Single car metal carport

We're still out there...
HardCore Hell – PVE only, double loot, but puppets are… hardcore. You want to loot and build at your hearts content? This is the place.... but you BETTER respect the puppets. Here are the basics:

• 20 slots (increasing to 30 when we average 15 players)
• Pre-paid for 2 years
• PVE only (with one small exception, see below)
• Community gets along well; help is there, rides etc.
• The ONLY player-to-player damage is hand to hand… and it’s turned down to 0.1.
• Welcome Kit for new people to server, just ask Admin
• Build anywhere (except roads/runways out of courtesy)
• Scavenger Hunts running, find the locations hinted at in pics for a GRAND PRIZE.
• Puppets 3x with damage 4x
• Loot 1.5x (name is 2x but it's turned down a little from that)
• ZERO Mechs
• Trader increased unlimited money/goods
• Gas extended use/fast re-fill
• Metabolism slowed down
• Vehicles increased (new mod cars are 80% spawn fully working)
• Safe zones will allow XP gain
• Long Day / short Night cycles (but nights are FULL DARK)
• Only a single Admin, no abuse
• Helpful and welcoming of new players
  Scavenger Hunt for a LOADED car is still going strong, log in to see if you can find the clues from the pics on our Discord.
  

We're also having Thursday night fights in the Arena, Admin teleports, prizes etc.... The only thing you can lose is Fame Points... but so much to gain!
We wanted something PVE only AND to be afraid of puppets. So it’s all PVE, no base/vehicle lock picking (but you can pick airdrops and POIs) no base destruction. If you’re tired of getting raided, this is it. BUT… more puppets and they hit HARD. 3 or 4 good whacks and you are done. Loot is doubled and trader cash/items are increased. Everything is positive for the player, metabolism is slowed down, day is much longer, night is shorter (but FULL dark as well).
The exception to PVE? There is a small Red Zone that covers Zagorje and a bit of the surrounding area. THAT Red Zone is PVP. And player lock picking. And explosives. It’s a lawless wasteland and very easy to avoid…. But it’s where the bank is located. Stop by, check it out, thanks.
We do have Discord but it’s not always hopping, you can reach the Admin there. https://discord.gg/RQ2aG74
HardCore Hell [PVE Only] no Mechs, 2xLoot/airdrops... and Puppets... so many puppets...173.237.27.28:28702
BattleMetrics has us a top 1,000 server right now as well. But we're trying to get back to a top 300 like we were.
Thanks.

I’m looking to replace the crate that I use for my 65 lb Lab/German Shepherd mix. The one I currently use is collapsible (which I really like), but it’s too bulky and heavy, and the metal material scratches up the floors of my house and car when we travel. Any recommendations for crates that are large enough for my boy, but are also lighter material and maybe still collapsible. He doesn’t mind being in the crate so I’m not too worried about him trying to chew through it, but also want material that’s still sturdy enough. Sorry for all the standards I’m looking for, but any help is appreciated!

