiencing. I have been going to doctors and hospitals searching for answers, but I've gotten nothing but a few tests done that have done nothing but add to the confusion.
Let me add some context.
I'm a relatively healthy 21f with no prior health issues. I started hormone therapy (Testosterone, intramuscular injections 1x a week) And started experiencing severe, debilitating panic attacks I had never had before. They tapered off after a few weeks, but then at about 10 weeks, I started to experience entire right-sided numbness and pain. I would feel aching and pins & needles down my hands and feet, my entire right side just felt weaker and heavier than the left, and attempting to lay on that side would exasperate the feeling to the point where my entire right side would feel heavy and achy, and it would become difficult to breathe.
At 12 weeks, I stopped the Testosterone, and the pins and needles, as well as the general feeling of my right side being uneven and numb in comparison to the left subsided... But since then, more symptoms have been sprouting up, and it's getting worse.

• (Shoulder pain) I have this painful area in my upper back, between my shoulder blade and spine, that doesn't go away. It is not tender to the touch, and when I am laying/sitting I mostly cant feel it, but when I stand, it becomes an intense tight ache that radiates through that area of my back and my shoulder. It subsides partially after standing for a while or adjusting my posture enough times.
  
• (Right-sided aches and numbness) I have been experiencing aching pain in my right hand and leg, it's typically triggered by those parts being elevated or constricted in any way (My right arm laying on a hard table would be enough to make my hand start to ache.)
  
• (Facial numbness and drooping) The right side of my face feels numb and droopy, the corner of my mouth visibly droops ever so slightly, and my eye feels heavy.
  
• (Constant headache) I have had a constant migraine in my right side that feels like its putting pressure behind my eye and one side of my neck. It is always there, but sometimes it becomes a sharp throbbing, usually with no apparent reason.
  
• (Blurred/worsening vision) My vision in my right eye is gradually getting worse, and its very difficult to focus my eyes on small text.
  
• (Ear pain, hearing loss) I've lost part of my hearing, and my right ear hurts similarly to my head, constantly aching and sometimes sharply throbbing.
  
• (Dizziness/Lightheadedness) I feel consistently dizzy, lightheaded and out of focus. Standing makes this worse, and the longer I stand, the more difficult it becomes to focus and balance. ANY time I take a deep breathe while standing, I get extremely lightheaded and my vision will tunnel or disappear entirely for a few seconds before returning.
  
• (Difficulty breathing) It feels difficult to get a full breathe of air, especially on the right side, and more prominently when standing versus sitting/laying. One lung feels like it fills unevenly.
  
• (Brain fogginess) I have times (that are becoming more frequent) where I find it impossible to focus, I forget words that I KNOW that I know, and I forget many things. It becomes nearly impossible to hold a conversation.
  

I'm sure there's more, but I'm not remembering right now.
I had a chest Xray prior to the right sided symptoms, during the panic attacks, that came back clear. I've gotten extensive blood tests that have come back clear, aside from a B12 deficiency. They've also had CT and MRI scans done on my head just the other day, completely clear. They won't do any further tests because it seems I'm "fine", and now I'm suffering without answers. I would appreciate any direction or advice, I'm scared and I want to get help before it gets even worse.
Thank you.

Hi all,
I just want to begin by saying for those that experience this all the time/frequently I am so sorry. I will admit for a long time I was a person that just said "oh it's just a bad dream, you're fine" and for that I am regretful for my ignorant thinking for all those years. I had a short but horrifying experience for the first time in my life and it feels like it's still kinda affecting me, even days later. I'm not one that has bad dreams, or dreams in general very frequently but this is one that will probably stay with me for the rest of my life.
Me and my hubby were on vacation at his childhood home for Memorial Day weekend. We had family and friends over, a cookout, yard games, and just an overall great weekend. Once everyone left and we got the house/yard (somewhat) picked up me, hubby, and in-laws went inside to wind down and get ready for bed. I hopped in the shower last so I could take the longest as I needed to wash my hair and hubby and in-laws watched some TV and scrolled on their phones. When I was waiting to hop in my FIL had on something about the Coca Cola 600 that got delayed that day and I was really just scrolling on tik tok and snapchat to see what all my friends did over the weekend while I was away. I showered and when I was done, I joined them in the living room and watched TV with them for about 15-20 mins till my eyes were getting heavy and I knew I needed to go to sleep as we were leaving at around 4 am to head back home (10ish hr drive). I will say when I got back they were watching some of the "spooky" shows of "real ghosts/spirits" caught on camera but that's something hubby enjoys so it's nothing out of the ordinary for us to watch right before bed and the stories we watched weren't anywhere near as scary as what we have seen before.
It was around 10-10:30 when we went and laid down and probably closer to 11-11:15 when we finally fell asleep. Both me and hubby are light sleepers and we toss and turn quite a lot, along with being in a queen bed when we're used to a king we don't get optimal sleep when visiting his parents but it has never been an issue before. We woke up around 2 am, him adjusting the fan to point more towards him and I had to go pee. When I checked my phone right before I fell asleep again to make sure the alarm was set it was 2:07 and I fell back asleep pretty fast. This is where the paralysis kicked in. I had a dream that we were back outside during the cookout and I started to feel a bit woozy and light headed, I walked inside with my MIL and she told me to sit down while she grabs me a water bottle from the garage. I did as she said but when she came back I was on the floor being picked up by what I thought was my husband. I tried to look behind my shoulder to him but I couldn't, and I go super nervous and could only look forward to my MIL standing in front of the couch looking down at me saying "it's okay, you just had a bit too much to drink, you'll feel better soon. (Note: I did not have too much to drink that day/night. I had maybe 3 highnoons all day and never once even got tipsy, I'm not a heavy drinker by any means but I do drink occasionally and can hold my liquor fine and I know that has nothing to do with it.) I kept trying to look back but couldn't but the arms were getting tighter and tighter around me. While at first I thought it was my husband picking me up I quickly realized it was not him at all. Whatever had me didn't even feel human. I was being dragged into the bed room and when I would take a deep breath to scream NOTHING would come out, I tried multiple times and the last time I did my eyes shot open and I realized it was just a dream. I laid there for a minute just staring at the wall to calm down and my mouth was wide open and super dry so I tried to grab my water bottle off of the nightstand to take a sip but I couldn't make myself move. I kinda fought with myself for a bit to force myself to grab the bottle but stopped when I felt the arms slide around me again. I tried to move, even just clench my fist together, I could maybe flinch my fingers in the slightest movement, just enough to know my limbs were still attached but they were completely useless. I heard my husbands voice for a split second, I couldn't make out what was actually said but it sounded like him and then it just didn't. I was like a crescendo of whispers, on top of more whispers, all saying something clear as day but getting muffled out but the others. I couldn't make out anything but I felt surrounded by the noise and it just got louder and louder. I could feel myself getting scared again and wanting to scream but the same thing. I would take a deep breath, go scream but nothing would come out. I realized then that I was having sleep paralysis and just thought "it's okay, you're okay, this isn't real, it's just a dream, it'll be over soon." I kept repeating that to myself in my head over and over again for what seemed like forever while the arms around me seemed to pull me in closer and tighter and then the whispers suddenly stopped all together. Silence. Like an eerily, sudden silence that almost hurt it happened so close to the loud whispers. I hear a distorted version of "my husband's" voice say "oh, is it? are you? are you sure?"
Then I finally came to for real this time. My eyes were wide open and all I could make myself do was move them around for the first few seconds, looking around the room making sure it was real this time. My breathing was super short and fast, heart rate felt like I had just sprinted a full mile. Under my pillow I moved my fingers to touch my thumb, again making sure I was really awake this time. Like in my dream, my mouth was wide open and dry as the Saraha Desert, I drank that entire bottle in about 3 seconds and just laid there till my alarm went off. I was a bit in shock just because it felt so real, I had to lay there and make sure what really happened vs. what I dreamed. My alarm started beeping shortly after and once my hubby was awake and moving I asked if I made any weird noises or anything like that while I was sleeping and he didn't remember anything but said he didn't sleep good so he didn't pay much attention to me.
I was still creeped out pretty much the entire trip back. I didn't want to dwell on it and freak myself out even more but it was also just something that kept popping into my mind. I kept apologizing to my husband for talking about it so much, especially since it was just the same thoughts on it over and over again. He assured me it was okay, and I can talk about it as much or as little as I need. Once we got home I took a quick cat nap and thankfully didn't have any dreams or anything but I started house/dog sitting last night and I will say it took a bit of courage to finally let myself fall asleep, especially away from my husband, and in a house and bed that's familiar, but isn't mine. I don't want to develop anxiety towards sleeping but I feel a bit uneasy about it. It was the first time I ever had an experience like that and nothing out of the ordinary happened to cause it. It was one of the most terrifying moments of my life, and I hope the only time it ever happens.

