Kaiser permanente er hours

Hi, if anyone could please help me understand or fix my game crashing, I'd really appreciate it, thanks. I hope this is the right sub and everything you need to know is here, if not just ask me and I'll try provide.
I've been playing with the same mods more or less for the past year, stopping and resuming playing the same save intermittently. The game has always worked fine and as intended aside from an annoying freeze/crash that happens without a pattern (or at least one I've noticed). A lot of the time I can play fine for 10 minutes or so, but sometimes it happens within a minute of loading my save. I don't think it's ever happened while in menus, and it seems to only happen when outside (I think anyway). Just to clarify; the crash is a screen freeze, the only audio to continue is music/ambience which just loops indefinitely, and even after an hour of waiting, the game doesn't resume so I have to force close the application.
I've just been playing around this for months with a new habit of constantly quick saving but I'm finally sick of the crashing. I've tried to understand the error log, reading the reports in the final seconds before the crash, but I can't figure anything out really.
Here is a link to a Google Doc with my mod list. (I can't access Pastebin for some reason)
Here is a link to a copy of the crash log on Google Drive. - The last logs are just 'VM is Thawing...', 'VM is Freezing...', 'VM is Frozen', and 'Saving Game...'. The final log is the thawing one.
My PC specs are:

• AMD Ryzen 7 2700X Eight-Core Processor (3.70 GHz)
  
• Radeon RX 580 Series GPU (8GB)
  
• 32GB DDR4 Ram
  
• Running Skyrim SE with Vortex Mod Manager on Windows 10
  

Thanks in advance for any insight anyone can provide me.

Hello-I am a 43 year old female. I had the first sign of HS at 8 years old, but not diagnosed until I was 21. In the student health clinic at my university of all places.
When I was first diagnosed, I was a severe case, under my arms, groin, and under my breasts. I tried everything recommended back then, and still had to have grafts under my arms and a large breast reduction. My groin was still a mess. I was afraid of surgery in that area, and never pursued it. To say that area is battered would be an understatement.
And then last summer, I started with flairs on my waist line on my right side. They’re quite painful. I was in a high level of stress for about 8 months (I lost my job, and had to move states to gain employment in my field). I was broke, depressed, and stressed about everything. When I moved to where I live now, I immediately established with a dermatologist. We tried some things. I we tried remicade, and now cosentyx. During it all, I was in some type flare. Nothing was working. The dermatologist would occasionally write me a prescription for pain medication. As a last resort, he said removing the diseased tissue is the only way to solve this. So, I agreed.
I had a large portion of my waistline remover, and the 10 inch incision about 1/2 inch below where my pants sit. Surgery was on 2/24/23. It was an out patient procedure. She basically made a flap and then sewed my skin together. Unfortunately, she did not remove ALL of the diseased tissue. And almost immediately the HS tunneled directly to the incision. It caused me to miss an additional week do work.
Since that time, I’ve had to wear a bandage in that area. I’ve been on antibiotics for months. It’s puffy and hard one day, but not the next. The only thing that is constant is the pain. I saw the surgeon every week for over a month. I had appointments with my PCP. I was having severe pain back in April and I went to ER (It was a Sunday afternoon). They did an ultrasound, and did not see any cyst or abscess underneath that area. It’s literally just the tunneling. Anyway, the dr gave me a pain pill in the ER and then sent me home with 10 more. Ok. I stretched them as long as I could. I was finally able to get in with my PCP the week before Memorial Day. During the visit, I told her that I’m in a debilitated state. I have to work from home about 90% of the time. My house is a mess. I haven’t been cooking. I’m pretty depressed. The dr and I (she is a family med resident) discussed my history, what has transpired since my surgery, my trip to the ER. We agreed that she would start me on Aleve and gave me 8 ultram for the severe days. To be clear, that was 8 for 14 days. Meanwhile, I was messaging her via the EMR. I told her I was still having pretty intense pain. I didn’t hear back for a couple of days. And then June 3 happened…
I woke up on Friday and my side was basically burning. It was hurting so badly. I called and tried to get in with my PCP, or another of her associates, but nothing was available. Well, I made the mistake of going to the ER. It was not busy. When I checked in my BP was 158/100. I was struggling. The ER Dr listened to me and stated that I needed a CT to make sure there isn’t anything that the US can’t see. I also had another US. And a bunch of blood work. They also gave me a shot of morphine. The surgical resident came down to see me. And then 2 hours later I was discharged. I got upset. I told them that I refused to leave until someone help me. Not give me drugs, but help me. Figure something out. I then asked for a patient advocate, and was told I had to call them. I was upset at that point. I regrettably yelled at the nurses, and for that I actually feel bad. The dr told me that my PCP has to help me. But she isn’t either. My pain was completely dismissed. I believe they called security because I saw one walking back that way. So? I left. I got in my car and just balled. I was mortified. Embarrassed. In pain. And no one cared to help even though I asked.
Forward to that evening. My PCP responded to my message. She wants to start me on Lyrica. I said yes, can I also have some more ultram for the acute pain. Today, I received a message from her stating that I need to speak to a behavioral pain specialist and that I may have complex region pain syndrome. I looked it up. It seems to be phantom pain. She also suggested that start on a course of narcan. To be clear, I signed a pain contract when she wrote me the ultram prescription. I do not take drugs for the sake of taking drugs. I’m in real pain, it isn’t fake or in my head, it’s the HS. I’m at my wits end. What do I do? I’ve been labeled a drug seeker for advocating for myself.

First and foremost, I know what I did made me an asshole. Which is why I immediately apologized as soon as I got home. I would have done it there but yelling is a trigger for me so I just fell apart. We were in a rush so I called asap.
Every time I display an emotion that isn’t nice, calm, cool, and collect- I get humiliated. I’m not perfect, I take responsibility when I’m wrong (even if it takes me a few hours to come to my senses), and I’m just human.
Overall I almost never loose my cool, but every now and then I do. I never yell or scream, and normally I take it out on myself. Or immediately apologize realizing what an asshole I am.
Went to the pharmacy to get some meds for my sciatica pain (I was at the ER yesterday) and I was 10¢ short on getting my pain medication. I asked if they could give me a couple of the pills and I’ll buy the remainder of the prescription on Friday. Since it was only a few pills they said they couldn’t. I tried asking if I could come back and pay on Friday or if either of them had 10¢. They just kept saying no so I said (said, not yelled) “y’all suck. “. The lady at the counter was visibly offended and started getting angry with me and I explained I didn’t say she sucked, or the pharmacist, I was just frustrated.
Go back to the car (my roommate was driving me) and explained I was short. They agreed to come in and pay for it (a mere $3.73¢), and when we got back to the pharmacy window the pharmacist started yelling (actually yelling) at me that I wasn’t welcome back to that pharmacy if I said something like that again. That I was rude and ungrateful for them helping me because they didn’t have to. Did I get frustrated again? Yes, ofc. Yelling is a trigger with me. This time I fell apart in tears though. All I told him (told firmly, not yelled) though was, “don’t you know how to handle upset customers? Don’t you understand when someone is having a bad day?”
So we left and on the way back to the car my roommate told me I humiliated them…”you humiliated me. You can’t just go talking to people that way. Being frustrated isn’t an excuse.” I know this. I full claim I was an asshole.
I felt like a stupid 16 year old child getting scolded by her dad. Meanwhile my roommate is 24, and I’m 32. Like I don’t know those things already. I also understand that while dealing with frustrated customers is a pain, that it just happens. I work in customer service- I get it. Sometimes it’s inevitable though, and I was taught to be empathetic, not angry at a customer. Thing is- I wasn’t throwing a temper tantrum, or even raising my voice.
When I got home I called the pharmacy and immediately apologized for being an asshole, and they apologized back. I knew what I did was wrong, and I never tried to use my frustration to justify things. I just said that I had that reaction because I was frustrated (and in pain).
What my roommate said humiliated me, though. Idk if I should talk to them about it or just let it go. Maybe I deserved their reaction. Thoughts ?
TLDR: was an asshole a

If any of my penpals reads this I’ll just give a quick update. I’m sorry for taking a while to answer your letters. I haven’t been well lately and haven’t had the energy or strength to reply to any letters. I have been sick - including 8ish hours at the ER (nothing serious). So I’ll take some time before I will reply. Don’t worry I have the letters and are very excited about them, but haven’t had energy to write back. I’ll answer as soon as I can!

