Birthday quotes happy birthday meme

He turned 40 six months ago. A few weeks before his birthday a tragedy struck my family and my BIL committed suicide in a disturbing way. It really messed with me.
My husband and I were already on dicy terms around this time, even though I was reaching out to venues to plan something. Seeing how unsupportive he was toward me, it really soured my feelings towards throwing him a bash + feeling a lot of grief at the time. He’s been a jerk to me ever since.
Tonight he admitted that he was hurt that I didn’t throw him a birthday party, but “all of the other wives did” for our friends. They all are turning 40 last year and this year. And only one friend had an dinner that we went to, so this isn’t a true statement.
Should I feel bad? I don’t right now and I’m hurt that my husband could be so immune to what happened to my family and expect to celebrate him. The funeral was a few days before his birthday. We did go out to an incredibly nice dinner with his family. He did skip my BIL’s funeral to watch our baby, but also he didn’t travel out to my home town with me, but instead celebrated with his buddies at dinner while I was back home mourning with my family.
Am I in the wrong here or in s my husband being insensitive? I really don’t know at this point.

Happy Saturday, goalies! How did yesterday go? What do you have planned for today? Is there anything you can do today that will help make tomorrow easier?
BQ: What is your favorite quote?

I just recently had my second child, I love both of my children deeply but I feel like I have more love to give as a mother. I got my tubes tied a couple weeks ago because both of my pregnancies were very detrimental to my health and I honestly don’t think I’d make it out alive through another. But I still feel like something’s missing. I want to adopt some more children and bring them home to a loving home and family. I don’t mind doing surrogacy but I don’t want to bring another child into this world when there’s already so many kids that want a family desperately. I want to read all my kids bedtime stories and have big birthdays. Giant Christmases, movie nights with pillow forts. I want everyone of my kids to know that no matter what rain or shine I will always be there for them and give every single one my unconditional love. I’m excited to start this journey and welcome new family members. I know some days will be rocky but I’m ready to do whatever I need to, to give any child that comes into my care a loving home until the day I die.

Pretty much what the title says. We’ve been good friends with the guy for about 3 years. His financial situation turned from very good to very bad last year, but I’m guessing family isn’t ready to let go of the lavish lifestyle and keeps asking him for expensive stuff
I don’t mind loaning him the money in itself, but I feel like I have an obligation to try and prevent my friends from doing dumb shit. I don’t find buying a $50k car for a 19 yo reasonable if you can’t afford it yourself. Just get him a civic or something, he can buy the Mustang with his own money later on
With that said, I do want to make my friend happy - what do you think I should do?
TLDR : friend went from rich to poor, family doesn’t acknowledge that, and I feel an obligation to prevent his finances from going even worse

