Carbon fiber hard hat near me
Help needed in finding a gravel bike for summer 23
2023.04.01 13:05 maxweber1 Help needed in finding a gravel bike for summer 23
My current ride is a specialized mtb which has been great, but i've learned that the size is too big for me. I'm also leaning more on road riding and light gravel (50/50) so i've been looking to get in to gravel biking. After riding the oversized mtb its very important for me that my next bike wont feel too streched out.
Here are my options:
I am around 177-178 cm tall, inseam 79,8 and arm lenght around 55 cm. This puts me in size S in canyon.
submitted by maxweber1 to gravelcycling [link] [comments]
Here are my options:
- Canyon grail 7 al / grail 7 al etap (these are currently out of stock and canyon says they will be back in stock in july-oct which is kinda bummer because I would likely miss the riding season.
- Cannondale topstone 1 (testrode this in size L and M and almost pulled the trigger on this, but it didn't feel perfect, I felt it was hard to place my hands on the dropbars. Maybe this is just something that I haven't been used to since I come from mtb/maybe a shorter stem would do the trick? Also what worries me is that people in some posts were saying the geometry in topstone is pretty long and superman like?
- What im currently thinking of is Canyon grail cf sl 7. This would be in stock in June and would be with carbon frame, but the hover bar feels a bit scary since it cant be adjusted if it doesnt feel perfect.
I am around 177-178 cm tall, inseam 79,8 and arm lenght around 55 cm. This puts me in size S in canyon.
2023.04.01 12:50 pumpkinfestive This is the first time I've seen other homeschoolers, and I can't stop crying.
I was unschooled by my parents, and then moved online before being forced into half online half in person highschool. I'm now nearly 22 and have no life or social skills, and I've spent my entire adulthood so far thinking I was a fuck up and a terrible person and a burden until I found this subreddit and saw how many people are having my exact same issues. I don't even know how to express how it's making me feel, I've never been happier to know I'm not alone, I feel like maybe there are more people out there like me, but it also makes me so mad that this isn't just a my family issue, and how many people its happened to. It's very overwhelming, but I'm also very happy to have found this subreddit. All of this is so hard to deal with and until now I thought I was entirely alone.
submitted by pumpkinfestive to HomeschoolRecovery [link] [comments]
2023.04.01 12:49 _Triple_ [STORE] 900+ KNIVES/GLOVES/SKINS, 50.000$+ INVENTORY. M9 Fade, M4 Poseidon, Kara Gamma, BFK Freehand, BFK Bright Water, Spec Gloves Kimono, Nomad Fade, M9 Doppler, Skeleton, BFK B.Steel, AWP Fade, Stiletto Fade, S.Gloves Slingshot, BFK Ultra, Kara Damas, Bayo Lore, Bayo Gamma, Flip Fade & A Lot More
Everything in my inventory is up for trade. The most valuable items are listed here, the rest you can find in My Inventory
Feel free to Add Me or even better send a Trade Offer. Open for any suggestions: upgrades, downgrades / knives, gloves, skins / stickers, patterns, floats.
All Buyouts are listed in cash value.
KNIVES
★ Butterfly Knife Freehand FN #1, B/O: $1867
★ Butterfly Knife Bright Water MW, B/O: $1098
★ Butterfly Knife Blue Steel BS, B/O: $907
★ Butterfly Knife Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $789
★ Butterfly Knife Stained FT, B/O: $695
⎯★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth MW #1, B/O: $888
★ Bayonet Gamma Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $727
★ Bayonet Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $608
★ Bayonet Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $521
★ Bayonet Rust Coat BS, B/O: $253
★ Bayonet Night FT, B/O: $251
★ StatTrak™ Bayonet Lore MW, B/O: $751
⎯★ Karambit Gamma Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $1343
★ Karambit Damascus Steel FT, B/O: $774
★ Karambit Rust Coat BS, B/O: $537
★ Karambit Boreal Forest FT, B/O: $488
⎯★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1523
★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1523
★ M9 Bayonet Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $1008
★ M9 Bayonet Blue Steel FT, B/O: $534
★ M9 Bayonet Rust Coat BS, B/O: $449
⎯★ Flip Knife Fade FN, B/O: $703
★ Flip Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) MW, B/O: $509
★ Flip Knife Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $406
★ Flip Knife Freehand FT, B/O: $228
★ StatTrak™ Flip Knife Bright Water FN, B/O: $332
⎯★ Falchion Knife Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $292
★ Falchion Knife Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $264
★ Falchion Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $258
★ Falchion Knife Bright Water MW, B/O: $133
⎯★ Stiletto Knife Fade FN, B/O: $822
★ Stiletto Knife Slaughter FN, B/O: $569
★ Stiletto Knife Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $530
★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web FT, B/O: $396
★ StatTrak™ Stiletto Knife Scorched FT, B/O: $172
⎯★ Gut Knife Doppler (Sapphire) MW #1, B/O: $830
★ Gut Knife Fade FN, B/O: $204
★ Gut Knife Tiger Tooth FN, B/O: $138
★ Gut Knife Bright Water MW, B/O: $104
★ Gut Knife Freehand FT, B/O: $92
★ Gut Knife Urban Masked FT, B/O: $82
★ StatTrak™ Gut Knife Rust Coat BS, B/O: $93
⎯★ Shadow Daggers Fade FN, B/O: $258
★ Shadow Daggers Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $165
★ Shadow Daggers Blue Steel FT, B/O: $82
★ Shadow Daggers Bright Water FT, B/O: $82
★ Shadow Daggers Blue Steel WW, B/O: $80
★ Shadow Daggers Rust Coat BS, B/O: $74
★ StatTrak™ Shadow Daggers Marble Fade FN, B/O: $186
⎯★ Classic Knife Slaughter MW, B/O: $311
★ StatTrak™ Classic Knife Stained BS, B/O: $163
⎯★ Talon Knife Slaughter MW, B/O: $605
★ Talon Knife Scorched MW, B/O: $290
⎯★ Ursus Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $405
★ Ursus Knife Night Stripe MW, B/O: $162
⎯★ Paracord Knife Stained WW, B/O: $125
★ Paracord Knife Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $97
★ Paracord Knife Safari Mesh FT, B/O: $96
⎯★ Navaja Knife Safari Mesh FT, B/O: $71
★ Navaja Knife Scorched WW, B/O: $71
⎯★ Nomad Knife Fade FN, B/O: $1015
★ Skeleton Knife, B/O: $909
★ Bowie Knife Boreal Forest MW, B/O: $106
★ Survival Knife Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $97
GLOVES
★ Driver Gloves Crimson Weave FT, B/O: $335
★ Driver Gloves King Snake BS, B/O: $270
★ Driver Gloves Lunar Weave WW, B/O: $113
★ Driver Gloves Overtake WW, B/O: $88
★ Driver Gloves Overtake BS, B/O: $67
⎯★ Moto Gloves Transport MW, B/O: $171
★ Moto Gloves Polygon BS, B/O: $137
★ Moto Gloves Transport WW, B/O: $71
★ Moto Gloves 3rd Commando Company BS, B/O: $62
⎯★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Kimono WW, B/O: $1027
★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike FT, B/O: $654
★ Specialist Gloves Mogul FT, B/O: $295
★ Specialist Gloves Lt. Commander FT, B/O: $277
★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web FT, B/O: $275
⎯★ Sport Gloves Slingshot FT, B/O: $796
★ Sport Gloves Amphibious BS #2, B/O: $699
★ Sport Gloves Omega FT, B/O: $656
⎯★ Broken Fang Gloves Unhinged BS, B/O: $60
WEAPONS
AK-47 Case Hardened BS, B/O: $130
AK-47 Bloodsport MW, B/O: $79
AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76
AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76
AK-47 Bloodsport FT, B/O: $70
AK-47 Neon Rider MW, B/O: $60
⎯AWP Fade FN, B/O: $864
AWP BOOM MW, B/O: $84
AWP Containment Breach FT, B/O: $69
AWP Containment Breach FT, B/O: $69
AWP Wildfire FT, B/O: $59
AWP Chromatic Aberration FN, B/O: $59
StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $65
StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $65
⎯Desert Eagle Blaze FN, B/O: $565
Desert Eagle Blaze FN, B/O: $565
Desert Eagle Printstream FN, B/O: $155
Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $58
⎯M4A1-S Icarus Fell FN, B/O: $414
M4A1-S Printstream MW, B/O: $204
M4A1-S Printstream MW, B/O: $204
⎯M4A4 Poseidon FN, B/O: $1402
M4A4 The Emperor FN, B/O: $152
M4A4 Asiimov WW, B/O: $97
⎯USP-S Kill Confirmed MW, B/O: $65
USP-S Printstream FT, B/O: $69
StatTrak™ USP-S Kill Confirmed FT, B/O: $123
StatTrak™ USP-S Neo-Noir FN, B/O: $106
⎯AUG Flame Jörmungandr FN, B/O: $218
P2000 Ocean Foam FN, B/O: $139
Souvenir SSG 08 Death Strike MW, B/O: $81
CZ75-Auto Emerald Quartz MW, B/O: $61
Trade Offer Link - Steam Profile Link - My Inventory
Some items on the list may no longer be available or are still locked, visit My Inventory for more details.
Send a Trade Offer for fastest response. I consider all offers.
Add me for discuss if there is a serious offer that needs to be discussed.
2023.04.01 12:48 TheFallenWater AITA for not wanting to talk (and connect) with my family?
Before beginning this whole text of a heckhole, I want to mention: I am aware that I am the bad guy to an extent.
I think I want to start this whole ordeal from the beginning. I (20 F) am a second-year university student, studying an asian language. I was born in the capital city of our country and most of the closest maternal family members live there as well. Due to my paternal family living 2,5 hours away, and my father wanting to help them out, we moved to the countryside where my brother (18) was born.
I remember that around the time my brother was about to be born, I think I felt neglected and there are stories about me getting jelous over stuff with him, which also continued well into our teenager years. That's not particularly important, but I wanted to mention this, because the feeling of jelousy also came from the neglect that I might have gotten from my parents. My father wanted to have kids but he didn't really tend to us physically, nor mentally. I understand that there are people who just can't deal with kids and their world, the way they keep talking etc. Around the time my brother was born, my father went abroad to work there, and continued to come home every weekend. Due to the language barrier, which he continuously tried to close, he didn't have much of a patience. My mother had a very deep depression after my brother was born, which came down to me, a very outspoken little girl being quite annoying. My first trauma might have come from that, and also, my father didn't even try to help my mother get out of depression as far as I'm concerned, only my maternal parents (who moved with us to the countryside) were taking care of her.
Either way, I always felt that my brother got everything he asked for, while I always had to work really hard and even then I was always reprimanded that I have to take care of my brother while our parents are away (me 5-8, my brother 3-6), have to grow up, have responsibility towards my actions. Due to this I always felt like I wasn't really able to understand and get into the fun groups of my peers.
Backing up a bit, we had the old school discipline, slaps sometimes, verbal abuse sometimes, but the main things that I remember are stuff like: I was around 4-7 and wanted to play with my father. He said no multiple times but I really just wanted to connect with him and play. After maybe the 3-6th no, he got really mad and he shouted at me to get out he didn't want to play. Another time was when my mother asked me to give our dog (house with big garden, so dog lived outside) fresh water, but instructed me that the season being winter, I have to get the ice out with warm water and then give the dog a not so cold, nor warm water (maybe?). Either way, I did it the good way, however my father was outside the whole time, when I just finished changing the water he got there, misunderstood the whole situation and slapped me saying "what are you giving to the dog" or something along the line. A couple of seconds later I somehow communicated to him that I did it the right way so...yea.
I wanted to be fun to be with, to make lasting relationships, to be important to others. That's why at the age of 10-13 I got into a group of girls with whom I spent my time, etc, and also on whom I spent money. Foolish, yes, but I was desperate and wanted affection and appreciation. Someday I just realized that those same girls were whispering about me and blatantly looking at me while doing so. I became really sad and mad, which escalated into a shorter period of depression. (I have been going to therapy for another thing in the past 2 years, but recently my psychologist made me do a test about depression, so yes, the result came out pretty high which made me realise that even that event and before that I had some sort of depression, I/we just didn't realise that)
My mother was the first one to notice something was wrong and made my father (with whom I really didn't want to speak) give me a speech about how I should never think of myself as nothing and that I should just study and get better than everyone else. This was in 7th grade. That speech gave me motivation and my grades became much much better, I got into my desired high school, after which came uni. No, that experience of bullying was not in the least good, but without it I wouldn't be here, where I am.
Putting that aside, I wasn't really allowed to go to my classmates' parties etc, but I was almost fine with these during primary school. Getting into high school, I became friends with two groups of girls and I really enjoyed my time there. However my private life, my parents relationship to be precise, got worse. They argued a lot and in 10th grade, one night I was going to shower, my brother was locked up in his room, while our parents were arguing in the kitchen. I was already crying but I suddenly heard a thud, picked up a towel and finally went out to a scene where my mother was sitting, crying, my father standing next to her, one of his hands holding hers, the other one just up in the air as if trying to hit. I shouted to stop, my brother rushed out of his room the same time I did from the bathroom. It took a couple of seconds but my father finally looked at us and I swear I could see a kind of cloud getting out of his eyes. I mean I almost saw the rage cloud... I don't remember what exactly happened after that but that was one of the scariest things I have ever witnessed in real life.
Another major thing before getting into the present is that, (I am a summer child) I was 16, when 5 of us, all girls thought about going to the beach for one day. There's a lake around 1-2 hours away with train, we would have just gone for 6 hours at most. I asked my mom (nail artist) and her client where it would be allright to go, since out of 5 of us, it was only my father who maybe wouldn't have allowed me to go. My mother actually wanted to rush me out and just go, she was so happy haha. So everything was set, now I just had to call my father up and ask him so I did. He said that "I know you are a cool, strong girl, I believe in you but I think we should wait until you are 17" (literally 1,5 month away. I said okay, but later he said no again. I got over it pretty quickly but after about a month my mother told me that he actually called her up how it would be bad, what if I got a boyfriend, got pregnant and ruined my whole career and life, etc. She has been fuming for a while, but after knowing this, I immediately became even more reluctant of wanting to just not talk, interact with my father in any sort of way. Basically not even be near him. Nothing.
Fast forward, it was the week of exams, I got sick, so couldn't attend the math exam, so I had panic attacks wich stayed (and stay) with me for a long time after that. My father basically didn't even care, thought it was nothing, etc. But in the end, I graduated, it was all fine.
I moved to the capital for my studies and finally felt... Alive? Definitely a bit safer and much free than before. Like a dog finally getting out of leash haha
Depression and anxiety have been with me since childhood, but this time it got the best of me so the first semester of uni is the one I'm not very proud of. Didn't attend much of the classes, didn't study, and so on.
Now I'm in my fourth semester, my parents decided on buying an apartment near a bigger train station so that me and 2 other girls could live here. Since it's not yet complete, only I live here, but even though I live near the station, even the university is 30 minutes of transportation away, I do not under any circumstances want to go home. I'm an introvert, to be honest, I don't even have the motivation and energy to go to university sometimes. I do go, and I enjoy it very much, but I feel like I'm a huge failure of a human, can't study, I'm not fun to be with and so on. The exams, the stuff we have to learn and the homeworks are just so much I can barely keep up. Finally I managed to create a fairly good schedule when to do homeworks, relax a bit etc, but all I care about is the university with the homeworks because that's everything I have energy for.
I forget calling my parents, and to be honest, I don't want to talk with them because i feel like if I do, I always get back into the controlled situation. I get nervous, and even with my mother and brother I get very awkward.
To sum it up, I didn't have a normal childhood, always had to take responsibility and my subconscious just wants to live through that phase now. I want to be free, call my relatives when I feel I have enough energy for them and aside from that, just live life. But this "not even having a conversation" situation is why my parents say I'm a brat, unfaithful and so on. Yes, I have been brat like for a long time, that is true.
(Sorry for the long story!!)
Am I The [email protected]?
submitted by TheFallenWater to AITAH [link] [comments]
I think I want to start this whole ordeal from the beginning. I (20 F) am a second-year university student, studying an asian language. I was born in the capital city of our country and most of the closest maternal family members live there as well. Due to my paternal family living 2,5 hours away, and my father wanting to help them out, we moved to the countryside where my brother (18) was born.
I remember that around the time my brother was about to be born, I think I felt neglected and there are stories about me getting jelous over stuff with him, which also continued well into our teenager years. That's not particularly important, but I wanted to mention this, because the feeling of jelousy also came from the neglect that I might have gotten from my parents. My father wanted to have kids but he didn't really tend to us physically, nor mentally. I understand that there are people who just can't deal with kids and their world, the way they keep talking etc. Around the time my brother was born, my father went abroad to work there, and continued to come home every weekend. Due to the language barrier, which he continuously tried to close, he didn't have much of a patience. My mother had a very deep depression after my brother was born, which came down to me, a very outspoken little girl being quite annoying. My first trauma might have come from that, and also, my father didn't even try to help my mother get out of depression as far as I'm concerned, only my maternal parents (who moved with us to the countryside) were taking care of her.
Either way, I always felt that my brother got everything he asked for, while I always had to work really hard and even then I was always reprimanded that I have to take care of my brother while our parents are away (me 5-8, my brother 3-6), have to grow up, have responsibility towards my actions. Due to this I always felt like I wasn't really able to understand and get into the fun groups of my peers.
Backing up a bit, we had the old school discipline, slaps sometimes, verbal abuse sometimes, but the main things that I remember are stuff like: I was around 4-7 and wanted to play with my father. He said no multiple times but I really just wanted to connect with him and play. After maybe the 3-6th no, he got really mad and he shouted at me to get out he didn't want to play. Another time was when my mother asked me to give our dog (house with big garden, so dog lived outside) fresh water, but instructed me that the season being winter, I have to get the ice out with warm water and then give the dog a not so cold, nor warm water (maybe?). Either way, I did it the good way, however my father was outside the whole time, when I just finished changing the water he got there, misunderstood the whole situation and slapped me saying "what are you giving to the dog" or something along the line. A couple of seconds later I somehow communicated to him that I did it the right way so...yea.
I wanted to be fun to be with, to make lasting relationships, to be important to others. That's why at the age of 10-13 I got into a group of girls with whom I spent my time, etc, and also on whom I spent money. Foolish, yes, but I was desperate and wanted affection and appreciation. Someday I just realized that those same girls were whispering about me and blatantly looking at me while doing so. I became really sad and mad, which escalated into a shorter period of depression. (I have been going to therapy for another thing in the past 2 years, but recently my psychologist made me do a test about depression, so yes, the result came out pretty high which made me realise that even that event and before that I had some sort of depression, I/we just didn't realise that)
My mother was the first one to notice something was wrong and made my father (with whom I really didn't want to speak) give me a speech about how I should never think of myself as nothing and that I should just study and get better than everyone else. This was in 7th grade. That speech gave me motivation and my grades became much much better, I got into my desired high school, after which came uni. No, that experience of bullying was not in the least good, but without it I wouldn't be here, where I am.
Putting that aside, I wasn't really allowed to go to my classmates' parties etc, but I was almost fine with these during primary school. Getting into high school, I became friends with two groups of girls and I really enjoyed my time there. However my private life, my parents relationship to be precise, got worse. They argued a lot and in 10th grade, one night I was going to shower, my brother was locked up in his room, while our parents were arguing in the kitchen. I was already crying but I suddenly heard a thud, picked up a towel and finally went out to a scene where my mother was sitting, crying, my father standing next to her, one of his hands holding hers, the other one just up in the air as if trying to hit. I shouted to stop, my brother rushed out of his room the same time I did from the bathroom. It took a couple of seconds but my father finally looked at us and I swear I could see a kind of cloud getting out of his eyes. I mean I almost saw the rage cloud... I don't remember what exactly happened after that but that was one of the scariest things I have ever witnessed in real life.
Another major thing before getting into the present is that, (I am a summer child) I was 16, when 5 of us, all girls thought about going to the beach for one day. There's a lake around 1-2 hours away with train, we would have just gone for 6 hours at most. I asked my mom (nail artist) and her client where it would be allright to go, since out of 5 of us, it was only my father who maybe wouldn't have allowed me to go. My mother actually wanted to rush me out and just go, she was so happy haha. So everything was set, now I just had to call my father up and ask him so I did. He said that "I know you are a cool, strong girl, I believe in you but I think we should wait until you are 17" (literally 1,5 month away. I said okay, but later he said no again. I got over it pretty quickly but after about a month my mother told me that he actually called her up how it would be bad, what if I got a boyfriend, got pregnant and ruined my whole career and life, etc. She has been fuming for a while, but after knowing this, I immediately became even more reluctant of wanting to just not talk, interact with my father in any sort of way. Basically not even be near him. Nothing.
Fast forward, it was the week of exams, I got sick, so couldn't attend the math exam, so I had panic attacks wich stayed (and stay) with me for a long time after that. My father basically didn't even care, thought it was nothing, etc. But in the end, I graduated, it was all fine.
I moved to the capital for my studies and finally felt... Alive? Definitely a bit safer and much free than before. Like a dog finally getting out of leash haha
Depression and anxiety have been with me since childhood, but this time it got the best of me so the first semester of uni is the one I'm not very proud of. Didn't attend much of the classes, didn't study, and so on.
