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First I picked Blade dance. That's where it started. Then I slowly got more cheap attacks thanks to prayer wheel until like midfloor, when the apparitions event appeared. I was already half-life, and I kinda lacked in defense, so I decided to pick it up for the memes. Then I got orichalcum and the run started to get hot. The boot bosted my shivs and the blade turned me into a monster. Mutagenic Strenght boosted a lot my first rounds making me capable of destroying enemies before getting any hit, and the Scales+Orichalcum+Apparition turned most enemy turns into damage. I didn't timed the pen well, but sometimes it helped me deal some beastly damage. Happy Flower and Centenial Puzzle didn't saw use until the Heart but they did their work. Oddly smooth stone didn't do practically anything, Tiny house and fossilized Helix helped a bit, Meal Ticked helped me a lot from time to time, Bag of Preparation gave me cards, Flame in Bottle was used on Neutralize+ to give me free attack+weak for better survivavility, Horn cleat was... I don't know, I got it practically at last and I don't remember if I ever cared about it but it's nice, and Ink Bottle and Nunchaku gave me a timely Victory.
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After gotting the apparitions I decided to just roll with it. Appart from a couple of defenses like Backflip or Deflect, I mostly sticked to "If it has shivs I pick it up". Well-Laid Plans helped me a lot at the start to combine Blade Dances and Finisher for big hits. I was planning on use it combined with Apparition to survive, but later it became apparent that just killing everything before running out of Apparitions was simply better. After getting the Infinite Blades+ my turns consisted on just going all out every turn and hoping for another Apparition to appear. Choke+ made me deal absurd amounts of damage with the Shivs, too. At the end I decided to stick to getting Kunais and "free cards" (0 cost Cards that made me draw) like Escape Plan, Addrenaline and Prepared.
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I only got a big hit once. and that made me lose half my life. But on the rest of the game I destroyed everything while not getting touched (I even got the "Perfect" Achievement). The Heart battle was epic. Last turn, the Heart was at like 59 life, I had nothing to do, the next Heart turn was like a 42 attack hit, I throw my last kunai and... BAM. BOTH the Ink Bottle and the Nunchaku activated and I DREW AN APPARITION+ (The last one I had, I think). Saved. The Heart was dead by scales.
After that I remembered that I haven't even used the Lizard Tale so I was totally safe, but nonetheless IT WAS EPIC.
Incredibly funny run. Special thanks to a Youtuber who played so bad that it made me want to play again just to see gameplay not consisted of continued misplays, reavivating my desire for playing this game after feeling burned out because I played too much a couple days ago.
Edit: I dont know how was I even able to do it, but I forgot to mention the Shuriken!!! Absurd combo with shivs, every 3 shivs all your shivs get stronger. Continuously. I'll just say that when the Heart died... I had 19 strength!

After the war with Institute the First Fire Section of Concord is created.
-A month after the creation of the first fire section of Concord two new special units were made: The Castle Crushers and Bunker Builders. The Castle Crushers were a special unit that specialised in offensive operations in every type of terrain. They consisted of two power armour squads and one covert squad. Bunker Builders specialised in building of defensive constructions. They consisted of two engineering squads and one heavy machine guns squad.
-On the 2088 Island of Far Harbour. Fog condensers started to break down. As the fog closed in on the people of the island they emigrated to the commonwealth and settled on the Spectacle island. After few days they got approached by the minutemen with an offer of joining to the organisation. After series of discussions they agreed to join.
-On 27/03/88 The Concord Reorganised Territory was brought to life. The treaty established a Democratic country that consisted of: Sanctuary, Concord (as the capital), Abernathy Town, Drumlin Caravan Hub (from which supplies would be distributed) and the Military Base 111 (as the CRT's military base of operation). The whole thing was rigged by the minutemen high command to centralize the commonwealth one by one. In following months more areas would become part of the CRT.
-As the Minutemen started to become more organized the topic of a standard issue weapon was brought to light. The final decision was to keep the laser musket for now in the long stock long barrel configuration and as a secondary weapon the revolver in 38 configuration. But in following months the 10mm pistol replaced it as molds for 10mm pistol parts were found and put into use inside the Saugus Ironworks.
-On 05/04/88 a bunker containing over 200 Thompson submachine guns was found. It was split between CRT and the Minutemen and became the new standard issue weapon for both factions.

• The Saugus Ironworks were just a stronghold for the Minutemen. But after the First Conference of Fort Liberty (aka the Castle) it was decided to create a array of wind turbines that would once again activate the heart of the ironworks to start the production of equipment for the Minutemen. First was the 10mm pistol and then after creating molds for the Thompson it was too put into production.

-During the First Conference of Fort Liberty it was decided that civilians would not be allowed in to the Castle's perimeter. To accommodate all that lived inside the fortresses walls the body of water next to it was dryed out to build new homes. A wall was built around the site with guard towers to protect the more sensitive part of the building site.
-On 31/04/88 the Rat squad of the Castle Crushers had located a chinese submarine. It was decided to check what was inside of it. During the raid one chinese ghoul was captured and several feral ones were shot and killed. After checking it was found that the submarine was in a repairable state. With the help of institute scientists the boat was repaired and became the mobile headquarters of the Castle Crushers after being renamed to MNV "Catfish".
-On the 25/05/88 MNV "Catfish" has swam to the coast near Quincy and all of the Castle Crushers has exited the submarine to begin the operation. After 3 hours of fighting all of the Gunners of Quincy had either died or fled. Quincy would be once again established as a trading city where the first Quincy Fire Group would be established making the number of official Minutemen militia 45 soldiers.

• On 06/06/88 A four days long joint military operations were conducted by the Minutemen with the brotherhood of steel. First stage was familiarising with each others equipment. Second stage was a laser fight (using laser rifles weaken down just to lightly burn) conducted in Boston airport. The third stage was taking down the legendary behemoth named swan. All three stages were conducted successfully and helped in Minutemen-Brotherhood relations in the long run.

-After joint military exercises with the Brotherhood the Minutemen had purchased two vertibirds for stable food deliveries and valuable technology. Minutemen with the help of institute scientists had made their own version of the vertibird using ones that they purchased.
-A month since the immigration of Far Harbour residents New Far Harbour would be established. There with the help of Minutemen and the Brotherhood (after the joint military trainings) a democratic country would be established. As a part of the help for new formed SIR (Spectacle Island Republic) a training of a single Marine Corp would be conducted by Brotherhood and Minutemen instructors. The Corp would consist of 25 men in five soldiers squads. Those Marines would be equipped with special Marines Armours brought from the Far Harbour. Minutemen instructors would teach the recruits about the terrain of the commonwealth and guerrilla fighting styles whilst the Brotherhood instructors would teach about discipline and military doctrines.
-On the 27/06/88 in the capital of CRT a lot of business started to pop up like: Johnson's Typewriters Company, Toyland, The Big Stick Armoury and The Liberty Clinic. Also a school was opened with professors from the institute. A chapter of the church of all faiths was allowed to settle. All this was thanks to a series of laws passed by the High Council Of Concord.
-On the 01/07/88 a gathering of all the representatives of the commonwealth had begun. The representatives of: Minutemen, Brotherhood, Diamond City, Bunker Hill, CRT, Gunners, RSI, Good Neighbor and 6 other independent villages had gathered in the Parliament of CRT. There they have cleared up their relations to one another and decided to build a heavy cruiser that could enforce any further decisions and rules. The construction would start in the RSI. Every participant of the gathering would contribute to the construction in some way or another.
-On the 06/07/88 a conference was held to settle the borders of the Commonwealth. There an agent of the railroad showed up to make a secret amendment was made to isolate certain lands of wastes the plan was to grant them breathing space and keep the base a secret. During the conference the Brotherhood was granted the peninsula where the Boston airport is. CRT got a big chunk of the Commonwealth as they were powerful and were supported by the Minutemen. The Minutemen mostly retained their old territory's and a little bit of new land. The independent villages got around two kilometres in every side from their centre. Gunners were restricted to their old territory's without Quincy.
-After the Diamond City conference the CRT had seen the potential of other factions and decided to acquire some kind of leverage against other powers of the commonwealth. Firstly they recruited the scientists from the Concord university. Then they hauled three vertibirds that had crashed before the war after that they hauled three APC's that can be seen around military checkpoints. After two months all of them were in a working condition. With that two new branches of the CRT military were created: CAG (Concord Air Guard) and CAF (Concord Armoured Force). The CAG's base of operations was CAG Satellite Station Olivia and CAF's was Military Base 111.
-On the 21/07/88 CRT has established the Commonwealth Intelligence Bureau. It was an organisation made with the help of Minutemen and Concord University. With a standing force of 20 agents from all over commonwealth that worked in sectors in which they were born, it's task was to gather intel and test prototypes, every agent was equipped with the newest technology provided by Concord University.
-On 06/08/88 the minutemen had decided to expand its navy. A ship would be constructed armed with a 57mm double cannon in the front and a 20mm anti-aircraft cannon in the back. It would be constructed on a pre-war fishing boat hull also it would be equipped with a radio that had strong enough signal to connect to the satellite array in the minutemen control.
-On 21/10/88 the minutemen and CRT had unionized with leaders of minutemen having more power but adopting the CRT constitution. The new organisation would be called CMR (Commonwealth of Massachusetts Republic).
-After the Concord Union the SIR has looked to join as the food supplies weren't plentiful. Needing to buy food from Minutemen cities. The leaders of SIR wanted to retain their power but be able to count on stable food supplies that would be free. They got what they wanted.
-A second siege of Quincy had begun. The gunners equipped with better guns than ever before have attacked Quincy. But the supresive fire from newly built USS Commonwealth had helped win the battle. After repelling the invaders it was noticed that the advanced equipment they possessed came from the Brotherhood.
-On December 3, 2289, Capral Clallum of the CMR was giving a speech in Concord to alleviate fears of raider attention in the nearby areas.
In a nearby building, a former BoS Knight who had deserted his post named Brett Walker had a scoped bolt-action pipe rifle which he had brought up with him.
The speech had lots of security however it was somewhat difficult to pinpoint how Walker had bypassed them.
At roughly 8 minutes into the speech the gunman fired and hit Clallum first in the lower neck, and then a second later the head. Clallum was killed immediately by the second shot.
The gunman was apprehended 6 minutes later and did not resist arrest. He was imprisoned in a CMR facility with a life sentence.
The assassination eventually lead to the discovery of the Left Hand.
-Shortly after the assassination of Caprul Clallum of the CMR, the gunman Brett Walker was interrogated and revealed that he was an AWOL Brotherhood knight.
CMR’s CIB (Commonwealth intelligence bureau) told him that he would live if he told them his motive.
Walker explained that a secret organization within the brotherhood called the Left Hand who wanted to eliminate all other factions to make the Brotherhood the sole dominators on the East Coast (and possibly the continent) had employed him to kill the general.
He complied with them due to an unexplained hatred against the CMR and explained that Left Hand were growing and planning a coup d’état against the east coast brotherhoods current leadership. -The combined discovery of the Left Hand and the scandal at Quincy had made the CMR very suspicious of the BoS’s true motives.
On January 3rd, 2289, a new division of the CIB was formed called the ‘Peace Division’. This was not made known to general people or low ranked CMR members due to the nature of the division.
The Peace Division was made up of loyal but not well known and skilled soldiers, with a rigorous and extensive training to prepare for their roles.
Members of the division would join the BoS to spy and inform on both the BoS itself and the other threat of the Left Hand.
