Craigslist cars for sale east bay

My girlfriend of 5 years sold her car to my coworker two weeks ago. 3 days later, the clutch goes and needs to be replaced.
Before the sale, my girlfriend’s car had been in the shop for 5 months waiting on a part. The part was fixed, the shop test drove it afterwards. Next my coworker test drove it, then my girlfriend drove it. There were no issues at any time during the 3 test drives. My coworker wanted my girlfriend to split the repair halfway but I suggested that we split it 3 ways because of how expensive the fix would be, and it’s the right thing to do for us to help fix it.
My girlfriend was okay with the idea at first but as of today she no longer wants to help my coworker at all, and is offended that I am not taking her side by saying that it’s the morally right thing to do to help, even though it’s not our fault and the car doesn’t belong to her anymore.
I’m willing to pony up half of what the repair will cost, but I’m in such a tight pickle that I’m not sure my girlfriend will be so understanding as to why I’m still helping, and she might leave me in frustration. My girlfriend has never had a morality issue like this, and always likes to do the right thing.
Lately, her controlling dad has been whispering in her ear that she shouldn’t pay, among other things that are causing issues in our relationship.
Any advice is welcome.
TL:DR Girlfriend sold her car to my coworker, the clutch failed after a few days, I want to help as it’s morally right but my girlfriend doesn’t feel the same way.

I've been thinking about learning the saxophone for a while. I don't even know music theory, I'm a complete beginner. Do y'all have good recommendations for saxophone teachers in Oakland or the East Bay? This could also be a thread for people who are looking for music teachers in the East Bay in general.

Hey all hoping I can get some help.. basically I just bought & took delivery of my brand new 2023 Camaro ZL1 yesterday. I noticed today that someone was messing with the fenders & the damn body gaps are bad.. on the pre sale inspection it had 4km, then sold to me with 89km so I’m worried within the 85km of unknown driving something happened to the front end causing it to be misaligned. I’m thinking someone took it on a joyride, messed it up and tried putting it back to original which they did a brutal job at. The door gaps, hood gaps, light gaps etc are brutal to me, now my question is what do I do? The dealer said they’ll fix it obviously but should I go after them for “diminished” value etc? As now if I sell this down the road it’ll be on record & I had nothing to do with this so it affects my future sales & right now as it’s not “new”, it’s damaged. They sold me a “new” vehicle with obvious damage that happened pre sale that had no record.. I wanna keep this car cause they don’t come up often with the last year of the cars, but I’m just stumped on what to do as I don’t know how the hell it was driven for the previous 85km between inspection and my sale now that the entire front end it not straight
Think I should sue for diminished value on a new vehicle?

Hey all! Coming from East Coast in need some help. We are hoping to be have a great week, unfortunately should have booked 3 more in Maui! Feedback needed.
Day 1: arrive 1:15p, staying in Napili, assuming 330/4pm. Hang at Napili Bay, sunset Beach picnic
Day 2: Leave Napili at 315 for 6am Haleakala sunrise. Need to be in Lahaina for 845. Will this give us enough time? From Lahaina hit the blowhole, Honolulu Bay, Kaanapali, Kapalua bay, dinner at seahouse
Day 3: 6am Monokini/Turtle town snorkeling (who do we book with?) Head south to Kihei, Wailea beach, Makena and sunset at Charley young/restaurant?
Day 4: Road to Hana leave Napili at 5, where's a good sunrise spot east side? We will hike, assuming this will be a full 12 hour day
Day 5: Heavenly Spa day at 9am, need something chill for the day, sunset cruise worth it? (Maybe a cool hike this day) something must do!
Day 6: need a solid am - 11am activity! Day of our lives 12-10p
Day 7: Air Maui helicopter tour, Paia, Baldwin...
Day 8: 1pm flight to Oahu, morning activities welcome!!
If there's things that aren't worth it, need to be elaborated etc please let me know. Beaches, cliffjumps, hikes, food always appreciated!!

Sorry this is super long
Demographics: Indian Male, suburban very competitive public high school in the Bay Area, graduating class of 500+, upper-middle-class family, no financial aid necessary
Intended Majors: Double Major in Mechanical Engineering and Business
Stats: 3.82 UW/ 4.4-4.5 W(school does not weight) (Second sem freshmen year was pretty bad but ever since then I’ve only gotten 1 B), School does not do ranks
SAT: 1430 (M:750, E:680) planning to retake
Coursework: 3 AP’s in school currently (APUSH, APENG, AP PHYS 1), 2 self-study APs (AP Micro, AP Macro), 2 Dual Enrollment (Spanish, BS054), 8 Honors Taken (all that were available to me so far), Taken all business classes offered at my school as 0 periods during both Sophomore and currently Junior year. No APs are offered at my school in Freshmen and Sophomore years other than AP Languages with preference given to Juniors and Seniors.
Awards: (random order) 1. 2023 DECA Districts Written 1st Place 2. 2023 DECA Districs Roleplay 2nd Place 3. 2023 DECA States Roleplay Finalist 4. Top 10/106 Regionally VBC Hotel 2023 Round 2 5. Top 30/272 Teams Nationally VBC Hotel 2023 Round 2 6. First Tech Challenge (FTC) Deans List Semi-Finalist 2023 7. Robotics Team Awards (Semifinalist Alliance Captain, Semifinalist Alliance Captain, Think Award 2rd Place, Inspire Award 3rd Place, Innovate Award sponsored by Raytheon Technologies 3rd Place, Finalist Alliance Captain)
Extracurriculars: (I’m sorry 😭😭😭, random order kinda)

1. Co-Founder, Build and Design Team Lead, Driver, and Team Captain of my FTC Robotics Team and 501(c)3 Non-Profit with Benevity (2500+ hours on Fusion 360 across 5 years, Solely responsible for creating new designs, inventorying old designs, backing-up designs, merging designs, and creating individual files for each complied design for over 150 different self-made projects, Coached FLL team that made it to regionals, Coached an FTC team that made it to the finalist alliance and semifinalist alliance in two qualifiers in their rookie year, Raised $10k including $5k from Apple, Created coding and engineering curriculum for local elementary schools and reached out to teach, Created a coding curriculum for unprivileged students in Romania and reached out to an organization in the UK to help organizations access to resources for children in African countries so we could teach them coding with the same curriculum, Neural Networks(Machine Learning) for Computer Vision, In collaboration with other local FTC teams, we created a curriculum for and taught neurodivergent students coding throughout the high school, Taught annual robotics webinar with 50+ attendees totaling around 125)
   
2. Worked with a non-profit created by friends during the summer to create a coding curriculum currently used in 11 countries and personally taught 50 children in the Bay Area
   
3. Social Media Manager for the 2020 Town Mayoral Campaign (sole manager of the campaign social media page, town of 240,000+ residents, gained 25.2% of all votes against current mayor who was rerunning, represented an openly gay mid-20’s candidate)
   
