Lucky day lotto

I hate posting about this and I hate that it affects me but I need to vent…I took my birthday date off social media so people can’t see it anymore a while back…and today’s my birthday and no one except my parents and my sister wished me a happy birthday. I initially did that because I don’t really care about my bday and was tired of the hypocrisy of it all with people who never talk to me who would wish it and then not talk to me for the rest of the year, but I expected my ‘friends’ to still wish it to me.
I thought they would remember and wouldn’t need FB as a reminder… I know all my close friends’ bday dates… ngl I feel sad. Guess we’re not really friends…they matter to me more than I matter to them. I just realized that I have no real friends and it hurts. I even saw some of them this morning and I was a bit aloof because I was upset and no one asked me if I was ok! I’m usually a happy-go-lucky type of person…If they can’t remember the day, shouldn’t they at least approximately know that it’s the first week of june? I’m going to go hug my dog and reflect on my life now…
Sorry…needed to get this off my chest…

Hey,
I love you. I know you know that already. I've probably said this more than 3,000 times by now. I couldn't possibly express with words how much though, (it's even more than saying "I'd take a bullet for you" and that's HUGE), but that's the thing about words- they always fall short when it comes to you. You're more than supercalifragilisticexpialidocious for me. Words couldn't possibly express the warmth and tenderness I feel in my chest when I think of the last time I saw you. In person. Close enough for me to touch. God, I wanted to touch your beautiful face so bad (only you could make an atheist think of God). Words also aren't enough to convey the overwhelming heaviness I feel when I think about how much time we've spent apart- 1,279 days (as I write this letter). I'm not sure how many times I've replayed our memories in my head but it's more than 1,279 times (because you never truly leave my head). If we're one of the lucky ones, and I pray to God we are (see? making me want to PRAY to God this time), we have maybe another 60 years together. So please hold my hand and look into my eyes and kiss my lips every chance you get because 60 years feels like a very short amount of time to spend with you- definitely not enough to come up with words that would express how much I love you. Before I met you, I always thought that I would want to die young so that I would never have to see myself become old and wrinkly with saggy tits, but now all I want is to grow old and wrinkly with saggy tits because that means seeing you get old and wrinkly with saggy balls. Although I bet, even then, I would find you beautiful and would want to touch your face, just as much as I did 1,279 days ago (because love is the one thing that transcends space and time). So, I know that in the beginning I said that words can't express how much I love you but Patroclus said something about Achilles and I think that I love you as much as Patroclus loved Achilles. So in an attempt to express my love for you, I would like to quote Patroclus and say "I would recognize him by touch alone, by smell; I would know him blind, by the way, his breaths came and his feet struck the earth. I would know him in death, at the end of the world". On your 29th birthday, I promise you, we will never, ever spend 1,279 days apart again, no matter what. And I would never have to write a shitty letter to you again just to find comfort in knowing that we both touched the same piece of paper (maybe in some parallel universe this happens the other way around- or better yet, I get to give you this letter in person, where we both can touch it at the same time). I know we said no gifts but if I get to carry a note you wrote for me 3.5 years ago everywhere I go, it's only fitting I do the same for you.
Happy 29th Birthday. I love you 1,279+1,721.
I hope I get to spend the next one with you.
Love, (My name)

Id been dating this girl for nearly a year. A couple of months after we started dating it was her birthday I sent flowers to her workplace on her birthday as a nice surprise and took her for dinner a few days later where I presented her with a gift that she had mentioned on her twitter feed that she liked.
My birthday was nearly 8 months later and we’d had some ups and downs but I’d gotten her a bag for Christmas and was always generous when we went out paying mostly for meals and drinks. Although we did split other means too.
I would also add that we had an argument about gestures whereby I was being taken to a very fancy restaurant for work. Few days before the dinner she kept sending me messages saying that it would be a good gesture if I took her along or had food sent over for her. I knew she was joking but she kept going on about it until I snapped and told her that gestures work both ways… she still didn’t get it and made a joke saying something like it’s thumb wars. I sent her a voice mail saying look I know you’re just joking but you literally went to Paris a month ago and didn’t bring me anything back despite me saying that I loved French wine. She bought the cheapest bottle she could find for 8-10 euros (her words) for us to share…
She apologised and we made up. But what made me upset was that she didn’t just get it and apologise she made it about her which she has done in the past. Prior to that she had messaged me saying that she’d watched a tv show about working in finance which is what I do. I sent her a funny video of me receiving an award and an old report I’d written to give her context about what I do given she was interested. She didn’t respond even just to say thanks I’ll take a look or whatever. Couple of days go by it was the weekend so I left it. Monday morning I sent her a message saying hello everything ok? She responded but didn’t mention my message regarding the video or report.
I sent her a voice message on WhatsApp telling her I was upset at her non response to my earlier message. She responded by saying that she’s rubbish at communication and emotion and apologising saying that she was waiting to come back regarding the video and report as she didn’t know what to say. This maybe should have been a red flag for my birthday…
So I was planning to go away for my birthday with friends but then didn’t and my gf asked if she could take me to dinner.
She was away the week before in Greece seeing her dad but we had agreed a date for my birthday diner not on the day itself but towards the end of that week.
Day of my birthday she texts me at noon all of my friends and family had texted or called earlier.. to say happy birthday can I book the restaurant now. I was a bit surprised she hadn’t done it earlier but ok.
Day of my Birthday we meet for dinner no card or present but she did pay for dinner. Couple of days later she’s like she would like to surprise me with some new lingerie and asked me what I liked. I’m like whatever you like but she insisted that I give her some options - sent her some and said should I get it for you? She was like yes. Few days later after discussing with some friends I asked why no card on my birthday.
She told me she didn’t think she had to as she was meeting me after my birthday and that she never does blow out dinners like this so I should be lucky. We been out for dinner before so didn’t get this…- subsequent arguments about this and fact I’ve brought her lingerie she finally mentioned that she doesn’t do gifts as she thinks their tokenistic but she does experiences instead. For me dinner on someone’s birthday is a low bar… she told me I should draw a line and she’d do better next time but thanked me for letting her know…
This is something I couldn’t get over and while she offered to return the lingerie we continued to have massive arguments where she finally told me I need to just draw a line under it.
I think my gf likes receiving gifts more than she likes giving them. Should I dump her or try again to explain why I’m hurt?

