The mods predictably shut comments down, as this topic is polarizing, but as a professional dog trainer, I had this to say. I wanted a to reach a larger audience so I'll share this here.
I commend you and respect your decision more than you know. I've been a balanced trainer for almost two decades, anvjhh it's one of my biggest hopes that we will see the stigma surrounding behavioral euthanasia will lift because I don't have enough fingers and toes to equal the number of times I've weighed and laid out for owners and concluded that BE was the kindest, most responsible, and most of all, the RIGHT choice. But the owners chose to disregard and even accuse me of being an animal abusers or "just not knowing how to train a dog is all" because they have a Disneyfied view on life and animal behavior in particular and believe that love will change an animals fundamental and instinctive nature. Newsflash: nature always overcomes nurture. Any trainer who tells you that can train out genetic aggression or that "every dog can be saved" is full of shit and is a snake oil salesman. Any person that thinks cramming a cornucopia of pills down their dogs throat then keeping it under lock and key is any way to live is out of their damn mind and not really an animal lover regardless of what they may preach.
And before anyone gets sand in their ass crack about it (and I would hope my fellow honest professional dog trainers will back me up on this), the majority of which are pit bull type dogs, must meet certain criteria to meet that places them snugly in the category of "Irreparable - Too Dangerous". For anybody with logic, the pit bull and it's close cousins are bred for fighting and bull baiting or hunting. It's just common sense that a type of dog created for that type of activity are going to have alheightened aggression. Terriers in general were all need for one reason, and that is to kill. Every single breed. And they're all quite scrappy anyway. To have a dog that possesses this as a genetic trait takes accepting and rearranging your life and learning to keep people safe from your dog and vice versa.
It's not a decision that I take lightly (although when I come to a conclusion it is made there on the spot - it's very easy to assess what you should do with a dog in terms of training or medication, and of course, BE. And I'm not biased in terms of being heavy handed when I give them my professional opinion, it doesn't matter the breed. I have told owners of 5lb dogs that unless they were willing to put up with it, that was on them, but that my recommendation is that they elect for behavioral euthanasia. I had a couple of veterinarians in area the area whose numbers I'd provide them with who were willing to perform the operation, because a surprising number of vets will not help ease the mental pain suffered by a dog who cannot voice it's anguish. As long as it is physically healthy, it shouldn't be out to sleep, is their logic.
But a life spent constantly tense, in a perpetual state of hypervigilance, finger snap personality changes, anxious, told by your brain something is wrong and the answer is violence, or just being true to it's nature as a dog, which is where a dog is just wired to carry out the cycle of predation; locate , stalk, chase, bite, maul, kill. This genetic trait can be more problematic to ever solve since it is a self rewarding behavior; tack that on a breed already predisposed to genetic aggression and you can have a dog that is far too dangerous for anyone less than a seasoned trainer to ownand those types of unicorn homes with no other dogs, other animals, kids, frail people, or close neighbors and are super vigilant when they're out tnd anal retentive when it comes to keeping the dog contained securely are as rare as their namesake. Part of our job as canine professionals is to not only evaluate and trainer a dog, it is also to make sure you are not putting everyone in the community in danger. Even if your dog "just" kills the neighbors cat, it wasn't "just" a cat to them just as your dog isn't "just" a dog to you. That cat was family to somebody.
Scenario:Now imagine you didn't rationalize that your dog killing something without provocation. Your dog is out of control. You consult with a trained professional (say, me). We talk and establish that your dog checks of the majority of the boxes in the section marking candidates for BE.
You allow the trainer to see the dog in it's home environment, in it's territory (a short 5-6 blocks up and back around and back (hopefully coming across some triggers so I can observe and see if it is manageable, and in an unfamiliar place, where we get in the car and drive somewhere the dog has never been and observe the behavior then, then assess the owners training and management ability. A weak or incompetent trainer simply is not acceptable and not everyone is good with animals. They simply cannot read body language, pick up cues, expert enough authority over the animal, or effectively communicate with the dog in a way it will understand, or come across to me as chronically irresponsible, lazy, wilfully ignorant and refuse to take direction, too constitutionally weak to handle a dog that represents a safety concern, that is all take into consideration when I offer you my final decision. Behavioral euthanasia is the best and kindest option and that I can walk you through it. I help you to understand it is not a failure on your part, or what you could or shouldn't have done. Sometimes a dog just isn't wired right. It could seriously hurt or kill someone including you in the blink of an eye. Just because it hasn't happened yet doesn't mean it won't, and when a clear pattern of dangerous behavior. Every single owner of a dog that seriously injures or kills someone says "But he never did that before."
You decide to disregard this advice, thinking it cruel or evil, or thinking I'm taking the lazy way out, question the trainers integrity and judgment and skill because "So-and-so from YouTube doesn't give up on his clients. All dogs can be fixed, I just need a different trainer, a better trainer
I see you around on FB, your feed is a continuous documentary of your catastrophic attempt to own and safely manage a dog that's a walking time bomb; " Today Zeus almost killed another dog for no reason at the dog park today. I just don't understand we've been working with trainers and he was doing pretty good, he even played with this same dog last week now I'm asking for prayers for all of us"
You almost don't want walk him anymore, but he needs to go out, right?
The walk is lovely until you turn the corner and uh-oh! Zeus literally turns you into a human kite soaring along behind you as it pursues a particularly tasty child with their faithful object of your dogs fixation originally. It tears the into other dog, being at eye height, the child is severely bitten, mauled or even killed. Yes, it happens. At least once in the 60 ish on average canine inflicted deaths in my country, the US.
When I recommend BE, it is for the sake of the dogs mental health because a life of severe neuroses you neither understand nor can explain, or spend you life doped to the gills under lock and key 24/7, or warehoused and forgotten to languish and take up teousrces for years. You should ALWAYS be present during the euthanasia of your pet, even if it breaks your heart. One, because you need to be there to provide emotional support and hold your dog while they administer the sleepy time juice. And if you don't stay with your animal and leave it anxious and confused to be PTS in the already stressful vets officer, you're a dick, full stop.
AND AND AND. You also NEED to be there and see for yourself that your dog really has passed on, check for a pulse when the vet announces TOD to you. There really are vets out there who will go as far as deeply sedating a dog when an owner they gauge naive enough to have their dog pumped full of enough anesthesia to knock out a horse and it suppresses respiration, they tell the owner the dog is gone and sneak it out the back door to take home because again, they're ARAs, which is much different than the superior support of Animal Welfare. If you're not there for the procedure, there is a high chance of some do gooder who just takes the dog and flips it and puts it in some random home, where oftentimes someone is hurt severely.
ATTENTION: Did you know there are only two freaking states in the entire US where it is *required by law for shelters to give the dogs bite history to you?* That's right, 48 states don't have to tell you your new pet was in the shelter for almost ripping the previous owners kis face off. Sickeningly, there is even a "nom-profit charity" called "The Lexus Project" who devotes MILLIONS to slimeball lawyers whose purpose is to represent dogs who have SEVERELY hurt or killed people, one such famous case is with Mickey pit bull in Arizona who almost ripped his owners young kids face off because he was a resource guarder. People blamed the kid for a dogs bad behavior and they came and the mayor of some town nearby adopted the mutt and gave it a lavish life while anti human pit worshippers sniffed his farts for rescuing a "poor innocent pibbles tortured into having to fight for his life from an evil six year old". It's pretty sick and you can Google it; it's pretty bizarre and sick to me. Most of the dogs are, surprise... Pit bulls.
The reason I never advocate rehoming these dogs, not only is it irresponsible as fuck to place a dog whose unpredictable aggression is so bad that a loving owner decided it wasn't safe to have anymore, but again you have to weigh the risk to a community. Sometimes even one attack is enough to take a life.
It's a difficult choice to make. Don't beat yourself up. You are releasing your dog from it's mental prison and taken a lot of anxiety and stress surrounding your dog lifted from not only yourself but the entire community. I'd suggest finding a reputable breeder next time who knows what they're doing mixing genetics and breeding anomal
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I apologize that this is going to be long, but I need help with my marriage. My husband and I are in our 30's and are both family physicians. As a physician, mental health treatment is severely limited as we have to disclose depression, anxiety, etc. when applying for state licenses, board certification, etc. I constantly live in silent suffering, putting on a face for my patients and colleagues. I have crossed state lines and paid in cash to seek therapy but it hasn't been very helpful. I appreciate whoever takes the time to read this and help with advice.
My husband and I come from different backgrounds. I grew up poor in Appalachia, lived in a single-wide mobile home and ate things like ketchup packets, mashed potato flakes or coffee creamer. I had never went to the doctor and the first time I went to the dentist I was 17. My childhood was spent playing in the woods and babysitting my little brother who is 10 years younger than me. My mom worked the night shift and my dad worked the day shift. My dad was very religious, paranoid, verbally / physically abusive to me and my mom. One time I couldn't find the phone for him to call his cousin and he got mad, gathered up all my toys and burned them in the back yard. I began drawing my own paper dolls and when he found them, he ripped them up saying it was "idol worship." He would call me "child" instead of my name, for example, "hey child, make me a tuna sandwich." He always got the biggest portions of food. When I was 8 years old he told me not to call him "daddy" anymore to hurt my mom.
My mom was MIA with severe depression, just sleeping on her days off. Other things he did was beat my sibling so bad he couldn't go to school and I took video of it, showing the librarian who then called CPS. My dad was arrested, but since he was related to the judge, the case was dismissed. The years went by getting called names, hair pulling, doing all cooking and all the cleaning; he never lifted a finger. I was 16 years old when my mom found out my dad was cheating on her with a coworker and she needed the GeoTracker to go to work that night; he was going to take it to see his girlfriend, and he started beating my mom up. I jumped out the window to help my mom and my dad grabbed my hair, screaming, "I HATE YOU!!!!!!!" Over and over and over, his voice echoing throughout the holler.
Since I was really young I have experienced extreme empathy, to the point of being a people pleaser. I always wanted to help people and animals. I never threw trash on the ground, I helped injured animals. When I was 10 years old, I scooped up tadpoles from puddles so they wouldn't die when the puddle dried up and put them in an old broken fish aquarium, releasing them back to wild when they would grow legs. To this day, frogs have a special place in my heart.
I was bullied in high school because I brought paper dolls to my first day of freshman year, I was the youngest in my high school at 13 years old. My clothes smelled like moth balls. During a fake fire drill, students had to go on the football field and there an an instance where a male student urinated on me and threw a keychain at me that he lit on fire. I was bullied because I always wore coats, even in 80 degree weather. I was ashamed at how thin I looked, I have always looked way younger than what I really am. I attempted suicide twice when I was a teenager.
I made good grades, was salutatorian of my class. I was able to get a full paid scholarship to a nearby college but I rejected it and took out a massive amount of student loans to attend University 4 hours away. I wanted to branch out in the world and I wanted to become a physician. I wanted to see what was beyond the mountains. I truly wanted to help people as it brought me happiness.
When I was 17, I started my freshman year of college. I did not know how to drive, did not have a car, my speech / grammar was very bad (I had to learn how to speak proper English), I basically lacked common sense. I walked everywhere - to campus, to the bank, to the grocery store. I had severe social phobia and anxiety. My last class to complete my bachelor of science degree was oral communications (night class as I hate public speaking). Sometimes a grocery store trip took 2 hours. During this time, to make extra money, I began selling art on eBay, making enough money to cover the monthly rent an bills. I drew portraits and also anime fanart.
Fast forward through med school, my social phobia began to improve as I got more exposure talking to people. It was my first day of clinical rotation on internal medicine and no one would show me how to write a progress note except one student. I was so shocked that someone could be this nice, to take time out of their schedule to help me. I continued to follow him like a lost puppy and we became friends. I had never dated anyone before and after 6 months of being friends he asked me to go to Starbucks. We eventually got engaged, then married, and moved to separate states to do our residencies.
Some background information about my husband - he was born in India and moved to Canada as a child. His dad was in the navy and his mom was a teacher. They had servants growing up who did all the cleaning, cooking, etc. He was given pretty much anything he asked for, which looking back, explains a lot of his behavior.
After completing residency, we finally moved to start our family practice careers. When we started living together as a married couple, things started to change. He expected me to wait on him - cook, clean, head massage, fold his clothes - basically everything his mother did for him. And if I did not do something right or not do it right away, he would get upset and run and tell his mother everything. He talked to her about our arguments all of the time.
Overtime, he began calling me names like b****, neurotic, crazy, delusional, childish, etc. Several months ago I was washing a large plastic bin in the sink and he was concerned I would knock a glass onto the floor and it would break. He started screaming at me, took the bin from me, threw it in the hall and then slapped me in the back of the head. Over the years, he would belittle me, make fun of where I grew up, call me naïve if I did not know how something worked. A few months ago he wanted chicken and so I made some in the Air Fryer, but it wasn't the same as his mom's chicken, and he yelled at me, saying I ruined the chicken and told his mom. I offered to make the chicken again, but he refused to eat it if I did, and DoorDashed Chinese food. He also calls me weird and says no one else would put up with me - meaning my collection of Sailor Moon dolls and Animal Crossing merchandise is a turn off. (BTW, when I was in medical school, I played a lot of Animal Crossing back in those days, they were so positive!)
He will not let me sleep in the same bed, saying I disturb his sleep. He sleeps in the Master Bedroom and I either sleep in the living room on the couch or in the attic. There was an instant where he had gone to sleep and I needed a new toothbrush, so I snuck in the Master Bedroom, crawling with my cellphone light on, but he saw it, got extremely angry and went to knock everything over in my closet, screaming obscenities. I could not sleep that night and had to go into the clinic in the morning to see patients, pretending nothing was wrong. My eyes were extremely swollen from crying and the staff had asked if I was feeling ok, thinking I was getting COVID. I dreaded coming home, often times hoping I would get in a car accident and die.
Last year I was diagnosed with autoimmune diseases narcolepsy and ankylosing spondylitis after contracting COVID from a patient who lied about having it during the COVID pre-screen questionnaire. I had to establish with neurologist and rheumatologist for treatment, and now take medications. Due to my declining health, I had to leave my clinic job as a family physician and now I work from home via Telehealth.
Something happened last night that made me realize my husband does not love me, and honestly, I don't believe anyone in this world loves me. I don't think I love myself. I wanted to sleep in the same bed with my husband and he got upset, saying I woke him up with having restless legs. He threw the blanket off of me, tore off the heated eye mask I was wearing and turned on the tv to 80 points so that I would leave the room. He then passed gas extremely loud and then LAUGHED as I started to cry. I left, going up to the attic to sleep.
When I try to talk to my husband about how I feel, he always turns it around on me, saying I have a big ego, I can't take criticism and I'm too sensitive. When I request I would like him to be more positive, he says things like, "this is the real world, people aren't nice." I think he became a physician because he was expected to, not because he wanted to. He starts to say things like, "I do all kinds of things for you! I pay the bills, take the dog places, follow up on important tasks that you forget!"
I apologize for the long essay, this is the first time I have told my story, to strangers on the internet. I often think what is my purpose in life? I miss my patients from the clinic, I miss that human bond. Now I feel lonely, hopeless and don't know where to go from here. What can I do to improve my life and my self esteem without the medical board knowing?