I mean where do I even start with this shit? It’s legitimately insulting this made it past play testing into the live version of the game.
All it takes is 10-15 minutes of playing with this aspect and you can see the lack of synergy with other fragments/exotics. If you’re trying to do a threadling based build you’re using Swarmers, and they’re already going to unravel targets to make Tangles. So that’s half of the aspect negated right there
Secondly, there’s the prospect of having to run INTO DANGER to go pick up your Tangle. In anything harder than Legend Nightfalls this is a great way to unalive yourself. And when do you manage to successfully throw it, unless mobs are shoulder to shoulder with whoever you threw the Tangle on, you are suspending just that target
Finally, the fact that your teammates can just abscond with your tangle essentially negates it entirely. Why would I jump through hoops when I can just consume my grenade, suspend more targets just by shooting down a red bar or two, and have my grenade back in 7-8 seconds?
I really tried to give this aspect a fair shake. I tried swapping out both weaver’s call and mindspun invocation for it and the gameplay loop felt abysmal by comparison. It’s very obvious that The Wanderer was a completely mailed-in aspect. An afterthought.
Sorry for the rant and if this topic has been tackled prior, but I just had to vent. If anyone knows where I can leave feedback to Bungie directly please let me know because I have a bone to pick with them

32M 240lb 6'0" White Infrequent asthma, anxiety/depression, cold sores Zoloft, valacyclovir, xanax, fexofenadine, albuterol, fluticasone Frequent drinker (4-5 nights a week), nightly puffs on cannabis vape pen in bed
As allergy season began to pick up in April I noticed a weird pain in my throat on the right side when laughing, sometimes yawning and sometimes coughing. It would feel like a sharp, hot, tearing stringing pain that was very brief but often painful enough to cause my eyes to water.
I went to my PCP and described the symptoms. No swollen lymph nodes, no fever, nothing he could see or feel and he was basically stumped. Said the next 2 options are MRI or ENT doing an endoscopy. My insurance is not ideal and does not cover anything until I hit a $6k deductible so I am looking for any help that could prevent either of those very expensive procedures. I don't know if its just some type of infection that antibiotics could knock out or what.
A few days after visiting my PCP the symptoms changed. The laughing pain has almost completely subsided but now I have a constant sore throat.
I don't have any trouble swallowing. Talking does feel irritating now though. This new symptom started about 10 days ago.
No sign of strep - I do not have my tonsils
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Thank you!

So LoZ: TotK is going to have DLC. And going off of how DLC was in BotW, I cannot help but wonder what new equipment items we may see added to the roster for TotK's gear in the form of new weapons, bows, shields, and armor that may be bundled into any of the DLC packs coming around.
So I cannot help but theorize and predict that we may get any of the following -
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ARMOR SETS -

• Skyloftian Attire - Considering the fact we may get a DLC that adds more islands, I think it would be fitting to allow for Link to acquire clothing and a new hairstyle option as rewards; replicating Link's appearance from the opening act of Skyward Sword.
• Ordonian Shepherd - Sticking to the idea of having Link in TotK replicate the look of what we once wore in the opening act of a previous game, I think it would be fitting to allow us to acquire the outfit worn by Link in the opening act of Twilight Princess. Especially since it will expose Link's right arm that is now adorned with Zonai accessories.
• Zora Armor of Twilight - As an alternative outfit choice for the Zora Armor you can already acquire in-game, the Zora Armor of Twilight Princess would be an addition to simply allow you to replicate Link's appearance in Twilight Princess.
• Magic Armor - The Magic Armor from Twilight Princess could be added to the game. Though most likely it would simply be an alternative outfit style while replicating the same effect as the Mystic Armor, I personally believe it could be recontextualized as a suit of armor worn by King Rhoam Bosphoramus Hyrule during his younger years as a mere prince of the realm before his time to reign.
• Hero's Shade Armor - Continuing the trend of Twilight Princess inspired attire, I believe that the armor worn by the late Hero of Time in his final days would make for a nice set of armor to replicate the effects of the Barbarian Armor set. To make it interesting, I would personally add a visual flair to the armor by having Link's flesh look normal by day; but when night falls, his exposed flesh becomes semi-translucent, revealling his bones beneath with a single eye-socket glowing red to fully pull off the Hero's Shade look.
• Dark Mage's Robes - Moving to more toon aesthetics, I believe that it would be interesting to provide Link with the ability to mimic Vaati's appearance from The Minish Cap. What with BotW/TotK being more cell-shaded, it would be rather fitting to allow for us to see Vaati's likeness in more graphical detail. Plus as a bonus I think it should receive the gloom-resistant effect.
• Royal Engineer Uniform - Similarly, I think it would be fitting to have the outfit worn by Link in Spirit Tracks to be available in TotK as a collectible set. If I were to apply a bonus attribute to the set, it would be Energy Cell Efficiency; thus wearing the full set would allow you to have a 20% less drain on your Energy Cells when using Zonai Devices.
• Cap/Tunic/Trousers of the Warrior - Honestly, I was surprised that this set was not available in the base game; seeing as the outfit was available in Hyrule Warriors: Age of Calamity. But I can totally see Nintendo adding it in as a new collectible set to acquire while scrounging through The Depths.
• Bunny Hood - Tired of eating Rushroom Skewers and Speed Potions? Well, wearing the Bunny Hood will provide you with the same effect; allowing you to jog and run faster; though climbing speed is still normal.
• Hawkeye Mask - Some Bows, such as the Gerudo Bow, will zoom in whenever you take aim. If Nintendo were to add this mask as a DLC item, this would be how to replicate that effect for all bows in the game.
• Pegasus Boots - No, I don't think a speed boost would be proper to apply to these boots. Instead, I would have it be so that wearing the boots has stamina drain reduced by 20% while sprinting. Combined with the Bunny Hood, you can most certainly travel fast and far on foot.
• Iron Boots - Tired of being knocked around by heavy attacks from large enemies? Don't want Horriblins with bouncy mushroom sticks to make you launch across the cave? Well, find and equip the iron boots to make you move around a little slower but also never be launched by a heavy attack. Just be ready to take the hit.
• Travelling Swordsman - Though most Super Smash Bros Ultimate players don't like the Mii BrawleGunneSwordfighter characters, we can all admit that the default outfit for Mii Swordfighter is actually pretty well made. I could easily see Nintendo add it in as a reference set of shirt and pants; to be paired with the Travelers weapons arrangement.

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WEAPONS -

• Wooden Sword - I think as a fun silent addition, Nintendo should add the Wooden Sword from Twilight Princess as an item. An uncommon drop from the Meantree enemies, so instead of them dropping an effectively useless tree-branch; they drop a more sturdy wooden sword to possibly make use of.
• Ordon Sword - The sword that the Hero of Twilight wielded during his adventure's earliest miles. A fitting piece to help fully replicate the look of Link from the Twilight Princess game when paired with the Cap, Tunic, and Trousers of Twilight.
• Sword of the Knave - At the start of Hyrule Warriors, Link was but a young Knave on his way to be a proper Knight. So it would be fitting to rename the Knight's Sword as such. However in the hands of someone like Link, this blade's power would surpass the likes of a Knight's Sword from BotW/TotK.
• Blade of the Shade - Should the Hero's Shade armor items be added to the game, it would only be fitting to include the Hero's Shade sword to help complete the look.
• Gilded Sword - The fully upgraded Kokiri Sword version 4.0! I think it would be fitting to have to acquire this sword in the Lost Woods, implying that the Hero of Time had returned the blade to the Lost Woods after his adventure in Termina.
• Great Fairy's Claymore - Perhaps they might add in a quest for Link to perform for each of the Great Fairies, allowing you to be rewarded with the gift of the Great Fairy's Claymore? That or simply make us find it in the overworld.
• Kholint Sword - Seeing as Toy Link has been given some representation as a headpiece you can acquire, I think it would only be fitting to allow for you to obtain the ultimate sword from Link's Awakening as an item you can acquire.
• Blade of Hurricanes - The sword that the Hero of Winds used when not in possession of the Master Sword. What makes this blade unique? Well, I propose that if you were to charge up your spin-attack to the third level of power buildup; Link will then unleash a Hurricane Spin Attack! Great for when you are surrounded by enemies or just farming for items that you can harvest by cutting down grass in a field.
• White Sword - Though it has rarely made an appearance, I believe the addition of the White Sword would be fitting. Fun fact, if you attach a star fragment to an item; you will launch beams of light into the distance. So if the White Sword were to be added to the game, I think it would be best to have it simply not be a weapon you can throw away. Make it akin to the Master Sword where attempting to toss the sword will instead send out a beam. However in the White Sword's case, it will cast a triad of light sources into the distance. A good tool for when in the depths and trying to conserve Brightbulbs.
• Magical Sword - Like the White Sword, this sword should also be unable to be thrown. Instead, attempting to throw the sword should unleash an elemental attack. But with the caveat of it being a random type of element. Are we casting flames, lightning, or ice against our opponent?
• Phantom Sword - I think the addition of the Phantom Sword would be a nice addition to the game's roster of legendary weapons. But how to make it unique? Well it could be complicated to code, but I think that if Link were to try to toss the blade while at full health; it should launch a beam of light upon the enemy. Whatever enemy gets hit by the beam of light will replicate the Time Stop + ability from BotW so the enemy is frozen for a free hit or two.
• Lokomo Sword - The addition of the Lokomo Sword would make for a nice item to include in the weapons roster. But how to make it unique? Simple. If Link attempts to use the Fusion ability with this weapon and attempts to attach Zonai Charges or even Large Zonai Charges, the blade will be mended of damage. Thus the sword can be healed without the need of an Octorok.
• Four Sword - Now I know what you are thinking and NO. This sword will not make three other companion Links running around as AI companions. We already have our Vows with the Sages providing that. Instead I offer an alternative. Imagine a visual effect like what happens in Super Mario Galaxy when you pick up an Invincibility power up. Whenever you wield the Four Sword, you will instead have three shadows following very closely behind you; one red, one blue, and one purple. Whenever you swing the Four Sword, these copies follow your every motion and if the hit lands; they deal the same damage as you. So while the Four Sword would be 15 damage power, it is actually most likely 15x4 if all three of these copy Link's follow your motion and land their hits; meaning that if all 4 hits land you just dealt 60 damage with one button press. However, the enemy could fall out of range due to the slight knockback that weapons feature in the game; so you may end up missing your copy-cat hits. At least this is how I would have the Four Sword act in the game.
• Dominion Mace - Though this is more of a joke item. I figure that after eons, the Dominion Rod of Twilight Princess would be both depleted of power and all history regarding the relic has been lost to those who do not peruse the Royal Library. As a result, Link finds the Dominion Rod and deems it to be a well-made mace.
• Flameblade
• Flamespear
• Great Flameblade
• Frostblade
• Frostspear
• Great Frostblade
• Thunderblade
• Thunderspear
• Great Thunderblade
  • So yes, these weapons were sadly removed as BotW transitioned into TotK. And yes, you can replicate them by way of elemental Lizalfos Horns. HOWEVER; I think there is a missed opporitunity here. Zonai attachments to Zoanite weapons receive a bonus to their attack power. I believe that these elemental weapons should return to the game and if affixed with the proper attachment (Flameblade receives Flame Lizalfos Horn attachment for example), it should have a similar enhancing effect to both the weapon's damage and elemental output.