Life, for most, was a series of ups and downs. You fail your test but then your mom makes your favorite dish for dinner. You lose the big game for your team, but then you make a major breakthrough in the spell you've been practicing for weeks. You drop your ice cream, but find some cash in your pocket you didn't remember leaving there.
The girl you've been fawning over for weeks tickles your tonsils with her tongue, but then you're cut in half and enslaved by your nation's mortal enemy.
Yeah, my life was different, there was no doubt about that at all. But the lowest lows made even the slightest highs feel so much higher. Something as simple as eating a hot meal was the height of life when you had been living on crackers, stale bread, and nearly century-old dried meat.
We failed to notice that everyone in the restaurant was staring at us as we wolfed down plate after plate. The juices; the flavors; the tenderness of the meat; the softness of the hot bread smothered in butter. I couldn't stop smiling as I ate.
"You gotta try this," Tovin said breathlessly between bites as he passed me a bowl containing what looked like some kind of wet, shredded, colorful salad. I swallowed the big bite of steak I had been chewing and quickly put a spoonful of the mystery dish in my mouth. It was heaven on earth.
"Holy smokes, what is this?" I asked.
"I think it's the coleslaw, give it back," he said, pulling the bowl right out of my hand. I turned and looked at the dumbfounded waiter standing next to our table, and smiled. "More coleslaw, please! And ribs, I'm outta ribs! And a refill on... what was this called?"
He stared wide-eyed at my plate and then shook his head as though clearing his mind. "Uhh, I believe you were having the peach lemonade, sir."
"That!" I pointed my fork at him before turning back to the assortment of delicacies splayed out before me. I wasn't sure if it was because I hadn't had a proper meal in weeks, or if it was just that the empire knew how to eat, but it was the best food I had ever tasted in my life.
"So good," Tovin said in such a way that I had to check and make sure he wasn't crying.
After eating all that we wanted and all that we could, the two of us just sat slouched in our chairs with bulging stomachs. I lifted my hand shakily toward the last rib on my plate, but let it fall to my side as I closed my eyes and accepted defeat. The will was there but the room in my stomach wasn't.
"My goodness, sirs," said the waiter. "You hunters sure can eat."
I looked up at him with a satisfied grin, "Hard work always makes a meal so much better. Know what I'm saying?"
"Can't argue with that," said the waiter as he folded his hands. "But... if I may, could I politely ask you to pay your bill? I mean no offense, but you and your friend have a..." he cleared his throat. "Musk about you."
I looked at Tovin and then at myself, and then at all the empty tables around us. We were still covered in the calraven's dried wing gunk. I had to have gone completely nose-blind to it. Now the faces everyone had been making at us made a lot more sense. I looked down to see that it had been flaking off of us and onto the restaurant floor.
"Oh man, I'm so sorry," I apologized.
"No!" said the man, holding his hands out. "It was an honor to serve the hunters keeping our cities safe, don't take me the wrong way. It would be our pleasure to serve you again, but it's about to be 5'o clock and our dinner rush will be starting soon."
I suddenly remembered something I had completely forgotten. I looked up at the man, "Excuse me, do you have a pencil?"
"Certainly," he answered, pulling one from his apron and setting it down on the checkered tablecloth. "Your bill will be 22 octims."
"That's so much," Tovin groaned, not bothering to lift his head or open his eyes. He wasn't wrong, but we had ordered almost everything on the menu. I wasn't completely certain I could walk correctly when it was time to leave. I pulled out the envelope and handed him 25 octims.
"Keep the change," I said, Tovin groaning quietly in tacit disapproval.
"Th-thank you!" said the waiter with a wide grin.
"In return, I'm keeping the pencil," I added, smiling back.
x - - x - - x - - ★ - - x - - x - - x
It didn't take long for us to find an inn. Bronzegirder was full of them, as it was apparently a booming industrial hub rife with people traveling on business. We decided to book one room with two separate bedrooms to save a bit of money. It came out to 9 octims a night, which when you factored in food, meant we only had a little over a week's worth of cash if we spent conservatively. I didn't know how long it was going to take me to find Atlas and Axle, but I couldn't see it happening that soon. We would likely have to hunt again; that or find a steady job that paid the bills.
It was a humble inn compared to some of the others we had seen. I really wanted to stay in one of the nicer ones, but Tovin wasn't having it. He said the less we had to go out and make money, the better, and I couldn't come up with a good enough argument to push back. While Tovin took a shower, I took an eraser to everything Fena had written to me in the notebook. I left a little bit of her message so as to avoid suspicion, and decided I'd write back later tonight before bed.
After his shower, he realized that he only had dirty clothes to change into and we were reminded that we needed to go shopping. I rinsed off and the two of us made our way back down to the lobby and out into town. It had gotten considerably darker since we had checked in, and the chill winds blew against my cold hair, sending shivers down my spine. We pulled our hoods up and hit the market.
The first shop we landed at was a big success. We bought a warm hat for Tovin's head, which was only just now growing back a thin layer of hair. We found some sheepskin flight jackets with wool collars that rode high against the back of our necks. Tovin begrudgingly accepted them as the best option both for warmth and for hiding our slave tattoos, but for me, I also thought they looked really, really cool.
We bought some leather gloves that matched the jackets, along with new undergarments and sleep attire. We bagged some Diesillian snacks and drinks, as well as a refill of cigarettes for Tovin before heading back to the room. We were both exhausted, and I was more excited about a bed than I ever had been. Back in the room, we sat on the floor and tried the different candies and snacks as we discussed our next plan of action.
"Let's stay here for a little while," Tovin advised, sitting under the open window with his cigarette in hand. "This place is huge. The odds of them finding us here quickly are slim."
"I agree," I said as I popped one of the candies in my mouth. "I'm not going to say I like it here, but it sure beats being on the run."
"We're still on the run," he warned. "Don't misunderstand that. We should also probably pick new aliases. DuPonte has the wrong ones, but Gilliam is pretty similar to William."
"Yeah, but we're not on the run, run. Y'know, being chased through the night, sleeping in abandoned shacks, and stowing away in train cars. I know they're still looking for us, but how are they ever gonna catch us now?"
He folded his arms and dropped his eyes. Smoke billowed from his mouth as he sat in quiet contemplation. "It would be a mistake to underestimate our enemy," he said finally. "We need to start going by new names. I'm Wallace, and you're Geoffrey, got that?"
"I don't want to be Geoffrey, you be Geoffrey," I said playfully as I passed him a bag of candies. "Here, try these. They're called jelly beans, they're pretty good."
He dug his hand into the bag, fished one out, and popped it into his mouth. "Fine," he said. "You can be Wallace then, and I'll be Geoffrey. You need to help me remember that, you understand?"
"Yeah, I got it," I assured him.
"Gill."
"I said I heard you, Jeez," I said dismissively as I picked up the dark beverage I had been eyeing. It was labeled Root Beer and it generated a golden fizz at the top when disturbed. I couldn't wait to taste it. Tovin reached over and gently lowered my hand. I looked up to find him staring at me intensely.
"Gill," he repeated. "Stop. Just stop it, alright? I know what you're doing. I might be slipping, but I'm not dumb, deaf, and blind just yet. While I appreciate the act, or at least where it's coming from, I know you're just as scared as I am. I'm not a child; and while I may not be able to preserve what remains of my dignity for very much longer, I would ask for your respect until that time comes."
I had somehow underestimated the smartest man I had ever known– again. I didn't know the extent of his condition. Based on our interactions, I figured that he had no memory of the times when he regressed. I assumed that he didn't fully understand how bad his lapses had gotten, but it seemed he did. Worse yet, I knew how he felt about sympathy. The way I was acting had to have felt like the biggest insult to him, and even so, he wasn't reacting with anger.
He just wanted to be heard.
"Earlier today in the woods," he said, lifting his arm and tapping his cigarette against the window sill. "I can't remember the details. I don't know how you did that monster in, how I ended up unconscious, or anything about how we got back to the city. But I do remember how I felt."
He traced the floorboards with his eyes and placed his arms on his knees as he looked for the words. "... I felt useless; helpless like a terrified child. At one point, I felt like I didn't deserve to be alive." He looked up at me. "It was like I was swimming in a dream; like I was watching my own actions from over my shoulder. I came back to consciousness for a brief moment and contemplated shoving that rifle in my mouth."
"Tovin–"
"Shut up," he waved at me dismissively, drawing tendrils of smoke in the air with the end of his cigarette. "I don't need your pep talk," he huffed. "I'm past it." He rested his head against the wall behind him. "I just want you to know that this whole thing is getting harder for me. It's like there are two people fighting for control of the wheel, and when I'm not steering, I'm in a sleeplike state. My thoughts play out in front of me like I'm having some kind of fever dream. They smear and melt like watercolor giving me brief glimpses of reality through a window I can't reach or jump through."
I stared at him with concern. We shared a brief moment of eye contact before he closed his eyes and exhaled smoke. "It's not looking good for me, Gill. I just wanted you to know before I went to bed," he said, getting to his feet. "That if I go to sleep tonight for the last time..."
"Hang on," I interrupted. "There's something you should know. I reached out to that friend of mine back home. He's already working on a way to fix you."
His face brightened. "Y-yeah?" he smiled. "Gill, why didn't you say anything?"
I picked up the bottle and used the opener we had purchased with it to pry the lid off. "There was never a good time," I shrugged. "It's been a long, long day."
"Well, what else did he say?" he asked, taking a step forward.
"... Just, y'know," I trailed off. "Hang in there."
He sucked his lips in and looked down at the floor. He knew I was holding back. I was more worried about putting him through information overload than anything else. There was a lot he didn't know; too much, in fact.
"Tovin, just trust me. You'll know everything soon," I assured him. "All of it. As soon as you get your memories back."
"You really think your friend is that incredible?" he asked without looking up.
I smiled knowingly. "I do."
I took a swig of the beverage and spat it back out all of my legs. It almost splashed his legs and he quickly scrambled away. He looked at me with apparent disgust.
"What the fuck is wrong with you?" he yelled.
"It's like medicine," I grimaced. "I don't think this is even a drink!"
x - - x - - x - - ☾ - - x - - x - - x
That night, as Tovin slept, I wrote down the events of the day. As I jotted it all down, I began having new revelations. Tovin seemed to be at his best after resting. In the morning when we got off the train, he seemed alright. However, as the day drew on, he became less and less like himself. I should have known something was up the moment he wandered off without me. Then he was acting like a literal child up to our confrontation with the calraven. He had even mistakenly called me dad, perhaps reliving a buried memory of a hunt with his father.
But when his rifle exploded and he lost consciousness, he was back to himself when he woke up. He seemed to hold strong through dinner up until he went to bed. I wondered what it was about sleeping that restored at least a portion of his working mind.
Then there was the stranger, referred to only once as "Deac." There was no mistaking the magic that glowed in his body, but what was that other energy? I couldn't see it, but for the fact that it danced with and often overtook his magic essence. There were two energies tangled up together inside of him, and they seemed to be at odds with one another. And then there was the Diesel Devil sitting at the back of the cave.
The two of them definitely knew one another on a familiar level. They had been sent together to investigate Eluviel, but why, and from where? She definitely didn't seem happy to see them, but could that have been because she felt I was threatened by them? A splinter-sprite, he called her. A piece of her consciousness that she had shed just before she was subdued.
I wondered why she'd chosen me. Was it because I could see her while others couldn't? Or maybe I was just secretly really, really awesome, like a main character in a novel. I sat under the electric light and smiled at the idea of being someone worthy of tales. Someone like Tovin or Atlas with a bright destiny. But was revenge really such a noble pursuit? The yearning to return home and lift some heads off of shoulders didn't seem like any sort of heroic journey. After I penned the events of the day as best as I could, I got to work answering everyone individually.
Tovin. Be nice to Gill. He's doing his best with what he's got. Instead of being pissed at him, be pissed at the headmasters in question for what they've done to him. I hope everything I wrote above helps in some way, but I'm still running around out here with a lot of questions. Any luck with the spell for your counterpart? As you;ve read, he's getting worse. I need that miracle cure sooner than later. Thanks for your help.
I could already hear him in my head. "I'm working as fast I can you ingrate," or something like that. I laughed under my breath as I thought about what a dick he was. It was pressure, pride, and maintaining appearances that warped his personality so much. Out here in the Diesel as a nobody with nothing to prove, he was so much more agreeable. His inner-Tovin showed through now and again, but I wondered what would happen if he suddenly got all his memories back. Would he be a more chilled-out version of his ENU counterpart, or would he be even more high-strung?
Gill. I hope you read the annotation I scribbled in the margins about not reading the whole journal entry. I forgot you had asked me not to talk about the Galgalim before I had already written it all down. If you skipped right to this response as I hoped, then don't go back and read any of that. There were major revelations about what she is and why she's here.
I knew he wouldn't be able to resist after reading that. I needed his curiosity to overpower his fear. It was possible, I figured, that I could undo some of the damage Vega had done. I just needed to remind Gill of who he was.
I know it's weird putting your trust in me, but if there's anyone you can trust, it's yourself. I'm 99% sure Tovin would back me up on that, haha. And yeah, I remember Fena boasting about the importance of keeping a diary. We love that girl, but we hate to write, am I write?
I hoped he would find my pun funny. He was me, so he would at least smile at it, I was sure.
Even now my hand is aching something fierce, I want to go to bed more than anything. You know how long its been since I've slept in a bed? This mattress feels like heaven under me right now, you got no idea. And is Tovin still threatening to kill you? I thought we had gotten a little closer than that. I can't believe Axle was expelled. You're right, that means you're probably next. Keep your head down, man. Thanks for cooperating with me. If you had changed the summoning signature for the tome, I would have died today... and yesterday too, actually. I'm getting actual combat experience out here. It's wild knowing you can die at any moment. My hand is kinda cramping and I still have to write Fena back so I'll end it here. Thanks again for hearing me out and staying open-minded about this whole thing.
I set the pencil down and massaged the muscle between my thumb and forefinger. I had a lot to tell. But I wasn't about to roll over and drift off without writing to Fena. I picked the pencil up and readjusted myself before putting my words down.
I'm sorry I asked Gill not to tell you, but something deep down inside of me told me he would do it anyway. I just wanted to touch base with him first before I reached out to the rest of you. And technically, I was the one who showed you the message in the tome, so I didn't actually ever keep a secret from you.
I doodled a little smiley face with his tongue sticking out and then quickly erased it only to find that I couldn't fully get it off the page. There was a big smudge there that made it evident that I'd written and then erased something. I let out a frustrated sigh and drew it again, but somehow worse.
That's a solid theory on Tovin there. Same for Atlas. That could end up coming back to bite Vega in the ass. I promise I'll be safe, but do me a favor and help Tovin with whatever it is he needs. He's working on that spell to untether blocked memories from the mind, and the Tovin with me is getting worse by the day it seems. I don't want to see him get caught and sent back to the camp. He won't cooperate with them and they'll definitely kill him.
Thanks for everything, hun. I miss you more than you could ever know. Promise me you'll stay safe too. I know Vega is trying to find a way to get to you. If he got to Tovin... look just take every precaution you can. I love you. Goodnight.
I closed the book and set it down on my bedside table. I pulled the chain on the light, snuffing it out, then turned over and sank my head into the pillow. It wasn't that late yet– I could hear the hum of Diesel vehicles and even the chatter of the populace outside. I pulled the blankets over myself and closed my eyes. I let the warmth of the bed cradle me as I counted my many blessings, and thanked Hahnahkordia that I had somewhere warm and dry to lay my head.
The room was dimly lit when I opened my eyes again. It was just bright enough that I could read the clock on the wall. It was about 7am. It felt like I had blinked. I thought about getting up, but the blankets were so warm, and the room was cold– I had left the window open all night by accident. What reason did I have to get out of bed anyways? I closed my eyes and drifted off to sleep again and repeated this several times until the clock read noon and I started to get hungry.
I rolled out of bed and quickly closed the window. I hurried into the hot embrace of my morning shower and got dressed before knocking on Tovin's door. "Hey, you up? I was thinking of breakfast."
There was no answer. I carefully opened his door to find his bed empty and neatly made. I entered the room fully to find that his backpack was also missing. I figured he had to have gotten hungry first and left without me. That theory fell on its face when I ventured back to my room and found a note placed on the side table.
You can sleep all day if you want. I'm going down to the gun range at the hunters' office. I won't be shown up by you again.
I set the note down and began to worry. I didn't like the idea of him going out by himself. What if he were to suddenly backslide mentally while out in Diesel territory alone? I could see a scenario where he'd forget his alias or that he has an incriminating mark on the back of his neck. I got dressed in a hurry and grabbed my backpack before heading out the door. I hurried down the steps and out into the cold wet streets of Bronzegirder.
I made my way north of the crowded city streets and found Alloy street. The bitter winds blew against me as I made my way up the empty road toward the hunters' office. I was starting to regret not buying a warm hat for myself when I bought one for Tovin. I skipped every second step on my way up to the front door and made my way past the reception desk and into the firing range. I heaved a sigh of relief when I found Tovin shooting at targets downrange.
I walked up next to him as he turned his rifle over and grabbed a handful of ammunition from the box sitting on the counter. "Busy morning, Geoffrey?"
"Did you just wake up?" he asked as he began feeding bullets into the tube.
"I figured I didn't have anywhere to be," I shrugged. "I assumed you didn't either. I thought the plan was to get our bonus and ditch this place."
"Yeah, well, I kind of like shooting," he admitted. "Also, we're out of money."
I felt my knees turn to jelly underneath me. "What?" I yelled. "How?"
"Turns out these guns are expensive," he said as he pulled the hammer back and lifted the rifle to his shoulder. "You left ours out in the woods. They charged us for them."
I stammered for entirely too long before wiping both hands over my face and collecting myself. "... How much we got left?"
"We owe," he answered, firing his gun. "They charged us for the uniforms, and then a fee to clean the gunk off of them. Also, I bought us a pair of rain ponchos, they're cheaper here." He motioned to a couple of folded-up ponchos hanging over the wooden divider.
I stammered for a little longer. This was becoming more expensive than it was worth. We would have to hunt another monster today. I was hoping to never have to hoof it out there again, and it was even colder today than it was yesterday.
"Calm down," he said, not taking his eyes off the target. "Get your poncho on. I've got a plan."
"A plan?" I asked.
x - - x - - x - - ★ - - x - - x - - x
"The circus?" I said with a hint of anger in my voice as we stood in front of the many tents and attractions. They had set up east of town on the perimeter of the city. Families wandered the fairgrounds. Vendors had set up games and stands with delicious food we couldn't pay for, and I had just remembered I hadn't eaten breakfast.
"I came this way first when I smelled the food," Tovin said, taking a few steps in front of me and turning around. "Then I explored a little bit. And wouldn't you know it– I found an attraction that was offering a cash prize. It just wasn't open yet."
I sighed and hung my head. "You just wanted to come to the carnival," I grumbled.
"100 octims," he said flatly.
I looked up at him and he smiled faintly. "Thought that would get your attention." He reached into his pocket and produced a single red ticket. "This will get us one round."
"One round?" I asked, taking the ticket and inspecting it. It read, "Single Admission ~ 1 Minute."
"There's a stage toward the back with a guy in a cape that you can challenge in hand-to-hand combat," he said, beckoning me to follow as he turned and started into the fair. I hurried after him as he explained. "Here's the kicker though. You don't have to beat him. All you've got to do is hit him."
"Just hit him?" I asked.
"That's what they said. He's supposed to be some kind of master. You strike him just once and we're set for the next several days, and that's after settling our debt."
This plan was a little better than I had given him credit for. Here I had thought he'd gone bananas again, but this could really work.
"You think I can do it?" I asked. "It can't be easy if they're throwing around a hundred octims."
"Here's what I'm thinking," he said, lowering his voice and slowing down to walk next to me. "You use a little bit of that magic– the kind you isolate in your feet to move quickly."
"Are you nuts?" I cast him an incredulous glance. "Did you forget we'd be on stage in Diesel territory?"
"Just use it once quickly to make your swing a little faster," he reasoned. "It's been drizzling all morning. The stage is wet already. If you're quick about it, it won't stand out."
"I don't know," I shook my head. "It's not the worst plan, but it's so risky."
"Riskier than hunting monsters?" he asked.
That was a fair point. Still, the idea of casting in front of everyone made me uneasy. It wasn't like Jetstream was a super common spell, though. Furthermore, the odds were slim that anyone in the crowd had ever even witnessed magic before. The more I thought about it, the more I started to think we could actually pull this off.
"This is the place," said Tovin as we approached a crowd. There was a wooden sign in front that read, The Slippery Salamander! One hit gets you 100 octims! The two of us pushed through the crowd until we came to the stage where a mustached man was swinging like crazy at the aptly named Salamander. He bobbed and weaved effortlessly around every attempted strike until a man in a red and white striped outfit hurried out onto the stage and blew a whistle.
"Time's up!" he called out.
The crowd cheered and applauded as the Salamander turned and took a bow. The world fell out from underneath me. I couldn't believe my eyes.
Writing Prompt Submitted by u/My-Last-Hope

