27 high street allentown nj

I am going have some friends over this weekend and I want to do some head to head blind tastings. I got the idea from whiskey_noobs on IG and thought it looked fun. Below is all of the whiskey I currently have, but I’m open to other suggestions y’all think might be a good matchup not on this list since this will likely be something I continue doing in the future.

1. Mellow corn
2. Evan Williams BiB
3. Bulleit rye
4. Tullamore dew
5. Elijah Craig SB
6. Basil Hayden
7. Knob creek
8. Old forester rye
9. Old forester 1920
10. Four roses SiB
11. Four roses SBS
12. Old Grand Dad bonded
13. Makers mark CS
14. High west double rye
15. Sazerac rye
16. Ragged branch double oak
17. Isaac bowman small batch
18. Isaac bowman port barrel
19. New riff SiB
20. Penelope BS
21. Balconies baby blue
22. Pikesville rye
23. Woodford double oaked
24. Barrell sea grass
25. Cleaveland underground BCBP
26. Angels envy
27. Redbreast 12
28. Russell’s reserve SiB
29. Larceny BP
30. Jack Daniel’s SiB rye
31. Jack Daniel’s SiB select
32. Jack Daniel’s SiBBP
33. Baker’s SiB 7

Here are some of the matchups I think would be good. Let me know what you would do. 1 v 21 2 v 5 4 v 27 15 v 22 16 v 23 18 v 26 29 v 33

This post may now be moot with indications that Hardge is walking from Mullen, but the academic side of me wants it on the record that there were clear signs that Hardge was not being on the level with his sayings and dealings. Plus the fact that I already had most of this written last night, and was waiting for Financial Journey to release the actual recording of his call with Hardge to confirm what had been said earlier.
On the one hand, Hardge has repeatedly spoken boastfully (not at all humble) of all the massive deals he personally had lined up, all of whom wanted to work with HIM and not Mullen. He then talked like he was doing Mullen and its shareholders a favor by sharing the alleged profits of these deals with Mullen. Hardge sounded quite miffed that Mullen seems to not want to agree to his terms for the deal and considers it a huge knock against his public credibility. And yet despite all this, he still wanted to try to work something out with Mullen so he can be paid the $5M that he believes the company owes him.
Let’s take what Hardge has previously claimed at face value.
He owns the patents and IP for the EMM. So all intellectual RIGHTS and LICENSING is apparently set.
He has multiple independent test results proving that the EMM does what he claims. So all VALIDATION of the technology is apparently set.
He has deals with Saudis and multiple other Middle East countries ready to provide BILLIONS of dollars. He even has individual investors wanting to put “a billion dollars” into his company (15:20 mark). So all FINANCING needs are apparently set.
He has an international manufacturing company that is ready to make tens or hundreds of thousand of EMM devices starting within 4 weeks (2:36 mark). So all MANUFACTURING needs are apparently set.

So why does Hardge need Mullen Automotive to sign any agreement at all?

What does Mullen bring to the table that Hardge did not already have in place?
He claimed that all these international agreements were in the works and ready to go BEFORE Mullen entered the picture. The only thing that Mullen would seem to do is take 51% of the revenue. LH claims he wanted to share these deals to “take the load off”. But if he had BILLIONS in financing commitments, shouldn't he be able to hire ALL the necessary labor and engineering expertise he could ever need?
Credit to Cal for asking Hardge (26:27 mark) why he doesn’t do the deal direct with the Saudis. Hardge claims he needs the engineering staff and facilities that Mullen has to do the work installing the EMM. Hardge’s response is just unbelievable, and again credit to Cal for trying to pursue it a bit further with Hardge in asking him why that would be such a big problem if the return is so much greater. Hardge claims that he would have to hire “consultants to do all of that in the midst of an already hectic business schedule.” But that’s just a basic part of running a business!
And then at the 28:48 mark Hardge talks about Mullen’s vans. Here’s a key statement Hardge makes: “They didn’t have a manufacturing for the installation, I went and got my own that I already was working on. Now we got a deal, they can provide any numbers around the world, international manufacture.” It sure seems like Hardge knows how to arrange for manufacturing and installation deals, which directly contradicts his explanation just a couple minutes earlier for why he wants to work with Mullen.
Hardge has also said on multiple occasions that the EMM is “easy to install” and “plug and play” such that “a high school drop-out could install this system in these vehicles” (8:15 mark in the Mullen Troy livestream). In other FB livestreams, he spoke about the EMM as an aftermarket device that the buyer would install on their own vehicle, just like putting on a window shade or cell phone cover.
In addition, Hardge himself said as reported by Cal in Twitter space meeting that Mullen engineers apparently didn't know how to do any wiring stuff, and that when he was at Mullen's Troy facility doing work on the vans that he had to do it all himself, or something along those lines. Not exactly a sign of confidence in Mullen's technical staff, is it?
It makes no sense for Hardge to say (2:09 mark) that it would take the Saudis 2-3 years to build a factory in Michigan to manufacture the EMM, given that he has said previously that the cost to make the EMM is just $85 and can be built using off-the-shelf parts from Home Depot or Lowes.
There are multiple clear contradictions between what Hardge claims he has on hand (deals, financing, manufacturing) and the degree of effort that he has put in to try to get paid $5M from Mullen to finalize the Definitive Agreement. Hence my play on Shakespeare in the title of this post: Methinks Larry doth protest too much. It seems unbelievable that anyone that genuinely has all the deals and such that Lawrence claims he has lined up would still be sticking around trying to work out some sort of agreement with Mullen. I believe that Hardge was trying to pull a fast one on Mullen from the start, and unfortunately for the company and its shareholders David Michery bought into the con and dragged Mullen into the last several weeks of buffoonery involving LH. And the damage has already been done.