The CMR also decided to not inform the leadership of the BoS of the Left Hand yet.
Communications between both sides began to be less friendly as the Brotherhood became aware of the position of the CMR and their suspiciousness of the Brotherhood.
Although they didn’t know exactly why yet, the Brotherhood figured it was due to the liberation of Quincy and the guns they had sold to the gunners.
Although originally, the sell was not intended to hurt the CMR, the Brotherhood became aware of the dangerousness towards the CMR’s position and allowed the Gunners to proceed anyways.
-Seeing raider raids coming from the glowing see CMR with the cooperation of Atom cultists had created a special firing squad compressed of two infantry squads and one support squad. MDC would use chemical weapons and radiation weapons to their advantage against human enemies. Most of the manpower would come from the coast part of the atom cult and its existence would anger all of Far Harbour immigrants (Marines included). MDC would be free to celebrate their beliefs but wouldn't be allowed to convert civilians that weren't willing to do so. MDC members would wear khaki cloaks, gas masks, grey helmets and knee pads. The rest of the equipment would come from themselves. CMR would give them Thompsons and 10mm pistols but sometimes a Fat man would be given to one of the soldiers.
-In the glowing sea, a nuclear bomb that had not yet detonated had been resting since 2077. On February 5th 2289, for unknown reasons, the bomb finally detonated, further irradiating the area and causing even more destruction.
The full power of the full sized nuclear bomb was so large that it caused constant rad storms and lots more radiation blowing in the wind around the Commonwealth.
CMR radiation teams stationed near the glowing sea first detected increasing amounts of radiation on the 7th of February and contacted headquarters in Concord.
CMR stations received word from CMR Radio Tower AE-114 (near where the radiation teams first detected rads) on February 11th stated that they were all feeling sick and feeling symptoms of rad sickness.
They explained that they were almost out of Rad-Away and wanted to evacuate however they were being attacked for unknown reasons by Gunners and it was dangerous to leave the safety of the radio station.
3 days later the first expedition team arrived at the scene and it was discovered that the CMR stationed there had all turned into feral ghouls.
The Gunners fighting there were now trying to kill the ghouls and a few had been killed on both sides. The CMR troops arrived and engaged the Gunners.
After the battle which lasted an hour, the CMR team was victorious. On the Gunner Captain’s body, they found a message.
The message detailed that the team had been hired by the Brotherhood of Steel to take any classified information from the station at all costs and to kill anyone there.
-When the information about Brotherhood paying for attacks on CMR locations was brought to the army command a plan was quickly drawn. It would consist of stages and its purpose was to steal the Prydwen and demand the Brotherhood to leave the Commonwealth on foot. An ambiguous plan but a doable one. 1 stage: relay the plan to the peace division. 2 stage: hire the gunners to turn on their employers. 3 stage: make the atom cultists (not part of the MDC) and gunners storm the defences of the airport. 4 stage: land the vertibirds on Prydwen with Castle Crushers squads 1 and 2 onboard. 5 stage: take control of Prydwen and fly off to the Castle and anchor it. The whole of the plan was up for debate and would play out during an radstorm.
-A second plan for a attack on the Brotherhood was to perform an amphibious on the airport. But two types of vehicles were needed. An amphibian tank and a APC. In the base 111 a group of scientists worked on the project: Sullivan McGregor, Professor Li, Sophia Goodman and Abraham Goldstein. Two Fully working vehicles were created: MAAV1 (Massachusetts Army Amphibious Vehicle) and MAAT1 (Massachusetts Army Amphibious Tank). After testing both were accepted into service with an order for 2 each type.
-Not wanting to spell bloodshed immediately CMR had invited all organisations in the Commonwealth to Diamond City to demand eviction of the Brotherhood from the Commonwealth. On 23/02/89 the case was opened and ready to be dissected. In following weeks many attempts at sabotaging the case followed. From stealing evidence to assassination attempts. Many representatives switched sides every day but finally the Brotherhood was proven to be at fault and subsequently were punished by needing to take back their part of the crew from USS Commonwealth and required to give 50% of settlements under their control to the CMR and in need of food it was to be bought from CMR. It was hoped that Brotherhood's reliance on CMR food deliveries would mean peace, but that thinking might be brought into question in the future...
-Knowing that for sure the railroad had agents within CMR, the highest army command had met in a pre-war bunker that was previously flooded with water to make sure no bugs were planted within it. Only the command was there no bodyguards. Inside a plan was formed to get a CIB agent in the railroad. A new agent was recruited to make sure that the operation remained a secret. After days of gruelling tests the agent was ready. After two weeks of getting information on the railroad from the public, the second stage was set off. After another week the agent got in. Through learning the code from the scattered letters around Boston the agent opened the secret vault under the church. After railroad trials to make sure that he was to be trusted, the agent begun gathering intel.
-As the Brotherhood civil war was going on the CMR and the Brotherhood had worked on a weapon that could be more powerful than power armour. To start the legs were elongated to be 10 cm taller than a normal set. Inside of the free space inside the legs amortization was placed to help with very long falls, as normal power armour would survive a high fall but it's user had a chance of dieing. A third arm was placed on the back fitted with a heavy machine gun that followed where was the user looking. In the corner of the armour's HUD a little screen was placed that allowed the user to look behind him (on the back a camera was placed). Also a rangefinder and a internal long distance radio station were fitted to convey acccurate intel on large distances. At the cost of the thickness of the armour various systems were installed. Like: internal oxygen tank to ensure safety in high places, underwater or in case of an toxic gases; an steel cutter to rescue trapped teammates; stronger exoskeleton with higher power to be faster, stronger and to carry all the new heavy equipment. Only two were created with one send to the Brotherhood and the second was given to the Castle Crushers.
-With the main attention of the CMR at the Brotherhood civil war there was a need for a new Firing Group that could protect the frontier. Equipped with scouting and mountaineer equipment the 1st Pioneer Firing Group was made.
-After renovating the section of Boston railway mostly hand cracked vehicles were used for transport. On the 24/06/89 the "Concord Merchant was released onto the tracks of Boston making some caravans change their routes as supplies were already delivered there by rail.
-The Vault Bureau and the Union of Old America
On May 20th 2288, the Vice President of the CMR announced the creation of the Vault Bureau and the subsequent action of the Vault Integration Act.
This would permit all operational, stable vaults designated area close to CMR territory and all unworking and abandoned vaults also to be subject to CMR law and occupation.
The only exception was Vault 111 which would remain a grave due to the significance to the CMR general, Nate.
Some vaults upon learning of this agreed to join the CMR and were happy to join a new, stable and seemingly positive group, a great change from what they mostly expected from wastelanders.
However, most of the vaults did not want to join, and representatives from 10 different vaults in the area (note: I am adding some fictional vaults here, these go over the official number of vaults) met in Vault 130 to discuss unification.
This ended in agreement, and the new nation the Union of Old America was formed, consisting of 18 vaults (including 8 that joined days later and weren’t present at the first congress).
The UOA subjugated nearby small towns mostly peacefully, although gunfire was exchanged with 2 deaths on the UOA side in the small community of Morgan Ferry.
The UOA also declared in their second meeting of representatives to discuss new plans, deals and issues that the vaults which has joined the CMR were traitors to the old United States and should leave at once.
-Military reorganization
In the CMR, the military was made up of many poorly trained militia members and conscripts.
In June 2288, the general of the CMR Armed Forces decided to start a military reorganization.
Troops of the CMR got better training, weaponry, and technology at the cost of a short economic downturn.
A new type of infantry armor and a new type of power armor were both made, the power armor model being called the AMAX-89, being based off the ‘Black Devil’ model of the enclave, and the infantry armor being based off the designs of the NCR due them both having known reliability.
This act legitimized the CMR’s military and reduced the amount of untrained militia fighters on the battlefield.
-The USS Commonwealth disaster
On February 8th, 2289, the Commonwealth's largest and most advanced naval vessel, the USS Commonwealth, suffering from a disaster that almost led to a total sinking.
At roughly 8:00 AM, the Commonwealth was being transported to an alternate position for some minor repairs.
In a position that was supposed to be checked for hazard weeks earlier, multiple naval mines of unknown origin had been in the water.
At 8:21 AM, the Commonwealth hit one mine on her starboard (right) side, close to her bow (front). Seconds later, she hit another on her starboard side, this time closer to the stern (back).
The ship began to list (tilt) heavily, with almost a 25 degree list in just 5 minutes. The ship’s watertight bulkheads were dropped and halted the flooding of the water. Hand-cranked pumps were used to pump the majority of the water out.
In panic and not wanting to lose their new flagship so quick, the CMR called an emergency meeting in Lexington and assembled an elite crisis response team called the Commonwealth Advanced Crisis Unit.
The response unit repaired the ship over time, and by February 18th, the ship was as good as new.
31 died in the incident, 6 from the initial explosions and the other 25 from drowning.
The formation of the Advanced Crisis Unit was one of the first legitimate crisis response teams in all of the former US, and paved the way for the modern idea of organized emergency services in the Commonwealth.
-LAS-G7
Seeing that the Brotherhood's and CMR's armies had not a very easy time getting ammunition for waging war against the Left Hand, Concord University had begun working on a energy weapon that could be reloaded on front without getting new energy cells. The first batch of prototypes were very heavy and clunky like: LAS-G1;2;3;4 and 5 but LAS-G6 was pretty lightweight, slim, cheap, easy to use and wouldn't take a lot of time to charge BUT it wasn't very powerful and the internal battery meant that a Firing Group would need to retreat from battle after just an hour to recharge their LAS-G's (aka. Las Guns). The LAS-G7 combined the strengths of its predecessor having a good stopping power, short time of charging, not a very costly design and a light skeleton. Whilst having new features like a easy to take apart chassis and a battery that could be taken out of the gun and charged in the backpack of the soldier. To add to the firepower of a LAS squad the LAS-HMG was made being capable of penetrating heavy armour (in AP type), mow down infantry (in the full auto configuration), and blast ball of energy to an entrenched enemy (in Shock-Troop selection). It had its drawbacks like being very heavy, long reloading time and more.
-MNV "North Star"
The Brotherhood civil war was waged near the sea and the main base of the CAF was miles away from the front. In need of a mobile airbase the cargo ship near Quincy was cleared out sealed and tugged to the Spectacle Island dock yard. There the main deck was cleared and readied for vertibirds. After a month of repairs the carrier was set sail.
-Penal Legions
After the LAS-G rifles were made it became obvious that there wasn't enough manpower on the front. With that a series of anti-raider raids were made by the Massachusetts Death Corp in and around the frontier to capture and not kill bandits. After that the captured were given an offer: Join the war and get freedom or be executed in Concord square. Obviously most took up the offer and with that a 100 man Legion was made, it was equipped with LAS-G6 rifles as they were cheap and and couldn't get recharged if a Fire Section leader didn't do so himself, ensuring that the Legion wouldn't go rogue.
-Springfield expansion
Though the BCW (Brotherhood civil war) was going on, the expansion of CMR wasn't waiting. The next task was to expand to the area of Springfield and deeper into the west Massachusetts.
-Weird discovery
When entering ruins of Springfield two not seen before animals were discovered both named after being classified by ex institute biologist Dr. Richard Williams. A "horse" and a "chicken" both were great for farm livestock.
-UOA controversy
After entering Springfield and begin more expansion, the CMR decided it was time to act on the Union of Old America, who had been dismissing annexation attempts for months. The CMR held a meeting between multiple leading figures and decided a military confrontation was the best decision.