I'm sorry if this sounds like a bad idea.
How they will work: They essentially give the character you selected a unique ability that can be deactivated or reactivated in the lobby in a different customization called "Character Abilities." Depending on the character, the different the perks you use. Each character has three unique perks; however, they can only use one.
Each character's perks are unlocked through different ways, similar to the new weapon progression system, but a little easier. The methods of unlocking them is debatable. The perks can also be upgraded using challenge coins. This will most likely be difficult because some of the perks has to have something to do with each character's profession, behavior, or backstory. Doing this required some knowledge in World War Z lore, so I had to get to it ASAP.
Anyway, let's get to each perk. Enjoy.
Right now, I only have perks for the survivors in Jerusalem. The rest will be done later on.
Jerusalem Characters:
Judd:
(Perk One) Hawkeye: As a former photographer with great vision, Judd will be able to see automatically marked equipment bags, or crates in 15 meters of his sight. (When Upgraded: Judd will be able to see them in 30 meters of his sight.) [Equipment bags and crates must be in his line of sight. If they are behind something like a wall, they will not be displayed.]
(Perk Two) Impatience: Respawn Timer for Judd is decreased by 10%, but the time for him to die while incapacitated is decreased by 25%. (When Upgraded: The Respawn Timer for Judd is decreased by 20%. [Upgrade does not further decrease the time to stay alive while incapacitated.])
(Perk Three) My Rifle: After trading his camera with a rifle, Judd's magazine size in semi-automatic rifles has increased to 5. (When Upgraded: Judd's magazine size in semi-automatic rifles has increased to 10 and has a 10% chance to penetrate an additional target.)
Dina:
(Perk One) Revenge: Dina will be able to hit 3 more zombies with explosives, but she will deal 10% less damage with guns. (When Upgraded: Dina will hit 6 more Targets with explosives. [Damage with guns will not decrease further, but ammo for primary and secondary weapons will decrease by 15%.])
(Perk Two) Sharpshooter: When crouching, Dina's handling and accuracy will be increased by 10%. (When Upgraded: When crouching, Dina's handling and accuracy will be increased by 20%. Firearm damage will also increase by 10% while crouching.
(Perk Three) Adrenaline: When Dina is at 50% Health, she will swing melee weapons 15% faster. (When Upgraded: When Dina is at 50% Health, she will swing melee weapons 25% faster, and can perform 2 more melee strikes before becoming tired.)
Ethan:
(Perk One) Mr. War: As a skilled soldier, Ethan will deal 7.5% damage with semi-automatic weapons, and 15% less friendly fire damage with full-auto weapons. (When upgraded, Ethan will deal 15% more damage with semi-automatic weapons. Friendly fire with full-auto weapons decreased by 30%.)
(Perk Two) Survival Instinct: Ethan will be able to sprint 10% faster when he is at 35% health. (When Upgraded: Ethan will sprint 15% faster and will walk 5% faster when he is at 35% health. (A sound will indicate that the perk is activated.
(Perk Three) An Upgrade from Greengold: With the help of Greengold's efforts, Ethan's outfit will give him 10% resistance to damage from all sources. (When Upgraded: Ethan will have 20% resistance to damage from all sources.)
Daniel:
(Perk One) Let there be Light: Oil puddles shot by Daniel [as well as equipment or weapons capable of producing fire used by him] will be able to burn 10% longer. (When Upgraded: The oil puddles and weapons or equipment that produce fire will burn 20% longer.)
(Perk Two) Elite Guard: Daniel will be able to revive Greengold 15% faster. Doing this will protect Greengold from being pinned by all zombies for 10 seconds. (When Upgraded: Daniel will be able to revive Greengold 25% faster. [No increase to Greengold's protection from being pinned, but it can let Greengold deal 25% damage to zombies for 10 seconds.])
(Perk Three) Family Blessing: With the hope of seeing his family again in the afterlife, Daniel's Health will slowly regenerate till it reaches 25%. (When Upgraded: Daniels Health will slowly regenerate till it reaches 50%.) [Note that when using this perk, you cannot use med kits on yourself until your health regenerates to the max amount it can reach, and you cannot use bandage kits.]
One more thing I should mention, after you get all of the perks unlocked and upgraded for one character, you will gain the ability to use two perks at once with that character. [Note that if you have two perks active, the effectiveness of the perks will be the amount they were before being upgraded. This is done so it can be balanced.]
New York Character Perks are in progress.

TLDR, my unconscious has become conscious, therapy failed but I'm kicking trauma butt generationally, yet I'm still so broken. Is there a version of talk therapy that would help me and my daughter?
I (M40+) have CPTSD, 2months premie, no touch for 8 weeks in an incubator, sick brother who passed away from 2-6. Violent childhood “you should have died instead of ” beatings, homeless teen 30+ PTSDs, no education past 16. Turned my life around at 21, successful adult working just below C-Level in large MMCs, lived in a couple of different countries, still don’t own a house but who can these days if you live in a major city.
Therapy of 5 years went wrong for me 1 1/2 years ago. We had a rupture and she told me she felt a deep love for me, she thought our inner childs connected, Im one of her favourite client, always in her head, she always envisioned she would ask me to be friends 2 years from when she retired or I finished treatment, if I left she would be devastated and need therapy herself. 100% invested in me and my daughters outcome.
I ran, that’s terrifying to me… not aware I was attached and it ripped all my repressed trauma out and I started to have nonstop flashbacks from when I was 18months old to 21. I went back asking what the hell is happening help! but she made mistake after mistake desperately trying to salvage and repair but my trauma just consumed us e.g. complimenting my inner child and angering my protector parts as she wasn’t safe, poking a flashback instead of grounding, she started to be in my trauma nightmares, I ended up burning the relationship to prevent me from keep going back and she probably should have terminated/transferred me out long before that point as it always made me worse if I tried to re-engage with her. I was stuck in flashbacks for a year, my log comes to approx 69,700 flashbacks, it was rough and terrifying. Private Hospitals turned me away, 80% of therapist will not touch me, the few that would had no idea how to help get me out of that state. My daughters attachment completely shutdown from the way I was neglecting her from being so nonfunctional and broken.
I used to be bitter at the lack of accountability and how the industry turned away, apparently it as my attachment that played out… A hospital even said “We have seen this a few times, its sad when this happens but imagine what it would be like for the other patients, hear how you talk, everything you learnt, all your work and yet this can happen, what would it do to them?” I felt like the industries dirty secret.
This isn’t an anti therapy post though. I'm glad it went wrong as I wouldn’t have been able to do what I did with my daughter’s challenges. I just don’t know what to do next and want to see if anyone has any ideas or resource materials that might help?
I found Dr Dan Browns 3 pillaPerfect Parent work via a podcast: therapy uncensored TU87 complex trauma and attachment. It taught me that CPTSD is a disorganised attachment with trauma on top… heal the attachment then the trauma can clear without much work, or you can then clear it relationally… It made me realize I gave my daughter a disorganised attachment, her fear of my voice/face expression is the fear of us rupturing from my triggers and me withdrawing, dissociating instead of watching over her from the pain my love for her brings me. A separation incident when she was 2 her first “PTSD”, (who am I kidding, Im probably PTSD 1-10). We thought she was HSP, intense from birth, smart, deep, very verbal… She has just been diagnosed ASD1, her behviours only really kicked off after the separation incident and got worse as I got worse. I figured I have to get myself out of the flashbacks, I can’t give up as that would be another PTSD for her… I have to heal our attachment to heal her challenges. In my hardest night as a teen, my 16 year old self swore if he ever had a child they would never feel what he did and yet I had failed this badly? It might be ASD but Im going to visit the elephant in the room… Im going to call it pre-verbal PTSDs/sensory overloads, developmental and attachment trauma all from me that is probably implicit memories now… She has CPTSD if Dan Browns view is right and developing in constant flight/flight would present as autism from the sensory overload.
I ended up creating my own therapy modality for when therapy goes wrong. I work in an industry where if things go wrong we fix it and then spread awareness, if Dan Brown knew why therapy goes wrong for some or makes them feel worse and had a solution, the signs of too much trauma and disassociation, why does the industry not know and try to fix that failure rate? Just look at therapyabuse, its all attachment trauma, BDP/CPTSD. I can’t be angry at my ex-therapist when she was doing what she taught and was setup for failure - Trauma informed would make me worse due to my sensory and trauma profile.
It worked, my approach stopped my flashbacks, I then adapted it for my daughter. Heal her attachment and her trauma will pass. As I was reading more psych stuff, scraping university’s for learning materials and reading books to understand therapy, the process, what it should have been, I came across Aletha Solters developmental psych work… This women is a child whisperer. Her books tears and tantrums, attachment play and healing your traumatised child are incredible, it was all the missing pieces of my kids behavior. Bruce Perrys work and the concept of a child not being able to get themselves out of the trauma brain stem… My wife was stressed by my first few flashbacks when she was pregnant. Our kid was 4+Kg and we are small… All early signs we were unaware of and not getting picked up by the health industry, GPs should have a checklist our family situation is so textbook its tragic.
I took my kid to the beach and we went in the cold sea for cold therapy, use our reflexes if we can’t do it together naturally: shocking us both back into the parasympathetic nervous system, I did this a few times every couple of days, it also matches the concept of the intensity of the play should be close to the trauma that Aletha writes about. Me holding her as she can’t swim bringing her arousal up and down via cold temp and keeping her safe (She loved putting her private parts under the cold tap which gave me that idea! Very Freudian her parts knew what she needed, my version of IFS, I listened to your sensory parts as senses comes before emotion, that is how stupid I went with therapy concepts, joking around and doing the opposite). I got her OT to train to do Proges Safe and Sound protocol, hit the polyvagal nerve too (I wasn’t going to rely on just one approach). I then used attachment concepts and Aletha’s Attachment Play concepts to be the perfect parent as per Dan Browns approach, as I can’t teach my kid to visualize yet. I need to be that parent. I’ve built a plan up until 12 for a child 3 pillar approach, teaching her meta cognitive awareness and more explore/group activities to heal her attachment wounds and feel more safe with people.
Here is an example, my daughters ASD food sensitivity behaviour: treat it as a pre-verbal “trauma/stress” that was some how caused by me (I rushed her one time and playing over sad another time that she didn’t like a new dish I made… she is that empathic and sensitive…) I noticed she was activated in a flight fight by the way she was moving her body and lips like I would when I struggle to eat feeling sick when triggered and figured of course you wouldn’t want to eat in the mode, I asked to leave the room to make her feel safe, let her know I wasn’t angry at her. My wife attuned to her fear and made her feel safe, set the boundary that we can’t cook something else and then gave her the choice to eat it on her own or be spoon fed like a baby but Mum will pretend to be a robot to feed her… Aletha’s concept of regression play to heal … they laughed together though the meal. Afterwards I come back and ask if I can do that with her next time. She laughs and says yes but you have to pretend to throw food in my face if Im too slow (One of my concepts is that people hide insecurities in humour… ) It worked, she asked to do it again every now and then if she struggles as she might not be sure if she likes a dish, sometimes she likes it sometimes she just gives it a go and leaves a bit but its laughter between us all then the next time she eats the dish on her own if she liked it.
She started to ask to play hide and seek outside, in groups of people, in supermarkets, taking it more and more extreme healing her own separation trauma. She asks for pillow fights with me, building games with all the concepts Aletha writes, it so profound to witness… Its textbook, my daughrer hasnt read the book but she is asking to play the exact games written in the book for each challenge. We can watch other kids and see the same in them. She started a new school and just walked in from the car with no tears on day 2, didn’t even need a teacher. Pre-December she used to cry up until I passed her to the teacher for handover.
We played hide and seek for a year in OT but nothing changed. It wasn’t until my idea to get her out of the trauma brain stem did we see the shift, she no longer loops over fears, her attachment system opened up and made friends. She stopped grinding her teeth in her sleep. Now she acts like a sensitive anxious kid and people don’t believe us if we tell them she has ASD. My wife cried at what I had achieved last year but at the same time says she feels disgust that she loves me and had a kid with me. That me being me broke our daughter.
The therapists Ive tried to see just say I’m intimidating, the self awareness and the amount I have read this year, how does your brain even put that together, there is too much going on in there. I take them through every concept that impacted me growing up my modality and approaches. The way I mashed up lots of concepts, natural reflexes/Wim Hoff/Porges/IFS/Dan Browns/Love Languages/Alteha’s into a healing force. How I used symbolic play to heal my therapy trauma via my complaint that I never bothered submitting like a silly man child. I feel like none of them can help though. I need someone that can help build practical interventions for the challenges based off the psych concept at play or guide me to them. Not just talking about the problems, if I had reframed and listened that I was doing enough, there is no such thing as disorganised in a child, its just 33% of the time you have to get it right, its not me, its never the parents etc my child would be way down the spectrum with a closed attachment system. Therapist also don’t give advice… e.g. My child hid pain… No one could help figure out what to do… It was poor Interoceptive awareness plus the fear of showing negative emotions. e.g. a parent hitting a wall whilst holding their baby and pretending the baby is hurt then the baby starts to cry but in reverse. She is too shocked by the external impact to process it so shutdowns. I used DBT concept, a whiteboard to draw out what just happened, describe what she might be feeling but visually, bringing her back into awareness… She cried! She now scolds me if she hurts herself as somehow its my fault as it makes her feel safe to cry straight away. Now it is just me holding that anger at me, accepting it and then gently DBTing describing her experience to help her process what really happened in the moment. Building that trust and safety back.
An example for how I treat myself now. I lost my hearing in Feb, Nerusensori hearing loss, it came back and sound hurt like knifes digging in my ears. Loud noises left me in agony for 2-3 days. The Drs went be glad your hearing is back, get therapy for the life adjustments… You read of people close to suicide, relationships ruined by this condition. My daughter started to regress as I withdrew, her laughter hurting my ears too much. (Pretty cruel after a year of flashback to get a setback like that)
So I treated it like the trauma it was… I went and did cold therapy for me(I have other tricks for getting out of the trauma response, people reading this please don’t throw yourself in the sea or your autistic kids either), dive in the sea and screamed a rude word every couple of days, I figured I can’t get myself out of the brain stem too and this was really traumatic. Remedial massages to loosen the muscles around the ear that would have tensed up in the trauma guarding response. That would be pinching the ear nerve making the muscle tense stuck in a loop… Acupuncture as that is better than massages and a lesson in mindfulness to relax else it hurts more and then the Watson headache technique to loosen up C1/C2 that would also be upsetting the brainstem by the muscles all tightening up…. It worked, in 5 days hearing stopped hurting, then I went and got a muscle relaxer from the GP which took all the remaining pain away and went out forcing myself to go hear loud noises in the city and heal the trauma response that had started to happen from the fear of the pain. Trauma doesnt seem to stick anymore, I have a slightly stronger base.
I don’t dissociate anymore, when I struggle I visualise the energy in my nervous system as what some people would call your spirit but in the form of a flame, mine is strong but burns red (anger), green, orange, giving off toxic smoke, sometimes gasping its last breath other time roaring out hurting people around it, no matter how hard Im trying its hurting the flames around it, suffocating them too. I have to hold my flame in love, pure and white, strong but not too intense, the white light people say they see is just someone achieving non-duality with the collective conscious, the energy within us all etc. I picture the moment with my ex-therapist, the safety, attunement, the moment of profound deep love between us (it wasn’t sexual just a deep human connection, I prefer the label kindred spirits). That is my calm base what I am taking from the relationship and integrating, the rest I am letting go of. I find that space within me and then I bring the love I have for my daughter into that space, the first 4 months oxycontin feeling. I give that to myself then I roar my spirit/flame in delight.. upwards, not grounding for coming up with this nonsense. I then bring the disregulation back and hold it in that love and delight like a parent would to their baby in the first few months. After a while the disregulation passes and then I ground myself briefly… My daughter taught me that. “Sometimes its good to have quiet play but other times I need to let the energy out”. Like “circle of security” you should always end any trauma work in delight.
I hold my daughters disregulation and the way it triggers me the same way. The disgust in myself for how I failed so badly that makes me lash out in frustration, how that disgust brings onion layers of my own traumas to the surface that I hold in that flame meditation in the moment of trying to sooth us both. I do things like swimming in a cold pool with her so I have to watch her nonstop as she is learning and she can delight as she sees me watching her nonstop plus the top up of cold therapy just in case. Go jump together in a trampoline park (its a way kids regulate and I need it too!), finding activities together that take my weaknesses and make them strengths. Sit on an exercise ball so I can bounce and rock when I watch over her play to keep me present, I almost fall off if I go too much in my head and it brings me back.
I’m going to be her earned secure attachment and she will heal and her sensitivity will be her strength too like they are mine, they say trauma changes your DNA, humans don’t change for it to be a curse, it’s the source of healing.
The thing is… Im still so broken, its been 4 months since I stopped the flashbacks, my nervous system is so fragile, it still has a feather trigger for disregulation, worse than it was before the rupture. Every day is the same activation in the morning that I have to work through or family ruptures/life stresses, my kid is scared of my voice, I can’t not instruct/parent her and have no idea how to really heal that last part, its the old 80/20 rule, its the hard part now. My brain has been problem solving to get out of a life or death situation for so long. I know Ive done it, Ive created a space for my daughter to heal, its just time now, probably for me too, practicing with her will help me heal my nervous system. It just can’t switch off.
I miss my ex-therapist so much. We both said ”its the relationship I needed not the therapy I needed”. My inner child yearns so badly for that safety and attunement, to hear her voice or laugh, her offer of friendship. I wish she kept that to herself as I never thought about that stuff. My protector kicks the inner child in the nuts when he thinks about it, its frowned upon for a reason. You have to learn about separation and endings as part of attachment healing and integration of relationships. It took 4 years to get attached. To even try again with a therapist seems pointless, I’m even less trusting but I need help. That homeless 16 year old that did it himself, he isn’t better off alone… He needs someone to guide him through the chaos so he can go back to being the child he didn’t get to be… The one challenge with doing Dan Browns perfect parent metallisation is “how do you give yourself something you didn’t get, what is that like to experience?” How can I tell myself “I am enough” when I broke my kid and my wife hurts so much from just being near me when Ive been trying so hard? Its a DBT dialect , I am more than enough yet I am not enough. There is only one place that does IPF work in this country and they are in a different state.
If talk/relational therapy would take 4+ years to get attached again and its so hard to find someone due to my situation. What next for me, is there a different type of therapy I should look for? I need relational therapy that helps problem solve and someone wiling to intellectually masturbate this nonsense with me and come up with approaches for my kid. e.g. draw her morning tasks and I’ll just point at them so I don’t have to use my voice to give her instructions causing a meltdown in the morning if she is slow… (a concept from How to talk to kids book but using drawings as she is 5). Any good resources or material I should read?
Now for my stupid theory that I cant see why it upsets people for some reason. What are your thoughts? If some people view CPTSD and BPD as pretty much the same thing just different flavors of trauma... In my daughters case and possibly mine... a highly functioning presentation of ASD or extreme HSP is a presentation of CPTSD where there was a failure to attach before 4 months old, more pre-verbal stuff. (Ive found a few of us with this profile - see Immi [email protected] eggshelltherapy.com, there are types!)
ASD - some one joked your level of diagnoses depends on how much your behaviors annoy your parents
BDP - a diagnoses that depends on how much your behaviors annoy your therapist
Does that mean girls who are over diagnosed with BDP and under diagnosed with ASD are actually an overlap who's sensitivity to trauma and intensity is being mis-diagnosed?

