House for rent in bay point
House of the Dragon
2019.10.30 01:03 mwthecool House of the Dragon
Subreddit for HBO's Game of Thrones prequel “House of the Dragon”.
2008.06.11 11:41 kleinbl00 HomeOwners & Investors
real estate investing landlords landlord borrowing lending mortgages foreclosure loan houses house apartment financing loans buying a house foreclosures foreclosure forbearance home buying homebuying first time homebuyer
2011.03.25 17:42 Los Angeles Rentals
A subreddit for posting any rental residence in or around Los Angeles. House, apartment, condo, room for rent, etc.
2023.05.28 15:53 Mindless_Brick9779 How to help someone refusing help?
Hi, posting anonymously to respect the privacy of my friend. He is living with bipolar disorder and to my knowledge he is medicated. A little over two months ago we noticed he was posting really strange and random things on his Instagram. He quickly began mass-posting to his feed, story, facebook, and YouTube, and has posted over 150 new posts since.
Because my husband is familiar with his history, he reached out several times to confirm that his friend was okay. We’ve been reassured by his friend many times in many different ways that he is fine and we just need to “chill out”. His close circle is concerned because it’s become apparent that he’s in an elevated mental and spiritual state right now, and likely has been for some time.
About 10 days ago a few friends tried to have an intervention and get him to agree to a hospital stay. The conversation went poorly, the police ended up getting involved, and he ended up being taken to a hospital. I believe he was there for about a week. After returning home, he’s resumed posting but is now making even more cryptic posts as well as publicly telling everyone who’s been checking in on him to F off.
He is clearly not believing that he needs medical intervention and assistance at this point, and has refused to accept anyone’s help. We are worried that his behavior is turning from random/erratic to dark and potentially dangerous to himself.
Is there anything we can do, besides encourage him to listen and trust that we’re not misguiding him, to make him safer at least? Thank you in advance.
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2023.05.28 15:53 Parking_Return479 My house is occupied by tousands of mosquito need help
Hi guys, I'm reaching you for advices because since 2 months my house is literally submerged by Thousands of mosquitoes. They are everywhere it's a nightmare. I leave in this house since 20 years and this never happened before, every year there are mosquitoes but nothing special very few, but now it's a total army and I can kill how much I can they are respawning.
Do you trust me every night before going to sleep I need to kill like 20 to 30 mosquitoes with electric racket and I'm not even in Amazonia forest but in a city close to Paris.
I have asked my neighbors and only the house that is close to mine have the same issue all other around haven't.
I have asked a company to kill mosquitoes then have done the spre but after 1 week +/- all mosquitoes are back I'm leaving in hell right now.
Also what is very strange it's that even if close or not the window of my room the mosquitoes find a way to enter.
I'm very desperate and mentally tiered, the sound, the bits, lack of sleep are ruining me.
Please 🙏 help me do you think It's normal ? What can I do.
I have a video but cannot share due to topic policy.
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2023.05.28 15:53 MotherGerald Trials Day, Blackshaw Farm, Leek - A Recommendation
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I did a Trial Bike training day at Blackshaw Farm, Leek and I can wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone who is looking to experience trial riding. The tutors there are great at pushing you, but never to the point of pushing you too far, and they are incredibly patient with those who are slower at picking up the techniques. If you want to challenge yourself - definitely consider it.
I was not a natural talent at this - I definitely struggled more than others there - it was my first time ever riding anything but a road bike and riding off-road. I expected it to be a challenge - but the extent of the challenge was a surprise to me. A lot techniques for trial riding is the complete opposite of what you learn road riding so it was hard to unlearn this. But the tutors were amazing. They were patient and explained all the techniques in a clear and concise manner that made it really accessible.
I would 100% recommend it. Great fun. Really want to go again. Just be ready ache and be bruised the next day!
It was a beautiful day and the school is located in a beautiful area of the UK. The school taught a lot of the fundamentals including riding over obstacles and up and down steep inclines.
2023.05.28 15:53 red-0405 27 [M4F] KAUSAP OR GENUINE CONNECTION THAT COULD LEAD TO A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP
Apologies for the frequency at which this post is appearing, as I have yet to find what I am searching for. I don't believe my standards are excessively high, but perhaps I simply don't have enough time to communicate and would rather arrange a meeting if we seem to be a good match. In any case, let me share my story.
Once upon a time, there was a tall, nerd, and not-much attractive guy pero pwede na
who woke up one morning, looked at the sky, and thought, "Well, this sucks." He knew there was only one solution - to turn to the all-knowing oracle of modern dating: T̶i̶n̶d̶e̶r̶ Reddit lol.
With his trusty cup of coffee in hand, he set out to find someone who shared his thirst for knowledge, someone who could keep up with his nerdy quirks, and someone who he could eventually take on 'friendly' dates (whatever that means). He wasn't in a rush to jump into anything too serious too soon, but he knew that someday, he wanted to find someone he could build a meaningful and caring relationship with.
So if you're a fellow lover of coffee, learning, and all things nerdy, this tall drink of water might just be the partner in crime you've been looking for. Dating at times feel like a job hunt doesn't it? So I thought it’d be fun to write it in a mock format just like a resume! LOL
An old soul as older people I spoke with would say, into business and investments, frustrated law student, can drive a fucking 10 wheeler truck (sarcasm towards people looking for someone with wheels), no ex issues or sabit, can provide a certificate of no relationship (kahit wala naman talagang ganon haha).
- I'm 5'10", medium built if that matters, resides in quezon city. I would say that I'm not that much attractive but would consider myself very hygienic.
- I'm an INTJ, Aries, if you’re into MBTI and believes in horoscope.
- Loves to read self-help books as I love to learn and motivate myself along the way.
- I'm the kind of person who doesn't follow the herd blindly, even if it means standing alone in a field of conformity. My principles are like a compass, always pointing me in the right direction, even if it's not the most popular route. In short, I'm not afraid to swim against the current, as long as it's in line with my beliefs.
