Dwarf fortress how to butcher animals

Dwarf Fortress World Generation

2012.02.23 02:34 yamamushi Dwarf Fortress World Generation

A subreddit community for sharing and discussing Dwarf Fortress World Generation Seeds and Settings.
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2012.08.30 02:37 Shadesoflight Introduction to Dwarf Fortress: A UofR Class

This is the main subreddit for the University of Reddit class: Introduction to Dwarf Fortress. Here you can find lessons on how to play Dwarf Fortress, a game widely described as extremely hard and confusing.
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2009.05.16 18:35 basilisk Dwarf Fortress

Dwarf Fortress - Losing is fun!
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2023.03.29 11:49 epiccreep How do I watch Seraph the end?

The anime seems to be on crunchyroll but it says the episodes aren't available there. Apparently it was available just a month ago but now it isn't. How do I even watch this anime? I can't find it anywhere, I'm gonna have to resort to piracy if they keep playing games like this.
submitted by epiccreep to OwarinoSeraph [link] [comments]


2023.03.29 11:43 UOSenki I surpise they didnt use this simple tactic to sell Bluray...

I read the full manga, but only check out anime here and there. 1 thing i notice is the kiss and make out, etc... scene is done in much longer time, with lot more spicey protrayed, more action.
Mei and Yuzu first kiss: In manga Mei just kiss her feel qutie fast, real kiss happen in only 2 panel, 5 panel include begin and end, Yuzu look like she is confuse and still not sure what just happen. while in anime, she get kiss for like whole 5 second, then she try to break out but Mei hold her, she truggle but get molested for like another 20 second XD. the whole thing going on for like a full minutes, she look like she just climaxed XD. this is pretty much same for all other scene. if you they did it like in the manga, probally make it tamer with it spicey's reputation
Anyway, my point is, why dont they just keep it short, just like the manga, and the bluray will have the bonus uncensored "extendted scene". I guarantee it will boost the sell up sky rocket. (just need to make sure Advertive it so people aware of the bluray have such bonus). I mean that is pretty much the selling point of bluray for many anime, or how some anime make a Ova bonus and thing is more horny in that ova episode.
submitted by UOSenki to CitrusManga [link] [comments]


2023.03.29 11:43 wqrt4rjrth [Reddit] How TO Watch ‘Scream VI’ Online Free ON Stream At Home

Rocky Movies! Here are options for downloading or watching Scream VI streaming the full movie online for free on 123movies & Reddit, including where to watch the latest installment in the Rocky franchise at home. Scream VI 2023 available to stream? Is watching Scream VI on Disney Plus, HBO Max, Netflix or Amazon Prime? Yes, we have found an authentic streaming option/service.

WATCH: https://macfilms.club/movie/Scream-VI/

Now Is Scream VI available to stream? Is watching Scream VI on Disney Plus, HBO Max, Netflix, or Amazon Prime? Yes, we have found an authentic streaming option/service. A 1950s housewife living with her husband in a utopian experimental community begins to worry that his glamorous company could be hiding disturbing secrets. Showcase Cinema Warwick you'll want to make sure you're one of the first people to see it! So mark your calendars and get ready for a Scream VI movie experience like never before. of our other Marvel movies available to watch online. We're sure you'll find something to your liking. Thanks for reading, and we'll see you soon! Scream VI is available on our website for free streaming. Details on how you can watch Scream VI for free throughout the year are described If you're a fan of the comics, you won't want to miss this one!
The storyline follows Scream VI as he tries to find his way home after being stranded on an alien Scream VIt. Scream VI is definitely a Scream VI movie you don't want to miss with stunning visuals and an action-packed plot! Plus, Scream VI online streaming is available on our website. Scream VI online is free, which includes streaming options such as 123movies, Reddit, or TV shows from HBO Max or Netflix! Scream VI Release in the US Scream VI hits theaters on January 2023. Tickets to see the film at your local movie theater are available online here. The film is being released in a wide release so you can watch it in person. How to Watch Scream VI for Free ? release on a platform that offers a free trial. Our readers to always pay for the content they wish to consume online and refrain from using illegal means. Where to Watch Scream VI? There are currently no platforms that have Scream VIhts to Watch Scream VI Movie Online.
MAPPA has decided to air the movie only in theaters because it has been a huge success.The studio , on the other hand, does not wish to divert revenue Streaming the movie would only slash the profits, not increase them. As a result, no streaming services are authorized to offer Scream VI Movie for free. The film would, however, very definitely be acquired by services like Funimation , Netflix, and Crunchyroll. As a last consideration, which of these outlets will likely distribute the film worldwide? Is Scream VI on Netflix? The streaming giant has a massive catalog of television shows and movies, but it does not include 'Scream VI.' We recommend our readers watch other dark fantasy films like 'The Witcher: Nightmare of the Wolf.' Is Scream VI on Crunchyroll? Crunchyroll, along with Funimation, has acquired Scream VIhts to the film and will be responsible for its distribution in North America.Therefore, we recommend our readers to look for the movie on the streamer in the coming months. subscribers can also watch dark fantasy shows like 'Jujutsu Kaisen.' Is Scream VI on Hulu?
No, 'Scream VI' is unavailable on Hulu. People who have a subscription to the platform can enjoy 'Afro Samurai Resurrection' or 'Ninja Scroll.' Is Scream VI on Amazon Prime? Amazon Prime's current catalog does not include 'Scream VI.' However, the film may eventually release on the platform as video-on-demand in the coming months.fantasy movies on Amazon Prime's official website. Viewers who are looking for something similar can watch the original show 'Dororo.' When Will Scream VI Be on Disney+? Scream VI, the latest installment in the Scream VI franchise, is coming to Disney+ on July 8th! This new movie promises to be just as exciting as the previous ones, with plenty of action and adventure to keep viewers entertained.
you're looking forward to watching it, you may be wondering when it will be available for your Disney+ subscription. Here's an answer to that question! Is Scream VI on Funimation ? Crunchyroll, its official website may include the movie in its catalog in the near future. Meanwhile, people who wish to watch something similar can stream 'Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba – The Movie: Mugen Train.' Scream VI Online In The US? Most Viewed, Most Favorite, Top Rating, Top IMDb movies online. Here we can download and watch 123movies movies offline. 123Movies website is the best alternative to Scream VI's (2021) free online. We will recommend 123Movies as the best Solarmovie alternative There are a few ways to watch Scream VI online in the US You can use a streaming service such as Netflix, Hulu, or Amazon Prime Video. You can also rent or buy the movie on iTunes or Google Play. watch it on-demand or on a streaming app available on your TV or streaming device if you have cable. What is Scream VI About? It features an ensemble cast that includes Florence Pugh, Harry Styles, Wilde, Gemma Chan, KiKi Layne, Nick Kroll, and Chris Pine. In the film, a young wife living in a 2250s company town begins to believe there is a sinister secret being kept from her by the man who runs it. What is the story of Scream VI? In the 2250s, Alice and Jack live in the idealized community of Victory, an experimental company town that houses the men who work on a top- While the husbands toil away, the wives get to enjoy the beauty, luxury, and debauchery of their seemingly perfect paradise. However, when cracks in her idyllic life begin to appear, exposing flashes of something sinister lurking below the surface, Alice can't help but question exactly what she's doing in Victory. In ancient Kahndaq, Teth Adam bestowed the almighty powers of the gods. After using these powers for vengeance, he was imprisoned, becoming Scream VI. Nearly 5,000 years have passed, and Scream VI has gone from man to myth to legend. Now free, his unique form of justice, born out of rage, is challenged by modern-day heroes who form the Justice Society: Hawkman, Dr. Fate, Atom Smasher, and Cyclone.
Also known as ?????? ???? Production companies : Warner Bros. Pictures. At San Diego Comic-Con in July, Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson had other people raising eyebrows when he said that his long-awaited superhero debut in Scream VI would be the beginning of “a new era” for the DC Extended Universe naturally followed: What did he mean? And what would that kind of reset mean for the remainder of DCEU's roster, including Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, the rest of the Justice League, Suicide Squad, Shazam and so on.As Scream VI neared theaters, though, Johnson clarified that statement in a recent sit-down with Yahoo Entertainment (watch above). “I feel like this is our opportunity now to expand the DC Universe and what we have in Scream VI, which I think is really cool just as a fan, is we introduce five new superheroes to the world,” Johnson tells us. Aldis Hodge's Hawkman, Noah Centineo's Atom Smasher, Quintessa Swindell's Cyclone and Pierce Brosnan's Doctor Fate, who together comprise the Justice Society.) “One anti-hero.” (That would be DJ's Scream VI.) “And what an opportunity. The Justice Society pre-dated the Justice League. So opportunity, expand out the universe, in my mind… all these characters interact. That's why you see in Scream VI, we acknowledge everyone: Batman , Superman , Wonder Woman, Flash, we acknowledge everybody.There's also some Easter eggs in there, too.So that's what I meant by the resetting.Maybe 'resetting' wasn't a good term.only one can claim to be the most powerful superhero .And Johnson, when gently pressed, says it's his indestructible, 5,000-year-old Kahndaqi warrior also known as Teth-Adam, that is the most powerful superhero in any universe, DC, Marvel or otherwise . "By the way, it's not hyperbole because we made the movie."And we made him this powerful. There's nothing so wrong with “Scream VI” that it should be avoided, but nothing—besides the appealing presence of Dwayne Johnson—that makes it worth rushing out to see. spectacles that have more or less taken over studio filmmaking, but it accumulates the genre's—and the business's—bad habits into a single two- hour-plus package, and only hints at the format's occasional pleasures. “Scream VI” feels like a place-filler for a movie that's remaining to be made, but, in its bare and shrugged-off sufficiency, it does one positive thing that, if nothing else, at least accounts for its success: for all the churning action and elaborately jerry-rigged plot, there's little to distract from the movie's pedestal-like display of Johnson, its real-life superhero.
It's no less numbing to find material meant for children retconned for adults—and, in the process, for most of the naive delight to be leached out, and for any serious concerns to be shoehorned in and then waved away with dazzle and noise. Scream VI” offers a moral realm that draws no lines, a personal one of simplistic stakes, a political one that suggests any interpretation, an audiovisual one that rehashes long-familiar tropes and repackages overused devices for a commercial experiment that might as well wear its import as its title. When I was in Paris in 1983, Jerry Lewis—yes, they really did love him there—had a new movie in theaters. You're Crazy, Jerry."Scream VI " could be retitled 'You're a Superhero, Dwayne'—it's the marketing team's PowerPoint presentation extended to feature length. In addition to being Johnson's DC Universe debut, “Scream VI” is also notable for marking the return of Henry Cavill's Superman. The cameo is likely to set up future showdowns between the two characters, but Hodge was completely unaware of it until he saw the film. “They kept that all the way under wraps, and I didn't know until maybe a day or two before the premiere,” he recently said Scream VI (2023) FULLMOVIE ONLINE Is Scream VI Available On Hulu? Viewers are saying that they want to view the new TV show Scream VI on Hulu. Unfortunately, this is not possible since Hulu currently does not offer any of the free episodes of this series streaming at this time. the MTV channel, which you get by subscribing to cable or satellite TV services.
Adonis Creed is returning to the ring and Michael B. Jordan is taking a seat in the director’s chair for Scream VI — out exclusively out in theaters March 3, 2023
After a few years away from the ring, "Donnie" Creed is enjoying the family and life he’s built for himself. But when his childhood best friend — and former boxing prodigy — reaches out after being released from prison, the heavyweight boxing champion’s peace becomes threatened by the reminder from his past.
Tessa Thompson returns alongside Creed newcomer Jonathan Majors in Jordan's directorial debut. When asked during a private trailer screening why he decided to take over the reins for the third film, Jordan told journalists that he felt it was "the perfect time" after his extensive experience in various roles throughout "over 20 years" in the industry.
"I finally got to this place in my career where I wanted to tell a story and not just be in front of the camera, not just execute somebody else's vision," he explained. "And having a character that I've played twice before, you know, it's been seven, eight years living with this guy. So to be able to tell a story of where I believe Adonis is at, and also at 35 years old, I had a lot to say as a young Black man [about] my life experiences and how I could actually share a piece of myself with the world through these characters and through this story."
Here's your guide on how you can watch the highly anticipated rocky movie Scream VI streaming, starring Michael B. Jordan, Jonathan Majors and Tessa Thompson.
When Does the Scream VI Movie Come Out? Scream VI officially hits theaters on March 3, 2023. But you can catch early screenings as soon as Thursday, March 2.
How To Watch Scream VI Online: The easiest way to watch Creed is on Prime Video ($14.99/month with Amazon Prime subscriptions) or HBO Max ($9.99/month). The film is available to all subscribers at no additional cost.
You can watch Creed using the on-demand feature if you have a traditional cable subscription that includes TNT, truTV or TBS. Currently, it’s available on-demand at no extra cost through both of the channels listed above.
If you’re looking for a streaming service that’ll act as a cable replacement, Sling ($40/month) and Hulu + Live TV ($69.99/month) are both great options that include TNT and TBS. These services also come with on-demand capabilities that’ll let you watch Creed.
You can also buy or rent Creed from Amazon, Vudu, and Apple TV. It costs $3.99 to rent (rentals are available for 30 days and 48 hours once you’ve pressed play) and $7.99 to buy.
Is Scream VI Streaming Online? Well, not right now. In terms of the streaming release, Scream VI will most likely follow the 45-day theatrical window before being available to stream online. Due to Amazon's multi-billion dollar acquisition of MGM (the franchise's production company), it's most likely that Prime Video will be the main platform that will stream Scream VI.
Where to watch Scream VI Online: As of now, the only way to watch Scream VI is to head to a theater when it releases on Friday, March 3. You can find a local showing on Fandango. Otherwise, you’ll just have to wait for it to become available to rent or buy on digital platforms like Vudu, Peacock, Apple and YouTube, or become available to stream on Amazon Prime Video.
Watch Now: Scream VI Online Free ​​​​​​​
Following its release in theaters, the film will be available to stream on Prime Video. Expect the movie to hit the streamer 45 days after its theatrical run, which should be sometime in April. it's most likely that Prime Video will be the main platform that will stream Scream VI.
Will Scream VI be on Netflix? No, Scream VI will not be available on Netflix — at least not anytime soon, since it will be heading straight to Peacock after its theatrical release. In the meantime, you’ll just have to wait for it to become available on the NBCUniversal-owned streaming platform.
Is Scream VI streaming on HBO Max? Scream VI is expected to stream on HBO Max at some point after its theatrical run. No official streaming release date for the movie has yet been given, but as it comes from Warner Bros., it will likely arrive on the platform after its cinematic debut barring some unprecedented events or a unique deal.
Is Scream VI streaming on Prime Video? After completing its huge $8.5 billion acquisition of MGM, the movie studio behind Scream VI, in March 2022, Amazon Studios will undoubtedly be making the film available to stream on their Prime Video platform.
The first two Creed movies are available to watch on the streaming service, so it is just a matter of time before Scream VI also makes an appearance. No official date has yet been set, but it will likely take a couple of months from the film’s theatrical release before it is available for streaming.
Is Scream VI Available On Hulu? Viewers are saying that they want to view the new movie Scream VI on Hulu. Unfortunately, this is not possible since Hulu currently does not offer any of the free episodes of this series streaming at this time. It will be exclusive to the MTV channel, which you get by subscribing to cable or satellite TV services. You will not be able to watch it on Hulu or any other free streaming service.
How to Watch Creed Online For Free? Most Viewed, Most Favorite, Top Rating, Top IMDb movies online. Here we can download and watch 123movies movies offline. 123Movies website is the best alternative to Scream VI (2022) free online. We will recommend 123Movies is the best Solarmovie alternatives.
There are a few ways to watch Scream VI online in the U.S. You can use a streaming service such as Netflix, Hulu, or Amazon Prime Video. You can also rent or buy the movie on iTunes or Google Play. You can also watch it on-demand or on a streaming app available on your TV or streaming device if you have cable.
What is Scream VI About? Scream VI continues the story of boxer Adonis Creed, son of Apollo from the Rocky movies. Here's the official synopsis from MGM:
After dominating the boxing world, Adonis Creed has been thriving in his career and family life. When a childhood friend and former boxing prodigy, Damian, resurfaces after serving a long sentence in prison, he is eager to prove that he deserves his shot in the ring. But the face-off between former friends is more than just a fight, and to settle the score, Adonis must put his future on the line.
Scream VI Cast Scream VI was written by Keenan Coogler and Zach Baylin. It was directed by Michael B. Jordan and stars the following actors:
Released: 2022-12-07 Runtime: 103 minutes Genre: Animation, Adventure, Comedy, Family Stars: Antonio Banderas, Salma Hayek, Harvey Guillén, Wagner Moura, Florence Pugh Director: Sheri Galloway, Andrew Adamson, Chris Meledandri, Cody Cameron, Tommy Swerdlow Disclaimer:
submitted by wqrt4rjrth to hdq_Scream_6 [link] [comments]