Welcome to our History Questions Thread!
This thread is for all those history related questions that are too simple, short or a bit too silly to warrant their own post.
So, do you have a question about history and have always been afraid to ask? Well, today is your lucky day. Ask away!
Of course all our regular rules and guidelines still apply and to be just that bit extra clear:
Questions need to be historical in nature. Silly does not mean that your question should be a joke. history also has an active discord server where you can discuss history with other enthusiasts and experts

So I basically just play for a few days and about level 22? (The dead wood factory). They need like 500 cones to open new area…. I’m kinda overwhelmed.
So the questions are

1. What should I do at the early stage of the game? I’m thinking farming money but don’t think I’m doing the right way. Right now I just sell resources. Like most of them except sheep wool?,fish,bricks. Is there a better ways?
   
2. What about dungeons and arenas? Should I just keep grinding dungeons? Well the monsters are slowllly getting stronger but they do get stronger…should I just go with it anyway?
   
3. What I should upgrade as a priority?
   

Last thing I got lucky and got the axe call…jormungan or something but the rest are common tiers. Should I wait til I get at least uncommon drop to start upgrading gears or just go at it?

Ive been dating this girl for nearly a year. A couple of months after we started dating it was her birthday I sent flowers to her workplace on her birthday as a nice surprise and took her for dinner a few days later where I presented her with a present that she had mentioned on her twitter feed that she liked.
My birthday was nearly 8 months later and we’d had some ups and downs but I’d gotten her a bag for Christmas and was always generous when we went out paying mostly for meals and drinks. Although we did split other means too.
I would also add that we had an argument about gestures whereby I was being taken to a very fancy restaurant for work. Few days before the dinner she kept sending me messages saying that it would be a good gesture if I took her along or had food sent over for her. I knew she was joking but she kept going on about it until I snapped and told her that gestures work both ways… she still didn’t get it and made a joke saying something like it’s thumb wars. I sent her a voice mail saying look I know you’re just joking but you literally went to Paris a month ago and didn’t bring me anything back despite me saying that I loved French wine. She bought the cheapest bottle she could find for 8-10 euros (her words) for us to share…
She apologised and we made up. But what made me upset was that she didn’t just get it and apologise she made it about her which she has done in the past. Prior to that she had messaged me saying that she’d watched a tv show about working in finance which is what I do. I sent her a funny video of me receiving an award and an old report I’d written to give her context about what I do given she was interested. She didn’t respond even just to say thanks I’ll take a look or whatever. Couple of days go by it was the weekend so I left it. Monday morning I sent her a message saying hello everything ok? She responded but didn’t mention my message regarding the video or report.
I sent her a voice message on WhatsApp telling her I was upset at her non response to my earlier message. She responded by saying that she’s rubbish at communication and emotion and apologising saying that she was waiting to come back regarding the video and report as she didn’t know what to say. This maybe should have been a red flag for my birthday…
So I was planning to go away for my birthday with friends but then didn’t and my gf asked if she could take me to dinner.
She was away the week before in Greece seeing her dad but we had agreed a date for my birthday diner not on the day itself but towards the end of that week.
Day of my birthday she texts me at noon all of my friends and family had texted or called earlier.. to say happy birthday can I book the restaurant now. I was a bit surprised she hadn’t done it earlier but ok.
Day of my Birthday we meet for dinner no card or present but she did pay for dinner. Couple of days later she’s like she would like to surprise me with some new lingerie and asked me what I liked. I’m like whatever you like but she insisted that I give her some options - sent her some and said should I get it for you? She was like yes. Few days later after discussing with some friends I asked why no card on my birthday.
She told me she didn’t think she had to as she was meeting me after my birthday and that she never does blow out dinners like this so I should be lucky. We been out for dinner before so didn’t get this…- subsequent arguments about this and fact I’ve brought her lingerie she finally mentioned that she doesn’t do gifts as she thinks their tokenistic but she does experiences instead. For me dinner on someone’s birthday is a low bar… she told me I should draw a line and she’d do better next time but thanked me for letting her know…
This is something I couldn’t get over and while she offered to return the lingerie we continued to have massive arguments where she finally told me I need to just draw a line under it…
I think my gf likes receiving stuff more than she likes giving them. Should I dump her or try again to explain why I’m hurt?

