hello everyone, it's my first time posting on this sub reddit, but it's for a serious reason;
a little background, I am from a country called Morocco, those familiar with it probably already now it's stance on LGBTQ ppl, illegal.
As of now, I am in the last year of highschool, like a week away from graduation, and 4 years ago when I was in my last year of middle school I came out as trans (FTM) to myself as well as to a couple close friends that I trust, I was so sure of it all, growing up I always exhibitied those signs that many trans ppl exhibit (not saying U gotta have those to be trans) but for example, I used to tell my cousin I wished to be a boy, refuse to play with girl toys my parents bought until they started buying me just "boy" toys (cars, nerfs, idk lego city or ninjago 😭😭 u get it)
So obv ik these sorts of things don't rlly determine gender, but it was way more than just that: when I had the realization at first, I was going through a really tough part of my life, dealing with depression I was really suicidal and anxious all the time, all that fun stuff.. I really hated how I looked and felt this sort of pure disgust towards my body, when I realized I was trans I felt much more happier, I cut my hair, dressed more masc n used tape occasionally (obv my parents didn't know) and many ppl used he him pronouns for me, yes even here in this country (younger generation is cooler ab stuff like this) it even came to a point in second year of highschool where like, my ENTIRE class knew I was trans, and were nice and accepting except like 2 ppl (one of whom sexually assaulted me cz m trans and he wanted to fix me? it was rlly traumatizing and I couldn't tell any adult cause he'd out me :/).
Anyway I guess everything was going relatively good, that until, my mom went through my phone, still to this day I don't know how, her attitude changed towards me, she woke me up at 6 am and told me to leave the house immediately after yelling and crying and having like idk a panic attack?? I felt like she'd drop any second and I WAS freaked out, she kept saying I was corrupted by evil LGBT agendas or whatev😭😭 (my parents r conservative muslims, just to clear it up.) I left, and went to school that opened until 10 am that day, so I just stayed in front of the school crying thinking my mom was gonna kick me out, I decided to come out to the chillest aunt I had, just to make sure I had somewhere to go in case things go to shit, she had a relatively good reaction for adults in my country (she said I might be confused N I should think more, but she always welcomes me in her home N accepts me however this turns out.)
Anyway I deleted half my phone that day n came back home in the evening, my mom just didn't talk to me for a month, and from that point on, she prohibited me from cutting my hair (I have long ish hair now), she threw away so much of my wardrobe and started examining me TOO much. so yea, it's been shitty I was forced to stay fem presenting for this past year and a half.
so flash forward to the present, I am one week away from graduation.. thinking I might finally move out of this hellish country, probably to germany, if it's not next year then the one after. For the past year I been fantasizing about finally socially and medically, but that brought about other thoughts too, I'll never be able to come back to my country here, that even w all the crap, I still love, my parents will most likely disown me, most of my family actually, and just thinking about this all makes me wanna vomit. idk if I can survive alone in a foreign country with no one. what makes all this worse, is I love my mom to the moon and back, and this hurts too much.
I have thought of suicide alot lately, but I figured even despite all this, I don't want to die, I have so many dreams and things I wanna give, and do, I don't wanna be pushed to die but it feels like it's happening.
but yesterday, and also like another random day 2 weeks ago, there was these new thoughts that started popping up in my head, what if I am cis?? it sounds ridiculous after all this, but the more I thought about it the more serious it got, suddenly I could imagine myself as a grandma or as a girlfriend, I still feel utter disgust for some words like mother or woman, and feel abit weird about my tits, but it's not all that bad, I think it's possible for me to be a girl, I don't know. I thought that maybe I should just seriously try being a girl and see how that goes.
but then on the flip side, I can easily imagine myself being a man as well, as a father, or boyfriend, or man or grandpa... I can see it too well.
but at this point I have NO idea what is right any more, both sound so convincing, I don't know anymore where any of my feelings come from if it's just my depressions that R messing with my head, what the hell is going on, I don't know at all who tf I am anymore and it's really trippy. idk man. I feel horrible.
ik I should prolly talk this over with a gender professional, but I don't really have access to that right now.. so yea sorry this is insanely long but thx if you read up to here.

Without telling you my whole life story, I got shoehorned into Sap abap. Did almost nothing but that for the past 10 years. I'm at the ~150k usd level. Just trying to get a feel for if I've been wasting my time. Moving forward I'm going to try and transition. Abap development has 10 to 20 years of life left probably so I got time but it's time to start moving now. I've also been considering the business side of the steel industry as abap dev is essentially just translating business logic.