Now I'm in my fourth semester, my parents decided on buying an apartment near a bigger train station so that me and 2 other girls could live here. Since it's not yet complete, only I live here, but even though I live near the station, even the university is 30 minutes of transportation away, I do not under any circumstances want to go home. I'm an introvert, to be honest, I don't even have the motivation and energy to go to university sometimes. I do go, and I enjoy it very much, but I feel like I'm a huge failure of a human, can't study, I'm not fun to be with and so on. The exams, the stuff we have to learn and the homeworks are just so much I can barely keep up. Finally I managed to create a fairly good schedule when to do homeworks, relax a bit etc, but all I care about is the university with the homeworks because that's everything I have energy for.
I forget calling my parents, and to be honest, I don't want to talk with them because i feel like if I do, I always get back into the controlled situation. I get nervous, and even with my mother and brother I get very awkward.
To sum it up, I didn't have a normal childhood, always had to take responsibility and my subconscious just wants to live through that phase now. I want to be free, call my relatives when I feel I have enough energy for them and aside from that, just live life. But this "not even having a conversation" situation is why my parents say I'm a brat, unfaithful and so on. Yes, I have been brat like for a long time, that is true.
(Sorry for the long story!!)
Am I The [email protected]?
2023.04.01 12:47 bdrmlk In Awe of My First Post on this Sub Compared to My Life Today
Wow. I was just going through my profile and found that my first post was on this thread 3 years ago. Detailing how frustrated I was with myself and my shame, from growing up in poverty and trying to navigate college surrounded by students with much more well off backgrounds than my own. I just wanted to give you all an update.
I’ve actually been in awe this past week by how much my life has changed. I graduated school with honors on full scholarship. I gained experience as a lab director, vaccine specialist, and COVID-19 research team lead all while in school. I became so comfortable balancing my part time warehouse job with my internships, school, and research that once I graduated and began working full time, I didn’t know what to do with myself! So while I had a full time job in a field I love, in my free time I got my bartending license, and started bartending as a hobby. ( I guess as someone who grew up poor, I had a hard time having a hobby that didn’t support me in some way.) For the last year since I’ve graduated, I’ve been working about 80 hours a week, which felt like nothing compared to college. With my two jobs, I was making 6 figures.
In high school I busted my ass at my part time job to save up $500 cash to buy my first car. It was a death trap that would shut off while driving.
This past week I used my excellent credit score, savings, and phenomenal haggling skills to purchase a BRAND NEW car. A 2023. Every day I sit in my car and I can’t even believe it’s mine.
Growing up my grandparents adopted me from a foster home when they really couldn’t afford another child. I always felt so guilty for the financial burden I put on them.
Over the last year or so my grandfather who raised me was diagnosed with lung cancer. I picked up extra bartending shifts and began paying for my grandparents medications, food, bills, whatever they needed. I can finally take care of them. And my grandfather just went into remission this week.
And in the last couple of weeks I just accepted a new job in my field that pays nearly 6 figures on its own. I can quit bartending if I want to! Or not, and boost my savings even more.
I don’t mean to sound like I’m bragging, I am just in absolute awe at what my life has become. I never in a million years thought I would be this financially independent and successful, let alone just a year after graduating college.
I’m so, so grateful for where I am today and how far I’ve come. And I’m so grateful for how difficult my childhood was growing up poor, it taught me extremely valuable lessons.
My friends will see how hard I’m working and say “You’re crazy! How do you have that work ethic?” And I just kind of laugh to myself and think, compared to all the shit I’ve been through, this is easy.
Thank you for listening.
submitted by bdrmlk to GrowingUpPoor [link] [comments]
I’ve actually been in awe this past week by how much my life has changed. I graduated school with honors on full scholarship. I gained experience as a lab director, vaccine specialist, and COVID-19 research team lead all while in school. I became so comfortable balancing my part time warehouse job with my internships, school, and research that once I graduated and began working full time, I didn’t know what to do with myself! So while I had a full time job in a field I love, in my free time I got my bartending license, and started bartending as a hobby. ( I guess as someone who grew up poor, I had a hard time having a hobby that didn’t support me in some way.) For the last year since I’ve graduated, I’ve been working about 80 hours a week, which felt like nothing compared to college. With my two jobs, I was making 6 figures.
In high school I busted my ass at my part time job to save up $500 cash to buy my first car. It was a death trap that would shut off while driving.
This past week I used my excellent credit score, savings, and phenomenal haggling skills to purchase a BRAND NEW car. A 2023. Every day I sit in my car and I can’t even believe it’s mine.
Growing up my grandparents adopted me from a foster home when they really couldn’t afford another child. I always felt so guilty for the financial burden I put on them.
Over the last year or so my grandfather who raised me was diagnosed with lung cancer. I picked up extra bartending shifts and began paying for my grandparents medications, food, bills, whatever they needed. I can finally take care of them. And my grandfather just went into remission this week.
And in the last couple of weeks I just accepted a new job in my field that pays nearly 6 figures on its own. I can quit bartending if I want to! Or not, and boost my savings even more.
I don’t mean to sound like I’m bragging, I am just in absolute awe at what my life has become. I never in a million years thought I would be this financially independent and successful, let alone just a year after graduating college.
I’m so, so grateful for where I am today and how far I’ve come. And I’m so grateful for how difficult my childhood was growing up poor, it taught me extremely valuable lessons.
My friends will see how hard I’m working and say “You’re crazy! How do you have that work ethic?” And I just kind of laugh to myself and think, compared to all the shit I’ve been through, this is easy.
Thank you for listening.
2023.04.01 12:44 nadzicle Eats the same meal at lunch and dinner, gets vastly different bgl readings
Three thin crust slices of pepperoni pizza. Ate it for dinner last night: 5.3. Had it cold for lunch, went for a nap afterwards and didn’t walk: 6.5, which isn’t great but is under 6.7. Have it for dinner heated up, went for a slow 20min walk and drank a heap of water: 7.5.
I foresee metformin in my near future. And my partner says we probably won’t have another kid after this one because this has been hard for me to handle with my shitty adhd brain and also not enjoying having to make different meals for my family and myself. Which makes me super sad. Wah.
ETA: my housemate has told me that the maybe teaspoon of dessert I stole from him (pannacotta) probably bumped the number up. I’m still pissed. It was a teaspoon if that. Lol.
submitted by nadzicle to GestationalDiabetes [link] [comments]
I foresee metformin in my near future. And my partner says we probably won’t have another kid after this one because this has been hard for me to handle with my shitty adhd brain and also not enjoying having to make different meals for my family and myself. Which makes me super sad. Wah.
ETA: my housemate has told me that the maybe teaspoon of dessert I stole from him (pannacotta) probably bumped the number up. I’m still pissed. It was a teaspoon if that. Lol.
2023.04.01 12:21 ThrowRArigateau I (25M) was falling for a friend with benefits (25F) but her messed up night out has me conflicted and questioning what to do.
I'm (25M) in a complicated new friend with benefits (25F) and have been having sex, and hanging out a lot since the start of March.
For some context, we have both come out of serious relationships in February and she was planning on moving from the UK to her home country at the end of April. We've not hashed out every detail of our situation but we've each expressed how we wanted to be exclusive until she left.
We've gotten quite close and now she is reconsidering her move and may stay in the UK long-term (I am slightly related to that change of heart). I like her so much that I'd strongly consider dating her as we've been really honest and open, and we both know how much we like each other. Even though at the start of my breakup in Feb I was resolute in staying single for a long time, she is worth reconsidering.
Now the problem. She recently retired from a very prestigious dance company and had a big going away celebration after a show which I was not a part of as I was busy. I very nearly joined them as she was desperate for me to join and it was only 10 minutes away from my house but because she was planning on clubbing and I had work the next morning I declined. She was drunk and I let her know before I slept that if she ever needed anything she could call me and I will be there for her.
By the end of the morning, I knew something happened. We already had plans for Friday but she was conspicuously absent and didn't reply to my messages until late in the afternoon when the time to meet was approaching. She eventually came to my house and, even though she initially did not plan on telling me, she felt she had to be honest with me. She was partying with a large group of friends but eventually tagged along with a group of 2 guys and 1 girl. I'll call them Kevin, John, and Kate. They all went to various clubs and eventually arrived at Kate's house. She prefaced this part that she did not have a good time.
For additional context, she had spoken to me about Kevin previously and they hooked up twice but that was around 7ish months ago. She did not have a great experience with him but was still considered a nice guy and has some standing in their industry.
At this point she had sobered up some but was clearly tipsy. The guys had offered her drinks at every opportunity. Then John and Kate inexplicably start having sex right next to her and Kevin. Then Kevin tries to start on her and initially she refuses but at the suggestion that they all have a foursome she decides to go for it. She made it a point to tell me that when with me she gets incredibly wet and it is very true. With the foursome, she refused to give the guys blowjobs and was completely dry and no matter what they tried no penetration was possible even though both Kevin and John tried to force themselves in. At this point, she quit and went to sleep on the sofa while the other three had sex in Kate's bedroom. After sleeping for a couple of hours, she left without saying bye.
At this point in the story, she tells me of the times Kevin and John kept getting her drinks throughout the evening. She also recalled how in a goodbye/closure type meeting with her ex (who works with her) just before the night out, Kevin interrupted them and tried to force his way into their conversation. As well as this, during the night out, she was talking to some guys and they asked for her instagram at which point Kevin stepped in and was trying to stop her from giving it. She then tells me an additional part of her previous hook-up with Kevin. They had unprotected sex and he came inside her without her consent and did not take steps to help her afterwards in terms of emergency contraception or comfort.
As they get to Kate's house, Kevin and John go into the bathroom together for a 'meeting' and are talking for some minutes. She then tells me how she discovered Friday morning that apparently these three regularly have group sex and invite friends. She was completely unaware the whole evening.
It is clear this situation is so fucked up and positively disgusting from the overt predatory behaviour and I am so genuinely upset and angry for her that this has happened. There was so much apologising from her and she felt so incredibly guilty and vowed to never do anything like this while we continue. She is so sorry because, while she knows she was drunk and being taken advantage of, she still feels she made the express decision to stay and involve herself when the situation was turning very weird at Kate's house.
I cannot speak to anybody I know about this. I can't break her confidence and I do not want anyone to think differently of her. But I cannot deny that I do now. I completely understand that it is such a fucked up situation but what we had is in jeopardy. The images of what she told me have really hit me hard and I do not know how I can get over this. Some part of me feels guilty about this but I cannot help but not truly trust her judgement. She has told me a few stories of her doing quite risky things (getting in a cab at 3 am to go have sex with a musician at his hotel and she had never personally met him before - stories of this ilk), generally involving herself with unsavoury people, and not to mention even considering going near that bastard Kevin.
On one hand, I am so upset that this happened to someone I care for, but on the other, I am angry and feel like I'm being taken for a mug and my feelings have been misplaced in someone I cannot trust.
My questions are:
Will I ever be able to get over this and how?
How can I best address my feelings to her in an appropriate way?
Can I or should I actually trust her?
TLDR: FwB that I am falling for got very drunk, had a foursome, and I'm struggling to reconcile my feelings and do not know if I can trust her or progress this to a relationship anymore.
submitted by ThrowRArigateau to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
For some context, we have both come out of serious relationships in February and she was planning on moving from the UK to her home country at the end of April. We've not hashed out every detail of our situation but we've each expressed how we wanted to be exclusive until she left.
We've gotten quite close and now she is reconsidering her move and may stay in the UK long-term (I am slightly related to that change of heart). I like her so much that I'd strongly consider dating her as we've been really honest and open, and we both know how much we like each other. Even though at the start of my breakup in Feb I was resolute in staying single for a long time, she is worth reconsidering.
Now the problem. She recently retired from a very prestigious dance company and had a big going away celebration after a show which I was not a part of as I was busy. I very nearly joined them as she was desperate for me to join and it was only 10 minutes away from my house but because she was planning on clubbing and I had work the next morning I declined. She was drunk and I let her know before I slept that if she ever needed anything she could call me and I will be there for her.
By the end of the morning, I knew something happened. We already had plans for Friday but she was conspicuously absent and didn't reply to my messages until late in the afternoon when the time to meet was approaching. She eventually came to my house and, even though she initially did not plan on telling me, she felt she had to be honest with me. She was partying with a large group of friends but eventually tagged along with a group of 2 guys and 1 girl. I'll call them Kevin, John, and Kate. They all went to various clubs and eventually arrived at Kate's house. She prefaced this part that she did not have a good time.
For additional context, she had spoken to me about Kevin previously and they hooked up twice but that was around 7ish months ago. She did not have a great experience with him but was still considered a nice guy and has some standing in their industry.
At this point she had sobered up some but was clearly tipsy. The guys had offered her drinks at every opportunity. Then John and Kate inexplicably start having sex right next to her and Kevin. Then Kevin tries to start on her and initially she refuses but at the suggestion that they all have a foursome she decides to go for it. She made it a point to tell me that when with me she gets incredibly wet and it is very true. With the foursome, she refused to give the guys blowjobs and was completely dry and no matter what they tried no penetration was possible even though both Kevin and John tried to force themselves in. At this point, she quit and went to sleep on the sofa while the other three had sex in Kate's bedroom. After sleeping for a couple of hours, she left without saying bye.
At this point in the story, she tells me of the times Kevin and John kept getting her drinks throughout the evening. She also recalled how in a goodbye/closure type meeting with her ex (who works with her) just before the night out, Kevin interrupted them and tried to force his way into their conversation. As well as this, during the night out, she was talking to some guys and they asked for her instagram at which point Kevin stepped in and was trying to stop her from giving it. She then tells me an additional part of her previous hook-up with Kevin. They had unprotected sex and he came inside her without her consent and did not take steps to help her afterwards in terms of emergency contraception or comfort.
As they get to Kate's house, Kevin and John go into the bathroom together for a 'meeting' and are talking for some minutes. She then tells me how she discovered Friday morning that apparently these three regularly have group sex and invite friends. She was completely unaware the whole evening.
It is clear this situation is so fucked up and positively disgusting from the overt predatory behaviour and I am so genuinely upset and angry for her that this has happened. There was so much apologising from her and she felt so incredibly guilty and vowed to never do anything like this while we continue. She is so sorry because, while she knows she was drunk and being taken advantage of, she still feels she made the express decision to stay and involve herself when the situation was turning very weird at Kate's house.
I cannot speak to anybody I know about this. I can't break her confidence and I do not want anyone to think differently of her. But I cannot deny that I do now. I completely understand that it is such a fucked up situation but what we had is in jeopardy. The images of what she told me have really hit me hard and I do not know how I can get over this. Some part of me feels guilty about this but I cannot help but not truly trust her judgement. She has told me a few stories of her doing quite risky things (getting in a cab at 3 am to go have sex with a musician at his hotel and she had never personally met him before - stories of this ilk), generally involving herself with unsavoury people, and not to mention even considering going near that bastard Kevin.
On one hand, I am so upset that this happened to someone I care for, but on the other, I am angry and feel like I'm being taken for a mug and my feelings have been misplaced in someone I cannot trust.
My questions are:
Will I ever be able to get over this and how?
How can I best address my feelings to her in an appropriate way?
Can I or should I actually trust her?
TLDR: FwB that I am falling for got very drunk, had a foursome, and I'm struggling to reconcile my feelings and do not know if I can trust her or progress this to a relationship anymore.
2023.04.01 12:20 ThrowRAJillyRoger Me(38F), my brother-in-law Jack(38M), my newlywed husband Rob(36M), and the entire family situation is turning toxic, awkward, and difficult to navigate
I have 1 older brother, 3 older sisters, 1 younger brother, and 2 younger sisters. I was born from an Asian country. My mom had a stroke awhile ago like their mom. While my dad passed away about 10 years ago. My oldest sister and I are living in the US.
Beginning in 2020, I traveled to the US country for vacation and my aunt heard a relative around for any recommendation regarding a potential husband(Rob) for me. My aunt and uncle reached out to them and recommended me. I was accepted by their family and we decided to move forward with the process and they allowed me to live in their house and I worked at their family owned business.
Their mom had a stroke around mid 2021, which caused her to be paralyzed on the left side, needing assistance for moving around, and doing daily activities. Their family has not been the same and the situation affected all of us living in the house. Their mom is in bed most of the time and speaks to whomever she can speak with especially with her family and I.
Within 1 year, I eventually got to know their family and got closer to Rob. We both decided to get married late 2021 with the support from both side of the family.
My mom-in-law and I would have conversations about her worries and concerns for her family's future for more than a year now because their mom is in bed most of the time and not completely there anymore.
My mom-in-law asked me to look/recommend someone for Jack. I saw an opportunity to recommend one of my sister that is currently living in my country because this will align with my main agenda by bringing my family members over to the US because the living standard is better over here than in the other country, I will be given praise from my family and extended family that I was capable to do such a thing in a small amount of time. At this point, I'm making a power move for one of my sister to come over to the US for a better future. And I see Jack as a potential candidate to do it. I will have more control, power, and influence on both side of the family near the future.
Their mom is in agreement with me because their mom is liking the recommended sister that will be great for the family and from how my sister is religiously devoted. In actuality, my oldest sister and I truly love our family that is overseas, and I'm feeling obligated with responsibility to do anything to bring one of my sisters over to the US for a better future.
So I planned an overseas trip and brought Jack along so he can get to know the family and especially my recommended sister.
After 3-4 months from the overseas trip, Jack's parents have been insisting him to do it rather he likes it or not because his parents realized the overseas trip potentially didn't bring any connection/meaningful relationship with my recommended sister. And I can see it as well. His personality is okay, but needs to change a lot. He has no friends, not finished with college, lives inside the room comes in and out for eating then goes back inside. I don't trust him anymore. I thought I could get him on my side for sure but it seems like it is too much manipulation, he notices.
I was having long conversations with my oldest sister before traveling overseas and if I played it right then I could narrow one of my sisters for Jack without me suggesting any other options outside the family for him. My plan was to want more from my family-in-laws and trick/brainwash their mind to doing such a thing for my family without having to directly ask Jack and reveal my true intentions. I believe this has to do with me wanting more from my family-in-laws and human nature to take advantage of someone and people around them.
Jack has 4 older brothers and his parents. The second and third have moved out. His oldest brother(married to me), the fourth, and Jack(the youngest) along with their parents living under the same household.
If Jack does bring one of my sisters over to the US and things fallout between the relationship then it would have been still a win-win situation for my family because she would had the opportunity to stay in the US.
The positive consequences for my family and I far out weigh the negative consequences with bringing one of my sister over to the US.
I lived with my family-in-laws for 3 years so far and I work hard with high motivation and lots of interest because I'm having tax incentives with being married to Rob getting extremely supportive from my family-in-laws. I'm saving my money and I will most likely be in control of the family business with Rob near the future. So, I'm sitting pretty well by staying with my family-in-laws for the past 3 years, rent free, utilities free, and support from my family-in-laws. I want more because I see the opportunity, the power, and influence I have on my family-in-laws. Having money, living in the US, sharing it with my family that is overseas shows where I stand with my family overseas and my influence on the people around me after coming to the US. Almost like showing dominance over another individual or family household member.
I'm well respected because I'm a hard worker, dedicated, and a highly motivated individual. However, I believe I might be asking for too much at this point. My oldest sister's agenda and my agenda is not right when you incorporate more things that involve families from our family because I believe it is wrong to a certain degree it would be better if it was someone outside my family members or not have even planned it out to begin with. Things need to happen organically not forcefully or manipulatively because the relationship will not last long term. Sometimes, I don't care and do it because I want things and I do it regardless. My oldest sister and I are thankful for what we currently have because it can all slip away easily.
My newlywed husband Rob agrees with me because he is now married to me and I love my spouse more than anybody else. Rob tells me everything and say things to me because he worries for his family and he loves his mom, but I need to know more things about his family and I have high interest with things from my overseas family.
Their mom is out of the picture because of her illness and she is highly influenced by her current state of mind. She is extremely devoted to religion along with Rob and I. Their dad doesn't care that much, but is still trying to do his best to mediate the situation for what happened before the overseas trip, during the overseas trip, and up until now.
At this point for me, I'm willing to do things because it has some meaning or associated with things I love near to my heart. At this age, I believe you either have high interest or doing it out of love.
Tl;dr: I need help with inputs, opinions, and suggestions from anyone, if what I did was extremely wrong, toxic, or just using them and my family-in-laws. It seems like I'm desperate to bringing one of my sister over because my family overseas is having no luck, so I'm trying to push my luck onto my family overseas. I did give back to my country and gave money I worked(tax free) from the support of his family business overseas. I do naturally want control, obedience, loyalty, and cooperation from the family despite knowing the family in such a small amount of time. Do you think they will think I'm manipulative, by being toxic, harmful, and controlling?
submitted by ThrowRAJillyRoger to relationships [link] [comments]
Beginning in 2020, I traveled to the US country for vacation and my aunt heard a relative around for any recommendation regarding a potential husband(Rob) for me. My aunt and uncle reached out to them and recommended me. I was accepted by their family and we decided to move forward with the process and they allowed me to live in their house and I worked at their family owned business.
Their mom had a stroke around mid 2021, which caused her to be paralyzed on the left side, needing assistance for moving around, and doing daily activities. Their family has not been the same and the situation affected all of us living in the house. Their mom is in bed most of the time and speaks to whomever she can speak with especially with her family and I.
Within 1 year, I eventually got to know their family and got closer to Rob. We both decided to get married late 2021 with the support from both side of the family.
My mom-in-law and I would have conversations about her worries and concerns for her family's future for more than a year now because their mom is in bed most of the time and not completely there anymore.