- You could say that my communication style is like a triple-layered cake: serious, meaningful, and sprinkled with a healthy dose of humor. Sure, I may come off as awkward at times, but that's just my way of keeping things interesting. After all, who wants a bland and flavorless conversation when you can have a deliciously complex one? So, if you're looking for someone who can engage in a thoughtful discussion, crack a few jokes, and still leave you with something to ponder, then look no further.
- I'm what you might call a clean freak with a creative streak. As someone who's a bit OC (okay, maybe more than a bit), I can't stand to see a messy or cluttered home. But don't worry, I'm not the type to wait around for someone else to do the dirty work. I take pride in noticing when something needs to be done and taking care of it without being asked - it's like a satisfying little victory every time. And when it comes to interior design and home decor, I'm practically a pro. I'm always on the hunt for the latest and greatest tools and gadgets to keep things looking fresh and stylish. So if you're looking for someone to spruce up your space and keep things sparkling clean, I'm your go-to guy.
- I'm not in the business of putting people down - unless we're talking about the volume on the stereo (badum-tss!). But seriously, I believe in treating others with kindness and respect, even when it's not the easiest thing to do. After all, life is hard enough without having to deal with someone else's negativity. So let's lift each other up instead of tearing each other down, shall we?
- I set feasible goals and actively pursue them.
Here's a list of my favorites:
|Movies/Series ||Music ||Places ||Activities ||Books |
|Godfather ||Radiohead ||Paris (not yet) ||Cycling ||The Daily Stoic by Ryan Holiday |
|Sherlock ||Eraserheads ||Coffee Shops ||Painting ||How to Win Friends & Influence People |
|Castaway ||Chicago ||Cebu ||Roadtrips ||Meditations by Marcus Aurelius |
|Forrest Gump ||Ebe Dancel ||Japan ||Diving ||Start with Why by Simon Sinek |
|Homeland ||Urbandub ||Rome (not yet) ||Piano ||Atomic Habits by James Clear |
|Before Sunset ||Frederic Chopin ||Canada ||Travelling ||How to think like a Roman Emperor |
|The Office ||Eminem ||New York (not yet) ||Cooking ||Letters from Stoic |
|Big Bang Theory ||Dr. Dre ||Maldives (not yet) ||Film & Photography ||48 Laws of Power |
|Breaking Bad ||Elton John ||Marrakesh (not yet) ||Badminton ||The Intelligent Investor |
- Responsible (Good credit score, no debts, no criminal records, and self-reliant)
- Curious type of person, who's ready to listen and craves to learn a lot of things
- Doesn't do drugs and is not a heavy drinkealcoholic.
- Respects your views and accept healthy criticism.
- Actually appreciating the things you'll do for me, and showing it. If you cooked a big dinner, saying thank you is nice. Doing the dishes and cleaning the kitchen is even nicer, and in my opinion, should be the norm. The cook doesn't clean. If someone does something for me, I'll show them that their effort was appreciated instead of just accepting their generosity and then running off back to whatever I'm doing.
- Accepts responsibility for one's own actions and does not try to blame everything or everyone else.
- Doesn’t play online and computer games
- Someone who has a strong passion for accurate and comprehensive learning, maintains a normal BMI, and is beautiful and easy on the eyes - I believe that beauty comes in all shapes and sizes (no offense intended towards plus-size women!).
- High standards for what she wants and is not afraid to communicate it.
- Craves knowledge too. Love and isn't afraid to try new things
- Passionate and proud about something they've been working on/have done/are planning to do
- Confident about what they want but isn't in-your-face about it.
Let's take a break from stressing over the mundane and focus on the important stuff - like what will make us happy for the rest of our lives! Share your thoughts on how we can achieve that and let's get this happiness train moving! Oh, and if you're curious let’s exchange photos first!
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2023.05.28 15:53 EvasiveManoeuvre My vet says it's nothing to think about, but isn't it a potentially bad sign that my cat's third eyelids are visible?
I'm not asking for a diagnosis or anything like that. I'm asking in order to learn and to be a better advocator for my cats. I don't want them to experience potentially preventable discomfort.
Both my cats' third eyelids are showing. My oldest (6 years old) has been this way for at least a couple of years, probably more, and I bring it up every vet visit, but my vet says it's normal. I don't think it looks normal.
My youngest (2-3 years old) lived as a feral until a year ago. The first few months after moving in, her eyes were fine, but her third eyelids have been showing since at least December.
In my country we have four types of worms that infect cats: tapeworm, lungworm, roundworm and hookworms (though this one is very rare). I deworm both my cats when necessary, but it's never had any effect on the visibility of their third eyelids.
Male house cat
6 years old
4.6 kg / 10.1 lbs
Female house cat
2-3 years old
4.2 kg / 9.3 lbs
Both eat Hills Urinary Care C/D. The male used to eat Royal Canin Sterilised, but I switched about a year ago. They're treated with Bravecto once or twice a year, during tick season.
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to AskVet [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 15:52 reb3cch how do I stop obsessing?