Hey folks, I've been playing the patch quite a bit so I thought I'd provide some additional feedback on it now that I've had some time to digest it. I'll also include some ideas for fixes; this is gonna be long and it's impossible to TLDR so if it's not your thing just ignore me.
Some positive feedback:

1. I want to start with positive feedback because overall I have more constructive criticism, I still love this game and think the update was a good step towards your future vision.
2. I like the visual updates, solid.
3. I love the changes to stacking buffs/debuffs, they make a lot more sense thematically and open up a lot of play styles. It's also fun to get huge stacks of Power Up and smash stuff.
4. I like that boss characters in Fishmen's talk about Duncan and what an asshat he is for stealing their gold, and then on the rare occasions that I get Duncan instead of the Drunk, he gives more gold rewards than the Drunk does because he stole it from them! Some nice lore in action.

Bugs:

1. I'm getting shorted red keys I earn on Fishmen's Island; not sure if this happens in other regions but it's a big contributing factor to the difficulty of getting pink-tier items that I'll outline below. I wrote a separate bug report post on this one.
2. Whenever I go to the Regions screen from any other screen, there's a small gray overlay beneath the hero portrait in the top left. This is purely cosmetic but thought I'd note it anyway.
3. Weird card choices after finishing a fight - they have Japanese characters in them and an action bubble, and can't be chosen. Sometimes this bug forces me to close/reload the app, but I haven't seen this one in a while so I think it's been fixed.

Gear Progression:

1. In my previous post, I noted that gear progression wasn't overly punishing, but that changes after you hit gear level ~30. For example, on Louis I have 3x Skeleton gear all at level 40, and it's 66,900 gold for a single level, which is probably right around what I'd earn from a single Fishmen's Island clear. This could be fine if all I wanted to do was max my skelly gear, but I want to play with all of the item sets or potentially mix and match when I get pinks across the board, which means I'd have to grind for literally forever to level them all up. I also want to play with Orianna's endgame gear so that's two infinities of grinding to get everything up to speed. Possible fix: add some kind of event or special level that has better gold rewards; make an option to sell keys or equips for gold.
2. It's also taking forever to get pink tier items. I made my last post 23 days ago and have been grinding every day, and I'm now the proud owner of 3 pink items (with another one or two on the way soon if I get lucky with drops). I understand that it'll go faster now that I have a few pinks as I can combine those gold and red tier items into other types, but it's still going super super slow. I'd probably be a lot further along if not for the red key bug I mentioned above, no idea how many keys I lost to it. Possible fix: periodic event where you get bonus keys; bonus gem event that runs for a short time; make the bounties reset on a weekly or monthly basis.
3. The fancy chests with S-tier items are fools' gold unless you're a big-spending whale. It's a 0.5% chance for an S-tier, and even if you hit it before opening 50 it gives you an orange S-tier item - so you'd need another 5 of them to level it to red (using other items for the 3rd slot in the combine) and then another 6 to level it to pink - so it's basically pointless to invest gems into these chests because I will never get a pink out of it. Assuming you never hit the 0.5% chance, the math works out like this: 12 items required for pink x 50 opens per item = 600 opens. 2,680 gems required per 10x open divided by 14,000 = 5.22 opens per $100. 600 opens required divided by 5.22 opens = 114.94 gem purchases. $100 cost per 14k gems x 114.94 = $11,494 to get a single S-tier pink, which is literally insane. Possible fix: jack up the S-tier find % considerably; special event where you have bonus chance to find S-tier items; small % chance to find an S-tier item from bosses.
4. Gem grind is super slow. Since my last post 23 days ago I finally managed to get the 2,680 gems for the fancy chest for Louis, and once again I didn't get one of the signature items, so it'll be about another 23 days before I can try again if it wasn't pointless per #3. Possible fix: small % chance to win gems from bosses; bonus gem event that runs for a short time; make the bounties reset on a weekly or monthly basis; a special rotating deal in the store that lets you buy gems at a discount; drop the prices on gems.
5. I noticed that if you hit the 5% chance of getting an orange in the rare chest, it resets the counter - that's just mean, I've only hit this 3x, but of those three it reset counters that were at 2 and 3. It's such a small chance can't you let us have our bonus orange gear without resetting the counter?
6. Some final thoughts on fixes for gear progression: adding monthly quests that are hard to complete but have bigger bonuses would help; adding achievements with rewards (e.g. "inflict a monster with 10x Rust," "Get power up >50," "Beat the final boss of [region]" etc.

Other thoughts on itemization:

1. Lack of synergy: now that I've finally gotten some pink-tier items I'm disappointed in the abilities they confer. I'm not 100% certain of what the cards look like at Level 3 since I only have 1 pink item for three different sets, so it's possible that this could blunt some of my criticism, but I'll lay them out based on the info I have.
   1. Healer's Light - this is the best of the pink-tier cards I have access to; more action points is one of the two strongest abilities in the game, but the drawback that you have to be at full hp to use them means you are fighting against your own itemization. E.g., the gear they are on heals you 10/25/50% at the end of a fight which is a strong ability, but if you're trying to stay at full health to use your Healer's Light cards this ability won't do anything most of the time. Additionally, the other strongest ability is Power Up (probably the strongest in the game), and Louis has lots of cards that let you spend hp to power up; it seems good because you can spend hp to power up and then recover it from the gear, but the gear bonus doesn't kick in until the fight is over so you'll invalidate however many Healer's Light are in your deck unless you use them before any -hp cards. With just 3 card hands this can get really frustrating to juggle, and also there aren't a lot of healing cards (Bandages is the only one I think, and it'll never take you to full hp) so if you get an unlucky draw and take damage you might need several fights for your healer gear to get you back to full and activate Healer's Light again. Possible fix: on upgrade, give it a heal that happens before the HP check for the action points. This might be OP but would give you some leeway to stay at full hp.
   2. Grudge - I'm assuming that each level will increase the multiple from 2x to 3x and 4x, which seems pretty solid for a hyper-attacking build (3x gnoll gear). 2x isn't that good though so I'd never mix and match a Gnoll item among some other gear.
   3. Skeleton - this seems fine but perhaps a little underpowered. I mostly grind Fishmen's island so it's annoying when it hits an enemy with Thorns before you can get a shield on. Possible fix: when skeleton hits an enemy it should give you a tally towards activating your special, right now it only gives you 2 fury. Just a tiny buff but necessary IMO when you see the massive differential in power of Healer's Light vs. Skelly.
2. At my current level of itemization, there's one clear best set, and it's the one gives you an action point for every 2 greens you spend (skeleton on Louis, and spider on Ori). This makes grinding kinda boring; I always use those two sets because 1) leveling up other sets to get to 35+ would cost a ton of gold and 2) I don't even have full reds for the other sets yet. I've tried mixing and matching sets with my pinks here and there but it makes the runes suck so it's not really worth it.

A couple of random suggestions:

1. In the store, an "open all" button. I frequently grind a bunch of Fishmen's and then open chests later, so opening 15 regular chests is a pain. It's not that much of a pain but it'd be nice. Slay the Spire has this with a click toggle.
2. Can you add an option to see the upgrade paths for cards? There are lots of cards that I never take because they look bad (e.g., the rare 0-cost spell for Ori that uses all your mana and 30% of hp to cast a random spell) but might be good or at least useful in certain situations once they're upgraded.
3. When I am playing and set down my phone to do something, the game won't go inactive and yield to the lock screen, it yields to some intermediate screen where I need to finger drag to open it back up. The other day I left my phone sitting there for a while and it drained my battery, can you make it so it goes inactive and to the lock screen? I've never seen this behavior in any other app, seems like a security issue too because someone could access my phone without having to unlock it.

Some thoughts on Louis post-update:

1. My main criticism with Louis post-update is that he's super inconsistent. Part of this is that I am using full skeleton gear so I need some decent greens to get my cycle going, but I'm sure that if I used a different set I'd face the same issue where if I didn't get a certain card archetype then my deck would be deficient. There are really only three builds that are good for Louis: Power Up decks, Shield Bash + Aegis decks, and Focus Slash decks. Power Up decks are kind of fraught because if you don't get Power Potion or Battle Inspiration and have to use the ones that don't give an action point back, it can be difficult to get the combo running because you don't have enough action points to build fury and turn it into Power Up stacks in one turn. This is because...
2. Exile is a real problem for Louis. You can build a deck with lots of the attack that gives you an extra action point or the attack that gives you +1 Fury for each card played that turn (sorry I forget the names of the cards) that will shred any/every normal encounter, and then get your faced smashed in by the Drunk or the Captain because once you run through your deck once you're stuck with 3 Slash, a Diagonal Slash, and maybe 1-2 other common/uncommon attacks that will never overcome the Captain's heals even if you manage to kill off both tentacles.
3. Louis is way underpowered compared to Ori. She doesn't even need to pick a card from Chaos packs to dominate Fishmen's, you could probably win just by upgrading the base deck a few times though it wouldn't be that fun to try. (Achievement for winning without taking any cards?) Lots of reasons why:
   1. Bleed is terrible compared to Burning stacks. Burning is super OP and should be toned down a bit, but Bleed needs to be improved because it barely does any damage. The only reason to put Bleed in your deck is if you upgrade the AOE bleed for Blind, and even then I'm only using a single copy.
   2. Louis has a lot of single target vs. Ori who has an enormous amount of AOE available. Simply put: if you get a Supernova+, you win. If you get a Meteor (which you will no doubt upgrade to Meteor+), you win. The only single card that = "you win" for Louis is Battle Inspiration (if you get it early), otherwise all his cards require a combo with another card to be good. Ori has way more viable win conditions.
   3. Exile! Almost none of Ori's good cards have exile, but tons of Louis' do. I haven't been able to try the Exile gear set for Ori b.c I don't have enough reds, so maybe it's super good, but I find myself casting a single Supernova 2-3x per match (or a Fireball, they're both so powerful that functionally the OPness of the Burning stacks doesn't matter) when on Louis you could burn all your good attacks on the first pass through the deck.
   4. Duping is easier on Ori. With more win conditions, it's way easier to draw one from the Chaos pack or after the first battle, upgrade it, and start duping. It always feels sad to not have anything good to dupe.
4. I finally made Star Slash deck after about a dozen tries! I didn't list it as a viable archetype because it's hard to get 5 copies even if you get it in your Chaos pack (and if you have 4, you might not beat the Captain because of Exile) but when it hits it SMASHES.

Some thoughts on Ori:

1. She's OP lol, once you get your gear to ~35 it's pretty hard to lose with her unless you're bad. I don't remember the last time I failed to complete Fishmen's with Ori.
2. I think she could actually benefit from Exile on some more cards, but please don't go overboard! This would make her just a little bit harder so you'd have tougher choices on what to play and when.

​
That's it, if you made it this far thanks for reading. I promised I would tag u/EquipmentHead146 to make sure he sees it - I hope this feedback is useful to your team!