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BOWS -

• Sacred Bow - The final upgraded version of Skyward Sword Link's bow. I suspect that we will most likely see a DLC give us more islands in the sky to explore. So it would be fitting to be able to find this bow nested in a chest up high in the skies above Hyrule.
• Legendary Crossbow - It would be rather unique to have the ability to use Link's Crossbow from Link's Crossbow Training as a weapon. I personally would have it replicate the Duplex Bow to shoot two arrows for the price of one.

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SHIELDS -

• Deku Shield - If any shield should be added in a DLC as a quest reward, it should be the iconic Kokiri Shield from Ocarina of Time. Simply have it be a reward given by the Deku Tree for Link running an errand for him, a humble and sentimental reward.
• Ordon Shield - To go with the Ordon Sword, I think that the Ordon Shield should also be added to the game as a legacy item; thus allowing us to replicate the Hero of Twilight look even further.
• Mirror Shield - Though you can replicate this shield's effect thanks to the Zonai Mirrors you can fuse with a shield, it would be nice to have a Mirror Shield from a previous game as a legacy item. Question is, which one? There are like 6 designs we have had in the history of Zelda.
• Engineer's Shield - The shield that Link used in Spirit Tracks at the start of his adventure.
• Shield of Antiquity - Simply put, have it be an alternative version of the Hero's Shield that used to be dropped from the Wind Waker Amiibo. I personally would have it be an item that could be found in a whirlpool cave in the waters of the Necluda Sea added in with a DLC.
• Wooden Shield / Banded Shield / Braced Shield - I honestly find it strange that these weren't added as an homage to Skyward Sword as shields that could be found both in the islands in the sky and as items scattered around fallen island debris. If any DLC shields should be added, I think the Skyward Sword wooden shields would make for a nice addition to the roster; especially since they would level up alongside the player in the save file. So as they progress further in the game, they can find Banded and finally the Braced Shields.
• Iron Shield / Reinforced Shield / Fortified Shield - Ditto but with the Skyward Sword Iron Shield lineup of upgrades. Stronger than the Wooden Shield counterpart but susceptible to lightning.
• Sacred Shield / Divine Shield / Goddess Shield - Ditto. However, unlike with this lineup of shields from Skyward Sword where they mended themselves over time; I think that it would be fitting to have these shields only have a single property from that game carry over to TotK. When the shield is raised against Stal enemies (with the exception of the Stalnox), it will make them cower away from you and keep their distance. An especially useful item to have on hand when roaming around at night or exploring the depths wanting to be undisturbed by the annoying bones.
• Shade's Guard - Again, if Nintendo were to add in the Hero's Shade armor set; it would only be fitting to add in the shield used by the Hero's Shade in Twilight Princess as a bonus to complete the look.
• Shield of the Knave - The default shield from Hyrule Warriors would make for a descent addition. Especially if players are wanting to replicate the Hyrule Warriors' depiction of Link if Nintendo were to add in the outfit as well.
• Shield of Light - If Nintendo were to add in the White Sword as depicted in Hryule Warriors, I think it would be fitting to have it also be included the shield that Link used when making use of that sword. Have the bonus attribute that whenever you raise the shield, it shines light upon whatever is in front of you; allowing you to illuminate the darkness of the Depths and some caves with ease.
• Shield of Magic - Ditto. However, I believe that this shield should have the bonus effect of actually being able to heal itself. Should the player successfully deflect a magic attack with this shield equipped, it will mend some of its damaged health-pool by 10%; allowing you to fix the shield by simply fighting an elemental enemy.

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And there you have it.
Just figured I would share my expectations of what we could see as DLC legacy items coming to Tears of the Kingdom in the coming year and how I would have some of them provide a bonus effect.
Thoughts anyone?

Hi everyone. I have a question that's weighed heavily on me for some time: is it possible to maintain a healthy and happy marriage if your mother-in-law despises you?
I've been with my husband for nearly 10 years. We're college sweethearts. He's an awesome person--kind, smart, loyal, goofy, sweet, romantic. The works. He's my best friend and a great partner. We support each other's careers and goals, hang out with friends and neighbors, and enjoy a lot of overlap in our hobbies and passions. We've purchased a small home together and have a cat who we adore. In general, I feel grateful and lucky to be with him, and he regularly tells me how happy he is with me and how I'm the love of his life.
Of course, we have small fights here and there, but over the past decade, there has been one topic which has triggered potentially relationship-ending fights: his mom (my mother-in-law). Before I proceed, I want to put out a disclaimer that she is a good person with good qualities and I feel a debt of gratitude towards her for raising my husband. I don't want to demonize her. I'm just at the end of my rope. I've shed too many tears over this situation and I feel like I can't see a way out.
So, MIL was the only parent of ours that had an unhappy reaction to our engagement. Our other 3 parents (my mom and dad as well as his dad who is divorced from his mom) were all overjoyed and cried happy tears. His mom got very quiet. Then first thing she said was, "I thought you were already engaged!" which took the wind out of our sails. She followed that up with, "I guess I'll be having grandchildren soon!" which is another point of contention because we don't have kids yet (by choice) despite being together for so long. She boils this down to my fault. She angrily told him on multiple occasions, "you always wanted to be a father before you met her!" We were both approximately 20 years old when we met. Other things she's done behind my back:

• MIL instructed husband to "test me" before marrying me. She told him, "don't do whatever she wants you to do, and see how she reacts!" This may have been triggered by him telling her he's very happy with me because she responded with "I'm sure you're very happy right now but only because you do whatever she says". She told him in the middle of the night afterwards that she "had a terrible dream about him" and wanted to know if he was okay with me.
• MIL told husband I "clearly need Jungian therapy" because I'm "out of touch with my dreams and my shadow", I might "need to be medicated", and she's "more emotionally mature and honest" than me due to her years of therapy and her age. For the record, I have had therapy and counselling, I have tried medication for anxiety, and I respect mental health treatment.
• I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder called psoriatic arthritis by a rheumatologist. I went through blood tests and consultations. Flare-ups are occasionally very painful and physically off-putting. MIL verbatim told my husband, "she's probably faking her illness for attention or manipulation or something". I think maybe she was feeling insecure because her siblings and her ex-husband accused her of overexaggerating her health issues, so I get that she was triggered, but it was very painful to hear her comment via my husband. It is probably one of the meanest comments I've received in my lifetime. I was shocked and ruminated for a long time about why someone would think so little of my character.

There's much more, of course, as MIL has sent no shortage of "accidental" mean texts and impulsive emails ranting about me (typically sent midnight to 5AM because she "just can't fall asleep" thinking about me). Here's the thing: I've never had a negative interaction with her in person. She has always been polite. I have never even exchanged a text with her or had a call with her beyond generic well wishes for holidays and birthdays. However, because I am aware of this pattern of behavior she has exhibited behind my back over the past decade, I have increasingly declined most social invites from her. Of course, I never prevent my husband from going to family functions--he goes to maybe a dozen a year between holidays, birthdays, weddings, funerals, etc. since he has a big family on both sides.
The kicker is, MIL constantly complains that I don't attend family functions, which to her indicates that I don't "make an effort to become part of the family". From our perspectives, we married each other, not our families. My family is much smaller, but when I hang out with them, my husband doesn't always tag along. He does not feel that I have an obligation to attend his family functions, but he does feel very angry and then sometimes sad when his mother (and increasingly sister) guilt trip him about me not visiting. MIL likes to say she's "lost a son" and SIL texted my husband that he is "the biggest disappointment of mom's life" and "he'll regret everything when she's dead."
I don't know what to do. I don't want to put my husband in the middle of this situation when his family so clearly despises me. In turn, I no longer want to interact with them. I love this man. I want our relationship to be happy and healthy. But the thought of having to interact with my MIL for the rest of my life is so anxiety-inducing that I honestly sometimes consider divorce. I am a people pleaser and conflict avoidant, and I understand these are bad unassertive traits which don't lead to conflict resolution. I just don't know what confronting her would accomplish at this point and I fear it would make the situation much worse as she might feel criticized. I can't envision my MIL becoming a grandmother to my future children when she has already sent long angry texts about "just knowing" how I won't respect her as a grandma.
I'm so sorry I ranted so much. I thought I was going to be much more concise and organized with my thoughts. I would really appreciate any advice you guys have.