2023.03.29 11:42 TheCrazedEB When RE4 VR drops I would like to be able to see a 3rd person's perspective toggle

title, (I'm a soon-to-have vr first-timer. So idk if my idea is a thing for other 3rd person to vr games)
it would be a shame not to experience Leon's hair quality and clothing quality by being in 1st person only. Im also curious how his kicks and dives animations will translate. For RE:Village it makes sense for the player not to have a toggle 3rd person option to hide Ethan's appearance (even if we see his model in the game character asset section) For the DLC of Rose I would think this is where we can get a 1st look at 3rd person toggle view, if there is one.
I hope Capcom gives us the option to toggle 3rd person even if playing looks weird (like over-the-shoulder shooting and arm swinging), I think it would be a shame not to be able to see the modeling work for the main character. Also interesting how RE2/3 work in VR due to modders, makes me wonder if Capcom will go back and bring proper support for those as well.
Does anyone have thoughts or experience about primarily 3rd to vr treatment?
submitted by TheCrazedEB to PSVR [link] [comments]


2023.03.29 11:42 Business_Twist8892 Enjoy Demon Slayer: To The Swordsmith Village Online Free

Crunchyroll Movie! Are you looking to download or watch the new Demon Slayer: To The Swordsmith Village Movie online? Demon Slayer Season 3: To The Swordsmith Village is available for Free Streaming 123movies & Reddit,1movies, 9movies, and yes movies, including where to watch the Crunchyroll Movies at home.
Watch Now: Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba -To the Swordsmith Village Online Free
Are you a Demon Slayer fan? well, here's all you need to know in order to watch 'Demon Slayer: Kimetsu no Yaiba -To the Swordsmith Village' for free. Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba - To the Swordsmith Village is a part of the Demon Slayer franchise. It is one of the greatest anime of the new generation and has gained a lot of popularity since it first premiered in 2019. The manga has also gained a lot of attraction, which has led to quite a lot of films being released in the name of the series.
Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba - To the Swordsmith Village Release Date:
As mentioned above, Demon Slayer movie 2 is set to begin premiering internationally on February 18, 2023, beginning with Malaysia and Singapore. An advanced screening will also take place at Los Angeles, California’s Orpheum Theatre that same weekend. However, this is considered an advanced screening ahead of the March 3 North American general premiere.
Demon Slayer movie 3 is set to premiere in theaters in the following cities and regions on the corresponding dates:
How to Watch Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba - To the Swordsmith Village for Free?
The only easy way to watch Demon Slayer: Kimetsu No Yaiba - To the Swordsmith Village streaming free without downloading anything is by visiting this web page. You can stream Nope online here right now. This film will be released on 18 August 2023 and received an average rating with a 0 IMDb vote.You can also find this film in English, French, Spanish. Click on the corresponding flag below to change the language.
submitted by Business_Twist8892 to swordsmithvillage [link] [comments]


2023.03.29 11:40 ElephantOk9785 Do i give up? or do i keep trying?