4. DECA (started through DECA program at middle school, finally completed requirements to compete and started competing sophomore year, was unable to attend states that year due to family matters)
   
5. Co-Owner of a business (valued at 30 million, CRN 250 Fastest growing business, Family Business my dad started in 2016 with my uncles, did a full brand image change for them and redid the wireframe for our entire website which is currently being developed, traveled across the country to participate in conferences discussing deals with possible clients including federal, was given partial ownership for my contributions)
   
6. Entrepreneurship Competitions (Competed in the Diamond Challenge (2021) and the Conrad Challenge (2021) as a freshman, Competed in the Blue Ocean Competition (2022 and 2023))
   
7. Co-Founder and Vice-President of Marketing at Medical Club at school (Advertised the club from having only 4 members to having over 150 at our introductory meeting with a current membership of 60+, educate students on various medical career paths while providing experience opportunities, Members can participate in workshops, labs, discussions, research and shadowing opportunities, guest lectures, and internships, Strategically designed social media posts to increase participation by 300%, Communicate with professionals in the medical field to create opportunities for members to witness the medical field)
   
8. Consulting (worked with an internationally acclaimed business on video editing, content creation, blog writing, marketing, advertising, networking, and expanding their community by over 60%)
   
9. Car Club Photographer (Hobbies, Aiding in the planning and documenting of monthly car meets hosted at my school, used to network and meet new people as well as further my knowledge about cars, I want to go into the automotive industry)
   
10. 300+ volunteer hours (undocumented but can be documented if necessary
    
11. Pwnisher’s “Endless Engines” (Hobby, Competed in a 3D animation competition run by YouTuber Pwnisher, Faced 4,200+ other competitors many of whom do similar 3D animation as a career, Put in over 200 hours across 3 weeks)
    

**Certifications:” Entrepreneurship, Marketing II, Robotics II (all issued by YouScience)
Schools: UIUC (double major) University of Washington (double major), Carnegie Mellon, Northwestern University, University of Michigan - Ann Arbor (double major), Babson, MIT, Harvard, Stanford, Cal Tech, Georgia Tech, Duke, Colombia, Boston University, Every UC Except Merced and Riverside, CSU Long Beach, SDSU, SJSU
edit: forgot to put schools lmfao

LPI (LP Information)' newest research report, the “Sportfishing Boats Industry Forecast” looks at past sales and reviews total world Sportfishing Boats sales in 2022, providing a comprehensive analysis by region and market sector of projected Sportfishing Boats sales for 2023 through 2029. With Sportfishing Boats sales broken down by region, market sector and sub-sector, this report provides a detailed analysis in US$ millions of the world Sportfishing Boats industry.
This Insight Report provides a comprehensive analysis of the global Sportfishing Boats landscape and highlights key trends related to product segmentation, company formation, revenue, and market share, latest development, and M&A activity. This report also analyzes the strategies of leading global companies with a focus on Sportfishing Boats portfolios and capabilities, market entry strategies, market positions, and geographic footprints, to better understand these firms' unique position in an accelerating global Sportfishing Boats market.
This Insight Report evaluates the key market trends, drivers, and affecting factors shaping the global outlook for Sportfishing Boats and breaks down the forecast by type, by application, geography, and market size to highlight emerging pockets of opportunity. With a transparent methodology based on hundreds of bottom-up qualitative and quantitative market inputs, this study forecast offers a highly nuanced view of the current state and future trajectory in the global Sportfishing Boats.
This report presents a comprehensive overview, market shares, and growth opportunities of Sportfishing Boats market by product type, application, key manufacturers and key regions and countries.
The global Sportfishing Boatsmarket size is projected to grow from US$ 94 million in 2022 to US$ 162.1 million in 2029; it is expected to grow at a CAGR of 162.1 from 2023 to 2029.
https://www.lpinformationdata.com/reports/620182/sportfishing-boats-2029
The main participants
Bertram Yachts
Bluewater Sportfishing Boats
Boston Whaler
Contender Boats
Crevalle Boats
Everglades Boats
Grady-White Boats
Hydrasports Custom Boats, LLC
Invincible Boats
Lund Boat Company
Mikelson Yachts
Regulator Marine
Scout Boats
Stanley Aluminum Boats
Striper Boats
Thresher Boats
Tiara Yachts
Viking Yachts
Hatteras Yachts
Merritt Boat Works
Spencer Yachts
Rybovich Boat Company
Jarrett Bay Boatworks
Gamefisherman Yachts
Weaver Boatworks
Segmentation by type
Electric Boat
Fuel Boat
Others
Segmentation by application
Personal
Commercial
Key Questions Addressed in this Report
What is the 10-year outlook for the global Sportfishing Boats market?
What factors are driving Sportfishing Boats market growth, globally and by region?
Which technologies are poised for the fastest growth by market and region?
How do Sportfishing Boats market opportunities vary by end market size?
How does Sportfishing Boats break out type, application?
What are the influences of COVID-19 and Russia-Ukraine war?
LP INFORMATION (LPI) is a professional market report publisher based in America, providing high quality market research reports with competitive prices to help decision makers make informed decisions and take strategic actions to achieve excellent outcomes.We have an extensive library of reports on hundreds of technologies.Search for a specific term, or click on an industry to browse our reports by subject. Narrow down your results using our filters or sort by what’s important to you, such as publication date, price, or name.
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After months of waiting, a couple weeks of trying to get ahold of someone who even knows, their legal team barely gave a straight answer. But finally they sent me the deficiency balance. Principle was 30k and the net sales proceeds to my account was 25.7k which only leaves 4457. Very happy about this.
Now my question is, can I negotiate with the lender to remove the repossession from my credit? I was in touch with them when I was hospitalized for a few months due to a work incident and I couldn’t get unemployment and had to sue my employer and I did win, but it was after the repo. I informed them of all of the challenges I was facing, when I got money, I paid some to the account. I even told them I’d surrender the car because i was not fit to work nor was money coming in. Is there a chance of getting it negotiated off? Will my credit history still show a delinquent loan?

Timestamps
Couple random items for sale:
Google Coral Model NA1 (M.2 2280 B+M key I believe) - $90 shipped
Silicon Power A55 2TB SATA SSD (CDI in final pic, basically open box) - $70 shipped
Yottamaster 2 Bay USB3 Enclosure - $50 shipped
ADATA 8GB 3200 - $15 shipped
(Not pictured) - I have a few random items - a 4GB g.skill DIMM, Some random 3.5" 2TB drives, some 256GB Inland SATA SSDs that I can add on to orders that are already being shipped for a couple bucks.
If you're local I might be interested in even some small NVME SSDs as a swap or partial swap for some items, need OS drives for some server builds. Thanks!