It was the last building of the day: a tall gray rectangle on a humdrum street in a forgettable neighborhood. The kind of place where the average tenant was a pearl-clutching eighty-year-old who wouldn't buzz the door open for Christ himself.
In my work as a gas meter inspector, I'd run into a lot of types like that. Even with my official-looking vest and clipboard, people were suspicious…and I couldn't say I blamed them.
After all, any psychopath could buy an official-looking vest and clipboard.
By my third week on the job, I could size up buildings by sight. I could usually tell whether I'd be dealing with busy professionals working from home, families with multiple children who were almost sure to be out of the house when I buzzed, or packs of young people who left their doors unlocked and often didn’t even know what a gas meter was.
I breathed a sigh of relief when I saw a bucket propping open the exterior door. The corridor was gloomy, but I could just make out a pudgy retiree in a sweater vest mopping the hallway.
"Good afternoon," I waved from the street, "I'm for the gas company…"
"Well, come on in then, lad." His teeth glinted in the dim light, and for some reason, those words sounded like a threat.
The hair on the back of my neck stood up, and I realized I did not want to step into that dark hallway, with its ugly wood paneling and wet tile floor that smelled like bleach. The old man leaned on his mop expectantly.
If I didn't register the building today, I told myself, I'd just have to come back tomorrow; it would be out of my way and off my route, and I was already barely meeting my quota…
I sighed and walked toward the janky, old-fashioned elevator.
"This is a safe neighborhood. Usually." The old man commented as I passed. I realized why his voice seemed to snarl and why the light reflected so strangely on his teeth: they were made of metal, some kind of weird prosthetic…
The old man must have noticed how I recoiled, because he held out a hand to steady me.
"A few weeks ago I was walking down that very street outside the door when a group of teenagers came running up behind me. They grabbed my wallet and my watch, and when I tried to scream, they smashed out my teeth with a bottle." He smiled, as if to demonstrate the delinquents' ghastly work. "Going up?"
At least the guy didn't follow me into the elevator, I thought, as I rode the rickety thing up to the top floor. As usual, I’d work my way down, knocking on doors and marking down the responses I received. No one was home in apartment 5A, and at apartment 5B, a handwritten note was tapped to the door:
Gas Meter: 8043.24 – We DO NOT Open The Door For Strangers!
I rolled my eyes and took note of the number before continuing down the stairs. There was no natural light in the hallway, which was lit only by dusty wall lamps. The hair on the back of my neck was standing up, but I couldn't figure out just what it was about the place that unnerved me so much. It wasn’t like this was the rundown tenement where a junkie had chased around me with a dirty needle, or the eerily-clean penthouse where I’d found a heiress floating in a bathtub with her wrists cut…
Even so, each time I knocked, I found myself hoping that no one (and no thing) would answer. When the door of apartment 4B opened just a crack, I think I actually jumped backward a little.
“Yeah?” A cigarette dangled from the lips of the overweight blonde woman peering at me from the other side of the chain. She looked me over with worry–maybe even fear–in her tired blue eyes. “What?”
“Hi, I’m here to–”
“Oh. Right. The gas. Well, c’mon in…” I could hear the echo of cartoons and squealing kids from deep inside the apartment. Something bothered me about the way the woman had answered the door, but I was halfway to the meter before I realized what it was: she’d opened up almost as soon as I’d knocked. Like she’d been listening for something…
As I scooted around overflowing stacks of cardboard boxes, I told myself that I was letting my imagination run away with me.
“Sorry,” the blonde woman coughed. “We’re still unpacking.”
“It’s alright,” I said, slipping on a child’s sock.
“I see why they can’t keep tenants, though.” She blew out a cloud of smoke. “Whoever’s in the apartment below us makes noise like you wouldn’t believe. If I had a choice, I’d get us outta here, but I can’t afford it. And even if I could, I wouldn’t wanna do that to the kids. The move was rough on them…they keep having these dreams, you know? ‘Night terrors,’ the doctor calls them…”
“Yep, well, change is hard when you’re young.” I was only half-paying attention; my work app had just crashed, and was taking forever to reboot. When it finally finished loading, I input the number and flashed her a smile. “All done. Have a good one!”
“You too…” she looked like she wanted to say something more, but she just gave me a tired little wave. She locked the door behind me as soon as I left.
I proceed down to 3A and 3B. A knock on 3A’s door received no answer; I was walking toward 3B when the door swung open wide.
There was only darkness on the other side.
“Come in!” an elderly woman’s voice called out.
“Um,” I hesitated. “Could you turn on the lights for me, please?”
No answer. My heart was racing as I stepped into the gloom. I ran my hand along the wall, feeling for a switch–
The door slammed shut behind me. I would’ve sworn I heard an old woman’s voice whispering in the blackness: “Don’t worry. Grandma won't let him get you…”
Suddenly, I felt hard plastic beneath my fingers–a lightswitch!
The bulb flickered on…revealing a dusty, empty room with grimy yellow walls.
“H-hello?” I ventured. No answer.
I wanted to raise the blinds to let in some exterior light, but the cords had been cut…and besides, I wasn’t supposed to touch anything other than the gas meter. As I walked past the lightless kitchen, I chanced a look inside.
A pale man wearing nothing but filthy underwear stood with his back to me, holding himself and rocking back and forth..
I muttered an apology and kept moving. I’d walked in on worse things, but the feeling of wrongness in this place was becoming impossible to ignore. I told myself that all I had to do was get to the end of the hallway and read that damn meter, then it would all be over…
I heard movement in a room across the hall: a child, barely visible in the gloom. The glow of the apartment’s single lightbulb reflected in his milky eyes.
“You shouldn’t be here.” The child snarled, taking a step toward me.”HE’ll see you.” Now I could see that his face was purplish and bloated…and that there were bruises in the shape of bony hands around his neck. “Grandma said she would save us. But she couldn’t…because this is HIS place, and NOTHING can protect you from HIM.”
I moaned and took a step backward. Another child appeared behind the first, his neck twisted at an impossible angle.
“What’s wrong with you?” it asked. ”Can’t you see that you’re in hell?”
The bathroom door creaked open; I ran.
Sprinting past the kitchen, I noticed for the first time the bloodless knife wounds in the pale man’s back. I could hear footsteps, but they weren’t coming from the hallway…they were coming from above me! Filthy footprints appeared on the ceiling, closing in on where I stood. Whatever was making them panted with wet, excited breaths…
I tugged on the doorknob. Of course, it wouldn’t open.
“Help…HELP!” I screamed, pounding on the door.
In a few seconds, the thing would be right on top of me–
A key turned in the lock and I practically fell into the hallway. It was the retiree from earlier, still holding his mop bucket.
“Did you get locked in or something?” he chuckled. “You’re lucky the super gave me a spare set of keys!”
I moaned something incomprehensible and gestured over my shoulder–
But there was nothing behind me but yellowed walls.
“Let me guess,” he snorted, “you saw that apartment wide open, went inside, then the door blew shut behind you? It happens all the time in this drafty old place. I keep telling the super that he needs to fix the damn lock so that door doesn’t creak open all the time, but he won’t lift a finger until he gets some renters in there. And good luck with that! I wouldn’t go in that apartment if you paid me!”
“What do you mean?” I gasped, trying to keep up with the retiree as he walked back downstairs.
“It was a tragedy, a real shame. We all knew the old woman who lived there was a bit batty, but nobody realized how far gone she was ‘til it was too late. She thought that there was some kind of ‘presence’ in the apartment–‘HIM,’ she called it–and she convinced herself that ‘HE’ was gonna take her grandkids away…so she strangled’em in their sleep. To protect them, she said. Can you believe that? Then, when her son found out what she’d done, she stabbed him to death right there in the kitchen…” the retiree shook his head as he locked up the mop and bucket in a grimy janitorial closet. “The strangest part was how they found the old woman afterwards. She was laying right in the middle of the living room with a face like she’d been screaming her head off, but there wasn’t a mark on her…it was like she’d been scared to death. But listen to me! Rambling on and on when you’ve got a job to do. It’s 1246.15.” The retiree finished cheerfully.
“Huh?” I mumbled.
“My gas meter. It’s 1246.15, and I’m in apartment 2A. Got all that?” My legs felt weak. I staggered toward the door. “Hey!” the retiree shouted after me, “where are you going? Don’t you have more apartments to check?”
I did, but I didn’t check them–not that evening nor any other. I turned in my resignation as soon as I got back to the office. My days of walking into strange apartments were over, but what had happened in unit 3B of that anonymous gray apartment complex stuck with me.
It made me think that every building–just like every person–has its own true story…
And some of those stories are horror stories.
X

