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I've felt like this for such a long time, being isolated from the rest of the friend group. Everyone else there is always so close to each other, always talking to each other through dms when not in the group chat and checking up on each other, except me. Nobody bothers to reach out to talk to me about anything first. I've reached out and received one to three word dry responses. When I talk in the group chat nobody answers. But then someone else talks and suddenly everyone is on and laughing while I'm away thinking about if and why they hate me so much. It shows when we're hanging out in person too. Whenever we're in a big group circle, I'm always on the outside with someone's back towards me. When we're walking I'm always alone in front or alone in the back. I try to talk to one of them and they're quiet. Someone else tries to talk to them and they're having a blast. It just makes me feel like complete shit. Like they don't care about me a single bit. I hate the way they always leave to another place while I never hear where they said we're going to because I'm being physically blocked out of every conversation. And whenever I say something everyone pretends not to hear. If they didn't want me around I wish they would just fucking say it, instead of ignoring me. I want to leave them but don't at the same time, they're the only friends I have. I lose either way. I feel alone when I'm with them and feel alone when I'm without them. I've slowly started hanging out with them less and less because of how absolutely miserable I feel when I'm with them, how I'm invisible until it's my turn to be the butt of jokes I've expressed countless times to be uncomfortable with. They never noticed when I haven't been with them for some days, never bothered to ask. I'm so tired.

Life as we know is not what we ever expected or thought would or could be. Some believe what they see never knowing the hardships and struggles that come along with marriage a life long commitment most people never succeed. A lifetime of ups and downs and on the brinks of separation with divorce some people in the ear saying , do it. Evil comes in all shapes and forms buyers beware.
Smiles and laughter mostly smoke and mirrors in all reality tears of sadness compromise,mostly one sided and love hanging from a string that was always almost broken but, GOD always had a plan for us, past, present and future something I’ll always remember.
Two lovers were always what he was. One, who was kind and giving the other was always competing for he was always the best never understanding the mess he was making or the pain he was causing himself and those who truly loved and cared for him.
Always trying to keep going to make him see she was never the threat. Her only concern was how to make him see her for all she ever had was love and eyes for only he.
As time passed and life happened. Bumps grew worse and more often than ever before. They worked hard and made it through never knowing what was to come next might be the last or to much for them to bare.
Promises were made and promises were broken but never fulfilled by malice. Only by addiction and miscommunication. Terrified by judgement or lack of empathy for the other. Never did they remember a vow they once made, through sickness and health.
These are the trials and tribulations of a marriage that has stood the test of time. Most people never know or see the true meanings behind the marriage that has lasted as long as the.
The pains and sufferings masked by smiles, always a frown turned upside down but in the end Always remember this my love is never permanent and As this too shall pass.
Little steps little cry’s A newborn baby is a blessing in disguise. New parents are what we were. A promise to protect them from harm and danger. Only to be the one who will do the most damage never understanding what the consequences of their behavior. We have never done or been parents and we made mistakes big and small. To my children whom I love greatly, forgive me for my mistakes and actions for I suffer in silence everyday. I love you all and one day I hope you all will understand my story and learn to appreciate all that you have. In the end I gave it my all for you were my heart and soul always and forever My beautiful children, Ma is sorry.
Fighting and arguing with silent abuse towards each other will pave the path for their own selfish behavior. Learned from their own parents and cycles of abuse with neglect that was never intentionally done by the ones who promised to protect their little ones.
Grief and trauma is lead to therapy for I couldn’t help Covid-19s plans to change and rock our worlds to the core, never will we be the same as before.
A struggle meant to destroy the love that we all shared. We helped one another to find the love we had. Almost lost each other in the process of healing and grieving such loss and despair.
Never have we claimed to be a perfect picture, of happily endings like a fairy tale. Only in books and movies that is all only fantasy and wishful thinking.
Every day I struggle with my mental health and sobriety never knowing , will today be the day I relapse and get lost again, fighting for my life all alone to be sober again?
23 years might seem like a walk in the park. Happy days with good memories. Vacations and holidays filled with joy and laughter. Never forget the struggles that we had to overcome to get where we are today. A life filled with ups and downs, good and bad times.
Learning experiences that almost destroyed us. But we were able to learn from them and in the end we made it out the best experience. This life has made me stronger and the best person I’ve ever imagined.
I’d do it all over again with you my friend, lover My husband.
Happy anniversary Your wife 22 years