hi all, I’m looking for ways to stop obsessing over people from my past. the only way I’ve been using to stop obsessing over a guy is to obsess over someone else, as you know it’s mentally draining and I want to stop obsessing altogether. here’s the deal: I’ve recently began to have limerent feelings for someone I haven’t talked to for a long time. I met this guy on instagram over 2 years ago, and we talked non stop for three months, however he never asked me out. I had a liking for my coworker at the time so I didn’t really care about him that much, although I must say I wouldn’t have minded if the talking progressed to something else. the conversations were pleasant and he had a great personality + we shared similar beliefs (which has never happened to me ever lol) so while it was a shame we never got to hang out, i got tired after months of pointless talking and I stopped replying to him and muted all his posts and stories to go no contact (at this point we’re in July 2021!). following my NC phase he then occasionally replied to some of my stories/texted me from time to time but I was very dry (again, I was not interested in just talking). then I unfollowed him because I got frustrated of his pointless texting (around december 2022). up until then I had never cared that much about him. I liked that we had similar interests and experiences, but the fact that he never even made a move was so frustrating it made me sort of hate him. anyways, ever since I’ve started WFH i barely ever get out of the house and I haven’t met anyone new in a long time, so I started thinking about many of my failed talking stages, especially this guy I am writing this post about. my head is now filled with what ifs and could have beens, I stalk his socials constantly and the fact that he might have a gf has been crushing me for a while. i am not someone who cries easily but I’ve been bursting into tears wondering why was I never worthy of being asked out and why did our relationship never move past simple texting. What’s more, i went on a date last week with a dude whose nationality is the same as the guy i am limerent on and my feelings have gone all over the place since then. My head is filled with thoughts about my LO, this past week has been utter hell. I can’t stop thinking about him and what we could have been which is INSANE because I swear I didn’t care about him that much when I stopped replying to him! I didn’t even find him that attractive, why am I absolutely devastated about the fact that we will never speak again when I was never really into him? I just want this to end it’s causing so much mental exhaustion and I’ve been crying so much it’s crazy I’m never like this
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2023.05.28 15:52 Britishwater24 Lost children tv show from 2013-2015?? [fully lost] [partially lost]
Lost children tv show from 2013-2015??
Hello, when I was growing up, I remember seeing this show when I was like 4 or 5 and I have tried asking all my friends who used to watch the same tv channels as me when we were younger if they knew what I was talking about. They didn’t. I cant remember all the detail but I clearly remember one scene that always plays through my head. It goes something like this:
There are some children in this almost like ‘in the night garden’ setup but it isn’t however similar it may seem, and they have to run around trying to find these characters or something. I cant remember what, but, I swear they were the main characters. I feel like it was kind of a ‘hide and seek game kind of tv show’ but I’m really not sure. I have tried searching up all kinds of different things like; Old CBeebies show with children running around to find things Old CBeebies show with children running around to find characters Old show with children running around to find things Old show with children running around to find characters Show with children looking for things 2014
I’m honestly not sure at this point. It has been bugging me for quite some years now. Any response or clue to what this show is would be very helpful!
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2023.05.28 15:52 Klingon_Jesus Just picked up this game. Mage build advice?
Hi all, I just picked up this game during the current sale on Steam. I'm a big fan of old school RPGs like classic WoW, Morrowind, RuneScape, etc. So this looks like it's right up my alley. I really enjoy the classic RPG feel. Props to the developer; it's really impressive what you've done all by yourself!
I want to make your typical archmage character because I've heard that the magic system is fun in this game. Any tips for building my character? I'm currently level 3. Any common pitfalls to avoid? I've started out putting all 4 of my ability points into magic, and I've added some skill points into arcane and elemental magic (the passives so far, plus the skill for fire weapon and the basic ranged fire attack).
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2023.05.28 15:52 GetTherapyBham Icky, Mean, Hateful: On the nature of evil in psychotherapy
One of the things that happens frequently in family therapy is that a person or group of family members will accuse the other person or group of family therapy of being mean or hateful. Most of the time if someone is abusive or intentionally hurtful they won’t deny ill intentions. Put simply, someone who has meant to be mean will usually admit that. Other times one side denies intentionally trying to hurt the person accusing them of trying to cause harm.
When this happens I usually draw a line down a piece of paper and have each side write down what they remember was said. On one side of the paper will be an objective statement. These statements might include something like you drank too much and yelled at me or you spent more money than you said you would. On the other side will be a subjective and usually judgemental one. These statements might include something like you said I am obnoxious or you said I am stupid and can’t do math. These statements refer to the same events but each party hears two different things.
When we don’t want to grow or change then we view others asking us to change behavior as an attack not an objective statement of reality. When someone points out that I went over budget it is easier for me to feel like they are in the wrong for making me feel stupid accepting that I could change my behavior or learn new things. When I get drunk it is easier to think that someone is judging me than to admit a mistake.
I tell clients often in psychotherapy that avoiding conflict does not make them a good person. Often it turns us into enablers of bad behavior and makes us contributors to the problematic state of the world. One of the ways that we do this is by pretending that the truth is always in the middle of each conflict and that all perspectives are equally valid. This is avoidance, because holding the authority to judge one side versus another makes us feel icky or judgy. We want life to be a children’s movie where all conflict is a misunderstanding between benevolent parties. That isn’t life. Sometimes people do, say and believe things that are just wrong. Each person could have a valuable perspective and could make a unique contribution to our collective reality. Operative word here is could. Not everyone chooses to.
Any person’s validity of perspective is predicated on that person’s ability to be honest with themselves. How can I be honest with anyone if I can’t even look in the mirror? If you cannot be honest with yourself or accept objective reality about something then every word you say about that thing is a lie. It does not matter whether or not you mean it to be a lie or even if you know that you are lying. To pretend that unconscious or unintentional dishonesty is a perspective that deserves our consideration is an absurd proposition. Yet, most people still do this just so they don’t have to feel mean!
I am not advocating for you to pass self righteous judgment or throw out discernment and humility. The opposite of truth is not lies but certainty. Judgment is unhealthy when it comes from an unresolved superiority complex. Judgment is a part of mature adulthood when we allow our intuition to tell us that some things are simply wrong no matter how widely accepted or traditional they are. Moral certainty is one of the first stones on the path to fanaticism but moral clarity is an essential ingredient to mental health. We can never wield judgment, or discernment, as a tool that helps us make healthy decisions and avoid destructive paths if we get overwhelmed by guilt everytime we start to notice that others are behaving badly.
Many times when we talk about psychology, politics, religion or family honestly and openly it makes people feel icky or guilty. This is because most people do not want to know what they think in these arenas or don’t want to accept what they already know. Psychologist Carl Jung calls this the shadow. The slippery half truths we tell ourselves to not have to accept the whole truth that always walks behind us. Often this is because of trauma. We don’t want to hurt others by criticizing them because we were hurt as children. It is easier to believe everything is our fault or enable bad behavior by refusing to point out unhealthy and self destructive tendencies.
