I (23f) hace a mom (54f) that has always been a screamer. I just came back from a 2 year gap exchange and in my country it is very normal to live in your parents house until you get married or if not until you’re older or if your parents are more easygoing until you want to leave, so naturally, I came back to live with my parents. During my gap year, my grandma died and my grandpa (83 m) came to live with us. He has always had hearing problems but with age they’ve gotten worse so he can barely hear and has to use hearing aid. If we don’t speak really loudly to him, he will not hear us.
That is just like an overall context.
My mom Is a person who will not accept any constructive criticism. If we try to tell her anything that she did or does wrong, she gets extremely offended and starts screaming at us and getting overly defensive about everything. Example: I have always been an excellent driver, I’ve never crashed or scratched my car. I can park perfectly and basically know how to drive. Since I came back, I’ve scratched my car twice because she keeps trying to tell me how to drive and screams at me and gets mad if I don’t do it the way she wants me to do it. And she is the same with everything. The other day she was about to get in the car with me, so I calmly tried to tell her that if she was gonna come with me, to please not give me any directions or scream while I was driving because it is very distracting. Well, I guess I shouldn’t have said anything because she went FERAL on me and started screaming at me and my dad that I was driving the wrong way and that I should’ve waited for x person in front of me to reverse so I could pass and that was why I scratched the car.
She now takes care of my grandpa, but I feel like she is always screaming at him and it’s like she’s always mad at him and speaks horrible to him. Today, we came to a country house that we have. It was dark outside and my grandpa wanted to check if the water deposit was full so he went around the house and he fell. My mom screamed that he fell and we went to help him and she went PSYCHO and started screaming at him that what was he thinking of going there, why would he do that, and I’m sure he was about to tell him how stupid can he be or something like that and I screamed at her that she should stop screaming and talking to him like that. I mean, an older person just fell down and it was not his fault and all you think to do is scream at him?? Come on!! It’s so humiliating, even if you’re not old, to fall down and get yelled at?!!! So I came in the house and told her I didn’t want to share my room with her. She went mad, and my dad agreed with me. I told her that if she was treating all of us like that and my grandpa I would not share my room with her and she could go in the other room (which is empty). The point is that I want to be treated with respect and not because she’s my mom she can treat me and yell at me. And come on, accept when you’re in the wrong. So ,AITA for kicking my mom out of my room?

Hi Dads, I've had my kid for an entire 15months now. She's growing so well. Blasting through all the normal growth and development stages. She doesn't seem to sleep much better than when she was born but I graduated and have a stable job with helps a TON!
My 1 year ownership of a child advice to the even fresher dads out there:
Get a support system around you if you can. My mom and mother in law have been extremely helpful taking my baby 1 or 2 times per month so that my wife and I can eat a dinner together or something without trying to catch falling water every few minutes.
Get off social media-- sort of! This is a weird one. But these moments are quick. I spend as much of my time with my kid WITH MY KID. If you know what I mean. Being present means a lot to the kid. I even write, to the best of my unlearned ability, little stories about whatever silly or meaningful thing she did to try and engrain those memories deeper into my psyche.
RELAX! Your kid is extremely resilient and will learn how to walk, talk, tumble, cry and socialize whether you want it to or not. You don't need to force it through developmental stages or do everything perfectly. You are as human as that little babbling ball of baby blubber. Try to enjoy the good moments and smile through the bad ones.
Anyway. I'm alive, The kid's alive. The wife's alive. We all like each other. I'm not special. You can do it too!
Big love