I feel like a complete failure, not just as a man, but as a human being. In fact, I don’t really feel like a traditionally masculine male anyway, I’m some freak who’s into femdom stuff, most women expect men to dominate them.
I’m also not very good looking apparently, so it’s even more important that I make more money to make up for that and give women more of a chance to want to be with me (good looking or not, who wants to be with someone who can’t afford rent and bills? No one wants to be at constant risk of ending up on the streets).
I’m not saying all women are gold diggers, (I do live in the US, the western world, I’ll leave it at that, and yes I’m a white American, so don’t assume I’m from elsewhere, people can complain about their own country too) but really, I don’t think anyone wants to deal with constant financial insecurity. It doesn’t just cause stress and arguments, but genuine risk of ending up homeless, or (if lucky) back to living with family dependent on them. Don’t get me wrong, that’s a blessing to have, but it doesn’t feel great to HAVE to have.
I don’t hate my family, and it’s not terrible hell living with my parents. I do pay a little (while making NOT EVEN $400 a week) but barely save any money anymore and constant credit card debt, often taking the entire next paycheck and therefore relying on the credit card that week again.
I don’t feel I should be asking my parents to let me pay less (usually $300-$400, more or less, depends on the bill which varies, I pay $100 rent and two utility bills) especially at my age.
I rely on health insurance (which sent 26 I have to get from my own age, US law allows you to stay on your parents health insurance until 26) to afford my multiple prescription medications that will have terrible withdrawal if I suddenly stopped, even slow gradual reducing the dose can be very dangerous and shocking to the nervous system and brain and body) so less hours could mean losing health insurance. GoodRX would discount meds, but not the doctors visits to refill them, nor the blood tests or other potential procedures, ER visit I probably just wouldn’t even pay……
I take UbeLyft a lot, live pretty close to the job, usually less than $10 a ride, sometimes less than $8. My parents also often give me a ride so I’m kind of cheating I guess.
Besides the fact that I couldn’t afford a car anyway, I stopped trying to drive because of rage and panic attacks (mostly from loud sudden noises, even after getting on MORE medication for worsening uncontrollable explosive rage, which fortunately did help a lot) and constant intrusive thoughts.
The intrusive thoughts sometimes get overwhelming and stick around for some weeks or months, sometimes they fade away, it’s strange. I also have OCD so that probably makes it worse.
I have a million different ideas, just wish I could instantly bring into existence. The closest thing to that now is AI generating, but it’s not perfect yet and it’s also oversaturated with so many people already using it. It cannot however generate say, fully animated videos or fully automate video editing, definitely can’t create video games.
I spend too much time playing video games and watching YouTube, because I feel I have no better use of my time anyway, and it provides short-term pleasure I can’t otherwise have. I can’t just, instantly create a successful business or launch myself into a successful career. I can’t just instantly have a girlfriend (AI doesn’t count, I don’t do that either) or even visit a sex worker because THAT’S illegal in nearly all of the US. It wouldn’t really SOLVE any problem anyway.
I feel like time is moving faster and faster (this perception of time acceleration is actually supported by science) and I’m just losing more and more of my life.
I was a loser in my teens, AND my 20s. I’d at least like to be able to save my 30s, and if possible the last few years of my 20s.
I’d like to not be a 30 year old virgin who’s never had a girlfriend, but that’s not even the NUMBER 1 priority anymore. It’s actually supposed to just be a normal byproduct of life, but I’m not normal and haven’t had a normal life…..
I have been let go from jobs and told how they’re “SO SORRY” because I “TRIED SO HARD” but I just wasn’t cutting it. Like what, am I retarded or something? They certainly wouldn’t say that, because then I could sue them with proof of discrimination.
I’ve also only worked in retail/grocery though. Without being able to drive (I’m not sure I ever will drive now) or a degree (stopped going back to school because I was unsure of my major, [and now AI is automating a lot of it too], and I knew transferring to a university after 2 years meant either having to commute to downtown or somehow moving to live there).
I know this is wrong, but I have legitimately thought about trying to scam people. But even that requires hard work, probably better to put that work into something legit and legal instead.
It feels like everything has too much competition, and only the BEST OF THE BEST can be successful and even make a living wage.
I do not see myself becoming the next Elon Musk or Jeff Bezos. But many regular jobs won’t pay any of their employees enough to afford rent and bills (including billion dollar corporations!). I also have to actually be good at something, of course.
I’m almost 30 and have no idea what to do.
I don’t identify with the typical “incel” community, but I’ll just say this, I’m not virgin or celibate because I want to be.
Too many thoughts, can’t focus on anything, don’t even know what would lead to success. I’m already 30, is it even possible to change these things (too broke to support myself, single virgin) before I’m 30? Before I’m 35? Things take time, right? I already lost a lot of my time, it just feels wasted.
You could sieve your ENTIRE LIFE at a job and it never pays good or has any opportunities to progress, plenty of people RETIRE from these jobs only because they get donations from a GoFundMe……
I don’t ever want kids now, but I really want to be with a woman romantically and sexually…..
I also got kind of an addiction to virgin humiliation JOI now, like, EXTRA MEAN femdom, lots of censored porn “for betas”, but feels pretty bad after finishing….