Link to chapter on RoyalRoad
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📷
Brown, Ayomide and Hakim were currently busy in the forest outside of Azdavay, looking for wood that could be converted into weaponry.
“Captain! I have great news!” The one shouting with great excitement was Hakim, who was holding a bundle of plants which looked very similar to the cattails that Brown had seen back in the wetlands of America. He also carried a couple of chestnuts in his pockets.
📷
A chef like Hakim could separate the rest of the forest from the trees. He had just stumbled upon a small lake formed from the constant rain, where these cattail-like plants had grown.
“Is that food that’s not slime?” Ayomide was the one who was intrigued the greatest by the introduction of these new plants.
“Yes, it is. These are ‘shepherd reeds’, that’s what they were called in my hometown.” Hakim peeled the rind off of two of the plants and handed them over to Brown and Ayomide. “Try them out, you can eat them raw.” He then peeled himself a shepherd reed to eat with the others. The white core of the plant tasted similar to asparagus. Eating it raw definitely wasn’t the tastiest thing, but it tasted like the clouds of Heaven to Ayomide who had only consumed slime for almost an entire season.
“And we can… Actually, I’ll leave what I can do with the rest as a surprise for later.” Hakim looked full of excitement as he examined the reeds he had harvested. “These are the best during late spring, we arrived at the perfect time.” He’d definitely be back in the forest for another harvest.
“Actually, couldn’t we just use these plants as straw?” said Ayomide upon examining the reeds. "Get rid of the heads, and we can easily lie on them I’d think."
“I reckon. The straw from these plants were also made into hats and other stuff back in my hometown. I don’t know how they did it, I was young when I got separated.” Hakim secured his bundle of shepherd reeds with his hands, and looked at Brown and Ayomide. “So, you found good sticks?”
Brown nodded. “I think these should be enough. Let’s go back then.” He and Ayomide were carrying a bundle of wood in their hands. Brown was also carrying, in his pockets and a knapsack that had been taken from Jacob, small stones he had found along the road. “Ayomide?”
“R-Right. Let’s go.” Ayomide turned back to face the path to the cave, and the others followed.
📷
📷
While Brown and co were busy with reeds and wood, Shinasi and Tater were exploring the mountain path.
Captain Brown and Shinasi had only headed the path between Curry toward Azdavay, he hadn’t had the chance to go up the Curry path it to see what lay there. So, they had decided that they’d first survey their immediate area first, before beginning their journey to survey the faraway plantations.
The mountains were largely peaceful, like any area near human habitation. The residents of Azdavay had long cleared anything scary like dragons or wyverns. All that was left were man-bears, man-wolves (not to be confused with werewolves) and generic slimes, who Shinasi could take on his own with his spear and pavise. Young Tater only had a combat knife to his name, he hoped that he would soon get a new weapon for himself when the team back at the cave got to crafting them.
“’Tis cold, isn’t it, mister?” Tater, and the rest of the former slaves, only had rags to their name. Thankfully, Brown had let Tater borrow his coat for this expedition.
“Mm. Totally… Yeah.” Shinasi seemed to be more focused on staring at the sky and contemplating idly, which was unusual for a former adventurer like him.
Thinking was not for adventurers, or so thought Tater who had only heard of adventurers through random tidbits. “What got you think so hard?”
“It’s adult business, my boy.”
“Adult business?” Tater quickly went through his mental list of what constituted as ‘adult business’. “Booze?”
“No- I mean, yeah… lack of drink is a problem. Right now, it’s not that.” Shinasi hadn’t had anything to drink since he had escaped Azdavay.
“Uhm… crippling debt?”
“That was a problem. However, I have the slightest hunch that the debt collectors might not want to visit a cave full of fugitive slaves.”
“Then… love?” This was his last. Tater had exhausted his list of ‘adult business’ that didn’t involve his juvenile ideas about acts of interhuman copulation.
Shinasi instinctively turned his head away from Tater to avoid his gaze. “Y-yeah, it’s totally not that either. Nuh-uh.”
Shinasi’s love life had caught the interest of Tater. Such topics seemed like they were of utmost importance for a young boy like him. “Mister, who’s the special one?” He poked Shinasi mischievously, hoping to drag out an answer.
“Oh, shut up.” Shinasi continued avoiding the relentless psychological attacks from Tater as the duo marched on the road. They hadn’t seen anything interesting, until they came upon a small village, actually a large estate housing an open mining field, in the mountains.
“I think this is one of the copper mining villages.” commented Shinasi. “Plenty of copper up in these mountains.” The Curry Mountain was famous in Gemeinplatz for its bountiful veins of copper, and the towns in Casamonu were famous for manufacturing goods from this copper.
“So, this where they got the stuff they make our pots out of.” Tater’s eyes were fixed on a line of slaves carrying pickaxes who were coming out of a wooden shack next to the mine. They were flanked by two overseers holding whips and carrying swords.
It wasn’t a plantation, but these mines did fill the critical criteria of ‘having lots of slaves’ “We found the kind of thing the old man’s looking for.”
“Think we did. Let’s give them a greeting, shall we?”
“Right.” Shinasi and Tater kept marching on, until they were in range to speak with the overseers. “Top of the morning to you, gentlemen.”
📷
The trio of Brown, Ayomide and Hakim had returned back to the cave. They quickly got to work, each of them holding a kitchen knife (courtesy of the late Jacob) and the items that they had foraged.
Brown and Ayomide were doing their best to carve shafts out of the sticks, which was a painful process as they both weren’t experienced with carving of any kind. Meanwhile, Hakim was preparing the shepherd reeds for culinary use by peeling the rinds and cutting them off from the strawy bits. He wasn’t doing this just to make food; the straw would be useful as rope for the makeshift weaponry.
After an hour or two, Brown and Ayomide had constructed shafts of acceptable quality. Now came the experimental part. Brown had been carrying large stones he had foraged during their travels. Both of them also had cut small pieces of wood, around ten inches (30 cm) long, to use as a hammer for shaping the stones.
This wasn’t an exact science; this was just what the people in the cave had come up with after a long brainstorming session.
They spent some time, knapping the stones, trying to find out which were hard and which were soft. Eventually, after another ten minutes of experimentation, Brown and Ayomide had a good idea as to the characteristics of the stones they had. Then they began knapping the stones, slowly carving a vaguely spear-like shape. After enough knapping, they used the small wood hammers to carve smaller, more intricate chips off the stone. To finish it all off, they scraped these spearheads to the floors of the cave to polish them the best as they could.
Now the only thing left was to put up the finishing touches. They took the straw that Hakim had prepared in the meanwhile, and they attempted to use the straw to bind the spearheads with the wooden shaft. The first one to do this successfully was Ayomide, who now had a complete spear. Then followed Brown in success, who happily looked upon the fruits of their labor.
Today, on the 74th of Spring 5859, John Brown and Ayomide entered the Stone Age.
“You know, I bet I can make an axe or something with this.” Ayomide seemed to be enjoying knapping. She put her newly spear aside to tinker with stone.
Brown, who was now a couple days off of being exactly sixty years old at this point, couldn’t stand long sessions of sitting down and working. He stood up, to take a break, and to observe what Hakim was up to.
Hakim had been occupied with further processing the shepherd reeds. His job hadn’t been done when he had peeled the rinds off the cores, he intended to use every part of the plant. He was grinding the starchy roots of the plant with a large rock, which produced flour. This grinding process was largely done by the time Brown had come to the scene.
“Ah, captain. Could you hand me one of your spears?”
Brown didn’t know why Hakim needed a spear for cooking, but he obliged and handed the man one of the newly crafted spears. Hakim proceeded to dump the flour he had made into a pot filled with a thin layer of slime and plants unknown to Brown. To Brown’s surprise, Hakim began violently beating the mixture in the pot with the shaft of the spear. The mixture eventually coalesced into a solid lump with a consistency similar to soft rice cake.
“Sorry for dirtying your shaft, captain.” Hakim gave back the slime-stained shaft to Brown. “These ‘spear cakes’ could be useful as provisions. They won’t rot easily, and their taste is better than pure slime slop.” He picked a lump for himself, and handed Brown another.
“Thank our Heavenly Father for providing us with this meal.” Brown obliged by biting a lump out of this strange spear cake. “Mmm… They have quite the minty taste.”
“It’s just a bit of this-and-that from the forest to get that mint taste. Even troops on the march could cook this without extra effort, I reckon. Living off the land, and all that.”
Ayomide was about to request some of the spear cake, before she was rudely interrupted by Shinasi and Tater entering the cave. “Captain, we have some good news.”
“Welcome back, young men. What’d your good news be?” Brown was ready for some good news, being stuck on a mountain did that to a man.
“You see, Tater and I found a copper mining village up on the road. It’s pretty close to where we are.” He pointed to the vague direction of the village. “Just up there. It’s lightly guarded, just some overseers for the slaves and nothing much more.”
Ayomide raised her brow. “Wait, weren’t we going for plantations?”
“It don’t matter, do it?” The one to reply was Tater. “There’re plenty of slaves, and plenty of loot up in copper land.”
“As the boy says. I of course don’t have a full account of what they have, but one’s gotta assume that they’d not have nothing. Not to mention, they hired me as a temporary guard after I told them that I was an adventurer. Apparently, they’re scared by the uprising in Azdavay.”
“Good thing we started on the spears then.” Brown looked at Ayomide. “We’ll have to work extra, young lady, to get arms for us and the slaves as soon as possible.”
Hakim interjected “And food as well, we need to have food for when they’re at our cave.”
“Then it seems we’re at a consensus.” Brown was excited to get back to doing what he did best. “Our first target for liberation shall be the copper mine!”