If we are afraid of judgment we think we can avoid it but instead our avoidance causes more problems. Instead of having frank conversations about where our beliefs diverge from others we try to control them through praise. Telling someone that we like them because they do certain things is still judgment. Criticism cloaked in praise is still a form of control and manipulation. “I love you because you make good grades” is no different from “I won’t love you if you make bad grades”.
Other times unconscious fear of holding authority or passing judgment blinds us to the judgments we do hold and pass. Many people are unaware that they hold judgments because they have identified with them for so long. Some individuals who grew up in judgmental families may not even realize that they are constantly passively criticizing others. That is because the places where we were taught to criticize ourselves and others often hid an unhealed and unacknowledged pain from childhood. The things or people we judge intensely have the potential to become important teachers once we learn to work with our judgments.
When we have unconscious biases we often cannot see them and can’t apply our values consistently until we do. We apply values in the abstract but ignore our values when we are looking friends, family or patients in the eye. Maybe this avoidance is worse in the “bless her heart” American South, where I live, but it seems there is something very old and very human about it too. It seems that many people who are afraid to grow and change will accuse others of being hateful, judgmental, or mean for pointing out reality to them. They do this because they do not want anyone to point out their own hidden mistakes and insecurities. Remember, fear of judgment always comes from an unresolved wound. When you hold authority comfortably people with this unconscious wound will always react negatively to you. They would rather have their faults ignored and enabled.
When you tell someone how their behavior affected you in family therapy you will often hear things like well, you must think you are perfect if you are going to point out something honest and true about me!. Trying to avoid judgment of others is not a virtue, it is a sin. We owe it to ourselves and others not to carry water for bad behavior and self destructive patterns. Loving others is giving them what they need, not what they want. What we need is not always a gift we want right now. It is our job to give honesty as a gift and others to pen the gift if they want. If someone does not want your constructive criticism then don’t offer it, but don’t cut them slack in your own head or insist that others cut slack for them.
My critique in this article is a little bit about what we do, but much more about the way we think. Most of us are afraid of being judgmental, but when you give up your right to judgment then you give up your integrity with it. You have a responsibility to discern and apply your own moral authority to your life as an adult. Not what is traditional, not what you were taught, but the things that you have learned are actually effective. You cannot function as an adult without this ability. If you cannot ask yourself is the world and myself better off for this decision with clarity comfortably then you are avoiding part of mature adulthood and part of yourself. Avoidance is not mature. Ignoring these realities leaves you neurotically reliving childhood.
I will admit that healthy and unhealthy behavior can look the same from the outside. Some people criticize others just to deflect judgment off their own flaws. This is an example of that person avoiding admitting the things it is their job to change and grow through. To others the same criticism may be a good faith attempt to offer someone constructive criticism on where they hurt others needlessly and diverge from their stated values in practice. This is often hard to tell a part in ourselves and others. Therapy was very beneficial to me in my ability to do this for myself.
Alfred Adler said that all problems in mental health come from someone not wanting to do one of two things.
Help other people Wait till they ask for the help. This article is not defending your right to punish or antagonize. Other people’s decisions are theirs and not for you to change or obsess over. Not even your parents, not even your friends. Especially not your patients. Help people. Wait till they ask for the help. This is the first step of the change process. Instead this article is about allowing clarity in our own communication and thinking. Unless someone asks you for help in their moral development and growth then leave them alone. Unless someone asks you for help their decisions and moral dishonesty are not any of your business. You have no right to enforce your morals on the world. Many sessions of therapy with me end when I tell people that I can’t take their symptoms away without asking them to change their behavior. We can’t keep acting the same way and expect to feel different. I let patients decide if they want my help. Whether they get better is not my decision.
Integrity means that the same ethical standards that we have for others we should apply equally for ourselves and vice versa. There should not be different moral standards for people with the same cognitive ability. To be an adult we have to be comfortable passing judgment by applying our moral standards to ourselves and others consistently. That means that we must judge the parts of some people that make us feel icky and bad. Sometimes that icky, bad, guilty feeling will lead you into facing your own trauma in therapy. Where you are afraid to go is where you were hurt before.
That means you have to judge even those we love and would rather make excuses for. Even the parts of loved ones that we would rather not notice. If you can’t discerningly notice where your children or family are failing to grow and be authentic maybe they have become an extension of your own ego in an unhealthy way. If you find yourself saying things like “but she was from a different time…” or “but you don’t understand how…” then this is a good place for you to look at your own avoidance in therapy.
How do we know the whole person honestly without noticing all their parts? Much of adult reality comes down to a simple binary. Would you rather live in denial of reality comfortably or would you rather live honestly even if that causes anxiety. The easy thing to do and the right thing to do are very rarely the same thing. We would all prefer to live in the myopic comfort of childhood where everything that makes us feel bad is bad. Unfortunately that is not reality. Many of the things that feel bad are invitations for you to grow up.
One of the most frequent times that my patients tell me they feel known and loved is when I point out their self deception in a loving way. They feel both seen and known. No one’s flaws mean they are undeserving of being loved. It is that love that invites our friends, family and patients into change. I tell people frequently that we can love others only as much as we love ourselves. The places where parents failed us say nothing about us. More often they are places where our parents stopped growing and refused criticism. They could not heal past that point, and so, could not love parts of us past the blank edge of the map they refused to chart. Parents can’t always come with us or even understand the places we are going but that does not make growing up a bad place to go.