WARNING: SPOILERS GALORE IN HERE, IF YOU HAVEN'T PLAYED ALL THESE GAMES AND DON'T WANT TO BE SPOILED, DO NOT READ!
I've always liked KH, since I first saw Cloud in a KH1 commercial as a kid (I was obsessed with FF7 as a small child), I knew I had to play it.
So I played KH1 religiously in elementary school, heard about CoM but didn't have a gameboy advance so I ignored it, then played KH2, barely understood what was going on, but enjoyed it thoroughly. Continued to ignore the 'spinoffs' because my family was poor and there was no way I could afford all the different portable consoles they were putting these damn games on. Then, finally, bought and played KH3 on release, with my wife.
fast forward to a couple months ago, and after a few debates with my coworkers about the 'quality' of KH3 (I kinda hated it), I decided to sit down and play through the entire series properly, because it was VERY apparent I was missing too much context, and thankfully, 1.5+2.5 final mix, and 2.8 are things that exist now, and are free on PSPlus, so why not? Besides, my wife's ONLY exposure to the series was KH3, so I owed her some context.
Kingdom Hearts 1: What can I say? It's KH1, it's Simple, it's Clean, it's a good fuckin' game when nothing like it really existed at the time. I played on Normal because my wife was watching along, and I didn't want the plot progression to get hung up on me dying to the same boss 25 times. In hindsight, maybe I should've picked a harder difficulty, because I remember spending hours on Maleficent's dragon form as a kid. Hiding out in the bramble where none of her attacks reached me, just chipping away at her HP, but now, I just kinda walked right through her. My biggest complaint with KH1 was against bosses like Ansem's second phase (when you're fighting him 1v1), that KH1's lack of gap-closing options becomes apparent. Bosses like Ansem will frequently blink to the opposite side of the arena, and it takes Sora so long to close the distance, that they've already moved into an attack with i-frames before you can reach them, leading to a lot of missed opportunities for punishes, in my opinion. It didn't help that I accidentally put myself in a sort of 'hard mode' by choosing the Dream Sword, and discarding the Dream Shield, making Sora a glass cannon. But on the flip side, in comparison to later entries the franchise, I really like KH1's more grounded movement, but I'll get more into that later.
I beat the game pretty quickly, so I farmed for Ultima Weapon, as I'd never gotten it as a kid, and then kinda... walked right through Sephiroth, Hooded Figure, Phantom, and Kurt Ziza with little to no effort. Hell, I beat Seph first try, so that was a bit disappointing but I think I did it to myself by grinding out Ultima Weapon first.
Chain of Memories: This was it, my first proper "spinoff" title and I was very excited to get into it, and discover new pieces of the story I missed, and it did NOT disappoint! being properly introduced to the Organization members prior to KH2, finally understanding why Namine is a thing, memories, heart's memories, etc. All to culminate in a proper setup for KH2's opening and to explain why Sora was in a giant flower, etc.
Gameplay however... I knew it was card based because I remember my friend as a kid briefly showing me the game, so that was no surprise, and I honestly did enjoy it enough, the card-based combat was fleshed out enough to give players plenty of room to develop strategies and that's really all I needed from it. What I didn't like, however, was the gameplay loop. It simply got repetitive, and it was obvious that this game was a reskin of a GBA game, hardware limitations included. Every cutscene at the beginning and end of a floor was great, especially towards the end when the climax starts to really ramp up, but getting to those moments was such a slog, so by halfway through the game, I was over it and just wanted the game to end.
Marluxia... omfg. Okay so I played this game on normal, but I guess I screwed up and spent too many levels on max HP, and not enough on deck size, this fight took me for-fucking-ever to beat, I genuinely hated this game by the end, and to top it all off, I misread the endgame prompt and didn't create a "completed save", so I couldn't start Riku's chapter, unless I went back and beat Marluxia again...
358 Days/2: Moving on, even though I own a DS, I'm not buying a copy of this, so I watched the included movie in 1.5+2.5, and honestly, it was great. It added SO MUCH more context to KH2, and it was fun to try and piece together at what moments during KH1 or CoM that certain things were happening in Days. Axel's outright bizarre motives in KH2 finally make sense, Roxas's memories, etc. I will say, though, that Xion confuses me, I really don't understand how Vexen, who constantly talked about his replicas being incomplete, imperfect, etc, was able to make something so powerful, and unique, as Xion. Total outlier of his skills and it never feels properly explained but oh well.
Gameplay's a little light, though.
Kingdom Hearts 2: I was REALLY excited to get back into this one, and it didn't disappoint. With the proper context from CoM and Days, the beginning FINALLY made sense and by the end of Twilight Town, my wife said "Roxas really got done dirty, and I'm mad." To which I agree. Going through this entire game with the intended amount of context was like playing a whole new game, it made a game I already consider to be great, even better. What else can I really say?
When I got control of my character the first thing I remember saying was "jesus christ was the camera always this far away?" I guess I never really noticed it, but with combat being so much more aerial focused, it makes sense. I had never played the Final Mix version of this game, so the Limit Form was a welcome sight, even if it is hilariously broken. Overall, watching Sora's moveset expand as his skills with the Keyblade do, is neat, and reaction commands are a fun mechanic to play with, personally.
However, I did not like how 'floaty' Sora is, and it's a theme that continues through the rest of the series. I died a lot due to getting knocked into the air by a hit, and then just never getting the chance to touch the ground again because Sora takes 10,000 years to float back down to the ground. With no aerial blocking, and air dodging having a longer cooldown then dodge roll, it led to a lot of frustration. Also, special shout-out to "YoU ClEvEr LiTtLe SnEaK!", honestly, fuck Xigbar, I don't know why, but his fight gave me more trouble than any other boss in the entire game. I struggled so much to find an opening to punish him and spent 90% of the fight swinging at the air then getting hit in the back because of how much he blinked around.
I never got around to getting ultima weapon, or beating any secret bosses in KH2, although I did visit Lingering Will and Sephiroth just to see what they were like. I remember I beat Seph as a kid at lvl 65 specifically because of MP Berserk, so maybe I'll go back and try it sometime.
Birth By Sleep: I heard so much about this game as a kid, and even recently, and I knew during my first playthrough of KH3 that Terra, Aqua and Ventus were from BBS, and that they were pretty important characters, but I could've never guessed just how important until I finally played this game. The story for this game was simply great, I started off thinking Terra was the most bland, uninteresting character I'd ever seen (his VO's flat delivery of dialogue didn't help), but by the end, he was my favourite, and honestly, Aqua felt like the third wheel to me, by the end. Like sure, after completing the 4th 5th and 6th episodes, I felt bad for her, as she was clearing going through A LOT, but while Terra and Ventus both had VERY clear stakes in the story, Aqua just felt kind of... there. Her ties to the plot weren't nearly as strong and her story was more relegated to "watching her 2 friends get fucked by destiny and plot". However, Aqua at the end being responsible for Castle Oblivion, along with the clarification on what Org. 13 was looking for in CoM, was such an awesome reveal and my wife and I were losing our collective shit over it.
Oh, and of course, finding out what exactly the Lingering Will was, was pretty damn cool, too!
Fun fact, this is the first game I played on Critical, everything was on Normal until this point. I heard it was one of the easier games to play on Critical, so I figured why not. By the time I finished Terra's arc, I was begging to go back to CoM to fight Marluxia. I cannot express enough just how much I DESPISE this game, in a gameplay sense. Ignoring the obvious things like playing through the same worlds 3 different times and how tiresome that gets, the combat was so blood-boilingly infuriating, I wondered if I was going to actually finish the game. The command system, I hate it. "What? You wanted to cast Cure because you're about to die? Well, too bad, the enemy with 0 warm up frames in his attack just hit you at the same time you pressed X, so your Cure goes on cooldown now, fuck you." That's not even getting into the terrible end-lag in your own attacks, and just how sluggish everything feels. Critical mode aside, this game even on Normal would've pissed me off for all the same reasons, I was so relieved to be done with it.
Re:Coded:>! I was told this one wasn't necessary, and almost skipped it, but decided against it and I'm kinda glad I did. I only watched the movie, but I hear the gameplay itself is pretty solid, so maybe one day I'll check it out. The plot is self-contained, and interesting to watch, and it does get referenced a few times in KH3, so it didn't really feel like a waste.!<
Dream Drop Distance: I was genuinely lost for a while, plotwise, in this game. I felt like I'd missed an entry somewhere that'd apply context, but no, Yen Sid is just not great at explaining things. By about halfway through the game I was caught up and understood what was going on, but the first hour or so I was just along for the ride, hoping I'd understand it later. I enjoyed what DDD was doing, and it felt like, had it been a console release, this could've easily been KH3 with just how much direct impact it has on the plot compared to other entries. Honestly, watching Riku slowly, but surely, get his act together throughout the series has been a treat, and it all comes to a head in this game, he finally moves on from rival/edgebaby to a proper equal to Sora, so much so that if they were to have a gentleman's duel just to test their strength, I couldn't confidently say who would win.
The worlds were hit or miss, seeing Notre Dame was cool, but honestly who the hell asked for Tron: Legacy? I will note that, especially for worlds like Tron, I didn't really feel like I was part of the plot like in KH1 and 2, but more like I was just watching the plot progress from the sidelines. It was jarring.
But the biggest disappointment by FAR was Fantasia. Before I even booted up this game, I was talking about how cool it would be if KH ever visited the world of Fantasia just due to how unique of an experience it would be. I imagined something along the lines of a rhythm game like Crypt of the Necrodancer or Metal Hellsinger, just a neat gimmick tied to that world's music that kept you in line with the beat of the song. So, when I watched the opening to DDD and saw the very clear reference to Fantasia, I got excited, only to be completely let down by it being just another world, except your hits play random instrument noises, and essentially a barebones prototype to Melody of Memory as a reaction command. Honestly, this world was completely wasted on a portable KH entry, it should've been saved for a console entry where it could've been realized more fully, rather than confined to the limitations of a portable console. Oh well, maybe in KH4.
I also played this game on Critical and hooboy did I feel it, but first, the basics. Flowmotion sucks. Thanks for coming to my TED talk. Seriously, I get what they were going for, but I honestly hated how disruptive flowmotion ended up being. Air dodge out of the way of something, well, you touched a wall, so now you gotta brace against it and get ready to bounce off. It's not that it was ruining my gameplay or anything, it was just annoying because it'd remind me of its existence at the most inconvenient times, and it was broken, like, hilariously broken. I definitely abused flowmotion to get through some encounters early on, when I didn't have many tools at my disposal yet, and even in the World that Never Was, I managed to use flowmotion to get ontop of, and over a building to get to the other side, which triggered a cutscene I don't think I was supposed to see yet, because suddenly I was talking to Roxas with NO context, so there's a good chance I skipped a scene or two by doing this purely because the game let me, and I wanted to see what was at the top, if anything (I originally thought I was gonna find some way out of bounds or something).
The Dreameaters genuinely don't bother me. I actually kind of enjoyed levelling them up as a means to acquire abilities and passives. The only thing that unironically kept me from grinding their stats more is that irritating fucking song that plays whenever you play minigames with them. I despise it. With all my heart.
The drop-out mechanic was annoying as hell in some instances, especially when, towards the end of the game, I did a TON of farming on Sora for Droplets, to give Riku a ton of bonuses to help with progression, only for the game to immediately FORCE me to drop from Riku, back to Sora, just as soon as I got control of him, causing me to hard reset the game, reload my save, and actively backtrack as Riku to get an actual use out of the bonuses I saved up for him.
The combat was, well, I wasn't enthused to see the Command List back, and I suffered all the same frustrations that BBS gave me, with only MARGINAL improvements in gameplay. The only saving grace was enemies actually had warm-up animations on attacks, giving you a brief head's up instead of just randomly bursting into a combo with no warning.
Anti-Nightmare Sora was the first fight that I genuinely gave up on. even Xigbar in KH2, Terranort in BBS, Terranort again in BBS, Vanitas, all of them I managed to push through. But this fucker? No, I had to walk away for a day, come back, grind my eyes out, and when I FINALLY beat him, the game then beat me over the head with Young Xehanort...
...Then I discovered Balloonra and slept through the rest of game.
Fragmentary Passage: Not much to say other than it's a tech demo for KH3, plot wise, it was interesting to see where Aqua's story lines up with the end of KH1, and where she's at both literally, and mentally, by KH3.
X: Back Cover: Whoever wrote the dialogue for Master of Master's needs a raise and a personal statue outside SE HQ because this guy is hilarious! His deliveries are genuine, quick, witty, and not at all the stilted, oddly paced dialogue I've come to expect from the KH series, and well, everything Square does outside of FF14 and 16. I would not be surprised to find out his dialogue was written in English first, rather than Japanese.
Anyway, I'm really mad I have to either play, or watch someone else play, a gatcha game to get the rest of the context here, because this movie was fascinating, and these characters all seem to be pretty damn important to KH4, so it's a shame.
Kingdom Hearts 3: Back (almost) full circle! Just like with KH2, coming into KH3 was full context was such a breath of fresh air! Everything made more sense, and I had a clear understanding of the character's motives and goals throughout the story. Again, what's there to say, really?
Well... the worlds kinda suck. Olympus being relegated to a tutorial felt like a slap in the face, and overall, the entire world felt bland. It looked like a generic Unreal Engine open world environment, with Hercules pasted in it. Nothing about the open wilderness outside the city really looked like it belonged there, it didn't fit Hercules' art style in the slightest. Compared to, say, Kingdom of Corona, where everything felt more visually on brand, granted, Tangled is a CGI movie, Hercules isn't, I understand that the translation is harder to make but it really didn't look like much effort was taken at all for 2/3rds of Olympus.
Arendelle was "Fall of a mountain simulator" and I was absolutely sick of it. It also epitomized my problems with DDD's worlds in that, when you really think about it, you do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING in Frozen's plot. You are sidelined the entire time, with Sora and the gang essentially climbing back up a mountain, being told "hey here's what you missed, okay bye!" Before being yeeted back off again, to rinse and repeat ad nauseum until you fight a boss that just doesn't feel earned, which is a damn shame because Skoll is one of the coolest looking fights in the game. There's no participation, the plot simply ignores you the whole time and does it's own thing until you leave.
Pirates and Big Hero 6 felt hilariously short. If you have no intention to explore the open world (there is nothing worth exploring in Sanfransokyo, so this doesn't help) The worlds feel like you're in and out in 20 minutes.
Shoutout to Monsters Inc and Toy Story, you definitely felt like you were a part of the world, and a part of the story happening within it.
The end of this game was phenomenal, seeing everything you've been watching build up, finally come all together, the reunions, the realizations, the callbacks, all of it was such a MASSIVE payoff that was completely lost on me the first time, when the only games I had played were KH1 and KH2, and not since they were new.
So, as with every other game after BBS, I played this one on critical, as I was told it was simply a more rewarding experience, and I honestly agree. Sure, I had a lot of frustrations (Sora's floatiness being paramount) but you can finally BLOCK IN MIDAIR, and BLOCK OR DODGE MID COMBO! If KH2 had these mechanics, it'd be hands down the best game in the whole series, period. I wish they'd thought of it sooner, almost every entry in the series would have benefited from this.
I did spend my fair share of time absolutely raging at the final boss gauntlet, however, and really, my biggest issue was just visual clarity (if you remember Xehanort's meteor attack, then you probably know). But I beat it and was very satisfied with how Xehanort's arc turned out. KH3 is a great game.
Re:Mind: I got this DLC half off, and even still, I'm a little mad I spent money to spend most of my time rewatching the cutscenes I JUST WATCHED from the maingame. The game reached a point where it started truncating the cutscenes to get to the new info quicker and I couldn't help but wonder why the hell they didn't do that to begin with... but ultimately, the DLC was good, a glorified boss gauntlet, sure, but good. Explaining Sora's disappearance was welcome and started setting up context for KH4.
The data fights... as of writing this, I have completed 11/13 of the fights. I'm missing Xion, Xehanort, and of course, Yozora. Only reason I haven't done more is a sudden lack of free time to do so. To reiterate, I'm on Critical, and these fights, while some have absolutely pissed me off to no end (lookin' at you, Vanitas), these fights have solidified KH3 as probably my favourite game in the franchise, purely on gameplay alone, and one of my favourites of all time. The combat FEELS rewarding, (usually) failure doesn't feel like you were cheated by some BS mechanic, but feels like something you know YOU did wrong, and need to correct for the next attempt. I will be going back to do the rest of the fights, as terrifying as they look, because so far, it's been genuinely fun to figure out the puzzles behind these fights and put my skills to the test.
Melody of Memory: Kingdom Hearts rhythm game! Neat!
Well, kinda. It wasn't a very satisfying game to play in comparison to something like Guitar Hero, but it was enjoyable to listen to my favourite KH songs (shout out to The Encounter! Don't care how bullshit the boss is, if it's using that song, I can't even get mad, it's just too much of a bop!) But I did not appreciate yet another rehash of the plot as the main gameplay incentive.
Thankfully that game is pretty damn short, so getting to the end, where the actual meat and potatoes is, in terms of new plot, was pretty painless and overall, worth it. More context for KH4, Kairi deciding to train under Aqua(!), and the somewhat harrowing implications that Xehanort knew about the 'unreality'.
And that's it. I guess I'm done with KH until 4 releases, or that AR mobile game. I've been typing for a very long time now and I'm not sure how to close this out other than... uh, thank for reading, can't wait to hear all about how wrong or right I am about your favourite entries!