Tbh a little bit of a rant, but I thought I'd post this on this subreddit as I feel most of us men can possibly relate to this?
So both from my own experience and that of others, we've all heard of the friendzone and all, but few seem to talk about the scenario when a guy asks out a girl, she rejects him, he takes it well, but chooses not to remain friends with her temporarily/permanently. I've done this before personally for a number of reasons, but most obviously because it's too painful to see someone you still have feelings for talk about/see in front of you, them dating/having sex/admiring other men etc. And both genders would be lying if they said they'd be fine with this if it's in regards to someone they REALLY/ACTUALLY love (not just a crush/infatuation/lust)
Yet, when dudes peacefully walk away they're said to have left left simply because "they couldn't have sex with her" or "they were only using her" which is a reductive assumption at least, and a sexist assumption against us at worst. Of course some immature guys probably do do this, but at least in my experience both personally and with friends (I can only go off of that) it's anything but that. Tbh if I just liked a girl sexually/as a small crush, I would have far less of an issue remaining friends with her after being rejected, because there's far less heartbreak than when you're in love. Yet men are assumed to be 100% brains in our penises...
Women in their groups though seem supported by their friends, other women, and possibly society when they walk away from a man who might've rejected them though, because of "you go girl" or "he wasn't worth it anyway, he doesn't know how great you really are!"
I understand that it seems, from what I've heard from women I know, friends with, and trawling around reddit that it seems women seem to care more about friendships between opposite genders, and men more on the relationships/sex side between opposite sex friends they now/always had feelings for, which explains the heartbreak and bewilderment on both sides when the man leaves the friendship to spare his feelings (from my perspective) and the woman is left to feel she has been used/not seen as a friend in the first place. I think both sides misunderstand eachother in a tragic way there. But it seems to me that the woman's pov is heeded much more, and the man's just thrown away as if we're selfish evil pricks or something
No, we're not just cavemen with only sex on our mind, yes we do walk away from friendships that we grew to have feelings for because of how painful it is to remain, and yes people are lying if they think it's easy/possible (without considerable mental anguish) to remain as friends with someone we have considerable feelings for.

Fuck, I have the biggest crush on you. It's terrible. And wonderful.
But it's been so long since I've tried to pursue anyone. I'm rusty. It's not that I don't care. But I feel like this is a dance and I'm stepping on your feet.
Last night you asked me if I wanted to watch more of your favorite show with you today. I really did want to watch it with you, but I had things to do during the day. Instead of pointing out we could watch it tomorrow night I just said no...
My mind goes to the hyperlogical sometimes. It's like this defense mechanism I used to make sense of my last relationship. And it was probably necessary then. But sometimes my mimd goes back to that. And I see day and night as 2 separate things.
Look, I'm terrified of dating. My heart often wants the craziest person in the room. And for once in my life, I don't have that crazy vibe from you.
Like you seem to like dark songs. Great! But when you send them to me, sometimes I fear you're trying to hint to me how you feel. And I'm just scared somehow I hurt you.
And look, none of this is your fault. It's just 3 years of my life have been spent in relationships with people who would change their personality at the drop of a hat to get whatever reaction from me they wanted. And I had to tip toe around them.
But you're wonderful and warm and stay that way. In the back of my head, I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop. It's pathetic. I hate this about myself. I want to tear this out of me. It's like a black mark I can't get rid of. Fuck me.
It's like the tension just rises the longer you're nice to me. And most of the time I feel like your just too good for me. And honestly, mostly I hope you do better than me. Or at least better than where I am at in life right now.
But I am desperate to rekindle that light you have in your soul within myself. And I want to chase after it and live beside it. I want to show it off to the world, and see the world become better because of it. And if anyone wants to put that light out, I want to stop them in their tracks.
But I'm afraid. Afraid I will misstep and be the one to put the light out.
My heart is just kinda vomiting up these feelings right now. It doesn't make the most logical sense. And I definitely can't tell you about my feelings yet. Your demisexual, you need more time to catch feelings. So it would be too much to explicitly tell you my feelings.
Maybe in 3 months. But even then we'd be in a distance relationship. Maybe it's just impractical and you are better off without me.
Maybe I'm just to hard on myself. Maybe there's just to much darkness within me.
But, the path back to the light is in pursuit of you. I don't think I can succeed. I think I was licked 9 years before I ever started. But dammit, I will get there one day!
And I hope that I can help you on your path through life in some way as well. Would you walk with me through life for a while? I would be grateful.