Hi everyone. I've gleaned so much wisdom from this sub. I'm not sure if this is too personal to be posted here, but I have a question that's weighed heavily on me for some time: is it possible to maintain a healthy and happy marriage if your mother-in-law despises you?
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I've been with my husband for nearly 10 years. We're college sweethearts. He's an awesome person--kind, smart, loyal, goofy, sweet, romantic. The works. He's my best friend and a great partner. We support each other's careers and goals, hang out with friends and neighbors, and enjoy a lot of overlap in our hobbies and passions. We've purchased a small home together and have a cat who we adore. In general, I feel grateful and lucky to be with him, and he regularly tells me how happy he is with me and how I'm the love of his life.
​
Of course, we have small fights here and there, but over the past decade, there has been one topic which has triggered potentially relationship-ending fights: his mom (my mother-in-law). Before I proceed, I want to put out a disclaimer that she is a good person with good qualities and I feel a debt of gratitude towards her for raising my husband. I don't want to demonize her. I'm just at the end of my rope. I've shed too many tears over this situation and I feel like I can't see a way out.
​
So, MIL was the only parent of ours that had an unhappy reaction to our engagement. Our other 3 parents (my mom and dad as well as his dad who is divorced from his mom) were all overjoyed and cried happy tears. His mom got very quiet. Then first thing she said was, "I thought you were already engaged!" which took the wind out of our sails. She followed that up with, "I guess I'll be having grandchildren soon!" which is another point of contention because we don't have kids yet (by choice) despite being together for so long. She boils this down to my fault. She angrily told him on multiple occasions, "you always wanted to be a father before you met her!" We were both approximately 20 years old when we met. Other things she's done behind my back:
​

• MIL instructed husband to "test me" before marrying me. She told him, "don't do whatever she wants you to do, and see how she reacts!" This may have been triggered by him telling her he's very happy with me because she responded with "I'm sure you're very happy right now but only because you do whatever she says". She told him in the middle of the night afterwards that she "had a terrible dream about him" and wanted to know if he was okay with me.
• MIL told husband I "clearly need Jungian therapy" because I'm "out of touch with my dreams and my shadow", I might "need to be medicated", and she's "more emotionally mature and honest" than me due to her years of therapy and her age. For the record, I have had therapy and counselling, I have tried medication for anxiety, and I respect mental health treatment.
• I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disorder called psoriatic arthritis by a rheumatologist. I went through blood tests and consultations. Flare-ups are occasionally very painful and physically off-putting. MIL verbatim told my husband, "she's probably faking her illness for attention or manipulation or something". I think maybe she was feeling insecure because her siblings and her ex-husband accused her of overexaggerating her health issues, so I get that she was triggered, but it was very painful to hear her comment via my husband. It is probably one of the meanest comments I've received in my lifetime. I was shocked and ruminated for a long time about why someone would think so little of my character.

There's much more, of course, as MIL has sent no shortage of "accidental" mean texts and impulsive emails ranting about me (typically sent midnight to 5AM because she "just can't fall asleep" thinking about me). Here's the thing: I've never had a negative interaction with her in person. She has always been polite. I have never even exchanged a text with her or had a call with her beyond generic well wishes for holidays and birthdays. However, because I am aware of this pattern of behavior she has exhibited behind my back over the past decade, I have increasingly declined most social invites from her. Of course, I never prevent my husband from going to family functions--he goes to maybe a dozen a year between holidays, birthdays, weddings, funerals, etc. since he has a big family on both sides.
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The kicker is, MIL constantly complains that I don't attend family functions, which to her indicates that I don't "make an effort to become part of the family". From our perspectives, we married each other, not our families. My family is much smaller, but when I hang out with them, my husband doesn't always tag along. He does not feel that I have an obligation to attend his family functions, but he does feel very angry and then sometimes sad when his mother (and increasingly sister) guilt trip him about me not visiting. MIL likes to say she's "lost a son" and SIL texted my husband that he is "the biggest disappointment of mom's life" and "he'll regret everything when she's dead."
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I don't know what to do. I don't want to put my husband in the middle of this situation when his family so clearly despises me. In turn, I no longer want to interact with them. I love this man. I want our relationship to be happy and healthy. But the thought of having to interact with my MIL for the rest of my life is so anxiety-inducing that I honestly sometimes consider divorce. I am a people pleaser and conflict avoidant, and I understand these are bad unassertive traits which don't lead to conflict resolution. I just don't know what confronting her would accomplish at this point and I fear it would make the situation much worse as she might feel criticized. I can't envision my MIL becoming a grandmother to my future children when she has already sent long angry texts about "just knowing" how I won't respect her as a grandma.
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I'm so sorry I ranted so much. I thought I was going to be much more concise and organized with my thoughts. I would really appreciate any advice you guys have.

Detailed but not-hugely-impactful-to-life rant. This is mostly a way for me to process what happened.
I was at a wedding this weekend, and I felt super unwelcome and out of place. Important context is that I was at a wedding where the culture is not my own, and my husband and I were 100% the only white people there (this doesn't bother me-- I've been to many weddings for friends where this has been the reality and always had a great time). I had a tough time because I'm pregnant, feeling uncomfortable in my body, and very sensitive.
I knew the bride from work, where we were very close due to working in a high-stress environment where we were the only two "long-haulers." We don't currently work together, but she's lovely and we've kept in touch. I've had a really hard month: I had COVID three weeks ago, I've been having big pains in doing anything and compression socks are my bff right now. And I hurt my foot doing who knows what, so I have trouble walking quickly or at all. Plus of course, I'm 33 weeks pregnant.
We get there a bit early compared to most (cultural timing norms), so as soon as we glimpsed into the empty ballroom (they were taking pics) my husband and I decided to wait in the hotel lobby. We're there for maybe 20 minutes just chatting, when the bride comes by and is so lovely saying that she thought she saw me and wanted to know how I was feeling, if I needed anything, and invited me to sit in the unoccupied reception space to wait for cocktail hour to begin. I really can't say enough good things about her!
She shepherded us back to the ballroom and got a bit distracted with photographer and other guests, but assigned a friend of hers to watch out for us and told us to sit in the reception area until cocktail hour (there were no chairs anywhere else). The friend also disappeared to help the bride. We grabbed two chairs at the nearest table and sat down. Within 5 minutes, a man who I recognize as her brother (I've seen pictures) comes over and asks if we're with the bride or the groom. I reply that we're with the bride, and he immediately starts to say that the room won't open for another hour, so we can't be in there. I reply that since I'm 7 months pregnant, I really needed somewhere to sit, and the bride told us we could sit down there. He accepted this, though still seemed skeptical, and moved on. Not 10 minutes later, another woman (not sure who) asks us if we're friends with the bride, I say yes, and she says that "perhaps we'd be more comfortable" on the other side of the room, because the side of the room we were on was the "groom's side." I tell her, starting to tear up, that we're not planning to stay there, that I'm pregnant and really needed to sit down. She seems more understanding that bride's brother, and asks how far along I am, and if it's my first (it is). But I'm definitely starting to cry because I just wanted to sit down, I didn't want to make a fuss or bother anyone, I just have aching feet and I would have gladly stayed in the lobby had the bride not invited us back. I think she could tell I was getting upset because she left after a moment more. I started to cry for real because I was so uncomfortable with physically being in the space and feeling like I was causing a problem, and when I get uncomfortable with crying in front of people, I hyperventilate and can't breathe properly. I tell my husband I want to leave the ballroom, so we get up and he walks me to the bathroom so I can have a bit of privacy and get myself together. It takes a while, and I definitely looked like I was crying when I got out, but there was food and it was delish so I was distracted easily.
When the ballroom finally opened for real, we went to the appropriate side and picked the seats closest to the exit so I could have good access to the bathroom. We were told by the bride's friend it was open seating. The bride's side was pretty empty, even 90 minutes in (again, cultural norms), and there were easily 7-9 completely unoccupied tables that very slowly started to fill up, but nobody chose to sit with us, even another 30-45 minutes in. So we're two full hours in by now. And truthfully, I didn't mind that we were sitting alone-- husband and I had a good time chatting and he kept bringing me food. I assumed we're get some stragglers eventually.
We had another visitor, the bride's cousin, who gave us an update on what the night would look like, and was very kind. Then, a member of the bride's family (I don't know who), came over and asked us if we would be able to move tables because there was a very big family who was coming and wanted to sit together. Now there were still plenty of spaces at other tables, but we definitely had the biggest number of contiguous empty seats. We had been sitting, drinking water and mocktails, and eating some of the cocktail hour food, so we were certainly "established" sitting there. He said he would move us to sit with his family instead. So again, not wanting to make a fuss at a wedding where the culture is not my own, we said of course, and followed this man.
He led us to a table that was clearly "important family"-- it was one of two tables marked "Reserved" and was right along the dance floor. We sat, and I tried to smile and say hello to everyone but nobody replied or smiled back. There were probably 4 other adults and 4 children at the table. I felt so uncomfortable, like I was intruding on them. It felt like they didn't want us there, and I didn't want to be there either, and I felt myself getting teary again. We listened to the religious leader give his blessing, watched the entrance of the couple, and there was a pause for some type of ceremony in another room. Again, the table was dead silent. Looking back, I suppose I could have just started speaking to my husband again, but I didn't want to be rude (even though the adults seemingly were choosing not to engage with us). Plus, after three instances of being asked to move, a crying spell in the bathroom, and nothing to distract us (still no dinner!), I was just feeling so unwelcome and overly exhausted. We decided to leave a little bit after the religious leader spoke.
In reflecting, I think I got a blast of a combo of multiple people trying to do the "right thing"-- the brother trying to make sure his sister's wedding is perfect and assuming we made a mistake in coming in early, the woman assuming we made a mistake in sitting in the "wrong place", the male family member trying to accommodate a large group by bumping two people he doesn't know, and the family who didn't want to sit with us either. But I felt awful. It wouldn't have been half as bad had I not been pregnant, both because we wouldn't have been in the ballroom at all and I would have been in a better headspace before the man asked us to move. The family would likely still have been a bit standoffish, but it wouldn't have been the last snowflake of the emotional avalanche that I felt.