After years of being unhappy together, my daughter's mother recently moved out.
We had been together 10 years, engaged for 5, but never married. When we met, she had a 4 year old daughter. After a year of dating, they both moved in with me. At the time, I was a bartender and she was a bank teller. Wanting to provide a stable family environment, I began looking for more traditional jobs.
After struggling to find a career as opposed to a job, I decided to go back to school and obtain a masters degree. At the same time, my fiancee went back to school as well (had dropped out after less than 1 semester the first time). I worked a full time day job, waited tables at night and on the weekends and helped her with her school work. She graduated four years ago. She is now waiting tables (only part time).
We had a child together in 2016. It was my hope that this would be her incentive to work harder to provide the nuclear family I wanted so badly for my child. Instead, I took on a ton of debt, provided probably 90% of the financial support for a child who is not mine biologically, and found myself constantly asking for more of a contribution either financially or from a day to day parenting perspective.
Problems really began to arise when my daughter (her 2nd) was born. The day she was born I overheard grandma telling fiancee's bio daughter that "he will never love you as much as he is going to love your sister." 1st daughter's bio dad was a bit of a deadbeat, so it wasn't so much of a red flag when she would talk crap on him openly, but using a different name (being young, I didn't recognize the attempts at parental alienation). She now does the same thing to me. My fiancee is so traumatized from being abused by this woman (fiancee's dad was never around), that she is, at the age of 37, unable to even confront her about abusing daughter 1 emotionally. It became my mission to protect daughter number 2 from the same abuse.
From the time we've been together, it's basically been what's mine is ours and what's hers is hers. She promised so many times to start being accountable. In an act of desperation, I enlisted her aunt's help to explain fiancee's behavioral issues. Privately, aunt told me I should leave her and take daughter 2 far away from the generational abuse.
Aunt's sons have been a part of my life for most of the 10 years we've been together. They are aspiring "rappers", both without a father figure in their life. It was not uncommon for them to come to my house after a dispute at home and stay for a few days until things calmed down. Both are adults who still live with mom. Recently, one came to the house again. When I asked what had happened, he responded that he and his brother had robbed someone for marijuana directly in front of their mothers house. Knowing that his "friends" had accompanied him to my house for family events on more than on occasion, I explained (in maybe a less than friendly manner) that he was not welcome to hide out at my house after committing crimes and that I did not want that type of behavior around my kids.
I had reached out to a therapist for couples counseling and fiancee and I were on the waiting list (the demand is sad). For years, I've been asking her to find work that would allow her to be available to the kids after school on a regular basis. For most of our relationship, I have spent at least 2-3 nights a week alone while she worked until 10 or 11 pm. She claimed that she was staying on top of things and for some reason I believed her. She was supposed to pay our rent for the first time in ten years on April 1 (I've avoided buying a home where we live because I didn't want my daughter to grow up here).
Last weekend, her car got repossessed (I had no idea payments weren't being made). I lost my shit (as I have often done out of frustration, desperation, etc.). She is now staying with her aunt in a house where drug crimes are being committed, one of the residents is fresh out of rehab on a fentanyl overdose, and there's an aggressive pitbull.
She's always been good at pretending to be a sweet, caring person to those who aren't close enough to see through it (something she learned from her mother). Daughter 1 doesn't want to be there and daughter 2 has expressed fear of the aunt and her dog. Fiancee is regularly hanging out with two women who cheat on their husbands (one with a cocaine dealer). When I ask if she thought she would like me to behave this way, she says "you obviously don't know who I am". I don't know if she is doing drugs but I have my suspicions.
I work 60 hour weeks, she works 20. I gave her daughter a better life than she could have, while she refused to improve her circumstances. Daughter 1's bio dad is dead, so I've been her primary caretakeprovider for ten years. She doesn't like me very much because of the conflicts I've had with mom and grandma, but she knows I am there for her.
This week I also found out that daughter 2 had been referred to family court for truancy issues. Wife wasn't reporting absences properly, took kids on 5 day vacation on a whim (when bills were presumably going unpaid), and is habitually late to everything. Daughter 2, who is now six says "I'm always the last one to school" and is late regularly. Fiancee did not inform me that school had even expressed concern.
I feel like I've been used and abused, but I'm not without fault. My frustration and concern for my daughters safety has led me to lash out verbally on many occasions. However, I think fiancee blaming this for her shortcomings is a cop out. It's just that no one sees or hears about her neglect towards her family.
Daughter 1 is 14 now. Her mom is more of a sister to her than a mother. I practically had to beg fiancee to get her into therapy. When she needs something, she knows she can't count on her mom. She regularly says things like "mom only cares about herself." I don't say negative things to her about her, but I also don't disagree with these things.
Daughter 2 begged me last week to beat mom to school pickup so she could be with me. She and I are more connected than she and mom.
I live in a state where 50/50 custody is assumed. CPS has been notified of my daughters fear of her aunt and her dog (she expressed it at school). I'm talking with a lawyer and it seems I'm going to spend a ton of money just trying to force mom to be accountable and on time.
What's really fucked up is that somewhere in my head, I still want it to work. I do love her, but she's not a good partner and she's not been a good mother to the girls. I think she has a victim mentality and is not able to be honest with herself about her behavior.
I feel fiancee is delusional (I'm told she's a victim of enmeshment, emotional incest, etc.) in regard to her view of herself. She talks of a future that isn't attainable given her current circumstances and behavior. She talks of travelling when she is older, but made 21K last year. There's almost zero chance she will ever even be able to retire. She's going to need someone to support her financially forever. When I point out that she's not behaving in a way that aligns with what she says she wants, she says "you're just negative".
I'm scared for both girls well being because I know mom doesn't pay much attention to them. She's either smoking weed, texting her friends, or playing with her hair.
I know that I'm supposed to try and be my best self and try to smile while eating the shit sandwich I've been served. But I've felt like I had three children for a number of years now.
I can't tell if I still want a future with her or if its even remotely plausible. I feel like she hangs around people who are worse off than she is to boost her ego and I've had to put a number of them in their place as it relates to their interactions with my kids. At this point, I've got quite a few middle aged waitresses who hate my guts. I watched one scam daughter 1 out of her birthday money with counterfeit goods (at the birthday party, minutes after she received her gifts, and mom did nothing). Grandma and aunt now hate my guts too. Fiancee no longer spends time with old friends who are actually thriving. I'm guessing this is, in part, due to shame over how she is behaving.
I feel like I just want my kids to be safe and be around people who are doing positive things with their time. Apparently, my not wanting my kids around drug activity and emotional abuse, makes me someone who "thinks he's better than everyone else". Depending on the situation, I'm either a negative person who doesn't believe in himself or I'm an arrogant jerk. Fiancee also says I have abandonment issues, though she's been told by others that she has abandoned me in our relationship (I feel she just never showed up).
For the better part of the last 3 years, I've been struggling to make ends meet while she tries to "find herself". She says she has to put herself first to be the best she can be for our girls. While I don't disagree with this, I don't think that it means what she thinks it means.
I feel like I'm the only one who has to see who fiancee really is.
My emotions desperately want things to be fixed, but I'm fantasizing about a person who has never existed.
I don't feel like I've done anything to deserve not being with my daughter every day. I may be a lot of things, but I've been a great dad to her. She loves me like crazy and we have a fantastic bond. I'm so scared to lose it.
I truly feel traumatized by this relationship. Does anyone have a similar experience? Any advice on either one last ditch attempt to save what is probably an irreparable relationship? Any idea how to expedite the grieving process and come out on the other side?
I feel like she is gaslighting me and I'm scared it's working.
I realize that I'm rambling and that this is reflecting on me poorly. CPS, truancy court, and the pitfalls of restaurant industry relationships are things that I just couldn't have fathomed being part of my life at this age.
I think my ultimate fantasy is that she would show up and say "Hey, I'm going to go do my thing. I'll leave both the kids with you and I won't be back."
I'm not even sure why I wrote this.

