1v1 lol unblocked mom

Baby girl was born on March 28th at 5:42pm weighing 7 lbs 2.5 oz and 20.5 inches long 😭
It’s mindblowing that she weighs the exact same as her brother did when he was born!
I had originally planned to have a c-section due to me having genital herpes. It came time for me to get ready for surgery, had already talked to anesthesiologist and everything and I got really scared and anxious about going through with it. Discussed it with my OB and opted to do an induction instead!
I got my epidural before my OB broke my water, the epidural only took to my right side so once my water was broken I got situated lying on my left side with the peanut ball and upped the dose of epidural which thankfully helped spread the epidural to the left side.
It took a little while to dilate to 10cm but we finally got there! My nurse had me do one practice push and she said “Oh yeah, don’t push I’m going to grab the doctor” 😂 he came in, got everything ready and baby girl was out after 3 pushes! And I was left with only a first degree tear 🥳
Now here I am at almost 5am, just got done eating a sandwich while my husband and daughter are sound asleep.
I’ve been successfully nursing her, too!! I wasn’t planning on latching at all because I wanted to exclusively pump but none of the flanges or flange inserts I have are the right size! So until I am able to purchase some flanges that actually fit, nursing or combo feeding will have to do lol.
It still feels so surreal! I can’t believe she’s really here even though I’m looking right at her!
Anywayssss, just thought I’d share my graduation with you lovely moms! 💕

Hello . This will be a long and Dramatic and Very likely Poorly spelled Post So I do apologies but if any residents of New Hope can give me Advice Would be grate;
I Live in Pittsburgh PA I have all m y life my family were hear And I am a High functioning Autistic (Formerly Aspergers ) and a Trans female (But nobody would know and I do not go around bandying tht about). Being I have Aspergers finding gainful employment for most of my adult life has been hard but I did do Volunteering work at my Local Libraries and have references. Briefly worked for this Restaurant owner who was a NIGHTMAIR to work for I have allso worked as a Artist Model for CMA Collage for about a year or 2 . I have worked almost every season at a Flower shop (SOMETHING I LOVED) for every year from 2017 until covid hit . Due to my difficulties and My fears of going out into the world on my own and the Uncertainties it entails (Plus watching my mom go homeless) I stayed closer to home and at home bc my family were hear. Over the last 10 years allmost every member of my immediate family has died . I have never really cared for my home city There are good things about it for shur but for me the work is hard to obtain no matter how hard I try, public transport is a pain in the ass (Despite they get 40 million a year) and finding a decent guy is also a pain in the ass My life hear feels stagnant and I def. do not want to live the rest of my life and Die in this Dam City so There is a grate apart of me that wants to leave if I can arrange things . For the last several years I have been I guess you would say a Companion to my ageing Grandpa who has Diabetes and many other health problems. We both looked after each other and enjoyed our company. Sadly he is not a rich man He attempted to leave me his pension so i had some money when he passed but that turned out to not be a GO plan. He is dying his house the Oly asset and that does not go to me nor could I afford to maintain it anyhow now. Plus we learned the nursing home/Hospice could take the house as collateral if they wished bc. my grandpa never set things legally into place to prevent that. So ither way it seems I may have to leave the Home and place I have grown up in and felt safe in. My remaining family are not a Massive help well meaning but not a help. I do not have many friends at the moment who can help , I only started to search for new groups of friends and brave the dating scean again. Found friends but few are in a position to help and as far as finding a BF or Husband ........................ZILCH ! A Friend of mine recently suggested that Mabe I move to another town or city. New York City he said Has AMAZING Assistance to the poor he said "They just give shit away". But I am not Keen to live in NY NY I allso hear cities like Boston and the state of Road Island also have good State assistance for the Poor . Pa I have heard is REMARKABLY also said to be a good state for assistance and Gov Programs to help people like Me which i was amazed by so maybe I thought move somewhere else in the state I thought ? Mabe its just Pittsburgh is not a good place for Folks Like Me? Anyway I have been yearning for a more small town but not Hick City Like many towns in what is Called (Pennsaltucky) LOL !
I mean i know there are good Folks from there but somebody like me would not fair well. its not like I am some Cali liberal but you know what I mean. I Love old houses and history and I take a interest and Agricultural and gardening Persuits so new hope seems Grate. And I Learned of new hope from some Paranormal Documentaries from the early 2000's and thought it looks like a nice place to live or work. Now I do have the other possibility to move down to NC. I met some people on hear who know my situation and we have talked regularly for some time on hear but Never met. I hoped to get the money for the train fair to get down there to scout it out but my situation has become so dire that I do not have that luxury. Close my eyes and Jump so to speak
I know Taxes and Property rates are high in New Hope, there is a lot of noise from a Airport 9 miles away and Humidity is INSANE. But I am just considering it as a possibility and just trying to think of Plans you know . As of Right now I literally arrive in town with VERY little money No Car (Id need to take a bus or train if any re neer by) need to find somebody kind and understanding to give me work and then a decent place to rent, I would have few belongings with me being I would have to arrive with only what I could carry most of my other things id have to leave with family till i could aford to have then sent down. good people to help me build my life BC I would never have done this on my own ..................EVER. If you look in my post history Yes you will find I am a Lusty and Dirty Girl but there is WAYYYYY More to me than that Believe me. I am just a Sad poor Girl who has had bad luck in life and is looking for some place nice and safe and were i might fit in to start a new life, make friends (Find a Husband) and settle for a while. Massive American cities like NY NY Despite there many Attractions do not appeal to me . Your thoughts ? Advice?