Uranium is a chemical element with symbol U and atomic number 92. It is a silvery-grey metal in the actinide series of the periodic table. A uranium atom has 92 protons and 92 electrons, of which 6 are valence electrons. Uranium radioactively decays by emitting an alpha particle. The half-life of this decay varies between 159,200 and 4.5 billion years for different isotopes, making them useful for dating the age of the Earth. The most common isotopes in natural uranium are uranium-238 (which has 146 neutrons and accounts for over 99% of uranium on Earth) and uranium-235 (which has 143 neutrons). Uranium has the highest atomic weight of the primordially occurring elements. Its density is about 70% higher than that of lead, and slightly lower than that of gold or tungsten. It occurs naturally in low concentrations of a few parts per million in soil, rock and water, and is commercially extracted from uranium-bearing minerals such as uraninite.[6] Many contemporary uses of uranium exploit its unique nuclear properties. Uranium-235 is the only naturally occurring fissile isotope, which makes it widely used in nuclear power plants and nuclear weapons. However, because of the tiny concentrations found in nature, uranium needs to undergo enrichment so that enough uranium-235 is present. Uranium-238 is fissionable by fast neutrons, and is fertile, meaning it can be transmuted to fissile plutonium-239 in a nuclear reactor. Another fissile isotope, uranium-233, can be produced from natural thorium and is studied for future industrial use in nuclear technology. Uranium-238 has a small probability for spontaneous fission or even induced fission with fast neutrons; uranium-235, and to a lesser degree uranium-233, have a much higher fission cross-section for slow neutrons. In sufficient concentration, these isotopes maintain a sustained nuclear chain reaction. This generates the heat in nuclear power reactors, and produces the fissile material for nuclear weapons. Depleted uranium (238U) is used in kinetic energy penetrators and armor plating.[7][8]
The 1789 discovery of uranium in the mineral pitchblende is credited to Martin Heinrich Klaproth, who named the new element after the recently discovered planet Uranus. Eugène-Melchior Péligot was the first person to isolate the metal and its radioactive properties were discovered in 1896 by Henri Becquerel. Research by Otto Hahn, Lise Meitner, Enrico Fermi and others, such as J. Robert Oppenheimer starting in 1934 led to its use as a fuel in the nuclear power industry and in Little Boy, the first nuclear weapon used in war. An ensuing arms race during the Cold War between the United States and the Soviet Union produced tens of thousands of nuclear weapons that used uranium metal and uranium-derived plutonium-239. Dismantling of these weapons and related nuclear facilities is carried out within various nuclear disarmament programs and costs billions of dollars. Weapon-grade uranium obtained from nuclear weapons is diluted with uranium-238 and reused as fuel for nuclear reactors. The development and deployment of these nuclear reactors continue on a global base as they are powerful sources of CO2-free energy. Spent nuclear fuel forms radioactive waste, which mostly consists of uranium-238 and poses significant health threat and environmental impact. Uranium is a silvery white, weakly radioactive metal. It has a Mohs hardness of 6, sufficient to scratch glass and approximately equal to that of titanium, rhodium, manganese and niobium. It is malleable, ductile, slightly paramagnetic, strongly electropositive and a poor electrical conductor.[9][10] Uranium metal has a very high density of 19.1 g/cm3,[11] denser than lead (11.3 g/cm3),[12] but slightly less dense than tungsten and gold (19.3 g/cm3).[13][14]
Uranium metal reacts with almost all non-metal elements (with the exception of the noble gases) and their compounds, with reactivity increasing with temperature.[15] Hydrochloric and nitric acids dissolve uranium, but non-oxidizing acids other than hydrochloric acid attack the element very slowly.[9] When finely divided, it can react with cold water; in air, uranium metal becomes coated with a dark layer of uranium oxide.[10] Uranium in ores is extracted chemically and converted into uranium dioxide or other chemical forms usable in industry.
Uranium-235 was the first isotope that was found to be fissile. Other naturally occurring isotopes are fissionable, but not fissile. On bombardment with slow neutrons, its uranium-235 isotope will most of the time divide into two smaller nuclei, releasing nuclear binding energy and more neutrons. If too many of these neutrons are absorbed by other uranium-235 nuclei, a nuclear chain reaction occurs that results in a burst of heat or (in special circumstances) an explosion. In a nuclear reactor, such a chain reaction is slowed and controlled by a neutron poison, absorbing some of the free neutrons. Such neutron absorbent materials are often part of reactor control rods (see nuclear reactor physics for a description of this process of reactor control).
As little as 15 lb (6.8 kg) of uranium-235 can be used to make an atomic bomb.[16] The nuclear weapon detonated over Hiroshima, called Little Boy, relied on uranium fission. However, the first nuclear bomb (the Gadget used at Trinity) and the bomb that was detonated over Nagasaki (Fat Man) were both plutonium bombs.
Uranium metal has three allotropic forms:[17]
α (orthorhombic) stable up to 668 °C (1,234 °F). Orthorhombic, space group No. 63, Cmcm, lattice parameters a = 285.4 pm, b = 587 pm, c = 495.5 pm.[18] β (tetragonal) stable from 668 to 775 °C (1,234 to 1,427 °F). Tetragonal, space group P42/mnm, P42nm, or P4n2, lattice parameters a = 565.6 pm, b = c = 1075.9 pm.[18] γ (body-centered cubic) from 775 °C (1,427 °F) to melting point—this is the most malleable and ductile state. Body-centered cubic, lattice parameter a = 352.4 pm.[18]
The major application of uranium in the military sector is in high-density penetrators. This ammunition consists of depleted uranium (DU) alloyed with 1–2% other elements, such as titanium or molybdenum.[19] At high impact speed, the density, hardness, and pyrophoricity of the projectile enable the destruction of heavily armored targets. Tank armor and other removable vehicle armor can also be hardened with depleted uranium plates. The use of depleted uranium became politically and environmentally contentious after the use of such munitions by the US, UK and other countries during wars in the Persian Gulf and the Balkans raised questions concerning uranium compounds left in the soil[8][20][21][22] (see Gulf War syndrome).[16]
Depleted uranium is also used as a shielding material in some containers used to store and transport radioactive materials. While the metal itself is radioactive, its high density makes it more effective than lead in halting radiation from strong sources such as radium.[9] Other uses of depleted uranium include counterweights for aircraft control surfaces, as ballast for missile re-entry vehicles and as a shielding material.[10] Due to its high density, this material is found in inertial guidance systems and in gyroscopic compasses.[10] Depleted uranium is preferred over similarly dense metals due to its ability to be easily machined and cast as well as its relatively low cost.[23] The main risk of exposure to depleted uranium is chemical poisoning by uranium oxide rather than radioactivity (uranium being only a weak alpha emitter).
During the later stages of World War II, the entire Cold War, and to a lesser extent afterwards, uranium-235 has been used as the fissile explosive material to produce nuclear weapons. Initially, two major types of fission bombs were built: a relatively simple device that uses uranium-235 and a more complicated mechanism that uses plutonium-239 derived from uranium-238. Later, a much more complicated and far more powerful type of fission/fusion bomb (thermonuclear weapon) was built, that uses a plutonium-based device to cause a mixture of tritium and deuterium to undergo nuclear fusion. Such bombs are jacketed in a non-fissile (unenriched) uranium case, and they derive more than half their power from the fission of this material by fast neutrons from the nuclear fusion process.[24]
The main use of uranium in the civilian sector is to fuel nuclear power plants. One kilogram of uranium-235 can theoretically produce about 20 terajoules of energy (2×1013 joules), assuming complete fission; as much energy as 1.5 million kilograms (1,500 tonnes) of coal.[7]
Commercial nuclear power plants use fuel that is typically enriched to around 3% uranium-235.[7] The CANDU and Magnox designs are the only commercial reactors capable of using unenriched uranium fuel. Fuel used for United States Navy reactors is typically highly enriched in uranium-235 (the exact values are classified). In a breeder reactor, uranium-238 can also be converted into plutonium through the following reaction:[10]
Before (and, occasionally, after) the discovery of radioactivity, uranium was primarily used in small amounts for yellow glass and pottery glazes, such as uranium glass and in Fiestaware.[25]
The discovery and isolation of radium in uranium ore (pitchblende) by Marie Curie sparked the development of uranium mining to extract the radium, which was used to make glow-in-the-dark paints for clock and aircraft dials.[26][27] This left a prodigious quantity of uranium as a waste product, since it takes three tonnes of uranium to extract one gram of radium. This waste product was diverted to the glazing industry, making uranium glazes very inexpensive and abundant. Besides the pottery glazes, uranium tile glazes accounted for the bulk of the use, including common bathroom and kitchen tiles which can be produced in green, yellow, mauve, black, blue, red and other colors.
Uranium was also used in photographic chemicals (especially uranium nitrate as a toner),[10] in lamp filaments for stage lighting bulbs,[28] to improve the appearance of dentures,[29] and in the leather and wood industries for stains and dyes. Uranium salts are mordants of silk or wool. Uranyl acetate and uranyl formate are used as electron-dense "stains" in transmission electron microscopy, to increase the contrast of biological specimens in ultrathin sections and in negative staining of viruses, isolated cell organelles and macromolecules.
The discovery of the radioactivity of uranium ushered in additional scientific and practical uses of the element. The long half-life of the isotope uranium-238 (4.47×109 years) makes it well-suited for use in estimating the age of the earliest igneous rocks and for other types of radiometric dating, including uranium–thorium dating, uranium–lead dating and uranium–uranium dating. Uranium metal is used for X-ray targets in the making of high-energy X-rays.[10]
The use of uranium in its natural oxide form dates back to at least the year 79 CE, when it was used in the Roman Empire to add a yellow color to ceramic glazes.[10] Yellow glass with 1% uranium oxide was found in a Roman villa on Cape Posillipo in the Bay of Naples, Italy, by R. T. Gunther of the University of Oxford in 1912.[30] Starting in the late Middle Ages, pitchblende was extracted from the Habsburg silver mines in Joachimsthal, Bohemia (now Jáchymov in the Czech Republic), and was used as a coloring agent in the local glassmaking industry.[31] In the early 19th century, the world's only known sources of uranium ore were these mines. Mining for uranium in the Ore Mountains ceased on the German side after the Cold War ended and SDAG Wismut was wound down. On the Czech side there were attempts during the uranium price bubble of 2007 to restart mining, but those were quickly abandoned following a fall in uranium prices.[32][33]
The discovery of the element is credited to the German chemist Martin Heinrich Klaproth. While he was working in his experimental laboratory in Berlin in 1789, Klaproth was able to precipitate a yellow compound (likely sodium diuranate) by dissolving pitchblende in nitric acid and neutralizing the solution with sodium hydroxide.[31] Klaproth assumed the yellow substance was the oxide of a yet-undiscovered element and heated it with charcoal to obtain a black powder, which he thought was the newly discovered metal itself (in fact, that powder was an oxide of uranium).[31][34] He named the newly discovered element after the planet Uranus (named after the primordial Greek god of the sky), which had been discovered eight years earlier by William Herschel.[35]
In 1841, Eugène-Melchior Péligot, Professor of Analytical Chemistry at the Conservatoire National des Arts et Métiers (Central School of Arts and Manufactures) in Paris, isolated the first sample of uranium metal by heating uranium tetrachloride with potassium.[31][36]
Henri Becquerel discovered radioactivity by using uranium in 1896.[15] Becquerel made the discovery in Paris by leaving a sample of a uranium salt, K2UO2(SO4)2 (potassium uranyl sulfate), on top of an unexposed photographic plate in a drawer and noting that the plate had become "fogged".[37] He determined that a form of invisible light or rays emitted by uranium had exposed the plate.
During World War I when the Central Powers suffered a shortage of molybdenum to make artillery gun barrels and high speed tool steels they routinely substituted ferrouranium alloys which present many of the same physical characteristics. When this practice became known in 1916 the USA government requested several prominent universities to research these uses for uranium and tools made with these formulas remained in use for several decades only ending when the Manhattan Project and the Cold War placed a large demand on uranium for fission research and weapon development.[38][39][40]
A team led by Enrico Fermi in 1934 observed that bombarding uranium with neutrons produces the emission of beta rays (electrons or positrons from the elements produced; see beta particle).[41] The fission products were at first mistaken for new elements with atomic numbers 93 and 94, which the Dean of the Faculty of Rome, Orso Mario Corbino, christened ausonium and hesperium, respectively.[42][43][44][45] The experiments leading to the discovery of uranium's ability to fission (break apart) into lighter elements and release binding energy were conducted by Otto Hahn and Fritz Strassmann[41] in Hahn's laboratory in Berlin. Lise Meitner and her nephew, the physicist Otto Robert Frisch, published the physical explanation in February 1939 and named the process "nuclear fission".[46] Soon after, Fermi hypothesized that the fission of uranium might release enough neutrons to sustain a fission reaction. Confirmation of this hypothesis came in 1939, and later work found that on average about 2.5 neutrons are released by each fission of the rare uranium isotope uranium-235.[41] Fermi urged Alfred O. C. Nier to separate uranium isotopes for determination of the fissile component, and on 29 February 1940, Nier used an instrument he built at the University of Minnesota to separate the world's first uranium-235 sample in the Tate Laboratory. After mailed to Columbia University's cyclotron, John Dunning confirmed the sample to be the isolated fissile material on 1 March.[47] Further work found that the far more common uranium-238 isotope can be transmuted into plutonium, which, like uranium-235, is also fissile by thermal neutrons. These discoveries led numerous countries to begin working on the development of nuclear weapons and nuclear power. Despite fission having been discovered in Germany, the Uranverein ("uranium club") Germany's wartime project to research nuclear power and/or weapons was hampered by limited resources, infighting, the exile or non-involvement of several prominent scientists in the field and several crucial mistakes such as failing to account for impurities in available graphite samples which made it appear less suitable as a neutron moderator than it is in reality. Germany's attempts to build a natural uranium / heavy water reactor had not come close to reaching criticality by the time the Americans reached Haigerloch, the site of the last German wartime reactor experiment.[48]
On 2 December 1942, as part of the Manhattan Project, another team led by Enrico Fermi was able to initiate the first artificial self-sustained nuclear chain reaction, Chicago Pile-1. An initial plan using enriched uranium-235 was abandoned as it was as yet unavailable in sufficient quantities.[49] Working in a lab below the stands of Stagg Field at the University of Chicago, the team created the conditions needed for such a reaction by piling together 360 tonnes of graphite, 53 tonnes of uranium oxide, and 5.5 tonnes of uranium metal, a majority of which was supplied by Westinghouse Lamp Plant in a makeshift production process.[41][50]
Two major types of atomic bombs were developed by the United States during World War II: a uranium-based device (codenamed "Little Boy") whose fissile material was highly enriched uranium, and a plutonium-based device (see Trinity test and "Fat Man") whose plutonium was derived from uranium-238. The uranium-based Little Boy device became the first nuclear weapon used in war when it was detonated over the Japanese city of Hiroshima on 6 August 1945. Exploding with a yield equivalent to 12,500 tonnes of trinitrotoluene, the blast and thermal wave of the bomb destroyed nearly 50,000 buildings and killed approximately 75,000 people (see Atomic bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki).[37] Initially it was believed that uranium was relatively rare, and that nuclear proliferation could be avoided by simply buying up all known uranium stocks, but within a decade large deposits of it were discovered in many places around the world.[51][52]
The X-10 Graphite Reactor at Oak Ridge National Laboratory (ORNL) in Oak Ridge, Tennessee, formerly known as the Clinton Pile and X-10 Pile, was the world's second artificial nuclear reactor (after Enrico Fermi's Chicago Pile) and was the first reactor designed and built for continuous operation. Argonne National Laboratory's Experimental Breeder Reactor I, located at the Atomic Energy Commission's National Reactor Testing Station near Arco, Idaho, became the first nuclear reactor to create electricity on 20 December 1951.[53] Initially, four 150-watt light bulbs were lit by the reactor, but improvements eventually enabled it to power the whole facility (later, the town of Arco became the first in the world to have all its electricity come from nuclear power generated by BORAX-III, another reactor designed and operated by Argonne National Laboratory).[54][55] The world's first commercial scale nuclear power station, Obninsk in the Soviet Union, began generation with its reactor AM-1 on 27 June 1954. Other early nuclear power plants were Calder Hall in England, which began generation on 17 October 1956,[56] and the Shippingport Atomic Power Station in Pennsylvania, which began on 26 May 1958. Nuclear power was used for the first time for propulsion by a submarine, the USS Nautilus, in 1954.[41][57]
Prehistoric naturally occurring fission Main article: Natural nuclear fission reactor In 1972, the French physicist Francis Perrin discovered fifteen ancient and no longer active natural nuclear fission reactors in three separate ore deposits at the Oklo mine in Gabon, West Africa, collectively known as the Oklo Fossil Reactors. The ore deposit is 1.7 billion years old; then, uranium-235 constituted about 3% of the total uranium on Earth.[58] This is high enough to permit a sustained nuclear fission chain reaction to occur, provided other supporting conditions exist. The capacity of the surrounding sediment to contain the health-threatening nuclear waste products has been cited by the U.S. federal government as supporting evidence for the feasibility to store spent nuclear fuel at the Yucca Mountain nuclear waste repository.[58]
Above-ground nuclear tests by the Soviet Union and the United States in the 1950s and early 1960s and by France into the 1970s and 1980s[23] spread a significant amount of fallout from uranium daughter isotopes around the world.[59] Additional fallout and pollution occurred from several nuclear accidents.[60]
Uranium miners have a higher incidence of cancer. An excess risk of lung cancer among Navajo uranium miners, for example, has been documented and linked to their occupation.[61] The Radiation Exposure Compensation Act, a 1990 law in the US, required $100,000 in "compassion payments" to uranium miners diagnosed with cancer or other respiratory ailments.[62]
During the Cold War between the Soviet Union and the United States, huge stockpiles of uranium were amassed and tens of thousands of nuclear weapons were created using enriched uranium and plutonium made from uranium. After the break-up of the Soviet Union in 1991, an estimated 600 short tons (540 metric tons) of highly enriched weapons grade uranium (enough to make 40,000 nuclear warheads) had been stored in often inadequately guarded facilities in the Russian Federation and several other former Soviet states.[16] Police in Asia, Europe, and South America on at least 16 occasions from 1993 to 2005 have intercepted shipments of smuggled bomb-grade uranium or plutonium, most of which was from ex-Soviet sources.[16] From 1993 to 2005 the Material Protection, Control, and Accounting Program, operated by the federal government of the United States, spent approximately US $550 million to help safeguard uranium and plutonium stockpiles in Russia. This money was used for improvements and security enhancements at research and storage facilities.[16]
Safety of nuclear facilities in Russia has been significantly improved since the stabilization of political and economical turmoil of the early 1990s. For example, in 1993 there were 29 incidents ranking above level 1 on the International Nuclear Event Scale, and this number dropped under four per year in 1995–2003. The number of employers receiving annual radiation doses above 20 mSv, which is equivalent to a single full-body CT scan,[63] saw a strong decline around 2000. In November 2015, the Russian government approved a federal program for nuclear and radiation safety for 2016 to 2030 with a budget of 562 billion rubles (ca. 8 billion dollars). Its key issue is "the deferred liabilities accumulated during the 70 years of the nuclear industry, particularly during the time of the Soviet Union". Approximately 73% of the budget will be spent on decommissioning aged and obsolete nuclear reactors and nuclear facilities, especially those involved in state defense programs; 20% will go in processing and disposal of nuclear fuel and radioactive waste, and 5% into monitoring and ensuring of nuclear and radiation safety.[64]
Along with all elements having atomic weights higher than that of iron, uranium is only naturally formed by the r-process (rapid neutron capture) in supernovae and neutron star mergers.[65] Primordial thorium and uranium are only produced in the r-process, because the s-process (slow neutron capture) is too slow and cannot pass the gap of instability after bismuth.[66][67] Besides the two extant primordial uranium isotopes, 235U and 238U, the r-process also produced significant quantities of 236U, which has a shorter half-life and so is an extinct radionuclide, having long since decayed completely to 232Th. Uranium-236 was itself enriched by the decay of 244Pu, accounting for the observed higher-than-expected abundance of thorium and lower-than-expected abundance of uranium.[68] While the natural abundance of uranium has been supplemented by the decay of extinct 242Pu (half-life 0.375 million years) and 247Cm (half-life 16 million years), producing 238U and 235U respectively, this occurred to an almost negligible extent due to the shorter half-lives of these parents and their lower production than 236U and 244Pu, the parents of thorium: the 247Cm:235U ratio at the formation of the Solar System was (7.0±1.6)×10−5.[69]
Uranium is a naturally occurring element that can be found in low levels within all rock, soil, and water. Uranium is the 51st element in order of abundance in the Earth's crust. Uranium is also the highest-numbered element to be found naturally in significant quantities on Earth and is almost always found combined with other elements.[10] The decay of uranium, thorium, and potassium-40 in the Earth's mantle is thought to be the main source of heat[70][71] that keeps the Earth's outer core in the liquid state and drives mantle convection, which in turn drives plate tectonics.
Uranium's average concentration in the Earth's crust is (depending on the reference) 2 to 4 parts per million,[9][23] or about 40 times as abundant as silver.[15] The Earth's crust from the surface to 25 km (15 mi) down is calculated to contain 1017 kg (2×1017 lb) of uranium while the oceans may contain 1013 kg (2×1013 lb).[9] The concentration of uranium in soil ranges from 0.7 to 11 parts per million (up to 15 parts per million in farmland soil due to use of phosphate fertilizers),[72] and its concentration in sea water is 3 parts per billion.[23]
Uranium is more plentiful than antimony, tin, cadmium, mercury, or silver, and it is about as abundant as arsenic or molybdenum.[10][23] Uranium is found in hundreds of minerals, including uraninite (the most common uranium ore), carnotite, autunite, uranophane, torbernite, and coffinite.[10] Significant concentrations of uranium occur in some substances such as phosphate rock deposits, and minerals such as lignite, and monazite sands in uranium-rich ores[10] (it is recovered commercially from sources with as little as 0.1% uranium[15]).
Some bacteria, such as Shewanella putrefaciens, Geobacter metallireducens and some strains of Burkholderia fungorum, use uranium for their growth and convert U(VI) to U(IV).[73][74] Recent research suggests that this pathway includes reduction of the soluble U(VI) via an intermediate U(V) pentavalent state.[75][76] Other organisms, such as the lichen Trapelia involuta or microorganisms such as the bacterium Citrobacter, can absorb concentrations of uranium that are up to 300 times the level of their environment.[77] Citrobacter species absorb uranyl ions when given glycerol phosphate (or other similar organic phosphates). After one day, one gram of bacteria can encrust themselves with nine grams of uranyl phosphate crystals; this creates the possibility that these organisms could be used in bioremediation to decontaminate uranium-polluted water.[31][78] The proteobacterium Geobacter has also been shown to bioremediate uranium in ground water.[79] The mycorrhizal fungus Glomus intraradices increases uranium content in the roots of its symbiotic plant.[80]
In nature, uranium(VI) forms highly soluble carbonate complexes at alkaline pH. This leads to an increase in mobility and availability of uranium to groundwater and soil from nuclear wastes which leads to health hazards. However, it is difficult to precipitate uranium as phosphate in the presence of excess carbonate at alkaline pH. A Sphingomonas sp. strain BSAR-1 has been found to express a high activity alkaline phosphatase (PhoK) that has been applied for bioprecipitation of uranium as uranyl phosphate species from alkaline solutions. The precipitation ability was enhanced by overexpressing PhoK protein in E. coli.[81]
Plants absorb some uranium from soil. Dry weight concentrations of uranium in plants range from 5 to 60 parts per billion, and ash from burnt wood can have concentrations up to 4 parts per million.[31] Dry weight concentrations of uranium in food plants are typically lower with one to two micrograms per day ingested through the food people eat.[31]
Production and mining Main article: Uranium mining Worldwide production of uranium in 2021 amounted to 48,332 tonnes, of which 21,819 t (45%) was mined in Kazakhstan. Other important urmom mining countries are Namibia (5,753 t), Canada (4,693 t), Australia (4,192 t), Uzbekistan (3,500 t), and Russia (2,635 t).[82]
Uranium ore is mined in several ways: by open pit, underground, in-situ leaching, and borehole mining (see uranium mining).[7] Low-grade uranium ore mined typically contains 0.01 to 0.25% uranium oxides. Extensive measures must be employed to extract the metal from its ore.[83] High-grade ores found in Athabasca Basin deposits in Saskatchewan, Canada can contain up to 23% uranium oxides on average.[84] Uranium ore is crushed and rendered into a fine powder and then leached with either an acid or alkali. The leachate is subjected to one of several sequences of precipitation, solvent extraction, and ion exchange. The resulting mixture, called yellowcake, contains at least 75% uranium oxides U3O8. Yellowcake is then calcined to remove impurities from the milling process before refining and conversion.[85]
Commercial-grade uranium can be produced through the reduction of uranium halides with alkali or alkaline earth metals.[10] Uranium metal can also be prepared through electrolysis of KUF 5 or UF 4, dissolved in molten calcium chloride (CaCl 2) and sodium chloride (NaCl) solution.[10] Very pure uranium is produced through the thermal decomposition of uranium halides on a hot filament.[10]
It is estimated that 6.1 million tonnes of uranium exists in ore reserves that are economically viable at US$130 per kg of uranium,[87] while 35 million tonnes are classed as mineral resources (reasonable prospects for eventual economic extraction).[88]
Australia has 28% of the world's known uranium ore reserves[87] and the world's largest single uranium deposit is located at the Olympic Dam Mine in South Australia.[89] There is a significant reserve of uranium in Bakouma, a sub-prefecture in the prefecture of Mbomou in the Central African Republic.[90]
Some uranium also originates from dismantled nuclear weapons.[91] For example, in 1993–2013 Russia supplied the United States with 15,000 tonnes of low-enriched uranium within the Megatons to Megawatts Program.[92]
An additional 4.6 billion tonnes of uranium are estimated to be dissolved in sea water (Japanese scientists in the 1980s showed that extraction of uranium from sea water using ion exchangers was technically feasible).[93][94] There have been experiments to extract uranium from sea water,[95] but the yield has been low due to the carbonate present in the water. In 2012, ORNL researchers announced the successful development of a new absorbent material dubbed HiCap which performs surface retention of solid or gas molecules, atoms or ions and also effectively removes toxic metals from water, according to results verified by researchers at Pacific Northwest National Laboratory.[96][97]
In 2005, ten countries accounted for the majority of the world's concentrated uranium oxides: Canada (27.9%), Australia (22.8%), Kazakhstan (10.5%), Russia (8.0%), Namibia (7.5%), Niger (7.4%), Uzbekistan (5.5%), the United States (2.5%), Argentina (2.1%) and Ukraine (1.9%).[99] In 2008 Kazakhstan was forecast to increase production and become the world's largest supplier of uranium by 2009.[100][101] The prediction came true, and Kazakhstan does dominate the world's uranium market since 2010. In 2021, its share was 45.1%, followed by Namibia (11.9%), Canada (9.7%), Australia (8.7%), Uzbekistan (7.2%), Niger (4.7%), Russia (5.5%), China (3.9%), India (1.3%), Ukraine (0.9%), and South Africa (0.8%), with a world total production of 48,332 tonnes.[82] Most of uranium was produced not by conventional underground mining of ores (29% of production), but by in situ leaching (66%).[82][102]
In the late 1960s, UN geologists also discovered major uranium deposits and other rare mineral reserves in Somalia. The find was the largest of its kind, with industry experts estimating the deposits at over 25% of the world's then known uranium reserves of 800,000 tons.[103]
The ultimate available supply is believed to be sufficient for at least the next 85 years,[88] although some studies indicate underinvestment in the late twentieth century may produce supply problems in the 21st century.[104] Uranium deposits seem to be log-normal distributed. There is a 300-fold increase in the amount of uranium recoverable for each tenfold decrease in ore grade.[105] In other words, there is little high grade ore and proportionately much more low grade ore available.
Calcined uranium yellowcake, as produced in many large mills, contains a distribution of uranium oxidation species in various forms ranging from most oxidized to least oxidized. Particles with short residence times in a calciner will generally be less oxidized than those with long retention times or particles recovered in the stack scrubber. Uranium content is usually referenced to U 3O 8, which dates to the days of the Manhattan Project when U 3O 8 was used as an analytical chemistry reporting standard.[106]
Phase relationships in the uranium-oxygen system are complex. The most important oxidation states of uranium are uranium(IV) and uranium(VI), and their two corresponding oxides are, respectively, uranium dioxide (UO 2) and uranium trioxide (UO 3).[107] Other uranium oxides such as uranium monoxide (UO), diuranium pentoxide (U 2O 5), and uranium peroxide (UO 4·2H 2O) also exist.
The most common forms of uranium oxide are triuranium octoxide (U 3O 8) and UO 2.[108] Both oxide forms are solids that have low solubility in water and are relatively stable over a wide range of environmental conditions. Triuranium octoxide is (depending on conditions) the most stable compound of uranium and is the form most commonly found in nature. Uranium dioxide is the form in which uranium is most commonly used as a nuclear reactor fuel.[108] At ambient temperatures, UO 2 will gradually convert to U 3O 8. Because of their stability, uranium oxides are generally considered the preferred chemical form for storage or disposal.[108]
Salts of many oxidation states of uranium are water-soluble and may be studied in aqueous solutions. The most common ionic forms are U3+ (brown-red), U4+ (green), UO+ 2 (unstable), and UO2+ 2 (yellow), for U(III), U(IV), U(V), and U(VI), respectively.[109] A few solid and semi-metallic compounds such as UO and US exist for the formal oxidation state uranium(II), but no simple ions are known to exist in solution for that state. Ions of U3+ liberate hydrogen from water and are therefore considered to be highly unstable. The UO2+ 2 ion represents the uranium(VI) state and is known to form compounds such as uranyl carbonate, uranyl chloride and uranyl sulfate. UO2+ 2 also forms complexes with various organic chelating agents, the most commonly encountered of which is uranyl acetate.[109]
Unlike the uranyl salts of uranium and polyatomic ion uranium-oxide cationic forms, the uranates, salts containing a polyatomic uranium-oxide anion, are generally not water-soluble.
Carbonates The interactions of carbonate anions with uranium(VI) cause the Pourbaix diagram to change greatly when the medium is changed from water to a carbonate containing solution. While the vast majority of carbonates are insoluble in water (students are often taught that all carbonates other than those of alkali metals are insoluble in water), uranium carbonates are often soluble in water. This is because a U(VI) cation is able to bind two terminal oxides and three or more carbonates to form anionic complexes.
Effects of pH The uranium fraction diagrams in the presence of carbonate illustrate this further: when the pH of a uranium(VI) solution increases, the uranium is converted to a hydrated uranium oxide hydroxide and at high pHs it becomes an anionic hydroxide complex.
When carbonate is added, uranium is converted to a series of carbonate complexes if the pH is increased. One effect of these reactions is increased solubility of uranium in the pH range 6 to 8, a fact that has a direct bearing on the long term stability of spent uranium dioxide nuclear fuels.
Hydrides, carbides and nitrides Uranium metal heated to 250 to 300 °C (482 to 572 °F) reacts with hydrogen to form uranium hydride. Even higher temperatures will reversibly remove the hydrogen. This property makes uranium hydrides convenient starting materials to create reactive uranium powder along with various uranium carbide, nitride, and halide compounds.[111] Two crystal modifications of uranium hydride exist: an α form that is obtained at low temperatures and a β form that is created when the formation temperature is above 250 °C.[111]
Uranium carbides and uranium nitrides are both relatively inert semimetallic compounds that are minimally soluble in acids, react with water, and can ignite in air to form U 3O 8.[111] Carbides of uranium include uranium monocarbide (UC), uranium dicarbide (UC 2), and diuranium tricarbide (U 2C 3). Both UC and UC 2 are formed by adding carbon to molten uranium or by exposing the metal to carbon monoxide at high temperatures. Stable below 1800 °C, U 2C 3 is prepared by subjecting a heated mixture of UC and UC 2 to mechanical stress.[112] Uranium nitrides obtained by direct exposure of the metal to nitrogen include uranium mononitride (UN), uranium dinitride (UN 2), and diuranium trinitride (U 2N 3).[112]