Timestamps
Couple random items for sale:
Google Coral Model NA1 (M.2 2280 B+M key I believe) - $90 shipped
Silicon Power A55 2TB SATA SSD (CDI in final pic, basically open box) - $70 shipped
Yottamaster 2 Bay USB3 Enclosure - $50 shipped
ADATA 8GB 3200 - $15 shipped
(Not pictured) - I have a few random items - a 4GB g.skill DIMM, Some random 3.5" 2TB drives, some 256GB Inland SATA SSDs that I can add on to orders that are already being shipped for a couple bucks.
If you're local I might be interested in even some small NVME SSDs as a swap or partial swap for some items, need OS drives for some server builds. Thanks!

Nowhere. Into the ether. Thats why it shows up as "00" everytime I dismantle a high-end (yellow) gun.
You need the Warlords of New York Expansion to do anything fancy in terms of crafting/scrapping/reconfiguration/re-spec when it comes to guns.
Not only that but the year one pass (which comes with the gold edition) does NOT come with Warlords of New York expansion, and vice versa.
So I paid $5 for the original game on eBay and now see why it was so cheap. I wish I had bought the gold for $15-20 and caught the Warlords of New York when its comes on sale.
I'm a little bitter that all of the guns I have dismantled have more or less been in vain
EDIT
I Just looked on PSN (spring sale just started) and the digital "ultimate edition warlords of new york edition" is marked down from $79.99 to $23.99- and it does include the Year One pass.
Damn this game.

The opening scenes include a brief one with Scheana, Brock, and their daughter doing wedding planning. Did Scheana get some kind of contract for her daughter to appear in each episode? It’s such a weird pattern, these 1 minute scenes with the 3 of them.
At Schwartz & Sandy’s they are finally nailing down the menu. But they don’t have prices, so they can’t program the POS. This is hilarious. Schwartz invited Katie to the tasting. Finally, she gets some input! The food looks good. It seems like Greg is driving the food.
Ariana, Lala, and Scheana have invited Ally out to lunch. Scheana and Ariana are worried about Raquel’s feelings, and Lala is NOT. As always, I can’t with Lala on her high horse. Has she NEVER seen her own self on TV? Later Lala meets up with Brock and Scheana. Lala won’t be at any small bridesmaids event with Raquel because she can’t control her energy. Brock is in better touch with his kids in Australia now and credits Lala for pushing him on that.
LVP is throwing a tea. It includes the guys – I didn’t expect that. Ohhh… I had the wrong impression because it’s a surprise for Scheana and they told her (and us) it was a tea. She wasn’t completely surprised because she tracks her friends’ phones and she saw her sister’s car. James tells Lala he wants to ask Ally to marry him in Mexico. She tells him it’s too fast. But it would be payback for Brock and Scheana announcing their engagement at James & Raquel’s engagement party. Lisa points out that all the weddings she was involved with have failed – Scheana & Shay; Katie and Tom.
Lala and Schwartz flirt and it upsets James. Wow, he is so hung up on Raquel. But then he’s talking about having babies with Ally. Lala tries to bring him down to earth. How much has James had to drink? This feels like out-of-control James. Across town, Katie is lamenting her divorce from Tom and the sale of their house.
Sandoval invites everyone back to Schwartz and Sandy’s. Schwartz figures out they are paying bar staff, so this is actually costing them. James finally wears Scheana down on inviting Ally to the wedding. Meanwhile Sandoval and Raquel hang out in the men’s room. This isn’t that exciting actually. Especially since we already know they aren’t a thing.
Everyone packs and travels to Mexico. Scheana had Katie’s room moved away from the rest. Of course LVP calls Katie & Ariana during the trip. She’s finessed the sandwich shop location for them. They are so excited. Ariana is happy to have time with Sandoval in Mexico. Sad. James is sooo hung up on Raquel being there and Ally is irritated. I don’t blame her.
There is some kind of wedding party & family dinner. Scheana is upset that Lala brought Kristina Kelly to dinner after Stassi and Kristina trashed Scheana’s dress at her first wedding. She’s half Mexican and was also offended that they called it a skanky quinceañera dress. Apparently, there was an altercation between James and another person off camera and Ariana is upset about how James handled it. A lot of people are uncomfortable, but Ariana is particularly angry. That scene where she yells “we’re done” is directed at James. Ally is irritated with James again too and walks away. It’s hard to watch because James can be so funny, but he just spirals.
To Be Continued…

Of the various forms of government which have prevailed in the world, an hereditary monarchy seems to present the fairest scope for ridicule. Is it possible to relate, without an indignant smile, that, on the father's decease, the property of a nation, like that of a drove of oxen, descends to his infant son, as yet unknown to mankind and to himself; and that the bravest warriors and the wisest statesmen, relinquishing their natural right to empire, approach the royal cradle with bended knees and protestations of inviolable fidelity? Satire and declamation may paint these obvious topics in the most dazzling colours, but our more serious thoughts will respect a useful prejudice, that establishes a rule of succession, independent of the passions of mankind; and we shall cheerfully acquiesce in any expedient which deprives the multitude of the dangerous, and indeed the ideal, power of giving themselves a master.
In the cool shade of retirement, we may easily devise imaginary forms of government, in which the sceptre shall be constantly bestowed on the most worthy, by the free and incorrupt suffrage of the whole community. Experience overturns these airy fabrics, and teaches us that, in a large society, the election of a monarch can never devolve to the wisest, or to the most numerous, part of the people. The army is the only order of men sufficiently united to concur in the same sentiments, and powerful enough to impose them on the rest of their fellow-citizens: but the temper of soldiers, habituated at once to violence and to slavery, renders them very unfit guardians of a legal or even a civil, constitution. Justice, humanity, or political wisdom, are qualities they are too little acquainted with in themselves, to appreciate them in others. Valour will acquire their esteem, and liberality will purchase their suffrage; but the first of these merits is often lodged in the most savage breasts; the latter can only exert itself at the expense of the public; and both may be turned against the possessor of the throne, by the ambition of a daring rival.
The superior prerogative of birth, when it has obtained the sanction of time and popular opinion, is the plainest and least invidious of all distinctions among mankind. The acknowledged right extinguishes the hopes of faction, and the conscious security disarms the cruelty of the monarch. To the firm establishment of this idea, we owe the peaceful succession, and mild administration, of European monarchies. To the defect of it, we must attribute the frequent civil wars, through which an Asiatic despot is obliged to cut his way to the throne of his fathers. Yet, even in the East, the sphere of contention is usually limited to the princes of the reigning house, and as soon as the more fortunate competitor has removed his brethren, by the sword and the bowstring, he no longer entertains any jealousy of his meaner subjects. But the Roman empire, after the authority of the senate had sunk into contempt, was a vast scene of confusion. The royal, and even noble, families of the provinces, had long since been led in triumph before the car of the haughty republicans. The ancient families of Rome had successively fallen beneath the tyranny of the Caesars, and whilst those princes were shackled by the forms of a commonwealth, and disappointed by the repeated failure of their posterity, it was impossible that any idea of hereditary succession should have taken root in the minds of their subjects. The right to the throne, which none could claim from birth, every one assumed from merit. The daring hopes of ambition were set loose from the salutary restraints of law and prejudice; and the meanest of mankind might, without folly, entertain a hope of being raised by valour and fortune to a rank in the army, in which a single crime would enable him to wrest the sceptre of the world from his feeble and unpopular master.