Hello, everyone. It's me, Dani. :-)
I'm the 42-year-old sibling/anime nerd/writer, who's trying to care for my 57-year-old brother named Rob with a brain tumor and a badly infected leg (due to diabetes, thanks to the brain tumor). Along with my sister, Ace, who is the true rockstar and angel in all of this. And Rob's wife is a SAINT! She's put up with this madness for over a year and deserves all of the flowers possible! =p
So, it's been *checks notes* NINE days since I made my first post here, which started out with me venting about the horrible state of Rob's leg, the difficulty in changing his bandages (and peeling chunks of his skin away in the process, because the infection was THAT BAD!), about me going into a room to silent cry after those changings - before putting on a happy face again and approaching Rob with empathy and compassion again.
And just like the erosion of his leg, so is the state of our sibling relationship - as I've reached the point of screaming, cursing him out, and blocking phone calls altogether from Rob! I'll explain...
So, Ace took him to the best VA hospital in the Twin Cities of Minnesota. Once the medical staff saw the state of his leg, they IMMEDIATELY admitted him and set up a whole team of specialists for him. Two wound-care specialists, a new endocrinologist, a GP (that Rob loved and kept praising a lot), a head nurse named, uh... let's call him Calvin - that took to him as a fellow ex-soldier himself, a psychologist (as he voiced that he was feeling a lot of anxiety and wanted to talk with someone), a social worker, and a group of nurses to tend to his every need and whim.
This dream-team would football huddle together and work quickly with the goal to save Rob's leg from being amputated from the knee, as that was a real possibility on the table. (Keep in mind, this isn't on his Veteran benefits - no, it's on his wife's private insurance). And the treatments were super effective, with every one of his doctors pretty much giving the green light that he'd likely be released from the hospital by Monday. Meaning the Monday that's already passed now...
By Saturday, Rob decided, "My leg is healed enough! I want to go home!" He meant that he wanted to go back to our apartment for my sister and me to resume playing nurse-maid to him. Every doctor was adamant in their professional opinion that it would be unwise for him to leave the hospital in the middle of the treatment that will save his leg! So many times, the phrases "not recommended" or "I wouldn't recommend it" was repeated by every doctor and specialist. They would tell Rob this directly and oftentimes with Ace in the room to witness it.
Somehow, Rob heard, "Something-something... you can go home now if you want to." Every. Single. Time. And when Ace went home from her visit with him, he'd get the doctor to get on his phone, to relay to Ace that he can skip out on his treatment, but the doctor would repeat over the phone, "I don't recommend that your brother signs out of treatment prematurely, in my professional opinion." Then Rob would take the phone back and shout to my sister, as if he was vindicated, "You see? Doctor says I can go home!"
Calvin tried to warn him, "If you leave this hospital, you'll lose the leg for certain!" Rob tried to argue with the head nurse that his leg wasn't that bad, so Calvin stated the truth, "Dude, I can smell the infection, as we speak." I had experienced that smell for two days before he went into the VA... it smells of rotting flesh! No lie or "no cap" as the kids say these days.
Rob got angry and decided that it was all his wife's fault that he was losing his leg. He called her up on the phone, screaming at her, and asking for a divorce, as poor Ace tried to calm him down. His wife's account was, that she gave him his antibiotics - he refused to take them and the infection got worse. And that's an observable truth, as Rob has a habit of not taking his medication when he's at home and it's left up to him to do. And, he's too prideful to let anyone else manage his medications for him.
Either that or too paranoid. I don't really know.
Before Saturday, on Friday, Rob decided that Calvin was at fault and should be fired. He blamed Calvin for "lying" to him about the risk of losing his leg, deciding that it was never that serious at all, and that Calvin was purposely trying to get him to divorce his wife. And then, more bizarre conspiracy theories against the hospital and staff occurred. (see the previous post, if you're curious.)
So, it's been days of nonstop gaslighting and emotional blackmailing from Rob! And... for some crazy reason, he believes I'm the "weakest link" (even though, Ace has openly admitted that she's the weaker of the two of us and has been leaning on me for support to not cave into his mind-games), and his presumption that he's somehow "smarter" than me and that he can easily get his way from me only pisses me off MORE so! :(
And the worse thing is - the leg thing is situated now... It's not great, but they managed to stop the infection. Rob took it upon himself to flood my phone with photos of his bloody mess of a leg, to "prove" to me that his leg is fine. Even though it looks like a shriveled and dead tree limb with huge gaping bloody wounds, that are actively staining the white linens within the photo. Yes, there is no more liquid and pus, just lots of blood flowing now, but... Seriously, any special effect artist would be PROUD to recreate the way his "leg" looks now, for any horror movie!
BUT, on Sunday, his brain tumor swelled up so much that his eye is drooping, because it is pressing on the optical nerve. Rob's vision is impaired by the tumor and the surgeon wishes to schedule him for brain surgery as soon as possible. They're trying to get a spot for him in the OR and everything set up, but... you know, COVID, so the systems are still bogged down, and the soonest they could get it was in a few days from now. He has to STAY for a few more days to get the brain surgery that he most certainly needs.
And he will... because he has no other choice. =p
In my last post, I explained that Ace and I set an ultimatum to him - if he signs out AMA, he'll have to figure out on his own how to get back to our apartment and how he's going to climb the stairs to the second floor alone. Fat chance of him being successful at either - because he's too weak to sit up on his own, let alone stand on two legs without any help, and he's not been in Minnesota long enough to learn how to travel it yet. (FYI, we're far away from the hospital, in a suburban town many miles away! And he doesn't have any money to pay for that kind of cab fare, even if he wanted to!)
Ace and I are doing a little "tough love", refusing to take him out of medical care, which would be actively helping him to die on our sofa if we did. Nope.
His wife is in FULL and EAGER agreement with this too, along with Rob's social worker as well. The social worker will speak to his new GP about getting a psych eval for him (because the doctor that he praised so much before was harassed and driven up a wall so much - he switched rotation to another floor, just so Rob could stop insisting that he speak with Ace on the phone several times a day and say that it's okay for him to leave the hospital with a huge swollen BRAIN TUMOR in his head!!!)
It's okay... I'm taking a breath. LOL.
So... in order to stop getting his gore-fest photos and his constant calls, still trying to convince me that I'm a better nurse to him than, you know, nurses who went through medical training and all. And trying to hit every pain point in me to get me to cave into what he wants, I blocked his number. Leading up to the blocking, I DID blow up at him on Monday and shouted, "No, you listen to me! Your leg is f**king falling apart! I was peeling off your skin, every time I changed the bandages! Why do you think I'd immediately go back to my room, every time? I went to my room to CRY!" Rob paused, but he didn't care at all, he continued to argue that his leg was NEVER that bad and now that the infection was gone, he should come home... ignoring the swelling BRAIN TUMOR!!!!
I had enough and erupted with, "You're not going to manipulate me, you mother****er!!!" I don't use that swear, usually, as it was my mother's favorite swear. Perhaps, I was channeling a bit of her short temper, at that moment.
Then Rob tried to argue that I can't see very well (trying to use my eye condition against me - I am visually impaired with Keratoconus, yet in my constant blurred vision, I could see his skin sloughing off his wounds anyway. And so did my sister, who isn't visually impaired... nor were his doctors who were shocked and stunned at the state of his leg too, and poor Calvin the head nurse too), that I was seeing his leg "wrong" and "imagining things"... and that's when I hung up and blocked him.
For the past two days... of blissful peace! XD
I went about my day and life as usual while checking in on my sister, from time to time, who was still taking his calls and being driven up a wall.
And the phone block on Rob should have remained...
Tonight, he used the nurse's desk phone to contact me and leave a message on my voicemail. Before he went into the hospital, I had happily presented him with a "house-warming gift". You see, I suffer from PTSD and night terrors (will not get too much into that, just mentioning it for clarity's sake), and my sister bought me a tank with osculating jellyfish in it, to help me sleep better at night. It's a lot pretty, and calming, and it does help me out a lot.
When Rob came to visit us the first time (in far better health than he is currently in and not at all the asshole that we know him to be as now - I know, I know... it's the tumor.), he saw it and thought it was the coolest thing ever. So, I asked my sister to send the link to where she bought the tank, so I that could buy one for Rob when he came back to live with us/seek medical treatment in Minnesota. (That was THE PLAN, after all, that Rob would move in with us for a while and seek medical care here in Minnesota, as he said that our state had better doctors here than in Maryland.)
So tonight, Rob decided to leave me a message, saying that he was sorry and that if he was to go back to Maryland - would it be okay if he took along the jellyfish gift with him? No matter how much of an asshole someone is to me, a gift is a gift. I don't take back gifts, NOT EVER. That's not my style at all. And so, I took him off the phone block to text him just that. Word-for-word.
He wrote back - his words jumbled and misspelled heavily, because of his vision impairments, that was along the lines of "I know that you hate me now." And I replied back, "I don't hate you. I'm just not willing to put up with emotional blackmail bullshit." So then he called me and I kind of KNEW it was a bad mistake to answer, but I did answer...
Immediately, he tried to convince me that he can come home now because there was a "scheduling error" and the doctors said that he can leave for two days and come back for the brain surgery this weekend! This began a shouting match between him and me! LOL! Ace had talked to the doctors and social worker YESTERDAY, who said no such thing. And they keep stressing, if Rob leaves now, it will take at least three whole weeks before he would be able to get in brain surgery. Because, COVID, things are stressed and short-staffed in every hospital.
He will not last that long. He will either die of starvation (as he's not eating meals - and that's not anything new. Ace and I noticed that for a while now, before he went to the hospital, and had asked his wife about it too. She confirmed that Rob wasn't eating much in Maryland either. It may be time for a feeding tube to be introduced soon), or the pressure of the tumor may cause him to have a fatal stroke or other grizzly brain horrors and he'll die on our sofa.
I said to him (and please excuse my swears), "Stop being such a bitch-baby and stay for the surgery!" And he grumbled, "Stop calling me a bitch-baby..." And I literally punched the air, because I was so pissed off, and I snarled, "Okay, I will when you STOP acting like one!!!" Then I realized that I was screaming my head off past midnight, caught myself, and said, "You know what? Ace is in the next room, trying to get some sleep, so she can work in the morning... I'm NOT doing this with you, Rob!"
Then he asked, "B-but... do you still love me, as your brother?" I answered, "Yes, I love you, Rob... even though you're f**king nuts right now!" And he sulked, "I'm not f**king nuts..." Then he said, "Okay, I'll let you and your sister rest tonight then." And... he's back on phone block. I don't think I'll unblock him until AFTER his brain surgery. =p
Fool me once...
Anyway, sorry for this crazy long post! I did try to edit it down, but... so much has happened in the last... *checks notes again* OMG! TWO DAYS, since I last posted here. Seesh! :(
I'll update - AFTER Rob has gone through surgery and is situated. I just needed to vent and blow off some steam... at, currently, 4:30 AM in the morning. I'm hoping that this long af post was at least a little entertaining and provided a few chuckles, at the very least. ;-)
Be excellent to each other. And peace out!