CMR and UOA forces met at Vault 129 in an armed standoff. The UOA militia was lacking in weaponry but largely outnumbered the CMR force. The CMR commander shouted through a megaphone a request to meet the leader of high executive in the Vault.
The UOA militia refused and tensions heightened. Both sides began to berate each other and both called each other dangerous and unnecessary. It is unknown who fired first, but a shot was fired and immediately a full battle began. Despite being better equipped, the CMR force was mostly captured with multiple wounded and 2 killed of a 19 man force.
This was later discovered to be caused by an unnoticed preparation by the UOA, who anticipated the CMR force and set up ambush positions.
-Operation "Radstorm"
Wanting to end the Brotherhood civil war, CMR had Gathered it's fleet at Spectacle Island to bombard the Boston airport and then send soldiers to deal with what remained. On 23/11/89 2:45 PM the bombardment commenced with all of 38 cannons (+ 5 artillery pieces that were in range) that were available the fortifications and headquarters of the Left Hand were turned into rubble. Then using vertibirds and MAAV1 and MAAT1 the Infantry deployed and fought for 5 hours until the last of defenders who didn't flee died. This would come to shape the tactics that the CMR would use in the future.
-M1SMG and the Springfield Steelworks
After entering Springfield a Museum was discovered containing many artifacts like schematics of weapons. In those a schematic was found which presented a submachine gun that used a minimal amount of resources and was so simple in production that local gunsmiths could make it in their workshops without issue. It was taken as a new primari weapon for low priority units. With that a steelworks was made in Springfield to mass produce the weapon with scrap metal and send it across the CMR so a big standing force would able to be made.
-Dissolving the Penal Legions
After the Brotherhood Civil War was finished, the CMR kept true to their promise but they gave a choice: you leave the Legion and get a home in Springfield and a job at the Ironworks or you stay and fight with better conditions than before and get paid for it. That said only 30 people accepted the offer to stay, those people became part of the new First Springfield Cavalry Firing Group and the First Springfield Armoured Cavalry Firing Group.
-Internal changes in the CMR
Due to territory expansion and the unreliable structure of the Concord council, a new system was placed in power. The CMR territory was divided into Commonwealths, and the power structure was rebuilt. The House of representatives would consist of 100 seats with each representative from top 100 settlements (population speaking). The Parliament would consist of 2 elected from the representatives (2 for every Commonwealth for example there are 3 Commonwealths so there are 6 members of the Parliament) at the moment there are 3 Commonwealths: Commonwealth of New Hampshire, Commonwealth of Springfield and the Boston Commonwealth. The House of Representatives will discuss reforms and vote which ones will go to the Parliament for further decisions. The Parliament will pass or veto reforms, in case of a veto the House of representatives will discuss the reform again and vote on it if 70 representatives will vote in its favour it goes to the Parliament again, then they will vote on it if they decide to veto again, they will need to describe the problem with the reform, in case of the representatives wanting to vote again the reform will be passed to the people for them to vote on it. The Parliament and the House of representatives vote on reforms in the Massachusetts State House. Due to the government changes the name of the CMR was changed to CMF (Commonwealth of Massachusetts Federation).
-Northern League-CMF Agreements
Contact and diplomatic relations were established between the CMF and Northern League in Mid-2290. The Northern League was a major force established in what used to be the Northern United States (in what also used to be Canada before it’s annexation. The country was a large union with a monopoly on trade in the area due to many resources, and newfound oil supplies. The League itself was a union between New Ottawa (formerly Ottawa), Sherbrooke, Marshall City (formerly Montreal) and Québec City as well as smaller towns and cities in between the larger ones, with the capital being Marshall City. It is also believed it’s government was initially formed by surviving groups of Canadians after the war who had been parts of guerrilla movements to get the US out of Canada.
The League’s strong military and conscription laws, taxation policies and overall stability gave it a similar status to that of the NCR, although smaller and confined to the East. As trade relations improved the CMF began to increase in its own strength even more as they now had more oil for vehicles, more materials for weapons and other equipment, and enough food being grown and produced that newly packaged food en masse, some of the first since the Great War, was slowly becoming available in society.
-War on Raiders
In November 2290, a group of raiders organized and attacked the small community of Horseshoe Circle in CMF territory, close to the coast. After the civilians fought back and contacted nearby CMF units, the Raiders fought harder and ended up defeating them. The raiders lined up any survivors against the local City Hall and executed them. Around 76 died in total in the incident.
Afterwards, the horrified and furious CMF Law Enforcement Committee organized a huge division called the ‘Anti-Barbarism Unit.’ This units primary goal would be to combat raiders, bandits, and assist those suffering from raider attacks. In the capital of the CMF, Concord, war was declared on all raiders and a statement was put out that any raiders who entered the CMF territories, attacked CMF citizens or otherwise endangered lives and caused chaos in the Commonwealth would be sentenced to death if caught.
The CMF began active operations to quell and destroy raider cells.
-Concord Autoworks
In collaboration with Springfield Ironworks, a new government-run company known as Concord Autoworks was formed in the CMF. This company would be focused purely on making working ground automobiles which was something excessively rare in the post-war world.
-Industrialization Act of 2291
On February 1st, 2291 the Industrialization Act was passed which would begin the construction of more factories for hopefully more jobs and more luxuries like cars, built-well houses, as well as helping contribute to a stable currency
-CA Infantry Carriage M1
Wanting to grant infantry protection and fast travel without very pricy refiting of pre-war APC's the Concord Autoworks had designed the CAIC M1. With good armour and a capacity of 6 soldiers (including the driver) it was mostly a platform to build on for example: adding a small caliber artillery cannon instead off infantry space, adding a roof and a turret to create a APC with good punching power or adding a mini crane and tool spaces to create a mobile engineering vehicle. The options are endless.
-Nakho Epidemic
In early 2292, a disheveled and dirty traveler arrived at the merchant circle in Bunker Hill (at this point under CMF control) and then collapsed. Examination quickly showed he was dead, and from the Northern League. A group of doctors went to inspect his body when they noticed strange sores and fluids coming from the man.
They took him in for further analysis, and a few days later, the doctors became terribly sick, but had unintentionally already spread it to many at Bunker Hill. The disease was the same given by the dead man, and with the status of Bunker Hill as an important trading and merchant area, many were infected and then spread it through caravans.
The disease was highly deadly and absolutely miserable for any infected, with a death rate of about 60% and very contagious. The CMF issued an official quarantine over the area which forced civilians to stay inside unless they they absolutely had to leave while the brightest medical minds of the CMF begin to try and find a cure.
The disease was named the Nakho Virus.
-Dreyfuss act.
Wanting to regulate the amount of men at arms the House of Representatives has passed an act to limit and set goals for the amount of menpower in the army. It was decided that:
-2500 infantry men would be deployed around the Commonwealths, 1250 of them mechanized and motorized with 625 mechanized in squads of 5, and the other 625 motorized in squads of 10 (5 men in each group dedicated to leadership). All of those split into 5 combat groups: Group North in charge of defending north wastes, Group Boston garrisoning Boston and surrounding areas, Group Rhodes deployed on the CMF-UOA border to attack and defend, Group Springfield defending the industrial sector and also the frontier, Group Central responding to reinforcements requests.
-60 vertibirds: 50 split between the Groups and 10 on the MNV North Star.
-unlimited amount of militiamen supplied with SMG M1 and basic military uniforms.
Further editions are to be passed as the need for more army men will grow.
-F-1; F-2 and F-3
Planning to wipe out the UOA once and for all the CMF army command commissioned an jet aircraft capable of delivering payload for long distance and scouting. The Concord University's brightest minds had worked tirelessly on a design and a prototype coming up with 3 different designs:
•F-1 a light craft with 4 .50 cal machine guns and a recon camera. Mostly made as a base for two next fighter-bombers;
•F-2, it's equipment consisted of two 20mm auto-cannons fed explosive ammunition, also with a recon camera. Made as a final product but was deemed not heavy enough;
•F-3, the final product equipped with a pair of 20mm auto-cannons and a single .50 cal machine gun, also with a recon camera but could be switched for a bombing camera after confirming the location of a target, it had two 50kg bombs and a single 100kg bomb. In front of the 100kg bomb was a 10, 10 cal long rocket launching pod. The jet had a effective combat range of 350 km. Unlike it's predecessors it had a crew of 2: one pilot and one bomb operator.
General characteristics
Crew: 1 (2 in case of the F-3)
Length: 37 ft 1 in (11.30 m)
Wingspan: 39 ft 1 in (11.91 m)
Height: 14 ft 1 in (4.29 m).
Two F-3 were made, both being on the MNV North Star. With hull changes and adding a Air control tower to the ship.
-The Workers Party (WP)
Is as the name suggests a party for the betterment of working standards and other pro labour laws. It has an average amount of seats in the House of Representatives.
-Cleanse, Purge and Prosper (CPP) is a staunch anti-ghoul and anti-supermutant party which has been often accused of being a ploy of the Brotherhood of Steel. It only has one seat in the House of Representatives.
-MCW.Co
The Massachusetts Clean Water.Co, is a government company made to build public water purifiers around Massachusetts with the current goal is to build a basic sewage system in Boston, Quincy and Concord (Sanctuary included inside of the Concord system)
-Repairs of the 90th
A fast way to get from Boston to Springfield didn't exist until now. Only 3 lanes of the road were repaired with the rest planned for repairs 3 months after the first three. 2 lanes were for automobiles and the third for Caravans that couldn't afford cars.
-MEC (Massachusetts Electricity Company)
Problem with individual electricity grids for each settlement is that pollution affects crops and health of the people. So the MEC was formed to confiscate individual grids and combine them into a single grand power station, so far a GG (grand grid) was only made in Boston effectively allowing for resettlement of old skyscrapers and buildings with proper mostly unfaulty energy.
Quite a long read but a required one. Thanks to u/Eestirussia (now u/longmanhijacked2 ) for contributing with his amazing writing skills. Will pin the post for the future generations.

https://beforewegoblog.com/ten-recommended-forgotten-realms-novels/
Dungeons and Dragons novels are pretty much responsible for me becoming the fantasy fan I became as an adult. If not for the books I bought at my local Waldenbooks (the literary equivalent of a Blockbuster from the Nineties and just as absent today), I would have rotted my brain on silly things like interacting with my peers or group activities like a healthy functioning teenager. Whew. Glad I avoided that. Just kidding.
One of my favorite settings for Dungeons and Dragons novels were the Forgotten Realms. The creation of Ed Greenwood with other authors adding to it, I always found the setting to be wilder and more fantastic than Dragonlance's Krynn.
People who have been following my work on Before We Go or Reddit will note this is the third article on the subject with Ten Recommended Classic Dungeons and Dragons Novels and Ten Recommended Dragonlance Novels.
Special thanks to Whitney Reinhart who helped me write this.
10. Darkwalker on the Moonshaes by Douglas Niles
The first of the Forgotten Realms novels wasn't actually intended for the setting but was written independently. Nevertheless, I love the people of the Moonshaes. A very simple "beginner's novel" for people getting into fantasy, it's really good and entertaining. The dark god Bhaal wants to take over the Moonshaes and kill the Earthmother. Its sequel trilogy is even better, dealing with the generational nature of Forgotten Realms as well as how even heroes can fall.
Bhaal and his minions are pretty generic "muhahaha" villains while Robyn and Tristan are stalwart goodie-goodies but that isn't always a bad thing. Sometimes you just want a god of darkness invading the peaceful Not-Britons before they are defeated through the power of love. I also liked the fact druids are the focus of the book since they rarely got attention in classic Dungeons and Dragons.