This is fun little short story that I've been thinking about for a while. I hope that it is entertaining for everyone and do feel free to leave a comment down below with your thoughts. I like hearing from you, and any bit of feedback can help me improve. Enjoy!
Next
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Ask anyone in the academy and they will tell you that deep space explorer is the job everyone dreams about, but anyone who does get the job will tell you just how bad it is. Endless cycles of flying, scanning and then flying some more, all while being locked inside of a ship the size of a small apartment building. To say cabin fever sets in quickly would be an understatement.
Still, the young and naïve will shoot for the position. Some might say that it is simply human nature to want to explore and find something that no one else has ever laid eyes upon. Whatever the reason was, it was this naïve hope of finding something new that landed Lisa in this pickle.
She was a healthy twenty-five-year-old fresh out of the academy, proud graduate of the class of 2247. Her skin was fair, her hair was fiery red, and she possessed a well-toned body as a result of all the training she went through. For the last several years she had been training to be a deep space explorer, and now that she had got her wish, she just wanted to be anywhere else.
That wasn’t to say that she didn’t occasionally enjoy her job, particularly when she is able to record the discovery of a new planet or asteroid cluster, but those long periods of time between these places were killer on her psyche. The only thing that was able to keep her even remotely sane was also a necessary part of being an explorer. Her partner.
Ships always went out with people working in pairs or trios. Daniel was great. They got along well even in their academy days, having a similar sense of humor and shared some hobbies with one another. They both put in to be partners with each other because you had to be able to get along when you are locked in a metal box for months with someone.
Lisa was sitting in the pilot seat of their ship, checking the different status screens to make sure that nothing was going wrong while they were in transit. The door to the cockpit opened and Lisa glanced over her shoulder to see Daniel stagger in and flop down into the co-pilot seat with a yawn. His black hair was rather messy right now, and he had definitely gotten a lot paler since they started this journey due to the lack of direct sunlight they received.
“Morning sleeping beauty, looks like you enjoyed your little nap.” Lisa said with a slightly teasing voice.
“Yeah, well after that double shift I had to pull when the plumbing line cracked, I’ve been whipped. I appreciate you taking over my shift at the helm.”
“No big deal, basically just watching a bunch of blinking lights. Honestly might have fallen asleep myself a few times. Promise not to rat me out?”
He chuckled a bit. “Sure, so long as my unscheduled nap doesn’t make it into the logs.”
“Deal.”
With that bit of lighthearted banter, they both went back to their jobs, which for now was directing the last stages of exiting from slip space. When they exited traveling speed and coasted to a much more reasonable pace, the first of the scans for the new system they entered were sent out. Lots of stray gasses and rocks. There was a small moon sized celestial body that was high in metal content though.
“Well, that might make a good mark for a mining colony to set up around for a few years. I think that’s worth a bonus at least.” Lisa comments.
“Yeah, not the most interesting system we’ve ever been to, but it has potential. Making note of it in the log.”
Everything seemed to be going rather by the book. Lisa was interested in the possibility of the small moon growing into something else, maybe a gas planet given another few tens of thousands of years. Still, nothing much left to do here, so she... A light started blinking on the console, one that shouldn’t have been blinking this far out in the middle of nowhere.
“Huh.” She idly sounded out while reaching out to change the screen’s projection.
“What’s up?” Daniel asked.
“Oh, I'm not sure yet. The sensors are picking up a signal, but it's probably just stray background radiation tricking the system. Let me clear it up.”
Daniel nodded and let her do just that while he focused on taking a detailed recording of the moon for those back home. Meanwhile, Lisa was still trying to find the cause of the signal and filter it out. The only problem with that she found that the signal was locally generated, not just a strong interstellar pulse.
Her brow dropped in clear confusion as she started to set the scanner to track the source of the signal. It pinged several times and it came back that it was moving. “Hey, Daniel.”
“What’s up?”
“Do you know if there are any deep space probes in the area?”
“Uhm, let me check. Why?”
“That signal that we found, it is locally generated, and it’s moving.”
“Oh, damn, are we trespassing on a corporate claimed system?”
“That’s what I want to find out. Pull up the probe list for this area.”
“Already on it. Let’s see...” He scanned through the list that appeared on the screen in front for a minute, reading over various probe identifiers and posting notices. “Hmmm, this might be a problem. There are no active probes in the area, at least none that are registered. Illegal operations?”
“It’s possible. We should snap a few pictures and then report this.”
“Alright. I’ll keep an eye out for additional signals. If this turns out to be pirates, we need to gun it out of here.”
“Diverting power to engines, adjusting heading, and here we go.” With a few simple commands she pushed the ship into motion towards the mysterious signal. It was about thirty minutes of sub-slip flight to reach the general area. The tension was building in the cockpit as the two continued to be on the edge of their seats just in case this turned out to be a trap.
They entered the zone of the signal’s source, and it was projected to be within twenty miles of their current position and closing fast. “Can we get a visual on this thing yet?” Lisa asked.
“Hold on, locking in on the source, external cameras are active and searching.” It was a few minutes later that a ping sounded from his console. “Got it, putting it on the main screen.”
They both looked over to see that the source of the signal was a ship, although it wasn’t of any design or make that they were familiar with. “Daniel, any ideas of what to do? They seem to have power, but are they stranded?”
“I’m not picking up an SOS, it just seems like they are transmitting a stream of data somewhere. Should we try hailing them?”
Lisa contemplated that for a moment. “We should, just in case they need help. I’ve got the engines hot and ready to go if things get pear shaped.”
“Opening up a channel now.” Daniel flipped a few switches, and the mic was hot. “Unidentified vessel, this is the Chariot of Helios. We were passing through the area when we picked up your data stream. Are you in need of assistance?” There was a minute where nothing came back on the radio. “Unidentified vessel, please respond.” A second later Daniel’s eyebrows went up. “Uhm...”
The way he sounded had Lisa worried. “What? What’s wrong?”
“Their signal stopped.” He replied tersely, keeping his focus on the panel in front of him.
“Good or bad?”
“Don’t know. There are a lot of things this could mean. They might be doing something illegal, in which case they think we busted them, the stop of the signal could be a signal for someone, in which case this is a trap, or they are just trying to redirect their focus onto us.”
“Here’s hoping it’s the last one. I’m ready to blow this joint at a moment’s notice”
“Hold on, they’re sending something back. I’ll put in on speaker.” What came through was a series of clicking, screeching, and whistling sounds that made the two of them flinch.
“The hell was that?” Lisa asked.
“Maybe they are having some technical problems? Let me try again.” He started to transmit again. “Unidentified vessel, please repeat your last message, we did not understand you.”
This time there was a long pause in the back and forth that lasted several minutes before the ship started to send them something. “They’re sending us a data package.” Daniel said as the information came in through the screening process.
“What’s on it?”
“Hold on, it’s a pretty big file size.” There was a pause for a moment before he quirked his brow questioningly. “This is... is this a lexicon?”
“What? Let me see that.” She leaned over to get a view of the stream of symbols and occasional accompanying pictures. It had a similar layout to the lexicons that they were familiar with and were taught about in the academy but there were some minor differences that made it unique. “Daniel, do you recognize any of this?”
“The format, sort of, but not the characters or the language used here. Lisa, I'm thinking we might be involved in something big here.”
“Wait, you don’t mean that this is...”
He nodded. “Yeah, this might be a first contact.”
That was hard to grasp for the two of them. In over fifty years of human deep space travel there hadn’t been a single sign of alien life. To think that they would be the ones to discover another civilization was difficult to process. Still, there were procedures in place for such a happening if ever it did occur.
“Uhm, okay, so, erm.” She fumbled around the console a little bit while trying desperately to remember the steps as her mind was thrown into chaotic panic. “Fuck! I mean... Aliens!”
“I know, I know, just... try to keep calm and let's give them our own lexicon. We have it around here... somewhere.” He might have not have been as visibly panicked as she was, but he was still floundering a bit with the ship controls.
“Okay, alright, I’m calm, I’m good. I’ll just, uhm, put their lexicon through the learning program.” The simple VI program could parse an insane amount of data and find common patterns that it would use to devise a logical conclusion. In this case, it would decipher their language, at least in written form.
“You do that, I just found our lexicon file and am now sending the packet to them. Oh damn, almost forgot, we need to record all of this, so we have it on file.”
“Really? Shit, as if I wasn’t already under enough pressure. Can’t we send out a request for help?”
“Take a deep breath, we’re months out into wild space and any message will take weeks to travel. I'm going to start the recording.”
While Lisa watched the learning program slowly decipher the alien lexicon, Daniel started the recording with a brief description of their names, the name of their ship, and the situation that they had found themselves in. Once the basics were covered it was now just a waiting game. Either they would figure out the alien language first, or the aliens would decipher theirs. Whatever the outcome, the tension from waiting was terrible.
It felt like the progress bar on the translations was taking forever, and eventually Lisa just got up to go and prepare something to eat so she had something to distract herself with. While cooking on the shuttle was rather limited given the nature of their job, there was a certain art in preparing the dehydrated foods in a way that would make them palatable. The process of making their favorite combination of dried foods. That was able to distract her for a while, and the meal helped return the mood around the ship to at least a relative normal.
Hours ended up passing. The progress that the learning program made on the lexicon was significant. It was almost a full day of waiting and they had just reached the three-fourths mark on the program before the console pinged with an incoming message. Both of them were dozing in the cockpit when the console came alive again, and they jumped in their seats while scrambling to their stations again.
“What just came in.” Lisa asked with a slightly frantic tone.
“Hold on, checking now. We appear to be receiving a message, text only. It just says, ‘Hello’.”
“They sent that? Does that mean they figured out our language?” She sounded a bit more excited. The first successful communication between different species.
“That’s what it seems like. I guess their programs were more advanced than ours. I wonder what else they have that might be better?” Daniel contemplated all the possibilities before shaking his head. “Let’s save the speculations for later. We should return a message.”
She shot him a grin. “Will it be the stereotypical message that we always see?”
He gave a grin himself. “What better message is there? I’ve always wanted to say this.” He began typing out the message they would send to the aliens in reply, and Lisa watched as the words appeared on the screen.
‘Greetings from humanity, we come in peace and wish for cooperation.’
The cockpit went still for a few minutes, and you could barely even hear the two breathe as they waited for the reply.
‘Hello humanity, we of the Ursul Collective are gladdened to hear of your peaceful intentions.’
“Yes!” Lisa shouted out and threw her hands into the air. “Aliens! Peaceful aliens! Fuck yeah! I wonder what kind of music they have. Maybe they’re fuzzy.” She gasped at the realization. “Oh my god, if they’re furry little guys I'm going to lose it.”
“Please do not scare away the aliens before we have a chance to establish diplomatic relations.”
“That depends on them and how cute they are.”
“I will kick you out of this cockpit if you do anything crazy.”
She huffed. “Fine, I'll try to contain myself.”
“Good.” With that he got back to the conversation with the aliens known as the Ursul.
‘We are very far from our home on a scouting mission, but we hope that you would be willing to set up a meeting between our leaders.’
After a pause for apparent deliberation was had, they replied. ‘We do not have much authority as we are similar to you in occupation. However, news of meeting people from the stars will be heeded by all, so we need to return to our world to establish such a meeting. We invite you to follow but would need access to your computers to relay navigation data to avoid stellar obstacles.’
“That might be a problem.” Lisa idly states. “The security on the navigation controls wouldn’t recognize any of their computers and lock them out. They would need to give them to us in person, which means they would have to come aboard, and we don’t yet know if our atmospheres are compatible.”
“Well, we can ask them about that at the very least.” He gets to work typing again.
‘We are honored that you would invite us to your home, but our ship lacks the means of receiving that data unless it’s in person. If you would tell us the composition of your atmosphere and the weight of your gravity it would help us figure out if it is possible for a visit between our ships to take place.’
There was another brief pause before the reply. ‘Our atmosphere is mostly a nitrogen oxygen composite of seventy-five and twenty-three percent respectively with gravity set at nine point five three meters a second.’
‘Okay, that is relatively comparable to our own conditions. It should be safe for you to come aboard for the transfer, at least for a little while until further tests can be made. If you are willing to come aboard, we would be happy to host you for as long as you need’
‘We are very excited for the prospect of being the first to meet with a new species face to face. How would we connect our ships?’
‘Our dock has a flexible tube attachment that can seal around a variety of ports. You will have to make a short jump through zero gravity, but you can make it across safely. Do you have any concerns about this?’
‘We do not. Two of us will make the trip across. You may approach us slowly, our port is extended and waiting for your umbilical.’
With the permission received, they began their cautious approach as to not spook the aliens or cause an accident. The strange oblong vehicle they piloted had a flat bottom, was gunmetal grey, and currently had a tube extended from its port side. Lisa and Daniel piloted their ship to match the speed of the alien vessel was drifting at. Once they were synchronized, the umbilical tube was extended out from their ship and carefully wrapped around the extended port where it was vacuum sealed and then atmospherically pressurized.
‘The umbilical is secure; you may cross when ready.’
‘Acknowledged, we will begin the boarding process for your ship’
Lisa jumped out of her seat and rushed to the airlock, practically bouncing off the walls with excitement. She couldn’t even stand still as she rocked on the balls of her feet while waiting. Daniel was much more reserved but still held a fixed grin that showed he was eager to see the aliens as well.
Soon the sound of the outer airlock closing was heard inside the ship, and the two humans straightened themselves out as much as possible. Lisa bit her lip in anticipation, taking a few deep breaths to calm herself to a respectable level. The inner door started to open, and Lisa stepped forward to speak first only to freeze in place at the sight of the beings standing in the entrance.
Standing in the entrance to the airlock were two aliens over six feet tall that looked like upright arthropods. Their black shells were reminiscent of ancient earth trilobites, eight limbs consisting of four legs and four arms, with heads similar to that of vespids, clacking mandibles and antennae included.
Lisa went stiff as a board and pale as a ghost, frozen in abject horror. The two alien arthropods also stopped all bodily movement at the sight of the humans before the one on the left let out a screech and charge at Lisa.
HolyfuckingshitthisishowIdie! Was the only thought that went through her head before her arms were seized by the alien with two of its graspers holding her by the elbows and the other two by the shoulders. Its mandibles clacked rapidly as it let out a series of whistling, humming, and trilling sounds while prodding along her head with its antennae.
Lisa was so paralyzed that she couldn’t even find it in her to scream. Her heart was racing so fast in her chest that she thought it might explode as she was on the verge of tears. In a single act of desperation, she managed to look towards where Daniel was, hoping that he would come to her rescue, but only seeing him backing away from the other alien that was moving towards him as well.
“Hey! I’m warning you dude, stay away from me, I'll rock you upside the head!” He threatened the alien that paid no mind as it still slowly closed distance with him.
“D-D-D-Daniel! Help!” She managed to stammer out.
He looked over at his partner in the grasp of the large alien and then back at the one trying to corner him. With a curse on his lips, he swung a haymaker and struck the alien approaching him on the side of its head. Immediately pain shot up through him as it felt like he had just punched a rock, but the alien was sent staggering from the blow.
Wasting no time, he rushed to the aid of his partner, and learning his lesson, he opted to grab her while shoving as hard as he could against her captor. The alien’s grip wasn’t all that strong, and she slid out of its grasp while it stumbled backwards. Immediately he pulled Lisa behind him and started to back away from them towards the cockpit.
The aliens had recovered from the blows, though still appeared to be somewhat disoriented. The one that Daniel had pushed had moved to assist the staggering alien that was punched before trying to approach the two humans again with raised graspers. Daniel put up his fists for a fight, but the punch-drunk alien reached out and grabbed its comrade, stopping them from approaching.
This alien took the lead over its comrade, approaching extremely slowly in a half-bowed manner. Daniel did not drop his guard, but he took notice as the alien reached towards one of its arms which had a device attached to it. Their nimble four fingered hands started to tap away at the device for a moment.
After they stopped fiddling with the device, the console in the cockpit pinged with a notification for a received message. Daniel cast a quick glance in that direction before returning an iron clad gaze onto the aliens who were standing completely still.
“Lisa, go check what that message says. I’ll watch them.”
She was more than okay with that as it gave her an excuse to get as far away from the freaky aliens as possible. Now in the other room she felt significantly better and was able to focus a little more. Checking the screen, she found the message somewhat odd, and yelled out at Daniel what it said.
“The message says: ‘I am sorry, we appear to have breached some sort of social barrier and apologize. We hope that we have not damaged our chances at relations.’”
Daniel’s brow dropped in contemplation. Was this just a misunderstanding? He started to feel a little bad for punching the one alien.
“Lisa, can you link my tablet to the ship systems and bring it to me?”
“Yeah, right, one second.” She was a little bit unsure about going back into that room, but so long as she kept Daniel between herself and the aliens, she could manage. After syncing the devices, she returned to Daniel and handed him the tablet, not so subtly hiding behind him as just looking at the two aliens made her break out in a cold sweat.
Daniel started to type out a question to help clarify the situation. ‘Why did you grab my partner like that?’
After reading the message, the alien frantically started typing on their device. ‘I apologize profusely for any offense that this might have cause. My own partner was simply overcome with surprise and failed to control themselves. There was no harm intended.’
‘And what was intended? You still haven’t said why you reacted that way or laid hands on my partner.’ Daniel fixed them with a glare, and despite them being significantly more terrifying than him, they seemed to shrink a little under his gaze. When they started typing again, it was with some hesitance before they sent it.
‘We do not wish to offend you, but you are very appealing to our senses, especially the smaller human with the bright fur. My companion simply could not resist touching and I apologize for his and my own actions.’
Daniel and Lucy were shocked when they read that, and it took them a solid minute to fully process it. ‘So... You’re saying that you find us cute?’
‘Yes.’
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Next