Im typing this at almost 2am on a phone so whatever standards ya have lower them to the fuckin floor. This shit's gonna be all over the place. No this isn't feel pity me or "im not like other girls" i just need to get all this shit off my chest.
The night before i turned 12 my mom had told me i could grt whateber haircut i wanted and she'd let me. This meant the world to me, i absolutely hated(and still do) having long hair. I had really long thick hair with natural highlights and it went way past my shoulders before i got it cut. Ever since i was little i remember constantly getting told that people paid hundreds to have it, i couldn't give a shit less and still couldn't, so, i got the levi ackerman haircut with a side part- the only time i had short hair before this was when i was a baby and it was growing. I was so excited, i felt so happy and proud because i was finally able to somewhat express myself. I was mainly excited to see what my papa thought/said though, he never told me happy birthday because he couldn't, like, he was too sick and physically hurt too. It hurt, but i understood. The day after my birthday aka the day after my haircut he passed away. I didn't get to talk to him or even say anything for about a week or more prior. That was last year, my birthday is coming up. Im not sure how to feel. I was excited to see what he had to say since he is/was rhe only positive male rolemodel in my life, he was like my father figure since my actaul dad is a peice of shit that should've left a long time ago but sticks around like a fucking leech or parasite. I've always been the bud of the jokes in my family since as long as i could remember, immediate and extended on both sides. I remember getting made fun of for being ,fat" when i was a toddler and it never stopped and still hasn't, in kindgergarten i developed a eating disorder that im still trying to get over. My family loves to say family is important yet the second one of the family members gets out of earshot they immediately start talking shit about them until they come back. When we got the call my papa passed we headed over to say our goodbyes, everyone complimenred my hair and we(me and my brothers) were trying to lighten the mood. We came back a little over a month later and my aunt and her kids were there. My cousin kept talking to me about my hair, they said "uncle (name) said you were probably gay" or "grandma says you look like a boy" and many other things along those lines, including thise exact things. What the fuck? I literally just got a haircut. My sexuality is and none of their fucking business. Especially not because of a haircut. I'll admit, im queer, that still doesn't make it ok for them to talk about me or anyone like that ever. They, and my own immediate family, are literally the reason i was only excited for my papa to see it
I remember being told if my papa had a favorite grandkid it was me. He bought me my first real bike, got me my first real fishing pole, taught me how to use those long stick styled knife sharpeners from when he owned a butcher shop, and sooo many other things i can list. You know those boxes of Raspberry filled powder donuts? He'd get those and give me one or two(at dif times obviously) and tell me to keep it a secret since it'd sometimes be before dinner. I remember he used to babysit me when i was little. I remember everything we did together, how on Saturday's he'd cook breakfast and save me a peice of crispy bacon and watch cartoons with me, how on a couple occasions i put face paint on him, another couple occasions i did his hair, and sooo sooo much more. In summer we did yard work, winter we helped put up christmas decorations(he loved to go all out and we accidentally started a little bit of a contest for a few years with the neighbors), and later in the summer we'd have(and still have) beach family reunions for four days at the campsite we've stayed at for years. And for my 10th birthday he got me my own box of Raspberry filled powder donuts, which i had to wrestle out of my brothers' and cousins' hands on a few occasions, all the same day. Now every now and then my uncle and/or gramma get me my own box.
I really miss my papa. All the great memories we had and made. I wish i could tell him about all the new things in my life since he passed since so much has changed. I got a puppy since she was rescued, my other dog is taller then me when she's on back legs, im going to a new school, i have great grades and got into leadership, im starting track, and so many other little things like the recipes I've tried/or made that i know he'd love, I've gotten counseling, and all the really stipid and funny things i do at school. All because he's the only one who'd every actaully tell me he was proud of me, the only one who was actaully excited and happy for and with me. Like yeah other people would get happy and excited too, but at the same time it feels like it's something they expected and it was just a fake. And the only other time i get told someone's proud of me is whenever it's a joking type of mood, all i want is for someone to tell me they're proud of me and it not be fake. My papa made a very specific type of potato salad, I've never had anything like it and nothing better then it. He said his secret was cream cheese and love, along with whatever else he had put in it that you wouldn't typically put in potato salad. I used to get huge servings of it and would always go back for more. My uncle and gramma have tried to remake it on a few occasions, i either mever ate it or ate a small amount. Everyone agreed it was different even though they'd followed the exact recipe. I miss it as stupid as it may sound.
I haven't cried about his passing but as i right this i feel like i might cry, or sneeze, i cant really tell yet they feel the same to me when the come on lol. I know this was a lot and i doubt anyone actaully read it all, but if you did thank you.

I hope this is okay to post, since I've seen some positive posts here, but not many. Sorry for any grammar mistakes, I'm crying so it's a little difficult to write. This is a bit all over the place. :( So sorry.
I am just so proud of him, he's doing so well in life and I'm so proud of him, he's insanely smart, it's actually quite intimidating.. He just started a new job, a really good one, one I'm sure he'll enjoy and benefit from, which makes me really happy.
Throughout our entire childhood, we've never been really affectionate, verbally or physically, especially him. I used to have to chase him around the house as a kid to get him to hug me, which is honestly funny to me to look back on, but, the other day, he complimented me for the first time since I can remember.. And to my face, though admittedly it was still a little indirect in the way he worded it, it was still clearly a compliment towards me. I was already crying when we were talking because the topic was a little personal and I despise crying, especially in front of others, so I wanted him to leave, but he didn't, he just closed the door and talked to me that way, not saying a word about me crying... Which honestly made me cry even harder, because I was embarrassed but it was a nice gesture, I really appreciated it.
My brother has always treated me in the way a father would, not that we don't have a father figure in our lives, but it's just what he naturally does. He taught me how to read as a child, and although he could definitely be a pest, he was still a good brother, still is.
My brother has always been a rather kind and gentle man, monotone and just kind of.. There. Wise as an old man, like a father. I think if you didn't know him, you'd probably see him as standoffish and not caring, but that's completely the opposite of him, he's very sweet and it's obvious he cares.. And for bonus points, he's very funny. :)
I'm glad to say, I don't think there's ever been a time we've actually gotten angry at one another, maybe bickering and annoyance as usual young kids do, but I've never seen my brother mad at me, or anyone else in general, I think it's one of my favorite qualities about him. Though, that's probably just because I hate loud noises and tend to cry very easily, especially when it comes to my brother.
Mom likes to constantly tell me about how he'll see something in a store and decide to get it for me, or buy my favorite choice of something, instead of his. Much to his embarrassment LOL, but it's nice, it's a nice reminder that he does care, even if he doesn't say it. Which, honestly I've always felt a guilty about, since neither of us are very affectionate people, but I do genuinely care a lot for my brother, and I really do want to tell him I love him, but anytime I even think of him, I cry, so it's a bit difficult...
Anyways, that is all. :) I just wanted to say all of this because I felt like saying it to my friends wasn't enough. I hope you all have a nice day/night!

I should feel horrible for thinking like this but it was just so entertaining and dramatic to watch. So
His wife called my mom at like 3:30am and told her to go pick him up that she’s done with him and i, like the nosy sister i am, decided to tag along. I drove mother there and she warned me not to get “too emotional” because it hurts her seeing how that woman treats my brother. I don’t get emotional over things like this tbh.
We got there and my brother was on the couch with his head down, tears falling down his face, he looked ashamed. Whenever he talked it was a whisper and his voice cracked a lot, i’d never seen him like this. His wife was yelling at him as she should since he cheated on her, and started telling my mother everything she found. I just stood to the side listening to her list off the stupid things he’d done and shook my head not really knowing what else to do. I had to hold in a chuckle at some parts because I couldn’t believe the drama that was going on in front of me. My mom, brother, and his wife were crying and yelling, it felt like a scene from a movie.I felt sympathy for his wife because my brother was cheating on her.
I played my part in this scene tho, i helped him gather his things and take them to my car, i gave him a stern “you fucked up” talk, and pulled him out of the house when he was refusing to leave. I feel horrible that this was just kind of like a game to me while my mom and brother are emotional af. I wasn’t sure what i was supposed to feel other than amused. I also don’t know how to console him because even if he is my brother I don’t condone what he did, unlike my mother who thinks her angel can do no wrong. I just told him he fucked up and that he can’t take back what he did, all he can do is try to apologize sincerely and work on bettering himself. Some cheesy shit lol i know but like what else am i supposed to say.
Oh and he has 2 kids so that probably contributed to the sadness factor. I feel bad for the kids but what good would come of him staying and them having to witness their parents fighting. At least they have ipads so he can still call them and stuff.
Also, idk why the fuck he would ever cheat on his wife. He grew up with a single mom and a little sister like sir have some respect.
Anyway, that’s the tea.