So you’re an eager AS200 ready for field training. You got your bag packed with your extra set of OCP boots, your FTM is all tabbed up, and you got 20 9-Line cards for the rest of your flight. You’re prepared, but you don’t know what to expect. You need advice, you want the POC to tell you how to prepare. Never fear, I will offer my genius insights on how to get the most out of field training. This advice might not be helpful, but hey, its coming from a POC.
· Sequencer: So there’s this off brand-Gatorade they put at every water cooler. It’s served through normal Gatorade dispensers and you drink it through these flimsy paper cups. It comes in five flavors: Red, Blue, Green, Yellow, and Purple. First off, double up your cups. Those paper cups will decompose in seconds, use two or three to minimize leaks. Secondly, I would recommend staying away from the yellow and green flavors. They are not as good, are generally saltier, and the CTAs don’t know the right ratio for those two. Lastly, mix the flavors. Mixing Red and Purple yields this concoction so ungodly good you’ll wish you never had to drink anything else. Blue and Red is also okay. Using Red or blue with yellow is also a good way to boost the inferior flavors.
· DFAC: Don’t greet the staff table. You will have to eat at the DFAC a bunch, it is annoying, know the procedures. If you can ever volunteer to do something during lunch, do that. Not only will you get longer to eat, but you may get some neat opportunities. I met the first sergeant during my max and got to have a lunch with them because of it. You will be offered to take snacks as well. You may not be the type of person to take snacks. ALWAYS TAKE YOUR SNACKS. You may frequently have lunch of dinner super early and get hungry later, and if not I can guarantee you there are flight mates who would kill for your pop tart. Also, the wrappers for the granola bars when I went had coupon codes for free minecoins on them. Even at FT, the grind never stops. You will probably have water minimums every meal. You can drink for the rest of the day. Still drink your water (see below), but focus on your food. You only get ten minutes to eat (ask for time extensions if you need them!) so use the time for food.
· Drink water: Duh. But seriously. Don’t be that one weirdo that gets stripped naked by staff because you had a heat stroke. Water is amazing and I cannot emphasize how important it is. I drank almost 15 liters in one day once. Also it gives you an excuse to go to the bathroom frequently, which is really your only break in the first few days. Also, be sure to fill up your pack every chance you get. You never really can know how long you are going to go without having another chance.
· Sleep and Hygiene: It is hard to fall asleep at 2000, especially if you are coming from the west coast. The first few days will be annoying as well. After about two days you will fall asleep very quickly (I’ve never heard of even the roughest sleepers taking more than 15 minutes to fall asleep). The lights out hours are enforced, so be sure you are sleeping when you can. Your body will wake you up automatically five minutes before 0400 in a few days, so in the dark silently make your bed or brush your teeth if you didn’t have time last night. Oh yeah, brush your teeth, it may be hard to find the time but don’t get cavities from FT. I would suggest brushing teeth in the shower if you can’t find time. I know too many people who didn’t find time to brush their teeth.
· Gossip: yes, really, get to know each other, share what you know. Did you overhear and FTO say that Romeo flight was going to VW TD-7? Spread the word! Do not hold knowledge that can help your flight to yourself, because such behaviors really stand out and FTO’s will really ding your flight rankings. Lots of people go into FT trying to know everything and be the big up-front leader. People who step on toes get ranked much worse than those who repeatedly fail but demonstrate growth. Point is, you will hear things. Set up a recall roster in your flight. Also don’t be afraid to ask for things, such as allowances to break the flight path. Also, just share what you know. If you came with extra FDE cards for everyone, share! If you have feedback for an ORI, share! The flight halls should have public bulletin boards for MFRs, use those. Your evaluators will notice.
· Talk to the Chaplains! You might not be religious, that is totally cool, but the religious services were an outstanding spiritual experience and just asking to talk with the chaplains is a great way to get a quick break within bounds. Talking with them will not negatively impact your rankings in any way, and I cannot emphasize how amazing they are. Seriously, do not be afraid to put yellow or red for mental health in your journals. Lying about your issues does not make them go away. Talking to the chaplains just might. I got to go on some walks and have some nice drinks with them while talking about life. An excellent reprieve.
· Feet: oh yeah, this is a big one. There is a reason you put this on your weekly journal. You will not have an option to wash your shoes, so be sure you pack a burner pair. Maybe also get extra insoles. Air out your shoes every night if you can, maybe pack some Lysol. Wash your feet when you shower, sleep without socks on if you need, and watch your feet to treat any potential blisters immediately before they get to you.
· Actually go: this one is fun. Apparently, every year like half a dozen people just don’t show up to FT. When called, they’re just like “oh yeah I don’t wanna do ROTC anymore.” It is past that point, you have committed, so be sure you are fully present. Don’t not go, and don’t go and not be present. Actually be there, and care why you are. Don’t do an SIE or whatever the self elimination is called. You may want to, but talk with the chaplains first and realize, it’s only a few more days. Focus on one day at a time. VW is a blast and it gets a lot easier. The CTAs warm up. No one I know of did an SIE after TD-3, so just bear out the first few days, as rough as they are.
· Packing List: Take a pair of nail clippers, your own set of moleskin, and extra thing of wet wipes or Lysol, extra shoes and arguably more socks. Write your locker combo in your FTM (AND ALWAYS LEAVE YOUR SECURITY LOCKER LOCKED—most common form 17 and was responsible for one dismissal at my max.) Take an extra set of civilian clothes so once you are done you can change out of IUs for the ride home. Keep in mind you won’t hear music for two weeks, so think about what the last song you hear is going to be. Also you can take extra stuff as long as its not contraband (consumable, electronic, or a distraction) so take extra stuff. You will have a lot of fun time at VW and maybe even get some places where you want to kill time. There is no harm in taking extra things to help you prepare.
· Learn marching jodies: calling cadence for 15 minutes in the heat sucks.
I probably forgot a bunch of stuff so maybe I'll be back.

I don’t see many travel diaries for Europe or the UK so thought it would be nice to do an example of a long weekend!
For reference I live with my partner and share some housing / bills with him but keep all other money separately, however I went on holiday with one of my friends.

Section 1: Bio

Age - 34
Occupation - Tech Manager
Hometown - East Sussex
Number of PTO days and how you accrue them - in the UK most people get at least 25 days annual leave plus public holidays. In addition to this I get the option to buy holiday as part of my benefits - I do this every year, usually between 6 and 10 days, so this year I have 31 days.

Section 2: Assets and debt

Savings balance: We bought a house early last year with my partner, that wiped out most savings! I’ve probably got £10,000 now across stocks and shares ISAs and standard savings pots.
Checking balance: About £1500
Debt: Other than a giant mortgage, no other debt.

Section 3: Income

Salary after deductions: Around ~£5K per month - that’s after tax, NI, pension, life / critical illness insurance, health insurance, holiday purchase deductions
My pals overall situation: I don’t know her specifics but she works in PR and makes somewhere in the area of £60-70K per year.

Section 4: Travel expenses

I have kept all costs as combined through the diary and then have done the split at the end.
We wanted to do a long weekend Europe trip but wanted it to be pretty relaxed and I didn’t feel like taking a flight so we eventually decided on doing the Eurotunnel.
For reference, the Eurotunnel is where you drive your own car onto a train and then the train goes through the channel tunnel from the UK to France. We then thought we would do a bit of northern France and do a bit of exploring! I've done other areas of France previously but never further North than Paris.
Pre trip:
Eurotunnel and insurance - £213 - we booked this beforehand, this is return for one car with two people in it. It was a fixed time train each way, and includes car insurance for when we were in France for three days.
I also spent £40 on a “prepare your car for Europe” kit which included what you must have in your car to legally drive in France (high viz jacket, first aid kit, breathalysers, light deflectors etc) - I haven’t included this in the trip expense totals because we will reuse it many times for trips, and to be honest seems like a handy thing to have in the car anyway!
Air bnb - £155 - we booked the accommodation beforehand, we booked two nights in Lille in a studio apartment with one double bed and one sofa bed. I always like to get an AirBnb as it gives more flexibility to stay in, have your own kitchen and have a bit more space!
I didn’t book separate travel insurance - I get full year cover as part of one of my bank accounts.
Accommodation total: £155
Transport total: £213
Pre trip total: £368
Day 1
9.30 - I pick up my pal from a nearby train station then drive down to Folkestone where the Tunnel is. I am very excited to take my car on a train!! We stop off for fuel at the services nearby so that I won’t need to figure out France petrol stations - it only needs half a tank to fill, we also pick up snacks for the drive £40 for fuel and £5 for snacks.
11.30 - our train is at 12.20 but we arrive about an hour before. Check-in is super easy and we get a little sign to hang from the mirror to show what our train number is. We park up at the terminal and wait for the signs to show to proceed. We grab a drink from the terminal whilst we wait £4.
12.30 - whizz through both passport controls and then drive on the train! So weird to be sat in a car which isn’t moving on a train which is speeding along. The train takes 35 minutes and then you can just drive straight off onto the motorway. We lose an hour with the time difference so arrive at 2pm.
2 - we have no plans as we've both been so busy with work and decided to just see how we get on! But the signs on the motorway says Dunkirk and that’s a place I’ve never been so we head there which is about a 35 minute drive. Park the car £1.
3 - wander around Dunkirk looking at the war memorials and the pretty harbour. Buy some cheese baguettes to keep us going - £5.
5 - back in the car to drive to Lille where the AirBnb is which is about an hour away. We stop off at Lidl to buy some provisions (bread and cheese ofc), snacks, Prosecco, champagne, and tonic for the bottle of gin I brought with me from home - comes to £45 but £15 was the bargain champagne!
5.30 - check into the Airbnb. Promptly drop my bottle of champagne on the floor and it smashes everywhere. £15 well spent… spend ages cleaning it up. Have a glass of Prosecco to commiserate.
7 - decide we need to go out for a drink to make up for the champagne. Head out to a nearby French restaurant - food is delish, service isn’t excellent but overall a lovely evening catching up - £65.
9 - head back, more Prosecco, put the sofa bed up and then off to sleep eventually around 11.
Day 1 total: £165
Day 2
9 - time to explore Lille! We get our walking shoes on and start to explore the city - lots of walking down little streets. We do the classic of wandering from cafe to patisserie with a snack here, a drink there, comes to about £15 for the three breaks. The city of Lille is beautiful - it didn't get as destroyed in the war compared to Dunkirk so full of French architecture and big grand squares.
11 - walk a bit out of town to the Citadel and do a big walk around the park outside. You can't go in the citadel but its still a very nice spot to walk around.
1 - time for proper lunch!! We fancy crepes and thankfully we are in France! Find a great crepe restaurant and have a sweet and a savoury - ham and goats cheese which is so good. Plus a couple of glasses of wine - £27
2 - there are so many chocolate shops due to how close we are to Belgium. Pop into one and buy some chocolate as a gift for my partner - £7
3 - feet are getting tired by this point so make the 25 minute hike home - almost 20,000 steps today! We are exhausted. Collapse in the Airbnb for introvert time of tv, phones and ignoring each other.
4 - I for some reason start to feel a bit off and have a bad stomach (too much cheese and wine?! Surely not). Make the decision to stay in for the evening.
7 - have a little bit of gin which I brought with me and watch a movie on Amazon Prime. End up getting Uber eats of some pizza - £25. I used to feel guilty when we stayed in when I was on hols but now I know that I need to not be exhausted when I get back so a night in is okay! We did so much exploring that we did make the most of seeing Lille. Plus I know it's so close now, I can pop back!
10 - water, reading, bed!
Day 2 total: £74
Day 3
8 - feel much better this morning - so thankful! Nothing like being ill when you know you need to travel, I was worried it would not be a good driving day today. Glad I got lots of sleep!
10 - clean up the Airbnb and pop to the patisserie for croissants - £2, before hitting the road and driving back to Calais to do some exploring. It's raining a bit but clears up when we hit Calais - win!
11.30 - it’s about an hour and ten back to Calais. Driving hasn’t been too bad considering it’s the wrong side of the road for me and the wrong side of the car! I was a bit worried about it but as long as I just tell myself continually to drive on the right then it seems to be okay! I want to go to the lace and fashion museum as it sounds interesting. We park - £1 - and then walk over. It’s £8 for both of us to get in because it only has one exhibit on - bargain! Very much enjoyed it, never realised so much went into lace or that there were so many different types!
1 - time for our final lunch! Head to a probably too touristy restaurant and the food wasn’t great. Clearly means time to go home! £27
2 - head back to the Eurotunnel and stop in the terminal once we are checked in. Pop into duty free and buy 2 bottles of rum as they are a bargain, plus some macarons as a gift - £33. Stop for a drink in Starbucks - £8.
3.30 - another speedy trip through the tunnel! Save an hour on the way back too. Head back and drive home. Used about three quarters of a tank of fuel so quite pleased with that. So nice to have a lovely break, see somewhere new but also return back not feeling utterly exhausted!
Day 3 total: £79

Section 5: Overall

Total cost for both of us: £686
Total cost for what I paid: £370 (half most costs, plus full cost of rum, smashed champagne and gifts)
How I afforded the trip: I’ve only recently started earning more so I’m still a very naturally frugal traveller! Plus most of what I enjoy when travelling is just wandering about and eating the delicious food.
I split the cost so did all the pre trip costs earlier in the year so it doesn’t feel like all at once. I then usually put my “spending money” onto my Monzo which I don’t use for anything else - makes it really easy to track how much I’m spending and keep an eye on it. This was probably lower that I expected for the trip because we didn't go out for dinner on the second night which definitely saved some money!

I’m new here, though not wholly new to poly (in theory) or BDSM (in practice.)
There’s been a lot of sudden life adjustments and moving parts that are making me uncertain of how I feel and figuring out what appropriate boundaries are needed for my health and happiness. Note, I mention transitioning in descriptors only to give an idea of what current physical parts are at play.
I am 33(F/NB), demisexual, married to my partner of 8yrs (37MtF). It’s important to note that due to work conditions we live about 3hrs by car apart and have lived LD for 4.5 yrs. This past September, her nesting partners of 2yrs broke things off in a very negative experience. The relationship as a whole was not smooth and most times I was around them they acted as (imo) close friends and roommates rather than active romantic or kink partners. I do pretty okay living solo (with a dog) but my wife adamantly does not.
This led to my wife moving in with a partner of about 8mo ( in the same city, Molly (30MtF). They get along splendidly and I consider myself friends with Molly. My wife has also gained a boyfriend of about 2mos, Sam(25FtM) who seems okay. I am extremely slow to acquire emotional bonds so I’m moderately comfortable around him.
This is a very, very different dynamic than my prior experiences in a poly situation. My wife is overtly sexual and kinky with both partners. When I visit Molly and my wife’s home, there’s often light play in common spaces (light humiliation, service behavior, and physical intimacy like making out and groping.)It is a small home, 2 bedrooms, an office, and open space for general living/cooking. If all four of us are around, we are on top of each other and privacy is hard to come by. I currently feel like I’d be more comfortable if I had deeper bonds with my metas, but my discomfort over some things makes me disinclined to take long visits. There have been situations where a room is in use (for extremely intimate activities) that I have needed to access to grab work or health related items but I feel uncomfortable interrupting activities.
I need help understanding if my boundaries and requests are valid because I seem to be the only person who feels a need for these items. If anyone could help me workshop them I’d appreciate it.

• Boundary: I don’t want to inadvertently walk in on/be witness to private times (high intimacy sex or kink in common areas.) [consent, but it goes against what is currently happening and what the others seem to enjoy]
  
• Boundary: I need to be made aware of when a room with my belongings (e.g. meds, work computers) is about to be commandeered for private times so I can grab things I need.
  
• Boundary: I am highly protective of my dog and do not currently want metas taking her on walks near busy roads/multi-night care as I don’t know them with her well enough [when I had COVID recently my wife had taken on primary care but I personally haven’t witnessed them be responsible for her]
  
  • Is this a reasonable request?: Some nights, not on schedule but when I want intimacy with my wife I’d like for us to sleep together alone. Currently, if I visit the default is to sleep in Molly’s bed, and my wife expressed confusion that I want other arrangements on occasion.
• Is this a reasonable request?: My wife and I are fluid bonded. Her partners are getting/have gotten testing with the intention of also fluid bonding. I don’t know if the person who tested clear is bonded to my wife yet, but there’s been no discussion about other play partners and inadvertent disease contact possibilities given the type of play we engage in. Is wanting to outline a protocol for the group reasonable?
  

Hi all
I’m looking for advice to give a friend who in observing spiral into a heavy addiction. I guess they didn’t ask for it but I will feel so guilty if things spiral out of control and I don’t say anything.
So some background information he’s now about 26. In the early days would smoke more like once every now and again. But over time it’s escalated to multiple points throughout the day before even eating breakfast before every single meal just in between the day it’s become at least 4 to 5 times a day and I’m not even sure because it seems like he hides it. I knew things was getting pretty bad, and he would smoke at work as well, and it would lead to him telling stories about doing stupid things at work, but it was because he was high at work, but he only revealed more recently. I think that his tolerance has built up a lot over the last few months and now it’s not enough anymore. He’s moved from joint to pipes to vapes to doing bong rips… That is in public. It’s not to judge him, but if you’re taking a rip out of a bong in public, I feel like that’s a lot.
Now he’s more into shrooms and I feel like he’s overdoing it to the same capacity. I think that when it comes to drugs in excess, especially psychedelics that’s when I start to be scared because it seems like he’s more paranoid than he ever has been. He comes from a family where his cousins and step brother have mental health issues (brother is diagnosed schizo, cousin died of an overdose). I’m scared for him. He used to be so light and full of life but more recently he’s become so dark.
I don’t know how to approach things without offending him but his behaviors beyond just doing drugs is becoming out of control. He had public meltdowns over very silly things like being charged extra for sauce at McDonald’s. It’s all becoming very very excessive. I don’t know what to do.