Dear fellow INFPs,
I'm addressing this to people who feel like they're stuck mentally. Let me start off by saying eveyone has their own issues, some just bigger than other. Some have more unfortunate situations, others have not-so-bad situations but they experience them negatively, and then there's people who see the beauty of life. Whether you started out with getting help or not, I hope this piece gives you insight in what to do, but especially.. in what order. Looking on the internet there are 1001 ways of therapy, all kinds of guru's who tell you this is THE way! The ONLY way! I mean sure, much of it comes down to the same thing over and over again, but I'm convinced that some things are better before other. Take this account from someone who has been through it, who has tried 101 things, picked the useful ones, who got stuck multiple times, but ultimately can tell you my best experiences. But who am I, except for just another random dude on the intenet?
Where to even start. I've been thinking of writing this piece for a long time but always found reasons to postpone. Ironically. I've been insecure, depressed and suffering from general anxiety disorder for most my life, at least until some time ago. After I tasted the first moments of happiness I made it my mission to keep moving forward, every day possibly better than yesterday. Nine years, a lot of therapy and many hours of psychology self-study later, I want to share with you what I've learned in a condenced form. I'll start off with a little background information. Then I'll follow up with a listed summary followed by why I think doing it in that order is important. Lastly, I'll list a bunch of my sources that helped tremendously. I don't want to make this a feel-sorry story about me so I'll keep it short just for context. If you believe me for my word you can skip one paragraph.
I come from a family with an ISTJ dad and ISFJ mom, both horribly emotionally immature, unavailable, unpredictable and very suspicious of other people. They love me and my brother but were the worst in showing it. My dad hardly talked and stopped playing with us after a motor cycle accident. My mom was burned out most of the time and ready to explode. Now, what kind of things would that teach your kids? They had their own terrible experiences and upbringing, into which I won't go. Not to mention I was born 10 weeks early, lay alone in a machine much time with cordasol basically already coursing through my veins. All in all, me (the quiet good boy) and my brother (the ADHD ESTJ rebel) had completely different lives. He went all out in the rebel behaviour with his gang, vandalism and drugs, whereas I found out about Maplestory and built up an alternate life there, eventually also with drugs. (Real) friends, what are those? Getting beat up twice as freshman, who cares. The Fight/Flight/Freeze response was strong and consistent already at 15 y/o. I didn't know it at the time but the result was a near-permanent pressure on the Solar Plexus, always being tired and having burst of sweat when I came in social situations. The sweat didn't particulatly make it better. You want to try that new thing? Ah better not, you hurt yourself once as a kid so now everything is too dangerous.
The result is what you may expect. A very quiet, badly nail biting, skitterish mommy-child ' adult' who bursts into tears on random moments when alone, never knowing exactly what causes the pain. My first steps in self improvement happened by accident when I went off for further education in the capital. One roommate of mine studied psychology and he introduced me to a mindfulness training.
This is where it starts.
But now? What good is my story without a testimony? Now I'm finally starting a career, regardless of some obstacles. I don't nail bite anymore and handle stress way more easily. I was the star waiter of our restaurant and I'm having my first stand up comedy gig next week as well as acting school. Right now I work as the "very likeable" office manager at a sustainability company. Not everything is perfect, e.g. attachment to a partner and my ability in decision making, but it's all a process. Step by step. Keep your target (happiness?!) in mind and keep going.
(Step one and two are not processes but rather state of mind from which to work on. Let it sink in but don't get stuck on it.)
Step one: Acceptance of your own imperfection. It's okay.
This step sounds obvious but I don't think it is in practice. Too many people I've talked to are ready to talk about the bad things that happen in their life but as soon as you start about their OWN role in the situation, they will get all defensive and maybe even antagonized. Everyone makes mistakes. Everyone has bad experiences that colour their judgement of things and the way they act. Only if you accept this and what you have done in the past as fact, only then you are open minded enough to change. Otherwise, whatever you'll learn what could've helped you, you'll dismiss from your mind as soon as you leave the therapist, either from stubbornness or as a unconscious selfdefence reflex because you don't accept that yes, also you have weaknesses. This counts especially for people whose insecurity is being percieved as weak, dumb or unlikable. You see, if your insecurity is that you're not good enough, then how painful is it to accept that yes, you have inherent flaws? LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE? That's what keeps people from learning. That's what's keeping people from changing. Accept that you're not perfect and have things to change. Why else are you looking for help? It's like an addiction where you don't like the addiction but the alternative seems worse.
Lastly, know that your perception of others is probably not true. Only you know you because you know your thoughts. You don't see the mind of other people. If only you knew. Other people may seem saint-like but they aren't. Even the nicest people have some dark(er) characteristics and their own insecurities. Once you recognize this you may not feel so crazy anymore. Guess what, the battle between your little devil and angel is a human thing. The difference, though, is that you're open to change. The difference is that you are not in denial or oblivious of your mistakes like your aunt Hilda.
Step two: Accept your own agency and so reject victimhood.
Let me introduce you to my ex-roommate Petrus (pseudonym), who always talked about his troubles in life and how life failed him. The thing is, he'd always go on and on about how it was the effing police who fired him, how it was the effing insurance company who effed him over, how it is the effing women who are all whores and bitches anyway so why bother. His near-exact words. Never him, though! Oh no, that would receive a "yea sure.... but..!" with a scowl. While deep down all this talk is fueled by deep rooted insecurities and pain. You think you're not like that, and you're probably right. At least not to the same degree as he. Be ready to take responsibility for your own (re)actions.
I understand that doing step one and two are actually quite hard. I just mean to point out that as long as you are aware of them, you can change. You'll find out along the way in what ways your own behaviour has shaped your life so far, and what you can do in turn to change it. Life is like a beach, it is up to you to make your sand castle with upcoming waves and running kids. Like everybody else. The roommate mentioned above never accepted his agency and so did NOT have any results from the same therapist that I had. And whom he quit after one session. Scary, I know.
I cannot stress enough that self-reflection is key for anyone who's willing to change !!!
Step three: What do I feel and why?
Or in other words: the popular phenomena called Mindfulness and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy. What it boils down to is the focus on self-awareness, to get a good insight into your own emotions and how it subconsciously affects your daily life. Before you quit reading: this is only the start. It is the difference between your mask and your underlying feeling. For instance, I would have the emotional 'mask' of being the joker and pleaser, only because WITHOUT doing that, I'd feel... well, uncomfortable. Now this uncomfortable feeling is important to figure out. For me I could summarize it with "I am not enough" and "I am not likeable". God it sounds so simple in a few sentences but this is a process of trying and trialing, where you'll think it was one thing, but it was something deeper, or they could all be summarized in one overarching insecurity. Finding out your mask personas is an important but scary step. Without your mask you'll feel remarkably vulnerable.
Now, I do not know where you are or if something similar is near to you. However, a good therapist will help you decipher your insecurities and underlying sadness. Understanding what you feel and why is step 3. You will NOT get here just through talking about your day unless the other specialist knows what they're doing, for the simple reason that many people are unaware of many of their reactions in daily life and what childhood trauma's they may have surpressed. Otherwise you'll just repeat the lines you tell yourself without going deeper. Such therapists should have their license revoked ffs.
Step three 'n half: grounding a.k.a. to get into contact with your feelings
There's much to be found online about grounding so by all means find other technique if mine doesn't work for you. I'd suggest you first try the most common way. Don't, the more you do it the faster you can do this. It takes me 20 seconds tops. Anyway: sit up on a chair without distractions nearby, eyes closed, hands on lap, feet on the ground. Take a couple of deep breaths. 4 seconds in, hold 4 seconds, 4 seconds out. Blow out like you blow out a candle. While you do this you repeat to yourself ' relax' or 'calm' or 'it's okay, you're safe' or whichever works for you.Then, take all your attention to your left foot. Feel the contact with the ground. Feel any (dis)comfort, any pain, itch, whether its cold, warm. Observe it, don't analyze it. It's not wrong, it's not good. It's just.. there. After you're ready you go to the left calf. Same thing. Feel the cold, warmth, the pressure, an itch, anything. It's not wrong, it's not good. It's just.. there. It's you. Hold your attention before going to your left thigh. Keep this process throghout your body. In the end, after your face is calm. Forehead is smooth. Eyes are relaxed. Jaw is loose. Deep breath and turn your attention to what you're feeling. Where is it? In your head? In your stomach? For me it's the solar plexus but it differs. Feel the emotion. It's not wrong, it's not good. It's just.. there. Accept it. Name it.
Side note: you may get distracted often. This is fine. Don't get mad at yourself as this only works negatively. Accept it, see it happen like a cloud drifting by and return your attention.
Side note 2: Accepting the emotion is very important. I had issues with that but getting mad at yourself for feeling something will only make things worse and is counter productive. Anyway why would you? Think of a friend. Can he feel lonely sometimes? Of course.
Congratulations, now you are what we call in contact with your feeling. This is DIFFERENT than the self-pitying saddness that's more common. THIS is the emotion that you can process. THIS is the emotion you can write down, cry out, talk about, whatever works for you. Also at the therapist. Especially at the therapist. It may feel redundant to do it with the little steps but believe me, if you're not used to grounding yourself then this is how to start. Sometimes it's harder than other, depending on your state-of-mind at the moment. Later you'll be used to it and 'go to your feeling' faster and more naturally than doing a detailed body scan. You're right if you think it's akin to meditation. Trust me. It's a human thing. You can do it too. Some people have put away their emotions deep down in order to protect themselves and for them it may be harder.
IMPORTANT: learning to ground may also mean you're nearer to your emotions. This is a good thing, as long as your work with them! Depending on the severity of your repressed traumas, it is highly advised to involve a therapist. You don't want to open up a well of misery only to do nothing with it. More on that in the next paragraph
Step four: Accept your past hurtful experiences. Process the associated emotions
This step is actually really important, and I wish I had done it way earlier. It would have saved me maybe three years. Okay so see it like this. Two things to remember. First: emotions that you experience but were unable to express will STAY in your body. Your body is like an emotional hard drive and somewhere there's tension building up. Second: this system you can compare to a hydrolic dam. Imagine: when there's a bit of water in the reservoir, there's no problem. When there's more water in the reservoir it's also okay, but the force on the dam builds up. Still more water all kind of okay, except that the dam is under a lot of pressure. A relatively small damage has to happen for cracks to appear and water to escape. This is exactly how it works with emotions. This is how people have sudden burts of rage, sudden burst of sadness, over relatively small incidents. They just... burst. This tension in addition with perfectionism are root causes for burn out as well. Just how much energy must it take? Anyway, as for the actual processing, I have a few tips.
The major one is a therapy called Somatic Experiencing. This is specialized in bringing up past emotions, even from when you were just a baby (I can tell..). All the stored up emotions will affect your daily life, likely without you noticing. It literally changes the way you react to things. E.g. how you react to some kinds of jokes, to how you may be very sensitive to situations, may feel angry or sad all the time, but also your attachment style in relationships. For me, processing all my fears and feelings of loneliness and betrayal on my innocense has given room for love, compassion, joy/playfulness and a general peace of body.
All in all, therapists are recommended.
Something else is a rage room. This is a place where people come together to literally scream and let emotions out. No experience there, just heard about it. I would think that the problem here is guidance. You can release stuff, but only things you are aware about. A good therapist can ask questions that will trigger things you can't do yourself. If you don't, you'll just scream from frustration which doesn't help much just like shower crying. Still, if you do it right I'm sure it may help.
NOTE: before going here, read the paragraph about grounding. This is an important asset without which you'll not get the results you want.
Step Five: self improvement. Learn by doing. Train your subconsciousness by experience.
It may feel like this step is late in the cycle, however it is not for nothing. To use the metaphor, Would it be easier to upgrade your dam into a hydraulic energy generating dam while the reservoir is still full, or while the water level is low? It is not to be underestimated how much internal conflicts will colour your perspective on yourself and the outside world. This is a major mistake I made, and what many therapists will still try.
Self-Improvement really means to use your self reflection to not just see what you do, but mainly what do you want to do with it? Let's say hypothetically you feel like you don't speak up enough. You've found out this is because of an underlying insecurity, in this case maybe that you feel unimportant because your parents never acknowledged any idea that you
I'd suggest journaling. Or rather, emotion analyzing and bring them up while writing. Ground yourself first. The goal is to FEEL the emotion and so process it without storing it up again. Cry about it if you need to. You know when children are sad, then cry a lot, then are running around happily again? Same with us adults. INFP or no. Except that we, with a little training, can actually name what we're feeling. Warning: this should only be really possible after some mindfulness. Firstly, because how else are you going to identify your own emotions? And secondly, you need to learn to 'ground' yourself, go into 'feeling mode'. Without it, it'll just be feeling sad because you feel sorry for yourself, instead of addressing the emotion itself. Wallowing in your sadness (this case: own victimhood) will only make things WORSE in an vicious cycle of negative affirmation. This happened to me. It's not pretty.
Look at yourself and the traits you want different. Maybe you want to be more orderly? Show love to people? Give a presentation without feeling like you're fainting? Write them down and what you would like instead. Don't push yourself by commiting to do everything. Just as much as you're comfortable with. Think of a dog for example. When a dog gets hit by a human he may just become aggressive or wimpering with his tail between his legs the next time he sees a human. Dogs are not aggressive or flightful from the start, but they learned that certain things are dangerous or scary. You teach an animal that something is not scary by slowly making it get used to the target. The same with humans, except that we're such complex creatures that sometimes it's hard to say exactly what makes you uncomfortable. This is literally what people mean with 'stepping outside your comfort zone'. It's not for nothing. It's not only for 'those bloody daredevils'. It's for a person to get used to situations. I had a fear in front of the class but I forced myself, after some proper therapy, to stand in front of a class to teach exams. Yes I was nervous. I had to calm myself several times, and I reflected on in afterwards. Well now, that actually went better than all the imaginative situations I had before! And even if it doesn't go well you can still write down WHAT you fked up and try to do better next time. Be mindful. Take steps.
Conclusion
It's a lot and I think I can add more but then it would be a book. I hope from this piece will bring structure to the whirlpool of information that's available. I'm not even sure 'regular' psychologists know this, as I've tried a bunch and they all start with something else. Every step is necessary, but some will work best only after the previous steps have been taken.
Now I'm tired. I'll write a proper summary after I see how this is recieved in the comments. Would love to hear feedback, questions, maybe even critique. Take care, you crazy diamond you.
Helpful sources:
Mindfulness training, meditation guides, Chakra healing (yes really)
Fysiotherapist on youtube to work on posture (you'll be surprised). I recommend Body Fix Exercises channel, to the point and effective.
Therapies: EMDR, Cognitive behavioural therapy, Somatic Experiencing
INFP guides on Personality Hacker
Attachment style podcasts (sorry mine was in Dutch)
Books / audiobooks
J. Peterson's 12 rules for life + many lectures on having a meaningful life. (whatever your stance or opinion on politics, his psychological knowledge is undeniable)
Lindsay C Gibson's Adult Children of Emotionally Immature Parents
M. Gladwell's Talking to Strangers
Mark Manson's The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F*ck
Eckhart Tolle's The Power of Now
I'd suggest audio book because it moves me more, however I guess it's personal.