I’ll start off by saying I didn’t like the sequel trilogy, even a little bit, just to get that out of the way. The characters got almost no development nor did the galaxy at large and it left me feeling so empty and pessimistic about the future of the saga, but we’re not here to talk about that. We’re here to talk about how Mandalorian season 3 has renewed my hope for the future of SW.
The anthology movies and all the D+ shows on the other hand have been enjoyable (Loved Boba and Kenobi) but this season of the Mandalorian blows them all out of the water. It’s moved the galaxy as a whole past Endor, and shows us the ramifications of the empires fall on the outer rim both good and bad. It shows us the new republic and the poor decisions they made in an attempt to take some imagined moral high ground that allowed the first order to flourish. In the trilogy they were pretty much a mystery, we didn’t know WHY they were so weak, why the resistance was a splinter faction, or why they never stood against the first order. And now we get to see they foolishly decommissioned most of their military, arguably foolishly allowed imperial holdouts to reintegrate, and got tied up with the same bureaucracy that led to the clone wars and later people embracing the empire. We saw the complacency from core citizens, who really saw no difference between the republic, empire, and presumably the first order because their lives weren’t really effected.
I could go on forever about how THRILLED I am to see what the rest of the galaxy is doing outside of the Skywalker family, and getting these smaller scale stories in a universe with endless potential for them.
Also, just a bonus for my ten year old self, seeing a squad mandalorian shock troopers rocket down from a star fighter is maybe one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. That’s all, I just wanted to gush a little bit over this immaculate season that’s given me everything I’ve ever wanted from that galaxy far far away.