I don’t know if he’s looking for attention or what. Maybe I just fell into his trap lmao. He contacted me saying that he needed to talk to me and basically said I was spying on him through a Snapchat account. I simply denied what he said and told him not to rope me into whatever he’s dealing with (he’s been very messy in the past lol.) He was like you don’t need to deny it because I know it’s you. I was like “okay what leads you to think that?”. I was trying to have an open conversation with him and he’s like I’m not gonna tell you anything. I told him that right after we broke up and blocked each other on most socials (we’ve since unblocked) I did ask my friends what he was up to/posting etc since we have so many mutual friends (we broke up over 1.5 years ago LOL), because I figured maybe he just wanted some sort of dirt on me. He kept insisting though and at a point, I was basically like okay, nothing I can do to stop you but I will say whatever is going on with you isn’t related to me and please don’t bug me about it.
I’m pretty sure he’s doing this because we have mutual friends and he’s said a lot of shitty things to me (recently texted me some pretty foul shit) and might be afraid I’d expose him or something and the group would favor my side of things. I wouldn’t do this either way though. I also just wonder like wtf is going through his head.
If anyone has any thoughts or idea on how to best approach this situation, it would be much appreciated. I also just wanna keep in mind our mutual friend circles in all this.

I just read a post here where someone mentioned how frustrating latecomers are. Figured some of you might appreciate this story. My mom was a pilot in WWII (one of the Women Airforce Service Pilots, or WASP). At one point, the WASP finally got their own, distinctive uniforms in "Santiago Blue" - a step up from the oversized men's coveralls they were originally given.
On one trip to drop off aircraft in New York, a fellow WASP offered Mom a ticket to see a new musical, Oklahoma!, courtesy of her dad who worked for Bennett Cerf (who got a lot of free tickets, LOL). But the ladies were late dropping off their planes and getting into the city. They raced to the theater, where the show was underway. However, their funky uniforms - unfamiliar to everyone - caused a buzz as they headed to their front row seats. Celeste Holm caught sight of them from the stage, and literally stopped the show and asked for the house lights. "WHAT ARE YOU?" Ms. Holm called out. Mom and her colleague explained, and Ms. Holm yelled, "WOW!" before the show started up again.
Decades later, after Mom passed, I sent Ms. Holm a note saying what a kick Mom got out of being an accidental showstopper. I found myself added to her invite list for events at her home in New York. Unfortunately, not living near NYC, I was never able to attend. I regret that very much.
Lost Mom 22 years ago this Friday, so it brings me a little joy to share one of her favorite stories. :)

This is my first time turning to reddit to meet someone but I thought I might as well give it a try. 6'4 390lb power lifter, gamer, single dad looking for his player two. Looking for someone I can connect with. Someone I can talk to without it being a hassle. Yes I'm a single dad. No not with the drama or bs (no bm drama over here) and no I'm not asking you to be a mom. Im extremely protective of my kids so meeting them isn't a quick thing. Only a few people I trust have met them. Whether it's just talking or turns into something more either way I'm happy. My hobbies are gaming (Xbox), power lifting, movies, shooting pool, enjoying the nightlife here in Vegas and cooking. I've been cooking since I was 5 years old and I believe I'm pretty good at it lol. I currently work as a security officer and emergency response. Anything else about me you want to know just DM me. I'm an open book. I have nothing to hide. Hoping to hear from you soon!

Another member of the sub messaged me and said that SnowMonkey made a post about me a few days back accusing me of abusing the report feature and telling people to block me and not direct message me?
I don't even know where to begin with these lies but I guess it makes sense to go back to our first interaction which of course is way back in October (October 7th to be exact) of last year. I think it was during the J4 scandal where SnowMonkey claimed to know someone (I forget who it was) and that he had pics and a video to prove it. I told him to post it on the thread and he refused so instead I said to DM it to me. He did DM me something but I was not able to open it and then said to upload it to Imgur which he didn't want to either. He then said he had Instagram or Twitter which I was not willing to share with him mine.
He claimed to have gone back stage with "I got to go backstage with Raver, Patrick and Ryan, Ben called in and was bitching about getting bumped around because of the content creators game lol" I am guessing Ryan might be Ryan Feldman but this was last year so I have no clue what the exact conversation was about.
He was claiming then that Bryan was a member of the production staff and had access to the hole cards and all the stuff associated with the scandal but he feels that Robbi didn't cheat and that Bryan didn't feed her any information. He thinks Eric Persson is behind the whole cheating scandal somehow. After some back and forth discussion about how I felt Eric had nothing to do with it and he kept saying he did I told him this was some conspiracy level stuff and that I was done with the conversation. Again this was way back on October 7th - 8th of last year. I have the DM's and can easily prove all of this.
I never talked to him again in DM's, never asked him to DM me again, never DM'd him myself or anything but for some reason he took me responding to a LimonPoker comment (this was on March 17th of THIS year 6 months since we had talked previously in DM's) as a sign that he should DM me again to accuse LimonPoker of having an alt account and using it to promote his Reddit Talk session that happened last week. He DM'd me several screen shots that I guess he felt was his evidence and I simply responded "why should I care." Of course anyone who knows SnowMonkey and sees how he is on this sub knows he carries grudges against lots of people. He started trying to convince me that LimonPoker has some axe to grind with people and blah blah blah...I again told him I didn't care and that he should just stop DM'ing me and just go away. Now I admit that at this point I should have just blocked him. This was my mistake but in the 9+ years I have been on Reddit I have blocked only 1 person and that actually happened yesterday and I will unblock them in a day or two. I kind of feel like blocking people is the equivalent of putting your fingers in your ears and yelling like a child. I just never believed in it...that was my mistake.
I told him repeatedly to stop DM'ing me and if he didn't I was going to report him for harassment. Of course again if you know SnowMonkey you know he is incessant, aggressive and yeah crazy. I did report him (not until the 19th of March after two days of him harassing me) for harassment after he just kept on DM'ing me nonsense and just would not stop. The Reddit admins did give him a warning for harassment. Here is proof. https://imgur.com/a/tAQtvy3
In the end my mistake was just not blocking SnowMonkey in the beginning and being done with it. I admit that in response to his constant DM's I repeatedly told him to fuck off big deal we aren't children. I figured that he would get bored and just leave me alone but here we are. I can prove everything I have said with screen shots of the DM's which I have backed up.
So I apologize if you read this whole thing but I felt it was necessary to give my side. And for the record I have no problems with LimonPoker, he is vulgar and plays the asshole on the sub and we have had a few interactions where we insulted each other but honestly I thought it was funny and we both made some funny comments towards each other. It's Reddit after all no need to take this shit seriously. Are we supposed to play HU4ROLLZ now? I will pass no way do I want to sit at a poker table with SnowMonkey that sounds like pure torture.
So just a heads up do not DM SnowMonkey, in fact it is probably best to just ignore them or he might blow up your DM's as well.
Have a nice day.

