Check-in

We may be anonymous strangers on the internet, but we have one thing in common. We may be a world apart, but we're here together!
Welcome to the 24 hour pledge!
I'm pledging myself to not doing cocaine today, and invite you to do the same.
Maybe you're new to stopdoingcocaine and have a hard time deciding what to do next. Maybe you're like me and feel you need a daily commitment or maybe you've been sober for a long time and want to inspire others.
It doesn't matter if you're still hung over recovering from a three day bender or been sober for years, if you just woke up or have already completed a sober day. For the next 24 hours, let's not do cocaine!
This pledge is a statement of intent. Today we don't set out trying not to do cocaine, we make a conscious decision not to do cocaine. It sounds simple, but all of us know it can be hard and sometimes impossible. The group can support and inspire us, yet only one person can decide if we do not do cocaine today. Give that person the right mindset!
What happens if we can't keep to our pledge? We give up or try again. And since we're here in stopdoingcocaine, we're not ready to give up.
What this is: A simple thread where we commit to not doing cocaine for the next 24 hours, posting to show others that they're not alone and making a pledge to ourselves. Anybody can join and participate at any time, you do not have to be a regular at stopdoingococaine or have followed the pledges from the beginning.
What this isn't: A good place for a detailed introduction of yourself, directly seek advice or share lengthy stories. You'll get a more personal response in your own thread.
This post goes up at:

• US - Night/Early Morning
• Europe - Morning
• Asia and Australia - Evening/Night

A link to the current Daily Check-In post can always be found near the top of the sidebar.
Sending you all lots of love this Saturday and IWNDCWYT! ❤️💕 ____
The weekend is here and I am feeling supercharged to take on the day with a clean and pure soul. Lets run with the blue skies and sunshine and get lots done! Have a wonderful day! IWNDCWYT

Just wanted to say Hi to this community and give some observations in case anyone found it useful. I was an ultra distance runner about 18 years ago and have since had long term physical changes revealed on various medical exams.
I was running ultra distances for about 3 years in my 20s (totaling about 110-125 miles a week) and then discovered I had a rare connective tissue disorder that affects nearly all body systems. In the process of examining me for this rare disorder, I have been through countless exams and practitioners have noted some differences between my physiology and their typical patient and many have attributed it to my ultra history despite it being so long ago. It’s been 18 year since I was effectively training at that level but here are the differences some doctors, physical therapists have noted:

1. my hip joint is HUGE. I was in a wheelchair at some point. I certainly didn’t look like an athlete but the hip preservation doctor walked in asking about my ultra history which he believed based on scans. I have hip dysplasia, but the ball part of the joint is so big, I’m not in any danger of the joint dislocating. He said bone size is affected by use and the changes last 20+ years sometime. So it was still obvious on my skeleton.
   
2. My weight can swing 20 lbs within days due to carb intake (when I have bags of candy every night for a week). My glycogen storage capacity is fairly huge. At some point I get very bad liver numbers but it comes down within weeks of resuming exercise. The liver issues could be familial or due to my genetic disorder. I got type 2 diabetes at a fairly low weight due to family history.
   
3. I’m guessing I’m very fat adapted. At one point, to the confusion of all, I was recovering in a walker, getting maybe 6000 steps a day, and got to 14% body fat, complete with 6 pack. I am currently out of wheelchair and relearning now to walk and am at 12.5% body fat. I eat normally. My exercise is fairly limited because of my disability. I do barre every other day and walk at 65-80% of body weight on an alterG unit, trying to reach 10k steps a day. In my running days, I naturally ate omad before that was fashionable, mainly due to dining hall schedule. That one meal was after I finished my mileage. I would at most bring one nutrition bar on my 30+ mile runs. So I guess I trained fasted. I didn’t have much of a “wall”, now called bonk, I guess.
   
4. I lost neuromuscular ability to walk, but could run. I guess that motion pattern was deeper engrained. I am in constant pain walking, the only relief from pain is when I jog a few steps. The physiatrist believes it has to do with my foot anatomy and pressure on my arch leading to painful compensations elsewhere. Gait analysis reveals that running is the only time stride and length are exactly balanced for me.
   

Running is my happy place. If this is interesting to anyone here I’m happy to do an informal ama and add more info.

First of all, I hope this post is okay to make... But here goes. I'm 26 years old from Ireland and I like to play DMZ frequently with my pal from work. We have lots of fun playing and we were starting to get really good at the game up until a week or so ago. At first I noticed him having a lot more energy and starting to get angry more and more. Now it's at the point where he's running off, not paying any attention to the rest of the team, talking/rambling really fast, doing his own thing, not caring about anyone other than himself. He's been getting us killed nearly every match. I just notice something completely off with him. At work I don't notice he's much different but when we play he's totally different. Then the other night I heard him mention to someone in the background to "bust out another line" and then the day after I heard him mention "getting more blow". And then it hit me. He's been doing cocaine whenever he's playing and it's absolutely ruining the fun we have. I know I could just go play with other people but I used to have a lot of fun with him. We were getting really good together and made a good team, but now that he's on cocaine he thinks he's better than he is and just makes really stupid decisions that he thinks are fine when they're not. Gets us killed all the time and I just don't even have fun anymore.
I don't want to bring it up to him because I know how that will go, plus I have to work with him, so I don't even know what to do. Sucks because I don't play any other games anymore, and I don't really have any other friends to play with and I don't like playing solo... Not to mention my pal seems to be addicted to cocaine and he's turning into a different person.
Might just stop playing all together. Any suggestions?