A little messy as the placements are random, except if their state was shown 3 times so bear with me. I'm gonna give some fun facts about the semifinalist bc they aren't as well known.
every antm contestant and semifinalist (1 - 19)
cycle 1: Christina from Little Falls, Minnesota Heather from Galloway, Ohio Ebony M. from Cumberland, Maryland Nicole C. from Chapel Hills, North Carolina Lenora from Greenwich Village, New York Elyse from Albuquerque, New Mexico Shannon from Franklin, Ohio Jakai from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Robin from Memphis, Tennessee Jessica from Tucson, Arizona Noelle from Reno, Nevada Kesse from North Little Rock, Arkansas Toiya from Atlanta, Georgia Ebony H. from The Bronx, New York Katie from Glenview, Illinois Tessa from Chicago, Illinois Adrienne from Joliet, Illinois Giselle from Corona, California Nicole P. from Murrieta, California Erin from Pasadena, California Natalie from Riverside, California April from San Diego, California Shawna from Los Angeles, California Justine from Huntington Beach, California Corey (unknown)
Corey, Toiya, and Jessica were semi-finalist that weren't shown to make it seem like there was 20 girls. There might have been more based on the bulletin board they used but it's hard to tell.
cycle 2: Camille from Mamaroneck, New York Anna from LaGrange, Georgia Mercedes from Valencia, California Nargis from Mohegan Lake, New York Sara from Seattle, Washington April from Miami Beach, Florida Shandi from Kansas City, Missouri Bethany from Houston, Texas Xiomara from Morganville, New Jersey Jenascia from Burien, Washington Heather from Moreno Valley, California Yoanna from Jacksonville, Florida Catie from Willmar, Minnesota Rebecca from Minneapolis, Minnesota Christina from Little Falls, Minnesota
Most semifinalist are unknown for cycle 2. The only known ones were girls who went back to audition (Christina, Rebecca and Nargis). Christina was our first returning semi finalist.
cycle 3: Mary from Portland, Oregon Cassie from Norman, Oklahoma Natalie from Walla Walla, Washington Brianna from Plainfield, Illinois Toccara from Dayton, Ohio Jennipher F. from Pocatello, Idaho Amanda from Henderson, North Carolina Sarah D. from Baltimore, Maryland Kristina from Bristol, Rhode Island Magdalena from Worchester, Massachusetts Josie from Fayetteville, North Carolina Vicky from Washington D.C Laura/Kristi from St. Louis, Missouri Julie from Kent, Washington Chrissy from Colchester, Connecticut Ann from Erie, Pennslyvania Leah D. from Oklahoma City, Oklahoma Nicole from Minot, North Dakota Tiffany from Miami, Florida Amy from Ocala, Florida Roxanne from Dania, Florida Eva from Westmont, California Norelle from Newport Beach, California Sarah from Capistrano, California Vanessa from San Francisco, California Diana from Los Angeles, California Rachael from New York, New York/Huntsville, Alabama Yaya from Harlem, New York Nargis from Mohegan Lake, New York Kelle from Lenox Hill, New York Kimberly from Huntington Station, New York Lea Q. from Queens, New York Brit from Manhattan, New York Jennifer W (unknown)
Sarah (Martin Luther King according to Tiffany) from Capistrano was suppose to make top 20, but due to unknown reasons couldn't continue. Amanda joined the top 20 after Sarah left. The "I don't know, I can't take the pressure of it!" girl is Natalie from Walla Walla.
cycle 4: Mary from Portland, Oregon Tatiana from Maui, Hawaii Lindsey from Baton Rouge, Louisiana Estela from The Bronx, New York Lacy from Las Vegas, Nevada Michelle from Terre Haute, Indiana Kahlen from Broken Arrow, Oklahoma Jessika from Houston, Texas Alexandria from Ft Collins, Colorado Lacey from Atlanta, Georgia Noelle from Reno, Nevada Brandy from Houston, Texas Leslie from New York, New York Naima from Detroit, Michigan Sarah from Baltimore, Maryland Rebecca from Minneapolis, Minnesota Tiffany from Miami, Florida Christina from Tallahassee, Florida Brittany from Tallahassee, Florida Rachel from Tampa, Florida Melissa from Tampa, Florida Mollie-Sue from Tampa, Florida Brita from La Cañada Flintridge, California Jennifer from Richmond, California Lluvy from Modesto, California Alexia from Studio City, California Keenyah from Compton, California Jen from Santa Monica, California Ebony (unknown)
Rachel became a famous chef and Leslie is a famous comedian. Both were semifinalist.
cycle 5: Ashley from Fort Lauderdale, Florida Adriana from San Juan, Puerto Rico Stacie from Grayson, Oklahoma Diane from Orlando, Florida Nicole from Grand Folks, North Dakota Cassandra from Houston, Texas April from Las Vegas, Nevada Jayla from Tucson Arizona Latricia from Trenton, New Jersey Sarah from Boonville, Missouri Jasmine from Flagstaff, Arizona Nik from Atlanta, Georgia Coryn from Minneapolis, Minnesota Kyle from Dexter, Michigan Kim from Yorkville, New York Susanna from Carthage, New York Bre from Harlem, New York Melissa from Syracuse, New York Ebony from Sylmar, California Lisa from Los Angeles, California Krystle from Long Beach, California Whitney from Fairfield, California Regina from San Matteo, California Jessica from Templeton, California
Susanna had a very good model career!
cycle 6: Andrea from Geneva, Ohio Wendy from New Orleans, Louisiana Katherine from Brevard, North Carolina Furonda from Stuttgart, Arkansas Angela from Houma, Louisiana Alejandra/Leslie from Higley, Arizona Kari from Brookings, South Dakota Joanie from Beaver Falls, Pennsylvania Danielle from Little Rock, Arkansas Dani from Spring, Texas Nnenna from Houston, Texas Brooke from Corpus Christi, Texas Yvonne from Surfside, Florida Gina from Odessa, Florida Mollie Sue from Tampa, Florida Leah from Boca Raton, Florida Jade from New York, New York Claudia from Manhattan, New York Tanika from Buffalo, New York Alexius from Manhattan, New York Shkita/Kita from Watts, California Rebecca from Palo Cedro, California Dracula from Shadow Hills, California Cheran from Venture, California Sara from Davis, California
Alexius, like Sarah, was a original top 20 girl but also dropped out for unknown reasons. It's also unknown who took her place.
cycle 7: Jaslene from Humboldt Park, Illinois Evita from Gloucester, Virginia Christian from Columbia, South Carolina Ginger from Derby, Kansas CariDee from Fargo, North Dakota LeAngela from Columbus, Ohio Anchal from Homestead, Florida Cyndel from Wichita, Kansas Irina from Miami, Florida Monique from Chicago, Illinois Brooke from Keller, Texas Jaeda from Parkersburg, Iowa Ebonee from Paulding County, Georgia Melrose from West Bloomfield Township, Michigan Eugena from Columbia, South Carolina Megg from Los Angeles, California A.J from Sacramento, California Megan from San Francisco, California Amanda and Michelle from Anaheim, California Becky from Sierra Village, California Brittany from San Rafael, California Jaimie from Riverside, California Andree (unknown)
As we all know, there was a girl from Humboldt Park who claimed we would come back next season. She did, and ended up winning!
cycle 8: Melissa from The Bronx, New York Anna from Lancaster, Pennsylvania Chelsea from Richmond, Virginia Sarah from Lake Zurich, Illinois Dionne from Montgomery, Alabama Kathleen from Brooklyn, New York Jael from Detroit, Michigan Megan from Seattle, Washington Renee from Maui, Hawaii Diana from Garfield, New Jersey Cassandra from Seattle, Washington Samantha from Pinson, Alabama Jaslene from Humboldt Park, Illinois Whitney from West Palm Beach, Florida Micheline from Atlanta, Georgia Natalie from Atlanta, Georgia Brittany from Savannah, Georgia Gelecia/Gigi from Atlanta, Georgia Bethany from Alice, Texas Farrah from Houston, Texas Heather from Deer Park, Texas Felicia from Houston, Texas Natasha from Dallas, Texas Jessica from Inglewood, California Lauren from Pasadena, California Aly from West Hollywood, California Hannah (unknown) Erin (unknown)
Most of the known semifinalist were all from California (Aly, Lauran and Jessica), Texas (Heather, Farrah and Bethany) or Georgia (Gigi, Natalie and Micheline). The only semifinalist not from those states were Megan, Melissa, Anna and Chelsea.
cycle 9: Victoria from New Haven, Connecticut Spontaniouse from Montgomery, Alabama Chantal from Austin, Texas Christie from Lewisville, North Carolina Jenna from Flint, Michigan Kimberly from Ocala, Florida Heather from Valparaiso, Indiana Ambreal from Dallas, Texas Marvita from Anchorage, Alaska Janet from Bainbridge, Georgia Lisa from Jersey City, New Jersey Jenah from Farmington, Connecticut Bianca from Queens, New York Jessica from Brooklyn, New York Sylvia from New Hyde Park, New York Tara from Chicago, Illinois Ebony from Roseland, Illinois Jess from Chicago, Illinois Sarah from Heath, Massachusetts Jennifer from Walpole, Massachusetts Mila from Boston, Massachusetts Juliana from Lancaster, Massachusetts Saleisha from Madera, California Sabrina from Cerritos, California Allene from Fresno, California Sara/Eleatrice from Sacramento, California
A lot of J names. Out of everyone from cycle 9, 7 have J names.
cycle 10: Amis from Bartlesville, Oklahoma Marguerite from Cincinnati, Ohio Kristen from Portage, Michigan Aimee from Spanaway, Washington Shalynda from Washington D.C Allison from Waunakee, Wisconsin Shaya from Country Club Hills, Illinois Tiffany from Portland, Oregon Marvita from Anchorage, Alaska Anya from Honolulu, Hawaii Dominque from Columbus, Ohio Jenna from Boston, Massachusetts Kimberly from Worchester, Massachusetts Fatima from Boston, Massachusetts Whitney from Atlantic Beach, Florida Jennifer from Orlando, Florida Sonja from Fort Lauderdale, Florida Stacy-Ann from Miami, Florida Claire from Oahu, Hawaii/Brooklyn, New York Lauren from Brooklyn, New York Erica from Manhattan, New York Katarzyna from Roslyn, New York Atalya from Brooklyn, New York Camilla from Long Beach, California Tonya from San Diego, California Petra from Valley Glen, California
Camilla from Bad Girls Club was a top 20 semi finalist for this cycle. You can see here when Tyra is picking the final cast and during Shaya and Fatima's fight.
cycle 11: Lio from Minneapolis, Minnesota Lindsey from Clinton, Mississippi Isis from Prince George's County, Maryland Sharaun from Chicago, Illinois Joslyn from Lucky, Louisiana Renée from Inglewood, Tennessee McKey from Lake Forest, Illinois Susan from Canton, Michigan Brittany R. from Henderson, Nevada Alexandria from Vicksburg, Mississippi Shanna from Miami, Florida Lauren from Charlottesville, Virginia Elina from Seattle, Washington Clark from Pawleys Island, South Carolina Hannah from Fairbanks, Alaska Nikeysha from The Bronx, New York Sheena from Harlem, New York Brittany H. from New York, New York Kacey from Palmdale, California Samantha from Woodland Hills, California Veronique from Riverside, California Marjorie from San Francisco, California Stephanie (unknown) Olivia (unknown) Olivia (two Olivia's, both unknown)
There was actually Brittany's this cycle. The 4th Brittany is Brittany Hall! She's a NYC Model that has beautiful dark skin and long, wavy hair.
cycle 12: Adiamond from Denver, Colorado Kathryn from Farmland, Indiana Teyona from Woodstown, New Jersey Sandra from Rockville, Maryland Anna Lisa from Scottsdale, Arizona Aminat from Union, New Jersey Fo from Albuquerque, New Mexico Tahlia from Phoenix, Arizona Monique from Telluride, Colorado Kortnie from Houston, Texas Angelea from Buffalo, New York London from Arlington, Texas Celia from Cynthiana, Kentucky Allison from New Orleans, Louisiana Asha from Atlanta, Georgia Bianca from Albuquerque, New Mexico Jessica from Bradenton, Florida Isabella from Barboursville, Virginia Alex from Tampa, Florida Nijah from Rancho Cucamonga, California Tatiana from Lakewood, California Natalie from Palos Verdes, California Lauren (unknown) Kelly (unknown)
London and Isabella's real names are Lauren and Kelly. They went by nicknames because there was another pair named Lauren and Kelly, and they just kept the nicknames.
cycle 13: Amanda from New Orleans, Louisiana Nicole from Louisville, Colorado Bianca from Columbia, South Carolina Kara from Fort Wayne, Indiana Rae from Minneapolis, Minnesota Raven from Knoxville, Tennessee Courtney from Plantation, Florida Tyrie from Indianapolis, Indiana Jennifer from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Erin from Spring Grove, Illinois Simone from Hagerstown, Maryland Xixi from Wexford, Pennsylvania Ashley from Chicago, Illinois Laura from Stanford, Kentucky Germaine from Woodhaven, New York Lulu from Brooklyn, New York Voila from The Bronx, New York Melanie from Brooklyn, New York Minolta from Queens, New York Stacey from Utica, New York Lisa from Queens, New York Alison from Santa Rosa, California Brittany from Livermore, California Ciara from Riverside, California Rachel from Woodland, California Amber from Oceanside, California Sundai from Bakersfield, California
A power ranger auditioned for the role. She's one of the more well-known semifinalist, but Ciara was a power ranger in the late 2000s - early 2010s.
cycle 14: Hallie from Memphis, Tennessee Krista from Pine Bluff, Arkansas Rogi from Washington D.C Naduah from San Diego, California Jessica from Conway, Arkansas Anslee from Dracula, Georgia Ravyn from Washington D.C Tatianna from Ewa Beach, Hawaii Jeanna from Chicago, Illinois Raina from Minnetonka, Minnesota Anastasia from Chicago, Illinois Danielle from Greenville, South Carolina Justine from Syracuse, New York Alasia from Marietta, Georgia Gabrielle from St. Louis, Missouri Martha from Charlotte, Tennessee Angelea from Buffalo, New York Brittany from College Park, Maryland Simone from Lenexa, Kansas Honor from Santa Monica, California Jessie from Warren, Michigan Nida from East Bernard, Texas Julianna from Austin, Texas Alexandra from Kerrville, Texas Aimee from Houston, Texas Madelynne from Houston, Texas Tuesday from Houston, Texas Ren from Dallas, Texas Brenda from Houston, Texas
Texas was done dirty this season. Many of the semi finalist (Tuesday, Madelynne, Aimee, Julianna and Nida) are all from Texas (Brittany also lived there for a while) and for some reason, Ren was casted? The reason why is because they wanted someone to create drama and all the top 20 remaining girls were nice (except one) so they brought Ren.
Hallie was a top 20 girl, and she was bratty and spoiled. So why wasn't she casted? Both her and production found out that she was pregnant so she couldn't continue.
cycle 15: Tyrie from Indianapolis, Indiana Justine from Indianapolis, Indiana De'Yana from Detroit, Michigan Chelsey from Boise, Idaho Jane from Baltimore, Maryland Jessica from Willow Grove, Pennsylvania Esther from Boston, Massachusetts Lauren from Brettwood, Tennessee Vanessa/Violet from Lakeville, Minnesota Emily C. from Ona, West Virginia Toya from Beaufort, South Carolina Christina from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Kendal from Northport, Alabama Emily H. from Barboursville, West Virginia Terra from Arlington, Texas Anna from Dallas, Texas Lyzbeth/Liz from Arlington, Texas Christin/Chris from Arlington, Texas Laura from New York, New York Anamaria from Queens, New York Sara from Tarrytown, New York Alexia/Lexie from Geneva, Illinois Nitasha from Chicago, Illinois Jillian from Chicago, Illinois Kayla from Rockford, Illinois Jordan from Chicago, Illinois Kacey from Palmdale, California Emi from Pismo Beach, California Rylee from Orange County, California Sara B. from Menifee, California Shelby from Beverly Hills, California Rhianna from San Diego, California Mindy from Murrieta, California Anna (unknown) Jen (unknown)
Jen is an unknown Asian girl who just randomly slipped away from production and ran away during auditions.
cycle 16: Laree from Atlanta, Georgia Breanna from Blaine, Minnesota Elizabeth from Philadelphia, Pennsylvania Molly from Olathe, Kansas Annabelle from Manhattan, New York Sierra from Park City, Utah Kari from Steamboat Springs, Colorado Taneisha from Anniston, Alabama Brittani from Beech Creek, Pennsylvania Tiffany from Hattiesburg, Mississippi Molly O. from Charleston, South Carolina Ondrei from Muskegon, Michigan Kasia from Wheaton, Illinois Yashure from East Saint Louis, Illinois Monique from Hebron, Illinois Alexandria from Huntington Beach, California Dalya from Corona, California Vee from Sacramento, California Dominique from Houston, Texas Jaclyn from Belton, Texas Rune from Edinburg, Texas Hannah from Houston, Texas Mikaela from Boca Raton, Florida Deidrian from Lauderdale Lakes, Florida Nicole from Orlando, Florida Angelia from Pembroke Pines, Florida the unnamed stripper from Mobile, Alabama
The fake out girls were not actresses, they were real people. This is more well known now but maybe you didn't know.
cycle 17: Seymone from Augusta, Georgia Allison from Houston, Texas Isis from Prince George's County, Maryland Mariah from Pendleton, Oregon Kyle from Magnolia, Texas Laura K. from Stanford, Kentucky Eboni from Seattle, Washington Kayla from Rockford, Illinois Dominique from Columbus, Ohio Molly from Olathe, Kansas Shannon from Franklin, Ohio AzMarie from San Fernando Valley, California Alexandria from Newport Beach, California Lisa from Los Angeles, California Angelea from Buffalo, New York Laura L. from Scotia, New York Sheena from Harlem, New York Candace from Brooklyn, New York Bre from Harlem, New York Camille from The Bronx, New York Bianca from Queens, New York
Before season 17 was an Allstars season, it was just a regular season. Some of the 32 girls included Candace, Laura L, AzMarie, Eboni, Kyle, Mariah, Seymone and Molly (a season 16 fake-out girl). Production changed it last minute and everyone last minute accept Molly went on cycle 18. This was confirmed by Molly and AzMarie
cycle 18: Amelia from Port Talbot, Wales Laura from Scotia, New York Eboni from Seattle, Washington Candace from Brooklyn, New York Mariah from Pendleton, Oregon Kyle from Magnolia, Texas AzMarie from San Fernando Valley, California Seymone from Augusta, Georgia Ashley from Armadale, Scotland Alisha from South London, England Jasmia from London, England Sophie from Oxford, England Catherine from Folkestone, England Louise from London, England Annaliese from London, England
There was another American girl that was a semifinalist on cycle 17 and moved to 18. She dropped out, however, before production started. They had to cut a UK girl out to make it more equal and that was Amelia.
cycle 19: Latrishe from Washington D.C Ivory from Whittier, California Nastasia from East Stroudsburg, Pennsylvania Jamie from Gahanna, Ohio Lauren from Ann Arbor, Michigan Deedra from from Portland, Oregon Jessie from Speedway, Indiana Victoriana from San Diego, California Brittany from Gilbert, Arizona Savanna from East Lansing, Michigan Kiara from Las Vegas, Nevada Allyssa from Fort Lauderdale, Florida Kaci from Moon Township, Pennsylvania Christin from Cook County, Illinois Destiny from Columbus, Ohio Yvonne from Minneapolis, Minnesota Kristin from Jacksonville, Florida Leila from Farmington, Massachusetts Sara from Seattle, Washington Maria from Las Cruces, New Mexico Victoria from Colquitt, Georgia Darian from Baton Rouge, Louisiana Laura from Cambridge, New York Caroline from Awendaw, South Carolina Amber from Sachse, Texas Jasmine from Fort Worth, Texas Briana from Southlake, Texas Andie from San Antonio, Texas Sasha from Dallas, Texas Delaney from Dallas, Texas
These are the hometowns of all the college girls instead of their college cities. Like season 14, Texas was done dirty.

Everything in my inventory is up for trade. The most valuable items are listed here, the rest you can find in My Inventory

Feel free to Add Me or even better send a Trade Offer. Open for any suggestions: upgrades, downgrades / knives, gloves, skins / stickers, patterns, floats.

All Buyouts are listed in cash value.

KNIVES

★ Butterfly Knife Freehand FN #1, B/O: $1867

★ Butterfly Knife Bright Water MW, B/O: $1098

★ Butterfly Knife Blue Steel BS, B/O: $907

★ Butterfly Knife Ultraviolet FT, B/O: $789

★ Butterfly Knife Stained FT, B/O: $695

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★ Bayonet Tiger Tooth MW #1, B/O: $888

★ Bayonet Gamma Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $727

★ Bayonet Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $608

★ Bayonet Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $521

★ Bayonet Rust Coat BS, B/O: $253

★ Bayonet Night FT, B/O: $251

★ StatTrak™ Bayonet Lore MW, B/O: $751

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★ Karambit Gamma Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $1343

★ Karambit Damascus Steel FT, B/O: $774

★ Karambit Rust Coat BS, B/O: $537

★ Karambit Boreal Forest FT, B/O: $488

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★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1523

★ M9 Bayonet Fade FN, B/O: $1523

★ M9 Bayonet Doppler (Phase 4) FN, B/O: $1008

★ M9 Bayonet Blue Steel FT, B/O: $534

★ M9 Bayonet Rust Coat BS, B/O: $449

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★ Flip Knife Fade FN, B/O: $703

★ Flip Knife Gamma Doppler (Phase 1) MW, B/O: $509

★ Flip Knife Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $406

★ Flip Knife Freehand FT, B/O: $228

★ StatTrak™ Flip Knife Bright Water FN, B/O: $332

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★ Falchion Knife Doppler (Phase 2) FN, B/O: $292

★ Falchion Knife Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $264

★ Falchion Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $258

★ Falchion Knife Bright Water MW, B/O: $133

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★ Stiletto Knife Fade FN, B/O: $822

★ Stiletto Knife Slaughter FN, B/O: $569

★ Stiletto Knife Doppler (Phase 1) FN, B/O: $530

★ Stiletto Knife Crimson Web FT, B/O: $396

★ StatTrak™ Stiletto Knife Scorched FT, B/O: $172

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★ Gut Knife Doppler (Sapphire) MW #1, B/O: $830

★ Gut Knife Fade FN, B/O: $204

★ Gut Knife Tiger Tooth FN, B/O: $138

★ Gut Knife Bright Water MW, B/O: $104

★ Gut Knife Freehand FT, B/O: $92

★ Gut Knife Urban Masked FT, B/O: $82

★ StatTrak™ Gut Knife Rust Coat BS, B/O: $93

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★ Shadow Daggers Fade FN, B/O: $258

★ Shadow Daggers Doppler (Phase 3) FN, B/O: $165

★ Shadow Daggers Blue Steel FT, B/O: $82

★ Shadow Daggers Bright Water FT, B/O: $82

★ Shadow Daggers Blue Steel WW, B/O: $80

★ Shadow Daggers Rust Coat BS, B/O: $74

★ StatTrak™ Shadow Daggers Marble Fade FN, B/O: $186

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★ Classic Knife Slaughter MW, B/O: $311

★ StatTrak™ Classic Knife Stained BS, B/O: $163

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★ Talon Knife Slaughter MW, B/O: $605

★ Talon Knife Scorched MW, B/O: $290

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★ Ursus Knife Marble Fade FN, B/O: $405

★ Ursus Knife Night Stripe MW, B/O: $162

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★ Paracord Knife Stained WW, B/O: $125

★ Paracord Knife Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $97

★ Paracord Knife Safari Mesh FT, B/O: $96

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★ Navaja Knife Safari Mesh FT, B/O: $71

★ Navaja Knife Scorched WW, B/O: $71

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★ Nomad Knife Fade FN, B/O: $1015

★ Skeleton Knife, B/O: $909

★ Bowie Knife Boreal Forest MW, B/O: $106

★ Survival Knife Forest DDPAT FT, B/O: $97

GLOVES

★ Driver Gloves Crimson Weave FT, B/O: $335

★ Driver Gloves King Snake BS, B/O: $270

★ Driver Gloves Lunar Weave WW, B/O: $113

★ Driver Gloves Overtake WW, B/O: $88

★ Driver Gloves Overtake BS, B/O: $67

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★ Moto Gloves Transport MW, B/O: $171

★ Moto Gloves Polygon BS, B/O: $137

★ Moto Gloves Transport WW, B/O: $71

★ Moto Gloves 3rd Commando Company BS, B/O: $62

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★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Kimono WW, B/O: $1027