As technology continues to improve, it's safe to say that we can expect significant graphical improvements in GTA 6 compared to its predecessor, GTA 5. Here are a few areas where we could potentially see major improvements:
Realistic lighting: With advancements in graphics technology, we can expect to see more realistic lighting effects in GTA 6. This could include better shadows, reflections, and lighting that changes based on the time of day and weather conditions.
Improved textures: Rockstar Games is known for their attention to detail, and we can expect that to continue with GTA 6. We could see improved textures for everything from characters to buildings to vehicles, making the game look even more realistic.
More detailed environments: In GTA 6, we could potentially see more detailed environments, with more NPCs walking around and more interactive objects to interact with. This could create a more immersive experience for players and make the game world feel even more alive.
Enhanced weather effects: Weather has always played a role in the GTA series, but we could see even more impressive weather effects in GTA 6. This could include realistic rain, thunderstorms, and even hurricanes or tornadoes.
Overall, we can expect the graphics in GTA 6 to be a major step up from its predecessor, with more attention to detail and more immersive environments. It's sure to be a visual feast for fans of the series.
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It’s funny how deeply you can miss what you no longer have—how Elysian fields become the more years you leave them fallow. I find myself propping up pictures of social events upon the easel of my mind—pictures I painted years ago—nightclubs like those I would burrow my way into underground, even the one I would mix in during my decade of abandonment to movement and sound. But mostly I would cast my mind back to Prague bars or cafes, where there would be people around to talk to, or strangers just milling, yes, milling around. I never appreciated how nice it is for people to mill in your vicinity. Nice. It’s just nice to be milled around. Perhaps that is why I find peace in supermarkets now—it is less that their aisles and orderliness feel a thousand miles from the war, but that the people are suspended in perfectly spherical bubbles of ‘I have no pressing need to be here but alas here I am’, and that to be around the drifting of those bubbles is almost as wonderful as companionship for someone as incompanionable as I currently am. Thank God for dreams, because I have whole cities full of companionship there—from new friends, to girlfriends, to complicated enemies and entertainingly questionable foes, and even occasionally a few days of hanging out with her, all in some neatly designed urban location or another where the truth is something everyone unquestionably knows.
I should say a little of the people whom I have met along the way.
First, there was Dasha, originally from Kharkiv but now a long time resident of Gwent, who had also been on aid shuttles to Izium after it was freed. Her manner was attentive and friendly—she would follow up with regular calls the messages she regularly sent, which was good because talking is what I need. She stood out for her ability to persuade a Chaplain to accept my help, even when my wartime skillset made me about as useful right now as Lent.
The chap-lain and his assistant Pavel kept me waiting in Lozova after my own efforts to get to Donbas began to wane. I had already struck off my month in Kharkiv as a humanitarian fail—I escorted boxes of dried food from Kyiv which would have managed well enough without me on a completely empty train, and did four hours of sandbag stacking around a monument to freedom which I was able to organise by not organising it at all, just seeing people working and offering to do the same—but mostly I felt useless or worse, and was eager to get away. Lozova was much the same, though there was a beautiful lake at the back of an unremarkable park which I walked around every day, and then forty hours after I left, the cultural centre I walked past was obliterated by a cruise missile a hundred metres from where I had stayed. I chose to reserve a small safe corner of suspicion about the news of the missile strike—trauma is easier to cope with if you just choose to believe it’s a lie. Just look at the death of Elvis, or the alive-and-kicking climate crisis, and all that other stuff we compulsively deny.
After I got tired of waiting in my pre-cruise missile apartment that was so cheap it was ‘aid for me’, I packed up and paid extra for the broken shower cable when I handed over the keys. I took a taxi to Barvinkove which was almost a day or so’s walk short of Sloviansk, and I hoped to bag a lift for the last leg of the journey in some or other military jeep. The driver was a former farmer from these parts who pointed at the sections of field he used to work. There was a lot of field in that forty-five minutes, field and military trucks. Not a single civilian do I remember seeing on that mostly arrow straight road, just a painfully potholed surface, checkpoints and greetings in Polish for some reason I don’t understand to this day, and a shrug of I have no idea who you are or what you are doing here but here’s your passport back, on your way.
Bear in mind this was south of occupied Izium last year in mid May, and just a few kilometres stood between these parts and the Russian lines. The taxi driver wouldn’t take me any further than Barvinkove, and it was pretty easy to see why. I thought I had seen destruction in Kharkiv, but the shattering that this all-but-entirely-abandoned town had taken was, in all the war so far, by far the most harrowing sight. You see destroyed cities on screens, and something of the destruction comes across, but when you stand alone on broken glass on what was once a busy junction with insides of buildings spilled out on every side, it isn’t so much a chill that visits you with the ghosts of what happened here but more an enormous swallowing by all the unfathomable loss.
And yet still some civilians clang proudly to their homes. A group gathered of four, stood in front of their town hall, with glass all around there too; curtains wafted behind them from the upper floors—of all the things we could have called them, it’s clearer when they are missing why we went with wind-ow.
“Do you need anything?” A smile. And curiosity. And consternation. But most of all a smile. From a lady almost half my height but every bit as stout. I was traipsing through their town alone with a giant pack upon my back, doing my best not to make it too obvious that I had never seen anything so terrible as her town in my entire life. How do you behave toward people you meet when on every side the guts of their homes are hanging out? I wish I could have just stopped and looked silently down into her eyes and offered her a hug.
“I turn left for Sloviansk, yes?” I said instead.
“Yes. Take a left down there.”
“Thanks,” and with the glance my gratitude warranted as I parted I offered a tiny portion of my sympathy, but I swear this lady neither needed nor wanted a single thing—this was her town, her home, and smashed to shit or not, she would hold her head up high, be the honourable host and offer directions to passers by, because she and her town still lived, and if anyone needed a hug, am I sure it wasn’t me?
If someone had told me she was the mayor of the town, I wouldn’t have been surprised.
They were the last people I saw for the next kilometre leading out, as I passed broken home after shop after kindergarten after abandoned business of now an entirely indiscernible kind. Pieces everywhere. Of glass and rocks and wires and concrete. One shop was missing its long shop window and two stray dogs watched me as I passed, the boss of the two was lying down on the inside upon a three-thick bed of shattered glass, as if filling in for the shop sign. I wanted to coax him off, but realised the worst thing I could do was spook him and just hoped his fur was thick enough for my conscience to leave him behind.
On the long road leading out east, the houses of Barvinkove turned to village types, with overgrowing flower gardens all flourishingly unkempt – all purples and pinks and yellows and whites with yellow centres and deep and velvet reds. The distant sounds of artillery feel more distant when coming through village air. One home stood out for grass having been mown, and the gardener at large, a lady in waiting to grow old, was out tending to her five metre wide share—alone in a kilometre row of single storey village houses with boarded up eyes and fast-growing gardens for beards, in her typical village floral dress and headscarf, she stood out for the peace with which she tended to tidiness, a sight to make a soldier stop, kneel and bow his head before the life still living there.
“Zdrasti.”
“Zdrasti.”
It was about three months ago that people stopped saying “Good Day”. But to this day, Barvinkove never fell.