Hi all
I’m looking for advice to give a friend who in observing spiral into a heavy addiction. I guess they didn’t ask for it but I will feel so guilty if things spiral out of control and I don’t say anything.
So some background information he’s now about 26. In the early days would smoke more like once every now and again. But over time it’s escalated to multiple points throughout the day before even eating breakfast before every single meal just in between the day it’s become at least 4 to 5 times a day and I’m not even sure because it seems like he hides it. I knew things was getting pretty bad, and he would smoke at work as well, and it would lead to him telling stories about doing stupid things at work, but it was because he was high at work, but he only revealed more recently. I think that his tolerance has built up a lot over the last few months and now it’s not enough anymore. He’s moved from joint to pipes to vapes to doing bong rips… That is in public. It’s not to judge him, but if you’re taking a rip out of a bong in public, I feel like that’s a lot.
Now he’s more into shrooms and I feel like he’s overdoing it to the same capacity. I think that when it comes to drugs in excess, especially psychedelics that’s when I start to be scared because it seems like he’s more paranoid than he ever has been. He comes from a family where his cousins and step brother have mental health issues (brother is diagnosed schizo, cousin died of an overdose). I’m scared for him. He used to be so light and full of life but more recently he’s become so dark.
I don’t know how to approach things without offending him but his behaviors beyond just doing drugs is becoming out of control. He had public meltdowns over very silly things like being charged extra for sauce at McDonald’s. It’s all becoming very very excessive. I don’t know what to do.

After years of having to deal with MIL’s constant BS I decided to create this account, meant for seeking help/advice or to give myself a place to rant because I don’t know how to navigate these situations anymore. I’m sorry if I am not using the proper terms (I’ve scrolled through some posts and there are a few I’m not sure what they mean) but I will do my best to catch on. Well on with the story:
I have been dating my bf almost 6 years now (we are both in our 20s) and his mother has been a nightmare since day one. Recently our cat got sick with parvovirus and luckily she is not a kitten and we got her the proper treatment so it wasn’t fatal (plus she’s vaxxed). Unfortunately this virus can stay on surfaces up to a year and can only be cleaned by bleach or another type of veterinary grade cleaner. The family cat on my boyfriend’s side is an indoor cat who has not received any vaccinations or vet checkups since the day they adopted her when she was a kitten (she’s 8 now). So the plan was to get her up to date vaccines so we could go visit his mom’s house and be able bring our cat with us (she’s leash trained). Since his mom has a mild physical disability and she’s busy with work, we were going to offer to take her to the vet ourselves and handle everything.
So my boyfriend calls her up to let her know and he might as well have told her he was planning on feeding the cat poison. She started yelling and refuting all the information my bf was telling her about the virus. That we were being too cautious and that her cat would probably be fine, and that it’s unnecessary since she’s an indoor cat. He tried to explain the virus can live on fabric and shoes and him disinfecting every time before he sees her is unrealistic when it can all be solved with the vaccine. Needless to say she is a Fox News watcher and has the same sentiments about covid 19 so she hates the idea of vaccines.
I could hear her yelling over the phone and she always resorts to calling my bf stupid or something along those lines. So he starts yelling at her for letting Fox News make her stupid and well it was a back and forth screaming match. My boyfriend is not a violent guy, and I have only seen him raise his voice at his mom. I used to judge him because I have an amazing relationship with my mom and I could never fathom yelling at her like that, but after meeting his mom a few times I understood lol She is the kind of person that believes to always be in the right and when presented with evidence contradicting her beliefs she doubles down on name calling and general meanness. I know my boyfriend’s issues with self esteem stem from this abusive verbal treatment while growing up, and so there’s no love lost on my end for her.
Well she kept yelling and berating my bf and I could see on his face how anguished he gets when she’s like this. He’s working towards managing his anger when it comes to family conflicts (which is basically just with his mom) and he gets overwhelmed which often leads to a panic attack, so I had him hang up on her. I then sent a text on his behalf to her that he will call her back once they both calm down because this is a serious matter she needs to understand. And I helped send her many articles from primary sources about the virus and how to protect cats from it.
Long story short, there was more of a back and forth through text, mostly her refusing to understand the risk. At my insistence he spoke to his siblings for back up and as a united front they were able to knock some sense into her. She eventually agreed but not without her trying to paint my boyfriend in a bad light by lying that he had given her wrong info or something like that. He then had to defend himself to his siblings that she had lied and he had the texts to prove it. Every time my boyfriend tries to tell his mom she’s lying she refuses to acknowledge it or brushes it off as not a big deal.
Well last night my bf barely slept and I had nightmares and anxiety. He doesn’t like the person he becomes when he has conflicts with his mother, and I also don’t like his behavior but I understand and support him (he’s working with a therapist to handle the emotional abuse his mom has had on him and how to better navigate these situations) He’s the most wonderful and loving person, and he really loves the cats in our family and this is not the first time he’s had an argument with his mom about the well being of her cat.
He almost had a panic attack this morning and ideally he needed a day off but he would have issues with his boss if he called out. I know right now he’s struggling at work and I hate I can’t help him more. My own anxiety has also spiked and I have been stress eating all morning (I’ll diet tomorrow I tell myself once again). I just hate how his mom has such a negative effect on our mental health and how she needlessly endangers her cat (this isn’t he first time she’s been careless about being a responsible pet owneparent). I have never met anyone with such a lack of empathy who treats her family with such vitriol.
If you made it to the end thank you, even if no one reads this it feels good to finally write it out.

Incident 173-1 Report
Date [standardized human time]: July 4, 2136
Center of Incident: Human Subject
Incident Description: Subject was participating in Experiment 173-3 (to study the effects of sleep deprivation in Humans) when Subject suddenly collapsed and ceased to respond to outside stimuli. Subject given basic medical attention while Doctor Ka investigated the cause of the incident. It has been concluded that starvation, combined with sleep deprivation, is the leading cause behind the incident. Subject had not been provided sustenance in the week since its capture.
Additional Notes: In light of the recent incident, Assistant Mardo’s concerns are being addressed. Experiments will continue when the Subject has been returned to full health. - Doctor Ka
--------------------------------
Feeding Report 173-1
Subject’s “Feed” Species: Krakotl
“Feed” Age: Uncertain, likely around 10-15 years of age.
Notes: “Feed” was acquired from the aftermath of a stampede and was heavily injured. Choice of the “Feed’s” condition was deliberate in order to trigger the Subject’s hunting instincts.
Feeding Process: “Feed” was swiftly placed into the observation cell. At this point, the Subject had recovered from sleep deprivation and was aware of the “Feed’s” presence. Subject underwent visible distress at the sight of the “Feed.” Interestingly, the Subject did not attempt to immediately attack its prey, instead slowly and hesitantly approaching it. It is hypothesized that this is how Humans hunt. “Feed” was somewhat lucid and attempted to crawl away from the Subject. At this point, the Subject ceased its stalking and appeared to attempt to communicate with the “Feed.” It is unknown if the “Feed” was recognized as sapient or if social instincts were overlapping with hunting instincts.
After approximately 5 minutes, Doctor Ka entered the cell and discharged a single gunshot into the “Feed’s” head in order to make the feeding process easier. The sudden noise and usage of the weapon appeared to startle the Subject, who stumbled backwards and began screaming. Doctor Ka left the cell to allow the Subject to feed. For approximately thirty minutes, the Subject did not leave the corner of the cell, and attempted to garner sympathy by crying. The Subject, apparently exhausted from producing tears, then fell asleep without feeding. The “Feed’s” body was eventually removed from the cell and incinerated.
Judging from the Subject’s behavior, it is believed that it has not yet been taught how to hunt. Another attempt at feeding will be performed the following day.
Additional Notes: It is quite surprising that it takes so long for a Human to learn to hunt. Perhaps this specimen is younger than what was previously thought? - Assistant Mardo
---------------------------
Predator’s Disease Report from [REDACTED]
My name is [REDACTED]. I am a [REDACTED] aboard the Kolshian research vessel, the Pasture. I am writing this report to report a possible case of Predator's Disease in Doctor Ka of the Kolshian Commonwealth. I am worr
The report stops here. It is unknown why, although it can be assumed that [REDACTED] was having second thoughts.
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The second arc of the final Lieutenant Saga book begins. The mission parameters have changed dramatically. I hope you enjoy!
The next chapter will be out Saturday!
A Terran Space Story: The Lieutenant Saga
Academy Days First Previous Next