Just who are making all these Dicey Decisions?
I'm glad you asked!
Scott: DM and creator of Dicey Decisions. College professor in the real world, certified amazing everywhere else. Corin: The producer and behind the scenes wizard that keeps the stream flowing while we are busy role playing. Brandi: Marketing, Social Media, and Graphic Design. Brandi is a maladaptive daydreamer-teacher-fantasy author with an infamous stubborn streak and questionable addictions to social media and graphics software.
That brings us to our players... in no particular order and with minimal fanfare we have...
Name: Daniel Character Played: Garrick Stillbraid, Half-Elf Paladin Occupation: Healthcare Data Analyst First TTRPG: D&D 1st edition TTRPGs Played: D&D (1e - 5e), Pathfinder 1e, The One Ring, Star Wars (Fantasy Flight), Star Trek Adventures Favorite TTRPG Character: Izar Goldbranch, Half-Elven Acid Savant Sorcerer (D&D 3.5e) Favorite TTRPG Memory: After an Orcish citizen was found decapitated in their home and the party trying their damndest to not let racial tensions boil out of control, I accidentally set off a blood brawl with some unfortunate (and completely coincidental) wording: "Everyone calm down. There's no reason for anyone to lose their heads." Other Hobbies: Film, Theatre, Sports, Cooking, Professional Wrestling, Video Games (especially Open World Games) Fun Fact: My first semi-regular artistic gig was writing for a short-lived Miami-based wrestling promotion in the late 1990s.
Name: Amanda Character Played: Ashrina Gemmender, Gnome Rogue First TTRPG: D&D TTRPGs Played: D&D & Call of Cthulu Favorite TTRPG Character: My first ever D&D Character I made- Eloise the child rogue. She was a little hobo who stole and hoarded every piece of food she could get her hands on. I think about creating her for a full length campaign all the time. Favorite TTRPG Memory: I once "ruined" an encounter that was meant to overwhelm us in wave-style combat while one of our members was channeling a 10 minute spell with a wall of fire spell that I circled around the party thus rendering all the baddies useless as they burned up passing through the wall. Other Hobbies: Bowling, Video Games, random crafting Fun Fact: I have two giant dogs, a Great Dane and a Great Pyrenees and between the two of them they weigh 300+ pounds and consume 10 cups of food a day.
Name: Jack Character Played: Sliver, Human Bard First TTRPG:TTRPGs Played: Favorite TTRPG Character: Favorite TTRPG Memory: Other Hobbies: Fun Fact:
Name: Sean Character Played: Kid, Half-Elf Rogue Occupation: Paid geek First TTRPG: AD&D 2E 3E 3.5E 4E 5E, Pathfinder, Blackmoor, Dungeon Crawl Classics, Savage Worlds (Deadlands, Necessary Evil, Space: 1889), Warhammer / 40K Roleplay, 7th Sea, Call of Cthulu, World of Darkness, RIFTS, Shadowrun, Legend of the 5 Rings, Ryuutama, SPLINTER, Kult Favorite TTRPG Character: Kakita Kenshin, a noble swordsman from the Kakita clan, who was killed in an honor duel at the Imperial Winter Court in an intrigue engineered by another player at the table. His death was so dramatic and unexpected that the entire table gasped as the final blow was struck. When you can create a character and participate in telling a story with enough depth and emotional weight that a character death is actually impactful - that's when RPGs truly come alive for me. Favorite TTRPG Moment: There are too many wonderful moments to count, but my favorites are the emergent RP moments that happen in a roleplay heavy group. In one homebrew campaign, I was gifted a drunken dwarven bard to play named Oakstone Flamehammer. While attempting to secure the aid of a foreign court, he was accused of lying to the assembled nobles. In a fit of rage, he bellowed back, "Lie? LIE?! I'M TOO DRUNK TO LIE!", passed the charisma check with flying colors, and aid was secured. I'll never forget that moment, or the friends that I made during that campaign. Other Hobbies: Road trips / traveling, video games (Destiny 2 warlock main) and retro game collecting, miniatures painting / modeling Fun Fact: I have been playing make-believe and inhabiting fantastical worlds my entire life. For as long as I can remember, video games have been my primary hobby and passion - I still own my original INTV System III - and I firmly believe that there is no better way to connect with people, engage with stories, or evoke memory than through the spirit of play.
Name: Justin Occupation: Network Engineering Consultant Character Played: Tarlan Hillspark, Halfling Cleric First TTRPG: AD&D 2nd Edition TTRPGs Played: D&D 2e, 3e, 3.5e, 4e, 5e. Pathfinder, Paranoia, Call of Cthulhu, World of Darkness, In Nomine, BESM, Gurps, Star Wars D6, Star Wars Fantasy Flight, Mutants and Masterminds, Avatar Legends, Shadowrun, Blackmoor Favorite TTRPG Character: "Doctor", Kenku Cleric/Wizard plague doctor Favorite TTRPG Memory: It was D&D 3.5 at a living greyhawk table playing a human wizard. The entire party had fallen to a pack of wolves and dire wolves leaving Viktor alone, out of spell slots, facing off against the last dire wolf standing. Viktor was in robes armed with a quarter staff... and stood his ground against the Dire Wolf avoiding every attack thanks to some awful rolling on the DMs part. He was later dubbed Viktor the Invincible after clubbing the dire wolf to death and stabilizing his party. Other Hobbies: Board games, video games, trading card games... one day I will grow up and have adult hobbies... maybe... Fun Fact: I have 5 tattoos with 3 more planned once I get the money and time. 1 - Kanji for "not dying" between my should blades. 2 - Captain America's shield on my right bicep. 3 - A raven on my left pec. 4 - An ellipses and semi-colon on my right wrist. 5 - Chester Bennington's wrist flame on my right forearm in his honor. Next tattoo will be a quarter sleeve rainforest on my left shoulder and bicep with an animal representing each of my kids (Monkey, Frog, Fish).

Welcome to Green Valley

Four Merry Jaunts Through in the Bumpkin Quest Campaign

It’s a big world filled with far off folks who have far off problems. In the quaint farming town of Hills Furrow that has certainly not been the case. Here life is simple, local, and paced by the seasons. There ain’t been a need for “Venturers” and their ilk since your Papaw was just a sprout. However, the winds of change are blowin, and things are about to git just a bit more exciting round these parts.
Welcome to Green Valley, The down-home home of Rural Fantasy Misadventures and Grass-Roots Shenanigans. The Valley is Filled with Colorful Characters, Brimming with Odd Ball Neighbors, and has more than a few Local Yokels. Welcome to Bumpkin Quest. These adventures are intended to be a series of silly adventures that all go awry in some way or another and stir up trouble throughout a peaceful little village that has in many ways been overlooked by the troubles of the world “outside”.
CHAPTER 1: Green Tide CHAPTER 2: A Cartload of Chickens CHAPTER 3: Marvin the Magnificent CHAPTER 4: High Society
ADVENTURE MECHANICS - Target Character Level: Commoners - Level 1 - Target Party Size: Four Players - Average Adventure Playtime: 1-2 Hours - Tone: Rural Misadventures
I’ve also put these adventures into a PDF that includes our Bumpkin Quest: Campaign Guide which fills in the details of Green Valley pretty thoroughly. The quests are simple enough to be run in any setting you choose, but if you're interested in more the Guide as over a dozen Custom Maps, 70+ NPCs, Location Descriptions, 20+ Local Legends, and Scores of Adventure and Event Ideas. You can grab the PDF Free at the link above.