I’m just asking this because I can’t think of any other way to look up this kind of information aside from asking the community. Personally? My internet speeds are fantastic at 250mbps, best package offered in my area (I live in a residential but nonetheless heavily national forested area) BUT the catch is that there are quite frequently little blips, exclusively only 5-15 seconds like never longer than that, but it’s unavoidable. Nothing registers, sometimes i’ll get the connection lost message (but it rarely actually login screens me if i’m in combat), but as I’ve started higher level content lately it’s starting to enrage me. The blips are random but probably anywhere from 5 to 25 blips a day, give or take. and it’s not the osrs server themselves, everything freezes- if i’m streaming music, it’ll freeze too, any other live game, mobile game etc freezes simultaneously.
This is starting to really ruin content for me. A blip during a raid almost always ruins the entire run. And there is often one blip at least per hour. As you can imagine, bh is a nightmare. Never turned in a t10, but lost a t9 to a no arm-er today, dced the second I saw him running toward me, of course. This would make any HCIM attempts hopeless.
Is my internet just trash? Do MOST people just not get those blips, they only have connect issues when jagex servers are on the fritz? And it’s not really just now, even when I was on college internet, or home in a diff state, it would not be a RARE occurrence to DC, although it’s definitely at its worst in this location. Do serious HCIM go through some special procedure with their internet providers? The hell else can I do? Freaking Starlink? ANY info would be enlightening. I don’t understand how anyone can put 1000s of hours into HCIM unless this basically is a non-occurrence for them. Like it’s as rare as power going out for them.
Idk what kind of background info i could provide aside from there’s really no one else sucking up my bandwidth, 2 people in the one and one too old to use internet, allergic to technology type. It really just does seem to be the internet itself having lapses as it comes in. And it’s like. Worse when its storming, but happens fairly regularly otherwise as well.