Greetings once more my lovely readers!
Yes it is I, the marvellous, maleficent Meridiana, your scintillating spectacularly sexy Succubus here yet again to regale your with my tale of adventure in the modern world.
I know you’re excited, so am I!
Now then… right… here we go.
“This will do nicely,” I said with conviction because it was true.
No summoner had ever treated me this well before, well not without me charming and dominating their mind so utterly that they became my helpless worshipful slaves but that’s another thousand or so stories which are, quickly frankly, boring. I mean really, who wants to hear about a slave that is always wanting to kiss your ass all the time? What? Plenty do apparently? (My Magus is in the office at the moment and can hear me speak aloud as I type – he thinks it is most amusing) Ahem…
I shall have to investigate Fetish-Dommy-Mommy.com and perhaps create an account to make even more money. How wonderful!
Anyway…
“I am glad you are satisfied Meridiana. This saves us a lot of time. Later you can go shopping and buy whatever you wish but for now, you will have to make do with these clothes. Now I’ll quickly show you how the shower works and operation of the toilet.”
The Magus took a step back from the walk-in wardrobe and gestured back to the ensuite bathroom that my sumptuous bedroom contained.
I followed him as I needed to learn everything about my new home.
Inside the bathroom was a large glass cubicle to the right with a metallic spigot set high up on the marble tiled wall. There was an enormous triple mirror above a marble topped bench that had a wash basin cut into the centre of the bench with yet another metal spigot coming up and out of the bench. To either side of the main mirror were cabinets behind the smaller mirrors and cupboards under the bench.
“This is the shower. You pull that level there and water will come from the shower head above. Turn the level to the left and the water will get hot and to the right, cold. Shampoo and soap etc all there for you. Same with the wash basin tap. More things are inside the cabinets and cupboards for your use.”
The entire bathroom was covered in tiles making it look like a Roman bathhouse. Well sort of, as this was actually clean and most Roman baths, even at the height of the empire, were filthy places. You didn’t go there to get clean… well not really. You went there to get sex, food (often bad) and do business with either your patrons or clients, depending on who you were on the social ladder. Some bathhouses were better than others but meh… the Romans may have perfected the Aqueduct and running fresh water but they zero concept of keeping the bathwater clean and fresh.
“This is the toilet,” he said pointed to the porcelain seat with a lid next to the marble bench. “You operate it by pushing the metal button on the top of the cistern. See the roll of paper there next to it?”
I nodded.
“Clean yourself up with that then dump it into the pan and flush it all away. We don’t use Tersoriums anymore but there are wet wipes if you need them. Put the lid down first before you flush as germs spray everywhere when you flush.”
“No rough sponges to scrap my nethers clean? I used to like that Magus,” I said with a teasing smirk.
He shook his head slowly, rolled his eyes and carried on.
“Inside the cabinets are perfumes and lotions that you can indulge yourself in as well as teeth cleaning brushes, mouth washes and toothpaste.”
The Magus opened a cabinet revealing a vast array of perfume bottles of varying shapes, sizes and colours. My heightened senses inhaled the heady mix of powerful scented oils and fragrances. There were also make up products that I could see, a cornucopia of beauty in creams, pastes and shades, all would be worth a fortune back in the day.
“How utterly delightful,” I murmured, taking in what would be worth tens of thousands of Solidus (gold) back in Constantinople in perfumes alone, just sitting there inside a bathroom cabinet. He closed the cabinet.
“Behind you is the heated towel rail with towels, obviously, for you to dry yourself with.”
“Ahh… I know of these. Some of the Emperors’ nobles had copper pipes that performed a similar function in their bath houses, piping hot running water through them.”
I examined the towels which appeared to be of the same high quality cotton as my white soft robe that I was still wearing.
“Alright. I suppose you’ll be wanting a shower to clean up then?” he said with a flat tone.
“Will you be joining me Magus?” I said as I let my robe drop to the floor, smiling coquettishly at him.
He took a step back.
“No. Let me be absolutely clear: you are epitome of perfection of the female form. That is evident and indisputable. I cannot and will not have sex with you Meridiana. I know of your needs… for seminal fluid as it is one of your main sources of nourishment. That will be provided to you. Simply put, I know you will use my lust as a means of controlling me. I just can’t let that happen. Too much is at stake and I have worked too fucking hard to let my little head rule the big one. I’m not going to risk my plans for a quick knee trembler, no matter how tempting it is. I shall stick to raping the right hand for my needs. Now have a wash because you reek of sulphur.”
My jaw dropped in shock once more. I was lost for words at this point.
I was extremely and deathly affronted.
If I were not bound to him, forbidden to harm him I would have torn out his heart and shat inside his gaping chest wound for those grievous insults!
I narrowed my eyes, the infernal light flaring up but held my rage tightly within.
He watched me, almost bemused, with folded arms.
“You’ve never been rejected before have you?”
“No! How dare you refuse me like that? And saying that I smell!?! Intolerable!”
I folded my arms back over my heaving bosoms, as I was almost panting with frustration, barely holing my fury in check. Never before have I been spoken to like that, and had the offender been able to walk away still breathing.
“You do stink Meridiana. The stench of hell is on you. That needs to go. I am sorry if this insults you but remember, I said I was always be truthful with you, even if it is a painful truth.”
Now that made me pause.
I had never considered my odour in the past because everyone stank.
The Magus didn’t.
He was also extremely clean, free from lice, fleas and other unsavoury parasites and pests, unlike most of the people from Gerbert’s time. In fact he had a pleasant aroma of some scented oils, Sandal Wood, Lavender and Bergamot maybe? The scent emanating from him was faint but my enhanced senses could easily detect it now that I focused on it. He was also correct. I would most definitely tried to enslave him with sex as all males in the end are ruled by their cocks and balls. In addition, he was very well informed as to a Succubus’ needs. Normally we have absolutely no trouble in getting a man to “donate” his life giving juice to us. We do not need it everyday yet after a week or so in the universe, the hunger becomes powerful. Yet that was never a problem… until now.
“You are correct Magus. I do have the foul reek of hell on me and yes, I will require the fluid of life to survive here,” I said in cold clipped tones back to him.
“And you will get it from me, in a specimen jar, as and when it is necessary.”
“You take all the romance out it,” I muttered tersely, pouting and scowling at him.
“That’s the point Meridiana. You are not here to be my lover or replace my dead wife. I will appreciate your company as it does get lonely but I’m also used to that too. I want to learn from you, not fuck you. I can get that from any woman for the cost of a mere small sum of cash. It just does not interest me at all. What does interest me is all you have experienced and learned. That I find interesting. And of course, get you to flay and eviscerate the evil fucks who truly deserve it. Now, please, have a shower. Use the shampoos and soaps, you will feel better for it. Then find something to wear and join me back out in the lounge as I want to show you how the TV works.”
“TV? Huh?”
“The Television. Words are now often abbreviated into simple letters to save time in speech. Much like the Romans did with their inscriptions.”
“Oh… I see… hmmph! Well since you do not wish to embrace the unearthly delights my body would bestow upon you, I bid you begone from my bathing chamber!” I said pointing out, demanding he leave forthwith. I was not going to tolerate his presence any longer.
“As you wish,” he said with a dry ghost of a smirk on his lips as he backed away closing the double wooden doors as he left.
Now I was alone inside the bathing chamber, I leaned up against the cool tiled wall and let out a long exhalation. A few moments later I could hear music coming from the “lounge” room as he called it. It was gentle and honestly, relaxing. I listened for a minute, letting the notes and melody wash over me as the window next to the porcelain seat or toilet was partially open. My mood calmed as I suspect was his intent.
My admiration and dare I say it, respect for my Magus grew exponentially. Such self-control and discipline! Again, this was worthy of a Demon Prince such his control over his base urges. No male, or for that matter female, had ever resisted my allure. Often I had no need for employing my demonic powers of Charm and Suggestion as the humans would be almost begging me for my touch. No matter, I had time and he was male. Somewhere down the road of this… ‘partnership’, he would succumb to my charms, be begging on his knees to enter me and when that happened, he would be mine!
With a small sigh I picked up my discarded robe, it was far too valuable to leave laying on the floor even though the tiles were incredibly clean. There were hooks on the back of the double doors which I hung it upon then opened up the glass door to the ‘shower and stepped in.
The lever that activated the shower was in front of me, in the central position.
Pull it I suppose?
I screamed!
Cold water blasted into my face and body.
A cold laugh emanated from the lounge room.
“YOU FUCKING BASTARD!” I screamed back at the Magus as he chuckled to himself.
Then the water began to warm and became extremely pleasant to my senses.