So I’ve became friends with a girl I work with. I’m a guy and she’s dating a dude already. We’re 100% just platonic and we’re just really close friends. We kind of have a sibling style relationship
She wants to go to the store with me in a few days and my mom doesn’t like me hanging out with girls that have boyfriends. She still has old beliefs and idk how to change her view. Her reason is “even if the girl sees you as just a friend the boyfriend might not” and she’s worried I’ll get beat up or something lol
I figured I can either tell her a few people from my work are going, and if she pressing after the fact I can tell her the other people couldn’t make it
Or I could tell her this girl is single (which then she’ll think we’re talking in a Romantic way)
On top of all this she doesn’t like this particular store because last year there was a sh**ting, but they have security now

So I’ve became friends with a girl I work with. I’m a guy and she’s dating a dude already. We’re 100% just platonic and we’re just really close friends. We kind of have a sibling style relationship
She wants to go to the store with me in a few days and my mom doesn’t like me hanging out with girls that have boyfriends. She still has old beliefs and idk how to change her view. Her reason is “even if the girl sees you as just a friend the boyfriend might not” and she’s worried I’ll get beat up or something lol
I figured I can either tell her a few people from my work are going, and if she pressing after the fact I can tell her the other people couldn’t make it
Or I could tell her this girl is single (which then she’ll think we’re talking in a Romantic way)
On top of all this she doesn’t like this particular store because last year there was a sh**ting, but they have security now

After a chat which lasted 20 minutes, one coworker that is more of a close friend started talking about life in general and I said something about how anxious folks often black out in their mind when they speak which may doesn't make sense to others as our mind is blank but body overactive.
I said "You don't look like someone who's overly anxious" but he said he's diagnosed with mild depression and anxiety which resulted later in life.
I told him about how I was always prone to anxiousness in my early childhood and started showing symptoms seriously when I was 12 with DPDR, depression when I was 13. I told him that I was also diagnosed with depression, insomnia and GAD when I was 16 but also with BPD 4 years ago.
He was confused and said that it's impossible, I had no fall outs, it seems like I have boundaries and principles, I seem sure of myself, I seem very calm and rational.
I find that this is my mask, this is also confirmed by my family. I'd rather die than let someone know how much I'm struggling. I'm the kind of person who's so lost but is grasping onto what they know to elevate anxiety.
Symptoms I share with BPD is impulsiveness but not the strong one, it's like when I'm stressed I start being social, binge drinking, not eat, take psychoactive substances, be more active, pick fights a bit more easily but also prone to uncontrollable SH which did lead to diagnosis. My mood swings aren't bad, it's just that I repress my emotions, just fluctuating confidence and as said by others, one day I laugh at their jokes and be extra social and then the next I could disapprove everything said with judgmental expression even if the joke was the same or like having only one day in a week where I'm extra happy and other days I'm left with no energy and snappy. I have rejection sensitivity and last summer I was exposed as having feelings for someone, I was freaking out but this guy came, heard and left in fury. In the same moment, I felt nothing and just said "Let's play beer pong 1v1" as a way to black out and usually this is how I deal with emotions. However, 2 weeks later we were at the party and I went to the toilet and some guy that likes me also went and this guy said "You must be popular among guys" or something like enjoying the spotlight and I attacked him badly, I said something about how I'm not even that kind of girl, what he even think he's accomplishing with that and that it's disgusting. I don't remember what I say under bout of anger but I also split a lot when I'm close to someone, only then you can see my split. I deal with chronic dissociation, DPDR and some kind of amnesia where I don't remember my life when I was younger than 6 and later from 7-12, it lead to people telling me a lot of stuff which I don't know and it left me confused such as me thinking I spent my childhood in a room with computer playing games just for my dad to say I was very social and wouldn't come home from playing with my friends until dark or also not remembering people who used to visit us constantly which is embarrassing, I've lived here since I was born yet I know no one. Lastly, while I seem to have unshakable identity, it mostly comes from my observations of others and thinking through their motives so I stop everything before it even happens, critical thinking and reacting from fear. I've always had better than average critical thinking skills as said by my first grade teacher in elementary school but I was not aware of that. I have no idea who I am, what I stand for, who I want to be or if I'm even able to be "someone", who I was, am I chill or am I temperamental (people are also confused) and simply my identity is badly separated from my consciousness.
In reality, I'm confused because life seems very... easy going? Yet, I never felt worse, it's like my mental health started seriously degrading last year when I was faced with myself. I had a chaotic childhood which I heard from others. Mom and dad who used to fight and yell while I was sitting in a room next to it with my sister and she said I was dissociated. The reason was my dad's absence due to drinking in a pub and it lasted for few months. I was dragged by my mom to the pub in the middle of the night and when he was absent, she used to wash my hair but I've always had massive fear of water going into my ears, nose and eyes but she was so angry that she would just shove shower head into my face and I'd have meltdowns and couldn't calm myself down. I used to slam the doors and objects when angry because I learned it from my mom. I used to fight a lot, had problem in kindergarten. I was badly teased with abandonment from my dad like leaving me outside of the car and saying he'll leave me in the woods in the middle of nowhere and laughing about it with my friends while I was having a meltdown. One memory of my mom being red in the face, crying and yelling straight to my face "No one in this house freaking helps me" while vacuuming and something about how she's going to leave this house and go back to her parents which was a given in any hard situation. I was a child so I wanted to help so the next day I clean everything on my knees and chair just to be asked "What did you do?!" and her checking everything just to correct me. I was "separated" from my sister by my grandmother as for the privilege because I was younger and undeserving of better stuff. Chaotic bullying, neglect and "I have to have better stuff than you and you don't get to say a word" by my sister but the worst of all, manipulation and blackmail. I was a servant because I didn't know better, I was afraid she'll yet again blackmail me if I don't do something she asked me to do. My feelings were denied because "She's your sister, don't fight" and I was shushed from expressing my anger and hurt but the issue was never addressed by my parents, they always said it's who she is. They all played cards with abandonment and I became VERY afraid of it unconsciously. The ones that I remember is only when I was 6 and 2-3 memories from when I was 9, who knows what was happening in between.
I still don't know a lot of stuff but one that baffled me was 5 years ago, I was told I was sucidal due to my sister and her minimizing her feelings because she was feeling worse and one day she came unannounced to my apartment when I was near breakdown and she told me I just snapped, told her some stuff and kicked her out of apartment. I have no memory of it but considering me from that period, it checks out, she has no reason to lie. I was sick of being treated like a diary without it's own feelings, thoughts, wishes so more of a supportive robot who had to listen and help or otherwise I was the worst person ever.
Life now? They're all supportive. Is it because they realized how bad my mental health was and they felt guilt, I don't know. They're still emotionally unavailable and in some way inconsiderate but not nearly as before. My mom doesn't have anger issues as much as before but she seems very repressed, my dad is still avoidant but gets overly immersed in a role of a caretaker when I have dip in my mental health like uncontrollable crying, my sister says she cares and gives me stuff but I can't see it in an altruistic way. I'm full of paranoia, I still split on them badly because I'm used to their old selves, I can't comprehend the change. That's why I have same patterns as I had in my childhood so I repress everything and dissociate and I can seldom realize it's not appropriate to have them as the situation is extremely different now yet I will go back to the old self the moment it gets heated. However, when I'm not BADLY dissociating, I still find myself being very jumpy when I hear the loud noise which gets me into fight or flight mode, it also happened yesterday. I always fight when there's someone yelling or banging objects, it's something uncontrollable. Other times, I'm in the freeze mode.
I still have disorganized attachment style, I still reject people all the time before I get rejected or made fun of, I doubt people and I can't have feelings for anyone or I'd feel overly vulnerable.
I still don't know about my diagnosis but what if I just have CPTSD instead of BPD? I hate that I still have these patterns even tho the situation is different. If I was not hurt by the past, why do I still carry it into the present? I could have a fulfilling life but the fear is always stopping me.
So, anyone with CPTSD like this?

Hey guys I need some grown up friends preferably with kids to talk to , stay at home moms you know my struggle , no friends no socializing stuck at home having most conversations with my 3 year old lol my mind is probably melting as I type this lol anyways if your into cooking, tv and caring for little people daily feel free to message lol

I was in a cult for a while and my mom still is in it. My life sucks ass tbh, so most of the time I will be upset about something but I try to make jokes and like to share art and have art challenges with people. I’m 28 but haven’t really lived life really, POC, disabled and may be homeless soon. So to suddenly lose all my friends at once (it’s against the rules to talk to me when I leave the religion) is gonna really suck. I only have like three friends but if I can just have one that is kind, I can vent to a little and talk about bugs and animals with that’d be great. Different countries doesn’t matter, I have WhatsApp lol. (But will probably talk on here for a bit before connecting on a diff. app) Idk. I’m really down rn because I told one friend my doctors suspect kidney damage and she blamed me for “the way I eat and all that” 😞 I’m angry and really sad. She has been my friend for 7+ years and I could tell her a lot of messed up shit going on at home. I just sucks to see our friendship die and not due to stupid religion.