I’m 100% new to the world of chickens. I’m not sure what’s “normal” at this point. During my research period, I was reading the same care information over and over, but never really found anything on behavior during their brooder days.
I took in my first 6 chicks on May 18. I’ve previously done a ton of reading up on how to tame them. I thought, that sounds easy! But…It’s not going too well so far because they are terrified of me. I talk to them softly as I’m entering the room so they hear I’m coming. They’re fine if I’m just sitting next to the brooder and talking to them, but as soon as my hand goes in there it’s game over. They either hide under their mom (brooder plate) or huddle on the opposite side. If I reach for them or try to scoop them, they run, scream, sometimes peck at me. I’ve wondered it’s fair to force them to be held or picked up, and I’m wondering if it will make them more fearful. I’ve tried to hand feed every day since day 2 or 3. Sometimes sitting my hand down on the bedding for 10 minutes (so it’s not moving), but they stay on the opposite side of the brooder. I understand WHY they are afraid of a scary hand coming in to snatch them up like a hawk. Maybe I’m just not around enough…I work full time and live alone, so I’m away from the house for about 10 hours a day and have to squeeze my socializing in when I get home.
Let me note, I don’t need them to cuddle me, but I don’t want them to be fearful of me when they’re older and I can’t catch them to examine any health related issues, etc.
If it matters, here are the 6 I picked out. Any advice or reassurance is greatly appreciated.
2 buff orphington (the ones that defend themselves the most)
2 Americauna
2 Rhode Island Red

Male , 26 , 240lbs 160c,
I been diagnosed with hypertension since im 14 -16 , cant remember exact date. Start taking medication a year ago ,previously i refuse to. Bowel movement changed 3 years ago , start with constipation and saw blood on stools , orignally my local hospital suspect hemorrhoids , but was clear when inspecting , stool test and colonscopy done at oct 2020 , they said it was clear, symptoms still occurs till today , stool was never solid , either its diarrhea or constipated , abdomen pain all over, mainly focs on left lumbar region Also having constant upperback burn 3 years ago that needs to need take pantoprazole 40mg every 2- 3 days , they said it was gastritis , never had a serious checkup about this. A year ago starting to have constant backpain , urine tested ,urid acid high, found blood. Checked x-ray and ultrasound for kidney stones , nothing found, no treatment was made, symptoms still exists till today.
Recently back pain and left lumbar pain worsened, urethra has tingling pain randomly.
Also stools are narrowing , no blood sighted
How can I tell myself im not having cancer at this rate?
Don't feel like visiting the hospital anymore as they never bring positive result or treat it seriously anyway.

Let's say that on a particular day I can only be online only for 10-15 minutes... What is the best way (progression wise) to spend my time in BS?
Daily quests are worth 400 brawl pass tokens. Let's say 500 for ease of calculation.
Let's say that your club is somewhere in the middle (Gold 3/Diamond 1) and you can make about 500 club coins per 14 used tickets.
Is it better to do dailies or use tickets in the 10-15 minutes I have for BS on a club league event day? Let's find out.
If you finish the brawl pass those Brawl pass tokens will get you 3x bonus rewards. That is 42 power points, 152 gold and 25 credits x 3. 126 power points, 456 gold and 75 credits.
500 club coins, on the other hand, can get you 150 power points and 1000 gold, 0 credits.
So do you agree with the following statement?
On a given club league event day that I can only spend limited time in BS it is more efficient (for long term development) to use the tickets before doing dailies and leave the dailies undone if time doesn't permit? If my club is in gold league and higher ofc.
Thanks and please share different perspectives.

Awful pain- can't sit, stand or lay down
Hello! 39f- I just joined this page for some advice. This is the first time with sciatica pain. My pain is all in my left side, and the worst of the pain is the front of my left leg down to my knee. I honestly can't sit or bend at all without it throbbing. I get slight relief laying down with a pillow under my knees, but it's still pretty bad. I have never had pain this excruciating before! I can only sleep 2-3 hours at a time before the pain wakes me up. I have an MRI scheduled for Tuesday and a steroid injection scheduled for next week. I've tried the press ups, chiropractor, walking, and I'm on 3 different meds- nothing seems to help! I hope the injection helps, but any tips to get some relief until then? Thanks!

Selling bundled and unbundled cache sets. Prices are not negotiable.
Please leave a comment on my steam profile on which set you are interested in buying.
Payment methods I accept are CSGO items or TF2 keys.
Pay before month cooldown to reserve a set. Buyer goes first.
Prices are subject to change.
Steam Profile:
https://steamcommunity.com/id/Trunga/
Steam Rep:
https://steamrep.com/profiles/76561198071250362

Diretide 2022 Collector's Cache

Bundled Set Name	Hero	Quantity	Price (USD)
Shadowleaf Insurgent	Hoodwink	2	$7.5
Scarlet Subversion	Riki	5	$5
Whippersnapper	Snapfire	3	$7.5
Hounds of Obsession	Chen	2	$5
Seadog's Stash	Clockwerk	5	$7.5
Starlorn Adjudicator	Dawnbreaker	4	$7.5
Spoils of the Shadowveil	Spectre	5	$5
Chines of the Inquisitor	Faceless Void	5	$5
Trophies of the Hallowed Hunt	Ursa	5	$5
Crimson Dawn	Phoenix	5	$10
Forgotten Station	Terrorblade	5	$5
Dirge Amplifier	Undying	5	$7.5
Champion of the Fire Lotus	Monkey King	3	$5
Deathstitch Shaman	Witch Doctor	4	$5
Blue Horizons	Marci	5	$20
Angel of Vex	Invoker	5	$20
Dark Behemoth	Primal Beast	2	$30

Diretide 2022 Collector's Cache II

Bundled Set Name	Hero	Quantity	Price (USD)
Withering Pain	Clinkz	1	$5
Acrimonies of Obsession	Vengeful Spirit	1	$5
Unbundled Set Name	Hero	Quantity	Price (USD)
Grand Suppressor	Silencer	1	$5
Darkbrew's Transgression	Alchemist	1	$5
Transcendent Path	Oracle	1	$5
The Wilding Tiger	Brewmaster	1	$7.5
Dawn of a Darkness Foretold	Doom	1	$5
Cursed Cryptbreaker	Pudge	1	$5
Feasts of Forever	Night Stalker	1	$7.5
Darkfeather Factioneer	Phantom Assassin	1	$5
Withering Pain	Clinkz	1	$5
Freeboot Fortunes	Ogre Magi	1	$7.5
Acrimonies of Obsession	Vengeful Spirit	1	$5
Sacred Chamber Guardian	Huskar	1	$5
War Rig Eradicators	Techies	1	$5
Grudges of the Gallows Tree	Treant Protector	1	$7.5
Brands of the Reaper	Anti-Mage	1	$7.5