Ok so this is a whole vent.I’ve been struggling with my self for what seems like all my life. I keep it in until I explode. Always drawn to discovering my purpose and spirituality on a deeper level. I have always felt like i am not like those around me. I am realizing that I have a pattern. But I still don’t understand what I’m supposed to bedoing here.
My mum was a single teen.Childhood was not typical, traumatic abuse from a male family member. No positive male figures. Mum had multiple bfs around it was confusing. I didn’t really start to open up until 10th grade. Started making friends, having boyfriends, picking up interests. I had some less than perfect first experiences in HS. It wasn’t until about a year after I graduated that I met what would become my most impactful and longest relationship. It was 2010 I was spending my time working multiple jobs to get a car to go to college. I got a random message from C on FB. I had no idea who he was or how he knew me. After a few days of chatting. I met him for the first time. It wasn’t a typical first date. He picked me up and we went to the hot tub. Me a shy little girl just felt automatically comfortable with him. We went on to love each other for almost a decade. I learned the most from him had a-lot of transformational experiences, he took me out of my shell, he is 4 years older than me, and from a different culture, I began to learn his language, became apart of his family. He was very spiritual, I never met someone who saw me. He was strong and protected me. We viewed each other as royalty. He was the type of man who rather build something than play games. He lead me to a career that would provide me stability. It wasn’t just all the memories,it was how fiercely he loved me. He understood me without needing explanation. But like all the men I ever met he drank…usually after working. But even though I would partake it bothered me. Because of childhood trauma. I didn’t realize this then. So around year 4 , I grew tired of the arguments we would have during drinking. I wanted him to stop completely for me. I wanted him to solely focus on me. I was selfish. I took that experience and that confidence that he helped me find and I broke it off, which became a regular occurrence for the next 4 years. At first it was relief. I would get excited about dating someone new. This hurt C , during each break was a new fling , he stayed single, even while I was with someone else we stayed in contact, we still talked to each other as if we were still together, at times I even went to stay the night. We longed to be together even in the midst of all the conflicts. There was no boundaries to our love. It has been nearly 5 years now that I haven’t talked to C. The longest most painful. We had been close to reconciliation, but I was still messing around,I met someone new. Within 5 months from me last telling C i wanted to be with him forever, I instead got hitched to someone I barely knew. I feel now this was a physical attraction. entire time I have still felt Cs presence, I still feel him waiting for me to come home. But more recently I find myself feeling very pulled to him, longing to check in. I am sensing that their may be a health issues with his parent or grandparent. But idk if I should trust these feelings. These years I haven’t been with him have been hard. I am back in the shell. My H now has hurt me so much and I still keep trying. But is this my punishment? For my mistakes. H is hardworking for money but makes me feel like furniture. Our world is pretty empty. I can’t see past his lies. Randomly lately I find myself dancing and singing with excitement though nothing is exciting. Is it all C calling me back now or is it that I have realized the power we share and the knowing that nothing else could ever compare so any other relationship would be doomed. Why do I feel spiritually married to C. What do I do with all of this?
Details: OP: 31, F Virgo H: 31, M Aquarius C: 34, M ,Scorpio