i mean no disrespect/suspicion towards the ER & neurology team that saw our sweet Keegan in his final hours, and i might sound irrational but i have to get this out in words to get it off my chest.
Keegan was a 16 year old beagle & on May 31 started acting off. i called 2 ER offices and was able to speak to one doctor at one & one front desk at the other. essentially the doctor told me his symptoms (shaking, fever, arched back, lowered neck, etc.) could be lots of things (which i understand) but if he can sleep peacefully, could wait till tomorrow to see his primary doctor. this was @6PM.
we got him comfy in bed (to what would be his last night with us, 1 week ago today💔) & he was able to sleep. he didn’t get severely worse, but he didn’t get better. he seemed to plateaued & slept 9PM-4AM.
he awoke us at 4AM to go outside and he peed and pooped. he was still off & not interested in water. i hand fed him his food which he devoured like always. he didn’t eat out of his bowl. it seemed like he couldn’t / didn’t want to lower his head to eat. so i fed him his last meal, piece by piece. i can still feel his wet tongue on my hand & all the kibble dust that coated my hand.
we didn’t want to wait any longer to get him some relief, so we took him to the ER. at around 7AM, he was admitted. his vitals checked, fluids began, & talked w his doctor next.
at the time, she suspected potential pneumonia or an arthritis flare up. we followed her recommendations of admitting him, getting some blood work, fluids, and a chest x ray.
blood results took 2-3 hours to get back. his x ray showed no real significant findings.
next was working with a neurologist because he was lethargic and exhibiting some signs of neurological issues (knuckling of his back leg).
his fever wasn’t breaking and he was getting slightly worse. we agreed he should spend the night in the ER & dropped off his night time medicine in the afternoon.
after we dropped off his stuff, we almost immediately turned back because we got a somewhat frantic call back from the ER doc. the neurologist looked at him and had strong suspicion of a brain tumor.
he was getting worse now & his fever going up. we hurried back (weren’t far away) and they rolled him into a room. he was not in good shape.
he wasn’t in great shape that morning but he was so much worse now.
how could this happen? we couldn’t even put him through an MRI because he very possibly wouldn’t make it. so we couldn’t even confirm if that was it. the neurologist was pretty confident but of course couldn’t say for fact with running the MRI. we later talked to the neurologist and she suspects his brain tumor ruptured & caused the rest of his body to start to shut down.
we had to act quickly and let our sweet Keegan go to relieve him of any further pain.
we were so stunned. i couldn’t think to ask anything in the moment. were they SURE the brain tumor was there? what if it was something completely different that they didn’t think to check? again, i’m not a doctor and i trust and respect them all so much, so i know this is probably the shock talking.
but HOW could he be in the best hands possible and get so much worse & die?😭😭 why couldn’t they help him more???
it was so traumatizing, the whole day. from start to finish. i have so many questions. i did speak to the neurologist like i mentioned, but it’s still not enough. idk why. i have a list of questions i wrote out for the ER doc just to make sure there wasn’t any other suspicions. but if there were, they would’ve been able to save him right? idk.
i feel like i’m losing my mind & i can’t even begin to celebrate his life with all this regret, guilt, & worry that i missed something critical between the night of May 31 and June 1, or if the doctors did. or maybe no one did & he really did have a brain tumor that got too large and ruptured. what if i brought him in that night, could he still be here? i know he’s gone but i need to know.
i’m so sorry for typing this all out again. i feel like i’m saying the same thing over and over again. i’m so exhausted, broken, empty. i need answers. i know no one here can know for sure, but i just need to get this off my chest so badly, again.

Hi, I've been a lurker of this community since April and am finally reaching out for advise, support, or anything really. My husband is 53 and was officially diagnosed with cirrhosis of the liver in March. It started out with swelling in his legs and abdomen and then his scrotum. We had to take an ambulance to the er because he was so swollen he couldn't walk or fit in the vehicle. Once there he was admitted right away. As well as being swollen he was very confused and lethargic. After a week there and some testing he was given the cirrhosis diagnosis as well as Hepatic Encephalopathy. They transferred him to a bigger hospital where he stayed another week. They got his ammonia levels down to 78 and let us go home. Since then we've been back to er a few more times because his ammonia levels keeping jumping up despite taking 15ML of lactulose every 4 hours. The last time he was completely out of it and i had to call an ambulance and when he got to the hospital his amonia level was 117. He just got his liver biopsy last week and we do not have those results yet. I guess my question or main concern is how to keep his levels from getting that high. I know he will have flair ups, but it's happening more and I'm noticing he is having trouble remembering things and saying what he wants to say. The first dr also prescribed him Rifaximin, but we have Medicaid and they have denied it 3 times now. I feel like that would help if we could add it to his meds. I'm just at a loss. I want to help him all I can and I know this is just the beginning of our journey, but it's been so difficult. Any and all information about things we can try or look into to help is greatly appreciated.

Tapering off of Benzos is one of the worst experiences of my life. I was prescribed Xanax for GAD and panic disorder by a doctor who was known to over prescribe meds and by the time someone caught what was going on I was on it for a year and a half and up to 4mg a day. The first time we tried tapering was a mess and my new psychologist let me go more slowly, but then I moved to a new state so I had to find a new doctor. She’s great an all but I’m tapering a lot faster than before which has caused issues at work. Sleeping was so bad one time that I got an maximum of 5 hours a week. It evened out eventually but now I’m on Valium at 5 mg because I couldn’t pick up my Xanax due to insurance so I had to go to the ER and the doctor there said it was safer since I was on such a low does of Xanax already. My psychologist agreed but the which from one med to another is terrible. I feel like I have food poisoning all of the time, my anxiety is super bad and every sound is like nails on a chalkboard. It’s totally effect work(I work in youth development) and although my boss is understanding I still feel terrible about missing out on things and not being the best I could be. I would like to quit my job to focus on mental health but I have bills to pay and the company that I work for is severely understaffed, so that is not an option. I’m just so sick of feeling this way and dealing with this BS. I can’t change the past but I wish I could. My entire life right now is just focused on benzos and it has for two years. Idk what to do anymore

For the past month, my life has been a nightmare. It started one night of just a lisp suddenly developing. Then every day, it would get a little bit more prominent throughout the day, improving a little by the morning. Then, about 5 days after the lisp started, the difficulty swallowing started. Food was getting stuck, my speech became slurred after eating, it felt like my entire tongue would freeze up. Went to the ER- they recc ENT. Followed up with the ENT- sent for MRIs and barium swallow study with speech pathology. Meanwhile every symptom is getting worse. By the end of the day, I'm using a text to speech app because I'm not understandable; I have to stick my finger in my mouth to push food between my teeth because my tongue can't move it at all. I stopped wearing contacts because my eyes just started killing me. Everything was blurry and i kept rinsing them thinking they were smudged. I attributed this to my Crohn's infusion being delayed a week, but it did not improve once the infusion happened.
Then the difficulty breathing started. I woke up, choking, unable to breathe, my throat stuck in the 'swallow' position and shut. It was a 3 minute drive to the emergency room, while I gasped through what felt like a bent coffee stirer. My husband said it was the scariest thing he's ever been through. This was a few days after all the tests, while the results were pending. ER stabilized me, and sent me on my way.
Since then, any thing that requires even a touch of extra breath leads me gasping for air, my throat not moving the way it needs to in order to efficiently allow air in.
Then I get the call. And now I can actually get in with a neurologist.
But since googling, just... Damn. So much makes sense now. My vision has been getting worse for a few months now... I've felt "weak" for a year+? Chronic pain is something I've been used to cause Crohn's, but the Crohn's meds stopped helping a while ago. I used to have the energy to work full time, have a bunch of hobbies, go to the gym, etc. Now I'm lucky if I can work 40 hours a week. I thought I was just being lazy.
I know for some, getting a diagnosis like this can be devastating. But all I feel is relief.

My city has an escarpment running through it. A lot of people have died either falling off, or jumping off. There’s a particular bridge along that escarpment that overlooks an access; I once knew someone that jumped from it.
I stood on that bridge for a few hours last night. It was dark, and quiet, and cold. It’s not high enough to ignite my fear of heights, but it’s definitely high enough to get the job done. I put my stuff inside my shoes on the ledge and climbed up it. The irony is this bridge is directly behind the ER entrance to a hospital - a few people came and went, a security guard, and several ambulances, but nobody stopped.
In the end I couldn’t do it, obviously. I climbed back down, got into my car, and went home. But it really made an impact on me that I could have jumped and nobody would have noticed.