I (21f)just recently started dating a guy (25m) about a month ago. He is pretty much perfect so far and showing all green flags. Just an absolute gentleman. However, last weekend when we were together I noticed he was actively staring and checking out a woman walking with her boyfriend. He even made a comment “she’s out of his league.” This bothered me a bit but I decided to let it slide. However, a few days later we were on FaceTime and he essentially told me that it was “my job to hold him accountable and keep him in check when he checks out other women.” I replied that “no that’s his responsibility not mine, and he shouldn’t be staring at other girls while he has a girlfriend.” He then said to me “I’m a man it’s going to happen sometimes.” I’ve been sitting and thinking about this for a few days now, however I haven’t brought it up again. I just feel so disrespected that he would be blatantly staring at a girl in front of me and he feels like it’s my job to tell him to stop doing that. However the green flags have far outweighed this one red flag. I also don’t want to overreact in this situation. I’m not sure what to do from here, do I let it slide?

I'm not sure how much background information I should give, so I'll admit what I think might be relevant and then go forward with the actual points I want to ask. First a little about the context. Then I'll elaborate about my questions and ask for some guidance.
I grew up diagnosed with ADHD at a very young age, and the medical book has been revised a lot since I was a first grader. I was prescribed Adderal or Ritalin (I'm sorry I don't recall which or what dosage) to help me be more attentive and focused in the classroom, but I was observed as being "zombie-like" while taking it. I was placed in special ed. class for the remainder of my schooling until college, and when I entered high school I stopped taking the medication out of my own decision, with the idea that "I don't know if I need this, I want to try going without it" and my parents respected my decision. I ceased taking it since, and graduated, went to the local community college, and life got messy.
I transitioned from local college to a different college due to life throwing me a curve ball. I was being pushed into a medical school despite having no interest in Surgical Tech and being hemophobic, and the college asked that I get reevaluated for my ADHD diagnosis due to my diagnosis being from such a young age, and the advancement of the medical book that has revisions every so many years. (I'm trying to find what this is but my google-fu is weak and I'm hoping you know which one I'm referring to.) In order to get the special accomodations for someone with special needs (I hated hearing this growing up) I had to go get evaluated again. After a few weeks, they concluded I didn't have enough signs to be diagnosed with ADHD. (Satisfying to hear; I had some special ed teachers tell me plainly that I will never 'overcome' this mental disposition and I was over the moon when the results validated my feelings.)
Although now, many years later, I'm wondering if I do or I don't have ADHD. I'm now conflicted about this more than ever, but that's not the crux of this issue.
Now, the crux: I started taking Vyvanse after learning a little about how it's an alternative to Adderal and Ritalin, and so far I'm not disappointed but I am trying to overcome matters that might be more habit related. If you can give me insight, I'd be very happy. It may not be specific to Vyvanse. It might just be trying to re-learn some functions. Here's what is on my mind right now:
I can get up and function with purpose, but I don't feel like I have a goal to achieve: I'm starting to wake up at reasonable times. Like, 8am, give or take. It's great because I have more time to do things before I go to work in the evening. I have so many projects from years ago that I could put my attention on (writing, painting, working out) but my self-discipline is lacking. I'm motivated and focused, but now how do I hone that on something when I've spent years struggling? What do you do to help yourself accomplish things that you really want to do? For now, I feel satisfied performing the annoying tasks like laundry and cleaning, but for personal tasks of passion, I'm disappointing myself.
I'm thinking this is the primary concern right now. For instance, I also have major depressive disorder and I'm taking an antidepressant prescribed by my doctor on top of Vyvanse.
Before I took these medications, I would barely talk myself out of bed to get to work. Showering, as some of you with depression may know, was hard. Doing anything related to self-maintenance is an uphill struggle. Now I'm taking my dog on walks nearly three times a day before work. Before the medication, I would try to take her to the dog park once a week. Now she goes two, three, sometimes four times a week because my work is in the afternoons into the evening.
Socially, I'm starting to find myself interacting with people more. Before the medications, I was having a hard time speaking to people. I wouldn't interact unless I absolutely needed to. I felt bad or indifferent to the cashier giving me the obligatory "how are you today" and forced myself to engage, out of not wanting to make them feel disrespected. Now I'm not only happy to engage in these small social moments, but I'm making friends with my neighbors?? There's an old man that walks his old dog around my apartment complex a few times a day, and the stray cats follow him along the nature walks (because he feeds them at the end) and now I'm going on walks with him every time I see him go by. My dog loves it, I love it, and now this old man whom I would've never known prior is counting on me to feed the stray kitties when he goes out of state to visit his daughters this coming Easter. Really don't want to let him down, and I'm happy to do it. This isn't a pro or a con, just an observation.
Professionally, I feel less all over the place since I started taking Vyvanse. I know what needs to be done, which task takes priority, and I feel like I'm maximizing myself with time management and my duties. I like doing my job, even when I'm doing extra work, and I'm knocking out the extra workload in a few minutes as opposed to feeling like ugh man, this is going to take forever, I'm just going to sit down and think about how much I don't wanna do XYZ.
I guess it all comes down to not having that sense of obligation when I'm at home. I live alone, and I don't have anyone in my life being a manager to give me any direction. How are you deligating your personal tasks at home? How are you getting the personal projects you want done... done? Taking care of a dog is somewhat similar to a job, because I understand it as this doggo needs her walkies, and she will tell me she wants her walkies, so I'm gonna do the walkies because that's a job assigned to me and I must do it.
I'll edit this later if I need to clarify things, but I think right now that's really the summary of my thoughts and feelings. If you're inclined to ask, I've been on Vyvanse for three weeks, and I've been on Lexapro for almost two years...? I realize there is a potential for something like a Serotonin syndrome that could come into play? If you have personal experience with it, please feel free to chip in about it. I want to know what I'm getting myself into.
A definite con I have observed is I am smoking like... three packs of cigarettes a week (I want to quit, I really do) where as before Vyvanse I was smoking maybe one pack a week, or maybe 1.25 / 1.5 a week if it was a very bad stint at work. (If you have tips to quit smoking, I'd love to hear that, too).