I'm sure this has been said before, but I'm posting this for anyone who needs a reminder.
Around 2 years ago, I posted here (from a different account) asking for advice about getting in contact with my mom again. Most had warned me it was a bad idea, that it wasn't going to end well. At this point, my mother had consistently ignored my requests to please leave me alone; because I blocked her everywhere, she called with random numbers, sent emails from random addresses, asked family members to forward messages, etc. Get this, she eventually MOVED halfway across the planet to be close to me. This obvious violation of the one thing I needed from her should have been enough for me to see she hadn't changed, but eventually, she wore me down. Every message was filled with I love you so much, I'm lonely, I need you, I'm sick, I'm proud of you, I'm sorry. The guilt eventually became too much, and I fooled myself into believing she'd 'calmed down' in old age and was 'finally working on herself'. So one day, I answered one of those calls. It lead to me unblocking her and us texting again, and finally, we agreed to meet.
The first 2 times went great, but honestly, I expected as much, and it took a lot of effort on my side to make sure it did by avoiding the 'wrong' topics, reacting sympathetically to everything she said without challenge and NEVER mentioning 'the past' or my pain. I understood subconsciously that in order to have a 'good' relationship with her, I'd have to become what she wanted - a mindless puppet. For some reason, I was willing to do that. She just seemed so nice and apologetic. We laughed and talked for hours.
The third time we met up, it went great as well, so much so, that I stayed at her apartment into the late night. Eventually, we had 1 glass of wine too many (I'm an absolute idiot for getting drunk around her, but she knows exactly how to get me to let my guard down) and I let slip the tiniest sign of dissent. She brought up 'the past' with increasing frequency in an attempt to see how far she could push me into submission, how much she could lie to my face without me cracking. At one point she said she didn't understand why x disliked her so much, and I told her it's because she always treated x like shit. All hell broke loose after that. We spiraled. It took her getting physically imposing and calling me a manipulative monster for me to snap out of it and realise I was no longer a defenceless child. I took my things and bolted (with her suddenly small and meek, crying and begging me to stay). I haven't seen her since that night.
To this day she continues to contact me through dubious means. Her current strategy to get me back (and trigger for this post) is bringing up a surgery she will undergo ad nauseum, going as far as to give the hospital my number as her primary contact in case something goes wrong or she needs someone to pick her up.
No matter how good of a nice guy act they play, no matter for how long. No matter how sweet their words and tempting the idea of 'having a mom/dad again' is. No matter how guilty they try to make you feel, no matter how much you've moved on and forgiven them. DO NOT CONTACT YOUR NPARENT AGAIN. The mask will inevitably slip, and you will be left picking up the pieces and starting the grieving process all over. Stay strong. Stay safe.

Like the title says I just got prescribed lexapro which talking to my pcp and a psychiatrist,nurse about my extreme social anxiety and depression in front of my mom was very awkward but I just needed to get through it or else I won’t get meds but now that I got prescribed and talked about my mental health for the first time in front of my mom she’s acting really affectionate like giving me extra hugs and hugging me for a long time and she keeps telling me that she loves me which is nice but it’s awkward lol I’m very grateful to have such a good mom but I had to tell her that just because I’m anxious and melancholy sometimes doesn’t mean she’s not being a good mom but nonetheless I love my mom and I’m grateful for her and my doctors