He knew this would happen and didn’t warn me! Oh how delightfully, devilishly, and charmingly devious is my Magus. A harmless prank but also a lesson for me. Ask more questions! I admit I am supremely arrogant. After all I am an extremely powerful demon possessed with powers beyond human imagination, well that is not true as your kind have a vast imagination and have already worked out what we can do in a game of all things! Ahem. My point is that I must be much more humble and considerate of my new world. I have no desire at all to be returned to hell. I would butcher tens of millions of humans and demons to stay here if need be.
I stood in the shower, letting the warm clean water cascade over me in a very pleasing and powerful way. It was… bliss. Turning, I examined the various plastic bottles of soaps and shampoos, opened a few and sniffed the contents. Taking one that suited my senses, I proceeded to wash my hair with it. It was glorious dear reader. Nothing like this was present during Gerbert’s time. Yes there were scented oils, unguents and balms but nothing came close to this splendid liquid that nourished my hair, making it feel even silkier than before.
I stayed in the shower for a long while, playing with the heat and also the shower head as I discovered it could be adjected to differing levels of spray. Finally I had had enough so I depressed the lever and stepped out of the shower, reaching for my lovely warm fluffy towel. Despite the Magus being who he was, he was trying to make my new life comfortable. That was a small mark in his favour but he had a mountain to climb for those insults he gave to my self-esteem and dignity. I would find a way to make him pay or demand more in the way of homage and tribute for him to overcome those insults!
I took my time in selecting make up, lotions and balms plus testing all the perfumes that obviously once belonged to his wife. She had quite a range of beauty products as I later discovered they were called. Yet strangely, they were hardly used? Interesting.
Satisfied that my make up was alluring but not sluttish and wearing a few discreet dabs a scent called Issey Miyaki which was wonderfully fragrant, I left my bathing chamber and walked nude to my wardrobe to select something to wear.
The light was still on as I examined the hanging row of gowns, dresses and other clothing. One nearest the door caught me eye. I gently took it off the hanger, feeling the incredibly soft plushily wonderous material in my hands. It was a long dress, simply cut to allow the arms to be almost fully exposed while at the same time extended well past the knees, just stopped a few inches above the ankles. The colour of it was like red wine splashed on white linen (the Magus told me it’s called Burgundy) and it had a most intricate and repeating pattern or motif upon it to the likes I had never seen before. I had to wear this!
Adjusting my body size to be slimmer and a few inches taller, I eventually fit the dress perfectly. I made sure though that my tits still fully filled the bust region of the dress and my hips swollen just wide enough to still draw the eye. I saw many pairs of shoes and sandals on racks upon the floor. I selected an elegant but simple design of sandal and came out back into the lounge area.
I was again stunned but this time so was my Magus.
The reason for my surprise was that the ‘television’ was on. I could see moving pictures all lit up in incredible colour and fidelity and sound coming from the massive black metal and glass device. It was mesmerising!
The Magus however was shocked at seeing me in the burgundy dress. He closed his eyes as a flash of pain washed over his face. He drew in a shuddering breath, focused his towering will and recovered. I could feel it! Even I was taken aback by what he just felt within himself. It was such utter sorrow and anguish. While normally I would relish that in my victims, this time I did not as the bond between Magus and I allowed pain, of any kind it seemed, to flow between us. He finally spoke,
“Perhaps I should have gotten rid of that dress,” he said in a hollow low voice.
“Why Magus? It’s simply a dress?”
“It was one of the first ones my wife bought for herself when we were initially courting. She always looked so lovely in it,” he sighed as he stood up and sadly regarded me. “And now you do too.”
I blinked.
I had always been told that I was beautiful, a paragon of female perfection yet I knew that was often flattery or the results of my charms and suggestions or domination. The Magus would never lie to me. He meant everything he said. It made me feel…strange.
He sighed deeply once more, pinched the bridge of his nose while he gathered himself.
“I thought I was past this… but obviously not. No matter, it is a good lesson for me. I must not give in to it. I am the master of my own reality, I am free to choose whatever state of being I desire, I do not desire feeling s of loss and sadness,” he mostly to himself before continuing, “Now… since you took your sweet god dam time in the bathroom, a trait that seems to extend to female demons, we now have no time for me to show you how the TV works. Instead, we will go for a drive. I am going to show you what the wider world looks like Meridiana. How long is it since you saw the ocean?”
Now that was a question I did not expect.
“Unnhh… centuries?” I shrugged, mystified yet intensely curious now as I was aware of what he meant by a ‘drive’. We would be going out in his metal and glass box, also known as a car or automobile or vehicle.
“I am glad you are ready to go. Just a few things Meridiana, some rules you need to follow. One – we do not shit where we eat – that means no killing in this city unless it is absolutely, I truly mean absolutely, necessary. We need to stay hidden, especially you. As I said earlier, there are demons who have made Earth their home. Your presence has not been noted yet but once we start our campaign, you will draw attention from others of your kind to yourself. So no going out and draining stupid young men just because you feel like a bit of fun. Do you understand? I want the chant of three to know you fully comprehend!”
His Sea Green eyes flashed with power.
My eyes widened as I felt the force of his will, held in check, just barely brushing against my mind.
“I accept, I accept, I accept,” I said hastily. His sorrow had been morphed into anger. Not at me as such, at the world in general but it wouldn’t take much for me to be the brunt of his ire. This is common amongst Demon Lords and Princes, those used to wielding power and have supreme control over their mind and will.
“Next – there are a few people I still call friends. They may visit me from time to time and even meet us out in the wider world. As such, you will be my new partner for the sakes of appearances. They will see this as me having finally moved on and accepting the loss of my wife. We will have to concoct a suitable narrative that will bare up to scrutiny so that you will pass as a normal human woman who has gained my affection. None of these people are to be harmed and if they are ever under threat, you will help them as best you can. Don’t think you can use them against me either as I will know and I will break you worse than your lord ever did. Do you understand?”
“I accept, I accept, I accept,” I repeated in a meek voice. He would hurt me in way that my lord could not even imagine. This I knew instinctively and once he had broken me, would cast me back into hell to be tormented for eternity. He’s so dreamy!
“Oh, one final thing for now, we don’t wear shoes inside the house. I know I have mine on but that’s because I was in the garage and it’s a dirty place and I forgot to take them off once we came upstairs. This is not something you need to be bound to by oath by the way, just it’s better and cleaner for us both plus it makes it easier to keep the floor clean.” He paused for a moment, considering his next words. I was puzzled by that request but saw the logic of it so what do as he asked. He then spoke on,
“You are going to be… stunned for want of a better description in a few minutes once we get going. Just remember who you are, what you used to do, how to blend in and observe. I think that you will enjoy this Meridiana. Now, come on, lets go and have a look at the beach. I think it will do us both the world of good. Follow me please,” he said as he gestured towards the stairs. I nodded and quietly followed him down the staircase back to the basement garage.
He stopped briefly back at the kitchen bench to retrieve a.. hat? Of the likes I’d not seen before which contained a leather wallet (I now knew what somethings were) sunglass and a set of keys. He also handed me a pair of sunglasses and took off a bright red, wide brimmed floppy hat from a hook that was behind the door that lead down to the basement stairs. I took the items wordlessly from him, mildly amused by it all. We descended the short flight of stairs.
The summoning circle was still there, the blood now fully congealed.
“Magus…as question if I may?”
“Yes?”
“How was it possible to you to have used so much of your blood in making the circle of summoning and binding and not be dead?”
He laughed and smiled, them walked over to what I now knew was a refrigerator and opened the double doors.
“Phlebotomy my dear Succubus!” he grinned with a devilish smile and harsh glint in his eyes.
I could now see a plastic bag, full of blood, hanging inside the fridge.
“I have a dear trusted friend, who is a medical doctor, that for the past couple of months has taken my blood and we stored it here inside the cold fridge. She thinks it’s because I might need an operation, a medical procedure. Once I had enough, I rested and rebuilt my power and strength and voila! You are here and bound to me. Science and magic, an unbeatable combination!,” he broadly grinned as I gaped in astonishment at him.
I could now see a container next to the fridge that had at least half a dozen of the soft plastic bags with the residue of his blood still within them.
What genius!
No wonder he wanted to fully bind me and he worked out why none of the previous summoners had ever truly succeeded in fully binding a demon to it’s summoner. The ENTIRE circle had to made of their blood. And no one in the past had ever had the method in which they could safely store and preserve their blood for such a use.
“I had to have a few infusions of blood to replace what I lost as well as it’s unsafe to give out so much in a short time. Lucky for me Victoria is a very caring, understanding, and above all, discrete person. I think you’ll like her. She’s probably one of the nicest people you will ever meet. And again I stress, she is inviolate, untouchable. You might be surprised at making a friend you know?”