I also posted this on Singles, but I'm wondering what people here may think.
(22F)
TL;DR: I'm not sure the relationship I want could ever really exist.
I've been single since September 2021. I think I'm going to stay single for the rest of my life. I've been thinking about if I even want a partner at all, and if I do, what do I want in a partner. I wrote the following while thinking about life in a relationship. Please tell me if my standards are too high. Men: feel free to let me know that this person does not exist. It would honestly make coping easier.
"I imagine.
I imagine the form of a man. He is taller than me, if only just a bit. His hair is due for a cut. He probably cultivates his facial hair. He is dark and sweet and usually quiet.
He drives me to a fast-food restaurant and knows my order without asking me. He plays the music in his car at a respectful volume, but turns it up when it’s a song he knows I like. He talks to me about the minute and boring details of his day, and he listens to me talk about mine. We cook together, and by that I mean he keeps me company while I cook for us, because he knows that I have a certain way I like to do things, and he doesn’t question that. He has certain ways he likes to do things too, and I don’t question it either. He can tell when I lie. He can tell when I need help even if I won’t ask for it. He shows me how to ask for it without feeling like a failure. He takes showers with me. We go camping in the summer and he helps me put up the tent. He’s artistic with passions and dreams, and he shares them with me. I support him any way I can.
One night I’m alone while he’s out with his friends. He stumbles through the door very late while I smoke outside. He comes to greet me, and he apologizes for keeping me up waiting for him. I tell him he didn’t keep me up. He asks me for a drag, and I give it to him. He sways to himself as he inhales the smoke, and he hands it back to me with his huge goofy smile that I love so much. We go to bed together and sleep late in the morning.
One day I come home from work feeling distraught. He listens to me explain what’s wrong and asks questions when he doesn’t understand. He knows he can’t fix everything or make my problems go away, but he holds me when I need to be held and gives his perspective when it’s necessary. I do the same for him.
He doesn’t want kids. He votes for Democrats, but he knows all politicians are evil. Our music tastes may not overlap very much, but we go to concerts together often. We both like dark beer. One day we’ll take a vacation to Europe together. Something small will cause an argument between us, leaving us both resentful at a time when we’re supposed to be relaxing. We realize how stupid it is to fight and resolve to communicate clearly to each other what we need and want. I tell him all I want is him. He tells me all he wants is me.
One of us may lose our job. One of us may become ill or injured. We will take it all together. We both want a mutually beneficial partnership founded on love and respect.
At some point, we’ll feel comfortable talking to each other about celebrity crushes and previous relationships. We’ll understand that our past experiences make us who we are, and if we’re right for each other, we’ll be thankful for the circumstances that led us together."

I'm a bit of an idiot for wiring electrical. I've wired one ceiling fan, and a half dozen car radios in my time.
Currently my living room has two sets of lights. One set is recessed lighting run is series. They are insanely bright. Bright enough that everyone jokes about turning the room into a surgical suite. The second is a single light fixture mounted in the center of the room.
Is there such a way to replace the single fixture with a ceiling fan(with a light) and to add a dimmer to the recessed light switch? Is this possible, and if so I don't suppose anyone has seen a decent tutorial?

I just wanted to share a bit of her story and why she was so special.
I’m 25. I’ve had my dog/soulmate for 12 years. Even after I moved out of home she’s been with me. The last 3 years she’s been living with me and my partner too. My mom originally rescued her for my older sister after she had a double lung transplant. I had a lot of mental health struggles growing up and my dog was always by my side. Every single night she would sleep in my bed with me. We always had such a special connection.
A few years later in 2015 my sister passed away. I was 17 and devastated. But my dog was right by me and helped through it. She just knew how to comfort me and would give me so much love whenever I was overcome by grief for my sister. My family started falling apart after the loss of my sister in multiple ways I won’t get into. My dog was one of the only things from my childhood I felt I still really had.
In 2015 my dog also escaped from our backyard and was hit by a car and had to have her back leg amputated. Now she was a tripod. But that didn’t slow her down.
Last year in November, our perfectly healthy happy pup got diagnosed with oral melanoma. In a panic, my partner and I just turned to the first options they gave us because we were told if we wanted more time with her we have to act fast.
In January, $12,000 later she got half her jaw removed but they weren’t able to get all the cancer.
Recovery from the surgery was a nightmare. I felt so much regret wash over me because I felt I had traumatized her by putting her through surgery. Her behavior completely changed. She became much more reactive and grumpy. I struggled with so much guilt for putting her through surgery and it didn’t even change the outcome.
We weren’t willing to do anymore treatment because of how terrified she was every single time we took her to the vet. So we just let her be. We decided to euthanize once we saw how fast and aggressive the tumor was growing back in her mouth and we knew any bigger would cause serious issues and suffering.
In her final days she was so unhappy. She would snap at my partner any time he would pet her and on the last two days she wouldn’t even let me pet her. It was devastating. Normally her and I were attached at the hip. She would sleep next to me and I would spoon her every night and hold her all night. This was a massive change.
On Tuesday, the morning of her euthanasia, we set up an area on the living room floor with multiple layers of blankets and a heated blanket she always loved. We surrounded her by her favorite toys and beautiful flowers. We gave her an entire steak, salmon, boiled eggs, and cheese.
While waiting for the vet to arrive our dog was laying in the area we made but she wouldn’t let us even sit near her. It was excruciating to not hold her and have her look up at me as I pet her in my arms like always.
We had to trick her with a treat to get her to let us carry her while the vet snuck up behind her to give her the first shot to sedate her. She let out a welp and then I laid her back down. I had to wait until she was completely sedated before I could hold her. And then we continued with the euthanasia and she passed in my arms. I’ve been just devastated.
I felt like I failed my babygirl. The last interaction we had while awake was me tricking her and her cry when she got the first shot. I just keep replaying it in my head. Every time I close my eyes I see her and can’t redirect my thoughts at all.
I know it will get better in time. I know loss. But she was my baby and I couldn’t be there for her to soothe her. Fuck this 💔💔💔
If you read this far, thank you for reading my story with her. She was truly special dog and I just hope her spirit is with my sister now wherever that may be. 💔

I am interested in a single member LLC for asset protection (car, house). It’s my first time creating one, and I am not familiar with business law.
Lawyers will cost upwards of $1k. Business formation agencies that do it for you (legalzoom, zenbusiness, incfile) charge up to a few hundred. But I can also do it myself and just pay the filing fee for my state, which is obviously the cheapest way
Is filing an LLC something you’d want to consult a lawyer for? I don’t mind shelling out for a one time cost so that I never have to worry about it again, and get it done right the first time. But if it’s something that is easy to do and hard to mess up, I would prefer to just DIY to save money
Because I have no background in business law, I have no idea what I don’t know, and I frankly wouldn’t even know if I am missing something or did something wrong. And the worst case would be to find out, years later, in the middle of a lawsuit, that the paperwork was done incorrectly and did not work as intended. For this reason I’m leaning towards just paying a lawyer once for peace of mind.
But I wanted to know what you think: is getting an LLC easy to DIY and not really something you need professional advice for? I’m in CA, for info.

I am only 21 years old and I have seen so much death in my lifetime. I’m sick mentally and have never been able to seek help. Yesterday, on my way home from school, I saw a car completely engulfed in flames. This is going to be another image that will be stuck in my head while everything else disappears. My memory has gotten so bad, I’m forgetting everything good. I’m tired. Not much good happens. I’m tired of waking up and living every single day as just another day that I have to get through. I wish I felt purpose.

Ok so this is a whole vent.I’ve been struggling with my self for what seems like all my life. I keep it in until I explode. Always drawn to discovering my purpose and spirituality on a deeper level. I have always felt like i am not like those around me. I am realizing that I have a pattern. But I still don’t understand what I’m supposed to bedoing here.
My mum was a single teen.Childhood was not typical, traumatic abuse from a male family member. No positive male figures. Mum had multiple bfs around it was confusing. I didn’t really start to open up until 10th grade. Started making friends, having boyfriends, picking up interests. I had some less than perfect first experiences in HS. It wasn’t until about a year after I graduated that I met what would become my most impactful and longest relationship. It was 2010 I was spending my time working multiple jobs to get a car to go to college. I got a random message from C on FB. I had no idea who he was or how he knew me. After a few days of chatting. I met him for the first time. It wasn’t a typical first date. He picked me up and we went to the hot tub. Me a shy little girl just felt automatically comfortable with him. We went on to love each other for almost a decade. I learned the most from him, he took me out of my shell, he is 4 years older than me, and from a different culture, I loved it , I began to learn his language, became apart of his family. He was very spiritual, I never met someone who saw me. He was strong and protected me. We viewed each other as royalty. He was the type of man who rather build something than play games. He lead me to a career that would provide me stability. It wasn’t just all the memories,it was how fiercely he loved me. He understood me without needing explanation. But like all the men I ever met he drank…usually after working. But even though I would partake sometimes it bothered me. Because of childhood trauma. I didn’t realize this then. So around year 4 of our relationship, I grew tired of the arguments we would have during drinking. I wanted him to stop completely for me. I wanted him to solely focus on me. I was selfish. I took that experience and that confidence that he helped me find and I broke it off, which became a regular occurrence for the next 4 years. At first it was relief. I would get excited about dating someone new. This hurt C , during each break was a new fling , he stayed single, even while I was with someone else we stayed in contact, we still talked to each other as if we were still together, at times I even went to stay the night just to talk and sleep. We longed to be together even in the midst of all the conflicts. There was no boundaries to our love. Every new fling was taken out by our connection to each other. It has been nearly 5 years now that I haven’t talked to C. The longest most painful. We had been close to reconciliation, but I was still messing around,I met someone new. Within 5 months from me last telling C i wanted to be with him forever, I instead got hitched to someone I barely knew. I feel now this was a physical attraction. entire time I have still felt Cs presence, I still feel him waiting for me to come home. But more recently I find myself feeling very pulled to him, longing to check in. I am sensing that their may be a health issue with his parent or grandparent. But idk if I should trust these feelings. These years I haven’t been with him have been hard. I am back in the shell. My H now has hurt me so much and I still keep trying. But is this my punishment? For my mistakes with C. H is hardworking for money but makes me feel like furniture and makes poor choices. Our world is pretty empty. I can’t see past his lies we don’t seem to be growing. Randomly lately I find myself dancing and singing with excitement though nothing is exciting. I find myself feeling him all around me its ridiculous. Is C calling me back now or is it that I have realized the power we share and me knowing that nothing else could ever compare so then any other relationship would be doomed. Why do I feel spiritually married to C. What do I do with all of this? I don’t want to keep repeating myself I’m hurting myself and others in the process .
Details: OP: 31, F Virgo H: 31, M Aquarius C: 34, M ,Scorpio