Chapter 98: Time Passes

1 year later. October 27th, 2266. 12:00 St. Mary’s Station – Military Docking Ring
John was the last of the crew to walk down the umbilical to the Waukesha. It was a very productive three months. The shipyard had worked some sort of voodoo or magic, very likely both, to get her back to combat-ready as quickly as they had. Despite missing two deployments John’s task force had claimed the most pirate kills since the beginning of the campaign.
Going out was great for John’s mental health. While he was exceptionally adept at processing data and directing squadrons around, he had no passion for that kind of work. Ironic since his career aspirations weren’t that different from that line of work.
Their last deployment was a bit different. Lieutenant Cohen and his ship were replaced with another. Though that was to the surprise of no one. John was heartened to hear that Brady seemingly had learned a bit of humility after the fact. But their shared history meant the two officers would never work with one another again.
John paused halfway down the umbilical and looked out the viewports to see his large ship. He smiled before turning back and heading to the security checkpoint. ‘A job well done,’ he thought as he continued to walk onto the station’s docking ring. He wondered what their next mission would be. That could wait though, it was time to get home and see his wife whom he so adored.
The security checkpoint was a formality, as it usually is. His gear was scanned and then handed back to him. John always grinned both at the scans and how much swag the security officers had confiscated. Every time they docked here there’d be two tables full of random shit the crew tried to smuggle home. Thankfully none of it was harmful, but that did raise many questions. Questions that would gnaw in his psyche for weeks at a time. ‘Why the hell would anyone want a meal tray from the mess?’ was the current question bugging him.
John’s destination was his condo. He walked with an increased pace and focus than he normally had. He so desperately wanted Alice in his arms. To kiss and do other consenting adult things with her. His excitement would be dampened when he arrived home to a quiet and very Alice-less condo. She left a note on the digital whiteboard.
‘Love you and welcome home, John. I got called in for an unexpected shift. Should be back by 16:00-17:00.’
“Fuck me,” John sighed as he dropped his backpack and seabag in the entryway, “That’s disappointing.”
John then walked into the living room, but as soon as he did so the primary display screen turned on and displayed an incoming message. He shrugged and found one of the many remotes for it and accepted it. He was surprised to see Kristin in it.
“Hey First Lieutenant,” Kristin smiled, “Kill a bunch of pirates?”
John rolled his eyes, “You know I’ve told all of y’all that off hours it’s OK to just call me John. We’re running low on the availability of targets.”
“The military says otherwise. We learned that lesson well in the academy,” Kristin grinned, “Well, some of us did at least. Pirates seem to be bugging out of our systems too.”
“Touché.”
“Did you hear what happened to my former captain?”
John shook his head.
“Seriously? You don’t know?”
“After I had a conversation with his dad, I let it go. To be blunt, I didn’t really give a rat’s ass what NI did with the guy. Plus, I literally just got back home after being gone for three months. Was too busy killing pirates and time to notice anything really.”
“Well, he ultimately accepted the separation agreement NI was offering,” Kristin rolled her eyes, “What Dwayne relayed to me was that the only thing changing his mind were drafts of criminal charges that they were prepared to bring against him.”
John nodded, “Don’t roll your eyes at that, the degree of arrogance exhibited doesn’t surprise me in the slightest.”
Kristin did in fact roll her eyes, “Well, he’s now being charged with four counts of sexual harassment. It seems that he didn’t learn his lesson in the civilian world. Those ladies have brought a civil case against him too. Daddy’s going to be spending a pretty penny.”
John grinned as he pulled up his tablet and scanned for news. Laughter erupted shortly thereafter by him. He sat down on his recliner and shared the news.
“As of twenty minutes ago, his dad has been removed as CEO and chairman of the board. The board and he agreed to a massive reduction in his golden parachute. He won’t be ruined but his kid will cost him literally a billion dollars over the remainder of his lifetime. Since he took his company public there ain’t much he can do but whine and complain about it.”
“Oh, I almost forgot. Jacob says hi. He told me this morning that he wishes he didn’t have to work today. The big lug also says we need to meet up someplace again soon.”
John smiled, “Somehow that doesn’t surprise me at all that he’d say something like that. But I agree, that is something we ought to do. The problem is that I’m off for a week, then it’s prepping for another deployment in three weeks.”
“So, in other words, not anytime soon.”
“You know how it is,” John sighed as he shook his head, “I will be basically deployed for three months at a time no less than three times a year, and probably start a fourth deployment in the coming year. When I am home I have effectively no social life since Alice has a ton of honey-do things around the condo.”
“I do not trust Jacob to hang a picture without making a hole in the wall.”
John laughed, “I don’t think he’s ever been called handy. Hey, how were the pirate ops for you lot?”
“Our pirate hunting was pretty routine. We didn’t get anything heavy like you got. Four hundred pirate ships though? Good lord, you were busy,” Kristin could hardly believe the number.
“Four hundred eighty-three, we were one engagement away from cracking five hundred,” John smiled as he leaned back in his recliner, “Pirate reports in our systems have effectively been eliminated. The same holds true for our part of the inner core.”
“Only two of our squadrons crossed the century mark in Second Fleet. Could that have been because the pirates had migrated so deep into the core worlds?”
“More than likely, they go where the money is. Void traffic in the core worlds is substantially higher than in the more distant colonies. That means the demand for illicit goods is higher as well. I can’t really blame the pirates for wanting to make a dime that way, but they really should find honest work.”
“They are bugging out to a more accepting place now. That is presuming our intelligence reports are accurate,” Kristin said, “But we’re due for another anti-pirate hunt during my next time out. I think the other fleets are gearing up for a focus on that too.”
“I had heard the outer fleets are starting early next year,” John grinned, “It’s a shitty time to be a pirate. Just as they find a safe haven the military begins to move in fresher systems. Though if they are smart, they might get overlooked.”
The two continued to talk about their pirate-hunting escapades. Kristin was very eager to understand the hows and why John made the decisions he did. She was fascinated with how overly aggressive his squadron was, which given their kill tally shouldn’t have come to her as much surprise. She was eager to estimate how many pirate vessels they were leaving behind.
John changed the subject after a while, “When are getting a captain’s seat?”
“Well, it should have been before my last deployment. A better-connected lieutenant got the nod instead. I’m next up for the big seat.”
“Sorry to hear about the delay. You’ll do well when you get the opportunity.”
“Thanks. Well, I’ve taken enough time of yours. Thanks for the assistance.”
“It’s all good, you and Andern take care.”
John waived as he shut the display off. He crossed his legs and shut his eyes. He fell asleep quickly in that comfortable chair of his. It was good to be home, even if it was for a brief time. John didn’t know what kind of mission would come next. It was unlikely to have anything to do with pirates. That was fine with him, something new couldn’t hurt to experience.
One day later. October 28th, 2266. 09:06 St. Mary’s Station – First Fleet Auditorium
John walked into the auditorium for a last-minute meeting. Alice wasn’t wrong, he looked dashing in his Navy whites. Despite that, the timing of it was piss poor, his beautiful wife was sadly accustomed to last-second changes to their schedules. John hated being the last one to arrive for a meeting, it never felt good. All those eyes stared at him when he entered the room.
“Good morning, Lieutenant,” Admiral Dufresne said politely, “Once again, apologies are due to you for the last-second nature of this meeting.”
“Thank you, sir. My wife wanted to visit a museum and go shopping on the coast down on the surface. I’m not exactly opposed to missing that part of our itinerary.”
The bespectacled man sitting across from him chuckled quietly. Admiral Dickinson and Dufresne grinned at the sarcasm. The pair of admirals understood immediately that John was both cautious and curious about why he was brought here. It didn’t escape him that the noticed John size up the man across from him.
“This is Doctor Frank Hamelin,” Admiral Dickinson, “And you will be escorting him on your next mission. We don’t expect it to last a standard deployment, but that’s alright given the current situation. Besides, your squadron killed all the bloody pirates, so we don’t have that much real work for you at the moment.”
John grinned when he heard that. He never took his eyes off the scholar. In fact, he was counting the number of ways he could kill or beat the man up. That number was incredibly high as he didn’t give off any vibes that he had ever been in a fight.
“You had best show him what you’d like to do. He’s not going to stop doing whatever it is that he’s doing now,” Admiral Dufresne said dismissively to the scientist.
“I find it fascinating that I’d ever interact, much less put my life in the hands of someone so bloodthirsty. That gaze of yours is just frightening,” Dr. Hamelin said with the utmost sincerity and honesty, “But yes, where are my manners? To put it briefly and frankly, we have discovered evidence of intelligent life, though it seems that the race has since gone extinct.”
Dr. Hamelin activated the holographic display from his terminal. A black orb with a sickeningly green light is shown. Alien characters could be easily seen in the piece of rubble. Characters that John was acquainted with.
“You don’t seem surprised by this?” Dr. Hamelin noticed John’s reaction and was taken aback by it, “This was not the reaction I’d expected from you, in fact, I’d say you were nonplused about such a momentous discovery.”
“It’s foolhardy to believe that we’re the only intelligent life in the universe. Or that there weren’t precursor races.”
“We’re calling them the Predecessors.”
John looked like he was in pain hearing that name.
“You don’t agree with the name we gave them?”
John shook his head, “Why not something cooler? Forerunners, Ancients, Old Ones, Engineers, galaxy seeders?”
“Clever as some of those names, many are trademarked and rooted in science fiction. We are dealing with science fact.”
“That’s a…” John stopped and paused for a moment, “An acceptable, but dumb, reason for eschewing a cooler name. So, what’s the mission?”
“We’re going to Apus Minor. There’s an Earth-sized moon orbiting the gas giant. The specific ruins we’re heading to are here.”
The picture in the holographic display changed. John closed his eyes quickly and sighed. The doctor wanted to explore alien ruins that were under a mountain. Ruins that had a tendency to just disappear on a whim, at least according to the data John had kept well hidden. John didn’t know whether or not the doctor knew that fact, but he had to presume he was aware of that.
“Alien ruins in a mountain. What could go wrong?” John said sarcastically.
“A lot. Which is why we’re bringing you on board,” Admiral Dickinson answered, “The scientists will do as you order.”
“That means I’ll be going into the ruins with them then, or am I mistaken on that assumption?”
Admiral Dufresne leaned forward and rested his arms on the table, “Why would the captain of our starship go with them?”
“You said the scientists will do as I order. Even with relays our communication devices don’t work great under that much earth. How else am I to order them to not do something without being physically there?”
“It’s not normal, but far from the first time, a captain’s prerogative was used during a mission. If you see fit to need to be there with the scientific team then that is acceptable to me,” Admiral Dickinson said, “I’d not simply urge you but order you to utilize a significant amount of caution to be exhibited. Anything and everything that is seen is classified beyond top secret. We are not prepared at this time to publicly disclose this information at this time.”
“When do we leave?”
“Your shore leave’s been cut short, along with your crew’s,” Admiral Dufresne said, “The recall order has already been sent to the crew. You’ll leave in five days. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry for the interruption.”
“Congrats doctor, you and your team aren’t going to be making many friends on the ship,” John’s quip dripped in resentment, “Where are going to house them?”
“The starboard hangar is being used to house their gear and the teams. Technicians are installing the temporary barracks structure in there as we speak,” Admiral Dufresne said, “Lieutenant, why don’t you take the time to get to know your new crewmate? We have another crew to disappoint.”
“The Waukesha is going out by her lonesome?”
Admiral Dickinson nodded, “Apus Minor is firmly in the core world region. The moon itself is sparsely populated aside from some agricultural startups in the northern continent. Apus Major has nearly a billion people living there now.”
“Understood, we’ll be up to the task.”
John stood and saluted the admirals. He quickly sat back down and stared down at the doctor. It was highly annoying that his leave was being canceled as suddenly as it was. He not only wanted but needed some proper downtime.
“You needn’t give me this death glare. I’m not at fault for this.”
“Oh, I’m aware. I’m just annoyed that this meeting got me out of looking at some art pieces painted or built by some dead artists that I have no clue who they were. Now I’m being asked to play babysitter to a bunch of eggheads under a fucking mountain.”
“This is a momentous occasion. We’ve discovered…”
“Tell me, doctor, what happened to this relic after it was activated,” John stared at the doctor.
“What? How…” Doctor Hamelin cocked his head and stared at the cocky officer, “What do you mean?”
“Where is that relic now? Do you have a chipping of the material?”
“No, but why would you ask that? How would you know the device disappeared upon activation? No one’s been told that. You couldn’t possibly know that.”
“Unless I do. You didn’t discover that device. Someone else did. If I’m not mistaken, the uncut video shows a green scanning pulse before the device atomized itself. And left a stadium-sized depression in prime farmland. Indicating that something much larger existed there at one time.”
“A dear colleague and friend of mine discovered it. He had an unnamed benefactor that was bankrolling his research. He found dozens of locations. He died in an attack on his campsite by bandits. This site was one he had wanted to go to but he was hesitant to go there because of the aforementioned disappearing act they performed.”
“That benefactor of your friend was a madman. He made me look like a fucking boy scout,” John’s face wore a puzzled look, “I am not a boy scout.”
“Sometimes in the pursuit of scientific knowledge, we have to ally ourselves, however temporarily, with an unsavory cast. That is the price of progress some of us are willing to pay.”
“And what if that price involves doing immoral or unethical things? Such as transforming a portion of the population or annihilating some of it? What then?”
“This discovery is so much more valuable than you can think. Our level of technology could increase exponentially. The risks are worth it. Especially now, since we believe we now know why the structures disappear.”
“What makes you think you’ve cracked that code?” John asked dismissively.
“I’m looking at him.”
John sighed loudly before closing his eyes, “You cannot be fucking serious.”
Dr. Hamelin then began typing at his terminal before showing a repeating pattern, “This is what the scanner was looking for. We’ve been able to translate part of the flash of data. When we extrapolate what those numbers mean we find out they are grid coordinates. To this.”
He then changed the screen to display a portion of a human’s genetic code, “Wouldn’t you be surprised that this portion of the code is an exact match to you? What’s absolutely fascinating is how your genetic code shifted into this. Genetic adjustments, on the scale you went through, are incredibly deadly for adults.”
“It almost killed me. That it didn’t remains a mystery for me as well. So you think if I’m in the presence of the team then when the scanning beam goes out it’ll delay or otherwise stop this atomization program the alien tech has?”
“That’s my running theory.”
“Do you have any other sites besides this one?”
“Why do you ask?” Dr. Hamelin asked curiously.
“I’d rather you not be wrong and then be buried under a fucking mountain due to scientific malfeasance,” John said sarcastically.
“There’s a small structure on the moon a few miles away that we can test your theory.”
“Very well,” John said, “What else do you know about these aliens?”
Dr. Hamelin smiled as he leaned forward. The two men continued their conversation. Five hours had flashed in but a blink of an eye. John had learned a great deal from the doctor. The new information he was eager to plug into Eve and see if their translations and assumptions from Dr. Norman’s stash had proven accurate.
John was still treading cautiously. His desire to learn more was obviously there, but this whole situation wreaked of something. Something that he couldn’t quite put a finger on. He didn’t trust this scientist, and it was likely that the rest of his team would be just as untrustworthy, but orders were orders. He had to follow through with them, but John was bound and determined to do so while not allowing these foreigners to get him and his crew killed.
A Terran Space Story: The Lieutenant Saga
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This is a new update in a story previously shared here. I will mark the new update with 🔴🔴🔴
Originally posted by u/admirable_spirit_673 in TrueOffMyChest on February 11, '23, updated Feb 12th and March 7th.
Trigger Warning: emotional abuse, depression, anxiety, PTSD, suicide, eating disorder
Mood Spoiler: OOP is struggling
Original post
Im leaving my boyfriend over a prank.
I'm still shaken up a bit shaken up so if this doesn't make much sense I apologize. TW for suicide
I (18f) have been with my boyfriend (20m) for almost two years. I moved in with him last August, and things have been pretty rocky.
My whole life I've struggled with my mental health, specifically depression, anxiety, and self harm (I've been clean for a while though). I also have a history of trauma, but I dont need to get into that. I made sure my boyfriend knew this when we started dating, because I wanted him to be able to nope out of the relationship if that was too much for him to deal with. He assured me it wasn't an issue.
He never seemed to really "get" the whole mental health thing though. He would make comments saying stuff like depression is just "spicy sad" and people with trauma should just get over it (he also thinks that only veterans can get PTSD). I've tried explaining things to him but he just brushes me off, so I do the best to ignore him.
Recently he started watching couple prank channels on YouTube, and he started pranking me. At first it was just small things like putting way too much flavor in my water, or salt in a bite of my food. I laughed it off, it didn't really bother me. But then he started jumping out and scaring me. That kind of stuff really affects me sometimes because of my PTSD, and I tried to explain that to him. He would apologize but do it again the next day. I was getting annoyed and frustrated, but I tried to let it be.
Things escalated when last week when he put some noise makers under the toilet seat in the middle of the night. I woke up to go to the bathroom and sat down, BOOM. It being late at night, me being half awake, and the loud noise all mixed together and gave me a full blown panic attack. I was on the bathroom floor crying and having flashbacks. after I don't know how long I stopped crying and was just staring into space, having flashbacks. He came in because I guess he noticed I was gone for a while. When he saw me sitting on the floor he remembered his little "prank" and started laughing. I just stared at him for a second, got up and called him an ass. I slept in the living room the rest of the night.
The next day I sat him down and I told him he can NOT keep scaring me like this. No more jumping out at me, no more loud noises. He pretty much sighed and rolled his eyes, but he said he would stop.
Everything was fine for a week, I thought this whole "prank" thing was finally over.
Yesterday I got home from being out with a friend, actually feeling better for the first time in a while. When I walked in the house all the lights were off, so I assumed he was still at work, which isn't abnormal because sometimes he works late. I plug my phone in because it died on my way back home, and when it powered on I got a notification that he sent me a text. It just read "so sorry, I love you". I replied saying it's okay, I'll see you when you get home, love you. And I heard his phone ding in the bathroom. That was weird I thought.
I got up to go get his phone and when I got into the bathroom I saw him laying in the bathtub. The bath was full of water, there was an empty bottle of pills on the sink, and he was covered in blood. His wrists were cut and there was just, so much blood.
My heart just, sank. I started having a panic attack. I was hyperventilating, crying, and I was just frozen. After a minute I ran to the living room to get my phone to call 911, and I hear splashing and then laughter. I turned around to see him standing in the hallway just laughing. He said he "got me" and I should have seen the look on my face.
I don't even know how to describe the feelings I was experiencing. I was so mad and sad and scared. I didn't even say anything, I just walked out of the house. I just kept walking and eventually I figured I needed to call my friend to come get me. At first I didn't tell her what happened I just told her I needed her to come get me it was an emergency. She came and took me back to her house where I'm at now. My boyfriend keeps calling me and he sent me some texts saying he was sorry and it was just a joke, and I'm over reacting and I need to come home. I'm not answering. I don't even know what I would say to him.
My friend is going over to his house tomorrow to get my things when hes at work. She said I can stay with her however long I need. I don't know what I'm going to do. I just feel numb.
Update the next day
Thankfully today wasn't as eventful as I was expecting it to be.
I ended up sending my, now ex, boyfriend a text saying that he crossed a line and i don't want to hear from him again. I blocked him on everything after sending that, and I'm planning on changing my number tomorrow.
My friend went over to his house around noon today with her boyfriend, and was able to retrieve most of my stuff without issue. She got all my personal documents, sentimental items, medication, and clothes. The only things she wasn't able to grab were the TV and Xbox I paid for, because I'm not sure how I can go about getting those back without him accusing me of stealing them. I'm not sure that fight is even worth it right now.
Before she left she put my copy of his house key on the kitchen table so he knew I didn't have it. She wanted to unplug his fridge and all his appliances just to make things harder for him, but I told her not to. I really don't want to add fuel to this fire.
His mom reached out to me to ask what was going on. Apparently he called her and told her that I had some sort of mental breakdown and ran away, and that he was worried about me. I told her what happened and what he did. She was pissed. She said she thought she raised him better than that, and that she was sorry he did what he did. She said that if I need anything I can let her know and she'll do what she can do help me.
I guess his mom told his older sister what happened and she also reached out to me to apologize for his behavior. I wasn't close to her, but I met her a few times and she's a really nice person. She offered to help with anything I needed, and told me that she was going to make sure everyone knows what actually happened. I told her it wasn't necessary but I appreciate it, but she said she wasn't going to let her brother get away with this. I'm not going to argue, so I thanked her.
For the most part I've just been lying in bed today. I'm so exhausted, physically and emotionally. I wish I had left him sooner. There were red flags that I just ignored. I guess I was afraid of being alone, I don't know. I'm trying not to blame myself for this whole situation but I feel like I put myself in this position, this is what I get.
I'm not expecting much else to happen, god I hope nothing else happens. I'll probably give one more update in a few days as long as things have cooled down. If something significant happens, you'll hear from me.
Thank you all for your kind words and your advice. It's very much appreciated and definitely needed.
🔴🔴🔴
New Update
This is just going to be a short one because I don't have much energy right now. the last few weeks have been up and down. I did end up getting my TV and Xbox back. his sister stopped by his house when he was at work and took them, leaving a note explaining what she took and why. my best friend met her somewhere, like a Starbucks or something, to get my stuff.
As for how I'm doing, not so good. I'm staying with my mom currently, which has issues of it's own. I lost my job because I wasn't reliably showing up and I couldn't focus. So I don't have a job and can't afford to eat, not that I would be eating anyways because my eating disorder is crawling it's way back and I'm not doing anything to stop it.
I was diagnosed with bipolar about a year ago (have never been medicated for it), and after the whole incident I was in a depressive episode for a week or so, then a manic one, now I'm back to being depressed. Normally I reach for weed when I feel down but it's just not helping the way I need it to. I was taking dxm once or twice a week but now I'm out and don't have any money to get some more. Then I turned to dph, which was actually great until I build a tolerance and don't have any left.
So now I'm trying to cope however I can. mostly sleeping. but I'm having a really hard time falling asleep. Because I have racing thoughts and insomnia.
I'm making an appointment with my primary soon to talk about my sleep issues and trying to get me In with a competent psychiatrist. I'm also looking for a new therapist because my old one moved out of state last week. only problem is I call, no one answers, I leave a voicemail, no one calls me back. it's a cycle that repeats daily. I'm really starting to lose hope for finding a therapist. I feel like I'm just going to get worse and worse and either end up in the ground or 6 feet under. I haven't been in this bad of a place in years, I forgot how lonely and isolating it makes you feel.
In the Comments:
over the last few weeks I've been calling and calling different places, literally all over the state. no one answers the phones, I leave a message, no one calls me back. day after day, same story. no luck.
I'm on Wellbutrin and effector right now. I have an appointment with a psychiatrist on the 14th. I want to up my Wellbutrin and actually get on a mood stabilizer, but idk if I'll be able to do that or not. historically psychiatrists take one look at me and tell me I'm fine/not dealing with anything other than depression and anxiety.
I'm just, so tired. I literally slept all day today. I'm not eating. there's no alcohol in the house anymore so I'm not drinking. ran out of dph and dxm a few days ago so idk what I'll do now. just suffer I guess.
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I don't have any sort of transportation to go in person, and the therapists I'm wanting to see are hours away (telehealth).
I've actually been taking Benadryl (way too much to be honest, like 500mg) before bed and it helps but I've build a tolerance and I'm all out. I have no money to get any more, let alone go anywhere to talk to anyone.
I'm just so so tired
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I am selling the TV and Xbox. $400 for both which would cover a week and a half worth of the meds I need.
I have medicaid but for some reason they just don't want to cover those meds. So for now I'm on effector and Wellbutrin. which the Wellbutrin is definitely suppressing my appetite but at this point I'm not sure the effexor is doing jack shit.
I'm just so tired. I've been calling and calling therapists and psychologists and no one answers, no one gets back to me. I don't know what to do at this point
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I HATE going to the ER for crisis. Because of my diagnoses and history of being inpatient they tend to just treat me like crap. they act like I'm just attention seeking. one time I ODed on Xanax and they just put in my chart I was drug seeking and sent me home. I don't have faith in them anymore.
hotlines are kinda iffy for me. sometimes they help, but most of the times whoever answers is just dismissive and going through the motions. I might as well be talking to a robot
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i was denied unemployment and idk if me getting food stamps is going to mess up my mom's food stamps because they already cut her food stamps to $50 a month after I lost my job. I've been considering disability but idk if id qualify. and if I get on disability I know my dad would be pissed at me
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Do you have private insurance? If you do call the number on the card for mental health/behavioral health. Tell them you have been having trouble getting an appointment with a therapist. They will ask you some basic questions like a risk assessment. Then they can do an appointment search for you. Some providers are willing to work in an opening in their schedule if they are contacted by the insurance company