Two days ago I had an abscess. It was pretty large. This came weeks after I had a root canal retreatment performed.
Anyway. The abscess popped on its own, but it did NOT fully drain. I still feel the bubble there with what I assume is pus. It’s much softer now, and not nearly as big as it got before it bursted.
It’s driving me insane and ramping up my anxiety. How can I drain it out? I don’t want the abscess to spread to other parts of my body and kill me. I think it’s coming from a cyst i have in my gums, or because the infection is trying to clear itself out. Please help.
Do i leave it alone? Go to ER to see if they can drain? Something else? Thank you. (It’s right above tooth 7/8)

Hi everyone, I wanted some advice on leaving my current lab job and on if I should honestly burn the bridge with the lab when I go or even file HR complaints. I have been in this current lab in academia for 3.5 years, I started out of undergrad with the intent on wanting to get a PhD and wanting research experience and pubs for when I would apply. Over the years the lab has been a toxic place but I always pushed myself through telling myself it was best to endure for the sake of a good LOR, the research experience, and pubs. I applied to 9 PhD programs this past round (including the program in the department I currently work in). I have been rejected from all programs except the department I currently work in, although that's when the story gets more fishy as I am still waiting for their answer.
I have been reaching out to PI's and others who would have advice on how I can improve myself for the next time I apply to programs. I brought up to my PI that I am planning on applying to other positions but willing to consider staying if it means I can take classes with my tuition remission, to which he was upset about and condescending towards me about my best interest being staying in his lab and getting more pubs and him being unsupportive of me taking classes (because in his expertise why would you need grad classes to get into a grad program when the point is taking the classes in the program and how he never heard of something so stupid and told me I should use my brain to think for myself rather than take advice from others who don't know what they are saying).
One of the people I spoke with was the dean of students at the program I work in now, and I brought up how my PI would like me to stay and apply in a year again but I just don't know if I can do that. He brought up that it was a possibility other faculty members approached my PI about the LOR he submitted and that maybe it wasn't the most encompassing of me as a person and didn't fully convey me that well, which seems kind of like an oddly specific thing to say. I've been interviewing for tech positions elsewhere and the PI's are asking me why I'm not applying to grad school with a CV like mine but instead wasting time being a tech longer. Speaking to other people who know my entire transcript from undergrad, my current CV, and read my SOPs they believe my PI sabotaged me so I wouldn't get in and would stay in his lab. My PI has previously said to me that it's a suitable career choice for a woman to stay a tech and that as long as he has a lab I will have a job and that he doesn't believe he could run the lab without me.
I currently have a job offer at another place and I am meeting a PI this upcoming week for a second interview for a job I really want so I am waiting to hear if he will offer me the position, so I do have options to get out of this lab. I didn't expect to get any job offers this soon since I only started applying to jobs two weeks ago, and I was willing to give my PI ample notice before I go. But knowing more of what could be happening behind the scenes I honestly want to burn the bridge with him and give a 2 weeks and just get out. I have two projects in this lab currently, one that is nearly done and is being written and another that needs one more animal group to be finished. Although, I almost want to tell him I don't want my name on any publications in his lab moving forward (as I was writing materials and methods for one of the manuscripts he told me to lie about one of the experiments because reviewers don't understand our experiments and variability involved so you need to say something they won't question). Would it be fishy to programs if I don't get a LOR from him when I apply again in the future? I'm not one to want to burn bridges but this entire situation and the years of crap I've dealt with from him has left me at the point where maybe that is the best option. I understand I could be pulled from the waitlist for admission where I currently work now but I would turn it down because this PI isn't the type that would just let me go and continue in another lab and he would have me closeby to track down and make demands of me and I believe I can have more success and feel better supported elsewhere in the end even if it takes me longer to get into a program.

Please recommend me a course and club near London that could potentially allow me to progress to solo at a more acceptable rate???
Please read "notes" below to understand my situation, I fear taking too many flights to reach solo might hamper my career in aviation should I pursue one as a pilot be it in the military or commercially. Not to mention the financial and time constraints.
I'm not judging or complaining as I do think the club's members are friendly and approachable, I also have no right to since I don't have any other club to compare to, so may I ask if the "notes" below are actually typical with all BGA gliding clubs providing pre-solo training which is what I myself actually believe to be the case, if that is the case then I'm sorry for wasting your time on the norm???
Notes:
joined a BGA gliding club at 16 years old months ago
doing my own takeoffs, manoeuvring and landings, based on instructors' commands
had ~45 training flights(avg. 9mins) and not yet solo, the reported average is ~50 flights to solo
change of instructor every time I attended
~1 min pre-flight brief, take-off, gliding and turning, land, repeat, ~3 min debrief at the end of the day
I think a flight ought to involve more flight training exercises, and perhaps a longer briefing
require multiple successful attempts at an exercise to get signed off in one 'attempt' checkbox
(for instance, I've only just achieved 'satisfactory' for 'speed control' and 'use of trimmer', even though I've been doing that for 30+ flights with no comments from the instructor)
only completed 36% of the BGA's 'pre-solo gliding training progress record card'
on a sponsorship scheme for 1 year, may not be able to continue gliding after it expires
https://preview.redd.it/t04adxlufvpa1.png?width=1491&format=png&auto=webp&s=ea79dd954738533dc437044ade70639a1e3f7989

I wanna explore different pot communities here and mix with different people and have a good time here.Im staying near bumrungrad hospital, sukhumvit soi3, if anyone wanna hangout. Let me know.

So I work with a 17f, dance student at a reataurant. She broke her leg really badly a while back, like fibia sticking up where her femur is.
She was in a full leg cast and had it removed the day before mothers day. The doctors told her she can't put any weight on it at all for a good 5 days or it would effect her recovery.
She told our employer of this, she said she shouldn't work, had a doctors note etc but the employer coerced/ pressured her into coming in, saying she would be on 'light' duties, just to 'do what she can'.
Well, employer made zero provisions. Still expected her to be standing, limping around, carrying food to tables on a broken leg. Our employer intimidates me, and I'm 31, so this poor 17yo was too scared to tell them she was in serious pain. It was only when the pain turned to agony after 3 hours did she have the courage to say I can't do this any more.
We had an inspector in yesterday and I nearly slipped him a note like a bloody hostage haha.
My point is, this can't be legal. What recource should/ can I take for reporting the employer? This isn't an isolated incident. I can't find a HR dept for the company, there's no process for reporting, except the 'contact us' bit where you fill in the email form on their website.