Kita looks back to Raya who tosses her a bag. Snapping her out of the momentary daze that had overcome her. Inside the bag are some clothes Raya got from the raiders, as well as some coin.
"The weather will get strange to the East," Raya says.
Kita looks down to the strip below, noticing that no one has reacted to the shooting that just took place. No security or armed guards are on their way to investigate this massive crime scene.
"Why haven't we drawn any attention?" Kita asks.
"Shootouts between raiders are probably common. Most cities can barely afford to maintain their leadership, let alone armed guards,"
"Lucky us,"
"It won't be the same in the East. The city he spoke of is far wealthier than this one?"
"You've been there?"
"No. But I've heard they conduct trade in meats, medicines and vegetables. I'm not sure what their wealth may look like, but I'd presume it includes security,"
"I'll keep that in mind. Ready to go?"
"Go?" Raya asks, startled. "We're not ready yet,"
"Of course. Because we obviously need…"
"A tipi. Food and water, too. I'm surprised food isn't the first thing on your mind," Raya jests.
"Right!," Kita chuckles. "Are you doubting my love for a good meal?"
"I would lose that bet," Raya responds. "We'll buy enough to get us to the next city- It will take two or three nights for us to reach it,”
"I was thinking the exact same thing," Kita says, shrugging her shoulders.
They both make their way back to the strip, where they've bought themselves a two-person tipi that will keep them covered in case they run into the myst. The few bottles of water they bought cost more than the tipi, which surprised Kita considering everyone needs water. How could the poor people possibly afford this?
They walk amongst the passing bodies of the busy street, scouting for a store that sells food that would be good for travelling. The storefront Raya steps up towards is selling pastries, nuts and dried fruits- so boring. But it's travel food so it'll work best.
"How much for the creamy tomato soup?" Kita asks the chef.
"12 coin," He grunts, passing a glance between the both of them. "Should I ring you up for some of that too?" He asks Raya.
"Yes," Kita answers, glaring at Raya to agree.
"I'm askin' the responsible one," The chef dismisses Kita's answer.
"What are you trying to say, old man?" Kita grits her teeth, returning eye contact.
"We'll take two of the soups as well," Raya responds, placing more coin on the counter. "For travel," She adds.
"Understood, You can wait at one of the tables over there and I'll bring it all out for you," He points at the shared dining area.
"Much appreciated," Raya says.
"You better use love when you make it too," Kita scolds as the man walks away, ignoring her.
"Looking for love, sweetheart?" Says a seductive voice from over her shoulder. Kita turns to lock eye contact with a bright pink set of pupils. It's the tall, orange-haired girl with a white fringe. Her tight skirt hugs her curving body as she towers above Kita.
"Uhh…" Kita stammers, overwhelmed by her beauty as she recognizes it's the girl from before. The nerves are getting to her, and saying anything is proving to be more of a challenge than anything she's faced thus far.
"Smooth," Raya scoffs at Kita's response.
"Did the mission go as planned?" The petty lady says, leaning closer to Kita as she caresses Kita's arm.
"Y-yeah... I'm a hero now," Kita responds.
"Not mine, though," The lady frowns, placing a hand on Kita's.
"Well… I could be," Kita smiles. "Right now, even,"
"You're quick like that, are you?"
"When I need to be," Kita responds, "I often like to take my time,"
"You can take all the time you need, sweetheart"
"Does your, uhhh, friend still need saving too?"
"He does, he would be very disappointed if I didn't bring you back with me… To save him,"
"Then I better not disappoint," Kita responds, prompting the lady to take Kita's hand. "I'll be back," Kita says to Raya.
"Mhmm," She mumbles, "Don't take too long,"
Kita walks behind the tall lady, holding her hand as she watches her rear sway from left to right with each step. The high heels she's wearing make her legs and bottom look so firm. It's quite a seductive sight.
Kita takes one last look at Raya before she enters a tipi, behind the orange and white-haired lady, where she sees the man with the latex pants and stunning pecs.
He passes her a smile, "Welcome home, babe,"
•°•°•°•
The sun peaks over the hills, radiating heat across the barren land as Kita and Raya hike to the next city. Fully supplied with food, water and a change of clothing in the event the weather cools down.
Kita's going through a lot of lengths to get to this kid. She wasn't expecting him to have been taken to a whole different city but by this point, there is not much she can do besides follow the trails. There's not much else for her to do anyway. From everything that Raya has told her, she wouldn't stand a chance against the dark one right now. She needs a minimum of two hundred souls by the time she decides to do that. It's a bigger challenge than she's prepared to deal with right now.
"Will the myst pass over us?" Kita asks Raya.
"Not yet," Raya responds, pointing to the horizon on her right. "When it does it will come from the South,"
"How do you know that?"
"The stars. Depending on their alignment. The myst will generally travel from East to West, or North to South. But this can vary slightly,"
"I was told it also grows larger with each rotation," Kita adds.
"This is true, although not many are aware of it."
"How are you aware of it? Must be because of that fancy, royal education you got,"
"It is primarily from experience," Raya chuckles."But my fancy education did teach me a lot,"
"You can probably do large calculations and stuff with your mind, huh?"
"Something like that," Raya replies.
"Well then, you can manage our coin," Kita chuckles.
"That's a given. Unless we want all of our coin spent on an assortment of soups," Raya quips.
"That wouldn't be a bad use of coin," Kita answers, licking her lips. "A meat soup would be amazing,"
"And expensive," Raya adds.
"Coin is made to be spent, no?"
"On more than just food, Kita,"
"Sure. There were a few pretty men and women I wouldn't mind spending my coin on either,"
"Of course," Raya grunts, "And after the sex we can die of starvation,"
"Were all of your kind immune to having a good time?" Kita asks sarcastically.
"I'll have you know that our national celebrations were unrivalled. People would travel from distant regions to attend them,"
"Such a well-mannered princess could never participate in such antics,"
Raya chuckles, reflecting on her days of royalty with a smile prancing on her face. "Back then, I wasn't the most well-behaved Princess,"
"Oh? You were a rebellious heir?"
"I would often drink to the point of inebriation. Whether I was at a celebration, at the castle or even on the battlefield,"
"A drunkard princess. I'd love to see that," Kita laughs.
"I've reformed since then," Raya chuckles.
"Did Mother and Father approve of your behaviour?" Kita asks with her impression of Raya's posh voice.
"They did know... No one did. In my drunkenness, I would successfully win battles, entertain my family at the dinner table, socialize with my citizens, and spearhead the council on behalf of my Father,"
"All whilst alcohol was plaguing your body?" Kita asks, stunned that this polite, patient princess is a productive alcoholic.
"I presume you don't drink?" Raya chuckles.
"Ugh, no," Kita scoffs, "I prefer to alter my consciousness, rather than dull it,"
"The expectations everyone had for me were overwhelming." Raya says, scratching the back of her neck, "My family expected me to always be the shining example. Always smiling and strong. My soldiers expected me to be Brave… And ruthless in the face of any foe. And my people expected me to understand them and their needs. Despite how they would ebb and flow." She shrugs, "I'd be lying if I said it wasn't overwhelming… Dulling my mind was the only way I could cope with it all,"
"Are you drunk right now?" Kita squints in suspicion.
Raya laughs, "I no longer carry that burden. I only drink for leisure when it is available,"
"Way to dodge my question,"
"You'd know whether or not I was drunk. I'm much more susceptible to its effects these days,"
"No longer reliable in combat?" Kita asks.
"I still fight with skill… But I'm clumsy under the influence,"
"A drunken, warrior princess," Kita laughs, "There has to be a joke for this," She adds, rubbing her chin as she contemplates.
^{AUTHOR'S NOTES
Read ahead on RoyalRoad [https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/68702/soul-stealer-anti-hero-reincarnation-fantasy](https://www.royalroad.com/fiction/68702/soul-stealer-anti-hero-reincarnation-fantasy})
^{Kita's thoughts - Post Chapter 13
"mmm, I needed that,"}

Hii! im new here and just wanted to get some advice on a few symptoms im having :> This is a little bit of a long read, sorry!
Short background: Ive been diagnosed with Sjogrens for years now, but ive never been very educated on it, and I wasnt having these new symptoms during the time of my diagnosis. I am on plaquenil :> Around 5yo I would get a red, bumpy, and itchy rash on my nose and cheeks, which seems to be caused by the sun, but now I only get itching in the inner corner of my eyes with no redness. The rash kinda relates to what im having now. I also have POTS, but im not sure if it relates to what im having. I have three thingss

1. Red spots that dont go away

Ive had a couple red dots varying in size on my skin on my arms and legs for years. The biggest I have is 2 shirt button sized circles joined together, and the small ones can be a little bigger than a grain of rice. They turn white like the rest of my skin when I press on them, and they dont really bother me or do anything other than be there. Although, lately, more have been showing up, all still on my arms and legs. My general doctor took a look and said she thought the skin was thinning in the spots and it was most likely caused by Sjogrens, but another doctor I went to specifically for Sjogrens didnt have anything to say about it. I dont want to keep having them, but I dont know what I can do to stop it.

1. Red Itchy Spots With Heat and Maybe Water?

For a few years, Ive gotten red spots, generally on my jaw, neck, and anywhere on my stomach area while im in a hot shower or start sweating from heat. There is rarely a bump with them and if there is, its tiny. They go away after I cool down or get out of the shower. They itch a lot of the times I get them as well. Ive brought it up with doctors several times and have gotten no response. yay...