A screw top corona. Not my first choice, but handed to me cold, so I wasn’t going to decline. An apartment party is not somewhere that I ventured too often, but I had just gotten back in town after a 4-month bender abroad, an annoying sentence, I know. Being apart from my friends, I was willing to oblige to their desired evening of fun. Drinking was not atop my priority list, but I was happy to be back with the crew.
It was summer in a sleepy college town. Not a lot to do and not a lot of places to find trouble, so to the apartment party we went, my half empty corona in hand.
Peter and I had met on Halloween 6 months prior to this evening. There was an instant connection. I have never cry laughed more or felt more myself than when I’m with him. Everyone loved Peter. What’s not to love? He made everyone feel like a friend, funny and witty, welcoming, and kind. Once I got to know him on a deeper level, I quickly realized that there was a sad part of him, and I think that is why we connected so well. We were the life of the party, but sad inside to no one’s wiser. We never talked about it, but I know one another’s company made us both feel at home. I quickly knew that I wanted this friendship to last forever. A week after we met, I knew I would have to let him know that I was not romantically interested in him so we could get on with being friends. At 22, a boy doesn’t want to hear that. Now, some 10 years later, he is thankful for the decision I made for us all those years ago. My older brother, my safe space.
Peter liked to party. It was not odd to go to a party with one another and end the night, separated (and by separated, I mean, Peter getting too drunk and leaving a party with out telling anyone or getting kicked out of a bar). We always found our way back to each other the next morning. Breakfast and a gossip session over the events of the night before.
You can hear the music and the beer pong from the ground floor. Peter and I enter the buzzing apartment. I immediately see an old friend that I have not seen since I’ve returned. I am elated. I run over to Thomas and smoother him in the biggest hug imaginable. His face lights up, shocked to see me. We hold up in a corner, laughing and swapping stories from the semester. Thomas and I have had every single class together since freshman year. Our classroom friendship, turned study buddies, turned into a real-life friendship outside of the hallways and the late-night papers. One of the most genuine people I had during college. I was so happy to be reunited. We had so much to catch up on.
Thomas was shy. He never had a ton to say, which is why we got along so well, I can’t shut up, and he’s a great listener. I think he liked how I just forced my friendship onto him, he didn’t really have a say in the matter. We were spending so much of our academic hours together, which made me want to be friends all of the time. He didn’t seem opposed, and we’ve been friends ever since. The extrovert adopts the introvert, a true match made.
I feel a tap on my shoulder. It’s a familiar face from freshman year. Matt. He was friends with some of my older friends. Nice guy, weird he was at this party. Hasn’t he graduated? I thought to myself.
“Sadie, how to hell are you girl”? he screamed into my ear as he embraced me. Matt was an enthusiastic guy. Happy about everything, until he got too drunk, and enthusiasm turned into extremely annoying, very quickly. We exchanged small talk, until we were approached by another figure.
“Chad, what the fuck is up man, come here. Do you know Sadie? Greatest girl on earth, you have to meet her”?! Matt yelled as he embraced Chad. I knew Chad. He had messaged me while I was away for the semester. A random message, considering I had been at my university for 3.5 years and never heard of him until his Instagram DM. I chalked it up to him hearing about my recent break up. It’s a small town, the dating pool is subpar, and we ran in different circles. I put two and two together, Thomas and Matt are in the same frat, and I’m now learning that that is how Chad fits into this circle. We spoke a couple times while I was away, nothing serious, and left it at “see ya around”. I guess “around” was happening right now.
“I am hopping to get to know her a lot more” Chad smirked. Matt turned to me and continued to tell me about awesome Chas is and how crazy it was that our paths have never crossed.
Everyone knew the answer to that. I had dated the same guy all of college, and up until a few months ago, I didn’t know who the cute, single guys were on campus. I quickly learned that Chad, was one of them. Maybe this was my chance to have a little fun as I entered my senior year. I was going to have an easy year and after a very bad break up, no strings attached fun was exactly what I needed.
“Let me get you a drink” Chad suggested. That’s right, my corona. I had finished it on the ride over here and was too busy talking with Thomas to get another. Chad appeared with a red solo cup of what he called “the house drink”. I took the half-filled cup and took a sip. It tasted like every other party juice that college kids make. Likely an entire bottle of cheap brunettes’ vodka and whatever juice they had in the fridge. I now find myself in another corner, completely enchanted with Chad.
I don’t know how much time has passed; I tell him I need to use the restroom. I push past the crowd of strangers and dodge flying ping pong balls. I find myself in a bathroom. I look at myself in the mirror. Am I having a good time? I ask myself with a smile. It’s been almost 4 years of college and the bad times have unfortunately clouded my memories of the fun times. At 21 years old, I find myself struggling with dark, overwhelming emotions that I have absolutely no idea how to navigate. It’s refreshing to be sober and having fun, especially with a cute boy. I kind of want to go home with Chad? If that’s what this leads to, I think as I wash my hands and reapply my lip gloss. He’s a 22 year old guy, of course he wants me to come home with him. I’ve never done that before. Gone home with someone I barley know? It’s college, I’m single, this is exactly what I can and want to do I think to myself as I place the lip gloss back into my bag.
Anyway, I need to get back out there. I toss the gross rag back onto the counter. Give my hair a fluff and open the door. Thomas is standing right outside the door as I open it. “Stop talking to him” he whispers to me. “What”? I screamed over the blaring music. Thomas mumbles when he’s been drinking so I have no idea what he’s getting on about. “That guy is bad news, just warning you” he says looking at me with the coldest stare he’s ever given. Thomas has never had an opinion on my dating or social life, ever. That’s the best thing about our friendship. It’s just a fun, healthy, no bad energy kind of flow. We don’t talk boys or girls and we can just be ourselves with each other. Hearing him say something about Chad is odd. “He’s nice, we’re just talking” I assure him and prance back to my corner.
I always wonder how different my life would be if Thomas was a girl. If a girlfriend told me to be worried about a guy and not talk to them, I would listen. I would have never gone back over to that guy. I trust my girlfriends with my life. In that moment, I thought Thomas was drunk and crushing on me and didn’t like seeing me with a guy that he deemed to be a “douche bag”. I always wonder if Matt didn’t see me that night, would Chad have even approached us talking. I always wonder if Peter didn’t want to go out that night, I would have never ended up in the apartment. I always wonder if I didn’t take a drink of that juice and vodka, the events of that night would have played out differently. I can’t ask myself those questions these days. I don’t handle “what ifs” very well.
I get back to my corner. I’m feeling flushed. It’s probably the juice in the drink, I’ve never liked a sweet drink. Makes my head hurt. Chad is almost as charming as I think I am. My charm comes in the form of sarcasm and dancing around the line of just being mean. Boys love that.
“I’m having a great time, I don’t even care that we’re at this party, do you want to maybe come back to my place and keep talking? I just live down the street” Chad leans into me closer as he asks with the most soft but confident tone. I don’t even think before I answer, an excited “Yes” slips from my glossed lips.
“My roommate is here actually; he doesn’t drink so he can drive us”. His roommate appears out of thin air, like he was a fly on the wall, waiting for his cue. It's like he had it planned.
I don’t tell Peter and Thomas I’m leaving. The last thing I want to hear from them is all the reasons I shouldn’t. I scan the room; Peter isn’t even in the apartment. Classic. Thomas must be in the room I left him in, I don’t say bye. I take Chad’s hand and we’re getting in his roommates’ car. He sits in the back with me, even though there isn’t a 4th person coming with us. I think it’s odd, making your roommate be your driver? I don’t think about it again. I’m dizzy. It’s probably the car, I do get car sick.
The roommate jumps out of the car before the head lights even turn off and heads inside, it’s like he was trying to run away from us. Again, odd. Maybe he’s just an awkward guy. We get up to his second-floor apartment. It’s a typical boy apartment. The TV to couch ratio is off and there are empty whiskey bottles lining the top of the kitchen counters. I roll my eyes.
Why am I here? My heart is racing out of my chest. I feel like I could run a marathon but, I can barely keep my eyes open. I’ve never felt like this before. I don’t even remember the car ride over here? Which is strange, considering I had 1 corona 2 hours ago and half a class of juicy vodka over the last hour. I keep doing “drink math” in head as it spins in circles. Trying to understand why this blanket of fog and discomfit comes over so quickly. I don’t want to get sick, how embarrassing would that be? Especially in front of this cute guy that I’ve just met.
He walks me into his room. We’re kissing. That’s fine. I sit down on the bed, his palms grabbing either side of my face. I’m good with that. I pull back, “I don’t want to have sex” I said nervously. I’m up front, I wanted him to know that that’s not why I came back here. I just wanted to see how things were, just the two of us. “Then we don’t have to” he smiled as he went back to kissing me.
Darkness. I can’t see anything. I know things are happening, I couldn’t tell you exactly what. Are my eyes even open? I’m trying to open them. I’m trying to talk. I can’t hear myself. It’s like all motor functions just slipped away without me knowing. Like I’m a baby that wants to communicate but can only make a few sounds. I can’t get my point across. It’s extremely frustrating. I can’t even tell if I can move my arms. Panic sets in. I hear an exhausted “NO” escape my lips. I think? I hope.
Darkness. I don’t know how much time has passed. Am I coming in and out of consciousness? I don’t even know what that feeling is like, I’ve never experienced what’s happening to me before. I’m in a bathroom? Why? I look up and see myself in the mirror. I’m naked. I tilt my head up a little further and I see him, behind me, naked as well.
He’s Inside of me. I realize what is happening.
Why are we in the bathroom? Did you need to watch me in the mirror? Did I run in here and you followed me to continue what you had started in the darkness.
“NO, get off me” finally. I heard that. It was loud. Good. I run back into the room. Why are my clothes off? Where is my purse? God why do I always wear so much jewelry, it’s everywhere. I can buy new stuff. No, this is new stuff, get it off the floor. I toss myself together, shoes and bag in hand. I run.
Darkness.
I’m on the phone.
Darkness.
Now, I’m in a car.
Darkness.
Now, I’m swallowing a pill, eating a taco, drinking water out of a glass, and laying in Monica’s bed. She seems very stressed out. How did I get here? I asked myself as I examine my familiar surroundings.
The next morning, we treated it like a normal morning.
Monica was my best friend. Looking back at our friendship, she was more like a mother. A mother with attachment issues. She was in and out of relationships or flings, always obsessing over the ex she dumped. She was an only child, selfishness came natural to her. She was only a couple years older than me. I thought she hung the moon. I had never had a friendship like this before. We were rarely apart. After my break up, I basically lived with Monica. I would have done anything for her, and to be honest, at that moment in time, she would have done anything for me. it’s the only time I had ever felt like she truly cared about me.
Peter and Jake met Monica and I at breakfast. Over the past 6 months, the 4 of us did everything together. We were the life of every party. They were the ying to our yang. This breakfast however, was not like our normal Sunday hungover gossip sessions.
“Are you going to tell them or should I”? Monica blurted out once we all got our drinks. I felt the redness flush over my cheeks. I couldn’t say that word. I couldn’t tell Peter what happened. I couldn’t look him in the eyes. I didn’t even want to tell Monica what happened. She told me she found me in a parking lot of an apartment building that we had never even been to before. She knew. I didn’t have to say anything. I wanted it to vanish out of my memory. I could barley remember anything so if I continued to push it out of my brain, it would be gone like a dream sooner rather than later.
I don’t remember the rest of that breakfast. I don’t remember the rest of that summer. If we’re being honest, looking back, I don’t remember most of college. It’s like that one night triggered something so dark inside of me that it erased everything from my memory. They call it trauma in therapy, but I call it protection.
Of course, I remember things here and there. Funny stories, my walks to class. But conversations, nights out with friends, the day-to-day life of what was supposed to be the greatest 4 years of your life was magically gone.
Not only did it trigger something dark inside of me, but it altered every cell in my body. The extrovert became an introvert. I couldn’t speak with a man with out a chip on my shoulder. I was moody and tired and completely unamused with everything. It’s like a was making poor decisions in my life on purpose because I was addicted to the pain and suffering. Sadness and shame were my new normal. I didn’t want to be happy, that felt like way too much work. I was good at being miserable.
I stayed like this for almost 3 years. I graduated, moved to a new city, made new friends, continued to make awful choices, got into another toxic relationship that wasn’t even a relationship and pushed away a lot of people. Monica and I had our inevitable break up. Thomas was still back in our college town, I didn’t see him often. Peter moved to the west coast the month before I moved to the east coast. An entire country apart. He still came to visit me. He checked on me. We missed each other so much, I know it hurt us both, but we would never tell each other. A simple “miss you” even though I knew it was more than that. I needed him. I needed someone there that loved me like I used to love myself.