Ageless Heirlooms 2022

Bundled Set Name	Hero	Quantity	Price (USD)
Howls of the Northmarch	Anti-Mage	4	$2.5
Faction of the Feather	Templar Assassin	4	$2.5
Melange of the Firelord	Chaos Knight	4	$2.5
Heinous Exultation	Razor	4	$2.5
Tangled Tropics	Monkey King	4	$2.5
Fury of the Thunderhawk	Zeus	4	$2.5
Oaths of the Beloved	Death Prophet	4	$2.5
Twilights Legions	Night Stalker	3	$5
Jewels of Anamnessa	Medusa	1	$10

The Battle Pass Collection 2022

Bundled Set Name	Hero	Quantity	Price (USD)
Hides of Hostility	Huskar	4	$2.5
Heat of the Sixth Hell	Doom	4	$2.5
Nefarious Fixations	Lion	4	$2.5
Distinguished Forgemaster	Clockwerk	4	$2.5
Volcanic Sanctuary	Broodmother	3	$2.5
Obsidian Atrocity	Lifestealer	4	$2.5
Charms of the Firefiend	Batrider	3	$5
Molten Bore	Mars	1	$10

Aghanim's 2021 Collector's Cache

Unbundled Set Name	Hero	Quantity	Price (USD)
Scales of the Shadow Walker	Phantom Lancer	1	$7.5
Perception of the First Light	Dawnbreaker	1	$7.5
Apex Automated	Clockwerk	1	$15
Secrets of the Frost Singularity	Ancient Apparition	1	$10
Perils of the Red Banks	Chen	1	$7.5
The Chained Scribe	Grimstroke	1	$7.5
Widow of the Undermount Gloom	Broodmother	1	$7.5
Forgotten Fate	Mars	1	$10
March of the Crackerjack Mage	Rubick	1	$10
Cosmic Concoctioneers	Alchemist	1	$10
Blightfall	Abaddon	1	$7.5
Pyrexae Polymorph Perfected	Ogre Magi	1	$15

Nemestic Collector's Cache 2021

Unbundled Set Name	Hero	Quantity	Price (USD)
Silence of the Starweaver	Oracle	1	$7.5

The International 10 Collector's Cache

Unbundled Set Name	Hero	Quantity	Price (USD)
Ravenous Abyss	Underlord	1	$15
Beholden of the Banished Ones	Warlock	1	$10
Fury of the Righteous Storm	Disruptor	1	$7.5
Heartless Hunt	Bounty Hunter	1	$10
Herald of the Ember Eye	Grimstroke	1	$10
Fissured Flight	Jakiro	1	$7.5
Flashpoint Proselyte	Huskar	1	$10
Signs of the Allfather	Natures Prophet	1	$10
Glory of the Elderflame	Lina	1	$15
Songs of Starfall Glen	Enchantress	1	$7.5
Forsworn Legacy	Mars	1	$30

The International 10 Collector's Cache II

Unbundled Set Name	Hero	Quantity	Price (USD)
Evolution of the Infinite	Enigma	1	$7.5
Beast of the Crimson Ring	Bristleback	1	$10
Clearcut Cavalier	Timbersaw	1	$10
The King of Thieves	Keeper of the Light	1	$7.5
Horror from the Deep	Tidehunter	1	$10
Talons of the Endless Storm	Chaos Knight	1	$7.5
Carousal of the Mystic Masquerade	Rubick	1	$7.5
Crown of Calaphas	Shadow Demon	1	$10
Wrath of the Fallen	Doom	1	$10
Blacksail Cannoneer	Sniper	1	$10
Secrets of the Celestial	Skywrath Mage	1	$7.5
Blaze of Oblivion	Phoenix	1	$7.5
Master of the Searing Path	Ember Spirit	1	$15
Steward of the Forbidden Chamber	Templar Assassin	1	$20
Claszureme Incursion	Faceless Void	1	$30

Collectors Cache 2019

Unbundled Set Name	Hero	Quantity	Price (USD)
Gothic Whisper	Phantom Assassin	1	$50

I'm on a roll right now~!
Enjoy seeing a pissed off Meier... (Please don't hate me for it)
Memory Transcription Subject: Isif, Chief Hunter of the Arxur Dominion Sector Fleet
Date [Standardized human time] October 18, 2136
I didn’t understand how no Arxur could at least not feel a little bad… surely there wouldn’t be an Arxur who would scoff at this tragedy as weakness… These poor humans had to suffer so much at the hands of the Federation… Those cowardly fucks…
It was a bit after the battle started that we detected the antimatter dropping on earth from our spy station… there was too much of it, it was nothing less than concerning for a planet to face the impacts of so many bombs of such high magnitude… I arrived as soon as I could with my fleet, and I gave all those Federation fucks what they deserved and blasted all of them down to the darkest pits of hell… The extermination fleet was decimated but their life pods were sent down across the planet's surface…
I knew of the human’s general opinion of my kind; they saw me as a demon in the physical realm coming to devour all life… It’s not like I enjoyed that aspect of myself, but we don’t have any other choice. It’s not like we asked the Federation to come down and blast all of our livestock away…
Despite their disdain for me, I was requested by the UN headquarters to send troops down to all the Federation lifeboats far from their immediate reach. I found that surprising… but then again, I doubt after everything that Krakotl’s fleet did, they didn’t want any federation upon their world…
I sent down attack squads to all of the lifeboat locations that the humans would take too long to reach. Along with that, I ordered all other available forces to go down to all destroyed human cities…
All 400 of them…
I knew not of the current situation on earth… but from the initial reports? At least 4.5 billion people died yesterday… I know that the losses on such a massive scale would shatter the mind of any sane individual, and it definitely did so for the humans… so much of, no, the entire population of earth is calling for vengeance… It makes sense, to lose nearly half of their population to these filthy vermin… Their rage will make them strong, and the federation will face the might of both Dominion, and the UN… At least, that's what I think will happen.
I hope; We could really use the assistance with dealing with the Federation, we really could use their lab grown meat as well. For so long we’ve been scrounging for scrapes from federation colonies and undefended worlds, to finally stop needing such petty raids to survive, we could focus our military might to crush the prey once and for all… but the question is, will they help a monster that they still so hate?
Maybe…
All I could think of as I stared out the window of this Hotel on Titan was whether or not the meeting, I requested with their secretary General would bear fruit for the both of us… It’s us against them after all, shurely the humans wouldn’t be so stubborn to refuse us as an ally… especially since those Venlil cowards ran off from the battle to save their own sorry hides… that’s what you get for relying on prey to defend you.
I heard the door open behind me, I turned around with a smile on my face, “Ah! Secretary General Mei-” ... my words were cut short as I saw the look in his eyes… That look filled me with a strange sense of concern and unnerving… I didn’t know as to why I felt that I could no doubt take him in a fi-, no… he’s not mad at me, I can see the rage boiling within him, but it wasn’t directed towards me, no… For some reason I feel the rage continue to build… pooling into him to the point he should have bursted by now… He looked at me for a few seconds before sitting down on the couch, ceasing the opportunity to sit on the chair opposite of him, now highly uncomfortable as I was exposed to this feeling… I felt vulnerable and I didn’t like it…
“Why did you call me?” His voice was colder than the vacuum that surrounded this moon.
I cleared my throat before speaking, “Apologies for the sudden request for this meeting Meier, but I was wondering as to the possibility of allying toge-”
“Done”, he responded almost immediately.
I was taken off guard by the rudeness of his response. It was surprising to see this human, who hated me so, be so quick to agree. Even with the desperation that is present within the collective human psyche. I just had to ask…
“Really? I thought you would surely speak out; I thought you hated the Dominion.”
Meier seemed to adopt less of such a cold disposition towards me as he spoke, “Oh don’t get me wrong, I utterly despise you Arxur for what you do, but after all that happened to us' '... He held his hands together as he leaned forward. “We’re willing to look past that… just so long as certain terms are met…”.
I leaned forward to listen to the human’s terms of allegiance. Meier spoke with a bitter seriousness, “We need to utilize one of your mobile shipyards to build shuttles for our people… Infrastructure was shot to high heaven by those Bird-brained bastards, and we need to get food to reach our people in more desolate and forgone regions… I'm not going to let so many of my people starve… we need many shuttles to make that happen, so we intend to use your mobile shipyard for that as we use our current shipyards for war production. Secondly, I would like your fleet to be stationed in a defensive position around Sol until we build up the necessary defenses to where your services are no longer needed.
“In payment for your services, we will provide you with the plans to build a vat for lab grown meat, and 100,000 bovines for you to farm and use in meat vats…” My Jaw dropped at the offer, they were going to give me exactly what I wanted and needed for the Dominion? Just moving in for long enough? This is-!...
“You got yourself a real human! I’ll make sure I have all my mobile shipyards here for your services… as a sort of sorry for scaring away the Zurulians…”
“That will be an acceptable apology… those Zurulians, to think they would simply leave after direct orders from Chauson to assist in recovery…”
I decided to joke about the fact, “Well? You know those feds… always running away from a figh-” I stopped just before I completed my sentence when I saw the wrathful 10-thousand-yard stare that Meier was giving me…
I should not have said that… I SHOULD NOT HAVE SAID THAT!
He spoke up, and what he said sent a shiver up my spine with the coldness in his voice. The coldness of a man who got stabbed in the back in more ways than one, “Soon enough… soon… enough… Xeno. Delenda. Est.” That phrase… oh that phrase…oh how I wished the translator was deactivated...
The Federation has just awoken a monster…
________________________________________________________________________________________________________
Prev: Nature of Abandonment (1/?) : NatureofPredators (reddit.com)
Next: (When it's ready)