9. Azure Bonds by Jeff Grubb and Kate Novac
Azure Bonds is fantastic as an introduction of the differences between the Forgotten Realms and Dragonlance or, say, something like the Lord of the Rings. Whereas other stories ease you into the weird, Azure Bonds has cloning, a halfling bard, a dragon man paladin, a chatty red dragon, demons, liches, sexy sorceress ex-opera singers, and a magical curse in just the first volume. The characters are likable, entertaining, and just plain weird. It's a reminder why 5th Edition has Tieflings and Dragonborn as starting characters.
Alias is a fantastic protagonist as a sword-swinging sarcastic mercenary with the voice of an angel. She has no respect for the gods, society, her fellow mercenaries, and altruism. Which is problematic when she has a charitable lizard man, a faithful merchant, and a roguish halfling as her associatives.
8. Dissolution by Richard Lee Byers
What do runaway males, a slave revolt, and powerless priestesses have in common? The potential for true chaos and societal collapse. Lolth’s priestesses struggle to contain the secret of Lolth’s disappearance while wizards contrive to exploit their unexpected weakness. Rogue male drow band together and partner with an unlikely ally to incite a rebellion and wreak further havoc on the always precarious balance of power in Menzoberranzan.
In this, the first book of the War of the Spider Queen sextet, the Ruling Council chooses four representatives to determine whether other drow enclaves are affected or if Menzoberranzan stands alone. Phauraun Mizzrym, chief threat to Socere archmage Gromph Baenre; Ryld Argith, a Master of Melee-Magthere; Quenthel Baenre, Mistress of Arach-Tinilith and next in line to the Matron of House Baenre, First House of Menzoberranzan; and, Faeryl Zauvirr, daughter of Ched Nasad and ambassador to Menzoberranzan must journey into the Underdark and work together to preserve and protect their homeland, their way of life.
7. Elminster: The Making of a Mage by Ed Greenwood
Who knows the Forgotten Realms more than the creator? Ed Greenwood manages to distill the events of an entire trilogy's worth of epic fantasy into a single book. Elminster of Shadow has long been the ultimate quest-giver in the Realms, being a sage on everything but also slightly mad. Reading his origins is a fun deconstruction of classic fantasy tropes as he is a hidden prince as well as farm boy who needs to retake his homeland from the sinister Mage Lords. Along the way, he becomes both lover as well as apprentice to the goddess of magic, Mystra.
Some people have criticized Elminster as a Gary Stu over the years, do to the over-the-top nature of his adventures but I actually appreciate the more interesting story of self-realization that he undergoes. Mystra forces Elminster to live a life as a rogue, priest, and even woman to help give him a perspective on the varieties of lives in the Realms. While he wants to overthrow the Mage Lords, by the time he finally confronts them, he's mostly let vengeance leave his heart. We also get why Mystra wants so many Chosen, magic tends to attract power-hungry lunatics and this turns the public off it.
6. Prince of Lies by James Lowder
The gods are always active in Dungeons and Dragons but the ones in Krynn are far more morally absolute than the ones in Faerun. Here, at least under some authors, they are every bit as petty and conniving as the Olympians. Their flaws are exaggerated and even the gods of good are prone to major screw ups. After the Time of Troubles, three new gods are elevated to ruling over the spheres of Death, Magic, and Evil. Watching Kelemevor, Mystra, and Cyric grow into their roles is a fascinating story.
Prince of Lies has Cyric as the primary focus with the newly crowned God of Evil being absolutely crap at his job. He's more concerned about making his followers worship him fanatically and systematically dismantles the Zhentarim that, previously, were the most effective force for villainy in the Realms. However, just because he's terrible at his job doesn't mean he's not incredibly dangerous. An idiot with omnipotent power is no less terrifying than a genius. Just in different ways. The sequel, The Trial of Cyric the Mad, is also a fantastic follow-up by Troy Denning.
5. Elfshadow by Elaine Cunningham
Arilyn Moonblade is a fantastic character and I really enjoy her as a contrast to Drizzt and Tanis Half-Elven as "outsider" characters. Drizzt is a fantastic character but being a drow means that stories regarding racism always have the tinge of, 'But Drow are a race of evil schemers.' Tanis also has a really dark origin as well. Arilyn Moonblade? She's a half-elf who is hated precisely because elves are blood purity obsessed bigots. Worse, she struggles with the fact that as the only half-elven Moonblade wearer, she is a "model minority" to some while a hated usurper to others. She just wants to kick some Zhentarim ass.
Arilyn is accompanied by a Wizard/Thief/Fighter named Danilo Than. If you're thinking multiclassing into those three classes versus going into Bard is a bit overcomplicated, then you're probably right. Also, it predates a similar joke in Order of the Stick by a decade. It's also one of the rare fantasy romances I'm actually invested in.
4. Canticle by RA Salvatore
While the Legend of Drizzt books are some of the most famous fantasy of all time, certainly up there with the best of "popcorn fantasy", I actually prefer the Cleric Quintet of Bob Salvatore's creations. Cadderly is an agnostic cleric of Deneir who struggles with the existence of his god despite being granted magic by him. He is aided by a beautiful bare-fisted monk named Danic and two oddball dwarves named the Bouldershoulder Brothers.
I like Cadderly as an alternative to Drizzt as he while he constanty questions and philosophizes, he often comes to definitive conclusions. I also feel like priests and clerics are an underrepresented group in fantasy.
3. Daughter of the Drow by Elaine Cunningham
Liriel Baenre is a drow apart. She is the daughter of Gromph Baenre, Archmage of Sorcere and brother to the most powerful Matron of Menzoberranzan. Liriel’s innate magical abilities are beyond those of most drow wizards and under Gromph’s protection, she is allowed to run free and wild throughout the city and wild Underdark tunnels.
She laughs and dances, fights and schemes, studies and explores at will…until Matron Triel Baenre orders her wayward niece to enter Arach-Tinilith, the proving grounds for all of Lolth’s priestesses. But Liriel yearns for more than clerical supremacy. She discovers a way to take her Underdark magic to the surface world but the power players, both priestesses and wizards alike, seek to strip her of her discovery, her freedom, her life.
2. Forgotten Realms Classics by Jeff Grubb
This is cheating because it's a comic book series rather than books but I have to say that Jeff Grubb's Forgotten Realms comics are one of my all-time favorite. The crew of the Realms Master are an eccentric bunch of oddballs ranging from an iron golem to an alcoholic former paladin to an incredibly obnoxious elven priest. The crew only grows stranger from there. It's the willingness to embrace the wackiness of Dungeons and Dragons that makes me happy.
Dungeons and Dragons is, at its heart, not just fantasy. It is all fantasy everywhere shoved into a blender and then you hit frape. This is the kind of book where you have an airship, a winged rogue, liches, and the Time of Troubles. Yet, for all the sillingness, there's actually quite a few stories that are touching or serious. When you hear about a halfling with substance abuse problems, you think it's a joke, but it's actually played entirely straight. Not everything has aged well (a half-drow is split between her dark and light personalities and guess which ones are the evil?) but most of it is awesome.
1. Homeland by R.A. Salvatore
There was really no chance that there could be any other book at the top. As much as I love Everis Cale, the Spellfire books, or the Cormyr series, nothing will ever approach the popularity of the Legend of Drizzt series. While it technically started as the Wulfgar series with The Icewind Dale books, the books that cemented the popularity of D&D’s most iconic ranger (if not character) were the ones about his origins in Menzoberrazan.
Part of what makes the books so great is that they’re so very different from typical fantasy. The decadent corrupt matriarchal society of the drow is incredibly fun. It’s absolutely ridiculous but played dead serious as Drizzt struggles to deal with the fact everyone else he knows is an enormous sociopath. The subsequent books lack the punch of Homeland but subsequent series have given us many more insights into drow society (two of which are on this list). Bob Salvatore may not have created the drow, a lot of the society he depicted was in Vault of the Drow (D3) but he certainly popularized them.

To preface, I've been going through it (37F). I had to run from gun violence in August and fell and ended up in the hospital, my best friend passed from unaliving herself in November, and I've been struggling in my job as it's sort of turned into an EA role and I'm just not that good at organizing and feel people getting frustrated with me. I've been trying to get new jobs but keep getting ghosted which is hurting my work self esteem. On top of this, I'm in grad school after work 2 days a week. My days are LONG and I'm stressed. I live with a roommate which I can't stand (she's fine , I'm just introverted) and bills pile up and I'm stressed over that.... my (recently ex) 38M boyfriend normally would stay over from Friday night to Tuesday morning (I wfh Mondays). He's been totally wonderful and kind to me and so so loving and we get along so much he's my best friend , he always compliments me, he's so sweet and we laugh so much together. he's truly the only person who really knows me and i can be myself around.... but sometimes will say things I find offensive (homophobic F word, some violent jokes that scare me), he also doesn't work. He does pay for things here and there like he will pick up some snacks/drinks for us or small gifts for me or a meal out/takeout. But I get the groceries for us every weekend, which I'm happy to do and like planning meals, but it starts to feel one sided as I cook and clean up and it's my apartment I pay rent and bills for. Like, I work from home Mondays and he just sleeps and snores and smokes weed. It's SO frustrating. He wants to get married and move in together, but he doesn't help me look for apartments, he doesn't seem to make any effort to get a job (he hasn't worked in 2+ years we've been together), and I feel like he's spending most of his time at my apartment rent, bills, and food free.
Lately he's been in a band which seems very important to him. I'm happy for him here, and I'm creative and musical too, and I'm glad he has a productive happy passion. However he seems like he's more into promoting his band, getting IG likes and follows, getting fans, etc. then the actual art of it (he's the vocalist). He's never sent me lyrics or worked on writing when he's at my place, just like promoting on IG etc. Honestly it sort of feels like his goal in life is to be big in a specific local music genre scene. He says his goal in life is just to have a simple life with me and cats....but actions speak louder than words. He hasn't looked at apartments for us, he hasn't figured out how to make income for them, he doesn't seem to appreciate the stress I'm under or offer ways to help.
It was all coming to a heed this past weekend. I was going through it at work, had received a laundry list of complaints from my boss, and was so tired from class and work. I felt like I never just get a free day to myself to do things I like solo like a coffee shop or library visit...let alone time to clean my apartment or do laundry. I have my bf there my entire weekend until I return to work and then it's 12 hour days of work and school with homework at night. My closest friend passed from suicide which has been really really painful. And I miss having a female friend to just let loose with, and honestly need it (esp. to vent about bf sometimes and get another perspective). I couldn't stop crying and was super anxious and not able to sleep and feeling pretty mentally unwell and overwhelmed. Just a lot building up.
Boyfriend is being kind to me here to be honest, but he has a show on Thursday night prior to the weekend that I couldn't go to because I had class. I prioritized class as I need to in order to get ahead to afford our life (apartment, cats, travel) we want. It's at a house venue and I'm honestly jealous. I'm jealous he's out letting loose and having fun while I'm at class. I would love to be at a fun house show, but I need to do stuff for our future. I was honestly kind of resentful and not being super supportive of the show. He was texting me about it and I was distant and definitely was in the wrong here. He said he's nervous/excited and I kind of blew it off, for example. I was just feeling really down. I had supported in many other ways including printing flyers and posting them for him, helping him edit the flyers, I bought his bandcamp sample, and I've been to his other shows. Just this one I was not feeling great.