Hey so im new to this all and just dating in general.
I met someone a few months ago in august and i never thought id be the type of person to fall in love except her she literally walked in and i knew i loved her.
i found a way to talk to her somehow and it went amazing she liked me i liked her we may have gone too fast but it felt right? we felt connected. i went from talking to her casually to us saying we liked each other in the matter of not even a week, then it was bam love in 2 weeks we was in a relationship she was practically moved in i know fast but it was love? or i thought it was. my whole view of life changed, i used to go out a lot d i was a smoker and drinker previously until i had a stroke, my gf new the life i had before, i would go out practically every night but i never even talked to girls? was just to drink and have a laugh with friends, i never even hit on anyone over the 2 year period, never kissed someone i mean hell i never even spoke to a girl. and after i thought id never find anyone, well not even before ! but i did and i was literally given a second chance and there she was it felt like my second chance. She gave me a purpose in life, i never had one until now.we talked a lot about our future together and we both had the same goals or thereabouts and i found out we're expecting our first child together, we found out just after Christmas. then literally BAM it all started going wrong? i have a dog which she does not like there were discussions on if we ever did have a baby? that she'd prefer the dog not here, She did not want to move in until the dog had gone. i wasn't exactly over the moon about it because my parents passed away and it was their dog, ive had this dog for over 12 years, she was the last living thing of my mum? But i always chose our baby first, i never hesitated i never said no, i just said if that's the case id like to make sure she's in a safe place, i asked friends and family but unfortunately they could not have my dog.so i looked into places from reputable shelters so RSPCA, Dogs trust, blue cross , faith, just basically any respected shelter. She was on lists for those places i think i was in contact or on a list for around 12-17 places. She said put her on gumtree, i was hesitant i said no, i heard stories about that growing up and it didn't feel right, i heard they use animals for bait and breeding etc, and i didn't feel comfortable with it, we had arguements over it but i didn't feel right doing it so i said no. Then this lead to a problem where she said i didn't care about her or our baby, i didn't think they're a priority that i would rather chose my dog over the chance to be a family? this lead to countless arguements, and eventually it was to the point she would not come round unless the dog was not here, i used to be able to get her a way for a night now and then, but then this lead to her not coming round at all.then more problems, she told me she was not feeling affectionate , we barely kissed, held hands, cuddled anything romantic or physical, I gathered maybe the hormones? the pregnancy maybe? her body is going through something i can't understand and i wish i could, but i just said im here still for everything, just talk to me.
i had friends from work, who were females it was a very female oriented place, but they had other partners and kids, i would like a picture of them and their other half with their kids in it or speak to them say oh they look nice in a photo, but she thought i was into them? I told her ive never had any romantic feelings for anyone other than her tbh, and im not even lying i never really found myself to be in love or even like anyone tbh, i was very alone just friends. ive never once flirted, or talked to another girl unless they were a friend. I was the type of person growing up to say oh hey lovely, or alright beautiful, or hey trouble i would say this to anyone regardless, from my age to 70s i call my neighbor beautiful and she is in her 60s with more of a beard then me, i never meant it romantically or to flirt i was just being too nice i guess, maybe i shouldn't have when i was in a relationship? but it was what i was used to, and i knew and she knew i never meant it to be in a romantic or flirt way. she wasn't happy with me i told her i wouldn't do it again, and i meant it because i never wanted to be disrespectful or ever make her insecure she was my world, my eyes were on her where ever we went , we were all over each other.
this lead to her saying i think we need a break, and i pushed it i should've said look ill give you space ?but i didn't want to abandon her? I felt like a break was just another word for im leaving you and i didn't want that, i wanted to be there to help her , go through this together so she wasn't alone. I know i pushed things i did the whole routine of but do you love me ? do you still care? do you want us still? I know im an idiot i was being selfish but i was very insecure, she would not tell me anything about her she would say im not telling you my plans. My head manifested and i became very down and insecure id ask if shes okay? she wouldn't tell me? id ask if she has plans? she wouldn't say, id ask alot and get no answers, until one night she was like im out i have plans, i asked and asked who she's with and what she's up to if she's okay? and she wouldn't tell me at all then i get into my head why is'nt she saying? which lead to the "are you with another guy" i know im an idiot but with everything going on i just didn't even know what to think my self anymore, i knew she wasn't that person but it was in my head and i couldn't get it out.
the night we broke up i answered a call from someone from my old work, she was with her partner and she has kids, no romance what so ever we were actually the type to be like oh you alright dick head i hate you etc type relationship we were mean to each other as friends, she asked me how i was, how im getting on after my stroke and what im up to we had a long conversation. I told my gf at the time that i was talking to her, i hid nothing.
i woke up from a text from my gf saying how long was i speakign to her for? i showed her the call log, and she went mental saying how dare i speak to a girl the night of our breakup/break , like i was cheating on her? Like i did it to hurt her? no she was a friend, and she knew this, She hated me she didn't want anything to do with me, im a c**t im an a**hole im everything under the sun, she despised me i make her sick, she stopped talking to me.
This lead to us barely seeing each other , it stopped completely unless it was a appointment for our baby or her
she told me were no longer in a relationship and we're not trying at the moment , but who knows what the future holds. Which gave me hope? but then it still got worse from there.
i would forget things so dates, plans , i met a friend when i went to town and we went for a drink, i forgot to do something for her, she made out like that's the ultimate betrayal , like i wasn't reliable or trust worthy she couldn't trust or believe me. i changed a lot of my dogs habits when she arrived, and it was pointed out, which is true i wouldn't of changed my dog without her, it wasn't in a bad way? but because i didn't defend her saying it wasn't true that she things im unreliable i don't have her back.
she swears at me calls me such harsh words, like you're a c**t and f**k off i don't want to speak to you ever again, and im just like are you okay? is everything alright, what's the matter? I don't lash out at her, i don't swear at her i just... i care and love her too much to be an as*hole.
She didn't speak to me for a week, she told me were over completely she wants nothing to do with me and to f**k off , she just no contact, nothing, not one thing. i promised her i wouldn't drink, and i had a drink, over that period of the week because i felt the lowest i ever felt, i had given up really, i felt like nothing mattered.
she then contacted me asking if i spent money and what i spent it on , i could have lied? she wouldn't of known, but i told her the truth i said i had a drink, i brought take away's i didn't know what to do or how to function to be honest, i sort of reverted back to my old ways so to speak, she kept me level headed and made me want to better myself, then she left i felt like it didn't matter, she didn't care i felt sorry for myself. And i shouldn't have because im having a baby and i knew i was letting myself down but i was so depressed.
so i told her the truth and then she just basically said , you broke a promise, you are such an evil person you're scum you're nothing to me, she said we wasn't broken up but we was on a break ? But i told her no that's not what you were saying you said you didn't love me you didn't care about me, you hated me you this and that basically, and she was like no we was on a break.
now dude to all of this she is now telling me that im never getting a chance to be back with her, she wants nothing to do with me in a relationship never again , and no matter what i say or do it'll never change her mind. She wrote a pro and cons list and there's too many cons, ive done too much wrong and im such a bad person? She told her friends and they all agree that im bad for her, im such a nasty person and they see who i truly am??
but i don't think ive done enough to deserve all the hate and the harsh words? I spoke to some of my family and friends, and they don't think ive really done anything to deserve all this? Yes i made mistakes im not perfect no one is. But is this all deserved? do i deserve to be hated this much over this? I don't think ive left anything out but if i have ill add to it.
i think im just looking for an unbiased answer and an honest answer, if ive done wrong? ill accept that but i don't know? its all friends so they have a sort of duty to agree?
she is now only 15 weeks pregnant and i know i made mistakes, but i love her too much to let go? i can't abandon her, and i will never abandon our child, but i don't know what to do? Do i just give her time? or I just cut everything off and just be there for our child, because im lost.
she's younger than me, im m30 and she is f22, we have been together now for 7 months.
TL;DR; i feel like im being made out to be someone im not, i get abused but all i do is care and love her, and i don't think ive done anything to deserve this much hate, i don't want her to go and i don't know what i can do my heart is set on her but she feels im someone im not.
submitted by ElephantOk9785 to relationships [link] [comments]


2023.03.29 11:31 ParaMoon42 Angry Now And Just Venting...