I nodded, not wanting to argue with him. And he might actually have a point. I might need allies beyond the Magus. It never hurts to have a backup plan.
He stepped back over to the car, opened a front door and gestured that I take a seat within.
I did so, carefully so as not to bump my head on the vehicles roof. I stared around the cars interior.
“Ahh, if I may? I need you to put your seatbelt on Meridiana. Here, I’ll do it for you this time. You take this buckle on the belt,” he said as he showed me what he was speaking of, “and insert the buckle into the clasp next to the right side of your waist, just there,” he said as he leant partially over me and placed the buckle in the clasp with a little click. “Now you are safe and secure.”
“Why would I need to be retrained in such a fashion Magus?”
“Good question Meridiana. Basically it is for your own safety as we will be on the road with other cars and drivers and sometimes, humans being the idiots they are, fail to drive properly and thus become a danger to others as well as themselves. The seatbelt will stop you from flying out of the car if we are impacted by another vehicle.”
My eyes widened then narrowed.
“I would not be harmed by such an event. You should know this.”
“Oh but I do. I know only an enchanted or blessed weapon or magical attacks will harm you however, the local laws demand that all who travel in vehicles must wear seatbelts and I do not wish to attract the attention of the local police if they spot you not wearing one just because of your demonic invulnerability.”
“Ahh… I see. Prudent. I respect you thinking of outcomes and possibilities Magus. It is… refreshing.”
He gave me a brief nod then closed my door, walking around to the other side that had the wheel in front of the seat he was going to sit in. He got in, buckled his belt and inserted the keys into the base of the column that the wheel rested upon. Pressed a small button, the massive metal wall that was in front of us suddenly began to open much to my surprise.
“I used a remote to open the garage door Meridiana,” he said with another dry smirk at seeing my reaction.
I sniffed and turned away, trying to pretend not to be impressed. It didn’t work.
Starting the engine, a little roar of life came from the front of the car. He reached down to his left and pulled a small lever, shifting into a setting that read D. The vehicle suddenly began to move, slowly at first. The Magus carefully eased the car out of the garage and I now saw that it opened into a large paved laneway that was lined with houses, all adjoined to one another.
Simply astonishing!
My eyes were wide once more as I gaped at the marvellous building acumen in front of me.
The Magus turned the wheel that he held in his hands which in turn guided the car in the direction he wished it to go. Now I can fly, when in my true form, but this was just so nice. Sitting comfortably in a soft seat, having cool air gently blow on you from small vents in the front of the dashboard as I later learned it was called… just bliss. Flying is hard work by the way. Ever run up a hill? That’s what it’s like. You can do it and once you’re at a certain level, you can glide along easily but getting into the air… not so much fun to be honest. Yes I know, I’m a demon and lies are second nature for us but in the case of flying, this is true. It’s a thing I don’t need to lie about.
The Magus had us sedately travel down the laneway till we came to a junction where he turned right. All the while I was staring up and around the buildings about us and then I caught a glimpse of the bright blue sky above us. No matter who long I have lived, that sight never failed to move me. You humans always seem to ignore the wonder that is around you. Ahh well.
My eyes grew even wider once we turned into the main tree lined street as I saw even bigger buildings ahead of us.
“Those are apartment blocks, or what the Romans would have called Insulae,” said the Magus casually as we drove past them.
“Some things don’t change do they?” I said in idle fascination as we continued.
“I suppose not,” he replied as we now came to a stop in front of a number of coloured lights mounted in a sequence upon yellow metal poles. The lights were red at the moment.
“Red mean stop, green means you can go and amber means go very fast,” he remarked as he saw me staring at the lights in some confusion.
“Oh… I see..” Not really but I sort of understood.
The light changed to green and we moved off once more, this time traveling a speed faster than a galloping horse. I was in complete awe as we effortless travelled down the well paved, black road, seeing other cars driving alongside us and in the opposite direction. Trees were everywhere as were hundreds of buildings. I could see people waling along the side of the road on a paved path, leading dogs on a rope?.. I couldn’t quite tell. I saw a man on a very slim, two wheeled device, his legs pumping away on some small peddles that his feet seemed to be attached to.
“That’s a bicycle,” said the Magus. I nodded once more as it was almost overwhelming.
“Where are the city walls?” I asked in a small voice as we must have travel a few miles by now.
“We have none.”
“What?”
“We have no need for such things. This city has over two and a half million people who live in an area than spans probably about seventy miles north to south and about thirty or so from the coast to the hills in the east. This is the lucky country Meridiana. Our shores have never been invaded, well they were once by my ancestors, taking it from the indigenous peoples who had lived here for probably sixty thousand years of more? Non one is really sure or perhaps you might be?”
“Terra Australis?”
“The Romans know of it? Incredible!”
“They heard of rumours of it from traders from the far eastern Spice Islands. The only people who bothered to head that way were divers for the rare shells of creatures that lived in the reefs there.”
“Ahh Troccus Shell of course. Makes complete sense. Indonesians must have been sailing from their islands down here for thousands of years but simple fishermen don’t write historical journals for later generations to read now do they?”
“No, they don’t. I found fishermen to be a mostly rough, ready, usually rude and definitely ignorant bunch of sea lice infested peasants. Literacy and leaning and the preservation of knowledge was never high on their list of priorities,” I replied with a smirk.
The Magus nodded with his own smile. I could see that these little snippets of my experience were intriguing for him as he mentioned that he is a historian, a scholar of learning. A person who was almost on my level of intellect.
We carried on down the wide open road in comfortable silence for now as I sat and admired the incredible vista sweeping by us.
Soon we crested a hill after a few more stops and starts at various intersections contained the coloured lights on poles.
I couldn’t help but let out a gasp of delight as I suddenly saw the magnificent blue ocean before me.
Far off in the distance I could see massive ships?... just sitting there in the ocean. There was an island on the horizon that was clearly visible as it was a perfectly clear late afternoon.
We drove down the descending hill and turned onto a very busy road that was full of cars and people.
“Aha! We are in luck Meridiana!”
“We are?” I had no idea what he was talking about.
“We got a parking spot right there. People pray for these you know?” he said as he guided the car into the free space between two other cars.
“They do? Who do they pray to? Do they offer sacrifice for such eventualities?” I wondered as he parked the car.
“Maybe? My best friend calls upon a goddess he named Pamelia, goddess of Parking, invoking her name in praise when he finds a free parking spot in a good location.”
I shook my head with amusement and disbelief but I knew the Magus wasn’t lying. It was just so ridiculous that it had to be true.
“Praise Pamelia then?” I said hesitantly.
“Indeed,” he replied as he switched off the car’s engine. “Just press the red button on your clasp and that will release your belt. The door handle is just there,” he said as he pointed to it.
I did as he said and was out and standing on concrete pavers that formed a neat and well-constructed pathway that led past busy tavernas, shops and eateries, all full of people enjoying themselves.
“Come this way Meridiana. I’m going to buy you a Gelato. I think you will enjoy it. Oh, put on your hat and sunglasses, you’ll feel better and blend in more,” he suggested.
I did so and what surprised me even more was that he offered his left arm for me to hold.
“We have to look normal Meridiana, although most people are going to take one look at you and think what the hell is that gorgeous woman doing with that pudgy, middled aged old fart then?”
I let loose a genuine laugh.
“True but they don’t know who you or I are,” I said with a demure smile back at him.
“And that’s the point. Always leave the proles guessing.”
And with that we walked down the path, with many furtively looking at me. I notice that I drew the glances of women more than men as women always compare themselves to others, they simply can’t help it. It pleased me greatly and I ignored the stares and longing looks from both sexes, keeping a serene smile on my sensual lips as I lightly held the Magus’s left arm between my hands.
We soon came up to a busy food venue that had a large lit up sign saying “Gelato!”.
We made our way into the venue with little fuss, just briefly waiting to be served as the people working behind the counter were quick and efficient.
“Hmm… I think I’ll get you a Rum and Raisin double scoop to start with,” said the Magus.
I shrugged, not knowing what that was but knowing what Rum and raisins were.
“One Rum and Raisin and one Vanilla double scoop in waffle cones please,” he requested. The server nodded and I was again astounded as the Magus just took out his phone and tapped it to a device that the server held out. That was a financial transaction!
We got our Gelatos, walked out, crossed the busy road, found an empty bench, sat down and I tried Gelato for the first time. Dozens of people just walked by us with little regard.
I closed my eyes as I sampled the ice cold substance.
Nirvana in food form!
This must be just like living in Paradise.