A continuation of 'Memori Ayah'.
I must mention here that what I am gonna write will be about death/loss also faith, so please scroll away if it's not your cup of tea. The last thing I want to do is to make anyone feel uncomfortable.
Almost three nights after Ayah's passing, I am still trying to process everything. From watching the videos or even reading other people's stories, it seems to me that grieving and making sense of his loss is going to be a journey of its own. Just like losing my grandma in late September.
Due to the complexity of our relationship, I was struggling to find good memories to hold on. Only one that kept playing at the back of my mind. Ayah's smile and laugher as we were listening to the songs from the 60s, 70s and 80s months ago at the kitchen. Or when we danced to Chowkit Road from Sudirman.
In a way I'm thankful to myself from 7 months ago who thought to herself of recreating new memories of her and her father, just so she can save her future self. So that, despite growing up with other than positive, she can still hold on for something different.
Something other than pain.
I finally gathered enough strength to 'see' Ayah today. At his resting place. Just right after Zohor prayers. Thankfully, his grave was close to this one bangsal and very easy to locate. Given the time, it was kinda hot but I took shelter under the khemah that was built on top of Ayah's grave.
I grabbed one old chair at the bangsal and I sat. I felt like I lost for words. I was trembling with my emotions.
'Salam alaikum Ayah, ni saya datang ni. Tadi mak kirim salam kat Ayah.'
It was met with silence ofc. Hahaha. Kalau ada orang jawab, pengsan I. Tak cukup tanah I nak lari! 🤣 Ambil nafas, while looking at my surroundings. Actually, duduk kat kubur ni menenangkan. Ada angin pulak sepoi-sepoi jadi takde lah bahang panas sangat. 'Beeeek beeek beeek' ada bunyi anak kambing menyelit.
Ah, orang bela kambing. Bagi depa ragut rumput kat kawasan perkuburan. Thanks for the company, kambing kambing sekalian.
I did prepare a letter for my dad. I was planning to read it when I see him. Then I realized! 'Shoot, Ayah mana faham cakap omputih?!' Jap, ke boleh sebab it's beyond human realm, so transcend any limiting capabilities? Ah, tak tahu lah. So I decided to stick with Malay....and it was definitely a struggle of missing in translation.
Though the biggest struggle was trying not to choke on your own tears, snot and everything while trying to speak! 😂 I began this one sided conversation, by reflecting on our journey together. The highs and the lows, and that I was happy, he isn't in anymore pain.
The pain of this world, his world - his bodily pain and his mental anguish. It is over, Ayah. Ayah dah bebas. Ayah dah boleh rehat sekarang. And that I will take care of mom, loving her and give her utmost happiness. So Ayah, there is nothing to be worried of me, of us, everything is going to be okay!
Just look after me from afar, jangan menghantui saya sudah! Eeeeeeek hahahahaha ghisau saya...
After saying everything I wanted, I began to recite Quranic verses for him. And tears - can you just please stop for once. My eyes are already swollen at this point. At the end of reciting surah Yasin, I made sure to make some doa for him.
'O'God, please forgive all of his sins. I forgive all of his, so please give some mercy on his soul.'
Funny story about doa. Last Khamis evening, I was thinking of my dad - and of the pain that I went through because he was my dad. I didn't know what to do with such feelings so I performed my Asar prayer, and at the end of it, I prayed that God will free him from all his pain that he was struggling with. That it was enough, for him, for me and for everyone.
And that night, my mom messaged me with 'Ayah dah meninggal.' It was the first time in life my prayers was answered.
For everyone who have read my stories or known me in person, throughout the years, I always struggled with faith. I was an agnostic for the last 4-5 years. I live my life that way I see fit, probably still am.
I decided to reconnect with just a tiny part of my faith, after my grandma's death. It was the only way I could feel connected with her, on every Isyak prayers. Only through this, I was able to ease the regret of my life - of not being able to see her for the last time. Someone who had taken care of me.
Still, I don't know what the heck I am. Entahlah. Maybe happy begini.
'Saya minta maaf and mintak izin ye warga tanah kubur, saya nak nyanyi jap and pasang satu lagu favorite ayah saya, tapi saya pasang pelan je.'
I actually said that! 🤣
Nasib baik Ayah tak bangun dari kubur dengar I menyanyi, 'Suara kamu macam katak!' Hahahaha ghisau. I sang his favorite song, Mas Mona from singer Jefrydin and let the song 'Getaran Jiwa' from P Ramlee to be played.
Hopefully other warga kubur enjoy jugak lagi tu. Jk!
And I closed my eyes. Listening to the song, if you know the song, man, you'd appreciate how beautiful the song is. Terasa sentuhan angin, menyeka air mata yang basah kering di pipi, as the memories of us listening this song together and me holding his hand.
'Getaran jiwa, melanda hatiku, tersusun nada irama dan lagu'
'Walau hanya sederhana, tetapi tak mengapa...'
'Moga dapat membangkitkan, sedarlah kamu wahai insan, tak mungkin hilang irama dan lagu...'
When the song stopped, it was time to go back.
'Ayah, terima kasih. Rehatlah Ayah. Nanti saya datang lagi jumpa Ayah. Saya balik dulu.'
Terima kasih Ayah sudi share koleksi lagu favorite Ayah, dari semua lagi yang kita dengar sama2, 'Wajah Pujaan Hamba' dari Hail Amir is my absolute favorite! 🤗 Nanti saya datang lagi, kita dengar rock kapak pulak hahahaha!