Here at WSB, I'm sure all of you guys are watching GameStop (GME) stock, as the video game retailer will report its first-quarter fiscal 2023 earnings today after the market close. Despite demonstrating some impressive growth over the past month, the stock has struggled to retain momentum.
However, if the company can beat Wall Street’s modest expectations, GME stock has a chance to rise. Given its meme stock status, GameStop tends to garner skepticism from experts, even on its best days. As InvestorPlace’s Eddie Pan reports, institutional sentiment toward GME remains mixed, even as the stock has risen since Q1. Additionally, Ray Dalio’s Bridgewater Associates recently divested from its GameStop position, generating further uncertainty.
Earlier this month, CEO Matt Furlong released a letter to shareholders, detailing the company’s plan and focus for the year.
“In fiscal 2022, GameStop’s operating environment dramatically changed due to the onset of inflation, rising interest rates and macro headwinds,” said Furlong. “Rather than stand still, we pivoted to cutting costs, optimizing inventory and enhancing the customer experience.”
That’s exactly what the company has been doing. In Europe, for example, GameStop has placed an emphasis on cutting costs by initiating exits and partial wind-downs. GameStop has also focused on forming partnerships with other retail and gaming companies in order to accelerate efficient top-line growth. To drive revenue, the company has explored building market share in high-margin related businesses, like collectibles and toys.
Now, with earnings coming up, investors will get a preview of GameStop’s cost-cutting efforts. This is not the type of post you wanna skip onto the tl;dr portion. These details are going to be key, so let's get into it.
For the quarter, analyst have forecasted revenue of $1.358 billion, which would imply a year-over-year (YoY) decline of 1.45% and a quarter-over-quarter decline of about 39%. During the past few years, Q4 has been a strong quarter for GameStop, likely due to the holiday season. This can explain the quarter-over-quarter decline.
Meanwhile, adjusted net income is expected to be a loss of $36 million, while adjusted EPS is expected to be a loss of 12 cents. Analyst believe that GAAP EPS will be a loss of 15 cents. A year ago, GameStop reported an adjusted net income loss of $158 million and an adjusted EPS loss of 52 cents.
Just as important, if not more important, than earnings is guidance. For the second quarter, analysts have forecasted revenue of $1.155 billion, which reflects YOY growth of 1.67% and a quarterly decline of about 15%. Adjusted net income is expected to be a loss of $62 million, which would equate to an adjusted EPS loss of 21 cents.
For the full year of 2023, analysts believe that revenue will be $5.908 million, down by 0.33% YoY. Adjusted net income is expected to be a loss of $91 million, while adjusted EPS is expected to be a loss of 30 cents.
Things to Note: Short Selling Ban
GameStop fans have been watching closely for updates on a pending short selling ban. If regulators successfully enact a policy that prohibits the practice of short selling, it may put an end to some of GameStop’s problems, as it is a popular target for short sellers.
GameStop management will likely address the potential short-selling ban during the June 7 earnings call, offering insights as to how they will handle operations if the bill becomes a law.
Things to Note: Plans for Web.3.0 Gaming
In 2022, GameStop turned plenty of heads when it ventured into the world of NFTs. You know, those fungus tokens or whatever? Hype around this controversial commodity has since died down, but the company still is digitally innovating.
It recently announced a partnership with the Telos Foundation to integrate blockchain technology into its “upcoming Web3 game launcher.” This new development certainly has the potential to bolster GME stock if executed correctly. This foray into Web 3.0 will likely also be a point of focus during the earnings call, as investors will want to know the company’s plans for scaling its new launcher and improving the gaming experience through blockchain. Additionally, it may also mean updates on GameStop’s NFT marketplace and its impact on the company’s profitability.
Why GameStop Could Go Parabolic
Last quarter, GameStop caught bears off-guard by reporting earnings per share of 16 cents. Analysts had predicted the video game retailer would post a loss per share of 13 cents. GameStop's unexpectedly profitable quarter caused GME shares to soar about 50% after the earnings announcement.
Last quarter, one of the few analysts covering GameStop, Wedbush's Michael Pachter, provided a $6.50 price target for GME, with an "Underperform" rating. Pachter claimed that shares were "at trading levels that are disconnected from the fundamentals of the business due to irrational support from some retail investors."
Although GameStop shares are still trading 40% higher than they were before the previous earnings release — and 73% above the Wedbush analyst's target — Pachter has reinforced his bearish thesis for Q1 earnings and left his price target intact.
Holiday sales largely contributed to GameStop's fourth-quarter net profit — making it questionable whether the video game retailer can pull off that feat for the second quarter in a row. But if GameStop does report a net profit in Q1, it will be a catalyst for the stock's retail investors to drive share prices higher. Currently, short sellers hold about 21% of GameStop's outstanding shares.
As demand for shorting the stock has reduced dramatically since March, borrow fees for GME have dropped from 40% to 7.6%. But because the company continues to attract short sellers, these fees may increase.
With the stock outperforming the S&P 500 by about 30%, GME shorts will likely accumulate mark-to-market losses this year. This, combined with high borrow fees, will likely result in a short squeeze.
Update on DRS Numbers
Besides a potential second consecutive quarterly net profit, GameStop's shareholder base is looking forward to another piece of information: the number of GME shares registered with Computershare, the company's transfer agent.
In recent quarters, GameStop investors have increasingly registered their shares directly with Computershare via the Direct Registration System (DRS). With this service, shareholders do not need to hold shares through a broker.
In addition to giving holders the autonomy to have their shares registered in their name, recording shares through the DRS also reduces short sellers' ability to borrow GameStop shares. That is because, unlike brokers, transfer agents cannot lend shares to short sellers.
Since the third quarter of 2021, GameStop has disclosed the number of shares registered with the transfer agent in the quarterly filings.
In the most recent annual filing, 76 million GameStop shares were registered with the transfer agent. Considering the size of GameStop's float, about 25% of all GME shares outstanding are held beyond brokers and banks.
Does this affect the stock's trading volume? Yes. If you look at GameStop's trading volume history, it is clear that there has been a decline in activity since May of last year. Check this chart, data from yahoo finance.
It is impossible to say with certainty that GameStop's recent volume drop is due to investors using the transfer agent to keep their shares away from short sellers. But, we can say that if GameStop reports that more shares have been registered through the DRS, retail shareholders could send the stock higher.
What does the chart say?
GameStop shares have rallied higher since the start of May, with a supportive trendline following the share price higher. We can see the stock came close to testing $25 on several occasions last week and this could be a key level to watch considering it has held as a reliable ceiling since late last year, apart from one brief move above here after it posted that surprise profit in the last quarter. A move above here would pave the way for the stock to climb above $27.
On the downside, a slip below the supportive trendline risks seeing the stock unravel back toward the lows seen at the start of May of $18, with the 2023 lows back in play below that.
What I'm doing for earnings?
All the research is telling me to get calls. I'm gonna be dropping a significant portion of my portfolio into GME 6/9 30c for $100 each. Then I'll watch the stock at 4pm, and hope for the best. That being said, it's up to you guys to read this and come to your own conclusions. IV is very high so it's better to go for a spread, regardless of what you choose.