★ Specialist Gloves Tiger Strike FT, B/O: $654

★ Specialist Gloves Mogul FT, B/O: $295

★ Specialist Gloves Lt. Commander FT, B/O: $277

★ Specialist Gloves Crimson Web FT, B/O: $275

⎯

★ Sport Gloves Slingshot FT, B/O: $796

★ Sport Gloves Amphibious BS #2, B/O: $699

★ Sport Gloves Omega FT, B/O: $656

⎯

★ Broken Fang Gloves Unhinged BS, B/O: $60

WEAPONS

AK-47 Case Hardened BS, B/O: $130

AK-47 Bloodsport MW, B/O: $79

AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76

AK-47 Fuel Injector BS, B/O: $76

AK-47 Bloodsport FT, B/O: $70

AK-47 Neon Rider MW, B/O: $60

⎯

AWP Fade FN, B/O: $864

AWP BOOM MW, B/O: $84

AWP Containment Breach FT, B/O: $69

AWP Containment Breach FT, B/O: $69

AWP Wildfire FT, B/O: $59

AWP Chromatic Aberration FN, B/O: $59

StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $65

StatTrak™ AWP Hyper Beast FT, B/O: $65

⎯

Desert Eagle Blaze FN, B/O: $565

Desert Eagle Blaze FN, B/O: $565

Desert Eagle Printstream FN, B/O: $155

Desert Eagle Cobalt Disruption FN, B/O: $58

⎯

M4A1-S Icarus Fell FN, B/O: $414

M4A1-S Printstream MW, B/O: $204

M4A1-S Printstream MW, B/O: $204

⎯

M4A4 Poseidon FN, B/O: $1402

M4A4 The Emperor FN, B/O: $152

M4A4 Asiimov WW, B/O: $97

⎯

USP-S Kill Confirmed MW, B/O: $65

USP-S Printstream FT, B/O: $69

StatTrak™ USP-S Kill Confirmed FT, B/O: $123

StatTrak™ USP-S Neo-Noir FN, B/O: $106

⎯

AUG Flame Jörmungandr FN, B/O: $218

P2000 Ocean Foam FN, B/O: $139

Souvenir SSG 08 Death Strike MW, B/O: $81

CZ75-Auto Emerald Quartz MW, B/O: $61

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Knives - Bowie Knife, Butterfly Knife, Falchion Knife, Flip Knife, Gut Knife, Huntsman Knife, M9 Bayonet, Bayonet, Karambit, Shadow Daggers, Stiletto Knife, Ursus Knife, Navaja Knife, Talon Knife, Classic Knife, Paracord Knife, Survival Knife, Nomad Knife, Skeleton Knife, Patterns - Gamma Doppler, Doppler (Phase 1, Phase 2, Phase 3, Phase 4, Black Pearl, Sapphire, Ruby, Emerald), Crimson Web, Lore, Fade, Ultraviolet, Night, Marble Fade (Fire & Ice, Fake FI), Case Hardened (Blue Gem), Autotronic, Slaughter, Black Laminate, Tiger Tooth, Boreal Forest, Scorched, Blue Steel, Vanilla, Damascus Steel, Forest DDPAT, Urban Masked, Freehand, Stained, Bright Water, Safari Mesh, Rust Coat, Gloves - Bloodhound Gloves (Charred, Snakebite, Guerrilla, Bronzed), Driver Gloves (Snow Leopard, King Snake, Crimson Weave, Imperial Plaid, Black Tie, Lunar Weave, Diamondback, Rezan the Red, Overtake, Queen Jaguar, Convoy, Racing Green), Hand Wraps (Cobalt Skulls, CAUTION!, Overprint, Slaughter, Leather, Giraffe, Badlands, Spruce DDPAT, Arboreal, Constrictor, Desert Shamagh, Duct Tape), Moto Gloves (Spearmint, POW!, Cool Mint, Smoke Out, Finish Line, Polygon, Blood Pressure, Turtle, Boom!, Eclipse, 3rd Commando Company, Transport), Specialist Gloves (Crimson Kimono, Tiger Strike, Emerald Web, Field Agent, Marble Fade, Fade, Foundation, Lt. Commander, Crimson Web, Mogul, Forest DDPAT, Buckshot), Sport Gloves (Pandora's Box, Superconductor, Hedge Maze, Vice, Amphibious, Slingshot, Omega, Arid, Big Game, Nocts, Scarlet Shamagh, Bronze Morph), Hydra Gloves (Case Hardened, Emerald, Rattler, Mangrove), Broken Fang Gloves (Jade, Yellow-banded, Unhinged, Needle Point), Pistols - P2000 (Wicked Sick, Ocean Foam, Fire Element, Amber Fade, Corticera, Chainmail, Imperial Dragon, Obsidian, Scorpion, Handgun, Acid Etched), USP-S (Printstream, Kill Confirmed, Whiteout, Road Rash, Owergrowth, The Traitor, Neo-Noir, Dark Water, Orion, Blueprint, Stainless, Caiman, Serum, Monster Mashup, Royal Blue, Ancient Visions, Cortex, Orange Anolis, Ticket To Hell, Black Lotus, Cyrex, Check Engine, Guardian, Purple DDPAT, Torque, Blood Tiger, Flashback, Business Class, Pathfinder, Para Green), Lead Conduit, Glock-18 (Umbral Rabbit, Fade, Candy Apple, Bullet Queen, Synth Leaf, Neo-Noir, Nuclear Garden, Dragon Tatto, Reactor, Pink DDPAT, Twilight Galaxy, Sand Dune, Groundwater, Blue Fissure, Snack Attack, Water Elemental, Brass, Wasteland Rebel, Vogue, Franklin, Royal Legion, Gamma Doppler, Weasel, Steel Disruption, Ironwork, Grinder, High Beam, Moonrise, Oxide Blaze, Bunsen Burner, Clear Polymer, Bunsen Burner, Night), P250 (Re.built, Nuclear Threat, Modern Hunter, Splash, Whiteout, Vino Primo, Mehndi, Asiimov, Visions, Undertow, Cartel, See Ya Later, Gunsmoke, Splash, Digital Architect, Muertos, Red Rock, Bengal Tiger, Crimson Kimono, Wingshot, Metallic DDPAT, Hive, Dark Filigree, Mint Kimono), Five-Seven (Neon Kimono, Berries And Cherries, Fall Hazard, Crimson Blossom, Hyper Beast, Nitro, Fairy Tale, Case Hardened, Copper Galaxy, Angry Mob, Monkey Business, Fowl Play, Anodized Gunmetal, Hot Shot, Retrobution, Boost Protocol), CZ75-Auto (Chalice, Crimson Web, Emerald Quartz, The Fuschia is Now, Nitro, Xiangliu, Yellow Jacket, Victoria, Poison Dart, Syndicate, Eco, Hexane, Pole, Tigris), Tec-9 (Rebel, Terrace, Nuclear Threat, Hades, Rust Leaf, Decimator, Blast From, Orange Murano, Toxic, Fuel Injector, Remote Control, Bamboo Forest, Isaac, Avalanche, Brother, Re-Entry, Blue Titanium, Bamboozle), R8 Revolver (Banana Cannon, Fade, Blaze, Crimson Web, Liama Cannon, Crazy 8, Reboot, Canal Spray, Night, Amber Fade), Desert Eagle (Blaze, Hand Cannon, Fennec Fox, Sunset Storm, Emerald Jörmungandr, Pilot, Hypnotic, Golden Koi, Printstream, Cobalt Disruption, Code Red, Ocean Drive, Midnight Storm, Kumicho Dragon, Crimson Web, Heirloom, Night Heist, Mecha Industries, Night, Conspiracy, Trigger Discipline, Naga, Directive, Light Rail), Dual Berettas (Flora Carnivora, Duelist, Cobra Strike, Black Limba, Emerald, Hemoglobin, Twin Turbo, Marina, Melondrama, Pyre, Retribution, Briar, Dezastre, Royal Consorts, Urban Shock, Dualing Dragons, Panther, Balance), Rifles - Galil (Aqua Terrace, Winter Forest, Chatterbox, Sugar Rush, Pheonix Blacklight, CAUTION!, Orange DDPAT, Cerberus, Dusk Ruins, Eco, Chromatic Aberration, Stone Cold, Tuxedo, Sandstorm, Shattered, Urban Rubble, Rocket Pop, Kami, Crimson Tsunami, Connexion), SCAR-20 (Fragments, Brass, Cyrex, Palm, Splash Jam, Cardiac, Emerald, Crimson Web, Magna Carta, Stone Mosaico, Bloodsport, Enforcer), AWP (Duality, Gungnir, Dragon Lore, Prince, Medusa, Desert Hydra, Fade, Lightning Strike, Oni Taiji, Silk Tiger, Graphite, Chromatic Aberration, Asiimov, Snake Camo, Boom, Containment Breach, Wildfire, Redline, Electric Hive, Hyper Beast, Neo-Noir, Man-o'-war, Pink DDPAT, Corticera, Sun in Leo, Elite Build, Fever Dream, Atheris, Mortis, PAW, Exoskeleton, Worm God, POP AWP, Phobos, Acheron, Pit Viper, Capillary, Safari Mesh), AK-47 (Head Shot, Wild Lotus, Gold Arabesque, X-Ray, Fire Serpent, Hydroponic, Panthera Onca, Case Hardened, Vulcan, Jet Set, Fuel Injector, Bloodsport, Nightwish, First Class, Neon Rider, Asiimov, Red Laminate, Aquamarine Revenge, The Empress, Wasteland Rebel, Jaguar, Black Laminate, Leet Museo, Neon Revolution, Redline, Frontside Misty, Predator, Legion of Anubis, Point Disarray, Orbit Mk01, Blue Laminate, Green Laminate, Emerald Pinstripe, Cartel, Phantom Disruptor, Jungle Spray, Safety Net, Rat Rod, Baroque Purple, Slate, Elite Build, Uncharted, Safari Mesh), FAMAS (Sundown, Prime Conspiracy, Afterimage, Commemoration, Dark Water, Spitfire, Pulse, Eye of Athena, Meltdown, Rapid Eye Move, Roll Cage, Styx, Mecha Industrie, Djinn, ZX Spectron, Valence, Neural Net, Night Borre, Hexne), M4A4 (Temukau, Howl, Poseidon, Asiimov, Daybreak, Hellfire, Zirka, Red DDPAT, Radiation Hazard, Modern Hunter, The Emperor, The Coalition, Bullet Rain, Cyber Security, X-Ray, Dark Blossom, Buzz Kill, In Living Color, Neo-Noir, Desolate Space, 龍王 (Dragon King), Royal Paladin, The Battlestar, Global Offensive, Tooth Fairy, Desert-Strike, Griffin, Evil Daimyo, Spider Lily, Converter), M4A1-S (Emphorosaur-S, Welcome to the Jungle, Imminent Danger, Knight, Hot Rod, Icarus Fell, Blue Phosphor, Printstream, Master Piece, Dark Water, Golden Coil, Bright Water, Player Two, Atomic Alloy, Guardian, Chantico's Fire, Hyper Beast, Mecha Industries, Cyrex, Control Panel, Moss Quartz, Nightmare, Decimator, Leaded Glass, Basilisk, Blood Tiger, Briefing, Night Terror, Nitro, VariCamo, Flashback), SG 553 (Cyberforce, Hazard Pay, Bulldozer, Integrale, Dragon Tech, Ultraviolet, Colony IV, Hypnotic, Cyrex, Candy Apple, Barricade, Pulse), SSG 08 (Death Strike, Sea Calico, Blood in the Water, Orange Filigree, Dragonfire, Big Iron, Bloodshot, Detour, Turbo Peek, Red Stone), AUG (Akihabara Accept, Flame Jörmungandr, Hot Rod, Midnight Lily, Sand Storm, Carved Jade, Wings, Anodized Navy, Death by Puppy, Torque, Bengal Tiger, Chameleon, Fleet Flock, Random Access, Momentum, Syd Mead, Stymphalian, Arctic Wolf, Aristocrat, Navy Murano), G3SG1 (Chronos, Violet Murano, Flux, Demeter, Orange Kimono, The Executioner, Green Apple, Arctic Polar Camo, Contractor), SMGs - P90 (Neoqueen, Astral Jörmungandr, Run and Hide, Emerald Dragon, Cold Blooded, Death by Kitty, Baroque Red, Vent Rush, Blind Spot, Asiimov, Trigon, Sunset Lily, Death Grip, Leather, Nostalgia, Fallout Warning, Tiger Pit, Schermatic, Virus, Shapewood, Glacier Mesh, Shallow Grave, Chopper, Desert Warfare), MAC-10 (Sakkaku, Hot Snakes, Copper Borre, Red Filigree, Gold Brick, Graven, Case Hardened, Stalker, Amber Fade, Neon Rider, Tatter, Curse, Propaganda, Nuclear Garden, Disco Tech, Toybox, Heat, Indigo), UMP-45 (Wild Child, Fade, Blaze, Day Lily, Minotaur's Labyrinth, Crime Scene, Caramel, Bone Pile, Momentum, Primal Saber), MP7 (Teal Blossom, Fade, Nemesis, Whiteout, Asterion, Bloosport, Abyssal Apparition, Full Stop, Special Delivery, Neon Ply, Asterion, Ocean Foam, Powercore, Scorched, Impire), PP-Bizon (Modern Hunter, Rust Coat, Forest Leaves, Antique, High Roller, Blue Streak, Seabird, Judgement of Anubis, Bamboo Print, Embargo, Chemical Green, Coblat Halftone, Fuel Rod, Photic Zone, Irradiated Alert, Carbon Fiber), MP9 (Featherweight, Wild Lily, Pandora's Box, Stained Glass, Bulldozer, Dark Age, Hot Rod, Hypnotic, Hydra, Rose Iron, Music Box, Setting Sun, Food Chain, Airlock, Mount Fuji, Starlight Protector, Ruby Poison Dart, Deadly Poison), MP5-SD (Liquidation, Oxide Oasis, Phosphor, Nitro, Agent, Autumn Twilly), Shotguns, Machineguns - Sawed-Off (Kiss♥Love, First Class, Orange DDPAT, Rust Coat, The Kraken, Devourer, Mosaico, Wasteland Princess, Bamboo Shadow, Copper, Serenity, Limelight, Apocalypto), XM1014 (Frost Borre, Ancient Lore, Red Leather, Elegant Vines, Banana Leaf, Jungle, Urban Perforated, Grassland, Blaze Orange, Heaven Guard, VariCamo Blue, Entombed, XOXO, Seasons, Tranquility, Bone Machine, Incinegator, Teclu Burner, Black Tie, Zombie Offensive, Watchdog), Nova (Baroque Orange, Hyper Beast, Green Apple, Antique, Modern Hunter, Walnut, Forest Leaves, Graphite, Blaze Orange, Rising Skull, Tempest, Bloomstick, Interlock, Quick Sand, Moon in Libra, Clean Polymer, Red Quartz, Toy Soldier), MAG-7 (Insomnia, Cinqueda, Counter Terrace, Prism Terrace, Memento, Chainmail, Hazard, Justice, Bulldozer, Silver, Core Breach, Firestarter, Praetorian, Heat, Hard Water, Monster Call, BI83 Spectrum, SWAG-7), M249 (Humidor, Shipping Forecast, Blizzard Marbleized, Downtown, Jungle DDPAT, Nebula Crusader, Impact Drill, Emerald Poison Dart), Negev (Mjölnir, Anodized Navy, Palm, Power Loader, Bratatat, CaliCamo, Phoenix Stencil, Infrastructure, Boroque Sand), Wear - Factory New (FN), Minimal Wear (MW), Field-Tested (FT), Well-Worn (WW), Battle-Scarred (BS), Stickers Holo/Foil/Gold - Katowice 2014, Krakow 2017, Howling Dawn, Katowice 2015, Crown, London 2018, Cologne 2014, Boston 2018, Atlanta 2017, Cluj-Napoca 2015, DreamHack 2014, King on the Field, Harp of War, Winged Difuser, Cologne 2016, Cologne 2015, MLG Columbus 2016, Katowice 2019, Berlin 2019, RMR 2020, Stockholm 2021, Antwerp 2022, Swag Foil, Flammable foil, Others - Souvenirs, Agents, Pins, Passes, Gifts, Music Kits, Cases, Keys, Capsules, Packages, Patches

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For a couple of years now, I have had almost like a recurring dream. This dream, or I’ve been calling them night terrors from how terrifying they are, all take place in the same mansion. But this mansion is so massive.
Each place has been slightly different (a dilapidated state wing, water park, the ocean or a pond w a dock at the very back of the house w a sliding door connected to the dock, the attic, and so much more). But the one thing that is common is this younger girl in a white gown flying around and chasing me throughout the dream.
All I know of her is that she has this terrifying wail and that I cannot look into her eyes for I will “fall under her power”. And I know when she is near because I become uneasy. And then I hear a low howl in the distance that gradual grows into her terrifying wail. And the dreams are so realistic. I can feel whatever wounds I endure during the dream when I wake up. I’ve woken up screaming and having a panic attack from how vivid these dreams can be.
Could I be astral projecting? And what could it possibly mean? I’ve thought maybe it could be a banshee visiting my dreams but I have not found any sound conclusions within my own research. Help?