Hills Furrow

At the center of the Valley sits a patch of small grassy hills, through which the Slow Water meanders through. Built into these hills is the Village of Hills Furrow. Celebrated by everyone living in The Valley and boasting a whopping population of almost 150, Hills Furrow is the center of commerce and social importance. Well, at least as far as the locals are concerned. Realistically it would be less than a blip on the grand scale of things, a mere kernel of wheat in the silo of civilization, but to those who live here, there is nothing quite like living in the “city”.
The Village itself, like the Valley, is predominantly Halfling, and their fancy dwellings are burrowed into the hillsides as often as possible. These dwellings have been family owned for generations only becomeing available if there are no heirs to pass them along to. Other folk live in well kept two story shingled buildings, most of which house a business on the lower floor and house the Shopkeepers and their families above their workplaces, though a few live in nearby homes. There aren’t many “rental” spaces in town, as property is usually bought up quickly by the Halfling Families, but there are long term options at either of the Inns in town.
Hills Furrow: Locations 1) The Crocked Crow (Inn and Tavern) 2) The Dancing Lamb (Inn and Tavern) 3) The Moaning Toad (Tavern) 4) Granny's Groceries (General Market) 5) Get Nailed (Hardware and Distilery) 6) Gimdurh's Hammer (Smithy) 7) Brenra's Mechanicals (Tinker) 8) Hjoldren's Home Goods (Carpenter) 9) Standard Industries (Office) 10) Fit to be Dyed (Tailor) 11) The Last Loaf (Baker) 12) The Cloudy Cleaver (Butcher) 13) Nature's Medecine (Apothecary) 14) Sheriff's Office 15) Green Valley School House 16) The Waterwheel 17) The Windmill 18) The Undercloak Estate 19) Truefoot Burrow 20) The Meadows Family Hill
The people themselves are hospitable and friendly enough, but they do not really trust outsiders. Folks from foreign places are good for trade, news, and little else. Those that come through are treated well enough as long as they don’t wear out their welcome. Locals, well, that’s a bit of a different story. The city and area doesn’t operate under a written caste system or social structure, but there is clearly a pecking order, and family heritage matters a great deal to folks in Hills Furrow. Most locals, whether they’ve gotten an education or not, can easily be classified as simple. It isn’t that they are slow of mind or unintelligent, but more that they are unconcerned with matters the outside world considers important. This sentiment has created a general, but friendly, dislike between those that consider themselves Highfalutin and those that clearly are not.
Well now that I've given you the fifty cent tour. Shall we get on to adventure?

CHAPTER 1: Green Tide

We will open our journeys in the Green Valley at Green Tide, the annual celebration of Winter’s End. This adventure is designed to give a tour of Hills Furrow and introduce them to the locals. It will begin with some chores around their house to prepare for the festival and end with a battle involving an enchanted broom. If you did not do Session Zero, this chapter may take a bit longer as we get to know everyone and their characters.

ACT 1: Pre-Festival

The locals spend the week cleaning out their houses and farms. They gather old junk and unused items to be used later in the festival. They also begin preparing what food is left from winter to be used in a celebration and feasts.
Things to do! - Have the Players clean up junk around the house - Have them Find something strange (Perhaps used for a later mystery?) - Have them Decorate their Broom - Have them run a Household Errand (Meet an NPC)

ACT 2: Sweeping Day

A merry festival celebrating Spring cleaning and putting the past behind them. They form a parade, with one member from each house carrying a brightly decorated broom and using it to symbolically “Sweep Away Winter”. The rest of the family marches their winter’s trash and unused goods down to the Fairgrounds. The goods are often traded, while the trash is piled in the fire pit to await burning later. The entire day is filled with fun outdoor activities. Households also symbolically bring their problems to the bonfires to burn them later.
Things to do! - March in the Parade - Carry Junk to the Bonfire - Meet more of the Locals
EVENT: I Love a Parade
The parade will march North from near the Cross Roads in the South up around the hill and back again to the South where it will head for the Fairgrounds. There isn’t anything particularly challenging about this event, but it would be a wonderful place to start leaning into or building local rivalries.
EVENT: Never Seen a Broom Do That… As they come into the home stretch of the Parade one of the local’s Brooms will animate and take off. It will chase folks around the parade. The players can attempt to stop it, but the broom will flee soon after being attacked. It will fly up into the air, attack a flock of geese, and chase them off until it can’t be seen anymore. They can go and collect a fallen goose if they wish. I highly recommend giving it a motorcycle type sound as it flies around hitting folks. Maybe even going as far as giving it a rough gravel angry voice and letting it insult people.

ACT 3: Winter’s End

Winter’s End is a Combination of Groundhog’s Day and Fasnacht, this day gets a little wild. The Festival kicks off at dawn with the Great Gopher Hunt. Gophers are well known spies for The Voice of Winter and thus need to be hunted before they can tell The Voice to delay Spring. Gophers themselves are quite tasty, and are notoriously bad for crops, so this works out economically all around. Throughout the rest of the day families continue to contribute to the Bonfire Pile which often gets quite large. At dusk a large effigy of The Voice of Winter is placed on top of the pile. Once the sun has fully set they light the fire and burn the Effigy. Folk usually dress darkly during the day and brightly at night. After the burning they feast on sweets and treats that were made from goods saved up from winter storage.
Things to do! - The Great Gopher Hunt - Carry Junk to the Bonfire - Meet more of the Locals - The Fairground’s Activities
EVENT: The Great Gopher Hunt The Hunt begins at dawn and takes place all over the Valley. Locals race to collect as many Gophers as possible. It is easiest to kill the Gopher, but there are some that find that distasteful. Instead they live trap the critters. It is a bit tougher to do so, but an option should your players wish. This is most easily played out as a series of appropriate Skill Checks, in which the higher they score the more gophers they obtain.
EVENT: Trash Removal They may find some locals willing to pay them to help cart junk down to the bonfire pile. Not a lot of skill involved in this, but it is a great opportunity to meet locals, and you could throw a runaway cart at them.
Fair Activities They will probably want to take part in Fairground Activities. Players love these types of challenges. Here are a few ideas you can build on. - Axe Throwin: Basic attack rolls on a Round Target. Higher scores equal Higher points. - Bow Shootin: Basic attack rolls on Moving Targets. Higher scores equal Higher points. - Pig Chasin: Catch the greased Pig! Medium DC Challenge requiring three success before three Failures. - Mud Wrastlin: Nothing says bumpkin like a good Mud Wrastlin Pit. Contested Skill Challenges. - Sausage Eating Contest: Increasingly difficult DC Challenge. Eat till you puke! Can also be Pies or Ribs or Little Fish… you know whatever someone wants to stuff dozens of in their gullet. - Tug O’War: Team Strength Challenge. Three to Five Contested Rolls with opposing teams. - Gopher BBQ Cook Off: A Hard Culinary Challenge to see who can BBQ the best Gopher! - Races: Foot and Mount Races based on Three to Five Contested Rolls. I usually include a few odd mounts like a Giant Chicken or some such nonsense.

ACT 4: Day of Ashes

The Day of Ashes is a day of rest, recovery, and reflection. Locals take the ashes from the bonfires and rub their hands in them to symbolize the end of a hard year’s work and hardships of the past. The day ends with a large family feast, typically Pork. Activities this day are light, but many folks head to the Temple for the Calling of Spring Blessings. They put on their fancies and head down to ask forgiveness for over-indulging in the festival and for worship. Well sort of…
Unfortunately, a lot of folks take this as an opportunity to peacock about and practice their one-upmanship over other locals. If you’re looking for inspiration for their outfits look to older photos of the Kentucky Derby. Over the years this troubling practice has caused more than one fight to break out after the service.
*Things to do! * - Go to Temple and Meet More Locals - Pick a Local Patron!
EVENT: Temple Services
The majority of the town comes to Temple on this day. The service is usually longer, and a bit more “Where have most of you been all year?” But otherwise it is a call for the Divine Blessings to touch their crops and protect their lives. It ends with a ceremony in which the locals put their hands into the ashes from yesterday’s bonfire. Once services end they will head outside, where the trouble will begin. Two of the wealthier families will get into it with each other. Starting with a couple of veiled insults, probably before service and continuing afterward. If one of your players is from a local Rich Folk family then they can be right in the middle of it all, otherwise they will have to pick a side. This choice will determine their house Patron moving forward. Tension will increase until folks start drawing up sides, and then someone will throw a rotten tomato at one of the House Matrons. That will blow the lid off the incident and a yokel brawl will break out. For comedy purposes I recommend the instant appearance of several food carts filled with expired products, and maybe a six year old hustler selling big sticks for wacking folks with. As the locals brawl call for perception checks. Who ever rolls highest begins to hear… The Broom returning!
ENCOUNTER: Stick In The Eye
The broom returns ready to whoop some ash. It will be absolutely bent on cleaning anyone and everyone who is even the slightest bit dirty! If it successfully attacks a character they will have to make a Strength Saving throw or be knocked to the ground and swept clean by the broom. As this would be an awful omen for the year folks are terrified and will be running around screaming. Absolute mass hysteria. If the players were lucky enough to hear it coming they can avoid being surprised by the broom. Otherwise the broom will get a full round to attack before they have a chance to do anything. They’ll have to beat the broom into submission any way they can before it sweeps the whole town into chaos!