https://minimalfreaks.co/2023/06/beatport-secret-weapons-2023-jackin-house/

1. Freiboitar, Jerk Boy – Music Thing (Original Mix) 05:54 124bpm Am
2. Denats – Everybody Shakes (Original Mix) 06:09 126bpm Bm
3. Teddy Wong – ODB (Original Mix) 05:48 128bpm Gb
4. Jesusdapnk, Currents – Rolling Deep (Original Mix) 05:42 126bpm Am
5. RUFUS – Type Beat (Original Mix) 06:11 122bpm Bm
6. Volsto – In My Car (Original Mix) 05:28 124bpm Ebm
7. Chemars – Fire It Up (Original Mix) 05:11 124bpm Bm
8. Lekind – Night Renaissance (Original Mix) 04:45 124bpm Em
9. Barney Osborn – Take Me Back (Original Mix) 07:04 126bpm Cm
10. Marc Cotterell – Life on the street (Original Mix) 07:16 125bpm Fm
11. Daniel Barross – Dreams (Demuir’s Playboy Edit) 07:08 94bpm Cm
12. Javi Bora, Huxley – Me (Original Mix) 07:17 125bpm Bbm
13. Ryan Truman – Spark (Original Mix) 05:21 126bpm Fm
14. Serge Gee – On Time (Original Mix) 06:02 127bpm Eb
15. Ollie Red – Do Better (Original Mix) 05:47 124bpm Em
16. The Downtown Brothers – Use Your Brain (Extended Mix) 06:18 128bpm G
17. Dope Demeanors – Falling (Original Mix) 05:22 126bpm A
18. Jonasclean, OKOFUNK – The Rolling Sun (Original Mix) 05:56 93bpm Bbm
19. Sudden Moves – Long Time (Original Mix) 05:25 126bpm Cm
20. Steve Robinson (UK) – It Takes So Long (Original Mix) 06:04 125bpm Bbm
21. Dompe – Rush Hour (Original Mix) 05:20 126bpm Dbm
22. LeBaron James – Bring It Back (Original Mix) 06:57 122bpm Cm
23. Craig C, RaShaan Houston – The Lord Is Blessing Me (feat. Rashaan Houston) (DC Bonus Beats) 02:50 125bpm Bm
24. M.Luc – Here We Go! (Original Mix) 06:20 125bpm Em
25. Justin Joe – Right Now (Original Mix) 06:13 126bpm Fm
26. Demuir – In N Out ‘Steady Strokes’ (Original Mix) 07:07 128bpm Db
27. Darren Marshall, James Juke – Crazy House (Original Mix) 06:16 125bpm Dbm
28. Chemars – Rocky Beatz (Original Mix) 05:42 124bpm Cm
29. House Legion – Locked (Original Mix) 03:21 124bpm Ab
30. Ryan Truman – Ego Bubble (Original Mix) 05:42 124bpm E
31. Craig S – We The Shit (Original Mix) 05:58 124bpm Dm
32. Jonasclean – Stay (Original Mix) 05:50 126bpm Am
33. Filta Freqz – 7 Days In May (Original Mix) 06:44 130bpm Am
34. Jonasclean – With Love (Original Mix) 06:36 126bpm Bm
35. Sounderson – Night In San Francisco (Original Mix) 05:56 124bpm Gbm
36. Byron the Aquarius – A F R I C A (Justin Joe Remix) 05:41 125bpm E
37. Demuir – You Know My Love PT II (Original Mix) 06:14 126bpm Ebm
38. Sicario (CAN) – Play Dat Bak (Original Mix) 05:06 127bpm E

Visiting Banff and Jasper for 5 days on June 25 and first time planning anything with my parents….. so any recommendations are highly appreciated!
Sunday, June 25 - arrive Calagary at 10 am and drive to Canmore where we will be staying - grab a quick lunch in Canmore/banff - take the banff gondola (need to pre-book for around 1pm) - take either lake Minnewanka cruise or boat rental (need to pre-book for 4pm - which one would you recommened?) - back to canmore for dinner and sleep
Monday, June 26 - lake Louise (need to book a shuttle) - what else can I do to fill the day?! My parents can probably do hiking for 1 - 2 hours - we would love some recommendations on seeing some great views and have beers and short hiking!
Or should we switch my plans for Sunday and Monday but I thought I need to go early to get the parking on park and ride where I take the shuttle to Louise.
Tuesday, June 27 - drive along the Icefields Parkway to Jasper - stopping at Anthabasca Falls in Jasper National park - drive to hinton and stay there (are there any good restaurant in Hinton?!)
Wednesday, June 28 - Maligne lake and take a boat tour to Spirit Island? (chatgpt recommended me this.. is this a good idea?!) - explore the Glacier Skywalk? - any other good options to do in Jasper?! It’s harder to find the info on what to do in Jasper for me..
Thursday, June 29 - check out from Hinton - drive back to Calgary and stop at the scenic lookout point at Mountaik Norquay on the way back - Flight at 12am - will I be able to do something else on this day?
Thank you so much in advance!!!!! Still a beginner for planning a trip 😂😂😂😂

Looking to migrate to kvk2 kingdom. Im a highly active player VIP 12, 27 m power as of now after this kvk maybe 100 m kill points. Im a mid spender a few 100 dollars each Month. Active at least 4-6 hours a day minimum.

Hi all, I (28 NB/AFAB) am going through a breakup with a fellow ADHD (27 NB/AFAB) person. We were both late diagnosed and we are both very different in how we regulate our emotions, and I’m just trying to understand what their mental headspace is like so I’m coming here to see if anyone else functions like they do and may be able to provide a bit of background so I can stop being so mad at my ex all the time.
They tend to get very overwhelmed by daily life and also seem to stretch themselves too thin, which only compounds their stress. I am a very sensitive and highly emotional person, and in a relationship I need an aspect of closeness, whereas they needed a bit more space. We talked about it and we had barely had a chance to work on things when they just shut down and ended the relationship.
When we got together, they said it was like a “switch flipped” and they just really wanted to be with me. Based on how it ended and what they’ve said, it’s like the same thing happened and the same “switch” turned off and then they suddenly didn’t have any romantic feelings for me. This is really messing with me and I don’t know how to move forward in future relationships if I’m just going to be extra afraid that I’ll wake up one day and the person next to me just won’t want me like that anymore. Now, I can’t stand to be near them and they want to be friends with me like RIGHT AWAY and even (insensitively) remarked “it’s funny, I wanted more space and you needed more closeness, but now I just wanna hang out with you and you want space”
I’m just a bit thrown by their ability to completely shut down and compartmentalize things and I’m wondering if this is an ADHD thing. Meanwhile I’m over here spiraling, ruminating, self-loathing, the whole rejection sensitivity nine yards. Any insight or advice is greatly appreciated.
TL;DR - my ADHD partner broke up with my ADHD self and they claim to have shut down romantically and immediately want to be my friend, and it’s really messing with me and I don’t know how to process it. Is that kind of compartmentalization a thing for ADHD people? I just want to understand.