I (18M) probably broke the once close relationship I had with my mom after being referred to as ‘a horrible son’. When I was around 8, my parents divorced and my life and by the age of 10, my small family usually consisted of me, my dad, his new wife, and my 1 year old younger half sister. Although I will credit my mom for being a great co parent and a mother, she had her flaws. They divorced on good terms but she really resented him after.
To break these down and get to the main part, I’ll speed these parts up. When I was 14, my mom started seeing this girl, who was a fairly nice looking girl for her age. It wasn’t that really long until they started hitting it off. When I turned 15, my dad passed away by a heart attack. I fell into a depression and I’m still fighting these demons now. While my mom didn’t have any care for her ex husband, she didn’t acknowledge my pain as her son that is going through loosing his own father.
It was most dad’s wife, who’ll I’ll call Krystie who helped me through it. Seeing her mourn, I felt connected and could relate to her through our same loss of losing someone so dear to us. And typing this, that was what made us so close.
Back to SM, she wasn’t necessarily a bad person, neither was my mom. I had more closer relationship with my mom than SM. SM always tried to get close to me but it was like we didn’t know how to connect to each other. And to be honest, I missed it when it was just me and my mom. But that’s my mom life and I agreed to myself that I won’t meddle with her happiness.
Fast forward to last week, I was given the privilege to speak at my high school graduation after receiving top scores and having multiple scholarships. My whole family was happy and they all attended. During my speech, I briefly mentioned my mom and Krystie, thanking them and stating that they both were like mothers to me and I wouldn’t be the person I am today without them. While reading my speech, I looked up to see my family and I got the most disgusted look from mom and SM.
When I got to mom’s house, she had put me on blast for not mentioning my SM, saying how hurt SM is for not even being mentioned or acknowledged. She also said SM sacrificed so much for me when she had never done squat. SM also started going after Krystie and said how she’s also just a step mom to me and she shouldn’t get these exceptions and better treatment. What crossed the line was talking about dad but I won’t say, all I can say it ended with me now staying with Krystie and helping with my half sister.

Long story short I left my phone in the back of a taxi last night and don't know if I'll be able to get it back or not.
I have an old smartphone I can use for the time being but I can't log into my Google account and I'm panicking as pretty much my whole life for the past 10 years is backed up to that account. I was convinced I knew my password but I've tried literally everything I can think of that I would've used and I can't get in, it's telling me I changed my password 8 months ago.
Obviously I can't get a security code texted as I don't have my phone with the SIM in and the only other option it's giving me is to send a code to the Google email which I am currently trying to log into.
Any help would be appreciated, I'm at a complete loss of what to do now as I need this account for literally everything and can't even access my banking app without this. I was hoping I'd be able to answer a security question or something like that but it's not giving me the option. Thanks for any help or advice

1. What's your biggest fear?

I would say failing. Failing life/failing the goals i have set for myself. Why failing? Next question explains it.

1. What’s your biggest desire?

To succeed in life. And what i mean by that is being a good person, getting a good job, care for my family and be kind to others. And i am religious aswell so just pass the test of life.

1. What are you ‘’the best’’ at?

Hard to say, i don't wanna come across weirdly but i couldn't say to be honest. I have some good traits but the best? Not sure sorry.

1. How do you see yourself right now?

Someone who has been in a bad spiral for years and destroying himself. Now on the way to rebuilding himself.

1. How do you see yourself 5 years from now?

Hopefully happy, enjoying life and having a study course i enjoy and a job i enjoy. And just that everything is going at least much better then now hopefully.

1. How do you express yourself?

I can be very expressive but on the other hand i can be private. With friends and family i can be much more expressive and if i am annoyed or angry for example, they will know. But with random people i will hide it alot more since i don't wanna be weird and keep my emotions under control.

1. How do you feel about those near you (family, friends)?

Not really close to be honest. I speak with modt of direct/close family. Theres some farther family (aunts, nephews etc.) i speak with here and there but most of them are just not worth speaking to and if i explained then i would make more sense but i can't.

1. How do you feel about strangers?

Depends on the strangers themselves. But mostly i am skeptical and doubtful of them 100%. If they are nice tho or chill then my view can change very quickly :)

1. How do you view change/uncertainty?

That is something i can struggle witn, especially uncertainty. Its scary. Its anxious making. But i am trying to deal with it more and just accept it.

1. How do you make decisions?

Depends on what the decision is for. If its not that serious, then i may just look at my will/feelings more. If its serious then i will analyze and look at it more logically.

1. How do you solve logical problems?

Analyze what the problem is, look what i could do to fix it. If that doesn't work then try other solutions and if nothings works. I either think creatively/out of the box or i just get help maybe.

1. How do you deal with your emotions?

I def feel them. And i can feel them pretty deep/strong.

1. What drives you in life? What do you look for?

Like i said i am religious. So my goal is to pass the test of life. Why would i make nothing of this?

1. What do you hope to accomplish in your life?

Success (in the multiple things i already listed).

1. What do you hope to avoid doing or being? What values are important to you?

Being a bad person or doing bad things. Also just failing miserabelly and only f***ing around. Especially when i know i can just succeed.
Values, i would say just respectfulness, kindness, honestly, loyalty and intelligence (idk if that counts xD).

1. How do you want others to see you? How do you see yourself?

I see myself as like i said, not very good since i destroyed myself. I am trying to better myself tho so i hope other see me well, as a kind person who is doing a good job in his life etc.

1. Describe how you experience each of:

Anger: 2nd most, if not the most. I can get pretty annoyed/angry fast but i am trying recently to work it out more.
Shame: I don't like this. I want to avoid it and if it happens, i feel bad (also depends on the action ofcourse).
Anxiety: Basically my whole life. I was always shy but also could be nervous/anxious for multiple things.

1. What do you do as a job or as a career (if you have one)? Do you like it? Why or why not?

I don't have a job yet. I did have one but it sucked ass (staff were jerks, too much pressure, etc.). I just don't have one because there is nothing that speaks to me. I am not gonna take i job that i don't enjoy and feel misarable going to.