Hello, everyone. It's me, Dani. :-)
I'm the 42-year-old sibling/anime nerd/writer, who's trying to care for my 57-year-old brother named Rob with a brain tumor and a badly infected leg (due to diabetes, thanks to the brain tumor). Along with my sister, Ace, who is the true rockstar and angel in all of this. And Rob's wife is a SAINT! She's put up with this madness for over a year and deserves all of the flowers possible! =p
So, it's been *checks notes* NINE days since I made my first post here, which started out with me venting about the horrible state of Rob's leg, the difficulty in changing his bandages (and peeling chunks of his skin away in the process, because the infection was THAT BAD!), about me going into a room to silent cry after those changings - before putting on a happy face again and approaching Rob with empathy and compassion again.
And just like the erosion of his leg, so is the state of our sibling relationship - as I've reached the point of screaming, cursing him out, and blocking phone calls altogether from Rob! I'll explain...
So, Ace took him to the best VA hospital in the Twin Cities of Minnesota. Once the medical staff saw the state of his leg, they IMMEDIATELY admitted him and set up a whole team of specialists for him. Two wound-care specialists, a new endocrinologist, a GP (that Rob loved and kept praising a lot), a head nurse named, uh... let's call him Calvin - that took to him as a fellow ex-soldier himself, a psychologist (as he voiced that he was feeling a lot of anxiety and wanted to talk with someone), a social worker, and a group of nurses to tend to his every need and whim.
This dream-team would football huddle together and work quickly with the goal to save Rob's leg from being amputated from the knee, as that was a real possibility on the table. (Keep in mind, this isn't on his Veteran benefits - no, it's on his wife's private insurance). And the treatments were super effective, with every one of his doctors pretty much giving the green light that he'd likely be released from the hospital by Monday. Meaning the Monday that's already passed now...
By Saturday, Rob decided, "My leg is healed enough! I want to go home!" He meant that he wanted to go back to our apartment for my sister and me to resume playing nurse-maid to him. Every doctor was adamant in their professional opinion that it would be unwise for him to leave the hospital in the middle of the treatment that will save his leg! So many times, the phrases "not recommended" or "I wouldn't recommend it" was repeated by every doctor and specialist. They would tell Rob this directly and oftentimes with Ace in the room to witness it.
Somehow, Rob heard, "Something-something... you can go home now if you want to." Every. Single. Time. And when Ace went home from her visit with him, he'd get the doctor to get on his phone, to relay to Ace that he can skip out on his treatment, but the doctor would repeat over the phone, "I don't recommend that your brother signs out of treatment prematurely, in my professional opinion." Then Rob would take the phone back and shout to my sister, as if he was vindicated, "You see? Doctor says I can go home!"
Calvin tried to warn him, "If you leave this hospital, you'll lose the leg for certain!" Rob tried to argue with the head nurse that his leg wasn't that bad, so Calvin stated the truth, "Dude, I can smell the infection, as we speak." I had experienced that smell for two days before he went into the VA... it smells of rotting flesh! No lie or "no cap" as the kids say these days.
Rob got angry and decided that it was all his wife's fault that he was losing his leg. He called her up on the phone, screaming at her, and asking for a divorce, as poor Ace tried to calm him down. His wife's account was, that she gave him his antibiotics - he refused to take them and the infection got worse. And that's an observable truth, as Rob has a habit of not taking his medication when he's at home and it's left up to him to do. And, he's too prideful to let anyone else manage his medications for him.
Either that or too paranoid. I don't really know.
Before Saturday, on Friday, Rob decided that Calvin was at fault and should be fired. He blamed Calvin for "lying" to him about the risk of losing his leg, deciding that it was never that serious at all, and that Calvin was purposely trying to get him to divorce his wife. And then, more bizarre conspiracy theories against the hospital and staff occurred. (see the previous post, if you're curious.)
So, it's been days of nonstop gaslighting and emotional blackmailing from Rob! And... for some crazy reason, he believes I'm the "weakest link" (even though, Ace has openly admitted that she's the weaker of the two of us and has been leaning on me for support to not cave into his mind-games), and his presumption that he's somehow "smarter" than me and that he can easily get his way from me only pisses me off MORE so! :(
And the worse thing is - the leg thing is situated now... It's not great, but they managed to stop the infection. Rob took it upon himself to flood my phone with photos of his bloody mess of a leg, to "prove" to me that his leg is fine. Even though it looks like a shriveled and dead tree limb with huge gaping bloody wounds, that are actively staining the white linens within the photo. Yes, there is no more liquid and pus, just lots of blood flowing now, but... Seriously, any special effect artist would be PROUD to recreate the way his "leg" looks now, for any horror movie!
BUT, on Sunday, his brain tumor swelled up so much that his eye is drooping, because it is pressing on the optical nerve. Rob's vision is impaired by the tumor and the surgeon wishes to schedule him for brain surgery as soon as possible. They're trying to get a spot for him in the OR and everything set up, but... you know, COVID, so the systems are still bogged down, and the soonest they could get it was in a few days from now. He has to STAY for a few more days to get the brain surgery that he most certainly needs.
And he will... because he has no other choice. =p
In my last post, I explained that Ace and I set an ultimatum to him - if he signs out AMA, he'll have to figure out on his own how to get back to our apartment and how he's going to climb the stairs to the second floor alone. Fat chance of him being successful at either - because he's too weak to sit up on his own, let alone stand on two legs without any help, and he's not been in Minnesota long enough to learn how to travel it yet. (FYI, we're far away from the hospital, in a suburban town many miles away! And he doesn't have any money to pay for that kind of cab fare, even if he wanted to!)
Ace and I are doing a little "tough love", refusing to take him out of medical care, which would be actively helping him to die on our sofa if we did. Nope.
His wife is in FULL and EAGER agreement with this too, along with Rob's social worker as well. The social worker will speak to his new GP about getting a psych eval for him (because the doctor that he praised so much before was harassed and driven up a wall so much - he switched rotation to another floor, just so Rob could stop insisting that he speak with Ace on the phone several times a day and say that it's okay for him to leave the hospital with a huge swollen BRAIN TUMOR in his head!!!)
It's okay... I'm taking a breath. LOL.
So... in order to stop getting his gore-fest photos and his constant calls, still trying to convince me that I'm a better nurse to him than, you know, nurses who went through medical training and all. And trying to hit every pain point in me to get me to cave into what he wants, I blocked his number. Leading up to the blocking, I DID blow up at him on Monday and shouted, "No, you listen to me! Your leg is f**king falling apart! I was peeling off your skin, every time I changed the bandages! Why do you think I'd immediately go back to my room, every time? I went to my room to CRY!" Rob paused, but he didn't care at all, he continued to argue that his leg was NEVER that bad and now that the infection was gone, he should come home... ignoring the swelling BRAIN TUMOR!!!!
I had enough and erupted with, "You're not going to manipulate me, you mother****er!!!" I don't use that swear, usually, as it was my mother's favorite swear. Perhaps, I was channeling a bit of her short temper, at that moment.
Then Rob tried to argue that I can't see very well (trying to use my eye condition against me - I am visually impaired with Keratoconus, yet in my constant blurred vision, I could see his skin sloughing off his wounds anyway. And so did my sister, who isn't visually impaired... nor were his doctors who were shocked and stunned at the state of his leg too, and poor Calvin the head nurse too), that I was seeing his leg "wrong" and "imagining things"... and that's when I hung up and blocked him.
For the past two days... of blissful peace! XD
I went about my day and life as usual while checking in on my sister, from time to time, who was still taking his calls and being driven up a wall.
And the phone block on Rob should have remained...
Tonight, he used the nurse's desk phone to contact me and leave a message on my voicemail. Before he went into the hospital, I had happily presented him with a "house-warming gift". You see, I suffer from PTSD and night terrors (will not get too much into that, just mentioning it for clarity's sake), and my sister bought me a tank with osculating jellyfish in it, to help me sleep better at night. It's a lot pretty, and calming, and it does help me out a lot.
When Rob came to visit us the first time (in far better health than he is currently in and not at all the asshole that we know him to be as now - I know, I know... it's the tumor.), he saw it and thought it was the coolest thing ever. So, I asked my sister to send the link to where she bought the tank, so I that could buy one for Rob when he came back to live with us/seek medical treatment in Minnesota. (That was THE PLAN, after all, that Rob would move in with us for a while and seek medical care here in Minnesota, as he said that our state had better doctors here than in Maryland.)
So tonight, Rob decided to leave me a message, saying that he was sorry and that if he was to go back to Maryland - would it be okay if he took along the jellyfish gift with him? No matter how much of an asshole someone is to me, a gift is a gift. I don't take back gifts, NOT EVER. That's not my style at all. And so, I took him off the phone block to text him just that. Word-for-word.
He wrote back - his words jumbled and misspelled heavily, because of his vision impairments, that was along the lines of "I know that you hate me now." And I replied back, "I don't hate you. I'm just not willing to put up with emotional blackmail bullshit." So then he called me and I kind of KNEW it was a bad mistake to answer, but I did answer...
Immediately, he tried to convince me that he can come home now because there was a "scheduling error" and the doctors said that he can leave for two days and come back for the brain surgery this weekend! This began a shouting match between him and me! LOL! Ace had talked to the doctors and social worker YESTERDAY, who said no such thing. And they keep stressing, if Rob leaves now, it will take at least three whole weeks before he would be able to get in brain surgery. Because, COVID, things are stressed and short-staffed in every hospital.
He will not last that long. He will either die of starvation (as he's not eating meals - and that's not anything new. Ace and I noticed that for a while now, before he went to the hospital, and had asked his wife about it too. She confirmed that Rob wasn't eating much in Maryland either. It may be time for a feeding tube to be introduced soon), or the pressure of the tumor may cause him to have a fatal stroke or other grizzly brain horrors and he'll die on our sofa.
I said to him (and please excuse my swears), "Stop being such a bitch-baby and stay for the surgery!" And he grumbled, "Stop calling me a bitch-baby..." And I literally punched the air, because I was so pissed off, and I snarled, "Okay, I will when you STOP acting like one!!!" Then I realized that I was screaming my head off past midnight, caught myself, and said, "You know what? Ace is in the next room, trying to get some sleep, so she can work in the morning... I'm NOT doing this with you, Rob!"
Then he asked, "B-but... do you still love me, as your brother?" I answered, "Yes, I love you, Rob... even though you're f**king nuts right now!" And he sulked, "I'm not f**king nuts..." Then he said, "Okay, I'll let you and your sister rest tonight then." And... he's back on phone block. I don't think I'll unblock him until AFTER his brain surgery. =p
Fool me once...
Anyway, sorry for this crazy long post! I did try to edit it down, but... so much has happened in the last... *checks notes again* OMG! TWO DAYS, since I last posted here. Seesh! :(
I'll update - AFTER Rob has gone through surgery and is situated. I just needed to vent and blow off some steam... at, currently, 4:30 AM in the morning. I'm hoping that this long af post was at least a little entertaining and provided a few chuckles, at the very least. ;-)
Be excellent to each other. And peace out!
submitted by ParaMoon42 to CaregiverSupport [link] [comments]


2023.03.29 11:30 mrpokealot 32M Malaysia - Antique Book Collector, Gamer, "retired" amateur photographer

Hey everyone. I'm looking for company to exchange food and animal pictures/videos with and to just whinge about work, how sucky dating apps are and the new Tears of the Kingdom game that's coming out this year. I play a lot of Guild Wars 2, and when I'm free (which is usually rare) I can be found scavenging in antique malls, cashconverters and second hand stores to find old books. I have a very small collection of old books and I'm looking for more. I also used to dabble into photography, these days I just take photos on my phone. I find it amazing how cameraphones today are basically as good as "entry level" DSLRS in terms of quality from way back when I started. If you do reach out via chat, please understand that I'm GMT+8 so I may not be able to reply immediately. Thanks!
submitted by mrpokealot to MakeNewFriendsHere [link] [comments]