After an off-season of upheaval that was meant to propel Ferrari back to glory, the opening weeks of the 2023 Formula 1 season have cast doubt over whether the Italian team are moving in the right direction.
The sport's most famous team removed Mattia Binotto from his role as team principal at the end of a 2022 campaign that had promised much but ended in disappointment, before hiring Frederic Vasseur from Alfa Romeo to fill the position.
While Binotto's reign had led to the production of a very fast car that was a match - at least in terms of pure pace - for Red Bull for the first half of last season, a combination of poor reliability and strategic errors would see Charles Leclerc lose touch with Max Verstappen, who ultimately eased to his second successive title.
The hope was that Vasseur, an affable yet highly respected figure, would be able to implement the level of discipline required to mount a sustained challenge, and the Frenchman left no doubt over the winter that ending the team's 15-year drivers' championship drought was his immediate target.
However, two races into the new season, Ferrari appear as far away as ever from glory - so what has gone wrong?
Ferrari's biggest problem in 2022 was reliability, each driver twice retired from races during the first half of the season, which ultimately led the team to turn down their engines for the second half of the campaign, making them less competitive.
In addition to the crucial loss of points from the DNFs, there would also be the knock-on impact of grid penalties from exceeding the allotted number of engine parts allowed for the season.
Making sure their 2023 car was reliable was Ferrari's most important task over the winter, and one they appeared confident they had succeeded in as the new season approached.
However, that was proven not to be the case when Leclerc retired from the opening race of the season in Bahrain as a result of an issue with his control electronics unit, which had already been changed ahead of the race.
Not only did Leclerc retire but given he had used the two control electronics units that are allowed for the entire season, he had to take a 10-place grid penalty in Saudi Arabia - in just the second round of a 23-race campaign - for using a third.
The team's uncertainty over their reliability was further evidenced by both Leclerc and team-mate Carlos Sainz being fitted with entirely new power units for the Saudi Arabian GP.
Speaking after the race, Vasseur said Ferrari had taken a "step forward" as both Leclerc and Sainz made it to the end without engine issues.
"The issue we had in Bahrain was unexpected because it was the first time we had a control unit failure and it's why we changed the engine for today just to be sure that we are starting from a clean sheet," Vasseur said.
At this stage, it is hard to be convinced that Ferrari are completely on top of their reliability issues.
Despite Ferrari's 2022 reliability issues, there was little doubt that when the engine was turned up the F1-75 was very quick. There has so far been little to no evidence that the SF-23 is anywhere near as competitive.
Before his retirement in Bahrain, Leclerc was heading for third place but was no match for the Red Bulls in front of him, while Sainz was overtaken by Aston Martin's Fernando Alonso, who ultimately took the final spot on the podium.
There were plenty of excuses made both by and for Ferrari after the season's opener, with many onlookers suggesting the Bahrain circuit didn't suit the car and that they would be far more competitive in Saudi Arabia.
Meanwhile, Vasseur claimed that they had got their set-up wrong in Bahrain and that adjusting it would lead to significant performance gains in Jeddah, with less severe tyre degradation a key expected consequence.
With that in mind, the result two weeks later in Saudi Arabia was verging on disastrous. The Ferrari duo finished behind both Mercedes cars as well as Alonso, who once more took third behind the Red Bulls.
There was a little bit of misfortune for Ferrari with the timing of the Safety Car in Jeddah, but it was clear they are currently in a battle for second with Aston Martin and Mercedes, rather than anywhere near challenging the reigning constructors' champions.
One theory was that Ferrari may still have been running their engines below full capacity after the opening-race scare, but the team insisted that was not the case.
While it was clear Ferrari particularly struggled on the hard tyre compound in Jeddah, Sainz hinted that their biggest issue is struggling to follow other cars.
"We're not where we want to be right now in terms of race pace, tyre [degradation], balance, dirty air when following, we just struggle a bit," the Spaniard said after the race.
"If we already overheat the tyres in clean air, imagine following. We just eat them alive and we need clean air to produce some kind of decent lap time."
This time around, Vasseur was also less optimistic in his outlook.
"The second stint we were in a position to push and the gap was huge," he said. "I think in 30 laps they gave us something like 25 seconds, so you can do the calculation."
After reliability, Ferrari's second biggest issue in 2022 was their strategy, as a series of mistakes cost Leclerc points.
Nothing went wrong strategy-wise in Bahrain, and Ferrari even looked to have got one over on Aston Martin in Jeddah as they appeared to dummy Lance Stroll into stopping before Sainz, which enabled the Spaniard to get past when he pitted a couple of laps later.
However, the good times wouldn't last long. When Stroll's retirement brought out a Safety Car, the team were late in informing Leclerc that he was able to push up until reaching a certain point of the track.
Leclerc was told by his engineer: "Try to push from Safety Car line one. Hamilton just pitted."
He then replied: "Xavi, you need to tell me that before!"
Leclerc lost a place to Lewis Hamilton and spent the rest of the race in seventh stuck behind Sainz, who was overtaken by the Mercedes just after the restart.
Vasseur attempted to play down the incident after the race but admitted there had been a "miscommunication".
"It was not a good call, but the situation is what it is," Vasseur said. "But it's not the main issue and I think it would be a mistake from our side to be focused on it.
"It was a miscommunication, and we'll have to speak, have to fix it, but it's not the main issue at all over the weekend."
It might not be the main issue, but it is another one on a growing list for Vasseur.
While it is undoubtedly far too early to judge Vasseur, it has not been the start he would have hoped for.
Sacking Binotto always had the potential to be problematic given the Italian's popularity within a team he had been with since 1995.
There has already been evidence that Binotto's departure has unsettled key figures, with head of vehicle concept David Sanchez's switch to McLaren having been confirmed on Thursday.
There has also been speculation over the future of Laurent Mekies, but speaking ahead of the Saudi Arabian GP, Vasseur insisted his racing director would not be leaving.
"I don't know what's happened in the past with Laurent, but I've known Laurent for 25 years or something like this," Vasseur said.
"I trust him. We have a very good collaboration together and he will be one of the pillars of the future of the company."
Vasseur's easy-going approach to the high-pressured sport has seen Sky Sports F1's Ted Kravitz nickname the Frenchman 'laughing Fred Vasseur', but the 54-year-old admitted in Jeddah that the task of restoring Ferrari to greatness may have been bigger than he'd imagined.
Asked if he now fully appreciated the size of his challenge, Vasseur said: "Yeah, but I'm not thinking about myself.
"In this situation we have to think about the team and how to improve the situation."
The good news for Ferrari fans is that this is Formula 1's longest ever season, with 23 scheduled races all being shown live on Sky Sports - so there is plenty of time to turn things around.
Looking at Ferrari's situation from a very positive perspective, the control electronics failure can be viewed as a somewhat freak issue that the team is on top of, while Vasseur says they now understand their general lack of performance and can start addressing it.
Ferrari will bring "small updates" to next weekend's Australian Grand Prix but will then have the rare phenomenon of a near-month long early-season break, as a result of the cancellation of the Chinese GP.
Theoretically, the break should give Ferrari - and the rest of the chasing pack - a good opportunity to make gains on Red Bull.
"We have to continue to push," Vasseur said in Jeddah. "It's not the right attitude to think about the gap and whether we can close it. We have to be focused on ourselves, but we know where we are weak and have to improve on it. We'll see what the outcome is when we take a decent step.
"The main issue we have today is to be at a maximum throughout the weekend. We're not able to extract 100 per cent of the car in every single session. We have to be focused on this before we can talk about updates."
Vasseur may get the benefit of the doubt over the coming weeks, but by the time the F1 season arrives in Imola for the Emilia-Romagna GP in mid-May, the Tifosi will be expecting to see evidence of his impact.
Source: https://www.skysports.com/f1/news/12474/12841212/ferraris-tough-start-to-the-2023-formula-1-season-analysed-what-has-gone-wrong