The history test will be done in four segments each of which going over a specific period or event that takes place in Bundesnachda.
Segment 1: The Kokatiel Family Massacre
Duncan Kokatiel was a man praised for his aid in the war for Shibuya. He was initially a humble Bundesnachdan goat breeder but upon the request of General Noah he began to breed the goats as 'Bundesnachdan War Goats' to help bring the south side victory. The goats bred in Bundesnachda were ideal for war as they had an unbelievable amount of natural aggression, so much so that they are not allowed around children under the age of sixteen to this very day due to their insatiable hunger for human flesh. These goats were used to stop the southern Bundesnachdan residents from fleeing to hide in the north side before the dome was placed, leading to the events of 'The Great Bundesnachdan Feast'. Duncan Kokatiel however was driven to madness raising these war goats as it was not the same as raising a regular goat, to raise a war goat they had to be raised on human meat rather than the normal kibble. This festered their aggression and made them far more violent, but the madness Duncan developed did not come from their aggression it came from the souls as Bundesnachdan goats can be possessed temporarily by the souls of the flesh they consume. Day by day raising these goats for the war consumed his sanity they whispered the words of the dammed in his hear. Soon after the war his insanity consumed him and he went on a wild rampage killing his wife, daughter, brother and two sons obtaining a pentakill. He did the murders using his prized possession, a shotgun he called 'The Collector'. This event caused his exile and he has not been seen since.
Segment 2: The National Celebration of John Bundas second marriage
A modern historic event that occurred is John Bundas forty seventh marriage to the Hamburger Helper Hand. Only a few years ago John got a divorce from his then 46th wife Beyoncé Bunda. Therefore as is tradition and Law in Bundesnachda he ate her. As many of you will know when a man divorces a woman in Bundesnachda it is customary that he air fryes her and eats her with is children (In bundesnacha the air fryer was invented before the flintlock pistol).
When John Bunda married soon to be Hamburger Helper Hand Bunda it is believed to be the biggest party in Bundesnachdan history, it lasted 5 days and 5 nights many people died during but when they did the party go-ers would just collect and cook up the corpse and eat it, John Bunda labled this strategy as 'Getting Party Fuel'. The 5 days were mesmerising people of all ages, drinking, smoking and finding joy it was truly blissful, you would look out your window and all you would see is a sea of perky nipples and smiles.
After the end of the 5 days John Bunda gave a wedding gift to his people, he stuffed a bunch of at the time mysterious purple objects into a giant cannon. Then BOOM a flurry of thousands of Rabbadon's Death Caps flew into the crowd as his people cheered. "THIS IS MY GIFT TO YOU, THAT YOU FOR COMING!" John Bunda screamed and that concluded not only the biggest party ever thrown but also the best marriage in Bundesnachdan History.
Segment 3: The Tunnels Below Bundesnachda
A lesser spoken of part of Bundesnachdan history is John Bundas colonisation of the land. In 5 BBC, soon after arriving to the island and forging a family with the chimps John Bunda encountered the original inhabitants of the land... The Gnomes. They were incredibly aggressive toward Mr Bunda and the chmips and despite their best effort would not agree to join forces with them to create the wonderful nation we live in today. After their many disputes with the new self-proclaimed leader of what he was now calling 'Bundesnachda' the Gnomes would scurry back to their tunnels. The Gnomes lived in what was discovered to be a tunnel system filled with many colonies of Gnomes. They sustained themselves using strange liquids and fruits they found and grew in their tunnels, some say these strange now extinct 'Bundesnachdan Delicacies' are the key to what made John Bunda immortal and why he is still alive and healthy to this day. Although things changed for the Gnomes when the glorious John Bunda and his chimps grew sick of the vile gnomes refusal to join them when suddenly one of Bundesnachdas first miracles occurred, one of the chimps spoke to John and he said... "John our glorious and kind hearted leader, we cannot grow to be the greatest nation to ever exist if these evil gnomes do not follow us I know what we must do..." John then asked the chimp what we had to do, the chimp then spoke of the first great war strategies in Bundesnachda 'The great Gnome Flush' the chimps plan was as follows: "John, first we must erect.. hehehe I said erect. Anyway we must erect a giant forge the size of witch the world has never seen and within that forge we must melt millions of gallons of metal and pour it into the gnomes tunnels capturing all of them and their homes in an eternity of a metal prison." A tear flew down John Bundas cheek when he heard the idea, it was a stroke of pure genius, he was in disbelief not only because of his tremendous respect for the idea but also at the fact that mere moments ago this chimpanzee could only make chimp sounds and now it can speak fluent English. They got to work, in only 3 hours John Bunda and 3 other chimps built what we now know as the 'Great Tower of Bunda Apartment Building' but at the time was a forge to melt metal, this forge was twice the size of the current empire state building in New York. They quickly melted all the required material that the other chimps mined before pouring it into the Gnomes tunnels using a comedically large funnel. What's great is you can view the entire frozen in metal Gnome tunnel system today as it's on display at the Ambassing Museum in Shibuya.

Hello. (24f)Venting, not sure what all I’ll get into here, but if you’re curious, go ahead and read. I’m sorry in advance for the depressing subject. I have only ever discussed this with my brothers and my boyfriend.
EDIT: THIS IS A TRAUMA DUMP FYI
As the title states, I’ve lost both of my parents. Although I’ve processed the fact that they’re gone, I still feel lost. It hasn’t gotten easier over the years. If anything, I’ve just matured enough to understand how young and naive I was growing up. I wish they were here so I could show them my journey through life, express my troubles when they arise, and always have a shoulder to laugh/cry on.
I was extremely close with my family growing up. So close that I actively chose to stay home from friend gatherings to watch movies with my dad or annoy my mom while she cleaned the house. Anytime my dad left the house, I’d be jumping in the car to ride along, even at 17 years old. My parents were on the older side. My dad had been retired and my mom a stay-at-home wife. I adored my parents. My relationship with my mom was complicated. She had her issues and I was a spoiled brat. I still loved her dearly and referred to her as my best friend/worst enemy. Now that I’ve gotten older, I’m able to reflect and have major regrets with each relationship. My priorities weren’t always great. When times got tough, I didn’t step up. I in fact stepped down and ran away from what was going on at home. Also will mention I have 3 older brothers. 1 who lived at home with me and my parents, other 2 had moved away when I was little. Everyone stayed in touch and visited.
My dad passed away in March of 2017 at the age of 61. He had a complicated diagnosis of acute myeloid leukemia. It was complicated because cancer doctors thought he was fine until he continuously fell ill and got his final diagnosis at the Mayo Clinic in early 2017. He had a 70% chance of survival. Doctors were optimistic if he got chemo, he’d be fine after a few rounds and see me graduate. My dad wasn’t in great shape, he was old and had a number of health problems his whole life. Once he was admitted for a few weeks and was in the process of being prepped for chemo, they over filled him with fluids and he caught a virus in the hospital. This spiraled and he ended up in the icu. The doctors informed my family he wouldn’t make it through the next week. Now I don’t know why the hell my brain didn’t wrap around this concept, but it didn’t. He ended up passing while one of my brothers was with him. He coded twice. My brother, mom, and I drove to the hospital and hour away without knowing he had passed. It was one of the most horrific moments I’ve ever experienced. My dad wasn’t afraid of anything, but I fear that the last week of his life terrified him. It haunts me to think about. My dad died a month before my 18th birthday, 2 months before I graduated high school, and 6 months before I went off to college. Yesterday was his 68th birthday.
My mother. She had a massive stroke in 2015. We didn’t think she would make it through, but after a few months in the hospital she returned home. She was never fully the same. She required round the clock care from my dad, siblings and I. After my dad died, me and my brothers took over until we were forced to put her in a nursing home. She went extremely downhill after this. She was sick constantly, and had mini strokes over the span of 4 years. I can recall DOZENS of close calls of her being rushed to the ER and doctors telling me and my brothers she wouldn’t make it, but miraculously she always did. I think that’s why when we were finally convinced she needed to begin at home hospice care, I still was in disbelief that she would die. These last few weeks of her life haunt me to my core. My mother was 57 in February 2020 when she died and looked closer to 85. I was called out of work to see her in her final moments. She was struggling to breathe and her eyes were wide open. It was a nurse, my siblings, young nieces and nephews, and me, all piled into the living room at my brother’s house where we had her hospice bed. I couldn’t bare to watch her and ran out of the room multiple times screaming and crying. This haunts me. Still randomly pops into my brain. I may have seen my dad’s body 3 years prior, but I didn’t have to witness him go. I know, that probably sounds unbelievably selfish.
I miss both of my parents every day. The hardest part is nobody seems to want to talk about them. I feel bad enough the amount I bring them up to my boyfriend, who only briefly met my mom before hospice. The few times I’ve mentioned anything to friends trying to address my sadness, even close friends, their responses are short along the lines of “oh” or “I don’t know what to say”. Fair enough. I don’t hold it against them, and I shouldn’t trauma dump. Is it awful I long for friends who have experienced trauma just so I have someone who I can even kinda relate to? I have a small circle now that’s mainly surface level. As someone who’s experienced major mental downfalls over the last few years, only my boyfriend could attest to this bc I love pretending things are normal.
ANYWAYS. I miss my parents and as time moves forward, I wish they were here to experience life with. If I get married, have children, I know it’s gonna be rough. But I’ll face that when the time comes.
If u read this far hi lol

New Grad EM Offer, LCOL
This is a place I may not consider settling for the long term, but a decent location for a first 1-2 year gig.
​
- 75% of shifts at 3 Hospital ERs, 25% at 2 Freestanding EUC (imaging/lab present). Volume ranges from max 70k/yr at one main ER to 40k/yr at the other two main ERs
Schedule:
- 15-16 shifts/mo, 8-10 hours each, covering day, swing, and 3-4 nights/mo. Some blocks of shifts, some sporadic, yet conscious to avoid day shift after a night shift etc.
- 1680 hrs/yr, or 140 hrs/mo
- 1 24/hr on-call/mo
On-boarding:
- 8 weeks 1 on 1 with an MD/PA/NP ( I realize this is short. I am motivated to self study and do have solid EM background. The group sounds supportive of new grads, MD always on site. Have utilized PAs for years)
- 1 in person class/mo for the first year
Expectations:
- 1.5-2 pph for main ED, 2-3 pph for Freestanding EUC
- PAs see all acuities
Pay:
- $77/hr, with $85/hr after 15-16 shifts/mo
- $10/hr for on-call then regular pay if called in
- $12/hr night differential (in effect for scheduled hours starting at 7pm)
- Max Bonus 13k/yr for meeting RVU + dispos/hr
- $15k sign-on bonus for 3 year commitment (thumbs down, but with 4% interest on HYSA maybe use this for free interest payout?)
Bennies:
- Full medical/dental/vision/retirement (unsure of 401k match at moment)
- med mal + tail
- $2400 CME/yr
- licensing fees/renewals reimbursed
​
Awaiting to speak with a PA to ask general culture and MD/PA relationship questions. I get the idea that it is a friendly and collaborative environment. Credentialing will take 3-4 months. I would likely continue to look for other opportunities during this time, but it seems like a solid deal to start. Thoughts?