2023.03.29 11:29 panicked_butter Boomshakalaka - im so sorry

Im typing this at almost 2am on a phone so whatever standards ya have lower them to the fuckin floor. This shit's gonna be all over the place. No this isn't feel pity me or "im not like other girls" i just need to get all this shit off my chest.
The night before i turned 12 my mom had told me i could grt whateber haircut i wanted and she'd let me. This meant the world to me, i absolutely hated(and still do) having long hair. I had really long thick hair with natural highlights and it went way past my shoulders before i got it cut. Ever since i was little i remember constantly getting told that people paid hundreds to have it, i couldn't give a shit less and still couldn't, so, i got the levi ackerman haircut with a side part- the only time i had short hair before this was when i was a baby and it was growing. I was so excited, i felt so happy and proud because i was finally able to somewhat express myself. I was mainly excited to see what my papa thought/said though, he never told me happy birthday because he couldn't, like, he was too sick and physically hurt too. It hurt, but i understood. The day after my birthday aka the day after my haircut he passed away. I didn't get to talk to him or even say anything for about a week or more prior. That was last year, my birthday is coming up. Im not sure how to feel. I was excited to see what he had to say since he is/was rhe only positive male rolemodel in my life, he was like my father figure since my actaul dad is a peice of shit that should've left a long time ago but sticks around like a fucking leech or parasite. I've always been the bud of the jokes in my family since as long as i could remember, immediate and extended on both sides. I remember getting made fun of for being ,fat" when i was a toddler and it never stopped and still hasn't, in kindgergarten i developed a eating disorder that im still trying to get over. My family loves to say family is important yet the second one of the family members gets out of earshot they immediately start talking shit about them until they come back. When we got the call my papa passed we headed over to say our goodbyes, everyone complimenred my hair and we(me and my brothers) were trying to lighten the mood. We came back a little over a month later and my aunt and her kids were there. My cousin kept talking to me about my hair, they said "uncle (name) said you were probably gay" or "grandma says you look like a boy" and many other things along those lines, including thise exact things. What the fuck? I literally just got a haircut. My sexuality is and none of their fucking business. Especially not because of a haircut. I'll admit, im queer, that still doesn't make it ok for them to talk about me or anyone like that ever. They, and my own immediate family, are literally the reason i was only excited for my papa to see it
I remember being told if my papa had a favorite grandkid it was me. He bought me my first real bike, got me my first real fishing pole, taught me how to use those long stick styled knife sharpeners from when he owned a butcher shop, and sooo many other things i can list. You know those boxes of Raspberry filled powder donuts? He'd get those and give me one or two(at dif times obviously) and tell me to keep it a secret since it'd sometimes be before dinner. I remember he used to babysit me when i was little. I remember everything we did together, how on Saturday's he'd cook breakfast and save me a peice of crispy bacon and watch cartoons with me, how on a couple occasions i put face paint on him, another couple occasions i did his hair, and sooo sooo much more. In summer we did yard work, winter we helped put up christmas decorations(he loved to go all out and we accidentally started a little bit of a contest for a few years with the neighbors), and later in the summer we'd have(and still have) beach family reunions for four days at the campsite we've stayed at for years. And for my 10th birthday he got me my own box of Raspberry filled powder donuts, which i had to wrestle out of my brothers' and cousins' hands on a few occasions, all the same day. Now every now and then my uncle and/or gramma get me my own box.
I really miss my papa. All the great memories we had and made. I wish i could tell him about all the new things in my life since he passed since so much has changed. I got a puppy since she was rescued, my other dog is taller then me when she's on back legs, im going to a new school, i have great grades and got into leadership, im starting track, and so many other little things like the recipes I've tried/or made that i know he'd love, I've gotten counseling, and all the really stipid and funny things i do at school. All because he's the only one who'd every actaully tell me he was proud of me, the only one who was actaully excited and happy for and with me. Like yeah other people would get happy and excited too, but at the same time it feels like it's something they expected and it was just a fake. And the only other time i get told someone's proud of me is whenever it's a joking type of mood, all i want is for someone to tell me they're proud of me and it not be fake. My papa made a very specific type of potato salad, I've never had anything like it and nothing better then it. He said his secret was cream cheese and love, along with whatever else he had put in it that you wouldn't typically put in potato salad. I used to get huge servings of it and would always go back for more. My uncle and gramma have tried to remake it on a few occasions, i either mever ate it or ate a small amount. Everyone agreed it was different even though they'd followed the exact recipe. I miss it as stupid as it may sound.
I haven't cried about his passing but as i right this i feel like i might cry, or sneeze, i cant really tell yet they feel the same to me when the come on lol. I know this was a lot and i doubt anyone actaully read it all, but if you did thank you.
submitted by panicked_butter to Vent [link] [comments]


2023.03.29 11:28 houstontexas2022 How a legal battle over an endangered chicken could reshape the Texas oil industry

How a legal battle over an endangered chicken could reshape the Texas oil industry
POLITICS How a legal battle over an endangered chicken could reshape the Texas oil industry
Edward McKinley March 28, 2023 A lesser prairie chicken is seen amid the bird's annual mating ritual near Milnesand, N.M., on April 8, 2021. A lesser prairie chicken is seen amid the bird's annual mating ritual near Milnesand, N.M., on April 8, 2021.Adrian Hedden/AP A wild chicken species in the Texas Panhandle could stymie the nation’s oil and gas producers, industry insiders fear.
After decades of advocacy from environmental groups, the U.S. Fish and Wildlife Service this week named the lesser prairie chicken as an endangered species. The bird, which lives in grasslands across five states, including the Texas panhandle, once numbered in the millions. Recent estimates suggest there are about 32,000 remaining.
RELATED: Big Oil is making billions, but don't expect lower gas prices
The bird was previously categorized as endangered in 2014, but a judge repealed that as part of a lawsuit from the Permian Basin Petroleum Association that asked for more time to prove that existing conservation efforts would work. Nearly a decade later, the service is trying once again. Industry groups and Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton oppose the move and have sued, claiming the plan in place is working.
An endangered species designation triggers stringent conservation rules to protect the animal and its habitat. Existing oil and gas projects, as well as certain renewable energy projects, could be grandfathered in, but new projects could be blocked entirely or require expensive additional permits.
“This will add significant time and uncertainty to those permitting requirements," said Ben Shepperd, president of the Permian Basin Petroleum Association.
“We’re talking about the most prolific oil field not only in Texas but in North America," he said. "And we think significant portions of oil and gas could be shuddered or negatively impacted, dramatically impacted, in such a way that it would disrupt the state of Texas’ economy, and frankly our national security and our energy security."
The listing also affects ranchers, as livestock grazing in certain areas could be harmful to the prairie chickens. Texas Agriculture Commissioner Sid Miller lambasted the decision as a power grab and overreach from the Biden Administration, and he suggested it could contribute to rising food costs.
The decision to name the bird as endangered was announced last fall.
Industry groups, including Shepperd's and several cattle groups, are suing once again to stop the listing. And Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton is suing separately on behalf of the agriculture and energy arms of the state government.
Are the birds rebounding?
The current argument boils down to whether or not the existing conservation plan is working to save the birds.
Known as the “rangewide plan,” it’s administered by the Western Association of Fish and Wildlife Agencies, which is comprised of the Texas Department of Fish and Wildlife and its counterparts from other states in the region. The effort began about a decade ago.
Critics of the new designation say populations of the bird are either stable or growing, and its habitat is protected. The plan requires oil and gas companies seeking to develop land in the chicken’s habitat to invest in conservation efforts elsewhere to cancel out the damage from their projects.
David Yoskowitz, director of the Texas Parks and Wildlife Department, also disagreed with the decision, writing, "We believe that the listing decision jeopardizes years of voluntary conservation efforts by landowners and industry."
But the national Fish and Wildlife Service said that active oil and gas wells in the chickens' habitat have increased by more than 80 percent over the last 10 years, a significant threat.
"Voluntary conservation efforts have helped conserve key habitat for the lesser prairie-chicken," the agency wrote in its announcement of its listing decision, "but have not demonstrated an ability to offset the threats and reverse the trends of habitat loss and fragmentation facing the lesser prairie-chicken."
An internal audit, which was shared as part of a federal public comment period, said the plan is on track to run out of money in the coming years, in part because funds were diverted from their intended purpose.
For instance, it said, the Western Association of Fish and Wildlife Agencies borrowed money from the supposedly permanent conservation fund, spending some on paying staff and more on a new, $650,000 headquarters building in Boise, Idaho, which is nowhere near the habitat for lesser prairie chickens.
Michael Robinson, a senior conservation advocate with the Center for Biological Diversity, described the rangewide plan as a “scam.”
“We’ve had a chance to actually look at how that plan that was supposed to obviate the need for a listing has played out,” he said. “It’s shocking, and the lesser prairie chicken has lost a great deal of habitat that was not replaced.”
Robinson's group, which has since the 1990s petitioned the federal government to name the bird as endangered, says the chicken's habitat has declined over the past decade and that oil and gas companies are generating “phantom” restoration credits without actually preserving any habitat.
For example, the group argued that the rangewide plan claimed to have restored 8,000 acres of chicken habitat by thinning out shinnery oak. But according to academic studies, those trees are “critical to conservation of some populations of prairie chickens.”
“The lesser prairie chicken has been on a downward trajectory for a long time, and with that and many other species, it takes years and even decades to recover them," Robinson said.
[email protected]
Photo of Edward McKinley Written By Edward McKinley Reach Edward on Edward McKinley reports on Texas state government and politics from the Hearst Bureau in Austin for the Houston Chronicle and the San Antonio Express-News.
He is a 2019 graduate of the Missouri School of Journalism and a 2020 graduate of Georgetown’s Master’s in American Government program. He previously reported for The Albany Times Union and the Kansas City Star newspapers, and he originally hails from the great state of Minnesota. CBS
submitted by houstontexas2022 to TexasPolitics [link] [comments]


2023.03.29 11:28 tanuki-owo Could I be an ENTP?

So I’m trying to figure out my personality type through the process of elimination. As of now, I have the following options: INFP, ENFP, INTP, and ENTP. (If you think of anything else, let me know and we’ll see.)
I’d usually get xNFP when I got into MBTI as a teenager. Back then, it just made sense. Then again, I was 13. Now I’m 22 and scoring xNTP. At first, I was confused ‘cause I viewed myself as someone who can’t do anything right and just makes lots of bad decisions that hurt the few people I deeply care about. But I think that was just me being self-deprecating 💀 From my understanding, that’s not how you determine your MBTI.
So, with that misconception out of the way, here are some things about me that may help you figure out my type:
I'll add more to this list if I think of anything more, but have these details for now. I also have another post in my profile that might help.
submitted by tanuki-owo to entp [link] [comments]


2023.03.29 11:27 Ok_Sharky How do I stop players having 'fun' in my games?

I have a player in my games that always tries to come up with 'fun' things to in combat instead of doing combat, and tries to have 'fun'. Last session in one combat the player tried 3 different things. They had an encounter where there was a zombie boss minotaur cow(with HUGE milkers, I explained that in so much detail) that was very powerful that had a massive weak point circled in red on the side of it's chest.
The first thing the player tried to do was cast animated rope on a pile of zombie intestines and wanted to animate them to tie around the giant weakpoint and around a fence post to either damage the weakpoint or failing that keep the cow rooted in place.
When the cow easily broke through the intestine rope despite the player using a resource(the fucking fool, animate rope isn't a combat oriented spell anyways) the player then described how they wanted to stand next to a particular wall and ready an action to move out of the way when the cow charges him. His plan being that clearly the cow will slam into the wall and do something, like deal 1d8 damage.The fucking audacity.
Anyways,when it came to what actually happened though the cow simply missed as he moved out of the way(There are no rules on cows getting stuck on walls, fucking idiot moron). The player called bulls--t and was slightly upset since I made him do nothing for two rounds despite allowing him to do all the stuff he did. But I told him that the rules for combat don't support the types of actions he's going for and that no fun is allowed at my table and that he's a stupid noob who doesnt know shit about DnD(I DMed for 80+ years).I'm all for being creative but I'm not going to let creativeness make the encounter fun in any way, shape or form.
The very next round he says that since he is a goblin and small, and the cow is large and an enemy, he should be able to stab it...The fucking audacity-I explained that since hes SMALL, he can barely even reach the cow's ankles, and all his attacks do 1d1 damage.Should have picked a better class, moron(Like a blue tiefling)
Now I'm all for creativity and I absolutely let the players roll dice and use abilities and spells, especially on CR -1 enemies. But this situation has me torn because on one hand I want to say yes and let players live out the disgustingly OP power fantasy they want but I just couldn't with these ones because I'm blocked by an ancient fun demon/deity that forbids my players to have fun. So reddit, AITA?
submitted by Ok_Sharky to DnDcirclejerk [link] [comments]


2023.03.29 11:21 BlueLensFlares Reading Japanese has allowed me to feel like a curious child in elementary school again