While he's there, he had a girl who's big in this scene for filming/videography film the show for them. He was really excited about it. I was watching her IG stories during the show and getting more and more jealous (like FOMO) and anxious and just had to go to bed. I was starting to get a little jealous too that another girl who's def super into the scene he wants to be in, and probably has more in common musically, and who's pretty and cool looking and having fun at this show (not a boring loser in class) was filming it too. I didn't want to be jealous or anxious and so just went to bed. I was definitely being a little quiet and distant which was wrong on my end. I tried to delay our weekend visit because I knew I wasn't feeling great and was anxious and didn't want to say anything about my worries - because obviously female friends are totally fine.
He begged to come anyways and he did. He was being really sweet to me. I was still just a crying mess, still overwhelmed, still stressed. Bought all of our groceries, cooked for him, made him breakfast, was trying to make it a fun weekend but i was still just really down. I hid in the bathroom to 'shower' but really just cried. Later Saturday night, he was talking about this videographer again but he kept calling her 'this person'. This was weird to me that he was purposely hiding the gender. I wouldn't have cared at all, but it felt fishy, but I didn't say anything. Later I found out he purposely did this to not make me jealous or ruin the show - I wouldn't, I hadn't said or done a thing, I had already seen on IG that it was a cute girl that same night. Anyways I'm just not feeling watching this girls video of them during a kind of mentally crisis-y weekend. The Thursday night stories already made me anxious and FOMO. The fact he's hiding it's a girl is making me feel weird and jealous. I'm feeling resentful because I'm sad but still cooking and cleaning for him and buying him groceries. I'm being sort of passive aggressive I guess, which is wrong of me, but I really didn't want to make accusations and rather just let my FOMO and anxiety calm down and revisit when I'm feeling a little mentally better.
Well he blows up at me, is getting more and more mad that I'm not being supportive enough. I finally say that maybe he should fine someone in that scene then - I clearly am not as good as this band or this scene. That seems like what he's prioritizing in life. He is getting more and more mad and then finally yells at me "you're a dense b*** , you're just f-ing jealous. You're a f-ing jealous b-word because I have friends". This felt like a low blow, particularly as part of feeling mentally unwell was exactly this reason, and I lost it. Hysterics. Sobbing. Kicked him out. Like that was so unnecessary and I was so low. It felt like being yelled at (by the person who loves me most) all the stuff I was yelling at myself.
He leaves. I'm sobbing, I'm a total mess. I don't want us to be over I love him so much, I'm shaking and lost. I'm just so hurt by the fight and how everything in life is falling apart and I'm so overwhelmed. I go on Instagram and there is he is, just gleefully promoting his band like nothing happened. I look at his personal and he's changed his pic that was us on a special night to a pic of him at this show and then right after changing his pic he followed that same girl.
This aroused a LOT of suspicion in me, rightfully or not, and I lost it. Like you call me a dense b-word then go home to remove me from your IG and just keep promoting your band/video as if I'm not home sobbing? I was so upset. I tried to text him and he didn't reply. I threw out all of our stuff.
This is where it gets really bad. I think I felt so betrayed, so much like he chose his desire to be in a scene over me, his desire to be known for this band.... like I play music too (violin) and write songs and poetry, it's not choosing the music...and I was so supportive other than one bad night and I truly do want him to be happy and successful but I also want the same effort put towards our future, otherwise I feel taken advantage of. I felt like just the frumpy girl who takes care of him when he'd rather be with the cool girl who's in this scene, but I'm the resource. I LOST IT. It was like I was just watching myself act nutty.
I was frantically calling and texting, couldn't tell if I was blocked, used my finsta to comment fake negativity on his band IG, downvoted the youtube video, commented PSAs there that he's just in this for likes and had been love scamming me, messaged people all his dirty laundry like how he uses homophobic slurs and says violent stuff. The works. Petty and immature. I was so embarrassed the next day and so remorseful. I messaged every single person involved how unfair what I did was, that everything I said was taken out of context, he's a good person, none of it is true. I removed all comments. I made apology cards to his 2 best friends and band mates. I did my best to reverse everything so he wouldn't have negativity. I offered him my old laptop to help with the music, and anything I can do to help promote and help reverse any bad press, told him he could tell people any reasons I said that and I could take as much hate/blame as he could give me. I'm not sure what else to do and I know I completely destroyed this and burned ties with everyone in his life and slandered and was so insane. I was out of my mind - I really spiraled into this manic craze I think from everything built up. I have major abandonment issues, and losing a friend recently didn't help, and I think being so overwhelmed on top of his comment 'dense b*** jealous I have friends' really really triggered me. It was like I was watching myself act crazy from out of my body. I'm actively getting help for this because I don't want to do that again.
I feel so bad, I don't know how else more to reverse the damage - not for me, but for him. Because I do love him so much and I really just want him to be happy, whatever that happiness is. And if it's success in a band or a scene, or to be with someone else, I really want him to have that even if it hurts me.
I hate myself and I feel so low. I don't have any friends to be with to get my mind off of this, he was my best and only friend, it's a huge loss right now, and I feel guilt and remorse and just so awful about myself.

To preface, I've been going through it (37F). I had to run from a shooting in August and fell and ended up in the hospital, my best friend passed from suicide in November, and I've been struggling in my job as it's sort of turned into an EA role and I'm just not that good at organizing and feel people getting frustrated with me. I've been trying to get new jobs but keep getting ghosted which is hurting my work self esteem. On top of this, I'm in grad school after work 2 days a week. My days are LONG and I'm stressed. I live with a roommate which I can't stand (she's fine , I'm just introverted) and bills pile up and I'm stressed over that.... my (recently ex) 38M boyfriend normally would stay over from Friday night to Tuesday morning (I wfh Mondays). He's been totally wonderful and kind to me and so loving.... but sometimes will say things I find offensive (homophobic F word, some violent jokes that scare me), he also doesn't work. He does pay for things here and there like he will pick up some snacks/drinks for us or small gifts for me or a meal out/takeout. But I get the groceries for us every weekend, which I'm happy to do and like planning meals, but it starts to feel one sided as I cook and clean up and it's my apartment I pay rent and bills for. Like, I work from home Mondays and he just sleeps and snores and smokes weed. It's SO frustrating. He wants to get married and move in together, but he doesn't help me look for apartments, he doesn't seem to make any effort to get a job (he hasn't worked in 2+ years we've been together), and I feel like he's spending most of his time at my apartment rent, bills, and food free.
Lately he's been in a band which seems very important to him. I'm happy for him here, and I'm creative and musical too, and I'm glad he has a productive happy passion. However he seems like he's more into promoting his band, getting IG likes and follows, getting fans, etc. then the actual art of it (he's the vocalist). He's never sent me lyrics or worked on writing when he's at my place, just like promoting on IG etc. Honestly it sort of feels like his goal in life is to be big in a specific local music genre scene. He says his goal in life is just to have a simple life with me and cats....but actions speak louder than words. He hasn't looked at apartments for us, he hasn't figured out how to make income for them, he doesn't seem to appreciate the stress I'm under or offer ways to help.
It was all coming to a heed this past weekend. I was going through it at work, had received a laundry list of complaints from my boss, and was so tired from class and work. I felt like I never just get a free day to myself to do things I like solo like a coffee shop or library visit...let alone time to clean my apartment or do laundry. I have my bf there my entire weekend until I return to work and then it's 12 hour days of work and school with homework at night. My closest friend passed from suicide which has been really really painful. And I miss having a female friend to just let loose with, and honestly need it (esp. to vent about bf sometimes and get another perspective). I couldn't stop crying and was super anxious and not able to sleep and feeling pretty mentally unwell and overwhelmed. Just a lot building up.
Boyfriend is being kind to me here to be honest, but he has a show on Thursday night prior to the weekend that I couldn't go to because I had class. I prioritized class as I need to in order to get ahead to afford our life (apartment, cats, travel) we want. It's at a house venue and I'm honestly jealous. I'm jealous he's out letting loose and having fun while I'm at class. I would love to be at a fun house show, but I need to do stuff for our future. I was honestly kind of resentful and not being super supportive of the show. He was texting me about it and I was distant and definitely was in the wrong here. He said he's nervous/excited and I kind of blew it off, for example. I was just feeling really down. I had supported in many other ways including printing flyers and posting them for him, helping him edit the flyers, I bought his bandcamp sample, and I've been to his other shows. Just this one I was not feeling great.
While he's there, he had a girl who's big in this scene for filming/videography film the show for them. He was really excited about it. I was watching her IG stories during the show and getting more and more jealous (like FOMO) and anxious and just had to go to bed. I was starting to get a little jealous too that another girl who's def super into the scene he wants to be in, and probably has more in common musically, and who's pretty and cool looking and having fun at this show (not a boring loser in class) was filming it too. I didn't want to be jealous or anxious and so just went to bed. I was definitely being a little quiet and distant which was wrong on my end. I tried to delay our weekend visit because I knew I wasn't feeling great and was anxious and didn't want to say anything about my worries - because obviously female friends are totally fine.
He begged to come anyways and he did. He was being really sweet to me. I was still just a crying mess, still overwhelmed, still stressed. Bought all of our groceries, cooked for him, made him breakfast, was trying to make it a fun weekend but i was still just really down. I hid in the bathroom to 'shower' but really just cried. Later Saturday night, he was talking about this videographer again but he kept calling her 'this person'. This was weird to me that he was purposely hiding the gender. I wouldn't have cared at all, but it felt fishy, but I didn't say anything. Later I found out he purposely did this to not make me jealous or ruin the show - I wouldn't, I hadn't said or done a thing, I had already seen on IG that it was a cute girl that same night. Anyways I'm just not feeling watching this girls video of them during a kind of mentally crisis-y weekend. The Thursday night stories already made me anxious and FOMO. The fact he's hiding it's a girl is making me feel weird and jealous. I'm feeling resentful because I'm sad but still cooking and cleaning for him and buying him groceries. I'm being sort of passive aggressive I guess, which is wrong of me, but I really didn't want to make accusations and rather just let my FOMO and anxiety calm down and revisit when I'm feeling a little mentally better.
Well he blows up at me, is getting more and more mad that I'm not being supportive enough. I finally say that maybe he should fine someone in that scene then - I clearly am not as good as this band or this scene. That seems like what he's prioritizing in life. He is getting more and more mad and then finally yells at me "you're a dense b-word, you're just fucking jealous. You're a fucking jealous b-word because I have friends". This felt like a low blow, particularly as part of feeling mentally unwell was exactly this reason, and I lost it. Hysterics. Sobbing. Kicked him out. Like that was so unnecessary and I was so low. It felt like being yelled at (by the person who loves me most) all the stuff I was yelling at myself.
He leaves. I'm sobbing, I'm a total mess. I don't want us to be over I love him so much, I'm shaking and lost. I'm just so hurt by the fight and how everything in life is falling apart and I'm so fucking overwhelmed. I go on Instagram and there is he is, just gleefully promoting his band like nothing happened. I look at his personal and he's changed his pic that was us on a special night to a pic of him at this show and then right after changing his pic he followed that same girl.
This aroused a LOT of suspicion in me, rightfully or not, and I lost it. Like you call me a dense b-word then go home to remove me from your IG and just keep promoting your band/video as if I'm not home sobbing? I was so upset. I tried to text him and he didn't reply. I threw out all of our stuff.
This is where it gets really bad. I think I felt so betrayed, so much like he chose his desire to be in a scene over me, his desire to be known for this band.... like I play music too (violin) and write songs and poetry, it's not choosing the music...and I was so supportive other than one bad night and I truly do want him to be happy and successful but I also want the same effort put towards our future, otherwise I feel taken advantage of. I felt like just the frumpy girl who takes care of him when he'd rather be with the cool girl who's in this scene, but I'm the resource. I LOST IT. It was like I was just watching myself be insane.