It is perfectly acceptable and adult to admit that there are bad parts of good people. Depth psychology frees us in interpersonal relationships because I don’t have to either “cancel” grandpa at thanksgiving or lie to myself about who parts of what he chose, and still chooses to be. We should examine ourselves and our lives as good decisions that we want to repeat and bad decisions that we don’t want to repeat. A long time ago someone told me “My boyfriend keeps cheating on me and I keep forgiving him. I asked them if they could not forgive their boyfriend and they told me they could not refuse to ignore bad behavior. “That is not forgiveness then” I told them. That is enabling. Forgiveness is always a choice.
We should have grace and forgiveness for our own and others’ mistakes. Judgment should not make you feel like God by proxy. Forgiveness comes after honesty always though. You can’t forgive me for the crime I committed, am still committing, and plan on continuing to commit. That is not how grace works. Continuing to let someone off the hook for behavior they refuse to change might make us feel less “icky” but it also means that we have no integrity. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior. If I will not admit I have a problem then I likely am not going to change and you are within your rights as an adult to point that out to me.
When people make objective statements about you or other people then that cannot be “mean” or “hateful”. Those statements are either true or false. That is true even when those statements are about patterns or projections from someone’s psychology. One of the places where I see people have the hardest time accepting reality is when people point out, honestly and without judgment, the patterns and preferences with which a friend or family member thinks. The values we identify with say something about us. How could they not?
We don’t pick our theology, philosophy, politics, or beliefs randomly. We do that as a projection of our own psychology and unresolved trauma. You can’t say “well they were raised to” or “told to believe that” to let someone off the hook. We have to be accountable for our own lives and the things we do. If there is an unhealthy unconscious process in someone you love, then you are not being honest if you avoid or ignore it. You are enabling yourself if you attack others that are simply pointing out facts you would rather ignore.
If someone has become an extension of an unhealthy belief system or if their actions become unhealthy because of something they were told to believe, that is still absolutely that person’s fault and responsibility. Whose else would it be? Our actions, beliefs, self image, religious beliefs and even modalities of therapy are projections of our own psychology. How could they not be? We pick them. If you are spinning your tires in the mud trying to justify intellectually something that you don’t want to face emotionally, you are being avoidant and enabling.
If you can’t refute the truth of what someone challenging you is saying, notice where your own emotional self wants to say “yeah, but…”. That is the beginning seed of avoidance that leads us to enable the brokenness of this world. Face this stuff. Watch your own reactions and notice where it is hard for you to not attack others when they state facts. That is where your psychology is still operating like a child’s. If you hear yourself making excuses for someone when someone points out something that is simply true then it is time for that part of you to grow up.
Fighting evil starts with your ability to look into your own eye. Most religious traditions start trying to challenge the ego and then later are co-opted by those that want to enable it. Don’t misuse your own spiritual or philisophical tradition to this end.
In relationship counseling the biggest predictor of success is not the size of the problem. You will see giant problems like drug addiction or serial adultery that a couple heals from. You will also see small problems like avoidance and white lies that end a marriage. The biggest predictor of success is whether or not all parties are willing to accurately label the problem and agree that it should change. When you face your own shame, remember that it is not the size of the error but the elaborateness of the defense mechanism(s) you enable.
Evil is created when we rationalize and avoid labeling bad behavior so we can insulate ourselves from the need to change. We all have the responsibility to change. If someone willfully chooses to make themselves and the world a worse place, be honest about that fact. Defend their soul’s potential but not their behavior and refusal to actualize that potential. If someone tells you not to speak ill of the family or the dead, tell them that you would rather be honest. If not authentic honesty what else do we have?
Maya Angelou was a wise woman. When she said that “When people tell you who they are, believe them” she was talking about challenging your ego and the manners, and traditions that you were told made you noble and good. Where people show you their real values don’t defend them. If anyone defend their own or others bad behavior by misappropriating her second most popular quote: “People don’t remember what you said, they remember how you made them feel” write them off, that is not what it means. If someone consistently thinks what you said is irrelevant, but how they feel is your responsibility, then they have a personality disorder. That was never your fault. Stop quoting Maya Angelou on instagram when you want other people to take responsibility for your emotions. It IS your job to remember and think about the points others make not blame them for how those points make you feel.
I know that trauma plays a part in our beliefs about ourselves and what we do. I know it informs religion, philosophy and taste in culture. I know that there are reasons that people make the choices that they do, but we are the ones responsible for our own life and development. Ultimately our lives are the sum total of our choices. As a friend, as a family member, as a therapist, you are not doing anyone any favors by pretending that that is not the case. Patient’s know that on some level before they come to see you. Ultimately patients will leave if you fail to point that out as a therapist.
People come to therapy for many reasons. Underneath all the choices that we make we are really only making one choice. Do you go into the parts of yourself that you were afraid of? Do you face them and do you grow and change? Faced with that choice directly most people will choose to run. I understand the tragedy of that but that does make that decision or its consequences any less real. Most biographies are a tragedy, but that is not your fault. The only biography you have control over is your own autobiography.
Everyone has the ability to heal and change. You are not doing yourself or others any favors when you make excuses or make an argument that lack of growth is just part of someone’s implicit nature.That’s just how she is. That’s just how I am. No it’s not. That’s just how you or they chose to be and keep choosing to be. If that makes you feel icky to sit with, go to therapy. They could change if they wanted too. You did. You are not doing them any favors by indulging the belief that they can’t change in order to make them feel better. The parts of ourselves that defeat our authentic self should make us feel bad. That anxiety is what propels change if we don’t ignore it or turn it off.
The reason that the people who hurt you did that was because they were afraid to face their own fears. Your only choice is to face your own. When you don’t believe you can change, then constructive criticism is an attack because all intonations of what you could be are a reminder that that is not who you are right now. If this is all I think I can be then all I can take from the most constructive of criticism is that what I am is wrong. It is wrong because I was made to believe that what I am is all I can be. In screen writing they teach that the antagonist cannot change. The protagonist changes and the antagonist gets stuck somewhere on the path to self actualization, attack those that try to advance beyond that point. The antagonist has no possibility of change. When I start to change I can become the protagonist.