My mom-in-law asked me to look/recommend someone for Jack. I saw an opportunity to recommend one of my sister that is currently living in my country because this will align with my main agenda by bringing my family members over to the US because the living standard is better over here than in the other country, I will be given praise from my family and extended family that I was capable to do such a thing in a small amount of time. At this point, I'm making a power move for one of my sister to come over to the US for a better future. And I see Jack as a potential candidate to do it. I will have more control, power, and influence on both side of the family near the future.
Their mom is in agreement with me because their mom is liking the recommended sister that will be great for the family and from how my sister is religiously devoted. In actuality, my oldest sister and I truly love our family that is overseas, and I'm feeling obligated with responsibility to do anything to bring one of my sisters over to the US for a better future.
So I planned an overseas trip and brought Jack along so he can get to know the family and especially my recommended sister.
After 3-4 months from the overseas trip, Jack's parents have been insisting him to do it rather he likes it or not because his parents realized the overseas trip potentially didn't bring any connection/meaningful relationship with my recommended sister. And I can see it as well. His personality is okay, but needs to change a lot. He has no friends, not finished with college, lives inside the room comes in and out for eating then goes back inside. I don't trust him anymore. I thought I could get him on my side for sure but it seems like it is too much manipulation, he notices.
I was having long conversations with my oldest sister before traveling overseas and if I played it right then I could narrow one of my sisters for Jack without me suggesting any other options outside the family for him. My plan was to want more from my family-in-laws and trick/brainwash their mind to doing such a thing for my family without having to directly ask Jack and reveal my true intentions. I believe this has to do with me wanting more from my family-in-laws and human nature to take advantage of someone and people around them.
Jack has 4 older brothers and his parents. The second and third have moved out. His oldest brother(married to me), the fourth, and Jack(the youngest) along with their parents living under the same household.
If Jack does bring one of my sisters over to the US and things fallout between the relationship then it would have been still a win-win situation for my family because she would had the opportunity to stay in the US.
The positive consequences for my family and I far out weigh the negative consequences with bringing one of my sister over to the US.
I lived with my family-in-laws for 3 years so far and I work hard with high motivation and lots of interest because I'm having tax incentives with being married to Rob getting extremely supportive from my family-in-laws. I'm saving my money and I will most likely be in control of the family business with Rob near the future. So, I'm sitting pretty well by staying with my family-in-laws for the past 3 years, rent free, utilities free, and support from my family-in-laws. I want more because I see the opportunity, the power, and influence I have on my family-in-laws. Having money, living in the US, sharing it with my family that is overseas shows where I stand with my family overseas and my influence on the people around me after coming to the US. Almost like showing dominance over another individual or family household member.
I'm well respected because I'm a hard worker, dedicated, and a highly motivated individual. However, I believe I might be asking for too much at this point. My oldest sister's agenda and my agenda is not right when you incorporate more things that involve families from our family because I believe it is wrong to a certain degree it would be better if it was someone outside my family members or not have even planned it out to begin with. Things need to happen organically not forcefully or manipulatively because the relationship will not last long term. Sometimes, I don't care and do it because I want things and I do it regardless. My oldest sister and I are thankful for what we currently have because it can all slip away easily.
My newlywed husband Rob agrees with me because he is now married to me and I love my spouse more than anybody else. Rob tells me everything and say things to me because he worries for his family and he loves his mom, but I need to know more things about his family and I have high interest with things from my overseas family.
Their mom is out of the picture because of her illness and she is highly influenced by her current state of mind. She is extremely devoted to religion along with Rob and I. Their dad doesn't care that much, but is still trying to do his best to mediate the situation for what happened before the overseas trip, during the overseas trip, and up until now.
At this point for me, I'm willing to do things because it has some meaning or associated with things I love near to my heart. At this age, I believe you either have high interest or doing it out of love.
Tl;dr: I need help with inputs, opinions, and suggestions from anyone, if what I did was extremely wrong, toxic, or just using them and my family-in-laws. It seems like I'm desperate to bringing one of my sister over because my family overseas is having no luck, so I'm trying to push my luck onto my family overseas. I did give back to my country and gave money I worked(tax free) from the support of his family business overseas. I do naturally want control, obedience, loyalty, and cooperation from the family despite knowing the family in such a small amount of time. Do you think they will think I'm manipulative, by being toxic, harmful, and controlling?
2023.04.01 12:19 ThrowRAJillyRoger Me(38F), my brother-in-law Jack(38M), my newlywed husband Rob(36M), and the entire family situation is turning toxic and awkward
I have 1 older brother, 3 older sisters, 1 younger brother, and 2 younger sisters. I was born from an Asian country. My mom had a stroke awhile ago like their mom. While my dad passed away about 10 years ago. My oldest sister and I are living in the US.
Beginning in 2020, I traveled to the US country for vacation and my aunt heard a relative around for any recommendation regarding a potential husband(Rob) for me. My aunt and uncle reached out to them and recommended me. I was accepted by their family and we decided to move forward with the process and they allowed me to live in their house and I worked at their family owned business.
Their mom had a stroke around mid 2021, which caused her to be paralyzed on the left side, needing assistance for moving around, and doing daily activities. Their family has not been the same and the situation affected all of us living in the house. Their mom is in bed most of the time and speaks to whomever she can speak with especially with her family and I.
Within 1 year, I eventually got to know their family and got closer to Rob. We both decided to get married late 2021 with the support from both side of the family.
My mom-in-law and I would have conversations about her worries and concerns for her family's future for more than a year now because their mom is in bed most of the time and not completely there anymore.
My mom-in-law asked me to look/recommend someone for Jack. I saw an opportunity to recommend one of my sister that is currently living in my country because this will align with my main agenda by bringing my family members over to the US because the living standard is better over here than in the other country, I will be given praise from my family and extended family that I was capable to do such a thing in a small amount of time. At this point, I'm making a power move for one of my sister to come over to the US for a better future. And I see Jack as a potential candidate to do it. I will have more control, power, and influence on both side of the family near the future.
Their mom is in agreement with me because their mom is liking the recommended sister that will be great for the family and from how my sister is religiously devoted. In actuality, my oldest sister and I truly love our family that is overseas, and I'm feeling obligated with responsibility to do anything to bring one of my sisters over to the US for a better future.
So I planned an overseas trip and brought Jack along so he can get to know the family and especially my recommended sister.
After 3-4 months from the overseas trip, Jack's parents have been insisting him to do it rather he likes it or not because his parents realized the overseas trip potentially didn't bring any connection/meaningful relationship with my recommended sister. And I can see it as well. His personality is okay, but needs to change a lot. He has no friends, not finished with college, lives inside the room comes in and out for eating then goes back inside. I don't trust him anymore. I thought I could get him on my side for sure but it seems like it is too much manipulation, he notices.
I was having long conversations with my oldest sister before traveling overseas and if I played it right then I could narrow one of my sisters for Jack without me suggesting any other options outside the family for him. My plan was to want more from my family-in-laws and trick/brainwash their mind to doing such a thing for my family without having to directly ask Jack and reveal my true intentions. I believe this has to do with me wanting more from my family-in-laws and human nature to take advantage of someone and people around them.
Jack has 4 older brothers and his parents. The second and third have moved out. His oldest brother(married to me), the fourth, and Jack(the youngest) along with their parents living under the same household.
If Jack does bring one of my sisters over to the US and things fallout between the relationship then it would have been still a win-win situation for my family because she would had the opportunity to stay in the US.
The positive consequences for my family and I far out weigh the negative consequences with bringing one of my sister over to the US.
I lived with my family-in-laws for 3 years so far and I work hard with high motivation and lots of interest because I'm having tax incentives with being married to Rob getting extremely supportive from my family-in-laws. I'm saving my money and I will most likely be in control of the family business with Rob near the future. So, I'm sitting pretty well by staying with my family-in-laws for the past 3 years, rent free, utilities free, and support from my family-in-laws. I want more because I see the opportunity, the power, and influence I have on my family-in-laws. Having money, living in the US, sharing it with my family that is overseas shows where I stand with my family overseas and my influence on the people around me after coming to the US. Almost like showing dominance over another individual or family household member.
I'm well respected because I'm a hard worker, dedicated, and a highly motivated individual. However, I believe I might be asking for too much at this point. My oldest sister's agenda and my agenda is not right when you incorporate more things that involve families from our family because I believe it is wrong to a certain degree it would be better if it was someone outside my family members or not have even planned it out to begin with. Things need to happen organically not forcefully or manipulatively because the relationship will not last long term. Sometimes, I don't care and do it because I want things and I do it regardless. My oldest sister and I are thankful for what we currently have because it can all slip away easily.
My newlywed husband Rob agrees with me because he is now married to me and I love my spouse more than anybody else. Rob tells me everything and say things to me because he worries for his family and he loves his mom, but I need to know more things about his family and I have high interest with things from my overseas family.
Their mom is out of the picture because of her illness and she is highly influenced by her current state of mind. She is extremely devoted to religion along with Rob and I. Their dad doesn't care that much, but is still trying to do his best to mediate the situation for what happened before the overseas trip, during the overseas trip, and up until now.
At this point for me, I'm willing to do things because it has some meaning or associated with things I love near to my heart. At this age, I believe you either have high interest or doing it out of love.
Tl;dr: I need help with inputs, opinions, and suggestions from anyone, if what I did was extremely wrong, toxic, or just using them and my family-in-laws. It seems like I'm desperate to bringing one of my sister over because my family overseas is having no luck, so I'm trying to push my luck onto my family overseas. I did give back to my country and gave money I worked(tax free) from the support of his family business overseas. I do naturally want control, obedience, loyalty, and cooperation from the family despite knowing the family in such a small amount of time. Do you think they will think I'm manipulative, by being toxic, harmful, and controlling?
submitted by ThrowRAJillyRoger to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
Beginning in 2020, I traveled to the US country for vacation and my aunt heard a relative around for any recommendation regarding a potential husband(Rob) for me. My aunt and uncle reached out to them and recommended me. I was accepted by their family and we decided to move forward with the process and they allowed me to live in their house and I worked at their family owned business.
Their mom had a stroke around mid 2021, which caused her to be paralyzed on the left side, needing assistance for moving around, and doing daily activities. Their family has not been the same and the situation affected all of us living in the house. Their mom is in bed most of the time and speaks to whomever she can speak with especially with her family and I.
Within 1 year, I eventually got to know their family and got closer to Rob. We both decided to get married late 2021 with the support from both side of the family.
My mom-in-law and I would have conversations about her worries and concerns for her family's future for more than a year now because their mom is in bed most of the time and not completely there anymore.
My mom-in-law asked me to look/recommend someone for Jack. I saw an opportunity to recommend one of my sister that is currently living in my country because this will align with my main agenda by bringing my family members over to the US because the living standard is better over here than in the other country, I will be given praise from my family and extended family that I was capable to do such a thing in a small amount of time. At this point, I'm making a power move for one of my sister to come over to the US for a better future. And I see Jack as a potential candidate to do it. I will have more control, power, and influence on both side of the family near the future.
Their mom is in agreement with me because their mom is liking the recommended sister that will be great for the family and from how my sister is religiously devoted. In actuality, my oldest sister and I truly love our family that is overseas, and I'm feeling obligated with responsibility to do anything to bring one of my sisters over to the US for a better future.
So I planned an overseas trip and brought Jack along so he can get to know the family and especially my recommended sister.
After 3-4 months from the overseas trip, Jack's parents have been insisting him to do it rather he likes it or not because his parents realized the overseas trip potentially didn't bring any connection/meaningful relationship with my recommended sister. And I can see it as well. His personality is okay, but needs to change a lot. He has no friends, not finished with college, lives inside the room comes in and out for eating then goes back inside. I don't trust him anymore. I thought I could get him on my side for sure but it seems like it is too much manipulation, he notices.
I was having long conversations with my oldest sister before traveling overseas and if I played it right then I could narrow one of my sisters for Jack without me suggesting any other options outside the family for him. My plan was to want more from my family-in-laws and trick/brainwash their mind to doing such a thing for my family without having to directly ask Jack and reveal my true intentions. I believe this has to do with me wanting more from my family-in-laws and human nature to take advantage of someone and people around them.
Jack has 4 older brothers and his parents. The second and third have moved out. His oldest brother(married to me), the fourth, and Jack(the youngest) along with their parents living under the same household.
If Jack does bring one of my sisters over to the US and things fallout between the relationship then it would have been still a win-win situation for my family because she would had the opportunity to stay in the US.
The positive consequences for my family and I far out weigh the negative consequences with bringing one of my sister over to the US.
I lived with my family-in-laws for 3 years so far and I work hard with high motivation and lots of interest because I'm having tax incentives with being married to Rob getting extremely supportive from my family-in-laws. I'm saving my money and I will most likely be in control of the family business with Rob near the future. So, I'm sitting pretty well by staying with my family-in-laws for the past 3 years, rent free, utilities free, and support from my family-in-laws. I want more because I see the opportunity, the power, and influence I have on my family-in-laws. Having money, living in the US, sharing it with my family that is overseas shows where I stand with my family overseas and my influence on the people around me after coming to the US. Almost like showing dominance over another individual or family household member.
I'm well respected because I'm a hard worker, dedicated, and a highly motivated individual. However, I believe I might be asking for too much at this point. My oldest sister's agenda and my agenda is not right when you incorporate more things that involve families from our family because I believe it is wrong to a certain degree it would be better if it was someone outside my family members or not have even planned it out to begin with. Things need to happen organically not forcefully or manipulatively because the relationship will not last long term. Sometimes, I don't care and do it because I want things and I do it regardless. My oldest sister and I are thankful for what we currently have because it can all slip away easily.
My newlywed husband Rob agrees with me because he is now married to me and I love my spouse more than anybody else. Rob tells me everything and say things to me because he worries for his family and he loves his mom, but I need to know more things about his family and I have high interest with things from my overseas family.
Their mom is out of the picture because of her illness and she is highly influenced by her current state of mind. She is extremely devoted to religion along with Rob and I. Their dad doesn't care that much, but is still trying to do his best to mediate the situation for what happened before the overseas trip, during the overseas trip, and up until now.
At this point for me, I'm willing to do things because it has some meaning or associated with things I love near to my heart. At this age, I believe you either have high interest or doing it out of love.
Tl;dr: I need help with inputs, opinions, and suggestions from anyone, if what I did was extremely wrong, toxic, or just using them and my family-in-laws. It seems like I'm desperate to bringing one of my sister over because my family overseas is having no luck, so I'm trying to push my luck onto my family overseas. I did give back to my country and gave money I worked(tax free) from the support of his family business overseas. I do naturally want control, obedience, loyalty, and cooperation from the family despite knowing the family in such a small amount of time. Do you think they will think I'm manipulative, by being toxic, harmful, and controlling?
2023.04.01 12:15 Educational-Ask-1454 One positive thought and some possible hope for those of us who are frustrated and or who have been scammed by DoorDash
If we can drive for this company we can survive driving for just about any order aggregator.. that's for sure.. I kinda had to remind myself of what I was saying awhile back actually
Keep good records of your ratings and driving experience and use it to find better driving opportunities 👍 I took nearly 4000 deliveries for the pizza place and have absolutely nothing to show for that
But we can show our DoorDash driving experience to potential employers .. so that is the silver lining, I'd say
I'm a good driver who customers absolutely love working with and I'm hard working and I actually care about customer experience- with that in mind, I know I won't be stuck working with reptilian minded protozoa such as DoorDash
Anyway I hope that thought can provide some hope to those of us who ended up in a bad spot after working our azzes off for these pieces of scum
Me I'm a firm believer in being hell bent upon turning bad into good .. I'm really fighting becoming bitter and or giving up lately.. I know a lot of us are
I hope that everyone is okay out there 🙏❤️ I know I'm not, for now, anyway 🥴 my living situation is horrible my automobile is on her last leg barely two of my tires aren't happy about being inflated and my thermostat is stuck open and etc 😅
There's a LOT of us struggling out here for sure
submitted by Educational-Ask-1454 to doordash_drivers [link] [comments]
Keep good records of your ratings and driving experience and use it to find better driving opportunities 👍 I took nearly 4000 deliveries for the pizza place and have absolutely nothing to show for that
But we can show our DoorDash driving experience to potential employers .. so that is the silver lining, I'd say
I'm a good driver who customers absolutely love working with and I'm hard working and I actually care about customer experience- with that in mind, I know I won't be stuck working with reptilian minded protozoa such as DoorDash
Anyway I hope that thought can provide some hope to those of us who ended up in a bad spot after working our azzes off for these pieces of scum
Me I'm a firm believer in being hell bent upon turning bad into good .. I'm really fighting becoming bitter and or giving up lately.. I know a lot of us are
I hope that everyone is okay out there 🙏❤️ I know I'm not, for now, anyway 🥴 my living situation is horrible my automobile is on her last leg barely two of my tires aren't happy about being inflated and my thermostat is stuck open and etc 😅
There's a LOT of us struggling out here for sure
NEVERGIVEUP #ONELOVE
2023.04.01 12:15 taxikicker45 [Spoilers 1079] The Last Road Poneglyph Location/Speculation.
I think it's on Lodestar Island. It's the same Poneglyph that was moved from Fishman Island.
The Former Rocks Pirates and Roger are aware of the significance of the Red Poneglyphs, but by whom or how did they find out? Let's start with the Rocks Pirates they started at Pirate Island and wanted the world's riches, this attracted powerful members with 3 of them later becoming Yonko. They get the answer of how to get to Laughtale…but don’t care(at this point it's a location that promises nothing of value to the crew), they then pillage and murder their way to God Valley(presuming Marijoa comes later), where they meet their end against Garp and Roger. Roger doesn't learn second hand from the Rocks Crew at God Valley he finds out on his own presumably. Roger finds out about the existence of the last island because the log pose goes crazy once he reaches the final Island of Lodestar, he also finds out about the significance of Poneglyphs, in particular the red colored ones. But how? Does a person tell him or is it written down? I think there is a story that we haven’t heard yet that they have, something vague like to reach the final island, you have to seek out 4 large red stones inscribed with text to find it.
Roger then goes around the world, encountering several poneglyphs and taking rubbings to be deciphered later on, Roger was aware of the need of an interpreter for them and just finding the 4 road poneglyphs wasn’t enough. He recruits Oden who can read them and later finds Laughtale. Now Luffy has Robin to read the Poneglyphs and Big Mom had Charlotte Pudding who later on could awaken the ability to read to poneglyphs, now Blackbeard has her. But Big Mom had to have a child with a 3rd-eye tribe member, so where is he or the other tribe members? If they’ve been Lulusia’d then one of the last surviving members had a child and later died. Blackbeard needed Charlotte Pudding specifically because she may be the last known member of her tribe alive similar to King.
Roger tells everyone about the One Piece at his execution and says it's anyones for the taking if they can find it. There is now more significance placed onto Red Poneglyphs, because they take you to the grand treasure left by the Pirate King as well as what the Ancient Kingdom left. I feel as soon as Roger and Whitebeard had their final meeting, Whitebeard moves the Fishman Island Road Poneglyph knowing many will come for it and the strength to stop strong pirates isn’t there. Big Mom had one in her possession, it's unknown where she got it from, she has it before/during Rogers final voyage and he gets it then by sneaking a rubbing from it, Big Mom likely took it from wherever as a trophy or status symbol even if she was unable to decipher it.
After Wano, Shanks and Blackbeard are aware Kidd and Law have Road Poneglyph rubbings and demand them once they meet. Now Blackbeard was on Whitebeard's Crew and Shanks was on Rogers, so they learned the importance of them then. Assuming Blackbeard gets the Zou(Law was there unsure if he got it offscreen)and Wano Rubbings from Law, and we saw Shanks gets the Wano and Whole Cake Island(Killer confirms they get this in chapter 1056) rubbing from Kidd. Also a member of Kidd's crew hands over a stack of rubbings calling it our Road Poneglyph(S).
This puts Blackbeard at 2 Road Poneglyphs, missing the Whole Cake Island one and the other one, unless Shiryu took the Whole Cake one without anyone noticing or a similar deal to how Kidd pirates got theirs. So potentially 3 we know of, if he already had the other one from his days on Whitebeard's crew, then he’s at 4 and heading to Laughtale ZEHAHAHA.
This puts Shanks at 2 Road Poneglyphs from Kidd. Missing the Zou Road poneglyph and the other one.
Currently the Straw Hats have 3 from Zou, Whole Cake Island and Wano. The other one is missing and its whereabouts are currently unknown.
Cross Guild formed only very recently, if Captain John's treasure includes the Road Poneglyph then that will bring them into this. But currently Cross Guild doesn’t have any and are unlikely to get any because the only copies are among the other Yonko right now.
Kidd appeared at Elbaf and Shanks was there too with his Fleet; it may make sense for it to be at Elbaf. But there’s no known connection between Whitebeard and the Giants for him to entrust the Road Poneglyph to them, Whitebeard and Shanks talked before Marineford so he may have disclosed its location to Shanks and Shanks either knows or has moved it. But Shank’s fleet is considered widely weak so maybe he hides a great treasure among his territories, but that's hard to believe. He could have it on the Red Force his Flagship so it's always safe/with him. Blackbeard may know where it is since he was on Whitebeard's crew, but the period after he kills Thatch he loses contact, so if it was moved after that time he wouldn’t know where it is. They aren’t allied with the World Government too and one of the strongest forces in the world so can defend it from outsiders.