There is a strong connection between cleaning services and wellness. Maintaining a clean and organized environment can have a significant impact on an individual's physical and mental well-being.
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In conclusion, a clean environment is essential for maintaining good health and wellness. By utilizing professional cleaning services, individuals can enjoy a clean and organized space, reduce the risk of illness and disease, and promote a sense of calm and relaxation in their daily lives.
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Hello guys, a bit on me if you'd like: I'm a person who's always been fond for writing, but never really had my hand in it though, in fact, I wrote this incomplete should-have-been series a year ago, but never really completed it. I've only dabbled in it for a bit, writing scraps and throwing them away, but this is the only thing I found that was noteworthy and decided to share it, it's a copy-paste directly from the writing program, but I cleaned it up a bit of course, anyway, I really hope you guys enjoy!
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You don't know who I am, or where I come from, you don't know anything, but if you're reading this that's good, it means you're alive, and maybe the world is better, maybe it's enjoyable, and there are parks again, and kids laughing and cheering. But that's all a maybe, an outcome with an unfair possibility of not happening, but I guess it makes sense, someone decided to destroy the world, and with the technology we had, it probably wasn’t that hard. What happened? well, I don't really know, all I know is that the world is falling apart, it's cracking, small cracks are apparent in almost every surface I come across that's been untouched or unmoved for a while, and they aren't normal cracks, they have a dim white glow, when I say dim I mean almost non-existent but the glow was still there nonetheless, and it feels like the world isn’t as bright, the world just lost all its life, all the grays got greyer and every other color looks dull and monotonous, but that’s just what came about.
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After the first day, all available power disappeared, it was an exposition, a cardinal signal foreshadowing the apocalyptic future yet to come, of course, people started to panic. after one week the water shut off, at this point people had started to get irritable, and heated arguments were becoming a much too common thing to see in a lonely town like mine, then the third week hit, it's when the cracks became noticeable, it's also when people were being discovered, dead people, not many in the first few days, only two or three found a day. Soon enough people had run out of supplies, it's not like people were restocking the stores so no one could get any food or drink.
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The streets were littered with bodies, most died from asphyxiation or gunshots, which was unlike the first killings, the first body found had his throat ripped out and his guts spilled, yet there was no blood anywhere on the body and no signs of a struggle, although I noticed this, I paid little attention to it. Nothing happened after that, aside from me staying in the basement which held enough food and water to sustain me for about a month and then some if I rationed carefully. It sucked in there, I had to have the little lamp in there off most of the time because of the lack of power, and the battery was already three-quarters full when I got down there, but I managed for thirty-two painfully slow and lightless days, then I emerged into my home.
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I saw what I had expected, shattered glass everywhere, tables turned on their sides, and everything else characteristic of a ransacking, but I was not expecting to find a body stuck in a wall, his waist and below stuck in the wall, the wall wasn't broken, it was like something had made the wall a liquid, stuck him in, and made the wall solid again. I didn’t see any fractures in the wall's surface aside from the small squiggly white cracks that remained on almost every surface. At that point I realized I hadn't shed a single tear or even once felt the need to vomit, I felt ashamed of myself, I felt emotionless and lifeless, I could have gone ahead and made my morning coffee and watched the news without giving a care in the world about the body that lay in my home… too bad there was no coffee, or tv.
10/16/2027 Stock:
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• Food: Can of Beans(6x cans). Can of Mangos (2x cans). Jack Link’s Beef Jerky (2x bags).
  
• Drink: Water(4x bottles). BodyArmor(3x bottles). (Empty Large Canteen).
  
• Items: Empty Large Canteen. Flashlight. Extra Batteries.(2x)
  
• Weapons: Colt 1911 (2x 8-Round Magazines, .45 ACP(44x)
  Remington Model 700(2x 3-Round Magazines, .308 WIN(18x) Hunting Knife
  

Note-1: After digging through my dad's closet and finding a false floorboard that always creaked, I gained access to two guns, a Remington Model 700 and a Colt 1911, and their corresponding ammunition.
Note-2: due to me living here for long enough I had the insight into areas of suspicion, an example is the floorboard, it’s unlikely I’ll get the luck to find hidden spaces like that again, but maybe when I’m skillful enough at looting, finding hidden spaces would become more common.
10/16/27
I gathered all of my supplies and put them in a backpack, aside from the M1911 and the 700, I put the M1911 in a holster on my hip and slung the 700 on my back, after I was ready, I left, the first thing I noticed was the lack of wildlife, I don’t live in a big city, it’s just a somewhat sparsely housed town, there’d always be an acre or two between homes at the very least, and birds were usually everywhere, but now I only see a few, only hear a few chirps here and there, I haven’t seen any terrestrial animals yet aside from insects, it seems there are fewer insects though as well. After I left my home I stood on the doorstep, I looked around at the dull scenery, I used to step outside to just look at the trees and the sky, but now everything is unappealing, I took the steps through the grass to my beat up car, all the glass was broken, I opened the door, sat inside and turned the ignition, nothing happened, as I expected cars don’t work anymore either, which put me on edge, what if guns don’t work anymore? But I silenced that thought, I still have a knife if guns won’t work.
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I stepped out of the car and went to the trunk to see if anything was left of value. I opened it and found nothing, with no new supplies I decided the first place I’ll go to is the gas station, there was bound to be something there, even if it was only a little something. I started my two-mile trek to the gas station, I hiked a lot before all of this happened, two miles was nothing at all. There was a trail not too far from my house that I and my dog used to walk at, my dog died a few months back luckily enough, I wouldn’t have been able to support him now, not with the looming fear of starvation following me around. I had walked about one mile when all of a sudden everything went quiet, birds stopped chirping, the wind stopped blowing.
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I got off the road and hid in a bush, I heard things moving, rustling the brush, stopping every now and then, almost as if they were looking for something, I’d hear what sounded like someone taking a knife to glass, it pained my ears and I felt they would start bleeding if the sounds lasted a second longer. I never saw them, I don’t know if it was because they were behind me or on the other side of the road in a ditch or something, but after 10 minutes it went away, nature’s sounds returned after 5 minutes, I had to wait another 10 minutes, my body, shocked and stiff, wouldn’t allow me to move. I stood and dusted myself off, since I didn’t know where the sounds came from I just started searching on the opposite bank of the road, no signs of anything being there, no tracks, no broken twigs, no blood.
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I thought I had gone insane while wallowing in my lonesome, but then I remembered the birds reacted to whatever it was, or whatever they were, I don’t know how many there were, it constantly alternated between the sound of one of them and the sound of an uncountable amount. Happy to get out of the area, I continued to my destination. When I got to the gas station there was only one broken window, and a body with characteristics of the first killings laying on the floor near the register, a broken knife next to him. I looted his body without remorse or disgust. I found a pack of cigs and pocketed them there was also a scrunched paper.
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I read it once, then twice, and even a third time, my stomach churned and felt like it was about to implode, it looked to be a message from the man’s daughter saying how much she loved him and she wants him to be safe because of all the “bad people”, a smiley face sat at the top of the paper, I flipped the paper over to find distinctly different handwriting, presumingly the man’s, it detailed how he was sorry, as well as how he’d been at the station for 3 days, said he couldn’t leave because if he did they would get him, his last words, being written hastily were hardly legible, but I could read enough to understand that the cracks in the world that appeared in the station were much more distinct than in other places, and those things could come in, but they were just staring at him tauntingly. I could barely hold myself back from puking, it wasn’t hard to look at someone’s corpse, it had no effect on me, but the second I realized that man had a family, and had ambitions and potential… I continued looking around the store. I realized there would be more loot on dead bodies because people don’t want to touch them. After looking through all the shelves and in all of the back rooms I found a lighter under the lip of a bottom shelf, lucky me.
10/20/27
I had hoped there would be more, more of everything, but there’s nothing, I’ll put another list of my supplies soon but at this rate, I won't make it to see next week, every single store has been ransacked completely, all the bodies always have empty already eaten foods, I don’t know what to do. I’ve not seen a single soul, everything is dead, not even the insects anymore, the birds are gone too, maybe it has something to do with the cracks, they’ve progressed enough to where they are visible from up to a foot away, I’ve had to hide from those screeching things a couple of times, still haven’t seen them yet, I realized when the wind abruptly stops they’ve appeared, it’s a good thing the birds were still singing those few days ago or I wouldn’t have realized the pattern, I’d probably be dead, just like everyone else.
10/23/27
Nothing much has happened, I’ve seen a bird or two, and it’s nice to know that at least for a little bit longer animals will still be alive, I’ve theorized that whenever I hear the noise it’s only one entity doing it, I think this because I’ve heard an exceptionally large commotion a way off, I assume there was two there. Fortunately, the screeching has only happened near me only once, I’ve heard them in the distance though, in the night while I sleep I hear them far off, searching, waiting for their sinister roulette to hit, hoping, anticipating the kill. I decided to head to the(SO AND SO) I’ll update this then or if something happens along the way.
10/26/27
I’ve come across a hunting stand in the woods, it’s a jackpot. There’s too much stuff to carry, there was a map too so I’ll mark the general location once I find a landmark to orient myself with, I’ll put a list after this log but there’s more to talk about. The fragmentation, It’s what I’ve come to call the cracks, is still spreading of course. I’m starting to see a noticeable separation between the two edges of some individual fragments, still not big enough to stick anything in but instead of being small white lines spread wildly around, They’ve become a prominent feature of every object, I’ve been to some areas where the fragmentation is severe, white snakes slithering across any surface they can find, trying to fracture this world, they do end up doing it I suppose, that’s how the screechers exist, but the breaks only hold for so long until they close. That’s what I think happens at least, it’s not like I’ve seen them yet, and as long as I continue to find zones with little to no fragmentation as I have been, I think I’ll be fine, I just hope my luck doesn’t run out.
PUT A LOG HERE
10/29/27
I think I’m near (VarA), I should be out of the woods soon, but for now, I’ve got my bedroll down and am cooking some beans over the fire I’ve made, I’ll be fed for a while.
This may sound stupid but the fire keeps going out, the flames just disappear, no more heat. The charcoals lose their ember, everything becomes the regular temperature of the air around me. It still works though, there is no reliable frequency I can predict so sometimes it’ll die out as soon as I light it, and other times it takes an hour or two.
11/02/27
()()(())()()(()()()…I was walking when the wind stopped, the biggest problem for me at first was the fact there was nowhere to run, no depressions to dip in, I heard what sounded like a sharp camera shutter that immediately followed the deadening silence, the second I heard it I ran, a branch caught the strap of my bag, pulling it away from me. I couldn’t care though, all I could do was run, the trees vied for me, closing in. I was tripping and falling over and over, nearly impaling myself on the branches of trees I could hardly see.
​
I felt a push and fell over, I knew that running couldn’t have saved me, I knew it was there, right behind me, I couldn’t hear it though, I could only hear my breath but it wasn’t like that, I couldn’t hear it because it wasn’t making any noise, I thought for sure it would be screeching out for as long as it’s astral body would allow it to, but it didn’t, in fact, it lay on the ground, the white body, which looked as if it consisted of bolts of white grey lightning and string, pulsated, morphing into a consuming goop of unlight, and then back into it’s shimmering somewhat humanoid form, that process took a minute. I too lay there, my foot just a stone toss away from its hungry hand, the tips of its fingers eager to detach from its parent body, but was disallowed. I lay on the ground staring at it, and for some reason, it didn’t move, I took that opportunity to regenerate as much of my energy as possible, but from fear of losing my safety, I stood up slowly, emphasizing my steadiness, even though it probably detects me through a different means, I shouldn’t let it hear me, some caution is better than no caution at all.
​
I rose and took a gradual step back, but my back was met by a thick, gnarled arm of wood, as if that wasn’t enough, I had also stepped on a branch, probably from the same tree. The screecher stirred, its spectral head raised, maybe it used its sight for precision. It tried to raise the rest of its body, but its foot was stuck in a root, not like it was trapped under it, its foot was fused with the root. I guess it noticed it too because immediately the tone of its body got dimmer, I knew it was going to morph into the darkness, to free itself, to kill me. I took the chance I had, the 10s of seconds I had left were diminishing, and every second I wasted increased my chance of death. I turned, and immediately crouched and ducked under my guard that was the trees arm, I didn’t expect to have the keenness I had during that run, I’ve never been a particularly agile person, but in that moment I could see, without any blur caused by my abrupt motions, ducking and weaving through what seemed like the thickest forest I had ever seen.
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I collapsed after only minutes of running, which was unsurprising though, the previous running and endless walking cost me an obscene amount of energy, taxing my body till the end, draining it of its power. I could hear them now, screaming, coming for me, it shouldn’t take as long as it’s taking them, but I guess they’re fighting each other, that’s why there is noise. I turned around and waited, I saw the two of them approaching me, they kept pushing and shoving each other, they were walking so slowly, as if they were sapped for energy, and the density of their body was low, it seems most of the strings of white grey abandoned the parent body for some reason, and with every step they took a few more disappeared, falling off into the ground. One of the entities fell to the ground, and the second took the opportunity and fell on top of it, tearing it to shreds, and repairing its own body with its meal, it seems it was only able to regain a menial percentage of its power back though, it’s speed only bolstered for a minute or so, still not fast enough to keep up with a hasty back step.
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It fell to the ground after a while, and everything below its torso disappeared shortly after, it desperately sunk its claws into the soil, pulling with its full ability, trying to get me. It disappeared, shortly after, leaving quite a thick strand of vibrant white light. I pondered whether picking it up or not would be a good idea, in the end, I decided a little glowing string couldn’t hurt me that much. I plucked it from its place on the ground and immediately felt a strong, radiant sensation, a pulsating heat and cold piercing my body as if it was filling me with energy, I dropped it, even holding it for a few seconds easily removed most of the exhaustion from my body, I wanted to grab it again for another hit of pure energy, but I felt if I did I would explode, my body was not meant for this type of power, although it seemed capable enough to absorb what I presume was a little bit of it, I think it’s capacity is quite high, and powering what was but a little bit of myself was probably the least intensive thing this string could do.