For real change to take place the other party has to understand themselves as a series of parts and decisions. Who they authentically are is not bad. Just because my behavior was bad does not mean I am bad. Behavior is a choice I can change. Most people will never know who they are and that is a tragedy. They will never face the parts of self they are afraid of and in avoiding them they will project them on you and me. This lack of self awareness and self discovery is a tragedy that effective therapy, healthy spiritual practices and loving families are seeking to remedy by expecting you to change. If you refuse to change then, yes, you are the bad guy. If someone chooses that, let that be their choice. Let them be the antagonist. They could understand what you were saying if they wanted to understand themselves.
You can absolutely invite people into growth and change in a loving way. Whether someone accepts the invitation is up to them. Their reaction says nothing about you. If you exist authentically with love and honesty anyone’s reaction to that is up to them. If they dislike your honesty it is the same thing as someone yelling at a mountain or a rainstorm. Maybe the weather, terrain or honesty inconveniences someone. That is not your fault so don’t let yourself feel guilty. You are only an advocate on behalf of reality. You will not win every court case. Reality just is what it is and we all must choose how to cope with it. Do your own journey and let others choose if they want to do theirs. Beneath all our choices that are really the only choice we make. Face yourself or die never knowing what you are.
submitted by GetTherapyBham
to Jung [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 15:52 juicyKW Buggy since update
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Thank you for fixing the salary budget. Makes it much more enjoyable. submitted by juicyKW to uclubfootballmanager [link] [comments]
Since the update, it’s been buggy. I couldn’t sign a head coach. Every time I offered a salary it just didn’t do anything. However it did decrease my finances. In the confusion, by clicking the offer button a few times on different head coaches, it took me from $90 million down to $65 million, and didn’t sign the coach. I had been saving up for years to get there. I had to reposition my Midfield coach and sign a new MC, using up TP points I had been saving.
Now, after a great offseason with new salary increase, thank you again, it won’t allow me to advance. I’m going to email, but man this sucks.
2023.05.28 15:52 immoderatelylost Think I just broke through the barrier
So I think I finally figured out how to get off my butt and get the things done that need to be done. I set a time for myself today (8 am) and just said I need to think about cleaning my house as if it were a job. Cause I'm great at my job! So why can't I be that same way here at home? Made a comprehensive list of each task that needs to be done in each room in order for it to be clean, set times for myself to get those things done in, and I'm doing it. I think this may be the answer, at least for me! Maybe for you too? Best of luck and hope you all have a beautiful day 💕💕
submitted by immoderatelylost
to CleaningTips [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 15:52 BigWingBoy08 Saitamas character in fan animations
Alright so I’m very sure that this sub has seen the many many fan animations of saitama and goku or saitama and garou and blast and whatnot but my main grievance is with the saitama vs goku one. Now let me start by saying I am not hating or taking anything away from the creator of the videos, I am a huge fan and am waiting for the newest installments to come out, with that being said.
I find it very odd that in the saitama vs goku video, saitama was doing things very out of character and it seemed like it was for the sake of the goku fans. For examples when goku charges in for an attack once he is SSB he lands attacks on saitama and we can hear saitama literally scream in pain. I find that super out of character considering we have never even heard this man scream in any battle situation due to pain or getting hit. I understand that goku is very strong but knowing what we know now after the garou fight, wouldn’t it be more in character for saitama to remain silent or continue talking casually? If anything saitama looked super panicked and very frantic in scenes and I feel like he hasn’t even displayed that in the actual opm series so for creators to animate that is just weird. Also in the newer episode, Superman and hulk were brought in and hulk was able to make saitama scream in pain due to his attacks? I just find that super odd. It didn’t fit his character and just doesn’t make sense. Also with the way saitama grows I feel like there never should have been a draw between him and goku personally. And I get I’m sounding like a hyper Saitama fan but I’m just going off the manga and what’s been shown. Saitama is really too much for any reasonable brawler MC but they have to nerf him and bring him down to his opponents level just to make the video interesting.
Now once again, no hate to the creator or the video itself, I am just pointing out some things that seemed off. I think the fan animations would be more accurate once OPM is further into the story and we see more of saitamas abilities and his “limits” but as of now he has none and isn’t really giving his fights everything he has because he will never look at an opponent with that passion and fury like the subterranean dream because of his rapid instant growth, no opponent will be on his level and no one will get a scream out of saitama I think that is the whole thing ONE was going for.
submitted by BigWingBoy08
to OnePunchMan [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 15:51 gill_flubberson I now understand landlord’s “no pets” or charging extra monthly for pets. Zero sympathy for pet owners. Fuck pet owners.
Bought my first home with the dream of it being super clean. Brought my best friend along to help with the expenses. By the time we sealed the deal and signed the papers he brought an adult cat and a brand new kitten without my knowledge. He moved in before me.
- Adult cat pisses everywhere and sheds like crazy
- I, FUCKING ME, took new kitten to the vet because he kept putting it off. We’ve had her for two weeks at this point. Turns she had both fleas and ringworm.
- Finding fleas everywhere after he treatment. Found one in my bed crawling right next to my face. Checked adult cat, she has fleas now.
If you have pets, fuck you, your house smells like shit and you don’t even know it, and whoever you’re renting from should charge you triple the pet fee.
submitted by gill_flubberson
to rant [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 15:51 ErenYeager6127 Lineman's rise to power
Well I'm pretty sure ya'll are pretty confused as to what I mean by this post, as it is very obvious that Lineman will get stronger due to his training but I think that we are not prepared to see how strong he actually can get. Why do I think that way? It's because of the above image.
So let me explain, Kuroda Ryuhei is not an ordinary fighter, for him fighting is more like a way of life for him than an activity just like gun.
Due to his immense fighting experience I believe him to be a great judge for power so I think that in that image above, he actually saw a great potential in lineman but didn't know that he didn't awaken it yet so was shocked that he got taken down so easily.