1. Hives for no reason

For almost a year ive been getting hives every day, and only a few days a week if im lucky. There is no pattern as to when they come, and all I do to help is Anti-Itch cream. They form everywhere on my body and face. The only places I havent gotten any yet are my hands and feet. There was one time I scraped my arm very lightly, and I got a rash like when I was little, but it went away in about an hour. Again, my general doctor said it was from the Sjogrens, very confidently. She was surprised I didnt get them sooner. But the doctor for my Sjogrens, (rheumatologist im pretty sure, I always forget the names im sorry-) said there is no correlation and told me to go to an allergist.
Im just not sure what to do, these bother me every day and I just want it all gone. I have pictures of the hives and red spots, not the ones from heat tho. Ty for listening if youve gotten this far, I hope youre having an amazing day/night <3

I slept in today, well I woke up early at around 6:30am because pup woke up and wanted to be let out of my room but then I went back to sleep. I was just so comfy and cosy in bed so I stayed til just before 10, though I wasn’t really asleep after 9, I was scrolling through auction catalogues for Webbs and whatnot. And then I did get up and I made some breakfast, I had peanut butter on toast because I don’t ever buy peanut butter at home so it’s nice to sometimes have it. And I also had a coffee. I’ll have to go out the back of the garden and see if there are any feijoas on the tree as I think I’d fancy some while I’m here. It’s very cool and crisp and sunny today. I forgot to bring any sunscreen so I’m a bit stressed about that and mum only has some but it’s kind of stingy on my skin so idk. I’ll just loiter in the shade like a wee lil vampire today and try find something at a chemist tomorrow. I find it odd that people find it odd that I wear SPF every single day, even not leaving the house. Like the sun is deadly, especially in this country, so mock me all you want for prioritising SPF and shade and all that but I don’t care. I’m taking care of my health and my skin. I hope when I’m sixty my skin will still be soft and supple and less wrinkled and then all the people that mocked me will be leather sun spotted lizards. No I don’t hope for that at all, not the latter part anyway, that’s just mean. I’m absolutely not a sun worshipper, I like to get some sun because you need it and it feels nice for short periods of time, but I don’t bask in it and never have. I don’t like it and it stresses me out a lot as I just think about my skin cells turning rancid and cancerous and the skin damage occurring. If you want to age well, you wear SPF and avoid the sun for the most part. But so anyway, quite a slow morning and it’s nice.
Mums godmother or cousin, I never know which, is coming around for tea today and I have noticed a marked difference in how I feel about someone coming over and a surprise social thing happening. To be fair I did know last night and started to feel anxious and I was planning out all the usual things like where I’ll sit or stand when she arrives and how I’ll say hello and what I should do and how I should behave and say and so on, but it was much much less than usual and today I didn’t have my irritable anxiety thing where I get snappy because I’m going so berserk internally and idk I just do. I don’t like it and it’s not fair on those around me, close people anyway, I’d only snap at people like my parents and I guess Andy. I don’t snap at anyone else but I’m more myself with the other three, I feel safer I guess with those three? I don’t know. It’s not fair that I snap anyway, not at all fair. But so I reacted so much better today, I was still on edge and I was still far from relaxed but I felt… better. And it was noticeable to me. And as I write this now I’m properly realising how different I would have felt a year ago and it’s making me cry as I write this. Sometimes (often) I feel afraid that I’ll never change and better myself, I feel like I’m so stagnant in my progress at times and I feel like such a disappointment to myself and to Andy and to everyone else for how slow my progress is and I don’t know, just this feeling of noticing a change in myself makes me feel so overwhelmed and it’s making me cry more and it’s just I’m finding this whole process so hard. It’s challenging and it’s painful and I feel so defeated so much of the time but right now I feel so proud of myself. I know it isn’t enough change and I know I have so so much to go, but I just wanted to journal about this because it felt like a win and I don’t feel like I get many of those.
Anyway she arrived and she’s so lovely albeit a bit doddery and she got lost so dad drove around to find her and pick her up and mum walked her home as she’s house sitting nearby, she’s from down south I think. She kept looking at me and saying I look like mum then later say I looked like dad and so on. She said she remembers how shy I used to be and i was saying how that is still the case and she said that’s absolutely not a bad way to be and it made me feel nice. She’s really nice.
I took puppy for a walk today and he got very muddy so I had to hose him down outside and wrap him up in towels and he’s so wriggly and so cute. We really are so so so lucky to have this darling wee chap in our family.
How on earth could anyone cheat on Natalie Portman? NATALIE PORTMAN? Incredibly beautiful, crazy talented, I bet she’s lovely and I’m fairly certain she’s ridiculously smart too. Imagine landing a wife like that, mother of your children, and cheating on her. This is why I feel as though it’s inevitable I’ll be cheated on and I won’t ever be enough, because if someone like Natalie Portman isn’t considered enough, how on earth could I ever be considered as such? Her husband is such an f’ing idiot and rotten human being. Anyone who cheats on their partner is. If Andy ever cheats on me when we’re together I will actually gouge his eyeballs out and mash them with a potato masher. I obviously won’t do that. Gross. Gross. Also ouch. I feel mean even suggesting I would do that? I’ll never do that. Ever. I will leave his pretty eyes alone. I might scratch the bench top in his kitchen badly or scuff up the floorboards somewhere so he couldn’t get his deposit back or something though. You know what would be cruel? Mixing all his expensive fragrances up or adding some drops of vinegar to them or something. That’s pure evil, isn’t it? I wouldn’t do that. OR WOULD I? But no I wouldn’t. Unless he cheated on me with my best friend or something but that’s unlikely given I would need a best friend for that to happen. Anyway I’ll top being some maniacal evil genius now. He wouldn’t ever cheat on me. He would never. I’m so deathly afraid of it and I feel like it will happen but equally I cannot imagine him being that kind of man. Anyway. Shush. These thoughts are not helping me in any way - do I have a purpose for these thoughts? Is this me trying to make myself feel bad? Its time to move on from these thoughts.