I have been living with an abusor physically, mentally, and financially. Me (24 yo female) have a 10 month old baby girl with male (27). 5 weeks after moving in with him (5 months pregnant) he started to verbally abuse me for not keeping up with anything anymore like I used to. He wanted to come home with a perfectly clean house and if there was a fork in the sink, all hell breaks loose. ( we were both working). Then he would love bomb me and the process will start all over again. 7 months pregnant I found he cheated on me basically telling the girls I was a dog on the street and he rescued me. Mind you, I was in college when we met him and graduated when I moved in with him. My only family was in another state and his family begged me to stay for the sake of the child. Even though the red flags are now on fire, I wanted my child to have a father in a two parent household so, I let it go and tried. Shortly after, I lost my wfh job because the company hired a whole bunch of people during Covid and now they don’t have the budget to keep up with us. Since then it’s been so hard to find anything that would fit his schedule. (He works 4am to 1pm). He was also making more money so we agreed I would be a stay at home mom until I can find something. Yet I still have to pay my car note, phone, food, and personal items all by myself so my savings ended quickly and now I’m struggling. I begged him to put her in daycare. It’s now. 5 months and nothing done. He will then tell me that I am a (broke bum) and he’s the only one who does everything. He soon started to threaten me (saying he’s going to kill me) which I recorded because I started to get scared and needed someone to know if anything happens to me. He then started to hit me and jump on me whenever he’s ready to take his anger out on me. His mom does not care that he does this. His background has a history of violence and a recent restraining order from his ex. I finally gained the courage to leave but he refused to give me the baby and leave. He then had me served with child custody papers. Even though he’s telling to to come back home and babysit so he can go to work. I have no idea what to do at this point. Being on DACA I feel I don’t have as much power. Anybody else experience with and have any advice. Can I do this alone or do I need a lawyer ?