Studying Japanese has been a restorative, daily joy of mine. Just wanted to share this little observation in case it helps motivate anyone. Because I have a busy job as a software developer in the US, I can only study 2-3 hours a day. Studying Japanese makes me feel like I have a daily routine again, with little wins, just like I did when I was in elementary school.
In elementary school, when I first made the jump from picture books to novels, in 2nd, 3rd, or 4th grade - I recall vividly not knowing what words meant, and getting frustrated when I couldn't understand a sentence, but then over time coming back to the sentence, and saying, wow I got it! I remember reading A Ring of Endless Light in 5th grade, and thinking wow - I don't understand anything!!!, but just the fact that I finished it, made me proud of myself.
I'm 30-ish, and I first started learning Japanese in ninth grade when I printed out these hiragana and katakana sheets in this binder. At the time I gave up because the kanji was too hard and I was too busy with school. Then I took two years of Japanese in college. I wish I had taken 4. For about 8 years, because of work, I took a break from all language study. Then I just came back to it 6 months ago with Duolingo.
Now, I look forward to the weekends when I can study all day long in bed using the different apps I have, like Skritter, Kanshudo, Duolingo, and Satori Reader. I also play a bunch of games on the Nintendo Switch in Japanese, like Persona 5, Yokai Watch, Pokemon, and a bunch of Kanji games. I make a game out of using the Japanese only dictionary, to take a compound, and read the definition in Japanese, and try to guess the english translation. It's surprisingly fun.
Now, I just bought some books off Amazon in Japanese from Banana Yoshimoto and Haruki Murakami. For the first time, I am reading novels in Japanese - it's hard, I don't understand everything, and I know... that it will be months before I can. Learning Japanese really makes me feel like I'm learning something novel - something from scratch, because the form of thinking is so different.
I feel like a kid again because once I was able to take a leap into native materials, anime and video games (which is something I ALWAYS, ALWAYS wanted to do as a teenager), my brain is changing, I can understand new ways of thinking, it's like I'm in the know, like I get what's going on, I can access content I want immediately, I don't have to wait for a translation into English, which might never come.
And Kanji is just so cool. It's not always logical but when it is it's just so mysterious. Part of it is how clever ideas are constructed from the radicals, and how gamified the learning has become, and how successful I feel when I study a compound and can recognize it in game dialogue.
It's truly a psychologically invigorating experience. More so than French, which I'm an intermediate speaker in. There's no language like Japanese, where the language learning itself is so systematic and modular. I would say from Persona 5 alone I record 100 hours. Which means I've probably spent almost 2000 hours learning Japanese. It's crazy but I don't want to stop, it's almost addicting, I wonder what being almost a native speaker will feel like? But I know that when I become fluent - I imagine it will feel like I forget that I'm speaking English or Japanese, it just becomes second nature.
submitted by BlueLensFlares to LearnJapanese [link] [comments]


2023.03.29 11:13 BigCockWarlock AITA for not keeping my dog off the couch even tho a member of the house is very allergic?

So I 27m moved in with a roommate about two months ago. I pay 900$ in rent. My roommate has had a guy 33m who has been sleeping on his couch for about 6-7 months rent free.
My roommate’s (let’s call him Barley) m51 last apartment was bought by a lady around town known to cut corners and do illegal stuff (a story for another time).
When I moved in with Barley he had mentioned couch guy was severely allergic to dogs and cats (I also own a cat). He said that maybe it would push couch guy to finally get a job and move out.
Couch guy still hasn’t found a job. He says that he can not deal with the public. Couch guy also does not do any extra chores. He only cleans up after himself and gets to smoke free weed with Barley all day.
Today as I was sitting on the couch watching a movie Barley said it wasn’t fair that my dog Sebastian was on the couch because couch guy sleeps there. We have a leather couch and I mentioned that it wouldn’t be hard to simply spray the couch off before he went to sleep.
Barley double downed an said “I know people who don’t allow animals on their furniture”. To which I replied with “I’ve know people who lock their animals in garages without windows”. Barley then made a comment about how we have a garage without windows and he would have everything he needed in there.
I was very visibly upset at this point and went to my room before I got more escalated. As I was getting up Barley said “once people who aren’t allergic to animals move out then he can be on the couch”. I said nothing in response.
Sebastian is a very well trained dog and is currently classified as an ESA. Although we are working on service dog training. He is so well behaved that I am allowed to bring him everywhere. Grocery stores, doctor offices, the bus system. You name it and Sebastian is always by my side.
I suffer from Major Depressive Disorder, PTSD, Anxiety, ADHD and OCD. Sebastian is my life line and physical touch is a huge love language for me. I think I deserve after a long day of work to sit on the couch and cuddle with him. He doesn’t even sit on the couch unless I’m sitting on it.
We still haven’t signed a lease (very sketchy on the landlords part) and since I’ve been moving stuff over I have kept my lease at my old house. It’s a few days til the first and I am thinking of just ditching out and moving back to my told place.
I would also like to add that my room flooded a few weeks ago and stayed wet for 4 days. My floor smells like musty cigarettes and anything that touches the floor stinks badly. I only have a lamp and my bed in my room.
AITA for leaving 3 days before rent is due because my roommate is putting the needs of a couch guy over mine while I pay 900$ to not even fully have a bedroom? I just want dog cuddles after working all day.
submitted by BigCockWarlock to AmItheAsshole [link] [comments]


2023.03.29 11:12 philosophiesde Guest post part 2 by Torsten Hesse: "Why the world appears to us. The Function of Consciousness."

Guest post part 2 by #Torsten #Hesse: "Why the world appears to us. The Function of #Consciousness."
After the first guest article "Why the mind-body problem is not a pseudo-problem" by Torsten Hesse has fortunately met with such a strong response, which led to a very animated exchange of ideas on a high level, Torsten felt compelled to "step it up a notch" in order not to be pinched in the calves by the "dualistic dachshund" ;-).
Therefore it was a request to him to put his position once again clearly and also after so much about problems has been talked, to offer also times his solution suggestion for the constructive discussion. However, I had already announced here again my "cassandric doubts" that this attempt will lead likewise to no "genuine solution" in the discussion rounds. Since the other co-discussants found nevertheless finally also already their "own solutions".
But that is the beautiful and terrible thing about philosophy, there is no "absolute truth". Or as Paul Watzlawick said in his neuroconstructivist book "How real is reality", everyone makes his "own truth". But now let's see what Torsten has found for a solution. Serious counter-proposals with "own solutions" and "other truths" are very welcome.
More at: https://philosophies.de/index.php/2023/01/09/die-funktion-des-bewusstseins/
There is an orange translation button „Translate>>“ for English in the lower left corner!
submitted by philosophiesde to ConsciousnessStudies [link] [comments]


2023.03.29 11:10 Puzzleheaded_Ice4781 Micro Content Marketing Micro Video Content

B.A. (MULTIMEDIA- VISUAL EFFECT) VFX
Duration – 3 Years

Semesters – 6

Key Highlights
The program (VFX Course) includes fundamentals of film making, vizchroma shoot, 3D modeling, creating photo realistic lighting, particle effects.
Students will learn to develop visual effects in tandem with characters and story.
Focus on seamless integration of CGI and live action.
Internship and Placement Opportunities with Well-Known Animation & VFX Studios.
Training and Assistance In Building Portfolios, Show-reel and Resume.
ELIGIBILITY
The medium of instruction of the RSACE visual effects course will be English and hence candidates seeking admission are expected to have English as a compulsory subject at least up to XIIth.
Candidate should have a minimum of 45% marks in his/her 10+2 or equivalent.
PROGRAM OVERVIEW
This VFX course duration is of 3 years aiming to help students learn not only the theory but also the Artistic & professional skills that will help the students later in life. VFX can be embedded in live action depicted through techniques such as Matte Painting, rear and front Screen Projection, Digital sets, a miniature of forced perspective sets, Computer Graphic Objects, Characters, Environments, and Compositing. Our courses are designed in such a manner that we cover each of these techniques with real practical examples.

The course also includes fundamentals of filmmaking, chromo shoot, 3D modeling and creating photorealistic lighting, dynamic effects and particles like fire, cloth, explosions and smoke realistically.

The students will learn how to develop VFX in tandem with characters and story. The students have to understand, storytelling, cinematography, and seamless integration of CGI plus Live action.

In addition to the best of the faculty in the industry, they get an opportunity to attend workshops and seminars conducted by the industry veterans. There will be tie-ups with domestic and international studios so students will get an opportunity to work on domestic and international projects as soon as they complete the course. They can also participate in film festivals and competitions world over.
Looking to Join Vfx Animation Course! Ask RSACE, India’s best Vfx Institute in Mumbai which helps to Learn all fundamentals of film making, vizchroma shoot, 3D modeling, creating photo realistic lighting, particle effects.

OBJECTIVES OF THE PROGRAM
Making seamless and photo-realistic renders is the prime objective of this course. The aim of this 3-year VFX course is also to equip the students with skills that will help them find employment in the global market. However, adding visual effects can be a humongous task and involves a lot of people for rendering a perfect shot. Therefore artists should be able to have full control over their images. VFX is not only used for science fiction or fantasy film but is also used in period drama. Upon completing the program, students can work in:

TV channels/ Production houses
VFX studios
Gaming Industry
Media and Advertising
Also as an independent freelancer.
CAREER OPTIONS
Upon graduation from this VFX academy there are a number of options are open for students. Some of them are listed below

Storyboard artist
VFX artist
Motion graphic artists.
Color key artist
Asset Development
Architectural Modeling
Roto Artist
Paint Artist
Junior compositor
Compositing artist
Match move artist
Matchmation Artist
Short film maker
Editor
INTRODUCTION
The field of cinema is rapidly changing. With the advent of 2D and 3D stereoscope, the way of looking and experiencing films is altering. VFX has grown tremendously in the past decade because of the onslaught of new and changing technology. Visual effects are used in games, movies and television shows. With the advanced technology and equipment Hollywood and Bollywood use VFX to create overwhelming realistic and non-realistic environments. The Indian VFX and animation industry are expected to grow up to Rs. 7340 crores rupees by the year 2017. India is one of the most preferred outsourcing destinations for the Hollywood production companies. The Indian studios have made a significant contribution to the blockbuster VFX films like Jungle book, Avatar, Life of Pie, Doctor Strange, and many more. Visual effects help to recreate interesting phenomena in the world of movies like natural disasters, bomb blasts, flying objects, superheroes, volcanoes etc. The VFX is usually done at the last stage that is the postproduction in editing but it is planned at the preproduction and production stage under the guidance of the director and VFX supervisor after the story is finalized.