As I’m sure a lot of stores are experiencing, we have had a drastic drop in hours due to low sales, and it’s been like this since January. I am a part time employee.
The issue I’m having here is that I am in financial distress at the moment, and have a lot on my plate.
My father passed away last week, and the funeral was on Monday and Tuesday. I also was in a car accident which totaled my car(I’m getting things sorted out so I can be at my next shift).
Here’s the issue: I don’t feel like I’ve got a whole lot of thorough training. I also feel like I haven’t really been doing my best, and unfortunately the ASM confirmed with me that my work hasn’t been stellar. I’m in inside lawn and garden, and I truly like the people I work with and the job, and I feel like I can definitely work to improve myself. But all I keep getting is the workaround about hours. I barely get scheduled anymore, and if I am scheduled it’s not with my supervisor or the other associate who is doing a really great job at trying to teach me things.
I’m sorry to make a long post here, but long story short, I’m really overwhelmed with everything at the moment, and I truly do want to improve, but I just don’t understand why the management isn’t being more transparent with me as to why they are making the scheduling decision that they are making. If I’m truly not doing well, I’d honestly would rather have them tell me that to my face and show me where I can improve instead of just leave me wondering what the hell is going on.
So here I am, asking all of you guys for advice. I really could use it. If I left something out or if something isn’t clear, comment and let me know and I’ll try to explain more.
I really don’t want to give up on this company, but honestly if this continues I will have to find another job.