And for the third year in a row, I sit racked with guilt that I cannot wish you the best. That I cannot tell you I am proud of you, that you are wonderful, and that I hope you find everything you're looking for.
I can't tell you anything at all.
I miss you, a lot. Awake or asleep you occupy my subconscious, bubbling up to occupy my mind at even the smallest reminder. I'm not sure I'll ever be able to forget you.
I know I am no more than a distant and unpleasant memory to you. And I know my well wishing is worthless.
But still.
Today should be a celebration of you. I only wish I was permitted to join in with it.

Hi, this will be taken down after today.
My SO had a family member pass away today unexpectedly, he isn’t flying out anytime soon to be with family. It also is my birthday and my family and us were going to go out together.
My SO got the call within the past hour about his family member and is upset. He wants to be alone and doesn’t want to go out (overall wants to be alone currently) and I don’t think I could enjoy my night knowing they’re home sad and alone. Also, other than his friends and I, they do not have any family where we live. I don’t know how to handle a SO having a death in the family and I want to be here and support them the best I can since they’re so far from their family.
I want to reschedule with my family another day when my SO is feeling up to it. So how do I assist my SO dealing with this? I have had plenty of deaths in my family but no one has dealt with them well and I am unaware of how to talk/be there for them.
Sorry, if this seems shallow. We have discussed my difficulties with communicating before plus a touch of ‘tism doesn’t help. Thank you.