I’m on my way to college cause I just finished high school. I honestly don’t know where to go. It would be practical for me to stay here and attend a state university near my parents and were also building a new house so it would be nice to stay there. And my dad really wants me to stay because of those practical aspects, but my parents support whatever I want.
But for me, I just feel like I haven’t taken much risk in my life. I just seem to go what is expected to me in most of the things that I do. And people are out there getting different experiences in their life and I just want to experience it for myself.
Taking a risk would cost a lot of money specially since I’ve been thinking about studying abroad and I don’t have experience getting a job or living alone but I don’t know I think I can figure it out in the process. But my main worry is that I would have to sacrifice a lot for this and I still have some doubts on what to do.

Hi everyone,
I'm (M31, from the UK) coming to Muscat for a month for work, mid-April to mid-May. Does anyone know of a decent gym near to the Grand Hyatt (I'm not staying there, just nearby). The Grand Hyatt quoted me RO 150 for a 1 month membership, which seems quite steep (more than my annual membership in the UK!), I guess because it's a fancy hotel... Can anyone recommend another gym that might be more reasonable? Cheers.

recently i lost a photograph of a friend near orchard hill/worcestesouth college/dickinson hall (the academic building) if anyone happens to spot a photo with this description please let me know! I will give you like 5$
description: boy on floor tying shoe, wearing blue jeans/blue sweatshirt/white tennis shoes, w/ mustache + circle glasses

I see posts about people winning the game in few hundred turns meanwhile I am at like turn 450 and nowhere near technologically advanced or close to winning. Usually I just end up winning at turn 500 because I’m too slow at reaching any other victory type.
I always find that I can make a ton of money, but that doesn’t help me really in any useful way and I don’t know what to do with it.
Also, does time setting/pace help at all? I usually play quick pace setting.

Hi,
I'm nearly 49 years old, female, currently in my third year.
Furthering my educationhas always been a dream, one which I could not pursue earlier due to a plethora of personal issues (sick husband, sepapration, getting back together, children, his illness, etc.).
So, I started this journey at the ripe age of 45, by far the oldest student in my lab. I'm enjoying the journey although this has been the hardest thing I have ever done. Getting that first paper out has taken a toll on me, but I am adamant to finish.
I am looking forward to seeking a postdoc, knowing fully well that not a lot of places will take an older postdoc on board. It hard enough to land a postdoc position, let alone land one when you're considered an oldie.
But who knows.
This is a shout out to other older PhD dreamcatchers out there. Would love to hear your stories, experiences and challenges.
Cheers.