Chapter LXXXVII
​
Somewhere, West Virginia, USA.
​
"Well, there goes the neighborhood." Agent Smith stated as him, Agent Doe, and everyone else in town, watched the migration of people stream into the small town as the sun hit the horizon.
​
They looked like a bunch of extras to Lord of the Rings. People with pointed ears and flowing robes. People short and stout and with thick beards with bands of gold and silver woven into them. Shorter people that spoke in high-pitched nasally voices and large glasses. There were even people dressed in what looked like giant turtle suits.
​
Of course that's what the townsfolk would think. To the two Agents it was a very real possibility that these people came from another world like the lizard people, greenskins, and the halflings.
​
"So much for my report being up-to-date." Agent Smith sighed as he went inside and burned the report he had spent so much time typing out. As he cleaned up the ashes the hotel phone rang.
​
Johnathan looked between the phone and Agent Smith with a look of curiosity as the Agent seemed greatly hesitant to answer. Agent Smith looked at Johnathan as the phone continued to ring. He walked over and disconnected the line to the phone and it went silent. For a second.
​
"Damn." Smith cursed as the disconnected phone rang once more despite there being no connection.
​
He picked up the phone and placed it to his ear. He bit back another curse as the voice of the Director came through.
"Agent Smith."
​
"Director."
​
"How is the investigation coming along?" She asked.
​
"Well, until about a few minutes ago it was going pretty smoothly and quietly."
​
"Oh? And what, pray tell, changed?"
​
"I'd tell you but if you're calling then that means you already know."
​
"Of course I already know. I'm just disappointed it came from our sources in the State Government and not my two field agents."
​
"What is the State going to do?"
​
"They're going to send the 111th Engineer Brigade, and the 77th Brigade Troop Command."
​
"All of them?!"
​
"What did you expect? The population of some small town in the middle of nowhere just became the largest in the State in a single day. They're even sending the 35th."
​
Smith tapped his foot in thought.
"Can we stop them? Or at the very least make it so they don't send damn near the entire National Guard of West Virginia?"
​
"No can do Agent. Even if we had caught this before the Governor's office did, we still would've sent troops in. This became top priority the second a large number of people came over."
​
"Well what about leaks? We can't keep the lid on this with so many showing up."
​
"We'll be sending our own task force. Officially they are there as "Federal Oversight". In actuality they are there to aid you in your investigation as well as limit leaks from the National Guard."
​
"So there isn't anything we can do to stop them from showing up en masse?"
​
"Unfortunately no. Aerial recon is being deployed to "substantiate" the claim. But seventy-thousand people showing up out of nowhere isn't something to take lightly. When they see that there are indeed an entire city's worth of people, then they will send the rest. But that will be a few days, a week at most. Once they verify, they'll be getting crash courses in crisis response and begin mobilization."
​
"What about the rest of the Federal Government?"
​
"As far as the State is aware WE are the Federal response. And we are going to keep it that way."
​
Smith didn't like this, not one bit. It was hard enough doing their job quietly in even a small town like this. Now they had to worry about not only a population the size of medieval Venice, but now the National Guard.
"What if we-"
​
"No, Agent Smith."
​
"We could do it you know?"
​
"Not in the time we have nor the volume. You should know that disappearing an entire town is hard enough, doing it to a city's worth of people is harder to not only pull off but harder to sell to the public."
​
Smith huffed in frustration.
"So what's the new mission?"
​
"The same as it was before. Only this time, you'll be getting a team to back you up. Set up and monitor everything that happens. Keep the NG from getting too close to the less explainable creatures and people. ESPECIALLY keep them away from Entity APL-1."
​
"You mean-"
​
"I will not use that ludicrous name! It is a dangerous entity! Not a pet!"
​
Smith chuckled a bit.
"Since we're talking, would you like my report up till today?"
​
The Director sighed.
"Very well. Only because this is a secure way of communicating."
​
So Smith gave the Director his report. Jeb and the kobolds. Morty and the greenskins. The halflings. All of it. There was a pause as the Director processed the information. No doubt already sending various people about to adjust to the new information.
"Is that all you have to report Agent Smith?"
​
"Yes Ma'am."
​
"Good, continue as planned until our team arrives then procced from there."
​
"Yes Ma'am."
​
"And don't call me Ma'am. Makes me sound old."
​
"You are old."
​
Smith heard the Director guffaw.
"And you aren't?! Quit being insubordinate and get back to work Agent Smith."
​
"Yes Ma-"
​
CLICK
​
"Rude old bitty." Smith quipped playfully as he set the dead phone back on its base.
​
Johnathan just stared at Smith.
"How-"
​
"Trade secret Agent Doe. You'll find out when you're older. In the mean time. Its business as usual until reinforcements arrive. So go pull up a chair and observe." Smith stated as he dragged one of the worn hotel chairs out and sat on it while he watched the sheer number of people walking about along the main street of the town.
-----
Time must be different here than back home, because that was NOT "20 minutes", thought the Duchess as she entered the town the deputy had pointed out to her. She and her people were drained. Mentally, physically, and emotionally.
​
This worlds sun was past its peak when they came to this world. Now it was just nearing the horizon to the west as they reached the town. The chill air didn't help, especially the turtle people from the isles. The moderately sized enclave that live- HAD lived in Daele grumbled and groaned the whole walk. Both the temperature difference and the long journey didn't agree with them.
​
Everyone had dressed for a spring that, just a few hours ago, they were sure they weren't going to see. Now it felt like they had missed it entirely! But the sight was still something to behold.
​
Sure it wasn't a grand city like Daele... was. But it was still shelter, and it was still a wonder to see. Buildings made of faded red brick or what looked like solid stone and glass. A road made from a faded black stone. Lights that didn't look like they needed fire. Not to mention the multitude of metal carriages about! She couldn't see any horses in sight and she wondered how they were pulled.
​
A sentiment shared by many, but especially of Dylan. He was looking around the new town with wide eyes. Scribbling on his notepad furiously as his eyes darted back and forth over everything new they saw. He wasn't the only one shocked and awed. Though some looked less than impressed by the simple, even rough, conditions of the town.
​
They weren't sure where to go, but seeing a slightly taller white colored building decided to head there. Perhaps that was where they could inquire with whoever the ruler was, the Duchess thought.
​
As they neared City Hall, the Duchess glanced about and observed the people of the town. Everyone she saw was human, many were old and tired looking. But even the younger people she saw had a tired and worn look on their face. These looks barely changed as they watched and stared at the migration.
​
There were no offers of support or aid from the townsfolk. Judging from the condition of the town, they probably didn't have much for themselves let alone her people, she thought sadly. Her honor guard stayed close to her as they made their way through the street.
​
As she reached the steps of City Hall a commotion was heard and a portly man, a gangly nervous looking man, and several other, equally rounded, men shuffled out and greeted her. Or what might pass for a greeting around here.
"Who are you and what is going on here?!"
​
The nervous looking man stuttered a response.
"T-t-t-the Sh-sh-sheriff l-l-l-l-"
​
"Cease your infernal stuttering Greg and get to the point!" The Mayor snapped.
​
"The point is Gerald is that these people arrived looking for shelter." The Sheriff stated as he climbed the stairs, his two deputies flanking him.
​
The Mayor cast a suspicious eye on the sea of people that filled out one of the few roads Somewhere had. They were starting to coalesce around City Hall as they tried to get close enough to hear what was happening. Though many were still amassed at the edge of town where the town ended and the landscape changed to that of fields and hills.
​
"Oh are they now? Pray tell how we are supposed to shelter them Sheriff? How are we supposed to feed them? Hmm? Did you think of that before inviting these people to our town?"
​
"You're right Mayor. Our town is under enough stress without adding more people we can't take care of." The Sheriff answered plainly.
​
"There we have it! You all will just have to-"
​
"That's why I called the Governor and he's sending the National Guard to aid both the town and these poor people."
​
"YOU WHAT!?" The Mayor rounded on the Sheriff so fast his jowls still shook from the motion.
​
The Sheriff stepped up to the Mayor.
"We needed help before these people showed up. Now we DESPERATLY need help!"
​
"So you call the Governor!?! Are you mad!?"
​
"No! I care about this town and I'm not going to see it die because you're too scared of the past!"
​
"There's a damn good reason we are and you know it!" The Mayor hissed.
​
As the Mayor and the Sheriff bickered, the Duchess, flanked by two of the Delta Guard, walked up the steps and bowed to the two men. The heavily armed and armored men made the councilmen and deputies nervous, causing the latter to put their hands on their holsters.
"I am sorry if our presence puts too much strain on your town. If need be we will leave at first light."
​
"Good! You can-"
​
"STAY! We are good and honest folk and we won't turn away those in need!"
​
"If it helps alleviate your burden. We do have some wealth that we still retain. We can donate some as thanks for your hospitality."
​
The Mayor, and councilmen, perked up at that.
"Wealth you say?"
​
The Duchess touched a hand to a ornate necklace she had. Silver and aquamarine. She unclasped it and held it out.
"I could not ask my people to do what I would not. So accept this as my thanks."
​
The Mayor's eyes went wide and he licked his lips as he reached a fat hand out to snatch up the exquisite jewelry. But he was stopped by the Sheriff who stood between the necklace and his meaty hands. The Delta Guard tensed at the movement put did no more once it was apparent it wasn't a threatening motion.
​
"That isn't necessary. If you wish to show thanks then please. Enjoy what the town has to offer. Food, a few hotels and apartments you and yours can stay in and any other services and amenities you find. Please. If you wish to offer thanks, then offer it to the people of the town itself."
​
The Duchess smiled and withdrew the necklace before bowing.
"Thank you for your hospitality. Me and my people will do our utmost to repay it and do our best to be civil guests in your town!"
​
"Of course! If need be there are other places that might be able to shelter your people. We have some space at the station. The railyard probably wouldn't say no to housing some of your people. As I said, we have room and board in several parts of town that wouldn't say no to any new business!"
​
The Sheriff and the Mayor bickered quietly while the Duchess turned to address her people.
"Good people of Daele! We have come far from our home by the sea and have faced many hardships in these past weeks! But now the people here have been generous enough to offer us shelter! Offer us Sanctuary! They only ask that we reward that kindness at the many shops and vendors around the town! So go and find a place to rest and fill your bellies and get warm!"
​
With that, the great flood of people murmured curiously and excitedly as they formed various groups and began to explore the town as the message was carried through the mass of bodies. As the Duchess watched, many group heads came to her.
​
The scions of the dwarven banking clans and the remnants of the nobility, elvish and human, walked up to join her. As did the heads of the various merchant houses, smithy and artisan guilds. Even Alban pulled Dylan away from running off to fulfill his duty as the leader, and half, of the Artificers Guild. The Great Sage of the tortle enclave grunted as she walked over with the rest of the leaders before sitting down on the cool grass nearby with a relieved sigh.
​
"What're we ta do now yer Ladyship?" One of the dwarves asked as he ran a bejeweled hand over his golden beard that was woven with emerald imbedded silver bands.
​
"We do as I stated. We find places to rest and recover from our journey. Tomorrow we will meet again with the leaders of the town and work out the rest."
​
One of the elves sniffed his hawkish nose as he gazed at the town.
"Are we really to stay in such a place so... pedestrian?"
​
"We aren't really in a position to argue my Lord. If it is not to your liking then you are free to keep walking in hopes of finding someplace more suited to your tastes."
​
The elf sniffed indignantly but remained where he was. One of the merchants spoke next.
"What should we do then? We have no place to work our trades."
​
The other merchants and various guild leaders nodded in affirmation.
"For tonight, just find food and shelter. I'm sure that these people will have need of, and greatly appreciate, your work. As I have stated already. Food and shelter first. Everything else will be settled tomorrow."
​
The leaders all grumbled and murmured but did little else as they split off to find their own places of rest. The Great Sage groaning and grumbling as she forced herself to stand and return to her people. Though the dwarves and Dylan walked over to the Sheriff and Mayor.
"Excuse me lad? What were tha' 'bout a railyard?"
​
The Sheriff broke the mutual glaring between him and the Mayor and turned to the stout man.
"The railyard. Its on the north of town. Follow the main road here and take a left at the library. Can't miss it."
​
"Well thank ye lad. But uhm? What is a railyard?"
​
"Well, its a place where trains are stored and maintained, its also where freight from our town is, or was, shipped out of and to the rest of the country."
​
The dwarves hummed in understanding.
"One last question lad. What is a train?"
​
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Other stories by TheMaskedOne2807:The Oil Chapter 1 (Getting Back)
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“It is beautiful, is it not,” Solk said in a chipper yet slightly, almost Infinitesble sad tone of voice. “I am not surprised you are not the first to have been awestruck beyond measure at the slightest sight of this.”
Solk walked closer to Kenneth, presenting the object that fully had Kenneth’s attention.
Of all the things Solk could have brought with him, a painting was the last thing he expected.
Even in the light of many candles, Kenneth could see the beautiful dark wood frame expertly carved with what appeared to be illustrations of, as far as Kenneth knew, blue flowers all interconnected by one stem.