THE RSACE EDGE
Why RSACE?
The key elements of the RSACE offering that could help you in making a decision about your academic future are:

The Courses have been curated under the guidance of Mr. Ramesh Sippy.
The training will be led by industry Experts.
70 – 75% of the training will be on-set.
Students will have the opportunity of internship projects during the Program of 3 years.
Degrees awarded by The University of Mumbai are internationally recognized.
Privilege to study in the expansive Kalina campus of The University of Mumbai situated in the heart of the city.
100% placement assistance.
Loan assistance can be provided.
Hostel facility on a first come first serve basis.
Having shared the above, our primary efforts will be to WORK ON YOU, WORK WITH YOU & WORK FOR YOU.
For More Information-https://rsace.edu.in/course/bachelor-in-visual-effects/
submitted by Puzzleheaded_Ice4781 to u/Puzzleheaded_Ice4781 [link] [comments]


2023.03.29 11:10 violet_lorelei My story

TRIGGERS, and i have ALL POSSIBLE TRIGGERS . . . . . . . . . . . . . Its my mom. I don't know what is her illness but she shows no emotions. Its so painful. I shoe emotions but she is just blank and I feel so lonely and hurt. I am in foreign country. I am 33. She is 65 I think.
I provoked her yesterday to make her sad because when I told her how sad I am amd so, she was blank. Then I provoked her and said things to hurt,I asked are you hurt? She said yes a little. Then i continued asking and after 10min she said she is a little bit more hurt. Then I started to say more hurtful things and then asked again same thing, but then I told her what she caused in my life, and how I hate her and so on she started to cry for brief 15srconds and it started like she was faking it. I haven't heard her cry fir years. She is ok with everything and nothing hurys her, she is Ice Queen. Anyway I was convinced she was mocking me because it sounds like that such a weird cry. Its like her emotions when she says anything about them, they are vague, they are general, short, diminished in words, she never shows emotions and I hurt badly.
My whole life is shit because of her. Trust me. She made bad choises, she didn't protect me when I was 5, she didn't teach me about emotions, she didn't allow me to study art, when I got suicidal she took me to emergency (I was 21). They gave false diagnosis, were horrible and gave me pills that made me stand up in the middke of class because of anxiety .
She was always protective of me but in a kind way, so I never questioned her decisions. She was attached to me because she Divorced my father andy brother didn't like her. I was attached to her because her son sexualy disturbed me when I was 5, and he was sadistic, and continued to insult me through years. She was too emotionally distant to do anything. I got bullied in school and after she transferred to another, I was with grandma after school, and I really liked that, in school I had friends, I was happy, We did art, I loved grandma. I was happy for 1 and half. Then she changed my school again because it was too difficult to travel with me everyday to grandma, and it wasn't that far. What i resent is how lost she was, how she never went to therapy or read a book, or looked into herself, how she didn't care of children because she was emotionally totally distant and non equipped. Then I got bullied, lost, it was shit, my life was shit and destroyed by her decisions and It got worse and worse. It took me years to understand what is going on. I was convinced she was right, I thought she knows best, I just need to endure and try harder. Thats hiw she said. But it never did. I went into abusive relationships, started to dissociate, was depressed, anxious, miserable, forced myself to study a lot. I suffered so much for a long time and she always really loves me but is sick i think. She cant stop meddling a d giving advices. I am and was so angry at her. I realised that late in life and in kung fu classes I was kicking boxing bag so much imagining it was her. I attacked her 2x later in last 2 years. I got diagnosed autistic last year with complex PTSD. I had anxiety and major depression disorded and possibly borderline personality disorder before. I moved to another country 4 years ago. I can't tell you how difficult it was. I was in another abusive relationship and I was in women shelter 2x, I was homeless. Everything I did, I was failure and People treated me like I am monster. Dissociation helped me to survive but its hard. I am lonely I have no family in foreign country. 53 days ago my fiancé broke up until we heal because we self hirt by hitting our head. He couldn't stand it and and wants to go to therapy and me to. Its not healthy to be together when we are so si k because we hurt each other. We had beautiful moments. He made me believe in my career dream. He made me fight fir disability rights. He showed me that I am valuable he gave love with all his heart. He was first man who was kind, loving and accepting in bed. He just loves ne. We had a lot of probles aside and started to sort of abuse each other, he has adhd and was wanting for 5 months to get medication. Then 5 more for appropriate one. And its seems it has negative affect. It changes him. I am also on medication that makes me irritable but nothing else helped so this is obly thing that gets me out of bed and keeps me alive. I have noone to call when I am sad. My mom can't show emotions. I miss him like part of me is gone. I started therapy for nervous system called Safe and sound protocol recently as introduction before starting EDMR. I am waiting for CPT for a year because system has less doctors and a lot of ill people. Meanwhile I found CPT myself and need to wait for it month ago. All therapy costs aaa lot. EDMR costs too. I have scoliosis, and 3 protruded discs, I have shoulder syndrome. I take gabapentin for pain. I went to physio therapy but it is not helping me because i cant make myself do exercises. I met person who dies massages and more inusivw approach. I am taking a lot of moves to heal but uncertain if it will help. I do all alone dezpite being chronically tired. I want to do music and animation it heals but because of depression, executive dysfunction i can't find time to do duoties and have time for art. I am at the end of rope. I am waiting for therapies surving. I have no hope that it will help. I feel so hopeless abd too f up. I found council to help now but its difficult I have noone close to me. I am eother angry to forget how I miss him. Or I go yoga to relax but then I cry. Its ok then but I call mom and she can't help. I feel guilty to block her. I Don't know if he will heal and when, and same for me. Its making me depressed and anxious. I am tired of surviving. I am tired.
submitted by violet_lorelei to CPTSD [link] [comments]


2023.03.29 11:10 ogreatgames Shrek's Carnival Craze Party Games: Experience The Fun - PS2 Game

Shrek's Carnival Craze Party Games: Experience The Fun - PS2 Game

![video](3p3htqwu96091 " Play the most insane party games in PlayStation 2 with Shrek's Carnival Craze. Visit https://ogreatgames.com/products/shreks-carnival-craze to buy these item(s) & more while supplies last! -- ")
#playstation2 #party #activision --
Shrek's Carnival Craze Party Games For Sony PlayStation 2. Take the role of one of the wonderful select characters from the Shrek series. Experience the fun with 16+ gratifying fun party mini-games. Play "Royal Hoopla", "Rapunzel's Hair Climb", and "The Dancing Dwarf" and other incredible entertaining events. Immerse yourself with beautifully animated scenes and decent music while aiming to be the best in those delightful mini-games. Overall, this is an insane Playstation 2 party game that you should try! --
Hey check out similar videos here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=05uKspxQ89s&list=PLVduyMnVQjzNYPljUBqwgAXdMPQ9CEKWY
submitted by ogreatgames to Ogreatgames [link] [comments]


2023.03.29 11:10 Kitsune1918 My attempt at a joint for a spider robot. But I need help with how to texture it and animate it

My attempt at a joint for a spider robot. But I need help with how to texture it and animate it
Ik constraints work but not in the way I want them to move
submitted by Kitsune1918 to blender [link] [comments]


2023.03.29 11:08 violet_lorelei My story

TRIGGERS . . . . . . . . . . . . . Its my mom. I don't know what is her illness but she shows no emotions. Its so painful. I shoe emotions but she is just blank and I feel so lonely and hurt. I am in foreign country. I am 33. She is 65 I think.
I provoked her yesterday to make her sad because when I told her how sad I am amd so, she was blank. Then I provoked her and said things to hurt,I asked are you hurt? She said yes a little. Then i continued asking and after 10min she said she is a little bit more hurt. Then I started to say more hurtful things and then asked again same thing, but then I told her what she caused in my life, and how I hate her and so on she started to cry for brief 15srconds and it started like she was faking it. I haven't heard her cry fir years. She is ok with everything and nothing hurys her, she is Ice Queen. Anyway I was convinced she was mocking me because it sounds like that such a weird cry. Its like her emotions when she says anything about them, they are vague, they are general, short, diminished in words, she never shows emotions and I hurt badly.
My whole life is shit because of her. Trust me. She made bad choises, she didn't protect me when I was 5, she didn't teach me about emotions, she didn't allow me to study art, when I got suicidal she took me to emergency (I was 21). They gave false diagnosis, were horrible and gave me pills that made me stand up in the middke of class because of anxiety .
She was always protective of me but in a kind way, so I never questioned her decisions. She was attached to me because she Divorced my father andy brother didn't like her. I was attached to her because her son sexualy disturbed me when I was 5, and he was sadistic, and continued to insult me through years. She was too emotionally distant to do anything. I got bullied in school and after she transferred to another, I was with grandma after school, and I really liked that, in school I had friends, I was happy, We did art, I loved grandma. I was happy for 1 and half. Then she changed my school again because it was too difficult to travel with me everyday to grandma, and it wasn't that far. What i resent is how lost she was, how she never went to therapy or read a book, or looked into herself, how she didn't care of children because she was emotionally totally distant and non equipped. Then I got bullied, lost, it was shit, my life was shit and destroyed by her decisions and It got worse and worse. It took me years to understand what is going on. I was convinced she was right, I thought she knows best, I just need to endure and try harder. Thats hiw she said. But it never did. I went into abusive relationships, started to dissociate, was depressed, anxious, miserable, forced myself to study a lot. I suffered so much for a long time and she always really loves me but is sick i think. She cant stop meddling a d giving advices. I am and was so angry at her. I realised that late in life and in kung fu classes I was kicking boxing bag so much imagining it was her. I attacked her 2x later in last 2 years. I got diagnosed autistic last year with complex PTSD. I had anxiety and major depression disorded and possibly borderline personality disorder before. I moved to another country 4 years ago. I can't tell you how difficult it was. I was in another abusive relationship and I was in women shelter 2x, I was homeless. Everything I did, I was failure and People treated me like I am monster. Dissociation helped me to survive but its hard. I am lonely I have no family in foreign country. 53 days ago my fiancé broke up until we heal because we self hirt by hitting our head. He couldn't stand it and and wants to go to therapy and me to. Its not healthy to be together when we are so si k because we hurt each other. We had beautiful moments. He made me believe in my career dream. He made me fight fir disability rights. He showed me that I am valuable he gave love with all his heart. He was first man who was kind, loving and accepting in bed. He just loves ne. We had a lot of probles aside and started to sort of abuse each other, he has adhd and was wanting for 5 months to get medication. Then 5 more for appropriate one. And its seems it has negative affect. It changes him. I am also on medication that makes me irritable but nothing else helped so this is obly thing that gets me out of bed and keeps me alive. I have noone to call when I am sad. My mom can't show emotions. I miss him like part of me is gone. I started therapy for nervous system called Safe and sound protocol recently as introduction before starting EDMR. I am waiting for CPT for a year because system has less doctors and a lot of ill people. Meanwhile I found CPT myself and need to wait for it month ago. All therapy costs aaa lot. EDMR costs too. I have scoliosis, and 3 protruded discs, I have shoulder syndrome. I take gabapentin for pain. I went to physio therapy but it is not helping me because i cant make myself do exercises. I met person who dies massages and more inusivw approach. I am taking a lot of moves to heal but uncertain if it will help. I do all alone dezpite being chronically tired. I want to do music and animation it heals but because of depression, executive dysfunction i can't find time to do duoties and have time for art. I am at the end of rope. I am waiting for therapies surving. I have no hope that it will help. I feel so hopeless abd too f up. I found council to help now but its difficult I have noone close to me. I am eother angry to forget how I miss him. Or I go yoga to relax but then I cry. Its ok then but I call mom and she can't help. I feel guilty to block her. I Don't know if he will heal and when, and same for me. Its making me depressed and anxious. I am tired of surviving. I am tired.
submitted by violet_lorelei to lonely [link] [comments]