CLOSING

After defeating the broom things will settle back down again. Bumpkins are quick to return to normal when things go awry. However, they will have gotten the attention of one of the Wealthy Families in the area and be offered jobs. Which family is really, based on what will work best for them and you as the DM. For gags you might be tempted to have the Yokels pick them up, but that is a hard bit to sustain, and you may be better served keeping them on the side as a comic foil rather than up front. Completely up to you. The session should end with them being invited to meet their new patron tomorrow someplace important.

CHAPTER 2: A Cartload of Chickens

After successfully defeating the Enchanted Broom, our Bumpkins have gained the attention of a possible local Patron. This individual has summoned them to a nearby farm to discuss future work. That work includes proving themselves capable and not just lucky.

ACT 1: Meet the Boss

In this Act the players will meet with their new patron, one of the Family Heads, who that is entirely depends on their choices from the last game. This entire side branch is designed to flavor the background of the campaign, but if you’d rather just have them stay freelancing and independent that’s fine as well. There is also the possibility of “competing” offers should they have second thoughts for any reason. Once they arrive at the meeting spot their Patron will ask them some questions about their ambitions (Class Goals), they will then hand them off to their new “boss” who will assign them their task. They will take them to a nearby barn.
NEW NPC: “Boss”
Needs a fitting name for the Family they work for...
Character wise, what we got here is a standard “Ranch Foreman” character. They’re tough, A little mean, and completely loyal to their employer. They almost certainly chew tobacco (by the handful), have a tattoo of the Ranch’s Brand, and know where all the bodies are buried. They also have a huge and obvious scar on the side of their head where a Giant Chicken pecked a hole in their skull, so they’re not as bright as they used to be, not at all truthfully. Nor are they actually the Foreman anymore, but no one has a heart to tell them. They’ve been quietly downgraded to Chicken Handler, which is something they seem to remember quite well, but the brain damage keeps them from realizing all that. They can be found wandering the Farm giving strange orders to other Hands. These Hands nod politely and then go back to what they are doing.
Things To Do! - Meet Their Patron - Discuss Their Future - Meet Their New “Boss”

ACT 2: Chicken Dance

Boss will lead them into the odd looking barn. This building is filled with Giant Chickens. These two-three foot fouls have extremely exaggerated features, spiky looking beaks with sharp tooth like edges, big darting eyes, bumpy cracked skin, long gnarled talons, and dirty mottled feathers. They’re more beast than bird. But, they’re good for eatin! These creatures should have a stat block similar to an Axe Beak. When the players enter into the Barn the Chickens will go nuts, obviously deeply bothered by the intrusion. Boss will throw in some deer haunches and the birds will tear them apart in a feeding frenzy. They will then put on a Chicken Suit and begin a flapping dance. (Google Magnificent Riflebird) It should be absolutely captivating and the chickens will become mesmerized, watching every move. Boss will then load two dozen chickens onto a large wagon and lock it. They will have the players push the wagon out while he keeps the Chickens calm. Once outside they’ll hang heavy tarps on the sides of the wagon, and remove the suit. He will then explain to them that they need to keep the tarps on the wagon, and keep the birds well fed, or the chickens will get restless and become violent. When they do need to interact with them someone will have to wear the suit and dance to keep them calm. The bigger the person in the suit the better. Boss will then give them a Map of Green Valley and instruct them to drop off two chickens at each of the outer settlements. They have two days to get this done.
Things To Do! - Head into the barn - Witness The Dance of The Chicken - Push the Wagon out - Get the Costume and Delivery Instructions

ACT 3: Bumpy Roads

They will be off to deliver the Chickens to various locations. There is no specific order to this delivery, they just need to pick a route and go. If they’re short on time they can take the country roads that lead between the outer settlements, but these aren’t as well kept as the main roads are. Whatever road they take and wherever they decide to stop for the night there are problems they will encounter along the way. You can make them random or pick the ones that best suit your players. Most of these should at some point require someone putting on the suit and dancing for the chickens to keep them calm. I would also increase the difficulty of each event. If they fail a dance the Chickens will become restless and start attacking the cart until they are calmed down. Too many failures and the wagon’s cage will break and the remaining chickens escape. They will then have to be rounded up and the cage repaired.
Things to Do - Decide the delivery route - Deliver the chickens - Keep the Chickens calm
Possible Road Events 1) Rough roads cause problems 2) Yokels attempt to see what’s in the cart 3) Bad Weather swamps the road or scares the chickens 4) Pack of Coyotes causes trouble. 5) Chicken Rustlers! Protect the Flock! 6) Wagon breaks and needs repair 7) Cows in the road, someone’s herd is out. 8) Broken Bridge, not gone, just broken

ACT 4: Final Delivery

They’re now closing in on the final delivery. Something needs to happen here to cause them to put the suit on. Or maybe they never took it off! I love that idea, that one of your players just loves the suit and wants to be a chicken… lol… Anyway I’m a fan of having them need to get out of the suit for some reason, maybe a bathroom break, or they stand on a fire ant hill, or a snake slithers up their leg. You know something silly and fun. BUT the zipper is stuck! So they’ll have to try and unstick it and fast! Whatever happens they’re going to get shot at by some hunters looking for a big score who have mistaken the flailing caused by the stuck zipper to be the chicken attacking. After dealing with the Hunters they can go ahead and make the final drop. And head home.
Things to Do! - Head for the final delivery - Get shot at! - Deliver the last chickens
ENCOUNTER: That’s a BIG Chicken!
Having two hunters in the field is more than enough to cause a problem for the players. The hunters will almost certainly surprise the players, but you can allow them a perception check, if they succeed they’ll see the hunters just before the muskets go off. It would be OK to down the Chicken Player here if the hunters successfully hit it. They’ll have healer’s kits on hand because, well, this seems to happen to them a lot out here. After the initial attack the players can decide to attack back or try and talk the hunters down. A basic Bandit or Scout stat block should do will for the hunters. If you’re looking for a bit more mayhem, if the hunters miss the players you could have them hit the cage, and you know, bust it open. This may be especially tempting if they
POSSIBLE ENCOUNTER: Big Ol' Frog
So there is a giant frog hiding in the mud down in the creek. If a player takes cover behind the banks there is a good chance that the frog will attempt to nab the player as a snack. If it is successful in grabbing a player with its tongue it will immediately head down river, and they'll have to chase it to get their friend back.

CLOSE

When they return, Boss will reward them. How much will depend on how successful they were delivering the birds. If they did a descent job, they will be paid two day’s wages each. If they were completely successful they can have a bonus. However, if the wagon is in bad shape they might have some money deducted. After they’re paid out, they will be dismissed, and told to expect a new assignment next week.

CHAPTER 3: Marvin the Magnificent

After successfully delivering chickens Boss is going to trust them with a more important task. Their employer has requested an item to be created by Marvin the Magnificent. This is a farming community so having enchanted Farming Equipment is extremely desirable. Marvin has done a lot of basic enchantments over the years, but this new one, an The Stone Skipper, a plough whose blade goes ethereal while in contact with stones too large to push away, has really put him to the test. He needs some help with the final enchantments. The players will have to travel to the Ethereal Plane and hit the Blade of the plow with large rocks. But there’s a problem, they’re going to have mischievous Ethereal Sprites attempting to stop them! If they’re successful, which they should be, they get to take the plough for a test drive, and deal with the strange side effects of the enchantment. Angry goats that blink in and out of existence.

ACT 1: To the Tower

They’ll be summoned out to the Ranch where they’ll meet with Boss again. Once there they will notice a large pile of bent and dinged up plows. Boss will explain to them that a recent land acquisition has become problematic. The Fields are filled with large stones just under the topsoil and they’ve damaged a lot of Plow Blades. The Smithing costs are getting out of hand and so their Patron is looking for an alternate solution to the problem. He is sending them to help Marvin the Magnificent, who has taken the job, but run into some complications and needs some help. They may ask about Marvin. Or perhaps the fields that were purchased, so be ready to answer these types of questions. Once they’re done here they can head to Marvin’s Tower, which is just north of town.
Things to Do! - Meet Boss again - Ask some Informational Questions - Head for the Tower
NPC: Marvin the Magnificent

ACT 2: Marvin the Magnificent

As they approach the tower they should see an explosion at the peak of the structure. It should look similar to a fireworks mishap. When it clears there will be no visible damage to the tower, But Marvin will plummet to the earth just off to the side of them, landing in a small pond. He will then come charging out of the pond, laughing hysterically, and riding on a large turtle. Once he gets a few feet away from the pond the turtle will disappear and he will tumble to the ground right in front of the players. He will leap up quickly and turn toward the players. “Behold Travelers, You stand in the presence of Marvin the Magnificent! And everything you have witness was mostly intended!” He will then strike a cool pose with his wand pointed to the sky! “Now why do you approach my tower!?”
Once Marvin finds out they’ve been sent about the plow he will become more nervous looking. “I see, well follow me. We have work to do.” He will then start walking toward the tower… his boots squishing out water. This should give them a little time to ask a few questions. Marvin will be a little subversive about what they need to do. He will attempt to frame it very mysteriously, saying things like “All will be revealed soon.” and “Save your questions! All Answers await us… in the future!” If they ask him about what they witnessed outside, he will tell them he was working on a mount summoning spell designed for lakes and rivers.
Things to Do! - Head toward the Tower - Meet Marvin - Ask Questions