Fire. So much fire.
Where am I? Hell?
It certainly looks like hell. Feel like it too. The flames are licking my bare skin, but it is soothing somehow. Like a puppy licking my face.
It swirls around me, then opens up into a pair of wings flapping in a dull rhythm. I look majestic. Like a phoenix rising from the flame.
My subjects stand before me. They chant my name and address me as their empress. Their queen. The only one destined to lead them.
And one by one they bow.
I feel honoured. I feel power. I feel a smile form on my lips.
I must speak. To thank them for their kind and loyal support. But when I open my mouth I don’t talk—I click and I clack and I chitter.
The crowd goes wild. They are jumping on each other and craning their neck to see me. I stumble backwards, eyes wide and my heart pounding in my throat. Turning around to face a mirror behind me, I let out a shrill scream.
My features are melting like candle-wax. I can’t even recognise myself anymore.
I…
…
“…”
“Skye.”
“SKYE!”
I snapped back to it to find my boyfriend, Alfie, staring at me. His face was pale, like he had just seen a ghost. He held up a blood-splattered tissue.
“Your nose is bleeding. Are you okay?”
“Yeah. I just had another…”
I trailed off, staring at the sky. I never knew what to call them. Nightmare? Hallucination? Seizure? I had them since I was a child and still I couldn’t put a name to the episodes.
Alfie wrapped an arm around me and pulled me close. He smelled like the old teddy bear I had when I was a child and it put my mind at ease. I snuggled up beside him.
“We can go home if you want,” he offered. “You really look like you saw a ghost.”
That was the best thing about Alfie. We’d grown up together–next-door neighbours–and we had so much in common we were practically in sync. We both grew up without a mother—his parents divorced when he was little and mine, well— I don’t know what happened to my mother. My father forbade me from talking about her.
He always slapped me in the face when I tried.
But Alfie, he was my cliff. And I was the waves crashing against it. We were inseparable in this rough and tough neighborhood where being raised by a single parent was a sin. We might not have siblings, but we had each other. Honestly, that’s all that really mattered.
“I’ll walk you home.”
“I’m fine, Alfie. Really.”
Alfie shook his head. “Skye, you look sick. I insist.”
I couldn’t help but laugh. Good old Alfie. Stubborn as a lovely mule. “Fine, you big doofus.”
We walked home in silence. I didn’t want to talk about what I saw this time and Alfie knew better than to push it. Neither my dad nor my stepmom was home as usual so Alfie escorted me into bed and tucked me into it. Like I was 5 years old again.
“Thanks.”
He cracked a slight smile. “Don’t mention it.”
He sat on a chair nearby and withdrew into the shadows. It was comforting having him there watching me sleep, like a father taking watch for his family during a cold, winter night. Alfie came over and held my hand. It felt as warm as fire.
“I’ll be here whenever you need me.”
“Always.”
“You okay, Skye?”
I cracked my eyes open, hissing from the strong stream of bright sunlight. Alfie was gone, replaced by my stepmother, Emily. She sat next to me on my bed, her palm over my forehead.
“Alfie told me you’re sick. Do you need anything?”
“Not really.” My voice sounded like it had aged fifty years.
“I got some water. And Alfie, he got something for you. Said he hoped it would make you happy.”
I blinked back tears, nearly choking on my water. I felt better already.
“Chocolate,” Emily continued. She sniffed it. “Fresh. Handcrafted. What is this? Valentines’ Day?”
“Or did you two steal my credit card to buy expensive chocolate?”
“Stop!” I grinned, taking one. It melted like butter in my mouth and cascaded down my throat.
“Mm! Thanks!”
“Don’t thank me,” Emily said. “Thank him. He’s been calling all morning. Asking how you’re doing.”
“Told him you were asleep but he won’t take no for an answer. Wanted to see you himself. To check up on you.”
I got up and stretched. Suddenly, I didn’t feel so tired anymore. “I ought to go now.”
“Do you want me to come with you?”
“No, it’s okay.”
Alfie wasn’t home. The doorbell echoed thinly in the morning air. Something flickered in the upstairs window, and I caught sight of a pair of eyes. Alfie maybe?
Click
The door swung open. Alfie’s father stared grimly down at me, clawing his graying hair.
“Alfie’s upstairs,” he muttered before I could speak.
“He said he is preparing to see you.”
Preparing?
“Thanks Mr Owens.”
I wasn’t sure what I was expecting. The house was thrown into complete disarray. Their possessions were scattered in every corner and covered by a film of dust. If I didn’t know better, I would’ve thought Alfie and his dad left in a rush and never came back.
The stairs creaked with every step.
“Alfie?”
No answer. The stairs sank under my weight and I nearly fell. I could hear flies buzzing in the distance.
“Alfie? It’s Skye!”
Creak
“Alfie?”
I trooped up the last step, hardly daring to breathe.
Thud. Thud. Creak.
The early morning light bathed Alfie’s room in gold, yet he was cloaked in shadow. Alfie sat hunched at the side of his bed, facing the window. He was only wearing a pair of shorts and he was scratching his left arm.
“Alfie…”
“Are you okay Skye?”
His words cut through the confusion and knocked me cold.
“Kind of? Why are you so itchy? Mosquitoes?”
“Come and see.”
I slid on the bed next to him and looked at his arm. A scarab with bulging eyes was carved deep into his flesh. The wound was old and the blood dry, but it was carved in exquisite detail like he paid a professional tattoo artist to do it for him.
I stared at it for a moment, and I swore something clicked in my brain. Like this scarab was a part of me, somehow. But I gritted my teeth and shook it off.
“Alfie?” I frowned. “Are you okay?”
He stared at me, his eyes bulging as big as the bug on his arm.
“Don’t you get it? It’s a sign, Skye! We are meant to be together!”
“Uh…”
Goosebumps crept up my skin and my spine tingled. Alfie was still grinning at me. But it felt unnatural, somewhat, like he was forcing it on his face.
“Do you like it, Skye? I did it for you!”
I was struggling to breathe. “Maybe?”
The morning heat shimmered between us like a protective shield. Alfie was still smiling at me.
“I’ve got to go…”
“Wait!” he cried. “Don’t you want to hear about how you…”
He shrieked his explanation to the empty room as I scrambled down the stairs and out of his house. Even on the way home I could still hear him.
“Something wrong?”
“Maybe.” I picked at my food. It was fish and chips—one of my favourite foods. Emily frequently picked them up when she was out of town and on normal days they tasted like heaven.
But not today. Today it tasted like sandpaper. All day I was thinking of Alfie and my stomach was twisted to knots.
“It’s about Alfie, isn’t it?”
Emily read me like a book as usual. It was often annoying but right now I never felt more grateful.
“Maybe…”
“Look, Skye, he’ll get over it soon. He’s just thinking about how to sort out his feelings for you.”
“Maybe…”
“Don’t worry about it. It will pass sooner or later. In fact tomorrow he might propose to you with a huge diamond ring…”
“Emily!”
“What? I’m saying that is possible!”
Creak.
“What was that?”
Emily exchanged nervous glances with my dad, who had been quiet all evening. “I don’t know.”
I stood up. “I’ll go look.”
“SKYEEEEE!”
My hair stood on end at the edge of my skin. “Alfie?”
“SKYEEEE! I LOVE YOU!”
“Alfie…” I croaked. I wanted to run but something was pinning me there.
“I LOVE YOU SKYE!”
I dared peek out the window. There was Alfie. Motionless. Waiting.
The moon shone deep on him, slowly peeling off strips of colour on his face. He stood, eyes as wide as copper coins. Yelling my name over and over. Yet it didn’t sound like a boy; it sounded like a grizzly, tired old man fighting to get a frog out of his throat.
“Alfie? What is going on?”
Silence. He was still screaming my name. Loud as the crickets.
“He’ll get over it,” Emily repeated uncomfortably, staring at the screaming boy. “Come on Skye. I’m sure it will be fine tomorrow.”
But it wasn’t fine. At first he stood a few meters away, and then with each passing day he got nearer and nearer. Once I peered down to see him so close to the wall his nose was touching it. Then he looked up, his lips puckered to the bricks like an octopus, his eyes stretching to the back of his head until you could see a morbid web of veins, and then, he grinned.
I kept on asking him about it, asking him if he was feeling okay and if he needed anything. And every time I brought up the subject, I had more questions than answers.
For he wouldn’t answer me properly. He avoided my eyes and dodged each question like James Bond. Directing answers back at me, asking how I felt or if I was sick. On and on.
But never a word about him. He smiled and told me not to worry. He would be fine.
That sentence echoed doubt over and over in my head.
I noticed he wore more long-sleeved shirts to cover up the tattoo—he said he did it because he knew it bothered me a lot—and then he immediately changed the subject.
“Hey Skye,” he said one day after another unsuccessful attempt of getting him to talk to me about it. “Have you ever paid attention to a mouse clicking?”
I frowned. “Pardon?”
“A computer mouse,” Alfie clarified. “I bought a new one yesterday and have been playing around with it a lot. And now I can copy one! Check it out!”
He made a series of clicks with his tongue and laughed. “What do you think?”
It was hauntingly familiar. For some reason cold dread washed again down my spine. Alfie clicked again, and I swore his lips were bulging and twisting out into something that looked like a short noodle.
“It’s lovely, Alfie,” I said instead. “But it’s making my head spin.”
Alfie laughed again. Ruffled my hair. A cold breeze was sweeping through the hill and soon my hair flopped onto my face.
“Nonsense Skye!” Alfie said. “I’m doing it for you! Listen!”
He got up and clicked his way home and soon my heart was as cold as the wind.
The next night he was in my room. Really.
I woke up from another nightmare in the middle of the night, something about fire cooking me alive and bugs scuttling down my skin. And then I saw a dark silhouette at the foot of my bed.
Thunder roared and the sky lit up with a brief bolt of lightning. Light beamed down, and then I could see his face.
It was Alfie. He was standing there with his arms out and his head bent to the side like a limp rag doll. His jaws were fully protruding from his face now, and he wouldn’t stop making those stupid clicks.
Flies buzzed around his head like they were proud of serving their king. Alfie leaned forward and reached out to touch me. He grinned, revealing yellowed teeth.
Click. Click. CLICK
Thunder screamed and it went dark once more. When the flash of light came back Alfie was suddenly on my bed. He clicked as he inched slowly forwards.
I was paralysed. He was hissing, swaying to the crack and boom and snap of thunder. He slithered, closer and closer and closer…
My scream was stuck in my throat.
He was so close now I could reach out and touch him and–oh god, the smell. Like he had dipped a rotting corpse in vinegar then rolled on the floor with it.
I ducked under my covers and pulled it tight above me. His shadow loomed over mine. Hands danced along the blanket, looking for an edge to pull.
Thunder cracked the sky like a whip. I mustered my courage and screamed, “GO AWAY ALFIE!”
More thunder. So loud this time I thought my eardrums shattered.
Then silence.
I dared to peek.
The moon shone bright through my window. Everything had disappeared—no thunder, no lightning, no storm.
And no Alfie.
At first I thought I was only dreaming. I pinched myself and counted how many fingers I had just to make sure.
Then I smelled it. Deep and lingering.
Like a rotten corpse dipped in vinegar.
I woke up to a ton of shouting.
I dragged myself to the window and peered down, rubbing my eyes. People were gathered outside my house, nudging and whispering and pointing at something on the wall.
The police were here too, but their faces were as white as a sheet, and their arms were stuck by their sides. One of them was holding a megaphone, but his lips were quivering. The megaphone tumbled onto the ground and let out its own screech of terror.
Finally I dared look at what the commotion was about.
It was Alfie.
CLICK CLICK CLICK
He looked up at me and I saw that his face was swelling; his eyes were swelling. In fact Alfie’s eyes were bulging more than it ever could, and it glistened like a mirror, so clearly I could see my reflection in it. He scuttled up the wall towards me, and as I watched, a pair of hairy feelers erupted from his forehead and waved.
CLICK CLICK
I couldn’t breathe. I watched as each arm and leg grabbed the bricks and hauled his body upwards. I was gripping the windows so tight my knuckles were as white as his face.
Alfie stopped mere inches from me, the hair on his new feelers tickling my face.
CLICK
He smelled even worse than last night, if it was even possible. I swore I could practically see the cloud of toxic gas on his breath. I leaned as far away as I could from him and tried not to gag.
One of the bricks tumbled away from him and landed somewhere down beneath. The house we had bought was very old and it was clear it couldn’t support his weight. Alfie’s grip slipped but still hung on tight with his other hand. He was swinging gently from side to side, like a moving pendulum, and I found I couldn’t look away.
CLICK CLICK
Another brick fell. I found myself wishing more would fall faster.
CLICK CLICK
“Alfie,” I choked. “Please…”
It was like his hands were made of butter. Alfie desperately hung onto the ledge with just two fingers. The rest were shrinking quickly and folding into his palm. His other hand was no more; it had withered and thinned and charred to a long black appendage.
CLICK CLICK
“Alfie, what is going on?” I hoped there was something in that monster before me, a piece of the Alfie I knew. Yet Alfie looked at me, unblinking.
Unknowing.
CLICK
That was when he lost the last of his grip.
It was like watching a movie in slow motion. He fell humbly, gracefully, his eyes never leaving my face. In fact, I swore I saw him smile.
Another electric jolt shivered its way up my spine.
SPLAT
Alfie lay on his back, his feelers and limbs wiggling madly, then he went still. Blood leaked out from a hole on his head, a deep cobalt blue.
The crowd was screaming. They were scrambling and stumbling against each other, pushing back like an enormous tidal wave. The cops had regained their nerves; they were calling for order and for everyone to get back to their houses.
As for me, I couldn’t think. I stared down at Alfie’s corpse for what seemed like hours. The crowd finally dispersed, then the police, then the paramedics came and took the body away in an ambulance painted with black and gold.
Then I sat down on my bed and watched the sky. The birds chirping outside, the way the clouds swam lazily across the azure ocean—everything was dead. Broken.
All I could see in my mind’s eye was Alfie: his serene smile, his fall from grace, the way his head shattered on the ground. Over and over, an eternal movie repeating in my mind.
Day turned into night. I didn’t know how much time had passed. Neither did I want to eat, drink, use the bathroom or sleep. I was too busy wandering the deep forest of my thoughts, and every tree was engraved with Alfie’s face.
“Skye?”
I turned to face Emily and my dad. When did they come home?
“I…”
Emily placed a warm hand on my shoulder. “We know. The Willows told us.”
Her eyes welled in tears.
“Skye…” she said quietly. “I am really sorry.”
I turned away. I didn’t feel like talking.
“Skye, listen.” Emily cupped my hands into her own. “What happened to Alfie isn’t entirely your fault.”
“Really?”
“Yes. I don’t want you to blame yourself, Skye.”
I raised an eyebrow. Or what was left of it.
“How do you know?”
“Because…” Emily hesitated. She nodded to my dad and he made himself scarce.
She reached in her pocket and pulled out a medallion.
My heart stood still.
Carved into the medallion was a very familiar scarab with bulging eyes. Again something clicked into my brain, like a key turning into a lock.
Then it hit me.
I saw it on Alfie’s arm!
“Because…”
A small smile stretched across her face. Like she was waiting forever to tell me the good news.
“I know your real mom.”
SK