I’m looking for a Podcast/Audio book for advice in the car sales business. Any suggestions?

Hi all! Like most posts on this thread, I strategically planned my first Yosemite trip in late April to miss the winter weather and the summer crowds.
I'm coming from the East Bay and have never even seen or touched snow since I was a kid so driving in the snow in my 2010 Honda Accord seems so scary. I just took my car to the shop and it is in good condition, I am just unsure if it's strong enough to endure those kinds of roads. I have no idea how to install tire chains and am unsure if I'm willing to risk damage to my tires. My Yosemite buddy who's driving my car doesn't know how either. We are debating on postponing our trip :( or wait to see if the weather calms down. We would need to cancel by April 15th, How long does the snow/icy conditions last on the roads over there?
As far as hiking goes, we are mostly there for the views and to sightsee so we aren't too dependent on embarking on the big hikes. We both just need a weekend getaway, finally got the days off, and wanted to soak in the views.
My question for a local or regular Yosemite visitors: Do you think this late April will going to be a good time to visit?

Got a call today from the dealership someone's deal felt through, so instead of the expected 9-12 months wait, she's coming Friday (cash, MRSP, no mark up, AWD SLE). I haven't bought a new car in 15yrs. Any advice on this one?
I actually have a bill of sale for another brand for next month, so will have to cancel that lol.

I had set up an appointment to take a look at a car yesterday. I was in the car taking the hour long drive to get there and then 15 mins out I received a text saying the car was sold. I found it odd because I feel like I've heard this story a few times. Is this a situation where the dealer just figured out the car was already sold a while ago? Did they just decide the price was too low?
I reached out to the sales guy and asked him if we were still good for our appointment a few hours earlier and he confirmed. He texted me later and asked if I could get in a little bit sooner. My appointment was for 6PM and the dealership closed at 7PM.

My love,
It’s been such a long time. The one thing I never wanted to ever happen to us will happen tomorrow. We will be divorced and part our ways for good. I have many unsent letters and notes that you will never see. I’d like this to be one of them but you never know.
I know you left me because you needed to know who you are and find your independence. You have always had that though, my love. The person on that blue chair snuggled in your blanket and our puppy, telling me in her cute voice about her day and how her workout went. The same girl who ran around the house in a blanket working off calories from a big night of drinking and laughing together. You are the same girl who I wouldn’t let sleep alone drunk in the bathroom. We spent two nights cuddling next to porcelain throne. You are the same girl who names all the critters in the house. Gecko’s were Steve’s, Bats were Philips, the orange stray cat 🐈 was Reginald and your blue car 🚙 was Spike. Those are just small examples of who you really were. Did you strive for your independence then? We’re you slowly withering away when we built all those memories in Okinawa together? Am I over romanticizing you and us? I will never really know. You shared so little with me since you left.
You left me in January of 2020. I saw you for a week in October of 2020, when I forced myself to try and save us one last time. The last thing you said to me in person, holding my hand was “I love you!” I thought maybe we were finally getting closer to being the couple we really were. Then I was sick with COVID and all alone, meanwhile you were partying and doing blow with your girlfriends. Who knows what else happened that night. All I know is that was the last time we talked. I couldn’t do it anymore. You were so cruel to me. Backed out of our wedding (while we we’re already married) 3 months before the big day. It’s like you left me at the alter. Then when Chris died…. I needed you and you were not there. I shivered nearly in tears, on the floor of my kitchen with his picture and the bear he gave me when I was born. Then the war ended, not a single call or text from anyone. I sat in my granddads rocking chair with a broken heart wanting to die. In your absence I have done so many terrible things to cover my pain. My Vice is sex and alcohol and I abused both. Sex from strange women or big groups just to have a taste of intimacy that wouldn’t endanger me by developing a relationship with someone else because I knew it was you who I wanted. More whiskey scotch and gin to fill my glasses and the void in my life created by your absence. I never shared any of this with you. Tried so hard not to text you. I know I hurt my chances of winning you back by opening up to you whenever I did.
Then when I got tired of this neglect I pursued this divorce to be free and you dragged your feet. Ignoring it for almost two years. Recently you needed something from me and I was elated to help and come through for you. I dropped everything, cause I’m typical you fashion it was last minute. I never heard that much from you and that consistent. Only when you needed something from me. When we did try and talk, it would take you three to five days to respond to me with a short closed answer.
I took so much abuse from you. I loved you all the way through too. I thought it was because I knew who you REALLY were. I thought I knew you better than you knew yourself. I knew what your soul needed to thrive, I know why you wouldn’t take advice from anyone else. I know how and why your anxiety cripples you and I know you are stronger than you realize. I know you can beat your anxiety by facing it head on. Unfortunately I also know it cripples you and you would rather your problems dissolve than face them. I know you never knew what a good husband looked like because your dad was never the man your family needed. I know why you were always so quiet and non confrontational, because your sister fought your dad and you didn’t want him to get angry and leave you so you were the quiet one in hopes he would favor you and not leave. I know why you liked school so much, because it kept you structured and safe from everything else you couldn’t control. I know why your strength is so limitless, it’s because when you really were dying of an eating disorder you found a part of yourself you didn’t know you had. I know it’s never over for you because every day you are surviving it, forcing it to not show it’s face by dominating it with control. Your control is running or working out and you would do that till you felt actually physical pain. That pain gave you a calm that you worked hard enough to keep your eating disorder demons at bay. So they would never claim your soul. It made you feel safe.
Unfortunately we died. Something crept in between us and destroyed us. I’m still heartbroken by it all. It’s so sad because I thought we were really soulmates and truly in love. I thought “as long as I have you, my boods.”
Unfortunately you will never come home and I will never see you on my steps. I will never hold you in my arms and I will never feel your warmth and love ever again. I’m sad and crippling my pillow’s because I know it’s the end and not once did you return to my arms. You filed my heart and soul with so much love and it’s all gone. You ran though my mind body and soul like a life I always wanted. I thought you knew the man I really was and the man I wanted to be. I loved you so damn much. It’s over and will never find its way to return. I’m heartbroken and saddened at your absence and life without your light is absolutely dull and bleak.
You have the power to undo ALL of it and I know you won’t. I know I can’t tell you to either because you are stubborn and the idea and action had to be yours and yours alone. So from afar I will love you. Quietly and from a far distance till the sands of time claim my soul. I love you so so much. That if I had to choose between taking my very last breath or use it to say one last thing to you, I would say quietly into your ear, I will always love you.
This is my unsent letter the night before we divorce.