Inspired from - https://www.reddit.com/india/comments/13z0tk0/girl_rant/
Are boys only born to work as slaves till they die and act as ATMs for everyone around them?
Follow the career of what your parents want, if you come from a poor family. Good luck starting working from the age of 14 years, slave yourself away to jobs to pay for your sister's weddings, your parents old age, buy home and good savings so you can marry yourself.
Unemployed? good luck finding a life partner as for everyone out there you are just a "Nikama". Want to date? get a good height and budget first.
Married now? listen to your wife's rants. Try to take care of your parents, and you are maa ka chamcha, listen to your wife and get labeled as Joru ka gulam. Listen to your kids, and wifes jhik jhik the whole day without ever having a peaceful day in life.
Pay for everything and everyone's expenses and keep earning money to buy newer shit out there whereas you yourself only need is 1 blanket, tshirt and jeans to live a peaceful life.
Keep doing all of this while listening to all the rants from women about how you have done atyachar on them since last 50 bazzillion years and hence you should suffer, as if you yourself have been doing these atyachars from 50 bazillion years.
Want a divorce? lol get read to let go off everything you own to your ex-wife and kids and start life from scratch once again. Consider yourself lucky if money is all you have to pay to get a divorce and not false dowry, harassment and 20 other cases filed against you and your family.
Live all your life with constant stress of getting fired from your job and loosing everything.
Kya matlab ladka hone ka? ladki bano aur ladko ko ungliyo pe nachao.
I will choose being a good housewife over being a wage-slave anyday if I were a woman.

My in-laws are a good example of how parents are supposed to be. They communicate gently and listen without getting defensive. They handle conflict without dysfunction. They are involved and curious about their (adult) children’s lives but they’re also mindful of boundaries and careful not to overstep. They celebrate their children’s successes without trying to take credit or steal the spotlight.
They sound wonderful, right? And they are. But it can also be difficult being around them because I’m constantly reminded of ways that my own parents (BPDad and eMom) fell short of even the bare minimum. After a few days of spending time with them, I’m emotionally exhausted and often have a quiet breakdown (which then I feel guilty about of course).
They’ve said some unintentionally triggering things like: * “You went to college so far away from home. I’m sure your parents must have missed you.” (They didn’t. They basically shoved me out of the house and never came to visit.) * “You’re so thoughtful; your parents really raised you right.” (A lot of my “thoughtfulness” is anxiety-ridden and driven by a need to please others.) * “We’re so lucky to have you as our daughter-in-law!” (This makes me feel confused and unworthy and scared of letting them down.)
I’m working on this with my therapist, but they just left after a quick visit and I’ve been in a rough mindset this week.

I recently had to cut my dad out of my life cause he touted his big religion "viewpoint" and told me that the life I'm leading is wrong and sinful and I'll never be happy living this way. when I was trying to get some time to sit down and talk with him about life and truly open up about being trans(turns out he already knew). he's sent me an apology letter since but it was quite half-assed and "don't blame me for being a parent" and loaded with misgendering. plus i doubt i would have even gotten a letter had it not been my birthday. frustrating. (I also came out as pan/bi a while back and it was met with disgust. same with painted nails for some reason)
My step-dad has said nothing on the matter of being trans and continues to misgender me(unintentionally?? idk)
and my mom.. I've been out as nonbinary(when my egg was slowly cracking now I'm transfeminine genderfluid) for over a year and used they/them pronouns for the whole time she still uses he/him (unintentionally?) ALL THE TIME. I mean like I correct her and so does my sister ALL DAY LONG and it STILL happens. she says its cause "it's not proper and she's not used to it". actually both her and my step-dad have used that excuse multiple times and I've called them out and pointed at reasons why they're objectively wrong(they've done the whole run into the point and miss it multiple times). and I've had a deep talk with her and explained everything and then today she goes "I'm hurt that you don't go by your original name. it's pretty enough to be a girls name. I know it has nothing to do with me but I feel insulted. blah blah I've had a couple drinks so I'm being honest blah blah."
I'm just ridiculously frustrated. I feel like there's been adequate time to adjust to simply using the right words. I get that they may not understand being trans and thats fine cause i know for myself it's even confusing. but my pronouns and the langueage to use for me havent changed in over a year.
I have a lot of supportive people in my life and feel very lucky to be supported enough to be out publicly (partially done in order to expose my very bigoted family to it all. I've kinda been a "favorite" so this is a big needed shock to the family) so I feel lucky but I'm also extremely frustrated with the fact that the sole people who are supposed to be there for me no matter what are the biggest issues I've run into in my transition.
I'm really a patient person. and I've historically been a huge people pleaser so I'm very used to getting my buttons pushed and smiling through it. but I'm just feeling tired of it all and I know you all can relate. cause tbh I have it easy compared to a lot of y'all. sure I get shamed from tons of family but I have at least 3 siblings who wouldn't dream of doing so and love me deeply. and i have quite a few friends who do the same.
I feel frustrated and then I feel guilty for feeling frustrated. which makes me frustrated.
but on a happier note, I love y'all. this subreddit has helped me SOOO much and I feel lucky to be a part of this community. as an elder Gen z, I do my best to break down the barriers around me so the rest of yall can run free and I have an army of allies that fight by my side. for me. and for you. happy pride month! be proud of yourself and like my grandpa basically said: it takes bravery to introduce yourself when that doesnt align with people's expectations. be brave. be proud.

I had a tough break this week—I lost one of my offshore clients. So now, I'm in full-on resume mode and planning to dedicate my entire weekend to job hunting for my second job. It would be incredibly helpful to find someone to practice interview skills with, someone who can support me in acing every job interview that comes my way. And hey, if you're also on the job hunt like me, I'd be more than happy to have you as an accountability buddy and a platonic friend also :). We can support each other throughout this process :)
About me:
Architect with local and offshore clients
full time work from home
awake 18 to 20 hours a day
I'm one of the lucky ones that loves his job.
about you:
As long as you're active and not timid that's okay.
Okay to roleplay as interviewer or an interviewee
Hit me up if you're interested :)