Having just finished Stella Maris this morning, I’ve now read all his novels/plays/screenplays and thought that it warranted a post on here about what’s likely to be my favourite.
The one that has stayed with me most has been The Crossing. I know others can find it to be laborious but, for me, it has most of what I really love about McCarthy, which is the stunning, near-mythical descriptions of nature that each have a slow-release beauty to them because you have to revisit the sentences again and again to tease out their meaning.
I think my favourite of all occurs in the first section with the Billy and the wolf, which is this:
“He woke all night with the cold. He’d rise and mend back the fire and she was always watching him. When the flames came up her eyes burned out there like gate lamps to another world. A world burning on the shore of an unknowable void. A world construed out of blood and blood’s alcahest and blood in its core and in its integument because it was nothing save blood had power to resonate against that void which threatened hourly to devour it. He wrapped himself in the blanket and watched her. When those eyes and the nation to which they stood witness were gone at last with their dignity back into their origins there would perhaps be other fires and other witnesses and other worlds otherwise beheld. But they would not be this one.”
Beyond the beauty of the imagery and the atmosphere it evokes, the eyes of the wolf seem to capture the soul of what it is that McCarthy is “getting at” in so many of his works - i.e. that the world at its heart is dark and terrible and unknowable but unspeakably beautiful because of it.
Suddenly aware that this sounds like an aborted lit essay but had to share!