If Blackbeard had it, it would have been mentioned when Inuarashi says 2 Road Poneglyphs belong to Big Mom and Kaido, also Marco would know where it is right now he was closest to Whitebeard. The Navy and Weevil went to Sphinx island looking for Whitebeard's treasure and there is no mention of a Road poneglyph from Marco then. If the Payback war took place at the Road Poneglyph location and he obtained it then, Marco should have said something to Shanks or Luffy that he has it, but that didn’t happen. Also there is a point above in this post that mentions he potentially has 4 if everything assumption is right.
The first time we have seen each Road Poneglyph in the current day is when a member of the Straw Hat is near. Zou was by the crew minus Sanji and Jimbei, Whole Cake was by Brook (unsure if it was shown before he got to it) and Wano was by Robin. So in all cases it's the Road Poneglyph itself, they won’t get a rubbing they will see the real deal.
So why Lodestar? It fits some criteria I think are important.
1- It's currently unknown if it's a Yonko territory of either Shanks or Blackbeard. This is the most important point because it can’t be a race to Laughtale between Yonko unless there's one they will all converge on.
2- It's somewhere where Roger has been before.
3- Supporting point for 1 is that it's the last island that the log pose will take you to if you follow it all the way, meaning it's not just a converging point for Yonko but anyone who follows the log pose also means the Marines, Revolutionary Army, Cross Guild and everyone else can reach it. I don’t think the final war will take place at Lodestar, but it has some things going for it. Also its similar to how the worst generation all end up at Sabaody Archipelago.
4- Last Island of the Grandline so it puts them closer to it potentially.
5- Only the strongest pirates and crews can get through the whole grand line,considering you have to go through either Yonko territory or a Marine affiliated country, it's a great filter and very unlikely you ever get there. We only know the Roger Pirates reached it and then Laughtale.
The counterpoints I will add are:
1- Would Whitebeard place such an important object on an island most people won't reach completely unguarded or unaffiliated without a world power of some sort?
2- How will the race start? Probably the most confusing part will be how everyone finds out it's there and will converge to get it. Someone with a mind like Doflamingo/Blackbeard could have Morgans spread it in the paper and put the whole world into chaos. However it's done it will have to involve Morgans and his newspaper to spread it to every world power, I doubt a den-den mushi signal would be picked up by everyone to then race there.
TL;DR - It was moved to Lodestar by Whitebeard because the strong pirates found out about their significance from either former Rocks/Roger crew members and the connection to Laugh Tale. Because only Yonko level crew can truly reach it and it's unaffiliated to anyone so it's ripe for the taking by anyone.
submitted by taxikicker45 to OnePiece [link] [comments]
The Former Rocks Pirates and Roger are aware of the significance of the Red Poneglyphs, but by whom or how did they find out? Let's start with the Rocks Pirates they started at Pirate Island and wanted the world's riches, this attracted powerful members with 3 of them later becoming Yonko. They get the answer of how to get to Laughtale…but don’t care(at this point it's a location that promises nothing of value to the crew), they then pillage and murder their way to God Valley(presuming Marijoa comes later), where they meet their end against Garp and Roger. Roger doesn't learn second hand from the Rocks Crew at God Valley he finds out on his own presumably. Roger finds out about the existence of the last island because the log pose goes crazy once he reaches the final Island of Lodestar, he also finds out about the significance of Poneglyphs, in particular the red colored ones. But how? Does a person tell him or is it written down? I think there is a story that we haven’t heard yet that they have, something vague like to reach the final island, you have to seek out 4 large red stones inscribed with text to find it.
Roger then goes around the world, encountering several poneglyphs and taking rubbings to be deciphered later on, Roger was aware of the need of an interpreter for them and just finding the 4 road poneglyphs wasn’t enough. He recruits Oden who can read them and later finds Laughtale. Now Luffy has Robin to read the Poneglyphs and Big Mom had Charlotte Pudding who later on could awaken the ability to read to poneglyphs, now Blackbeard has her. But Big Mom had to have a child with a 3rd-eye tribe member, so where is he or the other tribe members? If they’ve been Lulusia’d then one of the last surviving members had a child and later died. Blackbeard needed Charlotte Pudding specifically because she may be the last known member of her tribe alive similar to King.
Roger tells everyone about the One Piece at his execution and says it's anyones for the taking if they can find it. There is now more significance placed onto Red Poneglyphs, because they take you to the grand treasure left by the Pirate King as well as what the Ancient Kingdom left. I feel as soon as Roger and Whitebeard had their final meeting, Whitebeard moves the Fishman Island Road Poneglyph knowing many will come for it and the strength to stop strong pirates isn’t there. Big Mom had one in her possession, it's unknown where she got it from, she has it before/during Rogers final voyage and he gets it then by sneaking a rubbing from it, Big Mom likely took it from wherever as a trophy or status symbol even if she was unable to decipher it.
After Wano, Shanks and Blackbeard are aware Kidd and Law have Road Poneglyph rubbings and demand them once they meet. Now Blackbeard was on Whitebeard's Crew and Shanks was on Rogers, so they learned the importance of them then. Assuming Blackbeard gets the Zou(Law was there unsure if he got it offscreen)and Wano Rubbings from Law, and we saw Shanks gets the Wano and Whole Cake Island(Killer confirms they get this in chapter 1056) rubbing from Kidd. Also a member of Kidd's crew hands over a stack of rubbings calling it our Road Poneglyph(S).
This puts Blackbeard at 2 Road Poneglyphs, missing the Whole Cake Island one and the other one, unless Shiryu took the Whole Cake one without anyone noticing or a similar deal to how Kidd pirates got theirs. So potentially 3 we know of, if he already had the other one from his days on Whitebeard's crew, then he’s at 4 and heading to Laughtale ZEHAHAHA.
This puts Shanks at 2 Road Poneglyphs from Kidd. Missing the Zou Road poneglyph and the other one.
Currently the Straw Hats have 3 from Zou, Whole Cake Island and Wano. The other one is missing and its whereabouts are currently unknown.
Cross Guild formed only very recently, if Captain John's treasure includes the Road Poneglyph then that will bring them into this. But currently Cross Guild doesn’t have any and are unlikely to get any because the only copies are among the other Yonko right now.
Kidd appeared at Elbaf and Shanks was there too with his Fleet; it may make sense for it to be at Elbaf. But there’s no known connection between Whitebeard and the Giants for him to entrust the Road Poneglyph to them, Whitebeard and Shanks talked before Marineford so he may have disclosed its location to Shanks and Shanks either knows or has moved it. But Shank’s fleet is considered widely weak so maybe he hides a great treasure among his territories, but that's hard to believe. He could have it on the Red Force his Flagship so it's always safe/with him. Blackbeard may know where it is since he was on Whitebeard's crew, but the period after he kills Thatch he loses contact, so if it was moved after that time he wouldn’t know where it is. They aren’t allied with the World Government too and one of the strongest forces in the world so can defend it from outsiders.
If Blackbeard had it, it would have been mentioned when Inuarashi says 2 Road Poneglyphs belong to Big Mom and Kaido, also Marco would know where it is right now he was closest to Whitebeard. The Navy and Weevil went to Sphinx island looking for Whitebeard's treasure and there is no mention of a Road poneglyph from Marco then. If the Payback war took place at the Road Poneglyph location and he obtained it then, Marco should have said something to Shanks or Luffy that he has it, but that didn’t happen. Also there is a point above in this post that mentions he potentially has 4 if everything assumption is right.
The first time we have seen each Road Poneglyph in the current day is when a member of the Straw Hat is near. Zou was by the crew minus Sanji and Jimbei, Whole Cake was by Brook (unsure if it was shown before he got to it) and Wano was by Robin. So in all cases it's the Road Poneglyph itself, they won’t get a rubbing they will see the real deal.
So why Lodestar? It fits some criteria I think are important.
1- It's currently unknown if it's a Yonko territory of either Shanks or Blackbeard. This is the most important point because it can’t be a race to Laughtale between Yonko unless there's one they will all converge on.
2- It's somewhere where Roger has been before.
3- Supporting point for 1 is that it's the last island that the log pose will take you to if you follow it all the way, meaning it's not just a converging point for Yonko but anyone who follows the log pose also means the Marines, Revolutionary Army, Cross Guild and everyone else can reach it. I don’t think the final war will take place at Lodestar, but it has some things going for it. Also its similar to how the worst generation all end up at Sabaody Archipelago.
4- Last Island of the Grandline so it puts them closer to it potentially.
5- Only the strongest pirates and crews can get through the whole grand line,considering you have to go through either Yonko territory or a Marine affiliated country, it's a great filter and very unlikely you ever get there. We only know the Roger Pirates reached it and then Laughtale.
The counterpoints I will add are:
1- Would Whitebeard place such an important object on an island most people won't reach completely unguarded or unaffiliated without a world power of some sort?
2- How will the race start? Probably the most confusing part will be how everyone finds out it's there and will converge to get it. Someone with a mind like Doflamingo/Blackbeard could have Morgans spread it in the paper and put the whole world into chaos. However it's done it will have to involve Morgans and his newspaper to spread it to every world power, I doubt a den-den mushi signal would be picked up by everyone to then race there.
TL;DR - It was moved to Lodestar by Whitebeard because the strong pirates found out about their significance from either former Rocks/Roger crew members and the connection to Laugh Tale. Because only Yonko level crew can truly reach it and it's unaffiliated to anyone so it's ripe for the taking by anyone.
2023.04.01 12:09 poopydonuts I feel like all the work I've done was for nothing, and I feel hollow
I am a student who's about to complete his grade 12th. Like many other students I also had dreams of going to the top Elite colleges in the usa and I worked so damn hard for it. I studied by myself without a tutor or anything and got 1540 in my sat on the first attempt. Even though I'm an international student I gave three aps - physics 1 physics 2 and calculus AB and got a 3, 3, and 4 respectively. Not brilliant marks by any means, but considering that I studied by myself while also studying my regular school courses, I was satisfied. I wrote a book on astrophysics for 8-12 year olds (astrophysics was my intended major). Every day after school I'd come home to work on the book and I'd stay awake at nights sometimes for the same as well. I even wrote two research papers and had an internship at an astronomical observatory that housed my countries biggest astronomical telescope and even got a glowing recommendation from a senior scientist there. I worked hard to maintain my grades and was always near the top of my batch. And all this despite having adhd, which meant that I had to work twice as hard as others to see the same results. I didn't come from an obnoxiously rich family and couldn't afford summer schools or anything like that, and relied on financial aid for college.
And still, even after all this work, I got rejected from all the reach colleges i applied to. Harvard, Princeton, Yale, uchicago, John Hopkins, Stanford- all of them. Right now I'm going to attend penn state.
I'm at an extremely low point of my life. For four years I denied myself any kind of happiness because I told myself that it'd all be worth it in the end. But that's the thing, it wasn't. I failed. After all the hours I put in, I failed. My friends laughed at me when I told them id go to an ivy and I swore that I'd prove them wrong, but I proved them right instead.
I feel hollow, and I feel cheated, cause many of my peers who didn't put in as much work as I did DID get in into ivies.
I don't know if it's even worth trying anymore, because I don't know if anything I ever do will get me results.
I delayed gratification for four years to get it after school ended, but I guess I'm not going to be getting that. I want answers, why me? Why am I getting life's worst trials and tribulations while my peers get so many boundless joys? What did I do? Why am I not entitled to feeling happy and fulfilled?
But no one has these answers, and at this point I'm not sure if I ever will. I have lost my motivation. I've lost that fire under my belly.
I wrote this post just to unburden cause I'm feeling extremely lost and hollow.
submitted by poopydonuts to Advice [link] [comments]
And still, even after all this work, I got rejected from all the reach colleges i applied to. Harvard, Princeton, Yale, uchicago, John Hopkins, Stanford- all of them. Right now I'm going to attend penn state.
I'm at an extremely low point of my life. For four years I denied myself any kind of happiness because I told myself that it'd all be worth it in the end. But that's the thing, it wasn't. I failed. After all the hours I put in, I failed. My friends laughed at me when I told them id go to an ivy and I swore that I'd prove them wrong, but I proved them right instead.
I feel hollow, and I feel cheated, cause many of my peers who didn't put in as much work as I did DID get in into ivies.
I don't know if it's even worth trying anymore, because I don't know if anything I ever do will get me results.
I delayed gratification for four years to get it after school ended, but I guess I'm not going to be getting that. I want answers, why me? Why am I getting life's worst trials and tribulations while my peers get so many boundless joys? What did I do? Why am I not entitled to feeling happy and fulfilled?
But no one has these answers, and at this point I'm not sure if I ever will. I have lost my motivation. I've lost that fire under my belly.
I wrote this post just to unburden cause I'm feeling extremely lost and hollow.
2023.04.01 12:02 Ok-Jeweler2715 Jindo?
 | Hello all! I rescued my pup from the shelter and they claimed she came from a meat farm in Korea. I actually wasn’t going to adopt this dog at all, I was going for a Great Dane mix and then I saw her. She was the most beautiful dog I had ever seen, but was terrified of the world. When they brought her out she was pulling on that leash away from the lady who worked at the shelter so hard, she did not want to be out of that kennel. When they finally got her to me she would stay as far away as the leash would let her and shake so much because of the fear. I ended up fostering her for the shelter because I wanted to help her gain some confidence. Anyways we get her home (2 hour drive) and she did nothing but pee and poop in the car on the way home lol. Well once we got her home we showed her her cage and she ran right in and stood there for a month. Literally would not sit or lay down and would only come out when it was time to go outside. Eventually she started to sit and lay down in the cage. She would not come near me and any sudden movements or loud noises would make the dog so nervous she let out a high pitch yelp. It was clear this dog had been through some things. She wouldn’t let me pet her or anything. This was all in June of last year. Fast forward to today and she is my favorite girl, my best friend. I ended up adopting her the day before Christmas. I taught her a few things (sit, lay down, cage, go to bed) and she listens fairly well. We have a few accidents in the house here and there but I will chalk that up to nervousness. Other than that she is the best dog. She comes to me for attention and will even lay on her side for a belly rub. We used to have to bring her into the bedroom to go to sleep and now she goes to bed at 9 everyday and waits for us in the bed. We are still improving our bond but she is a good girl and has changed my life, her name is Maha ❤️ now my question is does she look like a jindo to you guys? I’m thinking she’s got something else in her but am not too sure, just curious so if anyone has some input it would be greatly appreciated! Included in her photos are her adopted brother and sister. Ajax the Catahoula, he is 3 months old. And Ari the basset hound/shar pei mix. I rescued them as well and just love dogs. I would get more but man it’s a lot of work lol. Sorry for the long post but thank you for reading it! submitted by Ok-Jeweler2715 to Jindo [link] [comments] |
2023.04.01 12:00 Lost_Okra_1592 25 [M4A] Looking for friends kasama mag rock climbing or yung may alam na decent muay thai gym
I decided na gusto ko na maging active physically this year and introduce some discipline in my life. I'm looking for a group of friends I can join in and befriend. yung mababait pls saka di nang ggate keep sa sport. I'm near mendiola or espanya so I would appreciate it if di kayo super malayo but I'm down as long as kaya ng angkas.
Here's a little something about me. baka makatulong if vibe ko ba tayo or not. - Freelance Illustrator ako - I'm into video games, anime, manga and other weeb stuff - I've been working out for about a year now - UST grad - pang bardagulan yung personality pero pwede din sa chill. kaya mag adjust at super down to earth lang. - Di ako kupal - mahilig sa rock, hard rock, nu metal, alt rock. pumupuntang gigs paminsan and mahilig din ako sa really old songs.
submitted by Lost_Okra_1592 to PhR4Friends [link] [comments]
Here's a little something about me. baka makatulong if vibe ko ba tayo or not. - Freelance Illustrator ako - I'm into video games, anime, manga and other weeb stuff - I've been working out for about a year now - UST grad - pang bardagulan yung personality pero pwede din sa chill. kaya mag adjust at super down to earth lang. - Di ako kupal - mahilig sa rock, hard rock, nu metal, alt rock. pumupuntang gigs paminsan and mahilig din ako sa really old songs.
2023.04.01 11:54 Basic_Prompt5555 My Third Base ☺️
 | AMA submitted by Basic_Prompt5555 to Oxygennotincluded [link] [comments] Cycle 1000+ |
2023.04.01 11:54 bunzohash Sick of the s*it from baby daddy
Seperated from baby daddy for about 10 years due to control and DA. Two kids (13 and 11) Things have been up and down co parenting mainly when he meets a new woman and puts them over the children... however I have tried to remain as amicable as possible for the kids benefit. The controlling behaviours and abuse never stopped over the years because I allowed him to continue. At one point about 8 years ago he "gave' me a a car so that it would make it easier to transport the kids as I was the one always available to do the school runs and his contact etc. I didn't want the car as I made it clear I couldn't afford it and didn't know if or when I ever could. Cut to 8 years later and me and my husband are finishing payments for the car that lasted me about a year that I didn't even want. I am now married and extremely happy with a really supportive partner. Baby daddy has had a number of failed relationships with these women in and out of the kids lives. We agreed on "joint" custody. He never gave me a penny for years then he agreed we should pay half of everything. This never happened. Every time I asked him for half of the kids stuff there was abuse and questioning. It wasn't worth it. I completely flipped recently and decided to cut contact and go to csa. This blew up. His current pregnant gf rang me giving me abuse saying vile things. He rang me giving me abuse twisting situations to make out like he's been a saviour financially. I reported all of the DV over the years to the police. My kids have been coming home telling me things they have heard and things being said to them by girlfriend. Also to add the children have witnessed arguments consistently over the last year between dad and gf. I addressed this with dad a few months back as the children should not be witnessing DV. The kids don't want to be at the house when gf and her children are there as they don't like them much. I am now seeking legal advice to ensure the kids are protected from all of this as well as ensuring gf is not near them unsupervised. I don't begrudge providing for my children and this is why I have worked so hard for a good career so I can be financially independent. But why should it all be me? They have a father who they see a few days a week.
To add I am sick of working two jobs and still finding myself low each month knowing I pay for the majority of the kids needs. My husband provides more for them that dad and is also more supportive and tuned into the kids. But I understand he is not their father. I always the kids to have a positive relationship with their dad but at this point he is doing more harm than good and part of me wishes he would cut contact not pay and just disappear.
submitted by bunzohash to offmychest [link] [comments]
To add I am sick of working two jobs and still finding myself low each month knowing I pay for the majority of the kids needs. My husband provides more for them that dad and is also more supportive and tuned into the kids. But I understand he is not their father. I always the kids to have a positive relationship with their dad but at this point he is doing more harm than good and part of me wishes he would cut contact not pay and just disappear.