Hi, I am an incoming PhD student in 23 Fall. I have just started looking for apartments near the university city. I mainly searched through apartments.com and zillow but I found out many "luxury" apartments(left bank, 3737 chestnut, etc) are quite expensive considering my stipend (about 3k/month after tax). So I am wondering if there are options that are affordable(under 1200/month for a studio/1bed or 2400/month for a 2B2B) near the campus? My non-negotiables are: safe street(there could be evening classes; just want to ensure I could walk back home safely at around 9 pm), less than 30 min walk to the campus(I don't have a car), central AC. Also any recommendations for good leasing companies? I have heard of University City Housing and I am curious about the experiences working with them. Thanks!

Had my first sleep consultation today because I’ve had issues around sleep my whole life. When I was a kid I slept walked and slept talked a lot as well as had a few sleep paralysis episodes. That all went away, but as an adult (23y F) I have

1. Insane hypnogogic hallucinations every time I fall asleep
2. I start dreaming 10 minutes after falling sleep and dream throughout the night (I know this because I wake up often but instantly fall back asleep)
3. I sleep 10-14 hours a day and am still sleepy/able to nap most the time (but only if I lay down). If I sleep 8 hours I have to take a 3 hour nap (like today) and still feel as though I could fall asleep at any time if I wanted.
4. I have random muscle spasms when I get angry

I told my sleep doctor all of this and asked about Narcolepsy but she pretty much dismissed it saying I have sleep apnea because my tonsils are very large. She wasn’t great in general, she called my chronic nightmares “spooky bumps in the night” and got my age wrong and few times. I’m going to a different doctor for my follow up visit because she was insensitive in general and just seemed disheveled. Am I right to talk to them about the possibility of Narcolepsy? Thank you!

So a few days ago, I met this guy in my academy. He is a very sweet, humble, handsome, honest and respectful man and that is what got me interested in him from day one. He also reciprocated that interest in the sense that whatever initiative I took with him, I would always get a positive response and he is, in general, very welcoming to me.
I asked him if we could hang out some day and he said ofcourse we can so we went to a very beautiful sunset point and sat there for hours and just talked talked and it was amazing. He told me he liked me from the start in the sense that he thought I was pretty whenever he saw me from a distance. (We held hands after that throughout the evening despite whatever conversation followed. He even publicly walked holding my hand) That made me want to open up and so I told him that I am interested in him because I think that his basics are correct but also that I am not going crazy over this thing so I want to give it time and effort (basically I was dying to call him mine but I acted very casual).
He then told me so much about himself that I realised how messed up he is and everything is not rosy. He told me he is stuck on someone who is already in a relationship with someone else because that girl was there for him when he had no friends. To move on from her, he asked out another girl but she made it clear that she does not want to date and he should forget about dating and all. But apparently, this second girl called him while I was with him and asked him questions like “where are you, who are you with etc etc”. Now this guy tells me that he has feelings for the first girl but I have a hinge that he is trying to protect the second girl and he has feelings for the second one because she is there in the academy and they are good friends but that girl is very veryy clever and she must be keeping him on a string because she’s been doing that with so many other guys in the academy. She’s not even pretty or a good person in general. She is very selfish too.
All of this dawned on me when I analysed all the events that happened from our evening together and whatever he told me. Anyway, he told me that he should have made things clear from the start ( although it’s been just 2 weeks) which means that he never was interested in me from the start because he is already into someone else but that hurts me so so much. He also said he is very fucked up rn and kept saying sorry to me for not being able to give me what I want.
I genuinely believe that he is a nice guy, and I do not want to lose him. I just think he is emotionally vulnerable which makes me believe that if I stick around with him, he might move on from that girl and fall for me because he never makes me feel that I am annoying him, is always there for me whenever I ask him too. And it’s only been 2 weeks of occasionally talking, I can not expect him to forget about this girl because I just came into his life.
But I also do not want to hurt myself in the process- what if he never moves on, what if this guy and the girl have some understanding on what they want to do in future, what if I make a fool out of myself yet I also want to give him time, space and love to build a connection unlike what he has had in the past where these girls have not given him priority. And because he is not a creep, he is a lovely man, he might just fall for the connection and love that I give him without throwing myself at him. I just want to be there for him.
I am so confused about this. I do not want to lose this guy. He is a gem which is why I am sure the second girl has kept her options open with him and keeps him by the string by calling him, hanging out with him but not committing to him. Also, why is he a fool to be stuck over someone like that? Why can he not see that I am amazing, and I love him.
Should I let him go? We study together and it would affect my studies if I have to cut off contact with him but if I sit with him everyday and study, it would make my feelings stronger. I just want this to work out somehow😭