Now to be strong to enough to be acknowledged by Ryuhei means that he will be very strong but can we place a finger to pin point how strong will he really be? Well, I have a theory, I think he will be as strong as current Jake. I know ya'll are thinking that it is too strong for him and stuff but to be completely honest, Jake is the weakest crew head, I don't care what the diehard fans say(i can fight them on that). The only factor in which he can beat the others is his combat iq which is very good. So Jake will have to get very strong to protect Big Deal which he will by training and genes and Jerry will also get a power up to be a sword good enough for the son of Gapryong Kim. But current Jake is still very strong for an executive so I think this is a perfect power level for someone who is a major fighter in big deal but not close to number 2. So that's why I think Lineman can be as strong as that.
If you reached till here, thank you for reading my post.
submitted by ErenYeager6127
to lookismcomic [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 15:51 BathSaltBuffet Absurdly clutch, gritty and relentless play by our Buffalo. But can we talk about the degree of difficulty?
D White inbounds to Smart, takes a peek for a quick pass back, then blitzes the hoop to crash. He’s in full sprint mode tracking Smart’s shot. Then - within one goddamned second - anticipates his placement and high-points the rebound. At this point he already displayed elite hoops IQ, agility and hustle but his momentum mid air was quickly carrying him under the hoop. Also Tatum was literally flying about 18” to his right and STRUSS was lunging at his hands (Props to Tatum to doing everything possible to stay out of the way). White then executes a two to one handed putback within roughly 1/10th of a second as he nearly tangled with Tatum while sailing out of bounds.
That play was hard as hell and that man is cold. And if this season ends the way we all hope it does then he’s a legend. Beautiful, clutch basketball that simply exemplifies Celtics playoff magic.
🍀 🦬 ❤️
submitted by BathSaltBuffet
to bostonceltics [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 15:51 Hopeful-Individual99 “He just wants his mom”
I just need to rant. I (27f) and my husband (29m) have been together for 9 years and have a toddler son. I’ve dealt with depression my entire life so that doesn’t help anything.
Recently, during times like bedtime, bathtime, diaper change, etc. my son will push my husband away and say “dada go over there” gesturing to the other room. If he’s getting his diaper change, I have to do it. I felt like I was doing 99% of the work because he just “prefers me”, but now I’m wondering if he “prefers me” BECAUSE I do 99% of the work.
If I was my toddler, I would also prefer to be with the person that actually responds to me most of the time.
It’s not uncommon for dad to come home from work and fall asleep at around 4pm so the rest of the night is spent with just me alone with my son. It’s not every day but it’s at least two days a week.
I’m the one who takes him to the playground, to the park, etc. The only times when dad does this is when I specifically ask him to, and even then it’s for like 20 minutes compared to the 1-3 hours I spend with him outside because “he wanted to come in and see you”.
I read his bedtime/nap books every single day, I arrange pick ups and drops off with grandma. He only has to do a pick up/drop off if he is specifically asked to. He doesn’t have to worry about this at all.
He gets to nap whenever he pleases. He’s the default one to sleep in on the weekends, which is honestly fair because he has to be to work early during the week. But if I want to lie in, I have to wake him up and make sure he is awake to watch my son. And even then I’m worried he’s still sleeping in the other room.
I often have to answer basic questions about if my son likes this certain food, where does this dish go, etc. I schedule every single doctor and dentist appointment. It’s my responsibility to set up play dates/socialization, find a suitable preschool, enroll him in activities, everything. I’m responsible for going through the process to change my sons last name, I’ve asked him to do this so many times. It’s so much.
He made a comment to me when our son was about 1.5 that he feels like his life really hasn’t changed much since we had a child.
My entire world has changed. Every second of my day has changed. I’m realizing the difference in the mental load between the two of us and it’s disheartening.
Sometimes my husband will express his unhappiness about how my son treats him, but I just shrug my shoulders because I’m sure he doesn’t want to hear my theory. We’ve gotten to the point where it’s just accepted that mom does everything because of how my son reacts.
Then I feel guilty for feeling these feelings at all because he works 50 hours a week and I only work 18 so I should do double the work at home, right? I don’t even know anymore. It doesn’t feel fair. I’m not happy. I’m willing to try couples counseling but he isn’t. I think the next time he asks me what’s wrong it’s all gonna unload.
submitted by Hopeful-Individual99
to JustNoSO [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 15:51 Relative-Shopping-77 Question for recovered alcoholics/partners of ex-alcoholics
What's your advice on telling a newfound partner about previous alcoholism? For context I'm in recovery 2 months from 9 years of hard drinking. I have a long way to go but I've done this fully motivated, enrolled in a college for railway maintenance and see myself being a stable, family oriented man in a year or two (27m). My alcoholism isn't something I would be quick to talk about but I also wouldn't try to hide my past from a partner if they asked. I'm not actively seeking a partner, I want to get in stable employment and get in good shape before anything but it's going to happen at some point. Anything that could get in the way or be detrimental to the relationship?
submitted by Relative-Shopping-77
to alcoholism [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 15:51 Comprehensive-Try896 A request from Jameson Smiles
My name is Jameson Smiles, a Retired Mafioso VTuber, Voice Actor, ASMRtist!
I just recently posted 2 script fills on this subreddit.
Or you could just visit the channel right here: https://www.youtube.com/@JamesonSmilesVA
I'm currently in search of more scripts to fill in! I'm very aware that most of the amazing scripts I hear are found on the reddits, and would love to have some suggestions from everyone! :)
- YOUTUBE Safe Script (SFW)
- M4A ; M4M ; M4F ; A4A - I'll be play as a Male character, My voice kinda ranges more towards the deeper tones.
-I'm willing to put on a daddy voice ; Tsundere I do my best according to my friends ; Sleep Aids i wanna try!
more or less Im trying to expand content and roles i'll be doing! The only content that I do stay away from though are anything to do with kids, Heavy Yandere stuff, Drugging, kidnapping, etc. I just started I gotta ease into that shit. except kids that's a PERMA NO
- Willing to take any script length into consideration. BONUS POINTS if there are parts
If I use your script, or script suggestion, all credit will be given within the video and description!