2023.04.01 11:53 Much_Addendum327 i’m fourteen years all and all i’ve ever wanted was to be liked by something or someone
tw - sh/ sa
ever since i was 8 years old i wanted to die so badly, though at the time i was being sexually abused by countless people at the time so i guess that would’ve encouraged that thought but right now i’m trapped, my friends are horrible to me, they hang out people i tell them hurt me like this one guy who groped me on the bus when i was 11 they keep talking to him, and i have no one else to go to when they go up to him at school so i just say i need the bathroom and cry there, also my friend told my crush i liked him even though i told her that if he ever rejected me i would kill myself so i would rather not know his response she did it anyway, lucky he didn’t really give out much of a response and just said something irrelevant and ran away embarrassed but that same friend also humiliated me in front of him in role call saying i called him so big he could fit inside of my little sisters suitcase (the suit case was very wide and was probably 4’11 long) when i never said that, all i said was that my sisters suit case is so big a person could fit in there but she made it seem like i was calling him fat. the person i said i’d kill myself over him not liking me due to him being the only thing i live for she decides to say i called him fat. whenever i try hanging out with someone else other then her she gets mad, saying she feels sad that i don’t hang out with her and saying she feels left out and i’m a people pleaser so it’s really hard to stay away from someone and tell them to go away i just usually do whatever people want me to do it’s not something i can handle, also i’m not even safe when o go home my dad has bipolar and he used to not take his pills so he’d scream at me and my sisters, one time he smashed my older sisters phone and threw metal pipes at her at beated her then threw shit down the stairs breaking the window and one time when i was getting back from primary (elementary) school i saw him grab my dog and throw it outside a open door which the dog got his head stuck on the fence and almost choked to death and other shit he did i can’t remember but he takes his pills now just in terrified of him and my mom used to hit me whenever i did something bad but now she just yells at me, i think she still very badly just wants to hit me again because she said she doenst hit me anymore because it illegal and she really tries her hardly to just yell at me for every small tiny thing i do no matter what she will try to yell and ridicule every small thing i do, i can’t move, think, breathe correctly near her it’s gotten to the point where i get genuine heart dropping fear asoon as i hear foot steps coming forming the stairs , anything im doing i just drop it, quickly clean it all up and run to my room and wait for her to go back upstairs . i can’t even go to my grandma because she’s even worse one time i was at her house and i was extremely sick i couldn’t move or eat properly because of how much it hurts my body and my throat especially it hurt way too much i was crying from trying to eat and my grandma udndt care she just said it was all my fault for ruining the trip( i get holidays when i go to my grandmas house because she actually takes me outside unlike my parents) all my grandma did was give me pain killers and let me sleep for hours in her bed not even awake for probably 20 minutes i just slept for the entire day and entire night . i’m safe no where my most safest place is the library or the toilets at my school because in the library and toilets no one bothers me, looks at me, hit me or screams at me there i can be alone without constant stress but atm that’s the only thing i have and i only have 2 more years of school so it’ll be stripped away from me . i don’t know how to get a job no one will help me with it and i don’t understand it. i’m not covid vaccinated either because my mom thinks i’m not worth it and it’s too expensive. my mom also doenst care for a single problem i have i keep telling her i see shadows of people in the corners of my eye or even afew times someone very clearly just with a weird non human face or they disappear when i blink or turn my head away, she thinks i make it up and doenst care she thinks i do it for attention,i hate myself aswell i think i’m extremely ugly i have so many pimples i just want to rip my face off atp i hate my face i just want to be pretty honestly i jsut want atleast for my crush to like me maybe you know to have just someone to like me but i feel and look too ugly i think . i don’t understand why i can’t have anything i can’t live a day without my friend embarrassing me RIGHT INFRONT OF YHE MAN I WOULD KILL MYSELF OVER I TELL THEM THIS AND THEY JUST DONT FUCKING CAREEE when i told them to stop fucking doing thsi shit and al they did was roll their fucming eyes and give me an annoyed face like what the fuck did i do to deserve this fucking life I JUST WANT TO DIE ALREADY I HATE THIS SHIT WHY CANT I BE FUCKING AHPPY I AHVE YEHDJJHSSVUO
i cry almost every night just thinking of being in a friend group like in year 6 when i had a friend who used to actually care and listen to me. but they never come to school anymore. they can’t handle school and just don’t come anymore.
i have many self harm scars all over my body because of this one time this guy i used to date for in year 6. i got pimples and said he doenst want to date me anymore because i got ugly. i want to die
i will kill myself im sorry if you can’t read some of this im typing this at 8pm while i wait for my mom to go into her car for work so i can go to the kitchen and eat food im happy if anyone even reads the title
i’m so scared of killing my self but death seems to relaxing.. finally getting to sleep without loud noises and alarms i really wish i could die in my sleep so peacefully and not messy but i can’t just do that and i heard overdosing hurts so i don’t know what to do i just want and need to die i have nothing i just want peace
submitted by Much_Addendum327 to SuicideWatch [link] [comments]
ever since i was 8 years old i wanted to die so badly, though at the time i was being sexually abused by countless people at the time so i guess that would’ve encouraged that thought but right now i’m trapped, my friends are horrible to me, they hang out people i tell them hurt me like this one guy who groped me on the bus when i was 11 they keep talking to him, and i have no one else to go to when they go up to him at school so i just say i need the bathroom and cry there, also my friend told my crush i liked him even though i told her that if he ever rejected me i would kill myself so i would rather not know his response she did it anyway, lucky he didn’t really give out much of a response and just said something irrelevant and ran away embarrassed but that same friend also humiliated me in front of him in role call saying i called him so big he could fit inside of my little sisters suitcase (the suit case was very wide and was probably 4’11 long) when i never said that, all i said was that my sisters suit case is so big a person could fit in there but she made it seem like i was calling him fat. the person i said i’d kill myself over him not liking me due to him being the only thing i live for she decides to say i called him fat. whenever i try hanging out with someone else other then her she gets mad, saying she feels sad that i don’t hang out with her and saying she feels left out and i’m a people pleaser so it’s really hard to stay away from someone and tell them to go away i just usually do whatever people want me to do it’s not something i can handle, also i’m not even safe when o go home my dad has bipolar and he used to not take his pills so he’d scream at me and my sisters, one time he smashed my older sisters phone and threw metal pipes at her at beated her then threw shit down the stairs breaking the window and one time when i was getting back from primary (elementary) school i saw him grab my dog and throw it outside a open door which the dog got his head stuck on the fence and almost choked to death and other shit he did i can’t remember but he takes his pills now just in terrified of him and my mom used to hit me whenever i did something bad but now she just yells at me, i think she still very badly just wants to hit me again because she said she doenst hit me anymore because it illegal and she really tries her hardly to just yell at me for every small tiny thing i do no matter what she will try to yell and ridicule every small thing i do, i can’t move, think, breathe correctly near her it’s gotten to the point where i get genuine heart dropping fear asoon as i hear foot steps coming forming the stairs , anything im doing i just drop it, quickly clean it all up and run to my room and wait for her to go back upstairs . i can’t even go to my grandma because she’s even worse one time i was at her house and i was extremely sick i couldn’t move or eat properly because of how much it hurts my body and my throat especially it hurt way too much i was crying from trying to eat and my grandma udndt care she just said it was all my fault for ruining the trip( i get holidays when i go to my grandmas house because she actually takes me outside unlike my parents) all my grandma did was give me pain killers and let me sleep for hours in her bed not even awake for probably 20 minutes i just slept for the entire day and entire night . i’m safe no where my most safest place is the library or the toilets at my school because in the library and toilets no one bothers me, looks at me, hit me or screams at me there i can be alone without constant stress but atm that’s the only thing i have and i only have 2 more years of school so it’ll be stripped away from me . i don’t know how to get a job no one will help me with it and i don’t understand it. i’m not covid vaccinated either because my mom thinks i’m not worth it and it’s too expensive. my mom also doenst care for a single problem i have i keep telling her i see shadows of people in the corners of my eye or even afew times someone very clearly just with a weird non human face or they disappear when i blink or turn my head away, she thinks i make it up and doenst care she thinks i do it for attention,i hate myself aswell i think i’m extremely ugly i have so many pimples i just want to rip my face off atp i hate my face i just want to be pretty honestly i jsut want atleast for my crush to like me maybe you know to have just someone to like me but i feel and look too ugly i think . i don’t understand why i can’t have anything i can’t live a day without my friend embarrassing me RIGHT INFRONT OF YHE MAN I WOULD KILL MYSELF OVER I TELL THEM THIS AND THEY JUST DONT FUCKING CAREEE when i told them to stop fucking doing thsi shit and al they did was roll their fucming eyes and give me an annoyed face like what the fuck did i do to deserve this fucking life I JUST WANT TO DIE ALREADY I HATE THIS SHIT WHY CANT I BE FUCKING AHPPY I AHVE YEHDJJHSSVUO
i cry almost every night just thinking of being in a friend group like in year 6 when i had a friend who used to actually care and listen to me. but they never come to school anymore. they can’t handle school and just don’t come anymore.
i have many self harm scars all over my body because of this one time this guy i used to date for in year 6. i got pimples and said he doenst want to date me anymore because i got ugly. i want to die
i will kill myself im sorry if you can’t read some of this im typing this at 8pm while i wait for my mom to go into her car for work so i can go to the kitchen and eat food im happy if anyone even reads the title
i’m so scared of killing my self but death seems to relaxing.. finally getting to sleep without loud noises and alarms i really wish i could die in my sleep so peacefully and not messy but i can’t just do that and i heard overdosing hurts so i don’t know what to do i just want and need to die i have nothing i just want peace
2023.04.01 11:45 This-Ambition-3007 Which surfboard to buy?
 | Hi I am a beginner surfer who is looking to buy his first board. I found these two boards near me, both are secondhand off course NSP protech hybrid super board,carbon tail BIC Surfboard 7,3 mini Malibu submitted by This-Ambition-3007 to BeginnerSurfers [link] [comments] Which one would you recommend? Thanks for your help |
2023.04.01 11:41 viru57 obsessive behavior, restlessness and physical compulsion
I am a student, 22M. I weigh appropriate for my height, work out often, and have no medical issues and medications. I do not smoke nor do I drink. I have had trouble sleeping all my life, but most days its due to bad sleep habits.
I have been programming since the age of 8, and have had incidents of obsession, restlessness, and physical compulsion.
I dont usually "obsess" on a project, but every once in a while I'll find something interesting enough to go all in on. To the point where I loose bodily sensations, like hunger, the urge to pee, thirst, temperature, background noises etc. I can completely zone in, but this gets out of control after the first few hours. All I see is my computer screen, and I feel a weird-like feeling near my heart / gut, which is similar in sensation to anxiety and panic. (I have no history of high anxiety, nor panic attacks).
Beyond this point, my body is like on autopilot, my limbs are trembling and I am usually shivering with tensed breathing and accelerated heartbeat. I cant seem to stop thinking or working on the project, and I feel VERY restless and uncomfortable. Even when I realize ive been holding my bladder, its very hard to get myself to take a 1 min bathroom break, and even when I do, I essentially stumble to the washroom and back, mentally fixated on the work I was doing. It's like a loop of obsession in my brain, consuming all of my visualization and cognitive abilities, making me unable to even converse properly if distracted. I do have enough control so as to not be rude when disturbed, but at the same time, it's physically hard for me to even look at anything else. I talk to myself, I tremble, and it's like my vision is darkened everywhere except the Computer Screen. I dont mind background music / noise, but prefer them to be turned off soon after my "autopilot" turns on, else I get headaches. The situation worsens the longer im in this mode, possibly amplified by the hunger and dehydration.
This one time in 2020, while working on a research paper, after about the 10ish hour mark, it was about 4am so I decided to go to sleep. Although "my body fell asleep", my mind was still racing, obsessing about the model I was developing, coming up with solutions, writing code, visualizing the setup etc. I could not stop no matter how hard I tried to, I kept moving around, and getting cold sweats. This was by far the worst single incident of my symptoms. I had a burning headache, and opened my eyes panting, but the brain still wouldn't stop. I sat up and purposefully slapped myself but nothing seemed to work. I was visualizing myself to be in some sort of computer LOOP and my I kept muttering things on the lines of "I have to break out", "I must to break the infinite loop". My mom heard me panicking and helped me stumble into a cold shower, so that I could regain control. Please note, during this period, my life was essentially upside down with monetary, identity, family, and love-life issues all at their lowest (middle of covid lockdowns).
I decided to write this post today, as today, while on autopilot for >4 hours, I realized I had slightly wet my pants while sitting, probably because I "forgot" to pee after postponing it for a while. I do not have any stressors in my life right now, it's spring break, im well rested and had a heavy meal before working. I have never done this before, usually I do get up and freshen up just as it gets desperate.
I am worried as this affects my entire physiology, and ideally id like to be able to code for long durations without "loosing myself". I have only experienced this when writing code (looking at a computer screen, sitting, thinking hard, typing). This seldom comes up when im only reading, studying, researching, or anything in general.
Id like to point out that I do not write significant amounts of code on most days. School work, homework, or anything externally motivated does not inspire me enough to sit this long. I havent had such an intense work session in the last few months, and accordingly haven't really experienced this recently (about 3 months).
Some other relevant details:- I did have 2 expresso shots ~9hrs ago (after months of being off caffeine). I am not addicted to coffee, nor am a regular consumer anymore. I do feel caffeine strongly, and the restlessness in "autopilot" is similar to what I feel soon after drinking strong coffee, but much worse. Please note I have experienced similar situations in the past without any coffee consumption.
This is the first time I have even considered getting help on this, i apologize for the overly elaborate description above :")
submitted by viru57 to AskDocs [link] [comments]
I have been programming since the age of 8, and have had incidents of obsession, restlessness, and physical compulsion.
I dont usually "obsess" on a project, but every once in a while I'll find something interesting enough to go all in on. To the point where I loose bodily sensations, like hunger, the urge to pee, thirst, temperature, background noises etc. I can completely zone in, but this gets out of control after the first few hours. All I see is my computer screen, and I feel a weird-like feeling near my heart / gut, which is similar in sensation to anxiety and panic. (I have no history of high anxiety, nor panic attacks).
Beyond this point, my body is like on autopilot, my limbs are trembling and I am usually shivering with tensed breathing and accelerated heartbeat. I cant seem to stop thinking or working on the project, and I feel VERY restless and uncomfortable. Even when I realize ive been holding my bladder, its very hard to get myself to take a 1 min bathroom break, and even when I do, I essentially stumble to the washroom and back, mentally fixated on the work I was doing. It's like a loop of obsession in my brain, consuming all of my visualization and cognitive abilities, making me unable to even converse properly if distracted. I do have enough control so as to not be rude when disturbed, but at the same time, it's physically hard for me to even look at anything else. I talk to myself, I tremble, and it's like my vision is darkened everywhere except the Computer Screen. I dont mind background music / noise, but prefer them to be turned off soon after my "autopilot" turns on, else I get headaches. The situation worsens the longer im in this mode, possibly amplified by the hunger and dehydration.
This one time in 2020, while working on a research paper, after about the 10ish hour mark, it was about 4am so I decided to go to sleep. Although "my body fell asleep", my mind was still racing, obsessing about the model I was developing, coming up with solutions, writing code, visualizing the setup etc. I could not stop no matter how hard I tried to, I kept moving around, and getting cold sweats. This was by far the worst single incident of my symptoms. I had a burning headache, and opened my eyes panting, but the brain still wouldn't stop. I sat up and purposefully slapped myself but nothing seemed to work. I was visualizing myself to be in some sort of computer LOOP and my I kept muttering things on the lines of "I have to break out", "I must to break the infinite loop". My mom heard me panicking and helped me stumble into a cold shower, so that I could regain control. Please note, during this period, my life was essentially upside down with monetary, identity, family, and love-life issues all at their lowest (middle of covid lockdowns).
I decided to write this post today, as today, while on autopilot for >4 hours, I realized I had slightly wet my pants while sitting, probably because I "forgot" to pee after postponing it for a while. I do not have any stressors in my life right now, it's spring break, im well rested and had a heavy meal before working. I have never done this before, usually I do get up and freshen up just as it gets desperate.
I am worried as this affects my entire physiology, and ideally id like to be able to code for long durations without "loosing myself". I have only experienced this when writing code (looking at a computer screen, sitting, thinking hard, typing). This seldom comes up when im only reading, studying, researching, or anything in general.
Id like to point out that I do not write significant amounts of code on most days. School work, homework, or anything externally motivated does not inspire me enough to sit this long. I havent had such an intense work session in the last few months, and accordingly haven't really experienced this recently (about 3 months).
Some other relevant details:- I did have 2 expresso shots ~9hrs ago (after months of being off caffeine). I am not addicted to coffee, nor am a regular consumer anymore. I do feel caffeine strongly, and the restlessness in "autopilot" is similar to what I feel soon after drinking strong coffee, but much worse. Please note I have experienced similar situations in the past without any coffee consumption.
This is the first time I have even considered getting help on this, i apologize for the overly elaborate description above :")
2023.04.01 11:41 Throwraaccounr Really scared to leave ‘safe’, maybe this is as good as it gets. (27f)(30m)
So sorry I’ve had to rsub bc this sub keeps deleting anything left on it in the comments -.- hopefully works now.
TW:mention of abuse
I posted the other day about serious relationship neglect from my partner, some forms of emotional abuse (gaslighting, manipulation) born out of insecurity, poor hygeine (him), no any form of intimacy, (which I NEED), no communication and no support around the house. Why stay you may ask?
Probably the reason why I fell in love to start with, because he was kind. He still is, some of those behaviours aren’t nice, but Overall, he says pretty words, he tells me he loves me often, and he’s loyal. But the problems above, are so extreme. I tried so hard, begged to be loved, begged for the bare minimum, and yet he still can’t do it, I’m talking things like.. sleeping in the same bed, not gaming 24/7, and having conversations with me. I promise you I’ve communicated it in every way possible for like a year.
I’m quite a lot, I’m a deep person with a highly emotional and sometimes dangerous job, and I crave emotional and intellectual conversation.. whenever I start any topic about this he’s just like ‘ah fck, no way’ end of. He’s not got the capacity to support emotionally.
Anyway, we’re living seperate lives, I get it, I don’t accept this treatment. I know it’s not the bare minimum. I’ve decided to and want to leave, I’ve spoken to family and have the support in place. But now that the logistics are handled I’m getting cold feet again.
I come from childhood abuse, have experienced more (physical, emotional, sexual and serious infidelity) in my adult relationships. I guess I’m scared because my bar of experience is so low. I’m not being assaulted, hit or cheated on, so. I am really fine in my own company, honestly I always have been. I’m quite outgoing and strong and read and gym and have hobbies and love my family and have good friends, I have a great career and education I’ve built-but of course like most people ultimately I want to meet someone to share my life with again down the road.. like years (way down the road).. despite being this brattish outgoing fiery person who can be larger than life, I do actually have CPTSD and anxiety, and I think my current bfs subtle emotional control has impacted my self even more than I realised.
I’m not as young as before, we’ve been together for so many years, nearly all of my 20s..I’m not as confident as before, I’m so scared I’m going to cut a nice guy to suffer forever. I’m so scared now that it’s crunch time. Has anyone been here? Do you have any words of advice and strength :/ I really need it, thanks in advance.
submitted by Throwraaccounr to relationship_advice [link] [comments]
TW:mention of abuse
I posted the other day about serious relationship neglect from my partner, some forms of emotional abuse (gaslighting, manipulation) born out of insecurity, poor hygeine (him), no any form of intimacy, (which I NEED), no communication and no support around the house. Why stay you may ask?
Probably the reason why I fell in love to start with, because he was kind. He still is, some of those behaviours aren’t nice, but Overall, he says pretty words, he tells me he loves me often, and he’s loyal. But the problems above, are so extreme. I tried so hard, begged to be loved, begged for the bare minimum, and yet he still can’t do it, I’m talking things like.. sleeping in the same bed, not gaming 24/7, and having conversations with me. I promise you I’ve communicated it in every way possible for like a year.
I’m quite a lot, I’m a deep person with a highly emotional and sometimes dangerous job, and I crave emotional and intellectual conversation.. whenever I start any topic about this he’s just like ‘ah fck, no way’ end of. He’s not got the capacity to support emotionally.
Anyway, we’re living seperate lives, I get it, I don’t accept this treatment. I know it’s not the bare minimum. I’ve decided to and want to leave, I’ve spoken to family and have the support in place. But now that the logistics are handled I’m getting cold feet again.
I come from childhood abuse, have experienced more (physical, emotional, sexual and serious infidelity) in my adult relationships. I guess I’m scared because my bar of experience is so low. I’m not being assaulted, hit or cheated on, so. I am really fine in my own company, honestly I always have been. I’m quite outgoing and strong and read and gym and have hobbies and love my family and have good friends, I have a great career and education I’ve built-but of course like most people ultimately I want to meet someone to share my life with again down the road.. like years (way down the road).. despite being this brattish outgoing fiery person who can be larger than life, I do actually have CPTSD and anxiety, and I think my current bfs subtle emotional control has impacted my self even more than I realised.
I’m not as young as before, we’ve been together for so many years, nearly all of my 20s..I’m not as confident as before, I’m so scared I’m going to cut a nice guy to suffer forever. I’m so scared now that it’s crunch time. Has anyone been here? Do you have any words of advice and strength :/ I really need it, thanks in advance.
2023.04.01 11:30 soziblewuup Scam
Hi, I bought a pair of trainers off vinted. What arrived was a box of bath salts... I sent the bath salts back and now the seller is adamant I swapped the trainers for the bath salts.
I took a picture when I was opened the package showing the shipping package (addressed to me) to be the same size as the bath salts they sent. I'm hoping that will be enough, but it feels like a he said she said situation at the moment.
The frustrating thing is they have 200+ reviews and a 4.5* rating. I just don't understand how they've got such an established profile. Unless they scam intermittently to try and hide it nearly all of their reviews are positive.
I also wondered whether I should give them the benefit of the doubt as they are adamant they sent the trainers, and perhaps the package was intercepted. However, that doesn't make sense as the original packaging is undisturbed and was never large enough to hold a shoe box.
They're also pretty convincing from a messaging perspective with stuff like this:
"I hope that they do check as I have confidence they will do the right thing. I am not a liar and neither am I desperate for £45 I work extremely hard for my money. I have been selling on theVinted platform for a long time so I know that there are genuine honest lovely people out there. That would not scoop as low as you have. Enjoy my trainers.Karma will be sure to get you."
Does anyone know how long vinted normally take to review a dispute and make a decision? Are there cases where they can't decide? What happens then?
submitted by soziblewuup to vinted [link] [comments]
I took a picture when I was opened the package showing the shipping package (addressed to me) to be the same size as the bath salts they sent. I'm hoping that will be enough, but it feels like a he said she said situation at the moment.
The frustrating thing is they have 200+ reviews and a 4.5* rating. I just don't understand how they've got such an established profile. Unless they scam intermittently to try and hide it nearly all of their reviews are positive.
I also wondered whether I should give them the benefit of the doubt as they are adamant they sent the trainers, and perhaps the package was intercepted. However, that doesn't make sense as the original packaging is undisturbed and was never large enough to hold a shoe box.
They're also pretty convincing from a messaging perspective with stuff like this:
"I hope that they do check as I have confidence they will do the right thing. I am not a liar and neither am I desperate for £45 I work extremely hard for my money. I have been selling on theVinted platform for a long time so I know that there are genuine honest lovely people out there. That would not scoop as low as you have. Enjoy my trainers.Karma will be sure to get you."
Does anyone know how long vinted normally take to review a dispute and make a decision? Are there cases where they can't decide? What happens then?
2023.04.01 11:12 ShadowDragon8685 [Ace is the Only Sane Pirate 17]Breaking Out like a Rolling Stone.
"About time!" Lu t'Cca thundered at her. "Split find hiding spot!
Najia backpedaled, giving the irate Split prisoner plenty of room to get past without coming into arms' length of her. At least he seemed to get that this was a prison break, and he made no move for her or her firearm, darting well clear of her, and out from the cell block.