I was frantically calling and texting, couldn't tell if I was blocked, used my finsta to comment fake negativity on his band IG, downvoted the youtube video, commented PSAs there that he's just in this for likes and had been love scamming me, messaged people all his dirty laundry like how he uses homophobic slurs and says violent stuff. The works. Petty, immature, revenge. I was so embarrassed the next day and so remorseful. I messaged every single person involved how unfair what I did was, that everything I said was taken out of context, he's a good person, none of it is true. I removed all comments. I made apology cards to his 2 best friends and band mates. I did my best to reverse everything so he wouldn't have negativity. I offered him my old laptop to help with the music, and anything I can do to help promote and help reverse any bad press, told him he could tell people any reasons I said that and I could take as much hate/blame as he could give me. I'm not sure what else to do and I know I completely destroyed this and burned ties with everyone in his life and slandered and was so insane. I was out of my mind - I really spiraled into this manic craze I think from everything built up. I have major abandonment issues, and losing a friend recently didn't help, and I think being so overwhelmed on top of his comment 'dense bitch jealous I have friends' really really triggered me. It was like I was watching myself act crazy from out of my body. I'm actively getting help for this because I don't want to do that again.
I feel so bad, I don't know how else more to reverse the damage - not for me, but for him. Because I do love him so much and I really just want him to be happy, whatever that happiness is. And if it's success in a band or a scene, or to be with someone else, I really want him to have that even if it hurts me.
I hate myself and I feel so low. I don't have any friends to be with to get my mind off of this, he was my best and only friend, it's a huge loss right now, and I feel guilt and remorse and just so awful about myself.

To preface, I've been going through it (37F). I had to run from a shooting in August and fell and ended up in the hospital, my best friend passed from suicide in November, and I've been struggling in my job as it's sort of turned into an EA role and I'm just not that good at organizing and feel people getting frustrated with me. I've been trying to get new jobs but keep getting ghosted which is hurting my work self esteem. On top of this, I'm in grad school after work 2 days a week. My days are LONG and I'm stressed. I live with a roommate which I can't stand (she's fine , I'm just introverted) and bills pile up and I'm stressed over that.... my (recently ex) 38M boyfriend normally would stay over from Friday night to Tuesday morning (I wfh Mondays). He's been totally wonderful and kind to me and so loving.... but sometimes will say things I find offensive (homophobic F word, some violent jokes that scare me), he also doesn't work. He does pay for things here and there like he will pick up some snacks/drinks for us or small gifts for me or a meal out/takeout. But I get the groceries for us every weekend, which I'm happy to do and like planning meals, but it starts to feel one sided as I cook and clean up and it's my apartment I pay rent and bills for. Like, I work from home Mondays and he just sleeps and snores and smokes weed. It's SO frustrating. He wants to get married and move in together, but he doesn't help me look for apartments, he doesn't seem to make any effort to get a job (he hasn't worked in 2+ years we've been together), and I feel like he's spending most of his time at my apartment rent, bills, and food free.
Lately he's been in a band which seems very important to him. I'm happy for him here, and I'm creative and musical too, and I'm glad he has a productive happy passion. However he seems like he's more into promoting his band, getting IG likes and follows, getting fans, etc. then the actual art of it (he's the vocalist). He's never sent me lyrics or worked on writing when he's at my place, just like promoting on IG etc. Honestly it sort of feels like his goal in life is to be big in a specific local music genre scene. He says his goal in life is just to have a simple life with me and cats....but actions speak louder than words. He hasn't looked at apartments for us, he hasn't figured out how to make income for them, he doesn't seem to appreciate the stress I'm under or offer ways to help.
It was all coming to a heed this past weekend. I was going through it at work, had received a laundry list of complaints from my boss, and was so tired from class and work. I felt like I never just get a free day to myself to do things I like solo like a coffee shop or library visit...let alone time to clean my apartment or do laundry. I have my bf there my entire weekend until I return to work and then it's 12 hour days of work and school with homework at night. My closest friend passed from suicide which has been really really painful. And I miss having a female friend to just let loose with, and honestly need it (esp. to vent about bf sometimes and get another perspective). I couldn't stop crying and was super anxious and not able to sleep and feeling pretty mentally unwell and overwhelmed. Just a lot building up.
Boyfriend is being kind to me here to be honest, but he has a show on Thursday night prior to the weekend that I couldn't go to because I had class. I prioritized class as I need to in order to get ahead to afford our life (apartment, cats, travel) we want. It's at a house venue and I'm honestly jealous. I'm jealous he's out letting loose and having fun while I'm at class. I would love to be at a fun house show, but I need to do stuff for our future. I was honestly kind of resentful and not being super supportive of the show. He was texting me about it and I was distant and definitely was in the wrong here. He said he's nervous/excited and I kind of blew it off, for example. I was just feeling really down. I had supported in many other ways including printing flyers and posting them for him, helping him edit the flyers, I bought his bandcamp sample, and I've been to his other shows. Just this one I was not feeling great.
While he's there, he had a girl who's big in this scene for filming/videography film the show for them. He was really excited about it. I was watching her IG stories during the show and getting more and more jealous (like FOMO) and anxious and just had to go to bed. I was starting to get a little jealous too that another girl who's def super into the scene he wants to be in, and probably has more in common musically, and who's pretty and cool looking and having fun at this show (not a boring loser in class) was filming it too. I didn't want to be jealous or anxious and so just went to bed. I was definitely being a little quiet and distant which was wrong on my end. I tried to delay our weekend visit because I knew I wasn't feeling great and was anxious and didn't want to say anything about my worries - because obviously female friends are totally fine.
He begged to come anyways and he did. He was being really sweet to me. I was still just a crying mess, still overwhelmed, still stressed. Bought all of our groceries, cooked for him, made him breakfast, was trying to make it a fun weekend but i was still just really down. I hid in the bathroom to 'shower' but really just cried. Later Saturday night, he was talking about this videographer again but he kept calling her 'this person'. This was weird to me that he was purposely hiding the gender. I wouldn't have cared at all, but it felt fishy, but I didn't say anything. Later I found out he purposely did this to not make me jealous or ruin the show - I wouldn't, I hadn't said or done a thing, I had already seen on IG that it was a cute girl that same night. Anyways I'm just not feeling watching this girls video of them during a kind of mentally crisis-y weekend. The Thursday night stories already made me anxious and FOMO. The fact he's hiding it's a girl is making me feel weird and jealous. I'm feeling resentful because I'm sad but still cooking and cleaning for him and buying him groceries. I'm being sort of passive aggressive I guess, which is wrong of me, but I really didn't want to make accusations and rather just let my FOMO and anxiety calm down and revisit when I'm feeling a little mentally better.
Well he blows up at me, is getting more and more mad that I'm not being supportive enough. I finally say that maybe he should fine someone in that scene then - I clearly am not as good as this band or this scene. That seems like what he's prioritizing in life. He is getting more and more mad and then finally yells at me "you're a dense b-word, you're just fucking jealous. You're a fucking jealous b-word because I have friends". This felt like a low blow, particularly as part of feeling mentally unwell was exactly this reason, and I lost it. Hysterics. Sobbing. Kicked him out. Like that was so unnecessary and I was so low. It felt like being yelled at (by the person who loves me most) all the stuff I was yelling at myself.
He leaves. I'm sobbing, I'm a total mess. I don't want us to be over I love him so much, I'm shaking and lost. I'm just so hurt by the fight and how everything in life is falling apart and I'm so fucking overwhelmed. I go on Instagram and there is he is, just gleefully promoting his band like nothing happened. I look at his personal and he's changed his pic that was us on a special night to a pic of him at this show and then right after changing his pic he followed that same girl.
This aroused a LOT of suspicion in me, rightfully or not, and I lost it. Like you call me a dense b-word then go home to remove me from your IG and just keep promoting your band/video as if I'm not home sobbing? I was so upset. I tried to text him and he didn't reply. I threw out all of our stuff.
This is where it gets really bad. I think I felt so betrayed, so much like he chose his desire to be in a scene over me, his desire to be known for this band.... like I play music too (violin) and write songs and poetry, it's not choosing the music...and I was so supportive other than one bad night and I truly do want him to be happy and successful but I also want the same effort put towards our future, otherwise I feel taken advantage of. I felt like just the frumpy girl who takes care of him when he'd rather be with the cool girl who's in this scene, but I'm the resource. I LOST IT. It was like I was just watching myself be insane.
I was frantically calling and texting, couldn't tell if I was blocked, used my finsta to comment fake negativity on his band IG, downvoted the youtube video, commented PSAs there that he's just in this for likes and had been love scamming me, messaged people all his dirty laundry like how he uses homophobic slurs and says violent stuff. The works. Petty, immature, revenge. I was so embarrassed the next day and so remorseful. I messaged every single person involved how unfair what I did was, that everything I said was taken out of context, he's a good person, none of it is true. I removed all comments. I made apology cards to his 2 best friends and band mates. I did my best to reverse everything so he wouldn't have negativity. I offered him my old laptop to help with the music, and anything I can do to help promote and help reverse any bad press, told him he could tell people any reasons I said that and I could take as much hate/blame as he could give me. I'm not sure what else to do and I know I completely destroyed this and burned ties with everyone in his life and slandered and was so insane. I was out of my mind - I really spiraled into this manic craze I think from everything built up.
I feel so bad, I don't know how else more to reverse the damage - not for me, but for him. Because I do love him so much and I really just want him to be happy, whatever that happiness is. And if it's success in a band or a scene, or to be with someone else, I really want him to have that even if it hurts me.
I hate myself and I feel so low. I don't have any friends to be with to get my mind off of this, he was my best and only friend, it's a huge loss right now, and I feel guilt and remorse and just so awful about myself.

To preface, I've been going through it (37F). I had to run from a shooting in August and fell and ended up in the hospital, my best friend passed from suicide in November, and I've been struggling in my job as it's sort of turned into an EA role and I'm just not that good at organizing and feel people getting frustrated with me. I've been trying to get new jobs but keep getting ghosted which is hurting my work self esteem. On top of this, I'm in grad school after work 2 days a week. My days are LONG and I'm stressed. I live with a roommate which I can't stand (she's fine , I'm just introverted) and bills pile up and I'm stressed over that.... my (recently ex) 38M boyfriend normally would stay over from Friday night to Tuesday morning (I wfh Mondays). He's been totally wonderful and kind to me and so loving.... but sometimes will say things I find offensive (homophobic F word, some violent jokes that scare me), he also doesn't work. He does pay for things here and there like he will pick up some snacks/drinks for us or small gifts for me or a meal out/takeout. But I get the groceries for us every weekend, which I'm happy to do and like planning meals, but it starts to feel one sided as I cook and clean up and it's my apartment I pay rent and bills for. Like, I work from home Mondays and he just sleeps and snores and smokes weed. It's SO frustrating. He wants to get married and move in together, but he doesn't help me look for apartments, he doesn't seem to make any effort to get a job (he hasn't worked in 2+ years we've been together), and I feel like he's spending most of his time at my apartment rent, bills, and food free.