1. If you had to spend an entire weekend by yourself, how would you feel? Would you feel lonely or refreshed?

Depends on the week. Normally (school or with events) i would like it, so i can chill and recharge. But if the week was dry. I would be bored and lonely.

1. What kinds of activities do you prefer? Do you like, and are you good at sports? Do you enjoy any other outdoor or indoor activities?

I like sports (football, not american. And also a bit of basketball aswell). I like gaming and reading!

1. How curious are you? Do you have more ideas then you can execute? What are your curiosities about? What are your ideas about - is it environmental or conceptual, and can you please elaborate?

Very curious. I can be curious about even just small trivial matters. I have more ideas then i execute yes. But i am working on executing some ideas. I don't understand the environmental/conceptual?

1. Would you enjoy taking on a leadership position? Do you think you would be good at it?

Hmm, sure. I may not take it all the time immediately, but i can take it if no one else does or i know that it will go wrong if i don't take it. I can be quite a good leader but my shyness sometimes doesn't let me take it.

My life the last year had been hell. I've been fighting mental health issues most of my life but it's the worse it's ever been. I've tried to take my life 3 times all unsuccessful. I'm such a failure I can't even kill myself. It started in August. My wife left me, Because of my mental health she was the main money maker n in on disability. I slept in my car for a week until I found a room to rent since I don't get enough for my own place and it all goes down hill. My kids stop talking to me n block me on every thing n I have no idea why. I have physical disabilities that make it hard to work on top of the mental but I'm trying. I'm in physical pain always humid n wet days make it so much worse. I eat seldom because most of the money I get goes to rent. I have no family, no friends nothing. I'm beyond poor, lost my car most of the possessions no future outlooks except my disabilities getting worse and have been told eventually I'll lose the use of my legs and my hands are starting. I grew up poor and struggled to get out of it. I finally did than all these ailments happened but it's ok because I have a loving spouse who I supported for decades. Now after she is set up n great job she leaves me. I have never felt such betrayal n hopelessness. I'm right back to where I was as a teen poor n no future. I failed as a husband, a father my career and I've lost everything. I'm even a failure at suicide. I just wish I could go to sleep n not wake up.. I'm looking into maid but knowing my luck I won't get approved. I just want all this suffering to end. I have no purpose anymore. I just exist n it's not enough

Apache
I've spent the day trying to figure out a strange problem. I have a WordPress site that is running into the following error:
Warning: preg_replace() [function.preg-replace]: Compilation failed: unknown option bit(s) set at offset -1 in /path/to/public_html/wp-includes/shortcodes.php on line 257 That line in wp-includes/shortcodes.php is as follows:
$text = preg_replace("/[\x{00a0}\x{200b}]+/u", " ", $text); I found this article that seemed to match up fairly well with my problem: http://labs.sasslantis.ee/2011/05/errors-in-wordpress-after-php-upgrade/
The article describes a situation in which there is different output of phpinfo(); in apache and on commandline with regard to libpcre
I verified that this is my issue by creating a test file with phpinfo(); in it and also ran the following from the shell:
php -r "phpinfo();" The script (apache?) version returns PCRE Library Version 6.6 06-Feb-2006The commandline version returns PCRE Library Version => 8.21 2011-12-12
I'm left wondering what to do. I'm not super well versed in command line usage, so I'm turning to you all hoping for some help.
The article mentions "fixing apache start-flags". I'm not sure what that means.
I've also found a comment somewhere else saying: "OK, it turned out that the problem was an older version of libpcre hanging around on the system and getting loaded by mistake. Once I updated to the latest version of libpcre, problem fixed." I'm not entirely sure how to vet this information on the server.
==== Edit 1 ====
I've have more information:
/opt/pcre/bin/pcretest -C Returns
PCRE version 8.21 2011-12-12Compiled withUTF-8 supportUnicode properties supportNo just-in-time compiler supportNewline sequence is LF\R matches all Unicode newlinesInternal link size = 2POSIX malloc threshold = 10Default match limit = 10000000Default recursion depth limit = 10000000Match recursion uses stack This is not entirely surprising because we already know that the command line returns the correct version. But for some crazy unknown reason PHP, when run via the web, doesn't return the proper pcre values.
==== Edit 2 ====
I was tipped this article: http://www.bigboylemonade.com/pcre-version-problem-on-cpanel
Running pcretest -C without the full path returns:
PCRE version 6.6 06-Feb-2006Compiled with UTF-8 support Unicode properties support Newline character is LF Internal link size = 2 POSIX malloc threshold = 10 Default match limit = 10000000 Default recursion depth limit = 10000000 Match recursion uses stack I'm going to see what I can do about performing those last steps and will update shortly
Answer link : https://codehunter.cc/a/apache/phpinfo-is-reporting-incorrect-pcre-version

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People with Broad Autism Phenotype should also benefit form therapy and services that people with ASD get, but that is only if they really need it. But, I want to start this conversation, because the topic could get more interesting, as I provided some sources that proofs Eikonabridge's point and my point.
Credit goes to Eikonabridge. https://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?t=380673
There are concerns that the diagnostic criteria for ASD is already too broad, but the neurologically developed people defiantly hold the maturity.
It's desirable, because Broad Autism Phenotype describes an wider range of individuals who exhibit problems with personality, language, and social-behavioral characteristics at a level that is considered to be higher than average but lower than is diagnosable with autism *Some parts that I copied belongs to Very Well Health.
People who with wider range of individuals who exhibit problems with personality, language, and social-behavioral characteristics are considered to have some kind of developmental delay, and it's closely related to mild PDD-NOS. It's in the context of some kind of rare Pervasive Developmental Disorder or even undiagnosed Atypical Autism.
Sources:
https://www.verywellhealth.com/what-is-the-broad-autism-phenotype-260048
https://www.tandfonline.com/doi/full/10.1080/24750573.2017.1379714
https://www.spectrumnews.org/news/even-baby-sibs-without-autism-show-delays-in-first-yea
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pmc/articles/PMC3989934/
Here is what PDD-NOS means from DSM-4:
This category should be used when there is a severe and pervasive impairment in the development of reciprocal social interaction or verbal and nonverbal communication skills, or when stereotyped behavior, interests, and activities are present, but the criteria are not met for a specific Pervasive Developmental Disorder, Schizophrenia, Schizotypal Personality Disorder, or Avoidant Personality Disorder. For example, this category includes "atypical autism"—presentations that do not meet the criteria for Autistic Disorder because of late age at onset, atypical symptomatology, or subthreshold symptomatology, or all of these.
https://wrongplanet.net/forums/viewtopic.php?f=3&t=405794&p=9030910#p9030910
The only difference is that you don't need to have severe communication impermanent as a diagnostic criteria for ASD.
In fact, you can have milder form of ASD, and have neurotypical traits on time.
All you need is to meet during developmental stages are:
(Not everyone with ASD will have the same symptoms)
B. Restricted, repetitive patterns of behavior, interests, or activities, as manifested by at least two of the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative, not exhaustive; see text):

1. Stereotyped or repetitive motor movements, use of objects, or speech (e.g., simple motor stereotypies, lining up toys or flipping objects, echolalia, idiosyncratic phrases).
   