A story I wrote a while back. (To put it more accurately, a year ago.) Submitted it for the college Magazine, and recently uploaded it to Wattpad. But it didn't do much. So I decided to just put it on here. Any kind of feedback would be appreciated.
Being the idiot I am, I'm not sure what genre to place it in. But I'd say it's an action - drama in a somewhat fantastical setting.
The Blurb is as follows:
"Undera night sky lit by two moons, a Witch loses her family, and begins to succumb to the dark, violent side of her powers - Bloodlust.
During this desparate struggle, she comes across a Bishop - a soldier of this city, whose sole purpose is to kill her kind.
Who is this Bishop? Will the Witch survive? And who am I, the being who wants to share this story with you??"
And here's the full story. I hope you enjoy.
Oh, what a beautiful night.
The two moons in an elaborate dance, one in the arms of the other as they glow amidst the darkness. Wouldn't it be a heartbreak, for the king to abandon his queen at the brink of dawn, leaving her alone and defenseless?
Of course, my king already had. Even worse, he might've even let the hunters on my tail. Just the thought sent shudders through my spine. My dear melancholy, I thought, you won't be here for long. "I've cried with you far too long. Perhaps I should send you with my lover, let his blood wrap around you while you sleep. Perhaps I should let his cries wash away all that you weep."
I wanted answers. But, a deeper, more primal part of me needed revenge. But if I wanted either, I needed to act fast. I was being hunted. The people of this world, they call us witches. They call us the spawn of the devil, to be hunted and burned alive. I know this isn't true, I remember my parents' faces as clear as day. Damn it, I wish I just had a normal life. I wanted peace, quiet. I wanted a happy life with my husband.
"You are desecrated by the demon himself!"
"Get out of my sight! Begone!"
The memory of Anton's words, curled in utter disgust.... They hurt. Once, long before this, I could almost see the smile on his face, taste the uninhibited love in his gaze, feel the steady warmth of his embrace...... And now... Why? Why, you.......... Why?
The question turned into a haunting melody, trying to tear its way through my skull with a violent cacophony, only to fade into a whisper drumming in sync with my footsteps, as I tracked him down through the shadows. Was he the answer?
Or just prey? A rat to devour?
That thought worried me. No, I-I didn't want to hurt Anton, but.... But he had done the same, was still doing the same. The streets were quiet, the houses all around closed shut. No doubt, there were hunters, the Bishops, tracking me down. But I had become accustomed to sneaking around without leaving a trace.
I wished, sometimes I could be one of those lucky women hiding in those houses, with nothing to fear but the outside. They could just stay in their homes and live the lives they wanted.
But, the increasingly manic voice from within spoke, you had that. For a while. How long did it even last, until he kicked you out and left you for dead?
My footsteps quickened seemingly running towards my prey. Or maybe, away from whispers that were becoming hard to deny. And then, I found him. Right there, in the darkness, all alone.
Ready to speak.
Or to die.
And all of a sudden, I felt my knife slide home. Blood, sweet and magnificent, rose in the air. Every cell in my body rose towards it, parched for a taste.
Just a taste.
I stumbled under the ferocity of the thirst, my will pushed to its limit to keep it under control. His life was fading out.
I had to... I had to look him in the eye. I turned him around, and it wasn't him. It wasn't him.
Oh god, it wasn't him.
It wasn't him it wasn't him it wasn't----------
"Ophelia, what the heck have you become?"
I slowly turned towards the source of the sound, knowing the horror on his face I'd be forced to see. There it was, but somewhere in the miasma of repulsive emotions.... Was it concern? Did my dear Anton still care? Did he still... still love?
Something fell on my thigh, soft, and warm, disappearing seeping through my dirtied clothes the moment it touched. And it was then I realized - it was blood. It was all over me, across my lips, on my hands, seeping into my fingernails. It was overwhelming me, wrenching sense and sanity away. Was it too late? Was I past the point of no retu------
The next moment, I realize I'm.... falling. Further and further, but I can't find the floor. I can't feel my legs, my arms, my mouth. It's as if every part of me except my soul has disintegrated, vanished into thin air. I look around me. There are so many like me. Witches, humans, the faceless, the feral. The victim and the criminal. They are all the same. WE are one and the same. I don't feel my consciousness fading away, but rather.... It bleeds, it swims around like a drop in an ocean, a single grain of pollen among thousand others flying away. It's coming all together now, fusing and joining and mixing with the others, and into the will of one great being. It's like..... Like the God accepting us into His womb, letting us be a part of His plan, and giving us one last gift- vision, His vision, to see the world as it really is............. And the ones we left behind in this world.
The process seems so painful - I can feel emotions that aren't my own, emanating from within me, while my own emotions are scattered over this pool of collective consciousness. It swirls and splashes around, slowly moving towards a source, rather than away. The closer I get, the lesser I remember about myself. I'd be concerned, unhappy even, weren't it not for the fact that along with myself, I could also feel myself forgetting the world I had lived in like an insect, while I dance around in the memories of others. It's all mine, and what's mine is also others'. There isn't an "I" anymore. There's just...... An ocean. An ocean of serenity. A desert, devoid of pain and suffering. An oasis of peace.
Just......Anton. Look after him, my Savior. And my----------------------
-Era Vulgaris-
Ah...... Another dead one coalescing into me. A woman, full of hopes and dreams soaked and squandered away by sorrow and hatred and envy. Don't fret, little one. You can rest now. Be in peace with yourself, and this broken world. Now, where were we? Ah, the woman finally lost it.
Her self-consciousness faded away the very moment that drop of blood dripped onto her tongue. What was left, was a husk of its former self, hungry for blood and power. I hated watching this, though I'd seen this a million times over. Even the part of me that was once that poor girl was undoubtedly horrified at what she'd become. It's okay, it's okay. It'll work out in the end. Trust me. Your loved ones shall come out whole from the other side.
Especially, I thought, if the Bishop beside him is truly who I think he is.
The word "Bishop" brought a bit of warranted concern to the residual piece of the girl, which meant I had to spend some more of my energy and attention to calm her down. So, I thought. Where were we?
The husk of the woman lunged for her former lover, only to be denied her prey by a sudden tackle to the ground. The assailant swiftly rolled out of harm's way, spinning around and aiming a rather large revolver right at her head.
"Freeze. Or the bullet goes in your head."
She didn't respond in kind. Instead, she... It. It, reminded the small voice that was once part of her, now just in pure disbelief at what she was looking at. It looked him dead in the eye, wailed its vocal cords out and slit its own arm, letting the blood spurt open all around her. The dead carcass beside her became her fuel, swimming towards and into heIt, as its own blood slowly morphed into clones of its own. All contorted and manic, just like the original. All at once, they converged right at the hunter, eager to churn out the flesh. One sneaky little figure, however, sneaked right out of sight and right towards its/ her husband.
Yeah, it was her husband alright. All these bright little memories sparkling from within the dark, right up until everything tore apart- Wait. Oh n-
A hailstorm of gunshots shattered the rain of noise that drenched the night. And just like that, almost all the clones were gone, fading into a cloudburst of blood from which they had risen. The husband, Anton, screamed, "The blood- it'll burn!!" But the hunter rushed through regardless, through the blood.
True to his word, the blood began to boil and corrode away all the protective plates and clothing, but the man himself was strangely unaffected. Rather, he became seemingly faster, as he kicked away the witch, the original form out, just a mere fraction of a second before it could rip out Anton's jugular. My heart was in my throat. Or at least, the newly assimilated soul felt that way.
I was more interested to as to how the Bishop appeared to have changed, as if a limiter on himself had been removed by the blood. As if a blind man had finally been given the path towards light.
By the time it could recover, the Bishop held the previous position once again- only this time, aiming at the creature's belly. That, is what I was worried about. The poor woman was pregnant when she lost control. "Now," he said. "Don't move."
The woman's soul suddenly began to wrench its way out towards her body, trying desperately to save its offspring, its child. Its only ray of hope. It took a considerable effort to keep her in control, much more than what I would once require. Well, I thought, all the more reason to let things go as they should.
Anton went to protect the thing that was once his wife, right up until the Bishop changed his aim towards him.
Anton paled, but understood the message. He returned to his previous position, his crosshairs pointed right at the woman's swollen abdomen, and waited for her to react.
She didn't.
She stilled, almost stuck between her primal urge as a creature of blood, and a maternal urge as a creature of warmth.
The hesitation was enough for the hunter to make a decision.
"Rest in peace."
The gun fired.
A single bullet exploded into a hundred smaller shells, penetrating the witch - not at the abdomen, but straight through the head. The man beside him just puked at the gruesome scene, unable to bear not just the brutality, but the heartbreak of it.
The hunter turned towards him. "Put yourself together. Besides, you put her in this situation."
The remark halted Anton from his state of disgust into a fit of near-violent rage.
"What? What the fuck do you know, you lowlife? You're the ones who kill innocent women for just the smallest suspicion of their nature. You fucker! Die in the womb you lived in you-"But, he couldn't hold on to it. Just couldn't.
Anton broke into tears, his guilt, his pain and his loss flowing down his face and falling at the cold ground below him.
It--It wasn't a nice sight to see. He cried, and cried, and cried, sometimes in reminiscence of the small moments that he'd shared with his loved one, sometimes in despair of the things he'd done. He could blame all he could, curse all he could. At the world. At hunters. At God. Even himself, but that would not bring his love back to life. It wouldn't bring his unbor---
A tiny, yet strong innocent wail interrupted his downward spiral.
"Anton. Your child." With that brief phrase, the Bishop laid a fragile infant in his arms. Crying, with hair barely formed, yet Anton could see it- It was her child. Her and his. THEIR child. But......
"IT's- It's a girl. Won't you-"
"Well, I think it would be rude of me not to turn a blind eye your way. I cannot see, after all. Besides, I think this child deserves a chance. For the mother who, in the throes of death, chose her child over revenge. And," he said, patting down the man's shoulder, "the pathetic man who still wanted to save his wife, even if she was no more. Now go. Get the fuck out of here. I gotta pick up the corpse and collect my payment. Oh, and, uh... What happened here, all of it- you don't remember a thing. Got it?"
He didn't need even the slightest of threats. The guy thanked the Bishop and, with the now smiling babe, walked away.
Another figure appeared from behind the hunter.
"Was that a good decision, Navy?"
A Faceless one. Quite devoted to the Bishop. His question held a tone of concern, but a sense of curiosity dominated his voice as he asked his question.
"Grayson," he said, placing his shotgun onto the floor as a walking stick, "I never overthi-"
"Shut up."
A careless shrug. "Alright. You got me. You want me to be honest? I.....see myself, as weird as it sounds. In that child, in that man. Even in the fuckin' witches. I kill them for a living, Gray. I wake up every morning to load a bullet carrying their name."
"You hate them. Simple as that."
"But a really small part of me..... It- I don't know, Gray. Sometimes all I do is say thanks to this stupid world we live in. A world where everyone wants to fall in love but there's no room for it, in the grand scheme of things. You know, it's times like these that make me glad. Better off believing in a dream world of love and peace, rather than knowing this nightmare of an era. An Era Vulgaris, if you will."
Indeed, in this we might just be kindred spirits. Hm... well, there's definitely a potential in him, to become what I need him to be in the future. I just.....
Well, I'll let this run its course.
After all, it depends on whether she can will herself a future worth salvaging. For there was another one spying on the hunter, another witch whose paths would cross with his. And that path would either fall in place like clockwork, or blow up every plan and contingency I'd made into smoke.
Till then, I guess it best to rest. Kick back and watch this Era Vulgaris consume itself in its vanity, and see if something will come out whole the other side. Rest well, Navidson.
And thank you.
Something settled, and that's when I realized the woman's soul had finally accepted its fate, fading into the primordial soup. Broken, scared and all bled out, and yet she put up a hell of a fight.
The human will is quite extraordinary, is it not?