People are afraid of the unknown, born with a fear of the unknown, so midnight, under a darkness, the human fear, is the peak.
Du Jun walked into the neighborhood where his home is located, the security guard at the entrance of the neighborhood is sitting in the security room dozing, look at that look even into the thieves he does not know.
After walking into the neighborhood, through the garden, and then walk through the old man's fitness place, is to his home is located in the building downstairs.
Du Jun took out the door card and swiped it and walked in, the lights of the corridor on this floor belonged to the kind of incandescent light, which was quite bright, but in the case of few people, it looked a bit like the lights of the morgue.
Du Jun walked to the elevator, pressed the door button, the late-night elevator are stopped on the first floor, there is nothing to wait for.
No, Du Jun looked up, the elevator did not stop on the first floor, on the fourth floor.
The fourth floor is generally no one take the elevator, Du Jun thought about it, this midnight, there are strange things or avoid it.
So he turned into another elevator, the moment before entering the elevator, the fourth floor down the elevator opened, Du Jun seemed to hear a faint moaning sound, the sound is not what heavenly music, and this is the middle of the night.
Du Jun hurriedly closed the elevator door and pressed the eighteenth floor.
The elevator moved up quickly, but when it reached the fourth floor, the elevator suddenly stopped, and the door did not open.
Du Jun heart a tight, this will not, think of this Du Jun retreated to the corner, back against the elevator.
A few moments later, the elevator began to run normally again.
To the eighteenth floor, Du Jun out of the elevator, quickly rushed to the door of their own home to open the door and walked in, and then the door locked.
The nerves of living alone are a little nervous, and often work late at night home, did not expect to encounter this kind of thing tonight, Du Jun took a deep breath, changed his shoes, walked to the refrigerator and took out a bottle of wine, sat on the sofa watching TV and drank.
The next morning, Du Jun woke up from the haze, last night he did not close the window, this early in the morning heard the noise below, the sound is a little loud, because it is living on the eighteenth floor, he did not know what is said below.
But he has to go to work at noon, Du Jun got up from the sofa, dressed and washed up, is ready to go out to eat breakfast.
However, as soon as he walked out the door he saw a woman from the next door neighbor was squatting on the ground crying, and there were several people holding her by her side.
What is this situation? Did someone die.
Du Jun thought about it, anyway, and this person is not familiar with, one more thing is better than one less thing, is into the elevator, pressed the first floor button.
In the elevator, Du Jun felt something wrong, some hair on the back, feeling as if there was a cold wind blowing on them.
But this is daytime, Du Jun did not behave like last night.
However, the elevator did not go directly to the first floor, but stopped after reaching the fourth floor.
Du Jun is also considered a bit curious, after all, what happened last night also scared him, so he stepped out of the elevator to look, the fourth floor was empty, and the eighteenth floor of the elevator corridor is not much different, there is nothing.
Du Jun sighed, it seems that he was overthinking.
So he went back to the elevator.
The elevator door just closed mountain, suddenly, a violent shaking came then Du Jun felt a sense of impact, pain, and vertigo.
He fainted, and when he woke up again, he found himself in a hospital bed, his feet, it seems, were tightly wrapped in something, he wanted to move, but came a sharp pain.
There was no doubt that it appeared that the leg was broken.
There was a man sitting by his bed, looking at the dress, should be a police officer, see Du Jun woke up, he handed over a glass of water, and then said "elevator cable broke, you fell from the fourth floor and the elevator together with the second floor of the basement, so high, you just broke two legs, good luck ah.
Although this is a bit hard to hear, but it is the truth, so high did not fall to death, is indeed good luck.
Du Jun nodded and turned his face to look at the police and said, "What do you want me to do? Hearing this the police nodded, and then took out the phone in front of Qiyuan.
"This is last night's surveillance video, you take a look.
Du Jun looked at the phone's screen inside the video screen, which was edited, from the time he entered the cell, then walked into the unit, pressed the elevator button, at this point, Qiyuan's eyes instantly widened, like seeing something horrible, pointing to the phone and said "there is a person!
The police nodded, Du Jun said there is a person, that is, last night that stopped at the fourth floor of the elevator.
The screen just now shows that in the moment Du Jun turned around, has been a bloody hand from the elevator out.
Du Jun remembered, last night did hear some sound, is that person issued? Du Jun looked at the police and asked, "Where is that person now? The police officer shook his head and said, "That person is dead, is your neighbor.
"Then find the killer? Du Jun subconsciously asked the words, after all, he was there last night, if there really is a murderer, will think he heard something, or see something, which will certainly kill him to silence.
The police officer shook his head and said "If I find the killer I will not be here, last night the elevator in the surveillance video is broken, can only see the deceased from the eighteenth floor into the elevator, and then stopped on the fourth floor, half an hour later you appear, is the next scene, and then this morning found his body.
After saying that the police is to leave, Du Jun sat on the bed as if thinking, the monitor happened to be broken, and then the man went in and then not dead, half an hour later came out with blood, since the elevator can open, why he did not open, and did not call for help?
The more you think about it, the more wrong, Du Jun wanted to stand up and go home, but his foot was broken, he simply could not stand up, and it was dark outside, so Du Jun gave up that idea.
After a while the nurse came to finish the medicine, fed Du Jun to eat the medicine and left, the ward is a double ward, but there is no patient next door, so look at the ward is a little empty.
Du Jun took the remote control to turn on the TV, time slowly passed, the sky is getting darker and darker.
Unknowingly, it was late at night, the surrounding area was very quiet, you can only hear the sound of the TV, Du Jun felt sleepy, ready to turn off the TV to sleep.
However, at this time, there were suddenly some sounds from outside that caught Du Jun's attention, like someone walking in the corridor outside.
Du Jun listened carefully, as if he was dragging something else.
Closer and closer, closer and closer.
"Bang.
The door of Du Jun's ward was kicked open, the ward had lights, and the corridor outside also had lights, but Du Jun looked out the door but there was nothing.
"Are you looking for me? A drop of some fishy liquid dripped onto Du Jun's face, and he slowly lifted his head.

Larry had always thought of himself as a practical man. He had a stable job, a loving wife, and two kids. His life was predictable and comfortable, but he never imagined that a lightning strike would change everything. Larry was walking home from work when it happened. The sky had been overcast, and he had thought about taking a cab. But he was too practical for that. Why spend money when he could walk the few blocks home? He had never been superstitious, but he should have known that walking under a stormy sky wasn't the wisest choice. The lightning bolt hit him so fast that he didn't even have time to react. One moment he was walking, and the next, he was on the ground, feeling a searing pain in his chest. For a moment, Larry thought he was dying, but then he realized he was still alive. He looked up and saw the storm clouds parting, the sun peeking through. He felt like he'd been given a second chance. He slowly got to his feet, feeling dazed and confused. His clothes were singed, and his hair was standing on end. He had never been in a situation like this before. Larry stumbled home, trying to make sense of what had just happened. But when he opened the door, he found that his life had changed in ways he never could have imagined. Samantha, his wife, was waiting for him in the living room. She looked different somehow, more composed, more resolved. Larry felt a sense of dread rise in him. He knew something was wrong. "Larry, I need to talk to you," she said, her voice calm but firm. "What is it, Samantha? What's wrong?" Larry asked. "I've been keeping something from you, something that I need to tell you, "She said, her voice trembling slightly. Larry's mind raced. What could it be? Was she sick? Was there someone else? "I'm leaving you, Larry," Samantha said. "What? Why?" Larry asked, feeling like he'd been punched in the gut. "I'm in love with someone else, Larry. It's a woman," she said. Larry couldn't believe what he was hearing. He had never suspected that Samantha was anything but straight. He felt like he was living in a dream, a nightmare. "I'm sorry, Larry. I know this is hard, but I need to be true to myself," Samantha said, tears streaming down her face. Larry didn't know what to say. He felt like his life was falling apart. He had been struck by lightning, survived, and now this. He didn't know how much more he could take. "I need to be alone, Samantha," Larry said, his voice choked with emotion. He stumbled out of the living room and collapsed onto the couch. He felt like he'd been hit by another lightning bolt. His life was changing, and he didn't know if he was ready for it. For the next few days, Larry felt like he was in a daze. He didn't know how to process what Samantha had told him. He had always thought of himself as an open-minded person, but this was something he had never considered. He tried to talk to Samantha, to understand how she had come to this realization, but she was distant and uncommunicative. Larry felt like he was losing his wife, his partner of fifteen years. He didn't know how to deal with the sudden change in his life. One night, after Samantha had gone to bed, Larry found himself unable to sleep. He got up and went to the kitchen, poured himself a glass of water, and sat down at the kitchen table. As he sipped his water, his eyes fell on his laptop, which was open on the counter. Without thinking, he clicked on the browser icon and started browsing aimlessly. But his thoughts kept returning to Samantha and the woman she had left him for. Larry felt a surge of anger, then confusion, then sadness. He had never felt so lost before. And then, a thought occurred to him. He got up from the table and went to their shared office. Samantha had always been in

ੴ ਸਤਿਗੁਰ ਪ੍ਰਸਾਦਿ ॥

One Universal Creator God. By The Grace Of The True Guru:

ਰਾਗੁ ਬਿਲਾਵਲੁ ਮਹਲਾ ੪ ਪੜਤਾਲ ਘਰੁ ੧੩ ॥

Raag Bilaaval, Fourth Mehl, Partaal, Thirteenth House:

ਬੋਲਹੁ ਭਈਆ ਰਾਮ ਨਾਮੁ ਪਤਿਤ ਪਾਵਨੋ ॥ ਹਰਿ ਸੰਤ ਭਗਤ ਤਾਰਨੋ ॥

O Siblings of Destiny, chant the Name of the Lord, the Purifier of sinners. The Lord emancipates his Saints and devotees.

ਹਰਿ ਭਰਿਪੁਰੇ ਰਹਿਆ ॥ ਜਲਿ ਥਲੇ ਰਾਮ ਨਾਮੁ ॥ ਨਿਤ ਗਾਈਐ ਹਰਿ ਦੂਖ ਬਿਸਾਰਨੋ ॥੧॥ ਰਹਾਉ ॥

The Lord is totally permeating and pervading everywhere; the Name of the Lord is pervading the water and the land. So sing continuously of the Lord, the Dispeller of pain. 1Pause

ਹਰਿ ਕੀਆ ਹੈ ਸਫਲ ਜਨਮੁ ਹਮਾਰਾ ॥

The Lord has made my life fruitful and rewarding.

ਹਰਿ ਜਪਿਆ ਹਰਿ ਦੂਖ ਬਿਸਾਰਨਹਾਰਾ ॥

I meditate on the Lord, the Dispeller of pain.

ਗੁਰੁ ਭੇਟਿਆ ਹੈ ਮੁਕਤਿ ਦਾਤਾ ॥

I have met the Guru, the Giver of liberation.

ਹਰਿ ਕੀਈ ਹਮਾਰੀ ਸਫਲ ਜਾਤਾ ॥

The Lord has made my life's journey fruitful and rewarding.

ਮਿਲਿ ਸੰਗਤੀ ਗੁਨ ਗਾਵਨੋ ॥੧॥

Joining the Sangat, the Holy Congregation, I sing the Glorious Praises of the Lord. 1

ਮਨ ਰਾਮ ਨਾਮ ਕਰਿ ਆਸਾ ॥

O mortal, place your hopes in the Name of the Lord,

ਭਾਉ ਦੂਜਾ ਬਿਨਸਿ ਬਿਨਾਸਾ ॥

and your love of duality shall simply vanish.

ਵਿਚਿ ਆਸਾ ਹੋਇ ਨਿਰਾਸੀ ॥

One who, in hope, remains unattached to hope,

ਸੋ ਜਨੁ ਮਿਲਿਆ ਹਰਿ ਪਾਸੀ ॥

such a humble being meets with his Lord.

ਕੋਈ ਰਾਮ ਨਾਮ ਗੁਨ ਗਾਵਨੋ ॥

And one who sings the Glorious Praises of the Lord's Name

ਜਨੁ ਨਾਨਕੁ ਤਿਸੁ ਪਗਿ ਲਾਵਨੋ ॥੨॥੧॥੭॥੪॥੬॥੭॥੧੭॥

• servant Nanak falls at his feet. 21746717

Guru Ramdas Ji • Raag Bilaaval • Ang 800

Thursday, March 30, 2023
Veervaar, 17 Chet, Nanakshahi 555
Waheguru Ji Ka Khalsa Waheguru Ji Ki Fateh, I am a Robot. Bleep Bloop.
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I’ll be moving out there from NY in about a week for a full-time dept. of Agriculture job and am gonna need housing. Looking for a studio or ideally 1 bedroom. I’d like to be within 30 minutes of Post Falls and would like to be around $1000/mo for rent. I’ve reached out to Cedar Wood Estates in Coeur d’Alene but haven’t gotten anything back from them yet, they seemed like my best bet on Apartments.com, but I’m sure some local knowledge will be helpful here. Happy to do a background check/credit check if needed. Anybody got any leads in the area?
Edit: I should mention I’ve looked into Spokane, but I’d really prefer to live in Idaho and the commute from Spokane (based on admittedly limited research) seemed like a pretty long one to do daily.

I have a very nieche career and if I were to describe my ideal job position it would be "hydrogeolgic project management". I graduated college in 2010 with a BS in geophysical engineering. I held positions with the federal government and later a private company, working on large scale engineering projects in water infrastructure.
For the past 5 years, I took a step back from my career and went into business with my husband while we had small kids. We combined our two careers as best as we could and I am the "paperwork person" of our excavation business that we operate from our home. This role, while not as glamorous, encompasses (on a smaller scale) EVERYTHING I was exposed to (and waited for approval from) on the various aspects of large engineering projects I worked on. I also had the opportunity to work from home and provide a stable and consistent early childhood for our kids. My baby starts kindergarten in the fall and I'm done with the "stay at home mom" part of life.
So ... I cold called a company I thought I could add value to yesterday (a geotechnical engineering consultant firm) and sent them my resume. I got a call back today for an in person interview scheduled for next week.
Would preparing a portfolio of my past work (both larger infrastructure from my professional jobs and small scale projects from my excavation company) be too extra? I'm talking like a 20 page color printed portfolio. I have been summarizing my work history for the NCEES to apply to take the PE and was actually shocked at the amount of my work from 2010 to 2017 that is just lurking on the internet. I took pride in presentimg my work in easily understood graphics and I'm humbled to see those graphics being included and cited in current research.
I'm not a photographer or make up artist, so I'm not sure how bringing a "portfolio" to an interview would come across. I welcome all questions and comments.
Edit to add: I hate how reddit won't let you edit titles...

https://www.theatlantic.com/ideas/archive/2023/03/college-admissions-acceptance-videos-tiktok-teen-mental-health/673546/
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https://www.newyorker.com/news/our-columnists/the-particular-misery-of-college-admissions-tiktok
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Mental health starts with us, and there's nothing healthy about what college admissions culture is becoming. So why do we keep engaging with it?
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So often, I have heard peers talking about how miserable they feel, how stressed they are about getting into their school of choice. I have also watched as these same individuals dive into the icy AP sea with no life vest on and take up countless service opportunities that they admit to having no real investment in. More than anything, they talk about uni. Endlessly. And while it is maddening to be in an environment of such demonstrable fakery and shallowness (the term "rat race" comes to mind), there is no sense in punching at this very real social current affecting today's youth. We need sympathy, understanding, and fellowship to turn the tide.
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Speaking personally, I didn't start thinking about college until the summer following my junior year of HS. I don't consider this too late, but it did mean that senior year came as a bucket of cold water as I scrambled to apply EA to the majority of my schools. There was no class offered to help with the process, no club for discussion. Often, I got in my head questioning how it was possible that I could simply pop in the Common App and apply most anywhere, sometimes at no charge. Just like that, life caught up with me.
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In the words of Chuck Close, "Inspiration is for amateurs. The rest of us just show up and get to work." Maybe not the friendliest sentiment, but the man makes a point. The appeal of these so-called college advice gurus on YouTube e.g., or of the viral acceptance video, is that they provide a sense of direction. There's no glamour in making sure you've filled out the FAFSA correctly, or revising a personal statement. Therefore, we seek comfort in the apparent formulas, the traceable paths that will open the doors for the coveted degree. The great irony here is that this social media-ified culture regarding college apps disproves its own immovability. Watching an AP scholar be rejected from Yale is a sadistic exercise in demonstrating the unpredictability of admissions decisions. Likewise, watching someone be admitted to Harvard, no matter how great an achievement, doesn't doesn't do anything for anyone. It does not change your academic abilities, your background, or your work ethic.
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All this to say: YOU are in charge- act like it. :') Don't take classes if you don't want to. Don't feel pressured to be the well-rounded, worldly mover-shaker that knows everything before they enter an institution of "higher education". You are getting a degree, pursuing next-level schooling to LEARN. It will drain you. You will fall, you will get dirty. But- for yourself and others- don't go along with those marching off towards some imagined oasis to refresh, to clean themselves off. Wear your sweat with pride- that will take you places.
~
To whoever needs to hear it: knowledge can never overshadow the value of emotional intelligence. Spread the happiness you reap from being independent from others. Show those around you *a* way towards success- we're all a little lost, but we can find each other in the end.