If you have your own Scripts outside the reddit (I also have tried my hand at NSFW content, but outside the ones I haven't posted i need to stockpile on those) that you would like to send me, please hit me up on Discord - Jameson Smiles#9152
and for those who end up following me and helping out Familia Gratam!
submitted by Comprehensive-Try896
to ASMRScriptHaven [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 15:51 Chadbob NGINX is not redirecting
Hello, I feel like I am missing something really easy. I have some services I would like to host like Vaultwarden. I setup Cloudflared tunnel and have it setup from my Domain > Tunnel > Ingress pointing to NGINX.
However when I go to the sub domain of the service I want to access, I reach my NGINX login page instead of the proxy redirecting to Vaultwarden. NGINX is running as a Proxmox CT not a Docker container.
To Describe what I have done: I have my domain setup in Cloudflare Setup a tunnel from Cloudflare to my Cloudflared CT I created the sub domain for sub.domain.til in Cloudflared I added it to the config of cloudflared Ingress: sub.domain.til > NGINX Proxy manager In NGINX I created a host proxy definition for sub.domain.til > Host Setup the Cloudflare SSL in NGINX When I navigate to sub.domain.til I see NGINX login page instead of Vaultwarden.
submitted by Chadbob
to nginxproxymanager [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 15:51 gxthic_dxll Self Harm
I’ve had depression and anxiety my whole life and I’ve been doing all the steps to get better but there are parts that I feel are getting worse… I’m starting to lose hope…
A little TMI backstory- I had a pretty abusive childhood. I’m the middle child and at around the age of 6 my mother kinda in a way isolated me from my siblings and if I made friends she would find reasons for me to not be able to see them anymore. She was very mentally abusive and manipulative. I was sexually abused from my older sibling since I was 2-3 years old, later I found out my mother knew the whole time. My dad was never really around due to work, I saw him like twice a year (this started when I was around 6). He also cheated on my mom a lot, and my mom let us kids know… I was home schooled up till high school and when I started high school I was bullied. I was top of my class for a while, my mothers friends would always comment how pretty I was (my mother in front of me said I wasn’t that pretty). I could leave the house and be gone for about a week and my mother never noticed. When I was 22 I got married out of peer pressure because I grew up religious and it was what I was “suppose to do”…. I ended up getting divorced 10 months later after trying to leave multiple times and him saying he would change, he was also very abusive. We divorced because I tried unaliving myself and that was the turning point for him, he was cheating on me and blamed me for doing it even though he never wanted anything to do with me anyway… After a year in therapy back during covid and trying to build a relationship with my family my therapist basically told me to stop trying because they will never care about me and it took me a bit to come to terms with this but I knew she was right… so I left and it’s been 2 years of no contact with them…
I’ve been basically suicidal from a very young age, my mother basically said I was her “message from god” that her and my dad were meant to be together, their marriage was shit and I was growing up thinking “this is all my fault”. I got into a relationship two years ago and at first it was going good then some stuff happened and it’s made my depression, anxiety and suicidal ideation so much worse. I use to be able to kinda control it but now it feels so out of control. I’m taking medication and seeing a therapist weekly. I feel so lost and I’m so attached to my ex it’s making things worse. I had a bad anxiety attack yesterday and I cut myself up really bad, so this leads to my question….. does this get better? I feel like I’m getting worse…. I’m doing what I’m suppose to do but its still happening… I feel like not being with my ex is making it worse…. how do you stop? It’s like my brain has to have these things or idk what I’ll do… I feel so out of control…. Therapy helps but only do much and I do everything she tells me to and I still end up a bloody mess when it gets too bad….
submitted by gxthic_dxll
to selfimprovement [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 15:51 Stressed_nijagirl Wedding planning anxiety due to siblings and friends
I’m not sure this is the place to post this, but I was hoping to find a way to deal with my emotions.
I am getting married in 7 months to a wonderful guy, we got engaged 6 months ago and it’s been a whirlwind. Both our families are pretty big, so the wedding is going to be really big (over 500 people) during this time his older brother got engaged and is getting married before us which is great!
My struggle is that I’m having issues with my siblings and one of my bridesmaids. I haven’t had the best relationship with my older sisters, especially my immediate eldest sister who I live with. Anyway when I started dating my fiancée she was healing from a breakup, fast forward a year later she expressed feelings of resentment about it seemed like I was showing off my new found love on social media. Bare in mind she has never discussed relationships with me before and I found out about her break up (and the relationship)from my eldest sister (who tries to play peace maker). This caused a further breakdown in our relationship (we barely talk in the house now). My eldest sister just recently found out she is pregnant and her due date is around my wedding which is taking place in another country from where we reside, so my mum may not be able to be at my wedding even though she says she will be there for both of us. Her pregnancy is really stressful and she has said quite a few mean things and I’ve retreated and don’t know how to be supportive but also protect myself. I also kind of resent her (yes I feel like an asshole) because we had a convo in January where I wanted to push my wedding to next year and she was very against it and said that by next year she would be having a kid, so no one would focus on wedding planning.
I feel overwhelmed and not sure how to navigate the situation.
P.S I might be deleting this post eventually.
submitted by Stressed_nijagirl
to weddingplanning [link] [comments]
2023.05.28 15:51 Cultural_Drummer_380 Newfoundlander vising PEI in July
Hey there !
Fellow east coaster here. Heading to Charlottetown for 4 nights in July to take in Summo Fest. Will be spending a full day there before the festival and after . I'm a huge foodie - especially seafood and mexican. Where should we eat ?!? Brownie points to anyone who suggests something that is downtown and within walking distance.
I also have another question, do you guys have Uber in Charlottetown?
submitted by Cultural_Drummer_380
to PEI [link] [comments]