Lately he's been in a band which seems very important to him. I'm happy for him here, and I'm creative and musical too, and I'm glad he has a productive happy passion. However he seems like he's more into promoting his band, getting IG likes and follows, getting fans, etc. then the actual art of it (he's the vocalist). He's never sent me lyrics or worked on writing when he's at my place, just like promoting on IG etc. Honestly it sort of feels like his goal in life is to be big in a specific local music genre scene. He says his goal in life is just to have a simple life with me and cats....but actions speak louder than words. He hasn't looked at apartments for us, he hasn't figured out how to make income for them, he doesn't seem to appreciate the stress I'm under or offer ways to help.
It was all coming to a heed this past weekend. I was going through it at work, had received a laundry list of complaints from my boss, and was so tired from class and work. I felt like I never just get a free day to myself to do things I like solo like a coffee shop or library visit...let alone time to clean my apartment or do laundry. I have my bf there my entire weekend until I return to work and then it's 12 hour days of work and school with homework at night. My closest friend passed from suicide which has been really really painful. And I miss having a female friend to just let loose with, and honestly need it (esp. to vent about bf sometimes and get another perspective). I couldn't stop crying and was super anxious and not able to sleep and feeling pretty mentally unwell and overwhelmed. Just a lot building up.
Boyfriend is being kind to me here to be honest, but he has a show on Thursday night prior to the weekend that I couldn't go to because I had class. I prioritized class as I need to in order to get ahead to afford our life (apartment, cats, travel) we want. It's at a house venue and I'm honestly jealous. I'm jealous he's out letting loose and having fun while I'm at class. I would love to be at a fun house show, but I need to do stuff for our future. I was honestly kind of resentful and not being super supportive of the show. He was texting me about it and I was distant and definitely was in the wrong here. He said he's nervous/excited and I kind of blew it off, for example. I was just feeling really down. I had supported in many other ways including printing flyers and posting them for him, helping him edit the flyers, I bought his bandcamp sample, and I've been to his other shows. Just this one I was not feeling great.
While he's there, he had a girl who's big in this scene for filming/videography film the show for them. He was really excited about it. I was watching her IG stories during the show and getting more and more jealous (like FOMO) and anxious and just had to go to bed. I was starting to get a little jealous too that another girl who's def super into the scene he wants to be in, and probably has more in common musically, and who's pretty and cool looking and having fun at this show (not a boring loser in class) was filming it too. I didn't want to be jealous or anxious and so just went to bed. I was definitely being a little quiet and distant which was wrong on my end. I tried to delay our weekend visit because I knew I wasn't feeling great and was anxious and didn't want to say anything about my worries - because obviously female friends are totally fine.
He begged to come anyways and he did. He was being really sweet to me. I was still just a crying mess, still overwhelmed, still stressed. Bought all of our groceries, cooked for him, made him breakfast, was trying to make it a fun weekend but i was still just really down. I hid in the bathroom to 'shower' but really just cried. Later Saturday night, he was talking about this videographer again but he kept calling her 'this person'. This was weird to me that he was purposely hiding the gender. I wouldn't have cared at all, but it felt fishy, but I didn't say anything. Later I found out he purposely did this to not make me jealous or ruin the show - I wouldn't, I hadn't said or done a thing, I had already seen on IG that it was a cute girl that same night. Anyways I'm just not feeling watching this girls video of them during a kind of mentally crisis-y weekend. The Thursday night stories already made me anxious and FOMO. The fact he's hiding it's a girl is making me feel weird and jealous. I'm feeling resentful because I'm sad but still cooking and cleaning for him and buying him groceries. I'm being sort of passive aggressive I guess, which is wrong of me, but I really didn't want to make accusations and rather just let my FOMO and anxiety calm down and revisit when I'm feeling a little mentally better.
Well he blows up at me, is getting more and more mad that I'm not being supportive enough. I finally say that maybe he should fine someone in that scene then - I clearly am not as good as this band or this scene. That seems like what he's prioritizing in life. He is getting more and more mad and then finally yells at me "you're a dense b-word, you're just fucking jealous. You're a fucking jealous b-word because I have friends". This felt like a low blow, particularly as part of feeling mentally unwell was exactly this reason, and I lost it. Hysterics. Sobbing. Kicked him out. Like that was so unnecessary and I was so low. It felt like being yelled at (by the person who loves me most) all the stuff I was yelling at myself.
He leaves. I'm sobbing, I'm a total mess. I don't want us to be over I love him so much, I'm shaking and lost. I'm just so hurt by the fight and how everything in life is falling apart and I'm so fucking overwhelmed. I go on Instagram and there is he is, just gleefully promoting his band like nothing happened. I look at his personal and he's changed his pic that was us on a special night to a pic of him at this show and then right after changing his pic he followed that same girl.
This aroused a LOT of suspicion in me, rightfully or not, and I lost it. Like you call me a dense b-word then go home to remove me from your IG and just keep promoting your band/video as if I'm not home sobbing? I was so upset. I tried to text him and he didn't reply. I threw out all of our stuff.
This is where it gets really bad. I think I felt so betrayed, so much like he chose his desire to be in a scene over me, his desire to be known for this band.... like I play music too (violin) and write songs and poetry, it's not choosing the music...and I was so supportive other than one bad night and I truly do want him to be happy and successful but I also want the same effort put towards our future, otherwise I feel taken advantage of. I felt like just the frumpy girl who takes care of him when he'd rather be with the cool girl who's in this scene, but I'm the resource. I LOST IT. It was like I was just watching myself be insane.
I was frantically calling and texting, couldn't tell if I was blocked, used my finsta to comment fake negativity on his band IG, downvoted the youtube video, commented PSAs there that he's just in this for likes and had been love scamming me, messaged people all his dirty laundry like how he uses homophobic slurs and says violent stuff. The works. Petty, immature, revenge. I was so embarrassed the next day and so remorseful. I messaged every single person involved how unfair what I did was, that everything I said was taken out of context, he's a good person, none of it is true. I removed all comments. I made apology cards to his 2 best friends and band mates. I did my best to reverse everything so he wouldn't have negativity. I offered him my old laptop to help with the music, and anything I can do to help promote and help reverse any bad press, told him he could tell people any reasons I said that and I could take as much hate/blame as he could give me. I'm not sure what else to do and I know I completely destroyed this and burned ties with everyone in his life and slandered and was so insane. I was out of my mind - I really spiraled into this manic craze I think from everything built up.
I feel so bad, I don't know how else more to reverse the damage - not for me, but for him. Because I do love him so much and I really just want him to be happy, whatever that happiness is. And if it's success in a band or a scene, or to be with someone else, I really want him to have that even if it hurts me.
I hate myself and I feel so low. I don't have any friends to be with to get my mind off of this, he was my best and only friend, it's a huge loss right now, and I feel guilt and remorse and just so awful about myself.

​

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"Yeah, Ok." he said, cutting me off. "I don't really give a shit about your life story. Here's what's going to happen. You're going to stop sitting with Jessica and the rest of that little...pretty people club." he said, with a touch of venom in his voice.
“It’s ok, baby, it’s ok,” he whispered.
So I’ve been dating this girl named Kelsey. She stands 5’4 and is about 110lbs. She has what look like firm 36C beasts. She has nice long dirty blonde hair and deep blue eyes. She has a slim figure and is absolutely one of the most gorgeous people I’ve ever meet. I was 16 at the time and she was 15. We’ve been together for about 9 months now and I was ready to take out relationship to the next level, but I wasn’t sure if she was ready.
“Well I— Oh, Kelly. It’s nice to see you,” Jack began before being interrupted by the girl’s silent arrival. She had a tray of food in her hands and was nervously biting her lip.
“Rachel,” I said as we pulled up to Anna’s house, “Anna is going to play right into our hand.”
He moved his hands to her stomach and wished her slimmer. He removed the fat from her legs, her stomach and her ass, replacing it with toned muscle. Her now slim legs suited her perfectly. She still had some curves, she was nowhere near as skinny as Jenny, but she wasn't fat either.
She begged him, "Give it to me baby, fuck me, I need it in me, make me cum baby, oh god hurt me, fuck me hard, you're so big, so fat, good and then aiiiieeeeeeeEEEEEEEEE" as she began cumming. He drove hard into her quivering pussy and she began shaking hard as her hands pulled at his thin young hips, nails drawing blood from his ass while holding him to her as she ground her pussy against his engorged glans. Her ankles held her to his young dick as he hunched into her pussy. She was moaning, muscles tensing until each gripping wave of pleasure relaxed its hold on her body. Then as she ground her pussy into his tip as he pressed hard into her she felt his glans throbbing, mashing against her cervix again and she began crying out, "Yes, oh god yes, right there baby, doit, oh fuck make it go, oh damn I'm cumming, fuck me, fuckit in me hard..oh god its so hard, I feel it baby, its opening me...oh god its so good, HARD, fuck it hard, oh fuck it hurts, its so big, so fucking wonderfully huge. OH GOD! YES You're in my uterus baby, oh damn your dick is so fuckin long and fat. Fuck me baby, oh fuck, your young stiff dick fucks me so damn good. I love it, love you baby."
Rebecca continued with the towel, dabbing at his stomach. Her gentle, compassionate touch was unsettling. She said, “Of course, we share everything. Turn around so I can get your back.”
“Could someone please go get Phil and Nicole to tell them to come back inside?” Scott asked, clearly ignoring the remarks from the peanut gallery. “Whoever’s closest to the door will do.”
In minutes, the landscape was flooded like in the story of Noah’s Ark. Even the tallest mountains hung deep below the churning red surface. Had the entire planet been consumed by an ocean of blood?!
"How many men do you have a night." Zelena asked. "Three, four or five." Bella answered.
only person I knew that had a six pack at my age. Christina, had long blonde hair (there's
The pain lanced through my face and I barely held back a roar of pain. I turned on him, feeling the fury blaze my eyes, and I considered for a moment letting Brad and Joe tear him apart. They looked ready to, as did a few other guys. After a moment, though, the feeling went away and I smiled benignly at Craig.
"He put his filthy hands on you and forced you." Rodney wasn't listening to what our mother said to the contrary. Rape is wrong, and he knew it. He refused to accept any middle ground.
Kelly didn’t know what to expect from this night but she was desperately horny so she decided to go with whatever came her way. She began sucking her daughter’s clit and to her surprise really liked the taste. So much so that she started sliding her tongue in and out of Amber’s cunt to which Amber responded by fucking her mom’s face.
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I Then, reached down and unbutton my jeans, I could see Kenny's eyes was glued to the front of my blue jeans. So, I slid the zipper down on them and then slowly parted them open. Then, I slid my jeans off of my hips and down my thighs, then stepping out of them, as slid down my legs to to my feet. I kicked my blue jeans with my right foot, out of the way, I reached to my hips and hooked my thumbs in the waistband of my shiny satin black bikini panties. Then, I slowly slid my bikini panties down off of my hips to my thighs, I let them fall to the carpet and stepped out of them.
"You taste wonderful."
While we were walking to the car, he said, “It’s early. Want to go up to Lookout Point.”
‘Relax’ said Jim, guiding the head up her ass. As he eased his cockhead into her puckered opening he felt Amy relax a bit and pushed in another few inches.
“You realize what that means?” Rebecca asked. “You, um, a couple years ago, Cindy was the age you are now. You must look exactly the way she did then. You almost do now.”
up his speed. "Keep quiet, bitch. It's my turn."
No one expects perfection on here, but ffs they expect the stories to be at least readable.
"Well, that's fondling."
"Yeah, that would feel so good. That would be cool mom. My cock is so hard! I need to cum. Suck it."
She glared down at me.
"Auggghhhh!" she yelped. "Aaahhhhh! Yes! I'm getting it!"