The piece of metal and wood rests in my arms,
cradled like a child against a heart that beats
against the bone and tells the 12 gauge
that it is in hands that would shake
were it not for the determination
of the person attached to them.
The hands don’t shake. They won’t.
They grip the wood and steel
tight like the last girl I loved,
or the steering wheel of my car
when it crashed into the wall on the Parkway.
​
I carry the shotgun to the clearing,
and its weight becomes familiar.
I lift the gun to my shoulder,
and the space where my
collarbone should be
lets the stock rest
as if it was meant to be there.
​
Each shot rockets forward,
and I smell spent shells —
“God’s barbecue,”
my friends call it.
I hear the crack of shots —
“God’s applause,”
and I feel the force of the blast —
“God’s shove.”
​
And then I let God fall,
I point the barrel at the ground
and I break God open,
and pull what is left
of God’s power out of his spine.
I carry God to a friend,
and his weight leaves me.
And I carry only myself.
​
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I have a trip to Spain planned in early May which is a big clockwise loop of Madrid > Granada > Gibraltar > Seville > Madrid.
Day 0: Overnight flight from USA Day 1: Madrid sights Day 2: Madrid to Cordoba, Cordoba to Granada Day 3: Granada - Alhambra day Day 4: Granada to Gibraltar - via Ronda Day 5: Gibraltar Day 6: Gibraltar Day 7: Gibraltar to Cadiz Day 8: Cadiz to Seville Day 9: Seville Day 10: Seville to Madrid Day 11: Fly out, no time for any sightseeing
(yes, yes, it's a rushed quick trip - but that's my style and pace)
First - anybody have advice/experience on whether the Renfe pass is worth it? I seem to be too late in booking that the early cheap tickets are gone, I'm seeing stuff like 70EUR for Madrid > Cordoba. At 270 for a 6 trip pass, it kind of checks out. I'm thinking maybe use that for the more set-in-stone long intercity links, I have no problem locking in that timetable. Any other concerns/warnings/issues/horror-stories with Renfe passes?
Second - The bottom end of the loop (Granada > Gibraltar > Seville) is tempting to do by rental car instead, but 3 nights in Gibraltar square in the middle makes it tough. I'd have to either leave the car in La Linea for 3 nights (paying for parking and extra days on the rental) or book single day car rentals, which could be a lot of hassle. The only thing I know I want to see along the way in that section of the loop is Ronda, but I'm sure I could find more and it would be nice to stop spontaneously instead of being locked into pre-booked city-hopping transit. Maybe do Granada > Ronda > Gibraltar by public transit as that's the longer leg and Ronda is the bigger stop - and then rent a car for Gibraltar to Cadiz and really take my time that day.
Any general thoughts/advice here?
Other things to do or see along this route? Renfe train travel advice? Andalusia car rental do's & don't's?
Thanks!

I have a Subaru Legacy non-turbo EJ253. It doesn't get used a lot (has done maybe 200 miles in 6 months). I have had to keep charging the battery before using it so I thought it was time to replace that battery. I put a new battery in it. Then I made the amateur mistake of cleaning the engine without it running. Nothing to serious, hosed off the strut towers and washed the dusty plastic bits and the metal guard at the top of the pulleys.
If I try to start the car it cranks a a short while - initially it turned over like 4 times/2 seconds or so, best effort is probably 10 times/5-6 seconds - and then it stops cranking. It's quite a strong crank, not slow like a weak battery. So far, after 1-3 attempts at cranking the starter doesn't engage, and the car needs to sit for a while before it will let me crank again.
Anyone know what this is? I presume wet alternator after washing the pulley cover? Nothing else electrical looks like it it would have got very wet? Could also be related to new battery or engine immobilizer fault?
Hopefully it gets going after the sun shines on it for a bit....

I have extremely nostalgic memories of YouTube and how fun of a website it used to be in the mid to late 2000’s, before the corporate monetization and greed happened. I remember the pure outrage when they announced Google had purchased YouTube and now it was going to be filled with ads. This was the end of their best era.
Back in the day, YouTube was filled to the brim with content creators that were the sole reason the site was thriving. YouTube paid the creators who made them money, and it was a system that worked. The reason people watched videos was because it was a way for people to portray their skills and humor in an unfiltered way. It gave regular people the opportunity to become stars, and have their abilities appreciated. You could watch a video made by one of your favorite creators and genuinely laugh, because there were no limits (which also was a negative thing at the time with people like Onision and Shane Dawson.) You didn’t have to skip through several ads and be pestered to buy YouTube premium.
It was truly different, and I have no idea why YouTube—or actually Google—decided to destroy something that worked. They destroyed the main purpose of the site. The content creators were the ones making the site money, and so the emphasis was on them and not anything else. They introduced advertisements because their main goal went from making money off the basic premise of the website to making money off ads. One would think an ad or two wouldn’t have such a huge impact, but it did and here’s why:
When a company is paying you money to advertise their product on your website, it comes with a contract that the ad is not near anything that would give the company a bad image. If you did not comply with this rule, you were demonetized. This means a decline in quality of the content put out. Creators had to change their style of videos to accommodate the ads, and people didn’t really like that new content. Suddenly, people who had vibrant and funny personalities turned into basic kid’s content. No swearing, nothing inappropriate, nothing that would be deemed ‘unfit’ for the ads.
So, what happened is: the old creators that single-handedly made YouTube the website giant that it was were forgotten about. They didn’t appeal anymore because everyone missed the “old them”. They faded away, and what replaced them was outrage content & makeup videos. This outrage content became a meme after a while where people had videos titled: “PRANK GONE WRONG!!! EPIC FAIL!!! EMERGENCY ROOM VISIT!!!” but then the video is just someone falling off a skateboard and twisting their arm. Clickbait became the new thing rather than quality content because that’s all that mattered. It made the most money and the videos were so basic and boring that it couldn’t possibly interfere with the ads.
And then there’s the shitstorm that the “beauty community” was. You’d think it was just people doing makeup tutorials, but it wasn’t. All of these big beauty YouTubers became cult-like. It was pure chaos and drama. This was encouraged because it’s what makes money when everything else is boring. It’s exactly the same as when MTV started releasing dumbass reality shows about pregnant teenagers. People watch because it’s a train wreck, not because it’s quality. YouTube had become just one big reality show where everyone acted like immature high schoolers, but it didn’t matter, it made money.
Content farming started where one “company” would make 50 separate accounts and work the system to post the same video over and over again on each account, just edited differently, to farm the most number of views and money. YouTube didn't care because cha-ching, am I right? This was also outrage content as it was usually 10 minutes of someone using a glue gun to make a hairbrush. They would make outright fake content such as putting a cake in a microwave and it comes out with three extra layers, implying the microwave can grow a fucking cake. This was purposefully designed to garner views and negative attention. Bad publicity is good publicity, right.
YouTube was fine with this because advertisers are fine with it. They don’t care that their ad is placed in the middle of a prank video, where all the person does is scream in public. This was only content that kids or teenagers would find funny, and there was nothing left of the old YouTube that we all used to love. YouTube somehow even became a pedophilia content farm, which is just absolutely appalling that people can even think of doing this. Making “kids” cartoons filled with weirdly suggestive sexual content, but it’s borderline so the ads stay. McDonalds doesn’t care that they are being advertised on child grooming content, because the kids watching it will say, “Mommy, I want McDonalds!”
What’s even worse is I bet you don’t even realize the effect this had on internet culture. When outrage content designed for views replaced quality content, then nobody has the motivation to try to be funny or smart to garner an audience. All they have to do is film themselves doing something dumb and they’re famous. Kids watch these people get famous off shooting a paintball gun at strangers’ cars, and they think, “wow, that’s easy, I can do that too.” It evolves into a contest to see who can do the most ridiculous thing for views, or who can do the most dangerous. All of those challenges were an example of this, and people died from it.
In short: the day Google bought YouTube and announced ads changed internet culture forever.