Axiom's voice cut the sudden quiet that was otherwise punctuated only by her racing heart. "While you two were chatting, I've found a way to temporarily disable security in the hangar. That's where we'll hitch our ride. Head for the second level; the Ministry seems to have installed more switches. They'll require some adjustment, but I know you love a good puzzle." Najia snorted. She did, in fact, love a good puzzle, but breaking out of a prison was not the time to indulge in that. Usually. Unless one looked at the prison as the puzzle. She shook her head, huffing, and drew her pistol again. There was no marked pathway this time, but she made better time; it was reckless, but she jogged, since the place was seemingly totally unguarded. And, if it wasn't, chances were that Lucca would run into the guards first, and she'd hear the struggle ahead. She passed the lift, glancing towards it, and hurrying past in the other direction she hadn't been yet, coming to a door. Slowing, she closed enough with it that it opened automatically.
Najia let out a huff; Lu t'Cca was on the other side, but so was Axiom. She stepped forward, and looked from Axiom, who nodded to her, to Lucca, who snarled. "Creature reveal Split hiding spot! Creature nothing better to do?" This is a hiding spot? Najia shook her head; the two of them were literally standing in the middle of an intersection, in front of an airlock with two branches off on either side. She huffed, looking at Lu t'Cca. "Hey, Mellerd said -"
"Split not talk about friend-foes!" Lucca ranted. "Kriss went against family! Betrayal followed petty betrayal! Way of Windfall, yes. Way of some Split, maybe, but not how real warriors do revenge!" He made a guttural sound of anguish, shaking his head vehemently. Kris? He was on a first-name basis with her? The fact that Ace had spoken so frankly of xenosexual encounters popped into her head, the constant talk of betrayal, pettiness, personal matters, and suddenly it was obvious; somehow, this was personal. Personal; and none of her damn business. She held her hand up placatingly, holstering her other pistol, trusting to Axiom's physical presence to keep peace between her and Lucca. "Fine. I'll leave you to it," she said. "Split thought so," Lu t'Cca spat, looking back to Axiom. She looked to Axiom as well. "Switches, Wildcard. Get to it."
Najia nodded, and darted down the left-hand branch of the intersection, fuming all the while. It ran into a dead-end, and she uttered "ah fuck," turning and sprinting in the other direction, slaloming between Maestro and Lucca. At the end, she dead-ended there, and exasperated raised her voice, "the hell?!" Back in the middle, she examined the airlock carefully; she could see that it connected to nothing, which is why she discounted it previously. Carefully she moved into the airlock, her hand on her pistol just in case Lucca tried to kill her by cycling it, but he and Axiom seemed to be in the process of discussing old times.
Exasperated, Najia stepped back out of the airlock. "Axiom, where are these buttons you're talking about? How are we supposed to get out of here?" "Er..." Axiom blinked, tri-ocularly, at her, and looked around. He looked at his datapad. "They should be... Through..." He let out a discontent rumble. "Oh my. That is not obvious on a computer systems diagram schematic." "They're on the other side of the frigging airlock," Najia said. "You're probably already aware that humans can't survive in vacuum, let alone maneuver in it, right?" She snorted, her sarcasm at least getting a sheepish shuffle on his long legs out of Axiom. "Can we get out the way we came back in? Even if it means abandoning the Raven?"
"No," Axiom said gravely. "The tampering I did to activate the cell block doors will be caught by someone sooner or later - probably later than sooner, but sooner if we try to leave the cell block." "Split has been implanted with a tracking device," Lucca growled. "It will raise quite the ruckus when Split leave the cell block!" "If we're leaving by... Unconventional mechanisms, that will be no trouble," Axiom noted. "But if we enter the lift, it will lock down and security will be summoned immediately."
"Outstanding," Najia huffed. "Let me double-check something, see if I can think of something." She turned and left the way she had come from. She bypassed the lift; she had no intention of simply bailing on them. But now, she had two options. Neither was good, but one was significantly less good, so she hoped the other option worked. She opened a channel to Boso Ta. "Boso Ta, I hope to hell you've been listening in." "I have, Assistant!" Boso Ta's voice came through loud and clear. "You are in quite the conundrum. I hope you see a manner in which I may be able to extricate you, for I do not." "You and the Professor have been upgrading teleporters with the ability to upgrade themselves. To do so, you've been transporting equipment, right?" "Hai!" Professor Nakagawa's voice cut in. Clearly he was on the line. "This capability is within our grasp. What is your proposal, Takio-San?" "Can you teleport my EV suit to me?"
There was silence for a long few moments which felt like an eternity. "Potentially," Boso Ta broke the silence. "Have it placed in one of our lifts." "I'll get right on that," Marta cut in on the line. Najia smiled to hear her voice. "Any other requirements?" "If this will work, we will need very precise measurements," Professor Nakagawa said. "The teleporter is more your project than mine, Boso Ta. My thought is that it will require at least three triangulating vessels, and a beacon, and a substantial amount of open space." "Will an empty cell block do for that," Najia asked, hustling down the corridor. "It should yes... Yes! That will work." Rei Stringer cut in on the call, and Najia blinked as she saw Rei's comm-code. "I can arrange the fly-by," she said. It had been awhile since Najia had heard from the friend she had left in charge of the Eighteen Billion Terran-tech construction supplies factory, and generally, in charge of Eighteen Billion affairs. "There's a patrol of Katana in the area already, it won't look suspicious if they do a swing-by of Wormwood Scrubs."
Najia set her datapad down on the floor in the middle of the cell block. "I put my datapad down on the floor. Is that beacon enough," she asked. "Hai, Takio-San," the aged professor's voice informed her. "But I would endeavor to be in another room when the teleport takes place. This is... Highly experimental." "Vacating the room," Najia said, sprinting out into the hallway and down it. "Tell me when it's gonna happen."
"In... About twenty seconds," Boso Ta informed her. "You might want to cover your ears, assistant." Najia didn't even bother to complain about being called 'Assistant' again, she simply crouched and closed her eyes, covering her ears and tried to become one with the railing. She counted to thirty, then opened her eyes. "Did anything happen?" "Your EV suit and EMU aren't in the lift anymore," Marta said to her. "Better go check."
Najia did, and she laughed heartily. Her hardshell carapace EV suit and EMU were sitting on the floor of the cell block. "A perfect teleport! I didn't even hear anything." "Fantastic," Boso Ta said. "You had best hurry, Assistant."
One fast donning later, Najia opened the door to where Axiom and Lucca were still standing around, chatting like old gossips. They both started when they saw her, and she held her hand up. "Easy, guys, it's me." She was hauling her EMU with her. "Split wonders where creature was hiding that," Lu t'Cca said, pointing at her. "Ancient secrets," Najia flippantly answered, as she hefted her EMU into the airlock, and sat in it, strapping in. "Right, let's do this." Reaching up, Najia slapped the airlock cycle button. The door behind her hissed shut; air was evacuated. Her suit indicated a total drop of external pressure, and the airlock's A-grav let go, letting her float free, and so she pushed off the floor.
"Excellent!" Axiom crowed at her, over the comm. "Level 2 is right through there. That exhaust fan may impede your movements, but it won't make our mission impossible. See those alcoves? There's where I'd hide if I were you, whenever the fan is blowing at full speed."
Exhaust fan? I'm in vacuum! Najia carefully maneuvered out. She was in vacuum and microgravity; but she was also inside a large, cylindrical space. Below her was something like a massive fuse-box with a big holographic turret outline, and she jetted down to examine it, but could see no obvious way to tamper with it without most likely setting off major alarms, so she looked back up - just as a synthesized alert klaxxon sounded.
I hate this place, Naija thought, as she saw a fan at the top of the cylinder spin up. At a guess she thought, perhaps it was something like an exhaust, which struck as horrifically wasteful in space, but she could only grit her teeth, watching it spin. At the bottom of the cylindrical space, she only felt the slightest of buffeting; it might have been substantially stronger closer to the top. I am very confused, very frustrated, and I just want to get the hell out of here, she thought. She was seriously considering revisiting her first plan, which had been to simply teleport herself, Axiom and Lucca to Ace's ship.
But now, though, she was pissed, and she wanted to poke something spiteful in Mellerd's eye herself. So she jetted to the top of the cylinder, looking around. As she did, Axiom popped up in her comms. "These airlocks are shut, so you'll need to find a way to bypass their locks." She responded with only a quick "roger," looking around. One airlock, contrary to Axiom's words, was hanging open, but the lights next to it were red. She tried it anyway; but for once, Axiom was spot-on. The airlock door might have been open, but its functions were locked out, the panel totally nonresponsive. She returned below, and looked around; there was an open airlock opposite Axiom and Lucca, so she tried it, and it worked for her automatically.
"Well, let's see what's down this way," Najia muttered to herself, slipping out of her EMU and leaving it in the lock. She unholstered the pistol that was now clamped to her hardshell-clad thigh, and started to look around again.
To her surprise, she found only another cell block - it was a dead end! She was about to hiss in frustration, when she heard someone call to her. "You there! You! Hey! You are not supposed to be here!" Najia turned to face the Teladi voice, her pistol half-raised, when she saw that the figure in question was imprisoned. She lowered her aim to the floor, and appraoched the bars. Standing within was a Teladi, who looked rather forelorn. Najia's shoulders slumped. Well, this is awkward, she thought. When the Teladi seemed to realize she wasn't a guard, she started to ask, "Oh please, please, please! You cannot leave me here! I am friends with Urgu... Ugusa... I can help you make profitsss! I promise."
Najia sighed at the pathetic display, but she understood the Teladi's desire for freedom; though, on the balance, she also had no idea what this Teladi had done to become imprisoned. Knowing Kriss Mellerd, it was a total crap-shoot; she might be a real scum-bag, or she might be being shaken down. Axiom cut in on her. "I sympathize with the little lizard, really I do, but we cannot compromise this mission in the name of charity."
Najia huffed out a sigh, and looked around. Frustratedly, she slapped the door panel on the imprisoned Teladi's cell, and to her surprise - and the prisoner's surprise - it opened. The prisoner looked around, confusedly, and Najia was glad that her mirrored helmet hid her gaze. "That's the best I can do," she said, resignedly. "You'll have to effect your own escape from here, if you can. Good luck." Turning, she huffed back into the airlock, slapping the button to cycle it as the Teladi prisoner looked around in tentative confusion, taking a few steps out of her cell.
Najia pulled her EMU's straps back on. "Well, that was a fucking bust," she snarled. "I'm about to start lasering shit," she muttered, floating back into the massive vacuum cylinder, and back up towards the locked airlocks. She found a third floor of airlocks, but they only offered some shelter from the fans starting up. After waiting that, frustratedly she flew back out again, and started looking around. "Axiom, there aren't any switches here!" "My diagrams say there are switches, Wildcard. Look more carefully - and swiftly."
Najia let out a guttural growl of frustration, and switched to her cutting laser. Giving in to a pique of frustration, she hit her Mk.2 thrusters, blowing past level 1 to the sub-level, coming up level with the big fuse-box. "Right, let's see what this does," she said with a snarl, and targeted her suit's cutting laser on the big set of what looked like fuses.
She blazed a neat line down the middle of them, and, gratifyingly, the 'Turrets' hologram switched to a big red repair icon... She looked around for a moment. Nothing happened. Najia smirked. "On the one hand, this place is frustrating, confusing, and I kind of want to blow it up out of spite by now. But on the other hand, the gross criminal negligence on display is really working in my favor. Fuck it. Lasers for everything," she said, snarling and going back up the shaft. There were a bunch of unmarked panels, and, giving in to the frustration she felt earlier - which she had barely restrained herself from allowing herself to hold Lu t'Cca at gunpoint - she started lasering the panels like a schoolgirl hooligan on a vandalism spree.
"Your new laser is low-powered, but if you keep it aimed at the lock, it will break eventually," Axiom said. Najia blinked. New laser? This is my laser and I've had it for a while, and... Oh, piss on this! She laughed, however, as she saw that one of the panels had indeed fractured.
One deeply-cathatic vandalism spree later, every panel had been opened, and had revealed that inside the two panels nearest the top-level airlocks were two further, smaller panels, with similar mechanisms. With the fan starting up again, Najia took shelter in one of the alcoves at the top, just under an airlock, and, deciding to use her time productively, she lasered the opposite airlock's control panel. After holding her laser on the box for awhile, it was a glowing ruin, and Axiom commed her. "Partial access to level two established," he informed her.
Najia nodded. She didn't even bother to sarcastically snark at him, though the phrase no shit, Sherlock ran through her mind. Rather, she charitably assumed he was reporting to her something he was learning electronically, and turned around. This is gonna be bright, she thought, as she trained her laser at close range on the near access box, and closed her eyes. She held in the firing stud, and held it - counting in her head to seven, when Axiom's comm made her let up off the laser. "And just like that, we have free reign over level two! They can't stop you now!"
Najia grinned, and opened her eyes to behold a molten, glowing hole drilled into the electronics she had blasted. "Right. Let's get this show on the highway."
On the level above her, in the half just above, she slipped in, and found herself facing a door to another cell block, just through the airlock. She went in and looked; no prisoners. Walking out, she huffed, and decided to walk the half-circuit around the big cylinder again. To her surprise, she found a console, just attached haphazardly to a railing. Really? Najia examined it, and snorted; it looked shoddy, ad-hoc. She tapped the console's screen, and it simply changed color. Axiom piped up. "Magnificent! That'll give you access to half of the switches! There must be another console nearby that will let you remove the second cover."
"Got it. Moving on," Najia said. Back to the airlock she went, after checking the other half of the crescent hallway she was in; without any luck, she just floated across to the other airlock on her EMU. Predictably, she found that, on the opposite railing in the other half of the level, was another console haphazardly attached to a railing, and she rapped it quite firmly with her knuckles. It flashed. "How's that, Axiom?" "Both covers confirmed open," Axiom informed her. "Let's flip some switches. Get back into your spacesuit."
"Never got out of it. Who has time to undress four times? Anyway, switches, yaaay switches," she snarked, as she cycled the airlock again, strapping her EMU back on. "Whoever designed this place is both a madman and criminally negligent."
Once the airlock cycled through again, Najia saw that the two panels she had manipulated had caused five boxes that she had previously taken as unimportant junction boxes to slide their panels open. She groaned to herself when she saw that there were five more lock-like switches within. "Great, time for more vandalism, yay." She lasered the first of the boxes' interiors, the one that was lit, and held it for a long few moments.
"Something's not right," Axiom said, comming her. She had a sinking feeling. "The switches are also setting the state of their neighbors," he declared. Sure enough, she had blasted the leftmost switch, and the second had lit up. Worryingly, the leftmost switch did not look damaged in the slightest. "You'll have to find a combination which turns them all off," Axiom said, as Najia groaned. "I don't think a game of whack-a-mole will get you there," Axiom continued. "Though... Actually, it might!"
Najia groaned, and briefly considered calling for a five-hundred-some member boarding party attack from two capital ships instead. "What tail-hole thought this was a good idea," she bitched. "Who dreamed this up? Why install it like this? Don't anybody answer that, those questions were rhetorical," she snarked, as she set about the process of shooting the junction boxes like they were a juvenile 'turn them all off' game.
About eighty seconds and the false start of thinking she could shoot an inactive switch to switch it on and switch its neighbors states (it transpired that she could only make an active switch toggle neighbors' states), all five boxes were dark, and Najia snarled, bristling with outrage that this was evidently considered part of a high security system and not a child's game.
"You got it, Wildcard!" Axiom commed her. "Access to Level 3 established. And it turned off the darned fan! Off to the hangar, then." Up one level, Najia cycled herself into the airlock, and groaned. She was getting mightily tired of this, and she rolled her shoulders. "I am going to need a massage and to soak for an hour in the shower," she griped to no-one in particular. She hefted her EMU half-over her left shoulder, unholstering her pistol, just in case. The EMU was very heavy, but her EV suit had a fairly substantial low-profile power assist mechanism. Not enough to turn her into a super-soldier by any means, but enough to let her heft a 150kg load like a bulky and cumbersome backpack. She was tempted to leave it behind... But it was a good thing she didn't. The corridor she found was only a straight shot to - and she groaned - another airlock. As she approached it, Axiom unhelpfully congratulated her. "Excellent," he said. "Yo're approaching the internal hangar now. Our getaway ship is right over there." Cycling through, she passed into the deep well of an internal ship hangar - and groaned.
Najia was looking at a Magpie. That was the big, innovative, unique ship?
"If we want to make it out of here, you'll have to destroy the clamps on the hangar doors," Axiom informed her. Najia groaned, sighed, and rolled her shoulders. "Right. I can do that. All this for a..." She seethed, and looked back at the ship.
No, it wasn't a Magpie, but it sure as hell looked like one. It was clearly a derivative design, but it had not the Magpie's massive cargo pods; rather, it had smaller pods, and a lot more gubbins - antennae, dishes, and the like. Fan-dabbie-dozie she thought balefully to herself as she set about finding and destroying the lockdown clamps. As she did so, she also saw a couple more panels that had a turret hologram over them, and, thinking, why the hell not, fried them, too. Moments later, the lockdown clamps fell, too, and she saw a red light glare through one of the hangar windows.
Axiom piped up, "Holy triangle, that's the station alarm! Lucca and I are going to make a run for the ship!" She blinked, looking up - two EVA-suited figures, with full EMUs, cycled through the airlock she had come through.
What, she thought. Where... I... What... Where...? In a moment of dumbfounded confusion, she stared openly, unmoving, before both of them dipped between the ship's large thrusters, and headed for its belly, while Axiom said, "approaching the dock. Be with you in a moment!" Fearing being left behind, Najia abandoned the question of where they had gotten EV suits, let alone EMUs, in favor of making haste to join them.
As Najia negotiated into the airlock, Axiom and Lucca reported that they had boarded, and Axiom was working on powering up the ship's systems, and Axiom was transferring the ship's ownership - and hence, control - to her. They were trying to talk over one another, making it confusing, but, as she got into the ship and shed her MMU, running for the seat, Axiom noted, "This prototype ship does not appear to have an emergency eject system. I assume it was supposed to be added later." "Great," she snarled. "This is going tits-up and I'm in a little ship with no ejection system." "Split been moving into position," Maestro informed her, in a bit of good news. "Alarm must have mobilized more Ministry forces than Split anticipated."
"Thrice blasted!" Axiom roared from the back. "Mellerd deployed a capital ship to head off the Arcadian Endeavour!" Najia groaned, checking her map. A Pheonix-class vessel named Rolling Rock was engaging the Arcadian Endeavor.
As Najia got the Raven's struts up and pushed it forward, she got a comm from the Rolling Rock itself. She snarled as she saw Kriss Mellerd in her comm pane. "Thank you for leading the old man, and his crew of clowns, right to my doorstep. Crossing them off the Ministry's list will do wonders for my career advancement."
Najia gawped at her, in shock at the sheer gall on display, as Mellerd laughed. "You just stumbled into this whole affair, so I will offer you a one-time chance to get out of this. All you have to do is dock at my ship and hand over the pirates youy are currently harboring. You won't be able to keep the ship, but -"
Najia cut her off, snarling in anger. "You just love the sound of your own voice, bitch. Even if I was inclined to take an 'out,' though, nobody can trust you. For anything." Najia switched the comms to her ships, as she powered the Raven up to full. It seemed to be armed with two cannons; she test-fired them by holding in the trigger. They didn't fire immediately, but when she let go, they let fly. "Woah. These must be those Teladi charger things," she muttered. "Whatever. Ladies? This bitch cannot be trusted to keep her word. End her rightly!"
The Rolling Rock was already exchanging fire with Arcadian Endeavor, while Ace nipped at her heels, firing off shots from that launcher and the frontal cannon. Shiv and Kunai - the name chosen for the Paramerion - lifted from the Jackdaw and Arcadian Endeavour respectively, while Jackdaw and the Snapping Tortoise broke from formation with it to engage.
"L beam turrets... Problematic," Najia muttered to herself. "Let me see what I can do about that," she added, as she set the Raven prototype in motion. She could only hope, at least, that Kriss was at least rethinking her decision, now that the odds had tilted decidedly against her.
She dove into action against Rolling Rock, testing out the Muon Chargers, as the ships with her split and attacked. The destroyer was big, and problematic, but it seemed rather... Awkward to control, in fact. Ponderous, its turrets, even the lasers, seemed slow to respond. She nipped around it, firing a few times, as her four ships slipped past it. A plasma bolt struck her shields, and she yelped, diving to evade. "That's it," she heard Rei - not over the open comms, but in her earbud. "I am not letting you get your ass killed like this. I'm dispatching help," she said, and Najia winced.
Great. So this is how the war with the Ministry starts? And yet, oddly... There was no sign of Ministry reinforcements. Najia fled from the immediate vicinity to recharge her shields, coming in close to the Arcadian Endeavour, and watched as the Eighteen Billion Katana squads roared in. She winced as she saw that Okayama and her defense fleet had also been dispatched - a Destroyer squadron was going to bear down on Rolling Rock... Eventually. And yet, the Ministry was doing nothing.
It hit her suddenly; Kriss was rogue. Was doing this on her own. She snarled and grinned. The Ministry might be mad, when this shook out, but they'd have a hard time proving her involvement. Especially if she could play it as her ships responding to a distress call because a rogue vessel with an unaffiliated transponder had attacked a ship. It was flimsy... But it was enough. "Bear down on her, ladies. Tear that thing apart." Najia crowed, as she pulled the Raven in to touch down on the Arcadian Endeavour's landing pad. She looked back. "Axiom, they're gonna need you in the engine room. Lucca, you're not gonna wanna be on this ship!" The back ramp was dropping as she settled down; neither waited for her to have landed fully, they dropped from the ship and sprinted past, to the lift.
"So, you've decided to go down with the sinking ship? One less loose end for me to tie up later!" Mellerd crowed at her, and Najia smirked; of course she knew she couldn't trust Mellerd. "You're worse than a pirate, Kriss. Nobody can trust you," Najia said. "Prepare to kiss your ass goodbye."