"I was afraid you might, you know-" he made quotation marks " 'be in trouble' "
"Thank you Alexa." Teri said with a quick breath, still nervous. "Your hand feels really nice."
Ma9inch
"Oh, thanks man! Tell your mom we said thank you." says Michael.
“Yes Karen I hear you. She's not going to starve.”
I silenced her with a quick kiss and whispered, “I’m sure I’m just as nervous as you are besides I love to listen to your voice…even when you aren’t making any sense.” Rose waited a second before she began to giggle. It wasn’t long before I joined her and the two of us were laughing like crazy. Somehow we managed to undress each other while we laughed.
I obediently stood and walked to him.
watching him but I didn’t do much
“That doesn’t sound like something that would mix with your personality.” I pointed out.
"What exactly did you mean by that, Jennifer?" Jack asked
What was she talking about? "What?"
"I think you'd like what station I have for 5." Tommy defiantly knew what Jade loved as far as radio stations. He listened to her rave about her favorite alt-rock channel on the radio every day. So one afternoon, while idly thinking about her, Tommy found the station and saved it just in case she ever had to ride in his car.
I couldn't resist. A few moments later, I bent over and kissed the tip of his shaft. "You have a beautiful cock, Bobby." Bobby seemed totally amazed that I would kiss him there. "But you would be more comfortable if we took off your pants." I slid down to the floor in front of him and he raised his butt so I could drag his pants and his underpants off, taking the shoes off too in a single stroke. A lovely pair of balls dangled below his rock hard shaft.
She cuddled tighter into me, like she was trying to become one with me. I looked over at Joshua and noticed his eyebrows climbing to the ceiling… he obviously knew the pearls were expensive and did not approve.
"John, can you show her where the dishes are?" April asked her son
“Really, you tried everything you had and now you’re going to try your skills with a knife,” I ask a little offended.
two cocks in me at the same time. NOW, Fuck me." Blondie wailed.
The next morning we slept in some, and all woke around ten am. Becky was first to wake up. I felt her get out of bed, and was awake to watch her slide in to some sweatpants and a tight t-shirt, then walk downstairs, presumably go to the bathroom. I threw on a pair of gym shorts a minute later and walked down to start the coffee maker. I started it, and it started beeping to tell me there was no water in it. I shut it off, but it had beeped, and I saw Sarah, or the thick blanket she was under, move some. I went back to making the coffee.
On Friday afternoon, Bobby showed up a bit later than I expected. He'd been spending time with Allison.
“Are you OK?” he asked again and the question lingered for some time.
“Uh, I have to go to the bathroom”. Before I could reply she was already gone.
"The noise from the attic." John said. "Dad's doing Zelly."
"Are you sure?" Lee asked his sister, she nodded and smiled uneasily.
Jason quickly read her response and immediately tried to remember the story where a girl was trying to learn what to do on a date. He texted back:
“So, how long have you been in love with your brother?” Eleanor casually asked her.
I hung up the phone and went back upstairs to Chris’ room, which was empty on account of him being in Stephanie’s room. I turned on the TV and laid back, trying to will myself to take a nap so I wouldn’t have to think about anything. It didn’t work. In fact, I did the exact opposite. No matter what angle I looked at it from there was no solution where everybody wins. It reminded me of that movie The Butterfly Effect where Ashton Kutcher’s character couldn’t win no matter what page he read, except when he figured it out at the end, but would we have to do that same thing? Questions like this were why I was trying to take a nap. The door creaked open and Rita came in and saw me laying there deep in thought. She didn’t say anything, she just came in, laid down next to me, put my arm around her and lay her head on my chest. I hugged her back and lay there with her for what seemed like hours, but was probably ten minutes.
"Uh, yeah. You're...Becky, right?" I said. "We have...something, together."
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Suspicion was raised after a group of bad performing students switched to the new school and boosted their scores.
jammed between us, but I worked it sideways and off. She
Later that night after dinner Lizzy was clearing the table and I lingered, staring at her ass. And legs. And tits.
I slowed my pace, and started massaging her tits with my right hand. I layed my face down into the bed, next to her head, and could smell the Pantene shampoo in her hair.
"Oh, you fuss too much. We will probably be the first ones there any way", she said as we went out to the car.
“That’s for you, man. Enjoy your weekend, haha.”
“oh you’ll find out” Ali snickered.
"School was good, same old,"
I let her go, and took a deep, slow breath. In an instant, the warm glow of affection I'd felt darkened and turned back into malice. How dare she slap me.
"Baby, look at me."
At that moment, I knew I had to talk to Bobby. I had to do something before it was too late.
"You won't believe what happened to me at work yesterday?" Lydia said to her sister and paused to thank the waitress who placed her wine on the table. She took a sip of the wine and started telling her sister the infuriating story. After that, it was Kate's turn to tell some story, and for the next hour they just chatted, like only sisters can, sipping their wine and nibling on their fries happily.
"May saw them," Sally told him. Jack got very excited and
“Yeah” replied Cindy, “we came over to see what the guys were doing and ended up helping them clean up some car parts.” Dad did a quick glance at me then gave a little knowing type of smile that let me understand he wasn’t buying the story. Aunt Rachel then commented that they sure were careful of their clothes as there wasn’t a spot of dirt anywhere. Mom quickly changed the subject after giving me a little wink.
They arrive at Jason's home. It's a modest two-story house. Emmy follows him inside. "Hi, honey." A voice can be heard from across the house as the two teens enter.
I was back at the massive glass building and headed straight for the food court this time. As I said I wasn’t the athletic type or health freak so got a cheeseburger and fries with a large drink. I took a seat and tucked in. I think I was going to like living here as I watched all the girls walking around, I didn’t hang about yesterday. There was must be something in the water here because the amount of gorgeous females strolling about. One specific thing I noticed was all the flesh on show. I was definitely going to enjoy living here.
“I told you not to come to me, and you come to me!” She spoke in a venomous whisper. “I told you not to fuck me, and you fuck me!” She stood up to face me and I backed away. “I made two simple rules, Andy, and you’ve broken both of them! And now you’re getting all clingy and you want to talk? Well, as far as I’m concerned, there’s nothing to talk about. You had your chance, and you blew it. Now get out of my room and don’t ever come back in here again!”
A-swaying gracefully…”
Laurie Driver
She took a long, shuddering breath before quietly saying,
“Fuck yeah.”
I talked to the remaining two EMTs
rapidly shrinking.
“I’m sure you would have lost the next poker hand, so let’s not waste words or time.”
…but as soon as I slip my mouth upon his cock, he shuts up, and lets his animal brain do the thinking for him.
“AHHHHHHHHHH…”
(JASON’s Part)“ “It’s just a lesson. I think you would feel much better if you had some experience and knew what to expect,” he suggested as he looked into her blue eyes and saw how she was getting excited. “Let’s pretend this is the backseat of the car. If it’s okay with you . . . why don’t I pretend I am him for a few minutes and that way you can practice on me, so you aren’t embarrassed at what he might do. Let’s just start off with a kiss,” he said, not giving her the chance to turn down his proposal. (After Jason read his line, he leaned over and kissed his cousin on the lips for the first time. He began slowly, just allowing his lips to touch hers. He was surprised that she moved her head closer, making their kiss become more urgent and much more satisfying. After a few minutes, he broke away.)
She said that was amazing – my first cum being fucked and I loved it. Now I know what it feels like to have a boy cum in me.
I arrived in the dark area and waited for a few minutes. Bella was nowhere to be seen. Was it even Bella I was here to meet? I could have sworn she was the one to pass me the note but then again there was no confirmation it was her. Maybe it was a stupid joke and somebody somewhere was laughing right now?
Read 17862 times
“Mom, what are you doing”?
Then suddenly things changed. The blue GTO suddenly slowed and veered off to the left. I kept my foot to the floor as I continued on down the dark road reaching the end just seconds later.
“I thought I could, but I just can’t do this with my shirt on.” She pulled at her shirt and popped it over her head, dropping it onto her other clothes. She peered down her slim body. Her skin didn’t fit as tight as Corey’s prepubescent body or that of the anorexic models on TV, and for that, she was beyond perfect to me.
“Oh Chuck no!” she cried. “Oh Chuck I want you so much but we can’t, not now!”
For the next moments, they fucked in silent intensity, their breathing rapid and deep.
Not wanting to upset her I went after her tits again and played with her pussy lips and clit. She got very wet and my cock came back to life. I now rubbed my manhood on her clit and soaked pussy lips. She took my cock, slid it against her swollen inner pussy lips, and squeezed her thighs together. She grabbed both my cheeks and pulled harder than ever. We rocked our hips, my lubricated cock sliding smoothly against her dripping pussy lips and thighs. Her moans got loud so I put my mouth over hers, afraid that someone walking by would hear us. She pushed her tongue into me, tightened her thighs, tensed up her whole body and burst into another record orgasm. I exploded once again by pumping harder and faster between her smooth firm thighs and her swollen pussy lips.
Beth stayed close to Kevin. His hands were around her waist most of the time. They talked about school and where they were from. Sometimes his hand would find her ass, she would move it away like her mother told her to, but not before enjoying the feeling of it move around and make her legs weak.
my hand rubbing her
‘Eeeh yes you can.’ she said ‘Touch it again it tickled.’ Like an idiot I reached out and this time rolled the nipple between my thumb and finger. I realised I had to stop this and said again ‘You’d better go to bed now your parents will be in soon.’
“Louder!”
"no." it felt weird asking my sister questions about sex but at the same time I wanted to know more. I then asked her, " have you ever seen a boy naked?"
“I want to add a rule” said Becky
She walked over and hit me, “You’re going to pay for that one…” she told me.
We got dressed, grabbed something for Lucy to put on, and rushed to the hospital.
"I-I'm fine," I stutter.
She bobbed her head up and down, not bothering to wear anything but her bra. I had already eaten her out today, and the sight of her bottomless sucking me off with appreciation and eagerness in her eyes was absolutely breathtaking to behold.
Walking past rows of maroon lockers with scores of students shuffling past them like salmon at spawning season, the two adolescents had to speak with slightly-raced voices to be heard. Victoria didn’t know why she had made that offer, normally she would be too hesitant to talk to Jack, but after seeing him again after so many years, she felt like her chances were slim and she had to make the most of them.
“I’m talking to you too Rita. I know how this guy stirs you up. Don’t lose control.”
“Yes it’s me!” she said enthusiastically.
"Well, lay back and I'll give it a try, I've never done it, either," and I bent over his long, slender cock, sizing it up, then lowered over it, closed my mouth and began my first blowjob, the first of many, as it would turn out.
"You are seriously jacked up, Becky. How many times have you watched it?"
"Well, what now?"
I just stare her down before turning my gaze back to the Old Man who is staring between Sid and me. The Old Man is confused then pissed off and it’s not in my direction.
Me: Oh, Jesus.
“GOD!” Melody’s eyes squeeze shut. Her hand goes to his head so he stays there. “Mmmmmmmm tongue fuck me, Jake!”
This was so not what he needed. Dean was still undecided about Zoe, but Mariah was clearly way too high-maintenance for him. Why she'd started paying attention to him now after ignoring his existence for the past two years was beyond his understanding.
Excuses ready and cleaned up as best we could we headed back.
2013-03-24 10:48:29
"Is there a room in your house that we haven't fooled around in yet?"
"What the fuck is going on!?" She yelled at no one particular.
‘Sorry’ I said as I looked up at him, a bite mark already forming on his neck
“So you’re considering not just Lexi but Taylor still,” Morgan coolly noted.
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