It didn't hurt this bad when we lost our old dude. It hurt more than anything I experienced up to that point, but not this bad. He'd been dealing with several old age diseases, that we were managing well, but he got cancer on top of it all, and there was nothing more to do. There was a lot of comfort knowing that we had given him many years of happiness, after he found us on the street and wouldn't leave us. We took him from barely wanting to be petted, to being a complete lap cat cuddle bug, and he was so very loved.
We ended up with this newborn kitten, and his semi-feral momma who wanted nothing to do with him. So we hand raised him from day 1. We were told he only has 50-50 odds of survival, though we did our best to improve those odds by keeping everything extra clean, working closely with several vets to check we were doing it all ok, feeding him every 2h etc.
It had been a joy to care for him. He was so good about latching, he really liked cuddles, and he would purr every time. It is the single most rewarding thing I did in my entire life. He was the only thing that mattered in our life, everything else happened when we got the chance and he was sleeping, unless I wanted to research if some new development was normal or not. I was watching a webinar on kitten poop while eating dinner. Somehow, I still managed to do good at work and keep the house spotless, in spite of being severely sleep deprived, because his presence energized me in a positive way, more than anything I ever experienced.
He was at his 2 week mark, when he suddenly took a turn for the worst. We took him to the ER, he was better for a bit, they told us to take him home as it's safer for him there. 2 hours later, he was struggling to breathe, and 5 minutes later, he was dead.
Throughout these 2 weeks, I kept petting him and telling him how much I look forward to doing the same when he grows into a 5kg cat. It felt incredible to have a kitty that loved to be petted so much, he was a real purr machine from day 1. We're making great progress with his momma, she went from bolting whenever we entered the room, to actually letting us pet her head a little bit, though I don't know if she'll ever be cuddly or purr. We were hoping this kitten would help teach her we're not too bad, but now that will for sure never happen.
We were so looking forward to playing with him, we were looking into all kinds of toys for him, some of which are going to be delivered in the next few days. We got him a big play pen and a plushie with a heartbeat, that he only got to enjoy for a couple days.I was wondering if he would fit into my old dude's harness, since it's too big for his momma, and if he would like to go for walks with us. We don't dare take momma out for walks yet, since she doesn't let us pick her up. The old dude would trust us to keep him safe from any dog, he'd just calmly sit in our arms, so we felt comfortable taking him outside on a harness, and we figured it would be the same with the little one.
He will never get to enjoy life, and all the plans we had for him. He got 2 brief weeks of love, where I rushed through some of the feeding sessions because I had to work, instead of taking my time to snuggle with him every time.I go between feeling worse pain than I ever experienced, and feeling surreal, like it's all just a dream, and the alarm will ring in just a few moments and I'll need to rush to sterilize the bottle and feed him. Sometimes I feel like he was just a dream, like he was too amazingly sweet of a cat to be real anyway.
I want to feel anger towards someone, even myself, but I can't find anything I really did wrong with him, and all the vets we talked to said we were doing perfect whenever we asked if there was anything more or better we could do. My boyfriend has been amazing with him as well. Part of me wants to be angry with his mother for rejecting him, as he wouldn't have been as immunocompromised if he got to drink even some of her milk, but I know it isn't her fault, she had a c-section as a first time momma, from her perspective she never had any live kittens. I lost my cuddle bug and I am left with a cat I can't even touch, but that's not her fault either, I knew she was semi-feral when I got her, and found it very rewarding to help her be more comfortable around me, it just all feels empty now. And it's not fair on her, I already have been spending a lot less time playing with her and getting her used to me these past 2 weeks, because I was so busy with the little one.
We're considering fostering orphaned kittens in his honor, with all the things we've learned from him, and maybe adopting some of those. That way some good can come of it. Though I go back and forth, as I am not sure I can handle the stress of constantly worrying that something may be wrong, and the pain of randomly losing them. I definitely can't do so in the near future, this pain is way too great, any kitten I see constantly reminds me that he's gone and I will never get to see him grow up.
I try to distract myself with work or entertainment, but all I really seem to want to do is stare into space, trying to remember every single moment with him, and go over every single future plan that will never happen. I don't know what to do.

I (39F) have had a great OBGYN over the years. I’ve had complications in my pregnancies and my last one in 2015 ended in my son being born at 24.5 weeks. He’s alive and well but they cauterized my tubes which caused extensive bleeding. To remedy this, they performed a uterine ablation and inserted a Kyleena IUD within the same hour.
For years I have been asking to either remove the IUD or what my other options were because of painful cramping but zero bleeding and any other symptoms. This was my year to change it out and asked again to not have anything. They told me that since I’ve had an ablation, I can still get pregnant and I needed something to keep my lining thing so I agreed to replace it in the office. Their PA attempted to pull the strings and pulled so hard on 2 attempts that both strings broke so the only way to switch it was to go in a cauterize the vessels around it and remove and replace it. That was 1 week ago.
I woke up from surgery having been told my IUD had perforated my uterus and they had to use three separate methods to get it out and was extremely close to just performing a partial hysterectomy. I knew the complications of perforations were unlikely but still present and that they may have needed to take my uterus. I get pain medicine and I am comfortable and I get released.
In the post surgery notes there is talk they inspected my bowel and no lacerations or punctures were found. I’m feeling ok except I keep getting a sharp pain around my midsection and got so bad the following night I came into the ER. Was waiting in wait room for what felt like hours doubled over in pain. Drs perform contrast CT scan and notes air pockets but otherwise normal. Blood tests were coming back ok except high liver enzymes. Pain was getting worse and they were going to release me. New surgeon saw how much pain I was in and asked the radiologist review the findings.
That’s when they find a small perforation in my sebum and now there is fecal matter in my abdominal cavity. Body starts to turn septic and they rush me into surgery. Surgeon stated that the really only one outcome is to have a colostomy bag, leave me open for 24-48 hours intubated in the icu to make sure all infection was removed.
Woke up and was relieved that she gave me only the worst case scenario and instead I woke up with 1 drain and an incision down my stomach.
I signed disclosures in the beginning that I knew these complications could arise but the fact that in the report it states them not finding any tear or cuts and closing me up to send me home.
My question is, is how much legal remedy do I have? I have full faith in my OBGYN and this was just a risk and a fluke. I truly appreciate everyone who stepped up, including my OBGYN, stepped in and saved my life. I do not have the money to cover this huge of a surgery that happened because of their mistake. I don’t want the dr to lose their license but I would like a fair judgement to be made because of this significant loss. Thank you.

Grand Opening event!
Hey Dentonites! Kaiser's is a local burger and fries food truck that was occasionally stationed behind East Side on Austin St's truck yard. Besides the fact that it's just my wife and I, the trailer was too small to keep up with demand and I have been looking for a brick and mortar location with indoor seating. I've been fortunate enough to team up with Heimbaker's Market and Deli in Roanoke in order to sell burgers after hours. I will be there Th-Su 5pm-9pm.
I read the comments on Reddit and am always happy to take constructive feedback but I assure you I A) dress the bun B) never freeze my patties C) season the meat with S&P D) Have no employees to underpay. (or harass over txt >.>) Just got some new business cards and everything. Hope to see each and every one of you.

Hello! 28F just diagnosed in early May. I was put on Ritalin, initially psych wanted me to be on Ritalin ER but with insurance, it was too expensive still. I started out on 10mg and last week was increase to 20 mg. The 20 feels like it’s doing something more than the 10, but the effects wear off after about 4-5 hours. Is there a stimulant that isn’t necessarily an ER that lasts for a while or maybe a higher dose than 20mg? I’m looking for recommendations to bring back to my psych to see if we can agree on something for me.
Thanks!!

I woke up this morning with intense pain on my right side. It's not necessarily where I've had ovary pain or endo pain. In December 2022 I had a hysterectomy (removing uterus, tubes, cervix) and an excision of endo - it was up in my ribs. I've had zero pain or issues. I've been in the ER today for 6 hours - tested for appendicitis and gall bladder issues. Told all is normal after loads of tests. Has anyone had endo pain like this? I'm wondering if I need to get into my gyno instead? Just feeling frustrated and looking for answers.

Hi everyone,
I am a 25yo Male, 72 inches tall, 150 lbs, white, experiencing frequent muscle spasms of several times per hour. Existing medial issues: Irritable Bowel Syndrome - 17 grams PEG 3350 daily, and an undiagnosed ear trouble from an acoustic blast. I drink but on a less than bi-weekly basis and generally less than 3 drinks when I do drink. No recreational drugs.
By "Muscle Spasms" I mean involuntary 'twitches' at random locations on my body.
I started having GI issues about a year ago. A few ER visits and a colonoscopy later, GI doc says it's most likely IBS-C and recommends 17 grams PEG daily last August.
In DecembeJanuary, I started having heart palpitations after eating, googled it and google said it's usually nothing. My right eye also started twitching randomly and progressively got more frequent over the next three-ish months.
In February, I had a follow up appointment at a new doctor (I moved), and they ordered blood and liver function tests. Came back with mildly low Potassium (3.5 mmol/L, Norm 3.6-5.0), not really a big deal.
Diet: I eat a fairly healthy diet and generally don't buy anything I can cook myself. With lunch, I always eat a handful of baby carrots, a banana, and about half a cup of peanut trail mix (All contain potassium) and a varying vegetables with dinner. Breakfast is usually fruit and a bagel with cream cheese. I have lost 7 pounds since August (I have been the same weight +/- a pound or two since 2016).
Excersize: I am a fairly active person but I don't deliberately work out at a gym or anything. I generally get excersize through my hobbies (hiking, mountaineering, skiing, other outdoor type stuff).
Questions:
A: I read that chronic low potassium levels can be detrimental long term. Is it possible that taking PEG daily is causing low potassium? Is it safe to continue taking it daily?
B: Is it reasonable to deduce the muscle spasms and heart palpitations are being caused by low potassium?
C: Will continuing to take PEG drive my potassium levels lower as time goes on?
Thanks!