However, it was not the dark wooden frame or the pattern carved into it nor the solid gold plack at the very bottom center of the painting that filled Kenneth with a burning rage.
NO.
It was the person in the painting.
A black-furred Aki with a white-tipped tail wielding a giant shield, not unlike those of the roman people during Julius caesars time, as she charged into battle.
In her other hand, she was wielding a long sword against what Kenneth recognized to be a black Nok with a spear who charged at her. Thrusting its weapon with all its might against her shield.
“Jasha,” Kenneth muttered so silently. He barely managed to stave off his primary instinct to strike the very illustration before him.
“Huh? Did you say something?” Solk asked.
Kenneth quickly snapped out of his trance and relaxed his body.” No, I said nothing.”
“Are you sure I could have sworn you said… well, never mind,” Solk said dismissively as he let the painting rest on one of the floor juices barrels. “So, are you interested?”
‘If you only knew,’ Kenneth thought as he restrained himself from acting like he normally would whenever he saw Jasha.
“It is quite something,” Kenneth said in a fake cheery tone of voice. “Just out of curiosity, what was the other item you thought I would be interested in?”
“Some of the slaves,” Solk said casually.
‘Remember, you just need the vinegar,’ Kenneth told himself, not wanting to ever be a slaver as he stared down the painting.
“Forget I said anything, and let's talk about the masterpiece here,” Kenneth said.
“It is one of my most prized possessions,” Solk said proudly with only the slightest hint of something else in his voice.
“Well, it’s just if it is so prized, why would you have brought it to trade with me?” Kenneth asked, unsure if he asked because he wanted to know or just looking for an excuse to get it out of his sight, even though he just wanted to get the vinegar and be done with everything.
Solk lowered his gaze slightly, letting out a sigh. “It is not an easy thing to trade, but to keep it in my family would be an insult to my brother once I eventually meet him again.”
“How so?” Kenneth asked.
“Do-does the words engraved on the gold plack confuse you?” Solk asked.
As Kenneth took a closer look for the first time, he noticed some engravings in the gold plack. They seemed like letters, but none Kenneth had truly ever seen nor in any way understood.
“Sorry, but I can’t read that,” Kenneth responded.
“Really,” Solk exclaimed slightly. “But you seem like a learned man, one who’s been taught like us royals.”
“I can read; I just can’t read your langue,” Kenneth clarified.
“My langue. Does that mean you speak another aside from this?” Solk questioned curiously.
“Yes,” Kenneth answered.
“I see. Well, the engraving reads as follows,” Solk said, clearing his throat. “Perfection gifted to me by the gods to be created by mortal hands so we may witness the closest thing to perfection Aki-kind will ever achieve. ”
“Well, the painting is undyingly beautiful and so life-like,” Kenneth complimented while adverting his eyes a little away from Jasha. “But I don’t see how the words would confuse me.”
“Really. It doesn’t strike you as odd that the gods would give my brother a vision of the past just so he could paint this thing,” Solk said, slightly spiteful.
Solk became a little quiet after that. The only thing Kenneth heard for a little while was his breathing. It was calm, but at times it would slightly get louder.
“The value of this painting is quite hard to measure,” Solk suddenly said. “ Not only is it more detailed than any other I know of, but the sentimental value is equally hard to measure.”
“In truth, I have had others who have offered vast sums of gold for it, but it always seemed too cheap to me.”
“Cheap,” Kenneth repeated. “I must admit I don’t quite follow you. If you think vast sums of gold are too cheap, then why would you trade with me? I only have some unique items and blue flowers.”
Solk looked at Kenneth for a short while silently before he started to chuckle.
“Did I say something funny?” Kenneth asked.
“No,” Solk answered, letting his chuckling naturally subside. “your words simply reminded me of something similar to what I said many summers ago.”
Kenneth raised an eyebrow.
“I apologize for asking this, but would you let an old man tell you a story of the past and why no gold would ever be enough for me to trade this painting?” Solk asked.
“Sure, just go ahead,” Kenneth responded, feeling strangely intrigued by what Solk had to say.
“As kids, my brother and I were always close to one another. We used to play from the moment Ki appeared in the sky to the moment he was going to trade places with Di,” Solk started as he looked at the painting slightly fondly.
“However, as we got older, I started to notice he’d space out more often, looking into nothingness with a dull expression. He’d look at trees, furniture, buildings, even just mud, and dirt,” Solk sighed.
“Sometimes he’d even just hold a stick or rock and drag them on the ground.”
“Even as a child, I had heard some rumors of what happened to those who were misshapen, and I was worried my brother might be as well. I did my best hiding it from my father, mother, and sister as well as the servants.”
“At times, some noticed it to some extent, but a few lies here and there about him being tired seemed to work just fine.”
Solk then lowered his head and said in a somber voice. “Being that young, I truly believed I could keep my brother safe forever, but eventually, while I was sleeping, he wandered out of his room and started to act like he always did.”
“Even now, I clearly remember the feeling of pain I felt in my body when I learned my father had commissioned a local healer to healer my brother.”
“Soon thereafter, my brother was gone. I searched every nook and cranny of the house, but I never found him.”
“And worst of all,” Solk growled slightly. “When I confronted him and my mother about it, they played the fool. Denying his existence as if he was never even born.”
“After that, I hated my father with all my hearts. I wanted to get revenge no matter the cost, and I knew just how,” Solk said in a slightly menacing tone.
“His pride and life’s work was being a trader traveling to outpost selling and trading merchandise. I knew if I wanted to make him suffer, I needed to ruin it all.”
“Summer after summer, I pretended to be the perfect son, the one who wasn't misshapen, who listened to him when he explained and taught me about the family business all the while I waited for my chance.”
“And that day eventually came when my father fell ill just before his next trip to all the outposts. With his blessing, I traveled to each one of them, letting myself be the fool. Selling any and all items for almost worthless sums of coins and items.”
“I knew my father wasn’t going to get any better, and I just wanted him to know how he’d failed before he died.”
Solk took a deep breath as he let the painting down and turned around. “Even as I walked into his bedroom, I could barely contain my smile, but what I was met with was not my ill father, but my mother, sisters, and a healer.”
“If I had run, I would have made it, but I didn’t, and so my father died believing his life’s work and pride would be in safe hands.”
“He was my father, so it was expected of me to be sad, but unlike so much of my life, I didn’t lie or hide my feelings.”
“My life’s goal. The one moment I had been working toward. Gone snatched from my hands in the final moments.”
“His death left a bitter taste in my mouth, but I knew I would get everything I wanted once I met him again.”
“ However on, one night, when I was just relaxing in my room, my mother brought me a letter. It was my father's last words if he died before I got home.”
“I expected it to contain his finale words like how I would do great things for the family or that I had to remember the family and marry a god, royal woman.”
“But when I read it, I was in shock. My father confessed to me that all those summers ago, when my brother was taken away, he hadn’t been killed. He had was brought to a secret facility made only for misshapen royal children.”
“At a moment’s notice, I forgot about my plan to destroy the family business, and I spent no small amount of time and coins to find out where the facility was and get him out.”
“I was overjoyed to see him once more again, but he was different. Quieter than I remembered, and he spaced out more often.”
“He only talked to me and only stayed in his room, but one day when I arrived in his room, I found that on one of the walls, he, with the use of cutlery, had drawn an image of us when we were still together.”
“He was a true marvel to behold when he got to work. He was no longer spacing out, not while he was painting.”
“He was more focused than even some swordsmen in a fight, and his paintings alone were so beautiful that all the work I had done to ruin the family business just dispersed and was forgotten by all after just selling one of his works.”
“However, the good times didn’t last forever as eventually, my brother grew dissatisfied with selling his paintings.”
“He said to me, gold is too cheap a price to pay when you could share it with all, high and lowborn alike, instead of locking it away forever.”
“Of course, I laughed at this and reminded him that his work was too good for the eyes of a low-born. He grew angry with me after that and locked himself in his room.”
“For a long time then, I can remember we didn’t talk, but he still painted, and of course, I showed them off and sold them.”
“However, after so long of not talking with each other, my brother burst out of his room yelling, the gods have shown me perfection.”
“I was confused, but before I even had a chance to ask anything, he started to paint working while Ki and Di traded places many times.”
Once they had traded places for the third time, I grew very worried and got some of the servants to force the door to his room open.”
“All I remember after that,” Solk said in a saddened tone of voice. “Was him lying on the floor as servants lifted him up on his bed and rushed out to get a healer.”
“I didn’t move or react. I only watched as my brother slowly died, saying his last words, the ones I’ve engraved in his final work.”
“Wow… I…. that was kind of heavy,” Kenneth said, not knowing what else to say.
“Do you now understand why it’s hard to sell?” Solk asked as he turned around and picked up the painting. “My brother wanted his work to be seen and not just sold off and hidden away.”
“I get it,” Kenneth said, crossing his arms. “You can’t just trade it for gold like all the others he made, but at the same time, you can’t just keep it hidden away.”
“I don’t know If I’m the ideal person to buy this painting, but I’ll try to honor the memory of you, brother.”
“I truly hope you’ll do better than I have,” Solk said shamefully.
Kenneth walked along the street, passing whispering Aki after whispering Aki while holding the panting.
There had been a little haggling but nothing worth mentioning.
Kenneth wasn’t truly sure how to feel about anything that had happened lately, but he did know one thing. He was tired and just wanted a break.
With that in mind, he just walked straight home and threw himself on his bed, but of course, not before carefully placing the painting he’d bought on the floor.
He wasn’t too tired to actually sleep, so he just let himself relax and think about stuff like how many times people have tried to behead him and other such fun things.
Kenneth wasn’t sure how long he stayed in bed, but eventually, the door to the living room swung open.
Kenneth opened one eye and saw it was Nya.
“There you are,” She said. “You know how hard it is to find you?”
“I can imagine,” Kenneth responded.
“So, how does it feel?” Nya asked teasingly.
“How does what feel?” Kenneth asked back as she sat down on her bed.
Oh, I don’t know,” Nya said sarcastically. “Perhaps healing the burning death, a feat, mind you, only Uloko and the combined fortitude of a hundred healers have ever managed to do.”
“I… suppose it feels good,” Kenneth answered in a bored tone of voice.
“You could sound a little more excited, you know,” Nya chuckled, her tail swinging from side to side as she lay on her side. “Do you even know what the people of the outpost are saying?”
“Let me guess,” Kenneth said, his deep voice even deeper and sounding almost like a frog's ribbit in a strange way. “Oh, finally, the abomination is leaving. I hope I’m the one who gets to burn down the wagon he’s in.”
“Well, yes, there was a little of that in the beginning,” Nya admitted. “But after that, every time Ki and Di traded placed, more and more of that kind of talk died down and was replaced with questions.”
“Why isn’t the wagon getting burned yet? The abomination is probably only buying time, right? You don’t really think it can do it, right? Why is the food tasting so good now with the abomination gone?”
“Now everyone is talking about how you healed the burning death and that the party tonight is only because of you,” Nya said in a happy tone of voice.
“Oh really,” Kenneth responded, only really half listening.
“Wait, what party,” Kenneth said, bewildered, sitting up.
“Yes, not too long ago, the merchant said he’d throw a party in honor of his son's health and good fortune,” Nya said happily as she rolled in bed excitedly, her mouth getting wetter at the thought of floor juice.
“If I hadn’t said before, I’ll say it now. Thanks, I didn’t think I’d get something good to drink this year.”
“Errrrr… don’t mention it,” Kenneth said, slightly confused.
For a moment, he thought about what he’d just been told, and he could help but chuckle, “That sly old fox.”
“Did you say something?” Nya asked as she sat up.
“It was nothing,” Kenneth responded, still chuckling.
“Oooooooooooooooookay,” Nya responded.
Kenneth thought it was strang how she said it and looked over, but as he did, Nya fell on her knees.
“Nya, are you okay!” Kenneth yelled as he jumped out of bed.
She didn’t respond; she only pointed straight ahead and seemed to try and say something but couldn’t.
Kenneth followed the finger and saw it was the painting she was pointing at.
“Oh, that,” Kenneth said, relieved. “I bought it from Solk, the merchant.”
“I-I-I-I… so…” Nya stuttered, unable to say anything coherent.
“Noktato,” Nya eventually uttered in her somewhat dazed state.
“Who?” Kenneth asked.
“You don’t know who Noktato is!” Nya exclaimed as she looked at him as if he was brain-dead until she remembered who she was talking to. “Oh, for a moment, I forgot you aren’t. Never mind.”
“Noktato is the biggest heretic of them all, bigger than even Silvaka. Do you even know what this painting depicts?” Nya said, her tail and her ears moving almost independently of her body.
“Can’t say that I do,” Kenneth said, sitting back on the bed. “Kind of been teaching more than I’ve been taught.”
“Well, then, how about I educate you,” Nya said as she got off her knees. “This painting depicts the beginning of the end. Or the first major battle in the four-hundred-year war on the flatlands.”
“More precisely, it depicts the battle between the two champions, Noktato, the accursed spear, and the blessed Akina, the mighty shield.”
“Akina!” Kenneth uttered in surprise.
---
(Patreon): Three chapters early access and artwork. Also, a 100+ page story I wrote prior to the posting of The Plague Doctor for all members.