OP: I have medicaid. I could definitely try that. The only issue is the therapists I've seen just aren't experienced enough to deal with "my kind of issues". I have a lot of comorbidities as well as a history of complex trauma.
I've been calling psychologists and trauma centers and even masters level therapists that specialize in BPD/bp/trauma. no one answers the phone. no one calls me back. I'm losing hope
I am flairing this ongoing as OOP is strugglingwith her mental heltha and looking for help
Reminder, DO NOT comment on the original posts or contact the original poster. I am not the original poster. This is a repost.

Drawing inspiration from this sacred text:
"Everything that is illuminated becomes a light, for it is the light that makes everything visible." Ephesians 5:13
We comprehend that we are faithful slaves to our assumptions and architects of our physical experiences. How wondrously beautiful that is!
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It is a disheartening truth that more than 95% of humanity lacks any understanding of the law of assumption or the power they wield through their innate, priceless faculties like imagination. Since my discovery of the various methods related to manifestation and the absolute power of our thoughts and assumptions, I have become adept at reading people's auras. I understand that every individual reaps what they sow, whether through luck or misfortune. Indeed, they get what they deserve, in every sense of the word.
By understanding that our thoughts, assumptions, and inner dialogue are the absolute creators of our physical experiences in this realm, we must also accept that our fruits are the purest harvest of our own doing. This means that each person has reaped the results of their actions, whether intentional or not.
It is disheartening to see a person without economic resources focus on their deficiencies, thinking in terms of poverty and scarcity, and consequently, inviting negativity into their life. But does that mean that the individual does not deserve what they will continue to reap as a result of their behavior? Is ignorance of the causes of their own results an exemption from their consequences?
For example, does a person's ignorance of the law of gravity exempt them from a free fall from a window if they jump into the void from it? Of course not. They deserve the consequences of their actions, despite the emotional pain and sadness it may bring.
It is vital that we comprehend the roles we play in our lives. In doing so, we can achieve happiness, love, wealth, abundance, and freedom. By embracing the law of assumption and the power of our imagination, we become the creators of our own destiny.
Let us change our assumptions, thoughts, and inner dialogue to align with our deepest desires. By focusing on prosperity, love, and gratitude, we manifest experiences that reflect those states in our lives.
We cannot underestimate the power of our consciousness. Every thought, emotion, and word has the power to transform our reality. By embracing the law of assumption, we gain control of our lives and become conscious creators of our experiences.
In conclusion, dear friends, I invite you to explore Neville Goddard's teachings, listen to his seminars, and immerse yourselves in his literature. You will not only gain wisdom and knowledge but also a key to unlocking a world full of unlimited possibilities.
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https://www.reddit.com/Gadwins_Teachings/
I am happiness.
I am wealth.
I am abundance.
I am joy.
I am health.
Thank you so much for reading,
Gadwin Verd