I only dash for 2 hours every day…today in the span of 30 minutes the following happened (in order)
​
1-racism: My very first delivery of the day, walked into fast food place. As soon as I go in, an older woman keeps staring at me and her food repeatedly (which is on the counter being prepared by the employee) . As soon as her food‘s ready, she grabs her daughter (or grand daughter), and her food and basically runs out of the store, while giving me a weird look as she basically dashes past me.
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2-Towed (Almost): When I was delivering that same order I picked up from that place, the location had no parking in the area where the apartment I was supposed to deliver. So I parked in front of the building to complete the delivery (3rd floor apartment, no elevator). Left the car running. This is one of those buildings where each side does not connect and each side leads to completely different apartments. I went first up the wrong stairs to the 3rd floor…I heard a woman talking on the phone almost screaming from the general direction of where I was parked but did not pay much attention to it..then as go back down and up the other side, make the delivery and get back in the car. As I’m almost leaving the community, I see a tow truck getting in the community as fast as possible so I decide to turn around and see where he was going…because I had a hunch….goes past where I was parked around the building…then parks to look at this phone….makes me think he was there for me. I wasn’t even parked there for 3 minutes. I guess next time I’ll make sure I park in an actual parking spot even if for a second
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3-Dead bodies: When I left the community, I picked up another order….then I went past an accident that seemed to have happened very close to when I was passing through…..as I saw like 3 firefighterescue trucks and a few police vehicles….and also 2 dead bodies laying on the ground (only saw part of the heads and feet as the rest of the bodies were covered by what looked like firefighter’s protective gear….Up until now (I’m 33) I had been fortunate enough to never have seen such things in real life, but alas… of course, this last one makes all my problems be trivial little things in comparison….
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After this last one I was like “Nope, can’t do this right now...I’m done for today”…and after delivering my second order I just went home for the day….
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I’ve only been dashing for almost 3 weeks but damn…in only 30 minutes all this happened…of course, it could always be worse…I’d be curious to know if anyone as a dasher has experienced days like this one?

My sister in law has not been diagnosed but after reading through several of these posts im sure she is paranoid schizophrenic. She started showing symptoms at the age of 23 while away at college. We urged for her to come back as her grades started plummeting and eventually dropped out. She then started getting into alot of trouble because she thought people were making fun of her and she would physically assault them landing her in jail multiple times. When she finally decided to move back we tried everything to help her but she completely denies it and wont seek help. She tells me about the voices not letting her sleep coming from air vents and sink drains and yet she still believes she is fine. She has been getting very violent storming into my mother in law's room because she says she can hear her mom talking bad about her.. she even charged at her with a knife and we called the cops in hopes that they qould force her to get evaluated. She spent 8 months in jail and when she got out she was a completely different person. She was calm and relaxed but she still said some pretty out there comments. She is slowly starting to get back to how she was before. She threatens to get physical with my mother in law if she doesnt do what she says and my mother in law is terrified of what she may do to her. We have tried getting helo but everywhere we go they tell us she has to go on her own since she is an adult. And she has to accept treatment on her own. But how is she supposed to get help when in her mind she is totally fine??? Im tired of seeing her walk the streets like an empty shell with no light of emotions whats so ever. Is there anything we can do.?