Maestro was rattling on in her ear, but Najia could barely hear him over the combat calls. She hoped he was smart enough not to fire upon the T.E. vessels responding - it would be awkward later, and they were joining the fight on his side, after all. He was saying something about escape, and turrets. Najia snorted. "Actually, we're just going to blow this thing up," Najia declared. "We can't leave someone like Kriss Mellerd at our backs."
Things seemed to be doing well at first; the Rolling Rock was handling clumsily, awkwardly, as if she was critically undermanned. That gave Najia an odd hope that she might actually succeed at boarding her; the responding vessels were quickly tearing down her turrets and shields.
Then, everything went dramatically pear-shaped. Najia yelped as lasers tickled the the Raven's shields down and she got them back up again; again and again this happened, each time the hull started to fracture more and more. She made attack runs, damaged a surface element, and then things got worse. Where were those lasers coming from?
"Missile. Incoming missile." She slapped the countermeasures button, only to see the screen flash ammo empty. "Fuck!" A missile slammed into her, followed by a fly-by from a starfighter. She didn't catch it, but she took a pot-shot at it as it went past. Things were going from bad, to worse, when she heard someone howl, "Jackdaw's taking heavy fire! Jackdaw's... Oh fuck!"
Najia felt a moment of total disassociation. Numbly, her hand drifted over the stick, trying to maneuver the clunky ship like a starfighter, whilst fighting through mental fog.
Marta.
"We've got them!" Rei stringer called out, over her line. "I've got the crew of Jackdaw at the depot, but now we're under attack by a Ministry warship!" Najia gasped, shoving her stick forward, hard. Her ship was flying apart around her, and she snarled. "Someone get these motherfuckers!" "We're coming in," she heard - both the first, and last, person she wanted to hear. "Fenrir, engaging!" "Okayama, engaging." "Kagawa, engaging!" "Ark Royal, moving to engage!"
Najia laughed, incredulously. That was four fleets. Four fleets that most definitely were not supposed to be engaging to support the Arcadian Endeavour. One of them the Teladi wasn't even supposed to know about - Alarms blared. The Raven had taken a nasty hit, and a Ministry Kea was lining up on her six. She tried to pull away - she wasn't going to be fast enough - the ship jerked - the world went white.
Najia crashed forward to the deck, yelping, arms up to guard her head. She looked up; a Marine was standing next to her, offering her hand to Najia. "Better get to the skipper, ma'am," the Marina said. "We're Koshirae." Najia laughed, taking the proffered hand and climbing to her feet, hustling down to the bridge's main deck. Selaia Kevlin was standing in the middle like the Maestro, calmingly barking out orders with command presence. She looked up at Najia, briefly, smirking at her. "Does the owner have the conn?"
Najia shook her head, laughing. "Fight the ship, captain. I've got to coordinate this clusterfuck." Selaia laughed at her and nodded, barking out, "bring us up ninety, show her our broadside. Turret gunners, you are cleared to engage."
She hustled down to the fleet coordination console; the crewwoman at it hopping away for her. "This is Takio," she said, hopping on the controls. "Ladies, clear my skies of red. I don't know what the hell has gotten into the Ministry, attacking our stations like this, but if it's hostile out there, we kill it."
Rolling Rock was not having a good day, and it was getting exponentially worse. Her engines had been disabled, and Najia heard Maestro call out over the pirate channel, "Her engines are disabled. Now is the time to get away! But, where is Wildcard?" Najia winced. How was she going to explain that? Did she even want to? "This is Snapping Tortoise," Raleen, the captain of her pirate Baku called out. "We are picking up the crew of Jackdaw and Raven. Let these big bruisers fight, we'll get back to you."
"No!" Kriss Mellerd called out, yelping. "I don't wanna die!" Rolling Rock was coming apart under the growing tide of fire it was enduring, and more ships were still arriving. Najia snarled. Part of her wanted to bid Kriss a bon voyage to the afterlife, but she looked up to Selaia. "If anyone gets out of that ship, I want them. And we don't tell the Ministry."
"Roger that," Selaia said, and barked out orders to the helm to move closer to Rolling Rock. Najia looked back - a Ministry Razorbill was thoroughly engaged, and another had just blown up, attacking the construction depot.
She gritted her teeth, snorting hard. There was going to be hell to pay for this later. Righteous indigation - no, fury - was going to be the order of the day. Her ships had responded to a distress call from a Windfall trader, by an unidentified vessel. It was attacking relentlessly, wasn't on-record as being anything official. Then Ministry vessels, apparently heeding the aggressor's pleas, had jumped in, attacking Takio Enterprises assets, and the inevitable happen.
That was the tack she was going to have to take, and she clenched her fist. Outside, Rolling Rock came apart in a dazzling blossom of red that polarized the bridge windows for a long several moments. When they cleared, the ship was a debris field. Part of her hoped that Mellerd was dead; part of her hoped she wasn't. There was going to be a butcher's bill for today, and she tried - probably vainly - to make peace with that.
"Get us close enough to the Ministry Wharf to make contact," Najia said, looking to Selaia. "I've some barking to do." Selaia smirked at her. "After this? They should know damn well your bark isn't nearly as bad as your bite. They should be happy to get barked at. You should put on a respectable jacket at least." Najia let out a huff of exasperation, hurrying to do just that.
Najia needed to work to summon the righteous indignation she required for the bluff, but she reminded herself of the fate of Ace's mother to do so; the Ministry were assholes, even if they were also the lawful authority; and they had attacked her. She had clear and convincing evidence that Mellerd was up to no damn good. Not that she waas going to reveal it to anyone.
Hence, she found herself with eyes coldly blazing over the comms to the Ministry Police Kea craft which had departed from the wharf to intercept Koshirae. "Enough is enough," she snarled over the holo, standing in the conference room. "My ships responded to an attack upon a free trader from a destroyer that was not transmitting appropriate Ministry codes - not that the Ministry should be allowed to attack random traders, either."
"Your ships fired upon Ministry vessels," the captain of the Kea shot back, clearly outraged - but also, like the pilot who had followed her through the rift - terrified at being massively outnumbered and outgunned.
"Let me be clear, on the record, so there is no ambiguity," Najia said, leaning forward, placing her fist on the table. The effect was to lean closer to the hologram - and on the little attack ship's screen, her face would loom larger. "My ships responded to a distress call from a ship being attacked by an unknown vessel not transmitting appropriate ID. The Ministry, for whatever reasons, chose to respond to the event by siding with the aggressor and attacking my ships. Takio Enterprises warships responded by destroying the Ministry vessels." Her heart was thumping in her chest, but she narrowed her eyes. "If this is the gratitude of the Ministry of Finance, for all that Takio Enterprises has done here in Eighteen Billion, in Grand Exchange and at large, for the Ministry and the company, up to and including constructing facilities and securing neutral diplomats to mediate the dispute between the Company and the Ministry... Well, you might want to check with your superiors before you write a check they have to make good on. To be absolutely clear, this is a threat; you are the highest-ranking Ministry combat officer in Eighteen Billion. It is your decision whether this conflict continues or ceases, here and now. Ah - ah! Shut your fucking muzzle and listen to me carefully," she snapped, as the pilot opened her muzzle to retort.
"If you say anything but words to the effect of 'this was a horrible misunderstanding and we should deescalate the situation' - if you, personally, choose to escalate the situation, the first step I will take will be ordering all of my shipyards to stop producing vessels for the Ministry. The second step will be that I shall cripple the Ministry's ability to replace vessels by destroying the Ministry Shipyard and Wharf here in Eighteen Billion. I shall then proceed onward to prosecute this destructive and pointless war - a war chosen by you, pilot, here and now - by destroying each and every Ministry of Trade station I can find, until someone with some competent authority asks me to please stop doing that. You can see the weight of tonnage I have here, you know the Ministry does not have the tonnage to stop me. The choice is in your claws, pilot; war, or peace. War, or peace. Escalate, or deescalate. Your call."
The Kea pilot visibly shrank backwards in her command chair, obviously struggling to attempt to retain composure and command respect in the face of an overt and direct threat to bring fire and flame directly to the Ministry of Finance. Finally she steeled herself, straightening up in her chair. "This has obviously been a dreadful misunderstanding, miss Takio. The Ministry is undoubtedly going to demand reparations for our lost warships, but such matters are the purview of the financiers, not myself. If you will cease giving offense, we too shall cease attacks upon your vessels."
"Thank you," Najia said, leaning back. She fought not to visibly slump and sigh in relief, or to show how badly her heart was racing. "As for the reparations, they can take that up with the diplomat I have on payroll. Out." She cut the channel, and collapsed back into the chair behind her.
A moment later, the comm lit up again, and she flicked it on. It was a huge conference call, with the commanders of her fleets, the captain of Koshirae, Marta on the Snapping Tortoise with a small bandage on her forehead; Rei Stringer on the 18B construction depot, Tsukiko Peterson back at the headquarters, Professors Nakagawa and Okoye - whom Najia realized with a pang of guilt she hadn't yet formally re-introduced herself to -, Boso Ta,, and Ace. Najia let out a heavy sigh of relief. "Please for the love of god tell me we didn't lose anybody," she said, first off.
"Nobody from Jackdaw, Marta confirmed. "I took a headcount. We got lucky. "That seems to be a recurring theme," added Captain - probably should be Commodore - Xiaowen Kapoor - one of Najia's older friends, and currently the commander of T.E.S. Fenrir. "It helps that we responded with overwhelming firepower. My fleet is reporting no fatalties; thirteen casualties, mostly caused by haste in the heat of battle."
That proved to be the recurring theme; all of her responders reported sustaining injuries, mostly 'workplace accidents' incurred whilst in the heat of battle, but though some were serious, none were life-threatening.
"Najia Takio," Professor Yoriko Okoye - an aged-but-not-venerable, steel-haired professor-turned diplomat said, with the same tone of voice that she had used when reproaching Najia in class. "You are now, as ever you were, charmed, lucky, and reckless. You choose to act with passion first and foremost. This is a fine mess that I'm going to have to clean up, you understand. Can I expect this sort of thing to deal with in the future?"
Najia took in a breath, glancing around at her fellows. Barring a few, they were all young - Tsukiko was the third-oldest and Najia knew she was closer to thirty-five than forty - barely. Most of them looked grave, but not mutinious. She sighed, and smiled, wryly. "While I don't plan to go to war with the Ministry, there may be future... Rough spots to smooth over, yes. If you'd like to resign and go home -" "Not yet," the aged professor said, sharply. "But for dealing with this, I am going to require a pay rise!"
A chorus of chuckles surrounded her, and Najia sighed, face-palming and smiling. "That's fair, professor. We're going to have a fine time untangling this. Ace, how are the Curs?"
Ace looked into her eyes, then looked away for a moment, then back to her. "Secure in Windfall, awaiting your hopefully-safe return." She trilled, and Najia nodded. "Next stop, then."
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Najia backpedaled, giving the irate Split prisoner plenty of room to get past without coming into arms' length of her. At least he seemed to get that this was a prison break, and he made no move for her or her firearm, darting well clear of her, and out from the cell block.
Axiom's voice cut the sudden quiet that was otherwise punctuated only by her racing heart. "While you two were chatting, I've found a way to temporarily disable security in the hangar. That's where we'll hitch our ride. Head for the second level; the Ministry seems to have installed more switches. They'll require some adjustment, but I know you love a good puzzle." Najia snorted. She did, in fact, love a good puzzle, but breaking out of a prison was not the time to indulge in that. Usually. Unless one looked at the prison as the puzzle. She shook her head, huffing, and drew her pistol again. There was no marked pathway this time, but she made better time; it was reckless, but she jogged, since the place was seemingly totally unguarded. And, if it wasn't, chances were that Lucca would run into the guards first, and she'd hear the struggle ahead. She passed the lift, glancing towards it, and hurrying past in the other direction she hadn't been yet, coming to a door. Slowing, she closed enough with it that it opened automatically.
Najia let out a huff; Lu t'Cca was on the other side, but so was Axiom. She stepped forward, and looked from Axiom, who nodded to her, to Lucca, who snarled. "Creature reveal Split hiding spot! Creature nothing better to do?" This is a hiding spot? Najia shook her head; the two of them were literally standing in the middle of an intersection, in front of an airlock with two branches off on either side. She huffed, looking at Lu t'Cca. "Hey, Mellerd said -"
"Split not talk about friend-foes!" Lucca ranted. "Kriss went against family! Betrayal followed petty betrayal! Way of Windfall, yes. Way of some Split, maybe, but not how real warriors do revenge!" He made a guttural sound of anguish, shaking his head vehemently. Kris? He was on a first-name basis with her? The fact that Ace had spoken so frankly of xenosexual encounters popped into her head, the constant talk of betrayal, pettiness, personal matters, and suddenly it was obvious; somehow, this was personal. Personal; and none of her damn business. She held her hand up placatingly, holstering her other pistol, trusting to Axiom's physical presence to keep peace between her and Lucca. "Fine. I'll leave you to it," she said. "Split thought so," Lu t'Cca spat, looking back to Axiom. She looked to Axiom as well. "Switches, Wildcard. Get to it."
Najia nodded, and darted down the left-hand branch of the intersection, fuming all the while. It ran into a dead-end, and she uttered "ah fuck," turning and sprinting in the other direction, slaloming between Maestro and Lucca. At the end, she dead-ended there, and exasperated raised her voice, "the hell?!" Back in the middle, she examined the airlock carefully; she could see that it connected to nothing, which is why she discounted it previously. Carefully she moved into the airlock, her hand on her pistol just in case Lucca tried to kill her by cycling it, but he and Axiom seemed to be in the process of discussing old times.
Exasperated, Najia stepped back out of the airlock. "Axiom, where are these buttons you're talking about? How are we supposed to get out of here?" "Er..." Axiom blinked, tri-ocularly, at her, and looked around. He looked at his datapad. "They should be... Through..." He let out a discontent rumble. "Oh my. That is not obvious on a computer systems diagram schematic." "They're on the other side of the frigging airlock," Najia said. "You're probably already aware that humans can't survive in vacuum, let alone maneuver in it, right?" She snorted, her sarcasm at least getting a sheepish shuffle on his long legs out of Axiom. "Can we get out the way we came back in? Even if it means abandoning the Raven?"
"No," Axiom said gravely. "The tampering I did to activate the cell block doors will be caught by someone sooner or later - probably later than sooner, but sooner if we try to leave the cell block." "Split has been implanted with a tracking device," Lucca growled. "It will raise quite the ruckus when Split leave the cell block!" "If we're leaving by... Unconventional mechanisms, that will be no trouble," Axiom noted. "But if we enter the lift, it will lock down and security will be summoned immediately."
"Outstanding," Najia huffed. "Let me double-check something, see if I can think of something." She turned and left the way she had come from. She bypassed the lift; she had no intention of simply bailing on them. But now, she had two options. Neither was good, but one was significantly less good, so she hoped the other option worked. She opened a channel to Boso Ta. "Boso Ta, I hope to hell you've been listening in." "I have, Assistant!" Boso Ta's voice came through loud and clear. "You are in quite the conundrum. I hope you see a manner in which I may be able to extricate you, for I do not." "You and the Professor have been upgrading teleporters with the ability to upgrade themselves. To do so, you've been transporting equipment, right?" "Hai!" Professor Nakagawa's voice cut in. Clearly he was on the line. "This capability is within our grasp. What is your proposal, Takio-San?" "Can you teleport my EV suit to me?"
There was silence for a long few moments which felt like an eternity. "Potentially," Boso Ta broke the silence. "Have it placed in one of our lifts." "I'll get right on that," Marta cut in on the line. Najia smiled to hear her voice. "Any other requirements?" "If this will work, we will need very precise measurements," Professor Nakagawa said. "The teleporter is more your project than mine, Boso Ta. My thought is that it will require at least three triangulating vessels, and a beacon, and a substantial amount of open space." "Will an empty cell block do for that," Najia asked, hustling down the corridor. "It should yes... Yes! That will work." Rei Stringer cut in on the call, and Najia blinked as she saw Rei's comm-code. "I can arrange the fly-by," she said. It had been awhile since Najia had heard from the friend she had left in charge of the Eighteen Billion Terran-tech construction supplies factory, and generally, in charge of Eighteen Billion affairs. "There's a patrol of Katana in the area already, it won't look suspicious if they do a swing-by of Wormwood Scrubs."
Najia set her datapad down on the floor in the middle of the cell block. "I put my datapad down on the floor. Is that beacon enough," she asked. "Hai, Takio-San," the aged professor's voice informed her. "But I would endeavor to be in another room when the teleport takes place. This is... Highly experimental." "Vacating the room," Najia said, sprinting out into the hallway and down it. "Tell me when it's gonna happen."
"In... About twenty seconds," Boso Ta informed her. "You might want to cover your ears, assistant." Najia didn't even bother to complain about being called 'Assistant' again, she simply crouched and closed her eyes, covering her ears and tried to become one with the railing. She counted to thirty, then opened her eyes. "Did anything happen?" "Your EV suit and EMU aren't in the lift anymore," Marta said to her. "Better go check."
Najia did, and she laughed heartily. Her hardshell carapace EV suit and EMU were sitting on the floor of the cell block. "A perfect teleport! I didn't even hear anything." "Fantastic," Boso Ta said. "You had best hurry, Assistant."
"Excellent!" Axiom crowed at her, over the comm. "Level 2 is right through there. That exhaust fan may impede your movements, but it won't make our mission impossible. See those alcoves? There's where I'd hide if I were you, whenever the fan is blowing at full speed."
Exhaust fan? I'm in vacuum! Najia carefully maneuvered out. She was in vacuum and microgravity; but she was also inside a large, cylindrical space. Below her was something like a massive fuse-box with a big holographic turret outline, and she jetted down to examine it, but could see no obvious way to tamper with it without most likely setting off major alarms, so she looked back up - just as a synthesized alert klaxxon sounded.
I hate this place, Naija thought, as she saw a fan at the top of the cylinder spin up. At a guess she thought, perhaps it was something like an exhaust, which struck as horrifically wasteful in space, but she could only grit her teeth, watching it spin. At the bottom of the cylindrical space, she only felt the slightest of buffeting; it might have been substantially stronger closer to the top. I am very confused, very frustrated, and I just want to get the hell out of here, she thought. She was seriously considering revisiting her first plan, which had been to simply teleport herself, Axiom and Lucca to Ace's ship.
But now, though, she was pissed, and she wanted to poke something spiteful in Mellerd's eye herself. So she jetted to the top of the cylinder, looking around. As she did, Axiom popped up in her comms. "These airlocks are shut, so you'll need to find a way to bypass their locks." She responded with only a quick "roger," looking around. One airlock, contrary to Axiom's words, was hanging open, but the lights next to it were red. She tried it anyway; but for once, Axiom was spot-on. The airlock door might have been open, but its functions were locked out, the panel totally nonresponsive. She returned below, and looked around; there was an open airlock opposite Axiom and Lucca, so she tried it, and it worked for her automatically.
"Well, let's see what's down this way," Najia muttered to herself, slipping out of her EMU and leaving it in the lock. She unholstered the pistol that was now clamped to her hardshell-clad thigh, and started to look around again.
To her surprise, she found only another cell block - it was a dead end! She was about to hiss in frustration, when she heard someone call to her. "You there! You! Hey! You are not supposed to be here!" Najia turned to face the Teladi voice, her pistol half-raised, when she saw that the figure in question was imprisoned. She lowered her aim to the floor, and appraoched the bars. Standing within was a Teladi, who looked rather forelorn. Najia's shoulders slumped. Well, this is awkward, she thought. When the Teladi seemed to realize she wasn't a guard, she started to ask, "Oh please, please, please! You cannot leave me here! I am friends with Urgu... Ugusa... I can help you make profitsss! I promise."
Najia sighed at the pathetic display, but she understood the Teladi's desire for freedom; though, on the balance, she also had no idea what this Teladi had done to become imprisoned. Knowing Kriss Mellerd, it was a total crap-shoot; she might be a real scum-bag, or she might be being shaken down. Axiom cut in on her. "I sympathize with the little lizard, really I do, but we cannot compromise this mission in the name of charity."
Najia huffed out a sigh, and looked around. Frustratedly, she slapped the door panel on the imprisoned Teladi's cell, and to her surprise - and the prisoner's surprise - it opened. The prisoner looked around, confusedly, and Najia was glad that her mirrored helmet hid her gaze. "That's the best I can do," she said, resignedly. "You'll have to effect your own escape from here, if you can. Good luck." Turning, she huffed back into the airlock, slapping the button to cycle it as the Teladi prisoner looked around in tentative confusion, taking a few steps out of her cell.
Najia pulled her EMU's straps back on. "Well, that was a fucking bust," she snarled. "I'm about to start lasering shit," she muttered, floating back into the massive vacuum cylinder, and back up towards the locked airlocks. She found a third floor of airlocks, but they only offered some shelter from the fans starting up. After waiting that, frustratedly she flew back out again, and started looking around. "Axiom, there aren't any switches here!" "My diagrams say there are switches, Wildcard. Look more carefully - and swiftly."
Najia let out a guttural growl of frustration, and switched to her cutting laser. Giving in to a pique of frustration, she hit her Mk.2 thrusters, blowing past level 1 to the sub-level, coming up level with the big fuse-box. "Right, let's see what this does," she said with a snarl, and targeted her suit's cutting laser on the big set of what looked like fuses.