ACT 3: The Cabinet of Mysteries

The inside of the Wizard’s Tower will be far more mundane than they likely expect. At least on the first floor. It will have a sitting room, dining room, and kitchen, as well as a few odds and ends about. Nothing special at all. The second floor, are Marvin’s personal quarters and some room for study, but it is the third floor, where Marvin will lead them, and it will be more of what one would expect in a Wizard’s tower. There will be books shelves, arcane equipment, and storage for components. In the middle of the room will be a tall cabinet.
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Marvin will explain to them that the Cabinet is a transportation device, and that he will need them to enter into it with a plow that he has recently enchanted. They will be taken to the Ethereal Plane, and once there they’ll need to take the plow outside and begin hitting it with large field stones. There is a large pile of stones just on the north edge of the tower. They’ll have to do this quickly, before the “others” show up. Who are the others? Hard to say, but there are things that live in the Ethereal Plane that don’t like intruders. The idea is to imbue the Plow with Ethereal Powers so it can pass through large stones while plowing fields. Once they return with the Enchanted Plow, Marvin will have them load it on a cart, pulled by a very smart Donkey, and send them on their way.
Skill Challenge: Enchant the Plow This skill challenge will require five successes before they’re incapacitated by the others. However they decide to do it, they’ll have to successfully hit the plow with five large stones. Failures will result in strange indiscernible entities attacking them. They do minimal damage but could knock people out if there are enough failures.
Things to Do! - Move Through Marvin’s Tower - Enter the Cabinet - Enchant the Plow

ACT 4: Blinking Goats

Upon returning to Boss with the Plow they will be happily greet and paid. Their Patron will be there and will be very pleased with their success. He will ask them to demonstrate the plow’s abilities. Once they get set up out in the field and begin plowing something weird will happen. Every time they hit a stone and the plow’s power activates an Ethereal Goat will manifest and kick or ram the plow, and then disappear. It will feel very similar to what they encountered in the Ethereal Plane. They’ll have to find a way to deal with the manifestations.
ENCOUNTER: Ethereal Goats These goats should function very similarly to Blink Dogs, but I would trim the HP and AC a little to put them in line with the party’s. They will be intent on breaking the Plow not the party, although they will attack the party if they can’t get to the Plow.
Things to Do! - Deliver the Plow - Drive the Plow - Defeat the Ethereal Goats

CLOSE

Once defeated the Boss will come over to yell at them, but the Patron will find the entire thing amusing and more importantly, another impressive demonstration of the player’s skills. He will invite them to the “House” for an important party next week.

Chapter 4: High Society

They've definitely been noticed now and have impressed with their ability, unconventional as it may be. They are invited to their patron's home, but not as guests. Though, they might think they were actually invited as guests! They have been brought in to help work the event held out at the Party Field. They will have to gather party supplies, help put up the tent, and then serve the actual guests. During the evening’s entertainment a hypnotist “The Great Dr Hypnotika” will mesmerize the crowd and attempt to rob them all. Hopefully the players don’t fall victim to her schemes. And if they do oh well, they’ll be entertained all the same.

ACT 1: Special Delivery

The players arrive at the Patron’s very nice property. They will be greeted by a properly dressed servant with a clipboard, the Party Planner. The Planner will be rigid and direct. They will immediately begin tasking them about. If they mention that they were invited to the party the servant will laugh “You didn’t think you were a guest? Oh dear, how embarrassing. You’re the help! It is still a great honor to be tasked to help at the Party, but you’re not guests. Now as for your current task. Head into town and gather these supplies. Bring them to the field by noon.” After the instructions are given the servant will go back to their tasks and expect the players to do the same. They will have three stops; The Crocked Crow for Food and Beer, Get Nailed for the Tent and Spirits, and Shalana Proud-Breed’s Tailor Shop to pick up the Dry Cleaning. Feel free to make any and all of these go sideways! Its a good place to toss in some shenanigans as well! They should also be introduced to Dr Hypnotika and her associates.
Things To do! - Go to their Patron’s Home - Meet the Party Planner and Dr Hypnotika - Run their Errands
NPC: Dr Hypnotika
Dr Hypnotika and her group will perform for the party. Hypnotica is a Tiefling Mezmerist and illusionist. She has an obnoxiously high charisma and some pretty serious skills to back up her claims. However, she uses those skills to beguile her guests, robbing them blind while they are under her spells. She wears a fine robe with a bedazzled headwrap. She has dark upward spiraling horns, light purple skin, and matching eyes. She wears a monocle and walks with a ceremonially carved staff depicting the "Struggles of the Universe". She is extremely persuasive and even more deceptive. Even if someone were to grow suspicious she can easily talk her way out of trouble.
NPCs: Clapper and Bob Hypnotika brings with her two assistants. Clapper the suit wearing Kenku who will perform wondrous displays of mimicry and slight of hand, and her strongman Bob the Kobold. Bob wears a leopard print strongman's outfit and is amazingly swole, particularly for a kobold, and capable of lifting upwards of 400lbs. Bob doesn't do much else other than get hit with things. in the act.

ACT 2: Put up the Tent

After they finish running their errands they will be tasked with putting up a large party tent. This Act is an ongoing Skill Challenge and should have a constantly distracted feel to it. First they have to unpack the tent. Then they have to realize some pieces are missing, they’ll have to form a solution to that problem. After that wind should cause some problems as the tent is at least being pulled up. This is a great moment for some wondrous tom-foolery.
Things To do! - Unpack the tent - Deal with missing parts - Secure the tent during the wind gusts

ACT 3: Put These On

After they finish putting up the tent they’ll be sent to the Servant’s Quarters to bathe and change. They’ll get a little time to explore and snoop if they wish. Afterward they’ll be tasked with helping in the kitchen, but unfortunately the cooks are going to have been playing a drinking game all afternoon and are no longer fully capable of doing their jobs. This would make a great moment for some sort of mini-game where the players have to determine whether or not the cooks are doing the right things. Once the dinner has been completed they will have to serve the guests. This is a good place to insert gossip and help them meet a few other folks.
Things To do! - Get changed for the party - Deal with the drunk cooks - Serve the guests drinks and food

ACT 4: An Evening to Remember

At some point in the evening things are going to start sliding downhill. Some of the locals will have become extremely inebriated and will need to be encouraged to leave, or just moved off to the side as they’ve already passed out, before the show begins. Once the show begins the locals will become fixated on the goings on. “The Great Dr Hypnotika” will have put an additive in the drinks for the that will make everyone more susceptible to her powers of persuasion. Once the show starts she will have them all doing silly things, those who drank have disadvantage on saves against her powers. She will end the show asking the guests to display their most valuable treasure, a with a hypnotic pattern and then send her assistants out to collect those treasures. The players will have to “do something” about the thieves.
Things To do! - Deal with Drunks - Watch the Show - Stop the Criminals
ENCOUNTER: Hypnotika's Gang This encounter doesn't have to be a fight. If Hypnotika is caught she may claim it was all part of the act and simple return the valuables with a "no harm, no foul" type attitude. This will be he go to in an attempt to avoid a fight, but if the character persist in some kind of retribution or punishment the situation will devolve into a combat. Hypnotica herself is an Illusionist Wizard but is low on spells after the show. Clapper is a low level rogue and Bob a Barbarian, and should play out as such. Even with Skills they are combat adverse and will be looking for an opportunity to flee rather than fight. They do have a getaway wagon out front that they'll be headed for if things go south.

CLOSING

We’re assuming the Bumpkins at least attempted to stop the robbery. This will draw a lot of attention to them. Their Patron will be well pleased with them, and let them know they will be getting much more important jobs in the future. The guests will also take note and will begin treating them all a bit better. They’re all essentially Folk Heroes at this point for secondary backgrounds. Their Patron should reward them with something very nice as the party kicks back in. They will need to finish out the nights work of course.

Quest-line Closing

Congratulations! Your Players have completed their first Quest-line! Hopefully it was a delightful experience. But now that they've finished what comes next? Well, here are some ideas.
*Reward Them! * They've been doing some rather Adventurous things lately, and therefore should now have a Class Level under their belt, so the real D&D world now opens to them! Maybe it is time for some real adventuring gear. No more sticks, stones, and burlap sack armor.
Folk Heroes? There's a good chance that the Valley is Speaking the News about them and their exploits while drinking in the taverns. They may have even earned the actual Folk Hero Feat! Maybe someone would be interested in giving them a task!
Simply Go Exploring! There are a lot of places in Green Valley that we only dipped our toes into. You could have them head down to Stinkmarsh, or maybe climb up the cliffs of Longridge. The world (Well, the Valley) is wholly open to them.
Explore Local Legends There are lots of local legends they can look into! Hopefully they search out something that isn't too far over their heads!
Continue Working for their Patron It would be an easy DM go to simply to have them continue working for their current Patron. They've probably been impressive enough fo a family to be interested in keeping them on.
Establish Themselves as Adventurers! Maybe they want to set up a Adventurers for Hire business? This "Heroes Guild" approach is really appealing to a lot of players and absolutely plays into Bumpkin Quest. Just remember, this is a place of low key problems that locals make really big deals out of. So the idea of slaying dragons shouldn't really be on the table... that is until an actual dragon shows up! Which one day absolutely should.