Had he lived beyond the Iron Curtain, my uncle would have spent most of his life in a mental asylum. In Communist Czechoslovakia, however, mental asylums primarily served as a means of punishing political opposition so my uncle was relatively free.
Well, for most of his life at least.
Rural existence doesn’t really lend itself to the nuances of mental health, so no one dwelled too far into his peculiarities. He was never formally diagnosed with anything and I wouldn’t dare try to play doctor, but rest assured he was far from stable. The village just considered him crazy and left it at that.
Well, for most of his life at least.
There was a horseshoe shaped scar above his right eye. When I was a kid I presumed he was strange because of that scar, but decades later, in hushed whispers after family reunions — I would find out my uncle was born strange.
As a child he would walk out onto the hill at the edge of the forest and howl at the moon like a rabid animal. He shunned the regular toy trains and wooden soldiers that the other boys would play with and instead made his own dolls of sticks and straw. Once he was old enough not to require constant supervision my uncle would disappear into the forest for days on end and would only return back to the village for food and water. When, in his late teens, my uncle arrived at the breakfast table with blood dripping down his forehead his parents just assumed he had gone out on another misadventure.
The boy was strange, but he was not deemed dangerous. As cryptic as his speech was, as incomprehensible as his behavior was — the village had agreed that he was harmless. The boy was strange, but he would never hurt a living soul.
Until the autumn of ’78 that notion held true.
Much of my early childhood was spent following my uncle around the village. While his erratic behavior was a cause for concern among most of the village, I found him fascinating. While the other adults in my life wanted to lecture me on cleanliness and how a young man should act, my uncle would tell me strange fairy tales about the magical creatures of the forest. The vodníks, the bogienky, the Baba Yaga — my uncle would fill my head with tales of fantastic beasts that roamed beyond the confines of the village. The talk of responsibility and cleanliness that all the adults in my life would subject me to was senseless noise compared to the mysterious sermons my uncle would impart to me.
In ’74 or ’75 my great-grandfather died. A couple months after the village funeral much of the family loaded themselves into their Trabants and Ladas and drove out to Poprad, the nearest city where the inheritance proceedings would take place. Even though my uncle had a downright antagonistic relationship with cars, when it came time to depart, he pushed me over to the middle seat and joined in on the ride.
The man never shaved. For most of the drive through the hills his unkempt beard kept on rubbing against my face. I distinctly remember being irritated at the prospect of having to ride between him and my grandmother. My face itched and I was angry about not being consulted on the seating arrangements in the car but by the time we arrived in the city my spirits calmed. My family promised a solemn reading of the will. My uncle promised a stroll around the city.
I chose my uncle. While my parents got ready for the reading of the will and arguments over who inherits what land, me and my uncle set off on walk through the center square. At least, that’s what he announced to the family.
Our course quickly changed.
The main square of Poprad was filled with all sorts of fantastic things a village boy might find amusing, but my uncle had other plans. He led me out of the center towards a roadway. The cement houses that surrounded the road proved to be of some interest but after a while they disappeared as well. All that was left was a busy road surrounded by fields.
For what felt like an eternity we dodged cars with nothing to shield us from the summer sun. I was starting to grow frustrated with my uncle again, I even started to complain about my legs hurting, but before my frustration manifested into a childish outburst the true destination of my uncle’s pilgrimage was revealed — the Poprad airport.
I wasn’t raised under a rock. I watched cartoons. I knew planes existed. I just never saw one in the flesh. Decades down the line I would become an aerospace engineer, the moment clearly had an impact. That initial burst of pure fascination of seeing a real flying machine will stick with me till the day I die — but it will always be tainted by what my uncle said to me.
My uncle grabbed me by the shoulder and pointed towards the airfield. With utter disgust and rage in his voice he told me that “The devil drives in one of those machines. You have to keep your eye on them.”
Over the years I had chosen to forget about my uncle’s inexplicable hatred of planes and just focused on the moment when I fell in love with engineering. Yet over the past couple of days, I have thought long and hard about what he said that summer afternoon.
I’ve also been thinking a lot about the holy water incident of autumn ’78.
The construction of the new fire station was the most interesting thing to happen in the village all year. The rickety church would still be the highest building in the village, but it would only retain its position because it stood on top of a hill. The two story cement structure grew day by day and even half-finished it managed to dwarf all the cottages around it.
That autumn I spent every afternoon at my great-grandfather’s grave. My parents thought I sat by the tombstone because of some sudden burst of filial piety and they relaxed their stances on chores in response. Truthfully I just sat there for a good view of the fledgling fire station. Watching the building be constructed in individual steps, from the metal scaffolding to the mixing of the cement was utterly fascinating to 12-year-old me.
It was during one of my afternoon observation sessions that the holy water incident took place. I was watching the workers mix cement to fill up the metal skeleton of the second floor when the doors of the church burst open. Out came running my uncle, with a jug of water cradled in his arms. After him, flustered and red in the face, came the village priest. Behind the sprinting priest, peeking out of the church doors like nervous sheep, came the attendants of afternoon mass.
The construction of the new fire station was the most interesting thing to happen in the village all year, but the holy water incident quickly overshadowed anything that had happened all decade. My uncle dashed down the church hill towards the construction gripping the stolen jug of holy water. A handful of workers were attending to the cement mixer but with savage shouts my uncle dissolved their huddle. With the intensity of a fire-fighter at an ammunition depot my uncle started to pour the holy water into the cement mixer.
The priest was beside himself with zealous rage, but the man of cloth wouldn’t touch my uncle. One of the construction workers, however, unbound by oaths of non-violence, tried to intervene. He grabbed my uncle by the shoulders and tried to pull him away from the cement mixer so that the holy water would not be squandered.
My uncle had never been a violent man. It was perhaps because of his harmless nature that the village tolerated his bizarre behavior. My uncle had never been a violent man, but when the construction worker attempted to stop him from pouring the holy water into the cement he turned around and planted his fist square into the construction worker’s nose. The impact of the punch could be heard from atop of the church hill.
The construction worker reeled back from the hit and landed straight on his ass in the gravel. As the man in dirty overalls collected the blood from his bleeding nose my uncle finished off what he set off to do. He poured the rest of the water into the cement mixer, and then, when the holy jug was empty, he screamed a cry of victory:
“Charcoal!” he yelled, “Charcoal for the long winter!”
Back then, those words meant nothing to me.
My uncle continued to scream about the charcoal until the workmen restrained him. Had he punched one of the villagers the issue would have ended there. My uncle would be chastised for his behavior, perhaps beaten a bit, and then he would be left to his own strange ways. My uncle, however, did not punch some unimportant hick. He punched an out-of-towner who came in to help with the construction. This out-of-towner also happened to be a good friend of the head of the fire safety committee. He was not going to let his broken nose go unpunished.
The police arrived shortly before sunset. By the time the sky was dark my uncle was gone.
They say he died of pneumonia in prison a couple years later, but no one really bothered to check. Once my uncle was driven out of the village his existence fell comfortably into the realm of myth. People would occasionally mention him at family reunions but he was more of a punchline than a human being by then.
The crazy uncle.
The crazy uncle we don’t talk about much. He had slipped my mind too. For a couple weeks after the holy water incident I was curious about his fate, about why he would pour holy water into a cement mixer, about the charcoal for the long winter — yet soon enough those questions were buried beneath the universal blues of puberty. By the time I got out of high-school I scarcely remembered I even had a crazy uncle.
I studied engineering in Prague and, when the Bolshevik system collapsed halfway through my studies, I fought tooth and nail to move to the West. I finished off my masters in Delft and then, through a lucky set of coincidences, ended up flying across the ocean to Arlington.
I spent most of my life in the US, away from my roots. I got married, had kids, got divorced and worked myself to the bone in the process. When my father died my schedule was far too hectic to make the flight back home. All I managed to do was to sit by his grave overlooking the now defunct fire station. My father was gone and, after a week or so of visiting, I found my mother on her way as well.
I didn’t show up for my flight back to the states. Instead, I stayed in the village where I was born.
The first couple of weeks were confusing. The village was much smaller than it was in my memories of youth. Everything was quieter, more peaceful and when night came the darkness was so total, I felt like I could grip it in my fist. The once mighty fire-station had become an empty building that served as a makeshift town hall and a place to have funeral receptions. The only thing that didn’t seem to have aged was the rickety church and that was just because if it got any more unstable it would collapse.
After the disorienting arrival I adjusted to my new rural life. My mother was confined to her bed, so I spent most of my time in the cottage tending to her or listing through the many books I promised myself I would read after I retired. The days started to blur into each other and I found myself much calmer than I had been in decades. Rural life had turned out to be rather blissful.
Then, a snake fell from the sky.
Verona Halčín, the mother of the mayor, reported one day that a snake fell on top of her as she was making her way up the church hill. She was much older than my mother, but Verona’s religious zeal and need to be the center of attention kept her animated well past her years. The mayor’s mother claimed that the snake had been a punishment from God. The village veterinarian claimed that the snake was probably just some bird’s dinner. The mayor claimed that the snake issue would be addressed.
I did not busy myself with the snake affair. My mother’s health had deteriorated to the point where I would wake up in the middle of the night in fear that she had died. I was more concerned with the impending funeral arrangements than a snake in the church yard. It was during one of my paranoid middle-of-the-night wake-ups, however, that I found something new to worry about.
It must’ve been around 2 in the morning. I found myself sweating in bed and my mother’s snoring had gone worryingly silent. I made my way over to her room to find her lying on her side, still alive and quietly breathing. That’s when I heard that terrible sound.
It started off as a quiet rumble but quickly gained in dark tenor. Soon enough the whole cottage was shaking. Somewhere above us something terrible moved. It sounded like thunder amplified through a metal cave. The terrible noise was unlike anything I had ever heard before and its mere presence made any thought impossible. It wasn’t until the dark roar had fizzled off into the distance that I realized that the noise sounded strangely familiar.
I just couldn’t place my finger on it.
My mother has been hard of hearing for years now. She slept through the deafening roar and, when I asked her about it in the morning, she excused it as a simple thunderstorm somewhere off in the distance. Her explanation didn’t calm me.
In the evening, once my mother had gone to sleep, I found myself in need of company and a drink.
Off in the village pub the air was rife with discussion about more alleged snake sightings. Some claimed the snakes were a sign of divine judgment, others claimed that there was a stork nest in the steeple of the church — all were very convinced of their theories. The discussion was losing in its civility and threatened to burst into violence, yet before fists and chairs started getting thrown around mayor Halčín banged on the table and demanded calm. The steeple of the church would be inspected on the following morning. All discussion of snakes was to cease till then.
In that brief silence between the shouts I thought of bringing up the strange howl I had heard in the night, but before I did someone beat me to it. The city kid spoke up.
We had both moved to the village around the same time, but I had roots. He didn’t. The kid asked about the strange noise in the night and all he received from the table were stares.
Halčín told him it was just thunder. The rest of the table murmured in approval.
The kid didn’t take it. He said he saw a glimpse of the thing. Something had flown above the village. The kid started saying something about the thing shining with red light but before he could get into any proper descriptions Halčín stopped him in his tracks.
It was thunder, Halčín reminded him. The sound the boy had heard was thunder and any further discussion was spreading panic just like the snake talk. He was told, in no uncertain terms, that further input on the subject was not welcome.
I had grown up around Halčín and knew not to contradict him. The kid didn’t seem to need the years of experience. He knew to stay quiet as well. After the mayor had shut him up the kid finished his drink and left. I was happy I didn’t bring up the sound myself. Eventually, with a couple of drinks, I convinced myself that Halčín had been right — all I heard was some far off thunder.
At least that’s what I told myself.
I couldn’t fall asleep that night. I had drunk enough to become sluggish and my internal monologue had descended from words into vague notions, but consciousness refused to depart. I laid in bed, listening to my mother’s strained snoring, trying to remember why the sound I had heard the night prior sounded so familiar.
My mind was far too dulled to even properly recall the sound, but by the time the bedside alarm clock creeped towards 2AM it was no longer necessary. The sound was back. As if it had been tied to my mother’s snores it slowly crawled into reality. The roar above grew louder and louder until everything else ceased to exist. The windows of the cottage shook, my face grew numb — everything in the world descended into nothingness to make room for that deafening sound.
Perhaps because of exhaustion, perhaps because of fear; I couldn’t bring myself to get out of bed. I laid under my covers with my eyes wide open staring at the ceiling trying to fully concentrate on that terrible sound outside.
Well before the noise reached its deafening zenith, I placed it.
It was unlike any engine I had ever witnessed; it was much louder and darker than anything I had encountered in the decades of my career — but the noise was unmistakable.
A plane was flying at an extremely low altitude above me.
I wanted to get up, to look at what sort of engine could produce such a horrid sound — yet lying in that bed I found myself paralyzed. The roar from the skies above, even muffled by the walls of my wooden childhood home, was so loud it made my teeth chatter. All notion of physical strength drained my body and I was left motionless in bed.
When the roar finally died down, when the night settled and all I could hear was the bubbling of the far off stream and the snoring of my aged mother — I put on my shoes and walked outside. Somewhere off in the distance that terrible sound still rumbled, but aside from the burning moon the sky was clear. Standing there, searching the night sky for a hint of a plane my uncle’s words crashed into my internal monologue:
“The devil drives in one of those machines. You have to keep your eye on them.”
There was a terrible storm the following day. Hail the size of fists dropped from the sky and the gentle bubbling stream that led through the village threatened to turn into a flooding river. I had spent the whole day inside tending to my mother, but later I would find out that there had been a death at the church. A farmhand had been sent up to the steeple to check if a stork had made a nest there, but during his ascent the wind had shifted and the ladder he was climbing turned loose. The farmhand met his end against the metal fence of the church. His death was not quick.
On any other occasion the death of the farmhand would have overshadowed all happenings in the village for weeks. The events of the following night, however, pushed the youth’s death into obscurity.
My mother had gone to sleep well before midnight. I was alone in the cottage, sitting by the window and occasionally watching the clock sluggishly turn closer to 2 AM. All that kept me company was her snoring, but beyond the glass I could see other cottages were lit up just like mine. The storm had prevented me from talking to the other villagers about the roaring jet engine, but it was clear others were awaiting its return as well.
We all sat around our windows, expecting answers.
Instead of clarity, however, the village received destruction.
I spent hours waiting by the window just so that I could see the source of that deafening sound. The closer the clock got to two the more my knees started to ache. Something deep inside of me demanded I turn away. Something deep inside of me knew that what was hiding behind that window was best unseen. By the time the rumbling started off beyond the hills I had to grip the windowsill to stay upright.
My teeth clenched and my eyeballs bulged and I had to press my face against the glass — but I saw it. For a mere collection of seconds that will forever be scarred into my memory — I saw it.
It was unlike any plane I had ever witnessed.
Whatever make the airbus was, it was bigger than anything I had ever worked with or seen. If you took the Antonov, painted it jet black and then pushed its size to the very limit of aerodynamics and then pushed a bit further — that’s how big the plane above was. On its massive wings sat two blood red lights that shot tendrils of pain from my eye-balls to the back of my skull. Every moment I spent looking at the machine I could feel my sanity slip away. I did not last at the window for long. soon enough I was curled up on the floor with my palms shielding my ears.
Before my body gave out, however, I noticed the most horrid thing of all:
The plane was flying dangerously low. The plane was flying dangerously low and heading straight for the steeple of the church. Beyond the metal screech I could not hear the impact. I could not hear anything. The universe distilled itself into cacophony and only a single thought, a single memory broke through —
“The devil drives in one of those machines. You have to keep your eye on them.”
Well after the noise had rumbled off beyond the valley, I was still lying on the floor. My mind had been completely sandblasted by fear and every inch of my body felt foreign. It wasn’t until I heard shouts from the outside that I managed to crawl to my knees.
The church had indeed been hit. The steeple had been knocked down and reduced into nothing but kindling that burned over the graves. The rest of the church was also burning. It was as if the plane had sparked the fire itself.
The sight of the eldritch airbus had been enough to drive me to the floor, but the fire had brought me back to my senses. Without much conscious thought I pulled on my shoes and ran to the old barn in search of buckets.
Dozens of villagers helped. Quickly, we organized into a chain of young and old and strong and weak — but our efforts did nothing to stem the blaze. It would take a solid hour for a firetruck to make its way through the winding hills of the valley. Well before the flashing lights appeared there was nothing left of the church worth saving.
When the bucket party had given up, chaos spread through the crowd. The city kid, the one that had first talked about the howl of the plane at the pub — he claimed he had taken a video of the crash.
His phone, however, had shorted out and refused to turn back on.
I had seen the plane. Others, who had waited with their lights turned on, had seen the plane as well. In the chaos we did our best to support his claims, but our voices were quickly drowned out.
Verona Halčín had seized the narrative and started to preach. There had been no plane, she swore. What we had witnessed was a strike of God. He had started with snakes dropped from the sky, then he brought down a mighty storm and now, at the zenith of his rage, he had struck down the steeple of the church. Her fervor quickly shifted from abstract accusations of godlessness to finger pointing.
She said it was the kid, and other outsiders, who had tainted the village. There were voices of reason in the crowd, but they were few. With the church still burning and the crowd wild with panic Verona’s words turned to absolute fury.
The kid quickly fled.
Fearing that Verena would search for a new scapegoat, I made my exit as well.
When I returned home, I was shocked to learn that my mother had slept through the entire affair. Even as the sirens of the overdue fire truck arrived by the church, her heavy snores scarcely changed in rhythm.
I did not wake her up that night. I feared that the sudden shock might push her to the grave and, even if her heart could handle being pulled out of slumber — I couldn’t imagine how I would explain what had happened to her.
The roar from the sky was much louder than it had been the night previous. With each passing sunset the plane got closer and closer to the village. The airbus cut through the church steeple as if it was a tower of toothpicks. I dreaded to think what would happen the following night.
When my mother awoke, I brought her breakfast and tea to bed. I had no idea how to broach the subject of the low-flying airplane. At first I tried to find a way to transition from our casual morning chat to the impending danger, but when no obvious path presented itself I simply came out with it — I told my mother that an incomprehensible jet had crashed into the steeple of the church. Tonight, I told her, it would fly much lower and create untold suffering.
It was time for us to leave the village.
My mother took the confusing news with nothing but a twitch of the eyebrow. When I told her about the church, when I insisted that we get in the car and drive to the city, when I told her we were in danger — she simply shook her head. Wordlessly, she pushed away her plate, climbed out of bed and shuffled her way over to the window.
When she was still able to climb the church hill my mother had been a religious person. She had never missed Sunday mass and, whenever anyone in the family was making a change in career or undergoing surgery, she would provide nightly prayers to hedge bets with the almighty. Seeing the burnt down husk of the village church that morning, however, elicited no emotion from the woman. She simply gazed out of the window and then, almost in a whisper, said:
“Charcoal for the long winter.”
My mother wasn’t looking at the church. She was looking at the old fire station.
When I asked her to repeat herself, she acted as if she said nothing at all. I asked about my uncle, about the charcoal, about the planes — yet all she did was shake her head and pity her poor brother’s soul. Then, she quickly changed the topic of conversation. She was going to cook lunch. I was to bring her some wood for the stove.
I made a couple weak attempts at salvaging the mystery of my uncle, but my mother pretended she couldn’t hear me. The thought of staying in the village despite the imminent danger was undeniably absurd, but I knew the old woman wouldn’t get into my car willingly.
When I went outside with the wood basket it started to snow.
As we ate lunch she talked a lot more than usual. My mother had always been chatty, but age had slowed her down. By the time I had arrived in the village it was clear my mother had become unaccustomed to conversation. As we dug into the goulash though, my mother’s sentences connected and she even seemed animated. She spoke of my childhood and my dad and other family members no longer present. She even mentioned her brother.
She asked me if I remembered how scruffy his beard was.
I was happy to see my mother so animated, but I had to ask. As I brought up the airplane and the charcoal and the water spilt into the cement mixer, her face softened. This time she didn’t pretend she didn’t hear me. She shook her head and smiled and told me everything would be okay.
There was something in her voice that made me believe her.
By the time we finished off lunch the world beyond the window was white. My mother’s post-lunch nap quickly turned into deep sleep and I went out to chop some wood. With my head full of memories I drifted into the sunset.
Well before two I was sitting vigil.
Just after the sun set a handful of cars made their exit from the village. Each pair of passing headlights nudged me towards the idea of escape, yet I knew it was already too late. The hill roads that led back to civilization were already dangerous to drive through during the day. Setting out after dark was suicide.
So, I waited. With my mother snoring in the other room and the moon-lit world covered in snow, I waited for the plane to arrive. Beyond the window other homes were lit up in anticipation. Knowing that I was not the only one awaiting the arrival of that incomprehensible machine made the minutes counting down to two almost tranquil.
The first sign of that devilish rumble, however, wiped out all calmness from the world. My knees turned weak once more. All I wanted to do was curl up and avert my gaze from the incoming terror. With every ounce of courage I had, I gripped the windowsill and kept my eyes locked onto the trees beyond.
The moment the dark mammoth rose from behind the trees a flurry of pain shot through the back of my skull. It felt like someone was putting out cigarettes against the back of my eyes. The engine of the devil’s machine was so overpowering that my agonized screams were nothing but a gentle tone in the nether regions of my ears.
Each second that I spent looking out of the window was tearing away at any conscious thought that was left in my brain, but I drove my fingers into the wood of the windowsill and kept myself on my feet. I watched the black airbus descend onto the village where I had spent my youth.
I watched the black airbus head straight for the old fire station.
The moment the plane’s nose made direct contact with the cement structure a brilliant light consumed the night. Sparks were flying everywhere. The roar of the engine whimpered away and was replaced with the screech of a thousand metal grinders.
My eyes could handle the approach of the airbus, but they could not withstand the impact. Drenched in tears, they gave out along with my knees. Lying on the floor of the cottage the terror of the plane crash did not leave me. Every flicker of light that bounced in from the window seemed to be ripping the air out of my lungs. In a state of utter panic I gasped for breath and prayed that the world would return to normal.
The cacophony lasted for what felt like an eternity. I was certain that my body would give out and that I would choke in the company of those horrid flashing lights. Yet, eventually, with sudden silence — the noise stopped.
My eyes were drenched in tears and every muscle in my body was shivering, but I managed to climb up to my knees and look out of the window. The plane was gone. The plane was gone and the fire-station still stood. Next to the cement building, blending into the moon-lit night, sat a mountain of black.
I scarcely registered the charcoal before my body gave up.
I spent the whole night on the floor, drifting in and out of consciousness. Dreams never came, but when I did find myself in those brief moments of wakefulness my body refused to get up. I lay on the floor the whole night, desperately assuring myself that I was still alive.
The morning sun streaking in through the windows was a flickering candle compared to the sparks of the crash. Everything felt terribly distant and nonsensical. The universe in which an airbus could dissipate against an old cement building felt far too incomprehensible to reenter after my ordeal. It wasn’t until I found my mother standing over me in the morning that feeling returned back to my limbs.
She had started a fire in the stove and was getting ready to cook lunch. With the same tone that she would dictate chores to me as a child she ordered me to go outside and gather some charcoal.
If I wouldn’t go soon, it would all be gone.
I lacked all energy to argue or try to make sense of the world. I simply grabbed the wood basket and went out into the snow. By the time I had made my way to the old fire-station the mountain of charcoal had turned into a hill. By the time we finished eating lunch most of the stove fuel had been scavenged away.
The whole affair still puzzles me, but after that one bright night the airbus never returned. I do not know what led my uncle to pour holy water into the cement so many years ago, but I understand the purpose now. My strange uncle saved us. He saved the village from an incomprehensible machine that threatened to wipe the village off the map.
He saved us and he made sure we would be prepared for the long winter that was to come.

Drawing inspiration from this sacred text:
"Everything that is illuminated becomes a light, for it is the light that makes everything visible." Ephesians 5:13
We comprehend that we are faithful slaves to our assumptions and architects of our physical experiences. How wondrously beautiful that is!
As we delve into Neville Goddard's teachings, listening to his seminars and immersing ourselves in his literature, we come to realize that there may be nothing more profound than what our beloved, esteemed, and missed friend Neville imparted to us. Our consciousness is the portal to all that is, the most significant tool that humanity can possess. The best part? We all have it.
It is a disheartening truth that more than 95% of humanity lacks any understanding of the law of assumption or the power they wield through their innate, priceless faculties like imagination. Since my discovery of the various methods related to manifestation and the absolute power of our thoughts and assumptions, I have become adept at reading people's auras. I understand that every individual reaps what they sow, whether through luck or misfortune. Indeed, they get what they deserve, in every sense of the word.
By understanding that our thoughts, assumptions, and inner dialogue are the absolute creators of our physical experiences in this realm, we must also accept that our fruits are the purest harvest of our own doing. This means that each person has reaped the results of their actions, whether intentional or not.
It is disheartening to see a person without economic resources focus on their deficiencies, thinking in terms of poverty and scarcity, and consequently, inviting negativity into their life. But does that mean that the individual does not deserve what they will continue to reap as a result of their behavior? Is ignorance of the causes of their own results an exemption from their consequences?
For example, does a person's ignorance of the law of gravity exempt them from a free fall from a window if they jump into the void from it? Of course not. They deserve the consequences of their actions, despite the emotional pain and sadness it may bring.
It is vital that we comprehend the roles we play in our lives. In doing so, we can achieve happiness, love, wealth, abundance, and freedom. By embracing the law of assumption and the power of our imagination, we become the creators of our own destiny.
Let us change our assumptions, thoughts, and inner dialogue to align with our deepest desires. By focusing on prosperity, love, and gratitude, we manifest experiences that reflect those states in our lives.
We cannot underestimate the power of our consciousness. Every thought, emotion, and word has the power to transform our reality. By embracing the law of assumption, we gain control of our lives and become conscious creators of our experiences.
In conclusion, dear friends, I invite you to explore Neville Goddard's teachings, listen to his seminars, and immerse yourselves in his literature. You will not only gain wisdom and knowledge but also a key to unlocking a world full of unlimited possibilities.
If you found this useful, feel free to join my community where I post about Neville Goddard teachings
https://www.reddit.com/Gadwins_Teachings/
I am happiness.
I am wealth.
I am abundance.
I am joy.
I am health.
Thank you so much for reading,
Gadwin Verd