All values in USD.
Assets and Debt
Retirement Balance: nope because I'm planning on leaving the US (for my bf) after finishing school. Not sure how retirement balance works across countries.
Equity: nope but almost bit and bought a house in the middle of the insane housing price crisis? windfall?? in 2021. Boy would my life be different rn
Savings account balance: zip but 90k in bonds
Checking account balance: 60k
Credit card debt: nada, and using a debit card in Europe
Student loan debt: nothing, because my parents (bless them) paid for my (subsidized, bless FAFSA + need based scholarships) college tuition, and I got a free masters (thanks to my advisor + TAships) and am currently doing a free (aka on my advisor's bill again lmao + TAships) phd
Income
Income Progression: a string of tech internships (every single summer except freshman and masters and first year of phd) with pay from between 5500/month to 11000/month (pre-tax, adjusted for bonus and currency exchange rate) That high end was from a fancy startup and pre-brexit lmaoooo. Low end was gov work. And my current phd income is 2500/month, so this is actually an income regression lol
Main Job Monthly Take Home: Current internship is 5000/month but my overall taxes are low because I'm not here long enough for it to bump up my income taxes more than one rung. So keep in mind I make like 1700/month the rest of the year
Side Gig Monthly Take Home: I wish! Once I get my big girl job I'm going remote and setting up a ceramics studio, a grocery store, and then volunteering and making games. Work can go stuff itself. Honestly the more and more I work the more and more I feel like I want to turn stage left exit society, tyvm. People meme academia as being abstract and useless (and sometimes toxic...that one's deserved maybe) but unless you are at a specific type of company, corporate research can be equally "useless" but by way of having insanely short (as in, to production by year's end) deadlines so you're kind of forced to "fit a square peg into a round hole" eg work on a business problem that you (or your higher up) did not spend enough time defining and then somehow make it look like research when maybe the most cost-effective solution was something else entirely...sorry for rant
Do your parents pitch in monthly? Been financially independent since last year...to my great surprise. I used to be financially independent since undergrad graduation but apparently my mom started sneakily paying off my CC debt again in my phd so I had to change the linked bank account back. My mom thinks I'm poor lmao...I'm not
Expenses
Rent (includes utilities): 2000 ouch (Europe) + 500 (US) monthly
Transport: bike (free after fixed costs, yay!) and bus (free with school)
Renters insurance: none. Getting renter's insurance is like wearing my retainer...everyone tells me to do it (including myself) but I make up a million excuses as to not
Savings contribution: whatever's left in the month. Usually 400+-100
Investment contribution: is the stock market even real? I'm just kidding. But I don't really understand my finances, and I feel embarrassed about that, but at the same time I feel like after factoring in all my personal considerations, I'm better off not doing anything other than guaranteed bonds.
Debt payments: no. college is done, no house, no car
Cellphone: Prepaid in Europe, like 5 a month. But my US phone is actually on my parent's family plan. So I guess I'm still not financially independent...
Subscriptions: Occasional magazines 50 annually, school union 100 annually
Regular therapy: None. Therapy has been a hit and miss for me
Paid hobbies: Art supplies like 100 a year, books like 300 annually, audio like 100, bike stuff 100, kitchen stuff...400, fancy specialty ingredients...800, clothes 400 but my mom gifts me a lot over the holidays like 500-1000 worth, and gifts for f&f I budget around 800 a year
[Money Diary]
[Tuesday]
7am: wake. super groggy. Drink two gulps of fanta to actually wake and immediately regret it
8am: on the bus to work. Today is going to be a slow day which is nice.
8:30am: grab a rhubarb and rose yogurt for breakfast ($2). Delicious. Have to order this somehow when I'm back in the states.
12pm: Brought eggplant and bolognese for lunch. Eat with another intern and talk random stuff about our phds.
4:30pm: leaving early cuz today is my bf's last night in the country. I head to a bakery and grab a croissant and pretzel and baguette ($7) for him as an apology for an argument we had yesterday. I also head to a grocery to grab a pumpkin ($10) for curry later. I race to the bus! Almost miss it. Everyone is looking at me because I'm panting and I feel that strange awkwardness you get from being caught running without gym clothes.
6pm: Back home. We heat up leftovers (ramen for me and bolognese for him) and watch a chill video about balancing in gaming. It was either this or a math video and the math video was too long.
7pm: I ask him about when he's coming back to see me so I can let my mom know if my schedule fits my family's June paris trip or not (my mom's extremely hyped about this so I would like to come.) Because he's been dragging his feet figuring out his schedule we get into another argument, which then carries back into our argument from yesterday.
9pm: Answer some emails and book a flight for my return trip because my sister is going to her dream college and I want to be with her on visit week ($156)
10pm: I'm trying to read my paper for tomorrow's meeting but it's not going well because we are still talking about our problems
12pm: We cuddle and sleep. Argument's not resolved because neither wants to give
Total: 19 (Food) + 156 (Plane)
[Wednesday]
6am: wake. notice that it's 6am and go back to sleep
7am: wake and wake up bf. He's leaving today and so we cuddle, but like sadly (LDR, whats new.) Eventually I get hungry so I go and munch on plums. I am a bit distracted because I have a lot of meetings that I'm not well prepared for.
8:30am: catch bus. We joke a bit about yesterday's argument. Eventually, say goodbye when I transfer trams. I watch a video to prepare for my first meeting on the tram. Then I have a meeting, read to prepare for next meeting, rinse, repeat. Go out to eat with coworkers ($18)--conversations are so awkward (because of me. I don't have the extra mental capacity to try socializing with overworked dudes 4 years older than me and I've lost a concerning amount of EQ over the course of my phd.)
2:00pm: After a particularly stressful meeting (went well, thanks to my clutch skills) I decide I need to take a walk outside as a break. I go to the bakery to buy a chocolatine and apple danish ($5). I am not even hungry. I am just retail theraping and desserts look cute and smell good. Head back and have string of meetings until the end of the day. Very angry about my schedule
5:30pm: say fuck it cuz my brain is shot and go home. Why am I the only one who leaves before 6? Isn't this supposed to be Europe? I hate working a 9-6.
6pm: eat dinner (ramen), shower with rice on the stove (no rice cooker), rice burns omg now the bottom of the pan is burnt. I soak the pan overnight and leave my personal pan out for people to use.
7pm: reddit as revenge procrastination. I make a note to buy steel wool for the burnt pan
9pm: start writing money diary. Have wayy too much fun writing money diary while snacking on Comte and aloe vera water
11pm: realize its late and I have to finish reading a paper for Friday. I read a bit of the paper
1am: sleep
Total: 23 (Food)
[Thursday]
6am: Wake and look at random stuff on reddit for an hour and a half. I don't feel that hungry so I head out to work.
8:30am: I am very sleepy for some reason. I don't have a lot of meetings today, so I check emails, slack, and find a manageable task for the day. I end up getting distracted dealing with administrivia (ugh visa work!) I see that I have a seminar I want to attend the night and mark that down too.
10am: I decide I should try doing something productive so I start brainstorming. It doesn't really get anywhere, but I've realized that I probably need to read another paper to get a better idea of what I should do.
12pm: Head out to eat with other interns. I get shawarama ($16.) Delicious. Head back for more meetings. I try to read a bit but my focus is pretty shot so I start doing a more chill writeup instead.
7pm: We are having drinks at a bar tonight, and it takes time for people to get ready so I work late. We head out to the bar, which is crowded. I order a burger and soda because I don't want to make my sickness worse ($20.) We have a good time chatting and I get closer with some coworkers I didn't know well.
7:45pm: I say goodbye and leave early. As I'm scrolling through my phone on the late night bus, I realize that I've missed the seminar. I'm legitimiately devastated. I was thinking this seminar would help a lot with me pushing through a huge bottleneck in my thesis that's been stressing me out for the last year. I panic message my labmate to ask if the seminar was recorded, and thank the fucking lord, buddha, allah, hayao miyazaki, yes. It was recorded. My pants on fire are doused, my soul is saved. I cannot wait to fucking graduate.
9pm: I get back and notice the cleaning lady's cleaned the burnt pan. I feel a bad but grateful. After showering I am tired as hell. I really can't work today, but I stubbornly stay awake thinking that if I lay in bed scrolling through eBay long enough I might recharge. It doesn't work but I find some really nice stuff (cool architectural glass vase from a designer whose stuff I usually hate, secondhand clothes from one of my fav designers, suitcase from a brand with a style that I love but quality that is absolute trash for its price, and a gift for my college friend for her next bday) that I want to bid on.
11pm: Sleep
Total: 36 (Food)
[Friday]
6am: Wake and look at videos but now with zen. I have come to terms with my laziness. I get out of bed at 7:30 instead of 7:45 (progress!) and I snack on the chocolatine from two days ago. I finally find the time and motivation to deal with some administrivia and I head to work. On my morning bus trips, I like to press my forehead against the cool window glass and zone out to stripes of greenery but today I'm thinking about eBay and how I might travel to go visit my favorite eBay stores in person lol. A quick google search shows that a roundtrip ticket is $200. Interesting.
12am: Nice lunch with coworkers at a bakery. I get a croissant sandwich ($6) and a gift for one of my coworker friends ($14).
4pm: I wrap up writing a draft and go chat and review some stuff for school and then catch up with my coworker friend to give her the gift. 6pm: Head to the grocery for a dinner salad, plums, and some orange-mango juice ($13). Look for steel wool but there is none???
6:30pm: shower because I feel a little under the weather.
8pm: call my bf and tell him some juicy gossip at work. He gets bored around the 1 hour mark.
11pm: I start working on my writeup for school. I message the dude who is receiving the writeup that it's gonna be late. He is really nice about it but I feel like I'm taking advantage of his kindness because I am always late. Disappointed in myself but not sure how to change.
1am: sleep
Total: 33 (Food)
[Saturday]
6am: wake. Seriously not motivated to continue the writeup. I waste time on eBay and youtube for 5 hours.
11am: get dressed, brush teeth, and look alive. I've been planning out my day a bit so I call my bf while I clean my room and check up on my fridge. I toss out a quarter kg of ground beef that I forgot to finish, it is two days past expiry. I take stock of what I need for meal prep this week (carrot, onion, meat, steel wool) and load up my laundry before heading to the grocery. I end up also getting a lightweight aluminum bowl (it says stainless steel though??) for washing, blueberries, dried mangos, mushroom medley ($35.) I make curry with rice for next week and rice balls to add to miso soup later.
4pm: Eat curry. I call my bf after and try to write my writeup but I get very frustrated over trying to understand a paper and complain to my bf
7pm: I head over to my friend's place for a going-away party. I feel a bit ambivalent about attending because I still have my writeup but I had already agreed to come and I will miss these people when they leave. I want to aim to leave around 9pm. The host's house is lovely and we have some great food.
9:40pm: I head back home, shower, and work on my writeup.
11pm: sleep
Total: 35 (Food)
[Sunday]
7am: wake. My wakeup time is off from normal but then I remember that today is daylight savings in Europe. I still feel tired so I end up watching some dumb videos on youtube. I bid on two items on eBay ($70...tentatively). My friend from uni messages me about meeting up to chat tonight. Hyped.
11:45am: I remember my clothes are still in the dryer. The landlord wants the laundry room free between 11am and 3pm for airbnb reasons. I rush down to grab them. I got there right on time because the landlord has 3 minutes on the washer left.
12pm: Heat up curry and eat it with an apple, some Comte, and a plum. I take a supplement with water. I've been forgetting to do that.
12:30pm: Start working on writeup. I am determined to finish it before there is no sun left so I can enjoy the outdoors a little this weekend. Have my bf on vc.
4pm: One of my bfs jokes lands the wrong way and we have to talk about it. I'm fuming mad because I'm wasting time here.
6pm: Facetime with my friend from college! It's been awhile so we catch up for a long time. 9pm: Heat dinner (curry) and eat. Then I go and read a bit more.
11pm: I have a bit of a mental breakdown because I can't finish the writeup by the weekend, and it's not because I don't have time, but because I have bad mental health around it. I have a long heart to heart with my bf over the phone. I cry a little. Life is sometimes hard and everyone's life is really hard at some point. At some point I just start rambling about nothing. I fall asleep at 1:30am.
Total: 70 (eBay)
[Monday]
4am: wake. I have a bit of a shitty morning because my eyes are still swollen. I woke up early to work on this writeup but tbh I'm barely awake and not in the mood. This was a bad idea. I intermittenly wake and sleep between 4am and 6am, of which at tail end I realize that I'm just playing myself for a fool and then I actually sleep for a good hour or so.
7:15am: Wake for real and get ready.
8:30am: Arrive at work. I buy yogurt ($2) and eat a banana while checking emails. I decide to use company time to work on my writeup because I'm blocked at work by someone else right now anyways (this is about as far as my lukewarm ass will r antiwork.)
12am: Lunch with coworkers. I have a sandwich I really don't care for ($10.) I'm a bit woozy from lack of sleep so I don't remember much. Also, I got my period.
1pm: Meetings, meetings, meetings. So many meetings.
6:30pm: Meetings end. Catch up with my intern friend before she leaves. Will miss her. I go the grocery to buy a baguette ($1) and then go to the fancy, overpriced but also conveniently-located-right-next-to-my-bus-stop bakery to get a croissant and chocolates for my period ($25.)
7:30pm: I grab Mickey D's because I want to. Fish filet sandwich, fries, chicken nuggets, and a soft drink ($18.)
8:00pm: zone out in bed and chat with my bf
11:00pm: Work on the writeup
1am: sleep
Total: 56 (Food)
[Reflections]
Weekly total:
Food + Drink: 207
Home + Clothes + Beauty (aka eBay): 70
Transport: 156
Honestly, this was the first time in a long time that I had done such a detailed review of my week. I was honestly a bit impressed by how often I wound up on eBay (ngl the times I'm on reddit, I'm oftentimes searching for new brands and designers I like, so that I can go find them...on eBay. It kind of feels a little like I may have a bit of a shopping addiction?) I use it wayy too often to cope. The nice thing about it is that I always find great deals on eBay, but I think it's probably time to switch hobbies.
Also, I need better work hygiene. Like sleep hygiene but for work. I might start going into the office weekends just so that I can wrap up stuff early, leave, and then actually have a weekend.
This week was a bit pricier than usual because I ate out for dinner and bought a plane ticket, but tbh it's not that ooc for me. Food is almost exactly the same as what I spend a week in the US and usually I budget 400/m for misc stuff so it seems like my habits haven't changed much even after moving lol. I know some people might balk at the idea of 800/m for food and 400/m discretionary spending on a 2k/m income but being no car + having the school pay for my insurance (& offering a lot of free things in general) + most importantly, no debt makes it less of a dangerous risk and more of a poor choice lmao. In Europe, I think I will end up spending more on misc things here than back in the US because Europe offers a higher density of concerts, entertainment, and designers that I like within a 30 euros train distance (and 200 euros plane distance for the ones I really like.) My personal preference is to spend <2 hours a month total thinking abt finances (so basically budgeting if I have a major life change + just going thru my CC statement and updating my tracker) so I am happy with how I spend and prefer to overspend a bit rather than think about it too much.
For those who are curious, my monthly budget here:
food (weekly): 70 for groceries + unavoidable 50 for eating with coworkers 3x a week
overall (monthly): 3700 (income) - 2500 (rents) = 1200 - 300 (food after sodexo) = 900 - 600 (misc spending) = 300 (base savings) + 1000 (relocation) = 1300 (total savings) + a bit more after tax return
​
Hope you enjoyed reading! I'm curious to see people's reactions.