Bipolar runs in my family and I (14f) have recently been having mood swings and they kind of align with the diagnostic criteria for BP2. I will feel just depressed and hopeless and everything makes me upset for a week or two, and then I usually feel fine for a week or so, and if I’m lucky I’ll feel motivated and blindly happy and upbeat for maybe a few days. When I feel “depressed” or “hypomanic” it just feels like my body is feeling the mood differences but I know that it’ll pass and I’ll feel fine soon. This has been going on for like ~9 months and it doesn’t match up with my cycle at all. Does this sound at all like how your bipolar was when it was first developing?

First time poster on this subreddit. So if I make any mistakes or needs clarification, please let me know. I could use the support as I'm currently going through cognitive dissonance. I feel mentally drained and weak as I'm also recovering from a serious work injury on my left hand.
Also little did I know that such a beautiful woman like herself with sweetness could eventually turn into a completely different person. I suppose this is where she would be the reason why I give up on online relationships overall.
If you want to find out the real problems, **skip all the boring messages to paragraph 6.
To start off where I met this woman, I met her from a dating site last year on April 11th. I initiated the conversation with her as she had a friend here who helped with the translation. "Yayyy me," I thought thinking I was the lucky guy. Despite the huge language barrier, we managed to hit it off by using a legit site that translates our words privately by real professionals. And yes it gets expensive when it's $1.04 per 100 characters. But that didn't matter to me. Her happiness and positive emotions was what mattered to me. I admired the pictures of her even if she wasn't smiling. But her half-smile in these pictures lit her inner glow. We've tried using AI translator and it has caused confusion due to the wordings and grammar. Her intention was to come to the United States and settle in Chicago before be together and for our meeting in real life to be special. Alright that was a huge plus.
Her not being a social media person, we did not video chat or phone call to each other because we both agreed that the first meeting in real life would then not be the same. However we did record videos of ourselves, shared cool collection of gifs, and wished happy holidays. As I was learning her language I offered her to call me if she wanted emotional support because of the current issues she's experiencing in real situation. But of course she said she'd let me know. First few months I began to struggle to refill the money in the website as I got to take care of bills. I told her I needed one week to refill and my messages would be short. She said she understood my situation and said no matter how short sized the letters are as long as there is deep emotional connections.
**Fast forward to where I noticed the bad apples arise. It all started after arriving in the hospital due to a serious work injury on my left hand. I told her what happened to me. I told her the day I was going for my surgery and she sent me sad emojis on the site. The next day after my hand surgery and high on Anesthesia, I log into the site and she sends me this seemingly superficial message

Her: Of course, I'm glad we met a year ago, although to tell you the truth, I think our relationship is going through bad times at the moment, but I believe things will change for much better when we meet.
Me: I'm glad that we met a year ago too. I hope I understand what you're saying about our relationship. Although it would be nice if I knew why you think it's going through bad times at this moment.