Ok so one day I was in the library and he came up to me and asked for my snap and whatever else friends told me he was messing with me and I ended confronting him cause he was apparently talking to another girl and he was like I like her sorry and then a couple weeks later he was like I don't got a girl no more and we talked and he asked if liked him and stuff and he ended up at out lunch sitting at the table next to ours and he doesn't have our lunch so I panicked and me and my friends laughed about it.
And then a couple days later he came back and was sitting in our table so we had to sit at the one he say at and when we got there he was sitting in the spot I usually sit in facing the table we were forced to sit at and I sat with my back to them and he basically played ring around the rosy until he was right behind me and he would continually come to my lunch and keep looking at me from the side of his eye and I would catch him.
One day I texted him we talked and my friend texted him from my phone that he was a stalker since he kept coming to our lunch and he saw it and I could see he was panicked later and my friend ended up finding his snap and sending him this long ass paragraph of apologies he never said anything to either of us but it was fine I ended up confronting him about playing me and he confessed ig that he didn't like me and we went separate ways and we had a pep rally that day so my friends were clowning him from her phone cause she still had him on there and we could see him from across the gym which was kinda funny but we moved on.
Bur one day I had a thing for math due and I didn't do it and neither did none of my friends so my friend convinced me to ask him cause he had the class so I asked and he did but he asked for something in return he wanted head so the next day we went to the park and in some trees I gave him headHe asked me to promise not to say anything but I told a couple friends cause I wad even shocked and on the last day of school he came to our lunch and sat at our table again and I wad sure he told them cause of the way his friends reacted like one was rocking back and forth in a way with his mouth open and his other friend was asking why he was blushing and stuff and my friend was like at the most he told them he liked me.
Near the beginning of the year he ended asking me to give him head again so we met up and did that I also sent him some pics and like a week before school we talked again we had a nice conversation and were joking around like friends but whatever And on the first day of school he has my lunch actually this year and he say down with a big group of friends at the table next to ours and one friend yelled across and asked I still liked him and I said I didn't wanna answer that and we moved on and the next day we sat at our normal table diagonal to theirs kinda far and we turned around looking for someone and they called over and asked again but one of their other friends came over and I asked if I messed around with him I again didn't give an actual answer and we went on with our lives
And a while later the one friend who kept asking is in my math class and he was like Trevor wants to ask u something and he was like I think he likes u but a couple days later my friend texted that friend from my phone cause I somehow I added him a while before and asked what he wanted to ask and all he did was screenshot.
And now it's months later and he would stare at me or continually look at me in the hallway and if i was behind him he would keep looking behind him.
And then his friend added me on snap during finals and he asked me to give head to both of them at the same time and we had a whole other normal conversation cause we used to be friends but we ended up fighting and we moved on and he unfriended me for a couple weeks until he readded me and apologized and asked again and I agreed and we moved on until last week when he had called me on snap while me and my friend were skipping and they were both walking in the hallway but I missed it and thought he was just typing until we went to our next class with another friend of ours and they both happen to be I that class and I panicked and walked out and my friend said she could here him say call her again and tell her I wanna talk to her. But when I asked him why he called he said on accident but I haven't talked to him on a while so that didn't make sense to any of us.
Then last Thursday his friend messaged me again and asked me to u know and then ended up canceling last minute and then Friday we had a pep rally and me and 3 friends were sitting towards the front and side were screwing around and him and two of his friends were sitting a little back and to the side of us and my friends said he was staring at me and my one friend said when he looked at him he was looking dead at me and nobody else and that's the end for now so I'm confused and lost

I don't remember the first part very well, but what I do vaguely remember about it is getting some sort of weird plastic surgery to make my face smaller. I was walking to a dock and there was a line of individual boats set up down a narrow river, and everyone got on one boat and rowed to school. While I was getting on the boat, I remember noticing some sort of complication with the face surgery? Specifically, the designated helmet didn't fit me while I was getting on the boat, it was too small for me, so my face had presumably swelled up and become bigger after the surgery, so the person minding the boats told me I wasn't allowed to go with everyone else. The next scene was at the doctor's. (Btw, this entire part is 100% influenced by a manga I read about a plastic surgery gone wrong day before yesterday).
I don't remember what the doctor said, only that it was very serious and life threatening.
The next scene I remember, is riding on bikes with a friend. The friend isn't anyone I know in real life, I don't think they're even really based on anyone irl, just an original character. Suddenly, while we're riding our bikes to god knows where, a huge, fleshy monster appears. And by huge I mean huge, it towers over us by several meters and completely blocks the road with its sheer size. Strangely enough, there's no one else on the road except us. But this is where the really fucked up part starts.
The monster reaches out long arms shaped like pincers and opens my stomach, promptly starts taking out my internal organs one by one. Just when you think it's done, it reaches in to pull out something else, like a gallbladder or an intestine. All while my friend watches in abject horror. Eventually, the monster is done, zips my stomach back up (with no wound left behind) and leaves.
My friend and I get into fight right after, because he's mad I hid something from him (?). Considering it happened right after the monster attack, it had to be something related to that, the only other significant point I remember is the plastic surgery, so maybe the monster attack had something to do with the surgery? And he's upset I hid the surgery from him? I have no idea.
Anyways, after this I remember going home, and my home in the dream looks nothing like my actual home. It's a lot bigger, shinier, and I specifically wandered around the huge garden with a lot of flowers. I remember a few scenes where I talk to my mother, but I don't remember it well enough to describe anything about it.
The last thing I remember before I woke up is that I was trying to recover and find treatments that would save me from an inevitable death from losing my organs, but also slowly realizing that any treatments would most likely fail and I would almost certainly die.
The last thing I felt was a mixture of fear and hesitating hope for recovery, sadness that my life ended just as I was 18-19 and I didn't even get to go to University, and a struggle to accept my own death and come to terms with it even though I was so sad about it.
I think this counts as a nightmare, but I didn't feel truly scared in the dream, just a mix of anxiety, worry, and sadness.