2. Insistence on sameness, inflexible adherence to routines, or ritualized patterns of verbal or nonverbal behavior (e.g., extreme distress at small changes, difficulties with transitions, rigid thinking patterns, greeting rituals, need to take same route or eat same food every day).
   
3. Highly restricted, fixated interests that are abnormal in intensity or focus (e.g., strong attachment to or preoccupation with unusual objects, excessively circumscribed or perseverative interests).
   
4. Hyper- or hyporeactivity to sensory input or unusual interest in sensory aspects of the environment (e.g., apparent indifference to pain/temperature, adverse response to specific sounds or textures, excessive smelling or touching of objects, visual fascination with lights or movement).
   

Criteria A should be reserved when symptoms of ASD is more severe:
A. Persistent deficits in social communication and social interaction across multiple contexts, as manifested by the following, currently or by history (examples are illustrative, not exhaustive; see text):

1. Deficits in social-emotional reciprocity, ranging, for example, from abnormal social approach and failure of normal back-and-forth conversation; to reduced sharing of interests, emotions, or affect; to failure to initiate or respond to social interactions.
   
2. Deficits in nonverbal communicative behaviors used for social interaction, ranging, for example, from poorly integrated verbal and nonverbal communication; to abnormalities in eye contact and body language or deficits in understanding and use of gestures; to a total lack of facial expressions and nonverbal communication.
   
3. Deficits in developing, maintaining, and understanding relationships, ranging, for ex-ample, from difficulties adjusting behavior to suit various social contexts; to difficulties in sharing imaginative play or in making friends; to absence of interest in peers.
   

There should be some changes in the diagnostic criteria for Autism Spectrum Disorder.

I am 37y male, PhD. Scientific researh is my profession. Currently almost 3 years into CFS, and since last 1 year i think it has become severe. 1st year i didn't even know the name of my problem. Then, in 2nd year i started to look for it and soon realized i am a CFS patient. My baseline has gradually dropped from normal working person to just 1 hour or even less now. All this drop in baseline is maybe because I can't afford to quit. I have to keep going and see what happens. I have family, beautiful daughters, so i have to keep working for them. I am from Pakistan, but work abroad as a researcher. I have given above preamble just to let you know that i know what i am talking about. Now before disclosing the cure/treatment/remedy, i want to tell you that i have done many possible things like improving diet, being less anxious, supplementing etc. But CFS stayed with me. It was like "whatever had caused this illness, it might be no more there, but the consequences (CFS) is going to stay". Now, by end of 2nd year into this, when my CFS was turning into severe from moderate/mild, i was at home in Pakistan. I was preparing to move into another couuntry for my new job. For this i had to go to that country's embassy in another city about 400 km from my home city. I travelled whole night on bus, arrived there at bus station by dawn, spent 3-4 hours wandering here and there and taking teas from different resturants, just to kill time before the start of office time. At 8:30 am i left for embassy. I was done from there by noon. Left for bus station, i hopped on a bus back to my city. Now the bus i hopped on was kind of a passenger bus (you don't have to book in advance). It makes frequent stops along the way, and in it you will see many people who get on and off the bus to sell stuff. By the mid way, a person got on the bus, and was looking very active, fresh, healthy with bright white red face. He introduced himself to be affiliated with a Herbal Practice Center (Hikmat) in a nearby city to mine. Such people are common to be seen on buses selling their CHORAN (herbal powder). I usually don't buy from them, but i just wanted to listen him to feel a company. The things he described that: if you have this and this then try this Medicine, caught me by surprise. Because most of those things were typical CFS symptoms inside me. It is unusual for such a person to talk about such symptoms, they usually sell stuff related to stomach problems etc. I was amazed by the confidence he was talking with. But, i still didn't believe him and didn't buy anything from him. What he did before getting off the bus, he gave out a small pinch of medicine sample to many people near the bus exit gate, In Free. I was there too. Now, i didn't want to throw it away because it was after all some kind of herbal food stuff, and it is not good to throw away such thing. As i raised my hand towards my mouth to put that powder in my mouth, there was strong air coming in from the open windows on bus. Some of that powder went into my eyes and some into my mouth, and it was already a small bit. Anyways, i reached a city stop and took another bus to my city for final stretch of journey. In the start, the bus was packed with passengers, it was summer season. About when 1 hour jouney was left, i started to feel mentally calm, most of the passengers were gone by now. I started to feel quite fresh and active. It caught me by surprise that though i didnt sleep last night and was traveling and now the whole day i was awake and doing work and travelling and the next night has come over, but here i am feeling quite fresh. I thought that maybe my home is reaching close thats why i am feeling good. OK. I reached home, took a shower ate dinner and got to the bed for sleep, but yet i was feeling quite good. The next day i woke up, did all the morning routine, breakfast, toilet etc. and then went to my friend's shop, where i spend most of my time when i am at home. When i was sitting at shop i noticed that contrary to usual i was feeling quite good and active. I did not feel any pain or tiredness from the last whole day and night journey. This was strange, but i thought that this good time will be over shortly because even a CFS patient can feel sometimes a few hours quality time. Whole day passed quite good and i slept at night again very well. The next whole day was also similarly quite good. Thats how i lived like two whole days consecutively like a normal active fresh person. On third day, i started to feel again the fatigue and tiredness. But, what i have been through just now, i coudn't forget, neither i ignored it. What was it? How is it even possible that I who was at the verge of severe CFS, can feel so better for so long (2 days are quite long for a CFS patient). Anyways, the only thing i could single out was that small pinch of herbal medicine i took during journey. I am like 99.99% sure that it was because of that powder i ingested. But, my visa was granted and i had to depart soon abroad for work. Though, i did not find any chance to find that herbal medicine center, but somehow by chance, an approximate location of that store was still in my memory which that salesperson mentioned during the journey. Now, after arriving here abroad, i feel so sorry that i should have digged out that Herbal Practice center, because CFS is taking a lot of toll on my life, and i can't imagine continuing this way. Now, i am almost 1 year in this country, and soon going to home after few weeks. Now, the first and main goal of my life is to find that herbal center as soon as possible and get that powder for me. I am sure it will be the cure/treatment for my illness . I will keep you guys informed about it after testing that herbal medicine for 1-2 weeks. Hopefully, it will be the end of CFS for me. If it works on me, and am quite sure it will, then i will write here again, and if any one of you want it i will arrange it for you. Hopefully, you will also find your old yourself again. Regards. *** Once i am sure it works as i am hopeful, i may share my whatsapp etc so if any one of you may want to contact for the CHORAN. *** Secondly, if you are doubting that how am i coping with my job with CFS, then i can let you know that in my job i have to get the work done, time and presence at work at all time is not a critical requirement. *** my mail is [email protected] I may not be able to respond in these days because i am finishing my work contract. But, i will reply as soon as possible, and definitely if that CHORAN works on me.