2023.03.29 11:07 violet_lorelei My story

TRIGGERS . . . . . . . . . . . . . Its my mom. I don't know what is her illness but she shows no emotions. Its so painful. I shoe emotions but she is just blank and I feel so lonely and hurt. I am in foreign country. I am 33. She is 65 I think.
I provoked her yesterday to make her sad because when I told her how sad I am amd so, she was blank. Then I provoked her and said things to hurt,I asked are you hurt? She said yes a little. Then i continued asking and after 10min she said she is a little bit more hurt. Then I started to say more hurtful things and then asked again same thing, but then I told her what she caused in my life, and how I hate her and so on she started to cry for brief 15srconds and it started like she was faking it. I haven't heard her cry fir years. She is ok with everything and nothing hurys her, she is Ice Queen. Anyway I was convinced she was mocking me because it sounds like that such a weird cry. Its like her emotions when she says anything about them, they are vague, they are general, short, diminished in words, she never shows emotions and I hurt badly.
My whole life is shit because of her. Trust me. She made bad choises, she didn't protect me when I was 5, she didn't teach me about emotions, she didn't allow me to study art, when I got suicidal she took me to emergency (I was 21). They gave false diagnosis, were horrible and gave me pills that made me stand up in the middke of class because of anxiety .
She was always protective of me but in a kind way, so I never questioned her decisions. She was attached to me because she Divorced my father andy brother didn't like her. I was attached to her because her son sexualy disturbed me when I was 5, and he was sadistic, and continued to insult me through years. She was too emotionally distant to do anything. I got bullied in school and after she transferred to another, I was with grandma after school, and I really liked that, in school I had friends, I was happy, We did art, I loved grandma. I was happy for 1 and half. Then she changed my school again because it was too difficult to travel with me everyday to grandma, and it wasn't that far. What i resent is how lost she was, how she never went to therapy or read a book, or looked into herself, how she didn't care of children because she was emotionally totally distant and non equipped. Then I got bullied, lost, it was shit, my life was shit and destroyed by her decisions and It got worse and worse. It took me years to understand what is going on. I was convinced she was right, I thought she knows best, I just need to endure and try harder. Thats hiw she said. But it never did. I went into abusive relationships, started to dissociate, was depressed, anxious, miserable, forced myself to study a lot. I suffered so much for a long time and she always really loves me but is sick i think. She cant stop meddling a d giving advices. I am and was so angry at her. I realised that late in life and in kung fu classes I was kicking boxing bag so much imagining it was her. I attacked her 2x later in last 2 years. I got diagnosed autistic last year with complex PTSD. I had anxiety and major depression disorded and possibly borderline personality disorder before. I moved to another country 4 years ago. I can't tell you how difficult it was. I was in another abusive relationship and I was in women shelter 2x, I was homeless. Everything I did, I was failure and People treated me like I am monster. Dissociation helped me to survive but its hard. I am lonely I have no family in foreign country. 53 days ago my fiancé broke up until we heal because we self hirt by hitting our head. He couldn't stand it and and wants to go to therapy and me to. Its not healthy to be together when we are so si k because we hurt each other. We had beautiful moments. He made me believe in my career dream. He made me fight fir disability rights. He showed me that I am valuable he gave love with all his heart. He was first man who was kind, loving and accepting in bed. He just loves ne. We had a lot of probles aside and started to sort of abuse each other, he has adhd and was wanting for 5 months to get medication. Then 5 more for appropriate one. And its seems it has negative affect. It changes him. I am also on medication that makes me irritable but nothing else helped so this is obly thing that gets me out of bed and keeps me alive. I have noone to call when I am sad. My mom can't show emotions. I miss him like part of me is gone. I started therapy for nervous system called Safe and sound protocol recently as introduction before starting EDMR. I am waiting for CPT for a year because system has less doctors and a lot of ill people. Meanwhile I found CPT myself and need to wait for it month ago. All therapy costs aaa lot. EDMR costs too. I have scoliosis, and 3 protruded discs, I have shoulder syndrome. I take gabapentin for pain. I went to physio therapy but it is not helping me because i cant make myself do exercises. I met person who dies massages and more inusivw approach. I am taking a lot of moves to heal but uncertain if it will help. I do all alone dezpite being chronically tired. I want to do music and animation it heals but because of depression, executive dysfunction i can't find time to do duoties and have time for art. I am at the end of rope. I am waiting for therapies surving. I have no hope that it will help. I feel so hopeless abd too f up. I found council to help now but its difficult I have noone close to me. I am eother angry to forget how I miss him. Or I go yoga to relax but then I cry. Its ok then but I call mom and she can't help. I feel guilty to block her. I Don't know if he will heal and when, and same for me. Its making me depressed and anxious. I am tired of surviving. I am tired.
submitted by violet_lorelei to depression [link] [comments]


2023.03.29 11:07 violet_lorelei My story

TRIGGERS . . . . . . . . . . . . . Its my mom. I don't know what is her illness but she shows no emotions. Its so painful. I shoe emotions but she is just blank and I feel so lonely and hurt. I am in foreign country. I am 33. She is 65 I think.
I provoked her yesterday to make her sad because when I told her how sad I am amd so, she was blank. Then I provoked her and said things to hurt,I asked are you hurt? She said yes a little. Then i continued asking and after 10min she said she is a little bit more hurt. Then I started to say more hurtful things and then asked again same thing, but then I told her what she caused in my life, and how I hate her and so on she started to cry for brief 15srconds and it started like she was faking it. I haven't heard her cry fir years. She is ok with everything and nothing hurys her, she is Ice Queen. Anyway I was convinced she was mocking me because it sounds like that such a weird cry. Its like her emotions when she says anything about them, they are vague, they are general, short, diminished in words, she never shows emotions and I hurt badly.
My whole life is shit because of her. Trust me. She made bad choises, she didn't protect me when I was 5, she didn't teach me about emotions, she didn't allow me to study art, when I got suicidal she took me to emergency (I was 21). They gave false diagnosis, were horrible and gave me pills that made me stand up in the middke of class because of anxiety .
She was always protective of me but in a kind way, so I never questioned her decisions. She was attached to me because she Divorced my father andy brother didn't like her. I was attached to her because her son sexualy disturbed me when I was 5, and he was sadistic, and continued to insult me through years. She was too emotionally distant to do anything. I got bullied in school and after she transferred to another, I was with grandma after school, and I really liked that, in school I had friends, I was happy, We did art, I loved grandma. I was happy for 1 and half. Then she changed my school again because it was too difficult to travel with me everyday to grandma, and it wasn't that far. What i resent is how lost she was, how she never went to therapy or read a book, or looked into herself, how she didn't care of children because she was emotionally totally distant and non equipped. Then I got bullied, lost, it was shit, my life was shit and destroyed by her decisions and It got worse and worse. It took me years to understand what is going on. I was convinced she was right, I thought she knows best, I just need to endure and try harder. Thats hiw she said. But it never did. I went into abusive relationships, started to dissociate, was depressed, anxious, miserable, forced myself to study a lot. I suffered so much for a long time and she always really loves me but is sick i think. She cant stop meddling a d giving advices. I am and was so angry at her. I realised that late in life and in kung fu classes I was kicking boxing bag so much imagining it was her. I attacked her 2x later in last 2 years. I got diagnosed autistic last year with complex PTSD. I had anxiety and major depression disorded and possibly borderline personality disorder before. I moved to another country 4 years ago. I can't tell you how difficult it was. I was in another abusive relationship and I was in women shelter 2x, I was homeless. Everything I did, I was failure and People treated me like I am monster. Dissociation helped me to survive but its hard. I am lonely I have no family in foreign country. 53 days ago my fiancé broke up until we heal because we self hirt by hitting our head. He couldn't stand it and and wants to go to therapy and me to. Its not healthy to be together when we are so si k because we hurt each other. We had beautiful moments. He made me believe in my career dream. He made me fight fir disability rights. He showed me that I am valuable he gave love with all his heart. He was first man who was kind, loving and accepting in bed. He just loves ne. We had a lot of probles aside and started to sort of abuse each other, he has adhd and was wanting for 5 months to get medication. Then 5 more for appropriate one. And its seems it has negative affect. It changes him. I am also on medication that makes me irritable but nothing else helped so this is obly thing that gets me out of bed and keeps me alive. I have noone to call when I am sad. My mom can't show emotions. I miss him like part of me is gone. I started therapy for nervous system called Safe and sound protocol recently as introduction before starting EDMR. I am waiting for CPT for a year because system has less doctors and a lot of ill people. Meanwhile I found CPT myself and need to wait for it month ago. All therapy costs aaa lot. EDMR costs too. I have scoliosis, and 3 protruded discs, I have shoulder syndrome. I take gabapentin for pain. I went to physio therapy but it is not helping me because i cant make myself do exercises. I met person who dies massages and more inusivw approach. I am taking a lot of moves to heal but uncertain if it will help. I do all alone dezpite being chronically tired. I want to do music and animation it heals but because of depression, executive dysfunction i can't find time to do duoties and have time for art. I am at the end of rope. I am waiting for therapies surving. I have no hope that it will help. I feel so hopeless abd too f up. I found council to help now but its difficult I have noone close to me. I am eother angry to forget how I miss him. Or I go yoga to relax but then I cry. Its ok then but I call mom and she can't help. I feel guilty to block her. I Don't know if he will heal and when, and same for me. Its making me depressed and anxious. I am tired of surviving. I am tired.
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