At a dead end. New natural gas furnace installed last fall, 80% efficient, metal exhaust pipe, verified clear. Filter becomes blackened after 2-3 weeks. No AC, no humidifier, simple unit. Had a professional clean the ducts, and air returns, no candles, no cooking, no smoking in the house. Gas water heater checked and not backdrafting, no other gas appliances in the house. The furnace is still blowing black soot and the carpets, walls and window blinds show debris. Just had another tech check out the furnace and can’t find anything wrong. Where could this be coming from?

1
When lilacs last in the door-yard bloom’d,
And the great star early droop’d in the western sky in the night,
I mourn’d—and yet shall mourn with ever-returning spring.
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O ever-returning spring! trinity sure to me you bring;
Lilac blooming perennial, and drooping star in the west,
And thought of him I love.
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2
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O powerful, western, fallen star!
O shades of night! O moody, tearful night!
O great star disappear’d! O the black murk that hides the star!
O cruel hands that hold me powerless! O helpless soul of me!
O harsh surrounding cloud, that will not free my soul!
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3
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In the door-yard fronting an old farm-house, near the white-wash’d palings,
Stands the lilac bush, tall-growing, with heart-shaped leaves of rich green,
With many a pointed blossom, rising, delicate, with the perfume strong I love,
With every leaf a miracle......and from this bush in the door-yard,
With delicate-color’d blossoms, and heart-shaped leaves of rich green,
A sprig, with its flower, I break.
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4
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In the swamp, in secluded recesses,
A shy and hidden bird is warbling a song.
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Solitary, the thrush,
The hermit, withdrawn to himself, avoiding the settlements,
Sings by himself a song.
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Song of the bleeding throat!
Death’s outlet song of life—(for well, dear brother, I know
If thou wast not gifted to sing, thou would’st surely die.)
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5
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Over the breast of the spring, the land, amid cities,
Amid lanes, and through old woods, (where lately the violets peep’d from the ground, spotting the gray debris;)
Amid the grass in the fields each side of the lanes—passing the endless grass;
Passing the yellow-spear’d wheat, every grain from its shroud in the dark-brown fields uprising;
Passing the apple-tree blows of white and pink in the orchards;
Carrying a corpse to where it shall rest in the grave,
Night and day journeys a coffin.
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6
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Coffin that passes through lanes and streets,
Through day and night, with the great cloud darkening the land,
With the pomp of the inloop’d flags, with the cities draped in black,
With the show of the States themselves, as of crape-veil’d women, standing,
With processions long and winding, and the flambeaus of the night,
With the countless torches lit—with the silent sea of faces, and the unbared heads,
With the waiting depot, the arriving coffin, and the sombre faces,
With dirges through the night, with the thousand voices rising strong and solemn;
With all the mournful voices of the dirges, pour’d around the coffin,
The dim-lit churches and the shuddering organs—Where amid these you journey,
With the tolling, tolling bells’ perpetual clang;
Here! coffin that slowly passes,
I give you my sprig of lilac.
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7
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(Nor for you, for one, alone;
Blossoms and branches green to coffins all I bring:
For fresh as the morning—thus would I carol a song for you, O sane and sacred death.
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All over bouquets of roses,
O death! I cover you over with roses and early lilies;
But mostly and now the lilac that blooms the first,
Copious, I break, I break the sprigs from the bushes;
With loaded arms I come, pouring for you,
For you, and the coffins all of you, O death.)
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8
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O western orb, sailing the heaven!
Now I know what you must have meant, as a month since we walk’d,
As we walk’d up and down in the dark blue so mystic,
As we walk’d in silence the transparent shadowy night,
As I saw you had something to tell, as you bent to me night after night,
As you droop’d from the sky low down, as if to my side, (while the other stars all look’d on;)
As we wander’d together the solemn night, (for something, I know not what, kept me from sleep;)
As the night advanced, and I saw on the rim of the west, ere you went, how full you were of woe;
As I stood on the rising ground in the breeze, in the cold transparent night,
As I watch’d where you pass’d and was lost in the netherward black of the night,
As my soul, in its trouble, dissatisfied, sank, as where you, sad orb,
Concluded, dropt in the night, and was gone.
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9
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Sing on, there in the swamp!
O singer bashful and tender! I hear your notes—I hear your call;
I hear—I come presently—I understand you;
But a moment I linger—for the lustrous star has detain’d me;
The star, my departing comrade, holds and detains me.
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10
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O how shall I warble myself for the dead one there I loved?
And how shall I deck my song for the large sweet soul that has gone?
And what shall my perfume be, for the grave of him I love?
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Sea-winds, blown from east and west,
Blown from the eastern sea, and blown from the western sea, till there on the prairies meeting:
These, and with these, and the breath of my chant,
I perfume the grave of him I love.
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11
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O what shall I hang on the chamber walls?
And what shall the pictures be that I hang on the walls,
To adorn the burial-house of him I love?
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Pictures of growing spring, and farms, and homes,
With the Fourth-month eve at sundown, and the gray smoke lucid and bright,
With floods of the yellow gold of the gorgeous, indolent, sinking sun, burning, expanding the air;
With the fresh sweet herbage under foot, and the pale green leaves of the trees prolific;
In the distance the flowing glaze, the breast of the river, with a wind-dapple here and there;
With ranging hills on the banks, with many a line against the sky, and shadows;
And the city at hand, with dwellings so dense, and stacks of chimneys,
And all the scenes of life, and the workshops, and the workmen homeward returning.
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12
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Lo! body and soul! this land!
Mighty Manhattan, with spires, and the sparkling and hurrying tides, and the ships;
The varied and ample land—the South and the North in the light—Ohio’s shores, and flashing Missouri,
And ever the far-spreading prairies, cover’d with grass and corn.
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Lo! the most excellent sun, so calm and haughty;
The violet and purple morn, with just-felt breezes;
The gentle, soft-born, measureless light;
The miracle, spreading, bathing all—the fulfill’d noon;
The coming eve, delicious—the welcome night, and the stars,
Over my cities shining all, enveloping man and land.
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13
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Sing on! sing on, you gray-brown bird!
Sing from the swamps, the recesses—pour your chant from the bushes;
Limitless out of the dusk, out of the cedars and pines.
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Sing on, dearest brother—warble your reedy song;
Loud human song, with voice of uttermost woe.
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O liquid, and free, and tender!
O wild and loose to my soul! O wondrous singer!
You only I hear......yet the star holds me, (but will soon depart;)
Yet the lilac, with mastering odor, holds me.
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14
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Now while I sat in the day, and look’d forth,
In the close of the day, with its light, and the fields of spring, and the farmer preparing his crops,
In the large unconscious scenery of my land, with its lakes and forests,
In the heavenly aerial beauty, (after the perturb’d winds, and the storms;)
Under the arching heavens of the afternoon swift passing, and the voices of children and women,
The many-moving sea-tides,—and I saw the ships how they sail’d,
And the summer approaching with richness, and the fields all busy with labor,
And the infinite separate houses, how they all went on, each with its meals and minutia of daily usages;
And the streets, how their throbbings throbb’d, and the cities pent—lo! then and there,
Falling upon them all, and among them all, enveloping me with the rest,
Appear’d the cloud, appear’d the long black trail;
And I knew Death, its thought, and the sacred knowledge of death.
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15
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Then with the knowledge of death as walking one side of me,
And the thought of death close-walking the other side of me,
And I in the middle, as with companions, and as holding the hands of companions,
I fled forth to the hiding receiving night, that talks not,
Down to the shores of the water, the path by the swamp in the dimness,
To the solemn shadowy cedars, and ghostly pines so still.
​
And the singer so shy to the rest receiv’d me;
The gray-brown bird I know, receiv’d us comrades three;
And he sang what seem’d the carol of death, and a verse for him I love.
​
From deep secluded recesses,
From the fragrant cedars, and the ghostly pines so still,
Came the carol of the bird.
​
And the charm of the carol rapt me,
As I held, as if by their hands, my comrades in the night;
And the voice of my spirit tallied the song of the bird.
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16
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DEATH CAROL.
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Come, lovely and soothing Death,
Undulate round the world, serenely arriving, arriving,
In the day, in the night, to all, to each,
Sooner or later, delicate Death.
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Prais’d be the fathomless universe,
For life and joy, and for objects and knowledge curious;
And for love, sweet love—But praise! praise! praise!
For the sure-enwinding arms of cool-enfolding Death.
​
Dark Mother, always gliding near, with soft feet,
Have none chanted for thee a chant of fullest welcome?
​
Then I chant it for thee—I glorify thee above all;
I bring thee a song that when thou must indeed come, come unfalteringly.
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Approach, strong Deliveress!
When it is so—when thou hast taken them, I joyously sing the dead,
Lost in the loving, floating ocean of thee,
Laved in the flood of thy bliss, O Death.
​
From me to thee glad serenades,
Dances for thee I propose, saluting thee—adornments and feastings for thee;
And the sights of the open landscape, and the high-spread sky, are fitting,
And life and the fields, and the huge and thoughtful night.
​
The night, in silence, under many a star;
The ocean shore, and the husky whispering wave, whose voice I know;
And the soul turning to thee, O vast and well-veil’d Death,
And the body gratefully nestling close to thee.
​
Over the tree-tops I float thee a song!
Over the rising and sinking waves—over the myriad fields, and the prairies wide;
Over the dense-pack’d cities all, and the teeming wharves and ways,
I float this carol with joy, with joy to thee, O Death!
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17
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To the tally of my soul,
Loud and strong kept up the gray-brown bird,
With pure, deliberate notes, spreading, filling the night.
​
Loud in the pines and cedars dim,
Clear in the freshness moist, and the swamp-perfume;
And I with my comrades there in the night.
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While my sight that was bound in my eyes unclosed,
As to long panoramas of visions.
​
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18
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I saw askant the armies;
And I saw, as in noiseless dreams, hundreds of battle-flags;
Borne through the smoke of the battles, and pierc’d with missiles, I saw them,
And carried hither and yon through the smoke, and torn and bloody;
And at last but a few shreds left on the staffs, (and all in silence,)
And the staffs all splinter’d and broken.
​
I saw battle-corpses, myriads of them,
And the white skeletons of young men—I saw them;
I saw the debris and debris of all the dead soldiers of the war;
But I saw they were not as was thought;
They themselves were fully at rest—they suffer’d not;
The living remain’d and suffer’d—the mother suffer’d,
And the wife and the child, and the musing comrade suffer’d,
And the armies that remain’d suffer’d.
​
​
19
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Passing the visions, passing the night;
Passing, unloosing the hold of my comrades’ hands;
Passing the song of the hermit bird, and the tallying song of my soul,
(Victorious song, death’s outlet song, yet varying, ever-altering song,
As low and wailing, yet clear the notes, rising and falling, flooding the night,
Sadly sinking and fainting, as warning and warning, and yet again bursting with joy,
Covering the earth, and filling the spread of the heaven,
As that powerful psalm in the night I heard from recesses,)
Passing, I leave thee, lilac with heart-shaped leaves;
I leave thee there in the door-yard, blooming, returning with spring,
I cease from my song for thee;
From my gaze on thee in the west, fronting the west, communing with thee,
O comrade lustrous, with silver face in the night.
​
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20
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Yet each I keep, and all, retrievements out of the night;
The song, the wondrous chant of the gray-brown bird,
And the tallying chant, the echo arous’d in my soul,
With the lustrous and drooping star, with the countenance full of woe,
With the lilac tall, and its blossoms of mastering odor;
With the holders holding my hand, nearing the call of the bird,
Comrades mine, and I in the midst, and their memory ever I keep—for the dead I loved so well;
For the sweetest, wisest soul of all my days and lands...and this for his dear sake;
Lilac and star and bird, twined with the chant of my soul,
There in the fragrant pines, and the cedars dusk and dim.

I'm 24, in uni, and trying my best to do what I can for myself.
A few months ago, I stopped working at a job (the best job I've ever had) because they started assigning me morning shifts. I have a huge problem with sleeping, and I'm constantly feeling like I'm low on energy.
Every day, I wake up feeling extremely miserable and angry. I get so angry that I punch things, I yell to myself, and I cry in frustration of how awful everything feels to me. I just can't shake it out of my head.
In these moments after I wake up, everything on my skin feels oily and disgusting, even if I got a shower the night before, and I don't dare to touch my hair because of how dirty it can feel. Aside from feeling dirty, I also feel extremely drowsy and nauseous. I don't eat in the mornings because, if I even drink a tiny bit of water, it makes me feel like I'm going to throw up. Because of this, I rarely eat or drink until the afternoon when I feel a little bit better, or until the hunger outweighs this awful feeling.
Because I've had to get up for uni, I've been taking melatonin supplements to experiment (I will often toss and turn endlessly without them, but sometimes they don't do anything for me). Some days I feel kind of alright, but most of the time I still feel awful. I've experimented around with different hours of sleep to see if I was sleeping too much or too little, but this has come up pretty inconclusive.
At 24, the recommended hours is around 7-9... but 7 hours, 8 hours, and 9 hours of sleep all make me feel the same way - awful, drowsy, nauseous, dirty, and exhausted. The only way I feel "well rested" is if I go back to sleep for a few extra hours and wake up then. This makes it at around 11 AM, regardless of what time I fell asleep at.
I don't eat at night, I don't drink any caffeine or do any drugs. I never have dreams, and I often wake up in the middle of the night (sometimes because of sleep paralysis). Even in my youth, I slept a ton at my grandparent's house. I would go on their couch and just sleep, which raised concerns with my family that I had trouble sleeping, but nothing ever came of that.
​
It's taking a major toll on me. I don't have any energy throughout the day. My mornings consist of me being a mindless robot that wanders around.
I tried going to the gym with my friend, and we went a fair few times, but even going at 9 AM was too much for me. After our workouts, I would feel violently sick in the car ride back.
It's also having an impact on my memory, I feel. Throughout the day, I have major trouble retaining information and remembering things... I'm having trouble keeping up with my hobbies (drawing and guitar) and I often let them go unpracticed for weeks on end.
Even if I have free time, I just don't touch those things. I feel too tired by the time I come home, even though I was tired all day already.
​
I'm also not as outgoing as I used to be. When I was working that job I mentioned earlier, I was so up front with people and kind-hearted. Nowadays, I feel secluded, invisible. When I eat my lunch at uni, I look around to see if anyone is staring at me. I feel like I'm constantly on the spot, like eating alone is weird. I never feel comfortable in public anymore. I always feel like I'm on a stage.
I don't talk to people or do what I want to do. I always daydream of a person I'd rather be. There was a woman who was struggling to set up a stroller with her baby in one of her arms, and I just glanced the other way. I feel like if it were truly up to me, I would have helped, but I also feel like she would have thought I was weird. I feel like everyone thinks I am weird, like everything I say, and how I say it, is so weird. At uni, I just feel like a loser.
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If it were up to me, I'd like to get 8 hours of sleep and wake up feeling well rested, get to school with a good attitude, remember what was taught to me, talk to people in public, do the things I want to do, and be proud of myself. I'd come home to practice my hobbies daily, work out consistently, and fall asleep for the next day. But... I am just unable to do that.
Right now, I'm always feeling tired (not eating breakfast as a result), I'm never working out, my hobbies just keep getting further and further out of reach, I forget things that happened even if they just happened hours earlier, and I act like I am invisible in public, but at the same time... like I am on a stage. My life is just a blur passing me by, and I dread every day that I have to leave my room. It's damn near forced me to make some stupid decisions.
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These things; my sleep, my hobbies, my sensitivity (emotional and physical, with disgusted feelings), my memory... they're all things that make me regret so much. They're things that make me constantly daydream about a better life.
I don't know where to even begin.