Hey, everyone! New to the subreddit, but been engaging with HealthyGamer and Dr. K's content for over 8 months. I'm looking for some guidance on how to think about my future and the present in a healthy way and ultimately cultivate a life where I feel content and peaceful a majority of the time.
After almost 10 straight years of working, I am unemployed for the first time with no income at the age of 27, and it has put me in quite a unique position I've never been in before. Ever since high school, I've had some notion each year of what I wanted to be and have a job to move me in that direction. I originally wanted to worship leader within my religion at the time because that is what I found myself being good at. After having a personal fallout with those beliefs and having to find myself again, I then moved on to the tech industry, being a gamer and tech enthusiast. But, the truth is I've never really known what I wanted to do with my life. I've kinda just followed the feelings or impulses of the day or the influences of people around me.
I didn't realize I was doing this until I resigned from my job this year to save myself from yet another mental health crisis, and now I have all this time and space to think about what I've been doing all this time and what I want to do going forward. Going really deep into what might be causing this would make this post forever long, so I might have to spare those details here. But the ultimate statement that I think rings true for me is that I don't know what I want my purpose in life to be. I have things I like to do, I have skills that I've trained, but I just don't really have a motivation to really use them in any way meaningful or ways that make me happy and paid. I've secretly enjoyed just hanging around the house doing literally nothing between jobs and my only motive for working again is because them bills gotta be paid.
The reason for this post is that I don't know how to really move forward in my life right now and I feel a bit paralyzed by choices and possibilities. I need to find a sustainable source of income to keep my expenses taken care of, but every full time job I have has ended with me having a mental breakdown every 6 months and I'm tried of reliving that cycle. I fear that every job I get will be unfulfilling, lead to continuous mental breakdowns, and that I'll never feel content with my life.
I understand this is black and white thinking and that there's nuance to any advice or solutions that would help. I just don't really know where to begin. I feel a bit caught in a chicken-and-egg situation of "I need to find out what I want to do so that I don't get a job I hate" and "I need a job so that I can pay my bills and have a roof over my head".
I know answers and conversations around this will likely need my childhood experiences and traumas as context for an answer, so I'd be happy and comfortable to provide that as needed. TW: Some of the highlights of my childhood include being raised by a drug-abusing but caring mother, an abusive and aggressive step-father, and a narcissistic and hyper-religious father. I likely feel abandonment and fear from living with my mother for the first 11 years of my life, and I certainly felt a since of shame, duty, expectation from living with my father from 11 to 24. I also feel for a while like I was "behind" others in life because I had to figure out a lot of "adulting" skills by myself with no help from either parent. Again, this is a whole can of worms in itself, but is likely necessary context for my main question in this post.
Anyone have any thoughts on where I can start finding myself, what I truly want to do, and what work I can find that would provide me with a helpful work/life balance? I'm in a struggling act between finding something immediately because I don't have enough money to continue paying bills past next month, but also wanting to figure out which direction to even take a step for my whole life. 😅
Thank you so much if you made it this far. 🙏