Hi there! So like the title says, I'm 27 years old from Ohio. I have always had a thing for much older men and don't even really know why exactly. Part of it might be that I've always been very mature for my age and tend to get along much better with people who are older than me. The idea of being in a committed long-term relationship with someone older just feels right and natural to me. I am somewhat of a traditional person and do want to be properly married at some point.
Like the title says, I am willing to relocate if I find a genuine connection with the right person, but I would strongly prefer to remain on this continent, so that means please only message me if you're in the United States or Canada.
I also don't want you to message me if you're into the whole dom/sub dynamic or daddy/daughter dynamic; I'm not interested in those dynamics at all. These age-gap subs tend to be rife with that stuff, but that's not what I'm looking for; I'm just a traditional woman. I'm a very loving and affectionate person by nature and a strong believer in romantic love, and I just want to find my one-and-only who I can fall deeply in love with and devote myself to forever. I'm the type who sees human sexuality as a very deep and meaningful act of affection between two people who are in love, and I would rather make love than just have sex for the sake of sex. Looks aren't really important to me; I'm the type of person who bases romantic attraction on personality and chemistry more than anything else.
In the spring and summer, I regularly attend an all-ages family nudist camp that is near me. My mother raised me to be a social nudist, so I have been going there all my life. I'm not one of those nudists who is nude at home all the time; for me it's more of a social thing that I do at a family-oriented camp environment. I find the social cohesion in an environment like that creates friendships and bonds that are unlike any social dynamic that you would ever find in any other regular social situation. My own theory regarding this is that it triggers a dormant social-cohesion mechanism in the human psyche that we had way back in our early history when we were living in small communal tribes. Back then, it was probably more normal for people to be casually nude if they wanted to be during the warmer months because everybody knew everybody and nobody was a stranger, and I think that kind of thing would kind of solidify your bond with the tribe. That's just my theory anyways, but it makes a lot of sense because I'm friends with families at that camp and am much closer to them than I am with anybody outside of the camp.
But if you think that your lifestyle values align with mine, free to message me in chat, and we'll see what kind of chemistry we have! 😊

Hi there! So like the title says, I'm 27 years old from Ohio. I have always had a thing for much older men and don't even really know why exactly. Part of it might be that I've always been very mature for my age and tend to get along much better with people who are older than me. The idea of being in a committed long-term relationship with someone older just feels right and natural to me. I am somewhat of a traditional person and do want to be properly married at some point.
Like the title says, I am willing to relocate if I find a genuine connection with the right person, but I would strongly prefer to remain on this continent, so that means please only message me if you're in the United States or Canada.
I also don't want you to message me if you're into the whole dom/sub dynamic or daddy/daughter dynamic; I'm not interested in those dynamics at all. These age-gap subs tend to be rife with that stuff, but that's not what I'm looking for; I'm just a traditional woman. I'm a very loving and affectionate person by nature and a strong believer in romantic love, and I just want to find my one-and-only who I can fall deeply in love with and devote myself to forever. I'm the type who sees human sexuality as a very deep and meaningful act of affection between two people who are in love, and I would rather make love than just have sex for the sake of sex. Looks aren't really important to me; I'm the type of person who bases romantic attraction on personality and chemistry more than anything else.
In the spring and summer, I regularly attend an all-ages family nudist camp that is near me. My mother raised me to be a social nudist, so I have been going there all my life. I'm not one of those nudists who is nude at home all the time; for me it's more of a social thing that I do at a family-oriented camp environment. I find the social cohesion in an environment like that creates friendships and bonds that are unlike any social dynamic that you would ever find in any other regular social situation. My own theory regarding this is that it triggers a dormant social-cohesion mechanism in the human psyche that we had way back in our early history when we were living in small communal tribes. Back then, it was probably more normal for people to be casually nude if they wanted to be during the warmer months because everybody knew everybody and nobody was a stranger, and I think that kind of thing would kind of solidify your bond with the tribe. That's just my theory anyways, but it makes a lot of sense because I'm friends with families at that camp and am much closer to them than I am with anybody outside of the camp.
But if you think that your lifestyle values align with mine, free to message me in chat, and we'll see what kind of chemistry we have! 😊