If this goes against the guidelines, please be welcome to remove it I apologize.
So it’s October and my best friends dad passes away. I fly home for the funeral, and this guy watched me grow up I have so many memories when I was little being at her house and him making us dinner, driving us around, taking us shopping etc. So when he passed it had a really big impact on me, because he sort of was like a second father. Plus she lived right next door so we’d walk to each others houses CONSTANTLY.
Now it’s the day of the wake and it’s open casket, I just couldn’t stop staring at the body and my body froze. The whole recession burial, wake, funeral. That’s all over.
Now, I start to have weird dreams but it’s CONSTANT. I keep having the same dream over and over again it was exactly. My dad dies and he’s in the casket I’m the one being consoled but at the back it’s like no one can see him just me, he’s there standing up same funeral outfit and holding his rosary beads. I had this dream 3 nights in a row. Then my friend M has a dream too except her and her dad are at a stop light and her window is rolled down and the person in the car next to here is my best friends deceased father. He says to her “Everything is going to be okay. See ya kid.” fist bumps her and drives off. She goes to her dad “Did you see that Mr. LN was just right there in the car next to us.” and her dad says “Uh no we’re the only ones on the road.” and she woke up. I had that dream constantly then she had that. It was beautiful and I can’t tell if it’s paranormal.

Fiance and I moved into an apartment in December. It's been inconvenient -- broken heaters, shoddy fixes, and now we have to clean up and move around all of our apartment things due to pest fumigation. We both work from home and have two dogs. We asked for credit to book an airBnb or hotel while things get cleaned; they said no. Apparently, a neighboring unit had caused a pest infestation that we were not informed of before we had signed the lease.
They gave us incredibly short notice over the weekend and we have to clear out everything in specific areas. We're curious if we were supposed to be informed about a pest infestation.

(Post may be updated periodically as the event goes on)
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The thought of the rest of my life without you makes everything inside of me fall out my feet. It makes me feel the worst kind of empty. Like a husk of a human. Lonely in a way I can never alleviate, no matter who keeps me company. None of them are you. Nothing is you. Yet everything reminds me of you. That song, you. The woods, you. The color red, you. Driving in the rain, you. It. Is. Terrible.
We can’t fix us. We’ve tried a million times. Every time I walk away because it hurts to be together. It also hurts to be apart. I don’t understand what the f*ck. It makes me feel insane. Why can’t we just fix it? I’ve tried, but I can’t do it by myself. Even if you did something it doesn’t really matter, we just can’t seem to climb out of the hole we’ve dug ourselves into.
I’m sick of feeling like this. I love you and you love me. Nothing makes us happier than to be together. But the second we try and build anything else on top of that it topples. You’re scared and freeze. I’m hurt and sharp. I feel like we’re sitting together trying to figure out how 1+1=2. Trying to dissect it into smaller parts, to figure out how it works. Does it even matter? It’s just a thing that is. 1+1=2 you can’t write an essay about it anyone would read. So what are we even doing?
I’m laying in bed, listening to music. Not even sad music, and it just makes my heart bleed out my armpit. It drains me, soaks me and covers my existence in it. I hate it. I just want to shake you and say, “come on man move!!” But you’re frozen, like frozen frozen, and cemented to the floor. No matter what I do I can’t move you. It’s an inside job. Only you can free yourself from what encapsulates you. It’s locked from the inside and impenetrable.
Even if I say right next to your entombed self, it’s still unbearably lonely. You’re in there but you’re cut off from the world, from me. It hurts to miss someone you’re right next to. I want everything with you. Literally everything. Everything is better, more fun, more whole when you’re there. Even things I love are empty without you. This loss has turned to grief, and that grief is slowly cocooning me in a tomb as well. Where everything is just encapsulated in sadness.
Sometimes I wish I never met you. So I wouldn’t know what it’s like to be with you. Because now being without you hurts. I could call you. I’m sure you’d pick up. And we’d start this whole thing over again. But I don’t want to do that to either of us. So instead I’m going to write to you here.
I miss you. Every part of me misses you. I’m so tired of being sad, about someone that makes me so happy. It’s not us, it’s everything else about life that’s wedged between us and created this continental divide. Our bleeding hearts and leaky eyes has filled it, and now the monumental task of crossing it is overwhelming.
I miss you. But I also give up. I have no idea what to do. I’m just going to stay right here until it kills me, or stop hurting. One of those is bound to happen eventually. I wish you were here. I wish it didn’t hurt. I wish I could go back and undo all of it, but also do it all over again. I’m positive I was not supposed to do life without you. So why does everything seem so impossible? I don’t think we’ll ever know, because I’m never coming back. I won’t open this wound again. No matter how bad it hurts, or how bad I want to.
I’ve blocked you everywhere, for both our sanities. Too bad there isn’t a block for your heart as well. Something to stop all sadness from seeping inside. They say time heals all wounds, but this one always seems to work the other way around. It’s like a student loan, leave it alone ballooning to epic proportions, and the debt collectors are relentless. I wish there was a place remote enough to hide from this. Or something enchanting enough to distract. No matter where I go there you are. No matter what I do, you show up in that too. The further away from you I try and get, the tighter your memory holds onto me.