I ended up bawling alone in the hospital bed as my self-confidence dwindled. Also not once did she call me. My family members that visited me asked if she called me. I replied "no" to that and they all were wondering what she is doing. Then I questioned myself if this is normal. And I gave the benefit of the doubt. Next day she replies:

I'm certainly aware of your financial problems, and I'm well aware of that. But I still attribute these problems not only to the size of the letters, but to depth and understanding in general.

Later as time progresses and discharged from the hospital on May 11th. I'm able to go home while still in recovery. 1 in a half weeks passes by. I login to send her a message and I ask her for clarification on what she meant by the message I quoted above. She flat out denied it by saying

In fact, I wasn't saying at the time that our relationship was going through hard times. I was saying it wasn't the best of times

I gave into what she said by thinking that there was an occasional translation problem on the site. Another week passes by where she sends me a selfie with no smile. I complimented her beauty and wished she smiled. Admittedly It was not the best choice of words I made because of how offended she was. So I apologized and made up to her and poured my heart out to her. This is what I said:

Honey, listen. There's something I need to say because realized I made a mistake. I wish to take everything back I said. I'm terribly sorry for the negativity I made about your picture as it was never meant to bring you down. I'll take the fall on that. I reread my letter and didn't add what I wanted to say. I wished that you smiled because when you do, it adds more glow to your face and it makes my heart flutter. Your smile also serves as a reminder in why I find you the best woman in my life. Like coffee, when I get up in the morning, I always look forward to starting my morning with you. And when the cup is empty, I miss you just like when we've exchanged messages telling each other how we truly felt as a distraction from your bad days. I understand and know that you are trying to look better with permanent crowns in which I'm really excited for you. I hope that the procedure all goes well. But know this, you don't need to have teeth when you smile. You can smile with cheek. But when you smile I hope that it's out of pure affection and that it's because you feel loved by this man. I know that you are upset with me and it's okay to vent it out with me if it helps you. I accept that things won't get better quick. However my desire for you to know that the only woman I've ever been in love with is with you since the beginning.

But then when she responded, the messages became superficial and not genuine. She said

I understand you about this situation, it's not an issue for me anymore and I'm just trying to move on. All I meant was that if I sent a picture without a smile, that doesn't mean I have to smile and you have to accept such a picture as it is. And it's the same if you send something or say something. Although you can, again, not accept it, that's your right. And there is no need to change my mind to start thinking otherwise. I thank you for your kind words anyway and it brings me joy. And your compliments are important to me

At this point, it really made me upset because I felt this whole time that she just didn't love me for who I am. It took me 1 day before gathering my thoughts before breaking it off. On May 31st, I send her a very lengthy message about how all I felt as mentioned in this post especially when she never called me in the hospital. I asked where she had been all this time, called out on her lie, etc.
After confronting her, I could tell she was very upset and there was some sincerity. But then she denied everything she did and victimizing herself and also acted like she had no clue. Not only that but after confronting again and telling her that I would no longer refill the money for the translation services, she went psycho on me and said that I declared war on her messages. She mocked me by saying "Oh, poor you" after telling her for the past 2 months that I felt no sense of love. Then labeled me a narcissist, a man who shows love, kindness, simplicity behind a mask in disguise. I felt this whole time she never knew who I was. In past abusive relationships, I've always questioned my own sanity. But she cut communication completely from me making me unable to write to her.
TL;DR The long distance relationship lasted for a full year. On May 31st I broke up with my Ukrainian gf and lost faith in the relationship because I felt she downplayed the situation after finding out I was in the hospital and lack of empathy and love. Need support

I have been struggling with my skin for 2 years. I have recently discovered it's probably fungal acne. Which as you all know means the products I can use are extremely limited.
Every single sunscreen I've tried breaks me out. I tried a fungal acne safe one recently and it's caused a big break out. Tried a fungal acne safe foundation that contained SPF as well & that broke me out too.
Getting so stressed as I feel like every day the sun is aging my skin. I went on a long walk today & I've got a sunburn on my forehead now and it's so annoying. If sunscren doesn't irritate you you are seriously so lucky.
Next one I'm going to try is Colorescience Sunforgettable. Contains niacinamide though which I'm not sure if irritates me or not so don't know. Can't try it for another couple weeks though & it's already June ugh.

Sometimes people ask me or some other transgender person to describe how they felt before and after their transition. Here's what I have been working to describe what it felt for me. It's an analogy, because I haven't found a better way to put it down to words.
Can you imagine being in pain that has always been there, since the day you were born? Sometimes it's stronger and sometimes it's weaker, but it's always there. You don't even notice it anymore, because it has always been there. There's certain moves that you avoid subconsciously, because your body know it would hurt. And you have always thought that this is life, everybody is carrying this pain inside them and nobody is talking about it because it's just is. Completely normal thing, that everybody has. Growing older, you start to notice it more and sometimes you wonder what your life could be if you didn't have that pain. And you wonder how other people can do those things you can't and think yourself too weak. You want to be strong like them, but you're always failing. No matter how hard you try, you can't be quite like them.
And then someday somebody comes and says, "Sure, you can be without that pain and not everybody are carrying it inside of them. Here, this leaflet will get you started. I'll be around if you want to ask questions." First you don't believe them, then you feel scared about trying and failing, "Maybe my pain isn't really that bad. Some other people must have it much worse. I'm not really like them and I'm just faking. It's just a phase anyway." Yet, there are days you can't concentrate at all. And days where you just lie curled up on the floor crying because everything hurts so much. Maybe even days you're ready give up everything and just disappear completely.
Finally you decide to take the jump to unknown. Suddenly all that weight that you have carried your whole life falls from your shoulders. You can run, dance and sing. You laugh and cry at the same time. There will still be hard times and days when you fail, but it doesn't matter anymore. Now you finally know who you are and want to work to be yourself every single day for rest of your life. You're finally whole. And no matter how hard you try, you can't never really tell what you went through. You can only try to come up with analogies.
And every time you do it, you'll start crying because you realize how far you have gotten and how lucky you are.
I was once that person carrying all that pain. And now I want to be that person who reassures that having that pain now doesn't mean you have to have it forever.