She blazed a neat line down the middle of them, and, gratifyingly, the 'Turrets' hologram switched to a big red repair icon... She looked around for a moment. Nothing happened. Najia smirked. "On the one hand, this place is frustrating, confusing, and I kind of want to blow it up out of spite by now. But on the other hand, the gross criminal negligence on display is really working in my favor. Fuck it. Lasers for everything," she said, snarling and going back up the shaft. There were a bunch of unmarked panels, and, giving in to the frustration she felt earlier - which she had barely restrained herself from allowing herself to hold Lu t'Cca at gunpoint - she started lasering the panels like a schoolgirl hooligan on a vandalism spree.
"Your new laser is low-powered, but if you keep it aimed at the lock, it will break eventually," Axiom said. Najia blinked. New laser? This is my laser and I've had it for a while, and... Oh, piss on this! She laughed, however, as she saw that one of the panels had indeed fractured.
One deeply-cathatic vandalism spree later, every panel had been opened, and had revealed that inside the two panels nearest the top-level airlocks were two further, smaller panels, with similar mechanisms. With the fan starting up again, Najia took shelter in one of the alcoves at the top, just under an airlock, and, deciding to use her time productively, she lasered the opposite airlock's control panel. After holding her laser on the box for awhile, it was a glowing ruin, and Axiom commed her. "Partial access to level two established," he informed her.
Najia nodded. She didn't even bother to sarcastically snark at him, though the phrase no shit, Sherlock ran through her mind. Rather, she charitably assumed he was reporting to her something he was learning electronically, and turned around. This is gonna be bright, she thought, as she trained her laser at close range on the near access box, and closed her eyes. She held in the firing stud, and held it - counting in her head to seven, when Axiom's comm made her let up off the laser. "And just like that, we have free reign over level two! They can't stop you now!"
Najia grinned, and opened her eyes to behold a molten, glowing hole drilled into the electronics she had blasted. "Right. Let's get this show on the highway."
On the level above her, in the half just above, she slipped in, and found herself facing a door to another cell block, just through the airlock. She went in and looked; no prisoners. Walking out, she huffed, and decided to walk the half-circuit around the big cylinder again. To her surprise, she found a console, just attached haphazardly to a railing. Really? Najia examined it, and snorted; it looked shoddy, ad-hoc. She tapped the console's screen, and it simply changed color. Axiom piped up. "Magnificent! That'll give you access to half of the switches! There must be another console nearby that will let you remove the second cover."
"Got it. Moving on," Najia said. Back to the airlock she went, after checking the other half of the crescent hallway she was in; without any luck, she just floated across to the other airlock on her EMU. Predictably, she found that, on the opposite railing in the other half of the level, was another console haphazardly attached to a railing, and she rapped it quite firmly with her knuckles. It flashed. "How's that, Axiom?" "Both covers confirmed open," Axiom informed her. "Let's flip some switches. Get back into your spacesuit."
"Never got out of it. Who has time to undress four times? Anyway, switches, yaaay switches," she snarked, as she cycled the airlock again, strapping her EMU back on. "Whoever designed this place is both a madman and criminally negligent."
Once the airlock cycled through again, Najia saw that the two panels she had manipulated had caused five boxes that she had previously taken as unimportant junction boxes to slide their panels open. She groaned to herself when she saw that there were five more lock-like switches within. "Great, time for more vandalism, yay." She lasered the first of the boxes' interiors, the one that was lit, and held it for a long few moments.
"Something's not right," Axiom said, comming her. She had a sinking feeling. "The switches are also setting the state of their neighbors," he declared. Sure enough, she had blasted the leftmost switch, and the second had lit up. Worryingly, the leftmost switch did not look damaged in the slightest. "You'll have to find a combination which turns them all off," Axiom said, as Najia groaned. "I don't think a game of whack-a-mole will get you there," Axiom continued. "Though... Actually, it might!"
Najia groaned, and briefly considered calling for a five-hundred-some member boarding party attack from two capital ships instead. "What tail-hole thought this was a good idea," she bitched. "Who dreamed this up? Why install it like this? Don't anybody answer that, those questions were rhetorical," she snarked, as she set about the process of shooting the junction boxes like they were a juvenile 'turn them all off' game.
About eighty seconds and the false start of thinking she could shoot an inactive switch to switch it on and switch its neighbors states (it transpired that she could only make an active switch toggle neighbors' states), all five boxes were dark, and Najia snarled, bristling with outrage that this was evidently considered part of a high security system and not a child's game.
"You got it, Wildcard!" Axiom commed her. "Access to Level 3 established. And it turned off the darned fan! Off to the hangar, then." Up one level, Najia cycled herself into the airlock, and groaned. She was getting mightily tired of this, and she rolled her shoulders. "I am going to need a massage and to soak for an hour in the shower," she griped to no-one in particular. She hefted her EMU half-over her left shoulder, unholstering her pistol, just in case. The EMU was very heavy, but her EV suit had a fairly substantial low-profile power assist mechanism. Not enough to turn her into a super-soldier by any means, but enough to let her heft a 150kg load like a bulky and cumbersome backpack. She was tempted to leave it behind... But it was a good thing she didn't. The corridor she found was only a straight shot to - and she groaned - another airlock. As she approached it, Axiom unhelpfully congratulated her. "Excellent," he said. "Yo're approaching the internal hangar now. Our getaway ship is right over there." Cycling through, she passed into the deep well of an internal ship hangar - and groaned.
Najia was looking at a Magpie. That was the big, innovative, unique ship?
"If we want to make it out of here, you'll have to destroy the clamps on the hangar doors," Axiom informed her. Najia groaned, sighed, and rolled her shoulders. "Right. I can do that. All this for a..." She seethed, and looked back at the ship.
No, it wasn't a Magpie, but it sure as hell looked like one. It was clearly a derivative design, but it had not the Magpie's massive cargo pods; rather, it had smaller pods, and a lot more gubbins - antennae, dishes, and the like. Fan-dabbie-dozie she thought balefully to herself as she set about finding and destroying the lockdown clamps. As she did so, she also saw a couple more panels that had a turret hologram over them, and, thinking, why the hell not, fried them, too. Moments later, the lockdown clamps fell, too, and she saw a red light glare through one of the hangar windows.
Axiom piped up, "Holy triangle, that's the station alarm! Lucca and I are going to make a run for the ship!" She blinked, looking up - two EVA-suited figures, with full EMUs, cycled through the airlock she had come through.
What, she thought. Where... I... What... Where...? In a moment of dumbfounded confusion, she stared openly, unmoving, before both of them dipped between the ship's large thrusters, and headed for its belly, while Axiom said, "approaching the dock. Be with you in a moment!" Fearing being left behind, Najia abandoned the question of where they had gotten EV suits, let alone EMUs, in favor of making haste to join them.
As Najia negotiated into the airlock, Axiom and Lucca reported that they had boarded, and Axiom was working on powering up the ship's systems, and Axiom was transferring the ship's ownership - and hence, control - to her. They were trying to talk over one another, making it confusing, but, as she got into the ship and shed her MMU, running for the seat, Axiom noted, "This prototype ship does not appear to have an emergency eject system. I assume it was supposed to be added later." "Great," she snarled. "This is going tits-up and I'm in a little ship with no ejection system." "Split been moving into position," Maestro informed her, in a bit of good news. "Alarm must have mobilized more Ministry forces than Split anticipated."
"Thrice blasted!" Axiom roared from the back. "Mellerd deployed a capital ship to head off the Arcadian Endeavour!" Najia groaned, checking her map. A Pheonix-class vessel named Rolling Rock was engaging the Arcadian Endeavor.
As Najia got the Raven's struts up and pushed it forward, she got a comm from the Rolling Rock itself. She snarled as she saw Kriss Mellerd in her comm pane. "Thank you for leading the old man, and his crew of clowns, right to my doorstep. Crossing them off the Ministry's list will do wonders for my career advancement."
Najia gawped at her, in shock at the sheer gall on display, as Mellerd laughed. "You just stumbled into this whole affair, so I will offer you a one-time chance to get out of this. All you have to do is dock at my ship and hand over the pirates youy are currently harboring. You won't be able to keep the ship, but -"
Najia cut her off, snarling in anger. "You just love the sound of your own voice, bitch. Even if I was inclined to take an 'out,' though, nobody can trust you. For anything." Najia switched the comms to her ships, as she powered the Raven up to full. It seemed to be armed with two cannons; she test-fired them by holding in the trigger. They didn't fire immediately, but when she let go, they let fly. "Woah. These must be those Teladi charger things," she muttered. "Whatever. Ladies? This bitch cannot be trusted to keep her word. End her rightly!"
The Rolling Rock was already exchanging fire with Arcadian Endeavor, while Ace nipped at her heels, firing off shots from that launcher and the frontal cannon. Shiv and Kunai - the name chosen for the Paramerion - lifted from the Jackdaw and Arcadian Endeavour respectively, while Jackdaw and the Snapping Tortoise broke from formation with it to engage.
"L beam turrets... Problematic," Najia muttered to herself. "Let me see what I can do about that," she added, as she set the Raven prototype in motion. She could only hope, at least, that Kriss was at least rethinking her decision, now that the odds had tilted decidedly against her.
She dove into action against Rolling Rock, testing out the Muon Chargers, as the ships with her split and attacked. The destroyer was big, and problematic, but it seemed rather... Awkward to control, in fact. Ponderous, its turrets, even the lasers, seemed slow to respond. She nipped around it, firing a few times, as her four ships slipped past it. A plasma bolt struck her shields, and she yelped, diving to evade. "That's it," she heard Rei - not over the open comms, but in her earbud. "I am not letting you get your ass killed like this. I'm dispatching help," she said, and Najia winced.
Great. So this is how the war with the Ministry starts? And yet, oddly... There was no sign of Ministry reinforcements. Najia fled from the immediate vicinity to recharge her shields, coming in close to the Arcadian Endeavour, and watched as the Eighteen Billion Katana squads roared in. She winced as she saw that Okayama and her defense fleet had also been dispatched - a Destroyer squadron was going to bear down on Rolling Rock... Eventually. And yet, the Ministry was doing nothing.
It hit her suddenly; Kriss was rogue. Was doing this on her own. She snarled and grinned. The Ministry might be mad, when this shook out, but they'd have a hard time proving her involvement. Especially if she could play it as her ships responding to a distress call because a rogue vessel with an unaffiliated transponder had attacked a ship. It was flimsy... But it was enough. "Bear down on her, ladies. Tear that thing apart." Najia crowed, as she pulled the Raven in to touch down on the Arcadian Endeavour's landing pad. She looked back. "Axiom, they're gonna need you in the engine room. Lucca, you're not gonna wanna be on this ship!" The back ramp was dropping as she settled down; neither waited for her to have landed fully, they dropped from the ship and sprinted past, to the lift.
"So, you've decided to go down with the sinking ship? One less loose end for me to tie up later!" Mellerd crowed at her, and Najia smirked; of course she knew she couldn't trust Mellerd. "You're worse than a pirate, Kriss. Nobody can trust you," Najia said. "Prepare to kiss your ass goodbye."
Maestro was rattling on in her ear, but Najia could barely hear him over the combat calls. She hoped he was smart enough not to fire upon the T.E. vessels responding - it would be awkward later, and they were joining the fight on his side, after all. He was saying something about escape, and turrets. Najia snorted. "Actually, we're just going to blow this thing up," Najia declared. "We can't leave someone like Kriss Mellerd at our backs."
Things seemed to be doing well at first; the Rolling Rock was handling clumsily, awkwardly, as if she was critically undermanned. That gave Najia an odd hope that she might actually succeed at boarding her; the responding vessels were quickly tearing down her turrets and shields.
Then, everything went dramatically pear-shaped. Najia yelped as lasers tickled the the Raven's shields down and she got them back up again; again and again this happened, each time the hull started to fracture more and more. She made attack runs, damaged a surface element, and then things got worse. Where were those lasers coming from?
"Missile. Incoming missile." She slapped the countermeasures button, only to see the screen flash ammo empty. "Fuck!" A missile slammed into her, followed by a fly-by from a starfighter. She didn't catch it, but she took a pot-shot at it as it went past. Things were going from bad, to worse, when she heard someone howl, "Jackdaw's taking heavy fire! Jackdaw's... Oh fuck!"
Najia felt a moment of total disassociation. Numbly, her hand drifted over the stick, trying to maneuver the clunky ship like a starfighter, whilst fighting through mental fog.
Marta.
"We've got them!" Rei stringer called out, over her line. "I've got the crew of Jackdaw at the depot, but now we're under attack by a Ministry warship!" Najia gasped, shoving her stick forward, hard. Her ship was flying apart around her, and she snarled. "Someone get these motherfuckers!" "We're coming in," she heard - both the first, and last, person she wanted to hear. "Fenrir, engaging!" "Okayama, engaging." "Kagawa, engaging!" "Ark Royal, moving to engage!"
Najia laughed, incredulously. That was four fleets. Four fleets that most definitely were not supposed to be engaging to support the Arcadian Endeavour. One of them the Teladi wasn't even supposed to know about - Alarms blared. The Raven had taken a nasty hit, and a Ministry Kea was lining up on her six. She tried to pull away - she wasn't going to be fast enough - the ship jerked - the world went white.
Najia crashed forward to the deck, yelping, arms up to guard her head. She looked up; a Marine was standing next to her, offering her hand to Najia. "Better get to the skipper, ma'am," the Marina said. "We're Koshirae." Najia laughed, taking the proffered hand and climbing to her feet, hustling down to the bridge's main deck. Selaia Kevlin was standing in the middle like the Maestro, calmingly barking out orders with command presence. She looked up at Najia, briefly, smirking at her. "Does the owner have the conn?"
Najia shook her head, laughing. "Fight the ship, captain. I've got to coordinate this clusterfuck." Selaia laughed at her and nodded, barking out, "bring us up ninety, show her our broadside. Turret gunners, you are cleared to engage."
She hustled down to the fleet coordination console; the crewwoman at it hopping away for her. "This is Takio," she said, hopping on the controls. "Ladies, clear my skies of red. I don't know what the hell has gotten into the Ministry, attacking our stations like this, but if it's hostile out there, we kill it."
Rolling Rock was not having a good day, and it was getting exponentially worse. Her engines had been disabled, and Najia heard Maestro call out over the pirate channel, "Her engines are disabled. Now is the time to get away! But, where is Wildcard?" Najia winced. How was she going to explain that? Did she even want to? "This is Snapping Tortoise," Raleen, the captain of her pirate Baku called out. "We are picking up the crew of Jackdaw and Raven. Let these big bruisers fight, we'll get back to you."
"No!" Kriss Mellerd called out, yelping. "I don't wanna die!" Rolling Rock was coming apart under the growing tide of fire it was enduring, and more ships were still arriving. Najia snarled. Part of her wanted to bid Kriss a bon voyage to the afterlife, but she looked up to Selaia. "If anyone gets out of that ship, I want them. And we don't tell the Ministry."
"Roger that," Selaia said, and barked out orders to the helm to move closer to Rolling Rock. Najia looked back - a Ministry Razorbill was thoroughly engaged, and another had just blown up, attacking the construction depot.
She gritted her teeth, snorting hard. There was going to be hell to pay for this later. Righteous indigation - no, fury - was going to be the order of the day. Her ships had responded to a distress call from a Windfall trader, by an unidentified vessel. It was attacking relentlessly, wasn't on-record as being anything official. Then Ministry vessels, apparently heeding the aggressor's pleas, had jumped in, attacking Takio Enterprises assets, and the inevitable happen.
That was the tack she was going to have to take, and she clenched her fist. Outside, Rolling Rock came apart in a dazzling blossom of red that polarized the bridge windows for a long several moments. When they cleared, the ship was a debris field. Part of her hoped that Mellerd was dead; part of her hoped she wasn't. There was going to be a butcher's bill for today, and she tried - probably vainly - to make peace with that.
"Get us close enough to the Ministry Wharf to make contact," Najia said, looking to Selaia. "I've some barking to do." Selaia smirked at her. "After this? They should know damn well your bark isn't nearly as bad as your bite. They should be happy to get barked at. You should put on a respectable jacket at least." Najia let out a huff of exasperation, hurrying to do just that.
Hence, she found herself with eyes coldly blazing over the comms to the Ministry Police Kea craft which had departed from the wharf to intercept Koshirae. "Enough is enough," she snarled over the holo, standing in the conference room. "My ships responded to an attack upon a free trader from a destroyer that was not transmitting appropriate Ministry codes - not that the Ministry should be allowed to attack random traders, either."
"Your ships fired upon Ministry vessels," the captain of the Kea shot back, clearly outraged - but also, like the pilot who had followed her through the rift - terrified at being massively outnumbered and outgunned.
"Let me be clear, on the record, so there is no ambiguity," Najia said, leaning forward, placing her fist on the table. The effect was to lean closer to the hologram - and on the little attack ship's screen, her face would loom larger. "My ships responded to a distress call from a ship being attacked by an unknown vessel not transmitting appropriate ID. The Ministry, for whatever reasons, chose to respond to the event by siding with the aggressor and attacking my ships. Takio Enterprises warships responded by destroying the Ministry vessels." Her heart was thumping in her chest, but she narrowed her eyes. "If this is the gratitude of the Ministry of Finance, for all that Takio Enterprises has done here in Eighteen Billion, in Grand Exchange and at large, for the Ministry and the company, up to and including constructing facilities and securing neutral diplomats to mediate the dispute between the Company and the Ministry... Well, you might want to check with your superiors before you write a check they have to make good on. To be absolutely clear, this is a threat; you are the highest-ranking Ministry combat officer in Eighteen Billion. It is your decision whether this conflict continues or ceases, here and now. Ah - ah! Shut your fucking muzzle and listen to me carefully," she snapped, as the pilot opened her muzzle to retort.
"If you say anything but words to the effect of 'this was a horrible misunderstanding and we should deescalate the situation' - if you, personally, choose to escalate the situation, the first step I will take will be ordering all of my shipyards to stop producing vessels for the Ministry. The second step will be that I shall cripple the Ministry's ability to replace vessels by destroying the Ministry Shipyard and Wharf here in Eighteen Billion. I shall then proceed onward to prosecute this destructive and pointless war - a war chosen by you, pilot, here and now - by destroying each and every Ministry of Trade station I can find, until someone with some competent authority asks me to please stop doing that. You can see the weight of tonnage I have here, you know the Ministry does not have the tonnage to stop me. The choice is in your claws, pilot; war, or peace. War, or peace. Escalate, or deescalate. Your call."
The Kea pilot visibly shrank backwards in her command chair, obviously struggling to attempt to retain composure and command respect in the face of an overt and direct threat to bring fire and flame directly to the Ministry of Finance. Finally she steeled herself, straightening up in her chair. "This has obviously been a dreadful misunderstanding, miss Takio. The Ministry is undoubtedly going to demand reparations for our lost warships, but such matters are the purview of the financiers, not myself. If you will cease giving offense, we too shall cease attacks upon your vessels."
"Thank you," Najia said, leaning back. She fought not to visibly slump and sigh in relief, or to show how badly her heart was racing. "As for the reparations, they can take that up with the diplomat I have on payroll. Out." She cut the channel, and collapsed back into the chair behind her.
A moment later, the comm lit up again, and she flicked it on. It was a huge conference call, with the commanders of her fleets, the captain of Koshirae, Marta on the Snapping Tortoise with a small bandage on her forehead; Rei Stringer on the 18B construction depot, Tsukiko Peterson back at the headquarters, Professors Nakagawa and Okoye - whom Najia realized with a pang of guilt she hadn't yet formally re-introduced herself to -, Boso Ta,, and Ace. Najia let out a heavy sigh of relief. "Please for the love of god tell me we didn't lose anybody," she said, first off.
"Nobody from Jackdaw, Marta confirmed. "I took a headcount. We got lucky. "That seems to be a recurring theme," added Captain - probably should be Commodore - Xiaowen Kapoor - one of Najia's older friends, and currently the commander of T.E.S. Fenrir. "It helps that we responded with overwhelming firepower. My fleet is reporting no fatalties; thirteen casualties, mostly caused by haste in the heat of battle."
That proved to be the recurring theme; all of her responders reported sustaining injuries, mostly 'workplace accidents' incurred whilst in the heat of battle, but though some were serious, none were life-threatening.
"Najia Takio," Professor Yoriko Okoye - an aged-but-not-venerable, steel-haired professor-turned diplomat said, with the same tone of voice that she had used when reproaching Najia in class. "You are now, as ever you were, charmed, lucky, and reckless. You choose to act with passion first and foremost. This is a fine mess that I'm going to have to clean up, you understand. Can I expect this sort of thing to deal with in the future?"
Najia took in a breath, glancing around at her fellows. Barring a few, they were all young - Tsukiko was the third-oldest and Najia knew she was closer to thirty-five than forty - barely. Most of them looked grave, but not mutinious. She sighed, and smiled, wryly. "While I don't plan to go to war with the Ministry, there may be future... Rough spots to smooth over, yes. If you'd like to resign and go home -" "Not yet," the aged professor said, sharply. "But for dealing with this, I am going to require a pay rise!"
A chorus of chuckles surrounded her, and Najia sighed, face-palming and smiling. "That's fair, professor. We're going to have a fine time untangling this. Ace, how are the Curs?"
Ace looked into her eyes, then looked away for a moment, then back to her. "Secure in Windfall, awaiting your hopefully-safe return." She trilled, and Najia nodded. "Next stop, then."