(I'm 19, male.) I'm posting this here because I don't feel like I have anyone else to share my thoughts with. And that's my own fault.
This morning I opened up an old document on my computer from sometime last year. In it, I had written down all the people I had disappointed, and rereading it captured my attention and made me think over my life.
I started connecting the dots, which made me remember some other things I had been suppressing. I don't trust anything about myself. I don't trust my hands as I write this, because honestly I fear that I'm just twisting things and exaggerating things in order to make my life seem like something more than it is. Like I want my life to be some sort of story, to have some sort of meaning that it doesn't.
I feel like my whole life has just been me, a being without a soul, whose only identity is his lack of one, trying to aggressively mimic and imitate other people. I feel like my entire life has been a half-conscious dream, a delusion.
I'm sorry if you feel disturbed by this. I don't think I'm very sane, so sorry if this is disturbing or insane and deranged. I'm only writing this here because I have no one else to tell this to. I don't want to bother or disturb or show my real self to anyone I know in real life, so I have to post this here.
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I realized that I've never been normal. I've always hurt people. When I was a child, I hurt and bullied other children. I did things I can't repeat to anyone, ever, to other children, before I was even 10 years old. Things that would justify my death a hundred times over. Even if I didn't realize the full extent of it at the time, I still did it.
Even as I grew older, I might have driven a girl, my classmate, to kill herself just three years ago. I ruined the experience of dozens of people in school. I might have even been one of the main reasons why my crush skipped school all the time, and didn't even show up for graduation.
I worried and disappointed my teachers, friends, family. I lost all the friends I ever made, except for two or three. I likely traumatized multiple other children as a child, and likely played a part in my classmate killing herself. As the the teachers and students from my school left to go to her funeral, I was smiling and laughing with a friend, who like me had decided not to attend her funeral.
Nobody has ever known who I am, and the only person who I felt like I wanted to be with, like I wanted to open up to and reveal myself to, I managed to drive away from me, and likely ruined years of her life.
When I was 14, my father yelled at me for staying home due to my anxiety regarding my appearance. At the time, I was fantasizing about taking a knife and cutting all the imperfections off of my skin, since I would have panic attacks every time I looked in the mirror.
Looking back, it wasn't as bad as I thought, but when it drove me to neglect social demands, my father, after having yelled at me for what felt like an eternity, told me "I don't know who you are. You're not my son. I want my son back." because I chose to stay at home over my acne rather than going to visit my grandmother on her birthday and spending an entire day out in public.
My parents later brought me to a psychologist by tricking me to get into the car and bringing me into the hospital like a convict. I felt like they were trying to kill me at the time, that they were trying to convince a professional that I was to be changed, like they were trying to reset a computer. They were trying to open me up and rearrange my mind with drugs to make me into someone else.
I've never let anyone into my inner world, or shared my experience with anyone, except for a couple of people who I felt a connection to, who I felt were like me. One of them was a friend who I haven't spoken to or seen in over a year now. The other was my high school crush, who I haven't seen in close to a year. I think I played a part in driving them away from school, which is where I met both of them.
I love my family more than anything. I love the few friends I still have, and al the friends I have lost. I still love the girl I fell in love with in high school, and I can't forgive myself for all I've done. I don't see the point in anything anymore.
If I told any of them the things I've done or if I wrote it out in detail to any of you, you'd tell me without a moment of hesitation that I deserve to die, that I never should have existed in the first place. I don't think I'm a real person. I'm an empty vessel which is only defined by its emptiness, all I can do is destroy and corrupt and consume.
TL;DR: I don't know what I should do, I don't know who I am, my own name feels foreign to me, as it always has. All this time I've been trying to figure out where I went wrong, but now it's clear that I was born wrong. All my beliefs and conceptions of reality are shattered and I can't forgive myself. It feels like my whole life was just an insane, deranged dream.

my birthday is around the corner and i have this guy friend that i want to invite to my celebration but i'm scared that my family will think otherwise. i came from a very strict household or because i was a result of teenage preggonancy that's why sometimes i feel like they don't trust me. i really want to spend the day with him because he is my best friend, my comfort zone. and one of the greatest people in my life. so what should i do?