hi again lol, i’m sorry that i’ve been posting a lot it’s just this is really the only place i feel like i can talk about these things because i know you guys truly understand.
i try my best to always stay positive during this new life of mine with a chronic illness but sometimes it’s just really hard.
i think it’s just been really hard because there’s always a voice in the back of my mind that’s like “what if it gets worse” or “what if you never see improvements” even though im doing what i can to make sure these things don’t/will happen.
i’ve accepted that it won’t go away and this is something i will have to live with for the rest of my life which is a hard pill to swallow.
some nights i just cry because i don’t want to feel this way anymore.
i feel like i’m so hyper aware of every little thing happening with my body now and it drains me so bad. i see or experience something new and i’m immediately like “what if this is something bad” and then i spiral.
i think it’s just the fact that it all happened so suddenly. i just got some illness during winter like many people do and suddenly my life is never going to be the same again.
i have a concert i’ve been dying to go to in May and instead of being excited about it i’m terrified. what if i can’t go?? what if i get sick while i’m there? what if something happens? i wish i could just go about my life without these worries but i can’t anymore and it just sucks.
i’m in this weird stage where i’m still grieving but at the same time i’ve accepted it, because i know this is just something i have to deal with now and shape my new life around to make sure i stay safe and comfortable but sometimes i just wish i could take a shower without using a shower chair or i can go to the store because i need something real quick or i don’t have to have prepare for the worst and hope for the best every time i want to do literally anything
i’m so scared my life just got swept away. i’m only 18, i have big dreams, big plans. i want to see the world, meet new people, make so many memories. i want to dance and perform. i want to be a mom eventually and watch my child grow into their own person
but i feel so sad and so stuck i can’t see a true future for myself at all.
im someone who loves to be outside and travel. i haven’t been able to leave my house in MONTHS except to go to doctors appointments which alone drain me so bad. i feel so claustrophobic staying inside all the time but i physically can’t do anything it’s tearing me apart.
idk idk i’m sorry this is a lot and i don’t mean to just dump this all here but if i vented this out to someone else they wouldn’t understand the struggles fully. i don’t want to seem ungrateful because i know there’s so much i should be grateful for, and i truly am, some days are just really really hard to get by.
i’m trying to stay as positive as i can be, and i want to help others out as well so maybe me sharing that there are bad days too can help others feel less alone in that. we can get through this together, even though it’s tough, we’re tougher :)

Hi!
Bonus to you if you get the Cinnamon Girl Type O Negative reference :P
My name is Dylan and I’m a 21 year old single guy from northeastern Illinois in the US.
I’m seeking some kind of close connection with someone around my age or older. Friendship being the main thing, however, I’m definitely open to things getting a bit spicier than that, whether that’s something where we remain friends yet can be flirty or romantic such as a friend with benefits for example.
I like to say upfront that I will always be mindful and considerate of your feelings and boundaries, especially concerning anything flirty or more intimate that we might get into. It’s important to me and we’d never have to do anything we weren’t comfortable with or ready for.
Physically I'm 6ft tall, I'm average/slim build, and I'm white/Caucasian with hazel eyes and dark brown hair. I wear glasses too.
I don’t have any preference on body type for whom I find attractive. Everyone is beautiful in their own way. I’m also attracted to people older than me as well, hence being so open to meeting people.
I’m currently living at home, trying to get a job at a warehouse but long term career goals so far is to do something in the electrical field/trades such as a fire alarm systems technician as I’m good with technical things like that. I’ve got older parents and I live on a main road in a small farm house so I’ve been feeling pretty lonely most of my life. I’ve listed some interests of mine below!
Now that we've established who I am and what I'm looking for, here are a few interests of mine to get to know me better!
• Fall/Autumn season
I had to list this one because I just adore the fall and everything that comes with it. My birthday is in October too so it's always been my favorite month. I much prefer fall and winter over a muggy humid summer. In the cooler seasons there's always ways to warm up.
• Candles and Incense
I love scented candles and incense and stuff like this!! I feel like you don't find guys into this stuff that much but I definitely am an exception. Right now I’m burning a citrus and sage one from Yankee Candle! Smells so nice.
• Technology
I'm good at fixing electronics and I'm quite nerdy in that aspect. So if something breaks I can fix it ;) I'm also good with my hands and quite inclined mechanically and quite the nerd.
• Music
I love genres such as classic rock, alternative rock, psychedelic rock, gothic rock, heavy metal, punk, post punk, hardcore, etc. My current favorite bands are The Cure and Joy Division/New Order. But I like tons of older and newer bands as well. such as: Bauhaus, Velvet Underground, Siouxsie and the Banshees, Type O Negative, Nirvana, Rush, Pink Floyd, Janis Joplin, the Wipers, Spacemen 3, Meshuggah, Megadeth, Buzzcocks, MC5, Stooges, 13th Floor Elevators, Screaming Trees, Green Day, Alice in Chains, Asylum Party, My Bloody Valentine, King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard, Jefferson Airplane, etc.
• Cooking and Baking
I like to cook and learn new recipes, as well as bake fun things too! It's always nice when the house feels nice and cozy and smells good. I appreciate the simple pleasures in life, a cozy cup of tea and music or a movie in bed or sitting outside is so nice!
• Animals
I love animals of all types, and I currently have an older cat which I adore to death! We rescued her from the local shelter. She's the sweetest thing. (I think I love her more than anyone in the house lol, she just makes me so happy) :) I also don't kill insects or bugs, I catch and release them outside.
• Art
I enjoy art, both creating it from time to time such as drawing, and admiring other peoples work. There's just something so fun about it and seeing things so beautiful.
• Houseplants
I love houseplants and really anything nature related and also spiritual such as crystals and rocks. I love to help my mom in caring for all of our plants and also gardening outside when its a good growing season. Its fun! I also like cottage core and goblin core type vibes and enjoy sitting out on the deck burning incense, its peaceful :)
• Photography
I recently got a DSLR camera, a Nikon D5500 and a D200 and I've really been enjoying taking photos of my cat and nature landscapes! This includes closeups, photos of trees, the fields, etc. I've been working a lot on composition, long exposures, getting nice blurred backgrounds, depth of field, etc. It's interesting to me.
That’s me! I hope you get a good taste of what I am like and if any of this catches your interest I’d love to hear from you and we can get to know each other further. Thanks for taking the time to read my post, hope to hear from you soon.
Me: https://ibb.co/mqNwyRp https://ibb.co/YdxZtcH https://ibb.co/NLLmpvt https://ibb.co/4pT04Kk https://ibb.co/sF4q4TR https://ibb.co/Kj21Tmp https://ibb.co/Hh0n7wN