Currently my fiancé and I along with our 10yr old rent a 2/2 on Henderson pass. We just gout our renewal sheet and they jacked rent up by $300…….these apartments were built in the 80’s 😑. This place is noooo where near worth what they want. Not to mention the same complex advertises rent for our exact apartment at the exact price point we have now, so why is my exact apartment all of a sudden worth $300 more a month? Is it because they want to push us out and try to eat our deposit? I feel like apartments are now just trying to rip people off because the housing market went up. They gouge you with 17 different deposits before you move in, application fees are higher, and I’m sorry but pet rent has to be the biggest scam possible. I can understand a pet deposit but do you need a deposit for me and a deposit for pets? And then charge us both rent? I feel like something needs to be done to check these property management companies that use a website to determine rent. They ALL update rent on one site and if someone raises their rates…they ALL raise them no matter what. Anyone on here with some real estate law knowledge? Lol.
Thank you for reading my rant!

If I've learned anything from the past week, it's that there's people who WILL notice these posts if it's not the weekly. This has nothing to do with that situation, other than it's getting me to notice when people have similarities with others who have done me wrong.
So, I have a dilemma.
I always thought of the word "DI-lemma" in my head, as in TWO. Like "situation where you must choose between TWO things". But the actual definition is "two or more equally undesirable things".
But the word is in my head. And its lack of use in that forgotten early 2000s R&B classic...
(My mom LOVED this song once she listened to the words. My dad, being the musician, used to say "Oh, it's Nelly, featuring Smelly!" His alcoholic dementia brain still remembers this.)
So here we go. First off, yes, I'm the guy who was referenced in That Guy's posts. Those memes were very strange to a post as part of threads where there's a username mentioned... a straight guy who, even if you check in here every few months, you can see he has the same on/off gf with the same exact kid.
So no. Nothing happening. While I really did try to find stuff in common with him, he was mostly a guy who lived near me and was moving to the same city I lived in briefly last year... but I couldn't relate to him much beyond that. I was surprised at the texts I got including from people I've never even met (or as far as I know, even read this sub) and the impressions they were under.
Anyway. I'd like to put that behind me, other than to say this:
I can't be someone's "best friend" if it's entirely on their terms, as it's always impossible for someone with my health conditions to meet. I'm 33 years old and afraid to drive, go to the gym, or do anything besides pay for my food and medications THAT I NEED.
I can't pay for a live my life free of the current psychiatric paradigm because, having been on it since age 11, I NEED to be on some kind of psych medication. Life isn't the worst right now, but not good enough to have to do detox from everything all at once.
I can't give up a relationship that's not exactly healthy when I'm about to be homeless, and my gf lives in Real Life Nellyville (they're knocking down all the old ranches and building McMansions, it's insane).
I can't get a job because I don't have a car, and vice versa. My ex gf currently is not able to drive (long story but she's ok) So when her 14 year old daughter or her 90 year old grandma or the two year old she's been taking care of for over a year have to take Lyfts... fixing that is where my priorities are.
I can't do a lot of things. Or rather, I haven't figured out how to work for them. As a man especially it's embarrassing to admit it.
But another thing I don't think I can do is putting up with people who disrespect the people I love.
Tonight I did a FB messenger video call with L, one of my best but definitely most-inconvenient-hours friends. The call starts out normal as it usually does, we have our normal conversations... but dare I then mention I'm back with my ex-gf, C. She just looks down. Ok. Guess she didn't wanna hear that. So we moved on. I bring it up again. Stunned that I'm even talking to her, she happens to tell me someone she talked to "but she doesn't remember" was aware of the situation (HOW?) and "was on my side and thought C was a crazy bitch". Exact words. WTF?!
I told her I had to hang up. After that, I just... couldn't.
She didn't even seem like she knew what was wrong? Like she's so firmly decided C is a piece of shit. It's funny because the person who caused BOTH our separations (our mutual friend, P, who happened to move to the same state the shitposter just did, and I did last year, it seemed like one never-ending thing) apparently isn't a problem in L's mind. I suspect this is because P and L now share a mutual friend, J, who I suspect may have involved. The whole thing makes no sense otherwise. HOW would anyone know both me and C? We had no more than 4-5 overlapping friends the decade prior to this.
Goddamn... did she really think she could get away with calling her a "crazy bitch"? What "sides" are we taking that she's telling me they're on mine? Is any of this shit okay, anywhere, let alone where we live?
It just made me wonder, at this point, whether it's really worth it to put this much stock in L as a friend. At least until she apologizes the next time because usually she overapologizes even if she says anything slightly offensive. This time she didn't so it's like she honestly doesn't think she did anything wrong?
I pride myself on my loyalty to people. Which is why, no matter what it is, if you actually realize what you did was wrong... I will always at least try and forgive you. Many of you on this sub can attest to this. Of course that doesn't mean I'll trust you. Like I'm not STUPID, come on. Well, maybe when it comes to C, a little, sometimes, yeah kinda. But once I see certain behaviors in people I get a little suspicious.
I was just starting to enjoy the exclusivity of my relationship with C that due to our shared mutual friend being such a large part of our lives (even after leaving the state) she and I never really had this level of privacy before. So I think this is why I felt so violated when L said that. Her connection with J makes me uncomfortable, though I love the both of them. I wanted to hang out with them AND with C. But I'm also realizing I'm too old to enjoy going out to bars, which is ALL they do. C and I don't even drink.
It's sad, cause I've had so few opportunities in my life to have legit friends, the only way I ever felt like I could be normal. Now I have it and I'm passing it up because some motherfuckers are talking shit? But to have my own family, given the one I had completely shattered in part due to being structurally fucked from the get go... that's not a thing I can pass up. Especially at the age I am.
Who do I choose? C and her family, or... everyone else?