I started smoking when I was 27. I used it to escape from what was a self-perceived shitty life (career and relationship problems at the time). Y'all know the escalation story, first you smoke a little herb on the weekend with friends or SO every other week as a novelty, then every weekend, then Fridays, maybe Mondays too, then you're smoking every day after work too.
For me it got to the point that I would smoke behind my SO's, friends', and family's back. After a couple of years I was high all the time socially and nobody really knew. My SO eventually found out and we had a big fight about it. She tried putting it under lock and seal, but I went behind her back and continued smoking.
Herb eventually led to vapes b/c it's both more potent and less conspicuous, which made the effort of hiding my use significantly easier.
Covid and an ACL tear injury/surgery demolished my relationships/careegoals and I turned to weed to cope. At this point I would wake and bake and suck on my vape dozens of times a day. You know you have a problem when you need to splice a USB cable and hit a cartridge at full voltage... I tried stopping, tapering, locking the stuff up, etc., but eventually the habit and addiction would win and I would be back to it in no time at all.
Long story short I planned on kicking the habit earlier this year. I planned a 2-week vacation for myself in a location where weed is not legal. I exercised and went through the acute phase relatively effortlessly. The post-acute phase has not been effortless.
I have smoked three 0.5g blunts between Jan 9th and Feb. 11th, and not smoked anything since February 11th. So my sobriety is somewhere between 115-150 days. I also stopped watching porn and masturbating in the same time period. On top of it all, what seemed to be the love of my life broke up with me out of the blue and in a brutal fashion that completely broke my heart exactly when I was going through the acute phase of withdrawal.
The past few days have been absolutely brutal. I think I've spent 3-4 hours straight just crying/sobbing. Nothing brings me joy. I am shirking my responsibilities at work. I feel like I'm barely functional. Suicidal thoughts have ramped up like never before. I am beginning imagining how I'm going to do it and where, etc.
I work out constantly (6-7 days for 60-90 mins). I count my calories and only eat nutritious whole foods. I get out of the house to see friends, family, and walk my dog. I get sunlight. Nothing seems to work. I get triggered very easily. I feel like an unlovable loser. I am debating ketamine infusions, but solving a drug problem with a drug seems counterintuitive at best.
I hope this latest "wave" goes away soon because it feels absolutely awful. I am so exhausted of feeling like this. I don't think I've had a genuine laugh or moment of happiness in months. I fake it in public b/c it's expected of me, but these days I don't even do that anymore. I was walking my dog this morning and I was just sobbing walking by the beach near my house. I don't think anybody saw me, but if they did it would probably be jarring to see a 6'3" 200lb bro just sobbing while walking his dog. It doesn't seem sustainable. I hope this latest wave breaks soon.